Five Habits of Hope with Dr. Julia Garcia | 365

Summary

Podcast Summary

Podcast: This Is Woman's Work with Nicole Kalil
Episode: Five Habits of Hope with Dr. Julia Garcia | 365
Release Date: November 26, 2025
Host: Nicole Kalil
Guest: Dr. Julia Garcia – Psychologist, author, speaker, and creator of the Five Habits of Hope

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Episode Overview

In this episode, Nicole Kalil explores the topic of hope—what it means, why it often feels absent in our lives, and, crucially, how it can be deliberately cultivated. Joined by Dr. Julia Garcia, an expert who specializes in guiding people through dark moments, the conversation centers around Dr. Garcia’s practical framework: the Five Habits of Hope. Together, they break down common misconceptions about hope, differentiate it from fleeting emotions or mere optimism, and discuss actionable habits to sustain hope even during personal or collective challenges.

The dynamic is candid, supportive, and at times vulnerable, as both women share professional insights and personal struggles. The aim is to reframe hope not as a naive feeling, but as an emotional practice and process that can empower individuals—and communities—especially women redefining “woman’s work” on their own terms.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Why Hope, Why Now?

• Nicole Kalil opens with reflections on personal overwhelm and the guiding question: What’s missing? For her, the glaring answer is hope (02:01).
  “Hope is what's missing. Sure, we have doom, gloom, shame, blame... But hope? It feels like it's slipping through our fingers.” (Nicole, 02:09)
• Nicole suggests hope isn’t just a feeling, but a habit and a lifeline we've been missing (02:38).

2. Dr. Julia Garcia’s Journey to Hope

• Dr. Garcia is deeply moved by the opening, sharing that hope was never her life’s planned mission, and she once thought it was “corny... not serious, not something people would take seriously” (03:42).
• Personal experience with both her own darkest times and others’, particularly in her work with students and people in crisis, led her to discover hope as a practical and transformative habit (05:00).

3. Debunking Myths: Hope Is Not Happiness (Or a Destination)

• Both women relate: people conflate hope with happiness (06:43). Dr. Garcia emphasizes that not “feeling hopeful” doesn’t mean you’re broken; rather, hope is a practice, and even she cycles back to dark moments (07:56).
• Nicole: “I wrote a book about confidence... So when I feel insecure, what a fraud I am. It’s not an achievable goal or a state of being. It’s the habits that get you back there faster, better, quicker that we’re talking about here” (09:42).

4. Process Over Pressure

• Trying to feel hopeful (or confident) constantly is both unrealistic and crushing. The key is focusing on process, not outcome (10:06).
• Dr. Garcia: “The process is a process... If we attach our feelings to our identity, we’re on a constant roller coaster. We want to build processes for feelings, not identities” (10:06).

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The Five Habits of Hope: Framework & Application

Dr. Garcia introduces each habit, its prompt, and how to practice it in daily life.

1. Reflect (11:45–13:45)

• Habit Prompt: “I am struggling because...”
• Purpose: To identify and name present or past struggles—without judgment or rumination.
• Practice: Take time to pause, become aware of what’s hard, and allow yourself to acknowledge struggle instead of powering through or self-criticizing.
• Quote:
  “When we reflect, we don’t ruminate... We revisit it without staying there.” (Dr. Garcia, 11:45)
• Practical Example: Nicole shares vulnerability about launching her podcast on YouTube, feeling exposed and starting from scratch (18:24).

2. Risk (21:19–23:09)

• Habit Prompt: Take “emotional risks”—admit hard truths, express vulnerabilities, or share something you’re afraid to say.
• Purpose: To deepen real connection and reduce shame or fear’s grip.
• Quote:
  “I originally wanted to call the book ‘Everything I’m Afraid to Say’ because so many things that inspired the book are things people have been terrified to say out loud.” (Dr. Garcia, 21:21)
• Risks are “emotional,” not adrenaline-seeking; it’s about truth-telling and emotional nakedness with others—or even oneself.

3. Release (23:09–25:13)

• Habit Prompt: Let go physically and emotionally—symbolized by unclenching your fists.
• Purpose: To release built-up pressure, perfectionism, or performance stress.
• Practice: Dr. Garcia leads a physical exercise—clenching and releasing fists—to embody letting go.
• Quote:
  “That’s what I see people doing, women in particular, day in and day out—they’re holding so many things. We can do it, but it’s restrictive.” (Dr. Garcia, 24:05)
• Releasing is made easier by risk-taking—i.e., letting go after naming or sharing a struggle.

4. Receive (25:13–29:53)

• Habit Prompt: “I needed...” or “What would support look like for me?”
• Purpose: To accept support and identify help, resources, or community.
• Practice: Asking trusted people for specific types of support, or even reaching out to a larger community (e.g. Nicole asks listeners to support her new YouTube channel).
• Quote:
  “What would support look like or feel like for me?... And that is when your support system, the pillars in your life, start to come into play.” (Dr. Garcia, 25:13)
• Both caution and encouragement are given for sharing with community or broader audiences (28:20).

5. Repurpose (37:40–41:22)

• Habit Prompt: “I am hopeful for...”
• Purpose: To transform negative feelings, like anger or disappointment, into constructive energy or new visions.
• Practice: Seeing feelings (even hard ones) as neutral, and channeling them towards hope or meaningful action.
• Quote:
  “I take feelings, and I no longer look at them as one way. They’re neutral. It’s what I do with them that holds the most value and impact in my life.” (Dr. Garcia, 38:12)
• Repurposing is easier—and more joyful—with help from others; hope rarely happens in isolation.

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• “Hope is what's missing. Sure, we have doom, gloom, shame, blame... But hope? It feels like it's slipping through our fingers.”
  — Nicole (02:09)
• “The process is a process... If we attach our feelings to our identity, we’re on a constant roller coaster. We want to build processes for feelings, not identities.”
  — Dr. Garcia (10:06)
• “When we reflect, we don’t ruminate... We revisit it without staying there.”
  — Dr. Garcia (11:45)
• “I originally wanted to call the book ‘Everything I’m Afraid to Say’... Because so many things that inspired the book are things people have been terrified to say out loud.”
  — Dr. Garcia (21:21)
• “That's what I see women doing, day in and day out—they’re holding so many things. We can do it, but it’s restrictive.”
  — Dr. Garcia (24:05)
• “Nobody accomplishes anything without support and help.”
  — Nicole (42:00)
• “Hope is not naive... Hope requires strength, and it's a practice.”
  — Nicole (43:06)
• “It's the choice to believe in possibility, even when the evidence suggests otherwise.”
  — Nicole (43:21)

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Practical Segment Timestamps

• Introduction & Theme: 01:10–03:19
• Dr. Julia Garcia's Hope Backstory: 03:42–06:43
• Distinguishing Hope from Happiness: 06:43–08:35
• The Five Habits of Hope – Overview: 11:45–13:45
• Reflect Practice & Demo: 13:45–18:00
• Risk and Emotional Vulnerability: 21:19–23:09
• Release – Letting Go Exercise: 23:09–25:13
• Receiving Support and Community: 25:13–29:53
• Repurposing Feelings into Hope: 37:40–41:22
• Closing Reflections & Hope as Contagious: 43:06–44:06

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Takeaways

• Hope is not passive or naive; it is an active, often difficult, but deeply empowering practice.
• Building hope involves a willingness to reflect, take emotional risks, release what hurts, receive help, and ultimately repurpose pain into constructive vision.
• No one sustains hope alone. Community, trusted friends, and chosen family are vital.
• Courage and hope, when made habits, make you resilient and make others braver, too.

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Find & Follow Dr. Julia Garcia

• Book: [The Five Habits of Hope] (available at Bookshop.org, Amazon, and local bookstores)
• Podcast: Journey with Dr. J
• Instagram: Dr. Julia Garcia (link in show notes)
• Website & More: Links in episode show notes

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Final Words

“Hope is not naive... It's the choice to believe in possibility, even when the evidence suggests otherwise... When we choose to look for the light, even if, or maybe especially if, we’re surrounded by darkness... Hope becomes an unexplainable force, one that connects us, fuels us, and inspires us. And here’s the thing about hope that we cannot forget: It’s contagious.”
— Nicole & Dr. Garcia, (43:06–43:47)

This is Woman’s Work.

Transcript

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[Host (possibly a coach or podcast host)]

Did I burn down the joy?

[Dr. Julia Garcia]

I don't think so.

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Then Hulu has National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation.

[Dr. Julia Garcia]

We're all in for a very big Christmas treat.

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[Nicole Khalil]

I am Nicole Khalil and you're listening.

[Host (possibly a coach or podcast host)]

To the this Is Woman's Work podcast, where together we're redefining what it means.

[Nicole Khalil]

What it looks and feels like to be doing woman's work in the world.

[Host (possibly a coach or podcast host)]

Today with you as the decider.

[Nicole Khalil]

And while that's meant to be inspiring.

[Host (possibly a coach or podcast host)]

And exciting, it can also feel a bit daunting and a lot challenging, right?

[Nicole Khalil]

I mean, one of my coaches used.

[Host (possibly a coach or podcast host)]

To ask me three questions whenever I'd.

[Nicole Khalil]

Start to spin or get overwhelmed by.

[Host (possibly a coach or podcast host)]

Something that felt really big.

[Nicole Khalil]

She'd ask me what's working, what's not.

[Host (possibly a coach or podcast host)]

Working, and what's missing.

[Nicole Khalil]

And lately, I can't stop circling around that last question. What's missing from me, from us, from our work, our relationships in the world that we live in.

[Host (possibly a coach or podcast host)]

And sure, there are lots of potential answers.

[Nicole Khalil]

But what? The one that keeps flashing in bright neon lights for me is hope.

[Host (possibly a coach or podcast host)]

Hope is what's missing. Sure, we have doom, gloom, shame, blame, finger pointing, heartbreak, burnout.

[Nicole Khalil]

We've got those in spades.

[Host (possibly a coach or podcast host)]

But hope?

[Nicole Khalil]

It feels like it's slipping through our fingers.

[Host (possibly a coach or podcast host)]

And the truth is, without it, it gets really hard to show up, to keep going, and to believe that what.

[Nicole Khalil]

We do here at work, at home, in our relationships and in our world, that it actually matters.

[Host (possibly a coach or podcast host)]

Which is why today's conversation is about.

[Nicole Khalil]

Finding and holding on to our hope.

[Host (possibly a coach or podcast host)]

Practicing it, building it.

[Nicole Khalil]

Because hope, like confidence, isn't just a feeling.

[Host (possibly a coach or podcast host)]

It's a habit. And it might just be the lifeline.

[Nicole Khalil]

The connector, the fuel, the light, the strength that we've all been missing, the.

[Host (possibly a coach or podcast host)]

Thing we can't afford to go without any longer. Our guest today, Dr. Julia Garcia, is a psychologist, author, speaker, and the brilliant mind behind the 5 Habits of Hope.

[Nicole Khalil]

For nearly two decades, she's been helping people in some of life's toughest moments. Students, leaders, parents, and everyday humans just.

[Host (possibly a coach or podcast host)]

Like us move past fear, doubt, and hopelessness into healing and transformation. She's known for blending science with raw, lived experience to create tools that are actually practical. And her mission is clear.

[Nicole Khalil]

To prove that hope isn't something that.

[Host (possibly a coach or podcast host)]

You wait to feel. It's something that you practice.

[Nicole Khalil]

So, Julia, before we dive into these.

[Host (possibly a coach or podcast host)]

Five habits of hope, I'd love for you to share when you realize that.

[Nicole Khalil]

Hope wasn't just an idea or a.

[Host (possibly a coach or podcast host)]

Feeling, but something that you, like, had to practice or choose in order to create and survive. Did my question make sense?

[Dr. Julia Garcia]

Yes. But I'm still recovering from your intro. I got so emotional. That was so powerful. It brought me back to. It brought up so many emotions because I. I'm even reminded how important this is, how important hope is because of the depths of despair that can take us out, that can just completely ruin our relationships, not just with others, but with ourselves. So that. That intro, I feel like, was a standalone. You could have just ended the podcast right there because it was really powerful. So I'm really grateful to be here. Thank you for that podcast intro. That was amazing. Um, yeah, I. It was never something I planned on. I was never someone who associated myself with, like, going to be the Hope ambassador. I actually thought it was real. Corny. I thought it was real. Like, hope is not something that's not serious. People aren't going to take that serious. That's fluffy. So there was no way I thought, like, there was any legitimacy. Legitimacy. Legitimacy. Let's say it's all together.

[Host (possibly a coach or podcast host)]

I do that all the time.

[Nicole Khalil]

I swear to God.

[Host (possibly a coach or podcast host)]

I know the word in the minute it, like, comes out of my mouth, I'm like, that's not it.

[Nicole Khalil]

That's not the word.

[Host (possibly a coach or podcast host)]

No, you're all good.

[Dr. Julia Garcia]

Okay. Somebody knows how to pronounce it out there, listening.

[Nicole Khalil]

We know what you're talking about.

[Dr. Julia Garcia]

Okay. Y' all interpret it for me, right? But I was not thinking of myself as someone that was really hopeful. And a lot of that is because I had been to very dark depths of hopelessness, and I had seen and witnessed people in some of the darkest moments of their Lives. And professionally, starting at a really young age, I was positioned to kind of help people navigate that, like very young, before I could even drive a rental car. And I was working with people all over the country who were sharing really, really dark things that they were experiencing or had experienced that they never told anybody before. And it really allowed me to start to observe patterns. And one of the patterns that I couldn't look away from was when someone felt hopeless, it was the most powerful thing for them to start exercising, like getting back up or feeling motivated again was identifying things that they were hopeful for. But the problem was, is people sometimes associate hope with being happy. Or, you know, hope is a feeling. It comes and it goes. So I really dove into, like, how can we develop a habit around this? How can it not just be this fleeting feeling that comes sometimes and goes another? And that's really how I started to put those pieces together and be interested in it is how did I get out of that space? And how do. How did the people I'm working with and encouraged and inspired by, how are they continuing to go from that place, from hopelessness to hope? And so that's kind of what started me on this journey. Cause I never thought I would be here.

[Host (possibly a coach or podcast host)]

You know, it's funny, I think a couple things that I can really relate to and that I hear a lot. First, the thought we write the book we most need to read popped into my head. I've heard a lot of authors say that. And it is curious how often our life takes us to the topic or to the thing as opposed to. I think sometimes people think like, oh, from when I was five years old, I knew I wanted to be an ambassador of hope. For most of us, it doesn't work that way, so can relate on that. And then the second thing is this thing that you said that I think we all can relate to is we often correlate hope and happiness as if they're the same or that both feelings need to exist at the same time and that it's more often than not the opposite. So, like, I think people often conflate the words courage and confidence. And I find them to be like overlapping circles. And yes, there's a point in the middle where sometimes you feel both. But more often than not, you choose one, and then the other is created from that. And so in this case, in my personal experience, I've found that I've had to choose hope first. And then maybe happiness catches up at some point.

[Dr. Julia Garcia]

Yeah, no, that makes so much sense. Because we can think we're doing something wrong. If we don't feel happy. Yes. And we can think, then it can reflect our identity. We must be wrong. We must be doing something wrong because we're still not feeling super joyful. And for me, when I was in a place where. And this doesn't. It's not like I never go back to this place. I'll get there sometimes, too. Even now where I'm at in my life as a mom and trying to juggle career and all those things. But I can get into a place where I just get in a funk and I can't really find my way out. And I feel like if I'm not super positive about it, then maybe there's something wrong with me and I'm going backwards.

[Host (possibly a coach or podcast host)]

Yeah.

[Dr. Julia Garcia]

And then that is like a wrestle. And so when I think back to habits, the habits of hope for me were emotional habits I had to work through because that was the problem. It wasn't. Everyone has external things. And I had a lot of trauma, big traumas, little tiny traumas. And I saw other people through their traumas. But for me, the big battle was in my mind. So the habits really started to develop of how can we retrain our thought processes and our thought patterns so we can interrupt them and redirect them so. So that we're not beating ourselves up if we don't feel a certain way or not.

[Host (possibly a coach or podcast host)]

Yeah. I'm going to ask you about the five habits of hope, but I just want to say something as you were talking. I think sometimes people think things like hope or confidence or success or it's like a place you arrive to as opposed to an ongoing journey. And I don't know if you're going to feel this way. I sometimes do. Where it's like I wrote a book about confidence. And so when I am feeling insecure.

[Nicole Khalil]

Or feeling a lot of fear or.

[Host (possibly a coach or podcast host)]

Doubt, I put extra pressure on myself.

[Nicole Khalil]

Or it's like I wrote a book.

[Host (possibly a coach or podcast host)]

About confidence and I don't feel confident. What a fraud I am. What a Right. I think it's important with a topic like this, it's. It's like you're not going to feel hope every minute of every day, a hundred percent of the time. That's not an achievable goal or a state of being. It's the habits that get you back there faster, better, quicker that we're talking about here. Right?

[Dr. Julia Garcia]

Exactly. I like to say I was building when I built a crisis intervention line, a crisis hotline during the height of the pandemic, when There was all these lockdowns. We were really inundated with people from Asia, Africa, you name it, texting in. And one of the big things that I focused on with my volunteers who volunteered their time to connect with these people all over the world. And all times of the process is a process. And I just. We kept owning in on that. The process is a process because if our feelings, they come and they go and they could be a roller coaster up and down. What we want to do is build a process for them but not attach our feelings to our identity. Because then we will be on a constant roller coaster loop. If we constantly. If we're like, we have to be confident all the time, that's too much pressure. And pressure can either crush us or it can propel us, you know, like a rocket ship. But a lot of times it crushes us. So we're taking some of the pressure off by replacing it with a process. So when I feel this and then we go through some of the habits or what other tools you have to help you process whatever that feeling is so that you don't attach your identity like, I'm a fraud, I'm a loser, I'm nobody. I'm never gonna get there because I'm, you know, X, Y and Z. And it's removing that, that replacing those words, not just removing em, but replacing them with a process.

[Host (possibly a coach or podcast host)]

It's such an important distinction. It's not our identity. It's something we practice, it's something we choose. It's a process. Right. Okay, so I have to ask you, what are the five habits of hope? And can you walk through them a little bit in, like, how we put them into practice?

[Dr. Julia Garcia]

Yeah, let's go for it. Let's start with the first one. Reflect number one. It's an emotional habit. So reflection. I put in the book different prompts to help you exercise them and put them into practice. And one that I do for this specific reflection prompt is you think of a time where maybe you were struggling and you like, held it in. Like, you withheld the struggle, you didn't open up about it. And I like to think of this as like holding in your feelings physically. And this is allowing us to just like, open up just a little bit. When we reflect, we don't ruminate. So there's a difference there. We're not going to like, hang out and camp out in our feelings, but we're going to reflect on a time that maybe we struggled. It could be like, I struggled with motivation or it could be something that Happened. I actually have a few here because I do these exercises all over the country all the time. And this person is a coach and a teacher. And in their own handwriting, they said, I struggled because my husband cheated. And so as you can see, you can anything that comes to mind. I struggled because of how I was feeling. And then when we put it into a prompt, then we can identify and reflect on it in a way where we revisit it without staying there. Okay, so when I'm struggling, it's important to pause and reflect and why this is so difficult. And it should be a little bit simple so that we can practice it daily. But it is very difficult sometimes because we're doers, right? We are high achievers, we are go getters. We are just in constant motion. So to reflect is kind of countercultural to how we associate high functioning, high productivity, success. Oh, I gotta pause. So it's, that's why it being a practice is really, really difficult. And why it needs to continue to be a process and a practice because we'll find ourselves just kind of doing anything to distract ourselves from doing it.

[Host (possibly a coach or podcast host)]

Julia, I wanna make sure I'm understanding this correctly. So in the reflect part, are we doing this daily or is this when we start feeling hopeless? Are we thinking about something current? Are we going back in the past? What is the question we ask ourselves when we reflect?

[Dr. Julia Garcia]

I am struggling because. Or I was struggling because. Okay, so when we're in an area of anytime we're thinking about like this is a difficult moment, you're having a hardship and it can be for no reason, but identifying that is powerful. That's a great place to start. Even I don't know why I am struggling, but I'm, I'm. And then you'll start to realize more things will start to unpack your Amazon.

[Nicole Khalil]

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[Host (possibly a coach or podcast host)]

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[Host (possibly a coach or podcast host)]

I get the sense part of this too is doing it a little bit from a neutral place like this isn't an opportunity to overthink or to judge yourself or whatever. It's just to get it all out. I'm struggling because.

[Dr. Julia Garcia]

Bleh. Is that Exactly. Okay, can we. Can we practice it real quick? Sure. Impromptu.

[Host (possibly a coach or podcast host)]

Okay.

[Dr. Julia Garcia]

Would you be willing to share something you maybe struggled with in the past?

[Host (possibly a coach or podcast host)]

So this will be interesting timing wise when we release this. But right now I'm struggling because we are putting the podcast now on YouTube for the first time after almost six years of doing audio only. And I feel like we have the audio only thing figured out. Not that there isn't opportunity for growth, not that there aren't things that we could be doing better, but we know what we're doing and now we're going into this space where I have no clue what we're doing. We're going to start with zero credibility, right? There is going to be no subscribers. Like a quarter million people might listen to the podcast, but on YouTube it's going to show 10 or whatever it is.

[Nicole Khalil]

Right.

[Host (possibly a coach or podcast host)]

So I'm struggling because it feels daunting, it feels new, it feels hard, it feels like being exposed. All of that. I could go on, but let's start there.

[Dr. Julia Garcia]

Well, you actually organically and naturally went into habit number two as well.

[Host (possibly a coach or podcast host)]

Okay.

[Dr. Julia Garcia]

So that was like really powerful and beautiful. Thank you for sharing that. I. I can relate a lot. I. I was banned from some. I got just earlier today, my publisher and I were talking and they were trying to access my Facebook account and I've been blocked because of hacks and so I have to start all over and I've kind of been offline for a while and it can be. You said the word. I think believe you said the word exposed. Yeah, that hit me really powerfully. And I think anyone who's starting anything new might relate to that. That is probably one of the most vulnerable places to be and so what you said I felt is the emotional risk. Because you didn't. In that when we talk about. When we reflect, we don't always have to identify our feelings. Actually, most times we don't. We don't have language for our feelings. And a lot of times it's because if you're like me, you go on what I call feeling detours, where you do just about anything other than feel. So you ain't gonna acknowledge something. I'm gonna distract myself. I'm gonna deny it. And these feeling detours become my emotional habit pattern. And so for you to be able to do that, like, without even just a prompt, that's because I believe you've been journeying through this, and you're. You're. You're practicing them whether you even know it or not.

[Host (possibly a coach or podcast host)]

To be fair, I'm sure I go on a lot of feeling detours. I am. I consider myself more of a thinker.

[Nicole Khalil]

Right.

[Host (possibly a coach or podcast host)]

And that's a safer space for me. I know what it is to think or to strategize or to plan or whatever. And the feeling part, that part's scarier. So working on it. And. Yeah. Okay, so then the second habit is you said risk.

[Dr. Julia Garcia]

Risk, yes.

[Host (possibly a coach or podcast host)]

Okay.

[Dr. Julia Garcia]

And not the external adrenaline junkie risks. Like, I like to jump out of airplanes. Not that one, which I have done quite a few times. But it's the emotional risks, the things that draw us closer to people, deeper in connection with each other, the things that terrify us to say out loud. I originally wanted to call the book Everything I'm afraid to say because it was so many things that inspired the book are things people have been terrified to say out loud. Because it's one thing to admit it to yourself, but another thing to, like, put it in the world, and then it becomes real. But it's a beautiful thing because it takes its power away. I say it makes space for you to have something else. So once you risk, then the third emotional habit is to release. And this one is about letting go. It is about. When we think back to those fists that I said. I like to talk about the fists, because our bodies carry a lot of emotions and feelings and fears and all of those things. And we can kind of function every day, all day long, holding these fists together. And I can, like, grab my coffee and take a drink. I can maybe get on my phone and get creative and try and figure it out, still holding my fist. And these fists, to me, represent all of the pressures we have to provide to perform, to be perfect, to start off our YouTube channel with, like, a crazy subscriber list just from the jump. And, like, whatever it is, like, all of the things that cause us to feel things, we can hold onto it. And sometimes we can hold onto it so much, it holds us back. So the risk of releases or risking and then release is letting that go. And that came because I do an actual exercise. Do you mind doing it with me?

[Host (possibly a coach or podcast host)]

Yeah, of course.

[Dr. Julia Garcia]

Okay, so grab your two hands and squeeze fists together. And then squeeze it as tight as you can. Okay. But don't bleed or anything. I got nails, so I gotta make sure I don't cut my fingers.

[Host (possibly a coach or podcast host)]

Mine are a little short right now.

[Dr. Julia Garcia]

So if I came up to you, could I open them?

[Host (possibly a coach or podcast host)]

No.

[Dr. Julia Garcia]

Okay. Don't punch me. All right. Like, through the screen. But that's the kind of strength we're gonna have here. And this represents how much struggle we've had. And we have to hold it. We have to hold onto it. And so what happens is, is people will do this for a significant amount of time. And then I'll count to three, and if you're listening and doing this, keep going. I'll count to three, and then at the end of three, you'll open up, and then just say the word that comes to mind of what you felt. One, two, three.

[Host (possibly a coach or podcast host)]

I felt lighter, like there was a lift, maybe relief a little bit, because holding my hands like that actually did start hurting.

[Dr. Julia Garcia]

Yeah, it does. But we can do it. That's the wild part, is you can do it. And that's what I see people doing. Women in particular is day in and day out, they're holding so many things, myself included. And we can get to a place where we hold it all in and it no longer like, it's. It's like we can do it, but it's restrictive. And when people would do this in front of me, when they would open their hands, they would say they felt a release and a relief. And that's where the emotional habit of release really was inspired. Okay.

[Host (possibly a coach or podcast host)]

Is there an element of the risk and the release involving other people or a trusted friend or. And the reason I ask is because something you said aligns perfectly with my experience, is that when we put words on our hard feelings or fears or doubts, it releases a lot of its power when we hold onto it and we keep it internal. That's where it has so much power over us. And so my question is, as we practice these five habits of hope, is there an element of trusted partner in this?

[Dr. Julia Garcia]

Definitely. A hundred percent. This is I call it sharing the struggle, which is the next habit. I love how you're like the perfect segue in. And that's habit number four. And that's receiving, and that's being able to receive support. And again with the language, we'll go circle back there. This habit, the prompt with it is saying I needed. And that's a way we can start to say what would support look like, feel like, smell like, taste like, whatever that is for you, for you in that moment. And is it someone you trust to say something specific to you? And I'll just. Again, I'll grab someone's here. This person is a teacher. And they said, I need a guide to tell me that I could do it and show me the steps. So it's identifying. And this is probably one of my favorite, most practical habits is when I'm struggling, I always ask myself, what do I need? What would support look like or feel like for me? And that is when your support system, the pillars in your life, start to come into play and you want to make sure they're people that you trust. And. And it might be a guided professional in some areas and it might be a friend in others. And that's something that you'll navigate as you continue to take the risk. That's why it's an emotional risk, because when you open up, your hand can get slapped, right? We can get betrayed, we can get hurt. And so it's continually building the habit and doing it in a way where you feel safe and ready and it's no pressure that you have to do each one every time. Sometimes maybe you're like, I'm not ready to take an emotional risk right now, but I can do a little reflection and that's cool too.

[Host (possibly a coach or podcast host)]

Sometimes when I work out, I convince myself all I need to do is show up or I just need to get on the treadmill for five minutes or whatever. And the reason I bring this up is sometimes you just have to convince yourself to start with one. And then when you're in it and you're doing might feel a little less scary or a little easier to move to the next.

[Nicole Khalil]

I did have a question.

[Host (possibly a coach or podcast host)]

Curious your thoughts on this. I think a trusted advisor, professional, close friend that you trust. Yes, because you are risking when you put something out there.

[Nicole Khalil]

I do wonder, and maybe I'm just.

[Host (possibly a coach or podcast host)]

Batshit crazy, but sometimes I put some of these feelings, not the really personal ones. I'm a fairly private person, but I am happy to share fears or things that are going on in my world and I do it with my email community. So sometimes I will put things out there, put words on it with a large group of strangers, in this case for the most part. And I am careful about what I put out for sure. But it's been amazing how often I'll get an email back like multiple in a day where it's like, me too or thank you for saying something that I'm feeling too, or here's something that's really helped me and it again, putting words on it lessens the power. It makes me feel less alone. What are your thoughts about leveraging community or strangers or anything like that? And it is totally okay if you're.

[Nicole Khalil]

Like, do not do that.

[Dr. Julia Garcia]

I think building community on honesty and authenticity is the most powerful thing you can build community on. I think the only time I would steer like towards maybe like caution, like yellow lights is what I call it is when you're still going through something and you haven't had like time or your process to process it. And it's a place you share, but not a place you get received. Maybe like if you're in the middle of it, you know, then I think it's maybe better to work through those things with the people in your community privately before it's more public. And that's just to protect you because you'd be in a more vulnerable state at that point and so more susceptible if someone did the opposite and said really cruel things, it could, you know, make you feel a certain way that you don't deserve to feel.

[Host (possibly a coach or podcast host)]

Yeah, no, that's a good point because I have gotten the opposite on several occasions and where I'm coming from, let.

[Dr. Julia Garcia]

Me know who they are, right?

[Host (possibly a coach or podcast host)]

Send them my way.

[Dr. Julia Garcia]

I'll take care of it.

[Host (possibly a coach or podcast host)]

I love that because that's my reaction when something like that happens to somebody else. I'm like, friend, if you need somebody to come and flip a table for you, I'm your girl. So good tip. I'll also add to just the loving reminder, whether it's an email or community or a social media, once it's out there, you can't get it back right? So be careful about that. Okay, so we've got reflect, risk, release, receive. Fifth one.

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[Host (possibly a coach or podcast host)]

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[Dr. Julia Garcia]

Let's have you maybe practice that for real. Quick, what would support look like or feel like for you during this time of what you reflected on and what you shared? You felt? Oh fuck.

[Host (possibly a coach or podcast host)]

I was hoping you wouldn't ask me because this is the scary part. Honestly, this is where I get tripped up because, you know, we're taught we're not supposed to ask for help or it's a sign of weakness and I know that that's bullshit. And like, this is where I get like, oh, so I do ask and have asked for help in this. Like, my editor is also one of my very best friends. We've known each other for forever. And so she's like in it with me and we're brainstorming and she's like taking on extra editing, adding the video element. She's learning extra skills. And we're like, I'm like, how do I compensate you for this? And she's like, I don't know, we'll figure it out.

[Nicole Khalil]

Right?

[Host (possibly a coach or podcast host)]

Like, so there's that. Or my husband is an encourager and he asks and we're hiring a coach, somebody who has 20 plus years in podcast experience and is like a consultant with YouTube on podcasting. So we've got help there. But here's where it gets really scary is where I need help is some of the people who listen to to the podcast to go to YouTube and subscribe. I need people to tell their friends about it. I need people to tell their daughters about it. Obviously appropriately aged, maybe 16 plus, right? Like support looks like to me is People rallying around this thing that hopefully provides value and makes a difference in their lives and their days and helping us grow there. And that. It just feels risky because I know everybody listening is busy. I mean, we ask our listeners to do reviews on Apple all the time and it is like pulling teeth. So I don't know that that part feels really scary because I've had a lot of experience of doing the ask and feeling disappointed or let down. And that might not be fair, but that's where I get nervous about that.

[Dr. Julia Garcia]

No, I. I can relate so much. And I'm sure a lot of people listening are growing their own businesses and they know the struggle and they're putting themselves out there creatively. But listeners, I'm going to lean in a little bit. I'm going to put on my, my mama bear voice here. You just heard audibly something practical you can do to support this pioneer of a woman who is blazing trails, who is adding value into your. Your life on a regular. So if you could take a minute to just honor that, to celebrate that, Even if the YouTube show is totally different. She's posting videos of elephants. You just go and you support and you show love. Because I like to say we ought to celebrate courage in the time thing. That's a facade, let's be honest, because I got plenty of daytime where I am scrolling and I actually studied this and most people consume media more than they contribute to it. So this isn't like a shame on us thing. This is like an invitation to just switch it up a little bit and start celebrating some courage in the community that you're a part of right here, right now. And the woman who is like pioneering this community and building it. So if you want to take a minute, pause this right now, just go to the YouTube channel. This is woman's work. Easy, simple. You got it. And for me, every single day, I have a very small, small social media following. And a lot of that is my own. Everyone for the past 20 years has told me to get up on social media. And it's like sometimes I'm like, I miss the boat, whatever. But I was terrified of it.

[Host (possibly a coach or podcast host)]

Yeah, don't do it. Oh, it was an absolute suck and drain of energy, time and money. I. I did that. I checked that box. Obviously, for some people it might be brilliant and wonderful, but there is a reason I'm not on social media anymore. Sorry, I didn't mean to cut you off. No, no, but you didn't miss the boat. You skipped the boat. That is going to. You Know, the friggin triangle, whatever.

[Dr. Julia Garcia]

Yeah, it's. It's pretty terrifying. But I. What's helped me, and I believe probably what's helped you is you're still contributing what you believe in and your voice in, in this, in this forum. And I am a professional speaker, so I go into places and I work with people in person. And I do want to grow my social media at some point, but for me, when I work really hard on something, I just released my own podcast, Journey with Dr. J. Again, there's no one watching it. My mama is always my number one commenter. Okay. But for me, I've realized I want to live a certain way and that's to be brave. And so I have to surrender. That's a practice for me. Outcomes all the time. It is never. I cannot attach my identity or what I'm doing to outcomes, even if the outcome is validation, approval, success, whatever that is. I've been doing this work that I do for so long that if I relied on. On the validation of others, I would never do anything.

[Host (possibly a coach or podcast host)]

Yeah.

[Dr. Julia Garcia]

And what I realized, though, when I reflect on my own career, how I even got started in the speaking space, was I used to say things. They used to call me the edgy speaker. I was raw, I was edgy. That was all the things people would say. And I talked about everything no one wanted to talk about. I talked about drugs, sex, alcohol, all these, like, taboo things. And I would go into schools, like universities, and I would talk to these students about these really difficult things that nobody ever talked about. And I would just come alongside them, see what they were struggling with, where they needed support, how I could support them. And what I realized is when I was just raw and real about who I was. And a lot of that came out in, like, spoken word poetry that I would deliver. It didn't translate. I didn't, like, promote social media, but I knew what I was doing was what I was supposed to be doing, and it was building the person I wanted to become so that I could design the life I wanted to live. Right.

[Host (possibly a coach or podcast host)]

You just articulated basically my entire experience and choice about doing this podcast and all of it. So I thank you for advocating for the help that I need, the support that I need on my behalf. That was so appreciated. And I think we all need more courage and more hope in the world, for sure. Okay. I cannot let you go without asking about the fifth habit.

[Dr. Julia Garcia]

Okay, we'll get right to it. The fifth habit is one of my favorites. I grew up with. I'm one of six Kids. My mom worked multiple jobs, and she didn't have a ton of money to decorate the house. So she would go to garage sales and she would find old furniture, and she would repurpose it. She would find ways to reclaim it and then bring it into our home. All of our furniture was, like, reclaimed somehow by her. And so the fifth habit is repurposing. And it's taking a feeling that maybe has an ugly connotation to it, like anger. I'm angry all the time. I'm angry that you are struggling in any way, shape, or form. But that anger, now I can repurpose it, and I can repackage it. And I continually. I like to say I'm like a professional repurposer. I take feelings, and I no longer look at them as, like, one way. They're neutral. It's what I do with them that holds the most value and impact in my life. So it's the emotional habit of repurposing. And that is where you ask yourself, I am hopeful for. And it could be a person. It could be a thing. It could be to be brave. It could be to show up right now and practice something, like a vulnerability you. You've kind of been putting on the back burner. It could be to follow a dream. But these hopes, they start to make us. You can feel it. You can feel yourself come, come alive a little bit more again and start to have vision. And then when we have vision, then we can start to really build.

[Host (possibly a coach or podcast host)]

I like so much the reframe of. I'm hopeful for. I kind of did it in my own mind, and I'm hopeful for YouTube being able to help us reach a new, younger audience. Because the amount of times I've said and people have said, I wish I would have heard this when I was younger.

[Nicole Khalil]

Right.

[Host (possibly a coach or podcast host)]

And it's an opportunity for us to impact a new group of women. I'm hopeful for the idea that we actually have a community here, that this isn't just me talking out into the void. Right. And that we really mean it when we say women supporting women. There's so many things to be hopeful for. And I am reminded, I often talk. You said repurpose. I talk about reframing. And I think that that's a lot of the work that I do as a coach. I help people reframe the way they're seeing something or perspective. But one of the things that I've noticed is it's easier for somebody from the outside looking in to reframe something. I always use the expression in coaching, it's hard to read the label from inside the bottle. And so I like the prompt of. I'm hopeful for it. Helps us do that. And again, I ask, is there any benefit to having somebody help you repurpose? Because sometimes you just can't see it clearly when you're in it.

[Dr. Julia Garcia]

Yeah. Everything I've ever done, even personally, but professionally, I've never done alone, ever.

[Nicole Khalil]

Right.

[Host (possibly a coach or podcast host)]

Oh, the myth that anybody's doing anything alone. Thank you.

[Dr. Julia Garcia]

I had to work yesterday. I had three keynotes, and I brought my family and my husband, and then we had a podcast right after. So he's got the kids outside with some goats playing, and we're doing the pot, and I'm like, I don't know how I'm pulling. Like, this is not just me. There's no way I could do anything on my own. So I have a little system. If you're listening, it's really, really quick. But it's like what I call a tap in. And so it's a tap in text. So sometimes I just have, like, three or four people that I'll just tap in with, like a gif. I'll send them a little gif or a color being, like, need help?

[Host (possibly a coach or podcast host)]

Yeah.

[Dr. Julia Garcia]

Like, and then they'll just. And that's their cue. Just be like. They'll just say something like, you got this. Or stop being a sissy chica. Like, whatever. They'll just say something. Because I have to have people in my corner. Personally, I don't. I can do things alone. I'm a very independent person, but I don't want to anymore.

[Host (possibly a coach or podcast host)]

Yeah. Well, it's so much more fun to do it together anyway. And it reminds me of a practice my sister does with her friends is they had a conversation of, like, when I'm down, when I'm feeling hopeless, when.

[Nicole Khalil]

Whatever.

[Host (possibly a coach or podcast host)]

Here's what helps me. And then they have, like, an SOS word that they text out to each other, and everybody does what that person has already communicated, helps them when they're feeling that way. And I love the concept of tapping people in and of almost being prepared for the inevitable hard days or the.

[Nicole Khalil]

Idea that, of course we're going to need help.

[Host (possibly a coach or podcast host)]

Everybody needs help. Nobody accomplishes anything without support and help. So, Julia, I have 1 million more questions that I could ask you, and I'm so grateful for you to be on the show today and for you writing this book and tackling this thing that is so missing in today's world. So thank you for all of it. I want to make sure our listeners know how and where to find and follow you. So first, for the love of all things holy, go buy the book the Five Habits of Hope. Go to bookshop.org and let's keep local bookstores in business or Amazon or wherever you buy books. And then you can also find and follow Dr. Julia Garcia on Instagram and we'll put the links to that, her website, all the other social medias, the podcast, all of that in show notes so you can find your best platform. But again, go get the book. And Julia, thank you, thank you, thank you for an amazing conversation and for being such a great support to me. That was wildly unexpected and just so grateful for it. So thank you.

[Dr. Julia Garcia]

Thank you so much. I feel like we're gonna have to have a round two someday.

[Host (possibly a coach or podcast host)]

Yes, for sure. Okay, friend, let me close us out with this. Hope is not naive. It isn't blind optimism. It's not about pretending everything's okay when it's not. Hope requires strength, and it's a practice.

[Nicole Khalil]

It's the choice to believe in possibility, even when the evidence suggests otherwise.

[Host (possibly a coach or podcast host)]

It's when we have the courage to look past the odds, the fears, the logic, and the doubts.

[Nicole Khalil]

When we choose to look for the light, even if, or maybe especially if.

[Host (possibly a coach or podcast host)]

We'Re surrounded by darkness.

[Nicole Khalil]

Hope becomes an unexplainable force, one that.

[Host (possibly a coach or podcast host)]

Connects us, fuels us, and inspires us. And here's the thing about hope that we cannot forget.

[Nicole Khalil]

It's contagious.

[Host (possibly a coach or podcast host)]

When you practice it, the people around you can't help but catch it, too. And maybe that's how we turn the tide. One choice, one habit, one spark of hope at a time. Hope may not be the easiest path, but it is the most powerful one.

[Nicole Khalil]

And choosing it today, tomorrow, and the day after that.

[Host (possibly a coach or podcast host)]

This is woman's work.

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