#655 - Sal Vulcano

Summary

Podcast Summary: This Past Weekend w/ Theo Von

Episode #655 – Sal Vulcano (April 27, 2026)
Guest: Sal Vulcano (Impractical Jokers, stand-up comedian, podcaster)

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Main Theme

This episode delivers a sprawling, characteristically loose and comedic conversation between Theo Von and Sal Vulcano. They touch on the enduring success of Impractical Jokers, nostalgia for '80s and '90s TV, the quirks of modern and past medicine, fatherhood, stand-up, collecting oddities, pet grief, hypothetical moon missions, and much more. The tone swings from deeply heartfelt (Sal discussing parenthood) to outright absurd (testicular self-exams, storing deceased fish in the freezer, moon conspiracies), marked by both hosts’ quick wit and uniquely personal stories.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. The Longevity and Cultural Impact of Impractical Jokers

• Sal shares the show is entering its 13th season after 15 years (01:03), reflecting on its status as a universal background show:
  • “It's like, background, you know, you put it on anytime. ...People going to go about their business while you think.” (Sal, 02:34)
• The odd intimacy people have with the show: fans message Sal that they’ve had sex while it’s on, or even sent amateur porn with the show playing in the background (01:24–02:14).

2. TV Nostalgia: Little House on the Prairie & Highway to Heaven

• The pair riff on Michael Landon’s career and faith-infused dramas:
  • Theo jokes about “the highway to Heaven” needing “a toll booth now” and riffs on COVID parallels (05:00).
  • They react to remakes and cancellations without clear finales, venting about unresolved series like Lost:
    • “I think there's people that died because Lost wasn't—it didn’t do anything.” (Theo, 07:10)

3. Medical Routines and Testicular Self-Exams

• Sal discusses getting full medical workups from his childhood friend who’s now his doctor, and the awkwardness of potentially having to “show him [my] body” (08:46).
  • Conversation devolves hilariously into wondering how to self-examine testicles for cancer, referencing outdated exam methods and the weirdness of “calling your dad a queer” during a check (09:55–11:26).
  • Live, Theo attempts a self-exam while they read aloud standard procedures, referencing “smooth bumps” and “hard lumps.” (15:13–16:58)
  • Theo: “I am 400 months behind schedule.” (16:20)

4. The Mythology of Men’s Bodies / Physical Comedy

• Digression into if our balls had “pouches” or could hide things “like a kangaroo” (19:31–21:14).
  • Sal jokes he’d carry his “passport in my sack.” (21:10)
  • “You got gingivitis of the balls.” (Theo, 22:26)

5. Dancing, Brooches, and Letting Go Socially

• Sal confesses to dancing for hours at a Motown night (“I felt like my mom in the ’80s”), admits to loving brooches for their “badge ... timeless” feel (27:27–28:11).
• Theo describes past joy in dancing, his social anxiety about it today, and how the fear of being recorded affects how people behave (29:34).

6. The Joy and Terror of Parenthood

• Sal opens about talking about family on podcasts for the first time, prompted by feeling safe on Theo’s show. He reflects on becoming comfortable sharing his family life publicly and how it changed his comedy. (44:50–45:12)
• Describes the “impossible” challenge of expressing love for his kids:
  • “I bet it feels like you can’t even let them know how much you love them.” (Theo, 49:24)
  • “It’s impossible. I don’t know how to express it.” (Sal, 49:39)
• Parenting challenges like sleep regression, setting boundaries, and teaching his daughter to identify her emotions through “color zones”:
  • “Dad, I’m in the blue zone right now… I need to get to the green zone.” (Sal w/ his daughter, 52:17)

7. Podcasting, New Projects, and Minouche

• Sal updates on old podcasts (Hey Babe, Taste Buds) and new show Minouche, described as “big guest, small talk... absurd… in and out of sketch and real conversation, edited like an old VHS tape.” (34:31–35:34)
  • “It's really different… nothing to be taken seriously. ...We’re doing shtick the whole time...” (Sal, 35:02)
• Briefs on his executive producer role for TBS’s Foul Play with NBA’s Anthony Davis. (41:02, 43:38)

8. Collecting Oddities: VHS Wedding Tapes & Freezer Fish

• Sal tells of buying a random VHS tape labeled “Amy & Stu Shankman Wedding, Nov 25, 1985” in a thrift store and having possession of their only wedding video for 31 years. He invites listeners to help find the couple. (62:17–66:54)
• Reveals he’s kept a goldfish (pet) in his freezer for over 15 years, after a “mysterious” death; he opens it on his show Hey Babe. (82:43–83:53)

9. Absurd Sex and Intimacy Confessions

• Theo jokes about a fabricated “marble composition notebook” where he supposedly documented 1,050 sexual partners, which Sal recalls years later—ridiculousness ensues. (69:18–71:00)
• Theo relates feeling “like a crash test dummy” in the realm of intimacy, describing sex as “an altercation” and recounting his extreme social anxiety. (72:08–73:44)

10. Animal & Pet Culture: Grief, Nostalgia, and CGI

• Both reminisce about losing pets, treating “fish like family,” goldfish funerals at Long John Silver’s, and why animal stars (dogs) disappeared from Hollywood—blame of CGI/AI and laments for lost “pet celeb” days. (110:51–113:10)

11. Parenting in Practice: Challenges and Sweetness

• Sal recounts the heartbreak and necessity of letting kids “cry it out” to break bad sleep habits and reflects on the difficult balance between comfort and structure (115:27–117:06).
• Encourages Theo to consider parenthood: “There’s nothing better. You’ll feel so fulfilled, man.” (119:08)

12. Other Memorable Anecdotes

• The dangers of horse riding in childhood; Sal’s harrowing “rodeo” experience in 8th grade (91:13–92:35).
• Compassion for “Octomom” and the logistics of raising octuplets (123:06–128:16).
• Conspiracies and skepticism about moon landings and Artemis mission; delightful riffing about building the first moon colony (94:45–103:51).
• Random facts: Pablo Picasso died in 1973 (not the distant past, as they assumed), kicking off a tangent about the odd overlap of history (61:17).

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• “People tell me they fuck to [Impractical Jokers] all the time.” (Sal, 01:24)
• “It's background ... you put it on anytime ... and it's good, like playing in the background.” (Sal, 02:34)
• “Why do we ... talk about [Highway to Heaven]?” (Theo, 04:25)
• “I am 400 months behind schedule [on testicular self-exams].” (Theo, 16:20)
• “You got gingivitis of the balls.” (Theo, 22:26)
• “But I realized loving, it was like—an altercation, you get in it. It has the same energy of like a—like a session. Like a fight.” (Theo, 72:44)
• “There’s nothing better. You’ll feel so fulfilled, man.” (Sal on being a parent, 119:08)
• “I have a goldfish, a frozen goldfish in my freezer. For over 15 years. That fish is still in my freezer right now.” (Sal, 83:07)
• “You hit like a thing and—yeah, I hit like about 30 volts or whatever...” (Theo, fainting goat analogy, 74:56)
• “It's like rubbing your belly and checking your balls for cancer. You cannot do the same.” (Theo, 33:11)
• “I want a dog, but... you’re really signing yourself up for a heartache...” (Sal, 112:40)
• “Dad, I’m in the blue zone right now. ...I need to get to the green zone.” (Sal’s daughter, 52:17)

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Time-Stamped Highlights

• 01:03 – 02:14: Sal on longevity of Impractical Jokers and sexual confessions from fans.
• 03:11 – 06:01: TV nostalgia — Little House, Highway to Heaven, and their Christian drama appeal.
• 09:30 – 12:03: Sal’s medical journey with his high school friend/doctor, self-exam humor.
• 15:13 – 18:28: Live, semi-serious testicular self-exam demo/discussion.
• 27:27 – 30:06: Dancing stories, social anxiety around dancing, love of brooches.
• 41:02 – 45:12: Sal discusses new projects, and the comfort/freedom of opening up about family.
• 49:24 – 54:03: The impossible depth of parental love.
• 62:17 – 66:54: The wedding tape odyssey; searching for the Shankmans.
• 82:43 – 83:53: Sal's legendary 15-year-old goldfish in the freezer.
• 94:45 – 103:51: Artemis/moon landing, space travel anxieties, chip-on-your-shoulder moon jokes.

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Topics in Passing

• The agony and confusion of series that don’t end properly.
• Memories of first discovering porn “in the woods.”
• The feeling of community and kinship with fellow comedians and friends who can always make you laugh.
• The potential for found-footage TV shows centered on weird, nostalgic, or lost media.

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Overall Tone

• Cracking, rambling humor punctuated with moments of sincere vulnerability, especially on family life, mortality, and self-acceptance.
• Dialog flows from quick-witted absurdity (testicular jokes, flying goats, pet coffins) to tender personal revelations.
• Characteristic warmth—both are quick to affirm each other’s quirks and earnestness.

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For Listeners

This episode contains classic This Past Weekend story-weaving, featuring Sal Vulcano’s blend of earthy candor and comedic riffing. Perfect for fans of both comedians, for those with a nostalgic bent, or anyone appreciating the blend of laughter and midlife reflection. You’ll leave having laughed (and pondered) about everything from testicular health to the fate of old wedding tapes—and perhaps weighing the impossible fullness of loving your own future family.

Transcript

[A]

I want to let you know that I'll be doing a podcast, taping this podcast before a live audience. It's the only time I've ever done that, and it may be the only time I ever do. I don't know. But that will be with the champ, Iron Mike Tyson on May 5th in Los Angeles at the Wiltern Theater as part of the Netflix is a joke fest. And after that, it'll be on our channel, so you can see it there. You can get [e-mail] t o u

[B]

r

[A]

Today's guest is a standup comedian. He's a host, he's a podcaster. He's just a. He's a universal smile maker. You know him from his hit show Impractical Jokers, and he's on tour doing a standup right now. Always have a blast with the one and only Mr. Sal. Volcano.

[B]

Stuff. Yeah. We start filming season 13 on Thursday, too. That's another thing. Yeah.

[A]

Wow.

[B]

It's wild. It's been on for. It's been on the air for 15 years.

[A]

And. Have you ever met, like, a child that was, like, conceived during the show? Like, has that ever been a thing?

[B]

Yeah, people. I. Yeah, people. I know people met and got married, and I know people tell me they fuck to it all the time.

[A]

Oh, my God, Really?

[B]

I didn't think of that until one day I was on the. I was standing outside my. Getting a tire, a flat tire fixed. I was standing on a sidewalk, and a guy pulled up at a light and he rolled down the window. He's like, sal, I love you, man. I was like, thanks, man. He goes, I was having sex with my girlfriend last night while the show was on. And I was like, oh, shit. I never really thought about that. So I went on to Instagram and I posted, like, has anyone ever had sex while my show was on? It was like, hundreds of thousands of people. You know, I don't even think of it. You know, one time somebody sent me porn of people, and our show was on. On the TV in the background.

[A]

What?

[B]

Yeah. Not like a professional one.

[A]

Oh, just amateur.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[A]

Oh, maybe one day you'll make the big moves.

[B]

Yeah, man. Hopefully we get you up on a browser, you know, maybe one day, bro.

[A]

Oh, my God, dude. And why do you think it is that y' all show is one of those shows that's like, all right, you know, let's make a child of this, or let's get a little, you know, let's do the Humpty.

[B]

It's like, Background, you know, like, you put it on anytime. You don't have to, like, follow anything. You just turn it on and it's good, like, playing in the background. It played all day long, so just. It's like one of those things, like, when I get to a hotel room, I turn something on. It just, like, plays in the background. So I think people. Just. People going to go about their business while you think.

[A]

You think that's it. I feel like.

[B]

So I don't think it's intoxicating or anything. I don't think it's like. Like oysters.

[A]

Visual oysters. No. I do think there's something about y' all show that it's like. It's the one thing, like, spouses could probably kind of agree on it, you know?

[B]

Yeah, we get that.

[A]

There's not a lot, you know, and you could have. Your kids are in there, you know, everybody could kind of agree on, like, all right, we'll all kind of watch this. There's few shows like that now.

[B]

Yeah, you. Yeah, that. There's like a Venn diagram. The kids and the parents both like it.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And they. They. That's what we hear a lot, too, which is like. It's a show that everybody can be like, oh, I'll watch that. You know what I mean? I guess. Huh.

[A]

There's a new Little House on the Prairie coming out.

[B]

I think you and I have spoken about Little House on the Prairie before. Did we? Yeah, I think we did. Michael Landon, because you were a big fan, right?

[A]

Oh, yeah.

[B]

Highway to Heaven. Oh, you're a Michael Landon fan or a Prairie fan?

[A]

The highway to Heaven. And. And it needs to be repaved, brother.

[B]

I'll say that.

[A]

I mean, they got. You know what I'm saying?

[B]

So what was it? He was. He. He was an angel that was, like, in purgatory. And this guy's friend with the beard was another angel or that was.

[A]

His friend was like an Oakland A's fan, so. Yeah. Yeah. But.

[B]

But was he an angel to the friend, or was he a civilian?

[A]

No, his friend was a civilian.

[B]

And he could see Michael Landon.

[A]

Yeah. And everybody could see him. But he came back, and then he realized that Michael Land is an angel. Bring, bring, bring, bring it up. Highway to Heaven. What was the storyline on that?

[B]

I haven't thought of that since the last time you and I spoke about it. And the time before that was when I watched it.

[A]

I.

[B]

It's. Why do we.

[A]

Yeah, well, I've thought about it, but I can't believe that you Remembered that we had talked about it. Because I haven't talked about it with someone in. Since then.

[B]

Yeah, that's why I remember it. I'm like, I just remembered you making me laugh about.

[A]

Highway to Heaven follows Jonathan Smith. Michael Lennon, a probationary angel. You're right. And Mark Gordon, an ex cop, as they travel America helping people in need on behalf of the boss God. The series focuses on providing divine intervention, love, and emotional support to individuals. Individuals facing hardship.

[B]

That's a pitch. That's such a funny pitch. Like, okay, hear me out. An angel and an ex cop. Yeah, that's really good. I'm like, I'm sold.

[A]

Oh, yeah. Michael in it was one of a kind. I mean, that show was great, but yeah, we. The highway to Heaven, I think they put a dang toll. They put a toll booth on it now. It's like.

[B]

Yeah, you can't even. They couldn't remake something like this today.

[A]

You don't know.

[B]

Maybe. I think now actually is when they probably can remake now. I'm thinking about it. I mean, I think you need a good Christian drama.

[A]

I think you need something that's leading. I mean, it'd be nice, I think, if there were more influences towards faith, probably. But even. Even having a little House on the Prairie back, it's going to be a vibe, dude.

[B]

Oh, wait, so they're bringing back highway to Heaven? A little House on the Prairie?

[A]

Little House on the Prairie. Because.

[B]

What was that highway to Heaven right there just now on the right. What's that? Oh, oh.

[A]

They tried to bring it back, bro. I didn't even know.

[B]

No one knew. Nobody knew.

[A]

And they brought it back, it looks like, with an African American actress who was there? Barry Watson. Oh, Jill Scott.

[B]

Jill Scott.

[A]

Grammy Award winner Jill Scott and Barry Watson. Wow.

[B]

That came and went.

[A]

Oh.

[B]

Or is that coming out now? I'll give it a whirl.

[A]

It's 20, 21.

[B]

Oh, all right. Well, you can't. You can't. I mean, there's Covid times.

[A]

Yeah. People. And they were probably shipping people to heaven during COVID We were. The highway to Heaven. It was a Pfizer four lane going on. Fauci working the toll booth, getting the last dime out of you just. Just to hit the turnpike down.

[B]

Did he get. Was he working towards salvation? Michael Landon and I would have, like, was he saving people to. To get in God's good graces? Like, why was he. He's probationary.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I would like to know how that series ended.

[A]

Yeah. What was the last he had to

[B]

have gone to Heaven if he didn't. I mean, it would have been a huge letdown, though. No, I mean, imagine he just. Imagine they just left it open. Like, they don't even tell us. Yeah.

[A]

Let's go to the ending of it. The series highway to Heaven did not have a planned definitive series finale, as it was canceled due to low rating.

[B]

Oh, wow. So they didn't. That's always a bummer when you invest in a show and.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And then just stops and you're like, yeah, that's. That's. That's. That's hard.

[A]

Or when the whole nation invests in a show, too, and it ends like Lost. Lost. Killed Lost. Probably. I think there's people that died because Loss wasn't. It didn't do anything.

[B]

Yeah. There had to be some type of butterfly effect, was that.

[A]

It was like. It was their hope. I'm gonna keep watching this, and it's gonna get somewhere.

[B]

That was me. That was me. I watched Loss, and at one point, I thought Lost was the greatest show I had ever seen in my life. And then the last two or three seasons, it was, like, maddening.

[A]

Yeah. That broke a lot of people.

[B]

It's too convoluted.

[A]

Oh, people divorces. I mean, that broke. People don't realize. You don't realize that if you invest that much with somebody into something and if that thing falls apart, you might. You can fall apart.

[B]

You can fall. You can unravel. Your whole life can unravel.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

It doesn't take much these days.

[A]

Yeah, it doesn't.

[B]

Everyone's right there. All it takes is, like, just the creators of Losses stringing us along, telling us the whole time they have exact intentions, when they fucking don't, and it comes out later. I don't know if anyone's ever taken them to task for that. I'll tell you another thing. I saw the finale. I couldn't tell you what I can't explain to you right now.

[A]

Yeah, yeah. You can't even explain the ending. You did all that and you can explain the ending to us?

[B]

Evangeline, Lily, God bless her, really, she's

[A]

doing fine, I'm sure.

[B]

Yeah. She's like. And she's like an ant man, Right? She's like Ant Woman.

[A]

Oh, she is.

[B]

I think so.

[A]

I didn't know.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

That show was so good, dude.

[B]

The flashbacks, the flash sideways.

[A]

Flash forwards. Flash sideways. They started flashing sideways. I'm like, what is that?

[B]

I've never seen a flash sideways before.

[A]

Loss. Yeah.

[B]

Yeah. How do you flash sideways? They did It.

[A]

Yeah, they did it.

[B]

I'd like to flash sideways today. I'd like to flash always today.

[A]

Yeah, you're doing. You said you're in town. You hit. You hitting the doctor? You're on the. Are you on the. You're hitting the medical circuit right now?

[B]

Yeah, I'm in the medical circuit. My doctor lives out here. My boy from high school.

[A]

Really?

[B]

He's my primary, so.

[A]

And it's your friend from high school?

[B]

Yes, my boy from. I've known him since we were 13. Wow. Yeah. So shout out. James Loesch.

[A]

James Losh. So I don't know if I'd want to go to my friend and let him. But I guess if it's your boy, you can trust him with anything.

[B]

Yeah, that's where it started out of.

[A]

Like, you can show him your body and whatever.

[B]

No, I have. I haven't shown in my body, and that would be where I probably. That's. I understand what you're saying. There, Right there is where I thought I would have to do it this week, showing my body, because these, like. We had a list of things to do. I got, like, what's called a DEXA scan, a CT angiogram. I got a blood draw for a full panel, plus a cancer screening. I got an MRI today. I'm doing everything. And then he. It said in there. What is that? It said in there.

[A]

That's him. Huh?

[B]

That's me.

[A]

Oh, it is. That's him. That's you again.

[B]

He pulled him up in a tux at 18 years old.

[A]

Dude. Every time you hear. We bring up pictures of guys, I cannot even believe it's you. And it's you every time.

[B]

No, I. It said physical, so I was going to. At one point, I was like, you don't have to. Like, you don't have to hold my sack or anything, do you? Yeah. But then I just let it go, and then he didn't say anything. And then there was. It was fine.

[A]

But do you think you're missing out on something that's important information or something? Just because you guys are, like, kind of shy or whatever?

[B]

I was. I was wondering if. If in general, like, when was the last time you got a physical?

[A]

A physical?

[B]

You have to do it for the movie or something like that? Maybe.

[A]

Probably. I mean, I wouldn't bet. It probably wasn't too long ago, but I've gotten all the blood panels. I get them done all the time. Yeah.

[B]

Yeah. So I. I just don't know if. If that's antiquated. Like, Them like holding you and saying, cough or drop your. I don't. I don't really hear people talk about that anymore.

[A]

Yeah, hold them in. Yeah. Call your stepfather a queer or whatever. That's not.

[B]

That's not. Yeah, it's. It's not. It's. I mean, it's not a medical term. They're taking liberties.

[A]

Dud.

[B]

You're like, I don't think I To cough. But call my dad a queer. Trust me, just do it. It's like, yeah, it's.

[A]

Yeah, it'll release some stress. You're like, okay.

[B]

I don't know what they're looking for, but if he didn't touch my balls, then I guess, like, he's not gonna find anything there. Yeah. So like, I guess that was an oversight. Yeah, but I guess. What are they checking for when they hold your balls? Like a hernia?

[A]

Well, I. I mean, look, I think on.

[B]

Because I don't lift anything on.

[A]

I got a bad back. Doctor says I can't even lift my balls, bro. Let's check it right now. Yes, it is standard medical procedure for a doctor to hold the scrotum while asking a cough and check for an end. I get that, but that just seems hella. It seems like the Catholic church is involved in it a little bit. Has a little backsplash of uncertainty. But what. How do we self check our own balls? That's what I would look up.

[B]

Yeah. Maybe a self exam I could do.

[A]

Because it's probably time, man, that we know how to do this. Just because there's a lot of times I'm sitting in a lobby or I'm chilling, you know?

[B]

Yeah. And then you don't know what's going on down there.

[A]

Well, it's like, I might as well check it out.

[B]

Yeah. Oh, yeah, we could check all the time. Yeah. If we know what we're doing, we're checking without knowing. Usually.

[A]

Yeah. Usually I'm feeling around my walls like, oh, what is that? Don't touch that. There's like that part that's like.

[B]

Yeah, that's the thing attached to the wall. That's like weird.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Like, oh, that's the H vac area.

[B]

It's all wide. Yeah, yeah. I'm not certified. Like, you know, in a bag. I don't really know anything in a bag.

[A]

There's definitely. Dude. Yeah. There's moments where you're like, oh, what is that? Like, That's what gets scary, bro. Yeah, you're like, oh, that just feels like. And like, it's like, feels like, oh, that's just a Skittle or something.

[B]

I still won't go. I still won't go. If I feel like I have a taste like a rainbow. And like, if I have a skittle in there or something, I would just be like, I would sooner Google it. There's something I just. I'm not really. He would have had to probably take his balls out for me to feel comfortable.

[A]

Oh, that's fair.

[B]

Yeah, dude.

[A]

That should be something you guys do for the show for, like, one of the things.

[B]

Yeah, we'll do that.

[A]

Get him into that. We'll do that center, you know? Yeah.

[B]

I got my doctor in there and show his balls on our show. It makes sense.

[A]

Or just, you know, now with the doctor's got to do, you know, get him to, you know, I need you to hold your ball while you hold my balls. You know what I'm saying? And we sing a little bit of Bruno Mars, you know?

[B]

Yeah, Bruno's good, man.

[A]

I did it remind you that a story about Bruno. Remember he went to his show?

[B]

Yeah, yeah. He was. He was dope. He was like. It was a bit back, but he was like, bartender for us backstage. And then during his finale, he was like, yelling out quotes from my show, like, in the middle of, like, you make me feel like I would like that to hell. And he just. Thoughts. And then there's pyrotechnics. And then he just started screaming out lines from the show. And I was like, I can't believe this. I actually missed it. I was like, with people. And I didn't hear him say it, and they were freaking out. I think if I told his last time, but I was like. I remember, like, I was like four or five people. I was with my girl and the guys and. And they went nuts. And I thought they were just going nuts for the song Locked. And I was like, wow, they're really big fans. Like, that's like. They were, like, overhyped. You know, Obviously they just heard him quoting us. So they were reacting like that. And I was like, this song is good, but I like, they're really into it. And then like a few min say, like, I can't believe he. He. He shout out you.

[A]

You was getting something.

[B]

No, I was right there with him, but I didn't hear, like, there was fireworks going off, and I didn't hear it. And then I was like. And then they were like, I can't believe he was quoted you. I'm like, he quoted me and you

[A]

didn't even know you Were right there.

[B]

Is this real? That's real. You could pull off. It looks. It looks like AI, right? That's real. You could pull off a hat like that.

[A]

There's Bruno Mars. I could never pull off that like that.

[B]

Never.

[A]

Joe and Sal came down to the show in Albany tonight. Albany?

[B]

Oh, it's Albany.

[A]

Albany. Albany. Sorry. And if you ain't seen the show in practical jokes, you're missing out. Apparent. Apparent. Apparently, yeah.

[B]

Apparently.

[A]

Apparently Murr was there.

[B]

Yeah, Mer got there late and. And after it was over, he got stuck in traffic and he, like, drove eight hours and missed it. I swear to God. Yeah, he drove. I'm not. I'm not. I know he might. Honestly. Honestly, I think he drove, like, 13 hours. I don't know why I forget the circumstances surrounding it, but he got there late and just missed the whole thing.

[A]

Damn.

[B]

Yeah, dude. Yeah. I couldn't wear a hat like that.

[A]

Yeah, I couldn't wear a hat like that. I wouldn't be able to do it. Good. So we don't forget this, because I do think this is important. What can we do to check out our nuts to make sure that we're okay? What do we do? Actually, this first, using both hands. And I'll just. Just cut my waist. Don't do me lower than the waist. I'm gonna check while we're here.

[B]

I can't see it, but I'll tell me. Maybe you give me a play by play. All right. Like, what do you feel? What are you feeling for right now? What do you. What is it?

[A]

I don't know. I think I feel like I'm in, like, the cottage cheese section.

[B]

Well, ultimately, though, what are you chat. What are you looking for? Are you looking for a hernia? Are you looking for a Skittle? Like, what are you. What are you.

[A]

I'm looking for cancer.

[B]

Oh, that's what we're doing. That's like. That's cancer.

[A]

Yeah. Doing cancer screening. Yeah. I'm not going to waste my time.

[B]

You might as well screen for everything if you're feeling around. Just do a full thing. Screen for everything.

[A]

Dude, I can't do a full panel or whatever you could do.

[B]

Can you tell the difference between a hernia and cancer?

[A]

I know.

[B]

I will say, like, it is weird with both hands on. On your balls while I'm talking to you.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Normally it would be when we first met.

[A]

Well, if you would give. If you would give me a second. I'm trying to see if I have cancer.

[B]

Okay. What is this? What is this? What is this animation, though, what is. Why is it no sack?

[A]

I don't know. That's Dixar, I think. Cheap joke. But thank you for supporting me.

[B]

That was good, man.

[A]

Take me. Just get it on the wording again. One more time. Go back. Perform a testicular self exam monthly. Oh, God. Dude, I am. I am 400 months behind schedule. Ideally during or after a warm shower when a scrotum's relaxed. Yeah, you. Oh, if you got that hard bag, bro.

[B]

Yeah. You can't do it in like the winter.

[A]

Yeah. If you feel like it's like kind of like a. Feels like a bit of like a really ripe avocado. You got to back off the set.

[B]

Yeah, that's right.

[A]

Using both hands, gently roll each testicle between your thumb and fin finger to check for hard lumps. Smooth bumps. That's a unique term. That's got to be an oxymoron. Smooth bumps. How can you find that? That's crazy.

[B]

Yeah. What's a smooth bump? Isn't it by definition a bump? Not smooth, hard lumps. Smooth bumps. The ovon story. Yeah.

[A]

My journey through chemotherapy or changes in size, shape or consistency.

[B]

What do they mean, changes in size change? Like it's like a. I guess if

[A]

one's gotten really like one sounds like it like its throat's clogged or whatever.

[B]

Oh, there's always one bigger than the other, isn't there? Or is that breasts? Isn't that true for balls and breasts? There's always one that's bigger.

[A]

Yeah, I think that's true. I'm gonna read this one part off and then we'll get to that. Hard pea sized lumps or nodules. A new dull ache or feeling of heaviness in the lower abdomen or groin. So that I think is more for hernia and then significant swelling or a sudden change in size. So I guess the good thing is if you do it repeatedly, you'll start to. That's the thing. You probably have to do it repeatedly. So you get an idea, you catch it. Yes. You have a baseline.

[B]

You have a baseline.

[A]

Because otherwise if you're just wandering into your nuts with your hands or whatever.

[B]

Right.

[A]

Everything in there.

[B]

Yeah. You don't know what's in there at all. Yeah.

[A]

No. Neither testicle nor breasts are always perfectly symmetrical. One side is typically slightly larger, positioned differently in most people. And the testicles usually hang at different levels. That gives them also the illusion of seeming like they're different sized.

[B]

It'd be funny if we didn't have a sack and they just Hung the ball, like, in that. Like, how that hand was holding the two individual testicles. Oh, yeah, yeah. That would be weird.

[A]

That'd be very.

[B]

It's like, hung, like, on a string, like on strings.

[A]

Remember those.

[B]

Those cabangers?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

When we were little, like, it was like two balls on strings and you were like, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop. And they were like. They were called cabangers.

[A]

Bring them up. Them cabangas, bro.

[B]

Yeah, get those cabangas up there. You don't remember those?

[A]

I never seen those in my life.

[B]

What?

[A]

Bro, they still sell them now, buddy, I promise you.

[B]

Where, man, Dude, I'm so. I'm sorry because, like, I had some really nice times with those.

[A]

With them. Come back.

[B]

Yeah, like, they really. When you get. When you. When you know what you're doing, you can see a video of somebody doing it. When you know what you're doing. It's. It's. It's a real treat.

[A]

Oh, here's a video. A commercial for him. Smitty's has them. They're the original bangers, and they're guaranteed safe for play and unbreakable. So they'll never chip, heal, or shatter. Get the original kabangers at Smitty's and get set for some fast action. Oh, you knock it freaking tooth out. You knock your neighbor's nuts off.

[B]

They were like little like nunchucks.

[A]

Oh, I did used to wish that, like, your nuts had, like a. They were like, secret hearing device. Whatever. Like, you could throw. Roll one somewhere into a room and it would be able to hear.

[B]

That's dope.

[A]

What was going on.

[B]

That's really good.

[A]

Like a recon nut or whatever.

[B]

Yeah, like a James Bond nut.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's good.

[B]

You know, the. The sack is a good place to hide something.

[A]

Oh, yeah.

[B]

You know, if you can get, like, some type of surgery where you get like a. It's almost like a. You remember what. You remember what they call ruse? Kangaroos.

[A]

The sneaker ruse. Yeah.

[B]

Remember?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

So the thing about kangaroos or ruse, I think, is every single sneaker had a. Like a hidden pocket on it.

[A]

Oh, that's right.

[B]

And they should bring those back, you know, but that'd be like. You can do that with your pouch, like, with the sack, and then you could hide stuff in there.

[A]

Yeah, Well, I bet you could get that modulated, bro. If you got your nuts modulated, bruh, you could do that in a heartbeat. Yeah. Get you a little side. Get you a little pouch almost. Or get like. Almost like a Little fanny pack put on it. Yeah, they should make a little fanny pack that goes around you.

[B]

This is not a bad idea if we could find a safe medical way to do it, because you ever throw on, like, a pair of sweats and there's no pockets, and you leave the house and you got no pockets.

[A]

Oh.

[B]

When you have no pockets, I feel like I might have to go back. Like, I not buy pants without a proper pocket or like. You know what I mean?

[A]

Yeah, well, of course I know what you mean.

[B]

Yeah. Yeah. And then. And then, and then. And then. But if you had a sack that held stuff like a pouch, you feel like you wouldn't have to think about it anymore. You could throw on any pants you want. You could flippantly throw on pants before you leave the house. Not even think twice about it.

[A]

Yeah, that's true. Yeah. If you're like, oh, I just. Yeah, I got enough room for a couple zans.

[B]

Or you could put, like, your license in there. A key fob.

[A]

I think putting your license into your nuts is crazy work, bro.

[B]

Yeah, you're right. But. But the whole concept is. So you could have gave me. It's just, you know, we're just trying. I mean, I don't think we're putting anything in there really, but.

[A]

Well, here's the thing. If I don't have.

[B]

You're gonna put a zin in there. Two zins, I think you could put. I would. I would be careful putting two zins in there. That's the tobacco. Yeah, but you are. Took it to another level. Now you're gonna get bowl cancer. All I'm doing is trying to have identification on me.

[A]

Yeah, you're right. You're right, man. I'm really going to kind of like my separate way, but.

[B]

Oh. So I didn't ever got that enhanced license for travel. So now, just in case, I always got to bring my passport with me to the airport. I'm always afraid I'm gonna forget it at home, and then it's gonna be lights out because I can't get on a thing. So I would put my. Maybe in my pad. You have to fold it up. It might be uncontrollable, but I would maybe permanently carry my passport in my sack, bro.

[A]

You can't f. Dude, think about this, though. Sal, I hear you, and I love what you're saying, but you're right to fold your pass.

[B]

It was stupid. Yeah, I know. It's too much. I couldn't do it.

[A]

It's not. It's not built to be folded. But here's what I do think is. Yeah, if you had your nuts or whatever. Yeah. If you could put two. I'm trying to give you a couple, couple zins in your nuts or whatever. A couple Alps in there.

[B]

You do Z. I don't do it. Me neither.

[A]

I don't know, but I think it would be crazy if they're like, yeah, we, we think you have like gum cancer in your nut. Like you'll get like tooth and gum cancer. Like somehow you got mouth.

[B]

You got gingivitis of the balls.

[A]

Somehow you have mouth cancer.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

Because I've been zening.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Through my magical nut pouch. But dude, the, the. The no two nuts are the same. You know that no two nuts acts are the same.

[B]

Snowflakes.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

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[B]

Huh?

[A]

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[B]

You dance?

[A]

No, dude. But I will tell you this, my friend and I, maybe almost, probably like maybe 30 months ago or whatever, we went to the park and we saw and we watched the people do this all do the Zalza dancing.

[B]

Zalza, did you. That's 30 months ago you went to the park?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And watch people's salsa.

[A]

And bro, we watched it at first. We were like, whatever, bro, let's don't look too long because it's just me and him and we're not with anybody or whatever.

[B]

But it was just you. You mean like there was like a competition or like a dance party or something?

[A]

Yeah, there's a dance party they had over there by the lake. It's over there by Centennial park in Nashville. You can never probably even look it up. And so they. Yeah, it was just like a lot of Latinos and a couple of like Indian guys trying to pretend they were Mexican or whatever, like putting on like.

[B]

Yeah, but they, they have their own really good dance routines too. You ever See them. They go. They go hard.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Like those. Those like. Like those routines where everyone's doing the same thing they say choreographed. It's like she's all that. It's like she's all that.

[A]

Is it like.

[B]

I feel like the. Like the Indian weddings I've seen in passing on, like, YouTube or, like, in Instagram.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And you see them dance and, like, they all, like, know the exact. That's so cool. Cool.

[A]

Yeah. That is cool, huh?

[B]

For like, a. A dance to bust out and everyone does it together.

[A]

Yeah. You know, dude, that's a good. Yeah, man. It's. Yeah.

[B]

I went out dancing last night.

[A]

You went out dancing last night?

[B]

I felt like my mom in the 80s.

[A]

You're lying.

[B]

I swear to you. I went out dancing.

[A]

You felt like your mom? I love brooch. You wore a brooch?

[B]

No, but I. I do love a brooch.

[A]

Me too.

[B]

I do. I got my wife a brooch recently.

[A]

You did?

[B]

I swear to God. Yeah.

[A]

That's awesome.

[B]

I love it. So brooches, they're just wonderful. I think they're like. They. They're not in. I don't know if they're really in style anymore, but they're timeless approaches.

[A]

Yeah. Yeah. I think when you see someone that broach, you think. Well, sometimes you think, like, somebody passed when there's, like, a little image of a minute. Right. Sometimes like a lock, something like that.

[B]

Yeah. Yeah. But sometimes it's just decorative.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

You think this one, they're almost like. It feels like a little bit of royalty. Like, neighborhood royalty.

[B]

I like it.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

It does feel like something like a little bit of like a. Like a. Like a badge.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

Yeah. Right?

[A]

That's what it is. Oh, yeah. They got some great brooches.

[B]

There's a place here called the Five Spot, is a bar, and on Mondays, they have Motown Mondays. And that's all I need to hear. Yeah. I love was. It was like, all soul music. Motown music. And we went last night. It was one of my friend's birthdays. We went, and I was like, I don't go out because, you know, I. You know, at home, I'm just working in the kids and stuff. So I was like, let's go. Let's go, dude. I danced for, like, a good couple hours last night. I don't remember the last time I did that. Probably I got a wedding or something. Something. But I was, like, in the wild, dancing.

[A]

No way.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Dude, that's so fun. And everybody was just dancing, having fun.

[B]

Everybody. Yeah. The place wasn't that crowded. And every last person there was dancing.

[A]

Get down on it. They play stuff like that.

[B]

Talking about Cooling the gang. Yeah. Come on, babe. I love it. Yeah. It's hard. You get that. That song comes on by Cooling the Gang. I have to dance.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I don't know about you. So you don't dance.

[A]

You know what? Here's the thing. I just forget about it. It. You know, I think if I had a date, like, someone, like, I wouldn't mind having a date. And we go to the square dancing. There is a Tuesday night place here that does square dance. I don't think it's the American Legion or something where they teach out of square dance. My friend Chris just went last week

[B]

and line dancing like that.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

So I would like to learn that.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And then that's a nice entry point. Yeah.

[B]

And just a couple of two steps get you feeling like you. You're part of the group.

[A]

Yes. To get me out on the dance floor. I used to love to dance. Now sometimes I think I feel a little bit like sometimes I have some social anxiety about that.

[B]

Sure. It's hard to dance now if people are like. Yeah. You can't just let loose.

[A]

Yeah. Honestly, I'm afraid. Yes. Somebody will video me and probably make fun of me, which is fair. I'm okay. If they make fun of me.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Okay. But just doing it, like. Like there's some part of it I don't like. And I think it's just that. I don't know. I. Here's the thing. I don't want to see a video of how bad I'm dancing because I want to still believe in my head that I'm a good dancer.

[B]

Sure, sure.

[A]

That's what it is.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

But so don't take that ability away from me. Yeah. By like, using me to just to burn me one.

[B]

I would love to watch you sincerely dance.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

You know.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

You know, I would just love to see you, like, genuinely dancing.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

And see what that looks like.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

You know what your rhythm is, what your moves are, like, how you get down.

[A]

I think a lot of, like that. Oh, when the blues would come on, bro. I get out there and dance to the blues.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

They used to have a place called Tabby's Blues Box over there in downtown Baton Rouge, bro. And I'd get out there, bro, and they had a little bit of sliced ham or something over there on the side.

[B]

You know, they look like they put out a little like. A little like, all you can eat, like, type of thing or something.

[A]

It was like. It wasn't all you could eat, but it was like. You can eat a little.

[B]

Yeah, yeah.

[A]

You know what I'm saying?

[B]

But they had, like. They had food. People would dance to the blues and eat ham. Yeah.

[A]

They had a dude sitting by it. So, you know, you couldn't have that much.

[B]

Oh. So it was like he served it.

[A]

He.

[B]

Like, you. Like. Like when you get up at a wedding at a buffet, like, and they slice it for you like that.

[A]

Oh, yeah, like that. No, no, no. The ham steak. No, this was just kind of regular ham. Not. Not like deli ham. No, I was like a. It was like a few stairs up from deli ham.

[B]

So somewhere between deli ham and. And a ham steak.

[A]

Yeah, like, neighborhood ham or whatever. Or like ham that had been kind of trucked in. It had been flown in.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

But it had come on a truck.

[B]

But how do they prepare it? Like a glaze now?

[A]

They could just cook. I think they cooked it.

[B]

Just cooked ham?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And then. And then the blues. Yeah. While the blues.

[A]

And they had some crackers out there. They just had a little setup. But they had a dude, you could tell you couldn't have a lot because had a dude sitting by it. Like, they had, like, we're going to pay this dude to sit by it.

[B]

Yeah. Because that's unfortunately what happens in society. If you just have unchecked ham, it's going to be like a Black Friday situation. Now, you ever see when they give the tote bags at Trader Joe's, people just become animals.

[A]

Yeah. Yeah.

[B]

You can't ham. People already said, listening to the blues. You can't just put out ham. They're gonna run for that. It's a comfort food.

[A]

Oh, bro. Yeah, it was one. One song was so sad, and I had a mouthful of ham, and it's hard to cry when your mouth's full. You know what I'm talking about?

[B]

Yeah. You remember being a kid, like, cry and chew. Yeah. You couldn't.

[A]

Yeah, you can't cry and chew.

[B]

You can't. You can't cry and eat it.

[A]

It was a fat boy's dilemma, bro.

[B]

Yeah, you really can't, though.

[A]

That's why you can't be sad and chubby, dude. Because that's the dilemma that God sets you in. Like, you're gonna be able to have as much little ham as you want, but you ain't gonna be able to be sad about it.

[B]

Yeah, that's. That's why people eat, to stop crying.

[A]

Oh, dude.

[B]

Right.

[A]

Yes. Why is it that should be written on our American flag?

[B]

Think about someone like a. With a huge hoagie hysterically crying and eating it. I've never seen it. It's a. It's a. It's a visual I've never seen. People can't cry and eat at the same time.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

All right.

[A]

It's like sneezing and. Or it's like. Yeah, right, Whatever it's called, like, sneezing and like, wishing for something. Yes.

[B]

And I thought it was something with sneezing.

[A]

It's like rubbing your belly.

[B]

I'm chewing gum. No.

[A]

Yeah. And patting your head. Flirting with your neighbor's wife or something. You can't do it all.

[B]

Yeah. It's like.

[A]

Yeah. Patting your head. Rubbing your belly.

[B]

Rubbing your belly and checking your balls for cancer.

[A]

Yeah. You cannot do the same. Thank you, bro. Oh, thank you for making me laugh today. I appreciate it.

[B]

Of course, man.

[A]

I appreciate it. I want to ask you. So you. Because your podcasting has changed recently, and I wanted to talk about this. I wanted to know why. Because you had two podcasts. You had one that you got. You were doing with Chris DiStefano.

[B]

Yes. Hey, babe.

[A]

Hey, babe. And then you had your own.

[B]

I had one with Joe DeRosa called

[A]

Taste Buds, and you have one. Joe De Rosa called Taste Buds. And Joe moved to Austin.

[B]

Yes, he did.

[A]

So that kind of brought that one to an end.

[B]

Yeah. And Chris moved up, like, state or whatever, but.

[A]

Oh, he's living upstate.

[B]

Yeah. But I've. I'm telling you, cuz, we. When we put these on hiatus, we said to the fans, like, they're just going on hiatus. It's been a couple of years now, but people think we, like, we lied. We had no intentions of react. We have full intentions of bringing both back. No joke. Like, I talked to both of them, both of them recently. Chris texted me two days ago and said, you want to do like, a short run of them just to put it back out there? And I'm like, yeah. And I talked to Joe. He said the same. So we really are going to bring it back. But I got a new talk show like POD coming out called Minouche, which is like short for minutia. And it's like big guest small talk. But it's like. It's like absurd. It's like it goes in and out of conversation. And sketch comedy, it's like something just completely different.

[A]

Huh?

[B]

Yeah. Like, it's. It's. It's off the wall. It's really funny. I shot, like, 10 episodes. So.

[A]

You already did.

[B]

Yeah, I shot that. I'm going to do them by seasons, like 10 episode seasons. So I'm going to release it like probably sometime in May and then kick it off. It's. It's been so much fun. You gotta. I talk to you about. You gotta come.

[A]

Yeah, I'm gonna come in.

[B]

I'm gonna come through.

[A]

You know, I'm gonna come and do one. Please.

[B]

I would love to have you. We will have a lot.

[A]

I'd love to be on there.

[B]

It's really different. Like it's not this, you know.

[A]

Well, yeah, that's what I'm curious about. So, like. Yeah, because you're saying like it also involves improv. So what, like, how does that kind of look or a little bit of like. We're like.

[B]

It's like nothing to. Is that we do and say is to be taken seriously. It's all just. We're doing stick the whole time and we're like, we're in on the joke and it's like. But it's edited. Really fun. It edited in like little chunks and it's like to look like it's on an old VHS tape. It's like, it's. It's really. I don't know, it's just something I just made up like a couple years ago when we went on hiatus. I'm like, I want to do something completely, like, solo that has like a really specific sensibility to it. So it doesn't. I mean, this isn't a great pitch. It doesn't sound funny. But you know, it's really, it's. It actually really, it's unique. I'm. I'm super excited for people to see

[A]

you do a lot. I mean, those are your wheelhouses, you know, comedy and improv and so to have some of that together, I think it definitely makes sense.

[B]

How was. I mean, it sounds cool if you, if you've talked about this enough. No problem. But like, how was your experience filming the movie and stuff? Did you guys improvise a lot on that?

[A]

I. I think I didn't know exactly what was going on, to be honest with you. Like, bro, until the day we showed up there.

[B]

It's gotta be nerve wracking, right?

[A]

I thought it was all emails. So the day we showed up on set, I was like, no way. Everybody was being real serious about this, you know, and it was a real movie. There's like people walking around. There's like one guy just looking for something.

[B]

Something. Yeah.

[A]

You know, there's like Some guys like dressing somebody up, like, in a, you know, outfit or whatever, you know, it's like, we need.

[B]

You had the full trailer, like, all that.

[A]

Oh, everything. It's like electrical lines. It's like, don't. You know?

[B]

And people you like, you. You funded it too. Like, you guys made it.

[A]

Yeah, we wrote it and funded it and everything.

[B]

So isn't that, like, how, like, nerve wracking was that? To, like, be like, all right, whether we're gonna. This is gonna do well, gonna get an investment back. But even the fact that you've never done that before, and then to walk in on a production that like, that size and then be at the, like, the person running it, basically.

[A]

That's a good question, dude. I think, honestly, like, I kind of struggled with like, that, you know, I want to be in, like, you know, I'm very particular about what I put out in a way. Like, I just. I wanted to try and be true to myself, however.

[B]

Right.

[A]

And it wasn't like, bad or anything. It was just different. Right. And I had. And I. And going back, I wish I. In some places, I wish I would have spoke up more. And in some places, I wish I would have spoke up less.

[B]

It's going to be a learning experience. We made the one movie and it was a learning experience for me. Like, I didn't like a lot. There's a lot of things I would change afterward.

[A]

But did a lot of people go see your movie?

[B]

Yeah, yeah, it was out when Covid hit. We were in theaters when the world shut down. So we were expanding because, like, we were doing that. We had a great per theater average. So they didn't give us a wide. Wide rollout. But we were. We were the highest per theater average. So it kept expanding week over week, week. So we were heading into our fifth week. They were going to give us, like, a few more weeks, and then it shut down. Yeah, it's kind of nuts, but, yeah,

[A]

I don't have a ton of ego in it. I think it was awesome. I learned so much.

[B]

Did you have nerves, like, every day or did they go away?

[A]

No, I just.

[B]

Because I would just be like, did I have nerves?

[A]

For sure. Some scenes I did some scenes I just got to be David's. I'm like, the ball. I'm like, say if somebody's bouncing a ball off a wall, I'm kind of the wall, right?

[B]

Sure, sure.

[A]

And then it kind of changed over time. It changed a little bit where I. Sometimes I'm catching the ball and throw it back yeah. So I think it was just moments of confidence when my confidence would feel okay.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[A]

And. And learning as I went. But I. I mean, I'd take an act class over the years. I'd done a lot of practice scenes and shit. But in the end, you just want to have fun with your buddy and you want to come up with what's funny. So we'd. We'd be sitting there improving a lot, like throwing ideas at Spade. We're like, we'll try this one. And then sometimes you want to hold your idea because you don't want to tell them because you want to say it in real time.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

So it's actually funny.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. But a lot of that.

[A]

Yeah. But looking back, I think there's so many. Just little moments, like, just seeing, like, Spade, like, just trying to stay warm because we had a day, like we were supposed to shoot during the co. During the fires. The. You know, dude, whoever it was, somebody that Spencer Pratt hates tried to burn down the Palisades, you know, and while all that was happening, you know.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Our movie was supposed to shoot, but once you've already paid and got locked in, you're kind of locked in.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, for sure.

[A]

And so we. One day there was like 60 mile per hour winds and we didn't need wind in the movie or whatever.

[B]

Right, right. You have to. It has to be in it.

[A]

We can't afford a redo.

[B]

Right, right, right.

[A]

You know, it's like, yeah, this day cost. It's 60 mile an hour wind.

[B]

A scene of you guys, like in the park and there's a tornado for no reason. Like you.

[A]

You.

[B]

Do you make mention of it in the movie or is it just like whipping winds?

[A]

Oh, there's just whipping winds. This one. This one day at this gas station, the guy, Stevie Januski, Steve Little, he's from Eastbound and Down. Oh.

[B]

Oh, God. Dude, he is the funniest guy.

[A]

He is.

[B]

I mean, that character. The outtakes from Eastbound and Down are the. I think probably the greatest thing ever, ever on recorded. You. You worked with him. How is he in real life?

[A]

Oh, dude. I mean, it's literally like the nicest guy.

[B]

He's so funny.

[A]

It's all like, for somebody that has such an effect, like being funny, it's almost like he doesn't want to have too much of an effect in any other way. Not in. He just. He's a gentle guy. That's what I mean.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

He's a gentle guy. He doesn't. He's not trying to stir the pot or anything.

[B]

Sure.

[A]

But you put him right there in the middle of the porridge and cut those lights on, and. Dang.

[B]

He made. He had you laughing.

[A]

It's a beautiful soup.

[B]

Yeah. That's awesome.

[A]

So, yeah, just little things like that, I think, and looking back and, like.

[B]

So the. The fires delayed you?

[A]

No, we just had him, like, move a little bit over this hill, you know, and it'll be like, we'll probably be safe over this hill or whatever. And I'm like. Like, that sounds.

[B]

Oh, it was, like, during them.

[A]

Well, yeah. Yeah, that's. Oh, yeah, it was during them.

[B]

Oh, my God. Dude. No, when you're like. It's like it's was spreading.

[A]

Oh, yeah.

[B]

Across town, like.

[A]

Yeah. There'd be times you'd be going across. Yeah. And you'd see just.

[B]

Oh, my God.

[A]

You see a bird fly by and he was on fire. Whatever. Stop, bro. He's like, I gotta get somewhere. You know? He's like, my wife's pissed or whatever. You're like, all right, just do it.

[B]

Oh, man.

[A]

But, yeah, I didn't even think to say that. Yeah, the fires are going on, so. So there'd be days you're driving home and shit's just. Oh, fire everywhere.

[B]

That's messed up.

[A]

It was crazy.

[B]

We had to have. I executive produced this show that. That started. That came out this week, actually. It's called Foul Play with Anthony Davis, ad. NBA player.

[A]

Oh, yeah, he played it for the Pelicans.

[B]

He played. He's in the. I think he's on Dallas now. He got traded from the Lakers.

[A]

Oh, they traded him?

[B]

Yeah, I think so. But so he has his show. It's like a. It's like a punk almost. Right. It started last week. We had to pull up. We had Pull a bit from the first episode. 16 episodes. It just. And it rated. It just aired. It rated, like, the highest new series on. On TBS in, like, years. But so we had this thing where Floyd Mayweather was the guest and he was helping us do this, like, prank on this person. So this. This family lost their house in a fire. This was before the fires. Okay, Family. Like, the. The setup was that this family lost their house in a fire, and Floyd Mayweather held this charity barbecue for them to get, like. Like, with the community to get, like, their belongings back. So people brought them, like, gifts and stuff. They got all their, like, their housewares and things back. And, like, people are donating this stuff at the barbecue, at the charity barbecue, and then all their Stuff catches fire from the barbecue and burns again. So, like, they just lost.

[A]

I feel like I almost saw this dude.

[B]

It was the funniest thing ever. And Floyd. Floyd Mayweather is in on it. But then when they. Then the fires happen, they're like. We're like, we can't. We can't put this in. It's like. It's too insensitive. So they pulled it. But it was like, it was supposed to be in the first episode. It's really funny, but.

[A]

And Draymond Green was there?

[B]

Yeah, he was in another one.

[A]

He's always fighting. He's always hitting white dudes all the time.

[B]

Is he? I don't know.

[A]

He used to be. Anyway. He might have gotten healed or whatever. He might have gotten saved.

[B]

Well, yeah, I haven't. I haven't heard much about him hitting. Hitting.

[A]

He was just hitting whites or off whites or whatever. You know, he's hitting, like, mixed dudes or whatever. Like, it was, like, mixed and down, you know, it just seemed like a lot of times he wouldn't crack like, a real solid black dude. I will say that, bro, and respect him. He's a champion. And he whooped my ass. But he. He definitely punched mixed and down. But, dude, that's so cool. What's Anthony Davis like? Does he have a big personality?

[B]

Yeah, he's dope. He's really fun. He the reason we end up doing this because he was a guest on our show and we did a bunch of stuff with him, and then he was like, I love this. He's like, I love this more than basketball. He's like, this is what I really want to do. It's really good. He's like, I. This is what. This is where I really wish I could do. And we're like, why don't we develop something together? And then we did and got picked up.

[A]

Foul play.

[B]

Foul play.

[A]

That's awesome. So people can watch this on tbs.

[B]

Yeah, it's on every week now.

[A]

Dude, that's great, bro. Yeah, I'll share something about it as soon as our show's over. Yeah, yeah, dude, we got that.

[B]

We got. And I told you, we got. I start filming jokers again in two days. Season 13. Crazy.

[A]

So minutia is the podcast.

[B]

Yeah, yeah.

[A]

Podcast. Improv show.

[B]

I think it's like a talk show.

[A]

Okay. Yeah, it's a talk show. And that's just going to be on YouTube.

[B]

Yeah, well, we're going to pitch it. We're going to, you know, try to sell it, but, you know, YouTube's great. Yeah, yeah, yeah. We're doing YouTube.

[A]

It used to be like, just on YouTube and now you're like, if it's it, it better be on YouTube.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, for sure.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, dude. Yeah. That's great. You're staying so busy. Do you feel kind of overwhelmed?

[B]

Yeah, yeah, I haven't. I had another kid since I saw you last night. So.

[A]

Do you remember last time, dude?

[B]

Yeah, man. Yeah. You know what, dude, I get talked to so much about about my appearance on here last time and the clip of me talking about my daughter.

[A]

Oh, yeah.

[B]

It was like. It was pretty dope.

[A]

I want to see it.

[B]

Yeah, Yeah.

[A]

I just want to feel something today. How about this? Let me remember.

[B]

I hadn't spoken about my anything in public prior to this. Your show now is like. Like, it's. It's like news. Is the news media now. Like, this is, you know, this is

[A]

literally you guys trying to decide if they have testicular.

[B]

But it is. And, you know, I'm like, all right, so I, like, let's, you know, I talked about on my own terms with you. I felt comfortable. I'm like, you know, you were like, you take it out if you want. Like, just leave it. Just put it out and have it. And ever since then, it's been like a. A new thing for me because, like, it's out in the open now. Now my new hour that I'm torn with. Like, I talk about my family, my kids. I never did that before, but through some of that.

[A]

Will you honestly just talk like. Honestly, Sal, like, just tell me, like.

[B]

Like.

[A]

Yeah, cuz I think there's, like, there's probably parts in all of our lives where we're afraid to talk about something or afraid to talk about it, and then it ends up being different on the other side because. Yeah, I think you were. Yeah, let's just. We'll take a peek at it really quick. We can always take this out.

[B]

Inexpressible, pure happiness and joy that you feel like you are. I love the music in the background. I don't know why it's overwhelming. You cannot process it. Yeah. You can't believe it. Damn.

[A]

I'm crying, bro. That's good. That's good, man. Why do they put them like that? That was a little morose.

[B]

It was. It felt like.

[A]

Yeah, it felt like the beginning of Castlevania. Remember that game?

[B]

Yeah. The music.

[A]

Yeah. Like, come on.

[B]

This guy's like, on the 1, 2 player screen is like. Yeah.

[A]

In the beginning of the. Wish that was a gay player, dude. That's like when a gay guy kind of gets trapped in, like. Like, it at a Halloween party in New J. Dude, that's what Castlevania was, because it's just this dude just running around with a whip.

[B]

That wasn't, like, the. Like, the most popular clip. What happened was a lot of parenting, like, accounts. Like, Instagram accounts, and. Yeah, they picked that up. And inspirational accounts, and there was a different clip and that. It just went, like, so, so viral. And then because your show is, like, so big, like, like Us Weekly and did they really. All those people and all that stuff picked up. It's like, sal, secret wedding. And it's like. Well, it wasn't really a secret. I just didn't, like, tell you guys I got married. It was, like, a secret wedding.

[A]

But that's kind of hot, though. It kind of makes it kind of hot for you and Francesca that it's just like, oh, it's a secret wedding. That had some allure to it. Oh. Impractical Joker star Sal reveals he secretly got married and has a baby daughter. Bro, that makes you sound like a fucking rapper, bro. That's crazy. Crazy.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[A]

But, dude.

[B]

Yeah, a boy now, too.

[A]

No.

[B]

Yeah, the best, dude. It's the best.

[A]

Is he.

[B]

Yeah, he's so dope. Oh, he's awesome, man.

[A]

What's his name? Yeah, bro, if it would have been any other name, I would not have been excited. Dude, that's so cool, man.

[B]

Yeah. Yeah.

[A]

But did it feel like I want to. I want to hear about him? Yeah. Well, yeah, tell me, what do you love about what's. What? It's something that's just, like, you know, so cool.

[B]

It's like. So I went through everything with my daughter, and then, like. Like, she's like three and a half now. He's about 16 months, and, like, you, You, You. It goes so fast. It's so nice to get to do it over again. Because those moments when they're that young are so fleeting. They change. They're growing so fast. They're like. It's a new thing all the time, and it goes lightning fast. And you try the best you can to savor it, but it's like, it's. It's. It goes so fast, so then to. To just start from scratch again. And then, like. Like the first time, it's all firsts for you and the kid, right? So it's like you're processing all this stuff, and then so the second time, you have, like a. You have this foundation and an idea, and you Know what to look for already. So you kind of experience it in a different way. You just experience it, like, a little bit more. You're able to really absorb it because it's not like you're like a deer in the headlights, whatever. And so it's like you're playing hot

[A]

potato the whole time.

[B]

Yeah, exactly. And it's like you just. And you just. It's just really nice to. Those. Those stages are the ones that, you know, parents are always like, oh, if I could have my kids back at that age again, you know, so it was, like, nice to get, like, a double dip in there.

[A]

That's cool.

[B]

And. And just watch them grow, like, interact and. And watch their relationship together build. Like, the kids, there's nothing that. That's the. When they're, like, sitting on the couch together, leaning on each other, just eating fruit, you know, like, and he'll just crawl up on the couch and put his head on her shoulder while she's just, like, eating somewhere. And they just sit there, like. And then you. When you see them just cuddling each other, whatever, it's like, come on, man. There's like, literally nothing close to this. Oh, that's so cute. I get right in between them, you know, they get them. You know, if the best thing I could do is just have my kids in my lap, just holding them, you know, like, just watching, like, just.

[A]

Yes, I know. It's. I bet it's almost like as you almost. I bet can't. I bet you almost feels like you can't even let them know how much you love them.

[B]

It's impossible. It's impossible.

[A]

That's kind of a crazy thing, if you think about it, that there's something inside of us, even just as humans. Right. Right where you. I couldn't even let you know how much I love you if. If I had. Like. It's impossible for me to.

[B]

It's. It's. It's impossible. I don't know how to express it.

[A]

Yeah. And do you. Do you feel like that's probably a feeling for most parents?

[B]

It has to be. I think it's an innate feeling.

[A]

Right. So. So. And. And I'm not trying to interrupt you, but I'm. I. I forget sometimes if I don't share what I'm feeling. So that, to me, just shows us how powerful love must be. If we can't even. Even if, like, as human beings, just as, like, citizens in the world.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

We can't even if, like, the love that you would have for your child, you can't even express.

[B]

It can't be expressed.

[A]

It can't even expressed.

[B]

Although nothing will do it justice. There's no way to like actually encapsulate it.

[A]

It's pretty powerful because other things you can express a lot of other feelings. Like anger, hatred, you know, like. Yeah, affection. Or like look up some other feelings. Sorry,

[B]

would you stop short of three? You're like happy, mad. What else?

[A]

Confused, cranky. I mean, all these other things.

[B]

But this is so cool, you know, So I mean, to cut you off.

[A]

No, no, go on. You cut me off. But you get what I'm saying though, Isn't it crazy that we can't even. That it's. Love is such a powerful thing. We. It's bigger than us even as humans because we're not able to convey. You know what I'm saying?

[B]

Yeah. And that, that is pinging in my heart at all times. Like I. You know when you're like your heart melts, you're not feeling like sometimes just in the moment you see something or like whatever and you're like your heart like melts a little bit. So what this is like is that like the melting feeling is constant.

[A]

Oh, yeah.

[B]

Yeah. So like just fully. It doesn't stop.

[A]

Walking around with a mop.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, dude, it just doesn't stop. It's like continually melting the whole time. If they're, you know, I talked about this. They're in. If they're even in the room with me. Just something changed, changes, you know, that's it. It's just, it's. Wow.

[A]

But yeah, I remember you saying that, dude. Yeah, it was just. That was a. That was awesome to hear about.

[B]

And they're so. It's so cute to see them like, like see those, you just had up those, those color coded things. So my daughter, she goes to like occupational therapy and she to learn about like to Prada process or this stuff and her feelings that they teach her this stuff. And so she, she knows all these, these color coded emotions. So when she comes home and she's having like a. Because they're gonna, you know, they're gonna have. Have these like these. It's inevitable for them to like when they grow up to have these like, you know, their tantrums and this, they have to work through all this. It's not like you have a bad kid if they're like, if they act out like they're gonna be crazy at 2 and 3 years old.

[A]

Right? Because they're learn all these feelings are slow, are getting baked in, getting Developed,

[B]

and they don't know how to, you

[A]

know, it's like the first time you get on a lime scooter, you're like, you know, you're just taking that for us.

[B]

That was like, the first time I got on one.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Yeah. It was like, I didn't know what was going on. Yeah, but she'll tell you. Me, like, if she's, like, upset, she'll be like, dad, I'm in the blue zone right now. They call the blue zone. She's like, dad, I'm in the blue zone right now. And I'm like, you're upset? She's like, yeah, I'm sad. I'm in the blue zone. She's like, I, I. I need to get to the green zone. Like, this is how she speaks to me. I'm like, let's do it. What do you need to get into that green zone? Let's do it. She's. She's. She's dope, man. They're like my, you know, little best friends, dude.

[A]

That's so cool, though, also for a kid even, just to be able to, like, well, well, just have a. Instead of just having a feeling, have a thought about a feeling. Right?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Well, what is. So. It's. It just adds so much more to you.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Yeah. It's.

[B]

It's unreal, really.

[A]

You're not just a victim of how you feel. You. There's a little bit more, like, okay, critical.

[B]

Like, I start thinking in a way that's just not just basic. It's like, think about, like, at the end of the day, we. When she goes to bed, we always discuss the day. So we talk about, like, I'll sing her a song, and in the song, I. With the song, I sing her every night, I make. I made it up myself. Just naturally came out, you know, and then I started adding verses to it, and now he's singing this whole song. And the song. The whole point about the song is I love you. I love you so much. You'll never know how much I love you. Like, that's. That's literally what it is. But then we talk about the day, and. And then I'll say, like, you know, what would you know, what were you most proud of today? So, like, she's three, but to get her thinking like that, like, not just like, what'd you do today? But what were you the most proud of today? It positions her mind to think that way and then, like, build our confidence of it. This stuff. Like, there's so much parenting Stu and psych psychology, child psychology, all it's fascinating. And it's like, you know, it's the most important job you'll ever have, you know, So I, like, take it, like, you know, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's great to. It's hard, but it's like, it's really fun to, to raise a. To raise a human being. It's, it's like, it's so, it's so. It's an honor, you know, like, it's a real honor.

[A]

Dude, that's pretty cool to be able to think out, think about it like that.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

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[B]

Help.

[A]

Did you know that 88% of Americans say they are feeling some form of financial stress at the start of 2026? Of course you knew that. We all. I mean, who doesn't know that? Money worries. Yep. They. They can bring on anxiety, sleep disruption, just depression, and even just a general rattling of the bones. They're one of the leading sources of conflict amongst couples. If you relate to that, remember, it's not just you. And what matters is finding the right kind of support. That's what always matters. And that's where better help comes in. Betterhelp therapists work according to a strict code of conduct and are fully licensed in the US BetterHelp does the initial matching work for you, so you can just focus on your time with your therapist and your therapy goals. When life feels overwhelming, therapy can help. Sign up and get 10% [e-mail] Theo that's betterh E-L-P.com Theo betterhelp.com Theo and do they ever like, if they get in trouble, they're like, give me a punishment, dad. Like, do they ever make you give them like something that's just.

[B]

No, they're too young for that.

[A]

Like send me out into traffic or something. Put a earpiece.

[B]

Punishments. Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, no. It's more about just managing, you know, just managing their behavior. But it's like, yeah, they just punish him.

[A]

Yeah. What was it? But what was it like? So after you kind of shared that you had a family you kind of had or that your family was growing. Right. And sometimes, you know, I know you had said like it's almost everybody. You want to keep certain things that are just your own life. Right?

[B]

Yeah. Stuff. I was, I mean, I'm private. I was always private. So once you give it away, did it feel different? It felt like a weight lifted.

[A]

It did, it did. And has it been a positive thing or do you. Or just like. Yeah. Has it been like, okay, does it feel. Because trying to also protect everything all the time is also kind of.

[B]

It's a lot of stress that, that took a lot. It took a lot to keep things to myself and not, you know, like, not let things get out. And when I'm out in public with them, you know, like, because everyone has a camera now and everything is. You always got this like, like bird, like a worry, you know, cuz I want to, I, I won't ever post my kids online. Like I want to shield them from that, but just, it was just about protecting them. But people would chill with it and like now that it's out there, it's like it feels like I could just freely talk about it. Feels good. Yeah, feels good. It was like, you know, I'm glad I did it. Yeah.

[A]

What was one of the tough experiences that you had with your first child? Was there like a time that would like, you know, cuz like the other day my buddy Kevin and his wife, they like, like, I think maybe their kid like ate like a thing, a little bit of guacamole or something.

[B]

He's allergic.

[A]

I think his, his ears like swollen

[B]

up or Whatever, dude. That's scary.

[A]

And like, he's allergic to, like, Mexican or whatever, you know, so definitely.

[B]

You never know. You never know.

[A]

But you don't want to run your kid into the hospital and sound racist. Like, hey, I think he's allergic to, like, Mexican.

[B]

Mexican flavors.

[A]

Mexican flavors. Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's what I meant. A. Yeah, yeah.

[B]

I don't think that anyone would take it as like, you know, any, A slight against any Mexican people.

[A]

People are trying to look for an edge all the time.

[B]

They are. And I think I would be sure to specify.

[A]

Yeah, me too.

[B]

I'd be like, that's the ingredients.

[A]

Yeah, yeah.

[B]

They happen to be. They happen to be all Mexican cuisine,

[A]

but I don't know what that is. Yeah, they happen to use it best. Yeah, but, yeah, and I think these have been bought from, like, maybe a Latin vendor. It could have been a Puerto Rican guy. Who knows? It could have been.

[B]

Yeah. That's the craziest thing, though. Like, when they.

[A]

But yeah, so.

[B]

But if they get hurt or something like that.

[A]

So they ran to me. Yeah, so. But they're like, don't know what's going on. You're like, you know, Max, he is just swollen up, you know, he's allergic to watching La Bomb or whatever. I don't think that's a problem. But anyway. Yeah, but anyway, what I'm saying is. Sorry, what is wrong with me? Why can't I say what I'm saying? What I'm saying is that it threw my buddy for like a. It was crazy, you know, I saw him, like, it was like, he was so freaked out, dude.

[B]

I, I, Sometimes I'll fall, like, hit their mouth and start bleeding or something. You see, when you see blood on your kid, it's. It's like. And you have to be like, so chill. You have to dictate the tone so they don't, you know.

[A]

Is that true?

[B]

Yeah, I mean, that's the best way to do it, to keep them even tempered and, like, they're gonna reflect your energy and, and, and they're gonna react the way you teach them to react to something. So you always gotta try and play it even keeled and, like, not make a big thing of stuff like that so that they're able to handle situations themselves better, you know? But it is nuts, dude. Like, one time I was like, trying to cut my son's nail. Like, you know, you got to clip that, like any. And like, they don't. Kids, they don't stay still. And, dude, I clipped a little piece of the. At the end of his finger, like. And he started just bleeding everywhere. Dude. I almost. I didn't know what I was gonna do myself after that. I was like. So I was. And then one time he walked.

[A]

Van Gogh did. To his brother.

[B]

He did?

[A]

Yeah, he clipped her. He's got. I think he might have cut his ear off or something. Never mind.

[B]

No, Van Gogh cut his own ear off, but I didn't know he clipped anything on his breath, brother. So maybe everyone in the family is missing something. Dude, did you know Pablo Picasso died, like, a couple of years ago? Did you see that clip? Yeah, I did.

[A]

Gary.

[B]

Gary Veder was with me this week.

[A]

It was.

[B]

Oh, it was. It was Vitor. Okay. I was talking with him. He's the one who told me. Yeah, we were talking in the car, actually. He's like, dude, bring it up.

[A]

Let's bring that clip.

[B]

I mean, it was. It was 50 years ago, but, like, I thought Picasso was, like, from the. And he told me, we're in the car. He's like, do you know this? And I was like, no. He's like, dude, he was. He was, like, alive when we were born.

[A]

Yeah. I think one of the. Part of it is, do you know that Picasso probably ate at Outback Steakhouse? You're like, right, right, right, right.

[B]

I never put that together. Yeah, yeah.

[A]

Oh, yes. Joe List. Sorry, sorry. My bad.

[B]

You guys know this? Papa Picasso, you know, when he died? He died in 1973. Did you know that? I thought he died in 1380. I almost. 1973. Picasso had a car. Is that unbelievable? Pablo Picasso was driving around Spain in, like, a Honda Civic, listening to Black Sabbath on the radio. That's crazy. Ozzy Osborne and Pablo Picasso were working at the time.

[A]

Same.

[B]

The same time. He saw six Super Bowls.

[A]

I thought he. Look, that's good. Yeah, dude, he's so great. He was in a great movie that Lou made, too, man.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

Shout Out. Joe List. That movie was great. They did a good job. Such talented guys. That was a great bit.

[B]

I got. I got. I got something. So I. I want to try and find these people. Maybe this can. You saying it here can help. Help me. All right.

[A]

I got this.

[B]

I got a story for you. Yeah, I talk. So this last night. We talked about this last night just came out, and it was a story that I forgot about. And I'm like, I'll talk to Theo about it. Maybe I could get. So in 1995, I was at the Salvation army with my buddy Joe, and we found a VHS cassette Right. And it was like a home. A home one. Not like a movie, like you buy like a, you know, a home. Like a blank.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

I had a label on it and it said Amy and Stu Shankman's wedding.

[A]

Oh.

[B]

And it was. I'm gonna maybe get the exact date wrong, but let's say it said like November 25, 1995. It said. I'm sorry, it said November 25, 1985.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

Right. It said Stu and Amy Shankman's wedding, November 25, 1985. That day that we picked it up was November 25, 1995. So I found this blank cassette of this people's wedding on their 10 year anniversary. Now back then you got. If you had your wedding taped on vhs, that's where it was. That's it. Like that was the copy.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And this was handwritten. So it's like. I think they accidentally got rid of the. Like they don't have their wedding video, you know.

[A]

So Amy and Stu Shankman do not have their wedding video.

[B]

Right. And I. And we it up on the exact. We were like, holy 50 cents. We bought it. We went home and watched their whole wedding. Right. It's amazing. It's. It's a wedding from 1985. It's. It's a. It's a Jewish wedding from 1985. The best man, this little, little short guy, Yama guy, he does a. He does his. In his best man speech. He raps.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I swear to God. And I, I'll know. I mean, I. At this point, I've watched it.

[A]

Was it Beasty Boys?

[B]

He was dozens of times. No, he raps his own, own rap.

[A]

Oh.

[B]

And this is the part. This I'll never. I know because I watch. He's like. So he's. He's jumping up and down and he's

[A]

like, ha ha ha ha ha ha.

[B]

We're going to party tonight. We're going to jump up and down. It's never going to end. This is. Was the rap. So it's an amazing wedding. I swear to God, it's. It's an amazing wedding. And, and I watch it over the years. I've had people over. We put it on, I watch it this, this and that. About maybe five years after that, I met my friend Joe. We're in a gas station. He's getting gas in his car and he's like, sal. And I'm like, what? He goes, look at that car right there. And there's a car that's like pulling out of the gas Station. He's like, look, look, look in the car. Who do you think that is? And I look and I go, is that fucking Stu Shankman? No, I don't know this guy From a hole in the wall, right? He's like, I think it's Stu Shankman. So I'm like, oh, shit. And he pulled out, and my friend had to finish paying the gas, and we jumped in the car, peeled out and tried to follow him, and we lost him. Okay, so fast forward.

[A]

Hate losing people.

[B]

I hate I. Especially in a chase.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

So then, yeah, I never gave. I, I. I have this wedding video. I still have it.

[A]

You have a piece of their life. You have a piece of one of the greatest moments of their life. It.

[B]

Yeah, right. So. So about two years ago, I'm like, we gotta find these people.

[A]

Searching for Stu Shankman.

[B]

Is that. Yes. And we got. We got to see if, like, what's up. I gotta get them this video. So. So my friend found his brother or something on Facebook and confirmed, like, we were like, who knows if they're dead if they're still together? What's going on? So he reached out, he said that he told them, we got at a thrift store, we found their wedding video in 1995. I've had their wedding video for 31 years. I have it. For 31 years. I've had their wedding video. They've been married. This will be their 41st anniversary this year. The brother's like, like, they're still alive and together. I swear to God. He's like, this is insane. You gotta, like, yes. So I'll. Let's broker this. Yeah, so. But. So I. I had the idea a couple years ago when I was developing a TV show. And so this was an idea for one episode of this TV show where I, like, do things like this. And so that's when we decided to reach out. Anyway, I didn't finish developing the show, and I kind of forgot about him. And I thought of it last night and I brought it up, and I was like, oh, shit. In this brother's eyes. We contacted him. We're like, yo, we have their wedding, and we want to get it to you. And then we went radio silent again. He's like, why do these people do this, you know, to me and my family? So I'm like, I gotta. I gotta remember. I gotta. I gotta find him, and I want to get in the video. So I feel like if, if. If anyone knows, I think they. They were originally from Staten island. And so Stu And Amy Shankman and I have your wedding video for the last 31 years and I want to give it to you. I did digitize a copy of it for myself because I. When I thought I was gonna give it back, I was like, I. I won't share it with any now. It's. It's also a piece of me now.

[A]

It's fine as fee.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, exactly. You know, so I have it. So.

[A]

So yeah, we gotta find. You gotta search him for the Shankman's, dude. Because there's something special about that. I know I. I used to know a guy named Alex Shankman. I knew a couple. Shankman.

[B]

Oh, I know a Shankman too.

[A]

Actually, there was an agent I knew. I think it was.

[B]

I actually know a Shankman.

[A]

I knew.

[B]

I don't think they're related, but I know. You just remind me. I think he's like a choreographer.

[A]

Yeah, there's some. There's a lot of singers out there.

[B]

Is there a famous Shankman choreographer, especially in Hollywood. Adam Shankman. Adam Shankman.

[A]

I didn't know Adam.

[B]

I just realized for the first time I know a Shankman.

[A]

The Shankman?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Hey, you know a Shankman? Yeah. Dude, that's wild.

[B]

I hope I find him.

[A]

Well, I hope that you find him also. Stu and Amy. The guy's been holding you, loving, you know, the guy's been watching you a one of the greatest moments of your life in his spare time on the L train, so.

[B]

That's right. Yeah.

[A]

Dude, do you think there's really something. Could be a cool show out there to make or create? People say this all the time, but of like something about finding old things on VHS and then.

[B]

Yeah, like found footage.

[A]

Yeah, dude, I worked with this one comedian. There had been like one of those Nigerian scams that had happened to his grandmother, mother and they taking a lot of her money. Right. You know those things that email you? Yeah, like I'm trapped in a petting zoo in Nigeria or something. They won't let me out or whatever. Send the money. So to get them back, he started doing these things where he would send them videos of things. And he said, if you do, I need you to do reenactments of this and then I'll pay you for it. But instead he would just have them do the reenactment and then he would just post a video online, right? No, but the best part was what he would send him was he would send him scenes from Seinfeld Right. So he would send, like, scenes from Seinfeld to, like, some people in Africa, like, in just a random village, and they would reenact the scenes.

[B]

No.

[A]

Yeah. And he had all these amazing.

[B]

You got to be kidding me.

[A]

He had all these amazing video clips, dude.

[B]

Oh, my God. Of an African village reenacting, like, Master of My Domain.

[A]

Yes. Or the parking one. Like, they had all these different ones that he was. And it was pretty great, dude. And so eventually it healed him. He's like, okay. At a certain point, we're kind of even, you know, but, dude. Because comedians can hold some grudges over the years, but, yeah, I've always been a little bit of a collector. You find something, you save, and you're like, ah, maybe I'm.

[B]

So you told me one time. I don't know if you remember this. You told me one time, in hindsight, now, I realized you were probably joking, but you were like, yeah, I have a marble notebook with the name of every person I've ever slept with in it.

[A]

Oh, damn. Really? Yeah.

[B]

And I'm like, get out of here. He's like, yeah, I'm. Yeah.

[A]

A marble notebook.

[B]

Yeah. You said you had a notebook. I. I remember in my head, I projected. It was like a. A me, you know, like a school notebook. You're like, yeah, it's. And I wrote. Written it down my whole life. And I'm like, you gotta be fucking kidding me. And you're like, no, I know. I know the exact number of people I slept with.

[A]

Really? Yeah.

[B]

Yeah. So you were fucking with me. I'm sure.

[A]

But I would. I was always kind of a documenter of things.

[B]

The number. And I remember the number you said. Yeah, I do. Yeah. Because it's really funny.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

It's really funny.

[A]

This is the only part. I can't believe that I would say something like this, but I want to hear it.

[B]

You want to know what you told me? I said. He said, I have every single name. I never miss the name. And I was like, you know the exact number you slept with? He said, yeah. Like, how many? He said, about 1050.

[A]

Really? Yeah.

[B]

And then you're like, I'm not good at it. But it was 1050, which is like. And I was hysterical level.

[A]

That's insane.

[B]

I was like, no one. I mean, it's like Will Chamberlain.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's insane, dude. Yeah. I don't even know if it was me, but I. I believe that I could have said this.

[B]

You told me this.

[A]

Oh, I did. Good.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Good.

[B]

Oh, shit.

[A]

I'm glad that at least I was.

[B]

You don't have a. I mean, your real number is not anywhere close to that. That's crazy.

[A]

Oh, dude. Yeah. I mean, yeah, I've always.

[B]

Like, 1050 is. It's the perfect theorem.

[A]

It's really the perfect number to say, dude. Because it's like. To go over a thousand.

[B]

It's a great, great.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Dude. I remember when I was growing up, they had this kid. His brother had slept with like 12 women or something, and people were losing their minds in our town. Yeah. We were cutting down trees and tickling people they shouldn't touch. And like, that.

[B]

That, like, that'll affect you.

[A]

Oh, dude. When you.

[B]

When you have like a. When you're. When you're of an age where no one's got that kind of number yet or maybe everyone's a virgin.

[A]

Oh, yeah.

[B]

And then one kid's like, I've slept with 12 people. You just like, I gotta. I gotta know all about.

[A]

Here we go.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[A]

Warren, I. Yeah, I'm just. Yeah, there's nothing. Yeah. Then my life is. Means nothing. You know, I'm working at Baskin Robbins or whatever, and some guy slept with 12 people.

[B]

12.

[A]

Me in Hades. Right? Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. That was hectic, dude. Dude, I was the worst at sex. Let me see. Let's look it up. High activity lifestyle. For a person averaging one new partner per week, it would take approximately 20 years to reach a thousand 50 partners. So, yeah, I l. A lot, bro. Dude, there was some years where I wouldn't even get involved in any sex. I was so bad at it. You.

[B]

You. You were bad at it. So you've come a long way.

[A]

I've come a long way, dude. Yeah. Yeah. I think. Well, for one.

[B]

Are you a generous lover? Yeah.

[A]

No.

[B]

No. Okay.

[A]

I'm not, dude. I'm like that. For me, this. I realized this the other day. I'm in, like, this. I'm in a recovery meeting for everything. So I was in one the other day. And people talk about this kind of stuff a lot and, like, intimacy disorders that. Right. Like, I'm out here. I'm basically like a. I'm like a crash test dummy. That's what I realized. Like, other people are like, living a life, and I am basically a crash test dummy out here.

[B]

Why do you feel that way?

[A]

Just because it's like, I feel like I'm never gonna figure out some of these parts and I'm just gonna be almost this, like, experiment. That kind of happens. You Know, and.

[B]

Right.

[A]

Like, I realized. I thought of loving. It was like a. It felt like a altercation. It's like an altercation you get in it. It has the same energy of like a.

[B]

Like a session.

[A]

Like a fight.

[B]

Intimate session.

[A]

Yeah, intimate session has like a sexual session, has like a little bit of a battle. Yeah, it's a fight. Not like, physically, like it's a fight, but just like the same amount of nervous energy that's in a fight.

[B]

Sure, sure, sure.

[A]

That's the energy that I take into like a sexual. So, like, if you. If you see me if working up and I just keep kind of ducking or dodging or if I duck off, I. Into the corner and have some guy I barely know rub Neosporin on my cheeks or whatever and put a thing of ice on the back of my neck or whatever.

[B]

You have a corner, man.

[A]

Yeah, just. Just know I'm doing the best that I can.

[B]

Just plugging your nose up.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Some guy is putting a cotton swab up my nose, but, dude. Yeah, I just. I. I was. I had so much nervous energy around women, bro.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

So that was crazy.

[B]

Dude. I love when they do it like in a UFC fight or like a boxing match, whatever, when they cut to the corner, right? And it's like, you know, you. And you hear everything that the. The corner guys say in the trainer say, it's always like, wildly inappropriate.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Like this, bro, you're gonna him up, man, this cunt. And then you're like. He's like, you stick your movie. Then you're like, home watching a fight with, like. Or you're somewhere, and it's like, you just don't expect to hear, like, this guy's a bro.

[A]

Yeah. You know, his mother passed away two months ago. Huh.

[B]

I was like, oh, learning.

[A]

You're like, damn. You know, his cousin has asthma, hit this little pussy, you know, like, they

[B]

said he'll be like, don't be a. I'm like, whoa.

[A]

I know.

[B]

Real in the corner gets real, but

[A]

it truly just sounds like that's what makes anybody think they could be a corner also. Some of those behaviors.

[B]

Yeah, Yeah, I could say that.

[A]

Cuz it. Yeah. It doesn't feel like there's a lot of real instruction coming over here.

[B]

So. Yeah. Sometimes you hear someone give really good pointers, and then you go to the other corner and they're just like, all right, bro. And you're like, what is this guy doing?

[A]

Yeah, they're saying nothing.

[B]

They're saying nothing to the guy.

[A]

I know. Yeah, that is pretty wild, dude. But yes, how Intimacy, bro. Some of that I was like, you know those fainting goats gets going too much and they just go over. Yeah, that's me.

[B]

Yeah, you hit like a thing and.

[A]

Oh, yeah, I hit like, about 30 volts or whatever.

[B]

Yeah, yeah,

[A]

I hit about.

[B]

Yo, what is a. What sound does a goat make?

[A]

Let me try it.

[B]

They have to she sheep, though. Does a goat and a sheep make the same noise?

[A]

I think goats are more curious, so I think it's more like. No, let me try it.

[B]

Really?

[A]

No, that's more like a.

[B]

But what does the sheep do then? So it's the same thing.

[A]

No, sheep. That. Goats.

[B]

Sheep's bad.

[A]

Oh, yeah, Sheep's bad.

[B]

But then the goat is bad. Am I crazy? I don't know this. I don't know the difference. Is it sheep? Sheep's not a goat.

[A]

A gay goat just like, bagger

[B]

that stupid street joke. What does a gay horse eat? Hey, it's so stupid, dude.

[A]

Some jokes like that, that were the best, bro. Getting to laugh is the best, man. That's the best thing, bro. Getting to laugh. The fact. One thing I will say, bro, about. About certain moments of life, like, I've just been grateful that God has put me around people that. That are just make me laugh.

[B]

Yeah, we, our friends, are the funniest people in the world. It's crazy.

[A]

It's crazy.

[B]

It really is. Yo. So I struggle on stage. I always. Sometimes I think about this. Like, I. I really in the moment on stage when I'm on stage, and I like to laugh. And so, like, I laugh, you know, throughout my set a lot. Then sometimes I'm like. Like, I don't think of it. It's just me being me. But, like, then a lot of times I'm like, I don't want to laugh. Laugh. Like, I don't want it to be like I'm laughing at my own stuff, but I really am in the moment, having a good time. But I'm like, I don't want that to come as across as a crutch. So sometimes I'll be like, all right, today, consciously, when you do, like, this hour, do not laugh. Do not laugh and just see how it plays. Like, don't laugh. Just, like, kind of keep, you know. Yeah. And see how it plays differently with. With, you know, the. Like, do you. Do you, like, are you in the moment when you're on stage where you laugh at your own. Will you laugh and, like, just have fun in the moment, or you, like, kind of like, keep it, like, this Persona. Of, like. Because when you, like, tell your stories and stuff. Stuff, you have a, like, you know, you have a certain energy and vibe, the way you do it.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

But you. Do you ever, like, just get, like, do you think about that on stage?

[A]

I do.

[B]

So you, like, consciously don't. Won't laugh or, like, will you just, like, laugh?

[A]

I'd like to laugh more. I used to think, like, especially when I was coming up in comedy, you hear about all these things that are kind of crutches.

[B]

You don't want to.

[A]

Yeah. Some people write their notes like, well, that's a crutch. And it's like, well, that's a crutch. Well, also, how about this? Somebody's getting up in front of you and trying to. To make a room full of people laugh.

[B]

Right.

[A]

I don't care if they're on crutches. Eight crutches. I don't care if they're. I don't care if there's one person in two wheelchairs. Let them. If there's things that help them, I think it. To me, I think it's okay.

[B]

Yeah. Well, I don't like that. I'm not doing it as a crisis. What I'm saying is, like, I naturally laugh.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And so I have to fight my natural instinct.

[A]

Don't ever fight your laughter. Your laugh is. Your laugh is one that warms people. It's like. It's extra you. You know, so that, I think, is a gift. And I think some of these people, they've gotten to know some of us in. And they may be. They may feel happy that we're in a room laughing, you know, just like they are, you know.

[B]

Yeah. I'm having a good time.

[A]

Yeah. I say laugh, dude. I notice if. And I'll even be conscious of it sometimes, like, oh, this sets. Not going that great in the beginning. And sometimes, like, dude, it's because you're not having fun.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

So let myself have fun.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

And let me be the person that's saying the jokes. Really? Sometimes I'll try to almost transpose myself and pretend like I'm just sitting there laughing at the jokes.

[B]

Right.

[A]

And then just almost like. I don't know, because in the person I always wanted, I wanted to be the person sitting there laughing. But to me, I've always had, like, you know, sometimes there's like a chip almost or some type of growing up, this bang that. That, you know. Yeah. And so I was always like, you know, or being judgmental, whatever. So so you end up on the other end of the thing. I'm going to be the guy who's being a part of making the laughter. But either way I'm happy to be involved in the laughter. And I think it's okay if you laugh with a crutch or some people say it's crutch. I don't. I find it, especially as I get older, if I get a chance to laugh.

[B]

Yeah. But I think that's. That's what I'm saying.

[A]

That was a lot of to say.

[B]

No, I think just making the distinction of like I'm on stage having a good time. Like not with intent. Like some people will laugh.

[A]

150 is crazy.

[B]

Crazy.

[A]

Yeah. That's a crazy thing to say.

[B]

I thought about it ever since you told me.

[A]

Did you really?

[B]

Yeah. Have I. I retain the knowledge, bro.

[A]

You know how scary would be if one woman came over to my house every week to hook up? That would make me so paranoid.

[B]

Sounded crazy to me when you said it.

[A]

I knew that every week some gal was coming over for sex. Dude, I would fucking have to keep moving.

[B]

It's off putting.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

You're like, oh my. Too much.

[A]

It's too much. The schedule's too insane.

[B]

Too much, man. Yeah, that's a. That's a lot hanging over your head, man. Every week. Oh, I get anxiety thinking about that

[A]

and hearing them peel off in disappointment to hearing the grass.

[B]

They leave in a hurry.

[A]

Yeah. And you don't even have gravel. They're so pissed. They went and bought gravel and put it under their tires.

[B]

I love that every time someone leaves you house, have the sex, they peel out of here.

[A]

Yeah. Dude, bro, my uncle, he was supposed to get graveling. He accidentally got a bunch of like fish, whatever. That stuff that goes to the bottom of pellets. Yeah. Fish cake. Fish. Fish food. Yeah.

[B]

Like the fish koi.

[A]

Yeah. Not that goes in a fish.

[B]

Oh, oh, the fish gravel. Fish tank gravel.

[A]

Yeah, he got fish tank gravel, dude. And his wife was so pissed. But it was irreturnable, bro. And dude, they fought about that. But hearing people fight over. Yeah. And your fish gravel. You and your fish gravel, James. Yeah, just hearing like hearing terms like that you and your shitty little fish grab.

[B]

Yeah, yeah. Fighting over gravel. Yeah, just fish gravel.

[A]

Hearing any people fight over gravel? Just. God, that's the kind of. That keeps me going.

[B]

I have. I had a fish. My niece, you know when they have like the fair at school.

[A]

Yes. They'll festival and they give you. Those fish are about to die. They Give them the children.

[B]

That's. It's messed up. You throw like a ping pong ball in a cup and then they send the kid home with a bag of fish. And like, these fish are just dying. And so my niece brought home a fish and I knew this shit was gonna die because like I, when I did it, when I was a kid, I could never keep a fish alive because I didn't have a setup. I'd come home, put the fish in a bowl.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And then. Not really understand. It needs a filter and it needs to be aerated. And then the fish would eventually die. I would feed it like bread, you know, and then it would die. One time I brought a fish home and I was, was like, I don't know if I've ever told the story, but like I, I brought a fish home from school and I, I was like, I knew that the previous fish had died and I thought it. Because they didn't have bubbles, which, which in my head I was like, it needs bubbles. I didn't think it needed like air.

[A]

Right.

[B]

It needs bubbles. So I got home, my mom wasn't home yet. So I put a big salad bowl, I put the fish in it and I got a straw and I was going to tell my mom, we have to go to the thing to buy the, you know, this fish store to buy the stuff so this fish survives. But I needed to bridge the gap till. So I took a straw and for like three hours, I blew into the, into the bowl. But I was blowing carbon dioxide into the bowl and I killed the fish immediately. So the fish died within hours because I was just hitting it with CO2 out of my mouth. So my niece brought this fish home. Years later. I'm like, I'm not gonna let this happen again. I went and got the setup and I ended up having this fish for seven years. And then I moved. Fish came with me. And then one day the fish was dead.

[A]

And I.

[B]

Out of nowhere though, it like died out of nowhere.

[A]

And no reasoning.

[B]

No. I just cleaned the tank. It was very healthy fish. And I, I think there was foul play. I really do think so.

[A]

No way.

[B]

I think someone put like. Because I tested the PH battle, I would do all that.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And then after I cleaned it and then like I had people over and then like, it was dead. And then I think it was like someone like poured something in the tank. I said, then I didn't want to flush the fish because I had a 70 year old relationship with the fish.

[A]

Oh, yeah.

[B]

And so I didn't want to flush. I was going to bury it. I might have told this, but I was going to bury it. But I didn't want to bury in the yard because it's summer and I didn't want to decompose and smell. So I wrapped it in tin foil I put in my freezer. That was like, it's. That's come closing in on it's fifth, like 15 to 20 years ago. And I never got rid of the fish.

[A]

It's still with.

[B]

I have a. I have a goldfish, a frozen goldfish in my freezer.

[A]

No.

[B]

For over 15 years. That fish is still in my freezer right now. And I moved three times, and I took it with me.

[A]

What?

[B]

Yes. I had to put them in, like, on ice.

[A]

And, like, moving is hard on everyone.

[B]

It is hard. I have the fish.

[A]

Oh, my God.

[B]

I have a dead fish for over 15 years in my freezer right now.

[A]

You know it's in your freezer?

[B]

No, exactly where it is in my freezer.

[A]

It's beautiful. It is, man.

[B]

I took it out on hey babe. One time. I took it out for the first time. I. I never unwrapped it in all 15 years. And we opened it on hey babe. And it was. It was. It was. It was tough. It was a goldfish, but it, like, lost a lot of its gold. It was like a pale gold and like, the eyes were kind of gone.

[A]

Oh.

[B]

I guess over time, I guess in

[A]

the freezer, God takes the gold back or whatever.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[A]

But what. There you are, right there.

[B]

That's Covid. You could tell, right?

[A]

Yeah. You look very rabbinical right there as well. Dude. Oh, my God, bro. It definitely has like a Michael Jackson tint to it. Crazy.

[B]

Did you see it?

[A]

Yeah, I can see just a little bit of it there. Yeah. Show me that, dude. You know. Oh, my God. Wow.

[B]

Yeah. A poor fish.

[A]

Oh, it's cool. What was its name?

[B]

I didn't name it. And I. Because that was another thing. Every fish I had prior I named died, so I called him fish for seven years.

[A]

I like that.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I at least like the fact you took on a new strategy to keep him alive.

[B]

Yeah. I was trying everything I could, and we had seven nice years. He used to eat at him. My hand. Yeah. I don't know if it was really, because we had a bond. I think they would just do that anyway. But I like to think it was because we got close.

[A]

And how do you do it? You put your hand in there.

[B]

I put my hand right in. I Like hold the flake and put it in. It would just come out.

[A]

You're lying.

[B]

No, no, I swear. It's really not that big a deal. I don't think.

[A]

I think it is. It's like a drive thru for. I feel like it's like going to a drive.

[B]

It felt like a trick. It felt like I had a. I, I had a. Like a. You know how a flea circus or something.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

It felt like I had a fish that did true tricks.

[A]

Well, dude, we had the Acro Cats lady. She came on here once.

[B]

What is that?

[A]

This lady, she's been traveling on the acro cats like 20 years or something and she's. She should drive the tour bus. That the cats were in a tour bus?

[B]

No.

[A]

Yes, that the cats were in. And I'm paraphrasing a little bit here, but one of the toughest shows that you have, one of the tough experiences. She's on the road somewhere. Somebody had left the window open, maybe from smoking or a cigarette or something. And Tuna, the lead cat, gets out.

[B]

No way.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And she lost the cat.

[A]

Couldn't find it. No way. And the show must go on too. She had like three hours before. So like there's another cat's understudy. Yeah, Tuna's understudy or whatever. I don't even remember.

[B]

Chicken salad.

[A]

Yeah, it was just like tilapia or something. Was the understudy.

[B]

Yo, that's crazy.

[A]

He's got to come in and he's always, you know, he's Italian, so he's got to come in doing his tilapia,

[B]

you know, like his big break. Yes, Tuna. Yeah, dude, but they might have taken Tuna out. She thinks Tuna got away. But they might have. They might have been. They might have been. Foul play there. That's crazy too, because Tuna was a star. And once he leaves and he goes into the open road like that, everyone he passes has no idea who he is. And that's a star cat amongst you.

[A]

It's almost like a story from the Bible when they didn't know who Jesus was. Yeah, you know, that's pretty cool, dude. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That is amazing, bro. Yeah. I wonder what his cloud is like out in the wilderness though. And other animals like, oh, that's Tuna.

[B]

That's Tuna.

[A]

Damn. That's Tuna working out on the street like, dang, bro. Tuna out here, bro.

[B]

Tuna out here.

[A]

Damn. He real like that. He in the trenches, cut like Tuna outside.

[B]

Tuna got out. But dude, Tuna is not about that life anymore.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, bro.

[B]

What was the last Pet. You had. You have pet now? No, you can't ever up at. Now.

[A]

No, I never.

[B]

On the road too much, right?

[A]

Yeah, I've never. I plan to get a dog.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And this has been a slow feeling for me, but I plan to get a dog and maybe a cat if I can get a wife and not if one day I'll get a wife and I'm gonna have a family. But I would like to get a dog and cat, and it doesn't all have to happen together or whatever.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

But I think if. If I don't get married or something, maybe I'll get a dog and cat and maybe something else. I wouldn't mind getting a couple horses, probably.

[B]

Oh, wow. You ride horses?

[A]

I wouldn't ride them, but I would go over by them.

[B]

Yeah. You go next to them, talk to them.

[A]

Yeah. Just be like, brush them. Brush them, Clean them.

[B]

Let me ask you a question. If I see a horse that's not in the wild, it's got on horseshoes. Every horse in captivity has on horseshoes.

[A]

That's a good question. Or is it just, like, parade horses and horses that are, like, going out on the town or whatever? I'm not sure. Look it up. That's a great question. This guy I know, Mr. Mike, is a farrier.

[B]

And what is a farrier?

[A]

A farrier is the guy that comes in and puts the shoes on the horses.

[B]

Oh, really? Really? Yeah, that's called a farrier.

[A]

Trims the toenails and everything. I got stuck on farrier talk for a while, and, dude, half my feed was farriers.

[B]

No way.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Oh, I didn't know that's what they were called. I thought they were, like, cobblers or something.

[A]

No, no, no. I think cobblers is for suing humans, and fairies is for shoeing. I don't know if it's just for animals. No. Not all horses need shoes. Whether a horse requires shoes depends on factors like workload, hoof, hoof health, genetics, and terrain.

[B]

I could see how hoof health would be a factor. I mean, you got a pair of weak hooves, you need protection.

[A]

Oh, dude, if my feet are real tender, I want them on.

[B]

Yeah. Also you want that clippity clop. You know, I don't think you. I don't know if you get a clippity clop without the. Without the shoe.

[A]

Dude, you telling me a kind of thick.

[B]

They're like, tap dancing.

[A]

A thick horse from Atlanta ain't pulling up with that clip.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Type.

[B]

Yeah, yeah. What about those? Really? What are the Coca Cola horses, like, at Christmas.

[A]

Crosdale, Clyde, Clydesdale.

[B]

Yeah, that's a. That. That's. That's a clippity clop right there.

[A]

That horse. You're like, dude, when that horse shows up, bro, people. Some people salute it.

[B]

I would salute it.

[A]

You're like, yeah, that's. And that's interesting to have that between

[B]

man and you have confidence in your salute. Yeah, I did a. I did a. A show for the Naval Academy recently, and they asked me to take a picture of the man salute. And you see salutes in, like, movies and. And really in life, but, like, I feel like there's a way they do it that, like, it looks like it's just. You just do this, but I don't know if this is right. Like, some of them do that or like, like, is. Is there a proper way to salute? Like, are we saluting the right way right now? Or is it like. I got nervous because I was like, I don't want to insult these people and salute the wrong way. Like, you tuck your finger in like you always said, what are you. What are you doing with the salute?

[A]

That's a good question.

[B]

And they do it like, you know, when someone's. Guys, like, like, it's like super, like, locked in.

[A]

Like, the Koreans do that.

[B]

Really locked. Like, you know.

[A]

They do, yeah. Position of attention. So my hands are to my side, arms are straight down.

[B]

When I raise my hand to salute, it's going to be flat hands, not

[A]

like thumbs not tucked underneath my hand, like kind of stuff. So we raising it up.

[B]

And then because I'm wearing headgear, my

[A]

index finger is going to come to the edge of my headgear. Arm is at a 45 degree angle. Hand slightly can it down. Not facing up, not facing down, no, just like this. I get my greeting and I draw my salute. Now, that is how it's like for wearing headgear. If I was wearing something like maybe no headgear or maybe the beret, but because I have glasses, then has to come to the edge of my glasses. If I was wearing the beret or maybe no headgear, also don't wear glasses, then it come up to the edge of my eyebrows. So it depends. Braces. If you, you know, he's like, if

[B]

you have a scrunchie or whatever, the

[A]

scrunchie one's the best because you put it in the bag. You're like, hey.

[B]

You're like, hey, yeah, Yeah. I was, I was self conscious. I've always been self conscious conscious about My salute. You ever ride a horse bareback? That's probably fun. That takes skill right there.

[A]

Somebody around. Somebody got a horse somehow by us one time and we got on that.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And we did pretty good. We didn't do good bareback, though. Yeah, bareback. We tried to get a saddle or something. Somebody put like a thing like that. Nobody had a saddle. We shouldn't have had this horse. They had a corner, like a fair that was near us. And I think one had kind of gotten away from the fair. Somebody brought it down there. Yeah. Being down there drinking with like the car, the carnies and stuff the night before. And so they kept it by this dude, Mr. Ernie's house. And we went over there and we were all getting on and it was pretty friendly. When I think in hindsight it could have been really dangerous.

[B]

I almost died on a horse.

[A]

You did?

[B]

Yeah. On a class trip in like 8th grade, they put me on a horse that started like full rodeoing.

[A]

Who put you on a horse?

[B]

The, the, the, the dude ranch that we went to for the trip. They put me on a horse and this horse. I'm, I'm in eighth, seventh, eighth grade. I have no horse experience walking whatsoever. I, I, I get on the horse, the horse is bucking, jumping up and down, kicking and bucking.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And I'm, I'm looking around like everyone's there. All the other students are on horses that are just sitting right, like, just chilling. And then the, the cowboys are there and they didn't even react quickly. Like they, they were like, I was like looking at them and they were looking at me. I would basically like when the rodeo thing opens and the horse is like, oh, yeah, that's what this horse was doing.

[A]

A lot of horses don't, but they don't prefer Italians, I'll say that. Yeah.

[B]

And it's, you know, whatever.

[A]

No judgment.

[B]

A lot of, a lot of children don't are allergic to Mexicans.

[A]

Yeah, but, yeah. Avocados.

[B]

Yeah. No, no, but I, I remember it wasn't like, you know, like the rodeo, rodeo, but it was enough for like an 8th grader to be terrified. And I'm like looking at these guys like, is anyone going to step in at all? And the guy was just like. And I remember being like, help. I finally just said, help. And then the guy was like, all right, just calm down. I'm like, this is how you treat a 12 year old? You can tell me to calm down. I'm just, I'm going to be thrown from this hole horse like and then they got, they got me off that horse and they gave me the most senior citizen horse they had. Like, the back was like slumped inward.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And then my. I got on that horse. The horse walked up to a tree and started eating the leaves and then would. It didn't leave and like everyone went on the trail and that horse wouldn't leave the tree and just ate the. Yeah. I just stood there on a horse.

[A]

Like yours was like rosemary or something. Years.

[B]

It was like, it was like. Yeah, glue stick.

[A]

Yours had a brooch on.

[B]

Yeah, I would never get on a horse barrel.

[A]

Dang, dude. That's wild, bro. Yeah. Horses, I think they're probably the most. The. The best animal that we have until we come out with a new animal. Like until they catch a dragon or make something. Yeah. And. And we did have a neighbor, my friend William had a fish. And I remember and when it. It died and they went and buried it at the Long John Silver's and like the flower bed outside of there. I remember.

[B]

Well, that's an interesting choice.

[A]

Remember that restaurant?

[B]

Yeah, of course. But it's a seafood restaurant. Yeah, yeah. So I mean like, it's a little bit. We like.

[A]

It was like the closest thing I think people thought like.

[B]

Yeah, well, it's nice that they had the flower bed.

[A]

Yeah. Like bring it back with his community. Like just outside of the parking mediums, they had a little bit of like kind of semi designed foliage right there.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, that's always nice. A little extra touch.

[A]

But I remember his dad took us over there and we put that. And we put it there and did like a prayer or something. I think we might have saluted, looted too.

[B]

Yeah. Salute that fish.

[A]

We don't even know, dude. Yeah, you had to salute that thing. You know, Shout out ljs, bro.

[B]

I feel like horses are like, they're on a lot of like romance novel covers. Like bareback. Bareback. Horse riding is exotic.

[A]

I feel like it's also mythological. I think the bot. The things that will happen in your body. You want to talk about checking yourself for testicular cancer, but it like a,

[B]

like a, like a nude woman on a horse. Bareback. That's very exotic, right?

[A]

Yeah. Because I think you think of the stallion and like I'm gonna be the stallion. I'm, you know, I'm gonna sleep with 10, 50 women. You know what I'm saying? It's like.

[B]

Yeah, I would, I would, I would take notice if a woman rode by like Metopolis on the bare back on a horse. I would probably Pay attention. I would probably, I would probably follow the part because it's very interesting.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I wouldn't just like let that go by. I'm gonna find out where this is gonna end up.

[A]

I'd want to see what would happen. Dude, did you see, speaking of mythological things, did you see that Artemis space shuttle went to the moon? Do you think that really happened or not? Let's take a gander at it.

[B]

I think it happened. It's. It.

[A]

I mean, because people are, people are very weary now. Well, first let me start. Do you think the first moon land happen?

[B]

I do because.

[A]

Bring up the shuttle. Bring up a picture of the shuttle. I'm sure you've looked at the shuttle

[B]

and been like, yeah, but I also like when you look at these things and sometimes I'm like, ah, maybe I could be convinced otherwise. You know what I mean? Like, it's crazy that we haven't gone back. We went there now and just didn't we just drive around it. We didn't get off. Right.

[A]

Yeah. They just went for like a look see or whatever.

[B]

Yeah. That's why I would never ever, ever. No matter what you could do, say you could. I would never go into space. Never.

[A]

Which one of the jokers do you think would go into space if they had to go Mer?

[B]

I don't think he has. I don't think he really.

[A]

Yeah, just say it.

[B]

He's. He's crazy like that.

[A]

He's got it.

[B]

Yeah, he's. He, he'll. He'd go up there. I wouldn't. But I think that he's always looking for something new. Yeah. Imagine what they must have felt like. I just saw that movie, that new Ryan Gosling movie. Like, it's like, is it he goes into space.

[A]

Well, all they do is take beautiful men and put them out in a space dude.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

A lot of these movies, it's Matt Damon, it's Ryan Gosling, it's Steven Tyler. They just take these good looking guys and they.

[B]

Or what's his name? Well, well. Right. All right.

[A]

Oh yeah. Ma went to space.

[B]

Interstellar, right?

[A]

That's when, you know, Hollywood's like, this guy's good looking enough. We'll take him and show him off to the other planets, you know?

[B]

Yeah. Yeah.

[A]

I can't even imagine trying to pick up a new market, you know, go out.

[B]

I mean, I would be, but look at that. Terrified, bro.

[A]

Yeah, I'd be terrified too, dude, if I went to space in a lifeguard tower from Santa Monica beach.

[B]

That's it.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

That looks.

[A]

Yeah, look at it. Can you zoom on it?

[B]

It looks like a toy, like a Transformer or something, bro. Yeah, that doesn't. That doesn't look like it. I don't have confidence.

[A]

Come on, dude. That's not even a food truck.

[B]

That looks flimsy, bro. Those little, like, legs and stuff. Like, how do you get up there and be like. Like, man, I would feel like the existential threat of the. Of the universe on my shoulders.

[A]

Like, dude, they put. They didn't even put horseshoes on it. Dude, that thing is. Look at the legs of it.

[B]

Can you imagine being up there alone and. No, see, this is the thing, too. Like, they went up there, they did a couple of loop de loops. But then that doesn't necessarily mean, like, coming back is hard. Yeah, it's risky coming back. So, like, you're signing up. I'm. I'm sorry. Like, none of those people can say for certain certainty that they. I wonder what the. What the odds were that they could be. It could go south. Yeah, Like, I bet you it wasn't like, 99. Like, I bet you it was like, all right, it's like 70, 30, like, you might explode on the way home, right? That's. That's crazy, dude. Do you have to imagine me coming home and see Earth and you're like, all right, like, and then. And then. Then it goes, dude, when I was in. When I was a kid, we watched the Challenger live.

[A]

No.

[B]

It screwed school. You know, we all watched it, and we watched it live, and it blew up, and it was like, I. The teachers, everyone just started crying. I was like. We were like, what we. Trying to wrap our head around. That was like, third grade or something. Trying to wrap my head around the fact that, like, there was a school teacher in there and they just blew up. Remember this? On live television. Yeah. That's wild.

[A]

It was a pet. Wasn't there also a puppy in there?

[B]

Was there?

[A]

I thought that they sent a puppy in there. Well, I can't believe that we even did this right now. To me, it just feels like. It's like. It's funny. We can't send help into Gaza, but we can send the Artemis, too, to go circle around the. The moon. Like that, to me, is like, what do we.

[B]

What. What was the purpose of the mission, do you know?

[A]

It's a great question. Let's look it up.

[B]

It. It wasn't just like.

[A]

And I'm sorry, There was no live animal on the space shuttle Challenger during the final flight in 1986.

[B]

God, bless those people and their families.

[A]

Yeah, I know, man. Can you imagine. Let's have a moment of that. Let's. Can you imagine that like we're sending, like. Because you could, you could probably get in, like, let me be honest, be honest with you. If they pick some people to go to space right now. Right?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And Murray gets sick or whatever something happened to him, he gets it happening.

[B]

With me, I wouldn't even go like out of this little. Just right above the atmosphere. I wouldn't even do that. I wouldn't do that. Katy Perry went to space. She. I don't know, I read yesterday she went to space.

[A]

People said that they went to space, but that was so. It was very light.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

That was very sketch. Like waving at people. There was like friends coming up to the edge. I was like, this isn't in space.

[B]

Like that's. You go. Would you go?

[A]

I don't know. We're this planet up so much. We don't need to be exporting whatever we're doing.

[B]

I don't need to. I don't believe I. Like we belong on a rocket.

[A]

Yes. Right now.

[B]

You know what I'm saying? Like I, I still, I still getting war. I'm still getting used to flying.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

In planes.

[A]

Do you know what I do think, though? Oh, this is a good question. Let's, let's answer this for people. The ARTEMIS mission are NASA's current program to return humans to the moon and use it as a stepping stone for future, future trips to Mars.

[B]

Inhabit another planet. We're not going to. You can't. But. So why are we going up there? I guess, you know, I guess we're.

[A]

But that's. I don't like that when somebody's like, hey, I want to come visit you. But really they're just staying overnight so they can go visit somebody else further away.

[B]

I don't like something I've ever thought about that.

[A]

Well, that's what we're doing. It says carry out the moon to Mars strategy. Land astronauts on the moon. We're basically using the moon for a place to relax for a little while. Establish a sustainable long term human presence on the, the moon rather than just short term flags and footprints visit like the Apollo dog. Some of this. Flags and footprints also was the name of the all male dance team at, at Covington High School when I was there.

[B]

Yeah, that's, that's pretty good.

[A]

They were St. Chance. Yeah. Yeah.

[B]

Who's gonna go? How do you. Okay. Let's say, let's say we get to the point, right?

[A]

We get to the point. I interrupt you?

[B]

No, no, no. I'm say. Let's say we get to the point where. Where people, like, are ready to move up there. It's like, okay, how. How many. Who's going up there first? With what? Like, what are you going up there with? Some two by fours. Like, you got to build a brick and mortar. Like, you got to build a house. You got to have some type of currency. You got to have like a. A bank, a restaurant. Like, who, who's. Who's going up there building that stuff? Like, you need enough. And then you need enough people. Like, I don't understand. I don't understand. I don't understand. How many people do you need to inhabit the moon at the exact same time to make it a thing? Where people live there and go about their daily lives there. Like, what's it going to be like? Or is it just going to be, like, prehistoric at first? You, like, signing up to go up there and live in a tent and, like, just live off the land and have no entertainment?

[A]

Like, you mean like, like, like that thing they do in the desert every year?

[B]

What is it, like Burning Man?

[A]

Like Burning Man?

[B]

Yeah. It's like, what.

[A]

How.

[B]

How do you properly inhabit, like, you

[A]

know, brother, this is for the elite elites, so. Yeah, yeah, yeah, this is for the elites, you know, they're not bringing a couple giggle monkeys like us up there. This is for the elites. I think this is like, they're planning to do, like. Like they can't do an Epstein's island anymore. I think they're looking for, like, Epstein's Orb, you know? We're gonna find a place where we can really be nasty out here.

[B]

Yeah, it's like maritime law out there.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's like. Yeah. You're in the international water. Right? International air.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

So I think that, like, I don't know. There is a big part of me, dude, that. And I really. There's a big part of me that questions this. Doesn't believe, but it questions it.

[B]

Like, you don't think we went?

[A]

I don't know if we went. I do believe in one. They're trying to distract us from a lot of the horrible things that are going on in the world right now that we're a part of.

[B]

Sure.

[A]

So I do think that there's some of that, because there's a lot of these weird things. Like one lady's mother gets kidnapped. They can't find her, you know, but they can tell you where your doordash Order is missing and where it's been or whatever. But you can't find one lady's wife.

[B]

Wild that she's still.

[A]

But she disappears from a porch, you got nothing.

[B]

Right, Right. But we're going to move to the moon, right?

[A]

But we're going to move to the moon. Yeah. I think there's like, some of it's that. It's like, oh, we need a trip to the moon. That'll get. Get people excited. You know what I'm saying? Like something to distract us.

[B]

The pictures look crazy though. You saw the pictures of.

[A]

Yep, I have seen them. Bring some of them up.

[B]

That's why it's wild. It's like.

[A]

But I think, yeah, it could be that maybe something is. Do you ever start to worry that something is going to happen to Earth and that. That's why there's like. I mean, because it's kind of. It seems like a weird time to send some people out to look at the moon. Do agree.

[B]

I think anytime. I don't know if there's ever a right time. I mean, I guess I agree with you. I. I'm always thinking something's going to happen.

[A]

I think maybe right after Christmas or something. He's sitting up.

[B]

They always have those. They always have those things where it's like those predictions from like Aristotle. Like, it's like, you know, or like they predicted in the future. Nostradamus. Yeah. And it's like, have they come true?

[A]

That's a good question, dude. Oh, these are some of the folks photos. I mean, bro, it's pretty wild that we're out here like that. And dude, you're telling me this. Hold on. You're telling me the best we can do is some guy takes this with his thumb in front of the thing. That's the kind of. That makes me feel like. I know. It makes me feel.

[B]

I would have deleted that one. I would have deleted that one, you know, like.

[A]

Yeah, dude.

[B]

Yeah, man. I can't imagine seeing that with my own eyes, though. That's wild.

[A]

And then the moon, bro, that is vibey, though. She's mixed. Yeah, she's mixed for sure, dude. Oh, look at that. I don't know, dude. I don't. I mean, I think I'm. I think.

[B]

Who wants to live there? It's just.

[A]

I don't know, it looks like. I don't know, maybe.

[B]

You ever do zero grand gravity? Like, you ever do that floating around, like the space?

[A]

No, I've never done it.

[B]

Have you? No, my buddy did it. He said it's, it's one of the craziest things he's ever felt in his life. Imagine just flying, just flying in this room right now. Like if you just stood up and pushed. If you pushed yourself off the chair and just you started floating over there. It's got to be wild.

[A]

As long as I make that sound while I float. If I don't make that sound, bro, I don't believe it.

[B]

I want to do that. I would really want to do that. Like to at least feel that sensation.

[A]

I wonder if. Dude, I can't even imagine like some of the fan, like imagine like you're the children. This is kind of sad, but I don't mean it in like a real sad way. I guess I just mean it in some curiosity of emotion. Like your parent or your brother or something is like going up to the moon at that time because the Challenger, like, was it headed to the moon? Great question. Huh? Where was it headed?

[B]

I feel like. Yes, because where else would it be going, bro?

[A]

They were blasting people out into whatever it would be like, you know, they were just, they were just trying to get like shoot extra scenes for air bud up there.

[B]

They were doing all this.

[A]

The space shuttle was designed at a low Earth orbit space truck and did not have the engine power, fuel capacity to reach the moon. No, the Challenger was not headed to the moon. The shuttle mission that tragically ended in a disaster was scheduled for a six day mission in orbit around Earth to deploy a communications satellite and study Halley's comet.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

Wow. Imagine how excited you must have been. I wonder if they were scared before. Is there any interviews of those people right before they left?

[B]

Oh, geez. Yeah.

[A]

Just to also kind of honor them a little bit. What date did that happen as well? Trevin, do you know? 80.

[B]

I feel like it was, was like mid, mid. 86.

[A]

Wow. 86. So we're coming up on a 40 year anniversary of it.

[B]

First ordinary citizen. I mean, are you expected to be the ordinary speaker who's out there? That was a year after Amy and Stu Shankman got married. That was what, two months after Amy and Stu Shankman got married.

[A]

Okay. This is Chris Christa McOf McCullough.

[B]

The teaching profession and students and the whole country is really going to benefit from this. We hopefully are going to know an

[A]

awful lot more about what life is

[B]

like aboard the shuttle.

[A]

Coffee. Sounds like she's from Rhode Island a little bit. Where was she from?

[B]

Yeah, you're right.

[A]

That's pretty close.

[B]

Isn't that close? That's really close. Yeah, still close.

[A]

Close enough.

[B]

Yeah. Rhode Island. It's right there.

[A]

She reminded me, the lady. It was like cold coffee, iced coffee. You seen that lady? I think we talked about this before. You haven't? No. Bring up the lady at the Dunkin Donuts that burned down. Sorry, this, this is the problem with the Internet, dude. We're trying to pay hom homage or homage to Krista McAuliffe and then bring up that. Yeah. Duncan dun on it with my boy Dutch. Dude, you never seen this?

[B]

No.

[A]

This is jilled on this. I got to tell the lore of it. Jim Norton put us on this and this is carried on now for like almost 10 years when a Dunkin Donuts burned down in Shamokin. Coffee shop in Shamokin is closed following an arson over the weekend. Police say a teenager is responsible for all that damage.

[B]

He's watch 16's Nikki Cries joins us

[A]

live from the central Pennsylvania newsroom with more tonight.

[B]

Nikki, Julie, a lot of people in Shamokin are upset that Dunkin Donuts is closed because they didn't have anywhere else to go for coffee and donuts. Today we also learn new information about the teenage girl charged with setting the place on fire. Yellow tape surrounds the Dunkin Donuts on West Sunbury street in Shamokin. The popular donut shop is closed until further note notice because of extensive fire damage.

[A]

There's a lot of people that's definitely gonna miss it.

[B]

No doubt about it. A teenager is charged with starting a fire inside the restaurant on Saturday night. Shamokin police officer Ray Psycho says no one was has extensive damage. Psycho says the fire was started inside the women's bathroom. The toilet paper dispenser was lit on

[A]

fire and within about a minute the

[B]

entire place was filled up with smoke. Feels fake.

[A]

Mother did explain that she's recently been put on new medication. For what reason?

[B]

A 13 year old who admitted to setting the fire is currently at a juvenile detention. They're showing blurred pictures people who live in Shimo. Dunkin Donuts is closed now. I have to rely on myself to

[A]

go to maybe a turkey hill or something where I don't like their donuts. I'd rather the donuts at Dunkin Donuts dealing with it. But I really miss Dunkin Donuts. This guy's the best though. Boy. This is my boy Dutch Smith right here, bro.

[B]

Chicken baker, croissant or I get some

[A]

coffee Powerade if I'm dehydrated.

[B]

I sit there all the time. If I have any like legal work that I Need to do. I go there. I need my attorneys. Legal work. They say legal work. I sit there all the time. If I have any like legal work that I need to do, I go there, I meet with my attorneys there.

[A]

And then this is a lady and Jim Norton dressed up like this lady for Halloween.

[B]

Oh, no. Did he?

[A]

Yeah, one year. Which was the best thing I've ever seen. I hope he does it again. Allegedly. And. But let's. Let's start at the beginning of her again. I'm gonna miss that place when if it don't open up and a lot of my friends go in there, get the cold coffee, the iced coffee, I guess it's called.

[B]

People miss their. Yeah, they.

[A]

There you go. Oh, my gosh, dude. But when she said coffee, it reminded me a little bit of.

[B]

Of. Of.

[A]

Yeah. Oh, and go look at the comments on there. Is there any great comments on their Google reviews? There's got to be.

[B]

Oh, so funny. Went for a donut. Place burned down.

[A]

No, I said that.

[B]

No, no, I'm saying two stars.

[A]

Here we go. Not open due to being set on fire, but other. But otherwise a classy place to hydrate, or so I'm told. That Nicholas Sorty right there. Now I have to rely on myself to go to maybe a turkey hill where I don't like their donuts. Or I rather the donuts at Dunkin Donuts. And I'm kind of dealing with it, but I really miss Dunkin Donuts. Shout out, Felix. Oh, it's the best, dude.

[B]

Dude, you said air bud before. It made me think like there was so many dog movies when I was growing up. So many dog celebrities. Right in tin, right? Yeah, the Chihuahua, you know. Are there any more talk about you all? Yeah. What happened?

[A]

Remember him?

[B]

They talk about again.

[A]

They talk about you all. You don't remember him?

[B]

I remember him. I brought him up.

[A]

Turner and Hooch.

[B]

Dude. What happened to dog Hollywood? What happened to dog Hollywood? Lassie, Benji, Cujo, Clifford, airplane, bud, spuds, McKenzie. It was all these dog dogs, like big, big dog personalities.

[A]

Heathcliff, Snoopy.

[B]

Snoopy, yeah.

[A]

The other ones.

[B]

Yeah, there's more.

[A]

There's more. All dogs go to heaven. There was Turner and Hooch. Turner and Hooch.

[B]

But I'm saying like they were like big bankable dog stars.

[A]

Right?

[B]

You know, you don't see that much anymore.

[A]

That's a great point. Yeah. I wonder what happened. Why are there no more animal stars in Hollywood? Animal stars are disappearing from Hollywood primarily due to the rise of sophisticated CGI and AI.

[B]

Ah, I don't know if I feel

[A]

like that's true, though.

[B]

Yeah. I mean. Yeah. Because it's not the same. You don't need to. You know what I mean?

[A]

Right. People know the love of a dog. They want that. Yeah. You can't replace it.

[B]

Right? Yeah. I think. I think we're primed and ready for our next big dog star.

[A]

Imagine the tour he would go on.

[B]

Is Air Bud still doing. Is Air Bud still doing it?

[A]

I don't know. I know. I read the other day that they're gonna get that some dogs now live longer based on some new medicines that they're giving them. They can live a lot longer.

[B]

Really?

[A]

And some people were happy about it, and some people apparently were not. They were only expecting their dog to live for so long.

[B]

Well, that's. I want a dog, but I. I can't get one right now. I gotta wait till, like, I stopped touring so much and the kids a little. But, like, I want a dog. But one of the reasons I. I'm hesitant is because, like, you're really signing yourself up for a heartache in, like, 10 to 12 years or something, you know? Like, my dogs all died. 8 years, 10 years, 12 years, 14 years, you know.

[A]

Oh, yeah, bro.

[B]

I mean, if. If that's a real thing, like, is that a real. If they're giving them medicine or whatever to help live longer? Yeah, I'll buy into that.

[A]

Yeah. Will you look that up for me? Hamsters and grandparents. So it's like how children learn about. About death a lot of times, you know, in a sad way. Yeah.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

It's like you need that element to teach your kid, to give your kid, you know, a gateway to death or what are, like, a way to see it. But they had Sounder. That was a huge movie. Remember that? They had Old Yeller, Old Yellow.

[B]

That's another one.

[A]

That was a huge movie. Yes, that was a huge movie.

[B]

Yeah, that was massive. That was back in the, like, Little Prairie House. In the Prairie Times.

[A]

A San Francisco biotech company, Loyal, is developing drugs aimed at extending dogs healthy lifespans by lowering high levels of the hormone IGF1, which accelerates aging in larger dogs. The leading candidates, including the daily pain pill. Their leading candidates, including The Daily Pill Loy 2. The drugs work by reducing levels of insulin, like growth factor 1, a hormone that drives rapid growth in young dogs, but contributes to faster aging and shorter lifespan in larger, mature dogs.

[B]

I thought you. I thought you would be asking me.

[A]

Oh, no, I just saw some.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Information about this the other day that Was really interesting. What else was in the news that was something that was kind of worth discussing. I don't know if we want to go down too many heavy, heavy roads. Oh, has there been something your children have wanted to ask for that you had to say no, like, or is there, like. Like, a tough parenting thing that you kind of like? Yeah, like, just tell me what some of that's like. Give me something from, like, the parenting world because I'm just curious about it.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. My. My daughter went through a sleep regression recently. So, like, sleep. What regression? Okay, so, like, she sleep through the night, fine, but then, you know, they start developing. Their brain starts developing. They start having dreams, and, you know, and they get a little more, like, they start to understand stuff more. So, like, we'd watch, like, Home Alone all the time, right? She loves Home Alone, and she just saw it at face value. She loved it. She knew what was going on. Like, she was 2, but she, like, got everything. She got a little older, and then she started. Then out of nowhere, even though she watched home alone, like, 50 times, she, like, started to get scared from it. From Marvin Harry.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Right. So one day, like, she kept. She kept saying, like, in the car, she'd be like, dad, are Marvin Harry following us, like, out of nowhere one day? And I'm like, no, they're not. They're not. Are Marvin Harry after us? Oh. And I'm like, babe, they're not after us at all. They're after Kevin's toys. It's like, trying to make it, you know?

[A]

Oh, yeah.

[B]

All right. But are they gonna come for me? I'm like, no, Marvin Harry are fun. They just. After Kevin's toys, Kevin's gonna put him through the ringer. It's all good. And then, like, in the middle of the night, she's like, dad, dad, I'm scared Gosters. And I would come, and she like, a Marvin Harry coming. And I'm like, my wife's like, you shouldn't have made her watch Home Alone. I'm like, she loved it. It wasn't until recently that she started getting scared. You know what I mean? But she'll call and be like, so you can't go up there. You have to go up there. Like, this is what got really hard, like, going up there. Like, they're always testing the limits of what they can control and not control and pushing boundaries. So that's the whole few years. It's like they're pushing boundaries, so they try to see what they can get over on you. Like, so if you. If they want you to come stairs and they cry and that brings you up to stairs, they know that they can get you upstairs every time. You have to break that habit. You have to, like, so, so there's times where it's like, she's like, crying and like, dad, please come upstairs. And I'm like, downstairs. And like, you can't. You can't go up, you know, and it's the worst feeling because you want to run as soon as she's like.

[A]

But, you know, it's a trap.

[B]

It's a trap. But like. But also she's cunning. Like, she'll. She's. She'll say shit that she knows are going to tug at my heart. She strings. I'd have to ignore her crime. And she'll start saying stuff like, dad, please, Dad, I. I need you. I miss you. Like, you know, right.

[A]

The ship is leaving the shore. Just things that she's seen.

[B]

And you're like. I'm like, literally, like, downstairs, like, she doesn't see me, but I'm like, right under the door and me and my wife are sitting there and I'm just like. I got tears in my eyes. I'm just like, I need to go, you know, you can't. It's tough. Tough. It's tough.

[A]

So, parenting. So, yeah, you gotta really, like, I guess you have to be the diet. You have to. Sometimes you have to be the leader. Huh. And sometimes you. Do you want to just be the. That. The. The. The buddy.

[B]

I want them to be able to, like, they want to sleep. She'll be like, please, can I come sleep with you guys? I wanna. I wanted her to do that so bad, but, like, we can't do it because, like, it opens up, you know, like, then it's like, you know.

[A]

Oh, yeah.

[B]

But some. I know families that sleep, that all the kids sleep in the bed and that's that. But like, you know, it could be tough. Like, if you have. We have work and travel a lot and stuff like that. Yeah.

[A]

If you're not a Little House on the Prairie, then that's kind of like back then. Yeah. You need it for warmth and stuff. And it's like that.

[B]

Yeah, I want to do it, but I, I. So far we haven't done it because I just feel like I don't want to start bad habits, you know, But.

[A]

And is it tough with, like, with your wife? You have to debate on what are good habits and bad. Like, is it. Is it. Or do you guys communicate?

[B]

Yeah, we're on the same page. It's pretty. It's pretty straightforward, you know, like. But yeah, it's. You're gonna. You. You want kids. Yeah, yeah, we talk about this online. You should have kids. Yeah.

[A]

I mean, if you want them.

[B]

If you do, like, if you, if you want kids, have kids, you know,

[A]

Like, I think I. I mean, I think the most you can get to is like, I think I want them. I really. I. Like, nobody's like, if you're like yelling in the park or whatever, I want kids. You're gonna go to jail, you know, or are you gonna get elected? But if you're just like, yeah, but. So I think the safest thing I say, yeah, I think I would really like to. To have kids, I'll have to have a spouse that is like, we can go down that road together. And then, you know, some of it, I think it's like, if that's going to be part of. If God wants that for me in my life, you know, and if I'm willing to set my life up enough where it's a possibility. Cuz God, I don't think he would. He would bless me with children if it wasn't like a safest environment either, you know.

[B]

Sure, I. I think you should do it. I always tell you that.

[A]

But yeah, I would like to have. I think more and more I would like to have that.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

You know, I would like to have the chance to love something that's different and to have like a new, different type of like, connection in the world, you know, just to experience what connections there are. Because it's. I'm sure it's like totally different. I mean, last time you hear, you were saying just how different it is.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. You got to do it. You got to do it. Especially if you want them. Because it's not. It's. There's nothing better. You'll be. You'll feel so fulfilled, man. Yeah, yeah, you'll feel so fulfilled.

[A]

And I want probably six or five kids, bruh.

[B]

I know, I. That's. It's like when you start having. You'll see.

[A]

Or, yeah, you'll see.

[B]

Like, you won't. You want as many as possible. Exactly. That's why people just keep having them. Dude. In the old days, man, people had them with reckless abandon, bro.

[A]

People would have a kid, they'd be like, oh, where's my kid? They'd be at the store, they would leave a kid, they'd have to come back, hey, we left a kid in your shelf. Or whatever. Yeah, some Kids in the freezer. He's just again.

[B]

People used to have kids back in the day. So many kids that like some of them would just like perish. Parents parish. And then they were just like, ah, we lost a couple of them.

[A]

Yeah. You know, Albert stayed.

[B]

We still have 10 of them, but we lost a couple.

[A]

Yeah. Albert stayed in Mankato. We didn't. We hadn't seen. You know.

[B]

Yeah, he stayed rounded off and we hope he's all right.

[A]

I know he wandered off in Rochester. Yeah. Look, he had a bag of food with him. You know, you're like, that's crazy.

[B]

I don't know how you focus on. You had. How many siblings you got?

[A]

I just had one, two, three. Four. Three total.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

What'd you have?

[B]

Besides me? Three.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

That's a fun amount.

[B]

Yeah. You show your family you're. You had four of you guys still together. Yeah. Yeah.

[A]

If you could go back and be a kid, what's one moment you would go back to when you're child? Like a. Like a. Was it like a birthday party or a time or like it could just be a general. It have to be specific? Either.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Like what was like the funnest holiday you guys had or something? Was there one that was just going to my grandma.

[B]

My grandma would host Christmas and like all the cousins would come over and that was fun because she had like this really old house that was a two family with a big basement and

[A]

a big old attic. Yeah.

[B]

And we all used to go up in the attic and. Cause like hijinks and hide and shit and like I just heard like that those, those days were the best days where you could just like run around the house playing hide and seek and like feel like it was the best thing that ever happened to you.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Yeah. Just.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Not all this bullshit like you didn't know anything yet. It was just about playing, hanging out, you know.

[A]

I know the world. Yeah. It seems like it should be able to be such a simpler world, doesn't it? That's the thing that I think gets me a lot.

[B]

It's like go hang on the world. Woods.

[A]

Yeah. Like.

[B]

Like when I was young there was like. It was so much, much less like un. Like underdeveloped and there was just like woods everywhere.

[A]

Oh, it was natum of American. You'd have a guy to chiseled a couple tits into a. You know, into a birch tree or whatever. You'd have somebody, you know, there was like a grave somewhere. Somebody.

[B]

Just a couple of tits and just

[A]

buried somebody like the woods used to be crazy, bro, cuz you'd see, see some guy been living there.

[B]

Oh yeah. Oh yeah.

[A]

There'd be some pornography or whatever. Yeah, always somebody buried pornography, but they, you know, they draw like an arrow. It's like, hey, pornography. So they didn't forget where it was. It was like, dude, that's where I

[B]

saw my first porn was in the woods.

[A]

Oh, everybody. Which is crazy, bro. But you're right there with nature, dude. Oh, dude, I remember the first time I masturbated, bro. I didn't even know what was going to happen with like your body or whatever. And I remember like something, something kind of like kind of came outside of my body and I remember trying to put it back into my penis with my finger.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And I heard my mom like downstairs and I was like trying to get it all back in before she.

[B]

Yeah. Oh.

[A]

So, yeah, I was like, yeah. So obviously, yeah, I had a lot of intimacy issues over the years, bro. Let's get this question, let's get this answer in, dude. Early 1800s. Let me see. Over the past three centuries, the average number of children per women in most of the world has declined sharply, roughly from 5 to 7 kids per woman in the early 1800s to 2.25 per kids per woman today in many countries.

[B]

I think it's even less than that now. Yeah, I think I read something where they say, like, people are having the least amount of kids that in. In history right now.

[A]

Maybe there'll be a rebirth of it, you know, Maybe there'll be something new that happens. Do you, do you feel like. I feel like, you know, I didn't want to get into like import like heavy stuff today, but it's just like, it feels like it's a tough time in the world for a lot of people.

[B]

Do you imagine like octo, mom? You like, you have eight babies in your stomach. You get. You give birth to eight babies at the same exact time.

[A]

Dark shit. Look at, and look at that thing she had on her, bro. It's like whenever you ever see that spider that's got the big thing on it, like it's pregnant.

[B]

Yeah. That's wild, bro. Imagine you have no kids and then you have eight kids. Yeah, she already had like five kids. Oh my God. Are you serious?

[A]

Just watch a documentary.

[B]

How do you, how do you give the time you need to each of these kids? Yo, what do you do when you, you want people like, like, they like, guess what? Twins? And they're like, oh my God, two. How are we going to do this? Like eight, bro. Eight. How do you even. How do you even. What's the first thing you do when there's eight? There's eight. Two day old babies first, like, they're like Tamagotchis. Like, you like literally just have to

[A]

like check the batteries on all of them.

[B]

Holy.

[A]

Dude. Get you some iced coffee. Cold coffee. Iced coffee.

[B]

You have a Tamagotchi? You have a Tamagotchi?

[A]

No, I never had one.

[B]

Do you remember that?

[A]

Oh, I do remember them. And it didn't hit us super hard.

[B]

Our. Yeah, I was a little older.

[A]

We weren't in like a lot of the Asian kind of stuff that much. We was like doing Hulk Hogan type of dude. I remember I had to do a roast of this. Of the Nadia Suleiman. Who is the Octomom.

[B]

Who did you have to.

[A]

Who had eight children. Who was kind of a celebrity. Celebrity for a while was. Or not a celebrity. I mean, everybody's kind of a celebrity these days. But she was like kind of in the limelight or whatever, you know.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

For that. Yeah.

[B]

You roasted her.

[A]

We had a roaster and dude, I remember I got there and I thought it'd be fun and everything. And you get there and you're like, oh, this feels. There's part of it that feels really mean.

[B]

Oh, really? Do you. Reminding the jokes.

[A]

I mean, they were e. I mean, yeah, some of them were probably good and some are probably not good.

[B]

What. What scenario was she being? Why was she being roasted?

[A]

It was just a. It was the Haha Comedy Cafe over there in. I've been over there. Yeah. In Burbank.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

It's kind of off roading. It's off Langstrom, I think. But yeah, Jack Jr. His family over there, it's their club. It's a great spot.

[B]

And yeah, I've done some spots.

[A]

Yeah. And so. But they had the roast of her there and that. And it was just other people were on the. The de or the docket or whatever. And it just like, it was interesting. It was fun. But it was also like there was a moment. You're like, oh, this is me. Because they're sitting right there and you think like the kids were there,

[B]

Bro. It's like eight kids just staring at you. Rip on them.

[A]

That'd be crazy, bro.

[B]

She was. Oh, she was there.

[A]

She was there. But it was just kind of a lot, bro. And I couldn't tell if she was trying to flirt or whatever. And I was like, I'm getting out of here, you know.

[B]

Yeah, you can't you can't even. You need to wear two condoms.

[A]

Oh, I wouldn't even sneeze.

[B]

God forbid.

[A]

You got. Yeah, you can't even sneeze. I wouldn't even let an eyelash fall out around her.

[B]

The next thing you know. Do you have any? Eight children.

[A]

Oh, and blessings to her children. Let's get a gander at him. I want to see him. And who knows now she may. You know, I. I can't imagine what that's like. No way. Updated.

[B]

Oh, is that them now? Do they all look like.

[A]

Wow, they look healthy and good.

[B]

Yeah, they look like they all, like. They look like they weren't one of eight. Yeah, they look like they were their own.

[A]

Imagine how that's got to be to break out of, like, you know.

[B]

Well, I mean, how much could they have weighed when they were born yet? You got eight kids in there.

[A]

You got eight kids. I probably. I would guess how much they weighed. Let's guess and we'll. And we'll wager whoever wins.

[B]

What's the price?

[A]

I don't know. Do something for like, Moon research or whatever. $30 towards moon research.

[B]

Moon Research.

[A]

Okay. I think it's probably going to end up just somehow going to Israel, but we'll just, we'll call it Moon Research.

[B]

I think you got size eight. If they're a. There's no way she could be.

[A]

This is a good game show question, isn't it?

[B]

Yeah, it is, right? There's no way she'd be walking around with. The average kid when they're born is like six, seven pounds. Right. So there's no way she's walking around with 50 pounds of kids in there.

[A]

Right? Yeah, that's. That's a lot. Now look at the. You can get a gander at it right there. When she got that front really long launched and that thing.

[B]

Yeah, crazy. Oh, so I'm gonna say.

[A]

Damn.

[B]

I'm gonna say they were about. I think I'd be three and a half pounds each. Something.

[A]

Okay, you're going three and a half. I'm gonna go. I'm gonna go. Yeah, 3.15.

[B]

That's still crazy. That's still 20 something pounds of kid in there.

[A]

Oh, you're right. You're right. Yeah. That's crazy.

[B]

But they can't be much less than three pounds.

[A]

I'm going 2.2.

[B]

All right, 2.2. Which means for eight kids, she was still hauling around 17 pounds.

[A]

Yeah, 17 pounds.

[B]

That's 2.2. Is a small kid. Well, does it. Can we find out.

[A]

3.4.

[B]

Oh, no way.

[A]

On the Suleiman Octo. Octop before. Oh, octuplets born on January 26, 2009 weighed between 1 pound 8 ounces and 3 pounds 4 ounces. Oh, so some of them.

[B]

That's double the other kid. A 1lb 8oz kid is wild, bro. That's wild. When were they born? 2009. That's about 24 years after Amy and Stu Shankman got married.

[A]

Hey, We wish the million more years if you ever get to meet with them, man. I want to see the. I want to see. I want to see the tape.

[B]

I will.

[A]

Of you guys meeting up together. Together. So you got Manouche. Your new show.

[B]

Manouch is in the show. And Foul play.

[A]

Foul play is on now on tbs. People can check it out with Anthony Davis and he's. He's in every episode.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Okay, great.

[B]

He's in every. And all other athletes and stars and stuff like that. And. Yeah. Montour. Salvolcano comedy.com for tickets. Got up till June announced, but I'm going to be doing all of Canada in October and then we're going to be doing UK and Europe in 27. Yeah. Yeah. And then probably come back around. Get the last few cities I haven't gotten to here. Maybe from this next special maybe in Boston or something like that.

[A]

I love Boston.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Do you think your family will go hit the road with you?

[B]

I'm going to try to maybe take them out to the uk.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Yeah. Visit Ari out there and stuff.

[A]

Oh, yeah.

[B]

So that should be fun. And then. Yeah. And then what else, I guess. Yeah. Jokers will be out starting July will be season 13. It's crazy.

[A]

Well, you guys can find everything. We'll share all the links, man. And we'll share everything for you, dude. And Sal, thanks for coming. Just spending time with us. Us and of course, man.

[B]

Thanks for having me. I love you.

[A]

It's kind of cool. I love you too, man. And thanks for just telling us about the Shankman and just.

[B]

Let's find them. I. I can't wait. Yeah. I got to look. We got to. You're going to help me find them.

[A]

Amy and Stu, the Shankman. They're looking for you. All right. Blessings, bro. Thank you so much.

[B]

Got it, baby. Now I'm just floating on the breeze and I feel I'm falling like these leaves I must be correct own but when I reach that ground I'll share this peace of mind I found I can feel it in my bones but it's gonna take a little.