This Is Woman's Work with Nicole Kalil
Episode: The 3 N’s - Negotiation, Networking & No with Kathryn Valentine | 327
Release Date: July 16, 2025

Introduction

In episode 327 of This Is Woman's Work, host Nicole Kalil engages in a transformative conversation with Kathryn Valentine, CEO of Worth More Strategies. The episode delves deep into the three pivotal "N's" that empower women in both their personal and professional lives: Negotiation, Networking, and No. Through insightful discussions, practical examples, and actionable strategies, Nicole and Kathryn aim to equip women with the tools necessary to redefine and excel in "woman's work."

The Importance of Negotiation, Networking, and No

Nicole Khalil opens the episode by highlighting the societal barriers women face in negotiation. She states:

“Don't be too aggressive. Don't take up too much space. Don't ask for more. Don't say no.”
[01:08]

These ingrained messages make it challenging for women to advocate for themselves effectively. Kathryn Valentine emphasizes that negotiation, networking, and the ability to say no are not just skills but essential elements for women to unlock their full potential.

Challenges Women Face in Negotiation

Kathryn addresses a common misconception:

“Women are not bad negotiators. The problem is that we've been given tools for other people and then been told they should work for us.”
[09:20]

She explains that while women negotiate as frequently as men today, they are only half as successful. This gap isn't due to a lack of awareness but stems from using negotiation strategies designed for men, which often feel inauthentic and can lead to backlash.

Nicole adds a personal touch, sharing her experience of feeling inauthentic when using male-dominated negotiation scripts, which often resulted in discomfort and ineffectiveness.

Strategies for Effective Negotiation

Kathryn introduces a three-part strategy tailored for women:

1. Think Holistically

   • Holistic Thinking: Instead of focusing solely on salary, consider a broad range of negotiable items that enhance overall well-being and job satisfaction.
   • Example: “We have a list of 76 things we've seen people negotiate, reminding us that there are many ways to claim our worth, expand our opportunities, and secure what truly matters in our careers and lives.”
     [13:31]

2. Ask Relationally

   • Relational Asking: Frame negotiations in a way that highlights mutual benefits and aligns with the organization's goals.

   • Research Insight: “Share what your past performances talk about that future goal that everyone's on board with.”
     [16:03]

   • Practical Application: Transitioning from a performance highlight to a request, ensuring the negotiation feels collaborative rather than confrontational.

3. Discuss Collaboratively

   • Collaborative Discussion: Approach negotiations as a partnership to solve problems together.

   • Mindset Shift: “It's not you versus me, but it's us versus the problem.”
     [18:00]

   • Scenario Example:

     Nicole presents a scenario where an employee feels overworked and wants to negotiate flexible hours without sacrificing income.
     Kathryn walks through a script illustrating how to present this request collaboratively, ensuring that both employee well-being and organizational needs are addressed.
     [19:23]

Networking: Building a Diverse and Supportive Network

Kathryn emphasizes that effective networking extends beyond gender boundaries:

“The mistake I see people making is they build a same gender network. We don't want to ask only women what they're making. We want to ask some, ideally cisgender white men. And so building your network to be very diverse allows you access to a lot more information.”
[27:34]

She outlines two critical aspects of networking for women:

1. Close Professional Women:

   • Having a network of close professional women enhances success through robust information exchange.
   • Research Highlight: Women with such networks are 2.5 times more successful compared to those who rely solely on broad connections.
     [30:22]

2. Sponsorship Over Mentorship:

   • Sponsorship: Involves having a few strategic sponsors who actively advocate for you, rather than numerous mentors.
   • Actionable Tip: Instead of seeking multiple sponsors, focus on cultivating deep relationships with two or three key individuals who can provide significant support.
     [31:06]

The Role of 'No' in Negotiations

The ability to say "no" is a powerful tool in any negotiation. Kathryn discusses:

“No is a complete sentence that was written by a man. No is not a complete sentence if you are a woman.”
[32:27]

She advises framing "no" in a way that minimizes backlash and maintains relationships:

• Alternative Phrasing: Instead of a blunt "no," consider phrases like:

  • “Doesn't seem like this is the right fit right now.”
  • “Let's revisit this later.”
  • “Can you tell me more about that?”
    [31:34]

• Maintaining Relationships: By offering solutions or recommendations even when declining, women can preserve their credibility and keep doors open for future opportunities.
  [34:22]

Practical Examples and Application

To illustrate the negotiation strategies, Kathryn walks through a practical example where an employee seeks to reduce evening work hours without losing income. She provides a step-by-step script demonstrating how to:

1. Highlight Achievements:

   “As you know, last quarter I was able to exceed the sales target by 10%.”
   [19:28]

2. Present the Request Relationally:

   “In order to do that, though, I wanted to talk to you about working the hours when I'm most productive. Can we talk about some of this evening work? Do we need that all the time or what if I just stop work at 6 every day? What do you think?”
   [19:28]

3. Propose a Collaborative Solution:

   “What if we just run this experiment for a month and see how it goes?”
   [21:23]

This approach not only addresses the employee's needs but also reassures the manager of continued productivity and commitment.

Conclusion and Resources

Nicole wraps up the episode by reinforcing the significance of the three "N's" and encouraging women to advocate for themselves unapologetically. She quotes Becca Lee:

“The ocean does not apologize for its depth, and the mountains do not seek forgiveness for the space they take.”
[35:51]

Key Takeaways:

• Negotiation: Approach with a holistic mindset, focusing on mutual benefits and long-term satisfaction.
• Networking: Build a diverse and supportive network, emphasizing sponsorship over mere mentorship.
• No: Use strategic phrasing to maintain credibility and relationships while asserting boundaries.

Resources Mentioned:

• 76things.com: A comprehensive list of negotiable items beyond salary.
• WorthMoreStrategies.com: Kathryn Valentine's website for additional resources and coaching services.

By embracing these strategies, women can redefine "woman's work" on their own terms, ensuring their efforts are recognized and valued both personally and professionally.