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- [00:00]
Podcast Host - Advertiser
You want to eat better, but let's face it, you have zero time and zero energy. That's why I love Factor. It takes the hassle out of healthy eating. In just two minutes, real food is served. I realized healthy cooking wasn't happening when I found myself staring into my fridge at 8pm After a long day's working. You're not failing at healthy eating, you're just short on time. Factor meals are crafted by chefs and designed by dietitians. Think lean proteins, colorful veggies, whole food ingredients, no refined sugars or artificial sweeteners. The roasted garlic chicken. I gotta tell you, it is so good and it's ready in minutes. With 100 rotating meals every week, you can choose what suits you. High protein, calorie, smart, Mediterranean, even the new Muscle Pro collection for recovery. It's all personalized. Always fresh, never frozen and ready in two minutes. No prep, no cleanup. Just great meals. It's not about willpower, it's about removing the reasons you don't eat well. Head to factor meals.com lifeofmine50off and use the code lifeofmine50off to get 50% of your first Factor box plus free breakfast for one year offer only valid for new Factor customers with code and qualifying auto renewing subscription purchase. Make healthier eating easy with Factor.
- [01:35]
Niecy Nash Betts
Lemonade.
- [01:39]
Podcast Host - Advertiser
You can listen to every episode of this Life of Mine ad free with Lemonada Premium. You'll get access to a quick fire round of questions with this week's guest and I mean quickfire really quick. Like two minutes or less. Just tap that subscribe button on Apple Podcasts or head to lemonadap premium.com to subscribe on any other app. That's lemonadapremium.com.
- [02:11]
Podcast Host - Interviewer
Hello and welcome to this Life of Mine, the show where our guests pick the places, people, possessions, music and memories that have made them who they are. My guest today is an actor, TV host, author, producer, director and kitchen beautician. After years spent playing comedic roles in the Bernie Mac Show and Reno911, it was in her 40s that she finally landed the dramatic roles that she spent years working towards in films such as the Oscar nominated Selma TV shows Getting on and when they See Us. And now it's in her 50s that she's really coming into her own making.
- [02:47]
Podcast Host - Advertiser
History as one of the first same.
- [02:49]
Podcast Host - Interviewer
Sex couples to grace the COVID of Essence Magazine and winning an Emmy Award for her incredible role in one of Netflix's most watched series of all time, Dharma. She has lived an extraordinary life and we are all blessed to hear about it today. Are you ready to star?
- [03:05]
Niecy Nash Betts
Let's do it to it, then.
- [03:07]
Podcast Host - Interviewer
Take us away.
- [03:08]
Niecy Nash Betts
I am Niecy Nash Betts. Welcome to this life of mine.
- [03:22]
Podcast Host - Interviewer
How are you?
- [03:23]
Niecy Nash Betts
I'm great.
- [03:24]
Podcast Host - Interviewer
I'm so happy that you're here.
- [03:26]
Niecy Nash Betts
I'm happy. I'm here, too.
- [03:27]
Podcast Host - Interviewer
I really am happy. Because I tell you why. When I first came up with the.
- [03:31]
Podcast Host - Advertiser
Idea of this show, what I wanted.
- [03:33]
Podcast Host - Interviewer
To do was talk to people who led what I consider to be remarkable lives, people whose lives had been extraordinary. And perhaps there's a world where many people don't know quite how extraordinary it's been. You fulfill this role and then some. Your. Your road to success, huge changes in your personal life, tragedies.
- [03:57]
Podcast Host - Advertiser
Do you feel as you sit here.
- [04:00]
Podcast Host - Interviewer
Now, today, or are you aware of quite how remarkable your life has been?
- [04:04]
Niecy Nash Betts
I'm very aware. I'm very aware. I feel like I've lived the kind of life whereby if you saw it on paper, laid out, you could get to the end of some of it and say, oh, that person is in a mental institution because she's not well. That person is in jail. That person is strung out on some type of substance. And I am just grateful, James, that I don't look like what I've been through.
- [04:33]
Podcast Host - Interviewer
You really don't. And I think people are going to be very, very surprised, perhaps some people who may not know that side of your story. And we're going to cover a lot of it today, and we're going to.
- [04:42]
Podcast Host - Advertiser
Talk about a lot of it, and.
- [04:42]
Podcast Host - Interviewer
We'Re really going to talk through the things that you love. And obviously, on this life of mine, we ask our guests to choose a person, a possession, a place, a memory, a piece of music. But we're gonna start with your movie.
- [04:53]
Niecy Nash Betts
Ah.
- [04:54]
Podcast Host - Interviewer
Tell us the film that you've chosen today.
- [04:57]
Niecy Nash Betts
Well, my absolute favorite movie of all time is the original Sparkle. There was a remake.
- [05:05]
Podcast Host - Interviewer
It's important to say the original, right?
- [05:07]
Niecy Nash Betts
Yeah. The OG you gotta. You gotta put that right up at the front of it.
- [05:10]
Podcast Host - Interviewer
So this is the 1976 original starring.
- [05:14]
Niecy Nash Betts
Irene Cara, Philip Michael Thomas, Lynette McGee, you know, all of the folks.
- [05:21]
Podcast Host - Interviewer
And what is it about this film that resonates with you so much?
- [05:24]
Niecy Nash Betts
Oh, my God. Let me tell you the reason why I love this film so much. You know, it has all of the trappings that just pull on your heartstrings. You have the young girl, but her sister's the one that's shiny and out in the front. You know what I mean? She doesn't know that the guy in the band is in love with her. You know what I mean? They get to wear these beautiful dresses and dun, dun, dun, dun. Wait for it. Here comes the bad drug dealer to take her sister down. The mother gives her a warning, you know, all of these things. And I'm like, oh, don't do it. Don't you know, they look so beautiful? And in the end, Sparkle gets to take her turn on the stage and stand in her own light. And I'm like, as you should. Good evening, ladies and gentlemen, and welcome to Carnegie Hall.
- [06:10]
Podcast Host - Interviewer
And to start the program off, Sparkle Williams and the Soul Ladies.
- [06:17]
Niecy Nash Betts
I love that movie so much. I watch it every year. And as a matter of a fact, it was the very first movie that my better half and I watched together before we became a couple.
- [06:33]
Podcast Host - Interviewer
Right.
- [06:34]
Niecy Nash Betts
You give me so much joy.
- [06:37]
Podcast Host - Interviewer
What was it about these women in the film that you were drawn to?
- [06:40]
Niecy Nash Betts
Well, in part, it was the glamour of it all. I remember saying I wanted to become an actor. Well, I didn't say actor. I said I wanted to be black, fabulous and on tv. Now, that's what I said. But I said it.
- [06:58]
Podcast Host - Interviewer
How old were you when you said five?
- [07:00]
Niecy Nash Betts
I was watching television with my grandmother. And I saw the most beautiful black woman that I had ever seen in my little five years of living. And she had on a long red dress. Her eyelashes look like butterflies. And I said, grandmama, who is that? She said, baby, that's Lola Falana.
- [07:16]
Denzel Washington
Right.
- [07:17]
Niecy Nash Betts
You know that. That's from a long way back.
- [07:18]
Denzel Washington
Yeah.
- [07:19]
Niecy Nash Betts
And I just remember saying, that's what I want to be. I want to be black, fabulous and on tv. And so when I saw the beautiful girls, I just thought it was just such a glamorous story. And even when I was little, for Halloween, you know, they would buy you a plastic costume. You step in it and you tie it in the back. And then you put a little plastic mask on your face. And I would cry and say, I don't want to be this character. I don't want to be that character. Well, what do you want to be then? And I would go, a lady. Because I wanted to dress up. That's all I wanted to do. Wear my mother's clothes and put on lipstick and look glamorous.
- [08:00]
Podcast Host - Interviewer
Where do you think that comes from, you know? Did you grow up in a glamorous household?
- [08:04]
Niecy Nash Betts
I felt like my grandmother was very glamorous. She smoked a cigarette on a filter, so a long gold filter, and then the cigarette at the tip. So it was very dramatic. You know, it was. She walked around in ankle length skirts and long chains and I just thought she was so fetching.
- [08:24]
Podcast Host - Interviewer
What were you like as a kid?
- [08:25]
Niecy Nash Betts
A mess.
- [08:26]
Podcast Host - Interviewer
Describe a. Really, go on, tell me.
- [08:29]
Niecy Nash Betts
I never walked. I floated everywhere I was going. Two feet on the ground, wasn't it? I had to make an entrance, right? And it was probably because of the way I was raised. Like, you know, my mother never wanted me to get dirty or to let my hair get messed up. So my grandmother would let me Play. And about 10 minutes before my mother get home, I gotta come in, change into some clean clothes, she brushed my hair and I have to sit on the porch until my mother saw me looking nice and clean.
- [09:01]
Podcast Host - Interviewer
Why is that, you think?
- [09:03]
Niecy Nash Betts
I don't know, I just.
- [09:04]
Podcast Host - Interviewer
Do you think it was about installing some sort of sense of value? Do you think she knew that you had this unquantifiable presence, a thing which is very difficult to really put your finger on what it is, but you've got it. I guess some people would call it like the X factor or you are, I think, just like a natural star. Did you have that then when you were a kid?
- [09:28]
Niecy Nash Betts
I had one auntie, she has since passed away. But she used to say, that girl is gonna be something. So after I saw, you know, this beautiful woman on television, I was like, okay, she was on a stage, I need a stage. What do we got? And so back then they used to deliver the telephone book, like a real thick book. So I take two of them and stack em up and that was my stage. And my first talent was that I would turn around in a circle and, and then put my hand on my head. I finished in a flourish, you know. And I remember, you know, my grandfather saying, oh, look at her. That was all I needed, right? Huh? Do y' all see me? And that was my first stage.
- [10:13]
Podcast Host - Interviewer
Let's move on to your possession. Tell us the possession that you chose for the show today.
- [10:19]
Niecy Nash Betts
Well, my possession that I chose for the show today is my pendant.
- [10:23]
Podcast Host - Interviewer
And this is. You're wearing this round your neck.
- [10:25]
Niecy Nash Betts
I'm wearing it around my neck.
- [10:26]
Podcast Host - Interviewer
This diamond pendant, diamond necklace with a diamond circle. And in the middle of the circle.
- [10:31]
Niecy Nash Betts
Is a photo, a photo of my brother. He was killed the day before my 23rd birthday. He was a victim of gun violence. A kid brought a gun to school. So he was actually killed on his high school campus. He wasn't in a gang, he wasn't a bad kid. He played basketball. He just got caught in a love triangle at a young age. And that was the end result.
- [10:58]
Podcast Host - Interviewer
How old was he?
- [10:59]
Niecy Nash Betts
17. And this pendant my better half had made for me, and I just love it so much.
- [11:09]
Podcast Host - Interviewer
That's an extraordinary thing to happen when you're 23 years old. Can you talk to me about that day? It's the day before your 23rd birthday.
- [11:17]
Niecy Nash Betts
Well, my mother had already left for work, and my brother was going to school. He was just like, I'll see you later. And I was like, okay, I'll see you later. Then I got a phone call maybe around 10:30 that said, there's been an accident at the school and you need to come to this hospital. And I was like, what kind of accident? And they were like, you just need to come. And he was already passed away at that time. But they didn't tell me that over the phone. I said, have you called my mother? Because they called our home first, and then, you know, it's your house number, then your work number. And they said, no, we can call. I said, please don't. Let me call my mother. And so I called her, and she would always say, don't call unless it's an emergency, you know, because I have meetings, I have things. And I called and they said, your mother's in a meeting. I said, tell her it's an emergency. And she came out, she got on the phone. I told her that there had been an accident, and I told her that my brother Michael had been shot. All I heard was screaming and wailing on the phone. And one of her co workers picked up the phone and I said, please do not let my mother drive. Bring her to this address. And I'm on my way. I'll meet you there. I got there first, so they told me first. And then my mom came and, you know, it was the day that changed our lives forever, you know. But gun violence in our family at that point had not been a new phenomenon because some years prior to that, I saw my mother get shot because she was a victim of domestic violence.
- [13:11]
Podcast Host - Interviewer
So how old were you when you saw that happen to your mom?
- [13:15]
Niecy Nash Betts
Easter Sunday, 1985? 15. Our family has had so much tragedy, which goes back to what I was saying at the beginning. It's like, you always happy, you always smiling, you. You know, the life of the party, you know. But I have experienced so many dark times and hard times, you know, I am just grateful to God that I still have a reasonable portion of my right mind and for having such a.
- [13:48]
Podcast Host - Interviewer
Resilient spirit, the effects of this on your family environment must have been extraordinary.
- [13:55]
Niecy Nash Betts
Yeah, but you know how I even knew that I was funny? Well, I knew I was funny. I've been funny all my life. But funny wasn't a gift, because in my mind, it wasn't because I got in trouble for it. So I got punished for cracking jokes in church and getting talks too much on my report card or. You know what I mean? I would get pinched because I was always doing something funny. But it wasn't until my brother was murdered that I was like, well, I don't know what to do, but I know I can make my mama laugh. And so I began to perform at the foot of her bed. Every day, I would do my characters, my bits. I would just do all these funny things. And one day I went to her house, and she wasn't in the bed. And I'm like, mama. And she said, we're in here. I said, who is we? Well, I went across the street and got the neighbors. I told them you was funny. Get that karaoke microphone and tell these people some jokes. I was like, wait, what? And I couldn't pay anybody to give me a job. I was trying to be an actor. And because I wanted to be a dramatic actor, they would always tell me I was funny, and I would be insulted. I'm like, I'm in here trying to seriously get this job. But when I was standing on the fireplace with the karaoke microphone telling jokes to my neighbor, I feel like I heard a voice as audible as my own say to me, niecy, don't be a selfish heifer. It's other people out in this world suffering just like your mama. Pack this up and go spread it around. And I went outside and I said, my name is Niecy Nash, and I'm funny. And they were like, yes, you are, little girl. And that's how I started working in entertainment. That's my story, this life of mine.
- [15:41]
Podcast Host - Interviewer
I read this. I read this about how people can make you laugh can also make you cry.
- [15:48]
Niecy Nash Betts
Yeah, people who can make you laugh can make you cry, but the reverse is not always true. I mean, you think of our greatest dramatic actors. They're never gonna say their name and then say, coming to a new sitcom this fall, you're never gonna do that.
- [16:05]
Podcast Host - Advertiser
Yes.
- [16:05]
Niecy Nash Betts
But people who can make you laugh can do a turn in a movie that you did not see coming and bring tears to your eye.
- [16:12]
Podcast Host - Interviewer
Your first on screen role wasn't actually in a comedy. Was that boys on the side?
- [16:17]
Niecy Nash Betts
It was, but I kept saying the only line I had. I was woman in the Diner. Thank you for bringing that up. I had one line to say to Whoopi Goldberg, and every time I came out and said it, she started laughing. And the. And the.
- [16:32]
Podcast Host - Interviewer
So hang on. This was Whoopi Goldberg, Drew Barrymore, Mary.
- [16:35]
Niecy Nash Betts
Louise Barker in this, and a very young Matthew McConaughey.
- [16:38]
Denzel Washington
Right?
- [16:38]
Niecy Nash Betts
Yeah, he was in there, too.
- [16:40]
Podcast Host - Interviewer
So hang on. So you're doing your line to Whoopi Goldberg, and she's laughing.
- [16:43]
Niecy Nash Betts
She just kept laughing. But I see the director getting so frustrated, and I'm like. I go back in the bathroom and wait for them to call action. And I'm just praying. I'm like, lord, please do not let this woman ruin this for me.
- [16:57]
Podcast Host - Interviewer
Have you been able to tell what B. Goldberg has since said?
- [17:00]
Niecy Nash Betts
I don't think so. But when I walked out the last time and she started laughing again, I made a cardinal mistake. I wanted to tell every actor, please never do what I did. I said, hold up. Stop. Cut, cut. Stop. Hold on. I never should have did that. And the director was like, what? What is going on? I said, sir, she keep laughing, and it's messing up the scene. And Whoopi Goldberg said, no, you didn't. I said, yes, I did. They not gonna fire you. I don't want to get in trouble with this man. And he said, what's the problem with the line? I said, it's dumb. People don't even talk like that. I don't even know if this man wrote the movie. You see what I mean? I just tell people this is a cautionary tale. As my mother would say, use me as an example of what not to do. He said, well, what do you want to say? I said, well, if it was me, I would just be like, girl, is that your friend in the bathroom? Child, you better get in there, because she throwing up. He says, edith, we're changing the line. You go on and you say whatever you want to say.
- [18:04]
Podcast Host - Interviewer
Wow.
- [18:05]
Niecy Nash Betts
And that was my first job.
- [18:07]
Podcast Host - Interviewer
So how soon after this were you cast? Because Robert Altman cast during Cookie's Fortune.
- [18:11]
Niecy Nash Betts
Cookie's Fortune, yes.
- [18:13]
Podcast Host - Advertiser
So this is a huge deal for.
- [18:14]
Podcast Host - Interviewer
Any actor to be directed by Robert Altman. Incredible. An amazing cast. It's Glenn Close, Julianne Moore, Liv Tyler. Was there any bit of you that when you were cast, you know, you're working with Robert Altman, that you start thinking, okay, things are going to start changing after this. And then the film comes out, and it didn't.
- [18:31]
Niecy Nash Betts
I just always went, you know, what's the next thing? It was never like, oh, this one thing is gonna be the thing. I don't think I've ever thought that.
- [18:40]
Podcast Host - Interviewer
Really. Okay.
- [18:40]
Niecy Nash Betts
No. Even to this day.
- [18:42]
Podcast Host - Interviewer
But the Bernie Mac show must have felt like, oh, okay, this is my career is turning a corner into something else.
- [18:50]
Niecy Nash Betts
Well, let me tell you what I had to do there. I had already had three children by that time. I had all of my children by 1999. And my ex husband was like, last baby done fell out, get back to work like a 9 to 5. And I went to him and I begged. I said, please, if you give me the nine months that I've given my body over three times just for me to pursue my dream. If I don't make it in nine months, I'll go back to work and I won't say a word.
- [19:24]
Podcast Host - Interviewer
Did you mean that?
- [19:25]
Niecy Nash Betts
Yeah.
- [19:26]
Podcast Host - Interviewer
Okay.
- [19:26]
Niecy Nash Betts
I mean, I was gonna try to weasel all of it somehow, but, you know, maybe just do plays or I don't know what other the alternative was gonna be. And let me just tell you, that was my plan A. And my plan B was to make that plan A work.
- [19:40]
Podcast Host - Interviewer
Yeah.
- [19:41]
Niecy Nash Betts
You know, and so in seven and a half months, I had booked Clean House, which was a home makeover show that I hosted for nine seasons and won an Emmy for producing. I booked Reno 911, and then about two weeks later, I booked recurring on Bernie Mac.
- [19:59]
Podcast Host - Interviewer
Oh, they were happening at the same time, all at the same time. Reno911 was happening at the same time as Bernie Mac.
- [20:04]
Denzel Washington
Wow.
- [20:05]
Niecy Nash Betts
Yep.
- [20:05]
Podcast Host - Interviewer
Can you tell me a bit about Bernie Mac? I never got to meet him.
- [20:08]
Niecy Nash Betts
One of the most generous people I have ever met in my life. And when I auditioned for him, it came down to a callback between me and another actress. And they said that for the audition, they wanted you to improv with Bernie Mac. Talk about heart in your stomach. I'm like, he's one of the greats. And I walked into that room, I remember the actress ahead of me was in a hurry. She went first, and then it was my turn. And we were just talking, and I remember very vividly taking my shoes off and sitting Indian style on the couch. And I called him Bernard. I said, bernard, you know, big mama ain't raised you like this. And it just. And we had such a good time. And so I was leaving, and he came out behind me. He walked up to me and he kissed me on the cheek. And he said, congratulations. He said, do you. And I'll follow. He said, cause I got mine. I want you to get yours.
- [21:18]
Podcast Host - Interviewer
That's an amazing.
- [21:20]
Niecy Nash Betts
And I never he was so generous and I just was like, wow. He didn't have to say that. He didn't have to do that.
- [21:28]
Podcast Host - Advertiser
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- [23:39]
Podcast Host - Interviewer
I got to tell you, it is so good.
- [23:41]
Podcast Host - Advertiser
And it's ready in minutes. With 100 rotating meals every week, you can choose what suits you. High protein, calorie, smart, Mediterranean. Even the new Muscle Pro Collection for recovery. It's all personalized. Always fresh, never frozen and ready in two minutes. No prep, no cleanup, just great meals. It's not about willpower. It's about removing the reasons you don't eat well. Head to factor meals.com lifeofmine50 off and use the code life of mine50OFF to get 50% of your first Factor box plus free breakfast for one year offer only valid for new factor customers with code and qualifying auto renewing subscription purchase. Make healthier eating easy with factor.
- [24:33]
Podcast Host - Interviewer
Let's move on to your person on this Life of Mine. We ask everybody to bring a person that they'd want to talk about, someone who's been important or significant in their life. Tell us the person that you've chosen today.
- [24:45]
Niecy Nash Betts
Well, the person that I've chosen is my mom, Margaret. My mother, Margaret. Yes. I mean, she has just been through so many things, but she. I think that may be where I get my spirit of resilience from. Because she may be down but not out. You know what I mean? And I've watched her give her last to people. She will help anybody. She's something else. That's a tough cookie right there.
- [25:14]
Podcast Host - Interviewer
I mean, it really is maybe the toughest cookie I've ever read about. I mean, she's been a victim of domestic abuse.
- [25:23]
Niecy Nash Betts
Yeah.
- [25:24]
Podcast Host - Interviewer
She's been shot by her boyfriend. She's had major heart surgery and lost her son in a shooting, as we've spoken about. And yet when you speak about your mother, you say that you believe you inherited her positivity. Where does her positivity come from?
- [25:41]
Niecy Nash Betts
You know what? I have no idea. I really can't tell you because I don't know. I really don't know. You know, she was a young mom, married my father really young and moved to Los Angeles from St. Louis. My mother wanted to be a singer. She moved out here with a guitar and a dream. And it didn't work because, you know, somebody had to go to work, somebody had to keep the food on the table, you know, and she just stepped into that role. And even when I would say, oh, mom, you know, I want to be an actor, I want to do this, she would always say, you got to finish school first. You got to finish school first. And so I was like, well, can I just get a headshot? Can you help me do this? Can you help me do that? And my mother used to work overtime all the time to make sure that my brother and I had the things that we, you know, needed. And I was in an acting competition, and if I won, I would represent the state of California. My mother Took off of work. Came to the competition after she saw me on that stage and them people hollering and screaming and got me the big trophy and I won the thing and all this stuff. She said, girl, you good now. You good now, now. All right. And she got right in behind it. You know, when I got taff Hartley, my mother gave me the money to join, helped me get my head shots, you know, and she said, I don't know much about entertainment, but tell me what time your lunch is and I'm a fry some chicken and bring it up there. You know, everybody loves my chicken. I'm like, oh, okay. And then everybody would be like, is your mama coming with that chicken? And everybody loved her. She came on all the sets and you know, sometimes she'll even come and do background work on a job that I have. And right now, with everything she's been through, the heartache, the headache, the loss, the this. Do you know what my mother's profession is now? My mother is a professional laugher. Tell me what sitcoms on the days that you pre tape there is no live audience, right? Somebody has to laugh and my mother does it.
- [27:54]
Podcast Host - Interviewer
So what kind of sitcoms would we be able to hear your mother's laughter?
- [27:57]
Niecy Nash Betts
Oh, my goodness. The Neighborhood with Cedric the Entertainer. I did a series with him where I played his wife. It was on TBS called the Soul Man. And they knew anytime my mother was there because they could hear her laughing because she has this distinct laugh. Now. She's managed people all her life for AT&T TSA at the airport. But the job she has right now is a professional laugher.
- [28:25]
Podcast Host - Interviewer
That's amazing. I mean, is it true that when you started out, she said to you, is this true? Or she thought perhaps that you weren't a good dramatic actress?
- [28:34]
Niecy Nash Betts
Oh, no, she's. She said that first of all, when I said I wanted to be an actor, she said, you kind hearted. Going into nursing, I was like, I don't want to be no nurse.
- [28:45]
Podcast Host - Interviewer
Right?
- [28:45]
Niecy Nash Betts
She was just like, but I don't know how to help you. And then after I started, she said, now if you gonna do this, you gotta do it right. She said, funny, you got that? But that drama, that needs some work.
- [28:57]
Podcast Host - Interviewer
So how did you work on that?
- [28:59]
Niecy Nash Betts
She said, you find the best class in town and I'mma work overtime to pay for it.
- [29:06]
Podcast Host - Interviewer
Oh my God.
- [29:07]
Niecy Nash Betts
And that's how that happened.
- [29:08]
Podcast Host - Interviewer
I can't imagine what it would be like to face my mother if one of my siblings was taken. I cannot begin to imagine what it would be like. I can't imagine who she'd be actually who my mum would be.
- [29:28]
Niecy Nash Betts
Uh huh.
- [29:30]
Podcast Host - Interviewer
Can you talk to me about that feeling of trying to pick her up.
- [29:37]
Niecy Nash Betts
Once she had already experienced her own bout with gun violence. My mother was shot in the back with a sawed off double barrel shotgun.
- [29:46]
Podcast Host - Interviewer
My God.
- [29:49]
Niecy Nash Betts
And what saved her was the distance because she was running when her boyfriend shot her. Had she been closer, you know, that part of my story would be very different. So that by the time she loses her son, she's just like, you know what I mean? My marriage failed. My boyfriend that I had after the marriage shot me. My son is now murdered. I'm getting in the bed and I'm never getting back out is what she said. So the idea of what she was experiencing, I still can't wrap my mind around it. I've had my own losses, but they don't compare. I've had my own tragedies and some of ours intersect, but it's still not the same as your mother being shot and then. Or you're watching your mother get shot and being the actual person who got shot.
- [30:42]
Podcast Host - Interviewer
So you were there, you watched your mom get shot?
- [30:45]
Niecy Nash Betts
Yes.
- [30:45]
Podcast Host - Interviewer
What happened?
- [30:46]
Niecy Nash Betts
Her boyfriend had locked himself in her bedroom. So myself, my brother was still living. My mother and her boyfriend's daughter all went into another room in the back and just locked the door. Like he's being mean and we just gonna all kind of huddle up in here together. And maybe about 2 o' clock in the morning he broke the door down, started yelling and my mother was like, get your coat. You know, everybody, let's go, let's go, let's go. And before we could get ourselves together, they were arguing in the doorway of the kitchen. And he was holding my mother's wrists and I started screaming at him, trying to get him to stop. It was a split second when he turned to look at me and he loosened up his grip on my mother's wrist. And it was almost like at that moment my life went in slow motion. And she said, run, get out the house. And she turned to run towards the back door. My mother had her hand on the back door and he picked up the gun and my brother ran in between him and my mother and he raised it over my brother's head and he shot her and she flew out the back door. Our lives were never the same after that. After he shot my mom, my brother ran right after my mother and jumped the fence. Myself and his daughter, we ran in another bedroom and hid. When we Heard him in the backyard because we could still hear my mother yelling, help me, God, help me. To the top of her throat. I said, let's get out of here. We lived in a not so safe neighborhood. So we had three or four locks on the door. But my hands were shaking so bad I couldn't get the door open. And he started to come back while we were at the door. So we ran and hid. And he found his daughter and told her to go help my mother. But I didn't come out because I was still too afraid. And then I heard him say, God forgive me, and he shot himself. But I did not know that before he shot himself, he set the house on fire. So I was in the house while it was on fire. I didn't know if he was really dead or if he was trying to trick me. I didn't know what was happening. But that night is just. It's just one of those things you will never forget. You will never forget it. I feel like the way that night changed me was that I never wanted to feel that level of pain ever again. And I decided from that moment on, it's funny or bust. I'm telling you, I couldn't have a serious conversation to save my life because I was running away from that pain. I'll never feel like that again, even when I was married. And your husband goes, I need to have a serious conversation with you. We need to talk. I'm like, we need to talk. We need to talk. And he was like, can you turn it off for a second? And I was like, hell no. Because I felt like if I turned it off, I would die.
- [34:14]
Podcast Host - Interviewer
And correct me if I'm wrong, but I feel like you're talking about it with a clarity now that you probably weren't for a long time.
- [34:25]
Niecy Nash Betts
Oh, yeah, no. Cause talk about it for what? And if I did, it was very loosey goosey.
- [34:33]
Podcast Host - Interviewer
What did you have to do to get to a point where you could recognize this pain that you were carrying?
- [34:40]
Niecy Nash Betts
I had to be honest, you know? Cause people would say, what's wrong with you? And I would be like, nothing. What's wrong with you?
- [34:46]
Denzel Washington
Right.
- [34:47]
Niecy Nash Betts
I remember saying, I don't care what people think about me. And somebody said, but you should, you know? And then once you start having children, you don't want to give them your trauma if you can help it.
- [35:02]
Podcast Host - Interviewer
Sure.
- [35:03]
Niecy Nash Betts
So I had to get it together. I had to go to therapy. I had to create a very deep and intense spiritual life with a higher power. Like, I had to unpack It. And then I had to go back and feel all the stuff that I hadn't felt, and I was just, oh, my God. I didn't think I was gonna make it.
- [35:21]
Podcast Host - Interviewer
Yeah. Well, that's why. I mean, there's a moment in your Emmy acceptance speech where you thanked yourself, which I really loved.
- [35:29]
Niecy Nash Betts
And the Emmy goes to. Niecy Nash Betts. And you know who I want to thank? I want to thank me for believing in me and doing what they said I could not do. And I want to say to myself in front of all you beautiful people, go on, girl, with your bad self. You did that, Mama. I won.
- [35:55]
Podcast Host - Interviewer
I loved that.
- [35:56]
Niecy Nash Betts
Thank you.
- [35:56]
Podcast Host - Interviewer
I loved that. It was a recognition of the work that you've done.
- [36:00]
Niecy Nash Betts
Yeah.
- [36:00]
Podcast Host - Interviewer
The work that you've done in here.
- [36:03]
Niecy Nash Betts
Yeah.
- [36:03]
Podcast Host - Interviewer
To be the woman that sits here today, that part, I think you should feel really proud of yourself.
- [36:09]
Niecy Nash Betts
And I do. I absolutely am proud of myself. And those are just some of the things that have happened. But to get up and to push through, My grandmother used to always say, pull up and push through and never look like what you're going through, you know, So I.
- [36:27]
Podcast Host - Interviewer
That's great.
- [36:28]
Niecy Nash Betts
The three words that I've often lived by are no matter what, no matter what it takes, no matter what it costs me, no matter how I may feel about it. No matter what.
- [36:40]
Podcast Host - Interviewer
Let's move on to your next selection, because it really does signify, I think, that no matter what attitude, really. Which is your place?
- [36:51]
Niecy Nash Betts
My place is my star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame. She has a star, and it is so special and important to me because.
- [37:02]
Podcast Host - Interviewer
Can I just say, this is such a brilliant story that you are about to tell. I love this so much. Tell me the story of when a 7 or 8 year old. Niecy.
- [37:16]
Niecy Nash Betts
I see, I go, we come from St. Louis. I don't know what we're doing. But my dad took me out, and we were in Hollywood, and we were looking at all the stars on the Walk of Fame, and I see a man. And I said, daddy, that man is on tv. I didn't know his name. And my dad looked and he said, oh, that's Ed Asner, you know, from the Mary Tyler Moore show or something. And I was like, I'll be right back. And I walked up to him and I said, excuse me, sir, you're an actor. And I'm gonna be an actor too. And I just want you to know that one day I'm gonna have a star right here on this ground. And he was like, yeah, kids, Graham he walked off and I was like, I'm Niecy. Remember my name. And one day it happened in. What was that? 2017? 2018. 2017. When did I get my star?
- [38:11]
Podcast Host - Interviewer
2018.
- [38:11]
Niecy Nash Betts
Was it 18?
- [38:12]
Podcast Host - Interviewer
I think you got told in 2017. And the unveiling of it was in 2018.
- [38:15]
Niecy Nash Betts
In 2018, I sent him an invitation.
- [38:18]
Podcast Host - Interviewer
You wrote to Ed Asda.
- [38:20]
Niecy Nash Betts
And I said, I don't know if you remember me, but this happened and told him the story. And he sent me back a letter, a card, and he said, of course I know your name and I'm so glad that you didn't let a crotchety old man keep you from your dream. And he hand drew a little star and he put my name in it. Unfortunately, I'm not going to be able to come and good luck with everything. I said, okay. Two days before the ceremony, they were like, he will be there. And I was like, what? And so I couldn't look at him because I would have cried my fake eyelashes off. It was no way. So after then, I was able to fully acknowledge him and have a moment with him. And we talked at my reception. It was just such a full circle moment, you know what I mean? 40 years later, 40 years later, it happened and he was still alive to see it.
- [39:20]
Podcast Host - Interviewer
Do you get any say in where your star will be placed?
- [39:24]
Niecy Nash Betts
You do not, and I will tell you mine is right outside of cbs. So if you. If you need tampons or a pack of gum, just walk right out and you'll see me right there. And there are oftentimes that we go, my spouse and I, and clean it up just to make sure we keep it looking nice.
- [39:42]
Podcast Host - Interviewer
Because there are some dodgy parts of the Walk of Fame. Oh, yeah, because like, Frank Sinatra is, like, down a sort of weird side street somewhere. Have you ever noticed that's, like, outside? I think, like a launderette somewhere? It's kind of amazing. Do you think getting a star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame is particularly significant or perhaps of greater significance for you because you grew up 20 minutes away from where it is?
- [40:07]
Niecy Nash Betts
I don't think it's about the location. I think it's about destiny fulfilled for me. Because I don't care where it would be if I named it and I claimed it, you know, I would still feel the same way when it manifests.
- [40:23]
Podcast Host - Interviewer
It's a great lesson. Let's bring us to another full circle moment in your life, and it involves the piece of music. What is it? What is the piece of music?
- [40:32]
Niecy Nash Betts
My piece of Music is a song called Catch Me. It is written and recorded by the greatest love of my life. I'm on my third marriage, James. Two boys and a girl. When I first was made aware of this song, I was filming a tv. I was in another marriage, my second marriage now. We were looking for music for this TV show I was doing called Claus Catch. I knew the artist Jessica Betts, and I said, well, can you send me a piece of music? Because, you know, maybe I could give it to our music supervisor and it can fit in the show or something. When I heard that song, I was bawling my eyes out, because the way she talked about the love that she wanted was the love I wanted. And I was already married, but I still wanted that. Catch me When I can't fake it anymore When I can't fake it anymore Catch me Catch me And I was like, I never even told her that. I cried my eyes out when I heard something. Never even said it. Cut to. We ended up getting married in our backyard in 2020, right in the middle of the pandemic. She stood in that with that guitar and sang that song, because it was the song that really brought us together.
- [42:01]
Podcast Host - Interviewer
It's such an amazing story. I mean, you kept your relationship with Jessica secret from everybody, really, for a long time. Is that right?
- [42:13]
Niecy Nash Betts
Well, my relationship was private, but it wasn't a secret. But I absolutely told my family first. I didn't tell you the world first.
- [42:22]
Podcast Host - Interviewer
How was their reaction?
- [42:24]
Niecy Nash Betts
My youngest daughter said, oh, my gosh, everybody's gonna think I'm so cool, because now I'll have a dad and two moms. And I was like, what? My middle daughter said, okay, well, if you happy, girl, then I'm happy for you. And my son said, are you going through a midlife crisis? I was like, no. So I told my immediate family, which is my children and my mom.
- [42:53]
Podcast Host - Interviewer
So how long had you been together or dating before you told them?
- [43:00]
Niecy Nash Betts
I had probably been dating since November of 2019. And then by February of 2020, I was like, this is my person, and we're gonna be together. And then I told my family and my Fab Five, which was Sherri Shepherd, Oprah Winfrey, Ava DuVernay, and my sister Kelly Stewart.
- [43:29]
Podcast Host - Interviewer
And you're the Fab Five?
- [43:31]
Niecy Nash Betts
Yeah.
- [43:32]
Podcast Host - Interviewer
That is a girl band I would go and see on tour whenever they are playing.
- [43:37]
Niecy Nash Betts
Woo.
- [43:40]
Podcast Host - Interviewer
Were there any bumps in the road with yours and Jessica's relationship?
- [43:44]
Niecy Nash Betts
Not for us.
- [43:46]
Podcast Host - Interviewer
Oh, so gone was there bumps in the road for anybody else?
- [43:49]
Niecy Nash Betts
Oh, you know, I was married Twice before, but it was never like, I've always wanted to be with a woman. I never even thought about it. My daughter said, aren't you the same mama who said I'm strictly dickly? I was like, I did kind of say that, didn't I? I never thought about being a woman.
- [44:06]
Podcast Host - Interviewer
You never thought about being with a woman until you met Jess?
- [44:08]
Niecy Nash Betts
Uh huh. We were friends for like four and a half years. So the first time I see her in Jersey and I'm not married anymore, she was on her way to go see another girl. And I was like, well, did you eat? She said, no. I said, well, let me get you. Let me make you something to eat. Don't think nothing of it. And pushed her right out the door. Have fun. Second time I saw her, she said, what you doing? I said, I'm getting ready to go get some crabs. She said, I want crabs. I said, well, I'm leaving in five minutes. The place was right in between where we both lived. When I got there, she was not there. And you know what I did? Ordered my food. I was already elbows deep in crap when she walked in. And so she sat down. I was like, oh, can you get her some food? But something happened when we were talking in there. I just felt like I saw her with fresh eyes. My stomach got hot, my pits got sweaty. I was like, oh, Lord, what is that? I was like, first of all, this is my friend. Second of all, it's a girl. But the feelings were like, so weird. I was like, I don't want the night to end because I'm trying to make sure I'm not crazy. So I was like, I'm going back home to watch a movie if you want to come. You know, the movie was Sparkle. And we went back, we watched Sparkle. Sparkle was over. My stomach was still hot. I was like, I'm out of tricks. I don't have anything left. So I hugged her. I said, all right, we'll see you next time. Kissed her on the cheek. And when I pulled back, she said, you wanna go lay down? And I've been laying down ever since.
- [45:48]
Podcast Host - Interviewer
That's a great line. I mean, yeah. And it really brings us right up to your memory. Tell us the memory you wanna talk about as being significant in your life.
- [46:00]
Niecy Nash Betts
My. My most fond memory is my wedding to Jessica. The day was just perfect.
- [46:10]
Podcast Host - Interviewer
Tell me about it.
- [46:11]
Niecy Nash Betts
Okay, so we got engaged. Well, let me just back up a half of a step. Colman Domingo and his husband come over. We hang out in the pool and they leave and I don't know what I was doing, but I was being so irritating. And she was like, if anybody is going to get on my nerves, I want it to be you. Marry me. And I was like, wait, what? So we get engaged on July 3rd. And then she goes, well, what happens now? And I go, well, you know, we pick a date, we get married. And she was like, well, when do I get a ring? I'm like, at the wedding. Why? I'm like, because traditionally, that's how it goes. And she said, we not traditional people. I said, you right? And I went upstairs, and she didn't even know I had her ring. So I asked her to marry me in a hot tub, right? And six weeks later, we had 24 people. You drove up to the house and then you had to get your COVID test and wait in the car to the results. Came on into the backyard. None of the vendors knew it was a wedding. The girl who did my makeup did not know. The DJ didn't know until I walked out in a wedding dress. He was like, wait, what? What's going on?
- [47:31]
Podcast Host - Advertiser
Right?
- [47:32]
Niecy Nash Betts
And now here's the gotcha. Gotcha. I had a designer who I called and said, I'm, you know, need a wedding dress. Sent the dress, and the dress did not work out. So now I'm crying. I'm like, my wedding is in two weeks and I don't have a dress. And guess how I found my dress? I asked Siri.
- [47:52]
Podcast Host - Interviewer
Hang on. You just said to Siri.
- [47:53]
Niecy Nash Betts
I said, siri, I need a wedding dress. And she said, this place is open, wherever it was. And I got in the car and I drove there. My daughters knew I was crying. They met me there. I go in there, I'm still crying because I'm like, there's no way these people, you know, you seen these TV shows. It takes a year for you to get a dress and thing. And a bop and a bop. So I pick up a dress. True story. The first dress I looked at, I threw it in the room. I found two more. The lady was like, I'll be right with you. I come out in the first dress I found, and another saleswoman walked up and touched my arm and said, I know who you are. And in that moment, my mind was like, girl, I don't care what TV show you watch. I'm in a crisis. I don't care where you know me from your program. I don't want to talk about it. I don't care. You know what she said? You're Michael Inslee's sister. I went to high school with your brother, and he was so funny and so kind. I cried all over the front of the dress, and I said, I'll take it. And that's how I chose my dress.
- [49:06]
Podcast Host - Interviewer
Niecy Nash.
- [49:07]
Niecy Nash Betts
Yes.
- [49:08]
Podcast Host - Interviewer
Your movie. It's the 1976 original movie Sparkle. Your possession. It's your pendant bearing the photograph of your brother. Your person is your mother. Your place is your star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame. Your piece of music is Catch Me by Jessica Betts. And your memory is your wedding to Jessica Betts in your backyard. Thank you so much for sharing this life of yours.
- [49:40]
Niecy Nash Betts
Oh, my God. I was trying so hard not to cry this house time. But now.
- [49:47]
Podcast Host - Interviewer
I'll never forget it. You're the best.
- [49:48]
Niecy Nash Betts
Thank you for having me.
- [49:50]
Podcast Host - Interviewer
Up next is this.
- [49:54]
Denzel Washington
I'm Denzel Washington. Welcome to this life of mine. My first show was a musical, and I had to sing when Mabel came into the room.
- [50:06]
Podcast Host - Advertiser
Right.
- [50:06]
Denzel Washington
The Dingy Curtain.
- [50:08]
Podcast Host - Interviewer
You know that song? No.
- [50:09]
Denzel Washington
Yeah. Me, I've never been a film person. I started in the theater. The films I watched were Superfly Jab when I was, you know. But I. I thought I was gonna be on Broadway and make $600 a week one day, and that would be it. And that was good enough. I hope to be the man your father is.
- [50:32]
Podcast Host - Interviewer
If I play him that clip, his head would be so big.
- [50:35]
Denzel Washington
I mean it. Well, yeah, yeah, yeah. All right. If we slow down, he was like, all right. You ain't sold as many books as me, dad.
- [50:43]
Podcast Host - Interviewer
God's just saying no, listen, it's gonna be all right.
- [50:45]
Niecy Nash Betts
It's gonna be all right.
- [50:46]
Podcast Host - Interviewer
I'm gonna talk to you through Denzel Washington.
- [50:48]
Denzel Washington
What do they say? God works in mysterious ways.
- [50:50]
Podcast Host - Interviewer
That could be the most mysterious ever.
- [51:03]
Podcast Host - Advertiser
If you haven't subscribed to Lemonada Premium yet, now is the perfect time. You can listen to this life of mine completely ad free. You'll unlock exclusive quickfire rounds of questions with all of my guests. They're all in two minutes or less. Just tap that subscribe button on Apple Podcasts or head to lemonade premium.com to subscribe on any other app. Or you can listen ad free on Amazon Music with your prime membership. That's Lemonade premium dot com. Don't miss out.