
This episode breaks down the truth about mindset, overcoming negative thinking, and how to stop overthinking by using practical tools to interrupt mental spirals and take confident action.
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A
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Visit Upwork.com right now and post your job for free. That is Upwork.com to connect with top talent ready to help your business grow. That's up w o r k.com upwork.com There are parts of running a business that I care deeply about and feel like I'm pretty good at. And then there are parts that I just know I will never excel at. Things like payroll, HR forms, tax filings. Really anything that involves important paperwork that can't be ignored but somehow I can never seem to figure out. And that's where Gusto comes in. Gusto is online payroll and benefits software built for small businesses. It's all in one remote, friendly and incredibly easy to use so you can pay, hire, onboard and support your team from anywhere. It handles things like automatic payroll, tax filing, direct deposits, benefits, all the details that can get messy real fast. And it saves time with built in tools like onboarding docs and offer letters. So the things you're not great at still get done right? Try gusto today@gusto.com tiww and get three months free when you run your first payroll. That's three months of free payroll@gusto.com tiwww one more time gusto.com tiww foreign. I am Nicole Khalil and you're listening to the this Is Woman's Work podcast where together we're redefining what it means, what it looks and feels like to be doing woman's work in the world today. And on this episode we're doing that thing that we do, or maybe that thing that I do and you get to laugh at or roll your eyes at me or talking about an important word or concept that's being thrown around a lot in this case, especially in personal development circles. And it's being thrown around so much that I fear it's losing its meaning, its power, its impact. We're talking mindset because somewhere along the way it got reduced to positive thinking, to vision boards, and to pretending that everything is fine while your brain is running a spin the wheel of worst case scenarios in the background. You know what I'm talking about. The spiral that has you convinced that you're behind, you're not good enough, about to fail spectacularly and definitely disappointing everyone in the process. Your brain can go from I forgot to send that email to my entire career is about to implode in about 30 seconds flat. And we're led to believe that if we could just get ourselves to think positively, it would all be okay. Which in my experience is about as helpful as telling somebody to calm down when they're panicking. Because mindset isn't about pretending that your brain doesn't do this. Our brains are wired to scan for threats, rehearse disasters, and keep us safe. The problem is that that same brain, designed to keep us alive, can also keep us stuck. It can have us playing small, overthinking every move and waiting until we feel confident before we act. When we oversimplify something as powerful as mindset, when we turn it into a social media post instead of a practice, we start to believe all we need to do is force our brains to think better thoughts. Easy peasy, right? Well, friend, I call bullshit. Mindset is about the much more powerful and therefore much less easy ongoing learning of things like how to interrupt the spiral, regulate our nervous systems, and take one grounded action that moves us forward. Because the humans listening to this show, the leaders, the builders, the multitaskers juggling careers, businesses, families and big dreams, we don't need another fucking pep talk about being positive. We need tools. We need ways to break the mental loops that keep us stuck. And we need strategies that move us into action. Which is exactly what today's guest is here to help us do. Diana Pagano is a two time national bestselling author, Action Driven Mindset coach, keynote speaker, and the author of the More Mindset, Break Mental Limits and Step into Extraordinary Results and where she teaches practical tools to help ambitious professionals like us break free from limiting beliefs and take bold, imperfect action toward the results we actually Want. So, Diana, welcome to the show. And I want to start with mindset, because it is one of those words I think, that everyone thinks they understand, but I'm not sure we actually do. So when you talk about the more mindset, what does that really mean and where are we getting it wrong?
B
Thank you, Nicole. So happy to be here. Thank you for having me. Yes. I think there's. There's a notion that, you know, you got to think positive and positive things happen. Right. And so my. The more mindset is not. Or sometimes people say, oh, well, you know, I'm so busy doing so much more, does this mean I need to do more? And it's not about doing more. It's about becoming more of who you were meant to become. And unfortunately, there's so much outside noise that we allow in that cripples us. And so you're not able to step into more when you don't take hold of the things that have crippled us. You know, it's the small things. I mean, you said it beautifully. A beautiful intro there that we take hold of what doesn't serve us because our brain is designed to keep us safe. Unfortunately, it's not designed to keep us happy.
A
Okay, so I want to talk about that because I think we think if we just manage our mindset, all of a sudden, we'll be happy all the time. But I at least alluded, if not outright said in my intro that the spiral that we seem to all experience is perfectly normal. So first, is it perfectly normal? And if it is, then what is the best thing, the most powerful thing that we can do when we are experiencing that spiral?
B
Yes, it is very normal. It happens to the best of us, the highest achievers, the people you might look up to. Everyone has one thing that, you know, our beliefs, you know, our limiting beliefs that rise up, that they don't discriminate. And when you have these thoughts, it could spiral, as you said, it can go spiral. What if I don't get the job? What if they laugh at me? What if I don't, you know, look as good as they want me to look at? Or what if my presentation, you know, whatever. There's all these things, and the more you allow that to happen, it's almost like, you know, allowing, you know, going against the current when you know that, you know, just let things happen and trust the process. Right. And I think that it's easier said than done when you're in the panic mode. So I always say it's almost like, you know, my son has Asthma. I always say it's like your rescue inhaler. Know that it's gonna happen, but how do you get through that one precise moment? Because it takes a moment, a moment to change your action. Because if you believe in your mind or your, you know, your heart that this isn't going to work out, or you start having these thoughts that will allow you to spiral, you have to interrupt the pattern. You have to interrupt the pattern and so that'll get you through the other side. And I say, you know, it's like your rescue inhaler in that moment and then it allows you to be able to breathe again. And so one of the things I talk about in my book is a method that I call change the channel. Because it's all about the channel of focus that we're on. Why do you think there's highs and there's lows, there's things that you're focusing on. If I asked you would give me a time that, you know, you felt the best. You're going to smile, you're going to think about it. Maybe it's when you had your first child, maybe your first kiss, maybe your first, you know, job that you landed or business deal, right? And so you're going to feel good. But if you're thinking about defeat or what would they say about me, whatever that negative thought is, right, we all have them. And you don't change your channel of focus, it's going to change and continue to change how you feel. And one of the things I will say, and even science will show you, when you feel bad, you make bad decisions, this is a reality. I mean, heck, we all have our moments. I have four kids of all ages, I come home, you can lose your shit. And right, and you're not gonna, if you're in a bad state, you're on thin ice. And how many times us women especially, we shower last, we have to do everything at the home and we have to go get, continue with our careers and that's okay. And even for stay at home moms, my gosh, that's a full time job. But when we are stressed, when we feel stressed, we're going to be a little agitated. And so the way that you perform, the way that you show up, not just for yourself, but for other people and even yourself is going to, that, that's spiraling. So, so, so you got to focus on how you feel. And yes, I understand that some people might say, oh my gosh, am I supposed to be Kumbaya 24, 7, 365. I don't believe we were designed to be in one emotion. Right. We were emotional creatures, quite frankly, men and women. And so how do we change that? Because you don't get what you want in life. You typically get what you believe to be so. But your emotional state dictates, Nicole, what action you take. So if I'm not feeling so confident, I'm probably not going to take the right action. Oh, well, I'm going to contact customers that, you know, to help me with my business or whatever it is that you're trying, whether you're in sales or not. Personally, I think everybody's in sales. But the way that you feel. Right. Is going to dictate the type of action that you take, or maybe even the lack of action is still you taking, making a decision. And so the way that you interrupt the spiraling is change the channel. I know, it sounds so simple, because if you're thinking, like, what if I don't get the job? What if I miss my flight? What if I, you know, what if they don't say yes? What if all these what ifs? What if the doctor tells me the bad news that I don't want to hear? I know this sounds really serious. It depends. It doesn't matter. It doesn't matter your circumstance. What if it goes right? What if. If. What if it does work out? And. And I say that, and you might think, well, that's easier said than done when it hasn't worked out in the past, but could it happen now? Because. Right. And. And there's even science that shows that over 90% of our negative thoughts, probably even 98%, but I know it's over 90% of our negative thoughts, Nicole, are false assumptions. They just are. And we are the ones that can keep that alive just by having that shift of saying and changing your channel of focus. Allow yourself to dream. Allow yourself to have more believe more, believe bigger. In that moment, in that precise moment, it's going to work out. And even when it doesn't work out, I'm meant to go through this thing and I'm going to still step into more. Because you're allowing yourself. It's almost like that thing that you hold on so tight, Nicole, and you suffocate the outcome. It's a true thing. I've been there so many times. I've coached hundreds of women that have suffocated their dreams, and I'm like, wait a second. What if it doesn't work out? What's the worst that could happen? So so, Right. And so it's. It's. It's. It's not allowing your spiral and interrupting the pattern to change the channel and allowing yourself to look at the situation as it. As if it already worked out. And when you think about neuroscience, just to add this one last moment, everything that we've gone through in life, your wedding, your first job, you know, your promotion, your business, anything, anything, You've already done it twice because it started in your mind. That's a real deep thing for many people. Deep thing for many people to realize.
A
Yeah. So, okay, there are a handful of things in there. My area of focus is confidence. And you talked about action and feeling. And I often think people think that confidence is a feeling. In my understanding of it, my research of it, it's more of a choice. It's something any one of us can choose, just like action. And so as we change the channel or interrupt the spiral, and I think that's really where the practice comes in. The more we do it, the easier it. Again, the spiral doesn't go away. The negative thoughts don't go away. It's just being able to catch it faster, to name it faster, to do something about it faster. So do you have any tools or tips or tricks that work for you or that you've seen work for other people that any one of us could do that help us change the channel or that interrupt the pattern?
B
Yes.
A
Okay.
B
Yeah. So when that thought comes, the first thing I would do is stop and ask and challenge it and say, is this a fact or am I making an assumption? Is it a fact? And I would take a deep breath. It's. It's. When you do this, by the way, Nicole, it becomes a habit. So don't worry about being perfect. We all have our moments. I want you to challenge it and say, is this a fact or am I making an assumption? Of all the what ifs, There's a bunch of what ifs, and there's good what ifs and there's bad what ifs. And when you take a deep breath, first off, it senses, it resets you, your nervous system. Because when you spiral, your nervous system is. Your cortisol levels go up, right? Your hormones, stress hormones, and that is affecting your body, your mind, right? And so you take a deep breath and you challenge and you say, okay, is this a fact? And then you change the channel by just changing your focus. So we all have frequencies, right? And, like neural pathways in our brain. I know this. When I first learned this. Nicole, you're ages ago. I was like, wow, wow. There's like, we create these neural pathways in our brain. What does that mean? And I'm telling you, we do live more than 90% of the time unconsciously. I mean, I did this the other day. I was driving somewhere and it was like a Saturday, but it's my routine during the week. And I got off the exit that I typically only do during the week, and I'm like, wait a second, I'm not going there. It's Saturday. And so because unconsciously we repeat these behaviors. And so when you know that that's why it's so important to decide. You mentioned confidence. When you decide up front the decisions that you make, that you're going to be consistent. And even if you're not perfect, you just get back on the saddle. Because eventually, the more you do this now you're rewiring your brain to think differently. If you're the person that always thinks like, oh, this always happens to me. It never fails. I can't tell you how many people I've worked with. And I'm like, you can't say that you think it's small, but that's the belief that you're continuing to tell your unconscious mind. And that's the what you're going to continue to get. Things that actually mimic that. So I challenge everyone. So listen, you think this is crazy.
A
Woo woo.
B
It's not Woo woo. Tell your. The more you tell yourself, things work for my greater good. Things are happening for me and not to me. Even the bad things that have happened to me, I always used to resist it and challenge it in a way that's like, no. And I'm like, no, this is happening and we need to start listening to those things that challenge us.
A
Sorry to break in, but this part matters. Rate the show, share it, and support the sponsor so I can keep making episodes worth interrupting you for. Friend, I am only great at a very small handful of things in my business. And in my experience, the faster you figure out what isn't your lane, the better off you are. Which is why I pay attention to what smart people around me are using. Like a great friend of mine who runs a highly successful recruiting firm, so somebody who's deep in hiring HR and all of that, she recommended Gusto, and that was enough for me. Gusto is online payroll and benefits software built for small businesses. It's all in one remote, friendly, and incredibly easy to use. So you can pay for, hire onboard, and support your team from anywhere. You also get access to HR experts when you need them. So even if it's not your zone of genius, it's handled. Try gusto today@gusto.com tiww and get three months free when you run your first payroll. That's three months of free payroll@gusto.com tiwww one more time gusto.com tiw there are pieces in my wardrobe that I wear and pieces that I live in. Right now it's my quince trench coat. I bought it because I'm heading to Europe for three months and needed something that could handle real life. The packing, travel, walking all day, getting tossed over cafe chairs and somehow still look good when I go out to dinner. And this coat does all of that. No wrinkles, great fit. And it cost way less. Like friend, I'm Talking more than 50% less than anything else I was considering and that's kind of Quince's thing. Even their accessories, like their leather bags, look way more expensive than they are because they cut out the middleman and work directly with ethical factories. So we're getting the quality without the markup. And now I have more dollars left over to spend on coffee, cheese and baguettes because I will be doing Europe right. Refresh your spring wardrobe with quince. Go to quince.com tiww for free shipping and 365 day returns. Now available in Canada too. Go to Q U I n c e.com tiww for free shipping and 365 day returns. Quint.com tiww if you've ever told yourself I just need to figure out one more thing before I launch, I regret to inform you that is not preparation, that's procrastination. With better branding, at some point you don't need more research, you just need a good place to start. Shopify is the commerce platform behind millions of businesses around the world and 10% of all e commerce in the US. It gives you everything in one place from building your store to managing payments to tracking analytics so you're not trying to piece together five different tools and hoping they work. You can use Ready to use templates to create a store that matches your brand, AI tools to write product descriptions and page headlines, and built in email and social campaigns to actually reach your customers. It's time to turn your what ifs into with Shopify today. Sign up for your $1 per month trial today at shopify.com tiww go to shopify.com tiww one more time. That's shopify.com ti w w I'm curious Your thoughts on this? Many, many years ago, I created something for myself that I called the recovery plan. And it was a list of things, actions that I could do from small to big. When I find myself in a bad place, had a bad day, had a bad week, the brain is telling me all of my normal patterns. And then of course, as you said, then I'm creating them unconsciously. And what I found is on my worst days, during tough times, my feelings are not good things to rely on. My feelings have me wanting to binge watch Grey's Anatomy or drink a glass. And by glass I mean bottle of wine. My feelings want me to give up. And so this recovery plan was a list of simple things. Like I have a feel good folder where I keep any sort of emails or notes of things where I made a difference or I made an impact. And so I'll open my feel good folder and remind myself that the work that I do matters, that I matter, that I make a difference, or a phone, a friend option, or going outside for a 10 minute walk and taking deep breaths. There's just so many better choices than what my feelings want me to do on those tough days and in those hard moments. I'm curious your thoughts. Is this an example of a way that we could kind of interrupt that pattern and is it helpful to have ideas of healthier, more productive, more empowered things to do in those moments? I feel like even though we know it's coming, we are wildly unprepared is what I'm trying to say.
B
Thank you. I love that you mentioned, you know, it's like the feel good folder. And now you start because what you're doing there from a science, again, neuroscience, you're actually changing your channel of focus. And that's key right there. It's a channel of focus you could be driving. If you don't have time to go to your folder, you could do something in that moment by saying, what else can I focus on right now? No, we're not going to go there. We're not going to go there because let me tell you, the biggest achievers, I will say this again, whether you know them or not, you know, they don't stay in that place of defeat, they change their channel of focus. And even the words you tell yourself, the words you tell yourself, be kind to yourself. I mean, I've heard people that they think it's not a big deal, like, oh my God, stupid me, oh my gosh, I'm such an idiot. Words actually affect you way more than you believe. If you Think you're just being facetious and you're just joking. I'm telling you the words you tell yourself. So, so, yes, breathing is a good thing, I always say. I always make practical examples because I know, I've been there myself, driving in the car. And you're just like, what if I, you know, need to put gas or what if I run out of gas? I mean, what if, you know, and you. There's all these things because they're all circumstances that we've lived. And so in that moment. Reframe it. How can you reframe the words? Like you mentioned, how you feel one moment is always going to be a result. That's a, that's a result, clear result of what you're focused on, that you're going to feel a certain way. So when you change your channel of focus, that changes a lot more. You're going to. Why do you think that some people have the same background, the same money in their bank account, the same resources, but one person is successful while another person struggles all the time? I mean, listen, there is struggles, real things in life that hurts our soul, that, that are. That, that. That is going to happen to the best of us. But it's what you do in that moment, right? And like you mentioned, you know, having, having, looking for other ways to think about what you're doing, what your work really matters. You have to be your number one fan of yourself, number one, if you're thinking about your business or whatever it is that you're doing. But in that moment, I would reframe it. What's the, what's the language that you could use right now? So, for example, what I do, Let me just tell you what I break down and what I've done many, many, many years. And I look back, Nicole, I'm able to look back at the journals that I've had. So I have one at my nightstand and it doesn't have legs. If you can treat this this way. And I'm going to tell you why. When you do that, you just increase your chances of actually being consistent. And when you write in your journal, because when we're talking about spiraling and what do you do in that moment? But what I want to mention a very key component, Nicole, is how do we become proactive? Don't wait until the storm hits. How can we be proactive? Because that's reactive. Like the rescue inhaler. How do I get through this moment of nervousness, of frustration, of defeat? Your rescue inhaler is your change, your channel and that'll get you through that moment. But there's work to be done. Don't just allow. Okay, I know what to do when it hits. I'm gonna change my channel of focus. I'm gonna breathe, I'm gonna see. And what else this could mean? I always say that anything I've ever worried about, anything you get mad about, the first thing I want you to say is, what else could this mean? What else could this mean?
A
And so this is where I struggle and I'm curious your thoughts on it, because I could not be more of a believer in mindset, of reframing, of. I've seen it work over and over again. And I worry if we boil it down to a single solution issue, that we inadvertently send the message that it is always about mindset. Like, I agree, money, it has a lot to do with how you see it and your beliefs as an example. And if you are more abundant, if you live more abundantly, you create abundance in your life. I believe that. And the idea that people who don't have money, it's only because their mindset doesn't jive with me either. So my question is, do you wrestle with this too? How do you reconcile, and I believe in the power of reframing and even knowing it and believing it, we all still have ways that we are struggling with it, where it's harder than others, where we're still like, I mean, I'm about to be 50 years old. I still have a belief that pops up. I'm like, how am I still wrestling with this belief? I guess my question is, how do you wrestle with or reconcile this strong belief and knowing that it works? And is there a tendency potentially to oversimplify or make this a one solution issue?
B
This is very deep. This is very deep because I've had people challenge me. I've had people pay me thousands of dollars to coach them. And I said, listen, I'll return every single dollar, but I gotta stay true to who I am and what the thing is. And I've had people say, wow, I was very much feeling offended because of you telling me that everything happens, it starts in the mind. And I get chills thinking about it, because even till this day, I still coach this person. It's been over two, three years. And so it is a touchy thing because people say, well, how could this happen to me? How did I create this for myself? And it's not that you created it for yourself. I mean, there's external factors. There's external things. The economy, I Mean, you remember Covid happened. There are external things, but why do you see businesses even in a recession, whether it's a single individual or a major business, how did they thrive? And so it is your outlook. It's not just. I think mindset has been such a. Used so loosely like mindset. Mindset, mindset. It's so much deeper than just the word mindset. Like regardless, not to make this religious, but regardless of who you believe in the way that I believe God created all of us, created us all equally with the same ingredients in the way that our brain works. There's, there's, this is, in my opinion, reticular activating system is a part of our brain that filters. It literally filters all the things that exist in terms of opportunities that come. Your awareness, your awareness is what it filters. So for example, if I believe that, that in this economy it's impossible for me, Diana, to get a job. Your reticular activating system is unconscious, Nicole. And it's like antennas. It's. It's antennas, it's truly antennas just looking for opportunities that mimic. Mimic what I just said. And it's almost impossible for opportunities to exist. And your reticular activating system is like it, it filters it out. It filters it out so that now I'm not hyper aware of it. Because my belief is that it's so hard and it's impossible for me to get a job. I was a single mom struggling in Scottsdale, Arizona once upon a time. And I remember being so fearful of all these things and beliefs. I thought I had to work seven days a week because my parents didn't tell me. But when I was 5, 10, 12, 11, I saw it with my own eyes that it was hard because we were being evicted every 12 to 18 months and having to move a mile away. People thought, oh, you're from San Diego, that's beautiful. And I'm not trying to, you know, knock. My parents did the best they could at that moment. And that's what drove me to write my book because of what I single handedly went through as a kid. And then I started to repeat those same vicious cycles. So when you talk about, just to answer more about your question, it all starts on our belief. So it's not belief. Yes, I believe that, you know, whatever it is that you believe, and it's not that it's wrong or right, it's just what are you doing with that? Is that serving you? Because it's belief. It's your core belief. It's the habits that you're doing, it's the decisions that you're making. And that's why it's labeled mindset. Because what mindset are you bringing to the table? Well, I'm bringing a mindset that although it's a tough job market, I'm going to keep knocking on doors. Something's going to give. It's like that farmer planting seeds, and he's like, when's it going to rain? I need my crop to come to fruition. And he gives up. When it's almost. You're almost there. When you don't see the success, that's when it becomes more of, like, you need to stay with it. Right. It's easy when things are going our way, but the ones that actually stick to it and keep planting those seeds and knowing. Knowing that one day it's gonna rain. That's the mindset you're bringing to the table of grit. That's the true grit. We take away grit because people are so easily distracted. They get everything at their fingertips. Instant gratification. But yes, I do believe that. It's all in our belief.
A
Yeah. So one of the things that always just resonates with me is we have. I don't want to use the word control. We have ability, we have options. We have possibility when it comes to our mindset. And it's something that is always ongoing. Right. We're always learning something new about ourselves and the way we see the world. We always have opportunity to play and create and rethink and reframe. And that's what I love about it so much and couldn't agree more how powerful it is. I just, I love the opportunity of focusing on mindset first because it's something we all can do something with.
B
It's not like mindset is, like, only for people that believe. Like, we all bring that we were born. Like, that's how we were given, like, a brain to think for ourselves. A brain to believe what we choose to believe. You have free will. It's a beautiful thing. The biggest gift that you have from whoever you believe your higher self is is the power to control your thoughts. You have control. When I learned that, I was like, wait, what I can control? This isn't just like, things that I'm just gonna. You can't control how to navigate through that. And you mentioned manifestation. Even manifesting is like, oh, that's too woo for me. No, you're already manifesting.
A
All right, listener, I encourage you to get your hands on the book. It's the more mindset available on Amazon or wherever it is you buy books. Let's keep our local bookstores in business and you can find more about Diana and her work on her website, Dianna Pagano. Com. We're going to put her links and all the ways to find and follow her in show notes. Diana, thank you.
B
Thank you, Nicole.
A
All right, friend. Your brain spiraling does not mean that you're broken. It means you're human. Because your mind will offer you worst case scenarios. It will question. It will try to protect you. And the goal isn't to eliminate those thoughts. It's to prevent them from getting in the driver's seat. So when the fear and the doubt and the overthinking and the noise come, and they will, the biggest opportunity any of us has is to pause the spiral, to come back to the present, to reframe and take one grounded step forward anyway, not perfectly, not fearlessly, but intentionally toward what matters most. Because confidence, momentum and change aren't built in some magical moment when your mind finally behaves. They're built in the moment where you choose action even while your brain is still arguing with you and choosing that next step. That is woman's work.
C
Grown Ups if there's a child in your life who is interested in, curious about or fascinated by people and places from history, then my podcast the Past and the Curious might just be a hit in your home. From the invention of microscopes to world traveling dogs to fashions of the 1890s, Gold Rush, Ghost towns and audiences going wild for walking competitions, we've got a little bit of it all hosted by children's author and museum educator Mick Sullivan. That's me. The show is fun, funny, engaging, honest, and beloved by kids and parents alike. Find the past and the curious at all the usual podcast places.
Episode 403: What To Do When Your Brain Spirals with Diana Pagano
Date: April 13, 2026
Guest: Diana Pagano, Action Driven Mindset coach & bestselling author
This episode explores the realities of "mindset" beyond clichés and platitudes, specifically focusing on what to do when your brain spirals into negativity, overthinking, or self-doubt. Host Nicole Kalil and guest Diana Pagano challenge the oversimplification of mindset in personal development, emphasizing actionable tools and reframing tactics for ambitious women navigating modern life. The conversation is practical, honest, and grounded in both personal experience and neuroscience.
Spiraling is normal: Even high achievers experience it—limiting beliefs “don’t discriminate.” (06:58, Diana)
Pattern interruption is key: Diana compares this to using a “rescue inhaler” for mental spirals—don’t try to prevent them, but do learn to intervene.
“You have to interrupt the pattern...I call it 'change the channel.'” (08:08, Diana)
Changing channels means consciously shifting your focus away from worst-case scenarios.
Neuroscience insight: Over 90% of negative thoughts are false assumptions; your mind will try to bring them to life if left unchecked. (11:54, Diana)
Nicole asserts that confidence (like action) is a choice, not a feeling. The spiral will reappear, but with practice, catching and naming it gets easier.
Tool: Fact vs. Assumption — When spiraling, pause and ask: “Is this a fact or am I making an assumption?” Take a deep breath to reset your nervous system.
“Challenge it and say, Is this a fact or am I making an assumption?” (13:12, Diana)
Autopilot behaviors: 90% of our actions are unconscious, so new habits must be intentional and consistently practiced.
“If you're the person that always thinks, like, ‘Oh, this always happens to me’... that's the belief that you're continuing to tell your unconscious mind.” (14:15, Diana)
Reframe self-talk: Replace “things always go wrong for me” with “things work for my greater good.”
“The more you tell yourself, things work for my greater good, things are happening for me and not to me—even the bad things…” (15:10, Diana)
Nicole’s ‘recovery plan’: a collection of actions for tough days (e.g., a “feel good folder” of inspiring notes, going for a walk, or calling a friend) that disrupt harmful habits.
Diana agrees: These are effective ways to “change your channel of focus,” especially if done proactively, not just reactively.
“You need to be your number one fan of yourself...” (21:42, Diana)
Nicole’s worry: Mindset is powerful, but it’s not a “one solution” fix. “Belief” matters, but not everything is under your control.
“Is there a tendency potentially to oversimplify or make this a one solution issue?” (24:28, Nicole)
Diana acknowledges: There are external factors—mindset isn’t everything, but our “reticular activating system” filters opportunities through the beliefs we hold.
“It's not that you created it for yourself... There are external factors...but it's your outlook.” (25:44, Diana)
Personal story: Diana shares her own experience of growing up with scarcity as a single mom and repeating family cycles until she realized the “mindset of grit” brings those seeds to fruition, even when it’s hard to believe.
“When you don't see the success, that's when it becomes more of, like, you need to stay with it. Right. It's easy when things are going our way, but the ones that actually stick to it... that's the mindset you're bringing to the table of grit.” (28:00, Diana)
Nicole reframes control: “We have ability, we have options, we have possibility when it comes to our mindset... always ongoing.”
“We always have opportunity to play and create and rethink and reframe.” (29:46, Nicole)
Diana’s closing: Mindset and the power to control thoughts is a “gift.” Manifestation is not “woo”—we're always manifesting through our beliefs and actions.
“The biggest gift that you have... is the power to control your thoughts. You have control.” (30:25, Diana)
For more, find Diana Pagano’s book “The More Mindset” and check out her website. Nicole’s parting reminder: Your mind can spiral—that’s just proof you’re human. The opportunity is to take one step forward anyway.