Loading summary
Transcript50 lines
- [00:01]
Stitch Fix Advertiser
Shopping is hard, right? But I found a better way. Stitch Fix online. Personal styling makes it easy. I just give my stylist my size, style and budget preferences. I order boxes when I want and how I want, no subscription required. And he sends just for me, pieces plus outfit recommendations and styling tips. I keep what works and send back the rest. It's so easy. Make style easy. Get started today@stitchfix.com Spotify. That's Stitch Fix.com Spotify.
- [00:30]
Theo Von
That's it. That's it. That's it. Don't you even. You chill out, dude. If I had a husband, I would. Ooh, I'm. Dude, I would not even come home to him. I'll say that straight up, bro. If I had a freaking husband, dude, I would not even come home to his freaking white ass. No, sir. No, sir. But I'm getting a wife. That's what I'm getting. One of these days. Not now, soon. I know I've said it before, but I'm just. That's is what I'm doing. And so if my wife is a man, dude, I will be. I will be upset. I'll be upset. I'm just going to say it straight up. So, anyway, good to see you today. Good to be here with you. It is August in the year 2025. And these. These anos, which are Mexican years, are rattling on. These bitches, they. They down, they go. Everything is hidden down here, baby. It's just. Things just speed up and I get burnt out. I'll tell you, I get dang burnt out. I feel like I just a. Just an empty eight ball bag. I'm, you know, I just, you know, I get burnt out. I mean, I just. But I show up. But I show up. That's the thing. I get burnt out, but I show up. You know, I'm that lava lamp homie. I'm the Lord's lava lamp dog. And I'll. I'll bust on y', all. You know what I'm saying? Type boy. Blm. Anyway, just had to get all that out of my system. Good to see you. Good to. Good to be with you today. What's going on? Just had some crazy couple of weeks of shows touring. That's kind of the usual. I was in Philly. We went over there and you know, Philly, you know, you'll see a baby, he'll be crawling just to work by himself. You're. My God. He's union. He's, you know, he'll get a pension if he started that early. You see that though you see kids, 5, 6 year olds playing, wearing damn hard hats over there, falling on them. Just. That's Philly, you know, it's tough. Everything's tough over there. You'll see a cigarette, smoking a cigarette. You're like, God, everything's just puffing. That's how it is over there. That's Philly ain't feeling. Hey, Philly. Dude, I was dating this girl from Philly. She's like, she's visiting me and she's like, oh, do they have bottom mimosas or whatever? And I was like, I don't know. And she's like, oh, in Philly they got bottomless ones. You guys don't have bottomless? I was like, I don't know. I don't know. They may have. They might not. I don't know if they have, you know. And I'm like, oh, we could go get some. I know a place for good Italian food. And she'd be like, well, is it bottomless? And I'm like, I don't. It's, you know. No, it's, you know, it's like regular entree and two sides. And she'd be like, in Philly, they have dinos and they have bottomless raviolis. I'm like, dude, I don't want bottomless raviolis. I don't ever want that. I will pay someone an extra $40 to put a bottom on the raviolis. Bottomless, all chicks from Philly care about is getting bottomless meals. That's it. She's like, oh, we were. We went to my friend Julia's birthday last week and they had bottomless eggs at brunch. And I was like, oh, hide my dick in a submarine. I do not ever want bottomless eggs. Just pisses me off, bro. She's like, oh, God, I wish we were back in Manion, there's a fire department that serves bottomless coleslaw every year during summer solstice or whatever. I'm like, you're sick, lady. And she got upset. If I take her to places that. That had regular servings, she got upset. I know a great place we can go and get some. Some wings. And she's like, well, how many do they give you? And I'm like, this bitch. Why? I said, they give you, you know. You know, a. Nor a normal amount for somebody that's eating, you know, five or six. And you could just see her just. Her energy just dropped. She's like, oh, I wish we were in Philly right now. There's. They're having bottomless cheesecake over in Fishtown a day at 4 p p.m. i'd be like, I don't care.
- [05:36]
Musical Interlude / Singer
I don't care.
- [05:38]
Theo Von
Tonight in Center City, they're having bottomless manicotti. I'll be like. And I was like, no, I don't want that. And she got. All her feelings got hurt. Her feelings got hurt, man. And she's like. And she kind of snuggled up her grandmother and made her like a Silver Linings playbook, like, you know, knitted quilt or whatever. And she just was like, oh, you should go to Kensington. They're having bottomless methadone over there. You're like, oh, God. So anyway, I'm just. I'm just. It's an all call. I would love. Maybe one day I'll marry a nurse from Philly. Marry a good, you know, semi violent woman who can put an IV in you after she pieces you up a little bit. But. But I'm just saying be aware. Women from Philly, they wanted bottomless, you know, I want a woman that wants a little bit of a bottom on things. That's who I am. So praise God and God bless everybody. What's happening? We just had some good shows everywhere. You know, most of them are pretty good these days, I think. I mean, I know it's hit or miss in some of the venues. I'm just saying from an actual aspect of trying to pull it off. Where do we go? Yeah, Philly, Rochester. We just had some out in San Diego, Oceanside, which is beautiful if you get to go there. Everybody pulled up. A lot of great folks and a lot of Mexican people too. And I want to say something. I want to say something right now. I want to give a round of applause to all the Mexican people for keeping this country going. Thank you. Gracias, mastamas. Thank you though. Because Mexican people keeping this going, bro. They're the wind in the sail, man. So I salute them. If I see Mexican people, I hit them with that hard right there. I give them that triple M right there for Mexico. Hit him with that, boy. Yeah, More. Amor papa. Amor mama. That's it. A more or less Mexico. Thank you. What else is going on? Let's get into some news. I could tell you more about me. I've been a little bit burnt, but I don't want to go into that. What am I dealing with? Let me think about what I'm dealing with. Maybe just on a personal level for a minute. What's happening? We have a Netflix special that we're coming up with soon, we're going to tape that in New York City. So just. If you. If you check on social media, on our Instagrams, we'll put it up on there. So it's exciting. And just thank you to everybody that's come out over this tour. It's almost over, and I just can't believe it. All the places that we've been and. And some of the shows. You know, we always tried our best, but thank you guys for showing up and trying your best, too, and giving the live show a chance and. Yeah, I've definitely learned a lot and. Yeah. So I just want to say thank you very much and I appreciate you for coming out, and I hope I can return the favor to you in our lifetime. What else is popping with me personally? I went to Hulk Hogan's funeral. Yeah. My tour manager and I went down and. And it was, you know, you get down there and it's beautiful. Is down in Largo, Florida. And we ended up meeting up with Kid Rock or. Yeah. I was having dinner with him a couple nights before, and he's like, do you want to go to. He said. Mentioned he was going down, and I was like, oh, I'm going to go to the funeral. And then he's like, well, let's. Let's. Let's go. So we went and so that was the crew. We get down there and we got to. I mean, it's in a beautiful church down there. Where was that church, Zach, if you can look that up for me really fast, where was that church down there? Indian River. Indian. Oh, that's a damn casino, actually. Indian Rocks Baptist Church in Largo, Florida. Okay. Indian Rocks Baptist, almost. I'm just saying that thing's a couple of, you know, a couple slow weekends away from being. Getting overtaken by a casino, bro, it sounds like. But anyway, beautiful place. Indian Rocks Baptist Church, you know, and they have, like, a baptism. It's actually where Hulk Hogan got baptized not too long ago. They played that during the memorial service, and it was nice. Beautiful place there. A lot of people sitting in there, and you walk in and there's a lot of people in there. You know, Hacksaw was in there, mounted a south. Jimmy Hart was in there. Ric Flair was in there, Dennis Rodmans was in there. And he kind of like. He kind of, you know, I think as. As they were pushing the casket out, it kind of shook, like, wobbled a little bit, and he. Rodman kind of stopped it, which was kind of crazy. He was like, you know, like one last rebound Kind of just, you know, he kind of just helped toe the line there and just kind of keep the Hulk headed to heaven, I guess, straight away and. But yeah, it was just, you know, it was kind of crazy because you're walking, you know, for me, I was walking through a lot of my childhood, just the moments of all these wrestlers. And some of them's in wheelchairs and some of them's in, you know, some of them gots on chain mail and. Or fake spines. All kind of. They got. Everybody's in there. Fake arm, fake neck. You got, you know, people in there are so many missing parts. It's just a damn Jim McMahon build a bear over there at that Hulk Hogan funeral over there. But yeah, so it's kind of wild just to see like all like the, you know, parts of my heroes and stuff like that and like. And see heroes from when I was a child. Because there was nobody bigger to us than professional wrestlers. I'm gonna say that right out loud. And I' ma say that our love for professional wrestlers was bottomless, bro. Point blank, homie. We just loved them, dude. I mean, Nate, like, me and my buddy William would stay up at night and try to watch Saturday night main event when Hulkamania would show up on there and the big boss man and bam, Bam. Big hello. Me and my buddy William, both of us were falling asleep. We would hold each other's eyes open. I would hold his open and he would hold mine open. And we would just hold each other's eyes open. Boy. And we eat as many of those red hot fireballs as we could. So our mouths would be like, they were dripping blood. And we would spray WD40 on our arms and on each other's backs. Yeah, yeah, get it on my back, Whitey. And we would do that, boy. And we would fall. Just wait there until they came on the screen. The wrestlers ultimate warrior. Rudy the Rabbit. Ravishing. Not rapist or whatever. What is. I don't know. That guy was. Oh, yeah, with the hair cutters. The gardener. This like, gardener. He had like gardener shears and he would cut your mom's hair or something. And then she would be a pregnant, you know, so anyway. Yeah, but the wrestling was like, we looked up to those guys, you know, like on our street, a lot of the kids, there wasn't a lot to look up to, you know, There wasn't a lot to look up to. So those wrestlers, when they, you know, it was like, I don't know, wrestling, to me, it felt like it was for poor people. Bro, I'm going say that out loud. You know, just all the character. I don't know, it just. I think there was no barrier to entry for wrestling, right? You didn't have to have a hoop or a pool. There was nothing you had to have. You had to have a younger sibling who was willing to get hurt, okay? You had to have a spare neck brace. And that was all you had to have. And you could be a professional wrestler in your house for a little while until your sister got fucking bad off. I remember one time, one buddy's sister, she'd been fucking. They'd put her in a damn. You know, my one buddy's finishing move was the damn biopsy and that shit. God, you know, you could hear one of her eyes just rattling in the back of her throat like one of those lotto balls just coming up the pipe before you knew the number. I mean, my buddy would. He would really rip his sister up and. But anyway, everybody's fine now as adults. Pretty good. But I remember she was all banged up and they had to put it to use a couple damn broom handles. I mean full broom handles, not those little, you know, just some little kitchen sticks. I'm talking about that janitor thing that, you know, that janitor carries that big Friar Tuck broom that got that, that 2 inch girth on that big thing, that handle. And they had her keyed up to a couple of those like a damn scarecrow, trying to keep her body organized enough so she could finish school. So anyway, sorry, let me get back to it. But when wrestling came on tv, man, it was like, even if I felt horrible about myself as a kid or if I felt ashamed of where we lived, you know, if I felt, I don't know if I felt like I didn't have somebody looking out for me or just all that stuff, all that stuff that I felt as a child, right? And I'm not, not. I don't need any self pity. I'm just telling you, those things I had, you know, that was part of my, part of my heart and brain at the time and all that would go away. Man, when that wrestling came on, you know, like when Hulk Hogan came on there, it like, it just gave me something. Like I literally gave me something to look up to. I look, I would sit there and look up at the screen, you know, it was just, I mean, it just gave you something like, it just made you feel kind of like thing, you know, something's possible, you might need steroids and you might need, you know, a lot of Fake sweat or whatever. You might need to rub your body against another man at night in different cities around the world, but you can figure it out. And, yeah, I just love that, man. There was something about it in our neighborhood, man. So, yeah, shout out to my buddy Will Teague over there. Eddie Joe, Larry Tisdale, Robbie Taylor, the whole gang over there. We loved wrestling, man. It was. It was everything to us. So thank you to Hulk Hogan and all the wrestlers that gave us. That just gave us that feeling of like, yeah, I'm gonna show up and I'm gonna rip my shirt off and I'm gonna DDT somebody at my workplace. That was good anyway. But, yeah, so it was just wild, you know, to get to see a lot of different heroes. And part of me wanted to stay longer. The people that I went with were left early, and so I couldn't stay. I wanted to kind of mill around, and I got to say some hellos and meet some new people and. But I just felt really lucky to go. Nick Hogan was there, Hulk's son. That was nice. I'd met him before, but I got to see his wife, meet her and Linda sky. To a. Hulk's. His wife and ex wife. And one thing that I thought was pretty neat was whenever Nick Hogan was up there, he was just making a speech, and he's like, you know, he said that, you know, he believes that his father's watching over him. And then he kind of said. He kind of did, like, a bit of an impersonation of his dad. And he's like, what you gonna do when the Hulkster is watching over you? And I thought that was pretty cool. Anyway, that's through it through to wrestling. Ah. What else is going on? Let's get into a little bit of news. We've got some calls from you guys. I'm. I. I do want to, you know, I want to try and do more regular episodes. I know I said that before, but with this tour almost done, I'm excited to get a little bit more space so I can feel, and I want to. I want to have more space in my head to be creative and to feel. Man, there's. There's days I can't even feel. And I'm not complaining. I'm just like, dang, this is life. You just get, you know, you get going. It's hard to tap in sometimes and have a conversation with somebody where your feelings need to be present and. And I. And that's one thing I've really always loved about this podcast was just like, the Presentness of feelings. And so I am looking forward to having a little space in my life and time to make that a possibility. So. But we'll see. You know what I'm saying? I've said that before. But anyway, but yeah, thank you guys so much for support on this tour. I can't even believe it. I want to make a whole slideshow that I'm going to put together and maybe put out just to like, just show like some different moments, people that we met along the way and things like that. I'll have to figure that out exactly how I'm gonna do that. What do we have here? We got new news here. Morgan Wallen will not submit music for 2026 Grammys. Wallen, who's never won a Grammy despite his status as being the biggest artist in country music, has the best selling album of 2025 with I'm the problem. Morgan Wallen will not be submitting his music for consideration of the 2026 Grammy Awards. Good for them, man. Good for him. I like that shit. I like it it. Because, you know, the awards are blessing. That kind of stuff's nice. But what does it mean, right? And once you quit saying you could use us for your awards and they don't have any awards, boy. And the people choose so. But also, what the am I talking about? I don't know. And I'm sure there's people out there that are excited to win Grammys, but Morgan always doing some rogue. And I'm there for it. I'm there for that dog. Give me a. You gonna make me drive over there and get your deal and that thing and the dub. Bring up a Grammy on the thing. Let me look at one of these bitches. I wish they gave you a real Grammy. That's what I wish. Oh, they give you one of these old hearing aid things right here. Now I wish I gave you a real ass Grammy, boy. Just a beautiful little grandmother would come out and hug you. That's what we should do, dude. You win a Grammy and then we have like six Grammys back behind a curtain, right? And one of them, you know, they spark one of them up a little bit. They kind of, you know, touch her in the back with a fork or something. Nothing heavy, but just, you know, she's doing Grammy stuff. She's knitting or something. You got to get her attention. And then that one rolls out from behind the curtain and hugs whoever wins. Dude, that would be great, bro. You telling me? I would love a hug from somebody's grandmother. God, those hugs Are just the way you land in them. It's like being at a spa. You get a young hug from one of these young. Some of them are strong and they got. You know. Some chick hugged me that day. She had a couple damn dumbbells in her hand, two barbells, three and a half pounders. Like, what the is this? But you get a hug from a grandmother. She got them damn catcher's mitts full of love. She got two of them, baby. And their arms go right into the tits. They ain't even a difference, bruh. That's just a big bicep tit, bicep tip. That's just a damn. That's a love seat. She got them two arms like a damn front end loader that will hug you. God. So that's what I would like to see. Because a lot of that, man, I don't care about that. Put me on your thing. You do this. You won this. What is that? What is that? Then you choose who you think's the best. That sold everything out there. He sold everything out there. He. Dude, I remember I was talking to Morgan a couple weeks ago. He said he couldn't even get a ticket to his own show, bruh. That's how sold out them hard, dog. So what are y' all even playing, bro? Good for him, man. Them so. But now also, I can't sing, so I could never win one, but almost won fifth place in that school spelling beat, baby. They put me in that. It was me in the final two. And this girl named Helena. Some people called her Big Helena. I didn't do it, but some people did. And the word that I misspelled was inconvenience. And she was pregnant at the time. And she got it. She got it right. That's how it was. They said, can you use it in a sentence? And they're like, being pregnant in middle school would be an inconvenience. And that cracked the code for that hit. Rattled off them letters. Rattled off them letters. Let me see how many letters in inconvenience? Man, you look it up here on my perplexity. That's what I use. Some people use other AIs. I like this one. It's a little more professional. Let me see. Inconvenience has 13 letters. If you spell it correctly. It says on here, Dang. Dang. This got jokes. All right. Type, man. But I like that. Let's keep it moving here. Thank you guys for bearing with me today. I'm trying to be a little bit more imperfect today. And I mean, that just in the sense, like, in my head, I'm always like, I got to do this, I got to do it. I'm tired of that. I'm tired of that voice. What else do we have? Oh, wow. Here we go. A woman reported missing by her family in Texas has been found living amongst a lost African tribe in the Scottish woodlands. The kingdom of Kubala claimed they have settled in a forest in Jedburgh with the intention of reclaiming land that was stolen from their ancestors 400 years ago. Wow. And this lady is living there. We live a very simple life of returning to innocence. We return to nature. And they got photos of them on here. They grill and stuff like that. They grilling up a lot of it looks like, you know, it looks like goat and stuff like that. And they vibed out. They got like Zulu warrior type of energy out here and kind of just chilling, intense. It looks like kind of like REI tents. But you got to be careful, man. I think because a lot of I noticed this in my life. If you take a woman to a certain restaurant, they want that lifestyle. They want that lifestyle, dude. I was dating a girl in LA for a bit. I took her over there to Rainforest Cafe. Three weeks later that moved to St. Thomas and married a brother, St. Thomas. Oh, because I'm out here getting that apps over here at Rainforest Cafe. Be careful. You take your lady to PF Chang, and next thing you know, she got all your all chip chopped out at the house. Lamp shades and everything. She got ninjas on the bookshelf. She got a stack of books and then two ninjas just pushing against each side of them. That's the kind of shit women will do that, bro. You take them to PF Changs over there. You take a lady over there to PF Shines, and next thing you know, she got you brushing your teeth with a damn bamboo stick or whatever. And that's your money buying all of that. So you got to be careful. You can easily lose a woman. Somebody probably took this lady to a nice restaurant of some sort. That's what I would guess. Probably took her out to a Caribbean dinner or Scottish meal or something, because that's it. Missing Texas woman found living in lost African tribe in Scotland. But yeah, man, that's what happened for me, man. I took a lady to Rainforest Cafe and bam. That gone out there.
- [27:23]
Musical Interlude / Singer
But yes, dust living out there, gambling.
- [27:27]
Theo Von
Place a bet with me. She's living out there on St. Thomas wearing a grass skirt and married to some guy who played in the NBA DL out there, G League. That was it, bro. She didn't even tell me by she's out there, say, you know, I love the islands. I'm like, you didn't even pay half for the food we ordered. You didn't even pay half for the food. You don't love shit. Summertime. Supposed to be all about fun and joy in the sun, relaxing, the pool, good vibes. But the truth is, it's also one of the busiest seasons for injuries. Yep, injuries. Ooh, I love the summer. Oh, God, I'm injured. Whether it's a poolside slip, a festival gone sideways, a theme park accident, or anything, summer fun can take a turn fast. That's where Morgan and Morgan comes in. They have over 1,000 attorneys nationwide to help you get back on your feet and get your summer back on track. They've recovered over $25 billion for their clients nationwide. There's a reason they're America's largest injury law firm. Hiring the wrong firm can be disastrous. Hiring the right firm could substantially increase your settlement. If you've been hurt this summer, you can check out Morgan and Morgan. It's free unless they win. Just click on the link in the description below or visit forthepeople.com the that's f o r t h e people.com theo or click the link in the description below. This is a paid advertisement. Is pornography causing a problem in your life? Do you find yourself watching porno for longer periods of time and having trouble stopping? Is porn affecting your relationship or dating life? Well, you're certainly not alone. Watching pornography has become so commonplace today and oftentimes men use porn to numb the pain of loneliness, boredom, anxiety and depression. Shame and stigma prevent men from talking about these issues and getting help for them. I want to introduce you to my friend Steve. Steve is the founder of Valor Recovery, a program to help men overcome porn abuse and sexual compulsivity. Steve is a Long Term Sexual Recovery member and has personally overcame the emotional and spiritual despair of abusing pornography and has dedicated his life to empowering men to do the same. Steve is an amazing person and he is a close friend of mine. I mean that Valor Recovery helps men to develop the tools necessary to have a healthier sex life. Their coaches are in Long Term Recovery and will be your partner, mentor, and spiritual guide to transcend these problematic behaviors. To learn more about Valor Recovery, please Visit them at www.valorrecoverycoaching.com or email them at admin@valor recovery coaching.com thank you. Anyway, what else we got? FDA warns public not to eat possibly radioactive shrimp sold at Walmart. Gang boy. The Food and Drug Administration is warning the public not to eat, sell or serve certain great value raw frozen shrimp sold at Walmarts to possible contamination with cesium 137, a radioactive isotope. Gosh, what is. What is happening? U.S. customs and Border Protection alerted the FDA about possible cesium 137 detected in shipping containers at four U.S. ports. If you have recently purchased raw frozen shrimp from Walmart that matches this description, throw it away. Cesium is a soft, flexible, silvery white metal that becomes liquid near room temperature, but easily bonds with chlorides to create a crystalline powder, according to the U.S. environmental Protection Agency. Damn, that powder makes you want to stay around and see if you can have a little bit of it. A couple of different dates on great value brand shrimp. Those are the issues. You, you can check those out. You know, it's. Honestly, it sounds like this almost just sounds like an origin story. I bet. Because this is how the media works. I bet this is just an origin story for a new Marvel character. That's all it's going to be. This is how they do it. They put something in the media that's not real and then they create a character on it a year later and bring it out. So it's all. It builds in your head. That's a psychology, bro. That's a psychology. They have a planned way to do it. And that's what this is. I think this is a new Marvel character. This is Cocktail. That's who it is. Oh, that's him. Cocktail started out as an appetizer. Now he's a boss. We right here. Cocktail. Dude, I like that Cocktail, bro. That's the thing I've been getting now at night time, if I'm trying to be on a date, I'm trying to be in love or something. Bam. I'm getting you. That, that little shrimp cocktail boy. Yeah, you just see them, them, them tails because that's not the. I don't know where the is, bro. And that's fine. I don't need to see it. But you just see them tails hanging off the edge of that little cup. They put them on just like a couple stripper legs just hanging off that beach and I like them, bruh. Cocktail, he was an appetizer, now he's a boss. One shrimp, 100 tons of cesium, 137. Oh, that could be it, man. China's new pregnancy robot is set to replace the human womb by 2026. I've been saying this. The womb is great. God made it. It's beautiful. It's that original OG Skeet portal from Christ. Right? We get that. And it's been amazing. But you knew we were getting to this point where they was going to outsource that womb, that baby box. Because big facts doing. The womb doesn't even have air con, bro. The womb doesn't even have air con, bruh. And some of them, the plumbing's even bad in them or whatever, the babies in there. And they got a dang little piss creek or whatever rocking by or something because mama's out there, you know, slurping too many lemonades or whatever. Micheladas. So that's the kind of. That pops off around there. So, yeah, now it'd be great. You can have a little robot, even a little Chinese robot. Your baby's in there. You put the egg in there. You put the semen in there. It's got even, like, a little microwave door on that. You put it in there, set that thing. Whatever you want, mild or whatever, you know, eight months, seven months. You could even do black and mild or whatever. It's a little bit. It comes out with that Memphis Crisp on it. You feel me? They got all the options now and then you and your wife can still read or whatever, fight party or whatever, do a little toot or whatever. And your child is getting organized. Chinese manufactured, really. I guess now that is true. That may be. That may be sketchy because you. You have to deal with some Chinese manufacturing. It might get tariffed when you take it out of the microwave. I don't know. Trump might put that freaking. He might put that Chinese extradition tax when you open that microwave and get your child out. But that'd be great, man. You know, your white. Your child's getting raised in a robot. It's running around, and it can still complain. You can even put a wig on. It can still be like a wife if you need that energy. It can still be like, I need some chocolate pickles for me. I'm tired. Please rub my feet. And you over there, just spraying WD40 on them, baby. Them little Chinese toes. Or carpals de chino. Chinese toes, what else? I think we've gotten through a lot of stuff there on the news. Let's crack into a few calls from you guys. As always, the hotline for this show is 985-6664-9503. And thank you guys so much for your support and paying attention and just being a part of our life. And let me be a part of your life. Yeah. I just can't believe that this tour is coming to an end, but I'm also excited about it, excited for some new possibilities. All right, let's take some calls right here that came in. Thank you guys, for hitting the hotline.
- [37:19]
Shaky Jake
Hey, it's Shaky Jake. Just got over a seizure, looking like David Bowie or something.
- [37:29]
Theo Von
And Shaky Jake, baby, he's that rattler. He's one of God's rattlers out here, baby. He's that damn tuning fork. That buddy's got it in him. Let's hear more, brother.
- [37:40]
Shaky Jake
Just wanted to say that the podcast really helps keep me positive and keep me smiling. So thanks. Even though things are scary. So thank you, Theo.
- [37:56]
Theo Von
Well, you're welcome. And I'm sorry I was making fun of you a few seconds ago on this call, but also, I just was trying to make it more fun because, yeah, when you said seizure, and that's that thing, baby, when you got them tremors, dog, you part earthquake, part human. You hug a woman while you have one of those, she'll never let you go. A lot of these babes, they're paying 60, $70 for that type of action over there at one of these sex shops. So, God, I'm cheering you on here today. Shaky Jake, he's got it in him. And I'd love to know what kind of deal does he have. Let me hear at the beginning again. He's got an affliction.
- [38:38]
Shaky Jake
Hey, it's Shaky Jake. Just got over a seizure, looking like David Bowie or.
- [38:46]
Theo Von
And he's got a black eye on him. That's why he's saying that. And the video is on YouTube. We popped it in. So we got you in there shaky. And. Yeah, just heal up, baby, and get better. And we've all got something. We've all got something, man. So I commend you for putting it right out there. Face forward, brother. Right in this. I just mean it. Just like, bam, this is what I got. You know, I got that. I got that remix in my nerves. I got that reverb, homie. That white reverb. I like that. Blessings to you, man. And heal up well, brother. And heal up soon, man. Love you. Take another call in here.
- [39:32]
Caller - Relationship Questions
Hi, Theo. Big fan.
- [39:36]
Theo Von
Hello.
- [39:37]
Caller - Relationship Questions
I had a question for you. So I've been seeing this guy for about two months. I really like him, and I. I mean, I hope he likes me. Well, I'm not so sure because we've been dating for, like, I said, about two months now, and he hasn't kissed me yet. And I don't know what to do. The other day, he put his arm around me and then he apologized because it accidentally fell down a little bit, a little bit lower. That's my waist scale. And so I can't. He doesn't kiss me. I can't tell if he's gay or he just don't like me, you know?
- [40:08]
Theo Von
Well, there's other options, too. Sometimes people don't kiss you because maybe they're sick. Maybe they're sick. You ever thought of that? This boy could be damn terminal. And you're over there, wish he'd kiss me, you know? And he's over there just hoping God gives him another afternoon. Let's hear more.
- [40:29]
Caller - Relationship Questions
And I'm typically somebody that likes the guy to take the reins, so this is kind of a sticky situation for me, Theo, and I. I just wanted to get your advice on it. Much love. You know, I watch the podcast every week.
- [40:41]
Theo Von
Well, thank you so much. I appreciate that. I appreciate the warm words there. And I'll say this straight up. A lot of men out there don't even do kissing anymore. They do touching. They do hand touching and wiener. That's it. Kissing's from damn 1800s or whatever. 1600, Scotland. You see people kissing over there? Bring something up. Let me see this. Two people kissing in Scotland, 1700s. We'll split the difference. Two people kissing in Scotland in the 1700s. Bam. Look at those mfers, dude. Good day, sir. Oh, fancy the lips, lad. Oh, you're kissing me, huh? Welcome to Scotland. Yeah, see? So look, what I'm telling you, baby girl, is that things have changed. You know, some guys, they don't do. They don't do kissing. They do hand touch. They do wiener. So that could be what's poppin. And I think, look, a lot of guys even, there's places, there's articles now where guys are going to Costa Rica and getting their balls even taken off their body. They don't want them. It's dumb. Look at these ball. Like, the wiener looks like a, you know, like it could get hired by Frontier Airlines. That looks like it's going somewhere. The balls, they just look. They look like a couple of damn methadone homies sharing a wide mouth sleeping bag. That's all it is. So a lot of people are getting them nuts just clipped right off. And that's how you. And then you say to a lady, I got. It's all weaner, no nuts. All dick and no nuts, baby. God, that's into a woman. That sounds like a diet. That's a skinny margarita of sex right there. Oh, dick and no nuts. So anyway, I'm just telling you that could be happening. And look, it's 2027 or whatever it is. Who gives a. Some people are calling from the future now. People are on different time continuums. What I'm saying is this. If you want to kiss them, kiss them. Some woman the other night said, come over here. And me, little honky, you fat. Now, did I go over there? No, it was late, I was tired. But I admire that lady, okay? And she will get my vote if she ever runs for office. But thank you so much. I would just fucking kiss him. I would fucking take his hands and I would just fucking. I would just be like. Or just fucking, right? Fuck me or something on one of his arms. And then he reads it, he's like, fuck me. And then bam. So that's actually. That's illegal. I think that's illegal. So don't do that. That's cheating or whatever. But yeah. But yeah, I think these. These days, some men are too spooked. They held the. Me too. Everybody lobbed in everything about that and now everybody is, you know, every guy's a prey, you know. So it's like now a lot of dudes, the good dudes are afraid. They're afraid sometimes, you know. And I'll say this too. A lot of men, they think the wieners barely even a wiener anymore in some circles of existence. Some dudes, they just think they got that long on them. So let's hear another call here, as always, outline. 985-664-9503. Here we go.
- [44:22]
Caller - Jake Smith
Hey, what's going on, Theo? My name is Jake Smith.
- [44:25]
Theo Von
Jake Smith. Thank you for the call, daddy. I appreciate it. Onward.
- [44:30]
Caller - Jake Smith
I was really wondering if you had some fatherly advice. I got my first baby on the way here in less than a week. I'm about to find out boy or girl. So we'll see. But a little bit about myself, you know, I'm a horseshoe. Or now I live over here on the countryside over on the west coast.
- [44:47]
Theo Von
Oh, a horseshoe. And I know what that's called. That's called a. A farrier. A farrier. And I'm going to read it right now. Shout out to the farriers out there. A farrier. A craftsman who trims and shoes. Horses hooves. I appreciate that. Calling in. My sister's ex husband's stepdaddy was a farrier. Cool business. I enjoy watching those ferrier videos over there on Tick Tock. So let's hear it.
- [45:23]
Caller - Jake Smith
I used to work in zoos. Used to take care of lions and tigers, walk them on leashes. And some used to the little wild animals. But a wild child, now, that's something a little different. Out of my expertise.
- [45:36]
Theo Von
Oh, man, I think you're gonna be fine, daddy. You know, y' all got that little Kuda gangster heading into the world, and that's beautiful. You know, I think that's beautiful. You're gonna be fine. If you get a handle a little working at a zoo. You over there with the llamas, bra. And the gerbils over there. And then baby bears, you know, and the hermit crab, dog. I'm a hermit crib. Be like, whatever motherfucker we got. We're late for work, dog. That would be my thing, bro, if I was. You know, in Mexico, they don't have any hermit crabs, bro, because everybody's got to go to work, dog. We can't. That. That is a white, bro. That lazy. Oh, I'm an hermit crab? Get off your ass, homie. But, yeah, dog, you'll be fine. You babysitting animals and stuff. You got a child on the way. I don't know. You're going to be fine. But I say this. Look that child in his eyes and share something good into his face because that's all his eyes. Eyes are just absorbing what you're putting out in the world. If every time you look at that child you full of disappointment or you're. You're discouraged or you're upset, then he's going to be upset. It's going to live inside of himself. You're casting a spell into your child's heart every time you look at him. Now, I don't mean you can't get mad at them or rough them up or tie their legs in a knot and tickle them and cover their body and sprinkles. But just know that you got to emotionally raise a child. If you don't teach a child how to feel, they don't. Then they're going to spend the rest of their life wandering around how to feel, homie. So I'm not preaching at you. I'm just wishing you guys the best in, like, kind of an aggressive manner. I guess I'm kind of tired, but that's all right. Praise God. Good luck with that child, Daddy. Here we go.
- [47:34]
Caller - Relationship Questions
It's Emmy.
- [47:36]
Theo Von
What's up, Emmy? Thanks for calling.
- [47:39]
Caller - Relationship Questions
I've been listening to the podcast for a long time. Thank you so much. You brighten up my Day I'm hiking or at work, so I'm currently going to dinner with one of my ex boyfriend's mom. I had kind of a silly question like how, like how do people feel about furthering like a relationship with somebody's parent when you're no longer together? You know, me and this lady, like, we really love each other and if I could, she would be my mom.
- [48:10]
Theo Von
Oh yeah. Oh, I can totally relate to that. I think, you know, we all, you know, I believe that we get pieces of things of, excuse me, we get pieces of relationships from different people. You know, like there are moments in my life where my brother was around or wasn't around or was only so much available because of just positive things in his life or negative things in his life and vice versa, me for him. And I would. You find somebody, you get a piece of brotherhood from somebody else, you get a piece of fatherhood from somebody else. You, you know, and I really believe it is that way. Oh, I had so many friends, mothers. I would be friends with my friend's parents. I was way better friends with my friend's parents. Most of the time I'd go over there and just bullshit with my friend just so I could go be around her parents and freaking chill, Smoke. Sometimes my friend, my, one of my buddy's moms, she used to tell us, do not smoke. If you guys get caught smoking, you are boys. I'm gonna pull your feet off of your dick or whatever. She would say something, some old wives tale or whatever. Then me and her would go smoke, do all. My buddy was doing some yard work and so it's like, yeah, I had great relationship with my buddy's parent with friends, parents. That was so much fun. Girlfriend's parents for sure. Oh, I got probably 50 of the first hugs in my life from this young, this, this gal I dated. I got probably 78 hugs from her mother. The best. But yeah, a lot of that's been a lot of my life. So yes, I think you can. I think you get bits and pieces and you just attract yourself to people in life and then sometimes those relationships fade. But they don't fade. Like they disappear. They just time changes, you know, and things happen and sometimes like the waves come and hit the beach and they still are hitting the beach, but the water, the actual, actual wave that originally hit the beach, it'll kind of move down the beach. And so it's still hitting the beach, but it's moved on. And that's how those relationships are sometimes in my life. But I think they're great. And. Yeah, and then we can do that for other people too. You know, Nothing makes you feel better than when you realize you have a moment doing something with somebody and it means a little bit of something, you know, that's really beautiful, I think. But yeah, I mean, look, the love you can get from other people's parents, it's just bottomless. You feel me? You didn't think I was gonna say and I'm feeling goofy today.
- [50:58]
Caller - Jake from Illinois
Hey, Theo, this is Jake calling from Illinois.
- [51:04]
Theo Von
What's up, Jake? Illinois, baby. That's what's up, papa. Let's hear more.
- [51:11]
Caller - Jake from Illinois
Anyways, I just needed some advice. I'm. I work long shifts at work and I let. I let my emotions get the better of me sometimes. You know, I struggle with a little bit of a alcoholic problem. And I know you've probably talked about this plenty of different times. I've listened to a lot of your podcasts, but it's really affecting my relationship and the way I go about certain things that upset me and, and I, I can't seem to find that within me to get there. My girlfriend that I'm with is really, really seeing the bad side of me that I don't want her to see. But anytime anything really gets. Gets a hold of me that I don't like, just. Just takes over. And I'm not the same guy that I was.
- [52:14]
Theo Von
Amen, brother. Look, I appreciate you calling. I appreciate you letting me know and just sharing with us what's. What's going on with you, you know? Yeah, man, Anger has been, it's been a big problem of mine over the years. You know, I think for one, for me is there's been a lot of rage from being young and never got out. Rage. I mean, fury. I mean a fireball that has endless fuel. I think as an adult, you know, the things that I noticed for me with, with anger was unrealistic expectations of others. Unrealistic expectations of others. I was able to help figure that out through recovery through 12 step program. Now, that doesn't mean I figured it out and then it solved it. You know, at different times when I've been in and out of the program, I've like, you know, had to do the steps again and realize. Still a problem, still a problem. But yeah, unrealistic expectations. Expecting people to know things before I told them, that was a big part of mine of what caused me anger, you know, because then I'm, you know, then I'm just, I'm. I'm always in conflict with everything so that. That would be. The only thing I think I could recommend would be if you go through 12 steps and you get through and there's different programs, you know, you mentioned some alcoholism and I don't know if I don't know if you're an alcoholic or not. You will know. You know, you will. It's only. It's self diagnosed, but I do know there's other programs if you aren't that still of the 12 steps. And when you go through step four and five and six, you really start to figure out, you know, your character defects and that can be a blessing. You know, that's a gift. So anyway, that's the only thing I could really recommend that I have had experience with. But yeah, I just would be so angry and a thing like I couldn't. I wish I wanted to let that anger out. So the crazy part is that anger will live in you and then you let it out years later. Sometimes the people you want to let it out at, they're not even there anymore. They're gone. They're ghosts, man. So it just can feel like then it's almost like you feel it again because now you're angry that you know, now you're having to deal with it again. That it's not only was it in you at one point because you were furious, but now it's in you again because it's trying to get out of you. It all comes to the surface, baby. That's what I do believe. But look, man, if you do something for yourself, then something will be different. That's the truth. If you do one thing, then something, you know, nothing changes. If nothing changes, baby, they say that and it's the truth, man. And if you heard that and you didn't understand it then I'm just going to say it again slow. Not because I'm trying to preach at you. I just want you to hear it, right? Nothing changes if nothing changes. So when I've heard. When I've heard that in my life, it's been like, okay, how long do I want to sit here and not take an action but expect things to be different? It kind of just. They put a mirror in front of me sometimes, but. All right, we got one more call right here that came in. As always, the hotline, 985-664-9503. Let's see what we got.
- [56:05]
Caller - Jake from Illinois
What's up, Mr. Vine?
- [56:06]
Theo Von
What's up, brother? Thanks for calling.
- [56:10]
Caller - Jake Smith
Yeah, man, I just caught that with Joaquin Phoenix, dude.
- [56:13]
Caller - Jake from Illinois
And he's the. I bet that Was wild.
- [56:17]
Theo Von
Yeah, dude. It was freaking wild, dude. So I'll tell you so. Well, he said on the. On the video that the. On. On the podcast. The reason he. That he came on was because he'd seen this video talking about the stuff in the Middle east and. Which was interesting to me because, you know, some people don't want to think about that or hear about it, and I respect that. But just that he said that was interesting. But outside of that, just to get to see him, you know, he's had such a fascinating life, you know, just from like, if you. If you just go read up on his history. Just traveling in like kind of like a cultish no school, like youth and just this whimsical Jack Carawack if they're at a. It's almost like Peter Pan goes to a Grateful Dead type of. You know, just. I don't know, just so many different things and then just like how talent talented he is, you know, and with him. And I don't even mean this like in a. It's talent for sure, but it's almost feels he's so unique that it feels almost other worldly, you know, it feels. I mean, you know, some actors, they have feelings. You can relate to the feelings. He'll have feelings and connect behaviors to them that some of us have never even had. It feels like. So it's just. Yeah. So I just felt. I just felt so lucky and, you know, I wanted to be gracious to him. I wish there was more things we could have talked deeper about, but it's weird. You don't. You don't want people to think you're trying to just talk about certain things or tough times and. And you're trying to get to know somebody and let them know that you're trying to be as authentic as you can or like, you know, that you don't have any ill will, you know, I think, you know. So anyway, I'm kind of overthinking it, which is like my ego starting to flare up. But I thought it was awesome. Dude, let me hear more what you had to say.
- [58:25]
Caller - Jake from Illinois
I mean, you know, you're talented too, though. It's like you're sitting across from just somebody in the business, I reckon. But at any rate, you know, I do enjoy his movies quite a bit.
- [58:35]
Theo Von
Oh, dude. No, I enjoyed it, man. I. I hugged him like three times in the hallway and I was like, holy, dude. I think, you know, I don't. I mean, I'm. Yeah, I'm gonna get married to a woman one day or something, but I'm. I can't hug him anymore. That was what I realized. I was like, oh, you can't hug somebody. You don't know somebody if they're nice to let you hug them three times, but you shouldn't keep hugging that person, you know, Especially if they're, you know, it wasn't like. It wasn't. It was fine, but it was definitely. There was. There was no more hugs. You could hear somebody say it. Nobody said it but you. We both heard it, right? It was that kind of thing, so. But no, he was gracious and I felt lucky. And that movie, Eddington, no joke, I think, is one of the neatest roles. Austin Butler's in it. Pero Pesquad or Pistol. Pluma's dad, I think, is in it. I'm not even sure. Check it out. Anyway, thanks. One more call right here. Let's get to it.
- [59:33]
Caller - Miles
What's up, man? This is Miles.
- [59:36]
Theo Von
What's up, Miles? Damn, that feels like responsibility, dog, having that name, G every time I go for a jog. Okay. Onward.
- [59:50]
Caller - Miles
I wanted to talk to you about your brother. You know, I. I recently got close with my brother, and he's 12 years older than me. I swear I'm not a mistake. But we got close, we worked together, and. And, you know, we. I just. It means a lot to me. And I see the videos of you talking about your brother, and there's a lot of things I want to say to him, and you helped me with that. We saw your comedy show in Kansas City. You rocked it. I don't think I've ever seen my brother cry till that moment. And, you know, I think you kind of helped us come together. But my point is that I. I love you, man, and. And keep doing what you're doing. And you helped. You help me. You helped me, my brother, and. And I hope your brother's doing good. And I love you guys. Peace out.
- [60:59]
Theo Von
Well, thank you, bro. That's nice you to say, dude. I think that's. Yeah, man. I appreciate it, dude. Thank you, bro. I liked how at the end you said, I love you guys. You know, you included my brother even in that statement.
- [61:11]
Caller - Relationship Questions
It.
- [61:11]
Theo Von
I thought that was very thoughtful of you. Yeah. You know, I think this goes back to. Even to that lady that called earlier, saying, like, do we. You know, is it okay to be friends with an old friend's mother, an ex's? You know, it's like we get pieces of relationships from different people over time, you know, and some people fill in the blanks for us while people aren't there or can't be there. But, yeah, having a brother, man, there's just like. I'm so glad you guys have gotten some moments. Oh, dude. A moment. A moment with my brother where I know that he loves me or I'm able to let him know that I love him. I don't know why that kind of stuff is so hard sometimes for some brothers, but. Oh, yeah, those are some of my favorite things, you know, like, one day whenever I die, that's the feeling I want to feel when I'm leaving. You know, I think that's where I would go back to in my head or my heart. Just go back to that space, you know, because it's kind of like as close as you will get. And also, it's like having somebody that's like, cares about you, but also can be like a detective, because they have the same clues as you inside of them. So being able to conversate and stuff about those things and work things out, it's awesome. I'm glad y' all got to do that. Thank you for coming, too, bro. Thank you, bro. Yeah. And, you know, brothers, older brothers, we don't get. We should have a special day for them. You know, they. They take a lot of the. They take a lot of the early heat in the world. They are experimental for a lot of families. They're like, well, let's see what happens with Gary. You know, they sent. You know, or they'll be like, helicopter. They'll have them in a. You know, but it. But it gets different, though, when you get on down. Sixth, seventh child, that ain't got no clothes on, you know, Gary's got to wear a damn neck brace full time. He's got polio shots. He didn't have polio, but they gave him so many vaccines. He's damn got it now. He's got. You know, So I think it's. They do a lot to that early brother, you know, and then we get to watch and see, like, and learn the landscape, and then. You're always trying to be your older brother, but be yourself, but. Yeah. Thank you, man. I think. I don't. I don't know what else to say today about it, but we should have a brother's day in the world, you know? And I know the brothers out there in Philly are bottomless, dude. I know that, you know, But I mean, we should have a brother's day, man, you know, where there's just, like, a special time for brothers right there. Because Indian dudes, they have it all the time. You see a couple Indian brothers, they holding hands and everything. They over there putting, you know, zit Zacky on each other's necks. And them dudes is close as hell. But. Yeah, I'm happy for you, bro. And I'm happy that you thought. Today I'm a call today, I'm just going to tell somebody else I love my brother. It's kind of, you know, it's. It sounds bizarre to say that, but it also sounds like one of the most important things you could do. Tell somebody, you know, I love my brother. Like, well, damn. All right, you know, find a state where it's legal or whatever. Trump will take it away. Anyway, thank you for the call, bro. I love your brother, too. And you tell your brother I said I'm proud of his brother. Dustin Porier's retired, but that's okay. We never give up on him. We love him. He's gonna be out there fighting crime. I don't know what he's gonna be. That bayou Batman, you know, that's who he is, baby. James J. Brada to Buyou Swamp D, man, you know it. We still got love. He's in our hearts always. As we move forward, I will say this one thing. I bought myself something nice. We donated to the Dustin Porier foundation and we got his final fight. And so those are going to be in the studio. And so he was one of our first guests. He's given us a lot of support, but also a lot of inspiration over the years, you know, and. And that's another place right there, I'm thinking out loud where sometimes you get a piece of a brother or a sister or a mother or a friend or something, you get it through somebody else, you know, and that's. Those are gifts from God. So. And to anybody out there who doesn't have a sibling or something, they've lost a sibling or something like that, feel, feel that channel of your sibling through others, you know, I hope that there's an opportunity for you to feel that or that there's a. There's an avenue of grace that opens up in your life today or this week where you get to feel something like that, because I believe that people on the other side can feel them. When we talk to them, I believe they. I believe. I bet not only do they feel it, I bet they hear it and beautiful stereo, you know, I bet all of our siblings and family members could be at a big rave somewhere. And whenever we say something to them from this side, the DJs out there, and he just remixes the words. You know I love you, Ronnie.
- [66:26]
Musical Interlude / Singer
You know we miss you, Jillian.
- [66:30]
Theo Von
We miss you, Jillian. But anyway, praise God, you guys be good to yourselves. Thank you for letting me be a part of your life. Sorry I was kind of chatty today. Thank you, guys. Love y'. All. And thanks for loving me. Or thanks for just listening. Even. Even if you hate me. Just thanks for tuning in. Praise God.
- [66:54]
Musical Interlude / Singer
Now I'm just floating on the breeze? And I feel I'm falling? Like these leaves? I must be cornerstone?
- [67:06]
Theo Von
Oh?
- [67:06]
Musical Interlude / Singer
But when I reach that ground? I'll share this peace of mind I found? I can feel it in my bones? But it's gonna take.