← This Is Woman's Work with Nicole Kalil
This Is Woman's Work with Nicole Kalil
Sequins, Miscommunication, and Marriage | Unfiltered & Unhinged
00:07:42
Nicole Kalil shares a hilarious but painfully relatable story about relationship miscommunication—and why assumptions are quietly sabotaging connection. She introduces “family forecasting,” a simple tool to improve communication, get aligned, and avoid unnecessary conflict (and sequin-level mistakes).
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Friend. I'm about to do something I've never done before but have been dreaming about for so long that I can't even remember it not being on my bucket list. I'm taking a three month sabbatical and traveling all across Europe. Different countries, different people joining me at different times. Some solo travel, which sounds dreamy, but it also felt logistically overwhelming. Except it hasn't been because I've used Fora to book pretty much all of it. Hotels, trains, flights, experiences, food, tours, you know, all the really important things that can make or a trip. And Fora and my amazing Fora Advisor made it so I've actually enjoyed the planning part. Fora is a modern travel agency built for people who love to plan travel and help others travel well. Their tech, platform, training and community give you everything you need to turn a passion for travel planning into a flexible, meaningful stream of income. Every hotel, cruise or activity you book as a Fora advisor earns you money in the form of a commission or a percentage of the booking cost. And getting started can be as easy as booking trips for people you already know. Like me. Because you know this isn't going to be my last trip. You can become a Fora advisor today@foratravel.com woman that's f o r a travel.com w o m a n and make sure you tell them that we sent you foratravel.com woman because you cannot convince me that traveling isn't part of what it means to be doing what Woman's Work. I am Nicole Kahlil and you're listening to the this Is Woman's Work podcast, the Unfiltered and Unhinged Edition. Short episodes. Big truths. Absolutely zero perfection. Okay, friend, have you ever had one of those do you even know who I am? Moments with your partner? Yeah, me too. Let me tell you about the great sequin debacle of 2016. Because yes, like any reasonable woman, I will absolutely still bring up an argument from 10 years ago and feel totally justified in doing so. And also, what's the point of having a podcast if you can't put your husband on blast every once in a while? Anyway, here's the setup. My husband Jay has a work trip and I ask for one. Just one thing. And it's the overview of the agenda. Mostly. So I don't pack 17 outfits and 18 pairs of shoes for a three day trip, but I think we all know I was gonna pack them all anyway, right? But anyway, rather than just forwarding me said agenda, he tells me that it's all summer casual except for one dinner that's formal, to which I confirm formal, like gowns, not cocktail dresses. And he says, yep, formal, great. Crystal clear, no notes. Right? So obviously, I go all in. We're talking renting a full gold sequin gown, multiple hours of hair and makeup, and shoes that looked fabulous, but I'm pretty sure a band is torture devices in some other countries. I was sparkly and I was ready until we walked to the elevator. And outside of this elevator, waiting are two other couples that are on the trip with us, and they're dressed, shall we say, casually, sundresses, sandals, and that we've been drinking since lunch vibe. Right. Meanwhile, I'm standing there like I've been personally invited to the Oscars by whoever won best actor in 2016, and that was Leonardo DiCaprio, because I just looked that up and, okay, that wouldn't have been so bad. But that's not the point of my story. Anyway, we walk up because I cannot locate the nearest exit fast enough, and one of the guys, blinded by the reflected light from my sequins, kind of grins at me and says, wow, Nicole, you really went all out. Yes. Yes, I did, friend. I have never wanted the earth to open up and swallow me whole faster. Being the human disco ball that I was, I couldn't run because of the stupid shoes, and I definitely couldn't hide. And my brain wasn't working fast enough to fake my death or stage a wardrobe malfunction. So I had no choice but to pray that someone else's husband also misread the dress code. And of course, I think, you know, the spoiler here is that no one else did. And again, I think it's important to reiterate that this is all Jay's fault. I take absolutely no responsibility here. I mean, friend, it was like stepping into an alternate universe. Everyone else, literally everyone else, was in sundresses, shorts, and sandals. I swear, more than one person was still wearing their bathing suit and cover up. Meanwhile, I look like I was booked to light the stage for the grand finale of some Vegas show. Needless to say, I didn't speak to Jay for the rest of the night. I gave him the silent treatment with a you will regret this for eternity and I'll still tell people about this 10 years later kind of glare. And honestly, I think we can all agree that he deserved it, but neither of us knew at that time that I would have a platform like this to tell people about it. So let's fast forward 10 years to now. And yes, I'm aware that I should have probably let this go already, but we got invited to another black tie event a few months back, and you'd better believe that I wasn't about to let history repeat itself. I double checked the invite, I texted two separate people to confirm, and I had a backup dress just in case. And praise be. I mean, seriously, lives were saved here. It was actually black tie. And I'm happy to report that we are still married. Okay, so obviously, funny story, but here's the thing, and really the point that I'm getting at here, this whole ridiculous debacle reminds me that no matter how much we love each other, partners don't always speak the same language. And sometimes what seems blindingly obvious to one person, like formal, clearly means sequins is totally lost on another. And it's funny. Okay, Funny now how miscommunications like that happen in relationships. Which brings me to the reason for this episode. Cause I bet you were wondering. And that is, when it comes to important things like planning your life and family decisions, you really don't want to rely on assumptions. And what isn't a big deal to one person could end up being the subject of a very public podcast episode to another. And one of the best things to come out of the great sequin debacle of 2016 is. Is instead of assuming that we're aligned, Jay and I started doing something we call family forecasting. A few times a year. We sit down and we actually get on the same page. We talk through priorities, schedules, goals, expectations, decisions, how to support each other, and on occasion, dress codes. And I've turned our family forecasting sessions into a simple tool and agenda that you can use to because winging it and hoping that you're on the same page, well, that may result in sequence trauma and some silent treatment. So you can grab our agenda. It's free. It's the one we use on my website@nicolecalil.com or you can click the link in show notes and use it. However it works for you and your partner. We also have a couple of episodes that we've done about it. Episode 3 and episode 144 where Jay joined me. And to be clear, we've done episodes about the family forecasting agenda, not the sequence drama that's new for today. Anyway, if you want some tips from us on what's worked and what hasn't worked for us in the past, you can click on the link in Show Notes or go to my website, nicolecalil.com because let's be real, it's way better to laugh together about life's little surprises than to sit through dinner in silence plotting revenge and communicating murder through side eye. So here's to better communication, deeper connection and fewer sequin related crises. Because figuring this stuff out together, messy, imperfect, sometimes wildly overdressed. All of that is woman's work.
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Hi, I'm Cassidy. And I'm April, and together we are fashion historians, friends and co hosts of the History of Fashion, a podcast about why the clothes we wear matter throughout history and around the world world from the cultural and societal to the personal and often political. With each episode we explore the multitude of meanings quite literally sewn into the clothes we wear. Please join us in unraveling the hidden histories residing in your closet. New episodes are available on Wednesdays and our Dressed Classic episodes re air each Friday on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or wherever else you listen to your favorite show.