#657 - Bobby Lee

Summary

Podcast Summary

Podcast: This Past Weekend w/ Theo Von
Episode: #657 – Bobby Lee
Date: May 7, 2026
Guest: Bobby Lee
Host: Theo Von

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Episode Overview

This episode features a freewheeling, unfiltered conversation between comedians Theo Von and Bobby Lee. The two old friends bounce between wild stories, candid confessions, playful insults, and thoughtful reflection. Themes include dealing with social anxiety, evolving as performers, handling internet fame, cultural misunderstandings, and the comfort and anxiety that comes with podcast “clippability.” The episode has an irreverent and highly improvisational tone with raunchy humor and occasional moments of sincerity about friendship, vulnerability, and professional growth.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Warm-Up: Roasts, Compliments, and Raunchy Banter

[00:00 – 05:00]

• Theo warmly introduces Bobby as a podcast hero and friend.
• Immediate playful insults about looks (“You look like Daniel Day Lewis.”) and anatomy (“minion dick”) set the episode’s offbeat energy.
• The two riff on cultural stereotypes, anatomy jokes, and joking about sexual experimentation.

Memorable Quotes:

• Bobby: “Dude, I got minion dick, dude. Honey ass, bro. Hard worker.” [01:05]
• Theo: “You look like Idris Elbow to me, dude.” [00:40]

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2. The Omakase Analogy & The “Tip” Story

[05:00 – 09:00]

• Bobby explains the concept of “omakase”—letting the chef decide your meal—as a metaphor for his own sexual openness and adventurousness.
• Anecdote about trying unfamiliar foods at a Waikiki restaurant somehow leads to a confession about “kissing the tip” at a rave.
• The duo riff off the “glory hole for food” analogy, connecting culinary surprises to life experience and open-mindedness.

Memorable Quotes:

• Bobby: “Sometimes, dude, it’s like, I go to omakase with my girl, right? ... She just, I go, ‘you have to eat it.’” [05:14]
• Bobby: “So when a penis comes out, you kiss the tip… that’s basically why...” [08:32]

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3. Martial Arts & UFC, Cultural Stereotypes

[11:00 – 14:00]

• Discussion pivots to martial arts representation in UFC, grappling with stereotypes and the rarely-seen “karate guy.”
• Banter around Asian stereotypes, playfulness around names, and riffing on Vietnamese surnames.

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4. Friendship, Boundaries & Therapy

[16:00 – 20:00]

• Bobby shares annoyance about being placed on a movie poster for a very small role, using it as a segue into healthy boundary-setting and the impact of Lexapro and therapy.
• Both reflect on communicating more openly and learning to handle the pressures of fame, podcasting, and friendship.

Memorable Quotes:

• Bobby: “I like to set boundaries now, because I’m on Lexapro…” [17:29]
• Theo: “I wish you weren’t available for more days…”
• Bobby: “That’s pure insane. I have nothing going on.” [16:57]

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5. Growing Up, Cultural “Otherness” and Small-Town America

[22:00 – 51:00]

• Long segment riffing on cultural misunderstandings:
  • Theo tells a (possibly apocryphal) story about his stepdad’s friend “Charlie” returning from the Vietnam War and apologizing to Chinese staff at “Yellow Bellies” buffet.
  • Bobby deconstructs the errors in “all Asians are the same” logic, emphasizing the difference between Chinese, Vietnamese, Korean, etc.
• They play-act a mistaken war apology and discuss the experience of being different and misidentified in small-town America.
• Various tangents about slot machines, childhood, and growing up around stereotypes.

Memorable Quotes:

• Bobby: “You seem to think that the whole country, continent of Asia… is one block.” [44:07]
• Theo: “In some small towns…if somebody seems semi-Asian…they’ll just have anybody, man.” [49:01]
• Bobby: “If there was a guy slightly blue, would you think they’re from Avatar?” [49:40]

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6. Performance Anxiety and “Clippability”

[63:00 – 72:00]

• Discussion about the anxiety of creating viral podcast moments and the pressure when expectations are high.
• Both admit the stress of “living for the algorithm” and missing the simple enjoyment of just hanging out.
• Bobby thanks therapy and Lexapro for helping him care less about silences and being more comfortable with himself.

Memorable Quotes:

• Bobby: “When we’re together, sometimes it gets clippable and it becomes viral. … If we don’t create magic then it was just a waste.” [64:01]
• Theo: “Sometimes I do feel pressure, like…it’s like, yeah you get clips…at a funeral, and the guy’s yelling Bobby at it.” [103:02]
• Bobby: “Don’t live in the results. We did it.” [105:09]

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7. Friendship, Vulnerability & Growth

[74:00 – 78:00]

• Honest talk about vulnerability, fears, and the impact of negative feedback or threats online.
• Bobby and Theo share experiences with stalkers, dating app stories (Bobby’s matches just wanted to meet Theo), and the feeling of being desired, envied, or stalked by fans.

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8. Evolving as Performers & Professional Pride

[108:23 – 110:45]

• Bobby announces his upcoming Hulu special (November) and a new game show (“The Bad Game Show” on YouTube, September/October).
• He reflects on why it took so long to do a standup special: “I was a club guy. I made a living playing the yuck yucks.”
• Discusses pushing past his comfort zone to grow as a comedian and continuing to write new material.

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9. End: On Fame, Dream Guests, and Staying True

[86:19 – 91:13 / 90:00 – 94:00]

• Conversation about celebrity encounters (Brad Pitt, Julia Roberts, Thierry Henry, Marilyn Manson).
• Brief musings on the age limits for politicians and evolving as a country.
• They imagine running for office, wrestling against the Paul brothers for tax money, and ending on a note of gratitude for their friendship and shared experiences.

Memorable Quotes:

• Bobby: “You gotta live on the edge of your comfort zone. That’s how you grow.” [110:52]
• Theo: “Anytime I get to spend time with you I feel lucky.” [111:22]

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Notable Quotes & Moments with Timestamps

• “Dude, you got lemony? One and a half bars, bro. That’s a hit on this one.” (Bobby Lee, 00:59)
• “Sometimes you gotta just kiss the tip.” (Bobby Lee, 08:32)
• “I like to set boundaries now, because I’m on Lexapro and I just got off.” (Bobby Lee, 17:29)
• “You seem to think that the whole continent of Asia is one block.” (Bobby Lee, 44:07)
• “When we’re together, sometimes it gets clippable and becomes viral... If we don’t create magic then it was just a waste.” (Bobby Lee, 64:01)
• “You started it…Don’t do confused white face. I get it. I know the tone. I’ve been around a long time. I know confused whites.” (Bobby Lee, 73:02)
• “Don’t live in the results. We did it.” (Bobby Lee, 105:09)
• “You gotta live on the edge of your comfort zone. That’s how you grow.” (Bobby Lee, 110:52)
• “Anytime I get to spend time with you I feel lucky.” (Theo Von, 111:22)

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Important Timestamps

• 00:00–05:00: Intro, playful insults, anatomy jokes
• 05:00–10:00: Omakase analogy, kissing the tip story
• 11:00–14:00: Martial arts/UFC, cultural stereotyping
• 16:00–20:00: Boundaries, therapy, Lexapro, friendship
• 22:00–51:00: Small-town America, “Charlie” and Yellow Belly, Asian stereotypes
• 63:00–72:00: Podcast anxiety, “clippability,” therapy
• 74:00–78:00: Stalker stories, vulnerability, dating apps
• 86:00–94:00: Celebrity encounters, fame, politics
• 108:23–110:45: Bobby’s standup special, comedy evolution
• 111:16–111:57: Final gratitude, future projects

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Tone & Takeaways

• Raw, irreverent, and playfully offensive, the episode rides the line between outrageous comedy and real emotional sharing.
• Despite constant joke-lobbing and deflecting seriousness with humor, both comics open up about anxiety, boundaries, friendship, and evolving as human beings.
• The chemistry is unique: deeply familiar, quick-witted, and supportive beneath the roast-heavy exterior.
• The episode shines most during tangents that turn into personal reflections, offering rare insight into how comics navigate both internet scrutiny and each other’s expectations.

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Final Thoughts

Perfect for fans who enjoy unfiltered conversations, insider comedy perspectives, and the riotous dynamic between Theo and Bobby. While packed with raucous, adult humor, this episode also delivers refreshingly honest moments about vulnerability, friendship, and how to keep growing no matter how famous you get.

Transcript

[A]

Today's guest is a stand up comedian, a podcaster, and one of the heroes of my heart. This beautiful little Leechy. You know, he's my good friend and I'm so thankful to spend time with him. Today's guest is Mr. Bobby Lee.

[B]

Shine on me and I will find a song I'll be singing.

[A]

Oh, no, leave that on. That shit's tough, dude.

[B]

Heavy. It is.

[A]

Okay, sorry. Heavy, dude, you look like Daniel Day Lewis. A little bit.

[B]

Thank you. Dude, you look like Idris Elbow to me, dude.

[A]

You think so?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Dude, bring up Idris Alba.

[B]

Yeah, you know what Idris looks like, dog?

[A]

Just in the dick, you mean, huh?

[B]

No, your dick is medium.

[A]

Fair Sav. No, I got that limited cog.

[B]

You got lemony?

[A]

Yeah, dude, One and a half bars, bro. That's a hit on this one.

[B]

Mine's a menu, dude.

[A]

Yeah, you got that?

[B]

Yeah, I got minion dick, dude.

[A]

Oh, I like that.

[B]

Honey as, bro.

[A]

Hey, hard work, hard worker. They do.

[B]

Yeah, it's. They're. They're very hard workers. They have overalls. Goggles.

[A]

Yeah, bro, if your wiener's going in

[B]

with goggles on it, it's got the whole thing.

[A]

Dude, you're a champ.

[B]

You're a chink. Hey, hey. Dude, I can't say that, but here's a rule.

[A]

You could say it. I could say it. That's my rule here.

[B]

Well, I can say. What? What can I say, dude? Oh.

[A]

Peace,

[B]

guys.

[A]

Bro, good to see you, man.

[B]

Let me get. Let me just get in my zone, guy. Okay.

[A]

Yeah. You want to pray first? I'm happy to pray if you want.

[B]

Can I start? Yeah.

[A]

You want to pray?

[B]

Yeah. Do we have to hold hands?

[A]

No, we can, but I think if you. We can put our hands however you want. It will get warmer in here. I know it's cold.

[B]

Yeah, it's really cold. I feel like an Eskimo right now, though.

[A]

They're charging us more for heat. I think Israel's doing it.

[B]

Israel is definitely doing a lot of things. I mean, I mean, they're like, what

[A]

do they do, do, do,

[B]

do, do, do, right?

[A]

You're not saying, you're not saying, you're not saying. Yeah, yeah, let's do a prayer, man. You want to lead us in it, man?

[B]

Yeah, yeah, but you know when I do prayers, dog, look at me first. Before we even get into it.

[A]

Yeah, for sure, man.

[B]

I don't like getting interrupted. Okay? So I like to finish what my prayer is gonna be. You know what I mean? And it may go long. Okay.

[A]

Yeah, no, dude, I'm just happy to be here with you today, man.

[B]

I love you.

[A]

You're gonna give you a hug first.

[B]

Oh, I love you.

[A]

Thank you for coming.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

That's the truth, man. That's the truth, bro. When the streets call me.

[B]

Bro, when the streets call you, they call me. You know what I mean? We have the same color. Dear Heavenly Father. Hold on.

[A]

What do you need?

[B]

We're praying. What are you doing? Huh?

[A]

Sorry.

[B]

Bear Dick. That's your new name, dude. Bear Dick.

[A]

Give it to him.

[B]

Really? Oh. Love your type, Bear Dick.

[A]

What do you mean?

[B]

Yeah, he loves it, dude. Yeah, he loves the chunk factor, you know what I mean? Because if I was gay guy, you know, I mean, you know, I've done some stuff, like.

[A]

What do you talk like. What do you mean, man?

[B]

I. I've licked a couple.

[A]

No.

[B]

Yeah, just like a. I just want. I want to know the flavor.

[A]

Oh, wow.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

What happened?

[B]

What do you mean, what happened? Or like, you know, what's the flavor?

[A]

Or. Yeah, I don't want to know.

[B]

Yeah, I mean, salty. Well, what do you mean?

[A]

What part do you like, the top or the bottom? Licking the bottom. Yeah, that's good.

[B]

Licking the top, dude. And gay. It's just tasting. I mean, I don't know. It's Omakasa. You ever go to Omokasa restaurant? You don't know what you're gonna get, dude, that's what I'm doing. Doing Omakasa, right? And sometimes, dude, it's like, I go to Omakasa with my girl, right? And there's certain things. She just. I go, you have to eat it, you know? I mean, like, what we went to, you know, I've been in the jungle.

[A]

Have you been. I did not know that.

[B]

Yeah, I've been the jungle.

[A]

I mean, I know historically.

[B]

Look at my face. Yeah. What do you mean, historically?

[A]

No, I mean, I'm just saying.

[B]

Wait, what do you mean, historically?

[A]

I just mean, like, over.

[B]

Yeah, I'm not Nom.

[A]

I know.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm Korean, dude.

[A]

I know.

[B]

Yeah. That. There's no jungles in Korea, dog.

[A]

I don't know.

[B]

When you say historic. You do know.

[A]

I'm saying historically.

[B]

Historically, You've been watching Platoon. You've been watching. You know what I mean? All kinds of movies.

[A]

Like Hamburger Hill, Letters of Iwo Jima.

[B]

Yeah. Well, Desert Jungle in Letters of Iwo Jima.

[A]

It's a.

[B]

It's good. It is a good movie. We just give Clint Eastwood a round of applause. Did he make that I think so, dude. I think he made it.

[A]

I didn't even know that he made

[B]

it when it was 116 years old. Amazing. God, what Amazing world. So anyway, I've been in the jungle, and when I say jungle, I mean Waikiki.

[A]

Oh, you were out there?

[B]

I didn't go in it, but I saw, bro.

[A]

What were you doing out there?

[B]

Dude, I was doing all kinds of shit.

[A]

We didn't. I was.

[B]

No, no, I was doing. No, I go out there, vacation, and so, you know. You know, there's a lot of cool omakase restaurants there. Okay, right.

[A]

And what is omakase? For people that don't know it.

[B]

Do you know it?

[A]

I think so.

[B]

Well, then tell me about it.

[A]

I. I think.

[B]

Tell me, because I don't think you know, dog.

[A]

Omakase. Well, hold on. Let's sound it out.

[B]

Which is oma in Korean is mom.

[A]

Mom.

[B]

Yeah, yeah.

[A]

And kase is.

[B]

Yeah, A house. Mom's house.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

Yeah, yeah. No, I don't know what. I don't know what omakasa stands for, but I know what it is. Okay, so do you know what it is?

[A]

I do not.

[B]

Okay, so an oma casa restaurant is. It's a set menu. Yeah. Right. And they feed you in order. They'll tell you what you're gonna get from beginning to end. And generally my rule, if I'm with a date, you know, I have a girlfriend now.

[A]

What?

[B]

Yeah, dude. Whoa, whoa, dude.

[A]

What's happening, dude? So you're not. So what are you gonna do? You're not gonna do. This is what I do, dude. You know?

[B]

What am I doing right now, dude?

[A]

Why are you doing if you have a girlfriend?

[B]

No, I'm killing myself, dude.

[A]

Oh, yeah?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

That's omakase.

[B]

Yeah, yeah. Choke myself when I kill myself in the heart, dog. Okay. I ain't jerking off, guy. Oh, good.

[A]

Yeah, yeah. As long as you ain't jerking off.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You got to do it 21 times a month, though. That's what I heard.

[A]

Masturbate.

[B]

Ejaculate.

[A]

No.

[B]

Yeah, because you'll get testicular cancer.

[A]

No. Oh, yeah. There's guys that, like, some people, their eyes go bad or whatever.

[B]

Like mine, huh? Hello?

[A]

No.

[B]

Anyway, I'll say this.

[A]

You look like a bug that played for the Red Hot Chili Peppers right now.

[B]

Dude, you look. You look good. I look good, dude?

[A]

Yeah. Yeah.

[B]

I looked real good.

[A]

100.

[B]

So Masa is, like, set menu. So we went to one place.

[A]

You look like a fireman, like in San Francisco, kind Of like, a little bit. Yeah, I do.

[B]

But I was over. I was in the fire. Yeah, right.

[A]

Or you just had something.

[B]

I got lost and I'm like, in the fire. Like, I don't know what to do. That type. Yeah, yeah.

[A]

And you brought us a mouthful of water.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

That's the gayest thing, dude.

[B]

If you.

[A]

If you're at a fire and a kind of a gay firefighter, he just, like, is just spitting water out of his mouth or whatever.

[B]

You look like an albino raccoon.

[A]

Oh, yeah.

[B]

Anyway, let me finish with the omakaza thing and get to my point, dog.

[A]

Sorry, dude, I'm interrupting you.

[B]

Yeah, I do want to pray. So anyway. Oh, we'll do the prayer later.

[A]

Doug Mai is officially mayor of Chinatown. Chinatown. Let's. Let's go.

[B]

Can I finish my oma casa or.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Why do you do this?

[A]

What do we do while we're just bringing up information?

[B]

I. I understand that, but we're going into a thing, and then you bring up some Chinese firefighter.

[A]

He brought that up.

[B]

Yeah. So the bear deck did that. You're not bear dick.

[C]

That's bear dick.

[B]

Oh, yeah. Yeah.

[C]

What are you, pre Nick?

[A]

Nick was a premature baby, and look how far he's gone.

[B]

Oh, yeah. Did everything get mature?

[C]

I think my skull size is a little small, but everything else, yeah.

[A]

Anyway, he's 32 years old, but he'll never hit nine months, you know?

[B]

So that's the thing. And we had this.

[A]

We forget, bro.

[B]

Lest we forget. Dude. We were at. So we're at this restaurant and. And they gave us the bones of a fish, and they flavored it like it was a potato chip, but it had the brain. Like the eyes and the brain, but just the bones of the fish.

[A]

No.

[B]

And you had to eat it, right? And it's like, I ate it and I looked at her and I go, you just gotta eat it, right? So when a penis comes out, you kiss the tip.

[A]

Oh, yeah.

[B]

That's basically why I. Yeah. What?

[A]

That's why I was so That's.

[B]

Well, that's why I told you before that when I said that I've kissed the tip of a penis. You know what I mean? What do you mean? Why do you keep doing that?

[A]

It just makes the back of my neck hurt.

[B]

I know, but it's. It's a flavor thing. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I was. That's how we got into the oma casa thing. It's a flavor thing, dude.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Well, you. If you went to oma casa, whatever they gave you, you'd eat it, right?

[A]

Try it.

[B]

Okay. Yeah, yeah. If they had a penis, we'd kiss it.

[A]

It's like a glory hole for food or whatever. Like.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. A glory huffer for food.

[A]

Well, it's like whatever's in there, that's what you get or whatever.

[B]

That's what you get. Yeah. So no matter what they give you, you I just eat because it's supposed to be like, you know what I mean? Elegant or. You know what I mean?

[A]

Avant garde. Yeah, avant garde.

[B]

It's Epstein class.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

You know what I mean? You know what I mean? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[A]

It's like off the Epstein tasting menu or whatever.

[B]

Yeah, yeah.

[A]

It's just like, young fish or whatever.

[B]

Please, let's stop.

[A]

Sorry.

[B]

Let's move on. Let's move on.

[A]

We'll take that out.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, maybe take that out. But. So basically, I don't know how I got on the PP thing, but let's do a prayer, but.

[A]

Okay. No, but you said you had tasted a little wiener or something, or you had. A little.

[B]

Years ago, I tasted the tip one.

[A]

Was it on a. What type of person? Was it on color? Yeah, yeah.

[B]

Or style?

[A]

Color.

[B]

Can we go style?

[A]

Yeah, style.

[B]

Rave.

[A]

Oh, at a rave.

[B]

No, a raver.

[A]

A raver.

[B]

Yeah. Yeah.

[A]

So you just took a nip off a little raver.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

What you're saying.

[B]

Which.

[A]

What you do. Yeah.

[B]

Cultural.

[A]

Oh, yeah.

[B]

Glow sticks. Yeah, you'd have glow sticks, right? Oh, and then you would. Right, And.

[A]

Yeah. And

[B]

every once in a while they just come out, right. And you take a little taste of the salty tip.

[A]

Yeah, dude. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[B]

It's cultural.

[A]

So basically, you've been a couple major laser shows is what you're saying.

[B]

That's exactly. That's like, exactly what I'm saying.

[A]

Just say that.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. You never kiss the table tip?

[A]

Oh, no, man.

[B]

Yeah. How about. Yeah. Have I. Have you had opportunities still?

[A]

I mean, I've definitely. I remember when I was a child, you always try to get a real close gander at your own wiener, you know?

[B]

I don't know Southern language, dude.

[A]

But I'm just saying it to me. Like, I'm sure if you're a kid, a lot of young, we can't talk about children, but.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[A]

A lot of people that haven't grown up fully will try to, like.

[B]

I've never tried it.

[A]

We'll try to just.

[B]

Yeah, I never tried it.

[A]

I. I have. I never got I never.

[B]

If I had been raised with yoga, right. And I could bend that way, you know, I mean, like, I had like a. You know, I mean, a master. Yeah. As a kid, you know. I mean, you know, we have to strengthen you. Your spine.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And you go, why master? Right. So one day you can kiss your own tip. Oh, right. Like, I never had that. Master. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Karate. Yeah, yeah. Jiu jitsu. Right.

[A]

Karate's just kicking, like, invisible people.

[B]

I know. It doesn't work.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Also, in the ufc, you never say he's a karate guy. Right, right. It's always Jiu Jitsu, right? Yeah, yeah. Or boxing or kickboxing. Right? Yeah.

[A]

It's never like.

[B]

It's never Tai chi.

[A]

Yes. Yeah.

[B]

No one's out there at UFC doing Tai chi. Right. Am I right? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. So it's like, you know. Yeah.

[A]

It's never. One of his credits is like, his mom wanted him to be able to defend himself, you know?

[B]

You know, rarely you see Taekwondo in ufc, right? It's usually boxers, kickboxers, jiu jitsu guys, wrestlers.

[A]

What is some of the stuff Nick knows, actually. So let's go to Nick on that.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

I mean, he named all the big ones. There's a few select karate guys. Steven Wonderboy Thompson, mvp.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

But Jiu jitsu and Taekwondo, I think, are the big biggest. From traditional martial arts.

[B]

From traditional. But generally it's wrestling, kickboxing, boxing. Right.

[C]

100.

[B]

I think Holloway is like the. One of the best strikers with his hands in the biz. You know what I mean? So it's. You don't even know who he is. I do.

[A]

As Max Holloway. He's actually. He was right. He lives and trains where you were just were.

[B]

Right? I know.

[A]

And Waikiki.

[B]

And I smelled his essence around me.

[A]

Did you see him?

[B]

No. I called him to see if he wanted, you know, I mean, but he was going through something. Yeah. You know. You know, as fighters do. Dear Heavenly Father.

[A]

Okay, you want to pray? Let's do it.

[B]

Well, that's. I just started.

[A]

Okay. Sorry.

[B]

Dear Heavenly Father, Lord and savior, Father of all, thank you so much. Of the gratitude of the fish in the sea. Amen. And the deep fish, like the Greenland shark who lives 500 years. 500 years ago.

[A]

Does he really. Sorry.

[B]

Go on. No, see, that. That's what I'm talking about. I forgot. What do you mean? Look at me right now, dude. No, just look at me right now, dude.

[A]

Can I openase during the prayer?

[B]

Yeah. Because the prayer stopped because you interrupted all Right. What? Don't do that. All right, all right. Greenland shark. All right. Thank you for the trees, nature. Thank you so much for the war.

[A]

What war do you mean, son?

[B]

The war within my heart. You know, the war that I want to start with Theo. Because I did one line in his movie and he put me on the fucking poster. That's my prayer, dude. Sorry. Yeah, yeah. I mean, as if I was in the movie. He put me straight up in the middle of a movie poster. Dear Lord, when I had one life. Sorry for soaring, Lord, but I'm very angry. I have a war in my heart.

[A]

It's.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You know, one line and no, I'm not done. Right. I also had a patch over my face, so most people didn't even know who was me, you know? Lord, please give me the forgiveness, you know what I mean? And the solitude and the confinement and the love for Theo. Amen.

[A]

Amen.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Oh, thank you, guys.

[B]

Boys, go watch it in your local theater. Streaming and streaming. You know what I mean, bro?

[A]

You were.

[B]

First of all, no, no. First of all, what? First of all, what? First of all, no. First of all, what? Because let me tell you something, Botto. I'm gonna take my glasses off, dude. Okay? Let me tell you something about.

[A]

I'll take my hat on.

[B]

All right. I'll take my beanie off. You will? Yeah. All right. All right.

[A]

Hold on. I'm gonna put another hat.

[B]

Yeah. I'm gonna put this hat on. All right. All right. Why is this house over there?

[A]

I don't know. This one's over here, but. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. I didn't pick that one.

[B]

Let me tell you something, butto. All right? Okay. I'm not afraid of you. We're friends.

[A]

Yeah, we're friends.

[B]

Yeah. We're deep.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I mean, we were in the war, okay.

[A]

Yes, we was.

[B]

Yeah, we was. Right?

[A]

This hat gives me, like, Gone with the Wind vibes.

[B]

This had to give me gong with the wind vibe. Okay.

[A]

Or gone with the yins.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[A]

You know how you spell that word? N, U, N, G, U, Y, N. No.

[B]

What is it?

[A]

Spell it out. N, G, U. Y N's N, G, U. Y, E, N. The most common Vietnamese last name. It's her name.

[B]

Yeah, yeah. Nguyen.

[A]

Nguyen.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Oh, it's how they said Nguyen. Okay, well, but also, a lot of

[B]

people look that up. A lot of black people.

[A]

If they're asking, like. Like. Like, if something's gonna happen, they'll say that.

[B]

What do you mean? What do you mean that yeah, like, what's up, Nguyen?

[A]

No. Oh, you'll be like, dude, are we going or not? And you'll be like, yeah, Nigwen.

[B]

Oh, I see.

[A]

Don't you think? Or is that.

[B]

Yeah, I've never heard that. Yeah. I mean, yo, what was that party like? You. I mean, that was niguin, like a.

[A]

No, that's not it.

[B]

That's not it. I don't know how to use it.

[A]

That's racial, I'm saying.

[B]

Oh, oh, oh, oh. No, that wasn't racial.

[A]

This hat seems racial, I think.

[B]

Yeah, yeah. This hat seems very racial, dude. Bobby. Yeah, yeah, Just take the hats off.

[A]

We'll put them back on in a minute.

[B]

I'm gonna go back. Let's go back to our regular and

[A]

put these on, too.

[B]

Yeah, yeah. I'm gonna put my glasses on. Let's get regular. So it was just a joke. I'm grateful that you used me in the movie.

[A]

Yeah, for sure, dude. I wish you weren't available for more days for one.

[B]

That's insane.

[A]

You were shooting something.

[B]

That's pure insane. I have nothing going on.

[A]

It's your schedule. This was 18 months ago.

[B]

Yeah, it was 18 months ago. Yeah. So, anyway, I'm glad I wasn't involved in that.

[A]

I agree. We probably should take you off of it.

[B]

What?

[A]

I didn't make this poster. But I did. But I should have said something then. I should have asked you.

[B]

No, it's fine. I mean, you use you. Here's what it is. If you had a line in my movie, I would put you on the poster. Yeah. Yeah. Because it's like, you're a big draw.

[A]

But I should have asked you about it, though, probably.

[B]

Can I be honest with you? Because I like to set boundaries now.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Because I'm on Lexapro and I just got off.

[A]

Two ships passing in the night.

[B]

I know why. Like, through the night of Harmuz. The straight of her moods. Yeah. You know what I mean? We just slowly passing through the night. Yeah.

[A]

Like, we don't have any oil. We have. No.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. We only have, like, plastic containers. Right. Yeah.

[A]

Right. We're just collecting.

[B]

Yes. Or seeds. Yeah, we're collecting seeds and semen.

[A]

We're just. We're just wander. We're lost.

[B]

We're lost. Yeah.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

But anyway, I don't even know why we got. Oh, yeah, we're passing that. I'm on Lexapro.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

So, you know I like to set boundaries. Right. And I like to be real. And my. I want to say Something real to you is. Is that.

[A]

I'm ready to hear it. Sorry.

[B]

I get it.

[A]

I'm ready to hear it, man.

[B]

No, I just said it.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

I mean, so I get the bus. Bus. It was just a joke. The prayer. Right. And you know, I mean, but I have to be admit when I first saw it, I was annoyed. Yep. You know, and I have to tell you that as a friend.

[A]

Thank you.

[B]

Yeah, Yeah. I. I'm grateful that I'm, you know, when people ask me to do things. You know what I mean?

[A]

But you felt like we were using you.

[B]

Yeah, a little bit. Yeah. I mean, but being on set with you guys and having fun, I already expressed myself to Dave, you know, I

[A]

mean, I didn't know that. He didn't even mention it to me.

[B]

No, he showed me it. I was. And in my mind, I didn't say it then, but later when I saw him, I said it. So then he goes. Then he goes. Next movie you'll get bigger role. Yeah, yeah.

[C]

This was the much wider used poster, I think.

[B]

Oh, here we go. What are you, Pakistan?

[A]

Huh?

[B]

You're Pakistan all of a sudden? Trying to be middle this dude's poster. Yeah. Nah, dude, Right? We're at war, guy. Yeah, dude, Nothing you can do. All right. He has a 15 point plan. I got a 10 point plan. They ain't mixing, right, dude?

[A]

Like, I got a six point. I got a 40 point plan.

[B]

40 play. Yeah, it ain't happening. So my point is, is this okay? You know, I really like, you know what I mean? Because I've heard your stance on Rogan, you know, I mean, about your feelings toward, you know, what's going on, especially in that area of the region. I really.

[A]

In the Middle East?

[B]

No, dude, in Austin. Alhambra. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You know what's going on over there? Yeah, bro, Bubble shops are shutting down.

[A]

We're shooting pool with J Rod today. No. You follow Jrod, dude, He's the best.

[B]

I don't know, J Rod, my point is that I really, you know, I think I agree with you with a lot of these things that you're saying, you know, I mean, I don't say it out loud because, you know, I'm a libtard. I've always have and always will be. I've always happened.

[A]

You think so?

[B]

Oh, yeah.

[A]

I mean, who is. We're all liberal about some stuff. I think we're always just whatever. Oh, you are?

[B]

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. No, I'm full blown. Yeah. I don't give a Fuck about no immigration.

[A]

I didn't know that, man. And it's okay. I don't know.

[B]

I mean, I don't, you know, I don't talk about politics, but I just.

[A]

You never talk about it.

[B]

You never have, never will, you never do. Yeah. Yeah. This is the first time I've ever brought it up.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Really. And I want to say to you that I like what you're saying about it. That's all. Well, it's confusing.

[A]

It's confusing.

[B]

And, you know, all you have to do is you have to ask a question and you go, why is this happening? And you do some research, right? And then you figure it out. You have critical thinking and you go. And then you look at the past and it's a little confusing, you know? And I have a lot of questions. Why are you looking at me like that?

[A]

Yeah. I'm just trying to absorb what you're saying.

[B]

Yeah. These are things that you know, huh? Hello?

[A]

No, I'm just saying right now, you look like a. Like. Kind of like a wasp that listens to 3:11 kind of.

[B]

Why does it. Dude, why does it always have to be a put down?

[A]

You're right. Sorry.

[B]

You know what I mean?

[A]

Yeah, you're right.

[B]

I'm giving you a compliment. You're looking like. I look like a mosquito from some sort of southern land.

[A]

Yeah, dude. You know, put them back on. Then I'll give you a better one.

[B]

Yeah, give me another one. All right.

[A]

You look like the. Oh, you look like the eighth dwarf, homie.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

You know what I'm saying? There's like sleepy. Sleepy, sneezy, dopey.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And ramen.

[B]

No, no, it's got to be E. Oh, yeah.

[A]

Sleepy, Sneezy, Dopey, Gooky. No.

[B]

Why?

[A]

Gooky is not a word, I don't think. Goy Monster.

[B]

Oh, okay.

[A]

Where the goies?

[B]

Yeah, yeah, I remember that. Yeah. Yeah, yeah.

[A]

Have you seen the goies around?

[B]

Yeah. Oh, chocolate chip cookies. Yeah.

[A]

And it's just a Chinese guy with a fucking handful of chocolate.

[B]

I remember the days of your back, your. I was thinking about some of the stories you told back where you grew up and stuff.

[A]

Yeah?

[B]

Yeah. And it's so weird. And I thought to myself, what if there was a Korean Tio Vaughan? That'd be so funny. Oh, back when I leave. You know, in Busan, we had a guy in our neighborhood, we call him Crazy Left. I was Chinese.

[A]

Right.

[B]

I was Japanese. We don't know what will communist. I mean, that's like, you know, some of your stories you know, I mean, and the people that you grew up with is so. It's so. So believable and true.

[A]

Would it translate to Yalls culture, you think? My culture and Yalls culture, we have

[B]

the same fucking culture. What the fuck are you talking about?

[A]

What, you know I'm saying.

[B]

No, no, I don't know what you're saying. I'm an American, Bobby. No, no, no. I'm tired of this shit.

[A]

I'm not saying. Yeah, yeah, yeah, you are, Bobby.

[B]

You're doing this thing again. I'm.

[A]

I've never done anything.

[B]

Oh, you're saying you're trying to separate us when we're the same. You and I have the same empathy. All right. You're a very sensitive guy, are you not? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yes. Yeah, yeah. I think that you have a tad bit of adhd. Okay. Okay. And these are things that you. That's why we're friends. Because I understand these things about you. You. And you're a sensitive, empathetic gay dude. Really? Whoa, dude. I mean, let's be real, huh? And you've kissed the tip.

[A]

I've never had.

[B]

Yes, you have. You've kissed the tip. Dude.

[A]

Dude, I never even went by anybody's wiener in my whole life. One dude, like, was trying to get us to, like, play Navy in his bathtub or whatever, and, Dude, I fucking. I didn't.

[B]

I didn't realize. Huh?

[A]

I didn't reenlist.

[B]

Oh, you didn't realize, all right.

[A]

No.

[B]

Oh, I wouldn't do. I signed up for the draft for that game. Yeah, yeah. I was on that boat, dude. But if you.

[A]

If you. If they. Who would you fight for if they had a draft?

[B]

I mean, here's the thing, dude. If they. Because I'm 54, so they said there's a draft, and we're extending the age to 55.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I think I have a compelling reason to get out.

[A]

What is it?

[B]

Well, one of them is, is that I will kill more of us than them. You go and I'll go in a circle and just do a full circle, right? And they're like, you killed Jim, Frank.

[A]

You mean like a little, like a yard. Yard water?

[B]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I would kill more people than them. Right. I also have, like. You know, I mean, I get hungry real quick. Like, some of the. Like, some of these boats that are out there. I mean, US Vessels are out there, they're running out of food, right? So if I was in a jungle fighting in a war, I would just biting trees and shit, eat Me? Whatever I got.

[A]

Eat.

[B]

I would eat anything if I would. Dude, if you got shot, I'm going to take some.

[A]

But what? You'd eat part of my body.

[B]

There's some.

[A]

Well, what. What part would you have first, you think? Be honest.

[B]

The tip, dude.

[A]

Ooh, bro, just have it all if

[B]

you're going to have the tip.

[A]

Just if you eat the tip off, dude, it's going to look so weird.

[B]

Your dad. Who gives a fuck?

[A]

I'm a pow.

[B]

I said, no, I want. This is what I want.

[A]

If I was a pow.

[B]

Yeah, yeah.

[A]

Don't eat just a half of my wiener.

[B]

You know what I would do? I would tuck all. I would cut all of it. Your testicles and your penis. Right? And I would tuck everything outside inside a hole. And then at your funeral, people are gonna go, theo was a trans man. Yeah.

[A]

No, I do tricks, dude. If they what? If they what? If I was a trans man and they buried me in a Trans Am, dude,

[B]

I'll be there at the funeral. But no, but, dude, that'd be crazy.

[A]

Like. Yeah, just don't.

[B]

Would you. Draft wise. Would you.

[A]

Well, let me finish this up. Do you just threaten to eat my wiener in a fiction?

[B]

I was kidding, dude. Okay, yeah, yeah.

[A]

Well, say that then because there's a comedy podcast. Yeah, I understand that.

[B]

You understand that.

[A]

But when you show up with your energy.

[B]

What do you mean by energy?

[A]

Some of it seems today to be a lot and a little bit threatening. Is that fair to say?

[B]

A little bit. A little bit, yeah.

[A]

And you say, I'm gonna have it.

[B]

I'm just down again, huh?

[A]

Yeah. You're just like, I'm gonna.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

No, when you say, I'm just gonna nip off the end or whatever. Yeah.

[B]

I would never do that, dude. You know what?

[A]

But I don't want the. I don't want my wiener to be missing the end of it and people like, what happened? It got nipped or whatever.

[B]

I do, dude. The honest truth.

[A]

Can we say nipped or not?

[C]

Absolutely.

[B]

Okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I would. I would nip, right? I wouldn't lick. You mean I wouldn't gargle. You mean I wouldn't smell.

[A]

What are you talking about?

[B]

No, what I'm saying, if you died in the war.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

And I would literally take your tags.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Right. I would bury you. I'd make a little, you know what I mean? Tombstone. Yeah. Thank you. Here lies comedian Theo Vaughn. And I wouldn't do anything. You know what I mean?

[A]

You wouldn't do anything to my body to desecrate it.

[B]

No, dude, but everyone around me. Other soldiers. Yeah.

[A]

You think so?

[B]

Yeah, because I know you. There's no way I'm gonna eat to eat the tip or eat any part of your body.

[A]

I. Dude, I'd have a little bit of your ass, boy. Not your ass, but just hit like boy. Sorry, buddy.

[B]

Yeah, yeah.

[A]

Let me put this hat on.

[B]

Yeah, yeah. I'm gonna put my hat on. Bobby, can you scoot your chair to the left little?

[A]

What?

[B]

Just scoot left a little when you get seated. Okay.

[A]

You know what time it is. Prize picks, price picks.

[B]

Who you with.

[A]

Prize pick? Prize Picks. It's America's number one sports picks app. That's what it is. The app is really simple to use to get started. You just pick more or less on two plus players, stat projections. That's it. You pick more or less on two plus players, stat projections and lock in your picks. Plus you can even follow me. You can tail me at the ovon directly in the app. You know, I don't know what I'm doing. I do it for fun. See your friends picks directly in the social feed and you can tail them with just one tap. It's all that easy. It's got a social element there on Prize Picks. And with the NBA playoffs here, there's no better time to get in on the action. Every night of the playoffs, Prize Picks is giving all users a live boost that drops in your account during games. All you need to do is submit a lineup with at least one live NBA square to claim the boost. Best of all, Prize Picks will give you fifty dollars in lineups. When you play your first five dollar lineup, win or lose, you'll get fifty bucks in lineups. Use promo code Theo when you download the app and sign up today. Prize picks code Theo. Play responsibly. As you guys know, Moonpay, it's my go to place to buy crypto. It's the truth. It's been the truth and. And now Moonpay just launched something new they call Moonpay agents. It's tech that lets AI actually handle your crypto for you. Yeah, that's wild. Think. Think of it like a smart assistant that can buy, sell, trade, swap coins, set up recurring buys, and even convert crypto back into cash, all on your behalf. You just set up a wallet through Moonpay. You verify your identity once, fund it with a bank transfer, Apple Pay, Venmo, PayPal, whatever. Your grandma's giving you some money and your agent can get to work your keys stay on your device so you stay in control. And here is the truth is that it works across major chains like Bitcoin, Ethereum, Solana. Moonpay already powers crypto for millions of people in over 180 countries. Check out Moonpay [e-mail] Agents A G E N T S. Crypto is risky and it can be volatile. So do your own research and trade responsibly. Dude, I remember the summer, bro. I remember the first time I'd ever seen a. What's it called? A eagle, bro. First time I'd gotten out of school for summer vacation, right? And you remember, you know, that last day of school year, you get out and I remember walking down the street because my bike. Somebody stole my bike. And I saw that beautiful thing and I. I couldn't. I didn't even know they had. You could put that much just dang, just quality beauty onto something. I didn't think you could get something that nice unless you rented it from like an Ashley Furniture or something. But anyway, iconic summer moments deserve an iconic drink. It's Mountain Dew, an American original. The refreshing citrus kick of Mountain Dew is the perfect companion to your American summer adventures. When I get me a little Mountain Dew, man, I like to diet because I, you know, I'm saying because I get that rattle in me. So now I like that Mountain Dew diet. And my co. I get to hold my little God nephew sometimes. And he's a baby. And if you just. Dude, I give me a little Mountain Dew diet in me and you put my God nephew in my arms and. Dang. Amen, brother. Enjoy the refreshing citrus kick of Mountain Dew, An American original. Tasting great since 48. 1948. Look for American Dew limited time packaging or find it in stores near you@mountain Dew.com. that's Mountain Dew.com. but you look like Tokyo Drift AF, bro, right now.

[B]

Thank you, man. Another one. Huh? Huh? I'm just gonna keep going.

[A]

I'm just seeing like, Tokyo Drift as

[B]

it's a fun game movie. I mean. Huh? Hello?

[A]

Yeah. I'm just saying.

[B]

Okay, so in a war now, what would you do?

[A]

In a war? Yeah, I would. Okay, hold on.

[B]

Yeah, yeah.

[A]

Chill out, man.

[B]

We're fighting again. Let me. Let me give you the circumstance, okay?

[A]

Give me the circumstances.

[B]

Yeah, yeah. We're doing Vietnam 2. There's got to be a sequel. Yeah, because we lost the last one.

[A]

Did y'? All?

[B]

Y', all. I'm always on your team, y'. All. I was born here, guy.

[A]

Okay? Yeah, yeah, I know.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[A]

You do. Yeah, but I'm saying.

[B]

Yeah. Yeah. I'd still be. Dude, if I was an American soldier, I'd still be wearing this hat.

[A]

You would?

[B]

Oh, yeah. So I can sneak onto the other side, bro.

[A]

We would do with the. We would be in the best military

[B]

ever, you and I. Yeah. Oh, yeah.

[A]

Yeah, dude.

[B]

We would.

[A]

Fudgeing. Stay up all night partying. Oh, dude, I would relapse eating Twizzlers. Oh, yeah. Do we relapse on opium? Do that Our own government would sell to its soldiers.

[B]

Yeah, we. Yeah, we would. Shooting opium.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Listening to Purple Haze.

[A]

Some fox born.

[B]

We'd be cutting.

[A]

What is it good for?

[B]

Absolutely nothing. Say it again. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And we're like, shooting opium. Right? And they're just, like, kissing tips.

[A]

Yeah, dude.

[B]

Yeah. You'd be kissing the dip with music. Heroin. Just the tip, bro.

[A]

I just want to be straight and help my country.

[B]

I'm straight, too, dude. I have a girlfriend now, dude.

[A]

Here's what we'd be doing. We'd be staying up late, and we'd get pissed off.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And I would cut one of my nipples off and just throw it. And you'd catch it in your mouth.

[B]

Oh, that'd be cool, dude.

[A]

That's how up we'd be.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[A]

Partying.

[B]

Yeah. Yeah.

[A]

That's partying.

[B]

That's partying, dude.

[A]

Oh, yeah.

[B]

Yeah, yeah. And then I would sew it back on your nip. Yeah. Yeah, dude.

[A]

Good God.

[B]

What is it good for? Absolutely nothing. Say it again. Yeah, yeah. Anyway, one of them, too. Vietnam 2. What would you do? You're drafted, Theo. Bond. Draft it.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

Born in the USA isn't a Vietnam song. That was written way after.

[A]

I know, but I'm just saying don't sing that song.

[B]

Then it doesn't even apply to both

[A]

of us, so I won't sing it. Let's go on. What did you ask?

[B]

What do you mean, what I mean, bro? Dude, I'm USA all the way, dude. Are you? Oh, yeah, dude. Well, guess what? One of my favorite restaurants are. Cracker Barrel.

[A]

Oh, it is.

[B]

Am I American or what? Cracker Bar. Cracker Bar, yeah.

[A]

Really?

[B]

I think it's the best breakfast, dude. It's a good breakfast spot.

[A]

It is sometimes, but when I walk

[B]

in, in the south, there always is, like, everyone stops working.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

When I walk in. Yeah.

[A]

Well, there's kind of like a moment of remembrance, like when you think.

[B]

So you're not saluting me?

[A]

No.

[B]

They're like, what the fuck is this?

[A]

Well, it's because some of it's just like. There's like an old. Like, I remember this, like, my. My stepdad. And he was in the wars, right? And he.

[B]

What were.

[A]

I don't know. He was in at least two. Two. Two out of three. And he went to. He would take my mom to the Chinese buffet.

[B]

It was in the war.

[A]

No, no, in town, he would take this.

[B]

My.

[A]

They had, like, this place called Yellow Bellies or whatever. It was a Chinese buffet or whatever. I don't remember. What was it called? See if you can look it up. But he would take my. He would take my mom over there. I'm not even joking. Huh?

[B]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[A]

He would. I'm not joking, Bobby.

[B]

No, it. It's not called Yellow Bellies. It was. There's no way it's called Yellow Bellies, dude.

[A]

Bro.

[B]

Yeah, yeah.

[A]

It was called Yellow Bellies, and they changed the name. They changed one of the letters on the sign.

[B]

Yeah, yeah. To.

[A]

To, like, Yellow Bells or whatever.

[B]

Oh, yeah, yeah. Oh, that's better.

[A]

Because the eye burnt out or whatever. So it was just like, yellow Bells, and it was just like.

[B]

Oh, it was a belly with an eye at that.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Oh, that's so funny. Yeah, yeah. Yes. Yeah, yeah.

[A]

That's. What I'm saying is a play on words.

[B]

Oh, yeah.

[A]

But it's. So anyway, what happened was he would. After dinner, he would always go sit my mom in the car, and then he go back in and he would, like, apologize to some of the workers that worked there for, like, things that had happened when he was in Vietnam, different conflicts.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. W. Wow. But we've never been in a conflict with China is a Chinese restaurant. Yeah. So your uncle would go into a Chinese restaurant and apologize.

[A]

It wasn't my uncle. It was somebody that my mom.

[B]

All right, whoever. Your mom's smashing. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So we've never been in a war, really, with China. So he's apologizing to a group of people that they have no idea what the he's talking about.

[A]

They know.

[B]

No, they don't know. A Chinese people are like, oh, thank you so much for apologizing because we were feeling so bad about it.

[A]

No, but, dude, not everybody. This happens a lot in small towns, Bobby, and this is the truth. A lot of small towns, if they open up a place that is ethnical in the town and it's different.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

They will hire anybody that even looks like that culture to work there.

[B]

So I could get a job at Yellow Belly?

[A]

Fuck yeah, dude.

[B]

Manage it, huh?

[A]

Management, Maybe assistant manager.

[B]

Okay. Okay.

[A]

You know, maybe. Yeah, they might let you manage on Sundays. Yeah, but what I'm saying is this. So he would. Then he would go in and kind of apologize. And you have to think this is something kind of crazy.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

So a lot of people went and fought in some of these wars, right? Then they came back and they never saw anybody from any of these cultures until like 40 years later when a restaurant with some different ethnical food showed up in their town. And that's the. That's like the. They never. That's kind of crazy to think that, you know. Does it make sense to you?

[B]

Let me get this right. Yeah. Okay, so what you're saying is you're. Let's just call this guy Jim.

[A]

Okay?

[B]

Would you want to call him.

[A]

His name is Charlie. Okay.

[B]

All right. We gotta call him Charlie, huh? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Ironic that his name is Charlie.

[A]

I mean, look.

[B]

And he was a nom.

[A]

You were gonna call him that no matter what, so.

[B]

Yeah, but sure you can. Yeah.

[A]

And he died and he wore a

[B]

lot of rest in peace Charlie.

[A]

He wore a lot of gloves.

[B]

So what you're telling me is Charlie came back from the Vietnam War.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Didn't see an Asian person for 40 fucking years. Yeah, Right. And all of a sudden, yellow belly opens a Chinese restaurant.

[A]

Semi Chinese. All Chinese.

[B]

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Semi Chinese. All right. And he walked in there and because he hadn't seen in a Vietnamese person in 40 years, he went up to a Chinese person and apologized for the Vietnam War. And what he did. Yeah. Okay.

[A]

His heart had been changed.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

That's the truth. Bobby, Bobby, that's the truth. I swear.

[B]

I know, but maybe go to.

[A]

My mom would tell you.

[B]

I understand that. But maybe go to a Vietnamese person.

[A]

But they don't have.

[B]

They don't have a Vietnamese restaurant in

[A]

town at that point. It's like, you just take what you can get, bro. They. They're. They'll hire a fucking Mexican guy who. Who's fucking.

[B]

Who's high, nose, eyes, look Chinese. Yeah.

[A]

Who's.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. High Mexican guy.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Or just like you smoked up 247 when you walk here, Whose eyes.

[A]

You know, he's got this lowrider eyes, you know, like.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. So what you're saying to me is, is that. And did he feel. Did Charlie feel better about doing that?

[A]

He felt. No. I just think over the years his heart had been like. He just kind of like, you know, something, you know, he just had probably some remorse.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

And for.

[B]

And. And I feel empathy for that. But I'll tell you what the Chinese people were thinking at Yellow Belly.

[A]

What?

[B]

What the. What that about? Yeah. Yeah. That's what they thought. They're thinking. What are he talking about?

[A]

No.

[B]

Yeah, yeah. Because they're not in the Vietnam. Do you understand? Yeah, I feel like. No, no, no. I think that there is. I don't.

[A]

I know exactly.

[B]

I. I think. No, because we do this all the time.

[A]

No, we don't.

[B]

Yeah, yeah.

[A]

No, we don't.

[B]

Yeah, we do. We. We do this all the time and, you know.

[A]

What do you mean we do this? You saying you and I have this conversation a lot?

[B]

Yeah, you and I always go into. And I don't want to do it anymore. I think this is the last time. Okay. Give me the other hat then, huh?

[A]

Oh, you want that sharecropper hat, huh?

[B]

How you doing, man?

[A]

Huh?

[B]

How you doing, man?

[A]

I'm good, sir.

[B]

Yeah. Billy Lee. That's my name. Billy. Billy. Bill. Lily. Billy, I love you.

[A]

I love you. I'm happy to be here today working for you, sir. What can I do for you?

[B]

I just want to apologize for what I did to your people in the Vietnam War. I apologize. What's your name, man?

[A]

My name? Yeah, man, my name's Clark.

[B]

Clark. Clark. Clark. I apologize, but see how that feels. You have.

[A]

Hold on.

[B]

Yeah. You have nothing to do with the fucking Vietnam War.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

You're a white dude named Clark wearing that hat because you happen to get a job as a busser at Yellow Belly, right? And some guy.

[A]

Charlie, I've been working here for almost three months.

[B]

Yeah. Yeah.

[A]

So.

[B]

Hey, Clark, I want to apologize because I know you were in that hat. You probably. You know what I mean? Yeah. I slaughtered a village, you know what I mean? And I feel bad about it, man, so.

[A]

Hey, I want.

[B]

Give me a hug, man.

[A]

We hug, right? Yeah.

[B]

Here's a little tip. Five bucks.

[A]

That's what he would do. He'd go in there and hit him a little extra.

[B]

Yeah. And he. Charlie seems like he would hide the tip so there'd be a nice. Like, it was, like, in heated rivalry. You ever see that show?

[A]

I haven't seen that.

[B]

Yeah. Yeah. You know that show, the gay hockey show?

[A]

Oh, is that a show?

[B]

Yeah. You never heard of Heated Arrival? It's the hottest show in America, dude.

[A]

Is it really? I think my friend Josh Morrissey's in it.

[B]

Yeah. Yeah. It's about these two gay. Top gay hockey players, but they're in love oh, there's a lot of gay love.

[A]

Is Gianni Paolo in it?

[B]

Yeah, no, I think Gianni and Josh

[A]

Morrissey might be in it.

[B]

Yeah. Yeah. But anyway, there's a scene in Healing Heated rivalry.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

When one of the hockey players passes a water bottle. Right. So I'm going to just show you what one of them does. All right. Right. So they're. They're not out. You know what I mean? They're like these, like, manly hockey players.

[A]

Right.

[B]

Can you pick it up with that hand, please? Yeah, yeah. No, pick up with that hand. Okay. Yeah, yeah. And he passes it like this. Right. And then he does this. How does that feel?

[A]

Do it with this. Other people can see it on the camera. So, you know, do with your other hand.

[B]

So do it with this hand. Use your left hand. Yeah, yeah. I don't have a lot of control in his hand. I'll try.

[A]

I don't give a shit.

[B]

Okay, so you pick the. Pick the bond. Pick the top.

[A]

Okay. So you grab it like this.

[B]

And he goes, what? Yeah, and then you take the bottle. That's like one of the first episodes.

[A]

It's like kind of like a gay relay race.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. It was a gay relay race. But it's also a way to show, like, you know, I mean.

[A]

Right. There's foreshadowing.

[B]

Yeah, there's some foreshadowing. So if I did that to you, you and I during a show together at the store. Yo, Bobby, hand me a bottle of water. Right. And I handed you a bottle of water, and you stayed ahead and I. And I kind of. Just briefly with my finger. Rubbed your finger. How would you feel about that?

[A]

I would feel like you were rubbing my finger, and I would feel like you were trying to give me. Trying to say something to me. Trying to say something to me with just your finger without even saying something to me that was gay. And it would be something that was gay.

[B]

Yeah. And I'll tell you this right now. I don't give a.

[A]

But would you do that to me? What if I was unconscious?

[B]

No, dude, you have to feel the finger. Oh, you know that slogan, Feel the finger? Yeah, yeah. My grandfather used to say it all the time. Feel the finger.

[A]

But do you see?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

See?

[B]

Yeah. Yeah.

[A]

So your grandparents can do that?

[B]

Kind of.

[A]

Yeah, but my grandparents can't go into a.

[B]

A Chinese restaurant.

[A]

Yeah, A buffet and.

[B]

A Chinese buffet.

[A]

A Chinese buffet. And trying to reconcile some differences. That's what I don't understand.

[B]

I'm saying you can reconcile differences with people that you you have to reconcile differences with. Yeah. Not some other nation or people. It makes no sense.

[A]

I don't know if that's. You know, I don't know if I agree with you.

[B]

Make your argument. Well, make your argument.

[A]

I'm trying to make it.

[B]

Yeah, make your argument.

[A]

You keep attacking me.

[B]

I'm not attacking you. Because what you're saying is nonsensical, bro.

[A]

I'm just.

[B]

No, no, no, bro. No. You don't know anything about. You think. Here's what you think, Bobby. No, I'm. No, I'm sorry. Pakistan. Right. I've been here so many different times. Right. And I'm going to say what I'm going to say. Okay.

[A]

You think. No, you think you're giving angry sharecropper energy right now.

[B]

Yeah. And I am one. Okay. Okay. I have. I have farm. I'm a farmer.

[A]

Okay, I'll go do it.

[B]

Hold on. You seem to think that the whole country, I mean, continent of Asia. Yeah, Right. Is one block that we have the same traditions, language, writings, culture, etc. They're all.

[A]

I'm listening.

[B]

Completely different, right?

[A]

I believe so.

[B]

It's. It's like saying, oh, yeah, an Americans, like somebody from the Congo.

[A]

That's not true. Yeah, it's not. What if you said, like, okay, somebody from Mississippi is like somebody that's from North Carolina. They're similar.

[B]

Yeah, yeah.

[A]

They look similar, but they're different. One of them probably watches Outer Banks and one of them probably listens to the soundtrack at the gym of Mississippi Burning or whatever.

[B]

But the continent of North America, how many countries are in there?

[A]

On the continent of North America? 51.

[B]

No.

[A]

Isn't there three? Dude, you're fucking setting me up.

[B]

There's no. I'm not setting you up, dude.

[A]

Yeah, you are. You're spy, dude. You're Mossad.

[B]

I'm not massage, dude. I'm the opposite.

[A]

You are.

[B]

Yeah, I'm in rubble.

[A]

You what?

[B]

I'm in rubble.

[A]

You're in rubble.

[B]

Yeah. Okay, good. You understand what I'm saying? Yeah, yeah, I got you. Yeah, yeah. So what I'm saying to you is there's three countries on our continent which are what?

[A]

North America, South America, Mexico.

[B]

No, no.

[A]

What is it?

[B]

See, that's why. You know what I mean? Charlie shouldn't have said shit, dog. But, dude, he doesn't understand geopolitically things. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[A]

He doesn't understand.

[B]

There's Canada, America and also Mexico. Yeah, yeah. Now is Central America. No, that's a. What is Central America? Yeah, that's not a part of.

[A]

Okay. This is when the wizard runs out of his magic right here.

[B]

This guy. Guy. Give me the. How many countries. I mean, how many countries are in North America?

[C]

This is. Including Central America.

[B]

Yeah, but it's Central America. North America. I don't think so. Just. Just put in North America. How many countries are in North America? Bro. No, just let me finish.

[A]

It's never gonna end, dude. How many countries in North America? 11.

[C]

That's Central America and stuff. It's including. But, yeah, in this.

[B]

Oh, Haiti. Yeah. In North America, there's three countries. Okay.

[A]

Oh, grand.

[B]

So it's. It's like.

[A]

Okay, yeah, but here's my defense. In defensive.

[B]

Charlie is defensive. Who?

[A]

Charlie.

[B]

Oh, okay.

[A]

He would.

[B]

Bro.

[A]

They don't. What I'm saying is, in. In some. In some smaller communities, they will open up a place that has a cuisine from an area, even a realm. Right?

[B]

So what do you mean, like. Like Lord of the Ring shit?

[A]

Yeah, they'll open up with some fucking Mangalorean.

[B]

Oh, Mandalorian restaurants. Those are my favorite.

[A]

Or. You know what I'm saying? They'll open up a month. Mandarin.

[B]

Yeah. Or a Mongolian stir fry place.

[A]

Chinese adjacent.

[B]

Chinese adjacent. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[A]

So don't open that up. And then people. The people that work there.

[B]

First of all, there's no way.

[A]

Anybody.

[B]

There's no way to win this argument. It's fudgeing crazy. Let me take this hat off. There's no. I'm going to hear you.

[A]

What's the problem with the hat?

[B]

Yeah. I don't like it. I want to just be my son. Yeah. Yeah. So there's no way to win this argument, but I'm so interested to see how you're going to do it. Go ahead.

[A]

This is my final rebuttal. All right.

[B]

Go ahead.

[A]

And. This is like the end of that movie. Have you seen A Time to Kill?

[B]

No. Give me another movie.

[A]

All right. Oh, Lincoln Lawyer. But I think.

[B]

Yeah, give me another movie.

[A]

All right. Bridge over the River. Kauai.

[B]

Yes, I have.

[A]

Okay. So this is different than that.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

Here's what I'm telling you.

[B]

Well, that's Santino.

[A]

It is.

[B]

Yeah. Hold on. Yeah. What's up? You're. I'm doing Theo's. So. Project Hail Mary is one of the

[A]

best movies I've seen in years.

[B]

I know. It was an amazing movie, right?

[A]

What's it called?

[B]

Bus Boys.

[C]

I cried. I cried, like, four times.

[B]

I. I told you, dude. That's one of the best movies I've seen in years.

[A]

What's it called? And then right after, I went and

[C]

I watched Bus Boys, which is now in limited theaters all around the country.

[B]

Yeah. And how do you feel about Bus Boys? Bus Boys. Bus Boys is up there with some

[A]

of the greatest fantasy sci fi dramas.

[B]

Yeah, I agree. I agree.

[A]

Loved it.

[C]

I loved every second of it.

[A]

Hi, Theo. Hey, brother. What's up, man? We miss you.

[B]

We miss you.

[A]

Love you guys very much.

[B]

Sorry to interrupt. Oh, yeah. But we'll talk about the movie later.

[A]

But what was that movie called? What was that movie called?

[B]

I'm gonna tell you after we hang out.

[A]

Okay, great. Okay. Okay.

[B]

Let me get Project Harold, Larry.

[A]

Project Maho, Mary. It's great, huh?

[B]

It's so good.

[A]

I want to go see it. Is it in theaters or. It's on vod.

[B]

I would recommend you watch in theaters, but you're not gonna watch it. Yeah, well, Charlie watch it, huh? Would Charlie watch it if he was alive?

[A]

No.

[B]

Well, then that's. You're part of the same.

[A]

He liked to be in the shed and he liked to curse a lot.

[B]

But here's like, the Unabomber.

[A]

I don't know about that. No. Okay. But he took care of my mother. He had a small dog. But here's what I want to tell you, though.

[B]

Oh, yeah, finish the argument.

[A]

Okay. A lot of times in small communities, Bobby, people. If anybody seems semi Asian. If anybody seems.

[B]

What's a semi Asian?

[A]

A guy who's Asian. But also, you don't know if he's Asian, man. If somebody just has dark hair, it

[B]

could be a white guy, but he had funny eyes, even.

[A]

Just a trans chick who can't see that good. Right. Like, people will fucking. It all works in that sort of place.

[B]

Doesn't work because it's wrong.

[A]

It doesn't work for us, bro. But in that kind of place, you just. You just take what, like, you, like.

[B]

You take what you can get.

[A]

Right, Right. And so they'll have people. Sometimes you'll get a Mexican guy that's been in a fire even, and they'll be like, oh, this guy's Taiwanese or something. He's not right. But people don't know, dude. They just. So I'm just saying, like, sometimes that kind of shit happens and people try to make bridges where they can.

[B]

Okay, if there was a guy that was slightly blue, would you think that they were from the movie Avatar?

[A]

I'm sure Charlie would have went up to him and offered him a fucking dude. Speaking of.

[B]

Yeah, yeah.

[A]

But let's move on.

[B]

No, no, no. I don't want to move on. I think I see your point of view. Right.

[A]

I'm not saying it's right or anything.

[B]

Yeah, yeah. What I'm saying, though, is, is that this is small town, you know what I mean? Worldview.

[A]

But also bring up that Asian fellow we had on here, that young boy or whatever.

[B]

Yeah, I remember. I saw some clips.

[A]

Yeah. Asian Ray. Young boy, Asian Bobby, can you scoot to your left? Yeah. And he. Listen to this. Listen to what he said one day that brought me into some crazy.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

Racism that was happening.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

I don't think we'll find it there. It might stop us, but maybe it won't. Maybe. Well, I don't think it's on here. The full one might be on YouTube shorts or something. Can you just find it, Dude? Oh, did you see those? Look, listen, how messed up this is, dude. Did you see. Okay, there's moving slot machines that are going on.

[B]

Tell me. I would like to see they move.

[A]

Watch this.

[B]

They move now. Oh, yeah.

[A]

They're going to be coming after y' all all. Look at this, Bobby.

[B]

Whoa.

[A]

So say you're.

[B]

I know, yeah. Taking a.

[A]

No, no. When it comes looking for you. No, that's crazy. But say your wife's like, all right, you can't gamble anymore tonight, and you have to go to bed or whatever.

[B]

Right.

[A]

And that thing comes knocking on your door later with like.

[B]

Oh, yeah, a little bottle of wine. Oh, that'd be crazy.

[A]

You know?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Or even just for, like.

[B]

You put 100 bucks in it, though. No.

[A]

Yeah, but that thing could pin a fucking dude. That thing could pin a. An older Taiwanese man against the wallet and make him spend every buck he's got.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I see what you're saying.

[A]

I'm just saying that's just messed up.

[B]

Yeah. I think that this is too far. Is that what you're saying? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Moving anything, like, you know, like. But ATM machine, too, then. If they do this. They do atm?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

What else machines can they do? Although, you know the crane game? Oh, yeah.

[A]

That one I would like, though.

[B]

Yeah. Yeah, yeah. I've never gotten one of you. Really?

[A]

You haven't?

[B]

I could. I can never grab it, dude.

[A]

Huh?

[B]

Yeah. Sometimes I'll. I'll. I'll have it hook onto, like, you know, the. Like on a plush toy. There's like, the little whoever manual, like, made in China. There's like a little bit of a white. I try to get the crane, you know, I mean, through the part of

[A]

the ticket or the little Late.

[B]

The label. And I try to pull it up that way, but it somehow slips. Dude.

[A]

Oh, dang. That's a good strategy, though. But. Yeah, what is it?

[B]

What kind of age?

[A]

What kind of what?

[B]

What kind of age is he?

[A]

This age?

[B]

No age.

[A]

He's Thai.

[B]

Oh, I like it.

[A]

He's Thai.

[B]

Yeah, yeah. Tell me about him. What do you say?

[A]

1. He's Mexican or he's Taiwan? Sorry. Yeah, yeah, he's Taiwan.

[B]

Am I center?

[A]

No, I'm just saying, look at the kind of that these kids are coming over here and saying.

[B]

Okay, I don't want to hear it. I will let you call me a chinchong. I'll give it a pass. Really? Yeah. Just call it one time. It's okay. I know you want to do it.

[A]

I don't want to do it. It's okay.

[B]

Like, I'm cool. Like, for me, I'm gonna give it a pass. You can say ching chong.

[A]

I would not say. I would probably. I would think it's. No, I like it.

[B]

I want to hear it. I don't like Ching chong that much. Why?

[A]

I would maybe call you, like, slot machine boy or something like that. Something that Asian people like to do. Look at this little kind of slow machine. Look at this little slot machine. Yeah.

[B]

What you mean by that? Like, we slow. Like, ding, Ding.

[A]

Yes. Yeah, that's it. No, that's a slot machine.

[B]

That's not saying that. Yes. No, I think that slot winner.

[A]

It's like. It'd be like a slot machine just adding like a. When you hit the bonus on a slot machine. That's crazy.

[B]

Let me tell you something. That's unfair.

[A]

You know that guy.

[B]

We know. We all know each other. I can call UN right now, dog.

[A]

Kim Jong Un.

[B]

That's right, dog.

[A]

You know he was supposed to play your role in the movie.

[B]

Who?

[A]

Kju. Not even joking.

[B]

You gonna give him one line in a movie we offered him.

[A]

It's four lines.

[B]

You're gonna put him.

[A]

It was only.

[B]

I was second choice, dog.

[A]

No, wait, I.

[B]

Wait, wait. I was second choice for four lines in your movie?

[A]

Hold on.

[B]

That's crazy, dude.

[A]

I don't know if it's. I don't know if it's true or not.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I believe you. Yeah. You were a producer and you wrote the thing.

[A]

Dude, we barely got through it. We made it during the fires.

[B]

Yeah, I understand that. Listen, about this Asian guy, okay, number one, I don't want to give him

[A]

any more air time. This guy's kind of, you Brought it up.

[B]

All right. You made me watch the whole video and then like, watch it. I watch. I can't say anything.

[A]

All right, then. Go on.

[B]

Right. He's not. He's from Ching Chong.

[A]

Go on, Bobby.

[B]

All right. He's from the land of them. He ain't no American. I'm American.

[A]

Yeah, I know you are.

[B]

Yeah, Yeah. I mean, so it's like Ching Chong hits different with me than that Ching Chong. Yeah. You know what I mean? Oh, yeah, yeah. You know, I mean, so it's like, you know, that little. Also, let me say something.

[A]

That little octopus knuckle. He ain't.

[B]

He ain't, dude. This little octopus knuckle, dude. You know what I mean? And let me tell you something. Slots. I know why you said that, man. Cuz a slot is a slit.

[A]

Nah.

[B]

Yeah, that's why you said it. A slot is a slit and a slit is a slot, dude. Bro, I'm doing parables, dude. Yeah, let me say something about.

[A]

All right, tell me something.

[B]

Let me. Let me say something. Okay. Right. I give you permission, maybe not on camera, but off camera, to say whatever you want to call me, because I'm not going to take it personally.

[A]

I don't do that.

[B]

Yeah, you do. You have. And I've said I've called you certain things. Oh, really? Yeah. Just to you, off camera.

[A]

To me. Was I there? Yeah. Is that what you're saying? I was there? Yes. Oh, off camera, you have.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[A]

Not behind my back.

[B]

Don't say no. Not behind. No. Beyond your.

[A]

You know what? Wow.

[B]

Well, I don't want to.

[A]

Defense rest. We're gonna break for lunch. You know, in the past, I was hesitant to invest my money. And who wouldn't be? Because, you know, I mean, I used to throw my money in a wishing well when I was a child and just. And I wish for more money, but I didn't realize I was working backwards. So many of us only focus on where our money is today. But Acorns is the financial wellness app that cares about where your money is going tomorrow. That's what they do. Acorns is a smart way to give your money a chance to grow. You can sign up in minutes and start automatically investing your spare money, even if all you've got is spare change. That's one thing I like about it. That's why I got my niece and nephews signed up with it. Just to. It puts their change away and lets them show what savings looks like. Sign up now and join over 14 million all time. Customers who have already saved and invested over $27 billion with Acorns. Plus, Acorns will boost your new account with a $20 bonus investment offer [e-mail] theo that's a C O R N S.com theo to get your $20 bonus investment today. Terms and conditions apply. See acorns.com terms for details. Pay non Client Endorsement Compensation provides incentive to positively promote Acorns tier 2 compensation provided potential subject to various factors such as customers accounts, age and investment settings. Does not include Acorns fees. Results do not predict or represent the performance of the Acorns portfolio. Investment results will vary. Investing Voice Risk Acorns Advisors LLC and SEC registered investment advisor view important disclosures acorns.com. there's times in the past where I went to the doctor and I didn't feel like I got anything useful out of the visit. That's true. I'd go in there and one time the guy tickled me and wrote some. He wrote some profanity on a little sketch pad or something. That's why I'm excited about this company called Super Power. Superpower sends a licensed professional to your home, or you can visit a nearby lab. It's one simple blood draw with over 100 biomarkers, which is way more than what you usually get, and it unlocks a real understanding of your body. Their app includes detailed information on your heart, liver, thyroid, hormones, even environmental toxins. Yep, Superpower. Make this the year you stop guessing about your health with Superpower for a limited time, our listeners get 20 off to unlock their new health intelligence. Head on over to superpower.com and use code THEO for $20 off your membership. That's code THEO, and after you sign up, they'll ask you how you heard about them. Tell them we sent you. This episode is brought to you by BetterHelp. Life's a Journey hell, and look, we're barely living. You know that people are poisoned by food. There's glyphosate. And you know you're watching television, getting glyphosate thrown into your face through the, you know, 4K or whatever, 5G wireless. You know, the animals aren't breathing. You know what's going on. What I'm saying is some days feel good and others feel overwhelming. BetterHelp is reminding us that May is Mental Health Awareness Month, and it's a good time to check in with yourself and understand where you're at. That's where better help comes in. Betterhelp therapists work according to A strict code of conduct and are fully licensed in the U.S. america, and they do the initial matching work for you so you can focus on your therapy goals. And I do want to say, if you go see a therapist and you don't feel. If you. If you don't feel like it's a good match, get another one. I sat in with therapists that I didn't think it was a good match. I sat in for far too long because I was afraid to speak up for myself. You don't have to be on your journey alone. That's the truth. Find support and have someone with you in therapy. Sign up and get 10% [e-mail] Theo. That's better. H E L p.com/theo.

[B]

No.

[A]

The judge is going to return to his chambers. We'll be back after lunch. Remember that?

[B]

Yeah. I love that show. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I've said some stuff behind your back.

[A]

Oh, Bobby, get that hitter, huh?

[B]

What's up?

[A]

What flavor is it?

[B]

That's tobacco, dude.

[A]

Yours is just tobacco flavoring. Wow.

[B]

I quit smoking over a month ago, so sometimes I'll take a hit.

[A]

That's insane, bro. Yeah, that's how I quit. The same way of not quit.

[B]

What do you mean, dude?

[A]

That's not quitting, dude.

[B]

If you. If you're smoking a pack of cigarettes a day. 20 cigarettes. Yeah.

[A]

20 cigarettes, and I lick me one. Have you heard that song?

[B]

No.

[A]

Morgan Wallen. No, dude, I went to his.

[B]

I don't know, the Modern.

[A]

I went to his contract the other

[B]

night, dude, I saw. I saw Karen Carpenter at the Coachella. I didn't know one song.

[A]

Really?

[B]

Yeah, yeah. She came out. She came out, and I had not one song. No, Sabrina. Sabrina Carpenter.

[A]

Oh, yeah.

[B]

Karen Carpenter died.

[A]

Her and my. Her and my. Dana.

[B]

Yeah, dude.

[A]

No. Morgan Wallen, dude, you. Bro, you got to go see him, bro.

[B]

No, no, I'm not gonna see, bro. Yeah, you got to do his.

[A]

Walk out with him, bro. Have you ever seen. He does walk outs where people walk out with him? Nick Saban freaking walked out with him, Bobby.

[B]

Yeah, I don't even know who Nick Saban is, dude. I only know people.

[A]

It's not Nick Saban, dude. Like, he's a guy who freaking makes.

[B]

Cooper might be saving something.

[A]

It's Nick Saban.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Listen to me, guy. Bro, he loves you, dude. Yeah, and I love him back, dude. But what I want to say to you is this.

[A]

Last night we let the liquor talk, bro.

[B]

Last night we left the liquor talk.

[A]

That's Good stuff, dude.

[B]

Listen to me, dude, I don't.

[A]

I've been listening.

[B]

It's a. It's a regional thing, dude. You're out there in Nashville. You mean all your. Right. We don't do like that, dude. Right.

[A]

You're right. You know what I mean? Spoons.

[B]

That's your. Dude. You know what I mean? We do different out here in la, dog.

[A]

What?

[B]

Yeah. Rap, punk bands, you know, I mean, you all are.

[A]

You're right.

[B]

I mean. You know what I mean?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Yeah. Last night, my bus fell down a river. Like music I don't even relate to. Last night my dog came, said hello.

[A]

Yeah, those are like.

[B]

That's your music. You mean my corn's growing like sombreros?

[A]

Like Nevada.

[B]

Nevada. I'm sorry. Yeah.

[A]

Let's try the country zone real quick.

[B]

What?

[A]

All right.

[B]

What?

[A]

I woke up and I couldn't see this morning.

[B]

Then I realized it was not.

[A]

So I had to redownload my iPhone software.

[B]

I put my white hat through the door.

[A]

Yeah. Amen, bro. I like the ending. Is this. It's like cbd.

[B]

It's a cbd.

[A]

Tbd. To be decided. It's like.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Oh, tbc. You said exactly what? Dude.

[B]

Dude, did you see that Gay volleyball. No, hold on a second.

[A]

We keep. Well, bro, we're not. We don't even know we're saying, bro.

[B]

I know. That's the thing. That's the thing when you and I are together.

[A]

Right? Just say it, man.

[B]

There's anxiety and we want to get to the next thing. Right. Because we think that silence is bad.

[A]

That's a good point. Huh?

[B]

I do feel like that. Have you always felt like that? No, but what I realize it doesn't matter whether you and I. It's going to be good. Well, let's see. It's going to be good. And there's no need for anxiety and there's no need to like what's clippable. And, you know, because when you and I are together, sometimes it gets clippable and it becomes sometimes viral. And when I. When I was coming here today, there's a reason why I haven't done your shit in a long time is because I don't like the pressure of doing it with you. Specifically. Because if we don't create magic, right, then it was just a waste.

[A]

I brought that up to Nick today. Before you came.

[B]

Yeah. Yeah.

[A]

And I prayed about it before this.

[B]

Yeah. But what I believe is that then when I was driving, I was like, I don't care. Whatever it is it is. And I'm okay with that. You know what I mean? Because we're both doing well in life, and I believe that you're a very good person. I'm a good person and just not rush through it, man. I'm here as long as you need me, you know? I mean. But I think we have something. I mean. Where's Bare Dick at?

[A]

He's over there.

[B]

Yeah. Bear Dick. Yeah. Did we get stuff already? Yeah, I think you gave the clippers some fuel. Yeah, we got some stuff, right? You got more than enough. We got it more than enough. So what I'm saying is, is that. Can you slide to your right a little bit? You're in theater.

[A]

I know, I know.

[B]

Honestly, dude, what you're doing right now, dude, is you said to go to the left, now I gotta go to the right. We haven't had this problem yet. You're. You just, you know, you're full of energy.

[A]

Does he look on Synergy?

[B]

He's just creeping into your shot. So move your mic.

[A]

Oh, my God. I gotta get it.

[B]

Okay, here. Move your mic. And you're good.

[A]

Bobby, look at this right here. This is you in the movie.

[B]

This is your anxiety.

[A]

Oh, there you go.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[A]

That's the guy you beat out for your. That's like.

[B]

Okay, first of all,

[A]

that's the guy you beat up.

[B]

No, no, no, That's Kim Jong Un as me in the movie, dude.

[C]

No, he came in for a read.

[A]

That's the guy you beat out for your role. You.

[B]

Oh, so he came from North Korea and read. Went on set and read for you, and he didn't get it. Yeah, yeah. And then you're like, what other. You know, I mean, Chong. Chongs do we know? And then you called me. How many people did you call before you called me? Did you call Ken Jeong? Do you call Jimmy O. Yang?

[A]

I did send a text to Kim Jong. He didn't text me back.

[B]

Ken Jong.

[A]

Kim Jong.

[B]

Yeah, yeah.

[A]

And I did also. We did reach out to Ken Young or Ken John. What's his name?

[B]

Yeah, at least.

[A]

Kim Jong Un. Yeah, yeah, no, that's Ken Jong.

[B]

That's Ken Jong. So he said no.

[A]

He said no. Yeah, but he did.

[B]

He.

[A]

You know what he did say, though? And they wrote a letter back, like his, like, affairs, person, whatever.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And they said that they loved David Spade and Dickie Roberts. I thought that was just hilarious that they put that in there. That's pretty cool.

[B]

What else did you offer before you offered it to me?

[A]

We Offered it.

[B]

You were.

[A]

You were right. You were second.

[B]

Oh, so Kim. It went. Kim Jong Un, the dictator from North Korea. And then I was second.

[A]

100%, I promise.

[B]

100%. Yeah. Thank you so much. You bet you. I mean, because I think you got it if you got dictator like Victor

[A]

Orban and then we got dick taster. So I think we did good.

[B]

Dude, it's not fair what you just said, bro.

[A]

You didn't have a lot.

[B]

Yeah, I just. Yeah, I licked the tip.

[A]

I only had a lick. Yeah, I only had one piece. Yeah, I only. Oh my gosh. Okay.

[B]

Dude, that's all I did. Right. And you know this about me, dude, I do. I. I might be 5% by.

[A]

Hey, that. And that's not a lot.

[B]

That's not a lot, dude.

[A]

Bro, these days.

[B]

These days, dude, they go all the way. 100.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

You know, I mean, and it's like. I didn't get that. No, I would be okay if I had 100, but I'm only 5%, dude.

[A]

If I was gay, I would just.

[B]

I think, I think, I think you're 3%.

[A]

3%?

[B]

Yeah. Yeah. I think in the right circumstances you would kiss the tip.

[A]

I would.

[B]

Henry Cavill.

[A]

Who's Henry? Cabo.

[B]

Superman. The one before.

[A]

No, I'm not having some guy who's working all the time out, meeting people at night and like that. Okay, here's what I will say this. If I. If I didn't get married to a woman at some point and there was like a cool dude who was not trying to like do any sex or touch my ass or anything, but wanted to chill separate rooms. Maybe he is a chef or something. Maybe if I also don't have to talk to him every day.

[B]

Okay, so it's 1%.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Yeah. Okay, you're 1%.

[A]

1%.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Or even. Dude, I dated a chick with hard tits and that freaking kind of. That was a lot.

[B]

Dude, I did it at Hot chick. Yeah. With Sarah Connor ass.

[A]

No.

[B]

You know Sarah Connor from Terminator?

[A]

No.

[B]

Yeah. Like she was buff, right? So her ass felt Schwarzenegger. Like.

[A]

Oh, yeah.

[B]

You know what I mean? Where I like it when it's like there's like some fat. You know what I mean? Yeah. And she was beautiful, but her ass was Sarah Connor and I couldn't do it and. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Like, because I'm not the Terminator. Yeah. You know what I mean?

[A]

I don't have those robotics some ass too of women, they go to the gym so much and their ass has a Little bit of hair on it. That's the craziest thing.

[B]

Yeah. Like, how much hair?

[A]

Not a lot, but just enough where you feel. They shaved a couple times.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[A]

And that's not crazy.

[B]

Yeah, yeah.

[A]

But it is a surprise.

[B]

It's a surprise sometimes when you go in the cave and you see some foliage. Yeah, yeah. I mean, that I don't like.

[A]

Oh, really?

[B]

Yeah. I like my caves clean.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

Yeah, yeah. And you have. We have now the technology to do it. I don't want foliage because I'm not like a cave dweller.

[A]

Dude, would you go back in the 1400s, you think, and eat a little bit of ass or What?

[B]

In the 1400s? I would pass on that dog. All right. Yeah, man. You get the measles. Oh, you will? Yeah, yeah, yeah. You'll get some sort of, like, you know, anything that would kill somebody back then. Yeah, yeah. I'd have like, one of those Asian. You know what I mean?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

You know what I mean?

[A]

You get that Holio polio.

[B]

Yeah. Would you eat 1400 ass polio? Polio?

[A]

No, dude, I'm not doing that. Dude, I will tell you this, bro. No, I wouldn't even answer that question.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You asked me.

[A]

I know.

[B]

Yeah. I wondered. But here's the thing. Let's just. Before you move on, because you're viewing anxiety.

[A]

I know you're doing right. I'm getting anxiety. Let me chill out.

[B]

All right. Chill out for a second. Okay. You know, because I'm a. I'm a podcaster as well.

[A]

I know, dude. You're a professional.

[B]

You guys.

[A]

One of the top 10 podcasts in the world.

[B]

So are you. So that's crazy to think that, though. I don't think about it, but still crazy to think.

[A]

I know it's crazy. Just that it's.

[B]

People tell me. I go, oh, I. I guess.

[A]

What is your podcast big in, like, in other parts of the world?

[B]

I don't know. I don't know the stats. I don't know the stats. And it's like, you know, it's. It's like that old term, you know? I mean, I don't live in the results.

[A]

Coke, cooked pot doesn't boil or whatever. What is that term? What is it?

[B]

A watch.

[A]

Pot doesn't watch pot doesn't boil.

[B]

A cook pot does boil, though. A cook pot does.

[A]

Well, yeah, yeah,

[B]

yeah, yeah. You know, how about this? What are you. When you use terminology sometimes.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Think about it first. I think that's one of your Problems, you mean when it pops into your head? I don't think there is that thing that goes, let's think about it. Yeah. You just say. What's that term? Cook pot. You know, I mean, boils. You know what I mean? And it's like. Yeah, it's not the right thing. So it's. I think that's a part of your anxiety.

[A]

Yeah, you're right.

[B]

Right.

[A]

It's hard for me to leave that space in a place I'll just like. If something's like somebody.

[B]

If two people.

[A]

People are sitting there and we. Nobody's talking, it gets really uncomfortable. Yeah, you're that way too, Bobby.

[B]

No, I changed for me.

[A]

Are you serious?

[B]

Oh, yeah, I'm. Dude, I'm so serious.

[A]

Like, would you really do to change that? Because that's a big thing. A lot of people deal with it

[B]

because I don't really care it really anymore. I. I have empathy and I care about the world, and that's not what I mean. I don't care. Like, whatever direction my life takes, I'm just gonna go with the flow and it's not my responsibility or. I'm not a psychic. I don't know what's going to end up happening to me.

[A]

What question are you answering right now? What I'm asking you is what do you mean if, like, say you and I are talking and. Or say you're talking to anybody. Right. And it becomes a moment of silence. This happens to me a lot in relationships. If there's a moment of silence, it's hard for me to just sit there and let there be silence. Yeah, but you said that you've changed with that. So what I'm asking is, how have you changed? What have you done that's changed? Because that's kind of.

[B]

I think therapy has helped. I think Lexapro has helped. I. You know, sometimes I'll tell you Ritalin for my adhd. I didn't take any today.

[A]

How much pro you on?

[B]

Yeah, pro what?

[A]

Lexapro.

[B]

Lexapro? Yeah. 10 milligrams, I think. Okay.

[A]

That's a little dose.

[B]

It's a dose. Yeah. Yeah. You know, it's like when they say when you're performing, a lot of comics hate the silence, but that's when they're listening. Right. And I feel so comfortable with you because we've known each other for so long that we could take a break. We don't always have to, like, chase a laugh or say something super interesting. That's the thing. It's like we perform for the algorithm and for what people are going to want to watch, I think, with you.

[A]

With you, sometimes it does turn into that, or this is the first time I've ever thought that. So it's funny that you said that before you came over, whenever you got over here, because I did think that. Didn't we talk about it, Nick? I said, what did we say?

[C]

What are we going to talk about? And I was like, let the moments happen.

[B]

Yeah. Yeah. And. And if the moments don't happen, I'm okay with that.

[A]

That's okay.

[B]

That's okay.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Because we'll podcast again. Yeah. And again.

[A]

And I don't want to lose out on a chance to have a good time with you.

[B]

We're already. I'm already having a blast.

[A]

Me, too.

[B]

You know, I mean, the things that you talked about, Charlie was insane.

[A]

It's not. It's not that.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. And. And, yeah, it's insane. And that's already. That's already something that people are gonna go, what the is he talking about? You talking about.

[A]

Well, because he's a small town, like, he likes to go out to eat.

[B]

No, no, I don't want to recruit. Don't do your confused white face. You guys do that a lot. You're confused white face. Who does. Who are you? You know, you guys. You guys do that a lot. Oh, you think we didn't start a war? What? And your eyes crossed. You know what I mean? You started it. You started it. Yeah. You started it. Well, it's been going on for 47 years. They were about to have a nuclear weapon. Come on, man. Don't do confused whiteface. I get it. I know the tone. I've been around a long time. I know confused whites.

[A]

That's Trump and his fucking.

[B]

I know, but that you're. Sometimes you're a confused white.

[A]

You think so? That's Trump and his fucking missile monkeys doing this.

[B]

But those missile monkeys are also confused whites. They're monkeying around.

[A]

I know.

[B]

You know what I mean? And what I'm saying is, is that you mean, don't confuse white me, dog.

[A]

You right.

[B]

Yeah. I mean, because I'm a confused yellow.

[A]

No, you're not.

[B]

Sometimes I am really confused. Yeah, but the Lex Pros.

[A]

You don't seem confident. Has it really helped you? What has it helped you with? I'll say this. You seem a little less shy. Because sometimes you get shy. You ever try to put your hand in an aquarium? You try to get up, get one of the fish out of there?

[B]

Yeah, yeah.

[A]

Like A koi fish or just at a party or whatever, and they keep going. They will not come into your hand.

[B]

Yeah. Because it's a defense mechanism.

[A]

But that's how you are.

[B]

No, but they're like. You mean a crazed white is, you know, I mean, trying to grab me?

[A]

Oh, no.

[B]

I'm confused. Why not?

[A]

I'll keep my hand open and just wait till something comes in it.

[B]

Will you. Will you clutch it?

[A]

No, it's kind of softly open like this.

[B]

Do they ever do it?

[A]

Never.

[B]

Never. You know why?

[A]

Why?

[B]

They're scared.

[A]

That's how remind me of you.

[B]

Yeah? Yeah.

[A]

Yeah. You. That's the behavior I get.

[B]

Yeah. I'm not really that scared anymore. Good. Yeah. Yeah. Are you scared?

[A]

Yeah. No. I'm happy to hear that. No.

[B]

Are you scared? Are you scared?

[A]

I. You know, I've gone through a period recently in the past few months where I've definitely dealt with some fear, you know?

[B]

Yeah. Yeah.

[A]

I think scared of, like. Yeah. I don't know, dude. Like, things get scary in the world and you think, like. Yeah. If you say certain things that people are gonna do something bad to you or something bad could happen to somebody, you know?

[B]

Do I get death threats and things like that? Yeah, that's scary. You know what I mean? You get those sometimes. I have.

[A]

From who?

[B]

I blocked them immediately. I don't know who.

[A]

Have you ever gotten a stalker before?

[B]

Oh, yeah.

[A]

No way.

[B]

Have you?

[A]

Nope. Never.

[B]

Can I tell you something that you're confused about again?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Right. And this has happened to me four or five times. I'll have a. I'll match somebody with Raya. I'll take them on a date, and they'll go, what's Theo up to? And I go. Cause I was hanging out with Vancouver, and then, like, I couldn't get in touch with him, and it's like, you know, like, tell me all. You're right. And four matches were. Listen, hear me out. Four of my Raya matches, right. Were. Because they were trying to get to you. And that's when I deleted Raya. You're off. I'm off of it.

[A]

I've never been on it.

[B]

I know, but my point is, is that. You know what I mean? Like, you know my point.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

That women probably do stalk you. I believe they do. Because, yeah, I. I do have a lot of women, you know, I mean, on my Instagram, going. You know what I mean? Tell Theo I think he's hot.

[A]

That's crazy.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And it's like, you know, I'm pretty Hot.

[A]

Yeah, dude. If I were a gay dude, I would smash you, dude. Or I would date you, or I'd ask you out. Sorry.

[B]

Don't smash right away, man. Where are you gonna take me, huh? Where are you gonna take me?

[A]

You know where.

[B]

Yeah, yeah. Yellow belly. And we'll apologize for Charlie.

[A]

Hey, free appetizers.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

No, dude. No.

[B]

It would take me somewhere nice.

[A]

I would take you somewhere.

[B]

Like, if I said, like, what town is this?

[A]

La. I would take you to Homo Kase

[B]

if they have that.

[A]

Dude, it's just too gay, dude. Just disguising their wiener as fish. Yeah.

[B]

Like, oh, no, I think it would take me somewhere nice. Like, if I go, Ayla, take me to Mastro's Steakhouse.

[A]

I would take you somewhere, yeah, really nice. Yeah, I heard Matt Weiss used to take me there all the time.

[B]

We'd make out. Like, if you were gay and I was at your dad, would you make out with me that night or.

[A]

I don't think so. I don't like to make out on a full stomach, so. Yeah, me either.

[B]

Yeah. Yeah.

[A]

It's crazy.

[B]

Yeah. And you know what I've been doing lately, dude? Inner cleanings.

[A]

What is it? Are you talking.

[B]

I've been doing inner cleanings, dude.

[A]

Are you. And what do you guys. And what do you mean by.

[B]

What do you mean, you guys?

[A]

What do you mean by it? When you say. About.

[B]

When I say inner cleanings? What would.

[A]

What would that. What are you talking about?

[B]

I just had a colonial colonoscopy.

[A]

Oh, damn. That butt fountain or whatever.

[B]

Yeah, I got a butt fountain. They found no pulp, did they? Yeah. And they found no cancer.

[A]

Let's go.

[B]

Yeah, yeah. And now I do inner cleaning. So what I'll do is by my bathtub, I have one of those Japanese toilets.

[A]

Yeah, Yeah.

[B]

I mean.

[A]

Oh, yeah, yeah.

[B]

Right, right. Yeah. I sit on it. It warms up right away.

[A]

My stepdaddy would shoot those if he saw him.

[B]

You. Charlie would.

[A]

He wouldn't shoot, but he would draw on it.

[B]

Yeah. You're drawing it.

[A]

He would draw.

[B]

Yeah, yeah. Wait, it's a flashback and trauma. Yeah, yeah, yeah, of course. Yeah.

[A]

That's what I'm saying, dude.

[B]

Yeah. Anyway. And what I do is I have fancy body wash next to my toilet, right? So I have a bidet. You have a bidet?

[A]

No, I don't have that.

[B]

Do you know what one is?

[A]

Yeah, I know it's something that washes in your ass and stuff like that, and I respect it. I'm glad we have it as a culture. But I don't want it.

[B]

Why don't you want it?

[A]

I'd rather wash my own ass like a man.

[B]

I know, but the thing is, is that when you use dry toilet paper, right, you're not getting the innards.

[A]

But sometimes you'll put some wetner on that toilet paper, dude.

[B]

What's the wetner?

[A]

Wetner. Keep your little stash of water by your toe.

[B]

Yeah, well, just get a bodet. It just does it naturally when you press a button. Yeah, if you, you're gonna, you're gonna have a fucking wetner. It's the same fucking thing, dude.

[A]

I'm not fucking letting some waymo fucking clean my ass, dude.

[B]

All right?

[A]

I'm doing it myself.

[B]

But you can control the angles.

[A]

I'm old fashioned.

[B]

All right, dude, So I control the levels. Yeah. So it hits the hole.

[A]

But that's not a colonoscopy, by the way.

[B]

I already had one last week. Okay, but I'm. Now I'm talking about cleaning my inner.

[A]

Do they let you keep anything that comes out of it?

[B]

Like if they have, like they found a fingernail.

[A]

Nuh.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, they found a fingernail.

[A]

Yeah, I knew those are in there. Somebody said those are in there.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, those are in there. No, but so I, I, your health is good. No, no, let me finish my innards story, dude. That's what your problem is.

[A]

You're right.

[B]

All right. And I take some body wash. I let the bode hit directly into the, you know, I mean, calamari. Yeah. What I like to call it.

[A]

Okay, okay, okay.

[B]

That's what it looks like. Okay. Right, right. I hit the calamari. Right? And then sometimes I'll open up my own cheeks. Right?

[A]

Oh, damn.

[B]

So that the water sprays right into

[A]

the hole, into the Hormuz.

[B]

Huh? The Hormuz spray. The straight Hormuz. Right? It does close. It does close, right? You know, I mean, but, you know, I mean, we're charging, we're charging 2 million for per vessel.

[A]

That's you guys.

[B]

I charge my poo, dude. Yeah, I charge my poo $2 million and they pay it.

[A]

That's what you got to tell your butthole. It's like, hey, blink twice if you're in trouble, you know?

[B]

Yeah, yeah. So anyway, I spray it inside and I'll. Then I'll take a T, tissue paper, some body wash. Right? I'll get it inside the hole and I'll do a double spray. Ooh. Right in the hall. Right. Then I do a dry wipe. Okay, Right. And I leave so that, like, you know, I mean, when you're having sexualities with my girlfriend. Right? You know, I mean, there's no problem, right? I mean, aren't you self cleaning when, you know, you're about to hook up?

[A]

Yeah, I'll wash my whole body. I've been taking a little break right now from Dayton and stuff like that, but I'll wash my whole body.

[B]

I do that, too. I do that, too.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[A]

I didn't know.

[B]

I only watched that.

[A]

I don't know what you're doing.

[B]

You're. No, wait. No, wait.

[A]

Have you ever met yourself? Have you ever met yourself?

[B]

Have you met yourself? It's crazy. You're crazy, dude. You're crazy.

[A]

Whatever. You told me.

[B]

Yeah, you know what? I tell you what. Huh?

[A]

You said you used to work on the Andrea Gale, dude, that fishing boat that went down, dude. Yeah.

[B]

Yeah. And I survived it. Yeah. Yeah. I survived it.

[A]

And you lied.

[B]

Yeah, I lied about it. So, my bad. But let me say something right now, okay? Of course. I wash my body before I do that process.

[A]

Okay. Got it.

[B]

Yeah, yeah. That's all. That's all I'm saying.

[A]

All right.

[B]

Yeah. Yeah. See, that's all you do, is wash your body.

[A]

I wash my body. I wash my whole body.

[B]

Huh? You steam your body.

[A]

I'll go to sauna in the morning.

[B]

By. In Nashville?

[A]

Yeah, Nashville. Or here.

[B]

Oh, you do? I've never been to sauna with you.

[A]

You haven't? No.

[B]

I'd like to do it one day.

[A]

Yeah. I'd love to go over there, man.

[B]

If.

[A]

You know, there's supposed to be some good places that people go, like, as a group and stuff. I haven't been any of those. I'll just do it at home. But also, I'll go to Equinox over there. And I'll go over there.

[B]

You mean as a group?

[A]

Like, you know, people will get the boy band. There's like a bath house or something. No, I'm not talking like an old town region going, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[B]

Okay, like, if we gathered a group of comics, me, you, Gilla, Santino.

[A]

That'd be so fun.

[B]

That'd be fun. You know what I mean? And would you be, like, one of those people? Because Alana, and I'm. I'm. I know I'm bringing White up a lot. Right. All right. But what I'm saying.

[A]

I knew you were gonna do it before you came here.

[B]

Well, you bring up Asia a lot, like you're confused about the whole continent.

[A]

Well, you guys Aren't sharing a ton

[B]

of information for to Iranian.

[A]

We are to Iran.

[B]

Yeah, we have satellites.

[A]

Well, we're not getting much. I've. You guys aren't sending.

[B]

I'm an American. Let's move on. Okay, okay, but what I want.

[A]

What I want to say is, have you seen this volleyball player that you. We were trying to find a movie role for you. When I was on Bad Friends, we were trying to find a movie role for you that would be really, really great. And we're like, what would be a great movie role for Robbie? And we found. Have you seen this guy?

[B]

Yeah, yeah. Let's see it.

[A]

This one boy, Jordan Lucas over at csun, dude.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

Splash, baby. He gets it done, bro.

[B]

Oh, he's. Oh, I see. I understand.

[A]

Welcome to Vibe.

[B]

Yeah, I understand.

[A]

Valley ball, baby.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[A]

He's in the Valley, right? He's at csun.

[B]

Yeah. Yes.

[A]

He's Northridge up in Northridge, bro.

[B]

Yeah. Oh, yeah.

[A]

He put that flamenco on him, baby. Guy.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

He's flashing that flamenco.

[B]

Yeah. So that's. I would play a black gay man in a movie.

[A]

No, this guy's not black.

[B]

He's not. What is he.

[A]

No, Jordan Lucas. Yeah, he's a boss. That's what he is.

[B]

Oh, he's a boss.

[A]

Yeah, dude.

[B]

Yeah. Yeah. He seems like a black boss.

[A]

He's sassy, bro.

[B]

He's sassy.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Yeah. Now, would you be intimidated to play against him, bro?

[A]

Game, set, sassy, bro. That dude is a boss, bro. Yes, I'd be intimidated playing against anybody that is doing that plays volleyball well.

[B]

Yeah. Oh, that's true. He's a boss. Yeah.

[A]

Shout out season. And what's your team name? The Dawn. And it says right there, I can't stop watching the vid of this Northridge college volleyball beast diva. Lol. That's where we're at, bro.

[B]

Beat the beast.

[A]

Divas have launched, homie.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, bro. That's what we.

[A]

You need. You need that kind of, like, energy in the world. You need aggressive, capable gay males or semi gay. I don't have no idea. This guy definitely. Has he said that?

[B]

We don't know.

[C]

I saw an interview with him. He's gay.

[B]

He could only. But he could be straight and have gay moves.

[A]

Now, that's.

[B]

I've done some gay moves, but I'm. I'm. You know. I mean, 95 straight.

[A]

We know, dude.

[B]

No, no, no. Like, I'll wait. I'll go.

[A]

Okay. Yeah.

[B]

I mean, but that doesn't necessarily mean.

[A]

Right?

[B]

You Know what I mean?

[A]

Oh, yeah. I'll.

[B]

Like, when I kiss the tip, I do it manly. Okay. You know, I mean, that's not like

[A]

a dad, like, kissing his son goodbye.

[B]

Yeah, yeah.

[A]

The one kiss a year.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Like that, dude. Yeah, yeah. Like, aggressive, but, like, hetero.

[A]

Yeah, yeah.

[B]

Hetero. Yeah, yeah, for sure. Have you seen the Thai draft? So there's a draft in Thailand?

[A]

No. Yeah, bro, you're Spike Lee. That would be your name, dude, if. That would be your Asian name, bro,

[B]

if you play volleyball. That's so funny. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[A]

That'd be so sick, dude. Yeah. Ladies and gentlemen, Spike Lee.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I'd be spiking it. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Dude, Heated rivalry where I'm Spike Lee, right? And.

[A]

And we're not putting you on the poster.

[B]

If we do it, you're Volley Vaughn.

[A]

But we'll do a movie. You and me are the leads and just.

[B]

But it's like heated rivalry where I hand you a finger. There's a finger, Right? What do you think?

[A]

So you're saying when we do, like,

[B]

it's a movie, so it's not. It's not real art.

[A]

It's hard.

[B]

You think we broke back Jake Gyllenhaal? Yeah, I know, Jack. You do? I love him.

[A]

Oh, yeah.

[B]

I had dinner with him once.

[A]

He's a great guy.

[B]

You did? Yeah.

[A]

Oh, my gosh. You never even said that.

[B]

Well, how would you know? You never asked me.

[A]

You think you would tell me?

[B]

Yeah. Yeah. Well, I don't tell you everyone I've had dinner with.

[A]

I know that. But at least you would say, hey, Jake Gyllenha.

[B]

Yeah, yeah. He's a great guy. He's so funny.

[A]

Who's your dream guest to have on your podcast on Bad Friends?

[B]

Oh, dog.

[A]

My dream guest or on your own podcast?

[B]

Tiger Belly is my own podcast.

[A]

Yeah, but I'm saying Tiger Belly or

[B]

Bad Friends, the dream guest would be Brad Pitt.

[A]

Wow. Yeah.

[B]

I just want to see what it's all about, to see it up close and personal. Yeah.

[A]

Damn, bro.

[B]

I want to see if it's an

[A]

illusion or if it's real, if it's makeup.

[B]

Have you seen him in real life before? Brad Pitt?

[A]

I saw him one time, yeah.

[B]

Is it real?

[A]

I mean, I was scared. I didn't know what to do, and I just.

[B]

Yeah, you tremble, probably.

[A]

Oh, yeah. I was, like, opening a door for him and I got all scared and.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[A]

He went in the building. I follow him.

[B]

Yeah, I know, but when you look at him.

[A]

But he moved quick.

[B]

Yeah, I know. He looks like a very quick guy.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Like one time I was. You know nothing about soccer.

[A]

No, I know the World Cup's coming in the usa. Yeah. Yeah.

[B]

That's good. But anyway, my favorite soccer team is Arsenal fc. When you do it, I do it. And so the soccer team has likely war. Good God. What is it good for? Absolutely nothing. Say it again. Okay, so I was. I'm an Arsenal fan. Can you hear? Here's the thing about you. You don't listen. You're already. Here's the thing about you. You're already thinking about what you're going to say next, like a different topic. So when I'm. I know your eyes, right? So when I'm talking. Right, you're already thinking about something else. You're not really listening.

[A]

Okay, my bad. Let me drop in.

[B]

You want it. You want this to be over?

[A]

No, I don't. Tell me about Arsenal, dude.

[B]

All right. So their legendary player is a guy named Thierry Henry.

[A]

Tyrion Reed.

[B]

T H I E R R Y. Yeah. How'd you know that?

[A]

Because I've seen him before.

[B]

Yeah? Yeah.

[A]

He's one of the greats. People say he looks like Sully McCullough as well. A little bit.

[B]

Yeah. A little bit. Yeah.

[A]

Right?

[B]

Yeah. Yeah. So, honoree. I was at a hotel.

[A]

You met him?

[B]

No. So I was in a hotel in New York, right? I was shooting the movie the. The Dictator, right? And they put us. I forgot what hotel it was. And I remember being in the elevator and on rewind.

[A]

Did they put you on the poster? Not the Dictator, no.

[B]

And I had more lines than busboys.

[A]

But they didn't care about you.

[B]

Yeah, they didn't care about me. You cared about me.

[A]

I can't believe I didn't ask you that.

[B]

Anyway, Henri walks in, right? And, you know, obviously there was. It's like, hey, I'm a huge fan, or can I get a photo? Or whatever.

[A]

You said that to him?

[B]

No, nothing came out of my mouth.

[A]

Oh.

[B]

I was so in shock that he was the last person that ever thought I would dream. Dreamt meeting or seeing in real life, of course, that when he got off his floor, the words couldn't come out. No. Yeah. Yeah. That's how much of a fan I was. And then when I missed my moment, I missed my moment. Yeah. I mean. So the other day, I was at Pizzeria Bianco, right? And the dude that runs, that created it, I'm a big fan of. He was in the restaurant.

[A]

No way.

[B]

Yeah. And I walked right up to him. I go, can I get a photo? And he goes, sure, kid. So I. I do it every time now because I'm not fans of, like,

[A]

you know, Gary was in the restaurant.

[B]

No, this guy that created Chris Pizzeria. Bianca.

[A]

Oh, he was in the restaurant.

[B]

It's one of the best pizzerias in the world.

[A]

The creator. Who's it? Bring it up. That's him right there.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[A]

Chris Bianco.

[B]

Yeah, Chris Bianco.

[A]

Oh, I seen him before.

[B]

Yeah, yeah. There's one downtown in la. Very good pizza.

[A]

I don't go down there too much, but I will.

[B]

Yeah, yeah. But anyway, so now when I see somebody. Can you listen?

[A]

Yeah, I'm back. I'm here. Okay.

[B]

Now when I see somebody, like, I'm not like, fans of, like, oh, there's, you know, means Sabrina Carpenter or David Robinson or like. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[A]

Like what, Mitch McConnell.

[B]

Like Mitch McConnell. Turtle eyes. Yeah, I call them.

[A]

You know what I mean?

[B]

You know, I mean, like, you know, so most people were like, I gotta get a selfie with Mitch. You know, when he's in it, he's a zone. His Frozone.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

You know me, when he freezes up, that's my favorite part of him.

[A]

Oh, he's glitching.

[B]

Yeah, he's glitching. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, but anyway, that's his come face.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Did you know that? Oh, yeah. This is anyway, like, Mitch McCullough.

[A]

Oh, that's crazy.

[B]

Yeah, that's a scum face, dude.

[A]

Bro, we're gonna go to hell for doing this. That's a real face or something.

[B]

Yeah, that's a real face, too.

[A]

Yeah, see, they're using some of these senior citizens, dude. Yeah, they're just. They're using them to just imagine his

[B]

Chinese wife underneath them. And that's the face he uses. Oh, yeah. Oh, dude, you.

[A]

I mean, you got to use that.

[B]

Yeah, you got to use that. Anyway, so are you fans with somebody? That's weird that if you ran in them, that you'd be starstruck.

[A]

I think probably Marilyn Manson. Probably.

[B]

He's dead. Huh? Someone alive. Oh, yeah. I could go out through history like Genghis Khan. That'd be cool. Yeah, yeah. But. Yeah, but Marilyn Manson's dead. Yeah. Is there somebody that you would like. You're in an elevator.

[C]

Are you thinking Marilyn Manson's still alive? Charles Manson?

[B]

You meant Charles Manson. Oh, Marilyn Manson.

[A]

Yeah, Marilyn Manson, dude.

[B]

Oh, so, my. Thank God. Oh, thank God. Thank God he didn't die. Oh.

[A]

Oh, yeah, no, yeah.

[B]

I know him. Him.

[A]

You do?

[B]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[A]

Dang.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, I do know.

[A]

Yeah, I. I met. We kind of. I was talking to, like, somebody that works with him for a little bit and then. But yeah, I think probably him would be somebody that'd be really neat. The Pope, maybe.

[B]

Oh, Pope Leo.

[A]

Or the previous one, the new one, the one that's beefing with Trump online.

[B]

What about the one that J.D. vance killed? You remember that guy?

[A]

I haven't even heard of that.

[B]

Yeah. Remember J.D. vans visited him and the next time he died? Yeah, yeah. So it's like. Yeah. So that's why.

[A]

I mean, I will say, look, JD has a strong handshake.

[B]

I know. But now this Pope, wherever JD's at, he's not there.

[A]

Oh, yeah.

[B]

Like, he was in Africa, and then JD was, like, in D.C. and if. If JD went to Africa, the pub would go to Antarctica. You know what I mean? That Pope ain't with Pope on a rope. Yeah. He's a pop on a rope, though.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. That last one definitely was.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. So if you ran into the Pope, or what about. Can I just name some names?

[A]

Yeah. I'm trying to think because of people. I'd be starstruck.

[B]

Yeah. And that you would, like, be like, oh, fudge, I got to get a photo.

[A]

Oh, Julia Roberts. I would be.

[B]

Oh, yeah, you get a photo.

[A]

I don't know if I'd ask for a photo, but I would just be starstruck.

[B]

Yeah. Yeah.

[A]

I don't know if I'd ask. Like, I think sometimes it's better to say, nah, I'm okay without a photo.

[B]

This is what. So here's the thing. Okay. When.

[A]

That's how I feel.

[B]

When I was at Coachella.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Right. And I saw the. Sabrina Carpenter, and I saw. I went for the Strokes. Right. And I got front row.

[A]

So did Mitch McConnell.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Sorry. It's a bad joke. All right, let's go on.

[B]

Yeah. Oh, my God, dude.

[A]

My poker face.

[B]

Yeah. Yeah. He does look like a turtle, dude. Does he?

[A]

I don't. That part I don't even see. I just see.

[B]

What'd you see?

[A]

A senior man that's getting abused. Like, getting used to funnel ideas and danger through.

[B]

There should be eight. You believe there's. There's got to be a limit.

[A]

They gotta put a cap.

[B]

Yeah. What's the cap?

[A]

60, 65.

[B]

65 cap.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

After 65, you're out.

[A]

You're out.

[B]

Yeah, I think so, too. And because I'm 54, I'll do crazy.

[A]

Would you ever run?

[B]

I'd run fast.

[A]

We ever run for office?

[B]

Yeah. Would you? Yeah. A congressperson or something.

[A]

We need somebody.

[B]

I think so. Yeah.

[A]

You know, one of the.

[B]

My ideas are cray cray. I mean, I don't know. Ask me about something. I'll tell you what I would do.

[A]

But here's the thing. We have the first Vietnamese House of Representatives person was from Louisiana.

[B]

Really? Yep.

[A]

Yeah, look him up.

[B]

Yeah. So you can differentiate between Vietnamese and Chinese, and I wouldn't say that, but

[A]

I would say that. That's our boy right there.

[B]

All right.

[A]

Joseph Cow.

[B]

And he's from your. Your. Your. Your homeland.

[A]

Yeah, that's him right there.

[B]

Yeah, yeah.

[A]

He's a boss dude.

[B]

He's a boss dude.

[A]

Born in Saigon.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Born in Saigon, went to Baylor.

[B]

Yeah, yeah. So you need. You think we need more Asians in Congress?

[A]

Yeah. And more Filipinos. If it was all Filipinos, I don't think anything bad would ever happen to the world, do you?

[B]

No, dude, I think you're right.

[A]

That's the truth.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. But there'd be a lot of.

[A]

You could run on the same ticket, dude, with Jake Paul.

[B]

Jake Paul as my. Yeah, but we're different parties.

[A]

Would you ever do. Because this is actually something I did here. Jake. Somebody said you got offered to do wwe. Is that true?

[B]

No.

[A]

Are you serious?

[B]

Yeah. Stop pointing at me, dog. Yeah, I'm saying I'm fucking serious, bro. All right.

[A]

Are you serious?

[B]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, I'm serious, dude.

[A]

Yeah, I heard that.

[B]

Yeah. Yeah. I. Some. But here's what happens, right? I don't get 80% of it. You. I mean, it goes through, like a funnel to me because my people know what I will and will not do for sure. And WWE is something I wouldn't. Probably wouldn't want to do.

[A]

Really.

[B]

I would lose. I would lose.

[A]

What if we did a tag team match against the Logan Paul and his brother?

[B]

I would do that, dude. Yeah. Let's challenge Logan Ball, right? And his brother Jake.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Tag team us. We have to wear costumes, though.

[A]

And the winner has to pay the others taxes.

[B]

For how many years? Just one year.

[A]

For one year.

[B]

But you would win.

[A]

Yeah, yeah.

[B]

I think they're not all that, dude. Dude, of course I would tag you real quick.

[A]

Yeah, you would?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I'm opening and I would tag you. You just keep you.

[B]

Yeah, we tag each other, dude. That's what. We would. Stay in the corner and we keep tagging.

[A]

Each other until they get dizzy.

[B]

We become a cyclone.

[A]

Yeah, yeah.

[B]

I'm tagging. Right. And then they'll get all confused. Right. And then we both get onto the ropes. Right. And we do what?

[A]

We jump off.

[B]

Yes. And.

[A]

And we attack them.

[B]

And we attack them. Yeah, dude. We attack that way through the air. Yeah. Like we did to Iran.

[A]

Or we get a drone to take us up.

[B]

Oh, right. Ukrainian or Iranian, whatever.

[A]

One still has a little bit of gas money left.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, whatever. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[A]

And we take that up.

[B]

We'll take that up. Right. And we'll just Clyde right into them. I think we could do it, but

[A]

would you get involved in personal, like, even in. In. In local politics? Like, Spencer Pratt is running for mayor of LA now. You know that.

[B]

No, I don't know that.

[A]

You don't know that?

[B]

No, no, no. And you know. And that'd be cool. I don't know if I'd. You know what I do?

[A]

Do?

[B]

Do what? When I do, I donate to Canada sometimes to help them. Yeah. Do you ever do that?

[A]

I love Canada.

[B]

Excuse me?

[A]

I love Canada.

[B]

Yeah. Oh, you.

[A]

You. You.

[B]

You give Canadian politicians money.

[A]

No, I don't donate to them, but I love Canada. I think it's a great place.

[B]

Yeah. I love Argentina. What the. Are you talking about?

[A]

The best posture. You don't even know Argentina.

[B]

Yeah. They have the best soccer players. Aguero, Messi. Yeah.

[A]

I saw Messi play one time with Miami. Nashville.

[B]

Oh, right. But it was with the Miami team. Yeah, yeah.

[A]

Played there. Dude, it was great. I. I like. I would like to watch soccer more. I think I'm gonna try to go to a game when it's here.

[B]

Yeah, you like those things? Can I tell you something about something that made me real sad?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

So when the last UFC fight that you and I were at. Yeah. All right. What kind of seats did you get?

[A]

We got good seats.

[B]

You did? Yes. What. What would you think my seats were like?

[A]

I saw your seats. They were good.

[B]

Everybody better than your.

[A]

No. It depends on what you're looking for.

[B]

I'm looking to get closest to the.

[A]

Okay. I didn't know that.

[B]

Yeah. Yeah. You think I want to be out there?

[A]

They put you.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

There is a, like, zone where they. Where there's a lot of, like, people that.

[B]

Influencers.

[A]

No.

[B]

Okay. What kind of people?

[A]

Or people. Yeah, influencers. But people that are like. There's a lot of people that have, like. It's like wheelchair access. It's like.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[A]

That's Why? I saw that people that are impaired, like people that are neck braces, back braces, people are on fluids and they.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[A]

You were right there though, along the road. People where people come out, they have

[B]

other attachments to them.

[A]

Yeah, you're like in the neck section, water.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[A]

They have a cane.

[B]

Yeah. I mean, the Biff. They have the Biff. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[A]

Just an aqua fire, basically.

[B]

Yeah, yeah.

[A]

People that were just like.

[B]

Exactly. So I'm in that section, right? And for a split second I was kind of like, why am I here? You know, I mean, probably because it

[A]

was your first fight.

[B]

Really? So the next time I go to a fight, because I love the sport, can I just go with you? Yeah. Will I still be in the oxygen area?

[A]

I can ask Dana if a. If he would allow me. If he allows me to go.

[B]

No, you're always around that. Yeah, I'm a fan of the sport. You're always around that.

[A]

But it's still in his grace, you know, it's like his. It's like he. He picks who can go.

[B]

Wait, wait. The people that you. Your friends are bigger than me that you had around you, are they.

[A]

What do you mean? Like, like a popularity wise? No, Gianni's with me all the time.

[B]

Is he more popular than me?

[A]

To the. In the urban circles, he is me

[B]

at the oxygen area.

[A]

You're having a good time?

[B]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I was having a spasm. Dude.

[A]

Bro, look how close. I've never gotten a sit where you sat here. That's amazing, bro. To cheer people when they come out.

[B]

Yeah, but then you put your hand out. They don't never slap my hand, bro. Yeah, yeah.

[A]

That guy's a beast, dude.

[B]

And then what's that?

[A]

Who is that guy? Nick?

[C]

A TBA gotier?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Is he like on a six fight win streak? Yeah.

[C]

Oh, first round knocked out.

[B]

I like. Okay. Yeah.

[A]

And dude, you get to see Rosama Junis when she came out.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

Is that how you say her last name?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Yeah, dude. Doug Rose, bro. Just to see that.

[B]

Yeah, you're right.

[A]

I've sat in a lot of different places. I haven't always got to sit up close, but it has been fun when I got to.

[B]

Yeah. But yeah, next time you sit up close because I've never been there. I'm going to just go with you.

[A]

Yes, please. I'm going in July. If I am able to sit up close, then I would love for you

[B]

to go and just ask Dana, like my friend, you know, I Mean, I'm

[A]

gonna send him up jpeg of you straight up. I'll say you used to fight.

[B]

Just say the real thing.

[A]

You did used to fight.

[B]

No, no, say I'm your friend.

[A]

I'll say it's my friend.

[B]

Yeah, you're right.

[A]

I'm not gonna lie to him.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, but then why would you lie just now?

[A]

You're right.

[B]

No, I'm right. You are. Why do you lie?

[A]

I'm not lying. Dude. I was thinking about lying.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

Anyway, and I said I'm not.

[B]

So what'd you think of today's podcast?

[A]

I thought it was.

[B]

Let's do a regroup and, you know,

[A]

I mean, okay, let's go through some stuff. For one. Yeah, I do feel for one. I'm happy to get to see you. Oh, I do want to say also, Brittany, Schmidt's dog passed away, so. Oh, no, I think we can just say, so sorry, Brittany, we love you. And the dog's name was Biggie.

[B]

Yeah. Yeah.

[A]

And that he's. He's in a better place.

[B]

My dog Remy passed away a month and a half ago. Oh, a.

[A]

Did you have to.

[B]

I did. That. That was great.

[A]

What did you have to have someone come over and help put it down? My friend just had to have that. My friend Kim, remember Bizzle, who you always fight with at the casino?

[B]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Where is he? Huh? He's the one that's trying to. With me on line. Dude.

[A]

Dude, he just texted me earlier today.

[B]

He just texted me today. This is what he said. Can I tell you what your biz. Is this him? Yeah, hold on. This piece of.

[A]

Dude, I'm not even joking. The text, he said, he goes, tell that to wash his ass. That's what he said. Okay.

[B]

This is what he. This is what he said. What are the odds of that? That he goes, bro, you trying to beef with me, saying I invite this. Don't come into the studio today trying to start beef or you're gonna get God type, where is that guy? Huh? I want to get God. I want to see what that means.

[A]

He's in, you know, because I'm going

[B]

to tell you this right now, dude, he's pussified. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'll destroy him. Yeah, okay. He's strong, right? But I have ways. I'll go numb, dude.

[A]

I think you could.

[B]

I'll build a tunnel and a pathway.

[A]

Oh, so it's okay for you to go numb and just completely.

[B]

Yeah, we can do it.

[A]

Be a culture vulture.

[B]

Yeah, we can be a culture vulture.

[A]

I'LL go numb. My stepfather can't walk back in.

[B]

He's a white. He's a confused white. No. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. There's a difference between being Asian, right? And being confused white guy.

[A]

Yeah, you're right.

[B]

You're right. I'm just trying to. I know. Philosophical guy.

[A]

I know there is.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[A]

It just breaks my heart.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

What? It breaks.

[B]

It breaks my heart that we can't, like, you know, get closer. And with that divide.

[A]

Dude, I know we're gonna do it better next time.

[B]

We'll do it better.

[A]

Dude, I think this is one of those.

[B]

Go ahead. Sorry.

[A]

I think this is one of those times where it's like. Yeah, we kind of hit a spot where it's like, okay, yeah, sometimes I do feel pressure, like if we're. If, like. Yeah, it's like you get. You get clips that are viral and, like, you do see that. You can't even not see it. And it's like. And then, like, people, every time, you know, you'll be somewhere, like, there's a video somewhere, there's a funeral, and the guy's yelling Bobby. At it. You know, like, it's like, what can you do? But it's like, yeah, you do feel some pressure. And it's not in that. Those way.

[B]

I've been avoiding it, but that.

[A]

What I'm saying.

[B]

Right.

[A]

But those moments aren't, like. It's not fair to. It's not fair for me to bring in it. Like, I thought about that before you came. I thought about. Yeah, great listening. I thought about that before you came and I said, God, like, let's. Let me just have it. This is so stupid that we're even thinking about this, but let me just have a nice conversation with my friend and. And let me have a new experience.

[B]

Yeah, I felt the same way driving here. Like, I've been avoiding doing it with you because this is so much pressure on it, you know?

[A]

I mean, well, we had so much fun when I came into Bad Friends.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

How great was that?

[B]

That was great. You. I mean, but we might have not gotten anything today.

[A]

Well, it took me 600 episodes. Even invited over there, if you go on. I really want to look at the calendar, but I know you guys are busy.

[B]

No, no, no, no, no. Look at me right now. Dude, that's tragic. I'll tell you this. We're not a guest driven show. We've had maybe 10 guests in our whole. Whatever the run.

[A]

Oh, I didn't know that.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, we've had Jack Black Shia, you know, I mean, Theo, we get the biggest people we can get to do the guests. What's that tall orange man who plays basketball?

[A]

Women. Yama. No, no.

[B]

What's a tall orange man that plays Blake Griffin. Blake Griffin. Oh, yeah, with the tall orange. You know, I mean. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[A]

Vitamin C, they call them.

[B]

Yeah, the vitamin C we got. When we got vitamins, we got it, you know, I mean, and we were lucky to have you, but it's like. It's not a personal thing.

[A]

No, I don't feel it.

[B]

It's a scheduling thing. Yeah. Yeah. And so let me ask the boys in the. In the booth. What do you think of today's episode?

[C]

There are great moments, and I just think you guys talk so naturally funny to each other, you don't realize.

[B]

What.

[C]

There's going to be some viral moment from this that we don't know.

[B]

That's that the good point. So you know what? Don't live in the results. We did it. You know, I mean, I think there are some things in there, you know,

[A]

we had a good time. There isn't.

[B]

Fuck it.

[A]

I just want to have a good time with my friend.

[B]

Yeah, I had a good time at times.

[A]

And that is true.

[B]

Yeah. Yeah. I think that sometimes you're confused. But what. That's what I like about you. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, you don't know what you're talking about.

[A]

Well, but I'm trying to learn, man. And so.

[B]

And you're a learner, dude.

[A]

Sometimes you help me, sometimes you don't.

[B]

And I could say that's same about you.

[A]

And I cannot believe that David Spade put you on that movie poster.

[B]

I think you did that. He said that you did that.

[A]

No, he did not.

[B]

Yeah, he did.

[A]

I would never do that. I don't even know how to do.

[B]

You know what? I learned how to Photoshop. No, your people. These guys know how. And I went to Spade. No, just listen, listen. I went to Spade. And I go, dude, it's kind of weird. I have like two lines of this movie and you put me in the center of this poster. And he goes, really, Theo? That's what he said, dude. That's what he said. We should call him.

[A]

Should we call him?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I don't think he'll answer. He's probably busy eating dinner or something because he has so much money.

[B]

Well, sushi, probably. It's always sushi with him. Have you noticed that?

[A]

Yeah, yeah, it is with a lot of you guys. See what he says. That's a nice picture. Of us.

[B]

Let me call him.

[A]

Okay. He could be taking a bath or whatever. Are you guys calling me together?

[B]

No. What are you talking about?

[A]

No.

[B]

Oh, Theo just called me. Yeah, but you know what? I love you picked up for me and not him. I knew it. Yeah. Yeah. I love the fact that you picked up for me and you didn't pick up for Theo. No, I love Theo, but I'm at dinner. Yeah, but why would you pick up for me?

[A]

Because I knew you were in cahoots. I go, we got a situation.

[B]

Yeah. Yeah. Well, just real quick. We. I want to clear something up. Right.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

All right. So when I said to you. You know what I mean? Why am I in the center of this poster? I only had three lines, and you said, oh, Theo. So Theo did it. Yeah, Theo did it.

[A]

I don't think. I don't think Theo knew about it. I think it was. They just.

[B]

Somebody made it and they were exploiting you guys.

[A]

Oh, they put me on it, too.

[B]

You're the star of the movie.

[A]

Who cares, Bobby.

[B]

Oh, you're right, Dave. I'm sorry. Are you eating Asian food? I'm eating Asian food. Yeah. Yeah. I knew it. So. I love you, dude. It's. No one's to blame. Thank you for putting me in the movie. I love you. Okay.

[A]

Yeah. And tell the waiter we're sorry for everything.

[B]

Okay. See, I love. It was you.

[A]

It couldn't have been me, because I don't even have Photoshop. Okay, it was something.

[B]

He was eating Asian food.

[A]

But, no, I do feel bad that I didn't ask. I should have asked specifically.

[B]

I don't care. Dude. Dude, it's.

[A]

Well, I should have asked.

[B]

I really think. I think you would feel like, bro, I. I'm so grateful that you asked me to do something that you've been working on. I mean, what a blessing that is. You know, I just did an episode of. Episode of a Show of a Friend. I can't say it, but. And he asked, and I did it. You know? I mean. And, you know, I knew who it was.

[A]

Peyton Manning.

[B]

Okay. And was it.

[A]

He has a new show. You have a new show?

[B]

Yeah, the Bad.

[A]

And you didn't even tell me about it.

[B]

Yeah, the Bad Show. Game show. And then also my Hulu Special comes out in November. My first special.

[A]

Finally.

[B]

Finally. Yeah. And go check that out.

[A]

But what took so long, to be honest, when you really think about it, Was there a real reason that it kind of. That it did take you a while? Did you, like, not like doing specials? Did you Think it was, like, not what it's about. Like, really, really well.

[B]

It's so funny. Ask yourself why I wouldn't do it.

[A]

Why wouldn't he do it? Because he didn't like to try. He don't. Oh, no.

[B]

Yeah. Because I've been doing the same act. You know what I mean? I slowly add jokes. It was just no hurry, really. You know what I mean? And it got to the point where it was like I was on stage and I was like, I couldn't hear it anymore. Like, I don't care if it gets a laugh. Like, I just gotta evolve. And so I penned a deal. I go, I'm gonna get all this out there, and it's gonna force me to write new shit.

[A]

You pinned a deal? Are you fucking th Jefferson?

[B]

Yeah, dude. Yeah. Yeah, I pinned the deal, dude.

[A]

Like the constitution.

[B]

Thanks.

[A]

My bad.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I did it, and it went pretty good. And I'm gonna. When it comes out, I'm already writing way new shit. And let's go. And I'm gonna. The next hour will be better. I think I'm evolving. I really do.

[A]

I feel.

[B]

You do. Yeah. And so that's why it took me so long. It was never like, here's the thing about me. I don't know why, but, you know, I was a club guy. What I mean by that? I did comedy clubs, and I always sold out. Even before podcasts, I would do well. So in my mind, that was like, no hurry. I never thought about theaters or coliseums or anything like that, but I made a living, you know, playing. You know what I mean, the Yuk Yaks or whatever, Right?

[A]

Oh, yeah. There's so many great clubs.

[B]

Yeah. So whatever. And now it's like, it's getting bigger, the audience. And I want to grow with my brand and I want to expand. So that's what I'm doing.

[A]

Yeah, that's cool, man. Yeah, dude. It's kind of crazy. It's like evolving is kind of scary. It's all kind of spooky sometimes. Like. Like. Like growing up, you know? Does it make sense?

[B]

Kind of. You gotta live on the edge of your comfort zone. That's how you grow. That's how great men make it. Take risks and go through the fire. And I've always been afraid of that. And I think, like we talked about earlier, silence, you know what I mean? That's all. Okay.

[A]

That was almost great. But you know what is great, dude?

[B]

Yeah. Is seeing really good to be here

[A]

anytime I get to spend time with you. I feel lucky.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

And your new show starts when. When does it start? So people can watch it.

[B]

The bad game show will start in probably September. October.

[A]

Where's it going to be?

[B]

Super funny. YouTube. Let's go. Yeah. And there's the deadline.

[A]

All things comedy on the bad game show. Dude, you guys look great.

[B]

Yeah. Yeah. Holy frick. And we have guests on. And they two guests compete against each other in games we developed.

[A]

Dude, put me on the poster.

[B]

You said no to the game show.

[A]

Did I really?

[B]

Yeah, you did.

[A]

But you know what?

[B]

What?

[A]

Put me on the poster anyway. Yeah, I did, and I'll share that. All right.

[B]

Thanks for having me. I love you.

[A]

And thank you for being somebody that.

[B]

He just texted me again. Spade. He FaceTimed me.

[A]

Let's see what he says, because he might be on some. Dude, he was in freaking Dickie Roberts.

[B]

I know. Dude,

[A]

did you seen this laser? Puts a little on your shirt. Okay. Oh, that's the tits.

[B]

Like, I'm just gonna hang up.

[A]

No, wait, one more time. He's getting older.

[B]

Yeah. So you. Did you FaceTime me? I tried to. Yeah. Here's the.

[A]

What's up, dude? I was trying to save Theo and, like, get him out of that interview.

[B]

There was no controversy. He texted me the fucking password, and

[A]

I was like, oh, that means save him. Yeah, dude, I did.

[B]

Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. So thank you so much for that information. I'll see you soon. I love you. I'm gonna hang up the phone.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

All right. I love you, bud. No, no. I love you. I love you, bud. All right. So you did.

[A]

Did I? To be continued.

[B]

Now I'm just floating on the breeze and I'm. I feel I'm falling like these leaves I must be cornerstone oh, but when I reach that ground I'll share this peace of mind I found I can feel it in my bones but it's gonna take.