Podcast Summary: "How To Practice Radical Self Care with Shelly Tygielski" | Episode 302 of "This Is Woman's Work with Nicole Kalil"
Introduction
In Episode 302 of "This Is Woman's Work," host Nicole Kalil engages in an enlightening conversation with Shelly Tygielski, a prominent figure in the mindfulness movement and founder of the Pandemic of Love mutual aid organization. Shelly, also the author of Sit Down to Rise Up, brings a fresh perspective on self-care, challenging its conventional portrayal and advocating for a more radical, community-oriented approach.
Redefining Self Care Beyond Commercialization
Nicole begins by addressing the prevalent commercialization of self-care, often reduced to superficial acts like bubble baths and overpriced candles. She questions the efficacy of such practices, which leave many feeling exhausted despite the widespread promotion of self-care.
"What if self care wasn't about escaping your life for an hour of me time, but about transforming your life and possibly the lives of others, by showing up for yourself in a radically different way?"
— Nicole Kalil [00:47]
Shelly responds by tracing the evolution of self-care, highlighting how it was co-opted by capitalist industries post-9/11. She emphasizes that true self-care should transcend individual indulgence and focus on communal well-being.
"Self care and the concept of self care... have been hijacked by industry, by capitalism."
— Shelly Tygielski [04:19]
She advocates for a shift from individualistic self-care to communal care, arguing that the term "self-care" often misleadingly centers on the individual rather than the community.
"It's really about connection to yourself, and it's mostly about connection to others."
— Shelly Tygielski [05:50]
Self Care as a Form of Activism
Shelly introduces the concept of self-care as a radical act of activism, a notion inspired by Audre Lorde's assertion that "self-care is a political act of defiance." She explains that being a "self care activist" involves building supportive communities that challenge and transform existing societal paradigms.
"Self care is a radical act, a political act of defiance... really looking to build community and weave safety nets that actually change the paradigm of the type of world that we're living in and existing in."
— Shelly Tygielski [03:22]
From Individual to Communal Care
Nicole connects self-care to the importance of community, emphasizing that authentic self-care requires connection and support from others. She highlights the misconception of self-care as an additional burden in busy lives.
"Self care sounds like it takes a lot of time, and time is the commodity we like as."
— Nicole Kalil [13:26]
Shelly agrees, stressing that creating the right conditions through community support is essential for integrating self-care seamlessly into daily life.
"To do it consistently, to do it mindfully... how do we think about things in the form of a rhythm?"
— Shelly Tygielski [13:35]
Practical Applications of Radical Self Care
Shelly shares her personal journey to illustrate the principles of radical self-care. She recounts her struggles post-divorce and managing an autoimmune condition, leading her to seek tangible help from her community.
"I actually had to do one of the hardest things I ever had to do... ask for help in a really tangible way."
— Shelly Tygielski [08:55]
She describes how inviting women from her son's school and acquaintances to support her created a network that allowed her to carve out personal time, exemplifying communal self-care.
Shelly introduces the metaphor of the "mudroom" to describe creating mental and emotional space between different aspects of life, preventing the carryover of stress from one area to another.
"Think of it as a mudroom... I started to really just incorporate these like 1 minute spaces into my life."
— Shelly Tygielski [22:30]
Establishing Self Care Rhythms
The conversation shifts to integrating self-care into daily, seasonal, and annual rhythms without requiring significant time or resources. Shelly emphasizes incremental changes that align with one's lifestyle, promoting sustainable self-care practices.
"How do we think about things in the form of a rhythm... without completely shifting from one moment to the next?"
— Shelly Tygielski [14:30]
Regular Self-Check-Ins
Shelly highlights the importance of regular self-check-ins to assess personal needs, rather than adopting prescribed self-care practices that may not resonate with everyone. She shares her habit of placing her hands on her heart center to pause and reflect on her feelings and needs.
"What am I feeling into in this moment?"
— Shelly Tygielski [25:33]
Nicole underscores that authentic self-care involves proactive measures to create a life that doesn't constantly require escape.
The Challenge of Asking for Help
Shelly addresses the difficulty many face in asking for help, especially those inclined to be natural helpers or people-pleasers. She advises being specific about one's needs to facilitate effective support.
"The more tangible you can be, the more specific you can be in what it is that you need help with."
— Shelly Tygielski [29:31]
Nicole adds that recognizing the reciprocal nature of help can alleviate feelings of being a burden, fostering a more supportive community dynamic.
Conclusion
Nicole wraps up the episode by reinforcing that radical self-care is a profound, communal act of courage and connection. She emphasizes that true self-care goes beyond individual well-being, positively impacting broader communities and fostering cycles of support and authenticity.
"Self care isn't selfish. It isn't indulgent or a luxury. It's necessary. It's revolutionary."
— Nicole Kalil [32:11]
She encourages listeners to explore more on the topic through previous episodes and resources provided in the show notes, highlighting that caring for oneself and each other can drive significant change.
Key Takeaways:
- Redefine Self Care: Move beyond commercialized self-care practices to embrace a more radical, community-oriented approach.
- Self Care as Activism: View self-care as a political act that challenges societal norms and builds supportive communities.
- Communal Support: Authentic self-care requires connection and support from others, shifting from individualistic to communal care.
- Practical Strategies: Implement simple, incremental changes that integrate self-care into daily rhythms without overwhelming schedules.
- Regular Self-Check-Ins: Develop habits of regularly assessing personal needs to align self-care practices with authentic well-being.
- Ask for Help: Overcome the challenge of seeking support by being specific about needs and fostering reciprocal relationships.
Resources Mentioned:
- Shelly Tygielski's Book: Sit Down to Rise Up
- Shelly's Instagram: @mindfulskatergirl
- Podcast Show Notes: nicolekalil.com
Listeners are encouraged to explore additional episodes such as Episode 223 on why we brush off self-care, Episode 147 on getting your needs met, and Episode 267 on the fundamental act of breathing for more insights.
Closing Note
Nicole emphasizes that self-care is not a selfish act but a necessary revolution towards a more supportive and authentic way of living. By caring for ourselves and each other, we can transform our lives and communities for the better.
"You being cared for by you and each other might just be the work that changes everything. And that is woman's."
— Nicole Kalil [32:11]