Podcast Summary: Leadership Unblocked (The Hidden Beliefs Sabotaging Your Ability To Lead)

Podcast: This Is Woman’s Work with Nicole Kalil
Episode: Leadership Unblocked (The Hidden Beliefs Sabotaging Your Ability To Lead) with Muriel M. Wilkins | 367
Date: December 3, 2025
Host: Nicole Kalil
Guest: Muriel M. Wilkins (Founder and CEO of Paravis Partners, executive coach, author, and host of the Harvard Business Review podcast “Coaching Real Leaders”)

Episode Overview

In this episode, Nicole Kalil welcomes renowned executive coach and leadership expert Muriel M. Wilkins to discuss her new book, Leadership Unblocked: Breakthrough the Beliefs That Limit Your Potential. The conversation dives into how hidden internal beliefs—rather than external obstacles—often sabotage our ability to lead, whether in formal roles or through everyday influence. Nicole and Muriel unpack the most common internal blockers to effective leadership, why they persist, and how curiosity and conscious reframing can help break through to the next level—especially for women redefining what “woman’s work” truly means.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Redefining Leadership and “Woman’s Work”

• Nicole frames the episode around broadening the traditional definition of leadership and “woman’s work,” emphasizing that leadership is not about titles but about influence in all spheres of life (03:00).
• She notes:

  “Leadership isn't just a title. It's how you show up in your relationships, in your communities, in your choices. It's how you influence the spaces you're in.” (03:29, Nicole Kalil)

2. The Difference Between ‘Being a Leader’ and ‘Leading’

• Muriel distinguishes between holding the status of a leader and actively practicing leadership. Much like parenting, the noun and the verb are not the same (04:38).
• She explains that self-leadership—the ability to lead oneself—is the foundational “laboratory” for all other leadership.

  “If they're not able to lead the thing that is...completely in their control, that is themselves...in what way are they going to actually have the capacity to lead another person?” (05:17, Muriel Wilkins)

3. Looking Under the Hood: Authenticity Over Appearance

• Both agree that authenticity—aligning inner thoughts and feelings with outward actions—is crucial and more sustainable than “faking it till you make it.”
• Muriel rejects performative approaches to executive presence:

  “If your internal game, your mindset, is not aligned with those external actions, it's not sustainable. That's why I do not agree with the saying, 'fake it till you make it.' It doesn't really work.” (07:11, Muriel Wilkins)

• Nicole reframes it as “choose it until you become it,” emphasizing intentionality over pretending (09:17).

4. The Seven Hidden Leadership Blockers

• Muriel introduces “hidden blockers” as habitual, internal beliefs that have quietly shaped our responses and actions, often operating beneath awareness.

  “What your beliefs are, is they are...your interpretation of whatever it is that's happening in front of you...and that’s going to impact how you respond.” (10:22, Muriel Wilkins)

• She found seven prevalent beliefs after working with 300+ leaders. Not all could be discussed in depth, but several are explored in detail:

a) “I Need to Be Involved” (12:00)

• Looks like: Wanting to be in all the meetings, cc’d on all emails, weigh in on every decision.

• Costs: Limits ability to grow, stunts the development of others, leads to burnout.

• Origins: Often learned through upbringing or social expectations of women.

• Quote:

  “You cannot take on more responsibility...if [you] are involved in all the things. The second cost is that it gets in the way of developing others...And then the third thing that it leads to a lot of times is burnout.” (13:11, Muriel Wilkins)

• Nicole links this belief to why women might hesitate to pursue leadership—“the last thing I need is more to do”—and notes it’s often rooted in under-prioritization and inherited expectations (14:27).

b) “I Can’t Say No” (20:10)

• Manifests as chronic yes-saying, difficulty with boundaries, and the need to please others.

• Driven by core needs: the need to feel worthy, connected, or safe.

• Important reflection:

  “If you say yes to everything...there’s a high chance it's probably happening for you at work as well.” (21:30, Muriel Wilkins)

• Nicole shares that for her, this is often about a desire to be worthy or prove worth:

  “Probably 80% of the time where I defaulted to yes when I really wanted to say no... falls for me in that first category of wanting to be worthy or prove that I was worthy.” (24:06, Nicole Kalil)

• Muriel advocates for understanding the root need and making conscious, intentional choices, not default ones.

c) “I Don’t Belong Here” (27:38)

• Drives impostor syndrome and hesitation in new or challenging spaces.
• Muriel offers a practical self-coaching process: get curious about the underlying assumption, reframe it (e.g., “If you’re at the event, you belong”), and then act accordingly.
• Quote:

  “The minute you're at the event, you belong. You're there.” (29:27, Muriel Wilkins)

d) “I Can't Make a Mistake” (32:45)

• Related to perfectionism and risk aversion, especially prevalent in high-achievers and those who thrive in environments that reward “rightness,” like school.

• Typically rooted in the need to feel safe. Danger is often overestimated.

• Key point:

  “People approach [confidence] as ‘I need to know that I'm right in order to do something...’ What I would suggest is, being confident means I can deal with whatever happens.” (34:50, Muriel Wilkins)

• Nicole agrees and shares her definition of confidence:

  “Confidence isn't knowing what to say... It's trusting that you'll be okay no matter what, that you can recover on the other side.” (35:25, Nicole Kalil)

• Allowing mistakes is critical for innovation, capacity building, and cultivating critical thinking. Low-risk opportunities to fail and recover foster true leadership.

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On the hidden nature of beliefs:

  “The clouds are malleable. They change. They come and they go. And you can also...you can decide what shape they take. And so the same goes with your beliefs.” (10:22, Muriel Wilkins)

• On authenticity:

  “It's really exhausting to do anything inauthentically...fake it till you make it, it doesn't work. I say choose it until you become it.” (09:11, Nicole Kalil)

• On agency and inner leadership:

  “If you really want to be efficient...stop waiting for the circumstance on the outside and for other people to change. You figure out what you can do on your end to change your response.” (31:34, Muriel Wilkins)

• On conscious belief selection:

  “What you have the power to do...is that you have the power to actually choose whether that's the one you want to keep hanging on to, or whether there's another one that works beautifully for you now.” (26:02, Muriel Wilkins)

• On confidence and mistakes:

  “I define confidence as firm and bold, trust in self. And trust is not the same thing as knowing...” (35:25, Nicole Kalil)

Important Segment Timestamps

• Definition of Leadership & Woman’s Work: 03:00–04:30
• Being vs. Leading, Importance of Self-Leadership: 04:38–06:30
• Authenticity vs. “Fake It,” Executive Presence: 07:11–10:00
• Introduction to Hidden Blockers: 10:04–12:00
• Blocker #1: “I Need to Be Involved”: 12:00–14:20
• Gendered Roots & Cultural Influence on Beliefs: 15:00–17:22
• Blocker #2: “I Can’t Say No”: 20:10–25:00
• On Agency, Curiosity, and Reframing: 27:32–32:10
• Blocker #3: “I Don’t Belong Here”: 27:38–30:05
• Blocker #4: “I Can't Make a Mistake”: 32:45–38:23

Final Reflections

Nicole closes by reflecting that true leadership is mainly an “inside job”: the work of noticing and challenging our internal stories and moving back to self-trust, courage, and groundedness. The “work of unblocking” is about reclaiming agency, recognizing that we can question, rewrite, and choose new beliefs at any stage—not only for ourselves, but for communities, organizations, and the world.

“Breaking through the beliefs that hold us back, reclaiming our power, and leading from a place of courage, curiosity, and confidence—well, that is woman’s work.” (39:47, Nicole Kalil)

Connect with Muriel Wilkins:

• Book: Leadership Unblocked
• Website: murielwilkins.com
• Podcast: Coaching Real Leaders (Harvard Business Review)

Find Nicole Kalil and resources at:

• www.nicolekalil.com