Podcast Title: This Is Woman's Work with Nicole Kalil
Episode: How To Be Selfish with Niketa Ren Thigpen | 329
Release Date: July 23, 2025

Introduction: Redefining Selfishness

In this compelling episode of This Is Woman's Work, host Nicole Kalil dives deep into the often misunderstood concept of selfishness with renowned Balance and Relationship Advisor, Nikita Ren Thigpen. The discussion aims to dismantle the negative perceptions surrounding selfishness and present it as a vital component for personal fulfillment and authentic happiness.

Notable Quote:
"The word is selfish. As a woman, a partner, a friend, a colleague, or as a mom, can you even imagine being selfish, let alone being accused of it?" — Nicole Kalil [01:10]

Understanding Intentionally Selfish

Nikita Ren Thigpen introduces the concept of "intentionally selfish" as a transformative approach to self-care. She distinguishes it from the conventional, often misapplied notion of selfishness by emphasizing that being intentionally selfish is about prioritizing one's own needs without the intention of harming others.

Key Points:

• Intentional Selfishness vs. Accidental Self-Care: Nikita explains that many self-care activities inadvertently involve others, leading to exhaustion rather than personal rejuvenation.
• Authentic Joy: By being intentionally selfish, individuals can create joy on their own terms, free from external expectations.

Notable Quote:
"Real self care is being intentionally selfish to take care of you, to do your forgiveness work, your self love work, whatever it is that you need to do for yourself." — Nikita Ren Thigpen [03:19]

Overcoming Barriers to Selfishness

Nicole and Nikita explore the common obstacles that prevent women from embracing selfishness, including feelings of unworthiness and societal expectations to prioritize others over oneself.

Key Points:

• Sense of Worthiness: Many women struggle with feeling deserving of taking time for themselves, often placing others' needs above their own.
• Societal Conditioning: From a young age, women are taught to be endlessly giving and nurturing, making the concept of selfishness seem taboo.

Notable Quote:
"Underneath all of it is you don't feel worthy. You don't feel worthy of giving yourself that space." — Nikita Ren Thigpen [08:53]

Practical Strategies for Being Intentionally Selfish

Nikita offers actionable advice for listeners to begin practicing intentional selfishness, emphasizing gradual steps to integrate self-care into their busy lives.

Key Strategies:

• Baby Stepping: Start with small increments of selfish time, such as 2 minutes, and gradually increase as comfort grows.
• Micro Sabbaticals: Implement short breaks (less than 12 weeks) strategically to recharge without feeling overwhelmed.
• Workations: Combine work and personal time by creating boundaries around specific projects to maintain balance.
• Neurological Keys: Develop rituals or routines that signal the start and end of selfish time, aiding in mental transitions.

Notable Quote:
"You have to do that with yourself in the mirror. And when that mirror is on you and you're sitting there like, why can't I give myself that same permission?" — Nikita Ren Thigpen [09:59]

Nikita's Formula for Balance and Joy

A standout segment of the conversation revolves around Nikita's proprietary formula for achieving balance and joy, which challenges the traditional 50/50 work-life balance model.

Formula Breakdown:
[ \text{Joy} = \left( \frac{T}{B} \right) + \text{Healthy Relationships} + (\text{Intimacy})^2 ]

Components:

• T (Truth of What You Want): Recognize and admit your true desires, beyond societal expectations.
• B (Boundaries): Establish clear boundaries to protect your time and energy.
• Healthy Relationships: Cultivate relationships that are reciprocal and supportive.
• Intimacy Squared: Deepen relationships with others and, crucially, with oneself to foster profound joy.

Notable Quotes:
"It is literally admitting the truth of what you want." — Nikita Ren Thigpen [20:56]
"When you have your balance plus your healthy relationships times your intimacy squared, you have now the exponential equivalent of joy." — Nikita Ren Thigpen [29:02]

Transforming Emotions Through Selfishness

The discussion highlights how intentionally embracing selfishness can alleviate negative emotions such as shame, guilt, anger, and fear, replacing them with strength and resilience.

Key Points:

• Emotional Liberation: Letting go of societal labels frees individuals to nurture their true selves.
• Building Resilience: Regular practice of intentional selfishness strengthens emotional and psychological resilience.
• Reconditioning Self-Perception: Shifting the narrative from self-sacrifice to self-empowerment transforms self-worth.

Notable Quote:
"You're able to just say, you know what? This is hard, this is awkward, it's uncomfortable, and I'm worth it, it makes all the difference in the world." — Nikita Ren Thigpen [30:25]

Conclusion: Embracing Selfishness as Generosity

Nicole wraps up the episode by reinforcing the idea that being intentionally selfish is not only beneficial for the individual but also enhances their ability to give and support others. She encourages listeners to apply Nikita's formula and embrace selfishness as a pathway to a more fulfilling and balanced life.

Final Thoughts:

• Empowerment Through Self-Care: By prioritizing themselves, women can better contribute to their communities and relationships.
• Sustainable Generosity: A full and nurtured self can offer more genuine and sustained support to others.

Notable Quote:
"Because that is woman's work." — Nicole Kalil [33:09]

Additional Resources

For more insights and guidance on balancing relationships and self-care, listeners are encouraged to visit follow Nikita Ren Thigpen at thankyouthigpro.com and explore her Balance Boldly podcast.

Note: This summary excludes advertisements, intros, outros, and non-content sections to focus solely on the valuable discussions and insights shared by Nicole Kalil and Nikita Ren Thigpen.