#624 - Sketch

Summary

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This Past Weekend w/ Theo Von

Episode #624 - Sketch

Released: November 13, 2025
Guests: Sketch (streamer), occasional appearances: Mariana van Zeller

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Episode Overview

This episode reunites Theo Von with streamer and content creator Sketch for a meandering and hilarious deep-dive into the behind-the-scenes of streaming culture, college football fandom, personal struggles, reality TV, and the quirky realities of modern life. From awkward physical complaints (bad back, bad breath), to misadventures at college tailgates, to heartfelt discussions on shame, self-worth, and finding love, the conversation blends classic Theo tangents with Sketch’s off-kilter honesty and gen-Z streamer perspective.

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Key Discussion Points and Insights

The Streamer Life: Woes, Wins, & Weirdness

• Streaming as a career:
  • Sketch describes touring college campuses, streaming tailgates and games, and wanting to be “Pat McAfee but for myself” ([01:49]).
  • The instant gratification of streaming: the highs are addicting, but "mentally deteriorating" ([02:36]).
  • “I just hang out with my friends pretty much and just stream it.” — Sketch ([02:51])
• Unique streamer problems:
  • Dealing with physical side effects like bad posture, back pain, body odor, and especially bad breath:
    • "You can't refute smelling bad on the Internet." — Sketch ([03:57])
    • The Internet's permanence if you're caught looking stinky or having bad breath.
  • Theo riffs on weaponized bad breath, relationship immunity, and the comfort in mutual stink:
    • “If people know your breath stinks, people leave you alone.” — Theo ([04:48])

College Football & Jersey Allegiances

• Both attending lots of games lately; Sketch describes his cross-campus "jersey slut" status ([15:14]).
  • "I rock home team everywhere I go. Yeah. I don't give a fuck. I didn't graduate college.'" — Sketch ([15:21])
• Exchanging dating stories around the college football scene: attempted setups with coaches’ ex-wives and TikTok-fueled rumors ([08:47], [09:03]).
• Inside info on fan culture at Ole Miss, Alabama, and Vanderbilt. “There's people in the stands, like, literally trying to overdose so their teams will win.” — Theo ([15:38])

Mental & Physical Health in the Streaming World

• Sketch’s challenges with hydration and kidney issues, alcohol vs. water consumption, and his one functioning kidney ([10:00], [26:23], [67:02]).
  • Anecdotes about not going to the doctor, self-diagnosing, and the weirdness of childhood medical exams:
    • “Sometimes a doctor, you know, they walk the line between being creepy and... well, not creepy, but…” — Sketch ([12:31])
  • “You have to stay hydrated. Dude, imagine if you saw a fish tank, right? And there's an inch of water in it, and the fish are trying to live in there.” — Theo ([10:38])
• Psychological side effects:
  • “You kind of get, like... disassociate. Like, you see, like, some views on the clips...you don't realize until you go in the real world.” — Sketch ([29:07])
  • Theo reflects on how content/celebrity means strangers film you back in public ([29:36]).

Reality TV, Viral Drama, and Life After a Scandal

• Sketch on participating in a Netflix reality competition, sharing the experience of being without his phone for seven days and navigating alliances:
  • “It made me schizophrenic almost.” — Sketch ([38:00])
  • “It's not your money till you win." — Sketch on prize pots ([39:35])
• Detailed, honest discussion of Sketch’s personal “D-Day” — a viral leak that changed his career:
  • Immediate PR, going live with 100,000+ viewers, becoming more open since:
  • “It made it easier for me to date because then I feel like I didn’t have to hide anything … more open.” — Sketch ([47:09])
  • “We all have things…that, for some reason, have so much shame attached … I wish there was almost like a meter of the amount of shame we all feel.” — Theo ([50:05])
• Discussion on therapy, letting go of shame, and mental health:
  • “Shame and being nervous...things you can control, but also can’t control at the same time.” — Sketch ([50:34])
  • Theo on Ayahuasca, therapy, and self-worth ([52:05]).

Humor, Roasts, and Identity

• Ongoing self-deprecating jokes about looking like lesbians, wiggers, and oddball personalities:
  • “Dude, you're way more of a lesbian looking than me.” — Theo ([54:01])
  • Extended riffing on tramp stamp ideas, ‘Jersey Slut’ status, and being a “cool blind guy.”
• Identity, representation, and labels:
  • Sketch shares stories about his facial features and being mis-identified at birth ([19:43]).
  • The two riff on the wigger label, streamer culture, and who counts in 'the club' ([73:39]-[77:58]).

Finding Connection: Love, Friendship, and Grounding

• Theo candidly discusses the loneliness of touring, missing the feeling of home, and longing for a grounded, long-term relationship ([40:05]–[42:43]).
  • “I attach a lot of my ... self worth probably to if ... a woman is interested in me or not.” — Theo ([40:14])
• Sketch describes unexpectedly finding love thanks to a friend introduction (“a best friend, huh?” — Theo), and what makes his girlfriend a good partner ([88:14]–[90:13]).
  • "She understands me...makes me better in a lot of ways. Genuinely feels like a partner." — Sketch ([89:38])
• Both reflect on the importance of faith, letting things be, and soaking in the moment ([102:12]).

Notable Side-Tangents and Memorable Bits

• Wild old stories—awkward childhood medical exams, football team names (“Baby Cats”).
• Roasting the Nashville Predators name, spinning jokes about shifty branding ([57:09]).
• Observations on modern sports and culture: commercialization in NFL, the 'transactional' feel vs. the passion of college football ([95:03]).
• Random but hilarious: “Are You Smarter Than a Meth Head?” as reality show concept ([100:07]), the origins of meth in Nazi Germany ([100:33]), and the logic of geocaching as a future streaming angle ([97:27]).

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• “Streaming, it's like so, like, instant gratification...it, like, can be like, I feel like mentally deteriorating...” — Sketch ([02:36])
• “You can't refute smelling bad on the Internet.” — Sketch ([03:57])
• “If people know your breath stinks, people leave you alone.” — Theo ([04:48])
• “I rock home team everywhere I go. ...I went to four schools and I got no degrees.” — Sketch ([15:21])
• “It’s not your money till you win.” — Sketch, on reality show prize money ([39:35])
• “We all have things...that, for some reason, have so much shame attached to them.” — Theo ([50:05])
• “Dude, you’re way more of a lesbian looking than me.” — Theo ([54:01])
• “She understands me...makes me better in a lot of different ways. Genuinely feels like a partner.” — Sketch ([89:38])

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Episode Timeline & Timestamps

| Timestamp | Topic | |------------|----------------------------------------------------| | 00:00 | Prison wallet jokes, intro banter | | 01:42 | Catching up: college tours, content evolution | | 02:36 | Streaming lifestyle: mental effect & gratification | | 03:12 | Streamers’ hidden struggles | | 07:01 | Swag, chains, “indulgences” | | 09:03 | Dating stories, TikTok drama | | 10:00 | Kidney problems, health, water vs. alcohol | | 12:09 | Awkward school medical checks, childhood stories | | 15:14 | “Jersey slut”, sporting allegiances | | 17:05 | Minor league teams, childhood sports teams | | 18:13 | Campus safety, fan interactions | | 19:37 | Birth misidentification, identity misunderstandings| | 26:23 | Health side effects, kidneys, cold camping stories | | 28:10 | Streaming fame, being recognized in public | | 38:00 | Reality TV, being off phone, competitive strategy | | 40:05 | Touring vs. home, loneliness, seeking connection | | 47:09 | Viral scandal, moving on, shame vs. authenticity | | 52:05 | Self-worth, Ayahuasca, therapy stories | | 54:01 | Lesbian jokes, tramp stamp riffs | | 73:39 | Wigger riffs, “club” discussion, identity talk | | 88:14 | Finding love, relationship insights | | 90:35 | Relationship values, sketch of finding love | | 95:03 | College vs NFL: passion vs transaction | | 97:27 | Geocaching/treasure-hunt streaming concept | | 100:07 | Game show bit, “Are you smarter than a meth head?” | | 102:12 | Letting life flow, faith, and the moment | | 106:03 | Speed (streamer) cameo, world of celebrity online |

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Tone and Style

• Classic Theo: Southern drawl, analogies, self-deprecation, random riffs.
• Sketch: Gen-Z humor, self-effacing, rambunctious, sometimes vulnerable.
• Vibe: Off-the-cuff, sometimes crude, but honest and ultimately open-hearted.

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For New Listeners

This episode offers a highly relatable, funny, and surprisingly genuine window into the pressures of internet fame, the ongoing search for purpose and connection, and the weird, moving moments that come with living out loud online. Laced with running jokes, rapid-fire asides, and heartfelt bonds, it's a great sampler of Theo Von’s unique conversational universe.

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End of Summary

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Transcript

[Theo Von]

When I was there, you had to have a knife. One of you's got to take turns carrying it up your rectum.

[Mariana Van Zeller]

Wait, it's up your butt.

[Theo Von]

That's the prison wallet. You'll never leave home alone.

[Mariana Van Zeller]

You have something protected around it, I'm assuming.

[Sketch]

Yeah.

[Theo Von]

Or else you'll be bleeding out your coolo.

[Mariana Van Zeller]

I'm Mariana Van Zeller, and after reporting on black markets for my Emmy winning National Geographic show, trafficked, I'm launching a podcast. You're getting emotional on me. Intimate conversations with those operating in the shadows. The Hidden Third is out now with new episodes every Wednesday. [e-mail] marianavanzeller Follow us on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or wherever you listen to podcasts.

[Theo Von]

The new fall merch is here. You can check out the Hitter Hunt Club collection. We've got some new camo items in there for that that I really enjoy as well. We got some Return of the Rat Tour merch. We had some remaining merch, and it's now available on the website theovonstore.com and thank you guys so much for your support. Today's guest is a streamer. He's a content creator. He's been on the show before, and. And there's nobody quite like him. He's kind of. He's America's little brother. I think that's who he is. And. And I'm grateful today to get to spend time with my friend. Sketch. All right, let's do our best here.

[Sketch]

Would you?

[Theo Von]

Yeah, a lot's happened since you were. Since we. You and I hung out, man.

[Sketch]

Yeah, it's been. It's been a roller coaster.

[Theo Von]

You were just over at Ole Miss, I saw.

[Sketch]

Yeah, I've been trying to do, like, a college tour where I go around, kind of do tailgates and then, like, stream from the field. I'm trying to, like. I mean, I just kind of like watching college football, so. Just trying to make it the job, pretty much. Like, that's kind of. I want to make it like the. Like. Like pat. How Pat McAfee just, like, does whatever on ESPN. Well, just do that for my job. I don't know. I'm in the middle of, like, a. Of just trying to figure out what's going on. Yeah, he's got it. Sometimes it's hard to think about long term.

[Theo Von]

Yeah. Well, I think. I know, like, we were last time, we kind of talked like Edna, like, a lot or whatever it had been. You've been thinking about getting in a streaming, you know.

[Sketch]

Yeah.

[Theo Von]

And I think you Were kind of like trying to figure out what that was going to be like. Has that been a good experience? Overall?

[Sketch]

It's been a good experience. It's just like streaming, it's like so, like instant gratification. So it, like, can be like, I feel like mentally deteriorating to a certain point. Like, because, like, people, you just sit there and like, kind of like you're getting instant gratification with, like, either the numbers of, like, viewers and stuff like that. And like, that's like, the only downside besides that it's a fun job. I really do. Whatever. Whatever. So when people ask me, like they asked me on a TV show, they're like, what do you. What do you do? I was like, I just hang out with my friends pretty much and just stream it.

[Theo Von]

Yeah. And what are some things that we don't even recognize that streamers deal with that are like, some of the tough things. Like, what are some things? Like, like, does your back hurt after it? Or are there things where, like, it's.

[Sketch]

It, dude, it's smelling like. And then when people come up to you.

[Theo Von]

Why are you streaming in a outdoors?

[Sketch]

Well, you just start smelling. You like, how do you just get pit smell? You get like bad breath smell from talking all the time. And then people come up to you and it's like, oh, I try to. I try to keep my arms like this. The tighter I am, the probably the more I smell, the more I smell. And what I. I. You can't refute smelling bad on the Internet.

[Theo Von]

You can't. I don't. What do you mean by that? I don't understand. You can't refuse.

[Sketch]

If someone, if someone says that you smell bad or if there's a clip of you getting, say, someone going like, to your do your breath, like, doing that, everyone's gonna think you have bad breath for the probably like the rest of your life.

[Theo Von]

Yeah, dude. My friend, his breath was just disgusting, dude. And he knew it. And he liked it.

[Sketch]

He liked it. Having bad breath.

[Theo Von]

He liked it, huh? He'd be like, you want this smoke? And he just. Oh, he's right on you. He come. Yeah. Come up behind you, like on the edge of you and hit you with some.

[Sketch]

Oh, so they got Storm almost.

[Theo Von]

Yeah, he was just like a little duty sniper, kind of.

[Sketch]

No. Duty sniper?

[Theo Von]

Yeah, he would just blast you out with it. And his girl, dude, he ended up dating a girl that had bad breath. And it was like, they loved that.

[Sketch]

It was like more of a probably acquired tasting.

[Theo Von]

I think once you go there, it's like, and you, somebody else meets you. I bet it's nice to. First of all, you never have to brush your teeth, right? Your breath stinks so people don't come and bother you all the time. If people know your breast stinks, people leave you alone.

[Sketch]

Dude, it is it. That's it. That's probably one of the positives. If you don't like being talked to.

[Theo Von]

And then three, if you have, if your breath's horrible and somebody else's is and you guys are just chewing on each other's faces like a couple little fucking rabid little shit ponies or whatever. I bet that shit's hype.

[Sketch]

The worst thing I've ever done to my lady is I would eat wasabi peas right before bed and I wouldn't drink any water and it would like kind of collect over here. And then in the morning I gave her a kiss and that was the first time I've seen a look of rancid, A rancid look of smell like smell from her. I almost, I, it was, almost gave her the ick.

[Theo Von]

That's that oral Iwo Jima you hit her with, huh?

[Sketch]

It is scary though. That's the one things you can't, you can't have bad breath or you're, it's, it will ruin like for me, for me if you've like, yeah, you blew poop breath in my face. I wouldn't be able to get over it for a while.

[Theo Von]

I dated a girl who breast smelled like ham. A little bit like, or a little bit of her mouth smelled like ham. So you'd be around her and every now and then you'd get a hit of ham.

[Sketch]

She probably has like a, like a pretty nice hearty breakfast and then just rocks it for the rest of the day.

[Theo Von]

I don't know, she didn't seem like a big breakfast eater, but I just, there was always this faint sense of ham and there were moments where I liked it, like if we were outdoors and stuff, but if I was at a movie and like every like seven or eight minutes you just smell a little bit of ham, it would just make me just, I don't know, a little nausea, it bum me out. And you can't say to somebody, hey.

[Sketch]

Your, yeah, your breast smells like ham. You need to fix this.

[Theo Von]

Yeah. Cuz then they're like, oh, you're crazy, dude. Do I look like a prison person with these?

[Sketch]

No, I, I, I do like the, I do like the, the revealing of the ankles. It looks like you should almost have like a ankle Bracelet on or something?

[Theo Von]

Oh, I got to get one.

[Sketch]

We should get friendship bracelets.

[Theo Von]

Got to get something like that.

[Sketch]

Get something on. On your ankle.

[Theo Von]

I noticed your swag is up, dude. You chained out, huh?

[Sketch]

Yeah, I went to Johnny Dang one time.

[Theo Von]

How much was that?

[Sketch]

The. This one was 30.

[Theo Von]

Oh, that's beautiful.

[Sketch]

Yeah, but I was doing it in celebration. I'm from Houston, so everyone have. It's like, it's like a thing to do there.

[Theo Von]

Yeah, you got to do it. It's part of the culture.

[Sketch]

Would you ever. What's like you. Would you ever buy jewelry?

[Theo Von]

No, I bought these glasses or I paid for two pairs. They said it was get one free.

[Sketch]

But what's like your biggest thing you indulge on then?

[Theo Von]

Probably.

[Sketch]

You collect anything?

[Theo Von]

No, man. I gotta get some good hobbies, dude. I gotta get some good stuff popping. I've been going to a lot of football games too. That's been like my new hobby.

[Sketch]

That it is. It's fun.

[Theo Von]

It's so much fun, dude. Did you get to see Lane Kiffin down there?

[Sketch]

I wanted to. I didn't want to go disturb him, but he. But he DM me afterwards. Like, you should have said, what's up? And I was like, I figured you were busy. I was like, I'm not gonna go put a camera up in the coach's face, bro.

[Theo Von]

Lane is. He's one of a kind, dude. I feel like he might have tried to set me up on a date with his ex wife. Dude. Really? Is she good?

[Sketch]

She good looking? Yeah, she's.

[Theo Von]

She's really good.

[Sketch]

Well, and, and you're not, you're not dating Diego Pavia's mom, right?

[Theo Von]

Yeah, no, they. It just never got set up. Really? I feel like I've tried to make myself available, you know, I just don't know. Just can't get a clear answer from her.

[Sketch]

Yeah.

[Theo Von]

You know, and also he and I are friends. I don't want to upset the friendship. I don't want to like sit him down and have a talk with him, you know, like, clean your room. You. I'm saying, like, I don't even.

[Sketch]

That that would be a little wild, but yeah, so.

[Theo Von]

So it's like, you know, I don't want to press the issue. She's great. I feel like we might just be best as friends, you know?

[Sketch]

Yeah, I just saw the Tik Tok, so I figured. So you're, you're. So you're dating around or what do you do? What, what do you do? You just.

[Theo Von]

Yeah, 20, 25. I've been looking for love. It was supposed to be 2020. Wife. I was supposed to find a wife this year, but it hasn't happened.

[Sketch]

What's your.

[Theo Von]

Yeah, dude, I think Lane was trying to set me up with his freaking ex wife, dude. He put us in a group chat, right? And then he's like, I'll leave you two alone. And he left the group.

[Sketch]

Oh, my God.

[Theo Von]

Welcome to the Sip.

[Sketch]

Did it work? Mississippi ladies are nice.

[Theo Von]

Oh, she's a Florida girl, actually. I do know that. There she is right there. Beautiful lady. Layla. Look at Lane, dude. God, he. Look. He looks like he used to own a horse or something.

[Sketch]

Did you shoot? Did you shoot a shot, or would you.

[Theo Von]

No, I didn't, because I can't really tell what's going on, so I'm gonna check in and see what's up. But, yeah, that was just a crazy thing. He's like, I'll leave you two alone. And then he exited. Just like. Like Homer Simpson, just fading into the.

[Sketch]

Bush and left you. Left you there to.

[Theo Von]

Yeah.

[Sketch]

Try to find marriage. You don't get on any apps?

[Theo Von]

I'm not on the apps. You own them?

[Sketch]

No, I got a girlfriend.

[Theo Von]

Oh, you got a girlfriend?

[Sketch]

Yeah, we live together. It's pretty.

[Theo Von]

What?

[Sketch]

Yes.

[Theo Von]

Dude, when I saw you last time, you were barely drinking enough water. Remember? Your kidneys were bad.

[Sketch]

Yeah. What's to my kid? You still suck.

[Theo Von]

It is. It's because you're not drinking any water.

[Sketch]

Water now. I'm trying to. I've been drinking less. I've been drinking less.

[Theo Von]

Less water.

[Sketch]

No, less alcohol.

[Theo Von]

Oh, good.

[Sketch]

More water.

[Theo Von]

Dude, remember when I saw you in Florida? You were just, like, kind of glitching by the curtains the last time I saw you, and it was. I was like, get that guy a cup of water. You gotta. You gotta. You gotta keep filling that bubble.

[Sketch]

I know Once I start feeling a pain in my kid, it feels like a kidney stone.

[Theo Von]

Yeah. Oh, you're gonna roll dice out of that one of these days, dude.

[Sketch]

You're gonna. Hopefully I roll a lucky seven or something. I feel like it's. This thing's gonna. I don't know. I, I, I, I only got one kitty, so I got to take care of it.

[Theo Von]

Yeah, that's what, that's what I'm saying. You down to that one bubbler, homie. You got to. You have to stay hydrated. Dude, imagine if you saw a fish tank, right? And there's an inch of water in it, and the fish are trying to live in there.

[Sketch]

That's pretty much what's going on. Because every time I pee it's really hot and then it's dark. So maybe if there's a doctor in the comments and they release. I just don't go to the doctor a lot. Do you, do you do that once?

[Theo Von]

You can go online, you can be, you can get on there easy. Like, hey, tell me what's wrong with.

[Sketch]

My kidney and my wiener at the same time, bro.

[Theo Von]

They'll.

[Sketch]

Dude, because your kidney, your winner. Is that the same doctor? Is that different doctors?

[Theo Von]

You think these days it's all in one dude? You can go to a dude who will prescribe you. He'll. They'll email you a quarter blood, they'll email you a little bit of trt, a pack of breath mints. They'll handle it all.

[Sketch]

They got it all handled, dude.

[Theo Von]

It's one stop shop.

[Sketch]

I was, I was in Mexico and you could, you could get like, what's, what's the hgh? Is it hgh? The Health is health Grown hormone where you get jacked or whatever.

[Theo Von]

You can get that.

[Sketch]

You can just get it. Just get it.

[Theo Von]

Oh, yeah. Oh, there's a cream now too. They'll rub it on you.

[Sketch]

Have you tried it before hgh?

[Theo Von]

No, I've never.

[Sketch]

I can't try because I have one kidney. So I'll just be skinny fat for the rest of my life. I'm. I like, kind of like just have this awkward build.

[Theo Von]

Yeah. But it's a solid build.

[Sketch]

I think one thing that gets me is my nipples, like are kind of like off centered because I, I lift one side a little bit harder than the other. So right now it's like I'm a little lopsided. That or have scoliosis.

[Theo Von]

Oh, yeah. Remember school? Did they ever check it for scoliosis at your school?

[Sketch]

Yeah, they checked for that a little bit more.

[Theo Von]

Oh, really?

[Sketch]

No, I'm just kidding.

[Theo Von]

If they check. Yeah, sometimes they would check the front for scoliosis. I'm like, that's not scoliosis. This guy's a pedophile. You know if some guy's rubbing his crotch while you're like, while you're taking.

[Sketch]

He's doing one of these. Yeah, it could get it. Sometimes a doctor, you know, they walk, they walk the line between being creepy and. Well, not creepy, but.

[Theo Von]

Oh, definitely, dude. It's. It's scary out there, dude. I remember one, we used to have one in our town and he'd be like, he would hold your penis while you coughed or whatever and he Wouldn't even report anything back to you.

[Sketch]

That's weird because he's supposed to grab your nuts.

[Theo Von]

Is he really?

[Sketch]

Was he just grabbing straight down? Yeah, dude, just grabbing a Twinkie grab.

[Theo Von]

In the nuts is crazy. Pull that up. Are they supposed to grab the nuts or what? If you're. If you're with a dog, I'm pretty.

[Sketch]

Sure I don't know what's supposed to come down, but I think something from your intestines, like, comes to your sack and it moves.

[Theo Von]

Oh, if. If somebody grabs my nuts while I'm trying to fucking sneeze, I'll fucking punch them.

[Sketch]

I feel like that's like a trend, though, that they don't do anymore. I'm feeling like you have to go to school and they don't. They don't. You just have to. You just have to do that to go to school.

[Theo Von]

Oh, dude. When I was a kid, yeah, you'd have to go somewhere. They'd fucking polish your asshole. They would fudgeing, hold on to your dick for a second and make you say the Alphabet backwards. They had to fucking. They would rub both of these parts of your. Under your. Until there were lumps. I'm like, there's nothing there. And they would rub them for like 30 seconds as hard as fuck, and then just do all this. And then there would be shit there.

[Sketch]

And then. Although those lumps. Every time someone tells you about those lumps, it always just makes you schizophrenic because there's all. It always. You're like, I can't tell if this is the lump or not.

[Theo Von]

This one says, using both hands, gently roll each testicle between your thumbs and fingers. Oh, my God.

[Sketch]

So it would be like.

[Theo Von]

This is like you're shopping for avocados, dude.

[Sketch]

Like, Money Manziel.

[Theo Von]

What?

[Sketch]

Right here.

[Mariana Van Zeller]

Look.

[Sketch]

A little. Little Johnny Menzel with the. With the testes. Maybe that's what he's. Maybe that's what Benzo's doing.

[Theo Von]

Cliff, that.

[Sketch]

Send that to Johnny, bro.

[Theo Von]

Watch us. In 20 years, he's going to be doing testicular cancer. Like, how to check for testicular.

[Sketch]

Is that what he's checking for?

[Theo Von]

And he's gonna be doing this? Yeah. Do they.

[Sketch]

I didn't know that. I thought it was like, for. I don't know what it was.

[Theo Von]

Oh, that's it, dude. He's got a two on two nuts. Don't forget.

[Sketch]

That's exactly money Manziel. Dr. Manziel.

[Theo Von]

He's great, man. I saw him down at.

[Sketch]

At the Vanny Game. Right.

[Theo Von]

At Vandiverse. Alabama.

[Sketch]

Yeah. I'm going to Alabama next weekend.

[Theo Von]

You are?

[Sketch]

Yeah.

[Theo Von]

Have you been there to see a game?

[Sketch]

I've been in the facilities or not facility. I've been around Tuscaloosa. I haven't been to a game yet, though.

[Theo Von]

Oh, dude, it's. That place is unbelievable to see a game. Yeah, there's a lot of great places. Neyland is probably the. I mean, where's. Neat.

[Sketch]

What is Neyland.

[Theo Von]

That's. Go Vols. University of Tennessee.

[Sketch]

Are you a Vols fan or a Vanderbilt fan?

[Theo Von]

I'm both.

[Sketch]

Were you Jersey slut? They're calling me a Jersey slut right now, but I'm just trying to get free beers at the tails against.

[Theo Von]

Why are you just showing up to every team?

[Sketch]

I rock home team everywhere I go. Yeah. I don't give a fuck. I didn't graduate. I didn't graduate college. Everyone in the comments like, oh, graduated. It went to Mississippi State. It's like, I went to four schools and I got no degrees. So it's. It's not like I've. I have a sense of accomplishment at any of these places.

[Theo Von]

Of course, people. And the crazy thing is some of these fan bases, they're like. There's people in the stands, like, literally trying to overdose so their teams will win. They're like. You know what I'm saying? If we get to. And if they get it in the end zone, I'm hitting that Narcan, you know, it's like, dude, it's a lot.

[Sketch]

Better than the NFL, though.

[Theo Von]

Oh, NFL.

[Sketch]

It's so much. It's so much funner.

[Theo Von]

Yeah.

[Sketch]

Like, the vibe of it.

[Theo Von]

Oh, college is the best.

[Sketch]

I remember I was, when I was at Ole Miss, some kid just know some. Some grown adult just. I was on the sideline, just gave.

[Theo Von]

Me a beer at Ole Miss.

[Sketch]

At Universe.

[Theo Von]

Can we say that?

[Sketch]

Yeah. I don't know, dude.

[Theo Von]

I'm going Ole Miss this weekend for a game. You are? Yeah. What the fuck?

[Sketch]

Which game?

[Theo Von]

Ole Miss versus Florida.

[Sketch]

Oh, are you going for the night game?

[Theo Von]

Yeah. Damn. Gonna be sick.

[Sketch]

I want to go to that game so bad.

[Theo Von]

Have you.

[Sketch]

You know the lore, right?

[Theo Von]

The lore?

[Sketch]

No, the lore about. Oh, they didn't care. They went Kiffin there and all that. Well, Florida, everyone. All the Florida fans, I think that they're gonna get Lane Kiffin.

[Theo Von]

Oh, you think they're gonna be cheering, like, trying to.

[Sketch]

Well, the Ole Miss fans who want to beat the. Out of Florida because they. They don't want Lane Kiffin to leave.

[Theo Von]

That's a good point. I didn't realize that's going to be the hype there.

[Sketch]

That's probably the best job in the world right now is be a college football coach that gets fired. It's not gonna be Lane Kiffin, but like, like, what was it? Brian Kelly got fired. Got like $60 million, dude.

[Theo Von]

Yeah, that's. Bro, we gotta get fired.

[Sketch]

We should start a football team.

[Theo Von]

Oh, yes.

[Sketch]

We think we could start with like a minor league team and work our way up where.

[Theo Von]

What would our team name be called? The Rattlers. Maybe.

[Sketch]

The Rattlers is kind of raw. That was my little league baseball team name.

[Theo Von]

Nuh.

[Sketch]

I swear. Wow.

[Theo Von]

We were the Baby Cats.

[Sketch]

The Baby Cats.

[Theo Von]

Yeah.

[Sketch]

I don't know if that's scary.

[Theo Von]

Oh, we were horrible, dude. We had one kid had the worst asthma. We had to just. And you couldn't put him in the sunlight because it activated it. And so we'd have to like. We did adjust the way the field was shaped so he could play a little. The whole thing was like, what the fuck?

[Sketch]

We had. We had a kid kind of like that, but it was more of like a kid that was almost like Howie from bench warmers. Like where like he could really be in the sun.

[Theo Von]

Yeah.

[Sketch]

Like always had to wear long sleeve shirts and lots of sunblock and stuff like that. There's. I swear there's one on every little league team.

[Theo Von]

Yeah, there's.

[Sketch]

What is this? Oh, the dead tally.

[Theo Von]

That's him. That's right there. That's Nick Swartzen right there. Played him. Nick Swartzen's the best.

[Sketch]

Oh, that's what I just realized that.

[Theo Von]

What's next? Fortson, right there.

[Sketch]

Legendary role.

[Theo Von]

Oh. Do any kids ever try to press you on campus? Have you had any issues like that or. No, it's been.

[Sketch]

No, they've always been chill because I wear the home jersey. That's why. Yeah, you gotta. You gotta play into the favoritism. So I haven't been pressed, but there's not really a reason Oppressor just. I'm just bouncing around and if someone like ask for a picture, I just go, can I get a beer? I drink probably 12 beers before I got to the. It's a lot of. It's a lot of people coming up to you and.

[Theo Von]

Are you having any water too? You just haven't. Beer mostly. A little bit.

[Sketch]

I did. I usually do it until I get heartburn.

[Theo Von]

You drink it, so you get heartburn?

[Sketch]

Yeah, I got.

[Theo Von]

I got.

[Sketch]

I got heartburn right now, but I got here at 9. I could check into my hotel till 4 and I'm on Broadway.

[Theo Von]

Oh yeah. But two years ago I said dude, start drinking water.

[Sketch]

I've been drinking water. It's the, it's the. Yeah, it's the. It's right here. It feels like I got shot in the stomach. I swear it's in my. Since I got my appendix removed.

[Theo Von]

Damn.

[Sketch]

That's not. I think that's not a conspiracy. That's why I don't go to the doctors. Half the they say is dude, of course, dude.

[Theo Von]

All you need is tick tock and a good attitude and a cash app account and you can take care of yourself these days.

[Sketch]

Dude, you did. Okay, this is like a true story. Okay, but like this is, this is like ever since like how people call me a lesbian or whatever.

[Theo Von]

Like because your looks or whatever. Yes, because sometimes too some lady the other day said is that a wig on your head? That.

[Sketch]

But the doctor made an assumption at birth because I had one kidney in the way my face looked and assumed and told my parents that I would like there was a high percentage chance that I was down down syndrome.

[Theo Von]

Yeah. What do you mean? Yeah? I'm just saying like because the.

[Sketch]

Because the. Like because the. The lookers. Because of. Someone said it's because like my. My eyes.

[Theo Von]

No, I think you got baby eyes. You got eyes of like.

[Sketch]

Like almond eyes.

[Theo Von]

Oh yeah, I forgot. You do have.

[Sketch]

I just gotta show you my baby picture. But that's why I don't believe half the that they say. And then when I went to.

[Theo Von]

If your eyes got that nut shape on them, that's signature.

[Sketch]

Yeah. Then I got one time I got my appendix removed. And I'm not kidding you. To test to see if they would was like I had pain. They told me to jump when I had appendicitis.

[Theo Von]

And they probably laughed. Huh.

[Sketch]

I jumped and I like was like almost myself. I was in so much pain.

[Theo Von]

And where'd you get your appendix removed? Who removed it? Was it a sanctioned place?

[Sketch]

It was a sanctioned place. It was pretty great. Except for I didn't know until after that they put a catheter in. Did I guess that's.

[Theo Von]

They put a. Catherine that's a pervert. Because they go. I don't want somebody looking at my wiener. I'll tell you what's up there. I've looked up there. Nothing, buddy.

[Sketch]

Yeah, I have to have like. I use a really small needle to really get in there.

[Theo Von]

But you dude, if you're not drinking water. That's why they're doing all that, dude, because you're not drinking any water. You're the human body's 95 water. And you're out here drinking Miller Light and Kool Aid.

[Sketch]

And that's because it's a weekend.

[Theo Von]

You're out here drinking. It's been two years since I've seen you had the same problem.

[Sketch]

Dude, you bring me to Nashville.

[Theo Von]

You're out here drinking Hawaiian Punch every day.

[Sketch]

Nashville. And you said you'd go down. Hotel One at. On Broadway is awesome. And what is there to do? There is just a. Like, it looks like so an invasion of. Of. Of bachelorette parties.

[Theo Von]

Like, oh, yeah, you'll see some thick and boots. Maybe a lot of thickened boots.

[Sketch]

I know they're ready to march for something. March our party.

[Theo Von]

Dude, I saw that clip of you standing on business in the hood, dude.

[Sketch]

Yes.

[Theo Von]

Was that tough? Was that a tough moment?

[Sketch]

I. I didn't think I was in the hood. We were. We. We. So the background of story for that was I was going to play. I was at Russell Westbrook's old high school, and I was going to. I was going to. I was going to buy basketball shoes because I had a basketball game, and one of my mods met me there and was like, hey, can. Can you buy me these shoes? So I bought this kid shoes. I walk out and this guy, like, it goes like, you're in the wrong hood. And I was like, what? Then I was like, he's like, you're in the wrong hood. And I saw he's. He was kind of fat. So I was like, you know what? It. I'll push. I'll push back. So I said, what. What did I say? Thank you, bro. What do you think? You in the hood right now. Wait, show. What? Say that again. Show him.

[Theo Von]

I said, you in the trenches right now, bro. You need to hurry up and get out of here. I expect you to see here why.

[Sketch]

You don't give a. I can feel.

[Theo Von]

Yeah.

[Sketch]

Okay. I got him on camera so in case we got shot.

[Theo Von]

What kind of vehicle are you getting? Are you part of a funeral procession?

[Sketch]

No, it's.

[Theo Von]

It's Uber.

[Sketch]

I got into the Uber Black because it was just like. It was. It was. It was a event that someone else threw, so they. They got the car for that.

[Theo Von]

Look at you getting in there like it's a funeral. Like, I'm late for. Oh, I had to get these new shoes because, you know, Danny died or whatever.

[Sketch]

I was honestly scared I was gonna get shot in the back there. I was like, Please, please step on it.

[Theo Von]

Yeah, that dude was pressing you. That was. That didn't seem like a real guy. Go back to that guy.

[Sketch]

I don't. I don't think. I think he was more. He was more joking back. Back hindsight because he had his phone out too, so I knew he wasn't like really pressing.

[Theo Von]

But look, he hasn't even been in the sun. First of all, he's a Mexican guy with very pale skin. I don't trust a Mexican guy that hasn't been in the sun and neither do other Mexican people.

[Sketch]

That is true.

[Theo Von]

He said bring up some really pale Mexicans because that should be illegal. Okay.

[Sketch]

First, they're actually there. I think. I think half of. I think there's like a. Like, it's like half of Mexicans are pretty pale.

[Theo Von]

No, but those are some of the women. You have to keep the sun off of some of them because they get pregnant and it can damage the child.

[Sketch]

Is that true or you just make that up, bro?

[Theo Von]

You see a pregnant woman just laying in the sun like on the side of the road or whatever.

[Sketch]

No, that is true. That is true. I've actually haven't seen a pregnant woman in a long time, but also just, you know, hang out at the club.

[Theo Von]

So. Thank God, right?

[Sketch]

Well, I think it was good. Good thing that they're not there.

[Theo Von]

It's a fact that Prize Picks is the best place to win cash while watching sports. The app is really easy to use to create a lineup. All you have to do is pick more or less on a few players stats. That's it. That's why I like it. I don't have to put all my hope into a whole team. I can just put my hope on a couple of dogs. This week I'm taking Bo Nicks and more than half of of a passing touchdown. I'm also taking Stefan Diggs and less than 54.5 receiving yards. And let me rock with my dog, Trey McBride with more than half of a rushing or receiving touchdowns. That's where you'll find me. Prize Picks is available in more than 40 states including California, Texas and Georgia. And now Prize Picks will give you $50 in lineups. When you play your first $5 lineup, win or lose, you get 50 bucks in lineups. Use promo code Theo when you download the app and sign up today. Plus, Prizepix has a brand new feature. Early payouts are now available on Prize Picks. Have a lineup that's doing well but not feeling great about how the last square is shaping up. Now you can Just swipe for an early payout and take control mid game. And now you can even follow me on prize picks at the Ovon prize picks. It's good to be right. Enjoy responsibly. You know, sometimes I just feel like my brain leaves the building about 3pm in the afternoon. It just. You're like, dang, where is my brain? I can't get a thought. I can't get an idea. I can't even remember my wife's name. And guess what? I don't even have a wife. That's when I want to take something. And I'm taking Neuro gum. Neuro gum and mints. Neuro gives you clean, focused energy without the crash sugar or sketchy ingredients. I keep a little pack of Neuro gum right there in my truck. I'll keep one, dude. I'll be honest. I keep one in the door and in the middle thing, I'll keep one in my pant pocket. They've also got caffeine free options. They've got memory and focus gum with American ginseng. That's a mental bump without the jitters. Sleep and recharge. Mints with melatonin and chamomile, baby. Help me wind down at night without gummies that tasted like melted Jolly ranches. For a limited time, you can get 20 off your first [e-mail] by using code THEO. That's N E U R O gum.com and use code T H E O for 20 off your first order. You can also find Neuro at CVS and Amazon. Enjoy it? What? Yeah, I'm trying to think of what else has been going on. Dude. Oh, I saw that. I saw that you. That you stream a lot with Jinxy and Queso.

[Sketch]

Yeah, those are my boys.

[Theo Von]

Yeah. Do you should.

[Sketch]

If you could get Queso, that'd be sick.

[Theo Von]

Is he a neat guy?

[Sketch]

He's awesome. Yeah, he just doesn't like to fly. And he. He never leaves the state of Arkansas.

[Theo Von]

Ooh, I love Arkansas. That's where he lives at.

[Sketch]

Yeah, he's. He's really cool. And so is Jinxy. Jinxy is like the realest person I've met in all of content. Like we still call, we still talk all the time.

[Theo Von]

Cause that was really. You guys really popped off together, huh?

[Sketch]

Well, he. He found me at like around a thousand viewers. And then like when I was with him we'd get to like. I'd get to 10 when I was. When he was streaming he'd get like. It was like a times where you'd have 100,000 people.

[Theo Von]

No way.

[Sketch]

So we would be like, we mean, Jinx would be streaming together and, like, on his account, he'd have more viewers and, like, Thursday Night Football, like, on Prime. Because it's on Prime. And I was like, that's. That's kind of what made us blow up, dude. But you.

[Theo Von]

But having fun, like, just being like that with your friends and having fun. It's so much fun.

[Sketch]

It is pretty sick. It is. It is a dream job. Like, I don't know. Like, I feel like your job is, like, way harder, like, being a comedian. Like, you have to write, you have to plan, you have to practice and stuff like that. Like, stream, you can just go on and kind of like. And then.

[Theo Von]

But what are the side effects of streaming? Like, do you feel this constant pressure that people have to show up there on the stream? And what are some things. You said dehydration is one of the products of it.

[Sketch]

Bad breath, that's one of them. But another one would probably be, like, you kind of get, like, this is maybe disassociate. Disassociative. Like, you see, like, some views on the clips. You're like, you don't realize until you go in the real world. And people that go like, well, I saw you here. Or, like, I saw, saw, saw you there. Like, I, I. I don't know. I was riding on my, my bicycle today, and someone just came up and it's like, what are you doing here?

[Theo Von]

Filming you.

[Sketch]

Yeah, Yeah.

[Theo Von]

I think stuff like that's kind of strange, I think, but it's almost like, I thought about this the other day. There's so much content out there that, like, I guess for you guys, especially as streamers, if you go out, you're in public, you're filming people, then it's not weird if they start filming you.

[Sketch]

Yeah, no, it's not. Like, I don't think any of it's weird. It's more of, like, like, what'd you ask? Like, the bad side effects or the good side effects or, like, the negative. Sorry, I have peacock brain.

[Theo Von]

No worries. No, no. Yeah. What are some things that we don't see, like, about streaming? That's tough. Like, because there's a lot of people, like, I want to stream, you know, I want to be like, you know, I want to be the next Fousey or whatever. Rip. But it's like, Fousey's not dead.

[Sketch]

No, he's reincarnated.

[Theo Von]

Sorry to laugh. I thought he was Rip, Homie.

[Sketch]

Dang. No, if maybe you're thinking about.

[Theo Von]

No, this is him.

[Sketch]

He's jacked.

[Theo Von]

Oh, my God. He's alive. I don't care if he's jacked. Who gives a. Dude, that's the problem with young people today. They're like. They don't even care if somebody's alive or they're not. Like, he's jazzed.

[Sketch]

I only knew he was alive, though. Thriving.

[Theo Von]

He's.

[Sketch]

He's doing better.

[Theo Von]

That's not Montel Williams.

[Sketch]

What is on your algorithm?

[Theo Von]

I would pay on rip Dog.

[Sketch]

On. On rip him.

[Theo Von]

On Rip Fousey, homie. I didn't know. I knew there was a couple times he died at a mall. He'd like something. I knew there was. Yeah, somebody said he died near, like, a Build a bear. Like, near a Bed, Bath and Beyond. A bear or something.

[Sketch]

Has anyone ever started.

[Theo Von]

A lot of the stores are merging now. You know, there's a Bed, Bath and Beyond. A bear. I'm like, what the fuck are we doing?

[Sketch]

That. That is a good idea, though, because then you just converge. Or like, it's like tv. Same five people own everything.

[Theo Von]

Yeah, there's like a Bed, Bath and Beyond. A Baskin Robbins now, dude. And you're like, this is. But you go in there, it's just a Build a bear with sprinkles on it.

[Sketch]

It's nice, though. It's like you go to go to Target, you can get to go to cvs and you can go to Starbucks or something.

[Theo Von]

Yeah. All in one, dude. You can go in there, you can roller skate, you can eat some.

[Sketch]

Eventually, weed's gonna be illegal everywhere. And I feel like it's gonna be in CVS and every place is gonna smell like weed.

[Theo Von]

Yeah, you think so? But, dude, how weird is gonna be? Like, oh, look at these. Look at these PO. Smoking that CVS joint. You over there hit you. Dude, that would be me. I'd be in the parking lot in a Walgreens joint with my wife, dude.

[Sketch]

I guess it's probably. I don't know if it's expensive or cheap to make weed, but it's got.

[Theo Von]

To be cheap, dude. Look at the people that sell it, dude. When you think about it, like, when you're growing up, the people that sold.

[Sketch]

It, bro, I had some good. I had some good plugs or.

[Theo Von]

You did.

[Sketch]

Yeah, they were. They were. They're actually like.

[Theo Von]

We had a blind dude that would fucking sell it in our neighborhood.

[Sketch]

I had a lady that would pull up and she had a menu of, like, pizzas. She could make you and she drop off the menu with whatever you wanted. And it like, she had her thing fully branded.

[Theo Von]

Oh, that's Houston, though.

[Sketch]

That's some Houston.

[Theo Von]

That's Houston said, oh, let's put these glasses on and be blind for a second. Look at these.

[Sketch]

Is this a blind test?

[Theo Von]

You got to see if you can do it or not.

[Sketch]

I feel like Alan from the hangover, are we.

[Theo Von]

Can you.

[Sketch]

How far can you see?

[Theo Von]

I can't see at all.

[Sketch]

Well, my vision was still ass, but I could. I could see pretty. Like. You look like a three mice.

[Theo Von]

You look like.

[Sketch]

You look like a. Like.

[Theo Von]

Oh, you look cool, dude. You're trying to be cool and blind. Don't be that dude trying to sit back. Do you want me to.

[Sketch]

Should I sit back like that dude?

[Theo Von]

Nothing's crazier than that dude who's trying to be cool and blind, dude. He's trying to post up like he's not blind or whatever that is, if that's what you're doing. Dude, I'm.

[Sketch]

If I had the money and I was blind, I would 100% pimp out a cane or something. Yeah.

[Theo Von]

Would you have a CNI dog? I'd have four CNI dogs, dude. I'd be like that.

[Sketch]

Oh, like the. The dog that get.

[Theo Von]

Oh, like in the idita Rod, that.

[Sketch]

Race, you know, Alaska.

[Theo Von]

Like, damn, this seeing for miles, bro. I didn't feel five CNI dogs. Two of them would be cane corsos, and one of them would be a cocaine corso.

[Sketch]

You probably. Probably haul ass on those things. They're pretty fast.

[Theo Von]

I'd be so blind, I'd be a boss. They're like, I don't even need to see. That's how dope I am. If you.

[Sketch]

If you could pick one of your senses that you had to lose, which one would it be?

[Theo Von]

Probably eating. What was the question?

[Sketch]

Oh, my God. Well, if you could lose any of your senses, that would be the feeling of. I don't know, is that taste or smell or feeling? That's like three sits as you knocked out right there.

[Theo Von]

Look, you need a lot of them to do it like I do it. Oh, really?

[Sketch]

Oh, you got a. You got a carnival cruise buffet over there, huh?

[Theo Von]

I have no idea, dude. I would probably lose. Well, let me see.

[Sketch]

First of all, wait, so do you. Wait, do you actually. You. You get in there?

[Theo Von]

Do I do oral sex or whatever?

[Sketch]

You frame it like that. You eat ass.

[Theo Von]

Oh, whoa, dude, bro, you're.

[Sketch]

You're fishing in the same spot. What do you mean, bro?

[Theo Von]

I Mean, I've had a little. But I'm.

[Sketch]

What do you mean? Like, accidentally like. Bro, calm down.

[Theo Von]

Brought it up. Don't be the cool blind dude.

[Sketch]

I'm not the cool blind dude. You put on glasses, immediately talked about eating.

[Theo Von]

No, I didn't.

[Sketch]

Yes, you're trying to out. You're trying to out aura farm me. No, I'm not.

[Theo Von]

Oral farming, dude. No, I'm not.

[Sketch]

It's not oral farming. It's not. It's aura farming. It's a good thing, bro.

[Theo Von]

What?

[Sketch]

It's like when someone thirst straps you. Sorry for interrupting you bet type, homie.

[Theo Von]

No, you're good.

[Sketch]

You with the motion. I'm just kidding. Get to. Get to Tik tok. Welcome to the Internet.

[Theo Von]

But I will say this, dude, I just want us to both be. I don't want you to be the cool blind guy.

[Sketch]

I'm not the cool blind guy.

[Theo Von]

You look at you right now. Tell me you aren't the cool blind guy.

[Sketch]

I can't see myself. Do I look pimp? But, dude, I pull up the Dave's hot chicken. You think they're letting me skip the line?

[Theo Von]

All I can see is myself, homie. That's where your energy's at right now.

[Sketch]

That's what. That's what. That's why you wear sunglasses inside. There's power in that.

[Theo Von]

Yeah. Dude, these are wild, huh? Yours look good on you.

[Sketch]

I don't know if I'll take them off.

[Theo Von]

What else can we talk about? Oh, you had a new Netflix show. What's going on with that?

[Sketch]

Oh, it was awesome. I just went to war with a lady. Johnny Mansell's ex wife. And then.

[Theo Von]

Oh, is that John? Was Johnny Menzel on that one?

[Sketch]

No, it was Johnny Mizzell's ex wife. And that was like.

[Theo Von]

The ex wife?

[Sketch]

Yeah, her name's Brie. Tessie. She does like Netflix show.

[Theo Von]

Was that. Was Brianna Chicken fry on that one?

[Sketch]

No, she wasn't. It was like the people that were on this show. It was like, Dwight Howard, Bri Tessie.

[Theo Von]

Who else? Dwight Howard was on there.

[Sketch]

Marc Esty.

[Theo Von]

Flirting at all with you, you think or. No?

[Sketch]

I thought the casting was not by accident. Hey, I'm not. I'm not gonna read between the lines.

[Theo Von]

I was.

[Sketch]

I sold Dwight Howard. I was like, okay, these motherfuckers know what they're doing and type shit. There is what? There's one time, like, I was like, we're walking around and Dwight said, like, somebody's like, like, sketch, you got nice feet. And I was like, I was like, dwight, you don't want to be in this clip. I don't know if you know, do. You do not want to be in this clip. Thank God. I didn't make the cut, but it was a great show. It was a great show. And honestly, all the people that, like, I ended up fighting with made this show. So, like, really, I do, like, a little bit of drama on reality tv.

[Theo Von]

So Zach justice was there.

[Sketch]

Yeah. You know Zach Justice.

[Theo Von]

Bring up Zach Justice. Let me see. I can't remember if I do know him.

[Sketch]

He's. He's a YouTuber, and he's a. He's. He's really into script writing.

[Theo Von]

I love this guy.

[Sketch]

He's awesome.

[Theo Von]

That's. That's who I thought it was.

[Sketch]

He was.

[Theo Von]

He was. He. He's the best.

[Sketch]

I don't want. Well, I guess they're not.

[Theo Von]

He. He.

[Sketch]

He did great on the show.

[Theo Von]

He's.

[Sketch]

I'm not gonna say how it ends, so you can.

[Theo Von]

Every time I see him, I just feel like I always want to spend more time around him. He's a great guy.

[Sketch]

He is a great guy. We're trying to. We're trying to think of a show to do together.

[Theo Von]

Yeah, that'd be a great. I mean, he's just. Yeah, but you guys are so, like, people love y'. All. You know, on the. On that show, I saw that you guys didn't have your phone for. How long was it for?

[Sketch]

Seven days.

[Theo Von]

Was that tough? What was that?

[Sketch]

Like, it made me schizophrenic almost. Not, like, it wasn't that. It was, like, not having your phone was cool. You got to, like, lock into the conversations, but, like, the game in itself, like, made you kind of like. Because you're cut off from the world, you can't really eat because the food's, like, shitty. And then, like, they don't tell you the time of anything, so, like, you're. Everything's kind of thrown off.

[Theo Von]

So you could be eating a muffin. You think it's breakfast. And it's 1:15pm Kind of like, pretty much.

[Sketch]

Oh, but it's like prison. The basis of the show is like, imagine there's 12 people locked in prison.

[Theo Von]

Yeah.

[Sketch]

Price point is a million dollars. And then commissary is, like, high price. Things that can upgrade your lifestyle.

[Theo Von]

Okay.

[Sketch]

So that's, like, the basis of the show.

[Theo Von]

But not having the phone. Did that start to tap in at moment where you're like, I didn't.

[Sketch]

I didn't mind it. I always wanted to play reality tv. I was locked in and I was, like, trying to. I was trying to get everyone voted off. That got me voted off, like, rather fast.

[Theo Von]

Yeah. So it was fun.

[Sketch]

It was fun. I'm just not good at making alliances.

[Theo Von]

Why is that?

[Sketch]

You think too much of a talker.

[Theo Von]

Oh.

[Sketch]

And too much of. Too much of an overthinker.

[Theo Von]

And not enough water.

[Sketch]

Not enough. Clearly not enough water, bro.

[Theo Von]

You got to fuel that bubbler, homie. Can't bubble if there's no water.

[Sketch]

We were limited to two drinks a.

[Theo Von]

Night there, and it was one of water.

[Sketch]

They were five grand a piece.

[Theo Von]

Nuh. Oh. She had to earn money. Just buy it.

[Sketch]

No, it comes out of the prize pot. So if you want to. If you want to relax, you gotta. You gotta drop 10 GS on the two drinks.

[Theo Von]

Dang.

[Sketch]

That's what I spent my money on, though.

[Theo Von]

I respect that.

[Sketch]

Well, it's not your money until you win. That's how I looked at it.

[Theo Von]

Yeah, I like that attitude. It's not your money till you win.

[Sketch]

Would you ever. You've done reality tv. Would you ever do, like, Survivor?

[Theo Von]

No. I got asked to be on a show. I think it was Mr. B show or something. I didn't go do it. I don't know. I just have so much, like, I just have too much. I'm kind of taking a break from doing stuff because I've just been kind of burnt. I've just been, like, kind of burnt out.

[Sketch]

Burnt out on, like, doing content and stuff.

[Theo Von]

Yeah, just like touring and stuff really took it out of me.

[Sketch]

Yeah.

[Theo Von]

For.

[Sketch]

So traveling. Traveling can be.

[Theo Von]

Yeah, I just needed a break, you know, that's what I need. But yeah, that's pretty much been it.

[Sketch]

Do you feel. Do you feel better when you're at home or do you like. Do you like being. Does being home make you antsy? Like you want to be on the road again or how does it. For me, it's kind of like that.

[Theo Von]

It's kind of a mix, I guess. I think. You know what's weird is like, I attach a lot of my. I think my self worth probably to like, if I am in, like, I think, like if a woman is interested in me or not. Does that make any sense to you?

[Sketch]

Yeah, but like, in terms of like, like, like an actual woman right now or like, in terms of like your job?

[Theo Von]

No, like an actual woman. So I think it's like, I start thinking like, oh, I'd like to. You know, I think if I had like a. I don't know, it's all weird to say. It's like if I had a relationship or something I was really focusing on, I feel like it would be more night, like, nice to be at home because then it's like something I can start to work on and build a family and that sort of thing.

[Sketch]

100.

[Theo Von]

But then since I feel like that's not really happening in my life right now, which I'm not trying to. I feel like I talk about that all the time. So I feel like I start to seem like I'm like, whining about it, but. But so that part of me is then like, oh, maybe I should just go back out on the road. You know, I'm saying there's nothing really. Yeah.

[Sketch]

Like trying to find and trying to. Do you try to find, like.

[Theo Von]

No. Just because there's nothing like substantial here right now. Let me just go work. Let me just go work.

[Sketch]

Yeah. Keep your mind off of things.

[Theo Von]

Yeah. Just because in it. But then also that's a little bit of a trap. So. Yeah. I think I'm just happy to be at home. Let things settle. Let things chill.

[Sketch]

Yeah. And that's the way you can, like, wrap your mind around.

[Theo Von]

And I'll meet somebody.

[Sketch]

Like. Yeah.

[Theo Von]

Yeah. And give me a chance to wrap my mind about. Around things. And even just to go to, like, SEC games. It's like, I didn't have a chance to do a lot of that for years. It was like, dude, I think I've gone to eight SEC games this year.

[Sketch]

Yeah.

[Theo Von]

I'm going to go to three more before the season's over. I'll have been to an SEC game nine out of 11 weeks.

[Sketch]

That's insane.

[Theo Von]

Of. Yeah.

[Sketch]

And that's. That's. That's like all fun and stuff. Like, what? So, like, when you do cool stuff, say, like, you don't do a big show and like, you, like, like you'd feel like, accomplished. Like, who do you usually share? Like, who do you, like, shared that with? Like, for me, like, sometimes I like, before I had my girlfriend, like, say, like, if I met, like, like met someone big and I like, I'll be like, no way. Like this just happened. Like, is that. Is that like something like, like in a lady that you're, like, looking for or like. Or like. Or is that something like you don't have or do what?

[Theo Von]

Like, so what do you. When you say, like, share something? Like, say if I had a fun show. It is kind of weird. Sometimes you just get back in your dressroom and you're just there and it's okay. Like, yeah, like, my tour manager is great and like, you know, the other comedians and stuff. That's fun. So we had that bond. But they're definitely times where it's like, yeah, you get back home and there's.

[Sketch]

No one to ground yourself.

[Theo Von]

Yeah, there's not that. There's definitely. You start to miss having some sense of home. Right.

[Sketch]

Yeah.

[Theo Von]

And then you start to wonder, well, is that going to be something that's in my life? You know, and it's not like, yeah, I could probably find someone, but you want to, like, you want it to be a good fit and then. Yeah. Can you get through your own, like, hurdles and stuff enough to make something like that work?

[Sketch]

You know? And so you think it's hard to date? Is it a hard dating pool or do you think you got high standards or do you have, like a guard up in terms of, like, just be with being like a public figure. Like, like, you're, you're. You, like, harder to trust?

[Theo Von]

No, I think I'll probably all day, like, kind of just. I. I don't. I think I'm good at knowing who to trust, kind of.

[Sketch]

Yeah.

[Theo Von]

And I think I'm good at, you know, I'll try to just meet somebody here or there. Sometimes it is hard to make the time for it.

[Sketch]

Yeah. Making time for. It's definitely one of the hardest things about like.

[Theo Von]

Yeah.

[Sketch]

Dating and then where you, where you went. It's something where you have to travel a lot.

[Theo Von]

Yeah.

[Sketch]

Because then, like, if you have an animal, who's gonna watch the animals or like, if. Who's gonna. Who's gonna be on the fort.

[Theo Von]

Yeah. Also, like, I have to realize, like, I may have these expectations of things, but I have to let some of those go. It's like, you know, I think there's always been this part of me that's like, oh, it's gonna feel like whenever I met somebody when I was like, 17 or 13, like, you know, there's always this. This. This kind of like romanticizing the issue, you know, or something. And then it's like, like, oh, well, I might meet somebody this way or this way. And it's like, I'm always, in a way, kind of setting myself up for a little bit of being let down in those kind of senses. I think just turning it over to God, letting, you know, just be like.

[Sketch]

You know, letting your person come to you versus, like, really trying to look for.

[Theo Von]

Yeah. And let me find ways to just be in love with the world and being like, make. Make the best. Like be a part of positive things, like outside of like what I want for myself.

[Sketch]

Yeah. Because I saw. I remember watching the clip of when you did the podcast with Saul and like that. That made. I didn't really ever want to like a relationship. Vulcan.

[Theo Von]

Oh, volcano.

[Sketch]

Yeah, volcano. Or like I still could pronunciation but like when he talks about like having. Having like kids in like a family and stuff like that. Like that, that stuff like, I don't know, it made me realize that I kind of wanted that and then I stumbled upon it. So it was kind of got lucky.

[Theo Von]

But it was it tough for you? I know like after, like after the.

[Sketch]

The. The leak.

[Theo Von]

Oh yeah.

[Sketch]

Or did I call that D day and I called and I called the announcement or by apology. The sketch of the union. Good branding.

[Theo Von]

It was in the sketch of the union address. Oh, that was hilarious.

[Sketch]

I. You don't know what I did that day was like. Like that I found out that night the phase guys like came got me.

[Theo Von]

I remembered that part.

[Sketch]

Banks called like me. I was like trying to get to the airport but it's midnight in la so there's nowhere to fly. So I was.

[Theo Von]

And you were in la.

[Sketch]

Yeah, so I was without family, so I was just trying to get back to my family.

[Theo Von]

And then were they concerned about you or. No.

[Sketch]

Yeah, they were the first ones I called. So they were like trying. Trying to see how they get me back. And then like my management group ended up meeting with like a PR person. Like you can kind of say it, say I or like try to do that. And I was like, I feel like fighting this battle. So I was like, it. We'll go live. And just went live for 10 minutes. And that was the most viewers I ever had. We had a hundred thousand viewers. Sounds like, like I feel like Kim K when I say that. But like that wasn't the goal.

[Theo Von]

But it was.

[Sketch]

Well, like. Yeah, it was definitely. I was upper like when I. Because I let it load for a sec so I could just. I didn't want to like start.

[Theo Von]

And were you milling around as it was loading? Like doing like potentially low key gay while it was loading around. Okay.

[Sketch]

Oh, wiener was the last thing on my mind. I. I couldn't look at my phone. It was everywhere.

[Theo Von]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Sketch]

Everyone. Everyone text me like they're like, stay off your phone. I was like, don't worry.

[Theo Von]

I know, but they're also texting you on your phone. Yeah.

[Sketch]

And they're being very. But like everyone that reach out to me, like it was like crazy of support. I got.

[Theo Von]

Oh, yeah, dude. I remember everybody just a little bit concerned and just checking in.

[Sketch]

Yeah.

[Theo Von]

Because everybody just wanted to know that you. They loved you no matter what. Everybody's done some wild, you know.

[Sketch]

Yeah. And just happened on camera, I guess. But that was. I don't know that since then it made it easier for me to date because then I feel like I didn't have to hide anything or like, like, like more open.

[Theo Von]

Do you just. And you also.

[Sketch]

Not like, open like we do crazy or something. More like, like, Like.

[Theo Von]

Yeah. Not like you're another one of Dwight Howard's rebounds or whatever, you know?

[Sketch]

Dude, get the white out of this clip. He's a great guy. I think he is. I know I'm messing you. I'm never serious. I think it's funny. I do think that Cassie was on purpose, but.

[Theo Von]

Oh, they definitely.

[Sketch]

Oh, there was. There's a couple dynamics of the casting that, like, why I kind of knew pre. Preloaded in when I was. Because I was the first one in, like, Zach justice and this another lady had, like, a online feud and they were both there. Yeah, they're both casted. So I was like. I kind of knew that right away. I was like, oh, this is gonna.

[Theo Von]

It's gonna be interesting.

[Sketch]

I was like, let me sit back and watch.

[Theo Von]

Oh, that's fun, dude. You can sit back and watch, dude.

[Sketch]

Yeah. And then. Yeah, it was a. It was a fun time, though. But. Yeah. I don't know. What was the question before the D Day whole thing?

[Theo Von]

I don't even know. I just remember we had kind of talked about that because it kind of had.

[Sketch]

Oh, yeah.

[Theo Von]

So the thing loaded and so then you just kind of said, oh, yeah. You just shared what was going on.

[Sketch]

It allowed me to be more yourself. Like. Yeah, like. Like that. Like. Like in a, like, fluid way. More, like, I don't have to, like, worry about or, like. Like, it's already out there. So people, like, already. No, I don't even have to talk about it, like. Or whatever. So it's like.

[Theo Von]

Did you feel like people treated you any different after? No.

[Sketch]

Maybe some people. Some people.

[Theo Von]

Not.

[Sketch]

Like, a lot of people that, like, talked bad about me, like, have retracted since then because, like, I didn't make it about. I don't want. I didn't choose for it to come. Like, I know I didn't post it online, but I didn't, like. Yeah, I didn't go drop it on my channel or something. And then, like, I don't know that it was. I don't Feel like anyone treated me any differently, especially by talking about it.

[Theo Von]

We can not talk about if you want.

[Sketch]

No, I don't care. Okay. I don't care.

[Theo Von]

Yeah, I didn't feel like you're uncomfortable, so.

[Sketch]

No, because. Because it links back even to, like, our first podcast. Because, like, when I told you about that prayer, that was. That was during that time.

[Theo Von]

Yeah, I remember that, dude.

[Sketch]

So that was why I was like, I couldn't even talk about it then.

[Theo Von]

Oh, yeah.

[Sketch]

So, like, I was like. Couldn't even open with you, but now I can openly talk about it.

[Theo Von]

Yeah. Oh, dude, I. There's been times in my life where it's just like. Yeah, I like.

[Sketch]

And I'm sure it's like that with a lot of people, like, for, like. Oh, yeah, like, you know, like, just, like, different. Everyone has their different vices and stuff like that. Or like, they're different. Like, things that they. They try to keep hidden or, like, you know.

[Theo Von]

Oh, yeah. We all have things that would admit that make us feel or that, like, for some reason have so much shame attached to them or they may have shame, even though it's just like. Yeah, it's kind of. It's. It's odd that we live in a society like that where. Because, yeah, the truth is, you'd probably want people to just kind of share so they feel free, you know? Yeah, but the amount of shame. I wish there was almost like a meter of the amount of shame we all feel. Like the things that are kept hidden, you know, or the things that we feel we need to keep hidden, you know?

[Sketch]

Yeah, like, shame is one of the shame. And, like, what, like, being nervous. Like, the two things that are, like, I probably struggle with the most that are, like, things that, like, you can control, but, like, also you can't control at the same time. Like, you. You feel the emotions, but, like, that you can rewire your brain with, like, your thoughts. Like, but like, but at the end of the day, like, however nervous you are, it doesn't change the outcome.

[Theo Von]

Oh, yeah. Huh.

[Sketch]

Same thing with the shame. Like, it's like. Like, you can wear the shame.

[Theo Von]

Like, you can feel so horrible about yourself, but it's not going to really affect anything except for you.

[Sketch]

Yeah. Like, other people, like, you know, people come up to me and still show me. Show me love or whatever, and I love them. But it's like, it's.

[Theo Von]

It.

[Sketch]

If I. If I wore the shame, like, 24 7, like, it wouldn't, like, it wouldn't do anything. Like, I have, like, moments, but like.

[Theo Von]

Yeah, I think there's things that you feel like you have to wear. The shame. Like, I know when I was growing up, I was so ashamed of myself, and I don't even know why. I was probably ashamed of myself for even existing, you know, as a kid. Like, I think I was in just such a place of, like, low self worth and of, like, nobody teaching me how to have any self worth about myself or ever even having a conversation of, like, what self worth meant or what it even was. So to me, it was. You know, I just almost just felt so embarrassed to even be anywhere sometimes because of just kind of how horrible I felt about myself as a child.

[Sketch]

Yeah. Do you carry any of that still? Like, do you have. Do you feel like. Like, do you ever feel like you're not.

[Theo Von]

I don't. I think a lot of it's gone away. I think some of it's just age getting older. I think ayahuasca, that kind of stuff helped you really? Oh, yeah. Going to therapy, that's helped a lot.

[Sketch]

Therapy definitely helps me.

[Theo Von]

Yeah.

[Sketch]

I started doing therapy. Well, I've always done a little bit of therapy, but I usually ghost him like, a.

[Theo Von]

Like the third or fourth time.

[Sketch]

Yeah, I feel good now. All right, then.

[Theo Von]

Then your therapist was Sam and Colby trying to get in touch with you on a Ouija board after that.

[Sketch]

He's ripped damn near. I. I talked to. I. I re. Talked to because I. I went. I had a therapist, like, before I started streaming. Then I still. I have one now. And he was like. He's like, because of Dr. Rules, you're not really. Can't tell people who you're working with or whatever.

[Theo Von]

Yeah.

[Sketch]

And he said he saw me on TV one time, and we wanted to tell his wife, but he couldn't. And I was like.

[Theo Von]

He's like, look at this handsome little woman.

[Sketch]

Yeah, it's exactly what he thought.

[Theo Von]

Look at this handsome softball coach right here, bro. Low key. You do now. I'm really feeling it, dude. I could see it was like, kind of a white Filipino lesbian.

[Sketch]

I'm a little Mexican, but, like, I'm not, like.

[Theo Von]

Is that the sound? I feel like that. That would, like when you open your. When you open your little lesbian eyes in the morning. That's the sound.

[Sketch]

That's the sound. Oh, my God. I gotta change the way I dress.

[Theo Von]

I've been getting. No for it. You need to do overalls. I'd go with overalls.

[Sketch]

No, no. Now you're trying to set me up. If you go with a tattoo too you wore overalls. You. You would get lesbian allegations out of the wazoo. Dude, no wonder you love eating. There's nothing about these. Only talk about eating, bro.

[Theo Von]

Dude, all I'm saying. Dude, you're way more of a lesbian looking than me. Dude.

[Sketch]

Then you get right here.

[Theo Von]

What?

[Sketch]

And then from the back, too. Yeah, that's what I thought.

[Theo Von]

From the back. That's your old trick.

[Sketch]

No, that's not my old trick. Yeah, you're gonna keep me into that, bro.

[Theo Von]

Saying dude, is this. Bro, I'll say this, dude, you're way more L. Dude, all you need is a. You need to start getting. You'd have a tattoo. It says this. Don't run on it.

[Sketch]

Oh, my God. That is absurd.

[Theo Von]

That's what you.

[Sketch]

No, I'd have a tramp stamp for sure, though. Oh, yeah, I would have a tramp stamp.

[Theo Von]

And what would it say? You have to have some wording above it, too. Use perplexity to bring up the best lesbian tramp stamp wording that you could have.

[Sketch]

It'd be like, what do you call those things? Like, where it's just like, who's the red guy from Star Wars? It'd be like his tattoos.

[Theo Von]

Queer duck life. You can't. That's not it. That's insane. It says that.

[Sketch]

Is that what it says?

[Theo Von]

Queer or lesbian pride symbols are phrases like dick life or incorporating lesbian trans pride. Colors or hearts. Okay, so you could have a rainbow. Maybe bring up some great lesbian kind of. What would you call them? Streamers?

[Sketch]

Or like, just like.

[Theo Von]

Just like a. Something you would have on a tramp stamp if you were a lesbian.

[Sketch]

The lesbian champ Stamps or lesbian bumper stickers.

[Theo Von]

These are good ones. Love is love. You are my today and all of my tomorrows. That'd be a crazy tramp stamp tab.

[Sketch]

Yeah, I don't know if that's a tramp stamp. You kind of need something more like. I'll say more of like a design. Oh, yeah, you like angel wings?

[Theo Von]

You would definitely be a bigger lesbian. Dude, do you think if we were lesbians, we would go on a date or not?

[Sketch]

I feel like you'd ask.

[Theo Von]

You'd be.

[Sketch]

You'd ask me out.

[Theo Von]

I don't know about that.

[Sketch]

Oh, you're the one. You're the one talking about it. And you're taking me to dinner tonight.

[Theo Von]

Oh, yeah, that's true. I forgot about.

[Sketch]

Yeah.

[Theo Von]

Jeez.

[Sketch]

Yeah. Thank you. Thank you very much.

[Theo Von]

Wow. Thanks.

[Sketch]

I can't. Can't wait.

[Theo Von]

Okay. Blm Homie type. Yeah, boy.

[Sketch]

We're gonna take His Subaru.

[Theo Von]

We're teammates, huh?

[Sketch]

Right after practice, bro, if we were.

[Theo Von]

Two lesbians, dude, we would. We would get a lot of chicks, I think. You think?

[Sketch]

I think we'd have a. We'd talk a good game.

[Theo Von]

Dude, if we were lesbians, dude, we'd get the hottest twins out there.

[Sketch]

We would be the hottest twins.

[Theo Von]

No, we would get the hottest.

[Sketch]

No, it'd be. It'd be us. And we'd be the hot. We'd be the most sought after.

[Theo Von]

We would win an all lesbian unk nephew contest.

[Sketch]

Dude, that would be a good contest. We should probably try to run that one.

[Theo Von]

Fuck, we would do great. God, we should have a fucking contest. Men that look like lesbians. Dude, isn't there something called Nambler? Whatever that. That was that thing.

[Sketch]

A Nambler?

[Theo Von]

What's Nambla?

[Sketch]

What is that, a mint?

[Theo Von]

No. North American man boy love associate. No, that's not.

[Sketch]

No. Oh, my God.

[Theo Von]

No. Dude. No.

[Sketch]

Hey, hey.

[Theo Von]

Unlook.

[Sketch]

Speak of the. You're the delete. Whatever for freaking Nashville Predators. And that's something y' all we need to have a conversation about too, is who the hell thought of the branding for the Nashville Predators? I was like, that sounds like a scary movie. I walked past it and it said. It go. He goes. He goes. Say cheese.

[Theo Von]

Yeah.

[Sketch]

I take it. And it says gopreds.

[Theo Von]

Yeah.

[Sketch]

I was like, dude, that is not a good.

[Theo Von]

You're.

[Sketch]

You're one letter off of.

[Theo Von]

Yeah. And what do you expect? They should have definitely, like, predators get in free night or whatever that is.

[Sketch]

They're probably.

[Mariana Van Zeller]

Probably.

[Sketch]

They do.

[Theo Von]

They do that.

[Sketch]

That's a wwe, though.

[Theo Von]

They should scan the crowd for men just sitting by themselves at the Preds games. It's like, now it's time for the real prince. Make some noise. And they shoot just children's T shirts into the crowd.

[Sketch]

Oh, my God.

[Theo Von]

And then it's just some guy, like, look at this guy just by himself. And he's like. Like, I don't know.

[Sketch]

Yeah, that would be a good. So they need to lean into that, I guess.

[Theo Von]

You have to do whatever you can to get fans nowadays. When I was there, you had to have a knife. One of you's got to take turns carrying it up your rectum.

[Mariana Van Zeller]

Wait, it's up your butt.

[Theo Von]

That's the prison wallet. You never leave home alone.

[Mariana Van Zeller]

You have something protected around it, I'm assuming.

[Theo Von]

Yeah. Or else you'll be bleeding out your coolo.

[Mariana Van Zeller]

I'm Mariana Van Zeller, and after reporting on black markets for my Emmy winning National Jupiter Graphics show trafficked I'm launching a podcast. You're getting emotional on me. Intimate conversations with those operating in the shadows. The Hidden Third is out now with new episodes every Wednesday. [e-mail] Marianna Van Zeller Follow us on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or wherever you listen to podcasts.

[Theo Von]

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[Sketch]

Oh, really?

[Theo Von]

I am a. And he did all of, like, the Hulk, like, signs and stuff. That is so sick, bro. It was really, really cool, man. That's probably one of the best things that had happened.

[Sketch]

Yeah. You met Hulk Hogan in real life?

[Theo Von]

Yeah, I met him when he was alive.

[Sketch]

And did you have him on the podcast?

[Theo Von]

I did. Dude.

[Sketch]

Dude, that's crazy.

[Theo Von]

It was probably one of the most special moments ever. Just, we got to lock arms just because he was such a part of our childhood, dude.

[Sketch]

Yeah.

[Theo Von]

I remember when I was a kid, it was like, we felt like just so. Like, we just. I don't know, we just felt like such low life. Like, we're in, like, this neighborhood, and everybody. It felt like everybody looked down upon us. We didn't have anything. But when WWE came on, dude, that was something. Or when NWA Wrestling. Because rich kids didn't watch wrestling, so for poor kids, that was our right.

[Sketch]

Yeah.

[Theo Von]

When that came on, dude, it was like, what's.

[Sketch]

What's in. What's in.

[Theo Von]

What's NWA that was National Wrestling Association. It was just a different. It changed into.

[Sketch]

Is that Ice Cube in them?

[Theo Von]

Oh, it was also nwa. Yeah, because in words with attitude or whatever, but. Yeah, but Vince McMahon, he came out and did all of Hulk's things and stuff, did all of his, like, signature moves, and the place was going ape, dude. That was a really. And nobody even knew that he was there. And he came out of the back and, like, everybody's was just sitting in the pews. It was pretty special, man.

[Sketch]

Yeah. That's insane.

[Theo Von]

After you went through your thing that kind of happened, did they have. Were the. Were sports team still cool or was it weird?

[Sketch]

They're still cool. I mean, no one's. No one's acted weird towards me. Everyone hit me up. Like, that was before then. I never, like. No athletes, like, really gave a. Gave a fuck, to be honest. Yeah. I mean, like, to a certain point, it's like, you know, I've only. You only know people as. As much as you know them, so.

[Theo Von]

Yeah, especially like. Like. Yeah, like us, we just meet people and you don't really know what they're like, you know, Dude.

[Sketch]

But there's some. There's someone that is so dope. Like, I've met Joe Burrow a couple of times. That dude's cool as hell.

[Theo Von]

Oh, he's great.

[Sketch]

One my favorite person met so far is Cam Jordan on the. On the Saints.

[Theo Von]

Really?

[Sketch]

He's one of the coolest, like, realest guys I've ever met. He also wwe.

[Theo Von]

Yeah.

[Sketch]

Or no. Ufc.

[Theo Von]

Ufc. Yeah, that's where I got to meet him at.

[Sketch]

Yeah, that's where I got to meet him in the. When we were at F1.

[Theo Von]

Oh, that's great, dude. What made him so unique, you think?

[Sketch]

He's just very personable and he, like, he's like. When you talk to him, like, it's a real conversation. Like, he's locked in. Like, some people. Some people, like, are. You know, you don't talk. Talk to as much. But I got to talk to him on multiple occasions in like. Yeah, just each time was like, left thinking higher and higher of him. Like, just all around solid, dude. I bet the. It's Saint Flocker and probably would say the same thing.

[Theo Von]

He's a special guy, man. He's very smart, too, bro. He's just like. He's really. I don't know.

[Sketch]

He's been in the league for a while, too.

[Theo Von]

Yeah, he's been in there, man. And he just stays healthy enough to keep playing and, you know, Saints have had a tough time this year. Jesus. I know.

[Sketch]

I wish he was. I wish he. They had because I want him to win a Super Bowl.

[Theo Von]

I know. Well, did he win one with Breeze? I think he won one. Did he.

[Sketch]

Was it with Breeze? How old is that? Would have been like 2009. Is he. Is he that old?

[Theo Von]

I don't know. What year is Cam Jordan in the league? You might be right. No, Cam Jordan is. I want to see. Really play if you want to. Saint since they were with Super Fighting 2000 as he started playing NFL in 2011. Wow.

[Sketch]

Oh, damn. He missed it.

[Theo Von]

But.

[Sketch]

But he got to play with Drew, though.

[Theo Von]

Still pretty amazing, dude. Maybe that's why I'm thinking of it because there was overlap. Dude, we accidentally call. Well, I didn't accidentally. I called Max Crosby before he. They had a game the other day and accident and it was yesterday, but. And I was with Pavia where we were getting ivs and we. I was like, dude, let's call. Let's call Crosby. And to say what's up to him? Because Max is one of my favorite players and he's sick, too. Oh, he's so sick. Dude. And he's literally in the locker room. I'm like, why are you wearing all your raider? I thought it was Halloween thing or something. He's like, dude, we have a game in 20 minutes.

[Sketch]

I was like, oh, bro, you used the college football schedule. Like, what the hell are you wearing?

[Theo Von]

I was like, dang, I just used my one. Max Crosby answers your call.

[Sketch]

Have you seen his chains in real life, bro?

[Theo Von]

Yeah, he let me hold one of them one time at a WNBA told.

[Sketch]

Me that doesn't make you want to get. Oh, it makes you definitely just one. One that says this past weekend. What if I got you that for your birthday?

[Theo Von]

I don't know. I think somebody would rob you.

[Sketch]

Are you worried about getting robbed if.

[Theo Von]

I have a chain? Yeah.

[Sketch]

It ups a percentage. Yeah, I do a couple of these when we go to the 7 11.

[Theo Von]

A couple of.

[Sketch]

Couple of tuck underneath.

[Theo Von]

Yeah. Oh, to tighten up, dude, my buddy, Gianni. Gianni Paolo, bring him up. He's an actor. He was in. I think it's like Black Love or something. No, it's a show called. Oh, it's called power book Ghost 2 with Michael Rainey.

[Sketch]

Okay.

[Theo Von]

And Johnny's great, dude. One of the best guys ever.

[Sketch]

Which one does he have with all the. Oh, that's him right there.

[Theo Von]

Yeah.

[Sketch]

Can I get up to see real quick?

[Theo Von]

Yeah. Johnny Paola. Yeah. Oh, dude, yeah.

[Sketch]

If you're a short, recognize him? Dude, that dude's sick, bro.

[Theo Von]

Short sighted lesbian. Dude, you might.

[Sketch]

Dude, dude, that's. It's short sighted lesbian. I'll tell you what. I'm a nightmare area on the road. They should take my license. I'm just kidding.

[Theo Von]

You have a driver's license?

[Sketch]

Yes, I do. I can see. I can see cars. You just had to get up within.

[Theo Von]

Three feet of that tv because I.

[Sketch]

Was looking at his jawline. He did, that's why.

[Theo Von]

What?

[Sketch]

No, I'm just kidding. I couldn't see. It's bad. It's bad, bro.

[Theo Von]

One kidney, bad eyes. Wait, is your kidney connected to your eyesight? Look that up. Dude, this is all making sense. Sketch, you have to get some water.

[Sketch]

There's one right next to him. Thank you, sir.

[Theo Von]

There's always one right next to him, and it's always full.

[Sketch]

I'm a glass fool type of guy.

[Theo Von]

Kidney health is indeed related to eyesight, primarily because both the kidneys and eyes share common risk factors. And, dude, you're already down to one bubbler. That's why you only have. Why you're.

[Sketch]

I'm. I'm gonna Fix it.

[Theo Von]

The thing is, you have one kidney, right?

[Sketch]

As long as they make it to 30, I'm chill. No, I'm just kidding. But yeah. Yes. That's why they thought when I was born with a birth defect in. For whatever reason, the way I looked, they. They thought I was.

[Theo Von]

Oh, for sure, dude.

[Sketch]

Well, I didn't. I. I did. Well, being here at Vanderbilt, you coming out, I started asking kids their qu. Like, I'm like, how about your act? They're like, oh, 33. I was like, holy one.

[Theo Von]

Said to get kid said he got a 39. He's like, if you get everything right, they just give you a 39.

[Sketch]

I'm like, if you doubled my ACT score, I wouldn't have gotten that score.

[Theo Von]

Really?

[Sketch]

Yeah. I got like a 16 on my first one and then an 18.

[Theo Von]

18'S pretty good.

[Sketch]

Some kids, someone who's not very good at.

[Theo Von]

Some kid in our town.

[Sketch]

Good.

[Theo Von]

Some kid in our town got a 21.

[Sketch]

21 is like, that's good. You have to get over 20 to get, like, I think, anywhere besides Arizona State or, you know, like, what are your. In states type of schools? Yeah, it's competitive as hell. You know how hard it is to get in University of Texas.

[Theo Von]

Pretty tough, huh?

[Sketch]

Well, with how big those high schools are, you have to be like, a top percentage to get auto dead. So you have to be like, top.

[Theo Von]

Well, people need to go to trade schools. Did you ever think of learning a trade?

[Sketch]

Could you see me with a flamethrower? I would blow something up, Pull up the lighter clip. I didn't even know that lighters could blow up. I was just trying to get out of a camping trip and threw a lighter there. If I had to do blue collar too.

[Theo Von]

You could do it, dude. You would be a bro. You.

[Sketch]

My old job was blue collar.

[Theo Von]

You just put the lighter in there.

[Sketch]

No, you didn't. I swear to God. Did you just put the lighter in the fire sound? God.

[Theo Von]

You put it in.

[Sketch]

Seriously?

[Theo Von]

Yeah, I did. No, you didn't.

[Sketch]

I should have.

[Theo Von]

I did.

[Sketch]

I don't know. I did that. Did you? Okay, so the story behind that. I was not trying to kill my friends. I was trying to get out of camping. Because when we planned out the streaming, we were like, let's do a 24. 7 camping stream out in the woods. And I was. That was.

[Theo Von]

You're losing lesbian points right now by denouncing camping. Go on.

[Sketch]

Try setting up a tent at night and then try filming at night. We had no lights. We're just sitting around a campfire, and it was cold as hell, and I was like. I was like, if we. If we lose our source of fire, like, we. We can leave.

[Theo Von]

Oh, I love that. And you. Did y' all leave?

[Sketch]

We went to Waffle House, grabbed a lighter, and came back. So I had to finish the night, but it. It did, dude.

[Theo Von]

Yeah, the sometimes lesbian people, they like the dark because they can. Can. They can come up and be like, I'm a man. You know, they could trick you in the dark.

[Sketch]

There's a lot of. There's a lot of ladies that are stronger than me, probably.

[Theo Von]

Oh, definitely. Dude, I would watch you in some good physical competitions against some strong women.

[Sketch]

Like, if I did a streaming series where I fought UFC ladies, I'd probably get my ass kicked. No, I definitely would. Holly Holm.

[Theo Von]

Holly Holm's pretty hot, too, and she's very tough and competitive. See? Oh, I'd let her kick me till I came, you know? That's a crazy thing to say, dude. We can't say that kind of stuff, dude. Yeah, she's gonna get really upset. She's beautiful.

[Sketch]

I think she's gonna kick your ass. I know.

[Theo Von]

I think she has.

[Sketch]

That's why we have to be.

[Theo Von]

I think she has a husband.

[Sketch]

If we go to these UFC events, too, we're gonna get slapped, dude.

[Theo Von]

We can't say that, bro. She's gonna be Holly. We're just. You're. She's exceptional. She's been.

[Sketch]

I think you're awesome, Holly. And I would. I would take an autograph, and that's what you need to start doing. You interview so many people. You should get. Do you not guess for, like, game worn jerseys or anything?

[Theo Von]

No, we're just doing an auction right now, actually, for. We're raising funds for, like, different places we perform sometimes. They'll give you a jersey. Yeah, like, we performed, like.

[Sketch]

And you'll sign that, and then you'll auction it off?

[Theo Von]

Yeah, we're auctioning off to the money.

[Sketch]

What about, like, if someone comes on and, like, you get, like.

[Theo Von]

Like.

[Sketch]

Like, say, like, I haven't done that.

[Theo Von]

I should have. Yeah, we did make these, like, the Amish hat.

[Sketch]

That's. That's a good.

[Theo Von]

That's a good.

[Sketch]

That's a good start.

[Theo Von]

And this is Louis CK's book.

[Sketch]

That's dope. Did he sign it?

[Theo Von]

He did sign it.

[Sketch]

And, like, I'm. I'm a collector, not a seller.

[Theo Von]

Oh, yeah.

[Sketch]

Like, in terms of that type of stuff, for sure.

[Theo Von]

I would just. Yeah. Keep it. Some nice things that came in for sure. That people have given us as a gift. There's Rainn Wilson's book. Some lady made this real rat.

[Sketch]

You actually read books or do you like.

[Theo Von]

Oh, yeah, I love to read.

[Sketch]

Like, is it like a bedtime thing or is it a travel thing?

[Theo Von]

It's a little bit of both.

[Sketch]

What is that?

[Theo Von]

That's it as a rat king.

[Sketch]

That's a rat king. Oh, my God. That's sick.

[Theo Von]

Because you're the real rat. Yeah, some lady made that.

[Sketch]

That is such a pimp name.

[Theo Von]

So it was pretty cool. Dude, dude, what the hell? I know. That's real rat right there.

[Sketch]

Dude, that is insane. I need to think of a sick nickname.

[Theo Von]

I think we'll eat the cheese out your ass, homie.

[Sketch]

Oh, well, sign me up.

[Theo Von]

I'm just saying, if you want that. I don't know what you want. Well.

[Sketch]

We'Ll just have to relaunch. I'm just kidding. What do you.

[Theo Von]

But, dude, a lot of.

[Sketch]

Is this the Rizzler candle, too? I just noticed that.

[Theo Von]

Yep. Yeah, that's the one he blew out. Rizzler's bonkers. If you guys ever. I can't.

[Sketch]

I've met the. I've met the Rizzler.

[Theo Von]

Y' all ever done a sleepover or anything?

[Sketch]

No, no, no, no, no, no. But he's. He's, like, really cool, though. Like, he's like, talking to a man.

[Theo Von]

He's. Well, he's six years old, but, like.

[Sketch]

He'S like the confidence of a man.

[Theo Von]

Oh, there you guys. Dude, he's so sweet. I'll tell you this. I was having a tough week and he sent me a really nice video.

[Sketch]

Oh, really?

[Theo Von]

Yeah.

[Sketch]

That's a great kid.

[Theo Von]

It was. I thought.

[Sketch]

This is what I think's gonna. We're talking about the biggest YouTube videos ever, and I think one of the biggest YouTube videos ever. I forgot who said it, but if the Rizzler did a. Like a. You know how they do for, like, five star athletes, like, picking their college. Like, the Rizzler picking his college. Like, if he did that, like, on an announcement, like a decision, that'd be one of the coolest videos ever.

[Theo Von]

Yeah. Yeah. I would love to see him go to college. Dude, I'd go. I'd help him. I'd tutor him if he needed it.

[Sketch]

Yeah. If college is still around.

[Theo Von]

I know. I don't know what's gonna happen. There's a lot of.

[Sketch]

A lot of AI College.

[Theo Von]

Now you think he's kind of a wigger. You think or not?

[Sketch]

The Rizzler.

[Theo Von]

Yeah. What.

[Sketch]

What classifies. Like, what would classify you? Just. Just a lot of swag or something?

[Theo Von]

Just. Just being a wigger.

[Sketch]

I'm possibly. I think so. He's got something. He's got. He's definitely got like some flavor to him.

[Theo Von]

Yeah, that's what I'm saying. He's got some flavor.

[Sketch]

He's got some flavor.

[Theo Von]

Do you. Because people classify you, I feel like as a wig, you're like one of the few that's kind of left or there's kind of like this resurgence, you know, I feel like it's kind of you. Bailey Zimmerman.

[Sketch]

Bailey Zimmerman, Really? I don't.

[Theo Von]

I just like wearing Jake Paul, probably.

[Sketch]

I just. I like streetwear and like rap and stuff like that because that's it.

[Theo Von]

You qualify.

[Sketch]

But I'm from Houston.

[Theo Von]

Huh?

[Sketch]

But Jake Paul's. Jake Paul's from Ohio, bro.

[Theo Von]

People can be from. You think Wigurin's only from one area, dude, don't.

[Sketch]

No, no, no, no. I bet they're from. They're definitely from everywhere, bro.

[Theo Von]

Not only you nearsighted, actually optically, but your views of wiggers are hella near sighted. Wiggas can be from anywhere, dude. You think Lewis and Clark were fucking Wiggas, dude?

[Sketch]

Houston. Houston's pretty. He's pretty diverse. Oh, you think Lewis and Clark.

[Theo Von]

Bring up a picture of Lewis and Clark. Let's see if they were wiggers or not. No.

[Sketch]

No way.

[Theo Von]

Hell yeah.

[Sketch]

No, they're closer to lesbians. These are also paintings, not actual photos.

[Theo Von]

Can we get real photos of them, please?

[Sketch]

Is that Sacagawea?

[Theo Von]

Who knows? This shit is.

[Sketch]

Sacagawea is a pretty cool name now I think about it.

[Theo Von]

But look at these wiggers, dog.

[Sketch]

I don't know.

[Theo Von]

Merryweather Lewis, homie. That's the blackest name I ever heard live, bro. And Willie Clark.

[Sketch]

Yeah, Willie Clark.

[Theo Von]

Oh, come on, bro.

[Sketch]

That. They do have probably the best tandem name. That's probably the. The first tandem in American history, bro.

[Theo Von]

And you know they was out there looking for, homie, you know that.

[Sketch]

That's. That's exactly what they're doing. What. What do you get by going to.

[Theo Von]

The west coast scoping for chicks, dude?

[Sketch]

Yeah, you're trying. They're trying to get some.

[Theo Von]

Get some bus, bro. They were looking. It was only frontiers, dude. Them was out.

[Sketch]

They climbed mountains to get it.

[Theo Von]

So yeah, all you have to do.

[Sketch]

Is swipe or sell at a show in Columbus, Ohio, and then you just right, right after it.

[Theo Von]

What about any of the phase clan? Those guys are all Wiggas, probably.

[Sketch]

You think Adapters.

[Theo Von]

Okay, that's one.

[Sketch]

In. Probably. Yeah.

[Theo Von]

Or probably more like Tech Wiggas, maybe.

[Sketch]

Yeah.

[Theo Von]

Can we say wigga or not? We can say it if this is your show. I don't. I don't. I don't.

[Sketch]

I don't.

[Theo Von]

You're here, dude.

[Sketch]

I'm just. I'm. I just. You didn't say anything.

[Theo Von]

Yeah, we're just talking about it. It is a term. The first one was from our town, dude. Really? Oh, yeah. Shout out. Brian Purvis, dude. Who else? Bubba Sparks. Remember him?

[Sketch]

Who the hell is Bubba Sparks? Is that someone from your hometown?

[Theo Von]

College Park? Bubba Sparks. We ready.

[Sketch]

They made that song?

[Theo Von]

Yeah.

[Sketch]

Oh, that's a great song. Is Paul Walt.

[Theo Von]

Paul Wall. That's not Paul Wallace, but.

[Sketch]

I know, but Paul Wall would classify as Paul Wall.

[Theo Von]

White Paul Wall Power. Probably will. Yeah, but Paul Wall is kind of his own thing, man. He. He.

[Sketch]

That's what I'm trying to look like when I get older.

[Theo Von]

Gang, gang, gang. Paul's exceptional, man. But, yeah, I'm trying to think. And some people might not think that term is legit anymore. I don't know. You know, when I was coming up, it was. And that's what it was, you know? Yeah.

[Sketch]

The dictionary, it's. It's shrunk quite a bit over.

[Theo Von]

Rob Kardashian. That's one.

[Sketch]

Probably Rob Kardashian. I haven't seen a picture of him.

[Theo Von]

In, like, years, but he got a couple baby mamas in there.

[Sketch]

Birdman.

[Theo Von]

Birdman, I believe is full. Is.

[Sketch]

Black.

[Theo Von]

I believe he's black.

[Sketch]

No. What?

[Theo Von]

Birdman. Are you talking about Chris Anderson?

[Sketch]

Yeah, Chris Anderson.

[Theo Von]

Oh, yeah, definitely, dude.

[Sketch]

Machine Gun Kelly, maybe. Or is he?

[Theo Von]

Good question. Mgk. Kelsey. Travis. Kelsey.

[Sketch]

Yeah, I think so.

[Theo Von]

Okay.

[Sketch]

I don't know. Taylor Swift, probably.

[Theo Von]

He might have converted.

[Sketch]

Yeah, he might have converted. He's just listen to Taylor Swift all the time.

[Theo Von]

Who else? I'm thinking K Fed, Kevin Federline.

[Sketch]

Pavia.

[Theo Von]

Pavia? Yeah, dude. Pavia for sure.

[Sketch]

Does he. Does he have chains?

[Theo Von]

Yes, he does, bro.

[Sketch]

Dude, for sure. How much is the Pavia Nil money. Does it. Does it say online?

[Theo Von]

Bring up Pavia's chains right there. There he is right there with a couple chains on, right?

[Sketch]

I want him to toss those on me. Pregame team.

[Theo Von]

He's the best.

[Sketch]

Come out of there with a free Jane.

[Theo Von]

We got to get him to go play for Houston, man. Houston would love him. You know why?

[Sketch]

The Texans.

[Theo Von]

Yeah.

[Sketch]

No, no, not shroud.

[Theo Von]

Oh, but stroud. But I'm saying this could be. Oh, but he could go in and be a backup for a few years, you know.

[Sketch]

Oh, Pavia could go. Do you think he could start or. I haven't.

[Theo Von]

I think I could, but I think he's 24, right.

[Sketch]

So he's kind of on the order.

[Theo Von]

I think it's better for guys to go in and be backups, though. A lot of these guys, they get in so early, and I don't know if it's great for him.

[Sketch]

Yeah, well, the one that I think that shouldn't be a backup right now is Shadar Sanders.

[Theo Von]

Oh.

[Sketch]

For the Browns. He's actually. Dude, I've met him a couple times. He's sick.

[Theo Von]

He is.

[Sketch]

Like, he's not. He's not cocky. He's, like, like, confident, interesting. And, like, he just. He, like, he chills. Like, just listens to his own music. And, like, all he cares about is football. But, like, he. He's really smart. Like, he. He documents, like, everything he does. And, like, from what I think he's gonna do, he probably has something that he's gonna be able to sell to, like, a. Like, at hbo. And, like, it'll be, like, his entire experience, like, when he. When he films, everything he does.

[Theo Von]

Oh. So really, he's really locked in on, like, the creative side and, like, the tech side and the digital side, huh?

[Sketch]

Yeah. I actually talked to him. We were. And he was asking me about. Because he was going to live stream his pro day, and I was like, that's actually a genius idea to kind of, like, own your own content and, like, that, you know? Like, why give it to some big, big, like, ESPN and have all the recruits come in, Put it on your thing, make money off it.

[Theo Von]

Like, do your own thing. Yeah, yeah.

[Sketch]

It's like, like, it kind of a really smart idea, but, like, the idea that he's, like, filming everything, especially with how the draft turned out, like, and then if he turns out to be a baller, which I think he will be, he's got. He's got, like, that. He's got that, like, killer instinct.

[Theo Von]

Well, I think it's great that he's not playing this year in some ways. Like, and I'm not. This is just my job.

[Sketch]

I think he's better than Dylan Gates Gabriel, though.

[Theo Von]

Well, I think that they've definitely been having a tough time over there.

[Sketch]

Yeah.

[Theo Von]

But I do think it's great that he's not playing. Let all that stuff kind of wash away a little bit, you know what I'm saying? Because there was so much hype of him coming into the draft and everything and then have him get a chance just to be in that locker room. I think being in a new place and then also going right into the job seems very hectic, you know, and you.

[Sketch]

And. And it's like one bad game, people would be like, rip them out and stuff.

[Theo Von]

Get him out of there. Right.

[Sketch]

That's what they would talk about, like, how quick the turnover time is now. Like quarterbacks and stuff like that.

[Theo Von]

So I think if you can have more time there to. Just to be in the. In the facility, you know, to be in the venue and let people see who you are too. But yeah, I think Ty Simpson's great. I think he could be.

[Sketch]

Who's Ty Simpson?

[Theo Von]

He's a quarterback for Alabama. Sorry. Oh, yeah. Back in college now, but yeah, so, yeah, I'm thinking. I'm just thinking back in college.

[Sketch]

Yeah, Ty Simpson, he wasn't Heisman front run.

[Theo Von]

So great. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, he's really stepped into that job there.

[Sketch]

It's exciting. They turned. I did not think they were going to like, be able to turn around that fast that. Because I thought nil money was going to affect. Because all the nil money, like, I'm thinking like a Stanford, like, you know, like people like that are going to come out of the woodworks and be able to pay people, but, like, Alabama just still kicking ass.

[Theo Von]

Well, there's just something, bro. You go there and they show you all the rings and like the history of the program. It really. The glory over there is pretty wild.

[Sketch]

That's where I think, like, like, I wonder like, if like. Or like Arch, man, he's playing. All right, but if Arch played, like, get a. Played at a smaller school, like, how crazy his stat line would be. Like if he played in like the big. The Big Ten or something, you know, or he would. He would have destroyed. I think he's still gonna. He's still gonna come on, but he's gonna take a little bit more time.

[Theo Von]

Yeah, it's gonna be exciting to see what happens. And the good thing is that he probably doesn't feel hurried. He's been super patient about it. Yeah, he's probably enjoying his college experience. Experience, which is nice. And not every beat of it is so. Has to be so overwhelmed with football. I bet it's been a great experience for him.

[Sketch]

Yeah. I wonder how overwhelming it is, though, when they think that you're supposed to be like the number one overall team going in. It's like your first game. Like they expect you. Like, they expect you to Hit a home run at that, at the start.

[Theo Von]

Right. See, that's that pressure of even being like a. A. A high draft pick in the pros. It's like. It's just like. And then we don't even have a lot of experienced quarterbacks now because it's like you either have these guys who have done. Only the guys that have done well, it feels like, or you have just a lot of, like, guys that. They just start them off so early.

[Sketch]

Yeah. And they cycle them in and out so fast. It's like they'll. A good example of like, someone that was cycled out too fast was like, Baker Mayfield. Yeah, like Baker Mayfield. That's what I think. If the Browns don't ever start Shador, they're gonna look back and it's gonna be like another Baker version where they had the guy, they go watch him be some other team's hero.

[Theo Von]

So wild.

[Sketch]

But I'm still rocking with Stroud. I'm still. I still believe in Shroud.

[Theo Von]

Have the. Has the organization been good to you over the years? Texans.

[Sketch]

Yeah, they've been good. It's just. It's like college football is a lot more easy to stream, so I've been having a lot more fun with that because I can stream from the sideline.

[Theo Von]

Yeah.

[Sketch]

And I'll go, like, try to catch field goal, field goals and stuff like that. And then get. Get a. I don't know. The cold atmosphere is a little bit funner, too.

[Theo Von]

Oh, yeah. College atmosphere is fun, dude. Just. Even just the youth of shit is fun, dude.

[Sketch]

How's the. How's the Vanderbilt like you. Because you've been to LSU and then Vanderbilt. One's got, like, an average GPA of like 2.5, and the other one is like, they're going to build the next rocket ship.

[Theo Von]

Yeah, well, they'll be like, you know, in the Vanderbilt stands. You don't have to have, like, the kiss cam at some games or like the hot dog cam, you know, Know, and it's just a gay dude, you know, but it's just. They'll have, like, the different. You know, at Vanderbilt, they'll have, like the Reading Cam, those fine people in the stands that are reading during the game.

[Sketch]

Oh, that's hilarious.

[Theo Von]

So it's crazy, you know, you'd be like, oh, catch her in the rye. You know, you'll see a guy look up. There you go.

[Sketch]

They have to go out there to study.

[Theo Von]

Yeah. So there's a lot of that kind of thing. Like, oh, who's tapped into some John Irving. Oh, Joyce Carol Oates.

[Sketch]

I know. I've ventured into a fraternity house and then found out how. How smart everyone was. I was like, holy, this is.

[Theo Von]

Oh, you get in there. They're day trading, and there's, like, they have a new hedge fund. Like, people leave at halftime because there's a new hedge fund that just popped off. Right. So it's definitely different energy at Vanderbilt. I think it's all new to them. It's interesting to watch a school kind of, like, have this hysteria. Yeah. And at the same time try to decide, like, is this what they want for their school? What do they think about it? Because it's totally new. I mean, it's like. Like.

[Sketch]

Like being good at sports.

[Theo Von]

Oh, well, being good at football. Their baseball team has been. Has been amazing for a long time.

[Sketch]

The Vanderbilt Whistler. Have you ever heard of that guy?

[Theo Von]

The Vanderbilt Whistler?

[Sketch]

Is that who it is? The Vanderbilt Whistler? You never heard of him? He's a Vanny Whistler.

[Theo Von]

Oh. At the baseball game.

[Sketch]

He's apparently the most annoying. Well, I've been to a game. He is the most annoying fan in all sports.

[Theo Von]

Oh.

[Sketch]

But he pretty much. He whistles the entire game as loud as he can. So, like, when you're watching, like, the College World Series, he's, like, whistling the entire time.

[Theo Von]

That's like my stepdad at a titty bar, dude. He'd really. Yeah, he's like, dude, they know you're here. You haven't tipped in two hours. They know you're here. Everybody.

[Sketch]

I went to, I went to. This is Pre. Pre, my girlfriend. I went to, like, a.

[Theo Von]

And then I want to learn how you met her. That's what I want. I would love to find out about how the love took a place and what it took to make it happen happen. But, yeah, finish your story first. I'm sorry for interrupting you.

[Sketch]

No, you're good. Which place called the Rustic Frog. And I. There's a. There's. It was like 2am and there's only, like, two fellows in there. And the ladies were all probably in their higher 30s, and it was like they were, like, throwing the ones like, they're like paper airplanes at them. Is that the Rustic Frog or is. What is this?

[Theo Von]

Oh, that me. Nice boy. Oh, yeah. Them cheeks glistening.

[Sketch]

Oh, is that it? Oh, hey, listen. This is. This is a Louisville, Kentucky thing.

[Theo Von]

Oh, yeah, I like that.

[Sketch]

Actually, I think it's in Indiana. You have to cross. You have to cross the river.

[Theo Von]

Oh, that's over there. New Albany. Over there. Rustic Frog. Boy.

[Sketch]

Yeah, they got a. That. I wouldn't drink the tap water.

[Theo Von]

Oh, hell yeah. Well, I'll make that booty burp.

[Sketch]

Oh, you feel me? My God.

[Theo Von]

Yeah.

[Sketch]

I don't know if you're playing.

[Theo Von]

That's a little crazy. And that's.

[Sketch]

I wouldn't put my tongue up in there.

[Theo Von]

Yeah, that's some luck. And that's not for everybody. That's just. It's kind of like. It just. That's just a different. Different type of cpr.

[Sketch]

Yeah. Try to resuscitate a puffer fish. Oh, my God.

[Theo Von]

Resuscitate a puffer fish, bro.

[Sketch]

I don't know. I like. That was. That was the most. The random titty bar I've ever been to.

[Theo Von]

The Texans aren't having such a great season this year. Do you think there's any chance that Aaron Rodgers would come play for them?

[Sketch]

If there's any chance. Zero chance. He's probably going to. He's still playing on. On the Steelers. He's playing pretty good, right?

[Theo Von]

Okay, that's fine. I agree. He's doing great over there.

[Sketch]

Do you think? Wait, so you did ayahuasca?

[Theo Von]

Yeah.

[Sketch]

Would you recommend it for me? He did it and he's playing better. What? You recommend it for a sketch for sure.

[Theo Von]

Dude. Yeah. You can't barely see. First of all, you're not even sure how many. You know if you have. You're not drinking any water.

[Sketch]

Is it one of those things that like, messes with your stomach at all?

[Theo Von]

No, dude, you'll be fine. You're on the verge of a severe LGBTQ extravaganza. Like you.

[Sketch]

I like the way lesbians know how to dress.

[Theo Von]

Benefits the most.

[Sketch]

I said lesbian in my life.

[Theo Von]

No, I think it's great, dude. And look, if you go, I'll go. Dude, I would not go be a lesbian by myself. But if you go. Would give it a shot. But you're halfway there and you're the other half.

[Sketch]

Us do what? Hell of a bad.

[Theo Von]

Dang, dude.

[Sketch]

What does that say?

[Theo Von]

Like benefits of ayahuasca. Significant reductions in depression, anxiety, stress and overall psychiatric symptomology. Helps people with treatment resistant depression. Increases mindfulness, acceptance and psychological well being. Even long term after use may foster personality improvements linked to better mental health outcomes.

[Sketch]

And you've. And you felt like that was what percent okay, 100.

[Theo Von]

Dude, I think you would absolutely love it. I want to know what happened. How'd you find love Sketch because you had been going through a lot.

[Sketch]

A friend introduced us and you were on dates.

[Theo Von]

I Remember seeing you on dates hard enough to.

[Sketch]

But I remember seeing. Well, we. The first time we were here, there was a lady right.

[Theo Von]

There was a lady here that you were on a date with, Remember?

[Sketch]

That wouldn't work out.

[Theo Von]

That didn't work out. I remember. But there was like, there were times where you would see. Like there was like is on a date on like on Tick tock. There'll be like sketch on a date sketch.

[Sketch]

That was. That was more for content. This one, this lady now I bet through a friend, she didn't know who I was. I didn't know who she was.

[Theo Von]

And how was the first date? How did it pop off? Where'd you guys go?

[Sketch]

Went out and then I got her number and then we went horseback ride riding.

[Theo Von]

Oh, yeah.

[Sketch]

It was pretty fun. And then was it scary? What was hung out pretty of every. Every day since. Was it scary?

[Theo Von]

Was there any moments during the horseback riding that were kind of interesting or kind of?

[Sketch]

Yeah, I like ate off it. Like, it was like. It was pretty hard to disembark. But like, you fell off it getting off? Yeah, yeah, like. But besides that, like, pretty easy, like just riding.

[Theo Von]

And did you guys have a God or was it just you two just milling around?

[Sketch]

It was like on a tour thing.

[Theo Von]

Just out there. Lewis and Clark and like a couple wig is out there pretty much. You guys just riding off into this.

[Sketch]

Just trying to find gold. Found a gold digger instead. No, I'm just kidding. Don't clean.

[Theo Von]

Don't.

[Sketch]

Don't put that in the gun.

[Theo Von]

Take that out.

[Sketch]

She's awesome.

[Theo Von]

She is. What are some things that you really like about her, man? What makes it a good fit?

[Sketch]

She understands me. She's kind. But there's like a ton of things I don't like. She's like, probably she makes me better in a lot of different ways. Like, she just holds me accountable and stuff. Like, that's dope. I don't know. It genuinely feels like partner. So, like, it's been fun.

[Theo Von]

Did you think you would find somebody like her or was that like a surprise?

[Sketch]

Put it out. So I was just like, I'm just gonna roll solo pretty much my whole life. And then that happened. And then pretty much just hang out every day now.

[Theo Von]

Wow. It's like a best friend, huh?

[Sketch]

Yep, pretty much, bro. You want me to put you on like your girl? No, not with my girl. You're the one talking about eating.

[Theo Von]

I said it one time.

[Mariana Van Zeller]

You.

[Sketch]

But you like, what do you want? You go to roof Crip city or Lubies ones There's two different types of dining.

[Theo Von]

Okay, dude, I guess all I'm saying is, yes, I'm. I'm open to meet a good woman, dude. That's all I'm saying. It's a look. It's one at a time. It's like, things take time. I'll meet a good woman. It'll happen. Antonio Brown gets out of jail. Is my last question for you. Antonio Brown gets out of jail. Do you think the Texans could use him?

[Sketch]

I think the Texans could use Antonio Brown. I think they could. They could.

[Theo Von]

What's he in jail for?

[Sketch]

He's in jail for attempted murder, I think.

[Theo Von]

Okay, it's attempted.

[Sketch]

Well, at least he missed, I think.

[Theo Von]

Is that him?

[Sketch]

Yes, that is him. Do you know what he did?

[Theo Von]

Huh?

[Sketch]

Do you know what the story is? He was at a. He was at an Aiden Ross's boxing event and gotten some.

[Theo Von]

Oh, I shoot myself if I had to go to that. So.

[Sketch]

But he went. We wouldn't. You wouldn't.

[Theo Von]

I'm joking.

[Sketch]

It's on. It's on video. You've never seen that.

[Theo Von]

And he shot someone.

[Sketch]

Well, he, like, he's just running in, like, kind of like, it's like an alleyway and you just see him, like, shoot. They kind of shoot at someone. That's why I think it's attempted or whatever. But I wonder why it took so long because it was like cameras everywhere.

[Theo Von]

If he gets released, right, do you. Would you. Do you think the Texans should sign him?

[Sketch]

I think the Texans, if we have another losing season, should have a prison league and then we should sign him and we should sign everyone that's in prison and do it kind of like the longest yard.

[Theo Von]

Amen.

[Sketch]

And that's what we. That's how we bring the back. The blue collar vibe of Houston. Because we lost it, Y' all did. We lost it. Yes. Because originally Houston was an oil town. And what happened with Houston was everyone, all the oil money guys, like, went and bought up all the rights to the seats, and now they don't go unless you're like 10 and 1. They. They try to sell the tickets, they never sell them. And if they do, it's the opposing team. So, like, all the. All the tickets are owned by like, like corporate oil. Oil and like corporate construction. Like, so it's like you don't have any of the vibe of like, like if you went to Pittsburgh, like, it's like, like the vibe like, like you go to Green Bay. Like, it's like the people like that. The Houston kind of lost that they lost their identity.

[Theo Von]

Amen.

[Sketch]

But we also had the Oilers leaving.

[Theo Von]

Yeah.

[Sketch]

Which if you're a Tennessee fan, you.

[Theo Von]

Know that they ended up here, you all for that. Hey, hey, look. What about the fact they almost won that first season? That's crazy, huh?

[Sketch]

That was awesome. They on. On a freaking throne of things that we have put together.

[Theo Von]

And who. What was that last play? Tell me that last play.

[Sketch]

Oh, was that when they reached.

[Theo Von]

Who did the reach?

[Sketch]

I know, exactly. It's against the Rams.

[Theo Von]

Super Bowl.

[Sketch]

Look up. Tennessee Predators, 10 mile radius.

[Theo Von]

There's going to be Kevin Dyson.

[Sketch]

Kevin Dyson. That. That play is insane.

[Theo Von]

Yeah. This is it right here. Look at this. This is for the Super Bowl.

[Sketch]

Yep. And y' all deserve every ounce of. Every ounce of pain for that. You know what happened to us before we left? We went to the AFC Championship three times and lost to the Bills three times.

[Theo Von]

The Oilers did. Yeah. Y' all lost to them three times, and then they lost three times.

[Sketch]

Yes. Oh, my. Imagine getting bitten, beat by the loser. We've never gotten to go to the party.

[Theo Von]

Damn.

[Sketch]

That's why when the Astros won, like, Houston lost their wide left.

[Theo Von]

Dude.

[Sketch]

Well, we also have the Rockets, too. We're with Kevin Durant, so we're looking nice.

[Theo Von]

Wide left, narrow.

[Sketch]

What are you talking about? Your penis size or.

[Theo Von]

What are you talking about? Or wide right? What was their kick? Oh, the.

[Sketch]

Oh, the. When. Who. Oh, wait.

[Theo Von]

Who'd y' all lose? Two, three times?

[Sketch]

You said we lost to the Bills with Jim Kelly.

[Theo Von]

Yeah. Wide right. Yeah. That's how they kept missing. God, that's just heartbreaking times, man.

[Sketch]

That's just what happens.

[Theo Von]

That's life, man. You know, sometimes you're just really close, but you ever.

[Sketch]

Like, who. Who's your. Do you have a pro team?

[Theo Von]

New Orleans Saints. When you said Cam Jordan, it was awesome. Oh, really? They've had a really tough year.

[Sketch]

So you. So do you. Do you go to any games, or do you. Do you, like, you. You watch them on Sundays, or are you kind of like. More like college?

[Theo Von]

I'll go watch the games, but I've really fallen in with college football this year.

[Sketch]

Yeah, me, too.

[Theo Von]

You know, I'm gonna go. Yeah, just. I'm going to an Ole Miss game. Went to a Bama game. Went to a Vols game the other night. That was pretty great.

[Sketch]

Well, the other thing, too, that pisses me off is like, NFL now. It's like you watch it on 20 different.

[Theo Von]

Yeah, there's just too much. It just doesn't. I don't know, sometimes it doesn't feel as much like. I don't know, it used to feel different.

[Sketch]

Yeah, it's like. Like way too transactional now. You want to watch this game, Pay this. You want to watch it without ad, pay this.

[Theo Von]

It feels very transactional.

[Sketch]

You want a $20 hot dog and then. That was just a question for you.

[Theo Von]

Oh, yeah, no, no. I want a $2 Frank.

[Sketch]

You can put it away then. Say again?

[Theo Von]

I'm still having change, man. I want that $2 Frank, homie. Sketch, man. Thanks for hanging out, dude.

[Sketch]

Thanks for having me.

[Theo Von]

Yeah, bro, I'm looking forward. We gotta go grab some dinner. Yeah, probably. I'll probably get a little workout in here at home, and then I'll come and link up with you.

[Sketch]

Yeah, it sounds good. I'll probably, you know, just. We can get lubed up before. That's what I'd call drinking before.

[Theo Von]

Like, oh, getting lubed up. Okay.

[Sketch]

But, like, that's what I said before everything happened. Now when I say it, it sounds like a dirty joke.

[Theo Von]

Yeah.

[Sketch]

Things change. That's the only thing. It's like, I can't make as many dirty jokes without people thinking, hey, Whoa. Hey.

[Theo Von]

Yeah, that guy's. Yeah, that guy's one of us.

[Sketch]

Is he being serious right now?

[Theo Von]

Dude, what the heck, man? Good to see you, bro. I'm happy that you're thriving. I'm happy that you're still figuring it out. Outside of streaming, is there other stuff that you kind of see like, that you want to do? Like, the landscape kind of changes a lot. You're a creative guy. You're like a one of one. You're so specific with who you like. You. There's no other you. Right. So do you find other avenues where you feel like this might be a good fit, or do you feel like streaming is kind of it for now?

[Sketch]

Streaming's it for now. But I definitely like reality TV aspects. I like hosting stuff. I like. Like, hosting the Streamer Awards was fun. But if I had a dream, like, to be like. Like, I want to be either in a movie or in a TV show where it's like. Like, either the office type vibe, where it's like riffing and laughing all the time, or like, stepbrothers. Like, I like how Will Ferrell and John C. Reilly. Yeah, John C. Reilly and, like, Kenny Powers and stuff like that. Like, I like the way that, like, when you watch their blooper reel, like, it's like they're just, like, shooting his.

[Theo Von]

Yeah.

[Sketch]

Like, that would be a dream role.

[Theo Von]

Oh yeah, dude.

[Sketch]

Or like to be. Be able to like find a. Something that was like to cling to or treasure hunting.

[Theo Von]

What about that?

[Sketch]

We're actually thinking about something like that.

[Theo Von]

Really?

[Sketch]

Yes.

[Theo Von]

See that 100.

[Sketch]

Dude, we're going to start doing the geocache streams. You know, geocaching is. It's where you go, you go hide, you go hide stuff and people go find it.

[Theo Von]

Geocaching is a real world treasure hunt using GPS enabled devices to find. Contain hidden containers called geocaches. Geocaches?

[Sketch]

Yeah.

[Theo Von]

Wow. Dude, that sounds.

[Sketch]

It's really fun actually.

[Theo Von]

Oh bro, it sounds fascinating. So wait, so you.

[Sketch]

It's all over. It's all over the world.

[Theo Von]

So how would you be able to do it? Like give me an example of what that would be like.

[Sketch]

So you go on like geocaching app and like they give you like the coordinates and they kind of like maybe describe where it's hidden and like you kind of have to go find it. Like it could be under a rock, it could be up in a tree.

[Theo Von]

And who hides this stuff? Anyone.

[Sketch]

It's kind of like, like a, it's anyone. It's. It's like a, it's like a very community type thing. Like the people that take stuff usually replace it with something like, you know, like that type of vibe.

[Theo Von]

So it's kind of like the burning man of treasure hunting. Like it's kind of like you take, you put, you. You give back that sort of thing. Thing. It's pretty sick and so. But people can hide anything. It can be a poem, it could be money. It could just be something like a positive like affirmation. It could be anything.

[Sketch]

Yeah. Be pretty pissed if it was a positive affirmation. Thinks it takes a while to get. Get a lot of that stuff. If it just said life's good, I'd be, I'd be like, it cost me $30 in gas. We're in California right now.

[Theo Von]

Did you. Yeah, yeah, yeah. What. What would be a good reality show? Dude, I'm trying to think of some good names. Okay.

[Sketch]

Okay. Influences versus the real world. O so you would take, you take people and say like change a wid turbine. Like you know how it's high up so someone that's scared of heights, go like take an influencer that like that's their, that's their fear. Or like take them and make them do like a dirty job. If like that's something like that don't. They don't like to do like change sewer or something like and have them.

[Theo Von]

Have Them go against the actual person that does that for a job in the real world.

[Sketch]

Yeah. Like either like have it walk through or like just something where it's like, like, because, like people always go like. Well, they're like the. Is streamer Harding harder than that. Like that rage bait question. But like doing that.

[Theo Von]

Like, what rage bait question.

[Sketch]

Like there's a rage bait question that is streaming harder than a real job.

[Theo Von]

Oh, got it.

[Sketch]

And like, like, like it's. It's not because you just turn on a camera and chill, but like the. Usually those type of people don't have callous hands, like dealing. Like, if you do it in like blue collar work.

[Theo Von]

Yeah. You'll have Callison on his fingertips just from hitting like, you know, I got.

[Sketch]

Calluses on this hand from rub my pecker too many times.

[Theo Von]

Oh, you're a pecker. What was it? Another. Oh, are you smarter than a meth head would be good.

[Sketch]

That is. That's actually a great one.

[Theo Von]

Is that a show already?

[Sketch]

I think there is a guy that goes around and street. Street interviews or.

[Theo Von]

Dude, meth versus math, right? So somebody has to do math meth problems really fast before some meth head just chews their arms and legs, dude.

[Sketch]

If you found the right method, though, methods. But it's supposed to make you stronger, apparently.

[Theo Von]

Oh, dude, for sure.

[Sketch]

Do you know how math was invented?

[Theo Von]

Huh?

[Sketch]

Do you know the Nazis invented meth?

[Theo Von]

Oh, they did?

[Sketch]

Yeah, it was. It was a Nazi invention to keep.

[Theo Von]

Because it.

[Sketch]

It lowers your appetite, keeps you up. And it was like a way like during the World War too, like, to keep. Keep their troops like, because they're fighting in. In Russia. So like.

[Theo Von]

Oh, it's a good point. Huh? Right here it says methamphetamine, known as pervitin during Nazi Germany was first synthesized in a usable form by the German pharmaceutical company templar Workey in 1937. It was introduced as a legal stimulant similar. Similar to coffee and quickly became popular for its ability to keep users awake and alert. Yeah, dude. Math versus math. Some dude. Some dude walks into a classroom, huge math problem. He's got to solve it. He has 30 seconds for a meth head, gets loose in there, starts nibbling his nipples off.

[Sketch]

You know, more than a nipple off.

[Theo Von]

Oh, dude.

[Sketch]

Yeah, a little bit. I think the. They talk about meth and that thing like they talk about Coke and Coca Cola back in the day. Meth was. Meth is. I've never done meth.

[Theo Von]

That would be crazy. Mom and dad me. Yeah, yeah. Mom and dad never Done. Method. Yeah. Dude. I'm trying to think of anything else that would be a good game.

[Sketch]

Like a good game show.

[Theo Von]

Yeah, like a good game show. I think that meth thing would be good. Or anything else we didn't talk about. I think we covered a lot of stuff. Huh?

[Sketch]

We covered a lot of stuff. You got anything else you want to talk about?

[Theo Von]

No, I think it's just, like. I think for me, I just, like, realizing I just got to let things be, you know, just let this, like, you know, you. Sometimes you try to plan, you try to think of this, and you can have some planning and stuff like that, but. But just to take a step back and just let things be sometimes, you know?

[Sketch]

Yeah. Soak in the moment.

[Theo Von]

Yeah. Just give things a chance to be a little bit more and see what happens, you know, it's hard for me to sometimes.

[Sketch]

Like, are you a person that you don't like? You're like. You realize the good times after you're out of the good times type, like, in.

[Theo Von]

In the moment.

[Sketch]

Like, you're like, yeah, I just.

[Theo Von]

I have so many, like. Like, just carrying different expectations or hoping this happens and, you know, just like, somebody's just like. Like, hey, man, just let it be and just. That God's got you here for a reason and that this is what's going on and that everything's going to be okay. Even though you might have different ideas and stuff, that everything's going to be fine.

[Sketch]

Yeah. You know, definitely. Having faith is a bit. Is a big.

[Theo Von]

Yeah. So I think just working on that probably a little bit more is something that, you know, I'm, like, thinking about a lot.

[Sketch]

Yeah. Bubble is here for you if you need anything.

[Theo Von]

Yeah. Thanks, man. I know that. I appreciate that. You always check in, like, with some positive energy or see what's going on.

[Sketch]

So, yeah, you FaceTime me in the. In the sauna.

[Theo Von]

I appreciate that. Yeah. Pretty cool.

[Sketch]

You're pretty. You're pretty. Liquid it up.

[Theo Von]

That was sweat.

[Sketch]

That was a lot of sweat.

[Theo Von]

Yeah.

[Sketch]

Lights were off, too.

[Theo Von]

I couldn't get him to work.

[Sketch]

Who gets in a sauna without the lights working? Dude, Bro, that is. I told him that's a bathhouse house. That's not a. That is not a sauna. The lights are off, and it's a sauna. That's not your brother. You're. We've been in the same place. Come on, brother.

[Theo Von]

That's a.

[Sketch]

No. You were reaching for the door.

[Theo Von]

Why is there.

[Sketch]

Why is there so many holes?

[Theo Von]

Holy. Here's what I'M saying is, dude, you remember the first time you ever saw a tit when you were a kid or not?

[Sketch]

Not this first time, I think.

[Theo Von]

Are you ever touched a tit or saw a real tit?

[Sketch]

I'm trying to think of, like, the first time I saw a real one.

[Theo Von]

When was that time you saw a real tit? Remember it?

[Sketch]

Like, I've seen so many now.

[Theo Von]

Oh, my bad.

[Sketch]

No, not like that. Like, more just like, just tit.

[Theo Von]

Ricky, over here, dude.

[Sketch]

The platypus.

[Theo Von]

Dude, I'm just saying I had a little.

[Sketch]

A little. Sounded like you had a lot hot. A whole mouthful, bro.

[Theo Von]

We had this kid named Reginald who had seen a tit, right? And people heard that he had seen one. And we were like, reginald. We're like. We're like, reginald, what did it look like? And he could. He had like a little bit of like a stutter kind of. And he couldn't even tell us. And we're like, trying to shake it out, trying to.

[Sketch]

Trying to get the. We had a waterboard of him to.

[Theo Von]

Get to draw that tit, Reginald, you know, and he like, tit. And with tit, you can't tell if somebody's stuttering or they're just saying tit over and over again, dude. It's like, it's kind of tough to know because there's not a lot of letters in it or whatever. Yeah, I'm like, damn it, Reginald, tell us what it was like.

[Sketch]

Do you remember the first one you saw then?

[Theo Von]

Or. It was.

[Sketch]

It was Reginald.

[Theo Von]

Reginald saw it. We all corner him, dude. I remember the next day we saw him at school. We were like, reginald saw a freaking tit. Reginald, you better get over here right now. Yeah, you gotta.

[Sketch]

You gotta show us.

[Theo Von]

And Reginald, I think was low key gay, so he didn't. He shouldn't even have been seeing a tit. Which I think is one thing that made everybody kind of upset. Like, dude, we've all been praying for tits.

[Sketch]

And Reginald gets the one guy that doesn't like it. Dude, the one guy that doesn't like it.

[Theo Von]

The one guy who's like that. Oh, that's a small little tummy with a. With a bump on it, you know? What are you talking about? Reginald? That's a tit.

[Sketch]

That's a succulent.

[Theo Von]

God. First you just wanted to just fucking shake it out of him. That's a damn titty, Reginald.

[Sketch]

First dip light, so. Had so much hair in it looked like a Venus fly trap.

[Theo Von]

Oh, and who was he?

[Sketch]

Who was he? No, he Was. It was a she.

[Theo Von]

Yeah, sure it was. Huh. All right, we'll see you. We'll see you guys in the future, man.

[Sketch]

Definitely. Are you talking about them in the future or us?

[Theo Von]

I'm gonna jump on your stream tomorrow, man.

[Sketch]

Let's do it.

[Theo Von]

Help make some fun content.

[Sketch]

Yeah. I'm so down.

[Theo Von]

I've never done it. The only other stream. Yeah, you did. Speeds. I'm gonna jump on. I got to meet Speed. That was the first time I'd ever met him, so it's kind of a lot. He like showed up. Up. Dude, his life's insane, though.

[Sketch]

He moves like the president. It's insane.

[Theo Von]

I mean, he moves like the president. Speed had more. He had as many people around him as I would say, like the pre. Like when I saw the vice president, it's.

[Sketch]

And it's. It's insane. Like I've went to a soccer game and we were in the same box and there's kids like. And like people like he. He left at like halftime because there was kids like just below his sweet. Just going, speed, speed, speed.

[Theo Von]

Yeah.

[Sketch]

I was like, holy.

[Theo Von]

It was pretty miraculous to see, but just get to. To get to see it. Say it, Reginald. Just to get to see him and. And see what his world was like, was pretty awesome. Yeah. And the fact that he came by, it was nice of him, you know, that's just a lot of pressure doing that. He was doing like a 50 state tour or something.

[Sketch]

Yeah, he's. He's awesome. So he's actually really cool. But I got to meet him a couple times.

[Theo Von]

Yeah, he seemed like a cool guy, man. I mean, he was cool. He's just. It was so. It was so quick.

[Sketch]

Yeah, that's. That's why I like when I do my streams or whatever, I do like to meet before. Meet the people beforehand and just at.

[Theo Von]

Least say hey, yeah, yeah.

[Sketch]

Because then you. Then it's like, you know what people like and don't like and that type of stuff.

[Theo Von]

Yeah. Well, thanks so much for hanging out, dude. It's great to see you again and seeing you this weekend and taking a.

[Sketch]

Pair of those shoes too. And these. Yeah.

[Theo Von]

Yeah. Dude, these are awesome. You can't see, but these are great.

[Sketch]

Oh, really?

[Theo Von]

Yeah, these are great. Dude. I do like these new Jordans.

[Sketch]

Are these serious?

[Theo Von]

Yeah, the retirement Jordans. No, these are slippers, dude. These are dam. Actually, these are some spaghetti sauce company.

[Sketch]

You going to find a lady in that?

[Theo Von]

That's a problem.

[Sketch]

I think I. I could style you.

[Theo Von]

You might be right.

[Sketch]

Let me. If I threw a chain on you. You think that would work?

[Theo Von]

Maybe we do like that. And then suddenly I'm, like, wearing your.

[Sketch]

Yeah. Depends on which closet you go in.

[Theo Von]

Yeah.

[Sketch]

Mike come out looking like Wonder Woman.

[Theo Von]

Yeah. Might come out wondering about men. All right, bro. Love you, dude. Thank you so much for just being alive and creating cool stuff. You're gonna do so much creative stuff in the world, and I'm happy to be here to witness it and always here if I can help her. And thank you, too, for just being somebody to reach out and check in and see what's going on.

[Sketch]

Yeah, bro. Love you.

[Theo Von]

Love you, too, man.

[Sketch]

It's also. It's also always fun to be here.

[Theo Von]

Blm, dude.

[Sketch]

Blm.

[Theo Von]

I'll see you in the Subaru.

[Sketch]

Let's do it.

[Theo Von]

Love you, girl. Oh.

[Sketch]

But when I reach that ground I'll share this peace of mind I found I can feel it in my bones but it's gonna take.

[Theo Von]

When I was there, right? You had to have a knife. One of you's gotta take turns carrying it up your rectum.

[Mariana Van Zeller]

Wait, it's up your butt.

[Theo Von]

That's the prison wallet. You never leave home.

[Mariana Van Zeller]

You have something protected around it, I'm assuming.

[Theo Von]

Yeah, or else you'd be bleeding out your coolo.

[Mariana Van Zeller]

I'm Arianna Van Zeller, and after reporting on black markets for my Emmy winning National Geographic show, Trafficked, I'm launching a podcast.

[Sketch]

You're getting emotional on me.

[Mariana Van Zeller]

Intimate conversations with those operating in the shadows. The Hidden Third is out now with new episodes every Wednesday. [e-mail] Marianavan Zeller Follow Us on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or wherever you listen to podcasts.