E544 Matt McCusker

Summary

Podcast Summary: This Past Weekend w/ Theo Von – Episode E544 Featuring Matt McCusker

In Episode E544 of "This Past Weekend w/ Theo Von," host Theo Von engages in an extensive and candid conversation with guest Matt McCusker. The episode delves into a variety of topics ranging from personal anecdotes and relationships to deeper discussions on societal issues and personal growth. Below is a detailed summary structured into clear sections, highlighting key points, notable quotes, and insights shared by both speakers.

---

1. Personal Experiences and Daily Life

Steam Rooms and Gym Facilities

The conversation kicks off with Matt sharing his recent experience with a steam room:

• Matt [02:31]: "Did you really? Yeah, Just steam. It wasn't anything else."

Matt elaborates on the intensity of steam rooms attached to gyms, sparking a humorous discussion between the two.

Radio Shack and Best Buy Insights

Theo reminisces about the decline in customer service at stores like Radio Shack and Best Buy:

• Theo [03:01]: "Radio Shack was... you almost just go there to get. Ask the guy a question, and you would leave."
• Matt [03:48]: "Last time I went to Best Buy, it was just two dudes struggling at a cash register..."

They discuss how the rise of the internet and competitors like Amazon have impacted traditional retail customer service.

---

2. Self-Defense and Jiu Jitsu

Debate on Self-Defense Methods

Theo and Matt delve into self-defense strategies, comparing martial arts to firearms:

• Theo [05:37]: "The Hitter bait and tackle tees. ... Or like Jiu Jitsu."

Preferred Superpowers

They humorously debate which superpowers would be more effective, with Jiu Jitsu emerging as a favored method:

• Theo [07:52]: "I would just tombolleg would be like, yeah, that was perfect."

---

3. Bathroom Humor and Hygiene

Discussions on Pooping Habits

A significant portion of the episode humorously explores bathroom habits and societal norms around pooping:

• Matt [10:45]: "It depends. If I'm really... I could sit there literally forever."

They contrast their own habits with general societal expectations, leading to light-hearted banter about the normality and awkwardness of bathroom routines.

Impact of Substances on Bathroom Behavior

The speakers discuss the effects of being "stoned" on bathroom experiences:

• Theo [13:12]: "Have you ever shit while you're really stoned? That's uncomfortable."

---

4. Pets and Substance Use

Effects of Substances on Dogs

Matt shares anecdotes about his pets and their experiences with substances:

• Matt [14:19]: "I have a blind dude that live with for a bit, and we would watch him watching hand porn."

They touch upon the unintentional consequences of pets ingesting substances like mushrooms and weed.

---

5. Parenting and Family Dynamics

Challenges of Marriage and Parenting

Theo opens up about his five-year marriage, the initial power struggles, and the dynamics of parenting:

• Theo [28:31]: "There's a five year anniversary milestone where you both try to establish who's who."

Children's Preferences and Parental Responses

They discuss how children can sometimes favor one parent over the other and the emotional impact it has:

• Matt [29:06]: "When they're really little, they don't want anything to do with the dad for the most part."

---

6. Political Discussions and Societal Observations

Reflections on Political Polarization

Theo and Matt engage in a deep conversation about the current state of American politics, political parties, and societal shifts:

• Matt [61:35]: "There's something else happening. It's going to keep morphing."

Influence of Media and Public Figures

They discuss the impact of media endorsements and public figures on political outcomes:

• Matt [84:16]: "Dana White made all that happen, dude."

Views on Inclusivity and Worldviews

The speakers explore Ken Wilber's theories on societal evolution and the complexities of modern inclusivity:

• Theo [67:11]: "Robust inclusivity has led to clashes between different worldviews."

---

7. Personal Growth and Coping Mechanisms

Handling Personal Blind Spots

Theo shares his journey of recognizing and addressing personal blind spots through open communication:

• Theo [31:05]: "You have to listen to feedback and maybe adjust a little bit."

Mental Health and Stress Management

Matt discusses his experiences with paranoia, anxiety, and coping strategies like AA meetings and yoga:

• Matt [82:19]: "I usually go to AA meetings. That helps."

---

8. Future Plans and Tour Information

Upcoming Tours and Performances

Theo provides details about his upcoming tour dates and encourages listeners to purchase tickets:

• Theo [27:08]: "We're coming to you live today from Austin, Texas at Media Pouch where we're taping..."

Podcast Evolution and Format Changes

They discuss upcoming episodes, guest appearances, and changes in the podcast format to include standing interviews for a different energy:

• Theo [122:27]: "I've got like, seven more weeks of episodes to record before it comes back."

---

9. Closing Remarks and Final Thoughts

Expressing Gratitude and Final Interactions

The episode concludes with mutual thanks and reflections on the conversation's breadth:

• Theo [123:56]: "Thank you man."
• Matt [123:59]: "Have a good one, too."

---

Notable Quotes with Timestamps

• Theo [03:01]: "Radio Shack was... you almost just go there to get. Ask the guy a question, and you would leave."

• Matt [05:37]: "The Hitter bait and tackle tees. ... Or like Jiu Jitsu."

• Theo [13:12]: "Have you ever shit while you're really stoned? That's uncomfortable."

• Theo [28:31]: "There's a five year anniversary milestone where you both try to establish who's who."

• Matt [61:35]: "There's something else happening. It's going to keep morphing."

• Theo [31:05]: "You have to listen to feedback and maybe adjust a little bit."

---

Insights and Conclusions

Throughout the episode, Theo Von and Matt McCusker offer an unfiltered look into their personal lives, showcasing vulnerabilities, humor, and thoughtful perspectives on broader societal issues. Their honest dialogue about relationships, mental health, and politics provides listeners with both entertainment and relatable content. The inclusion of personal anecdotes, coupled with deeper discussions, makes this episode a comprehensive exploration of human experiences and societal dynamics.

---

Note: This summary intentionally omits advertisements, intros, outros, and non-content sections to focus solely on the substantive discussions between Theo von and Matt McCusker.

Transcript

[A]

Hi, I'm Angie Hicks, co founder of angie. One thing I've learned is that you buy a house, but you make it a home. And for decades, Angie's helped millions of homeowners hire skilled pros for the projects that matter. Get all your jobs done.

[B]

Well, @angie.com we've got some spring tour dates that I got warm for you here right off the griddle. All these tickets you can get through the Ovon.com/to you are. This is still the Return of the Rat tour. And we will be coming to Toledo, Ohio, Pittsburgh, Eugene, Oregon, Kennewick, Washington, Seattle, Victoria, B.C. in the Canada, Belton, Texas, San Antonio, Hola, Durant, Oklahoma, Amarillo, Texas, Amarillo B, Oxford, Mississippi, Tuscaloosa, Alabama, Tallahassee, Florida and Rosemont, Illinois. You can get all your tick [e-mail] TOR and happy early holidays to everyone. Remember, don't buy through a secondary website. Go through our website so you're not getting those heightened ticket prices. And thank you so much for your support. And we do have new merch items back by popular demand. The Hitter Hunting club collection. We've also got the Hitter bait and tackle tees. Those are new, baby. If you like to rod and reel them, baby. Get all these and more. Theovonstore.com the only place to get our merch. We are coming to you live today from Austin, Texas at Media Pouch where we're taping. And we are grateful today to get to spend time with this fella. He is performing in New York City this week. You can get those tickets. And he is one half of the superhero squad Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast. He just reached 5 years of marriage and I'm happy to get to spend time today with Mr. Matt McCus. I went to a. I went to a steam room today.

[A]

Did you really? Yeah, Just steam. It wasn't anything else.

[B]

Yeah. Have you been in there? I've been in that.

[A]

Not. Is it like a. Just a steam room or like attached to a gym?

[B]

Oh, no, it's attached to the gym. It's like in the bathroom or whatever. There's like a room of. Yeah, it's intense.

[A]

It's intense. I thought you said you went to a specific place called the steam room. Like it was a new thing that's just. You walk in, it's just.

[B]

Oh, nuh.

[A]

Steamy as hell.

[B]

I wonder if there would ever. I wonder if that'd be a good business if you had like a. Another business that also at the same time was a steam room like that's.

[A]

What I'm saying.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Get your haircut and just sweat.

[B]

Yeah. Or like a Radio Shack, you know?

[A]

Oh, that'd be nice.

[B]

And they're, like, trying to look at batteries.

[A]

They could have stayed in business. Oh. If they just cranked up the steam.

[B]

Well, Radio Shack was. It was almost like where you almost just go there to get. Ask the guy a question, and you would leave. It became that place after a while.

[A]

It did. Once the Internet came out, you'd be like, yo, what kind of battery do I need for this? And you like, all right on. Get Amazon. And be like, right. Nice.

[B]

Yeah. You'd even buy it in front of them.

[A]

Yeah. That's what Best Buy kind of is, too.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And they don't know at Best Buy, like, what kind of camera do I. They're like, oh, I. They last couple times went to Best Buy to ask about, like, cords, and they're just like, I don't really know, man. I'm like, all right, dude, what the. What's the point of this place? Yeah, it's kind of.

[B]

Yeah. They don't know. And then they'll walk over to another guy. That's the craziest thing. Like, let me ask my. And there'll be, like, a co worker or whatever, and then they'll go over there, and then the people will just start laughing or the guy slipping out of joint, and then they'll just walk out of the place. You're like, it is so.

[A]

It's sad, man. Last time I went to Best Buy, it was just two dudes. One guy was struggling at a cash register. He didn't even have, like, the uniform on. And then two other guys were just talking, and it was like 10 minutes of people just watching this guy struggling. I was like, yo, you guys, can you guys come help? And they're like, yeah, man. I guess I walked over. I'm like, all right. Well, yeah, it's crazy.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Customer service dipped during COVID It's over now.

[B]

That's a great point. Huh? Yeah.

[A]

Well, we told them they were heroes.

[B]

Yeah, it's true. They. Yeah, they called them all frontline workers and stuff.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Yeah. And a lot of them were. A lot of them were not heroes. I don't. I mean, some of them were, I guess. I guess, actually, if you're doordash was the heroes, for sure.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Nurses, remember, they were crying and everything. They were scared.

[A]

They. Well, yeah, that actually did suck to be a nurse, because you were. They were in, like. They were in ground zero. Nobody knew really. What it was.

[B]

Right.

[A]

So being around it all the time would suck if you had to, like, hold your breath the whole time. So I wouldn't. I wouldn't try to breathe as like, you know, as least as possible.

[B]

Yeah. Oh, that's a good point. Yeah, you're. Yeah. You're just talking to somebody really fast like that. You're like, I gotta get. I gotta put his talking. I gotta get out of the room.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Yeah. That'd be nuts, man. Yeah. Dude. I wonder if there'd be a good steam, like, if you could double, you know, because I like double style businesses.

[A]

Like that for sure.

[B]

You know, like a shoe store, but also.

[A]

What shoe store? Barbershop. I'm keep using barbershop. That was. That would make sense. Yeah.

[B]

Wow.

[A]

They come bring a new pair of shoes, and you're like, dude, I might as well walk out of here with a fresh haircut and fresh shoes. Yeah, double businesses are a good idea. I didn't think about that.

[B]

Time for it.

[A]

It is.

[B]

It's time. Dog grooming and maybe sporting goods or whatever.

[A]

There you go. Or Jiu Jitsu.

[B]

Oh, yeah.

[A]

You just tussle a little bit while your dog's getting. Yeah. Do you do Jiu Jitsu?

[B]

I don't do it anymore, man. Did you.

[A]

Did it for a while?

[B]

Yeah. So I'll go back and do it once I'm done touring. I just kept getting hurt.

[A]

That's the problem with it. It's like, I did it for a while and it's just like. Yeah, your back gets up and you're like. Then at the end of it, too, it's like, I could just get a gun.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Like, you know, it's like you could just defend yourself.

[B]

Yeah. Yeah, you could. I mean, that's the new Jiu Jitsu. A gun. I guess.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

But it's like, I wonder, you know, sometimes I wonder like, if.

[A]

If.

[B]

I guess if I had a superpower, maybe it would be. I'd want to do Jiu Jitsu. I want to know every Jiu Jitsu.

[A]

Be nasty at it.

[B]

I mean, just gift wrap a dude.

[A]

True. It's a lot better, too, if you're at, like, a restaurant to like, choke a guy out in front of everyone and just, like, shoot him in the face.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

No one's going to be like, dude, nice. That was awesome.

[B]

Yeah. And it's messy. You got to clean up. You got to wait around.

[A]

Yeah. Just spray somebody's brains everywhere. People are going to be like, dude, that was kind of aggressive. That was Kind of aggro people like, God, God, Carl.

[B]

Yeah, bro. That'd be a good superpower, I think, to just know everything. It was just. It was in you.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

What would you have, you think if you had a superpower, you think fly? Really?

[A]

Yeah, I'd fly. It'd be awesome.

[B]

Would it, though? Think of how, dude, have you even stuck your head out of a window when you're going super fast?

[A]

Yeah, I'd be chill about it, dude. Imagine if I floated into this room and sat in the chair, dude, those things are tough, dude.

[B]

Are they?

[A]

I was struggling earlier. You gotta use your shirt. You gotta. I'm so happy I didn't do that.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

You gotta use your shirt. I. I was in there, dude, Struggling. Hold on, dude.

[B]

Stop, bro.

[A]

That water's not for weaklings, dude.

[B]

This thing's broken, huh?

[A]

It's crazy. I had to put it on my shirt and just wrench it.

[B]

God, that would be my superpower. I think we'll be able to get in. To get in here. No, I think my superpower. Hold on a second. I do need to take a second.

[A]

You got that? That's a dangerous thing. That's a dangerous angle to open water, dude.

[B]

Dude, that angle might have helped, bro. A lot of when you lock your hips in, dude, very arm bar.

[A]

True jiu jitsu.

[B]

But, yeah, my superpower, I think mine would be if you went into the bathroom not being able to know if somebody had pooped in there recently.

[A]

That would be nice. Be able to fight. It was like when, you know, when you take a dump, it doesn't smell if you had that for everybody.

[B]

But it's like the second you walk into a bathroom, you can tell if somebody's dumped recently. If somebody with perfume did dump.

[A]

Oh, you want to know if they dumped or not?

[B]

No, I don't want to not know.

[A]

I don't want to know anything.

[B]

So that'd be my superpower to not have. Not have. Because you can't trick your mind and not know, you know?

[A]

But the seat, if the seat's warm, you're going to be like, oh, that's the worst. And you sit down at, like, an airport bathroom and the seats, 98.6 degrees, and you're like, fuck, dude. Dude. Yeah, man.

[B]

Bro. And some people do dumps right onto. They won't even flush the toilet at an airport or whatever.

[A]

I know.

[B]

They'll do dumps right on the pee.

[A]

Oh, yeah. I actually, I've come around. I on planes now. No, you have to, because otherwise you're going to fart like a coward and stink the whole plane up. So now I do the valiant thing. I, like, walk by everyone. I sit down there for, like, 15 minutes, and they all know. They all know what I did.

[B]

Do you take a newspaper with me?

[A]

I will take my book. If I'm reading a book, I'll take a book with me and I'll just. I'm trying to get this. They gotta really just get rid of the stigma because it's like, dude, otherwise you're just gonna fart silently and just ruin the whole flight.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Which I also do sometimes. But it's like, I Now I'm like, no, this is. This is juvenile. I gotta go like a man. And on this plane.

[B]

I'll be back in a little bit.

[A]

Right next. From the stewardess. Yeah, I'll be back.

[B]

Do you tell. Yeah, that's crazy. If you tell the person next to you, like, I'll be back in a little bit. Hold my calls.

[A]

If you say that like, yo, man, I've been farting my ass off. I'm gonna go take a. Now, just so you know, I don't want to cause you any more grief, but. Yeah, dude, everyone thinks I'm crazy for on planes, but it' the righteous move.

[B]

Yeah. I never thought it. Like, I don't.

[A]

It's kind of liberating. It's liberating. Once you're like, I don't need to hold this. I got to get. This is totally normal, natural. Like, everyone has to take a. Right now.

[B]

What's crazy to me is talking to somebody and trying to guess if they have, like, poop in their body at that moment or not. It makes me so feel un. It's like, just tell me.

[A]

Yeah, true. You know, if somebody h. Are you, can you, like. I know some people who can't hold it in at all. I can hold it in. I can hold it in for, like, a disturbingly long period of time. But now I'm like, why would I do that?

[B]

Well, some people poop every day.

[A]

That's. To me, you don't poop every day.

[B]

No way.

[A]

You do multiple. I definitely once.

[B]

Multiple times.

[A]

Sometimes twice? Yeah, definitely once.

[B]

Oh, my gosh. Dude.

[A]

You don't poop every day.

[B]

Huh? Do you sleep outdoors on a farm? You poop multiple times? Sometimes when your owner gets home. That's crazy.

[A]

Definitely once, sometimes twice.

[B]

Oh, my God. How much do normal people. It's three times a day. Three times a week. That's what I do. Three times a week.

[A]

Okay. It's Three times a day. Two, three times a week. Wait, so how.

[B]

So we're both in, I guess, the range. I didn't know people were doing it. Multiple. That's crazy. Fucking. What are you doing? You're wasting how much of your life. How long does it take to even do a poop, on average?

[A]

It depends. If I'm really. If I'm, like, on my phone, I can. You know, I could sit there literally forever. But 12? I mean, come on, man.

[B]

12 seconds? On average, a bowel movement takes about 12 seconds.

[A]

That's. I'm going to. I'm going to show my wife that next time she's on the seat and be like, bro, you got 12 seconds. Hit the fuck back in there with these kids, dude. No shit breaks.

[B]

Oh, my God. So it's more of a rodeo than it is really. Like a relaxing thing, I guess. I. Who made it? Who made poops relaxing?

[A]

Someone hit him with the max. Maximum 10 to 15 minutes. 12 seconds is crazy. Dude, 12 seconds is crazy.

[B]

Who could even do 12 seconds? Oh, that guy. That. Who's that? Bull rider.

[A]

Damn. Look, they say it's relaxing because it stimulates the vagal nerve you got.

[B]

If you ride a bull, you could probably poop very fast. There you go. JB Money right there. JB Money. What. How they say it?

[A]

Mooney? I don't know. What's his deal? He's like the number one bull rider.

[B]

Yeah, he passed away, though.

[A]

Did he really?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

What'd he die from?

[B]

I'm not sure.

[A]

Yo, what's. Is he. Is he.

[B]

Oh, never mind. He's on Instagram. He's good.

[A]

Okay. He's not dead.

[B]

Yeah, my bad.

[A]

He was sitting on another cowboy's lap. If I'm not, I don't care at all. He's a bull rider. He'll do whatever he wants.

[B]

But look, after you've ridden a bull, I think being gay is easy.

[A]

True, true. That is true.

[B]

Yeah. After you've ridden a bull, being gay has got to be like, that's child for children, you know, a piece of cake.

[A]

That. That is true. Being gay after bull run, gay sex, just staying on the back of a dude. You couldn't get that guy off. He'd be trying to buck him off. You, he'd be no problem. God be spinning around on you. He'd be like, dude, get off.

[B]

Yeah, you've eaten funnel cakes.

[A]

He's just.

[B]

He's guessing your weight while you're. Step right up. That's crazy, though. So you were. Yeah, I. I Usually I will usually poop two, three times a week. Monday, Wednesday, Friday.

[A]

Usually you're. I was about to say your Monday, Wednesday, Friday. Yeah, I'm every day, bro. I'm every day weekend. If I miss for sure, that's when I really chill. But if it's like, yeah, it's your weekend, you're definitely. Dude. Oh my God. I look forward. It's such a. Like a relaxed. The one thing I will say. Have you ever shit while you're really stoned? That's uncomfortable. I've done that before. Like, I've taken like a strong weed edible, and you have to take a dump in the middle of it. And it's just like. It's the worst. I think it's the worst part of it.

[B]

Oh, that seems crazy.

[A]

It's very wretched. Yeah, you get like very much like kind of like, you know, you feel like an animal and you're like, what am I doing? Yeah, just taking a gross. And you're high. It's not good.

[B]

Yeah, that makes me sad.

[A]

Yeah, it is. It literally just makes you sad. You're like, hi. You think everything's cool. Then you take disgusting.

[B]

Well, imagine. Yeah. Say if you. Some people used to get their pets high or whatever, you know, and then watching your dog, like my buddy's. It would get his dog high, I guess I think this is when it was legal or something.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And he would get it high and then it would start to poop and it would fall over. It would just. It couldn't even.

[A]

It your legs up. Yeah. When dogs eat weed, it their legs up. They eat mushrooms. Their sharpest tacks.

[B]

Really?

[A]

Yeah. My inadvertently. My dog ate a little bit of mushrooms one time. No problem. Yeah.

[B]

Wow.

[A]

No, this is back in Philly. He ate a little bit of weed one time and he was. He couldn't walk.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I said to hold him and just, you know, we spent like. We just like watched a movie. I watched the movie and just held him.

[B]

Oh, that's cool.

[A]

Weed is not good for dogs. Mushrooms, I would argue.

[B]

Yeah. He was chilling and it would be great to see if dogs started using shrooms or whatever just to see how they kind of started to put new things together. That would be pretty fascinating, dude.

[A]

I. I will say he was kind of more well behaved. I. I could just be me. But he like never listened and he inadvert. It was like an accident. I had like. I made like put something in like a little tea bag and I threw it in the trash and just ate the tea bag.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I was like, oh. And he. I just let him outside, and he just zoomed around, went back in.

[B]

I was like, all right, that's pretty cool. How. How do dogs do on mushrooms? Can we bring that up? Actually, I can't believe this isn't a huge study or something we did.

[A]

They get into edibles all the time. That is, like, for real a problem.

[B]

Yeah. There's always that stone kid in your high school who use that laser, and.

[A]

He'S like, yeah, yeah. It's really. Once you're like, yeah, it's okay. That's toxic.

[B]

Funny doggy. Psychoactive shrooms.

[A]

There you go. This guy looks like he's struggling, dude. This guy looks like he's not having a good time.

[B]

Whoa, bro.

[A]

He might have done a heroic dose.

[B]

This little mixed fellas. Wow, bro. Dude, that's like your marriage, dude.

[A]

That's awesome, dude. Shortly after this, I rush him to the vet.

[B]

Oh, my God. What was cover was Roxy had found wild shrooms growing.

[A]

This guy's such a liar. No, they didn't.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

How the did the vet realize that? There he goes.

[B]

Wow, bro.

[A]

Oh, no.

[B]

Super attentive.

[A]

See, my dog was. My dog might have microdosed, though. So maybe it was just more kind of chilling, this person filming them.

[B]

It's so wicked.

[A]

She didn't seem afraid. She was afraid of Fact the opposite. She seemed to be enjoying the experience. All right. I mean, maybe so, but this kind of shows you.

[B]

If humans start, like, some people say that there's the stoned ape theory or whatever, you know, that if that humans ate. That apes ate mushrooms, and that's how we eventually evolved, you could start to see it with this dog.

[A]

Like, yeah, he's on. This dog is on to something.

[B]

Yeah, Yeah.

[A]

I. Dude, I. I think there is something to that, though. The stone Dave theory. I don't think it's that crazy, because our brain size, like, I don't know if it, like, doubled. It, like, grew very quickly out of nowhere.

[B]

Did it really?

[A]

Yeah. Back in, like, day, our brains were, like, small, and then out of nowhere, they were just.

[B]

And they fat, and then it.

[A]

They don't know why it happened, really. No idea. I guess they looked at, like, skull sizes and see it.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

Something happened where our brains just went nuts.

[B]

According to current understanding, the human brain roughly doubled in size over a period of around 2 million years.

[A]

There we go.

[B]

With the most rapid expansion happening between 800,000 and 200,000 years ago, marking a significant brain boom.

[A]

My thing, if dogs have been around forever, are their great Are their brains growing too, or like.

[B]

It's a great question. Have dogs brains evolved? Human brains have tripled in size since the beginning of the human family tree, which dates back around 7 million years ago. Wow. So our brains are getting bigger. See, this for me, ties straight into like believing. If you look at an alien, right, Your usual picture of an alien, it's this body that has no definition.

[A]

Yep.

[B]

Huge head.

[A]

Exactly.

[B]

It's like. That's all. Eventually that's what we'll turn into.

[A]

We are.

[B]

It's like this. You don't need to use any muscle. Everything's there. Just machine comes into your body through a tube. Leaves out. You don't have to poop three times a week or a day and on weekends.

[A]

They're probably. Probably pretty regular, though.

[B]

Aliens.

[A]

No, you definitely. That's like, what, you know, sloth shit. Like once a month.

[B]

No way.

[A]

Come down from the tree and they just shit every 30 days. Like an enormous pile of shit.

[B]

Must take an hour. Bring it up.

[A]

It takes a while. It's pretty funny. They come down real slow. Once a week. My bad, my bad.

[B]

So she's used to poop once a week now. That makes sense.

[A]

Daily. Women, sloths, daily. When they're in heat. I must be in heat then. That's why I'm dumping all the time. I'm so damn horny.

[B]

Because I wonder if there's a. If there's like. Yeah. I wonder if there's. If your body wants to have poop in it or doesn't. Probably doesn't.

[A]

Doesn't. Yeah. I would say not. I would say it doesn't. It's. I mean, it's. You feel so much better when you.

[B]

Don'T have it in you.

[A]

How does it feel? So the fact that you do that every couple days is that kind of like beating off where it feels great? Like if you hold it in for three days.

[B]

Well, it definitely feels more of like an organized crime, you know?

[A]

Really?

[B]

Yeah, it's like more. It's just not. You're not just fucking showing up. It's not like. It's like just spraying bullets in the air, you know, it feels like you just got that fucking John Wilkes poop, you know, you rolled up with one purpose.

[A]

So it's just like you'll bam.

[B]

Very organized, very Japanese, almost.

[A]

Really?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

You feel it coming. You're like, I knew this moment.

[B]

Yeah. It's like you paid extra for the rapping. It's like. It's just very. Feels like how it's supposed to happen. Not somebody. The second they get a bullet in the gun, they just not.

[A]

Like, as soon as you wake up every day. Yeah.

[B]

They just spray in at the neighbors.

[A]

I will say waking up in the middle of the night and having to shit is upsetting. Oh. Because then you're. You're in total darkness and then you have to like, turn on the light. Yeah, that's terrible.

[B]

And wouldn't make. Because all you have to do is go back to sleep. You do not have to.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Nothing in the world is saying, hey, poop now, save yourself some time or whatever. Like, you can just.

[A]

You're saying it's like a life act of shit. The middle.

[B]

That's what some people think, dude. It's like. They think it's a life hack. I'm like, what? It is not a life hack.

[A]

Well, I've tried to ignore it, but it's like, you know, you can ignore. You can like wake up and you're like, I kind of gotta pee. But you're like, I'm good. Then you wake up and like, your side hurts and you're like, oh. But if you try to hold in and dump and go to sleep, it's like, he's got to get out of bed.

[B]

Well, but the crazy thing is sometimes you'll get up. So then you'll see, you sit down, right? You sit down and then the problem is you start to doze off. Right? That's your worst.

[A]

That's how Elvis died.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Yeah, he just dozed off while. And he died.

[B]

Well, dozing off.

[A]

Yeah, he overdosed. It's dangerous when you. While you're sleepy. Damn Elvis.

[B]

So tired. He ain't coming back.

[A]

Yeah, it is. It just sucks. You like, especially when you turn the lights on from pitch blackness. You just like. You see like the veins in your thighs and you're just very. Yeah, it's disgusting.

[B]

It's very sad. And then here's the worst thing that can happen to you. You know, there's a video of a guy like his house caught on fire or something. He was on the. He was on the toilet. And then his. But his leg. But his legs had fallen asleep. And so then he tries to run out and he can't.

[A]

No.

[B]

Yeah, just.

[A]

You serious?

[B]

That, that happens a lot. If you're sitting there for a long time, your legs will fall asleep.

[A]

Yeah, that. That is a problem. Yeah, I've really. I got a nasty hemorrhoid one time. I'm sorry, the subject matter.

[B]

Yeah, we never. Yeah, we. We don't talk about this Kind of stuff much. So I think it's okay.

[A]

We should talk about it more because.

[B]

People should be okay talking about it's not crazy.

[A]

Yeah, it happens all the time. This is actually important. I thought you could just sit on the toilet forever and just like scroll your phone and kind of like hide from your family. But I got a hemorrhoid and dude that I looked it up and like if you sit there for too long. Because I like to read and stuff on the toilet now. That's why I'm all business. I'm in and out because like, dude, those things suck.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

And they come from sitting there too long.

[B]

Well, yeah, your body, it's crazy because your body literally wants to get out of your ass, which is like, it's. It's like you would think your body's happy like the insides of you, but.

[A]

They'Re like, nah, no, dude, it's non stop come.

[B]

They're just peeking around the corner.

[A]

Yeah. Your body never gets a break. You sleep, thank God. But your cells are still moving. They brain, you know, it never gets a true rest.

[B]

That's true, man.

[A]

It's kind of.

[B]

Yeah, man, I. I couldn't believe. Yeah, I guess I just, I. I guess I just. I can't believe how much some people do because to me pooping feels like you have to earn it.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

You know, if you're just. If somebody just, you know. Yeah, I'll go or whatever. I got some time to kill. Like crazy to me, dude.

[A]

That is true. You gotta wait till. Are you there?

[B]

You know?

[A]

No, you're absolutely right.

[B]

Franz Ferdinand or whatever you like the Prince of Royals or whatever. Like what are you even.

[A]

I used to be able to pee. I think I can still do it. I can pee at any time. I can make myself pee at any point. Any point. I can get pee out. It's weird.

[B]

So somebody runs up, gun to the head, pee now.

[A]

Dude, I literally, I. So when I was little, I was like down the beach with like my cousins and stuff and we were like out of bed. We were like real little. We're around. We're supposed to be in bed. We were just running around and my uncle came down. He's like, I told you guys go to bed. And I was like, oh, I gotta pee. And I didn't have to pee. He's like, prove it. And he made me and my cousin and I was just like, we'll see. And I just peed. And ever since I just known how to do it, my. It was like my, you know, that's your superpower. It is my superpower. I can pee at any time.

[B]

That's awesome.

[A]

And my. It was like, dude, Michael was like, go. It was like a fucking. Like a probation officers, like, go ahead and pee. And I had to, like, put my back to him, and I was like, come on, come on, come on. I was pumped, dude.

[B]

I would always get nervous in the locker room or whatever that my penis wasn't good or whatever.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And because my brother also was an asshole, he took a marker and write, like, not good next to my penis. And I was like, what an asshole. So I was always, like, super paranoid, you know? But I would always, like, try to, like, shake it against my leg to get it fired up and turn around in the locker room or whatever, you know?

[A]

Yeah, no, let's do. That's. That's a real thing, though. If you had a rest stop, I don't know why, but when you're peeing, you can kind of, like, peripherally see other dicks, like, like, just at, like, the very corners of your eye, and they always look just enormous every single time. I don't know if you've ever encountered that.

[B]

Yeah, I don't have. I don't. I don't get that.

[A]

I got a crazy peripheral.

[B]

Really?

[A]

And I'm just tormented, dude. I'm peeing. I'm like, my God.

[B]

Just hogs everywhere, huh?

[A]

Hog.

[B]

It's just Wild Hogs, Razorback fans.

[A]

It's just Wild Hogs.

[B]

Like, Bill Clinton just.

[A]

I just always pull my balls up, too, at a urinal, just so if anyone catches me, they're like, yo.

[B]

Well, it should be where if you squeeze your balls, that stuff goes into your wiener and makes it bigger. That's what God should have done.

[A]

That would be good design. Absolutely.

[B]

Yeah. Or make your balls squ. Like, I always wanted to stack my balls. I always wish that they were squared or whatever.

[A]

I agree.

[B]

When you mean business, you're like, all right.

[A]

Stacking them up would be nice. Yeah, just roll them.

[B]

Daddy's stacking in his sack right now. So he's about to get an ass whooping, and then I'm gonna go this weekend.

[A]

Stack nuts would be these. That'd be nice. He's stacking your nuts to take a over. Uncle's like, pee right now. You're like. Or check this out. Like, damn, you stacked your nuts. You can come drink a beer with me, dude.

[B]

As an architect, didn't he. God. Wow. You know, I've been dealing with it a lot. I'll say it, it's dehydration. You know, my arms are just. Whether I've been flying or you go to work out and then you're on the go and next thing you know you're, you're feeling chapped or you're just feeling like your body's just made out of just dang this baby paper. And it's tough to deal with. That's dehydration. And what I use to help me is Liquid iv. It's simple. You just crack open a packet of Liquid iv, pour it right into a bottle of water, put the cap back on, shake it up baby. And dang, daddy's quenched. That's how I do it. One stick plus 16 ounces of water hydrates better than water alone. And you can feel it when you're drinking it. It feels thick. It feels just, just, just luscious. It feels good when it's going in. You stay hydrated through the holidays with Liquid IV. Get 20% off your first order of Liquid IV when you go to liquid I.com and use code THEO at checkout. That's 20% off your first order when you shop. Better hydration today using promo code Theo at Liquid I Com. You know, a lot has changed with our merchandise store online over the past year. You know, we've tried new products and different things and, and if you are familiar with e commerce or have an e commerce business of your own, I'm sure you know how things can change and sometimes you have to scale. Well, Ship Station has helped us. That's the truth. Ship Station helps you achieve exceptional shipping efficiency with a robust all in one order fulfillment system that integrates with over 180 of the most popular e commerce platforms, marketplaces and carriers. That's right. We started out shipping out of a basement. A buddy of mine, Kevin and his brother and he was on the, he was on the bottle a bit but they, they would ship the shirts and then things evolved and Ship Station really came to the rescue. Scale your E commerce business with the shipping software that delivers. Switch to Ship Station Today, go to shipstation.com and use code Theo to sign up for your free 60 day trial. That means throughout the holidays you can try it out. That's shipstation. S H I P S T A t I o n.com code theo. Happy anniversary, dude.

[A]

Thank you man.

[B]

You just had a five year anniversary.

[A]

Yeah. Yeah. Thank you.

[B]

Did you guys do something special for it or how does that kind of work? Do you feel like you have to.

[A]

No, I, I don't but, you know, I. I'm not really, like, the. I'm not big on milestones and stuff. You know, Obviously, we, like, we did something. I don't know what we did. I think we went to dinner. But, no, we didn't really do anything that crazy. 10. 10. Maybe we'll do something cool. But especially with little kids, it's like, you can't really do. We can't go on, like, a trip. I mean, we could, but it's like. It's just a pain in the ass. You're gone.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

They're freaking out, so. Yeah, we just chilled, man. You know, we're just. Five years trying to do five more, you know?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

That's all it is.

[B]

Does it feel. Did it feel kind of exciting? Did you have a moment for yourself? We were like, wow, it's pretty cool, or.

[A]

Well, to be fair, I originally, I thought we had been together for 10 years total. So I originally was like, together 10 years, married for five, and she's like, dude, we've been together for nine years. I was like, right on. Right on.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

So I was kind of stoked. I was like, damn, it's like the longest relationship I've ever been in.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I was like, that's kind of sick.

[B]

And you tell me that. Yeah, it's cool. Yeah. Five years of marriage is very. That's a big deal now.

[A]

Oh, yeah. There's a five. They claim that the true power struggle lasts for five. The first five years are a giant power struggle where you both try to, like, you know, who's. Who gets to say this? Who gets. Like. There's a million little things you have to, like, hammer out agreements on. Like, how full. Like, it might be in silly, but it's like, how full should the trash get? Should you put this stuff away? You know, there's just a bunch of stuff. For sure.

[B]

I can only imagine that.

[A]

And you have a power struggle who gets to say what? And, you know, so it's like. I think it's. I think it's kind of real because it has subsided a lot in terms of, like, just bickering over stupid.

[B]

Do you look forward to seeing your wife when you get home and stuff?

[A]

I do. I look forward. I look forward to seeing her, the kid, especially if they go away. Yeah, dude, there's a. There's a post that's. We were.

[B]

That's you.

[A]

Yeah, bro. That's when I was. I was a bad boy back then.

[B]

Oh, my God.

[A]

That's. That was us now.

[B]

There you go.

[A]

Look at that.

[B]

Dude, that's cool.

[A]

But, yeah, the kids. The kids are the big ones, man. They run and give you a big hug, but it's like. It's just nice to have, like, the central unit every day to go back to.

[B]

Is there ever moments where the kids favor one or the other and that hurts your feelings?

[A]

All the time. Oh, bro. All the time. See it all the time.

[B]

That would break my heart.

[A]

They. When they're really little, they don't want anything to do with the dad for the most part, which is like, all right, I could deal with that. And now they're like, they're rolling with me. But they'll go back and forth between, like, who they want to put them to bed. And honestly, though, when they're like, we want mommy to put us to bed, I'm like, right. You know, I'm like, whatever.

[B]

Right.

[A]

But I could. They would do that. They would. Like. They were all about me for a while, and I could see it would, like, hurt my wife's feelings a lot.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

But then they always switch back. Eventually they'll be like, fuck you. We want Mom. And it's like, if one of us are away, they want the other one.

[B]

Yeah. It's like the portal in the football or whatever.

[A]

The what?

[B]

They're like, I'm hitting the portal. I'm going to mom.

[A]

Yeah. Yeah. For real.

[B]

But she's got nil lunchables over here.

[A]

As long as you're together, I think it's, you know, it's cool. But, like, the separating, man, that's such a nightmare to navigate, it seems like. Because then it's like you have two different houses, you know, And I. I know myself. I'd make my house more fun than hers. So you start doing that, and it's.

[B]

Just like, yeah, I'm getting big speakers.

[A]

And it'd be so nasty, dude. But it's also like. Yeah, it's. It's just hard.

[B]

Like.

[A]

Yeah, I think. What is it, like, 40? I think divorce is actually going down, but it's still, like, 45 of marriages get divorced.

[B]

That's crazy. What is it? Yeah, I want. Do you have a key? You feel like. Let me see. In the United States, the percentage of marriages that end in divorce varies by the number of times a couple has been married. Interesting.

[A]

I'm. This is my second, too, so I'm. I'm not. The odds are not in my favor.

[B]

Wow. So first marriage is. 41% of first marriages end in divorce. Second marriage is 60%. Third marriage is 73%.

[A]

Yeah. Fourth marriage is just a man. Yeah, fourth marriage is 100 of the time. And divorce. Yeah, the. Yeah, man. It's, you know, what were you asking if there's any, Are there any like, secrets?

[B]

Do you have a secret? Like, do you have something that you feel like you've kind of honestly learned or like you've been like, this, this helps. Or this is something that I had to adjust about myself or anything like that?

[A]

Yeah, for me it's like, I can only speak for myself, but it's like. And I think you could say to other people, but it's like you as a person, you have massive blind spots as like the stuff you do that's like, not great. And it takes a lot when you get input on those things. It's so easy to be like, you shut up, you don't know what you're talking about. But over time it can almost like give you insight into aspects of yourself that you're like, yeah, I could probably change this a little bit. Or even in like the heat of arguments, I'll hear something she'll say, and in my head I'll. Before I even have time, I'll be like, that, that's. Then there'll be a part of my brain where like, that's kind of valid. But I'll be like this, I'm not losing this argument. So you start to like, get better at like being like, you're right, that was up of me. And then also like, you have to be like, but this is something, you know. So it's just like learning how to communicate. And in order to communicate, you got to take in a lot of like, kind of bad stuff about yourself without like completely just getting floored to level 10, which you don't even realize is happening. Right, that makes sense.

[B]

Well, I guess you have somebody that you. I guess you were like, okay, I trust my spouse, I care about them, so I'm going to listen to some of their feedback.

[A]

Yeah. And like, it's one of those. Especially if you're, if you're like simultaneously bothering each other. You're programmed to be like, the thing you're doing is worse than the thing you think I'm doing. And you have to like take perspective and be like, all right, that's valid. And it just like, it literally feels like you're moving like an 800 pound stone to just be like, all right, maybe that is something annoying. I do. Maybe that is a personal weakness of my. It's just hard. But you learn how to do. I think it helps in the long run. Yeah, but, you know, it's just like, dude, there's just so many facets to it. Because then you have kids and it's like, well, who gets to dictate, like, the philosophy of the house and the flow of thing? It's just a lot, dude. It's just.

[B]

Yeah. Do you have to have conversations, like, about that kind of stuff all the time?

[A]

You have to talk about that kind of stuff all the time. And it's like, like, how do we.

[B]

How should we parent?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Wow, that's cool, though.

[A]

But then you can't do it in front of the kids. But then you're you as it's going on.

[B]

Right.

[A]

Every cell in your body is like, say it now. And you have to sit there and wait. And then like, there's never good times any there. It's nighttime. It's like right before bed, like, something that actually bothered me today. It's like, that's not a good time. You can't do it first thing in the morning.

[B]

And you can't do that thing where you're just in the room but being loud, but being quiet. You ever do that? Oh, yeah.

[A]

Yeah, I'll do. I'm the king of that.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I'll lay down and be like, what's the matter? Like, nothing. Just wait for three days and make actually what was bothering me the other night.

[B]

Even just picking your skin off in the garage and drinking PBRs back there. God, dude. Yeah, that's so wild. Being loud but being quiet is the craziest behavior.

[A]

Oh, it's insane in the world. If I see someone else do it, I'm like, what are you, crazy? But I'll definitely be like. And sometimes you don't even realize you're doing it. I'll get into bed and just be like. I'll hear her like, what's the matter? I'm like, why? She's like, you just side heavily. And I'm like, did I realize I did that? So, yeah, it's. It's good. You know what I mean? It's. It's one of those things you don't know because it's like. It's like. You hear, like, what you call it, like, in it. It's not a slam on Matt R. He had that special red flags. And it's not like that taps into a big thing of, like, online dating. All the stuff where it's like, if anyone exhibits any sign of weakness, that's a red flag. Abandoned ship immediately. But everybody has them. And eventually, you got. And again, I'm not slamming the rife, man, for. That was just. He's tapping into, like. No, that's just popular consciousness of young online daters.

[B]

Totally.

[A]

But it's like this, like, red flag philosophy is like, everybody has red flags. Exactly.

[B]

So what are you going to do now? You're just. Everybody's like, everybody.

[A]

Yeah. Not everybody's dope as hell, dude. Everyone's got major issues going on.

[B]

You think everybody. Spuds, McKenzie or whatever.

[A]

Yeah, dude.

[B]

It's like out of your mind.

[A]

So that's. That's the thing where it's like, you have to, like. You know, and I. I think couples counseling is a great thing. A lot of people are like, it's a waste of time if you got to do that. It's already over. And it's like. I think it's great. Oh, he's in. It enters a. It's the best thing when you're arguing. It's like, I'm the boss. I'm the boss. And you just clash. You give the authority to another figure. And then it's like, when you do couples counseling, if your wife's right, it gets to, like, kind of. Instead of, like, hitting you like a laser beam, it goes to that person. They kind of can relay. It's like the. I don't know how to explain it, but it's like every now and again, another person with, you know, with, like, degrees and will be like, actually, your husband's right about this.

[B]

And you're just like, it's like using Starlink, kind of.

[A]

It kind of is. Yeah. You get to. It just. I think it's great for people.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And it's like, it just helps because it's like, you don't want to hear it from the other person. You know what I mean? Like, if, like, my wife's telling me something, I'm like, I don't want to hear this. If she tells him, then he tells me. I'm like, that is actually a fantastic point.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And I'm not trying to be a dick. It just.

[B]

No, bro, it's got. I mean, people have to. How do you bridge a topic? Say there's something you want to talk to your wife about. How do you kind of do it, dude?

[A]

So I've learned before, I would just boil quietly and then, like, explode. Now, what I do, I always like violent Irish.

[B]

Like the Irish hello.

[A]

Exactly. Exactly. Yeah, exactly. Another thing.

[B]

But what I do now, freckles are flying across.

[A]

They're just bouncing off each other. Yeah, the. Well, the problem is it's like, all right, here I have a piece of information. If I relate to this person, they're going to have a big emotional reaction that's going to get me all upset, so I'll just keep it to myself. And so eventually what I learned to do is be like, I got to tell you something. Then this is actually going. This could potentially get you upset. So like that way they're not caught off guard. They're like, that catches them. And they're like, all right, they have time to prepare themselves.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And then you hit them with the information rather than just being like, yeah, that really fucking bothered me the, like three days ago. And that, you know, they're just like, what the fuck is this? So you have to like, for me, it's like I have to preface the fact that I'm about to bring up something that could be potentially upsetting.

[B]

That's kind of a good way to do it, dude.

[A]

It works so much. It works so much because then they're.

[B]

Not, then they're also not thinking that you also wanted to catch me off guard. So that's two things you're doing. Yeah. You're telling something that's going to upset them and then you're also surprising them.

[A]

Exactly. And with this you're like, I don't know, it shows you care to be like, hey, yeah, I don't want to upset you, but I have no other choice and relay this information to you. So prepare yourself. Now here's the information. It thousand percent of the time or it works like a thousand percent better every time because it sucks.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

You gotta share stuff constantly back and forth. That's just like, not great. And that's why I think it is long term. It's good to be in long term relationships. I, I think. But it's like, everyone's different. That's the other thing.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

So could be, you know, maybe some people might not be the thing.

[B]

So, yes, it's, it's, it's tough to figure out. I mean, I don't know anything.

[A]

The question then is like, how much flak do you take? Like how much stress do you take before you're supposed to call it quits? There's no real answer on that.

[B]

Right. Like, yeah, where do they.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

How does that go? Yeah, I'm watching some friends and stuff go through divorces and it's really challenging. But then I'm also watching friends stay together who are trying to just battle it and figure it out because that's what they want the story of their life to be. You know, I think that could be.

[A]

Terrible too, because that can get to the place where you just. I've been in houses where it's like the parents fucking hate each other. They don't talk to each other. That's. Could be even worse, honestly.

[B]

Yeah, dude. We had a dude on our street when I was growing up. He tried to burn his family down, like, three times, and his wife stayed with him. Every time I was like, what are you guys doing? Like, that's for real. Yeah. Like, you are a dumb lady. Yeah, he was. And everybody knew, you know, everybody knew how much he didn't like her.

[A]

You know, I would say. I would say just try to cook the house.

[B]

Yeah. Just a dude. But animals, you know, people. People are animals. You know, raccoons will eat their young just so another. So they'll go into heat. So another raccoon will come and have sex with them again.

[A]

What?

[B]

That's crazy behavior.

[A]

They'll eat their babies, get piped down.

[B]

Yeah, I'm saying what city this is happening in, but.

[A]

Yes, dude, so they'll. For real. That's crazy. Because. What, just munching your baby puts you in heat?

[B]

Yep. Male raccoons, also known as boars, can kill a baby raccoon, A practice called infection fanticide. This can happen for a number of reasons, including sexual dominance.

[A]

Oh, they'll. Oh, they'll kill. Okay, so the mom won't wait. The mom won't eat it. The dad raccoon will kill the baby so the mom can't come up with.

[B]

Any excuses not to want to make love.

[A]

Yeah, I be like, I'm tired. Like, oh, you think you're just gobble the babies and be like, we're now.

[B]

Wow.

[A]

I know you love this, you nasty.

[B]

I'm turning this living room into a soup plantation right now. That's bogger.

[A]

Damn. They're like romantic novels. Must be crazy, too. Just a cover of a jacked raccoon with a baby in his mouth.

[B]

That raccoon that plays dead, and he put that broomstick over him to make it look like it hit him. You have find that video, bro. Unbelievable. That's cra.

[A]

I didn't know that, though.

[B]

This is the craziest thing I've ever seen in my life. They're so.

[A]

Raccoons are rad, dude. I love raccoons.

[B]

They're very un. Yeah, they're like mafia squirrels, dude. They are serious about.

[A]

Yeah, dude, they're bear family, which is crazy.

[B]

Yeah. Keep Looking forward. And find it if you can. For me. It's a video.

[A]

Yeah, that sounds awesome.

[B]

What else been happening, man? How's things been?

[A]

I got this aura ring, so I've been tracking my biometric data. That's been kind of fun.

[B]

Nuh. Yeah.

[A]

Dust, stress, to sleep. It's pretty. It's pretty cool.

[B]

What? Yeah. I've never even seen that. You take it off or you can't take it off?

[A]

Yeah, take it. Check it out.

[B]

So it's just a ring and it brings up the information.

[A]

So it tracks your sleep, it tracks your stress. Oh, here we go.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Dude.

[B]

Great. Look at this. The, this is a couple minutes long maybe. Let's see.

[A]

What is that thing? Yo, that's a good guy. Dude. It's a flying squirrel.

[B]

Dude.

[A]

That's nuts.

[B]

Wow.

[A]

Wish this would have happened.

[B]

This is somebody. You mean on Craigslist?

[A]

For sure. Dude.

[B]

We got the guy from Craigslist coming on what Craig?

[A]

Do you really?

[B]

Yeah, next week.

[A]

What the hell?

[B]

Pretty excited about that. Dude.

[A]

You know how many blow jobs that guy's responsible for? Yeah, like for real millions.

[B]

That's crazy free. There's got to be a ton of kids out there that happen because of him.

[A]

Probably too.

[B]

Yeah, true.

[A]

I didn't think about that, bro.

[B]

I met a woman once. She. We met at a bar. Right? Met her off of Personal Encounters or whatever. Met her at a bar, figured it. I didn't. You know, I figured that if she wouldn't be. Who know, I figured she might be a man or whatever. But hopefully she wasn't nice. That was kind of my attitude. And then I go there, bro. Smoking hot.

[A]

What?

[B]

I'm like, you got to be kidding me. This lady is going to kill me or whatever. Drink my blood or whatever.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

So goes back to my place. She covered anything in my place that had any light. Closed all. Covered the VCR thing like every in no light at all.

[A]

I do that, by the way.

[B]

You do?

[A]

I don't like lights when I'm sleeping. I, I, I would put like.

[B]

No. For sex. She did it.

[A]

Oh, she did it for. Oh, she didn't want the cam. Probably.

[B]

You think I'm just going to invite somebody just to sleep in place?

[A]

You got to get to know her, dude.

[B]

You think I'm gonna bro. Meeting somebody and then letting them sleep at your house really is a crazy practice now. Dude.

[A]

It was casual encounters, dude.

[B]

That's true. That's pretty casual. You're right.

[A]

You're right.

[B]

Trying to make him more than it is.

[A]

True. So she covered every source of light and then had sex with you.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

What did you think about that?

[B]

I don't know. It was. I was willing to do it. I knew that, but I didn't know much else after. I just knew it was very interesting. I couldn't tell if she didn't want to see me, if she was scared. Yeah. Maybe she was nervous that there was a camera.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

What's.

[A]

What's the. If you don't mind asking, what's that? Craigslist.

[B]

Like, I don't remember it that good, really. But it was pretty. It was fine. I guess it was, you know, it was, you know, norm. You know, pretty.

[A]

Yeah. Yeah.

[B]

Not. Yeah, like normal, but a normal woman.

[A]

I'm glad that worked out for you. Every time. I've. I've sold a lot of things on Craigslist, just like I've sold cars on Craigslist. I've bought, like. I think I bought, like, a Game Boy advance for my sister on here for Christmas. Do you ever meet anyone to, like, buy or sell anything?

[B]

No. People are. Get attacked. A buddy of mine was buying some walkie talkies or trying to sell some walkie talkie, and he got jumped.

[A]

Did he really?

[B]

Yeah, dude.

[A]

Everyone I've met from Craigslist, I just assume they die, like, 10 minutes after we meet. They always. They, like, seem like they're on their last leg. Every time I sell someone, I'm like, that guy's definitely dead. As soon as I, like, he would buy, like, a car, I'm like, well, that guy's gone. Yeah, that guy had a heart attack in the car, dude.

[B]

One time on Craigslist, we were like. We had a fireplace. I remember the first time I'd ever had a fireplace. So I was like, we got to use this. Me and my friend were sharing a living room. Dude. It's my buddy's apartment. Apartment. So we had, like, put beds in the living room, and we had a fireplace, and they're like, let's make it nice.

[A]

That's pretty cool. Yeah.

[B]

What's really exciting, did you ever tell.

[A]

People that it was your spot, but your boy was just crashing?

[B]

Yeah, I'd say he's in from the army.

[A]

Me and my friend shared a bedroom in college. Same thing. I like. I'm like, my buddy crashing that top bunk, man. Feel bad for the guy.

[B]

That's what I want to say. He's on lead from the army, and we had. We even had a fake army bag that was just stuffed with sheets, and we put it by the Extra bed to make it look legit.

[A]

That's awesome.

[B]

But we. So one day we're like, well, we have. We need firewood. Right. So that's what you have to have. So we find. We look on the thing. Free firewood, right. Or something. And it's like 13 miles away. We just moved to LA. Took us an hour and 30 minutes to go get it. It was out like Diamond Bar. And we drive all the way out there and it's just like somebody had like literally taken like a big chiff a robe or something and just batted it together with a bat, beating the out with an ax. And so it's chipped up wood, right? So it's. We have. We put it into my buddy's hatchback. Just fill this thing with chips of wood, bring it all the way back. Dude, we burned all that wood in like 12 years.

[A]

Kindling. Yeah.

[B]

It took an entire day.

[A]

And that sucks.

[B]

Oh, LA was so hard in the beginning, man. We bought a refrigerator off Craigslist. Yeah, we get it home. This was on my birthday. And it wouldn't go in the. We were literally running against it and trying to push it in, dude. I remember leaning against it and just fucking crying, dude.

[A]

I. I had to move myself one time and I was trying to get a box spring up to the second floor of the bedroom and. Same thing, it wouldn't fit. And it was. I dropped it, let it fall and just cried on the same. It's so frustrating, dude.

[B]

Lest we forget, dude.

[A]

Just moving and not being able to fit something. It's like. I'm like, where am I gonna get another box spring from? Yeah, I just am pissed off. I'm carrying this thing by myself and it's just. You just go clump.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

You're like, dude, fuck.

[B]

And life just wins and you just can't do it anymore.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

God.

[A]

I never got a box spring either. That was just it. I just put a mattress down. I was like, thought I could have a box spring, be a normal guy. Yeah, that sucks, dude.

[B]

My buddy, I used to sleep under his bed for a while and he would have girls come over and they'd always go to the restroom or something before they were going to make out. And he'd come in there, he'd wake me up and he'd be like, don't anybody wake me up and tell me to. Don't wake up. Right.

[A]

I'll be jacking off clothes.

[B]

That's crazy. Like, I wasn't gonna wake up. I was being asleep. Yeah, he's like, dude, don't wake up. I got a chick over.

[A]

All right, so you were just like vampire dead asleep?

[B]

Yeah, the 150 bucks a month, dude, that's not bad. That was a great deal, man.

[A]

Were you like for real under the bed like a. Like a monster or was it like a loft kind of thing? Were you like. How, how much space did you have? Like a monster. How much space did you have?

[B]

Put my hand just creeks up the itch.

[A]

Was it like the loft style setup and you were just kind of.

[B]

No, but it was a nice bed. Pretty high bed.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

So yeah, I had probably, I would say 20 inches under there.

[A]

Not bad. Did you get scared when you woke up?

[B]

Yeah, probably 19 inches a couple times. You start to. You, you start to adapt.

[A]

That makes sense because I only have one experience. I slept at my cousin's house one time when I was little and I slept on the floor. But I like would move around while sleeping. I ended up with like half of my body under his bed and I freaked out when I woke up. So I didn't know where the. I was looked up and I was like, what the fuck? Yeah, scary. But that must have been sick to be laying under someone having sex like that.

[B]

Yeah, well, it was. And I think Loki, he did it because he was trying to make sure I knew he was hooking up with chicks. You know, he always like. He always like did that but should.

[A]

Have gave him a little just so he would know. Just from the bottom, just push a.

[B]

Little with my legs.

[A]

Give a little boost. Yeah, get a little his leg. Press him like a quarter inch deeper. That would have been. That would have been righteous as hell.

[B]

That would have been cool.

[A]

Should have been like holy. It's a strength of two men. She would have loved it.

[B]

Oh dude. Anybody that has sex for more than probably six or seven minutes is out of their mind.

[A]

Dude. It's ridiculous, man.

[B]

Thank you. I praying about this. I'm like even to say it. I felt afraid to say it.

[A]

No, we. I used to live being me and Britney live below a couple and the guy would just for like 40 minutes and it would just never ending. We'd be like dude, come on man, this isn't even sexy anymore.

[B]

It.

[A]

It was just like dude, what are you doing?

[B]

Yeah, it's all. Yeah, it's like what are you doing?

[A]

What is go. Yeah dude, just go do anything else. Yeah, I agree. I. It's. I mean if you really getting after it. 12 minutes. Top 12 minutes is crazy.

[B]

Yeah. On a par. Like on a six Perfect. Yeah.

[A]

Yeah. One, two is, like, understandable. Yeah, it happens.

[B]

You have to. Definitely. Yeah. I would get so nervous sometimes. I would get off. I was like, what was that? I'd run out of there just like, you know. Oh, you hear that or something? I'd run out of the room or something.

[A]

Wait, what do you mean?

[B]

Like, if I would get, you know, ejaculate early or whatever.

[A]

Oh, true. Yeah.

[B]

What the was that?

[A]

Do you feel that earthquake?

[B]

What the was that?

[A]

And I just run out of room.

[B]

Come back, like, 10 minutes later with my clothes on. Just not even anything.

[A]

Although I feel like women secretly. I mean, not even secretly, they'd much prefer that than, like, if you just couldn't finish. It devastates women if you can't finish, dude. They. You know, people, like, say guys are bad being like, well, folks, you didn't come. But, like, a dude. If a dude doesn't come ever, like, women. Women will implode.

[B]

But that's. I think the new move is not, like, just coming for. Just, like, just party coming or whatever. Like, people are just coming for fun. I think that's kind of. Those days are over.

[A]

Yeah. I mean. You mean, like, personally or just kind of like.

[B]

I think for me. Yeah. It's like I. It's like I want to just. I want to be the guy that kind of, you know, ejaculates, like, with a purpose or whatever.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Is that crazy? What the am I talking about, dude? No, that's. That's insane. What am I. I think I'm Steven. No, I have the ejaculations, dude.

[A]

I have the same fantasy, though, where I'm like, I'm gonna really, like, dial it in and, you know.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I'll be, like, tired before bed, and it's like, I want to beat off even though I'm not horny. That's where I'm at. Oh, you're not even. You don't even want to, but you're, like, sick.

[B]

I mean, that's abuse. Really.

[A]

It is.

[B]

And it feels like abuse.

[A]

Yeah. You finish, and you're like, I didn't need to do that. That was. It's crazy.

[B]

Yeah. You feel so much shame. I feel a ton of shame. Happens for me from watching porno and watching myself jerk myself off.

[A]

Watch yourself. Yeah. True.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Yeah. I mean, it's jerk. I don't mind jerking off. It's pornography for some reason. Like, when it's over and I'm still watching and I'm just like, if I can do, like, a memory, beat those I feel pretty guilt free. Just crank went out in the shower. Just kind of.

[B]

Dude, I had a blind dude that live with for a bit, and we would. I saw him watching hand porn or whatever it's called.

[A]

No, reading, like, Braille erotica.

[B]

Craziest thing ever, man. Really beautiful. Really? I mean, gay.

[A]

I don't know.

[B]

I mean, like. Yeah, I. I mean, it wasn't gay. It was like, you know, but it was pretty cool. It was like trying to think, what movie.

[A]

Braille's just shaped like boobs and you're just going, oh, dude.

[B]

Well, it was getting pretty crazy, you know? It's crazy, but it's just interesting to see, you know? It's almost like watching the nature channel.

[A]

Yeah, that's kind of not. Oh, there you go.

[B]

The Braille Superstore Romance.

[A]

Dude, I want to learn Braille just so I can do this. Oh, yeah, the Love Hypothesis. Damn. Their titles are very, like, poetic. It ends with us. It starts with us.

[B]

Turn around and let me see that sexy body go boom. That's stupid.

[A]

No, that's pretty sick.

[B]

That was pretty bad.

[A]

Lessons of Chemistry. Crash and Burn. These titles are good. Oh, the Manning Sisters. What are they doing? That's probably about Eli and painting. Painting. Getting a trans surgery.

[B]

Dude, is Eli. Is he just get carried along by Peyton? Is Peyton the one with all the pizzazz? And Eli just gets kind of carried off.

[A]

Didn't Eli win a. Did Eli win or. My. Peyton definitely won Super Bowls. But I thought Elon. Eli, not Elon.

[B]

Eli won one. Yeah, with the Giants.

[A]

He won one.

[B]

Beat the Pets. Yeah.

[A]

And Peyton. What? Peyton won two.

[B]

That's a good question. He won with Denver, didn't he?

[A]

Yep, I think so. Oh, yeah, he did. He did. Because I would. I would have thought Peyton was definitely the guy, but apparently Eli was. Was kind of nasty as well.

[B]

Oh, Eli was pretty wild, man. Yeah, Eli is definitely funnier to be around when I'm around the two of them. Really? I haven't been around him much. Yeah, that sounds like humble bragging. It's not.

[A]

No.

[B]

But Peyton went to ut, so you see him sometimes, like, in. In Nashville or in Tennessee. Peyton's a great actor.

[A]

He's good in those commercials, man. He actually. Yeah, he's pretty good. He also. He probably whooped Eli's ass, dude.

[B]

Oh, that's a great question.

[A]

All right, dude, I can. I can tell. He definitely whooped his ass.

[B]

That's a great question.

[A]

Dude. I. I forgot. You're asking me what I've been up to. I. I'VE been visiting schools. I. Now I have to, like, look at real schools because my. My. You know, my. My oldest daughter's, like, going to turn five, so that's like kindergarten. So. Yes, she has to get, like, the real school system. And we were looking at this one place, and they have plain clothes, just, like, guards now with guns. So it's kind of sick. I. I was like, dude, I really want to retire and become plain clothes. Just walk around a school, just grow, like, a ponytail and become a teacher. That's all you do all day. You carry a gun. You just wait for, like, some nerd to pop off, and you just blast them. Dude, that'd be. That would be honorable, man.

[B]

What if you. What if you start tripping in your head and thinking that somebody's, like, some kid is, like, plotting?

[A]

Like, I'm, like, the true detective. I'm Russ Cole of school School security. I'd have to wait till. They'd have to pull out first.

[B]

You think you would set a kid off?

[A]

I feel like that. No, I'm sad. You're saying, like, get, like, all tripped out. Like, damn, is this kid again. Paranoid. Like, I know these.

[B]

Damien's up to.

[A]

I know he's packing. No, I would just wait. I would chill. I do my thing, and the moment one of those motherfuckers pulled out the steel, I would just be there, ready to die and just walk them down. That's your job, mister.

[B]

Walk him down. Crayola style.

[A]

Walk them down, bro. And if I, you know, if I died, I die a hero.

[B]

You can't die, dude. Some kid. You can't. Yeah.

[A]

What if an adult could sometimes, like, crazy adults.

[B]

That's true. Oh, yeah, that's better.

[A]

Let's, like, evil nerds or a, like, just wild adult. Either one could get it. Yeah, either one could get it. Oh, but it's like, dude, that would be. That would be. I was just at this school, and it was like. Like, I saw the guy. Because they were like, you know, my wife said, you have security, and, like, we have plane clothes. I'm like, right on. And then I saw. I was, like, kind of sussing out. Like, I see people walking around.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

As soon as I saw, like, a dude, I'm like, oh, there's the plain clothes security guard.

[B]

Yeah. When I was young, we just had, like, a MILF with a hammer running around. Yeah. Like, if we were lucky, dude.

[A]

Yeah. We didn't have any security, man. Yeah, we have.

[B]

We did.

[A]

Yeah. Now you need it. Now you. Dude, the plane clothes. Guys at a school. That would be so sick. Just walking around chilling, knowing, like, yeah, dude, all I have to do is chill here.

[B]

Listen to desperado on your AirPods non stop.

[A]

It'd be nothing but like, that. Just enter Sandman just. Yeah, I was getting hype for like 30 years. Just being like, let's go.

[B]

Let's walk into crazy, dude.

[A]

Damn, dude. Yeah, by the end of it, I'd just be tipping my hat to the teachers, like, ma'am. All black leather cowboy outfits. Can you be a little more low?

[B]

Yeah, you.

[A]

Once a week, I'd roll a tumbleweed before I walked anywhere. I just kick a tumbleweed across from me, bro.

[B]

People should have their own tumbleweeds, right?

[A]

Yeah, dude. Just throw it on a string. Just fish it.

[B]

Yeah, a hero. A hero should have a couple tumbleweeds in front of them, dude.

[A]

True. Just give it. I would just kick it as I walk.

[B]

Or even if some twinks dressed up hiking hay and stuff.

[A]

That'd be nice. That would be nice. Spinning around like a tanto. Yeah, that was killing me, dude. I kept with my wife. I was like, bro, wow. I love. That's the one thing. We went to Chicago and she was like, crushing me because she's from there. So, like, when we were visiting her family was like, you got to be careful now, like. And like, there. There's. They kept calling them like the Hop out boys. Which, you know, you shouldn't give these guys like a cool name like that. But they were like, dudes are just hopping out of cars with AR15s and just carjacking people. People. So my wife was telling me about it the whole time. She hates when I do this, but I'll be like, bro, I wish a would pop out of me with that thing. She's like, dude, it's not funny. It's very serious. I was like, bro, it'd be the worst day of that guy's life. She's like, would you please stop? This is serious. I was like, I wish one of those would. The whole time we were there, I was like, please, please. Those guys don't come. But yeah, you got.

[B]

Did you have it? You had a piece on you.

[A]

No, I didn't have anything. I told her. I told her I was going to grab the barrel and tied in the knot and be like, get the out of here, you punk.

[B]

Bro, your wife is gonna be holding the blood in your body, dude.

[A]

I just say that to with her in the reality. I would have bailed out. My God, you guys, you can have the, the car in the family. I'm out of here.

[B]

Dude, do you think a wife likes it if the husband has a gun on him?

[A]

Definitely these days I think they love that. I mean dude, like you could get the most like lib lady, but she's gonna love all libs secretly. I think I've even talked about this before. All libs secretly want just a red pilled badass. In my experience. Well, they want a dude with a gun. I went to social work school. They, A lot of the women there secretly had like deeply conservative husbands who worked as like financial guys. And these, they were all like, you.

[B]

Know, they just do it because they feel like somebody has to promote what would be idealistic. I mean that's what a lot of like, I guess, I don't know. I mean a lot of people's view, it's just like this. Ideally, yes, it would be awesome, but some of them, it's just not practical. It's like, like I have friends that like will talk to me about like, well, you guys have guns there in America and stuff like that and it's just dangerous and why can't you guys figure that out? And people want to have their guns. It's like there's no way to not have it.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

The bad guys have guns already.

[A]

It's too late. You can't.

[B]

If you do a gun drive, the good guys are just going to give their guns away.

[A]

I know. You just have to have them, dude.

[B]

And what are you going to call policeman who does if he doesn't have a gun? He's not coming to help you.

[A]

He's done. Yeah, exactly.

[B]

What do you think? Is he going to drive by and honk at you guys while you're getting.

[A]

I know.

[B]

Beaten or shot in the yard.

[A]

Yeah. You can't really do anything about it. But I, I do think.

[B]

Yeah. I think if, but ideally, yes, it'd be great if there were like.

[A]

I wish there weren't.

[B]

Right. But that has to go away quickly.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Because there are people shooting each other all the time.

[A]

Oh yeah.

[B]

So you have to get past that idea.

[A]

Yeah. Yeah. You're not going to be able to. The technology chains have to be an interchange because the guns are there. Criminals are going to have them. And it's like, yeah, like what do you want to not have one when a criminal with a gun comes to you.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Or the government has to be the one who takes them, then that's a whole other can of worms. Because it's like we're not giving you My guns.

[B]

No.

[A]

Yeah, so it's, you know, I need.

[B]

To share with you something and it's called Blue Chew, baby. When you want to get that randy really rocking, you know what I'm talking about? When you want to get that rat la tuck, peek around the corner, baby. You know what I'm saying? Blue Chew. It's an online service that delivers the same active ingredients as Viagra, Cialis and Levitra, but at a fraction of the cost and in chewable form. What you chewing, boy, you gonna see. You can even. Sometimes I'll just chew half of one and just kind of relax and just, you know, just chase the cat around or whatever. Be, be, be crazy. So does it work? Yeah. Do you think you need it? Well, you can discuss that with one of the licensed physicians. That's right. Blue Chew. Once men rock hard. They told me that's the mission. They will not stop until every man is bricked up like a brick house. Till every 10 is pitched, till every rod is raised. Discover your [e-mail] and we've got a special deal for our listeners. Try Blue Free. When you use our promo code THEO at checkout, just pay $5 shipping. That's Blue Chew.com promo code T H E O to receive your first month free. Visit BlueChew.com for more details and important safety information. And we thank Bluechew for sponsoring this podcast. When you think about businesses that are selling through the roof, like Skims or Alo or all birds, surely you think about a great product, a cool brand and brilliant marketing. But an often overlooked secret is actually the business behind the business making selling simple for millions of businesses. That business is Shopify. Nobody does selling better than Shopify, home of the number one checkout on the planet and the not so secret. Secret with shop pay that boosts conversions up to 50%. Businesses that sell more sell on Shopify. The secret's out. Upgrade your business and get the same checkout that Aloft and All Birds uses. Sign up for your $1 per month trial period at shopify.com t h e o all lowercase just go to shopify.com theo to upgrade your selling today. Shopify.com theo all lowercase it's a tricky.

[A]

Thing, although I, you know, it's a. Right now, a lot of people are gloating on the libs. I don't want to gloat on the libs. A lot of people are gloating on them because Trump got elected.

[B]

Yeah, me neither.

[A]

I'm not. I'm not Gloating on that.

[B]

I'm not into that.

[A]

No, I'm not into that at all. I think we're in. Dude, how did the Ken Wilber thing go, by the way?

[B]

Oh, yeah. Ken Wilber. Super interesting guy.

[A]

He has the best take on this whole situation on the culture war. Yeah.

[B]

I don't even know if I talked about that. It was a lot of listening and learning.

[A]

Was it a lot of stuff?

[B]

Yeah, we. We. But we worked together to make it as effective conversation as we could.

[A]

Nice.

[B]

But it was really cool just learning about, like, his philosophy of how, like, we're. As a. As a species, we are evolving and as. And over time, we're just advancing.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

So how those affect you personally and how. And. And how you.

[A]

I don't know, dude. Well, his thing is. No, dude. So it's. Did he get into, like, how there's, like, holar and some of it. There's, like, cells and cells turn into, like, organisms. Organisms turn into humans.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

You know, blah, blah, blah.

[B]

Yeah. We started going up the chain of command. Right. And then also how we're advancing as.

[A]

And our world views are doing the same thing where we had, like, you know, like, medieval rulers into democracies. And then the libs are the leading edge of cultural evolution where it's like, everything's being more and more inclusive physically. And worldview, you know, in terms of Worldview.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Just the libs lost the plot. Or the. They call it the green wave Lost the plot because they include everybody but, like, you know, Trump white type Trump voters.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And the whole thing's collapsing in on itself. All they have to do is just love everybody.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And they'd have the. Commit. They'd have the superior worldview.

[B]

It's a good point, actually. I think a lot of people did. I mean, I don't know, dude. I was a Democrat. I mean, like, I got so angry when they did that stuff to Bernie, you know, like, my dad was an old man. So I. To me, it also registered, like, somebody taking advantage of an older person. So that, like, at that point, for me, I was just like, what's going on here? And then I. I am super concerned about, like, the big pharma and medicine just using us all and not caring that we're human beings. Like, yes, there's a lot of medicine that's helping people, but also, like, everybody shouldn't be on a. On a medicine.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

You know, and there's some commercials for medicines.

[A]

They don't even say what it does.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Then you look it up, and it's like. It's for, like, heart failure. And you're like, why the fuck. This is a baseball game, dude. I'm not going to be like, yo, can I get that heart failure medication? Yeah, you have to request it.

[B]

The wheelchair gum or whatever. There's all kind of shit now. Like, what do you even need that for?

[A]

Yeah, but, yeah, that's. That's the. That's the big standoff right now. It's like.

[B]

So I liked rfk. He was kind of the guy that I thought was neat.

[A]

Me, too. I'm into him.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I like the fact that he's doing all that stuff against all those things.

[B]

And then I think. I don't think we have the same parties. I don't feel like it's Democrats and Republicans anymore. There's something else happening.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And it's going to keep morphing.

[A]

Well, that's the Wilbur stuff. Is that the green? It was like, orange is, like, the business science wave. And the green wave was the one, like, in terms of worldviews, you have, like, what he called red was like, ethnocentric. That was what he called Trump. It's like. It's things that speak to, like, ethnocentric ideals where people get to the point where they can only recognize, like, people that look like them. They can only care about people who look like them, which is like, a reality for a lot of people all across the world. It's like, you know, every country. And every country is like, we have the best food. We have the most beautiful. Everybody, you know, does this. And then his whole theory is that you slowly grow out of it to more complex and inclusive worldviews. But it was again, it was like that. The thing that crushed, like, the. Like the what? Jordan. Peter Jordison. Peter. Peter Jordan. What the. His name? Jordison.

[B]

Jordison. Peterson.

[A]

Jordan Peterson. Jesus Christ. His whole thing we calls, like, postmodern neo Marxism is that green wave Ken Wilber talks about where it's like the leading edge, where all the colleges are, like, radical inclusion, inclusivity, but all they have to do is go, Trump, guys. You're cool, too. That's all they have to do. They can't do it. And now the whole thing's just imploding on itself.

[B]

So that's the part that makes you start to think, do they just hate, like, white men? But for me, it's like, in three generations, it's like I always say, like, beige power. Like, everybody's gonna be beige, right? For Three generations. Everybody's gonna be like, you know, Ben Simmons, Blake Griffins, you know, penguin people. For sure.

[A]

For sure.

[B]

Mixed.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And so it's just kind of weird. How do we want to operate that in the meantime, Right?

[A]

Exactly.

[B]

But then I think when people get scared, especially with, like, threats of war fears, they start to. They want to gravitate towards whatever is there. Seems like their people.

[A]

Prison. Prison is the same thing. You go to prison. Everyone's. You know, it's all, like, based on race and all that stuff.

[B]

Yeah. And then. But. But everybody is a jelly roll fan, you know.

[A]

That's true. That's true.

[B]

Which is pretty crazy.

[A]

Well, dude, it's like, yeah. What they. Where they felt, you know, this is like, if you didn't the will. It's hard to explain without, like, seeing the Wilbur thing, but it's like, if you take with what's called, like, a lib or, you know, a postmodern Neo Marx, whatever they want to call it, like, people who are, you know, like a radical feminist, they built their. Their thing was. Right. And being like, we should be nice to everybody. We shouldn't be mean to gay people. We shouldn't be mean to binaries. They're totally correct. The problem was they went. And the reason everything's so bad, they're like, we hate racism in every form, every type of discrimination, and it's all because of white people. And it just, like, went right back downward. Now you're just being racist in a more sophisticated fashion.

[B]

Right.

[A]

And that's the whole thing. That's why it's not. If it's a truly, like, visionary and leading, like, kind of like evolutionary tip of, like, our spiral upward into, like, complexity and greater wholeness, people would get on board.

[B]

Right. It's clashing with the next step.

[A]

That's what I'm. The next step is like, being like, okay, here's all the good stuff from your worldview, and we're going to apply that to everybody. And rather than being like, this is the reason everything's up is because. Blah, blah. Because it's like, yeah.

[B]

And that's another thing. I mean, Trump. That's one thing that kind of gets worried. Worried about Trump is like, is he going to be. Is that. Is the pointing fingers? Is that end? You know, is that kind of end? And so it is for now.

[A]

But it's like, I think they're good RFK smart, where he's kind of like, I don't want to participate in any of this stuff.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And hopefully he'll kind of get up in his ear because it. I mean, it is so sweet. Slamming the libs. I will give it. There's. I get like a. When I see the libs get owned. I do.

[B]

There's part of libs, the liberals.

[A]

Yeah, it's just like, there's like on the Internet, like, liberals owned. Liberals slam. And it's like, you watch. They do those, like. You know how they do those, like, 25 students versus, like, Ben Shapiro.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

That's like slamming the lips porn where it's like him just, like taking on 19 year olds. Like, actually, you don't know anything about that. And then the. Everyone's just like, tell him, Ben. Crush the liv. And I will. There's a dark part of my heart that's like, yes. When I watch that.

[B]

Ben's sitting there, he's got that hair wallet on.

[A]

Dude. They did one of them where they make people run to the chair to tap the chair so that they get the chance to debate him. And it's. Dude, it's embarrassing. People are like, tripping over themselves to hit the chair and be like, actually, Ben, I think you're a. He's like, next. I'm like, dude, don't run to the chair. You're an adult. They're like, diving for it just to be like, actually, Ben, if you ever think it's like. So I'm. I've been trying to remove. I know I have a bias towards that and I'm trying to, like, remove.

[B]

That from watching that stuff. Yeah.

[A]

Not that. That stuff. I'm like, whatever. On. But it's like, I will watch, like, news clips where, like, liberals melt down about. And I'll be like, well, check this out. And I'll be like, yeah, I've been trying to erase that because I'm like, it's not. It's not good. It's not good. And it's.

[B]

Yeah. I mean, I don't know. I don't care. Like, I just want, like. I don't know. Some shit just started to get really weird, I think. Well, Kamala wouldn't come on podcast. Right. I thought that that was weird. It was like. And we asked and they said, well, do you guys give Final Edit? Right? And they asked, did Trump ask for Final Edit? You know, did he? No, they didn't ask for anything.

[A]

They shouldn't, dude.

[B]

They didn't ask for anything. J.D. vance showed up. Dude, there were snipers on the ice. I. I stayed up late, like, trying to get some questions together and thinking things. And we Invited everybody. Those were the. Them. Bernie Sanders and Mark Cuban came on. He was very much like a Democrat or. Yeah. But he gets something. I didn't realize he gets. If. If they won, he get. There's a business incentive, you know?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I didn't realize that. Some of these things I'm learning as I go. Right.

[A]

It's typically, what billionaires. Yeah. When they're like. When they're involved in politics, it usually is like. Yeah.

[B]

I didn't realize that. I'm like, oh, people aren't just out there. Huron. For no reason. There's some reason.

[A]

Yeah. He's not freaking out over, like, banned books and schools. He's like, I need you to, you know, build a railroad from here to there, whatever the he's up to.

[B]

Yeah. But we had common ground and, like, just different thoughts and stuff. And definitely inspiring to be able to talk to people like that. But I w. So I wake up that morning, and it was like an hour until the thing. I was like, I got to get in the freaking ice bath. I got to make sure I'm in a decent.

[A]

Yeah, yeah.

[B]

Try to do something to get high.

[A]

Do you get spun out when you have level a guest of that high profile?

[B]

Yeah, man.

[A]

I get. I get crunched, dude. I. I can't handle it, man. We had RFK on. I could barely, like, formulate a sentence.

[B]

Wow. And neither can he, though, which is great. You know, that's a joke, Bobby. He'll laugh at it.

[A]

He will.

[B]

He'll laugh at it.

[A]

Dude, watch.

[B]

Suddenly he fixes his own voice. Dude, that's. Bro.

[A]

Dude, it's over. It's over. And it's. Dude. And it's like.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I imagine he is such. He'd be such. He's such an electrifying speaker and thinker anyway. But, yeah, it's. That works against him.

[B]

He's been in. Yeah. Yeah. But. So. But I wake up. There's. I go in the ice bath. There's, like, Secret Service ever. They had drape. Put drapes. Black drapes in front of the house.

[A]

Right.

[B]

They shut down exits off the interstate. I had no idea. Shut down the whole city, bro. I had no idea. There's snipers on the roof. On the roof. Full tactical gear. I'll put pictures in the YouTube.

[A]

Holy.

[B]

And then. Oh, my neighbor, right. I look at my phone. He's like, what the. What's up? Are you. And he did. He put blank, like, just underlines. And I. They thought it was one of those things where, like, a suicide in the House, like. Like they were sending people in to get. Like, I was taking my own life at home.

[A]

That's how we asked you if you killed yourself. He said, are you.

[B]

Well, he sent like four messages. And so at that point.

[A]

Oh, I got you.

[B]

Because it was like already 11. I slept in. I was up till probably three. Just like, get my questions ready. So I was like, I have to make sure I sleep. And he's like, dude, we were so scared, man. He's like. Because we saw them, like, they thought they were repelling into the home.

[A]

Oh.

[B]

And it was like, what, you thought I killed myself?

[A]

What the. Dude. Yeah, we just assumed you killed yourself. So. Yeah, that's.

[B]

Oh, and they had a van outside that some weird term on it, like, threw people off. Yeah.

[A]

And the black curtains around your house would be.

[B]

Yeah, I think people thought. But that's what people thought.

[A]

That makes sense. That kind of makes more.

[B]

It was more org esque, you know? Yeah.

[A]

It was like so gruesome that they're like, we gotta.

[B]

But they also had this like Stan's Bakery banner. Like, it was definitely. They kind of like play this old cat and like, what is kind of happening here?

[A]

That's crazy.

[B]

It was super crazy, dude.

[A]

Stan's Bakery used to have snipers, but. Yeah, we should get these cupcakes in. We'll be right. We'll be right back.

[B]

Yeah, there's some wake treats.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Just so there's a viewing of the body. Hey, first come, first serve, guys. Dude, that was crazy though. That was one of the craziest things that had ever happened. For sure. But he comes in and I was like, hey, man, thanks for coming. I was like, you know, just want to let you know we don't have any. We're not like a gotcha type of show.

[A]

For sure.

[B]

Just looking forward to having a nice conversation, which is what I tell anybody.

[A]

Yep.

[B]

And he's like, whatever, man. It's all good.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

Let's have a chat. And that was it. And it was fun, you know? Yeah, man, it was interesting.

[A]

Yeah. I feel bad everyone's so still hyped up about this stuff. I honestly think, if you look at.

[B]

It, I hate when people lose anything, you know, it's tough when there's a winner and a loser.

[A]

Dude, I was in. I was in the grocery store the day of. I guess like that he got elected that night. And then, you know, in like three in the morning and. Or whatever, like, he won at three in the morning. And then I was in the grocery store the next Day. And they have, like, magazines in the grocery store. This magazine was just Kamala or Kamala. And it was just a picture of her. I didn't know what magazine. It was just her name and her. I got, like, real sad for her. I was like, damn, dude, that's so bad. If I, like, just lost. I saw, like, a magazine with just me on it, I'd be. I'd cry.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

So I felt pretty bad for her. I was like, damn, that really sucks for that lady. She just. I mean, that dude that I.

[B]

People.

[A]

They've spent, I think, a billion dollars on the campaign.

[B]

It just shows you that it's must there. But it also. Then if that's the truth. If, say, okay, they spend that much on a campaign, right? Both these sides spend a ton of money.

[A]

Oh, yeah.

[B]

But if the. If there's just, like, these powers in the background doing things, it's just like, why would they. If it's not even real, say the office isn't even. You know, it's just for show.

[A]

Sure.

[B]

It just seems like you wouldn't waste that much money, so there must really be.

[A]

I think there is, man. I think there really is. You get in, and it's like, power, and it's just teams. Yeah. It's like, you're on this team. This is on that team. You know, could it all be organized? It's like, that would be pretty elaborate to, like, set it all up when you reality just be like, yeah, you know, we're putting this guy in.

[B]

Have.

[A]

They could just. Have the coolest guy ever just come every time, be like, yo, we love this guy. And they can meanwhile just be doing whatever. But yeah, dude, I think I. I guess it all is real, you know, I think it's. It's real. And they just. There's, like, groups and lobbyists in certain. I don't. I don't. That's where I kind of lose it, where it's.

[B]

It was interesting, that's for sure. And I. I'll say. Who made the whole thing happen? Oh, Kamala reportedly spent $100,000 on building a set for her appearance on Call Her Daddy. Like, dude, why here is a setting Question. So they rebuilt. They rebuilt their own set, I guess.

[A]

Because they wanted, I think, a host to come to her. So I think she didn't want to go anywhere, so she built the set.

[B]

But I wonder if she has.

[A]

That's such a. I mean, you know, that's just kind of weird. It's like, just go there, right?

[B]

I wonder if she may Have a thing where she doesn't like going. Like sometimes I don't like sleeping at people people's houses or whatever you're talking about. Wonder if she has that.

[A]

She can't anywhere else but her house maybe could be.

[B]

Which is where people should say people who are like transient.

[A]

Amen. Amen.

[B]

Sorry.

[A]

I agree though. But I always want to be home. That's my thing. I always want to be. I'm getting a little. I was like pretty guarded about that. But now I'm like just letting it rip. I've been flying more so I'm just kind of like whatever man. But I I do agree home is where that's where the heart is truly like I do want to at home every time.

[B]

Yeah, I agree with you. You should get more point like you should get like money back or something if you at home. You should, you should dude, right?

[A]

Like a credit or something. Yeah, because it is but it's dude just. I also the, the violence of that's occurring in airport bathroom. It's like it's upsetting. People are so hard in those we, I mean we. I don't know why we're back to this but.

[B]

Oh, people are at top speed.

[A]

It's crazy.

[B]

That's the craziest thing to me to ever is when somebody shits at full blast speed. Like are you out of your mind? You're gonna hurt yourself.

[A]

I I from what I like from hearing self guy from hearing in public bathrooms. Most people are are in there just having like religious experiences just being there. It's like yeah, like full ayahuasca dumpster. It's like blowing it out. It's crazy.

[B]

Wow. Just slang into disciples out of your butt.

[A]

Everyone's up, dude. Oh, they need Bobby Kennedy to get all the crap out of the food to death into the bathroom.

[B]

But bro, how. There's also a part of me that I feel like do you think we can get more together or do you think we should just have two Americas do you think?

[A]

No, because dude, we're like people didn't realize it but the parties are rubbing off on each other so much like now like on like.

[B]

Well, most people want the same stuff most people do.

[A]

But I'm saying like the Republicans now have been so like let's say conservatives are so annoyed by liberals that now they're like going out of their way to be so not racist. Like oh yeah, you think we're racist? Check this out. We're going to employ like 47 black dudes now. How do you like they're doing it almost. I'm not saying they're doing despite them, but it's like they have gotten just way more inclusive. Like every, like the conservatives and everything for it was like only. Pretty much only all white guys. Now there's a lot of different people in like the conservative movement. So it's like the liberals bring stuff up, the servants, like, shut the up, and then they actually do kind of do a lot of the stuff, but, you know, not even realizing it.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

So they're kind of both like bouncing each other, but people, you know, they're all just caught up in like the, like the primal and tribal aspect of it. But it's like things are going pretty well. Dude.

[B]

Oh, first female White House chief of staff in history.

[A]

Yeah, dude. Like all this stuff is happening because it's like they're like amazing.

[B]

Susie Wild and she's Pat Summerall, John.

[A]

Madden's former broadcast partner's daughter.

[B]

Oh, interesting.

[A]

Yeah. Dude, I'm telling you, once we just, like, stop the nonsense of like bitterly arguing about everything, it's going to be pretty chill.

[B]

Yeah. Ben Carson, I think he's going to put back into. I like some of his ideas.

[A]

B. Carson. Yeah. That guy's kind of cool. This. He's like a surgeon.

[B]

Oh, rise and shine, Carson. Dude, that guy's got dead asleep.

[A]

Super. I like the guy.

[B]

His blood, bro. He's got his blood pressure.

[A]

Who's a guy?

[B]

It's just like a synth drum. There's not much popping.

[A]

Dude, the one dude I like, Byron something. He's a. He's a black conservative guy from Florida.

[B]

Byron Davis.

[A]

Byron. I think Byron, is it Byron Davis. He's nice. That guy's. I saw he was on the Breakfast Club. No, not Byron Davis. He plays basketball. The Byron, he's a. Like a governor from there. He. That's my bro right there. Byron Donald's as a good bro right there.

[B]

What? It's definitely interesting to see that everything's getting diverse. What was that tweet that Adam McKay had? I thought that that was something. When I read that, it resonated with me, I think.

[A]

I don't know. But yeah, like I said, it's like I have it. One sec. Yeah, I do. Like I said, I think people are getting real doom and gloom, but it's like I'm of the minority opinion. I think things are going to get pretty sweet, actually.

[B]

Yeah. Who would have guessed? Lying about Biden's cognitive health for two years. That shit made me so mad, dude. Just taking advantage of an old man, like, it's just not cool. You know what I'm saying? His family shouldn't have allowed it.

[A]

I know, dude.

[B]

You know, it's just not cool because then you're lying to him also, right? So you're placating him. Like, you're just, you're using. It just. It seems like cruelty to a human right. Refusing to do an open conversation for a new nominee, never mentioning public health care, embracing fracking and year long slaughter of children in Gaza. That's. That to me was one thing. It definitely was like, yeah, they blew it so hard.

[A]

I mean, again, if you.

[B]

Some of the stuff, I don't know, but the children in Gaza thing, and I think just taking advantage of Biden, it just felt like, is this party really doing this or are they. What's happening here?

[A]

Well, it's like all they had to do was she. If she could have came out and be like, bro, we all saw it. Dude's old as hell. You know, like, he wasn't. Let's not. Instead she was like, he's fine. Like, why did they take him out? It's like, you can't do that. Yeah, all they had to do, like, obviously the dude was going nuts and getting old. Come on, let's move on. They.

[B]

It was just, it's a bummer.

[A]

They were just lying. You know when someone's lying and you're like, dude, you're bullshitting me. It was just that. And everyone could see it and it was just like. And now too, with I, you know, not to, you know, fluff the podcasting too much. But it's like, now they can't go on, like the sound, buddy, little things. They have to go sit down and like, answer actual questions. And people now, like, I didn't know. I couldn't tell what interviews were edited when I was younger. Now people are like, more savvy about media, so they're able to be like, oh, that's. That was a weird jump. They cut something out, like, well, here's the whole thing.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

So now you have to be able to sit down and actually communicate rather than like hitting talking points and like engineering, you know, people's ideas on things.

[B]

Do you think that Rogan's endorsement helped Trump win or do you think it had any effect?

[A]

I don't. It didn't hurt, but I, I think it. I didn't hurt, but hit just what he does, I think helped him win for sure. Just like having. Setting a standard where, like, politicians now have to go sit down for at least a two hour conversation.

[B]

Yeah. Because really what he did over the past years is just investigate. I mean, he asked so many questions about everything to all types of people. So you learned so much.

[A]

And he's. He's not a gotcha guy either. So he's good at just being. Being like. Like, help me understand this. And that's when people really get kind of flushed out where it's like if they're not making sense. And you know, he's pretty adamant about, like, I don't get that. That doesn't make sense. You know, I'm a week interviewer. I'll be like, okay. I think it won't make sense. That's cool.

[B]

I get burnt out, I get exhausted. He said, I was in there yesterday and it was like, I was just like, I feel like I've been kind of losing my mind this week.

[A]

Really?

[B]

Yeah. I don't know what was going on. I just was like getting like a lot of paranoia.

[A]

It's the worst. Yeah.

[B]

And I don't know if I met it. I don't know if I missed a day. I don't know what happened, but I was like. Thought I was going crazy yesterday. It's kind of crazy. We have days when you start asking people like, am I okay? You know, that's a weird thing.

[A]

Yeah, that is. It's so hard to explain, but I'll just be like walking sometimes and I'll just get like a feeling where I'm like, bro, I'm losing it right now. And it's like, that is the worst.

[B]

You're like, yeah. I just kept spending the whole day and it was like, the whole day was like that. Man. Man. And then I had to go in there and I felt very nervous. So then you felt like you're under a microscope.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And. Yeah.

[A]

What do you do to keep yourself kind of on the square? Is there like a. Any kind of program or is it.

[B]

Yeah, usually go to AA meetings. That helps.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Do yoga. I got, I. I got hurt a couple. Like a month ago, some guy squeezed me after a football game I was in when Vanderbilt beat Alabama. I was there and this guy just squeezed. Squeezed me so much.

[A]

What?

[B]

And then all the players. Some guy on the sidelines. Oh, yeah. Some devout. Just. Brother, it really was. Squeezed me. I mean, like, I was a. Like he was gonna brush his teeth with me right after.

[A]

That sucks.

[B]

He got it. Yeah. I was just like, ah. Where.

[A]

Where'd it get you?

[B]

Over here is rib.

[A]

Oh, yeah.

[B]

But then all the players had just Won. And they were. They were. And then everybody squeezed me, dude.

[A]

Yeah, they. So you couldn't do the yoga for, like.

[B]

Yeah, for weeks. And so then my mental starts going down. Yeah, that's us right there. Yeah, that's pretty Cheryl Jr. Right there, I believe.

[A]

That's amazing, dude.

[B]

We got that Coach Clark Leo. That's Skinner Jr. Right there.

[A]

Damn. I think it's pretty heavy, too, man. Those coolers aren't.

[B]

Yeah. A decent amount of water in it.

[A]

Nice. Oh, you got the lead, too.

[B]

We got him. He's cool.

[A]

That's awesome. That's awesome. Dance. You just got squeezed by the strongest dudes in the country.

[B]

Yes. Yeah, that's what happened. And then. So. Yeah. But anyway, I'm. Yeah, I'm not whining about it, but it just. Like, you can't do anything, bro. You go to open your refrigerator, and that suction on the refrigerator.

[A]

Oh, that hurts.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

When your ribs are up, it hurts to breathe. Every breath, you're like.

[B]

Yeah. And then you're pushing on the side of your body while you're doing everything.

[A]

No, you're walking around like this all day.

[B]

Like, you're like one of those guys, like, putting away a pocket watch or something, like in the 20s or whatever. Like that little handicapped peanut that they sent out there.

[A]

Yeah. And you. And there's nothing you can do when your ribs hurt. There's no, like, sling or you can just. You have to. And yoga is just so much breathing. Every breath, you'd be like. And then you do like, the, like, this thing. You. That would hurt.

[B]

So. Yeah, just that just. And I was just kind of losing my mind, dude. So then you're going there, and you're like. Am I saying crazy, dude? Started to get real paranoid.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I will say this, though. I think the person that won that election, I think the person that changed it was Dana White.

[A]

Really?

[B]

Undeniably.

[A]

That's. Why do you think that?

[B]

Because he got Trump in the podcast. He made it happen. He. He did it.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

He is just. You. He did that. He made that happen.

[A]

Yeah, that makes sense. So he was the one being like, you gotta do these.

[B]

He's the one who, like, talked to Joe about it. For years. It's been in discussion. Yeah. I don't think Joe Rogan was gonna do that. And then he did.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

You know, and that put.

[A]

That did kind of push it. I think that helped, actually.

[B]

Yeah. Dana made all that happen, dude.

[A]

It got like. That was the thing, too. It was like, just YouTube if you want to look that YouTube views, that's kind of like. I don't know if that, like, works with polling, but it's like the Rogan Trump episode. I don't. What is it at, like 30 million? It was. It was at like millions. Quickly, the call Call Me Daddy or that podcast with Kamala was like.

[B]

I don't know if it hit a million.

[A]

It did. I think it might have 47 million. Right? 47 million. If you look up the. Call her daddy or call him Daddy or whatever. Call me Daddy. Excuse me. I'll call her daddy. There you go.

[B]

It got 812,000.

[A]

812,000.

[B]

But that's just a clip. Now, here's the problem with Call Her Daddy not bragging.

[A]

My YouTube special did better, but that's what I'm saying. That's. That is a gauge of public interest. And it's like, public interest, in my opinion, probably translates to voting, I think. I don't know.

[B]

Or at least people come into experience the person, you know.

[A]

True.

[B]

Yeah, definitely. Interesting. Well, you can't watch the full episodes because they're on Sirius. Is that right?

[A]

Serious? Yeah.

[B]

They only put a clip. Yeah. So you can't see the full episodes of these podcasts either. So you don't know. What? Really?

[A]

Well, you know, I wish you the best. I'm not like, yeah, that's the thing. I'm not like, I fucking hate that lady. I'm like, I felt sad. I didn't. I personally didn't really want her to win because I was just like you. I think Trump will probably maybe stop the wars faster. It's my hope.

[B]

But. Well, I just. I don't know. I just. I don't know what's happening. I feel like there's a changing of these parties because you have former Democrats who are now Republicans, but they also don't even get along with half of the people in office. Yeah, people are sick of politicians overall. Big time AIPAC and lobbyists, like, have infiltrated what it seems like politics overall. It's like, for sure. And people. You can't hide the information from people anymore.

[A]

Yeah, well, dude, the weird thing was, is, like, they started like, the. The Democrats started being like. I mean, George Bush was great and like, you know, Cheney and all that stuff. And it's like, why. Why are they pumped on them? It was. That, to me, was just weird, where it's like they're all dark. And then I think at the last minute, they started being like, yeah, we actually want strong borders and all that stuff too. Just because they Were like, this is working. So, you know, it's. I think it's all part of a bigger process that is for the best, where it's like. Like you were saying the Republican Party is totally different. Like, way different. Remember, like, 19, like, 95. It was like, it was. It was like, send people to jail for, you know, 30 years for crack and all this stuff. And now it's like, we should get some of these guys out of prison, you know, which everyone's doing now. But that's because of, like, a liberal worldview. And that's been.

[B]

They got to get a couple more brothers in the party, too, I think.

[A]

I think. Oh, it's common, dude. I think it's common. But here's the thing, too. It's like, so you have like, the liberal people being like, yeah, we shouldn't send people to jail for having crack on them for 40 years. And then you're like, yeah, that's a good idea. But then with the immigration thing, it's like, I. I personally have no problem with immigrants, but it's like, you can only have so many. Like, that's a reality.

[B]

Right? It's just, you're having a party.

[A]

You can't invite the whole city to your party. It won't work. So the same thing happens with border. And it's a shame because people want to escape, like, you know, crushing poverty, but the Republicans are right in that you can't. Like, and it's like, if you're, like, just thinking on a human level, you're like, I don't want to, like, kick some guy out or have some guy come against the wall and be like, get the back. But you do have to do that.

[B]

But you also. I think there's ways you can do it in an organized pattern.

[A]

Yeah, true.

[B]

So you're properly vetting people. And then they used to have a system where people could cert. They could. You could almost adopt a homeless person or whatever who came across the border and you were their sponsor.

[A]

That's cool. I'm. I'm super cool.

[B]

Then you as a member of your country. Right. Or that you were born into. Sure. It's a blessing. Right? Easy for us to say that, but then you get to be part of the. Of immigrate. You know, it's like there's an actual connection there. So, you know, I don't know.

[A]

That's a good. I like that idea, though.

[B]

Yeah. It's easy to just say stuff. Let's change the topic. What else can we talk about?

[A]

But I was Saying too. Then you can kind of like set them up in like contests against each other.

[B]

Oh yeah, well, people have had that. I've heard that material for think of like doing like a American ninja warrior to come over the border.

[A]

That would be nice too. Yeah. I was saying if you had like, if I adopted a guy. You adopted a guy. We could kind of make them compete. Yeah, like battle for the glory of our houses. Yeah, yeah.

[B]

So sick.

[A]

That would be awesome in like a fun way. You know what I mean?

[B]

Totally. And you raise money for helping people that are coming over.

[A]

Exactly. Winner's family comes over.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Losers family pays.

[B]

That'd be a great. Dude. I had this idea for a game show, right? So check this out. It's. You get two like kind of lifeguard chairs, right? And you have. You put like kind of cellophane, like kind of like some light blue plastic around them, right. You can still see through it. And at the bottom of the, at the bottom is a scale, right? And you get two guys who have eaten for like a week, haven't gone to the bathroom. Whoever can do the most poop at in a given amount of time wins a car. Or maybe not a car, maybe a motorcycle.

[A]

Dude, that's an awesome game. So you're inside the lifeguard chair. You're wrapped in blue. What's the blue wrapping? Just to kind of just.

[B]

Cuz you don't have to see it. You don't want to see. Like that'll gross people out. But if you see the scale going up or something, it'll at least excite people.

[A]

You don't think the viewers at home are going to see the pile?

[B]

I think you want to be able to see it, but you want to see it vague. So you want it to be like opaque, like.

[A]

Yeah, I serious. Just like a general shape.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Have like a. Like a frosted glass over something.

[B]

Yes, that's what I mean. Frosted glass.

[A]

That would be nice. Yeah, that's a great show.

[B]

Thanks man.

[A]

That is a fantastic show. Onto the scale will be nice. I recently just did a thing where you, you have to poop at home and then like scoop it and mail it to get like results to see like what they think of your body. Dude, I swear to God. You can do that. You can mail it too. I don't know, like a scientist.

[B]

You're a science teacher, a scientist.

[A]

You just said it to a scientist. And they're like, oh my God, bro, this is incredible.

[B]

You've been compromised home. You're mailing poop of Your own or something.

[A]

I did, yeah.

[B]

How?

[A]

I want to see it with my micro. Dude, I. That was the thing. I thought you did. A whole turd. You. You. They like give you a. Like a thing to put on your toilet paper or they put a thing to get on your toilet. It's like a paper thing that sticks. Then it has like a little like, you know, like the dick part of your boxers. Yeah, it has like that, but for a turd. So there's like this thing. Yeah, it's like that. And then it catches it and then you have to like, scoop. I thought you just picked the turd up and put it in a jar. But no, you scoop like the smallest amount and then you put it in, like shake it up in a solution.

[B]

And then they just tell you, like.

[A]

What'S up with your microbiome. Tell you, like, if they think you're chill or not. That was what it was. It was that one.

[B]

What if they told you where your stepdad lives? We'll tell you.

[A]

Yeah. I don't know, man. I also think a lot of this stuff too, after doing it. I think it's just a way for companies to sell you vitamins because they can be based on this. We recommend X, Y and Z.

[B]

And once you've made. Once you. You. Yeah. You almost want to buy it so they don't tell anybody about your poop. I feel like you'd be like, don't tell anybody about poop.

[A]

True.

[B]

I'll buy the vitamins. Like. Yeah.

[A]

Let's keep this between us.

[B]

Yeah. Yeah.

[A]

Oh, dude. If they could be like, yeah, that guy. Oh, we had his poop. We smelled. I guess we mean, me and Brittany sent them in at the same time. And my test was run first and I kept telling her that they opened her vial and shut down the lab. I was like, yeah, that's whole place had evacuate. They sent me an email. So they opened yours.

[B]

That's love, dude.

[A]

That's a fun. That's a fun one. That's a good thing about having a wife too. You can just bother them and do.

[B]

Cool stuff like that.

[A]

Take. Yeah. In the tubes and mail it and just both wait for your test. It's kind. That was kind of fun.

[B]

Yeah. That's like jumping over the broom or whatever in some cultures.

[A]

Yeah, exactly.

[B]

Wow. Dude, I. Were we just talking about medicine?

[A]

Yeah, I think so. We got off the politics stuff, so.

[B]

We'Re all probably should have. Huh. People feel like people are over it, but that's also. It's like, oh, what Was I gonna ask you, do you think, oh, look at this. Is this, like, a new slave or whatever?

[A]

Oh, this is like the Tesla thing, bro.

[B]

Wow.

[A]

Yeah, dude. I don't know. Elon rolled out some bots, too.

[B]

What the heck? That's a slave. Where is that? This in Virginia, is it?

[A]

That's. That's like.

[B]

I am not getting that, dude.

[A]

Yeah, that's like a different country, dude.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Tesla. Tesla or Musk. Oh, boy. I would like a little robo lawnmower, though. I'll be honest. Damn, look at that guy rip, dude. Dude, that'd be chill.

[B]

Crazy.

[A]

They should keep the bots like R2D2. They shouldn't give them, like, legs and arms and.

[B]

Yeah, you're right, actually.

[A]

Well, you don't need these guys looking like people, because then somebody's gonna start them. I mean, it's already happened, I'm sure.

[B]

Ugh. Yeah.

[A]

I like the way I think it's cut.

[B]

That thing's savage. But then your kid will like, you're like, mow the yard. Your kids, like, I don't want to.

[A]

My thumb, too. Yeah, that's true, actually. That's kind of.

[B]

Yeah. Dude, I'm trying to think of what chores we had.

[A]

Oh, dude. It was ridiculous, man.

[B]

Dude, is. Do you think it's weird? This is something that doesn't get talked about a lot is like, where do stepdads go in the department? Divorce happens, you know, because they kind of don't get to see the kids anymore, you know?

[A]

Oh, I didn't think about that. You're saying when you go, oh, you divorced, and you get divorced, you basically break up with the stepdad? I think they go back to, like, the apartment. Dude. They straight to an apartment complex that.

[B]

Has a pool at it.

[A]

Yeah, I think, like, the. I think the representative from an apartment complex comes and picks them up and, like, a black limousine takes them back, and they just wait in queue to be stepdads.

[B]

But it's kind of crazy. You never think about that because it's. Steph. Yeah. Gets involved in a kid's life for a couple years, for better or for worse, but then they have to just.

[A]

I think some might stay kind of in, you know? I don't know.

[B]

Is that weird, though?

[A]

Yeah, kind of. It depends. I feel like if you knew the kid from when it was a baby, you should. Or just keep the phone line open, like, bro, you can call me whenever you want. But, yeah, I'm gonna go look for some.

[B]

But, like, the first couple years, you kind of check in and then you, like, forget one year. It's got to feel weird. Yeah.

[A]

Eventually. Or if there's a new stepdad, you can't be like, hey, you got to pass the baton and be like, he's a good boy.

[B]

But do those stepdads meet somewhere and, like, have a. Do they.

[A]

They meet at Sabaro. They meet at Sabaro and they ceremoniously split a pizza, and the guy gives the. The new stepdad the, like, the fifth slice, and he only has three.

[B]

Hey, what's up? I'm Tom. 2015 to 2017.

[A]

Yeah. Step dadding is like, I. I kind of.

[B]

It's unheralded.

[A]

There's exactly. I kind of wish I was able to experience it a little bit, honestly.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

But, you know, I. For real, I was always. I always assumed that was just, like, how it would go for me. I was like, yeah, I'll just kind of kick around and eventually I'll just date a trick with kids and be a stepdad. But didn't work out that way, so I honestly wouldn't have minded. It'd be pretty sick.

[B]

Yeah. Sometimes I have a dream maybe that I meet a lady and she already has a kid. Maybe.

[A]

Yeah, man, Just get in there. Like. Like 10. You know what? That'd be awesome. Yeah, I guess you're right. I guess you're right. 6. Get out. I'm telling you, man, it's like the first three years, there's no sleep. You get all your good sleep, you just hop in at 6. They just started remembering stuff. It's perfect. It's just fun. From then on, it's just fun.

[B]

My buddy just had a. His third kid, and he's a black man, and he has. And it's funny, the other guys were like, dude, you're not even a. You're not even a black dad until you have three kids.

[A]

That's hilarious.

[B]

Like, two kids for a black guy. That's nothing, bro.

[A]

That's so funny.

[B]

That's child's play.

[A]

So now he's official.

[B]

Yeah, now he's really. Yeah, like, dang. All right. So you for real about it?

[A]

He's really banging? Yeah. Yeah.

[B]

It's like, the first two were just mixtapes, and this is, like, a real.

[A]

Album he's finally signed.

[B]

Yeah. What else. Any other thing else in the news going on or anything else?

[A]

Dude, I haven't even been. I haven't been following news. I don't know what's going on. I. What else is going on with me.

[B]

Dude, you know what?

[A]

I've been doing. Recently, I've been researching, so I've been reading autobiographies. That's my big. That's my big kick right now.

[B]

Wow.

[A]

I've just been trying to just study people's lives and see, like, at the end of their life, what did they think was good, what did they think was bad? I only got through, like, once. Well, I got through a couple, actually. But, dude, the. It's been cracking me up because I. Bertrand Russell was like, this famous mathematician.

[B]

Bertram Russell.

[A]

Bertrand Russell, yeah. He wrote. Him and, like, Sky Whitehead wrote this, like, big book called Princip. Principia Mathematica, where they spent, I think, like, 200 pages proving one plus one equals two. This was, like, the type of stuff he was on.

[B]

Wow.

[A]

Bizarre.

[B]

Why? Just because they're finding ways that you couldn't not prove it.

[A]

People are coming through and, like, underlying. So apparently math is like, there's like a. Like, a set of axioms that, like, you just have to assume is true. You know, they want math. There's a bunch of people back in the day who wanted math to be able to, like, totally explain everything in the universe. It's just the way it is. But there is a aspect of faith in math where you have to believe the axioms.

[B]

Right.

[A]

So they were trying to just be like, check this out. And they just got real into one plus one in that book. But he's apparently, like, a genius. And I read his. And I read the guy, you know, Angela's Ashes.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I read he has one called tiz. That's his second, Frank McCourt. So Angela's ashes was his time in Ireland TILL he was 19. And then at 19, he moved to New York City in, like, the 50s, and he wrote another book called Tiz that's from the 1950s to, like, whenever. The 80s or whatever. But I've been like. I was reading those both simultaneously. And, like, it's so funny how every male memoir is just a guy talking about how horny they were as a kid. It's. It's crazy.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Horny and want to kill themselves. Bertrand Russell and Frank McCoy, like, I just want to. So horny, dude. I just want to kill myself. Yeah. Like, every. I didn't know every guy was just suicidal back in the day. That's what I'm learning in my studies. A lot of guys are just. Just want to kill themselves.

[B]

Well, it used to be very poetic if you killed yourself.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Remember, it was very. There was like, this Shakespearean, like, I'm taking my life now. You're just like a, you know, you're just like a 13 Reasons why fan or whatever, you know. But it used to be kind of. There was something very romantic about it in a way. Yeah.

[A]

You could like stab yourself with a sword. Now it's, you know, it's.

[B]

Now it's overdosing or whatever.

[A]

Yeah, it's like, come on. Yeah, it is. Go back to the drawing board. That's.

[B]

Dude, this guy. First person to use Switzerland Suicide pod found with strang. And where are these at? They're not the airport, are they?

[A]

The airport would actually be. Your flight got canceled. Just be like, never mind. Just walk right into the suicide pod. Just end it.

[B]

Oh, that's bro. That was found with strangulation marks on her neck following the death of the 64 year old American woman. Multiple people, including Dr. Florian Willet, the president, they said a woman used it, but they also found strangulation marks.

[A]

Yeah, what's that about?

[B]

Present. So it sounds like maybe they only put her in a couple minutes.

[A]

Yeah, but the. It's just. Why would she have marks in her neck? If she, if you get. Maybe she, she might have attempted.

[B]

Oh, she was trying to like help it or something.

[A]

Or maybe she like tried to do the old ceiling and like the something gave away and she's like, I'm going to hit the pod.

[B]

There was some malfunction and she. The guy was heard saying six minutes after the process started that she's still alive.

[A]

So I think he had to.

[B]

Oh, he choked her out because I guess if you go that far, if she lives, she wouldn't have product is no better.

[A]

She'd Yelp the pod.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Two stars still alive, Boo.

[B]

Eating breakfast right now does not work.

[A]

With my lame ass kids. And husband right now did not taste the sweet release of death.

[B]

Awkward ride home.

[A]

Husband's like, what are you doing back? I thought you were killing yourself today.

[B]

You already got a new girl. Girl over. He's already on Raya listening to Zach Brian.

[A]

Damn. Dude, this I, I Dude, that freaks me out, man. Would you do it?

[B]

I've been at an airport, dude, and if you miss your lehaver, I'm like, I'll go to heaven. Yeah, I'm not. Yeah, I'm not waiting. Yeah, Akron, send me to heaven. Put me in that. Like I've been that furious at a point where it's just like, I'll just. Let's shut it down.

[A]

Yeah, there's no more room for your baggage. You're like, oh, you know what? I'm going to take pod. I don't know. I'm not going to go walk five seats back and try to go into oncoming traffic, get my bag back. I'm going to take to the pod. If it doesn't work, you have permission to choke me. That's crazy. That guy had to just be like.

[B]

Yeah, he's like, oh, couple of kinks, ma'am. Just don't mind me.

[A]

That would be nice if the pod just like walls came in and just crushed you.

[B]

Oh.

[A]

It like put you into a dizzying.

[B]

State and then it just vacuum sealed you.

[A]

Yeah, exactly. Just sucked you.

[B]

I'd have like a little soda with me.

[A]

Just dried you out. But yeah, that. I don't like that, man. I don't like when people. Again, it's like if you're. If you have like terrible painful cancer or there's like nothing they can do. I get it. But like, that guy looked all right. Was he just modeling the tube or is he actually.

[B]

Yeah, he's just a mod, I guess. They obviously do not have a. There's no budget for the model, I'll say that. You know. Well, the woman that used it, she had cancer and she wanted to go.

[A]

Use it and they just hooked her up. Yeah, yeah, that's. But here's the thing. That's the one product like Coca Cola and all those, like, they have like, beautiful people always like drinking Coke. You don't have like. They're going to have like beautiful celebs like, laying in there.

[B]

That's true. Right?

[A]

They're going to try to. They want to show you someone who looked like that guy. I was like, yeah, I could see that.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

This guy's got, like, no muscle mass. Pants are sagging. I could see him just 76.

[B]

Hey, C. Let me get an edit in there. Just smoking. That would be the best. Some dude in there.

[A]

I'm gonna get one from my house. If my kids piss me off, I'm like, I'm. I'm gonna go to the pod. Yeah, Daddy's going to the suicide pod. If you guys don't clean your room, I'm gonna turn myself off.

[B]

Bro. That'd be crazy, man.

[A]

Yeah, put them in there. You guys want to around.

[B]

You guys want to party? Huh?

[A]

Scare them.

[B]

I wouldn't set that thing for 30 seconds just to freak them out.

[A]

Just microwave them for a second. Second. Yeah.

[B]

Some lady oven themselves at a Walmart. You see that?

[A]

No.

[B]

Somebody wandered into an oven. I don't. They were doing. Was it Was it hide and go seek or what happened?

[A]

Wait, we're pulling it up. But there was a. A woman got stuck in one of the industrial baking ovens at a Walmart, I believe. What?

[B]

And I believe she passed away, right?

[A]

Yes. From the gas or she burn herself up from the burning.

[B]

Oh, or cooking. Let's all say burning.

[A]

We don't know what happened.

[B]

Or, you know.

[A]

Oh, she was 19. Oh, yo.

[B]

Please say the investigation is complex. That's unreal.

[A]

Oh, the walk in. So this. They bake like multiple cakes at a time in Canada.

[B]

Yeah, I guess they have a walk in oven.

[A]

That's not a good idea.

[B]

It'd be hard to stay out of it. I bet it smelled good in there, bro.

[A]

True.

[B]

I mean, this is harrowing.

[A]

Yeah, of course. But I'm saying that it is a fact that that oven smelled delicious.

[B]

Oh, man. The woman who was an employee of the store was located a large walk oven. Important to note, Kate, investigation has not yet reached a point where the cause and manner of death have been confirmed.

[A]

The investigation is complex. Yeah, dude. I did not. I'm thinking like there was just a big oven on display and I was like, how the. Did a lady walk into that?

[B]

Yeah. Damn.

[A]

Why do they. They have walking ovens. That's a terrible idea.

[B]

It is.

[A]

Just feed them in there like pizzas. Just, you know, have like a big thing. You pull a wooden paddle and pull them out. People don't need those cakes, dude.

[B]

That didn't.

[A]

That shouldn't have cost a human life. Those cakes are terrible.

[B]

Yeah, this is. Yeah, you shouldn't. We don't need to walk into an oven.

[A]

Oh, dude, that's a terrible.

[B]

That's a horrible idea.

[A]

Yeah, that's a.

[B]

Well, it's.

[A]

Look, that's. Hey, it's an old idea. It's not the first. It's an old idea and people should have not done it.

[B]

Yeah. But it's like, it's almost like, oh, you. Now you need an oven. You open the door and has like that, like the one of those signs that's on like the ladder that's like, do not step here. Like, no, dude, that's terrible. Oven.

[A]

Yeah, man. I mean. Oh. Oh, dude, that is terrible.

[B]

Someone throws you in there. That's what they're saying.

[A]

That's what I'm saying, dude. Oh, that is not nice because.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

How would you shut yourself in there? I don't know. That's a mystery.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Complex. If I were right now. So this is very complex mystery. And here. Yeah. What's this all about. What's this all about?

[B]

This goes turn, huh?

[A]

This is nice.

[B]

That's awesome. This is why you need other countries, dude.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

People are like, I don't like diversity. You're out of your mind.

[A]

That's true. That guy is as diverse as it gets.

[B]

You show me a honky that can do this.

[A]

I mean, dude, it is what a blessing if you're. I'm just. Just assume this guy's like, I don't know where what country that's in, but any other time in history just being like a. Yeah. A born in like the third world again. He could be in Palm Beach. I don't know where that guy's from, but he's pretending he's from another country. He. It would just be a pretty tough road. But now he can just make great viral content.

[B]

I know. It just makes life good, man. Yeah.

[A]

Three, six. That's hilarious.

[B]

Are you in Tires the new season?

[A]

Yeah, I have a small. A small role.

[B]

Did you want to have a larger role? Was that ever a conversation? You're good.

[A]

No, I'm good, man. I'm. I'm happy with everything. If I get it. The fact that I was in it again, I was like, fuck yeah. So. And I. Dude, acting is like so hard, man. Yeah, it's draining, dude. Just doing that every day. Just like I work myself up into a tizzy doing just like two seat like one scene like from like the different angles and it's just like, yeah, you're waiting.

[B]

Takes a lot of patience.

[A]

So you sit there all day. It's. But I. Yeah, no, I'm always like, I'm kind of chilling, man. I'm happy every. The way anything's going. The fact that I'm not like stuck at a job that makes me miserable. I'm like, bro, anything that I can do, let me know. You know what I mean? I don't get like caught up in the kind of like should be better. Yeah. There was my.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Played the cop last time.

[B]

Yeah. My mom loved the show. She's so wild. She's like, have you seen this tires?

[A]

Yeah, it is. It is funny. Like, she like, I like it. I like put it on. And my daughter was like, uncle Shane. Uncle. She freaked out. Uncle J's on tv. Uncle J's on tv. I was trying to find my part. I was like, daddy was on TV watching. I was like, I can't find it.

[B]

Like, boo. Get in the oven. Get in the oven. White dad. Do your kids call you White Dad? That's crazy. Huh?

[A]

My, my daughter says I'm colored sand. She's like, dad looks like sand. I forget what you called her. Mom.

[B]

All right. Yeah.

[A]

She's dad sand. They didn't have that, but they're gonna get it now. All the schools, it'll, it'll all get like, they'll start ramping that up. But, you know, we'll see. I'll tell. I'm just gonna hold it down with my daughter. Like, dude, for real. I'm black. Don't worry.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

And that school, you wait. Yeah, I'm like, as hell.

[B]

This is a mirage, shorty.

[A]

Let's just get the loan on the house.

[B]

Yeah, we'll see.

[A]

But yeah, man, I, I, yeah, dude, I'm just pumped, man. I'm like, you know, everything's going well. I'm like, again, I'm just biding my time to be a plain clothes school. Security.

[B]

It'd be fun, huh?

[A]

I do fantasize about, like, a nice retirement job.

[B]

I would like to teach art, crafts. Nothing fancy. Paint, wire things, those fuzzy long things. What are those called?

[A]

Pipe cleaners. Yeah, they'd be nice. Yeah. You can do whatever with those things.

[B]

You just. They put out a bag. We know we were making. Some kid made a noose or whatever. You're like, yes, he's doing good.

[A]

But yeah, that's, you know, for me, I've just been chilling, man, just trying to keep myself float, stay positive. That's the embarrassing thing, too. When, like, things are going well, it's like, I'll still get, like, bummed out and depressed and I'm always like, dude, you're such a. Shut up. So I've been trying to just like, be even killed and just, you know, just work on little projects and that's it.

[B]

Yeah, I think some of that's normal too. It's. It is tough, though, because certainly people have things a lot tougher, you know, and it is tough, too. Sometimes when your life is going good, it's like not to let your ego start to take over. That's. That's a thing that gets really scary.

[A]

Oh, yeah, dude.

[B]

Because your ego is just like this thing that kind of grows without you, you know, really knowing what's going on. You can be watering it without even realizing it.

[A]

Oh, dude. I was lucky to have, like an ego boom, like, early. And it was like, looking back on it, it was like, really not nothing. It wasn't anything great. But at the time when I was like 24, 25, I was just making so much money selling weed that I was like, it, dude. It went right to my head.

[B]

Wow.

[A]

As soon as I made like a couple thousand dollars a week, I was just like, oh, my God, I'm the best.

[B]

And you buy rings.

[A]

And I was real low key. I mean, right now, it's the most rings I've ever worn right now. But the. Yeah, dude, you just get when you like that. That happened to me and I got like, you start getting greedier and I was just like, I want more. Luckily, I got wiped out financially, like, twice.

[B]

And.

[A]

And then that has like an evening. You go, like, up and back down. You go, okay. And it kind of brings you back to earth where you're like, yeah, like, don't. Don't let that's anything like that get to your head or, like, make you act different. And again, it's. It's embarrassing. It's like, dude, I was making two grand, so on weed. But it's like, it was enough for me at such a young age to be like, I'm. I'm the man. Everyone's a idiot who can't do. And it was just like. And then I came crashing and burning and I was like, all right, back to painting houses now with my friends. It really had like, a. That for me.

[B]

Oh, dude.

[A]

It was real and experience, and I was able to like, okay, when things are going well, a, don't be a dick, and B, they might not always forever. Huge chance it won't. So, you know, be grateful and just kind of like, you know, be nice and just try to help out. Don't get too, you know.

[B]

How'd you get wiped out? How'd you get wiped out just losing.

[A]

Money in the mail? I got robbed at gunpoint. I got. I, like, had, like, a couple stretches where, like, dudes I know would get up on drugs and just kind of like, dip out. I got robbed against gunpoint. I lost that. And then I mailed, like, I think, like, $30,000 in the mail, and that got snagged by the postal place. Yeah, dude, that was scary. I like.

[B]

With 30k in the mail.

[A]

Yeah, I vacuum sealed it, all that stuff. And.

[B]

And why you. Can you just not legally move that much money?

[A]

You're not allowed to mail money like that. No. And then what they do is they're like, come on in. Like, they're like, we'll talk to you. And it was like, I wasn't. My name wasn't on it. It was like, I tacked it on with my friend. And, well, the trick is you can be like, I Was buying a car, you know, blah, blah.

[B]

Did you go in there? Do you wear a mustache?

[A]

No, dude, I was like, I just called a wash. I'm like, I'm not going to the postal, you know, post men, post, general Mass or whatever it is.

[B]

Is there a chance to get it back?

[A]

If you can prove it's legit, they're gonna be like, all right, where's your tax return out of us? So it was like, you can't unless you had a legitimate. If I legitimately was doing it, I could be like, hey, here's what I'm doing. I need that back. But it's. That's the last place you want to go in and be like, no, it was actually up to no good.

[B]

I bet it's sitting. I bet you go in there and talk to him at least.

[A]

Yeah, right? It's gone. They. Oh, my God. Yeah, they probably took it.

[B]

Other postal workers, I would imagine the.

[A]

Post or they maybe, you know, they were like, here you go. But it's like, yeah, that was the big thing back then. It was just mailing weed. You would just get it to your house and write immediately write return to sender. Don't open it. Because what they do is either a. A guy in, like, a officer pretends to work for the USPS and they come and deliver it. And what they were doing first, which kind of them up, they'd be like, open the box right now. And you'd open it and be like, there'd be weed in there. And you could just go, I don't know. Anyone can mail me anything. So they legally couldn't do anything. So they started doing is. They let you get the package. They wait like 10 minutes, and then they come in. Because people usually get it and cut it right open. So you have to do is you write return to sender, Leave it in the corner of the room, wait about like, an hour, and then you put it in your car and you drive towards the post office. So if they pull you over, you're like, bro, I don't even know what this is. I'm taking the post office. And if you just kind of do a couple laps, no one's following. You go somewhere else, and you cut it open. But it's like, that was the move, because California would mail it over for just, like, pennies on compared to what it was on the east Coast. I thought I was the man.

[B]

But then, you know, did you start buying anything? You buy a nice suit or something?

[A]

I was very, very. I was like a Chinese Triad. I would just. No, I didn't spend anything. I would, like.

[B]

Would you start sleeping on your back or something at least?

[A]

You know what I would do? I would go on trips. I would do vacations. So I would, like, go away and, like, ball out like that. But no, I didn't buy. I didn't buy the cars. I didn't do any of that stuff. I kept it pretty low key.

[B]

Where'd you go, to Cancun or something?

[A]

Yeah, I went to Hawaii. I did a trip to Hawaii to the Four Seasons. It's pretty tight.

[B]

Damn. So you were balling.

[A]

I was balling out. Yeah, I was balling, but then again, I lost it all. And then you go from, like, you know, enjoying the perks of that to, like, I'd be happy if someone gave me 50 bucks right now, you know? So it's like.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And at a young age, it's the best thing that could have happened. Because at a young age, I got to, like, get that ego swell and just completely come cr. And there's something liberating. When it happens, though, I remember being oddly, like, relieved at the time, being like, oh, this is kind of cool. I don't have to worry about all this anymore.

[B]

Oh, that was a nightmare, dude. We sold weed for almost four hours one time.

[A]

It's scary.

[B]

It was the scariest day, every day. I fucking almost killed the kid. I was like. I started accusing him of. We had, like. We literally had $200 worth of, like, we were fine.

[A]

It was just alpha dog immediately, bro.

[B]

Things went so. It was crazy.

[A]

Well, dude, you talk about being paranoid. It's. Yeah, you're in a paranoid.

[B]

Everybody's a narc or whatever.

[A]

Everyone's following you. Everyone's a narc. Everyone's watching you. Yeah.

[B]

At one point, I would wake my friend up, be like, are you watching you?

[A]

I had a storage unit at one point, and between me and someone else, we had like, 60 pounds of weed in there. And I'd have to. I'd have to go in there with a duffel bag in the middle of the day and, like, look around, around, load it, and walk back up. And the one time I went there at three in the morning, or, excuse me, it was like, you know, one in the morning. But I go in there, it's nighttime, and there's a fire alarm going off in the school, and I remember hearing it being like, there's a school near. Which probably wasn't the best place to have £60 a week. So I go in, I'm like, oh, that's weird. The fire alarm's going off. I load up a duffel bag of like 30 pounds of weed. I come out of the place and surround it in police. Police officers are everywhere because they were. They came because of that fire alarm going off in the school. And I'm holding a duffel bag and they're just standing there and like 1am or whatever and I just come down the steps. They look at me and I look at them and I was like, boys. And I just walked in my car and I just was like, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please. Got in, took off, no problem. I was myself. Dude, that was like one of the scarier.

[B]

Oh, I can feel the stress of that, dude. Cuz you feel the second you're. When they're behind you, you must be like, they're.

[A]

They're following me. Burning in my head. You're pulling off, you're like. You're just waiting for one of their cars to pull off. And it was like, dude, it was a massive giant like hockey bag. And it looks. I was like, this looks so sketchy. I'm just coming out like. And I like froze.

[B]

It says weed on the side of it.

[A]

Yeah, came out like, just stared at them and I was like, hey, like, what the wrong with that guy?

[B]

Wow.

[A]

Yeah, true. That is. I will say that is one of the perks of being a white guy. Yeah, easily. Just seeing the cops at 1am With a giant duffel bag and being like, hey, yeah, what's up brothers? What's up guys?

[B]

Hi ho, neighbor.

[A]

Yeah, but yeah, and you're just in a paranoid delusion the whole entire. It's terrible for your. Dude, my hair's gray, dude. Yeah, you're just worried all the time.

[B]

Constantly, for years, dude, you're hiding in your ceiling. Yeah, that's kind of. Everything just gets scary. You're hiding stuff. Yeah, we had like a couple of fighting, dude.

[A]

It's funny because. Sorry to cut you off. You give someone an ounce of weed and you'd watch them, they'd be like, yeah, just like, you know, sell this. And people would start it and it's like people would implode. It's just so much pressure. Or they would just smoke it all and be like, whatever.

[B]

Yeah, but then they're high. Now you're having to talk somebody that's high to get you their back. And then everybody starts knowing you're the weak guy. So people knowing you're the. We got. There's something cool about it. But then there's also this fear because you're like, well, I'm gonna get busted.

[A]

Paranoid. Yeah. Paranoid all the time. Then you hear about other people getting busted, and, you know, it's just.

[B]

And then it gets closer to you, and you're like, don't snitch or whatever.

[A]

Yes. And I wasn't gonna do it.

[B]

Yeah. We would bury weed in our. We had, like, seven dime bags we were trying to sell. Right?

[A]

We got them in your mouth. Your little wheelchairs.

[B]

Burying them in the yard. It was unbelievable, dude.

[A]

I know. That's why you didn't get caught, though, dude. You guys were careful.

[B]

It was breaking horrible, dude. That's who we were, dude. It was just. It was the dumbest thing ever. I'm in the front yard, just calling my buddy a Burying dime sacks with a trowel.

[A]

You know, I know someone who.

[B]

What the. You're doing?

[A]

I know someone who thought he was selling steroids. Oh. And he got beat, and they were just antidepressants, so he was selling them to, like, a bunch of people. They're all like, dude, they're working. I'm getting yoked. And they were just on ssr.

[B]

Oh, dude, I feel great.

[A]

Hey, man. They felt. It did feel good, dude.

[B]

I bought some steroids once. My girlfriend, while I was at. Away from her house, I was doing something, found him broke and threw him all away. She took your roids, and when I got.

[A]

Did you already cycle on them? So did you, like, were like, what the.

[B]

No, I think I had been on steroids at the time, and I was not happy when I got there. Okay. Yeah, dude, it was. Do not look if you find your boyfriend's steroids. Okay.

[A]

Don't touch them.

[B]

Just. Yeah, bring it up to them. Do not get rid of them, though, because it can create a man and become violent. You know, I didn't, but you could see how I could. It could be a wild day for someone, Dude.

[A]

I'll. I'll say. And I. This is like, I. I've interacted with a couple people who did the combination of coke and steroids, and that's the most lethal. That's, like, a dangerous combination. Oh, I would. And then if you're already a little bit bipolar, and boom. Like, dude, those steroids, the coke, and your bipolar mania hit at the same time. It's like, that was the craziest. I was out to breakfast one time with a guy like that, and he ordered. It was actually kind of alpha. But he like, we're ordering breakfast. He's like, oh. And I'LL take a muffin. And can I have that immediately? And I was like, damn, bro, you just hit her with the immediately. He's like, and I want that immediately. Not even. Like, I. You know, I can have that before. He's like, I want that immediately.

[B]

An immediate muffin.

[A]

It was boss. It was boss energy, but it was. I remember being struck by that being.

[B]

Can happen immediately.

[A]

Immediately.

[B]

Like, what?

[A]

Little urgency behind that.

[B]

Yeah. Huh.

[A]

But, yeah, that. That's a wild combo.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Yeah. How long you on the roids for?

[B]

I was on and off for a few years. I remember the first time I ever did pills.

[A]

Or did you inject?

[B]

Shooting.

[A]

Dang, that's awesome.

[B]

Shooting three pointers one time. One time, my buddy Sean, he sold me some pills. He actually passed away. He died. He drowned. He. I think he tried to hide from the police underwater. No, dude drowned.

[A]

That's terrible.

[B]

Just. Yeah. You just can't do it.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

You know, it's. You don't think about it when you're. He was so high. He just thought, I can hide underwater, bro.

[A]

I p. I almost passed out in a pool this summer. I tried to do a back and forth in front of all my friends, and I had my daughter's goggles on, and they were. Bro, they were crushing the sides of my head so hard. I for real went out, came up, my legs were all. And I was like, spitting water hours. I remember being like, do you ever try to hold your breath super long in a pool when you start, like, vibrating? And I was feeling that. I'm like, bro, I'm so close to getting back and forth. I got that, and all of a sudden, I black out, come to, and I'm up in the water. My lungs are full. I'm like. And then I took two more steps, passed out again, smacked my chin on the side of the pool. My friends were all just. They thought I was, like, around until I get myself on the porch pool. And I came up. I was like, yo, I think I passed out. They're like, yeah, dude, you passed out twice.

[B]

Yeah, it was. Start the burgers, man.

[A]

Yeah, it was terrifying, dude. It's called meeting the Wizard. That's what David Goggins calls it.

[B]

Really?

[A]

When they. The Marines, like, train underwater and pass out underwater, bro, it's up. I could see, like, when you have people like, oh, he hit and drown. It's like, dude, if you try to hold your breath too long, you can miss a window and you're just out.

[B]

Well, those Kansas City Chief fans were partying with Their buddy. Four dudes dead on his porch.

[A]

Didn't they. Weren't they doing fentanyl?

[B]

I think seemed like something was crazy, you know? Yeah.

[A]

I think they got coke and they had fentanyl, and that shit's terrifying, bro. That's one thing I'm happy I. I never got involved with because that's just like. And everyone's like, everyone I know still does coke. Which I'm like, is crazy. They're like, yeah, but, dude, like, we're testing it. I'm like, no, you're not, dude. You're telling me you're drunk at a bar, you score coke, and you're like, hold up. Let's test this first. It's like, no, you're not.

[B]

Yeah. You're the same type of person that mails his to somebody. Can you imagine the mail? Your. You're just some dude at a house just pounds of just showing up at your door every day. You're just counting money all day.

[A]

You're doing it in your garage like, Jeff Bezos wife's like, what the. Dude, Babe, I'm gonna analyze these turds. Let me analyze these turds, babe, Come on.

[B]

I gotta.

[A]

You know, it probably just goes right to a landfill. And they're like, you need vitamin D. And you're like, thank you, sir. Thank you. I think I got tricked, dude.

[B]

Yeah. Testing your own. Oh, that. Yeah. At that point, what are you having to do? It's crazy. Yeah, it's interesting. You have some tour dates coming up. I saw.

[A]

Yeah, man, I gotta.

[B]

You're in New York next week?

[A]

Yeah, I gotta go to the New York Comedy Festival. The Town Hall. That one. I'm sweating that one. I think it should be good, but.

[B]

Yeah, be fun when you're sweating it. What do you mean?

[A]

Ticket sales, it's going pretty well. I got to do that one. And then Capital One haul. They just, like. They're trying me in theaters right now, like, clubs. I feel comfortable now. They're like, let's do some theaters. So I'm like, so, you know, just got to sell all the tickets of a weekend in one day.

[B]

I know. It's scary.

[A]

Yeah, dude, it is scary. But the. It's going all right. You know, it's like, I don't place too much pressure. It's like, it is what it is. I try to promote stuff, but I'm not like, you know, if it doesn't work out, that's just what it is. There's nothing I can do.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

So, you know, so that's Coming up. So I'm going to do that and then I get a bunch of other dates coming up till, like, basically, like, May. So they're all on mattmcusker.com whatever. But, yeah, come check it out.

[B]

Yeah, man, if you want. Yeah. And congrats, you guys. This podcast is still doing great, dude.

[A]

Yeah, we're. We're. This is. This is like the dark night of our podcast. So I'm doing it. I'm just holding it down, dude. Shane's doing the tires. And I've been, you know, I've set up a new thing now where I. I have, like, headset mics and I stand at a podium with. And I have the guests stand at a podium. And it's been kind of fun. Changes the energy when you're on your feet. Imagine if we're on our feet this whole time. It's a whole different energy.

[B]

Oh, it's a good point. Huh?

[A]

And you have, you have. Your hands are free. You're just on the headset.

[B]

You're thinking. You're more creative.

[A]

Move around. I kind of like it so far. And you have, like, a podium to lean on. I can put a laptop on this under count. And, like, you know, if I need to look at something, I can just kind of.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Fun. I'm really around with it.

[B]

You have been good for you, man. And if you take a walk sometimes I'll notice if I take a walk with a friend, we have such a better conversation.

[A]

Big time.

[B]

Or if I take, like, one of the things I like to do now. Sometimes if I'm even going on a date or something, like, let's just go take a walk. It's like you kind of get to know somebody is chill. You're in motion, like, and you feel like you did something too when you. When you, like, go on a walk, dude.

[A]

And I. That's, for me, that's the best cure for when you get the mental zoomies. Hit the road. Just walk. It helps so much.

[B]

Walk till you're a stepdad.

[A]

Yeah, Walk to that new family, dude.

[B]

Best of luck with all the tickets, man. Well, yeah, if you need a guest, too. If I come back, man, I'll have to pop in.

[A]

Please, dude. Please. That'd be awesome. I got, I got like.

[B]

Because Shane's taping in New York. Is that where they're taping Philly?

[A]

Yeah, right in Philly. So I got like.

[B]

Gustavros is taping with him?

[A]

Yes.

[B]

Yeah, he's gonna. I'm gonna see him next week.

[A]

Yeah, man. So I got, like, I think, like, seven more weeks of episodes to record before it comes back. So we've. We've made it through. So, you know, it's been fun. It's one of those, like, it's been, like, a learning experience because it's, you know, it's easy. We can do it. We'll do it together. When it was just me, I was just like, you know, the dogs, man.

[B]

They'Ll be excited whenever he gets back, though.

[A]

Oh, yeah.

[B]

You can hear him barking. Yeah. Ready?

[A]

They're ready. They're ready. Trust me. They're ready. For.

[B]

[e-mail] Matt, good to see you, man.

[A]

Bro, thank you so much.

[B]

Yeah, man. Have a good one, too.

[A]

Now I'm just floating on the breeze And I feel I'm falling like these leaves I must be cornerstone oh but when I reach that ground I'll share this piece of my life found I can feel it in my bones but it's gonna take a little.