Summary4 min read

Podcast Summary: This Is Woman's Work with Nicole Kalil

Episode: Women Are Tired — Stop Pointing It Out | Unfiltered & Unhinged
Release Date: March 20, 2026
Host: Nicole Kalil
Podcast Partner: Airwave Media

Episode Overview

In this “Unfiltered & Unhinged” short episode, Nicole Kalil addresses a pervasive and subtly harmful social habit: telling women, “You look tired.” With trademark candor and humor, Nicole calls for the retirement of this comment, dissecting why it’s unhelpful and how it underscores broader issues of expectation and emotional labor for women. The episode empowers listeners to flip the script—offering understanding, actual help, and genuine support instead of empty observations.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Retiring Harmful Phrases (00:35–01:31)

Nicole revisits the concept from a previous episode ("Stop Saying That" — Episode 216), where she compiled questions and comments women frequently hear that should be banished from conversation.
Notable examples:
- “Are you going to eat that?”
- “Why are you still single?”
- “Are you trying for a boy?”
- “You should smile more.”

2. A New Offender: “You Look Tired” (01:31–02:15)

Nicole confesses she missed a big one: the dreaded “You look tired.”
She recounts her own recent experience:

"And the way that it was brought to my attention is that somebody said it to me, and in between wanting to strangle them and rolling my eyes into the back of my head, I thought, we got to add this one to the list." (01:38)

3. Why This Comment Is So Unhelpful (02:15–02:54)

Nicole points out the redundant and potentially insensitive nature of this statement.

“Which, by the way, is a fascinating observation considering that I own mirrors.” (01:52)
She acknowledges people may mean well, but emphasizes:

“If someone is tired enough that you can physically see it, I promise you, they are already aware. Pointing it out does not provide any new information. And it definitely doesn’t help.” (02:10)

4. Why Women Are Tired (02:54–03:50)

Nicole lists the multitude of valid reasons women (and especially mothers) might look tired, including:
- Newborns and sleepless nights,
- Insomnia,
- Heartbreak, stress, grief, hormones,
- An overloaded to-do list (“work, family, friendship, self-care, exercise, nutrition, emails, remembering to schedule the dentist, figuring out what’s for dinner, and somewhere in all of that, trying to be a functioning human” (02:35)),
- Or simply a late-night TV binge.

5. What to Say Instead (03:50–04:19)

Nicole offers direct guidance for those compelled to comment:
- Instead of “You look tired,” try:
  - “How are you doing? Like, really?”
  - “What’s been keeping you up at night?”
  - “It seems like you might need a little extra support right now. How can I help?”
- These questions “open a door or a conversation,” instead of just pointing out the obvious.

6. The Moral: Choose Kindness, Not Critique (04:19–04:47)

Nicole drives home the point:

“Stop telling people they look tired, even if they look absolutely haggard.” (04:20)
- Suggests instead:
  
  “Can I go get you a latte, or do you prefer cappuccino or a nap?” (04:26)
She reminds listeners that the most helpful thing isn’t observation but kindness.

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

On the futility of the “tired” comment:

“If you feel the urge to say ‘you look tired,’ let me offer a few alternatives that could actually be helpful.” – Nicole Kalil (03:54)
On the broader impact:

“Because of course we’re tired. I have yet to meet an adult woman who isn’t. We are all carrying around so much and the world feels like a dumpster fire right now.” – Nicole Kalil (04:38)
Empowerment and validation:

“I know you’re tired. I am too. And yet we keep going. Because this is woman’s work.” – Nicole Kalil (04:45)

Important Segment Timestamps

Introduction and theme setup: 00:35–01:31
Nicole’s own experience with being told she looks tired: 01:31–02:15
Analysis of why the comment is unhelpful: 02:15–02:54
Reasons for exhaustion—normalizing women’s realities: 02:54–03:50
Suggested supportive alternatives: 03:50–04:19
Moral & closing empowerment: 04:19–04:47

Episode Tone

Nicole is direct, witty, and unfiltered, using humor and blunt honesty to underscore the importance of small social changes. She speaks as both a friend giving tough love and an advocate for compassionate communication.

Takeaways

“You look tired” is rarely helpful—choose empathy or acts of support instead.
Women are universally carrying heavy loads, and their tiredness is already felt & seen.
Social scripts can be rewritten; kindness and genuine inquiry make the difference.
This episode is both a rallying cry and a practical pep talk, reminding listeners that owning your truth—and supporting others in theirs—is the new “woman’s work.”

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Transcript6 lines

[00:01]
Podcast Sponsor Voice
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[00:35]
Nicole Khalil
I am Nicole Khalil and you're listening to the this Is Woman's Work podcast, the Unfiltered and Unhinged Edition. Short Episodes. Big truths. Absolutely zero Perfection. Okay, so a couple of years back we released an episode called Stop Saying that. It's episode 216 if you're looking for it. And per usual, I went on a bit of a rant in this case about phrases and questions we often hear as women that really, and I mean really need to be retired permanently. Things like, are you going to eat that? Or why are you still single? Or are you trying for a boy? And of course the classic you should smile more. I mean, I had a field day with that episode, but it was recently brought to my attention that I missed one. And the way that it was brought to my attention is that somebody said it to me, and in between wanting to strangle them and rolling my eyes into the back of my head, I thought, we got to add this one to the list. And it goes a little something like this, you look tired. Which, by the way, is a fascinating observation considering that I own mirrors. Now listen, I'm going to give everyone the benefit of the doubt and assume this usually comes from a place of caring. But we still need to stop saying it. Because if someone is tired enough that you can physically see it, I promise you, they are already aware. Pointing it out does not provide any new information. And it definitely doesn't help. I mean, if we look tired, there's probably a fucking reason. Maybe there's a newborn in the house who does not give two shits about anyone getting a solid, uninterrupted eight hours of sleep. Maybe it's insomnia. Maybe it's heartbreak or stress or grief or hormones. Maybe it's the never ending to do list that includes work, family, friendship, self care, exercise, nutrition, emails, remembering to schedule the dentist, figuring out what's for dinner, and somewhere in all of that, trying to be a functioning human. Or maybe, I mean, maybe season four of Bridgerton just came out or any season of shrinking and we made some choices. Listen, there are lots of valid reasons why somebody might look and be tired. What we definitely don't need, though, is somebody pointing it out like Captain Obvious just cracked some sort of big case. If you feel the urge to say you look tired, let me offer a few alternatives that could actually be helpful. You could try asking, how are you doing? Like, really? Or what's been keeping you up at night? Or even it seems like you might need a little extra support right now. How can I help? See the difference? One simply points something out. The other options actually open a door or a conversation. Okay, so what's my point? What's the moral of this story? It's stop telling people they look tired, even if they look absolutely haggard. And if you feel the need to say something, how about this instead? Can I go get you a latte or do you prefer cappuccino or a nap? Listen, sometimes the to do list is longer than our patients and our sleep schedule is questionable at best. And sometimes the most helpful thing any of us can do for each other isn't pointing out the obvious, it's offering a little kindness instead. Because of course we're tired. I have yet to meet an adult woman who isn't. We are all carrying around so much and the world feels like a dumpster fire right now. So if you want to be helpful, be part of the solution. But if your contribution is simply pointing out that we look exhausted, go ahead and keep your observations to yourself. Listen, this is just me trying to be helpful. I'm out here saving lives, people, because I know you're tired. I am too. And yet we keep going. Because this is woman's work.
[04:47]
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[05:17]
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[05:29]
Nicole Khalil
Ross.
[05:29]
Spring Advertisement Voice
Work your magic.