Podcast Summary: How To Be Yourself At Work: Authentic Presence Over Executive Presence

Podcast: This Is Woman’s Work with Nicole Kalil
Episode: 366
Guest: Claude Silver, Chief Heart Officer at VaynerX
Release Date: December 1, 2025

Episode Overview

This episode redefines what it means to "bring your whole self" to work, contrasting outdated notions of "executive presence" with a new standard: “authentic presence.” Nicole Kalil hosts Claude Silver—world’s first Chief Heart Officer and author of Be Yourself at Work—to unpack the challenges and nuances of showing up authentically in professional environments, and how doing so can revolutionize leadership, teamwork, and personal well-being.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Distinguishing Authenticity from Confidence

• Nicole (03:00): Explains that workplaces demand authenticity but rarely embrace it in practice, leading to discomfort when individuals show up as their full selves.
• Nicole (04:14):

  “Confidence is trusting yourself. Authenticity is being yourself. And in an ideal world, those two things would overlap...but we filter our authenticity through other people’s comfort, approval, and expectations.”

• Insight: Confidence is inward-facing (trusting yourself); authenticity is outward-facing (bringing your real self).

2. What Does Authenticity Really Mean at Work?

• Claude (05:15):

  "Showing up to me is the same exact thing as authenticity. That is stepping forward...in the being of who you are, not the doing of what you do, but the being."

• Authenticity at work is not about “saying or doing whatever you feel”; it’s about self-awareness and emotional regulation.
• Claude (06:32):

  “You don’t need to put armor up or box your emotions away. I don’t think that’s going to work anymore...the workplace is changing.”

• Metaphor: Carrying the weight of “not showing up” is like adding more to a heavy backpack each day—eventually it drags you down (07:00).

3. The Trap of “That’s Just Who I Am”

• Nicole (08:47): Explores the difference between genuine authenticity and using authenticity as an excuse for unkind or careless behavior.

• Claude (09:46):

  “You just said the magic word, consistent...If you’re grounded today and freaking out tomorrow, why would people trust who you are? ... Someone saying, ‘Here I am, take it or leave it,’ is coming from a fearful place, not a mature or self-aware place.”

• Consistency is the foundation of both authentic and executive presence.

• Memorable Moment:
  Nicole:

  “It falls into the category of things that only dicks say. Don’t be a dick. Don’t be a Richard.” (11:47)

4. From Executive Presence to Authentic Presence

• Nicole (12:22): Introduces Claude’s concept of “authentic presence” as a healthier, more sustainable path than “faking” executive presence.
• Claude (12:52):

  “Who are you when you’re brushing your teeth?...that is the authentic you. Not perfect, but present.”

• Claude (14:27): Suggests that authentic presence means being known for who you are at your core, not a performed version of yourself. Consistency matters.

5. Perfectionism as a Barrier

• Nicole (16:20):

  “Perfectionism actually creates a distance...setting an expectation no one can live up to—even yourself.”

• The goal is not to replace polish with oversharing, but to find honest places where you can let your guard down with people who relate to your experience.

• Claude (19:15):

  “Then I come to work...and it’s still with me because I refuse to put that part of my life and compartmentalize that over there in Albuquerque. That’s not fair to me.”

• Find your tribe at work (ERG groups, shared interests) for safe spaces to be real.

6. Bringing Imperfection Into the Workplace

• Nicole (21:00):

  “Letting people know when you’ve messed up or when something didn’t go according to plan...this is where we grow and learn.”

• They discuss how authenticity also involves accountability—owning mistakes without succumbing to imposter syndrome.

• Claude (21:50):

  “There are places in the workspace you will find you can be real real...I’m not suggesting you go into your CEO’s office and get real real today, unless you already have that connection. But you can find people similar to you.”

• Avoid veering into gossip or cynicism—keep authenticity constructive.

7. Navigating Power Dynamics & Challenging Moments

• Nicole (25:10): Shares her personal struggle with authenticity when faced with comments that trigger discomfort, especially from someone in authority.

• Claude (25:54): Offers a framework:

  • Option 1: Protect your energy—ignore and avoid engaging if it feels unsafe.
  • Option 2: Address privately if you feel safe—name what was said and its impact (“Hey, you said X, and it didn’t sit well with me”).
  • Option 3: Escalate if needed—to a manager or HR if boundaries are repeatedly crossed.

• Claude (27:35):

  “You have to figure out where you feel safe enough to state your truth...that you can still hug yourself afterwards and say, ‘You know what? Good job, I’m proud of you.’”

• Nicole (28:21): Measures her actions by self-pride:

  “Did I feel proud of myself on the other side of it?”

8. When Authenticity Feels Impossible

• Nicole (29:45):

  “If you cannot be yourself, you cannot be authentic in your workplace, then there also is the decision to go find someplace else to work.”

• Claude (31:05):

  “As long as it’s not going into your values and complete...if you need to, change clients, change teams, or decide when enough is enough. You won’t know unless you try.”
  “When we look at someone as though they had positive intent...it’s easier to accept that, forgive that, and move on.”

9. The Business Case for Authenticity

• Nicole (31:50): Challenges Claude to articulate the real, practical cost of not supporting authenticity at work.
• Claude (31:50):

  “Eventually you will quit, or we will let you go. The cost is attrition...less collaboration, less innovation, less creativity...You build walls, not bridges.”

  • Work is like a relationship; intimacy (emotional closeness, not just romantic) is vital. If you can’t let others authentically connect, relationships—personal or professional—suffer. (32:40)

Notable Quotes & Timestamps

• Nicole: “Confidence is trusting yourself. Authenticity is being yourself.” (04:14)
• Claude: “You don’t need to put armor up or box your emotions away. That’s archaic.” (06:32)
• Claude: “Consistency is the magic word. That’s what leadership and authentic presence are about.” (09:46)
• Nicole: “Don’t be a Richard.” (11:47)
• Claude: “Who are you when you’re brushing your teeth? That’s your authentic you.” (12:52)
• Nicole: “Perfectionism creates distance—from others and from yourself.” (16:20)
• Claude: “I refuse to put that part of my life...over there in Albuquerque. That’s not fair to me.” (19:15)
• Claude: “Test and learn—you won’t know unless you try.” (29:45)
• Claude: “The cost is enormous—to you and the company. You build walls, not bridges.” (31:50)

Actionable Takeaways

• Self-Awareness First: Invest in understanding your triggers, preferences, and authentic style before you try to “show up” as your best self.
• Consistency Over Perfection: Be consistently yourself; this builds trust far more than polished perfection.
• Find Your Tribes: Seek out workplace sub-communities (ERGs or affinity groups) for spaces to safely connect and practice authenticity.
• Handle Triggers Thoughtfully: If others’ behavior crosses your boundaries, evaluate your safety/comfort to choose between ignoring, privately addressing, or escalating.
• Give & Assume Permission: For organizations to foster authenticity, both leaders and team members must allow for others’ imperfections and “messiness.”
• Be Adaptive: It’s not about unfiltered honesty, but about alignment—private and public selves consistently matching.

Closing Reflection

The episode argues that authentic presence is not naive or risky—it’s brave, human, and, crucially, productive. It’s not about ignoring professionalism or using “being yourself” as an excuse for poor behavior. Instead, it's about genuinely aligning your inner and outer selves, building workplaces where all can truly belong, and leading with both heart and courage.

Final Words (Nicole, 33:55):

“The goal of authenticity isn’t to stay the same. It’s to stay true as you get better. Work is designed to support and test all of that. ... Your only real job is to keep bringing you into the room—even when it’s uncomfortable and imperfect. ... It’s brave. It’s human. It’s productive, and it’s woman’s work.”