This Is Woman's Work with Nicole Kalil

Episode: How To Listen with Emily Kasriel | 321

Release Date: June 25, 2025

In this compelling episode of This Is Woman's Work, host Nicole Kalil engages in an insightful conversation with Emily Kasriel, an award-winning journalist and author specializing in deep listening. Together, they delve into the art of truly hearing and understanding others in an increasingly disconnected world.

Introduction to Deep Listening

Nicole Kalil opens the episode by addressing a critical skill that is rapidly diminishing in today’s fast-paced society: deep listening. She emphasizes the difference between superficial hearing and the profound, attentive listening that fosters genuine connection.

Nicole Kalil [01:16]: "We're technically more connected than ever and somehow feel more isolated. We have more access to information than ever before and somehow less common ground."

Emily Kasriel’s Journey and Expertise

Nicole introduces Emily Kasriel, highlighting her two-decade career at the BBC and her role as a senior Visiting Research Fellow at King's College Policy Institute in London. Emily’s expertise lies in blending academic research with practical applications as an executive coach and workplace mediator.

Nicole Kalil [01:16]: "Emily Kasriel has developed the deep listening approach... her new book, Deep Transform Your Relationships with Family, Friends and Foes, gets to the heart of what so many of us are missing and craving in our relationships today."

Key Findings from Emily’s Research

Emily shares insights from her extensive study involving over a thousand participants from 119 countries. The research underscores the transformative power of deep listening in fostering openness, connection, and self-reflection.

Emily Kasriel [04:18]: "We found that when they learned how to deeply listen... people felt more open, more connected and more able to re-examine their own attitudes."

Deep Listening vs. Everyday Listening

The conversation contrasts deep listening with the common ways people listen, which often involve interrupting, planning responses, or trying to fix the speaker's problems. Emily explains how deep listening requires engaging not just intellectually but also emotionally and physically with the speaker.

Nicole Kalil [05:05]: "If we practice deep listening, what I'm hearing you say is the outcome is that we feel more open to share and to be authentic and transparent in our communication."

The 8-Step Process of Deep Listening

Emily meticulously outlines her eight-step process designed to cultivate deep listening. Each step builds upon the previous, creating a comprehensive framework for meaningful communication.

1. Creating Space [10:26]: Establishing psychological and physical safety to ensure the speaker feels comfortable.

   Emily Kasriel [10:26]: "The first step is about creating space... ensuring someone is comfortable, both physically and emotionally."

2. Listening to Yourself First [10:40]: Understanding your own emotions and biases before engaging in the conversation.

3. Being Present [11:10]: Eliminating distractions to fully engage with the speaker.

4. Cultivating Curiosity [12:00]: Approaching the conversation with genuine interest rather than preconceived notions.

5. The Gaze [13:00]: Maintaining empathetic eye contact to convey attention and respect.

   Nicole Kalil [17:44]: "You have a third ear... there is something so meaningful and powerful when you come back and can tell that somebody's still there."

6. Embracing Silence [14:00]: Allowing pauses for the speaker to gather thoughts and for deeper reflection.

7. Reflecting Back [15:00]: Summarizing what the speaker has said to demonstrate understanding.

8. Exploring Deeper Narratives [16:00]: Uncovering underlying emotions and values that drive the speaker’s words.

Practical Demonstration of Deep Listening

To illustrate the effectiveness of her methodology, Emily conducts a live demonstration with Nicole. Through a simple exercise about favorite foods, they showcase how deep listening fosters a deeper emotional connection and understanding.

Emily Kasriel [19:48]: "I'm hearing you say manicotti with some enthusiasm."

Nicole Kalil [20:34]: "It's one of the foods that feels like home... I can actually kind of smell it and taste it."

This exchange highlights how minimal yet intentional responses can lead to profound personal revelations and strengthened relationships.

Deep Listening in Conflict Situations

Nicole and Emily discuss the challenges and importance of practicing deep listening with individuals who hold opposing viewpoints. Emily emphasizes that understanding stems from recognizing the other person’s experiences and motivations rather than focusing on the ideology itself.

Emily Kasriel [28:35]: "People wanted to listen to each other, people wanted to learn to listen to people who think differently. So there is a desire to understand people who are different."

Ethical Considerations in Deep Listening

Emily touches upon the ethical dimensions of deep listening, particularly the responsibilities of handling sensitive information and maintaining confidentiality. She underscores the importance of setting boundaries to ensure both parties are comfortable throughout the conversation.

Emily Kasriel [24:43]: "In my book, I've got a chapter on the ethical guidelines around deep listening... you need to know what you're comfortable bearing."

Conclusion and Transformative Power of Listening

Nicole wraps up the episode by reflecting on the transformative potential of deep listening in personal relationships and broader societal interactions. She encourages listeners to embrace this skill as a form of leadership and genuine human connection.

Nicole Kalil [34:04]: "Listening, really listening, is one of the most radical, generous and transformative things any one of us can do... It is powerful. It requires great strength, maturity and confidence. It's leadership, love, care, kindness and connection at their highest forms."

Key Takeaways:

• Deep Listening vs. Common Listening: Deep listening involves fully engaging with the speaker on multiple levels—intellectually, emotionally, and physically—without the distractions of planning responses or fixing problems.

• 8-Step Process: Emily’s structured approach provides a practical guide to cultivating deep listening, emphasizing creating safe spaces, self-awareness, presence, curiosity, empathetic gaze, embracing silence, reflecting back, and exploring deeper narratives.

• Practical Application: The live demonstration between Nicole and Emily illustrates how intentional listening can lead to meaningful personal connections and understanding.

• Conflict Resolution: Deep listening is crucial in bridging gaps between opposing viewpoints by focusing on the speaker’s underlying experiences and emotions rather than the surface-level disagreements.

• Ethical Responsibility: Maintaining confidentiality and setting boundaries are essential components of practicing deep listening responsibly.

• Transformative Impact: Embracing deep listening can lead to stronger relationships, reduced feelings of isolation, and effective leadership rooted in empathy and genuine connection.

For those looking to enhance their listening skills and foster deeper connections in their personal and professional lives, Emily Kasriel’s insights offer a valuable roadmap. Her work underscores that deep listening is not just a beneficial skill but a necessary practice for building a more empathetic and connected world.