Podcast Summary:

This Is Woman's Work with Nicole Kalil
Episode: Stop Saying “I’m Fine”: Nervous System Regulation for High-Achieving Women with Michelle Grosser | Ep. 372
Date: December 22, 2025
Guest: Michelle Grosser, Nervous System Strategist

Main Theme & Purpose

This episode delves into the prevalent burnout and dysregulation experienced by high-achieving women, dissecting societal, cultural, and personal expectations that have glorified overwork and disconnected many from their bodies’ wisdom. With Nicole Kalil and guest Michelle Grosser, the conversation moves beyond quick self-help fixes, advocating for nervous system regulation as the foundation for genuine success, peace, and power. Listeners are encouraged to shift from the unsustainable “outside-in” chase for achievement (“I’m fine!”) toward an embodied, regulated “inside-out” state where leadership, creativity, and confidence flourish.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. The “Badge of Honor” Burnout Culture (03:15)

• Pressure to Overachieve: Continual busyness, exhaustion, and burnout have become normalized and even rewarded among women.
• Outside-In vs. Inside-Out:
  • Outside-In: Seeking validation, confidence, or fulfillment from external achievements, roles, or people.
  • Inside-Out: Recognizing that lasting joy, peace, and success originate internally and are reflected outward.
    • Quote (Michelle, 03:35):
      “We’re either playing an outside-in game ... looking to my work or children or spouse or everything on the outside … Or, playing an inside-out game, where I understand that I am actually the source of everything I want to experience.”
• Limitations Ignored: Many women are socialized to disregard their human limitations, leading to unsustainable paces and eventual collapse.

2. Confidence, Trust, and the False Equation (05:38)

• Nicole draws a parallel to confidence:
  • Society tells us to seek it externally, but true confidence is self-trust, always an inside job.
  • “Only ever an inside-out game.” (Nicole, 05:52)
• Both agree that productivity, creativity, and relationships also follow this principle.

3. Doing vs. Being & The Somatic Approach (07:14)

• Modern culture prioritizes “doing” over “being,” leading to a ceaseless chase.
• Reordering the Cycle:
  “If we just reorder that… Instead of doing so I can have, so then I can be — if we just kind of swap that, and if we be and then do from that place of being, we actually get to have more of what we want to experience.” (Michelle, 08:00)
• The Nervous System as Car Metaphor:
  • Gas Pedal (Sympathetic): Fight/flight, high alert, always on.
  • Brake (Parasympathetic/Freeze): Shutdown, burnout, procrastination, disconnection.
  • Key to resilience: cycling between the two, rather than getting stuck in one state.
• 80/20 Principle in Regulation:
  • Only 20% of “control” is brain-to-body.
  • 80% is body-to-brain—meaning our thoughts alone rarely regulate us; our body cues our brain.
  • Quote (Michelle, 13:37):
    “At the end of the day, it’s like a four-to-one tug of war … We actually have to have tools to show our body, ‘Hey, we’re good. You can downshift.’”

4. The Connection Between Safety & Success (15:33)

• The nervous system’s top priority is safety, not achievement.
  • Success without safety: When operating in chronic fight/flight, we lose access to the prefrontal cortex—creativity, planning, empathy, and decision-making.
  • Quote (Michelle, 17:00):
    “When we’re operating in fight or flight, that part of our brain, our prefrontal cortex, is not online. Our subconscious patterns and our fears keep us playing really small ... If I have tools to shift out of that state, bam — my prefrontal cortex comes back online.”

5. Macro and Micro Tools for Regulation (21:46)

Daily Macro-Practices (Long-Term Resilience):

• Movement:

  • Most efficient regulator; doesn’t have to be intense. Even walking or gentle stretching counts.
  • Quote: (Michelle, 25:15)
    “Movement. There’s no way around it. It’s the number one most efficient way to regulate our nervous system.”

• Stillness:

  • Intentional quiet/solitude—letting the brain rest from constant inputs.
  • Eg. driving in silence, folding laundry with no background noise.

• Play:

  • Joy/nourishment with no agenda or outcome.
  • Quote: (Michelle, 25:55)
    "When we play, we’re only able to access that when our body feels fully at ease ... Play will actually grow your bandwidth in a huge way to increase the capacity of the stress you can hold."

• Boundaries:

  • Energy, attention, and inner child work are crucial for protecting regulation.
  • Emotional hygiene: actually feeling and releasing emotion instead of repressing.

Micro “Back Pocket” Tools (In-the-Moment Anchors) (33:54)

• Physiological Sigh Breath (34:12)
  • Double inhale (through nose) + slow exhale (pursed lips). Do 2–4 repetitions for immediate downshift.
  • Guided demo at 34:12–35:00.
• Temperature Change
  • Cold compress/frozen bag on back of neck/hands/cheeks; activates calming (parasympathetic) response. 30–60 seconds.
• Shaking
  • Mimic animal “shake off” behavior; dance, shake hands/arms/legs for 30–90 seconds to discharge adrenaline & tension.
  • Quote: (Michelle, 38:34)
    “Our dogs do it ... [they] go on with their life. The same is true for us.”
• Other Channels:
  • Sound (humming, singing), touch (weighted blanket, self-massage), compression.

6. Redefining Being “Grounded” (30:20)

• What does it feel like to be grounded?
  • Present, not rushed
  • Abundance > scarcity mindset (enough time and resources)
  • Speech/cadence slows, empathy/curiosity rises, judgment falls
  • Able to “be where your feet are”
  • Quote: (Michelle, 30:54)
    “… When I am grounded, I do not feel like I’m running behind. … I’m able to be present … It is all-encompassing … able to be in the here and now.”

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• Why “I’m fine” is a lie:
  “You can’t create peace from panic … You can take as many courses as you want, but you can’t unlock creativity when you’re in survival mode.” (Nicole, 01:07)

• On exercise as “movement,” not punishment:
  “When we talk about movement here … we’re talking about movement, not a workout, hour-long thing. Correct?” (Nicole, 28:24)
  “Yes. And … our brain does not do a good job differentiating between good and bad stress. Stress is stress.” (Michelle, 28:31)

• Practical shift for listeners:
  “None of this is really rigid … doing it more regularly than you are right now, I think, is a win.” (Michelle, 26:37)

• On being your own solution:
  “You are the solution you’ve been searching for. Because coming home to yourself — well, that is always woman’s work.” (Nicole, 39:40)

Timestamps for Key Segments

• 03:15 – Why busyness/burnout are badges of honor for women
• 07:14 – Doing vs. being; somatic nervous system introduction
• 13:00 – 20/80 brain-body connection explained; why mindset alone falls short
• 15:33 – Safety as the nervous system’s top priority; how survival mode blocks success
• 21:46 – Tools: Macro and micro approaches introduced
• 25:00–27:00 – Daily practices: movement, stillness, play, and boundaries
• 29:22 – Intensity of exercise vs. gentle movement for anxious/high-achieving women
• 30:20 – Defining “grounded”: what it feels and looks like
• 33:54–39:12 – “Back pocket” nervous system regulators: breath, cold therapy, shaking
• 39:40 – Nicole’s closing: The power and necessity of coming home to your body

Resources

• Michelle’s Nervous System Reset Guide: michellegrosser.com/forward/reset

Final Reflection

Nicole and Michelle urge listeners to “stop confusing burnout with ambition,” quit chasing more external knowledge or rigid routines, and instead start using practical, body-based tools to create lives that are authentic, sustainable, and deeply grounded. Nervous system literacy, emotional congruence, and pleasure are offered as the new measures of powerful, modern “woman’s work.”

Ideal for any listener feeling “fine”—but knowing, deep down, that their systems (and their life) are ready for something more regulated, joyful, and real.