Podcast Summary: This Is Woman's Work with Nicole Kalil

Episode 403: What To Do When Your Brain Spirals with Diana Pagano
Date: April 13, 2026
Guest: Diana Pagano, Action Driven Mindset coach & bestselling author

Episode Overview

This episode explores the realities of "mindset" beyond clichés and platitudes, specifically focusing on what to do when your brain spirals into negativity, overthinking, or self-doubt. Host Nicole Kalil and guest Diana Pagano challenge the oversimplification of mindset in personal development, emphasizing actionable tools and reframing tactics for ambitious women navigating modern life. The conversation is practical, honest, and grounded in both personal experience and neuroscience.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Redefining Mindset (05:48)

• Nicole raises concerns about the overuse and watering down of "mindset," arguing it’s been reduced to vision boards and fake positivity.
  • “We don't need another fucking pep talk about being positive. We need tools. We need ways to break the mental loops that keep us stuck.” (04:47, Nicole)
• Diana clarifies: the "More Mindset" is not about doing more, but “becoming more of who you were meant to become.” It’s about shedding noise and internal blocks.
  • “Our brain is designed to keep us safe. Unfortunately, it's not designed to keep us happy.” (06:13, Diana)

2. The Brain Spiral – Why It Happens to Everyone (06:31)

• Spiraling is normal: Even high achievers experience it—limiting beliefs “don’t discriminate.” (06:58, Diana)

• Pattern interruption is key: Diana compares this to using a “rescue inhaler” for mental spirals—don’t try to prevent them, but do learn to intervene.

  “You have to interrupt the pattern...I call it 'change the channel.'” (08:08, Diana)

• Changing channels means consciously shifting your focus away from worst-case scenarios.

  • “What if it goes right? What if it does work out?” (10:13, Diana)

• Neuroscience insight: Over 90% of negative thoughts are false assumptions; your mind will try to bring them to life if left unchecked. (11:54, Diana)

3. Confidence: A Choice, Not Just a Feeling (12:09)

• Nicole asserts that confidence (like action) is a choice, not a feeling. The spiral will reappear, but with practice, catching and naming it gets easier.

  • “The more we do it, the easier it... The spiral doesn't go away... It's just being able to catch it faster...” (12:41, Nicole)

• Tool: Fact vs. Assumption — When spiraling, pause and ask: “Is this a fact or am I making an assumption?” Take a deep breath to reset your nervous system.

  “Challenge it and say, Is this a fact or am I making an assumption?” (13:12, Diana)

• Autopilot behaviors: 90% of our actions are unconscious, so new habits must be intentional and consistently practiced.

  “If you're the person that always thinks, like, ‘Oh, this always happens to me’... that's the belief that you're continuing to tell your unconscious mind.” (14:15, Diana)

• Reframe self-talk: Replace “things always go wrong for me” with “things work for my greater good.”

  “The more you tell yourself, things work for my greater good, things are happening for me and not to me—even the bad things…” (15:10, Diana)

4. The Power of a Recovery Plan (18:40–20:41)

• Nicole’s ‘recovery plan’: a collection of actions for tough days (e.g., a “feel good folder” of inspiring notes, going for a walk, or calling a friend) that disrupt harmful habits.

  • “My feelings are not good things to rely on. My feelings have me wanting to binge watch Grey's Anatomy or... a bottle of wine.” (19:51, Nicole)

• Diana agrees: These are effective ways to “change your channel of focus,” especially if done proactively, not just reactively.

  • “Don't wait until the storm hits. How can we be proactive? ... What else could this mean?” (22:34, Diana)

  “You need to be your number one fan of yourself...” (21:42, Diana)

5. The Limits of Mindset & The Role of Belief (23:54–29:22)

• Nicole’s worry: Mindset is powerful, but it’s not a “one solution” fix. “Belief” matters, but not everything is under your control.

  “Is there a tendency potentially to oversimplify or make this a one solution issue?” (24:28, Nicole)

• Diana acknowledges: There are external factors—mindset isn’t everything, but our “reticular activating system” filters opportunities through the beliefs we hold.

  “It's not that you created it for yourself... There are external factors...but it's your outlook.” (25:44, Diana)

• Personal story: Diana shares her own experience of growing up with scarcity as a single mom and repeating family cycles until she realized the “mindset of grit” brings those seeds to fruition, even when it’s hard to believe.

  “When you don't see the success, that's when it becomes more of, like, you need to stay with it. Right. It's easy when things are going our way, but the ones that actually stick to it... that's the mindset you're bringing to the table of grit.” (28:00, Diana)

6. Mindset is Always Ongoing (29:22–31:04)

• Nicole reframes control: “We have ability, we have options, we have possibility when it comes to our mindset... always ongoing.”

  “We always have opportunity to play and create and rethink and reframe.” (29:46, Nicole)

• Diana’s closing: Mindset and the power to control thoughts is a “gift.” Manifestation is not “woo”—we're always manifesting through our beliefs and actions.

  “The biggest gift that you have... is the power to control your thoughts. You have control.” (30:25, Diana)

Memorable Quotes & Moments

• “Mindset isn't about pretending your brain doesn't spiral. It's about interrupting the spiral and taking one grounded action that moves us forward.” (04:30, Nicole)
• “Our brain is not designed to keep us happy, it's designed to keep us safe.” (06:13, Diana)
• “When you feel bad, you make bad decisions—this is reality.” (09:45, Diana)
• “My feelings are not good things to rely on. My feelings have me wanting to binge watch Grey's Anatomy...” (19:51, Nicole)
• “Don't wait until the storm hits. How can we be proactive?” (22:34, Diana)
• “When you don't see the success, that's when it becomes more... you need to stay with it.” (28:00, Diana)
• “Your brain spiraling does not mean you're broken. It means you're human.” (31:04, Nicole)

Key Timestamps

• 05:48: The “More Mindset” explained
• 08:08: The “change the channel” analogy for spiraling thoughts
• 10:13: Reframing to positive “what ifs”
• 13:12: Pattern interruption tool: “Is this fact or assumption?”
• 14:15: Importance of self-talk & neural pathways
• 20:41: Nicole’s “recovery plan” for tough days
• 22:34: Proactive vs. reactive strategies
• 25:44: Mindset vs. external limitations
• 28:00: The value of grit and persistence
• 30:25: The power and responsibility of controlling your thoughts
• 31:04: Closing affirmation: Brain spiraling = being human

Episode Tone and Style

• Conversational, practical, and candid—balancing science with real-life stories
• Supportive of women’s varied life experiences; encourages imperfection, experimentation, and persistence
• Empowering in tone, focusing on agency, choice, and actionable change
• Real talk—challenges the “woo” of mindset without dismissing what truly works

Summary Takeaways

• Mindset is nuanced and ongoing—not a one-off fix or simple positivity.
• Spiraling is normal, not a failure. The power is in pattern interruption and conscious redirection ("change the channel").
• Tools to interrupt spirals include challenging your assumptions, reframing self-talk, employing a “recovery plan,” and practicing proactive awareness.
• Mindset is not the only determinant of success or happiness—external factors exist—but how you interpret, respond, and persist matters deeply.
• Confidence and positive action are choices available in every moment, not feelings to wait for.
• Having and practicing a resilient, “action-driven” mindset is woman’s work—because in the messiness and reality of life, you design your rules.

For more, find Diana Pagano’s book “The More Mindset” and check out her website. Nicole’s parting reminder: Your mind can spiral—that’s just proof you’re human. The opportunity is to take one step forward anyway.