#667 - Duncan Trussell

Summary

Podcast Summary: This Past Weekend w/ Theo Von #667 – Duncan Trussell

Date: July 8, 2026
Guests: Duncan Trussell
Main Theme:
A freewheeling conversation between Theo Von and Duncan Trussell, blending absurd humor and sharp social commentary. The episode explores America’s past and present, the strangeness of modern technology and media, parental anxieties, conspiracy theories, spiritual questions, and the ongoing search for meaning in a complicated world.

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1. Opening Banter & Nostalgic Humor

[00:00 – 06:45]

• Theo riffs on America’s 250th birthday and delivers a comedic, sponsor-laden toast to Mountain Dew as an “American Original.”
• Duncan marvels at the studio’s high-tech cameras, prompting both to joke about surveillance, Palantir, and next-level podcast technology.
• The conversation morphs into a comedic reimagining of pioneer days, complete with termites, Italians eating wagon wheels (“Conestoga means ‘pasta’,” 04:57), and hills everywhere.

  “I remember sitting on a hillside or whatever. Because everything back then was a hillside.” – Theo Von [03:44]

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2. History, Reparations & Looking (Too) Far Back

[06:45 – 10:36]

• Duncan coins the term “ahistoric,” meaning people ignore history, and laments the lack of care for the past, including musical traditions.
• Reparations come up in a mix of playful and serious tones. Theo observes, “That’s the ultimate rear view mirror—people riding with seven rear view mirrors in their car” [06:35].
• They imagine a sci-fi scenario: building a time machine to address historical injustices directly.
• TSA and invasive security become parody targets; the struggles of parents, especially with babies and ashes at the airport, are humorously exaggerated.

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3. Death, Grief, & Dads’ Ashes: Humor & Humanity

[11:14 – 12:42]

• Duncan explains what’s found in cremated remains—including “bourbon crystals if you had a southern dad,” and “racial jokes” (all poking fun at generational shifts and dark family humor).
• Both reflect on how humor and discomfort mix when confronting mortality and legacy.

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4. Surveillance, Drones & Modern Paranoia

[12:42 – 15:22]

• Jokes about mosquito drones and being surveilled echo real anxieties. Duncan: “Whoever’s surveilling us with your mechanical mosquitoes, you’re an idiot. It’s a podcast!” [13:09]
• Duncan discusses the burden of power, referencing Trump and Obama, and goes full occult: presidents get “crushed by the sheer weight of occult energy… Soothsayers, REI counter employees…” [14:38]
• Observes how post-presidency, leaders age rapidly—“He looked like a ring wraith… white by the time he got out.” [14:59]

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5. The Hardship of History: Lincoln’s Children & Tuberculosis

[15:22 – 23:34]

• They note Abraham Lincoln’s children mostly died young of diseases, reflecting on how brutal life used to be.
• Duncan: “When you have kids, anything about a kid dying... hits so hard. Losing three… your heart is never going to be better.” [18:18]
• Long riff about “consumption” (tuberculosis) and the origins of funeral rituals and graveyards.
• “Taking a walk and you just got hit by a bit of the king [shit],” – Theo Von, on medieval times [23:26]
• Duncan provides weird medieval sanitation details—like delousing clothing over open toilets for ammonia [24:42].

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6. The Technology Leap & Modern Miracles

[23:45 – 26:44]

• Light banter turns to marveling at how electricity, health, and infrastructure separate the present from a grim past.
• “If you have electricity, you’re a modern wizard.” [22:43]
• The duo joke about how kings had better excrement, linking it to status in a comically detailed fashion.

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7. Childhood Bodily Failures, Pissing Contests & Masculine Rituals

[26:44 – 30:46]

• Theo shares a story about needing surgery on a fused urethra and jokes about his “power-washing” urination as a kid.
• Both riff on childish competitiveness, innate bodily weirdness, and male rituals of proving yourself through physical feats.

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8. Past vs. Present: Mystery Boys Podcast & Alien Rabbit Holes

[30:46 – 39:00]

• Duncan introduces “Mystery Boys,” his podcast with Kurt Metzger, describing their foray into strange topics and stories.
  • Notable: A guest describes being recruited to a secret space program, where humans interact with aliens who act as IT workers.
  • The guest pokes a reptilian alien in the eye and gets tortured on the moon—leading to tales about moon brothels, densities, and vibrational shifts [33:46-43:32].

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9. The Power of Frequency: Cymatics & Personal Energy

[43:34 – 47:35]

• Theo and Duncan get philosophical about “cymatics”—the science of frequencies shaping matter—drawing parallels between historical cycles, oppression, tyranny, and individual spiritual transformation.

  “What if I spent time tuning into a frequency that brought peace, or love, or protection?” – Theo [46:15]

• Duncan observes that everyday life is an interplay of tuning in to different energies; social media and the algorithm continually shape (and warp) our mental state.

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10. Modern Media: Trauma, Mind Control & Cultural Conditioning

[47:35 – 52:32]

• Duncan (via Metzger) links modern media’s barrage of shocking images (public assassinations, tragedies) to a trauma-based model of social control.
• Theo: “There’s so much racial… I have black friends, they act like they were slaves sometimes because of the fodder they get fed.” [95:14]
• The tireless cycle of horror and consumerism in the algorithm is examined as a deliberate lever: “Assassinations create trauma… Trauma opens you to conditioning.”

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11. Surviving Digital & Spiritual Vampires

[52:32 – 61:15]

• Duncan likens smartphones to mythic vampires: “Your phone is the fucking vampire and you’re inviting it in…” [51:16]
• Theo recommends meditation and plant medicine for grounding; Duncan reassures that 10 minutes daily is admirable.

Notable Quote

“Vampire only goes where they’re invited… Your phone is the fucking vampire and you’re inviting it in every time you stare at it.” – Duncan Trussell [51:16]

• The two get derailed by the “meth monks” scandal in Thailand (monks using meth, getting busted with drugs and guns), bridging this with how even practices of spiritual discipline can be corrupted by the world’s chaos.

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12. Self-Image, Transformation & Marilyn Monroe’s “Shapeshifting”

[61:15 – 73:01]

• Theo discusses personal insecurities and the evolution of self-narratives; Duncan introduces “Psycho-Cybernetics,” a classic book about self-perception and changing inner narratives.
• They discuss Marilyn Monroe’s famous ability to transform her presence at will; how our “inner image” shapes our reality—using stories of people who find confidence even after disfigurement.

  “How many times have you been with a person who maybe isn’t classically beautiful, but their personality is so amazing…” – Duncan [70:00]

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13. Parenting, Mindfulness, & Enlightenment in Daily Life

[73:01 – 77:17]

• As fathers, both struggle with time constraints and shifting definitions of “free time.”
• Duncan applies Zen wisdom: “The great way is not difficult for those who have no preferences… Your preferences are tormenting you.” [75:17]
• Argues that making peace with the fullness of each moment is an attainable form of enlightenment.

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14. Breaking Free from the Past & Pursuing Growth

[77:17 – 78:14]

• Theo ponders letting go of trying to solve the present by constantly revisiting old wounds.
• Duncan and Theo share honest reflections on self-improvement and psychological boundaries.

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15. Dark Synchronies: Serial Killers, Eclipses, & Occult Coincidences

[78:14 – 84:55]

• Metzger’s factoid: John Wayne Gacy was executed—and Jeffrey Dahmer baptized—on the day of a solar eclipse.
• Duncan: “Why do you execute a monster during an eclipse?... Maybe that’s just part of the weird secret gears in the universe we don’t know about.” [81:16]
• Branches into the human urge to understand, mythologize, and narrate around cosmic events; discussion of how ancient cultures feared and ritualized eclipses.

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16. Are We Being Defeated by “Demonic” Technology?

[84:55 – 90:35]

• Theo frames modern technology as potentially “demonic”—a “succubus” for human morality.
• Duncan draws on Buddhist interdependency and Christian metaphysics to debate if we’re equipped to “save ourselves.”
• Both agree that social media algorithms “accuse and scatter,” driving division and anxiety.

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17. The Algorithm, Cultural Division, & the Loss of Empathy

[90:35 – 102:02]

• Both lampoon how algorithms create constant anger, fear, and separation—Theo: “Everything about you is fucking wrong. Everything about them’s wrong… You gotta be in a constant, contorted state of anxiety.” [99:05]
• Theo: “But there’s some groups that never get pointed at.” The episode pokes fun at the game of divisive grievances fostered online.

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18. Technology, Responsibility & the Dangers to Children

[102:02 – 119:42]

• The dangers of social media and digital technology for children are highlighted.
• They scrutinize Mark Zuckerberg’s comments about letting his own kids use technology, noting the discrepancy between Silicon Valley execs’ private precautions and public platforms.
• Duncan: “You don’t keep something going that allows children to be abused… How much is your mansion worth to you?” [117:09]
• Theo argues that eventually money stops being the currency—power, then becoming “the devil,” is the next step; a warning against chasing endless influence.

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19. AI, Fake News, & The Absurdity of Modern Anxieties

[119:42 – 121:16]

• The rise of AI-generated hoaxes, from animal videos to urban legends (e.g., “hot air balloons for sex trafficking”), shows how quickly misinformation proliferates and triggers institutional overreaction—“Now we have hot air balloon surveillance cops.” [110:07]
• Joking pitches ensue about TV shows featuring “brave gays” as hot air balloon cops.

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20. Hope, Parenting, and Spiritual Anchors in a Chaotic World

[121:18 – 128:51]

• Theo asks Duncan: “Do you feel hope as a parent?” [121:20] Duncan responds with Buddhist and perennial optimism: fundamental goodness remains, and the “eternal way” of love and kindness persists beyond any particular technological threat.
• The importance of focusing on cultivating personal compassion rather than obsessing about saving all of humanity (“You are the first part of the world you encounter…” [126:28])
• They reflect on how, even in times of widespread fear, everyday acts of friendship, presence, and kindness have more power than cynicism.

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21. Closing Reflections: Friendship & Self-Interrogation

[128:52 – End]

• Theo reflects on the importance of interrogating his own feelings, not just accepting them at face value.
• Ends in a wild anecdote about writing racial slurs on paper as a wayward coping mechanism as youths, emphasizing the futility and danger of not processing complicated feelings more consciously.
• The conversation closes with an affirmation of camaraderie and gratitude.

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• “Termites had showed up. Right. Like a gang of termites, or Italians, some people called them.” – Theo Von [04:21]
• “Vampire only goes where they’re invited… Your phone is the fucking vampire and you’re inviting it in every time you stare at it.” – Duncan Trussell [51:16]
• “If you have electricity, you’re a modern wizard.” – Theo Von [22:43]
• “The great way is not difficult for those who have no preferences.” – Duncan Trussell, referencing Zen Buddhism [75:17]
• “You don’t keep something going that allows children to be abused… How much is your mansion worth?” – Duncan Trussell [117:09]
• “You are the first part of the world you encounter…” – Duncan Trussell [126:28]

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Key Timestamps

| Time | Topic / Segment Description | |--------------|----------------------------------------------------| | 00:00–06:45 | Opening: Sponsor riff, nostalgia, high-tech jokes | | 06:45–10:36 | Reparations, history, TSA/parenting struggles | | 11:14–12:42 | Cremation, dads’ ashes, humor & grief | | 12:42–15:22 | Surveillance, occult energy on presidents | | 15:22–23:45 | Lincoln, history’s hardships, tuberculosis | | 23:45–26:44 | Poor sanitation, medieval “laundry” by toilet | | 26:44–30:46 | Bodily stories, childhood urination power | | 30:46–39:00 | Mystery Boys: secret space program, aliens | | 43:34–47:35 | Cymatics—frequency shapes reality | | 47:35–52:32 | Trauma, assassinations, cultural programming | | 52:32–61:15 | Phone = vampire, digital life, meth monks | | 61:15–73:01 | Self-image, Marilyn Monroe, psycho-cybernetics | | 73:01–77:17 | Parenting, mindfulness, Zen preferences | | 78:14–84:55 | Serial killers, ecliptic coincidences, myth | | 84:55–90:35 | Demonic tech, are we strong enough spiritually? | | 90:35–102:02 | Algorithm as “scatterer,” division, empathy lost | | 102:02–119:42| Kids, digital peril, platforms & accountability | | 119:42–121:16| AI hoaxes, fake news, balloon cops | | 121:18–128:51| Parenting hope, fundamental goodness, steps forward| | 128:52–end | Friendship, closing self-reflection |

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Tone & Style

Conversational, irreverent, “cosmic comedic” style. Blends surreal humor, deep philosophy, and raw honesty. Both hosts shift between absurdity and sincerity, using gags to enter surprisingly profound topics.

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USEFUL FOR:

• Listeners wanting to understand the heart of the episode without the banter and ads.
• Anyone curious about navigating the chaos of modern life with a mix of humor, skepticism, and spiritual insight.
• Parents, comedians, philosophers, and fans of both hosts.

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Enjoyable, rich, and deeply human—this episode proves why Duncan Trussell is called a "downright cosmic adventurer," and why Theo Von’s podcast is both hilarious and sneakily wise.

Transcript

[Theo Von]

You know, America's 250th birthday is coming up.

[Duncan Trussell]

Whoo.

[Theo Von]

That's gonna be a big cake. And I. Who's. Who's even gonna blow out the candles, I wonder? Probably, maybe Thomas Jefferson will come down from the clouds and huff and puff a few out. Maybe a Betsy Ross or Frederick Douglass. I don't know. Somebody is gonna come on down and just huff and puff them. Cake. Candles out. Happy 250th America. And an iconic summer like this deserves an iconic drink. I'm talking about Mountain Dew. Yep. An American original. From their beginnings in the foothills of Tennessee. Yeah, that's where they started. To the biggest fourth of July yet. The refreshing citrus kick of Mountain Dew is a perfect companion to your American summer adventures. Usa, baby. And you know, I get that taste of Mountain Dew in me and it just. Oh, just makes my ankles start talking to each other. God, I love it. Enjoy the refreshing kick of Mountain Dew. An American Original. Tasting great since 48. Look for American Dew limited time packaging or find it in stores near you@mountain Dew.com. that's Mountain Dew.com. this episode is sponsored by Mountain Dew. Look for American Dew limited time packaging or find it in stores near you@mountain dew.com. today's guest is a stand up comedian, podcaster, and just a downright cosmic adventurer. Adventurer. He's got his own show, the Duncan Trussell Family Hour, and his new podcast, Mystery Boys with Kurt Metzger. Also, always a blast. The one and only Mr. Duncan Trussell.

[Duncan Trussell]

Whoa, look at that. What kind of cameras you guys? Jesus Christ. He's so inspirational.

[Theo Von]

These are flock cameras we're using.

[Duncan Trussell]

Yeah. Palantir, baby. Palantir.

[Theo Von]

We now work for Palantir. These are. We're using flock cameras.

[Duncan Trussell]

It's incredible.

[Theo Von]

This can see right all the way through my eyes, through my past, my history, all the way into my mother's body.

[Duncan Trussell]

Past lives.

[Theo Von]

Yes.

[Duncan Trussell]

Gets into your past incarnations, too. It's pretty cool. Tech is amazing these days.

[Theo Von]

We good, Zach?

[Duncan Trussell]

Look at the lighting. You guys are good. Look at this shit.

[Theo Von]

What do you mean you have a podcast?

[Duncan Trussell]

Fuck, dude. This is next level. You like? I love Josh in my studio. It's great. But I don't have this, like, I. Look at me. I look good in this light.

[Theo Von]

Dude. You definitely, bro. You look. I will say this. The lighting, it's Conestoga wagon times, right? Like it's the old days and it's like, you know.

[Duncan Trussell]

Yes, it's.

[Theo Von]

There's a Conestoga wagon.

[Duncan Trussell]

Yes.

[Theo Von]

And it Stalled out on the side of the road, right?

[Duncan Trussell]

Yes.

[Theo Von]

Because anything could have happened. We had a Conestoga wagon. Because you had wooden wheels, remember?

[Duncan Trussell]

I do.

[Theo Von]

And dude, you could have gotten termites

[Duncan Trussell]

overnight of many things. Termites. I mean, just think of wooden wheels on some old fucked up. Nobody's paving roads back then. You're going through forest creeks.

[Theo Von]

Your wife is guessing where a road could be.

[Duncan Trussell]

If she's still alive, she doesn't have an arrow through her throat and she's not choking on her own blood. Spray your wagon stained with blood.

[Theo Von]

Yeah. You had 11 kids. Your wife has had kids this week.

[Duncan Trussell]

This week.

[Theo Von]

Like that's. It was like that. People don't realize what it was like.

[Duncan Trussell]

Oh, no, no, people don't.

[Theo Von]

We know because we've had past lives.

[Duncan Trussell]

Yeah, I remember.

[Theo Von]

Oh, dude, I remember sitting on like a. Like a hillside or whatever. Because everything back then was a hillside.

[Duncan Trussell]

Yeah. All hills.

[Theo Von]

Remember that?

[Duncan Trussell]

All hills.

[Theo Von]

Remember everything was a hillside. It's like now there's like a lot of pavement. There's flattened areas.

[Duncan Trussell]

Thank you. Cern, the particle accelerator. Everything up. Now there's flat places. It used to just be a series of hills.

[Theo Von]

Everything was a hillside. I know everything, dude. Even people's bodies. You'd have one. Like you'd have the strong side of your father and the weaker side because of how he walked to work.

[Duncan Trussell]

That's right.

[Theo Von]

You know, because you'd have to walk at an angle. Everybody was diagonal.

[Duncan Trussell]

Yes, everybody walked diagonally.

[Theo Von]

It was so different. But dude, in the like Eve, your wagon could easily. You wake up in the morning, some termites had showed up. Right. Like a gang of termites or Italians some people called them. Right?

[Duncan Trussell]

Yep.

[Theo Von]

Showed up.

[Duncan Trussell]

Yep.

[Theo Von]

And ate a spoke off your wagon wheel.

[Duncan Trussell]

Right.

[Theo Von]

And you got a flat.

[Duncan Trussell]

Well, Italians used to eat wood. So you would literally, you would. Didn't even know what it was. Was it like a wild ravaging group of Italians or was it termites?

[Theo Von]

Yeah, you'd have no idea.

[Duncan Trussell]

Yeah, Conestoga wagon wood was like the precursor to pizza, apparently.

[Theo Von]

Oh. It's called the first pasta in some cultures. Dude, that's the craziest thing.

[Duncan Trussell]

Doesn't Conestoga mean pasta? It means pasta wagon.

[Theo Von]

Well, dude, it's just of course, like you could see like some strong jawed Italian showing up. Right. I mean, he's so strong jaw. Just because, you know, his neck and everything is strong from wearing all of his chains. They wore like all the chains.

[Duncan Trussell]

Yep.

[Theo Von]

And he's so jacked. And he just sees a warm Wagon wheel. It's warm because it's been rolling all day.

[Duncan Trussell]

Yeah. Plus the stink of birth. Of wagon birth.

[Theo Von]

Yeah.

[Duncan Trussell]

And then, yeah, you'd hear him come slithering out of the woods down the hill. You're lucky if you are on top of a hill because if you're at the bottom, they just sled on down, dude.

[Theo Von]

You'd be standing at the bottom of a hill and an Italian would just roll right up against your leg.

[Duncan Trussell]

Yep.

[Theo Von]

They just. That's how it is. Gravity and Italians, dude, back then their

[Duncan Trussell]

stomachs were just like, like calloused underneath the hair. It was just from sliding down those hills, attacking the wagons as a thick, sheeny callous that helped them slide.

[Zach]

Yeah.

[Duncan Trussell]

Terrifying times. People are a historic these days. And, you know, if we don't remember history, we're fucked. Like, you gotta know what actually happened, what this country was founded on.

[Theo Von]

And I want you to say that word again. People are ahistoric.

[Duncan Trussell]

Yeah.

[Theo Von]

And what does that mean, Duncan, when you say.

[Duncan Trussell]

It means people don't give a fuck about history. They don't care. No one's looking back. Nobody. Most people don't. And not just like with like US history, world history, but like musical lineages and stuff. People just don't really care.

[Theo Von]

Well, reparations, people are looking back. Yeah, but they've got a. That's the. That's the ultimate rear view mirror is people.

[Duncan Trussell]

Right.

[Theo Von]

Like you'll. If you ride in a car with somebody who's like big on reparations, they're like seven rear view mirrors in their car. You notice that that's a lot like.

[Duncan Trussell]

But you have to stop, like, with that kind of thinking. You do have to stop at a certain place. You can't. You have to like, stop in a certain frame. You can't keep going back.

[Theo Von]

Right.

[Duncan Trussell]

You have to stop there is where you. But come on, man. Wouldn't you, like, if there was some way for you to get reparations, wouldn't that be amazing? Like, people start. That's. That's an incredible income source, you know,

[Theo Von]

if they can tap it. I think one of the biggest groups or some of the biggest groups that probably have at least called out to the gods of reparations, probably in our time would probably be black or. I don't know if it's African Americans. I don't know if it's black people in general, but I think it would be some African Americans. People that came from Africa.

[Duncan Trussell]

Yeah.

[Theo Von]

Into slavery or their ancestors did, and then Native Americans. Like, what about that Tab Was never paid.

[Duncan Trussell]

Listen, this is why we got to invent a time machine. Because once we get that fucking time machine, we could go back in time to the actual colonizers and slaveholders and take their fucking shit. That's true. Reparations. Because they're the ones who did it.

[Theo Von]

Right?

[Duncan Trussell]

You know what I mean? I mean, the idea of the reparations is like we. I mean, I'm not trying to call you out.

[Theo Von]

No, come out.

[Duncan Trussell]

Everybody knows you have slaves now. But I am not a slave owner. Come on, we all know what's going on in Nashville. Come on. I'm sorry, I don't mean to do. You guys can cut this out. You guys can cut this out. No, but I, on the other hand, don't.

[Theo Von]

Oh, you're the unslave guy.

[Duncan Trussell]

He's not doing as good. I don't get the numbers you're getting, so. You know, you do. You should pay reparations, but otherwise we gotta get a time machine, man.

[Theo Von]

What would we do, though? Here's the thing. I'm saying this, and I'm gonna be honest with you. We get a time machine.

[Duncan Trussell]

Yes.

[Theo Von]

We go back first of all, in time, right? And we get there. The colonizers. I just don't. How. What is our strategy going to be when we get there?

[Duncan Trussell]

We've got guns. What do they have?

[Theo Von]

They have guns. That's how they did it.

[Duncan Trussell]

Yeah, but not. Not like AR15s. They've got like shitty muskets and stuff. It's going to be very easy to colonize the colonizers.

[Theo Von]

No. What if there is a metal detector when you get into the time machine?

[Duncan Trussell]

Disable it. Like it's my time machine. You don't think. You. What? You think that's just part of the build?

[Theo Von]

Like, you think a time machine is going to come without tsa? Dude? You think that the government in Israel is going to let us have a time machine without tsa?

[Duncan Trussell]

You're right. They ruin everything, man. They ruin everything. You're going to have like off market underground time machines that are going to spaghettify your ass when you travel through time. It's not going to be safe.

[Theo Von]

I will say this, bro. They will have like, there's no way you're getting a TSA free time machine, dude. You're gonna have like some lady over there who's like, oh, you got a baby milk in there or something? They always like, they.

[Duncan Trussell]

The first.

[Theo Von]

The thing I hate is the baby milk. Or if you're even a woman with full tits. Yeah. What's in your tit. They'll be like, oh, what's in your tits? Is it baby milk?

[Duncan Trussell]

Dude, I feel so bad for old people, pregnants and new parents going through TSA because, like, they get up, they're aggressive with them.

[Theo Von]

Yeah.

[Duncan Trussell]

They, like make you disassemble the baby carriage.

[Theo Von]

Yeah.

[Duncan Trussell]

They scan the baby. It's like, what the fuck?

[Theo Von]

Yeah. They're like, you're going to need to open his diaper up. And I'm like, what are you doing?

[Duncan Trussell]

What do you think's in there? It's crazy.

[Theo Von]

Now I'm a fucking peeping Tom just because I'm second in line. Now it's like I'm getting drawn into crimes.

[Duncan Trussell]

We're about to travel with the whole family, Theo. And are you. And you. And we got a new baby. We got a five month old, and you just. I just got to prep because they do not treat you kindly. God help you if you're a breeder and trying to travel on the fourth of July. You are my wife. I'm fine. You just have to stand on the other side and you just watch it happen. The pat down, the disassembly, the scrutinizing of the tits.

[Theo Von]

Oh, yeah. Oh, that's the worst. And the worst is if they look at your wife's tits. Like, they wouldn't have any milk in them.

[Duncan Trussell]

Right. Like, what do you think's in there? Yeah, there's a baby right there. What do you think? She's got nitroglycerin in her tits.

[Theo Von]

I think she's fucking. Yeah.

[Duncan Trussell]

Why? Why are you doing this to us? The kids are screaming. What do you think?

[Theo Von]

We're trying to get food into Gaza or something? Like, what do you think? What's happening?

[Duncan Trussell]

Bringing my dad's ashes, too, to scatter them. So it's like gonna be double. It's gonna be the most dramatic TSA of all time because I just was so worried about, like, what are they gonna do with my dad's ashes? Yeah. Are they going to search them? What's in there? Yeah, what's in my dad's ashes? I have no idea.

[Theo Von]

Oh, what could. Sometimes it's a molar. I know there has been a look. What is that? What's the most common thing found in human remain and in dad's ashes? And Duncan, good to see you, dude.

[Duncan Trussell]

Good to see you.

[Theo Von]

Theo, thank you for just making the

[Duncan Trussell]

most common thing found in your dad's ashes.

[Theo Von]

This is actually interesting. Take us through this, if you don't mind, Duncan.

[Duncan Trussell]

Oh, I'D love to. Calcium carbonate. Of course. That's some bone stuff. Trace minerals such as sodium, potassium, and magnesium. Trace metals. Implants, like surgical screws, pins, or dental fillings after processing.

[Theo Von]

Oh, that's pretty cool.

[Duncan Trussell]

Bourbon crystals. If you had a southern dad.

[Theo Von]

Oh, I see.

[Duncan Trussell]

Yeah.

[Theo Von]

Oh, just from like. Like, salt buildup or something. He'd have bourbon crystals built up around his bones.

[Duncan Trussell]

Crystallized bourbon whiskey.

[Theo Von]

I could see that. A little bit of probably some racial jokes. A lot of dads would have, like, you just sifting through the sand of your father and like a. Just like an N word flies out

[Duncan Trussell]

at least 30 Pollock jokes. Yeah, you. Like, no one even understood why your dad was always making.

[Theo Von]

You didn't.

[Duncan Trussell]

You didn't even know what a Pollock was when you were a kid. But, like, they were apparently really dumb based on your dad's shitty Pollock jokes.

[Theo Von]

Yeah. Oh, man. Dude, Duncan Trussell, thanks for being here today, dude.

[Duncan Trussell]

Happy to be here.

[Theo Von]

And, dude, I want to say also, congratulations. You and Kurt Matz grab a new podcast. The Mystery Boys.

[Duncan Trussell]

That's right. Yeah.

[Theo Von]

Dude, it feels like a producer. Trev and I were. He was talking. Oh, is that a bug?

[Duncan Trussell]

Mosquitoes.

[Theo Von]

Or a spy.

[Duncan Trussell]

Could be a spy drone. Could be a drone.

[Theo Von]

Dude, if the drones get that small, we are.

[Duncan Trussell]

They are. They already are.

[Theo Von]

Well, let's don't. If we start there, it's gonna. Every podcast now starts there.

[Duncan Trussell]

By the way, whoever's surveying us with your mechanical mosquitoes, you're an idiot. It's a podcast. You could just watch the podcast. You don't have to double film the podcast.

[Theo Von]

Dude. We have. We've had people on, then had the room searched afterwards to make sure that they didn't leave, like, a listening device or something like that.

[Duncan Trussell]

Oh, yeah, you're getting that level of guests who are living in, like. It's so crazy how, like, the more powerful you get, the. You live in a surveillance state. Like, you know what I mean? Like, the. The Trump. He's the most surveilled person on the planet, right? Like, he lives in the most high security place of all time. He must got, like. And it's not just, like, Secret Service monitoring him, right?

[Theo Von]

It's people that he thinks are his friends that he. I bet he doesn't even know that. I bet he doesn't even care.

[Duncan Trussell]

I bet he does.

[Theo Von]

You think he does?

[Duncan Trussell]

You got to feel that. You've got remote viewers from, like, various countries, trained psychic spies. You've got ghosts. You've got, you know, a variety eavesdropping ghosts, eavesdropping ghosts, malevolent entities, time travelers. You've got witches actively cursing you at every hour of the fucking day. Think of the way that's why any president. Look at them. Look what happens to them. They melt down. They're crushed by just the sheer weight of occult energy being leveled at them by all variety of sorcerers, necromancers, garden variety witches, like hardcore mountain wizards. You just don't even know what's coming.

[Theo Von]

Soothsayers, REI counter employees.

[Duncan Trussell]

Yes. Evil eye on you. Just like you've got the evil eye on you at all time. And so you just get all fucked up and you like, look at Trump. He's got those splotches now. He's like. He's like falling asleep. Obama. Look at Obama. He looked like a ring wraith when he came.

[Theo Von]

Oh, he was white. By the time he got out, he was.

[Duncan Trussell]

He's totally, like, just withered. All of them.

[Theo Von]

Look at this.

[Duncan Trussell]

Look at 2009. Hope Joy, 2016. You've blown up countless innocent families with drones. You know what I mean? You.

[Theo Von]

Yeah, just doing Clinton's work. Still doing Clinton's work.

[Duncan Trussell]

Look at Lincoln. I know all of them. It does it to all of them. Look at that.

[Theo Von]

Well, first of all, there were only two photos ever of Lincoln taken. So there's. All we have is a before and after of him. Dude.

[Duncan Trussell]

Yeah, it's true. That's true. And also, people look like he was probably 23 in both of those pictures.

[Theo Von]

Dude, you know what's pretty wild? I was thinking about this the other day. There's not another famous person with the last name Lincoln.

[Duncan Trussell]

Whoa. I don't know any Lincolns.

[Theo Von]

Like, there's him. There's him. Abraham. Was that his name or.

[Duncan Trussell]

Ab.

[Theo Von]

Abram. Abram.

[Duncan Trussell]

Abraham.

[Theo Von]

Abraham Lincoln. And then Mary Todd Lincoln was his wife, Y, who was kind of like. And then his son, Tad Lincoln, I think, who died.

[Duncan Trussell]

Oh.

[Theo Von]

At a young age. What did Tad die of? But no other famous Lincolns. Think of one.

[Duncan Trussell]

I don't know any.

[Theo Von]

That's pretty unbelievable.

[Duncan Trussell]

I know like a lot of people whose first name is Lincoln. I don't know any famous. Oh, there you go. Edward Baker Lincoln. He died on February 1st at age 3. Tuberculosis.

[Theo Von]

These are the kids. These are his children.

[Duncan Trussell]

William Wallace Lincoln. Wow, cool name. Died at the age of 11. Typhoid fever. Thomas Lincoln, known as Tad. His cause of death is tuberculosis, pneumonia, or heart failure. Holy shit.

[Theo Von]

But people don't. People do not understand and we do not understand that this was the president of The United States. And three of his kids.

[Duncan Trussell]

Yeah.

[Theo Von]

Died by the age of 18 of tuberculosis. Whatever the other one was, I think just. And one of them probably was gay. And they killed him.

[Duncan Trussell]

That's always happened. That was one out of three kids.

[Theo Von]

Yeah. And then they say. They say that they give it a bigger name. Yeah, like pneumonia, Heart failure. Yeah, yeah, Heart failure.

[Duncan Trussell]

We know what happened.

[Theo Von]

But, dude, isn't that the craziest way to describe gay? It's like he should love a woman,

[Duncan Trussell]

but he had art. His heart was failing, but his heart

[Theo Von]

failed and liked men.

[Duncan Trussell]

He fell into the pigs. Fell into a pig pen and was devoured.

[Theo Von]

Yeah.

[Duncan Trussell]

Dude, I'll tell you, really, it looked

[Theo Von]

like he was like planning for a beautiful day at a picnic basket.

[Duncan Trussell]

Yeah. I mean, yeah, he had a letter

[Theo Von]

to Randall in it.

[Duncan Trussell]

You know, Dale Randall, I know that you're but a peasant. My father's president. But, you know, I'll tell you, that's

[Theo Von]

why I think of how wild that is. You have three children.

[Duncan Trussell]

Four.

[Theo Von]

You have four fucking children.

[Duncan Trussell]

Four children.

[Theo Von]

Yeah. You just had another child while we were finishing this sentence.

[Duncan Trussell]

Yep.

[Theo Von]

But just imagine that. Go on any. What were you saying?

[Duncan Trussell]

No, you didn't finish your point. Imagine, like when you have kids, you. You can no longer watch Dateline. I used to be able to when I was single. I could watch Dateline. Some murderer came in, killed a bunch of kids, Exploded a house with kids in it. Killed a mom and the kids watched. And you know, it sucks. It sucks. It's sad, but whatever.

[Theo Von]

Yeah, it's Dateline.

[Duncan Trussell]

When you have fucking kids. Anything about a kid dying?

[Theo Von]

Any.

[Duncan Trussell]

It's like your DNA changes for real. Even dads. So it hits so hard losing three of your children. I can't even imagine. I can't even imagine. You're not sleeping anymore. You can't. You're just a walking corpse. You're. You're gone. Your heart is never going to be better after that. So that might explain why Lincoln looked like shit before he got assassinated. No offense, but this is what it's like, you know? This is human existence. That's how you know, having. Becoming a breeder really teaches you.

[Theo Von]

When you choose to have someone, you choose to create more. And then we're all. We're all Vic. There's always been some form of. Like. At that time, everyone was a slave to the lack of knowledge. Maybe.

[Duncan Trussell]

Oh, yeah.

[Theo Von]

Is that. Is that a realistic thing?

[Duncan Trussell]

Oh, I think so. I think like back then, you get an infection, you're dead. They're sawing your arm off. I don't even think they had like, they had ether. They didn't have like the incredible anesthesia that we have right now where they can dial in just the dose. They know the exact amount of time before you wake up. Back then, I think they were just like putting a rag on your face,

[Theo Von]

if you were lucky, or somebody sometimes would just whisper in your ear like this. You're not feeling anything. You're not feeling anything. You're not feeling.

[Duncan Trussell]

You don't feel this. You're dreaming. You're dreaming. Just sawing your fucking arm off. That was what it was like back, look.

[Theo Von]

Yeah, you're dreaming, dude.

[Duncan Trussell]

This is actually great. You guys are good. 1850s, average cause of death, tuberculosis.

[Theo Von]

And what was tuberculosis, let me say real quick, the single biggest killer in many places, especially among adults and children, which is everyone. It's a weird thing to say. In one 1867 Kentucky sample, 18 of 100 deaths were from consumption. Similar patterns held in 1850s. What is consumption? Can you give me some. Can you also be looking up what tuberculosis is?

[Duncan Trussell]

I think that's what they called it, Consumption. Right. Like, that was the. That was the name for consumption.

[Theo Von]

But dude, imagine you get invited probably one weekend at school. You're a school kid, right. Consumption is an archaic historical term for tuberculosis, a highly contagious bacterial infection primarily

[Duncan Trussell]

attacking the lungs, coughing up blood. Happened to Edgar Allan Poe's wife. She died of tuberculosis. Like just everybody you would have little. This is, I think where the handkerchief in the pocket came from is like if you wanted to politely cough up blood in front of people at dinner parties and. And stuff. So.

[Theo Von]

Yeah, because if you're poor, you just coughed it in your hand or whatever.

[Duncan Trussell]

That was what it's like back then.

[Theo Von]

But dude, imagine one weekend as a kid. This. This could be a real life of a child back in the day.

[Duncan Trussell]

Yeah.

[Theo Von]

You go to a kid's party one weekend. Some kid is having his fifth birthday party, which at this point is probably one quarter of his life.

[Duncan Trussell]

Right. He's about to go to work in the factories.

[Theo Von]

Yeah. He'll be at war in two years.

[Duncan Trussell]

Two years he's going to be fighting. Yeah. He's getting ready to go to work. So this is like almost working age.

[Theo Von]

You go to his birthday and the next weekend you could conceivably go to a funeral of another, of another child or adult.

[Duncan Trussell]

Every. I guarantee that like every Sunday you're going to a funeral. Back then, like. Like a Sunday you're not going to a funeral is a Good Sunday, right? Just go to any, like, any old graveyard. Look at all those little graves, dude. Kids were dying left and right. It was a miracle for a kid to survive.

[Theo Von]

Sometimes it'll be like Rick and it was like, he's 11 years or.

[Duncan Trussell]

Oh yeah. Yellow Fever. You know where, where I come from in Georgia, the cemetery where my, my family's buried, it's just like filled with these old graves and it's all Yellow Fever. It's all just weird old diseases and some yellow fever.

[Theo Von]

Some people think it's because you people hate Asians so much they die that their heart snaps. That's not it.

[Duncan Trussell]

Right?

[Theo Von]

Yeah, we're talking about the original one.

[Duncan Trussell]

Yeah. Yeah. Actually, Yellow Fever is my favorite K pop band. Like, so sorry. I do.

[Theo Von]

Sorry. It's hilarious, dude. They know what's going on. Dude.

[Duncan Trussell]

Have you ever heard of Peter Diamandez?

[Theo Von]

No. Evan.

[Duncan Trussell]

So he's like. It's interesting because there's like a group of people who are, who look at the world right now from a historic perspective.

[Theo Von]

Okay.

[Duncan Trussell]

And they're like, shit is really good right now and it's going to get better.

[Theo Von]

That's what Rogan always says, that shit's the best it's ever been.

[Duncan Trussell]

Well, and people hear that if you, if you don't know this sort of thing, and some people don't. If you don't realize that like, if you have electricity, you're doing pretty good.

[Theo Von]

Like if you're a wiz, you're a modern day wizard.

[Duncan Trussell]

Wizard. Yeah, exactly. Like you could just flip a switch and lights come on and you could take a shit and flush it and it goes bye bye.

[Theo Von]

And it goes to a poor neighborhood

[Duncan Trussell]

well, that used to go out the window. You'd fucking, you know, you'd shit in a chamber pot, throw it out the window where it land in, in, in puddles of like blood from people with consumption. Horseshit.

[Theo Von]

And just some kids playing. And I bet he was honestly probably like, good luck. It's almost like, you know when like a butterfly lands on your shoulder or something? Now it's like good luck. Or if you see the clock, it says 11. 11. Yeah. But like if you were taking a walk and you. And you just got hit by a bit of the king, you know, like

[Duncan Trussell]

today things are looking up.

[Theo Von]

Yeah. Oh, a bit of a king on me.

[Duncan Trussell]

Yeah, man. And.

[Theo Von]

Oh, thick from the king.

[Duncan Trussell]

Ah, nothing better than a king's thick, bro.

[Theo Von]

Because no one else had thick back then.

[Duncan Trussell]

Only the kings.

[Theo Von]

Who else would have a thick.

[Duncan Trussell]

Everyone's was watery Watery. The king.

[Theo Von]

It was Memphis coffee, dude.

[Duncan Trussell]

Yeah, Memphis coffee.

[Theo Von]

But the king, he was serving plaster of Paris, brother.

[Duncan Trussell]

Powerful power. Charismatic. Probably smelled good.

[Theo Von]

Alluvial.

[Duncan Trussell]

Yeah, yeah, it was, you know, royal

[Theo Von]

medieval kings ate a diet that was far more varied and depending on period and region, often less dominated by meat than the roasted turkey. Like stereotypes. Roasted meat. Yeah, that seems like normal stuff, but. But, yeah, dude, if you. God. And I bet some people. And I bet there were some people almost like they're down on their luck and they would just hang out outside of like a. Like a. Because the king's toilets were up, like, in the air. They were built, like, you know, on the second floor or third floor of the castle. And just a hole would come out of the wall that.

[Duncan Trussell]

Well, back then, you would. The. Now, I happen to be an expert on the sewage systems in castles.

[Theo Von]

Oh, good. No, I want to know.

[Duncan Trussell]

I studied it all through school. The. You'll see here that. Now that's nice. But some castles, you would shit down into a pit, and then the way that you would get lice off your clothes, because everyone was covered in lice back then, is you would put your clothes out over an open toilet, a medieval toilet, and all the ammonia from the shit would kill the lice. So you were wearing clothes that had been lice free.

[Theo Von]

Right.

[Duncan Trussell]

But, you know, like, scented. Smelled like a porta potty.

[Theo Von]

Yeah.

[Duncan Trussell]

Smelled like a Coachella porta potty. And that was a clean shirt back then.

[Theo Von]

Yeah. Medieval toilets, commonly known as garter robes, were built over waste shafts or pits that discharged directly into moats. They featured a surprising dual purpose. Nobles use the ammonia heavy air from the toilet pits to store in Delau's clothing.

[Duncan Trussell]

God.

[Theo Von]

As the fumes were believed to kill clothes. License fleas. Dude, that's unbelievable. Like, God, you smell like. But God.

[Duncan Trussell]

No lice.

[Theo Von]

No lice. Come on over.

[Duncan Trussell]

No lice. You get to pick.

[Theo Von]

Yeah, come on over and touch his puss.

[Duncan Trussell]

Come on over.

[Theo Von]

Touch his wiener. If you were gay.

[Duncan Trussell]

Steal my underwear.

[Theo Von]

Yeah.

[Duncan Trussell]

Lice free back then. God, can you imagine going, finally, you don't have lice crawling all over your

[Theo Von]

face or your vagina or your. Or your. The end of your wiener. If you're a man, dude, the end. The very end of your wiener almost looks like a little bit of, like, a vagina. You notice that?

[Duncan Trussell]

Are you kidding? It's all I think about. Yeah, it does, though.

[Theo Von]

Oh, it does.

[Duncan Trussell]

Mine is special.

[Theo Von]

Oh, yeah.

[Duncan Trussell]

It's amazing. You could. You can. Oh, it's another podcast.

[Theo Von]

When I was a Child. They had. I had a. I was born with a very small wiener hole, so I could pee like 15ft.

[Duncan Trussell]

Did it expand?

[Theo Von]

I had to go get a surgery.

[Duncan Trussell]

You really did?

[Theo Von]

Yeah.

[Duncan Trussell]

So you're. It was fused a little bit.

[Theo Von]

Yeah, it's a little fused, dude. And I mean, I could piss, dude. I could wash a cat's eye from 15ft away.

[Duncan Trussell]

So good. Did you ever wash a cat's eye? I mean, I could have, dude. You could have. That's must have been painful, though.

[Theo Von]

Oh, I'd surprise a. And nobody knew it was urine because it just came at such a. A rip.

[Duncan Trussell]

Rip. A yellow piss.

[Theo Von]

Oh. It was like, probably loud. Oh. And it had a Roger Clemens sort of. It was a.

[Duncan Trussell]

That's painful. It's like pissing on ecstasy.

[Theo Von]

It hurt. Oh. Oh. It started to burn me at a certain age. I didn't mind it. But once you get into that age where you want to piss fast, dude.

[Duncan Trussell]

Yes.

[Theo Von]

Because we had a time in our town, everybody was pissing real fast. And I remember, like, it's just when kids are like, how fast can you piss? You little. Or whatever.

[Duncan Trussell]

Oh, yeah.

[Theo Von]

And you're like, I'll piss fast.

[Duncan Trussell]

You got to piss fast.

[Theo Von]

And you're straining.

[Zach]

But it hurts.

[Duncan Trussell]

It hurts.

[Theo Von]

But that's when I was. Dude. Oh, I was. Wait.

[Duncan Trussell]

Yeah.

[Theo Von]

I would wash a bottle of whiskey that was sitting on a power washer. Yeah, it was.

[Duncan Trussell]

Yeah. You could clean off graffiti with your piss, dude.

[Theo Von]

I could definitely. I could clean the rims on your car.

[Duncan Trussell]

That. And there's money in that. There's money in that.

[Theo Von]

Today's episode is in partnership with Manscaped, the men's grooming brand trusted by over 13 million men worldwide. That's a lot of men, baby. We didn't much, fellas. It's smooth sack summer. Yep, it is. It's officially in session. So if your grooming games been a little wild lately, this is your sign to tighten it up downstairs and beyond, you know, everywhere. Huh? That's why I've been using the Manscaped Lawnmower 5.0 Ultra in the new desert sand colorway. You know what I'm talking about. The updated trimmer blade features longer, wider and rounded teeth to tackle hair effortlessly. And let's not forget the best part. It's still waterproof. That's the best part. Whether you're hitting the beach, the pool, or you're just trying to survive shorts wearing season like myself, do yourself a favor and upgrade your grooming routine. Get 15% off plus free shipping with code [e-mail] that's 15% off and free shipping. With code [e-mail] you know, in the past, I was hesitant to invest. I didn't know how to do it. You know, I'd, I'd give my money to somebody and I didn't know what was happening to it and they'd be juggling it or something and just. I didn't know what to do. And I just. When it came to investing, I felt like I didn't know enough. You know, so many of us, we can only focus on where our money is today. Acorns is the financial wellness app that cares about where your money is going tomorrow. Acorns is a smart way to give your money a chance to grow. It's easy. You can sign up in minutes and start automatically investing your spare money in minutes, even if all you've got is spare change. Whether you're just starting out or thinking about settling down, Acorns supports your big and small goals across every life stage. Sign up now and join the over 14 million all time customers who have already saved and invested over $27 billion with Acorns. Plus Acorns will boost your new account with a 20 bonus investment offer available acorns.comtheo that's a C O R N S.comtheo to get your $20 bonus investment today. Terms and conditions apply. See acorns.com terms for details. Paid non client endorsement compensation provides incident to positively promote Acorns tier 2 compensation provided potential subject to various factors such as customers accounts age and investment settings. Does not include Acorns fees. Results do not predict or represent the performance of many Acorns portfolio Investment result will vary. Investing involves risk. Acorns Advisors LLC and SEC registered investment advisor view importance close to acorns.com theo but God, what are we talking about, dude?

[Duncan Trussell]

We're. You know what we're talking about. I think.

[Theo Von]

Oh, it's just how it's been bad.

[Duncan Trussell]

It's been bad and this long time

[Theo Von]

and in some ways this may be the best that it's ever been. I do want to talk though, that you guys do have Mystery Boys podcast because do you feel like. Because you and I have both had a series of podcasts over the years, do you still have your own podcast?

[Duncan Trussell]

Yeah.

[Theo Von]

Okay.

[Duncan Trussell]

Yeah. This is the newest. This is my newest podcast with the brilliant Kurt Metzger. The Mystery Boys.

[Theo Von]

He's on my prayer list.

[Duncan Trussell]

I know that he's awesome and he's just. Man, his brain just Absorbs esoteric information.

[Theo Von]

Yes.

[Duncan Trussell]

He remembers like names of ancient grimoires that are hard to pronounce. His knowledge of occult history is amazing. It's like he's just a brilliant dude.

[Theo Von]

Oh, dude. His knowledge of charizards from another realm is something we can't fathom. I also. One thing I love about Kurt is I love his voice. He has a great voice. Oh yeah, it's fun to listen to. It's this kind of futuristic, but. But ancient sort of hodgepodge of soundery, you know.

[Duncan Trussell]

And he's like connected to some of the most interesting people, the guests he's been getting. We've had somebody who was on who. Who claims to be in a secret space program. I think that's this week's episode. No, it's last. It's a two parter. But this dude claims that in the military he was essentially inducted into this top secret program where. I mean, most people don't know this, but the United States has been engaged in a kind of galactic war. We're being run by Reptilians, gray aliens, or essentially like IT workers. People don't realize that this one of the stories he told. And what's so interesting about his stories are the details. They take him into this office, they're about to introduce him to this program. He's passed an IQ test. Apparently you have to have a very high IQ to get into this program. Very high. And it's not a normal like written IQ test.

[Theo Von]

Right.

[Duncan Trussell]

They have some futuristic thing that just can tell if you're a dumbass or not. And he passes this. They bring him into an office. A gray alien waddles out.

[Zach]

No.

[Theo Von]

From what? Behind a curtain or a door.

[Duncan Trussell]

A door. Like a little, I guess a cat door or something. He just comes.

[Theo Von]

Alien uses a door. That's the part I don't get.

[Duncan Trussell]

I wish I'd ask because he would have an answer. He would have a great answer for that, in my view. It's like a cat door. Like maybe a mid sized cat door.

[Theo Von]

Okay.

[Duncan Trussell]

He comes waddling out, long fingers. And he starts working on a Dell computer. They use him as it. He just starts unscrewing a Dell computer, I guess, to put more memory in it or something. And they were looking to see how he would react to the fact that a gray alien was working on a fucking computer. And it's. The story is amazing. He gets in trouble.

[Theo Von]

Bring it up. Can we show the episode just what it is?

[Duncan Trussell]

Yeah. He got in trouble. So he got in trouble because the first Time he met a reptilian, he poked the reptilian in the eye. And reptilians see humans as essentially just, like, below snails. Like, we are. Look, we're just hideous, foul animals. And to poke one of these things in the eye means you are going to be tortured when you poke it in the eye.

[Theo Von]

Did he say if it feels like an eye? Like, as if you poked one of us in the eye? Or is it almost just like putting your finger into, like, a gelatin or like a water? Like a pool of water?

[Duncan Trussell]

You're gonna have to come, dude. We're gonna have to have you on the show. Because that is the level of interviewing skills I don't have. Why didn't I ask? What does a reptilian's eyeball feel like? I didn't ask. It's a. I missed it.

[Theo Von]

They obviously have, because their eyes are just these fucking bird baths into another realm.

[Duncan Trussell]

Oh, dude, they're evil. They're fucked up. The reptilians are really fucked up. They torture. They took him.

[Theo Von]

We have. Did he get tortured, dude? Okay, hold on, dude. I do want to hear. But I also have to laugh because it always makes me laugh, dude, because here's the crazy thing, and I'm going to right back to it. We're going right back. Please rep aliens. They're fucking bullies.

[Duncan Trussell]

Oh, my God. Oh, my God. I'm so glad you're saying it out loud.

[Theo Von]

Nobody ever says it, dude. All they do, they take somebody away. They like, kind of put their knuckle in their butt or something. Or they're like. Yeah, you know, them in the mouth or they just. They're dirty, dude.

[Duncan Trussell]

I wouldn't be surprised if you were in the secret space program. Based on what you're saying, it's almost a direct account of how they torture you.

[Theo Von]

What did he say? He knows what happened. Let me try to kill this fly, dude. Actually, maybe let's. Let's let science have its way.

[Duncan Trussell]

Let's see who it goes for. Yeah.

[Theo Von]

Yeah.

[Duncan Trussell]

Let's see who it ends up. Let's see who it drains at the end.

[Theo Von]

It's going to drain one of us. This is a new game show. At the end, the fly. There's a fly that's flying around. Whoever it doesn't like or whatever. Or whoever it does like really is the one whose blood it takes.

[Duncan Trussell]

Yeah, let's see. I think there's two. That's a problem.

[Theo Von]

Oh, yeah. They're probably a couple of guys. It's probably Ted Lincoln and his buddy Come on.

[Duncan Trussell]

Take the blood. Yeah, they in. They use your.

[Theo Von]

Yeah, yeah, sorry. Did they say so did they say what happened? Did he say what happened? How did the. Oh, the torture go?

[Duncan Trussell]

They. First of all, they didn't torture him on Earth. As it turns out on the moon, there are these, like, government facilities where they are mining helium.

[Theo Von]

Oh, so they did it at their place or whatever.

[Duncan Trussell]

They took. No, the, The US Military. Because the US Military is in control of the Reptilians. They transported him to a moon prison

[Theo Von]

where this guy you interviewed.

[Duncan Trussell]

Yeah, he was on a prison on the moon.

[Theo Von]

And how did he get to the. How did, How'd he get to the interview? To send an Uber.

[Duncan Trussell]

What? I don't know how they get him to the moon. It's.

[Theo Von]

No, how'd he get to your interview, Colin? Oh, God.

[Duncan Trussell]

Yeah, he called in from Florida. He called in from Florida, dude.

[Theo Von]

Which is basically our version of like, V. Like, that's our version of like, alienism these days.

[Duncan Trussell]

That's right.

[Theo Von]

It's a call in from Florida.

[Duncan Trussell]

He called in from Florida. He's a. He's a very sweet guy, by the way. Really good storyteller. And here's where it gets really weird. So, you know, they're torturing you up there on the moon and. But also, as it turns out, it.

[Theo Von]

Was he Mexican guy? Sorry to interrupt you. Was he Mexican guy?

[Duncan Trussell]

I don't know with his ethnicity. It was a, it was a call in, so I didn't get to see him. Why do you ask?

[Theo Von]

All Mexican dudes want to go to want to go to space, you know, they don't act like it. None of them act like it. But I got like a couple of close Mexican friends. They all want to go to space.

[Duncan Trussell]

Well, don't you want to go to space?

[Theo Von]

Yeah, kind of. Not that much anymore. Like, I don't know. Like, I, I. If I want to. Like, if I'm going, I'm going to leave. I'm not going to go out there and come back. I'm not gonna be some little. That. It's like, I'll be back.

[Duncan Trussell]

You're not gonna. Bezos. You're not gonna go up in a little dick rocket and float around up there. I don't even think Bezos went up there. Did he? I think. Did he go up there?

[Theo Von]

He just sent up like five or six people. I heard that he wants to smash or whatever, dude. And then brought him back down. It was like one. It's like some. One of his little flying smash buckets.

[Duncan Trussell]

Yeah, he's been. He flew on a subord. Suborbital. I don't know if that counts, man. No, aboard the new shepherd rocket. I want to go out of orbit. I want to go toward, like, somewhere in between Earth and the moon, dude,

[Theo Von]

you can hit suborbital. Just taking a direct flight up to Calgary, dude.

[Duncan Trussell]

Oh, wait, he did do it. 10 minute flight, cross the car. The car online the recognized boundary of space and reach an apogee. But you know, Bezos, sending a bunch of hotties up in his rocket is the modern day equivalent of like, driving ladies around in your Corvette. It's like what oligarchs do to get laid. It's just like, I'm gonna send you up to space.

[Theo Von]

Yeah.

[Duncan Trussell]

But, yeah, you know that's true.

[Theo Von]

So the guy who's been to space and was molested in a moon prison gets ubered over to you. Oh, he's a call in.

[Duncan Trussell]

He was molested in a moon.

[Theo Von]

But you're right. This is.

[Duncan Trussell]

But how.

[Theo Von]

See, I'm sorry. It's not funny.

[Duncan Trussell]

Let me know. Well, first of all, whether or not it's funny or not, I need to point out something. Theo, I did not say he got molested in the moon prison. You knew it. Why? Why do you know that? Were you in the gate program?

[Theo Von]

Yes.

[Duncan Trussell]

Dude. Guys. Oh, my God. You were in Gifted and talented.

[Theo Von]

Yes.

[Duncan Trussell]

You know what that was?

[Theo Von]

Yeah. It was easy to get into in our town.

[Duncan Trussell]

Okay. But do you know what it was? Yes.

[Theo Von]

Oh, I've heard there's. That there's possibilities that they were. It was like a CIA. Like a psyop.

[Duncan Trussell]

Not a possibility. Like that is. You can look that up.

[Theo Von]

That, like, way serious, dude.

[Duncan Trussell]

You could look it up. It was so like, the idea was. It kind of makes sense. Like, if you're running a country, who are the smart kids? Right? You want to find out like this. The super smart kids. You create a program.

[Theo Von]

Yeah.

[Duncan Trussell]

That separates those kids from the rabble. And then via that, in that program, you can start assessing them to see whether or not they'd be good to work in intelligence, CIA, covert programs, or just like any, like, federal job. And then you start grooming those kids. You start. And where it gets like, into the deep conspiracy stuff is you. They were looking for kids who had, like, telepathic ability.

[Theo Von]

Oh, I thought nice legs or something you're going to say.

[Duncan Trussell]

Oh, so it wasn't like that too.

[Theo Von]

It wasn't like that. It wasn't like a pedophilic thing. So. So go ahead. They're looking for kids that have what?

[Duncan Trussell]

Yeah, the secret look. Public school. Operated by local school districts. Blah, blah, blah. To provide military intelligence. The secret military unit focused on psychic espionage and remote viewing. Often called the Stargate Project.

[Theo Von]

What's that? That's not our thing.

[Duncan Trussell]

Yeah, it is.

[Theo Von]

We were in military intelligence, dude. We weren't doing shit. We read My side of the Mountain.

[Duncan Trussell]

Well, right, that's. That's what you remember. But do you remember the. Did you get the weird headphone test?

[Theo Von]

Yeah.

[Duncan Trussell]

What the fuck was that? Do you remember the weird shit? They made you dream?

[Theo Von]

It kind of is true, dude. They had this fucking headphone test. We would take like once every quarter. Yeah. What the fuck was that?

[Duncan Trussell]

What was that? What does that have to do with being gifted and talented? Testing your hearing? What is that? Why'd they put that on us? Why'd they make us drink that weird pink shit? What were they doing to us? Why do most people don't remember it as well as you do? Most people? It's a foggy, weird memory. The whole thing was some kind of bizarre federal program.

[Theo Von]

You think that that's true?

[Duncan Trussell]

Look, there's a. Now, I mean, this is one of the many, like, conspiracy theories that is not so much a conspiracy theory anymore that you could look it up, you could see. Some of it is obviously speculation. Some of it's real, so we don't know.

[Theo Von]

But yeah. What were they doing?

[Duncan Trussell]

They wanted to find kids who would be great Assassins, dude.

[Theo Von]

And none of our kids made it.

[Duncan Trussell]

Then I didn't make it. Did you make it through? Did they kick you out of the gate program?

[Theo Von]

No, I stayed in and. Wow. It got a little too homeworky for me at one point.

[Duncan Trussell]

Yeah, yeah, it was a lot. It was a lot.

[Theo Von]

I wasn't a Company man. That's what it was at a certain point, I think. I wasn't a company man. So funny. I've never thought about this in years, dude. But yeah, we had to go off in this special building and learn out there or whatever.

[Duncan Trussell]

Yeah, they separate you. They separate you. And it's very strange. I think I made it like two weeks before they kicked me out. But, yeah, I just think they were like. The test didn't work. He's a idiot. Like, I don't. I don't think it had anything to do with, like, compliance or not.

[Theo Von]

You seem like they would be. You would have been their target.

[Duncan Trussell]

Well, I didn't make it. I didn't make it in. I didn't get to be in the secret space program. And maybe that's a good thing. But, yeah, according to this guy, there's brothels on the moon. It'll change the way you look at the moon. There's brothels. The miners on the moon are geniuses.

[Theo Von]

Like, well, who brought the miners up there? It's like a. Is it Lutnick in them or whatever?

[Duncan Trussell]

Dude, I don't know. I. You know, you don't want to get lost in the weeds when a dude is telling you about on the moon. Yeah, you're right, because he was banging on the moon.

[Theo Von]

You're lying, dude.

[Duncan Trussell]

They have brothels.

[Theo Von]

He said he was fucking on the moon.

[Duncan Trussell]

They was fucking on the moon.

[Theo Von]

Oh, my gosh.

[Duncan Trussell]

They have brothels. In between getting tortured, you get to go to the moon. Brothels.

[Theo Von]

Okay, hold on.

[Duncan Trussell]

It's the best. It's the best.

[Theo Von]

What? Hold on a second.

[Duncan Trussell]

Dude, you gotta just listen to the episode. Like, I'm not even doing it justice because there's so much more detail. There's kind of a love story. And he kind of, like, fell in love with a nurse. Like, it's kind of romantic. And, you know, he talks about all these densities. Like, the way they shift you to get to the moon is like, the Reptilians are on the fourth density. We're on the third density. Aliens function, like, at a different vibrational frequency. They have devices that shift your frequency and can reverse age you. So I could see that being possible.

[Theo Von]

Some of it you just.

[Duncan Trussell]

Who knows?

[Theo Von]

Well, because you know what? You start to see that frequency stuff. You've seen that frequency when people put the sand on certain things and frequenc. See?

[Duncan Trussell]

Cymatics.

[Theo Von]

It's called cymatics. Yes, yes. Yeah, bring up some cymatics if you can, just so we can see what we're talking about.

[Duncan Trussell]

Cymatics.

[Theo Von]

If you haven't seen this, it's basically. They put sand and. Correct me if I'm wrong, Duncan. They put sand on a paint on, like, a flat plane, and then they play music through it. And the sand forms certain, like, kind of like snowflakes or text, like figures or textures or designs.

[Duncan Trussell]

That's right. Predictable geometries from various frequencies. They. It produces these, like, interesting patterns that sometimes kind of look like crop circles. And that's ketamine on that plate.

[Theo Von]

Is it really?

[Duncan Trussell]

It works way better with. I would always do this before I snorted ketamine and put it on a Cymatic plate, set it to yep, 47.

[Theo Von]

Dude, what if you crunched up a bunch of Fritos on There it would work. They'd probably be like, you're fat. You'll die, yo.

[Duncan Trussell]

Turns into a scale. Yeah, yeah.

[Theo Von]

But this is real stuff. So this is four to eight.

[Duncan Trussell]

Yeah.

[Theo Von]

So these are the hurts, different hurts they put through. And if you've never seen this, it's unbelievable that. So this makes me think that we could just like this some way, that if you put a different frequency through us, you could then transfer us from one place to another because you could shape us in a different way to be able to be transported.

[Duncan Trussell]

Exactly. And you know what is. Like, when I think of this, I just think of, like. Oh, right. Like when people get into conspiracy theories and stuff, inevitably there's this hierarchy where there's someone controlling someone else, who's controlling someone else, and it's like, it's reptiles all the way down. Where does it stop? Who's ultimately in control? But I think of cymatics, where it's like, well, maybe the way things keep repeating throughout history in sort of the same way. Because there's these various frequencies that exist in. On planet Earth. There's frequencies that create power dynamics, that create authoritarianism, tyranny, fascism, like, cruelty, war. And you can tune into that frequency. And the more you tune into that frequency, the more you, like, your shape changes.

[Theo Von]

Why would that not be. Dude, that's such a. Cymatics, the study of visible sound and vibration, demonstrating how acoustic frequencies organize physical matter in a geometric pattern. Because the human body is largely water, sound waves travel rapidly through us, making it possible to use frequency and vibration for various wellness, therapeutic, and clinical applications. Yeah, dude, this is one of the most unbelievable things that I've really. I think that I've thought about in a while. Because if you see that, do that to that sand, right?

[Duncan Trussell]

Yeah.

[Theo Von]

And if, you know. Yeah. What if you put a frequency on that's like, I'm gonna feel this way, or this is the frequency that's tuned into this. Almost like a new radio station for yourself. Like, instead of tuning into, like, no frequency, where I'm just at the whims of the. At the byproduct and, like, exhaust of corporate. The corporate universe we live in. I'm just wandering through that frequency all day. What if I spent time tapping into a frequency that actually brought me some peace? Or frequency that brought, like, it made me exude, like, love or possibility or hope or power or protection?

[Duncan Trussell]

Yeah, that. Well, I mean, this is a choice. You know, you're sitting on the toilet, taking a shit, looking at whatever the algorithm's feeding You. You'll notice that and I'll throw the

[Theo Von]

shit out the window. Hopefully it hits someone so it.

[Duncan Trussell]

I. Well, you can aim.

[Theo Von]

Right. But also. So it hits someone and boost their spirits.

[Duncan Trussell]

I know, but what I'm saying is you don't have to just randomly throw it. You can aim, you can slingshot it.

[Theo Von]

But go on. So you're sitting on the toilet going, well, you're ever.

[Duncan Trussell]

All of us are like, staring into these hypno rectangles. The algorithm, at least. My algorithm. Oh, my God, it's fucked up. It's just showing me, like, horrible things or people in the midst of psychotic episodes or people in the forest drinking their period blood or, you know, just a. It's wild chaos and it's witchcraft.

[Theo Von]

New beverages. Yeah, but it's crazy, dude. You'll go from like, it is crazy, dude. There's. They're definitely scrambling our brains and they're. We're starting to like. With the things you see because you'll see like genocidal killings of children. Right. Children looking. Kid looking for his mother for 70 days.

[Duncan Trussell]

Yes.

[Theo Von]

Finally finds landmine in Palestine. You know, like a landmine wearing his mother's dress.

[Duncan Trussell]

Yeah.

[Theo Von]

And they killed the child or whatever.

[Duncan Trussell]

Horrible.

[Theo Von]

You'll see that. But then immediately it's like 40 off these, a six.

[Duncan Trussell]

You know, and you're like, that's right, that's right.

[Theo Von]

But it starts to confuse your brain because your brain, it takes the depth of one that's so deep and one that means nothing really at all.

[Duncan Trussell]

You got it?

[Theo Von]

And then it puts them kind of all in the same plane.

[Duncan Trussell]

You're. You better watch out because you just articulated something that I've learned from Metzger, which is like, for me, believe it or not, I'm kind of skeptical about stuff. But this one, it's hard for me to dispute. So he says that assassinations, public assassinations, create trauma, cultural trauma. Charlie Kirk. Did you notice the Charlie Kirk assassination? Everyone saw it.

[Theo Von]

Yes.

[Duncan Trussell]

Before they shut it down, all of us had to watch that shit happen. Right. So this produces trauma. The trauma response opens you up to conditioning. It's the same shit kidnappers use. It's the same shit people who torture you use. They freak you the fuck out so that you kind of disassociate. You don't want to be there. You go into a kind of sad, foggy place, and then in that place, they show you the ASICS commercial. In that place they give you some propaganda. In that place, they give you a solution so this will never happen. Again, this is a known technique for mind controlling people. So anytime there's assassinations, it's not just like power dynamic shift, it's cultural dynamic shift. Because they inject that moment with however they want to shift the tide.

[Theo Von]

Right.

[Duncan Trussell]

So Instagram is, or any social media is kind of doing this, but like low level.

[Theo Von]

Right.

[Duncan Trussell]

So you look, you know, suddenly you're microdosing it. Yeah. Like opening like freaking you out. And then what do you know? And then where it gets really creepy is the commercial you're getting isn't just from the algorithm. It's because your phone heard you talking about wanting to like, what's the best fishing rod to catch catfish? And then so right after you watch a furry eat a hot dog with a human turd in it.

[Theo Von]

Yeah.

[Duncan Trussell]

And you're like, what, what's happened to the world? Like an ad for like fishing rods comes up. You're like, oh, cool, I should get that fishing rod.

[Theo Von]

And dude, speaking of hot dogs, dude, foot long hot dogs, that should count as white people eating foot long hot dogs. Should count as reparations. Dude. I'm just saying, like disaster at a baseball game, whatever. Having to eat them in public, dude, it's so scary.

[Duncan Trussell]

It's crazy that that's, that that's accepted, that that's not studied.

[Theo Von]

Yeah. And that's the kind of thing that they're getting us to do. It's like these little. They're. And they're sitting in a like globe, like they're sitting in a snow globe on the moon at a, at a, you know, outside of a brothel on the moon that they own. You know, probably just like descaling their skin with their like reptilian brush.

[Duncan Trussell]

You got it.

[Theo Von]

And then they're watching us eat, like just like streaming like countless hours of us eating foot long hot dogs, you know, and like.

[Duncan Trussell]

Got it.

[Theo Von]

And then they say, then they hit you with the reparations thing, you know, like, will you sign for reparations? You know, it's like, yeah, whatever it

[Duncan Trussell]

is, it's like, you know, it's. But the reality of it is you're, you know, a vampire only goes where they're invited. That's a vampire rule. For some reason never understood it. But a vampire only goes. So if a vampire comes to your door, they'll always ask like, can I come in? And if you say no, they won't come in. I don't get it. But that's vampire mythology. So your phone is the fucking vampire and you're inviting it in every time you stare at it. You're saying, please contaminate me with a combination state propaganda, propaganda from other countries, corporate propaganda, and, like, just weird, like, you're invite. We're all inviting this in. You. All you got to do is stop, which I can't.

[Theo Von]

It's hard.

[Duncan Trussell]

It's hard. It's almost impossible you can do.

[Theo Von]

I think there's ways to do better. The ways that I found that help me are, one, some meditation helps. I do meditation every day now. It's not a ton, 10 minutes, but it helps. Some days I'll get in two sessions. It's not a ton, but it gives me a little bit more space sometimes. Like, I don't need that. It'd be times, like, let me look at my phone now. I don't need that. And then the other thing I think is different types of plant medicine can help. You can help give a little bit that more you. To connect you back to nature. Those are the two that I know well. But, yeah, it's too much, man.

[Duncan Trussell]

I think 10 minutes of meditation a day is actually pretty admirable, man. A lot of people can't do that. That's. You shouldn't beat yourself up about that. I mean, like, how long were you told to meditate?

[Theo Von]

I don't know. I just feel like the good people do it for such a long time.

[Duncan Trussell]

20 minutes maybe, like, yeah, that.

[Theo Von]

Like, 20 minutes seems good. But they did have those monks. Who were those? Don't monks meditate?

[Duncan Trussell]

Yeah, man.

[Theo Von]

Yeah, well, dude, but then they found those monks with meth or whatever. Can you look that up?

[Duncan Trussell]

What?

[Theo Von]

Those meth monks.

[Duncan Trussell]

Meth monks? Oh, yeah, there. Were they smuggling dope? No.

[Theo Von]

What was it?

[Duncan Trussell]

A third of monks at a temple in Thailand. That's got to be hard to meditate.

[Theo Von]

A third of the Buddhist monks at a temple in northern Thailand have tested positive for meth. 6 out of 18 monks at Wat proven in Pjit province were disrobed after failing surprise drug tests during a police raid on Monday. Also found meth pills, a homemade gun, and bullets.

[Duncan Trussell]

What the fuck?

[Theo Von]

A gun?

[Duncan Trussell]

Oh, my God.

[Theo Von]

A gun? Dude, a gun is the total opposite of being a monk.

[Duncan Trussell]

That is a crazy temple. And that is. I just. Do you think would help you meditate?

[Theo Von]

A meth would help you meditate? No, you would be like, dude, you would be doing all. All the prayers, like, as fast as you could. It'd be like, our Father who art.

[Duncan Trussell]

I don't think those monks are doing the Lord's Prayer, but that's what they're

[Theo Von]

I think they're probably in a crazy contest online to do the Lord's Prayer as fast as they. That's 11 seconds. Yeah, bro. New record. Yeah, dude, that's what they're doing. That's how. But, dude, that's how distracted we've gotten. Monks are doing meth, and. And they're having contests to read the Lord's Prayer as fast as you can, probably.

[Duncan Trussell]

I mean.

[Theo Von]

And they had a gun. The guy had a gun.

[Duncan Trussell]

You're paranoid. You're paranoid. You're on method. It's the next step. You get a gun.

[Theo Von]

Dude, maybe you have a copy of the Shantaram under your pillow. Maybe that's the most risque thing you're supposed to have as a monk.

[Duncan Trussell]

Yeah, dude, that's wild. That's just. It just was. I guess that's what's happening right now, man. People are. People are snorting meth in temples. They disrobed them. I know, which is wild.

[Theo Von]

But I bet you're hot if you're a whole meth down. I bet you want your robe off your.

[Duncan Trussell]

You're not really a monk.

[Theo Von]

Yeah, dude, my buddy was a monk for, like, almost. I think, almost six months.

[Duncan Trussell]

What kind of monk?

[Theo Von]

I'm not sure. It was an organ.

[Duncan Trussell]

What color were his robes?

[Theo Von]

I think his robes is just orange, kind of.

[Duncan Trussell]

Probably a Buddhist monk.

[Theo Von]

Yeah. Yeah, Buddhist monk. And he said that they would sit around and this is kind of crazy, but he said sometimes they would sit around and draw hair on each other because they all had their head shaved, and they would sit around for fun and draw and draw hair on each other, and it was kind of like the. Like, kind of the low key, like, you know, or whatever. Like, kind of a sweet thing that I heard. You know?

[Duncan Trussell]

It's weird. I don't know, man. I don't want it. That creeps me out, bro.

[Theo Von]

The other guys are doing methamphetamine.

[Duncan Trussell]

I don't know what it's worth. They were probably drawing hair on each other, too.

[Theo Von]

There should be a contest to see how fast can someone say the Lord's Prayer.

[Duncan Trussell]

Dude, you want to do a con? You want to do a race?

[Theo Von]

You think you could do it? It? Do you know it?

[Duncan Trussell]

Yeah, I know it.

[Theo Von]

Okay, then let's try. You go first. All right. Zach, will you time us.

[Duncan Trussell]

So you can tell me when it started?

[Theo Von]

Yeah. How does it work?

[Duncan Trussell]

I'm gonna count you down.

[Theo Von]

Ready?

[Duncan Trussell]

3, 2, 1. Our father art in heaven. I will be thy name. Thy kingdom come, Thy will be done on Earth is in heaven. Give us this day our daily bread and forgive us our. Trust us. Review those who trespass us against us. And lead us not in temptation, but deliver us from evil. For thine is the kingdom, the power and the glory forever and ever. I'm in. That was good, but I kind of slurred.

[Theo Von]

9.87 under 10 is great, dude. Especially this time of year. All right.

[Duncan Trussell]

You mean the summer heat?

[Theo Von]

Let me think. All right, do me. Yeah.

[Duncan Trussell]

Two, one.

[Theo Von]

Our Father who art in heaven. Out of the other name his kingdom come Thy will he been on Earth is heaven. And give us a day our daily bread.

[Duncan Trussell]

Another chance. Give him another chance.

[Theo Von]

One more time from the top. I missed some more. Give us this day our daily bread and forgive us of our trespasses for

[Duncan Trussell]

the week as we forgive those who trust us.

[Theo Von]

All right, let me try one more time.

[Duncan Trussell]

3, 2, 1.

[Theo Von]

Where did it start again? Sorry. Okay. Our Father. Let's call her. Okay. Because we only had a stepdad. Go on.

[Duncan Trussell]

Three, two, one.

[Theo Von]

Our Father who art in heaven, hallowed be thy name and the kingdom come. Thy will be on earth is in heaven. And give us a day. Our day. Bread from. Give us and forgive. Forgive us to say our daily bread and forgive those who trespass against us.

[Duncan Trussell]

No, that's the devil getting in you there. Making you stutter, bro. That's the mosquitoes. That's the new Texas devil. Flies got your tongue.

[Theo Von]

That's a tongue. Burgulosis.

[Duncan Trussell]

Yes. We got the consumption. Spiritual consumption. You gotta let the Holy Spirit flow through you, Theo.

[Theo Von]

Pretty lady, once you give her a sign. I give anything. If you give my. No, man.

[Duncan Trussell]

Praise God.

[Theo Von]

You know that Mountain Dew. You know it. It makes me think about summertime, that hot part of the calendar. You know how it works. You know when the calendar just gets hot. It gets so hot sometimes I. I'll call the government and I'll say to turn. Can you turn it down? We can't handle it. It would get so hot and then you'd have to open up the windows and. But then the hot would come in, you know, and then you. But they get so hot inside. You have to open up the doors and in. In the heart would go out and in and out. It was just a lot of hot. Thankfully, I had me some Mountain Dew. Just a refreshing. It was like the heavens cut the faucet on and I could just enjoy myself. Just. Just doing. Just doing myself with that Mountain Dew. I liked it. If I had me a can of two of Mountain Dew, I'd go out, I'd pet every dog in town. That's how I. I just became like that neighborly American, you know. That's how I became. I'd be shaking the hands of local raccoons and politicians and all of them, you know, I'd watch as I'd watch the wind go by, maybe whistle at it, let it know I had a way of making my own little breeze right there. Something about that summertime and. And just having a little bit of Mountain Dew in you made you would us want to get out there and just kiss a bald eagle, you know, and sometimes you'd settle for your grandmother or whatever, you know, a little kiss on the cheek, whatever, you know. Pop Pop didn't mind. What I'm saying is this Mountain Dew is just. It's an alternative to the heat, but it's also part of. It's part of summer. But dude, you win. First of all, congratulations.

[Duncan Trussell]

Thank you so much.

[Theo Von]

9.8 seconds. That was really good.

[Duncan Trussell]

Yeah, I actually. I can't believe I have it, you know, that's wild.

[Theo Von]

Like for our father in under 10 seconds.

[Duncan Trussell]

Yeah, that's.

[Theo Von]

I think it's good. And I would love to see other people, if they want to challenge Junkin

[Duncan Trussell]

on that, they will crush me. There's going to be critiques too. There's different ways to say it depending on what denomination you are. I think that was what I learned as an Episcopalian, but I think there's. My wife's Catholic. I think they say they parts of it are different, but I don't know if that's going to add or subtract seconds.

[Theo Von]

Dude, my girl Catholic, but that Baptist. You feel me? Let's go.

[Zach]

Yeah. Hear you.

[Theo Von]

I'm just making up. I don't have a girl, but if I did.

[Duncan Trussell]

You don't have a girl?

[Theo Von]

No, but she'd be cute if I did.

[Duncan Trussell]

Wow, it must be tough to find a girlfriend for you, huh? Just a handsome dude with a super successful podcast.

[Theo Von]

One day I'm gonna get one. I mean, it'll happen.

[Duncan Trussell]

Comedian.

[Theo Von]

I think. You know what, There is like an age where I think it gets a little bit weird and then.

[Duncan Trussell]

What do you mean?

[Theo Von]

Maybe I'm just. You know what? I think some of the stories I tell in my head, I got to change a little bit.

[Duncan Trussell]

Yes. Dude. There's this.

[Theo Von]

And, you know, it's funny, I never said that. I've never said that before.

[Duncan Trussell]

You've never said that? Come on. There's a book.

[Theo Von]

Not really, no. But the ones I'm telling myself because I don't even realize they're being told. They've just been written on this wall like these old. Like this is the way it is or whatever. It's like, dude, I'm gonna find somebody great. Of course it takes time. Everything in my life has taken time. And I don't want to get somebody that's just like, you know, like, I want to have some fun, but at the same time, like, yeah, I want. I want somebody that's going to be a. As perfect a fit as I can get.

[Duncan Trussell]

Dude. If there's this book and it sounds like. And I actually got the book because I was watching that documentary on Nexium. You know, Nexium Cult, Keith Raniere. You know about that?

[Theo Von]

Yeah. We had a guy on here from Nexium, didn't we? Oh, no, we had a guy who got bit by a dog at a Nexium event.

[Duncan Trussell]

What?

[Theo Von]

I'm not even joking. Who was that guy?

[Duncan Trussell]

That sucks.

[Theo Von]

He was fine.

[Duncan Trussell]

He was like at a cult event and a dog bit and he got

[Theo Von]

bit by a dog. But that's how he got involved with the cold.

[Zach]

Whoa.

[Theo Von]

Oh, that was it. Oh, no. Michael Rosenbaum. No, not him.

[Duncan Trussell]

That's out. Yeah.

[Theo Von]

Oh, he was talking about Alison Max. Sex cult.

[Duncan Trussell]

Yeah.

[Theo Von]

There was another guy who'd been cured of. Oh, he got cured by.

[Duncan Trussell]

Of ocd.

[Zach]

Yeah.

[Theo Von]

Or not cured by Nivexim. Yeah. Cured by Navexim. Mark Elliott. Yeah, bro, look at me right there. I was young. It's AI.

[Duncan Trussell]

You look younger now.

[Theo Von]

Well, I'm older now, but also not if I'm definitely older. If I keep telling myself that I'm a boss. I'm a nine year old. You little. Mark Elliott. I'm former motivational speaker and loyal follower of Keith Rainier and his organization of Exim, a purported self improvement company. I believe he got bit by a dog. I could be wrong, but I thought the dog. Something happened. He got cured. He was diagnosis with Hirschsprung's disease, a

[Duncan Trussell]

rare intestinal disease at birth.

[Theo Von]

Ellie was returning home from a camp via Greyhound bus when he repeatedly shouted an anti black racial slur at black passengers. That's called riding Greyhound. First of all, I think, and I think some of that comes with the price of your ticket. I believe also.

[Duncan Trussell]

Okay.

[Theo Von]

I wrote GM for a long time, shout out hound. Oh. Cause he had Tourette's, though. That's why. Did he ever cure it? Did they say.

[Duncan Trussell]

He claims they cured it.

[Theo Von]

They cured it.

[Duncan Trussell]

It's in the documentary. Like it shows People being like, it

[Theo Von]

did not cure my Tourette's in any way. Oh, well, then why did we have him on the podcast? He said he did?

[Duncan Trussell]

In the documentary that I saw, it was. Well, I mean, it was claiming that they cured it.

[Theo Von]

Oh, well, so maybe it says it didn't he. It didn't cure his Tourette's. But I thought. I can't remember exactly what happened in the episode. It was just like, it was like seven years ago.

[Duncan Trussell]

In the documentary I saw, it was, you know, some people, it seemed like it was helping, but I heard about this book on this documentary. I was fascinated by this Raniere guy because it's like, you see him and he doesn't really seem like somebody who would successfully start a sex cult bringing him up. You know what I mean? No judgment or anything, but it wouldn't be like. Like the first person I would guess. You look at, like, put, put. Pull up a picture of like, young Charles Manson, right? And Keith Renery Manson. You look at and you're like, okay, there he is, right? This dude was getting ladies to brand his name into their bodies.

[Theo Von]

No way.

[Duncan Trussell]

Yes, yes. Now, now you look at him and you wouldn't guess that, but pull up like a picture of Manson.

[Theo Von]

That's a Montana show.

[Duncan Trussell]

Young Manson ring.

[Theo Von]

Young Manson.

[Duncan Trussell]

Or not that young, but you know, that Manson. I could. You look at him, you're like, yeah, I could see you starting some kind of sex cult. I could see your members cutting swastikas into their foreheads. But this dude looks like, like somebody your mom dates before she marries your stepdad.

[Theo Von]

But this dude does look like he has a dark side to him. Dude.

[Duncan Trussell]

Yeah.

[Theo Von]

This is just all based off of one photo. But that guy looks like. Yeah, yeah. He dates your mom. You think he's nice. He comes in the house and says cool stuff.

[Duncan Trussell]

Yeah.

[Theo Von]

But he doesn't come through kind of his promises. And then you see him yelling at your mom outside of the apartment window.

[Duncan Trussell]

Yeah, man. Yeah, that's. That's. That's what it is.

[Theo Von]

Keith Rainier. Could we get him on here?

[Duncan Trussell]

He's in jail.

[Theo Von]

He is.

[Duncan Trussell]

Maybe you could call him from jail.

[Theo Von]

Dude, jail? That's the most sex trafficking you could ever do. It's bumper to bumper in there, dude.

[Duncan Trussell]

No, he. In this guy. He like it. It's. The documentary is incredible. And, you know, obviously, like, it's horrible. Like, doing this shit's horrible. But when you just watch it in terms of like, whoa, like, the ambition, like, oh, my God, how'd you pull that Off. And so they mentioned this book, Psycho Cybernetics, which sounds like horseshit. The name sounds stupid. But I got this book and started listening to it. And it's this plastic surgeon wrote the book. And he noticed that you would give plastic surgery to people and their personalities would change, fix their nose, and they would turn into these different people. And so his premise is that there's sort of an internal visual image of yourself inside of you. And so basically, like, if you look at what you think about throughout the day, and a lot of people worry, ruminate, they're constantly bringing up things they're afraid of in the future or shit they wish they didn't do in the past. And this is what's creating the. You you're habitually running through a. A Rolodex of bad memories and internal fears and stuff. And so he's saying that what's really cool about that is it shows you how disciplined you are. You think you have no control over that, but you do. It's just habit. And so what he says is there's a lot of techniques in there, but one of them is, is what happens if you start habituating yourself to remembering good moments in your life instead of bad moments in your life. And it sounds so obvious, but every time you find yourself getting freaked out over that fucking memory, the thing. What you're worried about the thing, you replace it. And he says it doesn't have to be a big thing, like winning a marathon. He's like. Like he uses the example of when you learn to tie your shoes.

[Theo Von]

Yeah.

[Duncan Trussell]

You know, some.

[Theo Von]

Just when somebody smiled at you.

[Duncan Trussell]

Yes.

[Theo Von]

When you smiled at someone.

[Duncan Trussell]

Yeah, that's enough. And you start replacing this habitual rumination with good memories. Even if they're from the distant past. It doesn't matter. All of a sudden your life starts changing because your inner identity will begin to conform to.

[Theo Von]

It'll begin to lead your outer identity.

[Duncan Trussell]

That's right. Yeah. You start making different choices. All this stuff changes in your life. So his point is you don't really need to get plastic surgery. He was saying that some people get a scar on their face and it makes them more powerful. Like he was, I think, the Nazis, the fencing Nazis. If you got a scar on your face, it means you were like a. A great fencer.

[Theo Von]

Yeah, it.

[Duncan Trussell]

So. But some people get a scar on their face, ruins their life.

[Theo Von]

Right.

[Duncan Trussell]

You know, so obviously what's going on there is not the external appearance.

[Zach]

Wow.

[Theo Von]

It's how your brain. It's how you're wearing it.

[Duncan Trussell]

You got it. Dang.

[Theo Von]

And I wonder if. What if we all just don't even. I've long thought this. What if we all don't realize there's so much more capability that we have that we just don't know? I believe that that's such a truth. Like, what if you could think your way into looking somehow different? Like, that's almost. That's almost. It's interesting for a plastic surgeon to say that because it's like.

[Duncan Trussell]

Yeah.

[Theo Von]

What if people could think or believe themselves.

[Duncan Trussell]

Yeah.

[Theo Von]

Into actually that you're. That you would then visually somehow look different. Like, I know it probably would be tough to really unstructure your. Like, it wouldn't skeletally. That would be probably impossible. But on a. But on a different type of level. Or could your skeleton morph over time? It's interesting to think that, wow, if I had enough of belief, or if I. If I pervade this type of energy.

[Duncan Trussell]

Yeah.

[Theo Von]

Or I just envisioned it enough that I would actually become the thing that I envisioned.

[Duncan Trussell]

Well, pull up. Pull up. Like an early picture of Marilyn Monroe before she got famous.

[Theo Von]

I go visit her grave sometimes.

[Duncan Trussell]

You really do? Is she in Nashville?

[Theo Von]

She lives. Or she's. She died or she dies. I guess she lives in a coffin around the corner from where I live.

[Duncan Trussell]

He lives in a coffin.

[Theo Von]

That's what I mean.

[Duncan Trussell]

Craziest way to say what I'm saying.

[Theo Von]

Is she. Yeah, she's deceased.

[Duncan Trussell]

Sorry. She's living in a coffin now.

[Theo Von]

Yeah, but she's. Yeah.

[Duncan Trussell]

So that's her. Yeah. So that's Marilyn Monroe.

[Theo Von]

Oh, bro.

[Duncan Trussell]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Theo Von]

Now we'll say this. She's an attractive young lady. She's not the Marilyn Monroe that we envision.

[Duncan Trussell]

So beautiful.

[Theo Von]

That's. You sure that's her?

[Duncan Trussell]

Yeah. Like, find some other, like, early pictures of Marilyn Monroe before she was famous. I don't know how you find that, because, like, a lot of these are, like, modeling pictures, but when you look at them, it's like, there you go. And, like, you know, obviously, you could say I'd suck her feet still. But you could say that this was, you know, lighting, makeup and stuff like that. But there's a story I heard. I don't know if it's true or not. Marilyn Rowe is at a diner. She's with one of her, I think, childhood friends, and no one even knows it's Marilyn Monroe. And Marilyn Monroe says to her friend, do you want to see what happens when I become her? And her friend's like, yeah. Until all of a sudden, she does something and turns essentially shape shifts. She embodies Marilyn Monroe, and everyone in the cafe starts looking at her like, oh, my God, that's Marilyn Monroe. So this is what this dude is talking about. And how many times have you been with a person who maybe isn't classically beautiful, but their personality is so amazing that you start falling in love with. You realize the physical appearance, it's nothing compared to this spirit inside of them. And the co verse, sadly happens where you're around a beautiful person and you realize, oh, my God, this is a monster. And it's so fascinating. It's just the shell. It's like a lampshade or something. It's like, what kind of light is shining through?

[Theo Von]

Dude, that's a great way to say that, man. It's like a lampshade.

[Duncan Trussell]

There it is.

[Theo Von]

The Marilyn Monroe shapeshifter story refers to a famous anecdote where she could alter her appearance simply by changing her posture and energy. When walking down a busy street unnoticed, as Norma Jean, she would turn to a companion, ask, do you want to see her? And instantly transform into the iconic Marilyn. People who were with Marilyn during these moments, such as her friend Eli Wallach or the actress Susan Strasberg, noted that she changed nothing about her clothes or makeup. Instead, the transformation was a masterclass in embodiment.

[Duncan Trussell]

Wow. It's wild. That stuff is wild that you could do that.

[Theo Von]

But it is interesting. Yeah. How I feel. What do I carry? What am I going to take outside with me today? What am I going to take inside with me today? You know, and I, you know, I applaud, like, parents, because I know their lives get so busy and the time that they have to even take for themselves.

[Duncan Trussell]

Yeah.

[Theo Von]

And the time that one of them's like, hey, will you keep watch for a little bit while I just go meditate for 10 minutes or brush my teeth or pat myself on the back or cry in the bathroom?

[Duncan Trussell]

Yeah, yeah.

[Theo Von]

You know?

[Duncan Trussell]

Yeah, it gets wild.

[Theo Von]

Like, I think that's a real war. It's a real tandem. It's a real. If it's working well, I bet it's a real tandem thing. And sometimes it's painful, and sometimes it's beautiful, and sometimes it's probably a lot of things, but I applaud that the amount of time parents has.

[Duncan Trussell]

Has to be like, oh, my God. Well, you know, but the thing is. And you're right, and you're totally right, the amount of free time I have now compared to the free time I used to have, like, I Could spend days, days alone in my house, blasting Rails Academy, completely alone, happily alone, playing video games alone. And I would get bummed out if I had something to do, like two days, two days away, I'd be stressed out.

[Theo Von]

Yeah, but bro, that's when you know you're gonna be doing some drugs.

[Duncan Trussell]

Oh, yeah, man. But now I have very. What people would call free time. But what is free time? The real question is, like, the example that I've been taught in Buddhism is we all have a version, a place where this is where I'm going to feel, all right? And for like, a lot of people, maybe not touring stand up comics, but for a lot of people, that could be a hotel room, a nice hotel room. You can order room service, the tv, the soft bed, no disturbances, phone is off. Now I will relax. So this creates a terrible tension between every other moment. Like everyone has their place, the place or everything. This is where I'm going to be. For some people, it's just coming home after a hard day's work, sit on the couch, whatever it is. For some people, everyone has their little oasis in their mind. This is the place. But the idea is this is an illusion. The oasis is an illusion. You go into that place, the place isn't giving you relaxation. The place isn't giving you peace. You're deciding, this is where I will be at peace. Theoretically, you could do that through the whole fucking day, Your whole day could theoretically become that place that you're hoping to get to when you have enough money, when you finally get a vacation, when you finally get a moment to yourself. And this is what I have read is one of the definitions of enlightenment. Enlightenment. This is a definition I heard, because even defining it is difficult. And who the fuck knows? But the idea is, what if every place you are at was free time, even though it was filled up with all kinds of activity, even though there were things you had to do. What if you were maintaining this sense of like, yeah, this is where I belong. This is good. This is the vacation. And this is in the third patriarch of Zen. He wrote this great book in Buddhism.

[Theo Von]

You learned this?

[Duncan Trussell]

Yeah, the first line. And I wish I could. The name is like, I think Japanese. Can you look up the third patriarch of Zen? And yeah, that's it. And he wrote, the great way is not difficult for those who have no preferences. Your preferences are tormenting your ex. You want to be there, you don't want to be here, you want to be somewhere else. And when you're a parent, your preferences will destroy you. Because you. Obviously, there's moments that I just want to play Diablo 4, dude. I just want to sit on the fucking couch and play Diablo 4. I just want to be alone. I don't want to be around anybody for a second. That's a preference. And the more you cling to that, the more you'll suffer. The part of the soul that burns in hell.

[Theo Von]

Yeah.

[Duncan Trussell]

Is the part that clings to life.

[Theo Von]

Wow.

[Duncan Trussell]

That Meister Eckhart.

[Theo Von]

But, dude, I think about that stuff a lot, dude. With, like, sometimes with, like, reliving old parts of my past or old stories or just like, yeah, old things that happen. It's like, how long do I want to think I have to figure this out before? I just want to set up some barricades for myself now? That's like, hey, we're not going to go try to figure that out anymore. We're just going to move on. Right. And we're going to move on and we're going to put boundaries in place so that when this thing or the. Or certain types of people or this energy comes around, that this is how we're going to behave towards it.

[Duncan Trussell]

Yeah.

[Theo Von]

And we're not going to be, like, mean to it, but this is how we're going to operate. Now instead of, like, I get stuck in this place of like, like, well, I'll figure this out, or a little more therapy and this and that and the therapy and stuff. It's all good, right? It's all helpful. It's all like, put some magnifying glass on things that are cool. But. But to at some point be like, you know, this path, it's a lot. I don't know. I've been on this. This path for a while. Let me try to do something else. Let me try to move forward. Let me try to not even let this be a. Like, let. Let. Let me really let this be part of the past.

[Duncan Trussell]

Yeah.

[Theo Von]

Instead of going back to the past to solve something, like, that's the thing. Sometimes I keep going back to the past to solve the present where it's like, let me try and do this. Maybe a little bit different. And so I've just been thinking about that recently. Thanks so much for some of the chats, dude. I want to find out what's. What's a rabbit hole or, like, something that you guys have learned on Mystery, on Mystery Boys. But I just want to get this update. The guest, Mark Elliott, clarifies that he does not claim to have been cured of Tourette Syndrome. Instead, he describes his experience As a journey where he found a way to master the condition, noting that while the symptoms have drastically reduced, he still feels the urge occasionally and works to change his relationship with it. That's interesting. Yeah, write it down. That's what I do, dude. Write it down with mystery boys. What is a rabbit hole kind of that you. Or something new that you guys have, like, latched onto that's been, like, really interesting to go down that you and Metzger have. Have.

[Duncan Trussell]

I got to give full credit to Metzger for most of the rabbit holes. Like, I'm telling you, this guy, he, like, it's.

[Theo Von]

Do you think he's good or evil when you think about him?

[Duncan Trussell]

He's good.

[Theo Von]

Okay.

[Duncan Trussell]

Very good.

[Theo Von]

It's a pop quiz, man.

[Duncan Trussell]

Do you. Why do you think he's evil?

[Theo Von]

No, I don't. I was asking you. He actually texted me and told me to ask you that.

[Duncan Trussell]

Are you kidding me?

[Theo Von]

I'm not kidding you at all. So it's just a good.

[Duncan Trussell]

Oh, he's as sweetest.

[Theo Von]

I know him. I'm. I've. I've already decided how I feel about it.

[Duncan Trussell]

He's good. Really good.

[Theo Von]

Okay.

[Duncan Trussell]

I wouldn't do a podcast with an evil person. Why would you do that to yourself?

[Theo Von]

That's horrible, dude. Do you ever think, what if one day you got home years from now, and you started to notice, like, something like the ed. Like your skin around your chin or something, and you started peeling it, and then you took it off and what if we were the aliens, dude?

[Duncan Trussell]

Oh, my God. Oh, my God.

[Theo Von]

Like, this whole time.

[Duncan Trussell]

Yeah.

[Theo Von]

We've been trying to hunt the aliens.

[Duncan Trussell]

Sure.

[Theo Von]

And then you peel. You're like, what is that, dude? You think it's acne, and it's just fucking abracadabra. You're an alien.

[Duncan Trussell]

Oh, my God. And then you peel the alien mask off and you're human.

[Theo Von]

Yeah. And you're a cool black guy, so

[Duncan Trussell]

what the fuck are you, man? Yeah, what are you.

[Theo Von]

To turn it up.

[Duncan Trussell]

Yeah. You know, spin that shit.

[Theo Von]

How about this, dude?

[Duncan Trussell]

I'll give you a quick one.

[Theo Von]

Yeah. Take me down. But I want to go down a rabbit hole. And that was. And no, Kurt didn't ask any ass either. I was just joking around, dude.

[Duncan Trussell]

He's far from evil. But Metzger did give me a little bit of trivia, which I'd never heard before, which is the most batshit thing ever. So, John Wayne Gacy, the famous serial killer from Illinois.

[Theo Von]

Yeah.

[Duncan Trussell]

Horrible motherfucker. The clown. John Wayne Gacy, pedophile clown. Just horrible.

[Theo Von]

Human being, lazy, too lazy. Killed people. Put him under his house.

[Duncan Trussell]

Oh yeah. He said that if he was guilty of anything, it was running a funeral home without a license because he had rotting child corpses under his fucking house. Also weirdly political. So John Wayne Gacy was executed on a solar eclipse, which is already weird. Like what? You know, you know there's going to be eclipse that day, right? Why are you executing one of the most notorious serial killers, like, on the day that, like in a horror movie, that's how you get a zombie, a Freddy Krueger. That's how you get a demon or something. Execute the person. It's a solar eclipse. They come back to life or they haunt your dreams. So that's just weird by itself. But coincidentally, Jeffrey Dahmer was baptized, and I'm not sure into what denomination of Christianity on the same day another fucking serial killer baptized. While during the execution of like. So. So.

[Theo Von]

So a spiritual realm is open.

[Duncan Trussell]

Yes.

[Theo Von]

And a. And a calendar, a seasonal, a. What realm would that be?

[Duncan Trussell]

What do you mean?

[Theo Von]

Like the, the. The. The spiritual realm is open with the baptism. Like there's a spiritual right, like embodiment happening.

[Duncan Trussell]

And in eclipses, just so like in the west, we think they're cool. Everyone goes out. You get your eclipse. Eclipse glasses. Everyone goes out to look. They are cool. I've been there. They're amazing. It's amazing to. To witness the temperature drops. Shadows get weird. But like, you know, one of my friends who's like a shaivite for real, who like, you know, Hindu follower of Shiva, you know, he was explaining to me, like, in India, eclipses are not something you want to go out under. Like it represents an opening where a lot of weird shit can come into this realm. So, you know, his advice is don't go outside during an eclipse. You don't understand the energies that are out there. This is in their cosmology. So it's a very powerful. Even if you're not into the woo stuff, it's a very crazy thing that happens. And birds stop singing. They think it's nighttime all of a sudden. It's just a very deep spiritual moment. So why. Why do you execute this monster during an eclipse? And why do you baptize another monster during the eclipse? And why on the same day? And how is that accidental? And maybe that's cymatics. I don't know. Maybe that's just part of the weird secret gears in the universe we don't know about. But to me, it's very fascinating when moments like that Emerge right when.

[Theo Von]

When. When the curtains are open a little bit into the ethereal, into the next realm. When somebody spiritually. You're kind of. You're. You're. When there's an anointment and a. And a. An embodiment putting the, you know, blessing somebody with the. The embodiment of God, like bringing God into their. Into their heart, you know, like.

[Duncan Trussell]

Right.

[Theo Von]

That's. That's risky behavior, dude. I. Yeah. I wonder if. Do you know if it's kind of weird that we get people to go outside and look up into the eclipse, then.

[Duncan Trussell]

Yeah.

[Theo Von]

Was that always a practice or did people used to not stare into the eclipse?

[Duncan Trussell]

Oh, no, dude. People went blind for sure. I. There's a famous.

[Theo Von]

Went blind just because they were eight years old back in the day.

[Duncan Trussell]

Yeah. You just go blind from drinking water.

[Theo Von]

Yeah. I mean, dude, imagine how scary. Dude, everything was a game show like 200 years ago. Dude. A cup of water, you could get undehydrated or tuberculosis.

[Duncan Trussell]

What do you want? Explosive diarrhea?

[Theo Von]

Yeah.

[Duncan Trussell]

You want to die of thirst or die of dysentery? One or the other. One or the other.

[Theo Von]

No. People have not always looked at eclipses. Historically, witnessing an eclipse was often met with fear, awe, or strict avoidance rather than direct observation. Because ancient civilizations lacked scientific explanations, many cultures considered the darkening of the sun to be a bad omen or a disruption of the natural order.

[Duncan Trussell]

That makes sense for sure.

[Theo Von]

Many cultures believe the celestial creature was attempting to devour the sun. The Norse blamed sky wolves. The Chinese told tales of a celestial dragon, and Aztecs believed a jaguar was eating the sun. People would often bang pot, scream, or shoot arrows into the air to frighten the monster away.

[Duncan Trussell]

And it worked.

[Theo Von]

Yeah, but it is. When did we start in. When. When did we start seeing eclipses and going and watching.

[Duncan Trussell]

I mean, forever.

[Theo Von]

But did. When did. Did it become a practice? Like, was there something that happened? Like, it was a big thing on television, like, go see the eclipse or whatever.

[Duncan Trussell]

It was always significant. I mean, it's just like, no matter what period in human history, like, can you fucking imagine, like, not knowing what was going on? Why?

[Theo Von]

But how fun would we have had back then? First of all, you get to make up what's going on. Right. Or you just get to believe what's hat. Like you get to believe what's happening. But I just think you're the. Imagine. Imagine everybody's imagination back then.

[Duncan Trussell]

Yeah.

[Theo Von]

And everybody's, like, storytelling. Like, you had to have a piece of information to even. You had to, like, life was probably scary. You had to seem viable. You had to fight for your existence. Probably.

[Duncan Trussell]

Well, I mean, this is what I think is interesting.

[Theo Von]

Like, you valued your life more because you. Your sibling was dying at home. It was like, let. Let. Let this day meet. Let this day mean something to me. Let this information that I'm reading to. Let it. Let the fact that I can absorb information, let it mean something to me.

[Duncan Trussell]

Right. You're saying that now maybe we've lost that. That people have become sort of numb, nihilistic husks who don't value their own existence like they did when you watched your friend get eaten by a wolf.

[Theo Von]

Right. I think we're. It's a tough. I think we. We are deeper in it than we know. I think we are up to our waist right now in it.

[Duncan Trussell]

In what?

[Theo Von]

In. In the suction of. Of. Of the devil.

[Duncan Trussell]

Oh, right.

[Theo Von]

In the suction of something deviant. In the suction of the dark arts, man. I believe that it is. We think we just have nice pants on, but we don't realize that we've invited these skins of, like, you know, we've invited something. There's something very demonic going on. Do you think technology is inherently demonic?

[Duncan Trussell]

Oh, my God. I mean, you. It. Okay, so first, like, let's define demonic. Okay, so what is your definition of demonic?

[Theo Von]

With intent to harm. To. Let me see. Demonic, I would say of Satan's will.

[Duncan Trussell]

Yeah.

[Theo Von]

With intent to be a succubus to the godliness that. To the nature and morality and godliness that makes that. That exists inside of us as a group and as individuals. Okay, so does that make sense or not?

[Duncan Trussell]

Did you have Bishop Robert Baron on your show?

[Theo Von]

No. Cool guy.

[Duncan Trussell]

Gotta have him on brb. Yes.

[Theo Von]

Damn, dude. You guys will hit crazy, though.

[Duncan Trussell]

You guys.

[Theo Von]

Crazy initials to have.

[Duncan Trussell]

Yeah, he's. He's really cool. He was a.

[Theo Von]

Sign him up. All right, Zach.

[Duncan Trussell]

I had him on my podcast. And what's really interesting is actually having on my podcast got me more interested in Christianity than any other time in my life. And the reason was not necessarily what he told me, though. He's a really cool guy, and obviously he's brilliant. He's bishop and he's obviously a theologian.

[Theo Von]

He's Orthodox. Greek Orthodox.

[Duncan Trussell]

He's Catholic. Like, okay, I don't. Yeah, so. But what was really weird is, you know, I've had so many guests of all kinds of. I've had Satanists on the podcast. I've had witches on the podcast. I've had Hindus, Buddhists, New Age people. Lsd chemists. I've had all kinds of, you know,

[Theo Von]

generally Wiggas, God's Dalmatians and.

[Duncan Trussell]

Never.

[Theo Von]

And you haven't.

[Duncan Trussell]

Not yet, bro.

[Theo Von]

That's a road to go down. That's the eclipse, dude. That's the eclipse.

[Duncan Trussell]

No, I probably have, I have to go back and look at the catalog.

[Theo Von]

That's a human eclipse.

[Duncan Trussell]

But dude, I get it. I have one Catholic bishop on and man, people got so mad at me and it was really interesting because it's like, wait a minute, what the fuck? Like you guys didn't care when I had like people who were you trying

[Theo Von]

to demonize the guy? Why'd they get mad?

[Duncan Trussell]

Well, because like the, basically what started bubbling up was that I, I moved to Texas, I'm having a bunch of kids, I've become some kind of fundamentalist Christian. All this like I love religion and I, I love Christianity. I love like I, I'm fascinated by it. And the New Testament is so beautiful and so different from what most people think it is. Like when you sit down and actually read it yourself, if you have an idea of what Christianity is, you'll realize whatever that was is not what this is. Which is to me a really sort of thrilling moment in studying any religion. Like if you're, if you're going to critique a religion or a philosophy, you really, I think need to study it deeply.

[Theo Von]

Amen.

[Duncan Trussell]

Then you can then go for it. Right?

[Theo Von]

We got to start doing that more. I think on here is learning about some of the depths of different religions because you see a lot of stuff online that can lead you in certain ways. But demons Y Satan, Satan and demons. I believe that Satan is way more active than we think. I think we got into this lush period of like of self believing that something was taking care of us, not that something doesn't love us. I believe that. Yeah, but we believe that something was taking care of us. That we didn't have to show up for our own like salvation. Not just religiously, but for our own salvation as human beings as well. For our own day to day salvation. Do you think that, do you think that we are strong enough or care enough to save ourselves?

[Duncan Trussell]

Well, I mean I, I hear what you're saying and that's a really good question because I think you're pointing towards a misconception or in Buddhism what would be considered a distortion when it comes to what people think they are. So in Buddhism this shows up as something called interdependency or dependent co origination, which means that we're all connected that the clothes that you're wearing, everything that you are, everything around you, everything is there because of causes and conditions that created the situation that we're in. So in other words, when you ask, are we enough to save ourselves? It points to a distortion which is we think we are an individual self disconnected from the system. And of course we're not enough to save ourselves. And I don't just mean in a spiritual sense. I mean everything that we consider that we need for survival around us right now is there because of the labor and work and energy of people you're never going to meet. The food was hauled in on trucks, the plastic in the Fiji bottle, your clothes, everything. Your books, the trees that grew to make the wood for your sign, all of these things point to a complete tapestry of existence. Meaning there isn't such a self anyway. But if you think that you're a self, then you, if you're foolish enough to think you're all you need. It's like look around you, right?

[Theo Von]

But no but I mean, I agree, but do you think we as a. Do you think we are strong enough to show up and save ourselves?

[Duncan Trussell]

You mean as a species?

[Theo Von]

As a species. Because I think feel like we're kind of on the brink of this place where something could happen or like where this like, like they're like. I don't know, it seems like darkness is trying to defeat us.

[Duncan Trussell]

Oh yeah.

[Theo Von]

And, and it feels like are we strong enough to save ourselves? Cuz some days it feels like maybe. And some days it feels like maybe not. Real honest.

[Duncan Trussell]

I don't think, I think that I. I think that the. I think a lot of people's suffering is related to self cherishing. A lot of people's suffering is related to being misdirected. There is a misdirected force in the universe. Now Bishop Barron, he was telling me, well, what is the definition of Satan? Like what is it the actual definition of Satan, what is it described as? And he said it is the accuser, the scatterer, that which scatters. So if we're going to come up with a definition of the demonic, and the question is, is like this technology demonic? And let's just throw the word Satan out for a second because that does create a knee jerk reaction in people. A lot of people do have like religious trauma for real. And I know that word gets thrown around a lot, but some people are born into highly abusive of households where religion is used as an excuse to. With the rational mind or people. It's not.

[Theo Von]

When right I'm being a little bit flippant about it.

[Duncan Trussell]

No, I don't think you're being flippant. I think you're. I'm just. I'm.

[Theo Von]

But you're just clarifying.

[Duncan Trussell]

I'm. Yeah, but, but. So for some people, it's useful to throw out words like that and just. You don't have to use that word if you. I think it's a useful word, but

[Theo Von]

I can mean the devil, the dark

[Duncan Trussell]

energy, whatever you want to, you know. But, but Satan does have, like, some specific definitions. The scatterer and the accuser.

[Theo Von]

That's exactly what's going on right now.

[Duncan Trussell]

What is technology doing? It's accusing one group or another group of being the source of all the suffering in the world. The accuser. I've seen you, Theo, accused of, you know, because of the people you have in your podcast. It's all your fucking thought, dude. Look what you've done. Right? But it's not just you. It's not just you. It's what technology is doing. What the algorithm seems to be doing is creating these very clear, distorted distinctions between groups of people, which is anytime you have direct one on one contact with most people, they're awesome. They might be annoying, they might disagree

[Theo Von]

with you, might be chatty or whatever.

[Duncan Trussell]

Chatty. But in general, they all.

[Theo Von]

They're good.

[Duncan Trussell]

People want to help. Yeah, people actually really want to help. It's very sweet.

[Theo Von]

But I agree, you get behind these phones and it's like. I mean, there's so much racial. Like, I have like, black friends that'll just be like. They act like they were slaves sometimes because of the fodder, they get fed. They'll get stuff like, remember when you were a slave? And it's like.

[Duncan Trussell]

Yeah.

[Theo Von]

And I'm like, dude, Ronnie, what are you talking about? I'm like, your dad worked at Chase Bank.

[Duncan Trussell]

Yeah.

[Theo Von]

When were you a slave? Dude, you were the best player on our team. Dude. You got all the girls. You got all the white girls, too.

[Duncan Trussell]

Yeah. Well, look at all the stories. Look at all this.

[Theo Von]

Remember when you were a slave? Choose some of this slave gum and it'll sell you slave. It'll be like, oh, remember this? Richmond, Virginia gum? You know? Now it tastes like the 1870s, you

[Duncan Trussell]

know, dude, they're trying to replace you.

[Theo Von]

Yeah.

[Duncan Trussell]

If you're white, they're trying to replace you. Better watch out, you're gonna be replaced or.

[Theo Von]

But there's some groups that never get pointed at.

[Duncan Trussell]

Well, what I'm saying is, if you look at the emergent like you could call the culture war stuff. I think you could actually identify this as a kind of religion or a LARP. Even. People are LARPing because the first thing that's happening is you're being invited to take a side. You know, if you're. If you're a black person, okay, you need to be on the side of what? Like, if you want to get slave gum or whatever. If you're gay now, you need to join the lgbt. You're part of this movement. If you're white, you're being replaced. If you're Jewish, they're gonna. The concentration camps are about to start up again. You can look and see that every single person on the planet. If you want to attach to a terrifying, horrible story, you can find it. And the moment you subscribe to it, you invite it in. Your algorithm will be flooded with things to confirm your worst fears, giving you a sense that this is real, crystallizing the distortion. This is all happening in 2D space on your fucking phone mostly. I'm not saying that there isn't obviously real evil happening in the world right now, but this moment, right now, wherever you may be, this moment right now, it's pretty good, right? This is the kingdom of God. This is what I think Jesus was talking about. The kingdom of God is here right now. This is why the symbol of blindness appears again and again. Saul of Tarsus. Saul of Tarsus stoning. Fucking Christians. Which to this day is very popular. You know, they're one of the most persecuted. It's one of the most persecuted religions to this day day. And people get mad at me for saying that, but you can look it up, dude.

[Theo Von]

Oh, who? Christianity?

[Duncan Trussell]

Yes.

[Theo Von]

Oh, for sure. There's a lot of videos recently that you'll see. It's still happening a lot of places.

[Duncan Trussell]

Very popular.

[Theo Von]

Can you bring up the Saul of Tarsus story, please?

[Duncan Trussell]

Yeah. Saul of Tarsus. It's a great story. He became Paul.

[Theo Von]

Saul of Tarsus. Thank you. Saul of Tarsus was a key observer and approving bystander at the execution of Stephen, the first Christian martyr. Rather than casting stones himself, Saul guarded the heavy cloaks of the witnesses while they carried out the stoning. Wow.

[Duncan Trussell]

And then who did he become? Saul of Tarsus. The road to Damascus. He's walking, has a vision of Christ. Jesus says, saul, Saul, why do you persecute me? He's had a conversion experience.

[Theo Von]

The story of Saul on the road to Damascus is a pivotal event in Christian history. Describing Saul of Tarsus of Tarsus. Dramatic conversion in the apostle Paul traveling to Damascus to arrest and persecute Christians. He was blinded by a divine light and heard the voice of. Of Jesus.

[Duncan Trussell]

Wow. Yeah, yeah. Now, there's a lot of interpretations of this event. Who knows? But this idea of blindness, Jesus curing the blind man, all this stuff, the blindness, this to me is the situation. We're kind of in a situation of blindness, an interesting kind of blindness, because the modern mind thinks that they're very clear. They think that they're seeing things very clear, very clearly. They know a sophisticated person, it should be worried about. You know, there's a list of things you should be worried about. This means you're on the right side and you're sophisticated if you're worried about the right things. Certain things, if you're worried about them, mean you're a fucking piece of shit, racist, bigoted piece of shit. You gotta be worried about the right things. But what do they all have in common? Worry. You need to be freaked out. You need to be worried, scared. That bumper sticker, if you're not angry, you're not listening. Now that's one of the most satanic bumper stickers I've ever seen in my fucking life. I think the devil himself printed that shit out. It's basically like, if you aren't angry, something's wrong with you. You need to be angry, scared, pissed off, judgmental. Don't talk to those people. Don't look at those people. Don't think those thoughts. Everything about you is fucking wrong. Everything about them's wrong. You got to be in a constant control, contorted state of deep anxiety, fear and worry, or you are not okay. You are not a good person unless you're scared.

[Theo Von]

And we should. There should be a score now that you get to see when you meet someone. How much time have they spent on their phone?

[Duncan Trussell]

What.

[Theo Von]

What. What apps have they been on? Yeah, what's. You know what I'm saying? Like, because it's kind of not even fair that these algorithms. The reason there was just an. The Algorithm Act. What was that? They've been trying to get it passed for years now, but. And they've had some cases recently where Meta has been held liable. There was a girl that had a lot of suicidal thoughts and was, I believe, had an eating disorder. I could be wrong with that, but. Or was dealing with Algorithm Accountability act of 2025 focused on automated decision systems in critical areas. Jobs, credit, housing, health, education. And this is according to perplexity, but yeah, it's like these algorithms should be held accountable we are letting these. That's where the devil. It's like we're letting these things control. Because I'll watch stuff, I'll see some clips, and if you look at one, then something else comes up, and now you're down a rabbit hole. Then you see somebody from that group, whatever that is in real life.

[Duncan Trussell]

Yeah.

[Theo Von]

And you could have an energy towards them.

[Duncan Trussell]

That's right. I mean, they got you thinking about reparations.

[Theo Von]

Yeah.

[Duncan Trussell]

You're thinking about reparations a lot.

[Theo Von]

Why? It keeps coming up on my feet.

[Duncan Trussell]

The algorithm is showing you this version of reality where there's people all over the place trying to get reparations, which there are probably people. There are people doing that.

[Theo Von]

Yeah.

[Duncan Trussell]

But probably not as many as you think there are, because your algorithm is just like, look. Look what they're doing.

[Theo Von]

So then I see, like, a homeless guy, and he's like, hey, can I get a buck? I'm like, oh, okay.

[Duncan Trussell]

Oh, reparations. You want reparations? And that's just because of the. Your get. You're.

[Theo Von]

You're getting.

[Duncan Trussell]

You're contaminating yourself. We all have it. I have it, too. Everyone has.

[Theo Von]

Everyone has it. But that's the thing. Are we. Is there enough space to rise up? Is there enough space to rise above it? I. I think. Here's the thing. We have to believe that there is and envision a possibility that what there is. Otherwise, there isn't. So that's one thing.

[Duncan Trussell]

Definitely is.

[Theo Von]

But, dude, even just the fake AI stuff, just to make things a little softer, to soften up the conversation.

[Duncan Trussell]

Soften it up.

[Theo Von]

What's a fake AI story? Oh, did you see what was the one Brain? I think I put it on the list of. It's in my. It's in my. Oh, yeah. There was this girl, Kayla. Oh, yeah, Kaylee. This was the lawsuit she had. She. She argued that features like infinite scrolling autoplay, algorithmic recommendations, and beauty filters were engineered to make users engage compulsively.

[Duncan Trussell]

True.

[Theo Von]

What breaks my heart sometimes, though. Or I don't know if it breaks bar, but it kind of makes me. I don't know, it makes me mad that I got to sit with some of these guys and they act like there's no crime in their algorithms. They act like there's no, like. Like, evil goals behind it. And I think it's obvious.

[Duncan Trussell]

Yeah.

[Theo Von]

That anybody can see where we're headed, isn't a great place. So do you think some of these technocrats just don't have a moral compass? Because something must Be wrong.

[Duncan Trussell]

Oh, dude, I mean, that's a whole. That's a deep rabbit hole. Like, you're okay, because you're talking about like the Galapagos, okay, Galapagos Islands, right? Weird creatures there because they're separated from everything else, right? So when we're talking about the Silicon Valley tech overlords, we're talking about a weird kind of Galapagos island where you've got this set group of people who've been there for a while who have been engineering the technology that is now being used for mass surveillance, for blowing up Palestinians, for fucking exploding parts of the world, and for hypnotizing children into like being glued to the fucking technology, right? And so you're looking at like essentially a warlock's guild. These are the wizards of the world. They are summoning spirits via AI. A lot of them were into the occult. You can look that shit up. And regardless, I think there's public records of some of them saying that they used B.F. skinner. The behaviorists work. And he was the guy who could make like pigeons tap dance and shit. They coded that into the algorithm. The same stuff they use for slot machines and stuff in Vegas.

[Theo Von]

I've seen that.

[Duncan Trussell]

Right? So these are wizards, illusionists. So, dude, it's like, do they know what they're doing? Yes, they were, they're. They're making addictive technologies. Can they say that's what they were doing? Hell no.

[Theo Von]

Do you think it's a unified goal or do you think they all just happen to each have these things going on and that's where we are?

[Duncan Trussell]

Dude, I think that.

[Theo Von]

And I'll come on, I want to come on y' all show and we'll go down this rabbit hole.

[Duncan Trussell]

I love to listen, man.

[Theo Von]

I think because we're going to get into some softer stuff.

[Duncan Trussell]

This is what I do know. Before you get into soft stuff, I do know this Zuckerberg apparently doesn't let his kids on the fucking computer. Apparently a lot of these tech people keep their kids off social media.

[Theo Von]

I think I asked him about that, didn't I?

[Duncan Trussell]

What did he say?

[Theo Von]

I think I said, do you. Do your kids use social media?

[Duncan Trussell]

Regardless, they have strict guardrails for their kids using social media. And that is. Is interesting to me. It's like, if this shit's so okay, what's going on?

[Theo Von]

Yeah, I think I. Let's check and see. I'm gonna. I'll find out in just a second. I think we asked him about that. But yeah, this was, this was one thing I was saying. About this, like, I remember watching this, right?

[Duncan Trussell]

I think so.

[Theo Von]

This was last year a little bit. But this is called Brain Bridge, right? Play this clip.

[Duncan Trussell]

Oh my God, this is going to blow your mind. A startup company called Brainbridge announced today that they believe that they will be able to successfully perform a head transplant surgery in the next eight years. The way that this would work is you would take a person with a perfectly healthy and active brain, but their body has cancer or paralysis and transplant it to a brain dead donor body. What's crazy is that they said that by doing this, the person that's receiving the new body would still be able to maintain their memories, cognitive abilities and consciousness. They say that the brain could last several hundred years if it had a good working body and that that might be a potential in the future, but that this would also give people with different ailments a second chance. Wow.

[Theo Von]

I mean, but this came out and I remember a guy sent it to, to me, I'm not going to say who it was, but like kind of like a certain type of person.

[Duncan Trussell]

Yeah.

[Theo Von]

Sent it to me.

[Duncan Trussell]

Yeah.

[Theo Von]

From Birmingham or whatever. And he's like, man, this is scary, you know, And I'm like, that ain't real. That's not real, man. You know what I'm saying? But it's stuff like this that we think like, you know, and then you probably have like, like spouses, like a woman, she's like, oh, you six more, you know, six more birthday cakes and because it said like six years it'll be happening, right? Yeah, six more birthday cakes and my, you know, I'm gonna have Denzel Washington in my kitchen or whatever. Or I'm gonna have, you know, debate, you know, my husband's gonna look like da baby or whatever. You're gonna have like a 75 year old guy with like a body that like looks like a so up like a California raisin and da baby's head, like it's just gonna. So. But that's, that's AI stuff, you know, that's the things that people believe.

[Duncan Trussell]

It's not real. I've been. What? You know what? AI's been showing me a lot of fake honey badger content videos, like nature videos. Looks real like honey badgers, like fighting elephants and horses. A lot of AI videos of like, God, what are those creatures that defend themselves with?

[Theo Von]

Are you talking about those David Attenborough fight night videos?

[Duncan Trussell]

Well, yeah, but people are now generating very good AI video of like honey badgers fighting. And I was watching them for a while before I realized that's not real. Like, because I love honey badgers. It's a. It's a different subject altogether. But a lot of these are fake as fuck. Or the hippos spinning their tails and off. You know, they.

[Theo Von]

Yeah, doing that.

[Duncan Trussell]

Blasting tigers away and stuff. That's a lot of those are fake.

[Theo Von]

Are they really?

[Duncan Trussell]

I mean it's insidious. It's at that level too. It's not just head trans like elephant

[Theo Von]

shits on birthday party or whatever.

[Duncan Trussell]

And it's like go on Instagram and look up like hippo defending itself. And I'm pretty sure a lot of these are AI. I don't want it to be a. I want it to be real. But if you look up any hippo, it's a whole genre now of hippos on various predators.

[Theo Von]

Yeah, if you guys can bring some of those up, we'll get right back to them. Dude. Oh yeah, I saw this thing the other day. Hot air balloons are being used for sex trafficking. And that was an AI thing.

[Duncan Trussell]

That's so.

[Theo Von]

And that was an AI thing. Dude.

[Duncan Trussell]

Up.

[Theo Von]

It's so. So now it's like when you take one of the most beautiful. Like people are watching a hot air balloon race and there's some grandmother being like, you know, there's a nine year

[Duncan Trussell]

old, you know, or something kid bound and gagged in the basket of that balloon, getting shipped off to some up island. That's so everything beautiful, you know, brothels on the moon, kids being transported in hot air balloons. They're ruining everything.

[Theo Von]

But then they'll start. But then also what will happen then is this is. Then this, this piece starts to happen. They take a fake story like that, right? Like kids being sex traffic, you know, like in hot air balloons. Which is crazy.

[Duncan Trussell]

Yeah.

[Theo Von]

Like, like for how many people could even fit in hot air balloon? Probably six to eight.

[Duncan Trussell]

A lot of kids.

[Theo Von]

That's true. Probably four to 10.

[Duncan Trussell]

I don't know, but I think I could get 20 in there.

[Theo Von]

I don't want to know.

[Duncan Trussell]

We could talk after this.

[Theo Von]

Yeah, we'll talk after the show. We're joking.

[Duncan Trussell]

But dude, we are joking. Jesus Christ.

[Theo Von]

We're joking. But then here's what happens is they put the story out, right?

[Duncan Trussell]

Yeah.

[Theo Von]

Then they're becomes this lobbying towards the government. Like now somebody's lobbying. We need to train officers. We need specifically trained officers who know how to fly hot air balloons so that they can be lookouts for this thing. And it becomes one of those Somali welfare things where it's just a money laundering thing. But it's all based off of, well, let's put the story out first. Create the fear, create the worry. Then let's find this other big financial solution that we. And do all the training and all the. Yeah. So we have something to invoice the American government or any government for. And then the people. Our tax money just goes to another thing. Now we have 700, you know, trained like hot air balloons, surveillance technology.

[Duncan Trussell]

I'm sorry, I don't think you realize what you just did, but you have come up with, like, an incredible series on, like, NBC. Hot air balloon. Like cop Chasing Sex Predators through the skies. Dude, that's an incredible show.

[Theo Von]

Thank you.

[Duncan Trussell]

Like, that would be really, like, really fun to watch.

[Theo Von]

Dude. Imagine you're ducking down in your basket.

[Duncan Trussell]

Yeah. You get a new partner.

[Theo Von]

You do that heat thing. You turn it up.

[Duncan Trussell]

Dude, I would watch that all day long. That's an incredible idea. But, yeah, you're right. It creates a chain reaction, and essentially it's just shit. Tons of money gets wasted on something fabricated by, like, a couple of, like, teenagers in Morocco.

[Theo Von]

Yeah.

[Duncan Trussell]

And, you know. Or wherever. I don't know. I said, you know.

[Theo Von]

But then they honor him at a football game. It's like. And There's Harold Arthur III. He did 17 years in the hot air balloon surveillance squad. Let's give him a round of applause.

[Duncan Trussell]

Salute him.

[Theo Von]

Yeah.

[Duncan Trussell]

Yeah, man. It's. You're right.

[Theo Von]

And dude. But they used to have. I remember they had this girl in our school and her dad and his friend. I guess they were kind of gay men or whatever.

[Duncan Trussell]

Whatever.

[Theo Von]

And they would. They were hot air balloon guys, but they would go up and kind of kiss. Whatever. Like, they would, like, whatever. Meet up in this. Like, not meet up, I guess, meet up in the sky or whatever.

[Duncan Trussell]

You know how.

[Theo Von]

Or just, like, locked her, you know, tie their balloons off to each other.

[Duncan Trussell]

How does that. Wouldn't the. Like. It's like. Wouldn't the balloons themselves bump into each other?

[Theo Von]

I think there's ways you can do

[Duncan Trussell]

that because that is, like. If you're gonna, like, create sort of a spectrum of gay.

[Theo Von]

Was to hide. They were scared to get seen around town. So you level up.

[Duncan Trussell]

Like, making out with another dude in a separate hot air balloon is. That's. That's gay.

[Theo Von]

It's brave gays, though.

[Duncan Trussell]

It's brave power.

[Theo Von]

Brave gays. How is that on a show?

[Duncan Trussell]

That's the name of the show. That's it. They're gay hot air balloon cops. This is the next Brokeback Mountain.

[Theo Von]

Dude, do we have a beat of it here. Did he say anything?

[Zach]

I think that that's a big part of it. I try to, like. It's important to me that, that the kids get that too, and, and the kids are very active.

[Theo Von]

Do your kids have a lot of like, screen time? Like, how much screen time do you allow your kids?

[Zach]

Yeah, it's different for the different ones. We don't just like, let them do whatever, but I actually like, want them to be fluent with this stuff. Kind of like we talked about earlier, you know, I want them to learn how to code, how to use technology. I think it's important.

[Theo Von]

But he's not saying he wants them to use it. He's saying he wants them to know how to code and use technology.

[Duncan Trussell]

I want them to be able to create the mind traps that I've created. I want them to be able to build manipulative, seductive technologies so that they can lure other children into, into my trap that will inevitably control the entire planet. But I would never show them the fucking hypno rectangle.

[Theo Von]

I mean, dude, it's giving that dude a lot. Is there any more to it or that's it?

[Duncan Trussell]

It's a long answer to a simple question, right? He could just be like, yeah, I put him on it all the time.

[Zach]

A lot of socialization, they have their own account, like happens online at this point. Like, people need to get used to the norms and stuff around that. So I mean, they're not on and they're still too young to be using like social media, but, but they have messenger kids. You know, we, we make it so that they can video chat and, and chat with their friends. And, you know, we'll, we'll obviously monitor to make sure that they're, that they're just connecting with the people who, who we think that they should. But like, I think it's actually good. I think people need to kind of grow up. I don't need to is strong, but I, I think is. I think it's good if you have an engaged parent and they, and as a child you learn up, you kind of grow up learning how to use a bunch of this stuff. So I think that's okay and that's all good. I want the kids, to the extent that they're interested in it, to learn how to code, learn how to create stuff, whether it's in like Horizon or VR tools or they play, you know, Roblox and Minecraft.

[Theo Von]

Roblox.

[Duncan Trussell]

Did he just say fucking play Roblox. Look up, look up Roblox. Like look up Roblox pedophilia.

[Theo Von]

Oh, is that where they're doing it now? Dude, dude, this is like the new rest areas. Remember rest areas?

[Duncan Trussell]

Look robot. Yes. Roblox is currently the subject of heavy scrutiny, including investigations, lawsuits from U.S. state attorneys, local governments, and reports highlighting that predators exploit its massive demographic of young users for grooming and sexual exploitation. Yeah, don't put your kids on Roblox or, like, man, I'm telling you, like, people need to understand that. Dude, do you remember, like, did you ever, like, dig around for your dad's porn?

[Theo Von]

I remember digging in a hole. Somebody said there was porn somewhere, like, not far from us, and we dug. Did we dug as kids? We probably dug 11ft into the dirt, dude.

[Duncan Trussell]

We didn't find a pirate buried his porn out there. That's what black beards. Dude, you just remember the.

[Theo Von]

We did find, like, a CPAP machine, though. But go on, dude.

[Duncan Trussell]

My point is, we all know that kids, when they know, like, just based on, like, the experience of anybody who grew up in the 80s at least, or the 90s.

[Theo Von]

Yeah.

[Duncan Trussell]

You would find your dad's porn. Yeah, he could put that, like, in a sewer. He could put that stuff.

[Theo Von]

He could, like, he could keep it under his hat.

[Duncan Trussell]

You would get it.

[Theo Von]

Yeah.

[Duncan Trussell]

So, like, the idea that Zuckerberg's throwing out there, which is like, you can, like, monitor your kids. Number one. Dude, are you fucking kidding? A lot of people don't have time to do that. They. And they don't understand this tech could be really dangerous for children. They don't have time to monitor. Number two, the fact that he's recommending Roblox, which, as you just pulled up, is currently being investigated right now, because is.

[Theo Von]

Dude, it's crazy.

[Duncan Trussell]

He just told everyone watching your show, he's like, put your kids on Roblox. Like, you know how up that is? I don't think he. I don't think he intended to do that.

[Theo Von]

Well, it was a past episode. It was probably one years ago.

[Duncan Trussell]

Right.

[Theo Von]

But still, I think if. I don't know, do they know that pedophiles is going on on there? Like, they have to know what's going on, dude. And for years, there wasn't even a blockage, I don't think, between adults and kids messaging each other, which would be the first. First fucking thing. So part of me starts to question, do some of these tech lords, do they want pedophilia to be a thing that exists in our universe?

[Duncan Trussell]

I mean, let me answer that question. I. This is the deal.

[Theo Von]

If you're making, we need to ask

[Duncan Trussell]

a kid, if you're making a, a tech, a plat, like how much is money worth? In other words, let's just say you, Theo Von, invented an app and you found out that somehow children were being abused through your app. You know what you do?

[Theo Von]

Shut it down.

[Duncan Trussell]

Shut it the fuck down and apologize on that day. And reparations, give them thanks.

[Theo Von]

That's your reparations.

[Duncan Trussell]

That's what you do. You don't keep something going that allows children to be abused. The question is how much, how, how much is your mansion worth to you?

[Theo Von]

Well, here's the thing, here's the thing, Duncan, I agree with you. But people keep saying it's about money. These people. It's not about money anymore. It couldn't be about money if you have a lot of money. It's not about money anymore. It becomes about the next currency. So other currencies are power and then some of the currencies, it's like you get to be the king and then the king turns into a. I think after king is a devil.

[Duncan Trussell]

Yeah.

[Theo Von]

I think it's right on the other side of being a king. Is it being a devil? Because there's, there, there's, you know what I'm saying? Like, it's like everything's just a circle. So if you're at the, if you're a king.

[Duncan Trussell]

Yeah.

[Theo Von]

Then right after it is devil.

[Duncan Trussell]

Yeah. I mean, you just have to deal with the fact that the technology you create is being used to distribute child pornography and it's hurting children. And then whether you, the rest of your life should be spent stopping that from happening, not getting taken to court to make that happen, you should just stop it because it makes me question

[Theo Von]

these guys a lot, dude.

[Duncan Trussell]

Well, you know, human sacrifice, especially the sacrifice of children is an age old practice. And just because like the energy is being extracted from children using a brand new technology doesn't change the fact that this technology is harming children.

[Theo Von]

And we're not saying that Facebook is doing that, but he's just saying that Roblox has accusations about that and that it's obvious that.

[Duncan Trussell]

I mean, you can look, I mean, again, I don't.

[Theo Von]

There have been probably instances of adults commandeering children sexually on Facebook.

[Duncan Trussell]

Obviously I can't say with the authority of some of the people doing the investigations whether or what's happening. But I will say that if you don't think that social media and online games is being used by predators to fuck with your kids, you are a dipshit. You're out of your mind. What are you fucking doing? And also, might I just add, and I know we're supposed to light things up, when you're posting pictures of your fucking kids in bathing suits.

[Theo Von]

In bathing suits or no shirt, and you look.

[Duncan Trussell]

And you can look at who's favoriting those pictures if 60% of those are, like, dudes in their 40s.

[Theo Von]

Yeah.

[Duncan Trussell]

What are you doing? What are you doing?

[Theo Von]

Well, that's when you start to. To realize that we've, like, there's this vortex that you start to get manipulated by and that we're being manipulated. It's like watching a belly dancer dance. And next you know, you've given all your money, and after you've given all your money, you'll give her your kids, give her your organs, you'll give her your offspring, you'll give her whatever it is, and you don't even notice you're giving anymore. You're not even getting anything out of it anymore. You were just tricked into giving everything all away.

[Duncan Trussell]

That's right, dude. You said it. Praise the Lord. Throw your fucking phones in a. Oh, yeah, this is great. Let's watch this. This will lighten things up. It's hippos shitting on animals.

[Theo Von]

Oh, yeah.

[Duncan Trussell]

I mean, we. We, like, if we did. Oh, it's not. I don't think that's.

[Theo Von]

And now this. And look, dude. And they'll probably. They'll accuse the animal of doing blackface or whatever.

[Duncan Trussell]

It's AI though, right? That's not real.

[Theo Von]

I don't know. But this is the kind of stuff that is breaks my heart.

[Duncan Trussell]

Because he poses like, he sits like he wanted to get shit on. Like, it's not real, right? Breaks your heart.

[Theo Von]

It looks real. He's pissed, bro. And that cheetah is pregnant, bro. He's probably like, I know where to get some lunch. And he's pulled that off.

[Duncan Trussell]

It's gotta be fake. And this is a whole genre of hippos on. On Jaguars.

[Theo Von]

Don't come on my back and tell me it's raining, brother.

[Duncan Trussell]

Why did he sit there? Like, why?

[Theo Von]

It's like, because it's the old, hey, let's go get some lunch, I'm gonna on you trick. Okay? That's the only thing, bro.

[Duncan Trussell]

That old class.

[Theo Von]

What else do we have? What other AI things are out there? There's some other AI Things that were fake or were there other AI things in the news or what else can we talk about? Is there something else on your mind you want to talk about?

[Duncan Trussell]

On my mind?

[Theo Von]

Yeah.

[Duncan Trussell]

Right now? Yeah, man.

[Theo Von]

Do you feel hope as a parent? That's a question. Is it okay if I ask you that? Do you feel hope as a parent knowing, seeing a lot of these open vortexes of the devil that are operating around us and how we are being like summoned to dance for them like this. Brooms and fantasia, like, but do you. And none of this is accusatory. Like, I have the same stuff. I'm like, you know, I try to battle it and it's probably easier because I have less responsibilities than you do as a parent. But it's like we're all fighting this thing, you know?

[Duncan Trussell]

Yeah. I, I, I will never stop loving existence. And I have. I know that people are good. In Buddhism, it's called fundamental goodness. That underneath the fear is goodness. And when you're around a baby, when you're around your kids, you get to see that. You get to see a brand new human before the windshield gets covered in splattered fear. Bugs that begin to define their personality. And as a parent, you can't keep those bugs from splattering on the windshield. That's going to happen. But you also can, maybe you can at least help them understand that love is eternal, that love is eternal, that we're embraced by the universe, that benevolence, kindness, all the things that are taught in Christianity and many of the world religions, these ways of being will are not affected by technology, by AI, by all of the things that inevitably are coming down the line. The actual term for Hinduism, I've heard is called Sanatan Dharma. It means the eternal way or the eternal path. This path. It doesn't fucking matter. If there's cyborgs walking down the path. It doesn't matter. It doesn't matter. And I think that's the most important thing to remember is that this, what we were today were calling the Satan. Satan depends on us building up that energy, making it big scary. This is described as like, it's the monster under the bed. It's darkness. Darkness is all you have to do is flip on the light.

[Theo Von]

Amen.

[Duncan Trussell]

Gone, instantly gone. And so the more I think we focus on that darkness and all of its complexity and all of its seeming sophistication and all of its tricks and deviousness and deception, the more powerful it becomes. But the moment, you just turn into the present moment and your own heart and the people you love, it's like a light turns on.

[Theo Von]

Well, I think we need astronauts too sometimes to go into the darkness, man. We need astronauts to Go in there and find the switches, too. I think sometimes we need that. That. I think sometimes as, like, we. It does feel sometimes like we are, too. Like, there's, like, in. You know, a lot of times in Christianity, they talk about acceptance a lot. And acceptance. And acceptance. And, you know, in a lot of religions, they talk about acceptance.

[Duncan Trussell]

Surrender.

[Theo Von]

Yes. And it's like, you can do that in some ways, but also part of you is like. But when do you, like, really stand? You know, I'm saying, when do we stand up? Because we're creatures with legs.

[Duncan Trussell]

Yeah.

[Theo Von]

You know, when do we stand up and. And not just accept everything? And maybe that's the phase that we're in now. And then part of me, like, I was talking to my friend Curtis the other day, and, like, we talk about religion a lot and things like that, and it's. And. And he was saying that it doesn't really matter if you win here in the world, right? If the world wins. If we win as a society here. Fear. It matters in the. In the afterlife, in the next realm, in, like, you know what I'm saying? Like, this is just a practice ground for your spirit, like, to see how you operate a spirit. It's almost like. Like when you did, like, school driving or whatever, right? And there was some guy who was, like, obviously a pedophile, usually, who would get to teach how to drive because they wouldn't let him coach him while they took away his whistle. And so he's sitting there just squeezing your thighs.

[Zach]

Horrible.

[Theo Von]

But, dude, he's in there squeezing your thigh. He's like, if I squeeze your left eye means turn left. If I squeeze your right, right? And I'm like, why, dude? Why are you touching me, dude? So I was just going, like, in circles, dude. This was just massaging me or whatever.

[Duncan Trussell]

Just me up, man.

[Theo Von]

But it's just like. Yeah, but it's like, is. Or do you think it. Matt. Because sometimes I care too much. I feel like if we win here as a people, as opposed to, like, if. If my, like, like, as a. As opposed to, like, best curing the meat of my soul for the next, like, refrigerator or meal or charcuterie board of existence.

[Duncan Trussell]

Does that make sense of existence? It's very poetic. I know what you mean. I. I just think, you know, the. The. The move is. You look at this thing, and now you're worrying about literally all of humanity, right? How do I fix all of humanity? That's a very anxious.

[Theo Von]

Right. It's an anxious place instead. It's not fair to You. It's not fair to us.

[Duncan Trussell]

You can't. It's not your job. And I think that doesn't mean you should be some kind of impotent, pseudo spiritual person who isn't actively trying to make the world better. But since you're the first part of the world you encounter, how much time are you spending seeing if you can reduce your own fear and anxiety and increase your ability to have compassion and love for the people that you encounter throughout the day? And if enough of us do that. That is not easy, by the way, but it's incremental.

[Theo Von]

You don't have to do it all in one day, but you get to

[Duncan Trussell]

do small things and you never know. I think if we're going to use the Bible as a reference for the conversation, doesn't the story go, when Jesus sent out the disciples, he said, don't worry about what you're going to say. I will speak through you. And if your message is not accepted, leave and knock the dust from your feet. Which is really just saying, stay in the present moment. Trust. Trust. Don't let this darkness trick you into getting all freaked out and angry. Because when you're angry, you'll say angry words. But you know, this is a terrible way to ruin whatever the fuck I'm saying. Have you ever gotten in an argument on mdma? Have you ever said a single shitty thing to someone when you're on ecstasy? Now, this is, I think, a way. There might be a way. I'm not saying be on ecstasy all the time, but imagine if somehow you could cultivate that. That part of yourself that shows up on a nice MDMA tab. If you could cultivate that. In Buddhism, that's called bodhicitta, and it's the awakened heart. If you could cultivate that, then whatever came out of your mouth, whatever you did, theoretically, would be much better than what you do when you're angry, freaked out, scared, and pissed off. So maybe the first step is to take more ecstasy. Which brings me to a plug for my new business. Trussell. Mdma. Go to Trussell. I'm just kidding. I'm just kidding.

[Theo Von]

Trussell mdma. Church wafers, too. That would be the best.

[Duncan Trussell]

Dude. No, I just feel like, you know, the idea is like, as much as you can cultivate compassion in your own heart.

[Theo Von]

The best thing I noticed, too, I just go on a walk with a friend when Saul was walking. Dude, when Saul was walking, was he walking alone out there? There?

[Duncan Trussell]

That's a great question. I don't know.

[Theo Von]

Can you look that up when Saul was on the road to. Where is it? Damascus.

[Duncan Trussell]

Damascus. I'm guessing alone.

[Theo Von]

No, sa.

[Duncan Trussell]

Oh, let it go. This is awesome.

[Theo Von]

No, Saul was not alone when he was traveling to Damascus. According to the biblical account in Acts 9, he was accompanied by a group of traveling companions who are rendered speechless by the heavenly light and sound.

[Duncan Trussell]

They all saw it. Wow.

[Theo Von]

So, yeah, I think. I don't know, I just. There's nothing I enjoy more these days, bro, than honestly is going on a walk with a friend or something like that.

[Duncan Trussell]

Theo, you seem great.

[Theo Von]

I do?

[Duncan Trussell]

You do.

[Theo Von]

Thanks, man. Yeah.

[Duncan Trussell]

You see, your energy's really, like. You got, like. You've got. What's the word? What do they call it now? Your aura? I don't know what the word. My kid, the other day. It's so funny when they start saying, like, kid insults, and it's a brutal insult. He was talking about somebody's like, their aura's chopped.

[Theo Von]

Damn.

[Duncan Trussell]

Have you heard that?

[Theo Von]

Yeah, someone said that.

[Duncan Trussell]

Chopped aura. Your aura is not chopped right now.

[Theo Von]

Someone called me chopped on one time. Someone drove by and called me one month ago.

[Zach]

What?

[Theo Von]

For no reason.

[Duncan Trussell]

Where?

[Theo Von]

Huh?

[Duncan Trussell]

Where?

[Theo Von]

Because I had two bags of fucking shopping clothes.

[Duncan Trussell]

Are you kidding me?

[Theo Von]

Yeah, I know. I bought a lot, but still I. Yeah, yeah, dude. It was just because I think. Crazy, I think because I was, like, tying my shoe, but I bent over, like, at the hit. Like, at the hip instead of, like, kind of squatted down.

[Duncan Trussell]

That's fucked up. That's crazy.

[Theo Von]

I know. That's crazy. That's crazy because I, like, bent like, like fully, just cuz, like. Yeah, I get it. But it's like. God, just say it. Roll the window up and just say it to yourself or whatever.

[Duncan Trussell]

That's a rare experience for. Right? Like, I mean. Yeah. How often does that happen to you?

[Theo Von]

I don't know, dude, but I put. I've put. I put stuff out in the world that didn't need to be out there. Dude. Dude, when we were kids, we would write this is horrible to say in this crazy, crazy way to end this conversation. Thank you for the compliments, dude. I am in a space where I'm trying to ask myself a few more questions. Instead of just take how I feel, I'm like, what's this feeling trying to show me?

[Duncan Trussell]

Yeah.

[Theo Von]

You know, like, okay, if I'm angry.

[Duncan Trussell]

Why?

[Theo Von]

Like, okay, what do. What. What do I get by being angry right now? I'm just trying to question a little bit more about what's going on. But when I. Yeah, dude, when I. We used to do this was kind of messed up. We would, like, write the. And we might take this out. We used to write the N word on a piece of paper, right? To get it out of our system. And we would put it into a bottle, like a message in a bottle. And then we throw them in this river not far from our house. Throw them off this bridge, off into this. Into this river. And then the craziest part was, though, dude, like, a couple months later, we're over at the park, which is like a mile from where we're throwing them off. Dude, we see a dad and his kid find. Pick up a. Pick up one of these bottles. And he. The kid opens it up.

[Duncan Trussell]

That's so sad.

[Theo Von]

And the dad's like, what does it say? And we're just like, oh, bro, we gotta find a better way to dispose of this.

[Duncan Trussell]

There's a racist dude ship shipwrecked around here.

[Theo Von]

So. Dude, we live and learn, man. Yeah, that's what we do. You can live and learn in one of the best possible ways. Dude, this is honestly the most fun conversation I probably had in a year and a half.

[Duncan Trussell]

Oh, that means the world to me, Theo.

[Theo Von]

That's the truth.

[Duncan Trussell]

I love talking with you, man. It's such a joy. Thanks for having me on this.

[Theo Von]

It's the truth. You bet, dude. I'm gonna. Come on mystery boys. I want to go down a rabbit hole. So we gotta. We gotta procure a nice one. One.

[Duncan Trussell]

Oh, yeah.

[Theo Von]

And you can check out mystery boys with the good. We know he works for good. Kurt Metzger.

[Duncan Trussell]

I would argue saintly.

[Theo Von]

Okay, saintly. Saint Metzger, Dude.

[Duncan Trussell]

St. Matzker.

[Theo Von]

I'll vote for it.

[Duncan Trussell]

Yeah.

[Theo Von]

Duncan Trussell. Thanks so much, bro.

[Duncan Trussell]

Thanks for having me on. I really appreciate it, Theo.

[Theo Von]

Yeah, man.

[Duncan Trussell]

Thanks for watching you guys. Like these leaves. I must be cornerstone oh, but when I reach that ground I'll share this peace of mind I found I can feel it in my bones but it's gonna take.