E561 Ari Shaffir

Summary

Podcast Summary: This Past Weekend w/ Theo Von – Episode E561 Featuring Ari Shaffir

Release Date: February 12, 2025
Host: Theo Von
Guest: Ari Shaffir

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1. Introduction to Ari Shaffir

Timestamp: [00:00-02:01]
Theo Von introduces Ari Shaffir, highlighting his esteemed career in stand-up comedy, his podcast "You Be Trippin," and his latest Netflix special, "America's Sweetheart." Theo underscores Ari's role as a pivotal figure in the comedy world, bridging connections among various comedians.

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2. The Challenge of Overly Generous Serving Sizes

Timestamp: [02:01-04:00]
Ari initiates the conversation by lamenting oversized American serving portions, using the analogy of being "overloaded with badness."

Ari Shaffir [02:10]: "You're like, oh, I'm going to keep eating it."

Theo echoes the sentiment, comparing excessive servings to a dog being fed too much, emphasizing the discomfort of overeating unhealthy foods.

---

3. Reflections on Interviewing Donald Trump

Timestamp: [03:01-07:00]
A significant portion of the discussion revolves around Ari's experience interviewing former President Donald Trump. They delve into the constraints of interview durations and the challenges of eliciting meaningful dialogue from Trump.

Ari Shaffir [03:50]: "Everybody else, like, let's just go till we're kind of done."

Theo shares a personal anecdote about dreaming of interviewing another comedian, Tim Walls, expressing a desire for deeper, more engaging conversations beyond surface-level interactions.

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4. Navigating Celebrity Interactions and Authenticity

Timestamp: [07:00-11:00]
The hosts discuss the evolving landscape of celebrity interactions, noting how social media has democratized fame but also blurred the lines of authenticity. Ari shares experiences of meeting various celebrities and the often superficial nature of these encounters.

Theo Von [07:11]: "There's nothing worse when... if your planned line doesn't go good for a celebrity, you have nothing."

They touch upon the shift from traditional celebrity hierarchies to a more accessible yet sometimes less genuine fame, highlighting the impact on personal interactions.

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5. The Austin Comedy Scene: Growth and Challenges

Timestamp: [11:00-18:00]
Ari and Theo shift focus to the burgeoning comedy scene in Austin, Texas. Ari praises the city's supportive environment for new comedians, contrasting it with places that foster complacency.

Ari Shaffir [12:05]: "They need to know where they're weak. They don't."

Theo adds that Austin is evolving into a significant hub for comedy, likening its growth to a "Jambenet of comedy," where perseverance and self-critique drive improvement. They discuss the role of influential figures like Joe Rogan in cultivating this vibrant scene.

---

6. The Evolution of Stand-Up Comedy

Timestamp: [25:12-27:00]
Ari shares insights from his latest special, "America's Sweetheart," discussing the natural progression of comedians from joke-telling to more purposeful storytelling.

Ari Shaffir [25:34]: "Once you get pretty good at joke telling, then it's like, what do I want to do on top of that?"

He emphasizes the importance of evolving as an artist, drawing parallels with musicians like Sturgill Simpson who shift their themes as they grow older.

---

7. Political Commentary and Social Issues

Timestamp: [27:00-44:00]
The conversation broadens to encompass political discourse, societal challenges, and the role of media. Ari criticizes social media platforms for enabling unrestricted harmful content, citing issues with Pornhub’s content moderation.

Ari Shaffir [44:27]: "They are serial killers, they're mass murderers... we’re just letting it go."

They discuss the opioid crisis, highlighting the inadequate accountability of pharmaceutical companies like Purdue Pharma and the environmental negligence of utilities like PG&E.

Theo Von [70:29]: "Under the new settlement, the terms of Sackler's control of Purdue pharma ends the 7.4 billion give up."

Ari expresses frustration with governmental inaction on regulating harmful industries, advocating for stricter oversight to protect society.

---

8. Travel Stories and Cultural Observations

Timestamp: [74:00-114:00]
Ari and Theo share vivid anecdotes from their travels, exploring diverse locations such as China, Cuba, Trinidad and Tobago, and various parts of the United States. They discuss cultural differences, humorous encounters, and the unique comedic opportunities that arise from traveling.

Theo Von [85:09]: "I keep moving this."

Ari recounts experiences from the "Semester at Sea" program, emphasizing the blend of educational pursuits with spontaneous adventures, while Theo reminisces about infiltrating humorous and unexpected situations abroad.

---

9. New Comedy Special and Future Plans

Timestamp: [119:05-120:35]
Ari announces his new comedy special, "America's Sweetheart," now available on Netflix, and discusses his upcoming farewell tour before embarking on a backpacking journey to explore diverse cultures further.

Ari Shaffir [120:02]: "I'm torn a little bit... then I'm going to take about a year and a half off."

Theo encourages Ari to take this well-deserved break, highlighting the importance of balance and personal growth in a comedian's career.

---

10. Closing Thoughts and Final Anecdotes

Timestamp: [121:00-End]
The episode winds down with lighter exchanges about personal habits, humorous misunderstandings during travels, and mutual appreciation for each other's comedic styles. They reflect on the unpredictable nature of life on the road and the enduring camaraderie between comedians.

---

Notable Quotes

• Ari Shaffir [02:10]: "You're like, oh, I'm going to keep eating it."
• Theo Von [07:11]: "There's nothing worse when... if your planned line doesn't go good for a celebrity, you have nothing."
• Ari Shaffir [25:34]: "Once you get pretty good at joke telling, then it's like, what do I want to do on top of that?"
• Ari Shaffir [44:27]: "They are serial killers, they're mass murderers... we’re just letting it go."
• Theo Von [85:09]: "I keep moving this."

---

Conclusion

In this episode, Theo Von and Ari Shaffir traverse a wide array of topics, from the intricacies of the comedy scene in Austin to deep-seated societal issues like the opioid crisis and media regulation. Their candid dialogue, enriched with personal anecdotes and sharp humor, offers listeners a blend of insightful commentary and relatable humor. With Ari's upcoming special and plans for extensive travel, the conversation also touches upon the nature of growth and evolution in a comedian's life.

---

This summary captures the essence of Episode E561, providing a comprehensive overview for those who haven't tuned in. For a richer experience, listening to the full episode is highly recommended.

Transcript

[Theo Von]

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[Ari Shafir]

Too much burrito, did you. Oh, I have American serving sizes and they hit you with not like chips and salsa first. Fill up on those.

[Theo Von]

Yeah, some serving sizes are alarming. I can't tell if I'm, you know, there's an amount of serving size that you want to get, right? There's. But then some places that give too much, you're like, oh, that's this is awesome of them. But then you start having it and.

[Ari Shafir]

You'Re like, oh, I'm going to keep eating it.

[Theo Von]

I'm a dog and it's not good. Sometimes they're just overloading you with badness.

[Ari Shafir]

Yeah, shitty fries were like, there's no seasoning of this. And I ate them all. I should have just been like, now I'll get fry. I have fry money. I Could go get more fries.

[Theo Von]

Better.

[Ari Shafir]

Like, they're right here, right now. I'm going to eat them. Yeah, I want, like, two bites. Too many would be perfect.

[Theo Von]

Okay.

[Ari Shafir]

Done with, like, one or two extra bites, and then that's it. Buddy. That. That Trump interview is so fucking good. Do it like that. Where it's like. I mean, this is the way I'm reading it. Like, I'm Theo. I'm like, you're here for me, not the other way around.

[Theo Von]

Really?

[Ari Shafir]

You're gonna facilitate me being Theo?

[Theo Von]

Oh, wow.

[Ari Shafir]

Yeah.

[Theo Von]

Yeah. I don't know. I just felt had it. I'd had an exhausted week that week. We'd had, like, a couple of interviews. I think it was in. In New York and in Nashville, and so it was just like, a lot of traveling. I was like, I do not want to do this today.

[Ari Shafir]

Yeah, you really had to prep for.

[Theo Von]

It, but it was just, like, burnt out, you know?

[Ari Shafir]

Yeah.

[Theo Von]

But, yeah, I think people. Some people have said that they think it had an effect on the election and stuff. I don't really think that.

[Ari Shafir]

I think it was like a. Neither here nor there. He was just sitting there like this for you. It's like when I go into Bonfire with Jay and Dan.

[Theo Von]

Yeah.

[Ari Shafir]

I would just like, oh, you guys have a routine here. I'll just sit back and maybe get one tagline in, you know?

[Theo Von]

Yeah. I wish we'd have gotten more time to get to. I wish I'd have gotten more time to talk to Donald Trump, because I thought it would have been just. I knew we only had about, like, 55 minutes. So that's. That's a, you know, unique amount of time.

[Ari Shafir]

I hate with those big guys where they're like, we have this much. And you're like, all right, I'll do that. Everybody else, like, let's just go till we're kind of done.

[Theo Von]

Yeah.

[Ari Shafir]

But it was like, we're gonna need to wrap up in the. Oh, yeah, fine.

[Theo Von]

But like, I'm not feeling some guy in the back. Some lady.

[Ari Shafir]

Like, I should have just been like, wave it off. But I didn't. Should have been like, I don't work for you. Don't work for me. I don't work for you. I'm gonna keep him here.

[Theo Von]

Yeah, I wish you'd have got. Dude, I had a dream last night, actually, that I interviewed Tim Walls, actually.

[Ari Shafir]

He's the loser guy.

[Theo Von]

He was the guy, the set. Yeah. He was on the losing team, and he was.

[Ari Shafir]

Would you interview him about it? Would you talk to him in your Dream, remember?

[Theo Von]

But he was so cool in the interview. And I was like, dude, no. People don't know if you're so cool or not. We gotta. We have to come. Let's talk, people, you know? But I think.

[Ari Shafir]

I bet they're all kind of cool. I bet they're like, hey, you know what I want to do? I want to take power. Like, oh, I like that. And then when they do, I was like, you.

[Theo Von]

Yeah. I think a lot of them just probably either want or they want. That's the thing. It's so hard to know what they're really like as opposed to what you see.

[Ari Shafir]

Yeah.

[Theo Von]

Until I think you get some sort of, like a vert, like something of them that seems, like, somewhat relatable to you.

[Ari Shafir]

Yeah. Now they're all a product, too. I saw somebody talking about George Bush Jr. How you say nuclear? You know, I say nuclear, and somebody's like, how do.

[Theo Von]

Wait, how would he say it?

[Ari Shafir]

Nuclear.

[Theo Von]

Nuclear. That's how he would say it.

[Ari Shafir]

No, he said nuclear.

[Theo Von]

Nuclear.

[Ari Shafir]

Oh, nuclear is wrong. Sorry, buddy.

[Theo Von]

Which one's wrong?

[Ari Shafir]

Nuclear.

[Theo Von]

Nuclear is wrong.

[Ari Shafir]

Yeah, nuclear.

[Theo Von]

But nuclear power.

[Ari Shafir]

You don't think he knew now it's nuclear power.

[Theo Von]

Nuclear power.

[Ari Shafir]

No matter what you put on it, it's always going to be nuclear.

[Theo Von]

Okay. Yeah, I've heard it both ways. I think. I'm not. I didn't really know which one was. Yeah, correct. But yeah, nuclear.

[Ari Shafir]

But they were like. You don't think he knew how to pronounce that? His father was the president. You don't think he knew and he heard nuclear around the house. They told him to mispronounce that so he could be relatable. Wow.

[Theo Von]

You think?

[Ari Shafir]

Yeah, he went to, like, Ivy League school.

[Theo Von]

That's true.

[Ari Shafir]

He would have been shaken to that.

[Theo Von]

Yeah, we. I think that's that. I think people are starting to get hip to, like, how much of it.

[Ari Shafir]

Is Game of Thrones, like, image. Yeah.

[Theo Von]

Yeah. How much of it is, like, this person is doing this, or they're being told this or this is the plan.

[Ari Shafir]

Yeah.

[Theo Von]

Kamala did not have a good strategist, whoever her biz, her planner was or whatever. Who was that? Who was their. That's one thing.

[Ari Shafir]

I bet it wasn't the swam campaign advisor. Yeah, it wasn't that bald guy. What's his name? He's like the main one.

[Theo Von]

Carville.

[Ari Shafir]

James Carville.

[Theo Von]

Oh, yeah, he's cool.

[Ari Shafir]

Not him. He would have. He would have. He would have done something better.

[Theo Von]

He would have done something cool. He's out of Louisiana Yeah, that's right.

[Ari Shafir]

I went up to him once. I was like, how do you talk to a celebrity? There's no. There's no way. I don't know how to do it. They know I'm talking to them because they're them, not just like, oh, hey, cool shirt, and didn't know who it was, you know?

[Theo Von]

Yeah.

[Ari Shafir]

So I saw him on a commercial shoot once. I was like, what do I say? I'm like, I know. Used to call into sports radio in D.C. and he had a great thing, like, always been on the Home Underdog if there were more than seven points. And I was like, that's what I'll say. I was like, hey, I used to listen to you on Wtem with Kornheiser way back. And he goes, oh, cool. Fuck. Fuck even that.

[Theo Von]

Yeah. There's nothing worse when. Cause if your planned line doesn't go good for a celebrity, you have nothing.

[Ari Shafir]

That's it. You stand out like an asshole.

[Theo Von]

Like, oh, I've done that.

[Ari Shafir]

It feels so shitty. And then it's so obvious what you were trying to do.

[Theo Von]

I know. That's like, John, there was a night where Johnny Depp was at the Comedy Store.

[Ari Shafir]

Oh, yeah, I heard about that.

[Theo Von]

And everybody like, you got the star. Oh, he was. There was nobody like him. You know, he was. He was. Everybody. Dude, he was in that movie, Peter Pan. He was in that Peter Pan movie.

[Ari Shafir]

Was he?

[Theo Von]

Yeah. What was it called?

[Ari Shafir]

Finding Neverland.

[Theo Von]

Finding Neverland. Oh, God, that's a good movie. But anyway, every so then, like, suddenly I'd never even really been backstage at the main room. In the main room. I wasn't getting on stage there much of the time. And I'm like, oh, I gotta go back. Gotta go back, Johnny. So you walk in the back room back there was packed. Like, you could barely even move. Everybody's having, like, these fake conversations and kind of has their body lightly turned towards Johnny Depp.

[Ari Shafir]

They all try to laugh louder so, like, maybe he'll join in with our joviality. I see it with Rogan sometime. I bet you get it, too. You sit and be like, oh, cool. Nobody's in this bar. It's like, how did it just fill up? Yeah, it's like word got out. Theo Von's there.

[Theo Von]

Oh, Rogan. I could imagine. Dude, I feel like you never see. I feel like a lot of people. You never see him. He doesn't do a lot of.

[Ari Shafir]

We get like, 20 minutes normal, and then it's over.

[Theo Von]

Yeah.

[Ari Shafir]

And I'm like. I was sitting There. All right, Fucking take it.

[Theo Von]

Yeah. Like, let me tell you about science. Yeah. I'll tell you where the AIDS is. You know, you're like, what's this guy? And it's just a gay guy that's flirting, whatever. But it was like that at the. Oh, that was it. And he was in the back and.

[Ari Shafir]

Then coming out, I think I said, edgar. That's right.

[Theo Von]

Yeah. He's with Edgar. And who brought him? The guy. Doug Stanhope. Doug Stanhope from Arizona. And everybody was just, like, trying to.

[Ari Shafir]

Be in his presence.

[Theo Von]

Yeah.

[Ari Shafir]

Aura. You could soak it in.

[Theo Von]

You could see him. And I can't. I can't even remember if I got to meet him or not, but if I did, I think it was one of those things like, oh, see, things are going good, or something like that. Just like. Like we were from high school together.

[Ari Shafir]

Yeah. Yeah. Like, you want this con. It's never going to be that. It's never going to be, like, the best. Was Dice one time met some guy, and he goes, oh, we should. We should hang out. So some fan. And Dice, like, you know he is. He's like, sure, give me a number. And Dice called him and texted him 35 times a day. Bothered him at work to the point where the guy's like, hey, Andrew, I'm working right now. Yeah, work's tough. You know, it's like a couple of jobs I had when I was younger, and it's like, andrew, I got to go back to work. I just regretted trying to be friends with him.

[Theo Von]

Yeah, that. Oh, that's hilarious.

[Ari Shafir]

It does suck. I heard Brody Stevens went back there and, like, either didn't know, or now that I realized probably somebody told him, and he went back and was like, oh, like, you're not expecting to see anybody, let alone Johnny fucking Depp. And he goes, oh. And then I heard Depp had this way to offset. He goes, hi, I'm Johnny. How you doing? Or I'm John.

[Theo Von]

Yeah.

[Ari Shafir]

And then Brody's like, Johnny Depp. Yes. Heard of it. He must have been like, this guy's been weird in front of me. Like, no, no, no. That's just who he is. He's gonna hang himself soon. Don't worry about that. God.

[Theo Von]

Yeah, That's. Yeah. There's nothing scarier than if you have a line for something to say this because your brain doesn't think. It's just like, oh, everything will go good. It's not like, well, if that doesn't get adhered to, then what are you gonna do after that.

[Ari Shafir]

Yeah, you plan ahead. Like once that goes great, then what do I do from there?

[Theo Von]

I'll talk, I'll listen, I'll say, hey, I will. Then I'll ask. Yeah, maybe we can get a photo or something. Yeah. But, God, it's so scary when that first line doesn't go good because then you don't know what to do.

[Ari Shafir]

Oh, it's so embarrassing.

[Theo Von]

It is harrowing. Kind of. And that was at a time when celebs. There was like a real hierarchy to celebrity. Then I feel like celebrities gotten very. Like anybody. Like, it's. Everybody has like social media, you know, everybody has a website. Everybody could be a star.

[Ari Shafir]

You know, you also see the real them now, the real, real celebrities.

[Theo Von]

Yeah.

[Ari Shafir]

So you're like, oh, you're just a guy.

[Theo Von]

Yeah.

[Ari Shafir]

You do the same. You're like, oh, I see you with your dog. You're fine, you're normal.

[Theo Von]

Yeah. Things have gotten. Yeah. Celebrities used to be kept more in this kind of hidden realm. Kind of.

[Ari Shafir]

Yeah. I met Rob Lowe, who's one of those bigger. Did my travel podcast.

[Theo Von]

Yeah.

[Ari Shafir]

And he was like, can I change in the other room? I was like, yeah, sure. It's. I mean, it's filthy. I had someone sleeping in there yesterday. So like. But like, yeah, whatever. And then she's like, yeah, I don't have to like cater to him. You're a guy. Fucking go in there and change. I don't know.

[Theo Von]

Right.

[Ari Shafir]

Yeah. And that's how they all are. Just, it's. It's weird realizing as you grow up, they're not different.

[Theo Von]

Yeah. Do you think that's growing up or do you think that it's changed that the.

[Ari Shafir]

Like, maybe it's changed.

[Theo Von]

Maybe. But I mean, I always take out the fact that I'm getting that I'm getting older and growing up, that that could be part of the realization of things.

[Ari Shafir]

Yeah. Somebody said like whenever you have a big movie now, they're like, oh, let's get like Matt Damon or, you know, Brad Pitt. That'll be a big, big star. But it's like no one under 28 worships that guy.

[Theo Von]

Yeah.

[Ari Shafir]

So like it's a 50 year old studio exec saying, that'll be a headlines like, no, no, get Timothy Chalamet.

[Theo Von]

Yeah.

[Ari Shafir]

Get somebody younger.

[Theo Von]

Yeah. Give Timothy Chalamet. Or get a lesbian who's a Timothee Chalamet impersonator. Yeah.

[Ari Shafir]

Without even trying.

[Theo Von]

Yeah.

[Ari Shafir]

Yeah.

[Theo Von]

But even that would go further with a young generation.

[Ari Shafir]

Sure.

[Theo Von]

They'd be like, like, what the fuck, Ari Shafir man. Good to see you, bro.

[Ari Shafir]

Too, buddy.

[Theo Von]

Yeah. Are you living. Are you living in Austin now?

[Ari Shafir]

No, New York.

[Theo Von]

Are you still in New York?

[Ari Shafir]

Just publicly every time I. There's so many fucking pictures. So everyone's like, I guess you must be there. Yeah, yeah. You can't do two feet without somebody posting a picture.

[Theo Von]

And they're pretty immediate over there too.

[Ari Shafir]

Yeah.

[Theo Von]

Like the second you're there, you show up on social media.

[Ari Shafir]

Yeah. You're like. It's almost like, hey, how's. How's the crowd? I'm about to go on. I noticed you there, like, oh, all right. They're pretty good.

[Theo Von]

Do you. Are you amazed at the success of Austin or with the comedy scene in Austin? What do you think about it? Do you.

[Ari Shafir]

It's exciting. For sure. It's exciting. They got some shit to overcome if they want to be the real scene.

[Theo Von]

Yeah, yeah.

[Ari Shafir]

The they. They need to know where they're weak. They don't.

[Theo Von]

Oh, where they're weak, the comedians, you mean?

[Ari Shafir]

Yeah, there are a lot of like ass kissing there. It's like, we're great, we're great. And you really got to focus on why we're terrible. Self hating was always drive you better than celebration.

[Theo Von]

Oh, you know what? That's a good. I don't know if there's as much self hatred there.

[Ari Shafir]

Yeah. The store, especially when you started going there like right after me, it was. It was like nobody was there. Like, we suck. We fucking suck. It's obvious no one's here to see us, so let's try to be better.

[Theo Von]

Yeah, They've kind of started out like doing well.

[Ari Shafir]

Yeah.

[Theo Von]

Kind of like the Jambenet of comedy.

[Ari Shafir]

Yeah. Four year comics with like serious road draws. Like, oh, you need that fucking struggle time. You started with a spotter. That's not the best way to work out.

[Theo Von]

I didn't really think about that.

[Ari Shafir]

Yeah. But it's still exciting. It's a new burgeoning scene and that's pretty exciting. You know, there's no. There's no Hollywood there to fuck it up to ship people away from what they're doing. So they're really just concentrating on jokes.

[Theo Von]

Yeah, yeah, it's. I've not like at first I was like, what's this gonna be like? You know, it seemed like a lot of like, you know, when Joe went. But then also Tom Segura went, which is huge. And a lot of comedians went like.

[Ari Shafir]

I think the bigger thing is those five, six year comics that are going. And in 10 years, it's gonna long. It's a long game to make that scene. Something. And in 10 years, they're gonna be the biggest, the best comics.

[Theo Von]

Right.

[Ari Shafir]

And they're gonna be Austin comics.

[Theo Von]

Yeah.

[Ari Shafir]

You know?

[Theo Von]

Yeah. That's kind of the last time I was there. I was like, you could go up and down that street and do kind of five sets in a night if you wanted. I was like, well, that is nice. Yeah, that's.

[Ari Shafir]

Do you ever. I mean, I don't know how you are normally. You're so big now. It's pretty cool. But, like, I talked with Shane, too. I'm like, can you go up and, like, get an honest rep anymore?

[Theo Von]

Oh, that's a good question. Especially Shane, I feel like, is the biggest guy in the world right now.

[Ari Shafir]

Yeah.

[Theo Von]

I feel like he's like. I don't even know who I would compare him to.

[Ari Shafir]

He's like the big.

[Theo Von]

He's like Dane Cook.

[Ari Shafir]

Yeah. At the time when Dane was Dane.

[Theo Von]

Shane and Dane.

[Ari Shafir]

Shane and Dane, buddy cops where they don't do anything. They just get drunk instead. And Dane just goes, come on, don't drink, don't drink. Don't drink and change. Just keeps drinking. And then they never solve a crime.

[Theo Von]

Dane has a big id. And then Shane just seems gay, raises his eyebrow.

[Ari Shafir]

He's like, all right, I won't seems gay. Nothing happens any. Every single episode. Sit there, kind of half argue. Yeah, you need an honest rep. There's times where I go up in New York and it's a big applause. And sometimes I go up and it's like, one guy's like that, and I'm like, oh, nice. Okay, this is gonna be a real. I'll really tell if my jokes are good this time.

[Theo Von]

This is gonna be fair.

[Ari Shafir]

Yeah.

[Theo Von]

Well, I think a lot of the people from the podcast are that, you know, that realm or whatever people that podcast. It's like, a lot of the audiences know us.

[Ari Shafir]

Yes.

[Theo Von]

They just see us so much, you.

[Ari Shafir]

Know, going ahead of time. They already know your backstory.

[Theo Von]

Yeah. They saw so many. I mean, they've seen so many clips are for you or things that are out there, you know, And a lot of it's stuff that we didn't even make. It's like other channels making. It's like, you know, like, I know there's like, Legion of Skanks has, like, extra channels that are always just making their. And putting it out.

[Ari Shafir]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Theo Von]

And it's. It's great stuff, but it's like. So then that just gets so much of it. Out there.

[Ari Shafir]

Yeah. I remember doing. One time I was doing. When I was doing that juice special, I would do Q and A's to like, what do you want to know about juice? And sometimes you'd be like, what's the Oval? Like, no, no, no, no. Just two questions. And then one time in Houston, I was like, all right, I'm going to. I'm going to do this. They said some of Bird. I was like. I was like, all right, Bird did that. Whatever. And then Tom and I was doing that, and this black couple, this guy. So just raising your hand. He raised his hands, like, yeah, question. He goes, who are all those people? And I was like, right, yeah. You don't know the backstory. I can't do shit like that. Yeah.

[Theo Von]

Well, black people started podcasting a lot more last year.

[Ari Shafir]

Yeah. They just figured out how to get online. Yeah. They couldn't figure out the password. They keep changing their phone numbers too much. It's linked to an old phone number.

[Theo Von]

They're like, oh, this is my aunt's email account.

[Ari Shafir]

Is this your address? Who's asking? But who's asking?

[Theo Von]

Yeah, some guy putting his. His home address or his email address.

[Ari Shafir]

Disguises to enter into a password. Like, I don't know how it works. Anyway, they finally hired some white Jew out of college to run it for him.

[Theo Von]

Yeah.

[Ari Shafir]

Now it's all running great.

[Theo Von]

I am. I am curious about Austin. I'm curious because last time I was there, just this energy. There is a lot of excitement. The club will be sold out. I mean, Joe's club will be sold out forever.

[Ari Shafir]

So you sell out in seconds.

[Theo Von]

Yeah, but even you go to some of those other rooms. You go to Red Band's room next door. You go to. There's the Black Cat or something.

[Ari Shafir]

Black rabbit.

[Theo Von]

Yeah, Black rabbit.

[Ari Shafir]

My problem is also, I can't. I can't get any on it. I'm a star there.

[Theo Von]

Yeah.

[Ari Shafir]

So that's not. It's fun. It was like, remember the Laugh Factory open mic?

[Theo Von]

Yes.

[Ari Shafir]

So laugh at you. Open mic.

[Theo Von]

Signing up for sitting outside.

[Ari Shafir]

You can only do once a month. And that's what kept you in comedy, because you're like, I will kill. And the store open mic was, like, made you think about quitting.

[Theo Von]

Yeah.

[Ari Shafir]

But, like, it was so good. You need that once in a while. It's just a victory lap. That's how Austin is for me. No matter where I got. Yes. I can't work on anything here.

[Theo Von]

It's probably because you and Rogan have been friends for so long. You've just been, you know, so intertwined with a lot of those guys. And because you've done so much work.

[Ari Shafir]

Yourself, but for new comics, you can get that honest rep there. And that's what's exciting to me.

[Theo Von]

Yeah.

[Ari Shafir]

And I think the Joe also, he's trying to build a scene, not just a club.

[Theo Von]

Yeah. I think he's doing it. I mean, he pushes at the end of every episode. He asks everybody. He's like, so you move in Austin?

[Ari Shafir]

Oh, yeah, he tries it. Yeah, he tries so hard. I try to tell him the reasons why they don't make sense to him. It's like an influencer town. Yeah. He's like, no, you just get a place 45 minutes away with armed guards every mile. It's like, okay, that's not gonna be my reality.

[Theo Von]

But yeah, yeah, he's. People just shooting on it. Tablets.

[Ari Shafir]

It's close. They just get airlifted into the club and get airlifted back.

[Theo Von]

It's easy, man.

[Ari Shafir]

Yeah, but it's such a fun time.

[Theo Von]

It is fun.

[Ari Shafir]

Oh, my God. It's a vacation. Every time you go there, you treat it right. You fill up your own drinks. That's how every club should be. I'm an adult. I get free drinks. What, I gotta borrow this bother this bartender? Yeah, let me just make my drinks. And people like, doesn't he lose a lot of money? They're like, a bottle of. It cost $60, right?

[Theo Von]

No, like, yeah, if you're. If that. If that's that much of the stress, then it's. You guys are having a tough time anyway.

[Ari Shafir]

Yeah, yeah. You make a lot of money. You. You see your friends with nothing to.

[Theo Von]

Do when you're there, getting to be in there. You also. You people don't realize you get to meet whoever Joe had on his show that day is going to be at the club that night.

[Ari Shafir]

Some congressperson's there. Hello. Anyway, we're good. We're about to make some holocaust jokes. Do you want to stay in for this or. That's on you.

[Theo Von]

But I wrote a couple myself.

[Ari Shafir]

Yeah, we're like, I think I could fuck AIDS out of a chick. Like, oh, I'm sorry, your honor. Maybe we'll leave.

[Theo Von]

But he does feel energetic there. I'm seriously considering getting. Trying to get a little house there someplace so I can be there more often because I want to be able to work on comedy more. I do feel like I get a real rep for comedy when I'm here, actually.

[Ari Shafir]

Interesting.

[Theo Von]

If it's not a show that I put on.

[Ari Shafir]

Yeah. Yeah, right, right, right.

[Theo Von]

Then you get up because I don't. I feel like la.

[Ari Shafir]

Like at least some rep, some like that I might know you, but I'm not. Maybe I'm not a ticket buyer for Theo Vaughn.

[Theo Von]

Right.

[Ari Shafir]

So you got to win me over a little bit.

[Theo Von]

Yeah. Or maybe I'm not a fan at all.

[Ari Shafir]

Right. Maybe I don't like you.

[Theo Von]

Yeah.

[Ari Shafir]

So win me over. The best was one time it. When Louie came back, we saw security footage, camera. Some chick was there in the side so we could see her fully behind Louie. And she was like, just like mad. And then four minutes in, it's Louis ck, right? So he's the talent there is. Is undeniable. So she's mad after about four minutes, she goes. And then five minutes later, she's like. And then by the end, she's just dying laughing. She's like, yeah, maybe this guy's all right. Yeah.

[Theo Von]

At the end she's like, jerk off in front of me. You can do it.

[Ari Shafir]

Don't ask. Yeah, I'm not into that.

[Theo Von]

She's changing her whole M.O. yeah, dude. I, I, yeah. Who I think Louie. Bill Burr, probably the funny. They might be. Louie's the funniest guy I've ever seen, the funniest person I've ever spoken to. He's the most creative.

[Ari Shafir]

I think he's always just making jokes and you put him on a pedestal sometimes, but he's not. He's just a schmuck. He's just a schmendrick, a fat blob. And like, whatever we put on, that's us putting himself on. He's just a dude.

[Theo Von]

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[Ari Shafir]

Yeah, it's out.

[Theo Von]

It's out now.

[Ari Shafir]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, Just came out. America's sweetheart.

[Theo Von]

Nice. Oh, and that's you.

[Ari Shafir]

That's me.

[Theo Von]

Right. So things have changed. That's right. In America for sure.

[Ari Shafir]

I'm the nice guy.

[Theo Von]

Hey, we'll take what we can get.

[Ari Shafir]

You know, like, it's nobody nicer. Like, nah.

[Theo Von]

Is. Do you find as you. As you've been because you've been in comedy for how long?

[Ari Shafir]

25 years. Why? It's a long fucking time. It's more than half. But I've been more in comedy than not in comedy. I think I just passed that.

[Theo Von]

Do you. Do you feel like in the beginning you were just telling jokes? Like there was a. And now that there's any more purpose, I just wonder, like, I try to look at, like, do we evolve as comedians? Because you hear some people say we evolve, right?

[Ari Shafir]

Yeah.

[Theo Von]

You hear some people say their whole goal, their whole life is just to get other up the punch line. Some people want to start being philosophical. Right. Do you feel any difference or notice anything about that for yourself?

[Ari Shafir]

Yeah, I think it's everybody. It's like, it's not even. Like you do this thing, it might even take off or not take off, but then you're like, well, I'm a different person. Like Sturgill, you know Sturgill Simpson. So he's singing about DMT and mushrooms and stuff. And then the later albums, like, it's about his kids and stuff. And like, what about the drugs? And he's like, I mean, I covered it. I'm in my 40s now. I don't. It's kind of gross to be talking about, like, can you believe I got so whacked out? It's like, it's kind of lame at some point, so you have to like, shift. And the better you get to talk to a tail who I think, but definitely could be the best.

[Theo Von]

It's a good point.

[Ari Shafir]

And you see him, dude, that joke was so funny. He goes, it was a simple switch. And like, he's on such a higher level that stuff. I've been around for a while that I'm like, wow. He's like, that was the nothing thing. That was an easy trick I just did.

[Theo Von]

Yeah.

[Ari Shafir]

And he's so far above me, I can't See it. So, yeah, everybody evolves a bit. I've started using my English degree more.

[Theo Von]

Really?

[Ari Shafir]

Yeah. Doing a. Pretty much my last two specials. Like a.

[Theo Von]

Like Othello or something?

[Ari Shafir]

No, like the five paragraph essay.

[Theo Von]

Oh, like having a rules plan to it.

[Ari Shafir]

Yeah. Just like, here's my thesis, here's my proofs. Now here's a, Here's a wrap up instead of just a collection of bits. But you know, once you get like pretty good at joke telling, then it's like, what do I want to do on top of that?

[Theo Von]

Right.

[Ari Shafir]

That's what I'm doing with this. I'm trying to get people off the news.

[Theo Von]

Yeah. Is that what it's about? More?

[Ari Shafir]

Yeah, I'm sort of like just get. Things are pretty good. If you, if you're on there too much, they're gonna think it's bad, but it's actually pretty good.

[Theo Von]

Yeah. I saw a clip where you were with Howie Mandel. He was talking about anti. Are you. I don't think you guys are talking about anti. Semitism. Somebody was.

[Ari Shafir]

Yeah. And then how come you can pronounce that well and not nuclear?

[Theo Von]

That's a good question.

[Ari Shafir]

Yeah, yeah.

[Theo Von]

Programming.

[Ari Shafir]

Yeah. You've come in contact with one more than another.

[Theo Von]

Yeah, yeah. And he, he was so sure that.

[Ari Shafir]

That'S a horrible time for Jews. Yeah. And I'm so positive it's not.

[Theo Von]

Yeah, yeah. I remember he. There was one time he was. Oh, I think it was when Trump was running for office and nobody can understand how I like, I was excited that Trump was running because he was a. I was like, if that fucking dude can win, then anybody could win.

[Ari Shafir]

Yeah. The way Obama gave black people hope.

[Theo Von]

Yeah.

[Ari Shafir]

He gives. Trump, gives regular people hope.

[Theo Von]

Oh, dude. The first time that he won, I remember driving down the street and I've never even been a big Trumper. I've never endorsed Trump. I don't think I voted for him the first time.

[Ari Shafir]

I don't remember if I voted for.

[Theo Von]

Him the first time. But I was like, anybody can win.

[Ari Shafir]

And like if you're born with a billion dollars, like. Yeah. But you also say stupid and I'm stupid.

[Theo Von]

Yeah.

[Ari Shafir]

So that's the part I'll relate to.

[Theo Von]

Right?

[Ari Shafir]

Yeah.

[Theo Von]

You're like, anybody could win. That's the part that was fascinating about it. But I remember how he was scared was like, oh, no. When they had that rich neo Nazi, that Nazi thing in Richmond, remember years ago.

[Ari Shafir]

Oh, yeah.

[Theo Von]

What was that? It was like those guys that bought those tiki torches or whatever.

[Ari Shafir]

Yeah. No, it wasn't Richmond.

[Theo Von]

Charlottesville.

[Ari Shafir]

Charlottesville.

[Theo Von]

Charlottesville.

[Ari Shafir]

Yeah. There was a statue. Do you know the statue was there? No one does. Nobody knows who the statue was. And it was a flashpoint of everything.

[Theo Von]

Was it Stephen Douglas?

[Ari Shafir]

Were the city symbols of the city's Confederate past? They don't even. They don't even know who it is. They're all protesting. They don't know where the fucking statue is.

[Theo Von]

Totally normal. Oh, it was Robert E. Lee and Stonewall Jackson, two of them. Now, that's New Orleans, isn't it? That's Charlottesville. Yeah, that's Charlottesville. Oh, yeah.

[Ari Shafir]

There's a school nearby me called Robert E. Lee Junior Junior High School. I wonder if it's still called that.

[Theo Von]

Probably changed it.

[Ari Shafir]

Probably changed it.

[Theo Von]

Erasing history to Bobby Lee.

[Ari Shafir]

Yeah, Bobby Lee. College of Dropouts.

[Theo Von]

Dude, how does Bobby Lee not have an elementary school named after you? Gotta.

[Ari Shafir]

You still look kind of like you're in one. You could go undercover, Bob. Just shave that stupid stash. You could go undercover. You look young.

[Theo Von]

Oh, yeah. With just insane teriyaki lunches every day.

[Ari Shafir]

Yeah, Just these giant meals eat with Bobby just like, fills up the table and you're like, oh, this for us? Oh, no. You can order too, Bobby. It's like, Ralphie May, he's a principal.

[Theo Von]

He shows up once a year over. Zoom. You know what I saw the other day? Oh, I was talking to my. I was talking to this kid, and he didn't know what AIDS was, dude.

[Ari Shafir]

What?

[Theo Von]

Yeah.

[Ari Shafir]

He doesn't know what AIDS is.

[Theo Von]

I was like, kid, I was like.

[Ari Shafir]

You trying to educate him? I don't think I'm allowed to tell.

[Theo Von]

You, but I was like, dude, what about aids? And he's like, aids. And I was like, aids? You know, the.

[Ari Shafir]

One of the top three things.

[Theo Von]

Yeah. I mean, dude, it's like. But where is it? Like, if kids don't even know about aids, man, it's gone. But that's crazy.

[Ari Shafir]

You got to talk to gays, bro. But I talked to Mateo, because you can't get it. We got a force field now.

[Theo Von]

Oh, they do prep. Oh, prep drugs.

[Ari Shafir]

Yeah, prep. So it's like. It's like they just can't get it. So it's back to 80s. Let's. Let's be gay the way gay was meant to be.

[Theo Von]

Yeah, let's.

[Ari Shafir]

In the back of the church. Let's. Anywhere gays are. They'll.

[Theo Von]

Anywhere. Huh?

[Ari Shafir]

They just go for it.

[Theo Von]

That's crazy, isn't it? Imagine just any guy trying to jerk.

[Ari Shafir]

Me off in the back of a bus in Vietnam.

[Theo Von]

You did?

[Ari Shafir]

Yeah.

[Theo Von]

And the guy was gay.

[Ari Shafir]

I.

[Theo Von]

I don't fucking know what they're. I don't know. Some of their culture is.

[Ari Shafir]

That's a big sign usually.

[Theo Von]

Dude, they're starving over there. That guy could have been ordering soup. Dude, any joke, it ends in soup. Jewish people love it for some reason.

[Ari Shafir]

Unless it gets a little cold. I'll eat half and send it back. But I like that joke. I'll eat half that joke and send it back. Hold on. Almost done. There's a hair in there. It's the biggest problem with Jews going bald. They can't send soup back. Sorry, Howie. You're right.

[Theo Von]

That's hilarious, dude. Hilarious.

[Ari Shafir]

What are we talking about? Jesus Christ. This is what the president said.

[Theo Von]

Oh, the aid.

[Ari Shafir]

Yeah, I miss was like a real thing. United people, United nation. Aids.

[Theo Von]

Well, I remember, yeah, they were like at a school or whatever. They made us do like a round of applause for HIV or whatever it was. It was like something like some. Some thing they had at our school. It was like, clap for AIDS or whatever.

[Ari Shafir]

I was like, clap for it, people.

[Theo Von]

You would clap. It was like somebody would clap as long as they could to raise money for aids. Like one of those things. Like, do it as long as you can. Like a aids, a thon or whatever.

[Ari Shafir]

Okay.

[Theo Von]

And it was like. I just remember being in this gym and people just. It was like somebody had to keep clapping. So you had to tag in somebody else to clap. And then if you got to a certain number of hours, then you raise a certain amount of money.

[Ari Shafir]

Wow. It turns out they never got the cure. They just got a premature vaccine. You did it.

[Theo Von]

That's not funny. But when you're here, everything's funny, dude. Oh, what is this right there? Oh, an unfortunate product name. A Y DS AIDS.

[Ari Shafir]

I was overweight. Looked helped me lose 46 pounds. The AIDS diet plan helped me lose 28 pounds. AIDS helps control your appetite, so you lose weight weight.

[Theo Von]

Yet AIDS lets you taste, chew and enjoy.

[Ari Shafir]

And the appetite suppressant in AIDS is not a stimulant. AIDS help me to lose 18 pounds.

[Theo Von]

And it doesn't contain anything to make me nervous. Question. Why take diet pills when you can enjoy aids? AIDS helps you lose weight without making them crazy. That's crazy. Enjoy aids. And people are like, where did AIDS start form? That's why.

[Ari Shafir]

I mean, that. That's. What's that new drug that makes you lose weight?

[Theo Von]

Oh, zempic Oz Epic.

[Ari Shafir]

That's that. They just rebranded Zima. Did it they went to Truly and White Claw. They were smart.

[Theo Von]

I forgot Zima was just an early White Claw.

[Ari Shafir]

Zima gives me what happened there. Gives me hope for society. Because you're within a 10, 15 year age of me. You remember Zima?

[Theo Von]

Oh.

[Ari Shafir]

And it was like. It's like there's a cooler stuff and you reach for Zima, people like, you sure you want to do that in front of people?

[Theo Von]

Yeah.

[Ari Shafir]

Gonna be called gay for a long time. And you're like, okay, I won't. We went away and then Truly or White Club, whichever. The first one came back and we all kind of made a deal like, let's not call each other gay. Let's just drink this.

[Theo Von]

Yeah.

[Ari Shafir]

And we all were cool about it and just fucking. Yeah.

[Theo Von]

If nobody calls the other person gay, we can enjoy this.

[Ari Shafir]

Do this. Don't be the first one to take that shot in the revolution, dude.

[Theo Von]

Zima was kind of. Zema was one of a kind because it had the bottles and it kind of. It was a malt liquor. You kind of had. It had a malt liquor idea to it. But it was. Was it lemon flavored citrus? Yep. Oh wow. Yeah.

[Ari Shafir]

A touch of citrus. Look at the Jolly ranchers nearby it.

[Theo Von]

Yeah. Put a jolly.

[Ari Shafir]

Is it out? Can you still buy Zima's? Is the IP still available?

[Theo Von]

You can't find Zima anywhere there. So it is sold in Japan.

[Ari Shafir]

I'm going to Japan.

[Theo Von]

Are you?

[Ari Shafir]

I mean now. It's a weird reason to go.

[Theo Von]

They got a lot of unique stuff over there.

[Ari Shafir]

Yeah.

[Theo Von]

What I see the other day in China there was a. Did you see this? Jackson Hole. The city in China that they built Jackson Hole.

[Ari Shafir]

They bit to when I was there. They just built a city.

[Theo Von]

Really.

[Ari Shafir]

Suzhou wanted a business district. So they're just like do it. No. No bureaucracy. Make it happen.

[Theo Von]

Just build it.

[Ari Shafir]

It was up in six months. 20 skyscrapers. No waiting, no codes.

[Theo Von]

Look at this place this guy built. I visited China's 170 million dollar Little America replica town. It's a town of Jackson Hole.

[Ari Shafir]

Wow. That's just. That's suburbs.

[Theo Von]

Yeah. So it made of Jackson. It just looks like America. This guy went to visit it.

[Ari Shafir]

That's George from the sleep in and.

[Theo Von]

Everything in it is Wyoming. Yeah.

[Ari Shafir]

What. Who. Who does this? How can you do this?

[Theo Von]

That's why they built a few of these. How big is that?

[Ari Shafir]

Who's building it?

[Theo Von]

China?

[Ari Shafir]

Who's. What are you? Just to. Just to bring new people in.

[Theo Von]

Old churches, I think. Rich people. It looks like. Yeah. What is it? Can you give me some information on it?

[Ari Shafir]

So you can live in China but be in America? Yes, be in America. Property taxes.

[Theo Von]

Jacksonville China is a resort town on the border between Hua Hualai County Zhangiao Gao wedged between Taihang and Yan mountain ranges in architecture is designed by the Jackson, Wyoming.

[Ari Shafir]

Is it ski in there?

[Theo Von]

Damn, I don't know. Let us see some of that information. Cowboy bar the thousand single home development used stock western home plants from an architect in Oregon adding designs reminiscent of Billy the Kid, Geronimo stagecoast station, Big bear etc.

[Ari Shafir]

Cow hud, antler chandeliers, saddle blankets, all this stuff.

[Theo Von]

Wagon wheels, Navajo rugs, iron light fixtures, wildlife scene fireplace screens. This is a whole place that's there. The project was completed in 2009. Liu Yang Yang the developer young of the community said his selling point was more than architecture. His buyers wanted freedom and spirituality. So he put a Christian church in the center of the community for residents. According to Smith, the properties have sold out and nearly tripled in value since being built. As the first model was put up in Beijing park for display, people apparently went nuts for it.

[Ari Shafir]

Yeah, I should have invested in Chinese Chinese real estate.

[Theo Von]

I know. Damn.

[Ari Shafir]

I invested in Palisades. Wow, that's pretty cool.

[Theo Von]

Yeah.

[Ari Shafir]

Replica town. That's like Saudi.

[Theo Von]

Just interesting. And they. They have a few of them. I think there's China's made to be like Venice.

[Ari Shafir]

The canals.

[Theo Von]

Yep. Replicas of Paris, London and Jackson Hole, Wyoming. Just interesting.

[Ari Shafir]

What? Wait, wait, wait up. Right there. Hold on. That's in China. They have an Eiffel Tower in China.

[Theo Von]

Oh yeah. They do it all because they're like, we have so much land. We have so many expendable souls that we can use to do construction.

[Ari Shafir]

Yeah.

[Theo Von]

Why not just build it here that we don't have to go somewhere?

[Ari Shafir]

Dude, I have a map in my studio for my travel podcast and it's in China. You see all the cities on the. On the right side of it and then as it goes left, just nothing. There's an occasional dot of a city and I'm like, what's all this? Yeah, I think I should have looked it up by now.

[Theo Von]

But what's out there?

[Ari Shafir]

Yeah, like, what's. What's in central China?

[Theo Von]

It's a good question.

[Ari Shafir]

There's just no reports from there. Is that where they're keeping all the.

[Theo Von]

People who talk back, what's in central China? I saw some Korean people yesterday, so.

[Ari Shafir]

They teach people to butt on the subway before you get a chance to get off.

[Theo Von]

Is that what they do.

[Ari Shafir]

Yeah, they do. They don't understand, though. Like, we get off first, then you get on.

[Theo Von]

Oh, they get off first.

[Ari Shafir]

They just get on. They just push on elevators, too. Like, let me get out first.

[Theo Von]

Oh, they say it's up to you.

[Ari Shafir]

Yeah. It's like you didn't go for it.

[Theo Von]

What else is cracking, man?

[Ari Shafir]

It's cracking in the world. Yeah. What do you think of everything? What makes you hopeful? Well, I guess negativity. What makes you hopeful?

[Theo Von]

Do you think things are feeling negative right now?

[Ari Shafir]

It seems like they're pushing you to be negative, but I don't think you have to be.

[Theo Von]

Yeah.

[Ari Shafir]

So if you center on something, it's like, why? Like, this new Austin scene's pretty cool. We never had a third real scene.

[Theo Von]

And that's a good point.

[Ari Shafir]

Yeah, that's nice.

[Theo Von]

And at first I didn't think I was like, oh, we'll never really be able to compete. But as I've gone back, I feel like maybe it is.

[Ari Shafir]

I don't think it has to compete. That's the problem, too. You get into that where it's like, I come to la, I spent a little time hating it the way I hated religion for a while when I left, and now I'm like, it's cool. And I get back to la, I'm like, oh, yeah, I'm gonna get some burritos and see some friends. It's great.

[Theo Von]

Yeah.

[Ari Shafir]

Yeah. It's just a great new extra thing, you know?

[Theo Von]

Yeah.

[Ari Shafir]

It's like. It's not like, which one's better? It's like, well, we don't have to live there. Yeah. He's always like, you gotta move here.

[Theo Von]

Yeah. But it is cool, though.

[Ari Shafir]

The bars are cool. The honky tonks away from where he built that club is still cool.

[Theo Von]

Yeah. Sixth street is a violent atmosphere of people vomiting on one another.

[Ari Shafir]

It always was.

[Theo Von]

And then they put horses just. There's a horse comes by every 40 minutes and just shits.

[Ari Shafir]

Just shits. Like, let's add this to the mix added. Let's up it now, you know, let's violence and, like, people are ready to go and barf and puke and, like. And drunkenness. Let's add a horseshit and then sit back and watch from a safe distance atop a stallion.

[Theo Von]

Yeah. There's just occasionally people. There's just horses out there. And one of the horses they said was an undercover cop. I'm like, gives a. I'm like, who's gonna let a horse bust them?

[Ari Shafir]

Who goes up to a horse, like, you want to smoke with me? Oh.

[Theo Von]

He's like, you're under arrest.

[Ari Shafir]

Look at this chick. Look at. Don't move. What the are you wearing, lady?

[Theo Von]

God, have some class. When the skirt's so short, I can smell your thoughts.

[Ari Shafir]

You know, I remember going there before. It got, like, kind of methy, and I saw some UT guys walking along, just, you know, it's like, who we used to hang with a tangentially. Just like tough frat guys, and they pass some chick, overweight chick, and she goes, they're drunk. She goes, you're fat. And I was like, dude, that's how it always was. Sixth Street.

[Theo Von]

All.

[Ari Shafir]

No. 1 in Austin goes to Sixth Street.

[Theo Von]

Yeah.

[Ari Shafir]

Once a year for a lark.

[Theo Von]

Nobody real goes there. Nobody who wants to go do something fun. At least.

[Ari Shafir]

Broadway in Nashville is based on something. It's based on the old honky tonk area.

[Theo Von]

Right.

[Ari Shafir]

There's only one or two left, but it's based on something, so it comes from a place. Okay. In Austin. It's just. It's based on nothing.

[Theo Von]

Yeah.

[Ari Shafir]

It's got a darkness to it.

[Theo Von]

Yeah. It definitely seems. It seems kind of spooky. It seems like people that are just there to get drunk. It kind of has more of a Bourbon street kind of vibe to me.

[Ari Shafir]

Oh, yeah? Maybe. Yeah. And also, you're in this, like, beautiful place at Rogan's Club, and you're like, ah, it's like a casino. No lights, no anything. So you're like, I'll see you guys later.

[Theo Von]

Yeah.

[Ari Shafir]

What?

[Theo Von]

Then a rickshaw comes by.

[Ari Shafir]

Yeah.

[Theo Von]

Guys like. You guys want to get in? It's only 50 for some AIDS. And you're like, whoa, whoa. We just want to go two blocks. He'll be like, I'll get you AIDS by then.

[Ari Shafir]

I'll catch for sure. Mates for you out here. What's this from? That's a. That's an Aztec death whistle. The corner we had on. Toby gave it to us. If it's. If you blow it full, it sounds like a woman screaming for death. Just a warning. Wow. It sure does. I've heard a few of those in real life. Keep screaming, no one's here. Yeah, I was with Gabby Petito and Brian Laundrie when it happened. Really? I didn't leave any dumb fingerprints like Brian did. Oh, that's what she sounded.

[Theo Von]

Oh, the darkness.

[Ari Shafir]

Gabby, Rest in peace.

[Theo Von]

The darkness continues. Do you think there will ever be. I believe there will be a time when people will live forever and people will not. And I believe that kids Right now they're 15 and under. They're going to live forever.

[Ari Shafir]

Forever.

[Theo Von]

Like, they'll have a chance to live forever. Ooh.

[Ari Shafir]

Like they might get the. The drug.

[Theo Von]

Yeah. But there's going to be this weird thing where there's going to be like.

[Ari Shafir]

Hey, can I get it? Like, now you're. You're too old.

[Theo Von]

Yeah.

[Ari Shafir]

So, like, am I just going to age out, like. Yeah, it's been nice knowing you. I'll keep in touch with you for a few years, but then you're going to get old.

[Theo Von]

Yeah, but they're gonna be like, oh, you're gonna die. But people are gonna be like, dude, your dad died. What a loser.

[Ari Shafir]

Was he poor?

[Theo Von]

Yeah.

[Ari Shafir]

Yeah.

[Theo Von]

Oh, man, you guys must have been so poor. Your dad died of natural causes.

[Ari Shafir]

That's so retro.

[Theo Von]

Oh, God. He was a real.

[Ari Shafir]

Here's my pushing your dad. Loser. He should have worked harder, bro.

[Theo Von]

Yeah.

[Ari Shafir]

Look at Timmy's dad.

[Theo Von]

That's. But that's what's gonna happen. I think there's gonna be a cut. Probably say this is the cut off. There will be some bad drugs that will come out of people trying to, like, get the actual drug.

[Ari Shafir]

Yeah.

[Theo Von]

Some knockoffs or it'll be a chip or something that you get and then slow down.

[Ari Shafir]

All aging in your. At the cellular level. I'm in. Let's do it.

[Theo Von]

But then there's going to be so many people who are knock. And there's going to be less jobs, probably. So it's going to be. It's going to turn very dystopian.

[Ari Shafir]

Would you take it if they had it right now? It's been tested. It's safe. Would you hear the options? Take it right now, wait a few years and decide and see how it shakes out. Or not. Take it.

[Theo Von]

So you have to pick. Really? I give you one week to decide.

[Ari Shafir]

Yeah. And. Or what? Well, this won't be for you as much, but for me it may be for you too. It's like, you can either take this live forever drug or perfectly workable hair transplants. Full head of hair back to Mohawk back what? Everything I always wanted, I might go with the hair.

[Theo Von]

So hair now or live forever.

[Ari Shafir]

Yeah, because then I gotta live forever with that.

[Theo Von]

I think bald's cool now. Balder.

[Ari Shafir]

I'm in. Spread it. You've got influence. Spread that.

[Theo Von]

A lot of people. A lot of people are being bald and loving it now.

[Ari Shafir]

Really?

[Theo Von]

There's bald women. I saw a bunch of bald, fat.

[Ari Shafir]

People who love it too.

[Theo Von]

Really?

[Ari Shafir]

Yeah. And we know what we know. They're lying to themselves.

[Theo Von]

Is that a bigger thing? Being bald?

[Ari Shafir]

Yeah. Big and beautiful or big and ball?

[Theo Von]

There's like, bald and tall. Is that a shop? Bald and tall.

[Ari Shafir]

Big and big and tall.

[Theo Von]

Big and tall. Dude, bald at all, Bro. Bald and tall is a crazy look.

[Ari Shafir]

Burn yourself in the sun Too much.

[Theo Von]

Bald and tall is a crazy look.

[Ari Shafir]

Yeah.

[Theo Von]

Yeah. Kanye's back on Twitter right there. It says, God, Hollywood sucks. Jada Pinkett Smith. Kanye is the most out of control person I know.

[Ari Shafir]

What's the point of that post?

[Theo Von]

Yeah. Why did she start that?

[Ari Shafir]

Yeah.

[Theo Von]

Why.

[Ari Shafir]

Why are you looking to be in this? Because you're not a center of attention for a second, and then he went right back at a. Rapunzel. Rapunzel, let down your hair.

[Theo Von]

He hit her where it hurt.

[Ari Shafir]

Yeah.

[Theo Von]

Damn.

[Ari Shafir]

Nice. Yeah, it was all right, but I heard it just enough.

[Theo Von]

Thank you.

[Ari Shafir]

It was like, something.

[Theo Von]

Well, it's a little thing.

[Ari Shafir]

Got nothing. It deserves something.

[Theo Von]

Thank you.

[Ari Shafir]

So there's something.

[Theo Von]

This is very sweet of you. Little things that keep us alive. Yeah. What do you think about Kanye being back on Twitter? Oh, you try to use your song right for his. For the intro to your new special.

[Ari Shafir]

Yeah. I've had this whole big piece about how great he is. That's another thing. Focus on the positive. That's the whole message. It's like. And then, like, everyone's like, kanye's crazy. And I'm like, he rules the music.

[Theo Von]

Yeah.

[Ari Shafir]

Just the music. What. What is she writing about? Anything other than music.

[Theo Von]

Right. To come at Kanye, it was like, yeah. If you're going. If you're trying to get other stuff out of him, he probably shouldn't be your liaison to, like, anything except maybe creativity and music.

[Ari Shafir]

Yeah, exactly. It's like going to Brooke Kreisler weight loss tips.

[Theo Von]

Yeah. Or coming to comedians for political ideas.

[Ari Shafir]

Oh, yeah, that's another one I heard. So. And so I said this about the fires. Well, they're not firemen. What the. They're just. They're just, like, at a bar, talking.

[Theo Von]

Yeah, that's.

[Ari Shafir]

It's crazy. You go to Kanye for anything other than music, you're nuts. Because he's not just okay at the music part. He's great at it.

[Theo Von]

Yeah.

[Ari Shafir]

So I tried to get one of his songs, Black Skinhead, for my. For my credits. I was going up to it the whole tour because I was talking about Kanye a lot. And Christine Okerson, Big J's chick, was like, hey, I know. He's, like, popping off, like, whatever. Have you heard Black skinhead And I was like, no. And I was like. I was like, oh, my God. His antecessors got me into this song, and I played it the whole tour, and I was like, let me try to get this for the credits. And I wrote them. I was like, listen, I can't afford it, right? So I'm like, hey, I'm appealing to them creatively. And I was like, hey, I had this whole big piece of how Kanye's really great and how people have lost focus on what's important. And I want to, like, close with a song with black skin. It was one of his most killer songs, and I think kind of an underrated song, to be honest. And they go, I hope you're not referring to him as Kanye. He goes by yay now. And it's like, yeah. Fuck, I'm never gonna be able to. His whole staff is crazy, too.

[Theo Von]

It's like, yeah. Just the fact that that was their first reply. You're like.

[Ari Shafir]

I was like, oh, I got no chance. I have no chance. Chance.

[Theo Von]

Yeah. I wonder what his mind is like. I mean, a lot of.

[Ari Shafir]

His mom died. Give him some sympathy.

[Theo Von]

Yeah. What his girlfriend is. His wife is beautiful.

[Ari Shafir]

Is that a Photoshop? What?

[Theo Von]

She wears, like, a lot of skin tight suits, that lady.

[Ari Shafir]

Skin tight, but, like, make it a color.

[Theo Von]

Bianca Sensori, I believe. Is her name possibly Italian? I'm not sure.

[Ari Shafir]

She's, like, unveiling herself. She's a piece of art.

[Theo Von]

To him, maybe.

[Ari Shafir]

I mean, why wear that heavy a coat if you were that little underneath?

[Theo Von]

I don't know.

[Ari Shafir]

Wear a sweatshirt and a lighter.

[Theo Von]

God, I gotta get out more jugs.

[Ari Shafir]

Yeah.

[Theo Von]

My God, dude. Some babies, like, oh, my God. I would slurp if I were her kid.

[Ari Shafir]

So he just keeps chicks that look like Kim?

[Theo Von]

I guess so. It's a good question.

[Ari Shafir]

I mean, you got to type. I know guys. Only the Asian chicks.

[Theo Von]

I can't say slurp. That's his wife, isn't it? That was pretty rude. Is that his wife? Yeah. Oh, I'm sorry. God.

[Ari Shafir]

Try it again, but use a different word other than slurp.

[Theo Von]

I would. She's a beautiful lady, obviously. She's into showing her body off, though. She's got some really, like, if I.

[Ari Shafir]

Were a baby, rude to not show it off.

[Theo Von]

Right? It's a good point. If I were a baby, dude, I would. I would not. I would just pretend like it was morning all the time. Just like, breakfast. Yeah. That's got to be fun when you are a baby, huh?

[Ari Shafir]

God, it really does underrated Part about being a baby?

[Theo Von]

Yeah.

[Ari Shafir]

Yeah. If you're a baby and you put him down. If you put the baby down between. And there's a breastfeeding baby between that chick and like, I don't even know who. Karen Feehan. Who do you think that chick is? That baby's gonna go right for that fucking chick. Big fucking. A lot of food.

[Theo Von]

Oh yeah. Makes sense. Did you. You think you'll have any children, Ari? What do you think?

[Ari Shafir]

No, I had a vasectomy.

[Theo Von]

You did?

[Ari Shafir]

Yeah.

[Theo Von]

No way.

[Ari Shafir]

Yeah, I was taking chances.

[Theo Von]

You were?

[Ari Shafir]

Too many chances.

[Theo Von]

You're actually trying to have a child?

[Ari Shafir]

No. What is that?

[Theo Von]

We. Sorry, what are you saying then?

[Ari Shafir]

No, I was just pulling out late.

[Theo Von]

Oh, you were?

[Ari Shafir]

Yeah.

[Theo Von]

I don't understand how people do that. Like, how do you. I know a lot of black guys like to just do. Do the nut or whatever.

[Ari Shafir]

I mean, the nut is great. I know why they want it. Yeah, the nuts, great.

[Theo Von]

Yeah. But it's also great outside of it.

[Ari Shafir]

It's less great.

[Theo Von]

Is it?

[Ari Shafir]

What do you mean is it?

[Theo Von]

I've never done it.

[Ari Shafir]

Yes, you have.

[Theo Von]

I've never ejaculated inside of a woman. Feel like.

[Ari Shafir]

Then you haven't lived.

[Theo Von]

Really?

[Ari Shafir]

What is. All this is a facade, buddy. Just get what you need to get. None of this is.

[Theo Von]

We never said we had done it.

[Ari Shafir]

No, but I mean, this. All this is like a fucking. You're just like buying time till you can get a cream piece. This is all just because you've never cream pied. Really? You got a nut inside, buddy. What do you mean you've never done it? What do you mean you've never cream pied inside of a woman?

[Theo Von]

I never have in my life. Sort of got you fucked, though. Yeah. Yeah yeah. Oh, yeah. But every time I do, I do the.

[Ari Shafir]

What if she's like, I'm on the pill?

[Theo Von]

Oh, that's. I don't. I barely know her, so I'm not.

[Ari Shafir]

You know how many chicks I fucked that said they couldn't get pregnant that I later found out got pregnant from somebody?

[Theo Von]

Really?

[Ari Shafir]

And I was like, wait, you said. I. I was blowing loads in you. I'm like, oh, I thought I couldn't. Based on what?

[Theo Von]

Oh, you're there. Just like. Like one of the Ghostbusters just throwing ectoplasm in there.

[Ari Shafir]

I was a salad for some other guy's steak.

[Theo Von]

Yeah, I've never done that in my life, man.

[Ari Shafir]

But. Well, let me recommend something to you.

[Theo Von]

I'm going to end up being a father. People are Always getting. I. I don't want to be in a lawsuit or something.

[Ari Shafir]

Find some old chicken. Find some postmenopausal chick. Get to me more.

[Theo Von]

I want to get a ray. I want to get a regular wife that likes.

[Ari Shafir]

The last of the Golden Girls died. It's too late for that, but yeah.

[Theo Von]

Estelle Getty.

[Ari Shafir]

No, maybe Estelle Getty. Museum. That was her name. Sure.

[Theo Von]

Who's the last? Getty was.

[Ari Shafir]

So she was old when it started, right?

[Theo Von]

She was the looker. Rue McClanahan was the one that everybody. My dad kind of had hots for.

[Ari Shafir]

But the youngest of the slutty one.

[Theo Von]

Yeah. Blanche Devereaux. Oh, God, what a great series.

[Ari Shafir]

Hot take. Golden Girls is just Sex in the City. They're both written by gay men about gay culture. And this one, they made old women play it. And the other one, they made horse face chicks play it.

[Theo Von]

Do you think they will cure. Do you think that being gay will be something that will be eternal or one day that that will be hacked.

[Ari Shafir]

Or something that we can cure it or.

[Theo Von]

That would be hacked? You know, that they'll be able to hack the genetics? So if.

[Ari Shafir]

If you were a scientist working on the cure for. For gay. And you were, like, halfway there, you lost a lot of funding recently. Oh, yeah. They're probably like, we're not paying. We don't want it anymore.

[Theo Von]

You don't think there's a small segment.

[Ari Shafir]

Of the population, like, we got to cure this? Everyone else is just like, who cares?

[Theo Von]

Oh, I think most people like, who cares? But I just mean, maybe cure is not the right word. Right. Do you think that they would. Do you think that they'll ever.

[Ari Shafir]

A vaccine.

[Theo Von]

Vaccine? Yeah.

[Ari Shafir]

So you won't ever get it in the first place, right?

[Theo Von]

Yeah.

[Ari Shafir]

Kidneys, too. Didn't they say vaccines made kids gay? Wasn't that a rumor for a while?

[Theo Von]

I don't know. We're gonna find out soon if Bobby Kennedy gets in there.

[Ari Shafir]

Yeah. Say no gay kids after a while, like, I ended vaccines.

[Theo Von]

Who knows?

[Ari Shafir]

So all the stuff he says, people like, that's ridiculous. I'm like, really? I don't even know the words he's using. Yeah, it seems. But he's smarter than me. I don't know. I don't even know. The earth is round. The latest guessing.

[Theo Von]

The latest viral COVID 19 conspiracy theory boosted by QAnon, falsely claims vaccines turn children gay or trans. Wow. I didn't know that. And that's a false allegation, that COVID 19. Yeah. I mean, that's A lot of kids, I will say seem very gay though. Do you notice that like if you talk to like a.

[Ari Shafir]

They're post gender.

[Theo Von]

Is it?

[Ari Shafir]

Yeah, they don't care. The dad's. The man can wear a dress like you cross dressing. They're like, like what? When I grew up, you couldn't wear pink as a dude, you'd be ostracized. Now you like, there's no. There's no gay color. That's where past that. So those kids are past that shit. They're wearing top hats and skirts.

[Theo Von]

It doesn't matter.

[Ari Shafir]

It just doesn't matter.

[Theo Von]

Okay.

[Ari Shafir]

Yeah. So yeah, we see them as gay, but they're like, oh, dude, we're not even using those terms.

[Theo Von]

Yeah, you're from a different university.

[Ari Shafir]

That's why you go to the Bushwick or something and you're like, oh, this is the cutting edge kids.

[Theo Von]

There was. I've heard rumors that a lot of Haitians moved over there in there to the parks and stuff when we're selling sex and stuff like that. Have you seen any of that over there?

[Ari Shafir]

Hookers in Bushwick?

[Theo Von]

Yeah, in the parks over there.

[Ari Shafir]

Selling their bodies.

[Theo Von]

Yeah, they were selling sex and oral sex over there.

[Ari Shafir]

I mean, Haitian. That's not who you'd want.

[Theo Von]

I mean, who you want is he want. I guess it's the. I don't know what the pace of the rating.

[Ari Shafir]

It was just a bunch of dark black, very thin hookers. I'll check it out. I haven't heard anything about that.

[Theo Von]

Yeah, one of my friends was telling me there's a lot of hookering going on over there.

[Ari Shafir]

And some Haitian hookering.

[Theo Von]

I think they said Haitian. I would have to ask them.

[Ari Shafir]

You know what there is though?

[Theo Von]

For real?

[Ari Shafir]

For real casual hooking.

[Theo Von]

Really?

[Ari Shafir]

Like chicks who do it like three times a year. Housewives. Regular chicks are like, for a little extra cash.

[Theo Von]

What do you mean?

[Ari Shafir]

I mean like, oh, your friend seems cute. It's like, hey, my friend's cute. She likes you. Would you be into it for like a couple hundred bucks? Like, oh, no.

[Theo Von]

In New York?

[Ari Shafir]

Yeah. Regular chicks just occasionally like, yeah, I'll for money. The guy seems cool. They're not gonna like on the street taking all callers.

[Theo Von]

Right.

[Ari Shafir]

But like occasionally for extra cash instead of driving Uber.

[Theo Von]

Do they tell the husband?

[Ari Shafir]

I don't think so. Possibly. I don't know everybody's situation.

[Theo Von]

Would you is there's a thing where.

[Ari Shafir]

People let the Obamas are still together for real.

[Theo Von]

It's a great question.

[Ari Shafir]

You think the Clintons are No, no. Right. So it's a possibility that they're not. That there are such things as sham marriages.

[Theo Von]

Yeah.

[Ari Shafir]

I wonder. She didn't show up to the Carter inaugurate the funeral. She didn't show up to the inauguration. I could see, like, hey, I never wanted to be in the public eye like this.

[Theo Von]

Yeah. I just wanted a ball.

[Ari Shafir]

Yeah. Dunk on these.

[Theo Von]

Yeah, that's it.

[Ari Shafir]

Yeah.

[Theo Von]

That could be it, you know. Yeah, Yeah, I won that. It's a good question. That whole inauguration thing was just such a game I had.

[Ari Shafir]

You went.

[Theo Von]

Yeah, I had total Game of Thrones energy over there.

[Ari Shafir]

What did you. Because that's not you.

[Theo Von]

Oh, not at all.

[Ari Shafir]

You're going there the way I go to Comic Con.

[Theo Von]

Yeah.

[Ari Shafir]

I'll just stare at everybody. I don't know what. Spider Man.

[Theo Von]

Oh. I was like, I should not be here.

[Ari Shafir]

You should not be there.

[Theo Von]

That's how I felt.

[Ari Shafir]

At least you're not doing the endorsing thing.

[Theo Von]

Yeah.

[Ari Shafir]

That a lot of comics are doing. I thought we're supposed to just make fun of everyone in power.

[Theo Von]

Do you feel like it was weird that people were endorsing?

[Ari Shafir]

Endorsing? Who's endorsing?

[Theo Von]

Yeah.

[Ari Shafir]

What the fuck are you talking about? You have a literal sports team. You root for. You don't endorse Tottenham.

[Theo Von]

Yeah.

[Ari Shafir]

Like, it was so wild, but all right, he's in power now, so let's see everybody go after him.

[Theo Von]

Well, I think a lot of people were endorsing.

[Ari Shafir]

Just make fun of all of them.

[Theo Von]

Yeah.

[Ari Shafir]

Seemed weird.

[Theo Von]

Well, I think the biggest thing that seemed like it's been on the table for me is just the free speech stuff. You start to worry about, like, a lot of these social media companies limiting speech, limiting what's possible.

[Ari Shafir]

Text me. For sure. Yeah, for sure. So if somebody's like, hey, I want to do this, my great. I love it. You know, I also loved when Trump gave us all 600 bucks during the pandemic. He got everybody really party in New York. Love that.

[Theo Von]

Do you worry about. Yeah, but.

[Ari Shafir]

But I'm not gonna get involved in getting it there. But then these. Some of these guys have a lot of influence, to be honest. But also they're like, how can you have this guy on your podcast? I'm like, well, I'll have everybody on. I had Tucker Carlson, my podcast, the travel one. We just talked about travel people like, why don't you call him on his shit? I'm like, was he lying about the uae? That's all I care about. Right. The Travel part. I don't get involved in this, but so I get that part of it. Like, somebody seems interesting. A former president. I'll have him on a podcast.

[Theo Von]

Oh, in a heartbeat. Yeah. People gave me grief for going to the inauguration. Inauguration. I was like, dude, you don't.

[Ari Shafir]

But if you got invited to the. To the, I don't know, Bush inauguration or the Obama one or the Reagan one, you would have gone.

[Theo Von]

Yeah, I would have gone.

[Ari Shafir]

He's like, oh, I'm not political. I got invited to the presidential inauguration.

[Theo Von]

Am I not going to go to inauguration? I have no idea. What if it's not even real and there's video there? Just. It's. It's landing. Who knows, you know? So I went and at least saw, like, okay, so what was every.

[Ari Shafir]

What was everybody doing? Did it feel, like, powerful? Did it feel like these guys are deciding fates? Or was it just like the Oscars were all, like, glad hitting each other and celebrating success?

[Theo Von]

I guess I didn't get to be there long enough.

[Ari Shafir]

Was there food there?

[Theo Von]

Was the. At the ball, the food was not. Was not good. That broke my heart.

[Ari Shafir]

What do you mean?

[Theo Von]

Tony was there. He's like, we did it. And I'm like, the food isn't good.

[Ari Shafir]

We didn't. We still have room. What do you mean the food wasn't good?

[Theo Von]

Wasn't that good. And then only like, 30 chairs in this whole ballroom, and there was probably 1500 people in there.

[Ari Shafir]

30 chairs. That's like my house. I have four chairs and I have eight people over. And it's like we're sitting on. We're sitting on Amazon boxes.

[Theo Von]

So that was the hectic. That was the most hectic part. But, yeah, just to be there, to be in Washington, D.C. to see that happen for sure. I was like, fuck you. I'm going. I would never be weird. I would never think it was weird if anybody.

[Ari Shafir]

Was that you there?

[Theo Von]

No, but pull those people back up. So this was the part that was fascinating to me. These were. This was.

[Ari Shafir]

These are the guys deciding our fates. Who's the brown in the middle?

[Theo Von]

This is the Olajarchi right here. Sundar Pichai from Google.

[Ari Shafir]

So he owns Google. So these guys all decide how we think about the world. These 1, 2, 3. One guy, the chick, I'm assuming is clean. Yeah.

[Theo Von]

There's Zuckerberg.

[Ari Shafir]

Yeah, Zuckerberg's most evil of all of them.

[Theo Von]

You think?

[Ari Shafir]

Yeah, because at first, I think he was like, cigarettes, where they didn't know what they were doing. And then when they found Out. So there's no problem. They're just giving cigarette. They didn't know it was. Cause then they found out it caused cancer and they go hide that.

[Theo Von]

Right.

[Ari Shafir]

Zuckerberg. At first, like, I don't know, I just. I'm too autistic to have interactions. So I want to see a world where we don't have to meet eye to eye. And now he goes, yeah, he made us live like autistic people, but then he found out that we're all turning on each other and cutting off our uncles. And he goes, yeah, keep pushing it. I think he should be up. Wow. I think it should at least be take his company taken away from him and. And it should be shut down. Facebook and Instagram should be shut down. Push the button. Well, it's like, it's not making our society better.

[Theo Von]

Well, I agree with that. But say, I'll say that type of thing, people will be like, well, a government can't decide what can, what can and can't make their society better. Right.

[Ari Shafir]

I think they can. I think that it might be abuse, but at some point it's like, this is too much bad.

[Theo Von]

Right. Well, I feel the same way about porn. About porn channels, you know?

[Ari Shafir]

Yeah. Or like, let's have some oversight. Oh, yeah, porn too. It's like, it's non stop. Like you can't like push porn to kids. Right. They had to stop making THC gummies that are in the shape of clowns because, like, hey, we're not actually giving these to five year olds. And you're kind of marketing to five year olds. Yeah, they had to stop putting.

[Theo Von]

Steve Simone was eating all of them too. I think this is a Steve Simone joke. Love you, buddy.

[Ari Shafir]

They had to. Yeah. There he goes. Look, he's always smiling.

[Theo Von]

I know, huh?

[Ari Shafir]

Where are the bodies?

[Theo Von]

Yeah, he's our Gacy.

[Ari Shafir]

He's our John Wayne Gacy. Wow. On the surface, that's insane, man.

[Theo Von]

I joke it. He's the sweetest guys.

[Ari Shafir]

He is.

[Theo Von]

You know, I just went through this on my phone and computer. I had to get it all figured out. I was paying for extra services that I didn't want. You know, they had some different annual. Some of them were annual, some of them were monthly. There were things I couldn't believe I was still involved in. Rocket Money helped me figure that all out. Rocket Money is a personal finance app that helps you find and cancel your unwanted subscriptions, monitors your spending, and helps lower your bills so you can grow your savings. Rocket Money has over 5 million users and has saved a total of 500 million in canceled subscriptions, saving members up to $740 a year when using all of the app's premium features. Wow. Cancel your unwanted subscriptions and reach your financial goals faster with Rocket Money. Go to RocketMoney.com the that's RocketMoney.com Theo RocketMoney.com T H E O Even if you think it's a bit overhyped, AI is suddenly everywhere from self driving cars to molecular medicine to business efficiency. If it's not in your industry yet, it's coming fast. But AI needs a lot of speed and computing power, so how do you compete without costs spiraling out of control? Time to upgrade to the next generation of the cloud Oracle Cloud Infrastructure, or oci. OCI is a blazing, fast and secure platform for your infrastructure, database, application development, plus all your AI and machine learning workloads. OCI costs 50% less for compute and 80% less for networking, so you're saving a pile of money. Thousands of businesses have already upgraded to oci, including Vodafone, Thompson, Reuters and Suno AI. Right now, Oracle is offering to cut your current cloud bill in half if you move to OCI for new US customers with minimal financial commitment. Offer ends March 31st. See if your company qualifies for this special [e-mail] the that's oracle.com theo life in general can be chaotic, but if you're in charge of order fulfillment for an E commerce business, you know that that's its own special kind of chaos. But with ShipStation, you can count on your day today remaining calm. Save hours and money every month by shipping from all your stores with one login, automating repetitive tasks and finding the best rates among all global carriers. One thing I love about Shipstation is how its automations allow me to smoothly print shipping labels at the click of a button. You'll never need to upgrade. ShipStation grows with your business, no matter how big it gets. Calm the chaos of order fulfillment with the shipping software that delivers switch to ShipStation today. Go to shipstation.com and use code Theo to sign up for your free trial. That's shipstation.com code theo yeah, I think.

[Ari Shafir]

It'S like really bad and that you're doing. You can't just put in like additives into baby baby formula.

[Theo Von]

But why do we keep doing, why do we keep building stuff that's bad for and like. But if people say, well if your government says you can't, then that's like a, it's a form of Communism, Right. Like your government says, you can't have this and you can't have it because we shouldn't have. I mean, we just had a woman on. We're talking about pornhub. And extremely high percentage of their content was totally unregulated. So they had rapes on there, they had unconsensual sex, they had sex with minors, they had sex with babies on there, on pornhub, on the website. But their whole goal was just to have as much content as they could have because then they sell more advertising dollars. Because, like, we have this many URLs, we have this many links that people can go to, so they're selling in bulk. But they didn't have anybody, or they had very few people moderating any of the content that came through.

[Ari Shafir]

Yes, we have some laws, right. You can't blast music at parks, right? Because, like, oh, there's kind of infringing on other people's, like, rights sort of here. You know, privacy, it's quiet. So there's some regulation. I don't understand all this. I don't know what the line is from socialism to not. I don't get any of that. It's not my. It's not my thing. I just know, like, this is really hurting us as a society and nobody's doing anything about it. You can't sell guns on a street corner just to anybody, right? And it's like, well, if it was bad for you, you wouldn't do it. Like, nah, you need someone to step in. And like, that's not. As a society, like, that's not allowed. You're making us hate our brothers and friends and shit.

[Theo Von]

Yeah.

[Ari Shafir]

See, the world is a terrible place. We didn't sign up for that. I don't. I don't like it.

[Theo Von]

Twitter does that a lot. I noticed. Twitter definitely can be a place where you can really get trapped in there. Do you notice that, Nick? You think, yeah, wake up in the morning and just piss myself off by reading all.

[Ari Shafir]

Yeah. And start angry. It's not a good way to start. Right. You've been at the beach when you start, like, pleasant, you know, It's a better feeling when you're at the beach than you're on Twitter showing you what's to be mad about.

[Theo Von]

Yeah.

[Ari Shafir]

Oh, there was a guy who used to work in Google to see which of the things had to go to the dark web and which were allowed. So his whole day was spent looking at snuff films and car crashes and. And, like, child endangerment stuff. Like that every one of those guys had to go to therapy for the rest of their lives. Yeah. Because you're not supposed to see that stuff. And we're seeing like versions of that. I hate it. I hate it. God. Let's, let's draw on quarter Mark Zuckerberg.

[Theo Von]

I mean, I, I, I mean, I don't think we should do, I don't know what we should do. But is it just him, though?

[Ari Shafir]

Like, it's must do. It's anybody who now knows what you're doing to society and you're not doing anything about it. You actually have the power to stop it it and you're not doing it right. So, like off.

[Theo Von]

Well, that's the same thing that I noticed with this woman talking about with pornhub. It was like they would bring up these cases. There were cases of people who had been raped and their footage uploaded. Right.

[Ari Shafir]

Oh, my God. Oh. And you can't just go, what? It's an open source thing. Like, no, no, you're facilitating it.

[Theo Von]

Right, right. That's the thing. People are like, well, we. And they, at one point, she said they only had one moderator who would spin and something had to be flagged like 15 times before it even comes into, or even comes into the moderation.

[Ari Shafir]

You're already flying over.

[Theo Von]

And the moderation queue would be like hundreds of thousands of videos long that they have to sit there. And then there's just one person deciding, yeah, adult, not adult, Consensual, not consent problems.

[Ari Shafir]

You start with, like, they need to have some oversight. They're going to go too far.

[Theo Von]

Yeah.

[Ari Shafir]

And they're going to make like, well, this joke they had about who's on top. We can't have that. That's not. Our society wants that. Like, that's too far. And I don't know what it is. You can't trust the government to regulate. I don't know what the answer is, but right now it ain't working well.

[Theo Von]

And then you wonder, or is, is society, human society, supposed to have this success story or is it a unsuccessful experiment? Or is it just pharmaceuticals had to be regulated.

[Ari Shafir]

You can't just give everyone side effects. You have to, like, you have to show your side effects.

[Theo Von]

Right.

[Ari Shafir]

And it barely is.

[Theo Von]

Right.

[Ari Shafir]

But you have to show your side effects. You have to go at the end.

[Theo Von]

Yeah, yeah.

[Ari Shafir]

You have to at least do something.

[Theo Von]

But then it's like, I think people have lost total faith that, that their country is going to do a lot.

[Ari Shafir]

They'Re not going to do. They're not going to do shit. They're just going to let it go. You go to another country, you eat like garbage for. For a week and you lose seven pounds. You're like, how's this? Oh, there's not that many chemicals in other countries and shit.

[Theo Von]

Right. But I think, like, I mean, we talk about a lot in here, like with the Sackler family, the company that made all the drugs and they.

[Ari Shafir]

Damn. And they're still. Still alive and they're still pushing it to people. You should do oxy. You should get on Oxy for pain. My dad had to get on somebody. Don't take that. Take ibuprofen. Don't take. You can't. If you get cooked on it, you can't kick it.

[Theo Von]

They're still selling oxycontin.

[Ari Shafir]

Oh, yeah. They're still put. Doctors still pushing it. They're incentivized, too, financially.

[Theo Von]

How. Who's even making money? Is it just to go back to pay for, like, to. For victims?

[Ari Shafir]

Yeah, they. Oh, they. They're not paying those bills, those fines. They're not paying those.

[Theo Von]

Really?

[Ari Shafir]

Yeah. Same thing with PG and E. All the forest fires, half of them are caused by PG&E not doing the safety measures. Look at how many forest fires in California are started by the utilities.

[Theo Von]

Hold on, let's get this really quick. Purdue Pharma Sackler families boost contribution and opioid settlement to 7.4 billion. The company and the once prominent family behind the drug OxyContin agreed Thursday to increase their financial contribution resolve mass opioid litigation. The Sacklers and Peter Farmer boosted their settlement contribution to 7.4 billion. If approved, the new plan would end the costliest corporate bankruptcy resulting from the US opioid crisis.

[Ari Shafir]

So they have to pay 7.4 billion over the next 15 years. How much they make a year?

[Theo Von]

Go back.

[Ari Shafir]

This is the same thing as, like, scroll, scroll.

[Theo Von]

Under the new settlement, the terms of Sackler's control of Purdue pharma ends the 7.4 billion give up. The company will go directly to communities across the U.S. including states, counties, cities and territories over the next 15 years.

[Ari Shafir]

Well, that's good. That's good. But even this headline is like, oh.

[Theo Von]

They decided to boost their contribution to the lawsuit.

[Ari Shafir]

Yeah. Now they killed hundreds of thousands of people. Yeah. All the Gulf. All the Gulf. Like oil spills, they paid this big fine. It was still less money than it would have been to do the safety measures.

[Theo Von]

Right.

[Ari Shafir]

So they're like. It seems like a big number, but not compared to what they're making. You know, there Was a time when if I got a parking ticket, it would break me. Oh, yeah. And now I've seen like, rich people, like, I'll park here. It's like a legal part. Like, I'll just. It's fine. I'll just park it.

[Theo Von]

Yeah, it's fine. If somebody takes a car, I'll just buy a new car, you know? Yeah.

[Ari Shafir]

Chris Rock, you said instead of pulling into the lot, would just park in front. And they're like, they might give you a ticket because I don't care.

[Theo Von]

Yeah.

[Ari Shafir]

It's $80 and I'm a millionaire. He doesn't care. It's not gonna. It's not gonna deincentivize him.

[Theo Von]

Yeah. I mean, it just.

[Ari Shafir]

Look at this. So this is a. Wildfires caused by power lines.

[Theo Von]

Okay, so why are we looking at this?

[Ari Shafir]

I'm saying, like, they're. They're supposed to worry about safety measures. They don't. We find them, they don't pay the fines. Look at all those fires caused by that. And then they just don't do anything because they know, what are you going to do? Not use us? You could all be like, in the dark for years. Yeah.

[Theo Von]

What do you use? A candle?

[Ari Shafir]

Hundreds of forest fires, maybe thousands by PG&E and they won't do. So that's the government's not doing. It's like, why even pay attention to it?

[Theo Von]

Yeah. What are you going to be? You're just going to use Yankee candles all day? Dude, some of the candle smells have gotten crazy.

[Ari Shafir]

It's really upping it. That's what makes you hopeful.

[Theo Von]

Yeah.

[Ari Shafir]

The candle game is. It's, it's bar none. There's shapes and everything.

[Theo Von]

Yeah.

[Ari Shafir]

I saw a candle dick in Washington Square Park. Really?

[Theo Von]

And they lit it up.

[Ari Shafir]

Yeah. No, you can. Oh, but yeah, I don't know what the smell is. I never lit it up. I have one though, in my house.

[Theo Von]

I'm good.

[Ari Shafir]

Yeah.

[Theo Von]

They have some video of a guy trying to smoke his own dick or whatever. He's laying on his back, pulled his nut, like, brought his legs over his head, tried to put his penis in his mouth and try to light his nuts. Like he was like in a bowl of weed.

[Ari Shafir]

How do you do?

[Theo Von]

Huh?

[Ari Shafir]

How do you do?

[Theo Von]

The video cuts off early, but just unreal behavior.

[Ari Shafir]

Yeah.

[Theo Von]

You know what I'm saying? That's one vote for Trump right there.

[Ari Shafir]

Did you get to say anything to him? Like, you should take care of this.

[Theo Von]

Is it Trump?

[Ari Shafir]

Yeah. I always have this dream, like, there's an outside possibility. I Can run into him, you know?

[Theo Von]

Yeah.

[Ari Shafir]

It's an outside possibility. And I'm like, if. If we all got to be like, hey, I just want two things to do. What would you hit him with Two.

[Theo Von]

Things to do in the world?

[Ari Shafir]

Yeah.

[Theo Von]

In America, I would say sentence to salvad. Probably say sentence the Sackler family to death.

[Ari Shafir]

I think I like it.

[Theo Von]

That would be probably my favorite thing.

[Ari Shafir]

And that would put other people, like. I mean, you grew up in a town that's. That's fucked by this.

[Theo Von]

Well, yeah, most. Most of America, I mean, just the AA rooms alone, you see so many more people that aren't alcoholics. They're open. They're. They're opioid addicts.

[Ari Shafir]

From pain relief straight to heroin.

[Theo Von]

And it's a different thing. It's like the AA program helps them, but it does. It's not the same. It's like these people, their database has been compromised and altered. They're. I don't know. Can opioids affect your genetic makeup over time? Can they alter. Lose teeth, your DNA? Yeah, they can definitely alter.

[Ari Shafir]

Your grill is affected by your grin.

[Theo Von]

But yeah. Yes, opioids can alter DNA, which may contribute to opioid use disorder. These changes. So then you're not even talking to a human. Then you're dealing with someone who's been compromised by a drug.

[Ari Shafir]

Yeah. Yeah. They're not. They're not people anymore. And why is this not being talked about all the time? Every city in America.

[Theo Von]

I don't know.

[Ari Shafir]

Democrat and Republican are failing under this, and no one's doing about it. Well, that's not what even what I tell them.

[Theo Von]

At least they stopped them from doing it, but now they just have. They have another new anti. What's that? There's a new opioid I just saw that they were putting up. It's Travis Proc. Prob.

[Ari Shafir]

You think they just rebranded and came back like a college bar that gets busted for underage? And they go. It's a new name now. It's. My brother runs it. It's a different company.

[Theo Von]

Oh, that's the best, bro. When I was in college, they had this group of gay fellas that would come and they'd fist fight. It was called. I've said it before. We'll be. We'll beat this part. But it's called fist fights. Right. And there was their company. They came. It was. Gay men would come. You pay five bucks, go there, you get a beer, and you get to watch fights. And they would beat the living out of each other. Dude.

[Ari Shafir]

Wow.

[Theo Von]

Pretty cool.

[Ari Shafir]

In Texas, they have a bunch of wrestling.

[Theo Von]

Yeah.

[Ari Shafir]

And it's just like, signs for it. It's not like a hidden back, back, back room thing.

[Theo Von]

Yeah, it's a fighting of the. I wonder who would have ever been to a cockfight. No, but there is verse versus rooster or whatever.

[Ari Shafir]

Oh, right near the midget versus gay. We got to make odds on all these things. Three midgets, two gays, you know, what's the, like, over, under.

[Theo Von]

Oh, three midgets versus two gays.

[Ari Shafir]

What kind of gays are we talking about? Is it like, luck of the draw? Yeah.

[Theo Von]

Are you talking Ariana Grande fans or are you talking, like, hardcore?

[Ari Shafir]

Mateo can take somebody. Oh, he's strong enough.

[Theo Von]

Very strong.

[Ari Shafir]

Yeah, but can he fight? And can he fight down?

[Theo Von]

I bet he could.

[Ari Shafir]

You gotta be able to overcut.

[Theo Von]

I think he auditioned for Newsies and got pretty far, so I bet he could.

[Ari Shafir]

Dude, don't pick that fight. You're not gonna win that. Oh, yeah?

[Theo Von]

You gonna win this. Is that Carlos Mencia? Why does he dress like Carlos? Is that crazy to say that looks.

[Ari Shafir]

Like Shane in the face. He's dressed like Menzia and he's got a face like Shane.

[Theo Von]

Shane kill us.

[Ari Shafir]

Yeah.

[Theo Von]

How can you even see? That's in eight pics. Let me see. When he turns.

[Ari Shafir]

Pause it.

[Theo Von]

When he turns. If we see his face.

[Ari Shafir]

There. That's Shane, bro. That's Shane, bro. He's one of my friends. That's Shane. Tell me it's not.

[Theo Von]

Okay. Look at chicken from Five Bites. That's a new commercial soul right there.

[Ari Shafir]

That's him.

[Theo Von]

Wow, that's great.

[Ari Shafir]

Dude, he's wearing an eagle's hat.

[Theo Von]

That is so great. Oh, that's great. What? What? Were we just talking? Oh. But what's the new drug? You see it, Nick?

[Ari Shafir]

This is a non opioid. That was just.

[Theo Von]

Yeah, there we go. FDA approves novel non opioid treatment for moderate severe acute pain.

[Ari Shafir]

Yeah, that's what they need.

[Theo Von]

Yeah. This just happened. Journavix, J O U R N A V X is the first drug to be approved in this new class of pain management medicines. 50 milligram oral tablets. A first in class. Non opioid analgesic to treat moderate to severe acute pain in adults. But wouldn't you just get addicted using this? But does that mean it's non opioid?

[Ari Shafir]

Maybe it's not addictive.

[Theo Von]

That's what I'm wondering. Do you not feel?

[Ari Shafir]

But melatonin, you know, helps you go to sleep. Not melatonin Melatonin. Yeah, but then like sleeping pills would become addictive. Melatonin's like. It just. It's fine.

[Theo Von]

So there's not opioids in here?

[Ari Shafir]

What the. An opioid too.

[Theo Von]

Targeting a pain signaling pathway. So unlike opioids, which act on receptors in the brain, Journavix works by targeting a pain signaling pathway involving sodium channels in the peripheral nervous system.

[Ari Shafir]

A lot of words I didn't know in that.

[Theo Von]

Yeah. Blocking pain signals before they reach the brain. So it's stopping the signals instead of the receptors in the brain.

[Ari Shafir]

Oh, there's like difference between Limewire and Napster. Yeah, it's like pretty much the same, but it works different.

[Theo Von]

Yeah, that's a good, that's a good comparison.

[Ari Shafir]

Thanks.

[Theo Von]

Evidence of non addictive properties. Clinical data showed no evidence of withdrawal or drug seeking behaviors in patients.

[Ari Shafir]

That's it.

[Theo Von]

Right. The drug does not activate opioid receptors or induce euphoria.

[Ari Shafir]

Oh, well, they said the thing with oxycodone, whatever was that they were like, well what about getting off it? Like we haven't seen any, any problem with that. And they go, did you test for that? And they go, no, we did not. And so it's like, how do you know how hard is to withdraw? You've never tested it.

[Theo Von]

Meanwhile, people are just sleeping in baby beds and adults.

[Ari Shafir]

Lean backs are crazy right now.

[Theo Von]

Opioids are a class of drugs that interact with opioid receptors in the brain and body to reduce pain perception and produce various effects that can be natural, semi synthetic or synthetic chemicals. Goals. Yeah.

[Ari Shafir]

Well, I don't know. But yeah, they got to do something. That's a good one to tell them.

[Theo Von]

Yeah.

[Ari Shafir]

Cuz once you. The rest, like let's, let's get approval for this first.

[Theo Von]

Yeah. People will start to, I think, be a little bit unnoticed. There will be some sort of. Yeah. Cuz they're serial killers. I don't understand how. They were not.

[Ari Shafir]

They're serial killers, they're mass murderers. And they go, well, it's a company.

[Theo Von]

Yeah.

[Ari Shafir]

You know what they did in China? They had. They were testing the. For purity for baby formula. And so one company like put an additive in to make it test pure to go from like 96 to 99. But that additive ended up killing 12 babies. Oh yeah. And the government found out. There's no bureaucracy there. They hung the board.

[Theo Von]

Wow.

[Ari Shafir]

The whole board. And like, no, the company has, it goes, no, you guys killed babies.

[Theo Von]

Is that true?

[Ari Shafir]

Yeah. So it's like we're done with this.

[Theo Von]

Yeah. I want to see that.

[Ari Shafir]

They just hung up. They can't just do. You can't break the law and kill babies. You're out. You're out. Yeah, and hopefully this will be assigned to everybody else. Well, there's enough Chinese. They might not have been the ones. They might have been different ones. Come on, Theo.

[Theo Von]

I'll say this. If you show me 40 Chinese, dude, I don't know how I'd feel. You know, you just on the same.

[Ari Shafir]

One over and over again. Be honest.

[Theo Von]

Well, it's kind of like this one time, this lady paid us to go get her cats in her yard or whatever, and she was very old, and she would give us, like, I think a quarter for each cat that we brought in.

[Ari Shafir]

Yeah.

[Theo Von]

And me and my buddy William just kept bringing the same two cats in over and over again.

[Ari Shafir]

When I had to go get my visa to play China, I went in there and they're like, what are you doing there? I was like, I'm working. I got gigs. And like, you're working? Where's your letter of invitation from the government? Where's your $50,000? You know? And I'm like, I don't know. It's like, early when you go to China. I mean, Canada, you have to tell me. Just visiting a friend. Yeah, it was that too. I didn't realize. So I called the promoters. I was like, what do I do? They go, go back. Only Bieber can afford the proper channels to play China. Go back in there, tell them you're just there to see the Great Wall. And I'm like, but I was just in there. And he goes, so you know how we can't tell them apart? It's a two way street. Yeah, just go right. Try not to go to that window. But if you do, it won't matter. And I got called in that window. She goes, hi, how you doing? I thought she was with me. I'm like, here to do some traveling in China. Okay.

[Theo Von]

That was it. Damn. Did you. Did you go with the same group that I went with? Did you go to.

[Ari Shafir]

I didn't go with that Lee guy. I went with Turner Sparks and Andy. Curtain.

[Theo Von]

Now it's different group. I think that was one of the best things about doing comedy, man, was just the places you got to go.

[Ari Shafir]

You couldn't afford it.

[Theo Von]

No.

[Ari Shafir]

And. And you. You just never would have been able to do it. And it flew you to Suz Guangxi and all these places, you're like, dick jokes are paying for this. Yeah, it was wild. And you meet the local scenes. I'm like, there's a comedy scene in Hong Kong.

[Theo Von]

That was the best.

[Ari Shafir]

It was so cool. Iceland. You're going to Australia and just weird spots.

[Theo Von]

Yeah, we went to one right there. That's Guantanamo Bay with Mike.

[Ari Shafir]

That's in Cuba.

[Theo Von]

Yeah. Who's that guy on the right guy? Jewish guy, too. Mike E. No, my smoothie. Mike. Mike. Is that Mike Costa with this Patrick De Gear?

[Ari Shafir]

Oh, that's Costa. Yeah, it looks like Costa.

[Theo Von]

Patrick De Gear. Mike Costa.

[Ari Shafir]

Who's Patrick? The blind one.

[Theo Von]

Oh, yeah. Patrick De Gear. Yeah, he's blind.

[Ari Shafir]

Where's. That's you on the left.

[Theo Von]

Yeah. Damn, I had good hair.

[Ari Shafir]

Look how angry your hair is. Yeah.

[Theo Von]

Exhume, man.

[Ari Shafir]

And that kid never nutted inside a chick.

[Theo Von]

Never. What an idiot.

[Ari Shafir]

That's a nutter. That's another guy. That was his time, bro.

[Theo Von]

He nutted in his shampoo.

[Ari Shafir]

You never won a title in your prime?

[Theo Von]

Yeah.

[Ari Shafir]

Wow.

[Theo Von]

I was young as.

[Ari Shafir]

Damn.

[Theo Von]

I was doing good.

[Ari Shafir]

Look like Dane Cook there.

[Theo Von]

Yeah, bro. Dane and Shane.

[Ari Shafir]

Get that off the ground. Come on, NBC. Make a comeback. So you went. Went. So you just went all over. Look at. That's the Guantanamo Bay Lighthouse behind you.

[Theo Von]

Went to Guantanamo Bay.

[Ari Shafir]

Isn't it so cool? You can go out places like that.

[Theo Von]

Crazy. Went to the A. Dude. Guantanamo Bay. I didn't realize. First of all, nice golf courses there.

[Ari Shafir]

Underrated.

[Theo Von]

You'd never know it. We got to see the prisoners play some volleyball.

[Ari Shafir]

Wow, really?

[Theo Von]

Yeah.

[Ari Shafir]

You playing your jeans and no shirt, like in Top Gun?

[Theo Von]

No, they wouldn't let us get that close to them or whatever. And some of them had blindfolds on wherever they were still playing. Unbelievable. Just to do. Like to get out in the yard or whatever and have a. Oh, the prisoners. Yeah. Oh, yeah. They had these.

[Ari Shafir]

They could play volleyball.

[Theo Von]

Iguanas down there. Foxes, rodents. Unique animals. They had a beach, this thing called Glass beach that had all this. Used to be glass, but it all was rounded out now from this.

[Ari Shafir]

From the tides. Where else they send you? Where else you go?

[Theo Von]

I went to Azores. We went to the Azores, which is somewhere, I don't know, Portugal. Yes, off the coast of Portugal. Between Portugal and America. Pretty amazing. What about you?

[Ari Shafir]

I just remember I saw Paul Morrissey today.

[Theo Von]

Yeah?

[Ari Shafir]

Yeah, we went three point Paul.

[Theo Von]

He's a basketball player, too.

[Ari Shafir]

Great. We got flown to Switzerland. Montreux, Switzerland. For a festival.

[Theo Von]

Yeah.

[Ari Shafir]

And then we made a deal with each other, like, let's keep going places. Yeah, The Iceland, Australia. But the China gigs, those weird gigs. Dominican Republic. And you're just like, you know, Dominican Republic. And you're just here on their dime. The Anchorage gigs.

[Theo Von]

Oh, I never did that.

[Ari Shafir]

Those were good. They take you on either a. A thing above the glaciers or deep sea fishing. Me and David Taylor were deep sea fishing. We cut one open right there. Had all these, like, dots in it. He's like, what's that? He says, well, it's egg. It's pregnant, so it's eggs. And he goes, is that caviar? Yeah. Can you eat the raw? Yeah, you can. Showed us and ate it. And David's like, I'll have some right out of the thing. Every pregnant one he found, David just started filling up on it.

[Theo Von]

And then he'd get sick.

[Ari Shafir]

So sick. You're not supposed to fill up on caviar on a boat.

[Theo Von]

Especially when you're poor.

[Ari Shafir]

You can barely afford a burrito and you're eating fresh out of the womb caviar, bro.

[Theo Von]

If somebody brought caviar to me, I'd.

[Ari Shafir]

Served in a womb, I'd serve a.

[Theo Von]

Sword to their neck. Dude, you can't eat caviar. The R if you're poor, dude.

[Ari Shafir]

Yeah, it's. That doesn't go.

[Theo Von]

Your stomach's like, chill out.

[Ari Shafir]

Yeah.

[Theo Von]

You know, you're system can't handle it.

[Ari Shafir]

God, those gigs were good. They just fly out somewhere and it was just like on their dime. And you're just like. They cover the hotel. They, they. They let you know where to stay. There's no arranging.

[Theo Von]

Yeah. You never made any money.

[Ari Shafir]

Yeah, Right.

[Theo Von]

But it was broke even.

[Ari Shafir]

Maybe. But then, like, you're living like on a vacation to the level I can barely afford now.

[Theo Von]

Yeah.

[Ari Shafir]

All covered. It's. It was so cool, dude.

[Theo Von]

We went one time to. What's the blue stuff that they put in drinks? It's. They put in like a. Oh, Curacao. Yes. Boom. That place. It's an island. Oh. So we went there.

[Ari Shafir]

You went there on comedy. Yes. Zoom out from the map. I want to see where this is in the map. Go. And then slowly zoom out. Yeah, yeah. Night near Bonaire. Okay. Out, out, out. Where the.

[Theo Von]

I keep moving this.

[Ari Shafir]

I really don't know what content it is.

[Theo Von]

Yeah, me neither.

[Ari Shafir]

Okay.

[Theo Von]

In the Caribbean, every couple years, they move this place somewhere else.

[Ari Shafir]

It's like the island from Lost.

[Theo Von]

We went. Go look at a picture of it. Dude. It is like a small place. There's only one area that has a few buildings. And then there's this military base there. But they manufacture this blue liqueur there. Yeah, that's here. It's very small.

[Ari Shafir]

It's beautiful.

[Theo Von]

It's beautiful, but there's nothing. I mean, this is it, right? And then we went to this military place. I think we did a show. And then they had. They put us up in these rooms. And then you go into the facility where the rooms were like. And it just kind of looked like a bear. Like almost like a community college type of. Or like an old high school. Just like the cinder block kind of wall, you know, with painted over and stuff. Then we opened the door to this one room and it was the most eccentric, craziest room I'd ever been in.

[Ari Shafir]

Dolled up?

[Theo Von]

Yes. Like, I think fancy like operatives or somebody came down there every once in a while and they put them up in this crazy place and probably give them some chicks or whatever. But it was unbelievable. We went with. Yeah, we went with cheerleaders from what? Houston Texans. Cheerleaders.

[Ari Shafir]

What? Yeah, that's when you would have nutted.

[Theo Von]

Yeah, shoulda.

[Ari Shafir]

Who's that?

[Theo Von]

That's the room I was in.

[Ari Shafir]

Wow.

[Theo Von]

Me and Jay Davis were in it, but every other room was normal. And then they had this one room that was crazy. Had like mirrored ceilings, like heavy cocaine vibes. Me and Jay Davis.

[Ari Shafir]

Yeah, that was a coke vibe for sure.

[Theo Von]

Yeah, that was crazy. It was just crazy. There's me and him. Just.

[Ari Shafir]

Wait, back. Back up.

[Theo Von]

Which one? We had some women.

[Ari Shafir]

Those are. You were in shape there.

[Theo Von]

I was in shape.

[Ari Shafir]

God damn, bro.

[Theo Von]

I used to.

[Ari Shafir]

Wait, what? Yeah, that's you on the left.

[Theo Von]

I used to jerk myself off. That's how good looking I was.

[Ari Shafir]

Damn, dude, you need to lower those pants a little bit. Show that V. What?

[Theo Von]

Oh, boy. Blm. Dude, I don't know what's going on over there, but that was pretty amazing. That's cool. That was. But yeah, going places like, that was unbelievable. Military. You ever do any of the ones where you were in, like, Iraq or.

[Ari Shafir]

No, I just had Nate and. And Lua cats, Lewis Katz and. And Joe List on my podcast about going to Kuwait and. And. And with a stopover in Istanbul. And it's like that same thing of like, what are we doing here? It's all paid for and set up.

[Theo Von]

Yeah, that was crazy. And you just saw. You were like, this is crazy because.

[Ari Shafir]

Like, when you grow up, you're like, I'll. I'll probably never go there ever.

[Theo Von]

Yeah.

[Ari Shafir]

Let alone on someone else's dime.

[Theo Von]

Yeah, they had a woman in a black. Yeah, they had a woman gave me a bj.

[Ari Shafir]

You'd be tripping a Blackhawk, maybe a.

[Theo Von]

BJ and a Blackhawk on the ground. On a. On.

[Ari Shafir]

They arranged that for you?

[Theo Von]

No, she arranged it.

[Ari Shafir]

Okay. Okay.

[Theo Von]

And she said, oh, the airfield is on. I don't know what it was like unmat unattended or something tonight, but yeah, pretty cool. And then what else? Oh, another.

[Ari Shafir]

Wait, wait, wait.

[Theo Von]

Wow. I know. Pretty neat. I think that was in like.

[Ari Shafir]

She hold your hand and make a man out of you?

[Theo Von]

I don't know what happened.

[Ari Shafir]

Wait, you got a blowjob in a Blackhawk helicopter.

[Theo Von]

Pretty cool.

[Ari Shafir]

Did she leave no man behind or she like.

[Theo Von]

I don't remember. I remember she had a huge kind of zit on her neck or like a goiter or something.

[Ari Shafir]

You're just looking at that the whole time.

[Theo Von]

She was from like Philly or something. Like something. But really a sweet gal and seems nice. Oh, there was another group that went jogging in the morning in the Air Force and she slipped over into my. My little cabin or whatever.

[Ari Shafir]

She slipped out of line of the.

[Theo Von]

Jog and I couldn't get an erection. I was too, like freaked out or something. I thought they were going to come over, the guns. I didn't know how the military works.

[Ari Shafir]

Where was this?

[Theo Von]

This was in somewhere near Kuwait. Arif John or one of these bases or something. Pretty cool. Wow, those were good. Yeah, it was a good. A good time. It was good for.

[Ari Shafir]

Good for everybody.

[Theo Von]

It was just cool.

[Ari Shafir]

Yeah.

[Theo Von]

They would take you out in the middle of nowhere. You just shoot a bunch of guns, you know, and just. And they're.

[Ari Shafir]

That was Kuwait. You went to Kuwait?

[Theo Von]

Yeah, whatever. The one in Iraq? Yeah, Arif John. That's where he flew. And they went to these forward operating bases.

[Ari Shafir]

I think that's where they went to. I think it might have been the same one.

[Theo Von]

It's pretty great. So, yeah, the special. Let's get a little bit more about it. I want to know about it. Are you torn off of it now? Is it going to be a new.

[Ari Shafir]

Not torn off, a different hour.

[Theo Von]

Okay.

[Ari Shafir]

Yeah, I'm torn a little bit for like till April. Then I'm going to take about a year and a half off.

[Theo Von]

Yeah. Off the road you always do a good job of that, is taking time. You're the one guy who's always like, dude, you got to take some time off for yourself. And I'm like, I will. And then I never do.

[Ari Shafir]

Yeah, I always try to get you to.

[Theo Von]

Yeah, you do?

[Ari Shafir]

Yeah, you could.

[Theo Von]

I know one of the. I will.

[Ari Shafir]

Yeah.

[Theo Von]

One day I'll just take time off forever. You know, I think that's probably maybe my.

[Ari Shafir]

Save it up and then go.

[Theo Von]

Yeah. Just like when people save up their PTO or whatever, you save up to.

[Ari Shafir]

The end when you quit. Like, I get all that. Oh, that's the wrong way to live. You think should be taken along the way.

[Theo Von]

Yeah.

[Ari Shafir]

Yeah. So I'm gonna go backpacking for like six, eight months. Just traveling.

[Theo Von]

You've been some pretty great places over the years.

[Ari Shafir]

I went to Cuba this year with Bobby Kelly.

[Theo Von]

Did you really?

[Ari Shafir]

Yeah, for her. We were there for a hurricane. Not. That's not why we went. We went to get away from the election.

[Theo Von]

No way.

[Ari Shafir]

Yeah. We work out there on Monday. We didn't find out who won till Sunday. They don't even have elections there. Yeah. You're like, what happened? The election? Like, I don't know what that word means. Alexiones. No say. No say.

[Theo Von]

Well, what was it like there?

[Ari Shafir]

I mean, it was pretty wild. You can see, like the remnants of what it would have been. The extravagance. Same buildings, nothing's. They have embargo there. That's one thing I tell Trump. Like, come on in that already. They're just poor people now for no reason.

[Theo Von]

And so what does that mean? They have an embargo.

[Ari Shafir]

So you can't. They won't trade with America. They won't trade with anyone who trades with America to a degree, I think so.

[Theo Von]

So we won't trade with. Are we. Did we do that or they did that?

[Ari Shafir]

We did that.

[Theo Von]

Okay.

[Ari Shafir]

And so Obama ended it. And then. And open up travel and everything. Trump put back on the embargo, but you can still travel. And then Biden also took. Stayed. No full embargo, but you can still travel. So there's 20 flights a day from Miami and Houston.

[Theo Von]

Okay. So you can travel to Cuba, but.

[Ari Shafir]

Can'T bring back cigars, can't bring back alcohol.

[Theo Von]

And we don't do trade with them.

[Ari Shafir]

Yeah. And so that means they can't grow extra stuff and trade all their sugar cane, all the tobacco. They can't. There's no reason to grow extra because they can't. It'll just rot.

[Theo Von]

Right.

[Ari Shafir]

So there's just poverty there.

[Theo Von]

So it's just poverty. But it's also just poverty because the government takes probably, like funnels a lot of the money just to themselves.

[Ari Shafir]

Sure, they're doing okay, but that hurricane, they evacuated everyone. They had to evacuate. Like, like really well. There was three people rushed to the hospital. That's it. During a type three Hurricane.

[Theo Von]

That's nice. Yeah, I mean, it's heavy.

[Ari Shafir]

The whole island lost power for two days. So there was no power in the entire country for two days. So that was like, weird. But then we just wandered around outside afterwards, just, like, looked at the devastation. U. S. Business for conducting trade or commerce.

[Theo Von]

Current embargo interests. Yeah. President Donald Trump was taking office for second term January 2025. So if you reverse several actions taken by the outgoing Biden administration, well, that happens a lot. Like the one like, so for a couple days that things have changed. Right.

[Ari Shafir]

So, you know, I think I know what this is. So Diaz told me this gave me a clue they wouldn't. Florida didn't vote for Hillary Clinton because they never forgave Bill Clinton for giving back Ellie and Gonzalez because they, those Cubans that fled and went to Florida who, who are all. And they, they breed, you know, so there are a lot of them, they hate the, the Castro regime over there. And anything you can, they tell their grandkids, you can never visit Cuba, that place. And so they're mad at them giving this kid back to his real father. He should be in America, so they just hate him. So it took Obama for like, well, I've already run twice and won, so I'm not going to run for a third term. So now I can end this embargo. If he didn't, Florida goes against him. So Trump, same thing is like, I want that Cuban vote. Let's put that embargo back on. Biden too. I want that Cuban vote. Put that embargo back on. Yeah, Florida's a big vote. It ain't Maryland.

[Theo Von]

Yeah, it was Maryland.

[Ari Shafir]

Like, I don't care. Florida's a lot of points. Right. So I'm hoping he's like, well, I've already in.

[Theo Von]

Dang.

[Ari Shafir]

Yeah. So it just, it's just whatever. But so then when you go, like, bring anything like, yes. Light bulbs or it's not even expensive. Like, we just can't get shit here. Batteries. A battery charger. We would love that, huh? Yeah. So he was like, hey, the hurricanes come and we're going to lose power, charge everything.

[Theo Von]

Wow. Yeah. That's wild. You don't even think about the things you would need suddenly.

[Ari Shafir]

Yeah. So you can see all the buildings. They look kind of decrepit, but if you look, blink and like, imagine it with, like, a clean coat of paint. You're like, oh, yeah, this would have been the vacation spot.

[Theo Von]

Yeah. Maybe one day it will be again. Well, I guess. Well, you guys went there for a Vacation. How was it?

[Ari Shafir]

I loved it. I had so much fun. I went to the beach. Nobody was on it. They cooked you a lobster right there for $10. It was so cool. It was so much fun and freeing. I got to practice my Spanish, so.

[Theo Von]

It'S a great place to go.

[Ari Shafir]

God damn. And we didn't get out of Havana. We would have gotten out except for the hurricane kind of put a damper on it. But it was a cool experience anyway. But like, yeah, I would love to go back. I would love to go to Trinidad, like the city of Trinidad in Cuba and in the east.

[Theo Von]

And just like, was there a nightlife there when you went dancing?

[Ari Shafir]

And music? Yeah, that Cuban music. We went to what's left of Buena Vista Social Club. I was dancing. They picked me up to dance. This hot black chick, like, Caribbean, like, black chick. Yeah, Just dance with me. And I was like, I remember a little salsa class.

[Theo Von]

Saltwater Sisters, baby. Yeah. I was going for it, dude.

[Ari Shafir]

It felt so good. It was so fun. Yeah. Everyone's out, everyone's smoking and just casually smoking those cigars and just like drinking. Are they busting the libres?

[Theo Von]

Do they bust on you because you're American?

[Ari Shafir]

No, not at all. One guy. One guy goes, I know it's not you. I know it's your government. I was like, I wasn't thinking about it.

[Theo Von]

Wow. We went. When I was a student, we went.

[Ari Shafir]

I want to get you on my podcast about that year.

[Theo Von]

Well, when I went to their Semester at Sea, did I come talk about that? I never talk about it.

[Ari Shafir]

I met a guy. It would go perfect with that pod. But also like Journey, what's it called?

[Theo Von]

The trip.

[Ari Shafir]

You'd be tripping. You'd be just about a place you've been. But I haven't had ocean as any. But like, I met a guy in my neighborhood.

[Theo Von]

I never talk about.

[Ari Shafir]

That whole trip we were talking, he goes, do you know Theo Vaughn? I was like, yeah, yeah, it's a friend of mine. And he goes, I was on a boat with him once and I was like, oh, weird. And he goes, no, no, it was like a six month thing.

[Theo Von]

Yeah.

[Ari Shafir]

His name. See if you remember. I gotta remember his name.

[Theo Von]

Semester C. White guy.

[Ari Shafir]

Yeah, white guy. James.

[Theo Von]

James was his name. James.

[Ari Shafir]

But anyway, yeah. And I was like, oh, that'd be perfect. That sounds so cool.

[Theo Von]

Oh, it was great. Yeah. Semester at Sea. It was like a floating school. Took off out of Canada, out of Vancouver over there, and just went around the whole world. Finished in Florida. We stopped at Cube on The way.

[Ari Shafir]

You did on the way back.

[Theo Von]

Yeah. Fidel came and spoke to us, too. It was pretty crazy.

[Ari Shafir]

Really?

[Theo Von]

Yeah. But then. But then we just tried to get out. Oh, dude. I'll tell you this one thing that happened. So we went out and nobody spoke any Spanish or whatever. We would just do like that if somebody talked to us in Spanish, you know, we just do that in order. In order. A Cuba Libre, you know.

[Ari Shafir]

Oh, man, they're great there.

[Theo Von]

Oh, yeah, they have Anacle.

[Ari Shafir]

Yeah. We went to the Havana Club.

[Theo Von]

Yeah.

[Ari Shafir]

We saw a guy picking his nose so hard for so long.

[Theo Von]

Yeah.

[Ari Shafir]

So long. I have a picture of. I can't show it because it's being too much hate, but hard workers over there. Hard. No, there's a white guy getting rid of that pollution.

[Theo Von]

Yeah. A lot of people travel over there.

[Ari Shafir]

It's different in Cuba. The flick goes further.

[Theo Von]

And then. So we were at this thing. We're just walking down the streets, and finally we find this kind of party going on. It looked like it was some people. There was, like, a birthday cake and stuff for this old guy. And these people, like, were drinking, and we were drinking. So we all just start kind of dancing in this little kind of foyer area, like, off this. The edge of this house and stuff. When we're hanging out and stuff, and we singing Happy Birthday and dancing. And then you start to really. I look over and this old guy is going down on this woman. They were hookers that they'd hired for this birth for these two old dudes that hired some hookers for their birthday.

[Ari Shafir]

What?

[Theo Von]

And we're just there, like, cutting the cake with them, and we're like, what the are we doing, bro?

[Ari Shafir]

There's a lot of hookers there. Yeah.

[Theo Von]

Was there?

[Ari Shafir]

Yeah. I didn't get any. You see them, though? I'm like, I haven't seen any hookers. And you notice, like, oh, yeah, yeah, that. Oh, yeah, that's. They're like, hi. And you're like, yep. There's just different.

[Theo Von]

Yeah, that was.

[Ari Shafir]

And then we had to go get bread and cheese. You got what? We were staying with a guy, and they were like, should we help? Should we help? Because. No, no, I got it. I gotcha. And then when the hurricane was coming, like, should we go out and, like, get, like, supplies? And he goes, yes. Like, he was like, oh, you're worried. So we're, like, on the hunt for bread and cheese. And everywhere, they're like, we're out, we're out. And then Bobby Kelly was like, all right, let's go. Let's go to the next place we gotta go. And he goes, well, hold on. There's cookies here. I'm like, bob, it's not a cookie time, dude, let's go. So what else do you see?

[Theo Von]

An alcoholic with a dessert. It's hard. It's.

[Ari Shafir]

It's a replacement. What else do you see there?

[Theo Von]

What else did we see? Went to a baseball game.

[Ari Shafir]

Oh, I missed doing that.

[Theo Von]

And we were. When we left, we were throwing everything we had off of the edge of the ship, like tennis shoes, any. Just because they didn't have, like, just things that, like, we're like, what are we gonna do? Take this. We don't even care. Who cares? Because you kind of made friends with the people while you were there. They had this guy named Henry taking us around, and he. And it was just. So we're just throwing everything we had just off the edge of this boat.

[Ari Shafir]

Just take it. You take it. Take it.

[Theo Von]

Here, here, here.

[Ari Shafir]

They'll get used all kind of stuff.

[Theo Von]

Yeah. Because they could use it. It was. That was pretty awesome. That was really great.

[Ari Shafir]

Yeah. It's crazy that they don't have access. It's weird when you go to another place, you see a cultural difference like that you hadn't even noticed before. Like, oh, I have access to shoes when I want it. I might be able to afford them, but I. And get them.

[Theo Von]

Yeah. They had horse meat. That's what they served us at this con. We went to this conference. They said they served us horse meat. And then they had. Also they, like, you wore this, this. This translator machine. So whenever Fidel was talking, the speakers were talking. You could hear what they were saying.

[Ari Shafir]

Who.

[Theo Von]

And then some people got to asking questions, and one kid got him to sign his passport.

[Ari Shafir]

Fidel Castro signed. Wow, That's a perfect thing to sign.

[Theo Von]

Signed some dudes pass for.

[Ari Shafir]

Wow.

[Theo Von]

Pretty fucking cool, this.

[Ari Shafir]

You met Fidel Castro?

[Theo Von]

Little slurper. I don't know if I met him. I don't think I did.

[Ari Shafir]

But you saw him.

[Theo Von]

Yeah, we saw him. He came and spoke to us like 600 students or maybe. And then I'm trying to think of anything else that happened that was super great over there. I just happened pretty quick. And we just drank with, like, a lot of, like, homeless people. Like, a lot of times you would pull in, you're on a boat docks. You were always, like, around, like, homeless people and shit and wherever boat docks are.

[Ari Shafir]

Right. That's not. That's not the typical vibe of a city.

[Theo Von]

Right. Like, sometimes it was like, cool, like Miami. And then sometimes it was like you were in like Jersey, you know, like you just. It was hit or miss, you know, some of these ports you went into. So you'd roll off thinking like, oh, we're gonna be in the lap of like some cool area. And you'd just be in like the industrial and the docks, you know, like in Belfast or something.

[Ari Shafir]

Yeah, exactly. Who would go here? Yeah, I wouldn't. LA goes where the ships dock.

[Theo Von]

People are just getting wasted. It's just at some.

[Ari Shafir]

I've been a sea for nine months. Get me hookers and drugs now.

[Theo Von]

Oh, dude. All the staff that worked on the cruise ship, they were from like Trinidad and Tobago and stuff like that. And so they were all. They would all go get hookers the second that the boat docked. You'd see them file out like ants just to go get hookers in these different countries.

[Ari Shafir]

I went last year, Trinidad and Tobago.

[Theo Von]

Yeah.

[Ari Shafir]

For Carnival.

[Theo Von]

Was it nice?

[Ari Shafir]

It was so much fun. For carnival. I dressed the whole outfit with the big feathers and you just dress, dance and drink for days. Wow, it was so much fun.

[Theo Von]

Who'd you go with?

[Ari Shafir]

A chick I met my friend. My friend's like in line to be the prime minister there from college.

[Theo Von]

Really?

[Ari Shafir]

Yeah, his dad was the prime minister and then when. When I met him, he was the ambassador to America.

[Theo Von]

White guy? Tobagin?

[Ari Shafir]

No. Dark skin. Black.

[Theo Von]

Dark skinned. Black. Yeah.

[Ari Shafir]

They only have Indians and blacks there pretty much. But yeah, but everyone's dancing, whining on each other. They're whining on me. They were playing this is not happening for some reason.

[Theo Von]

On loop.

[Ari Shafir]

No on loop. So like, for like four hours a day, they were playing this not happening in Trinidad. No residuals. And so I was getting recognized in Trinidad and Tobago. Some chick was like, are you Ari Shapir? Can I. And I was like, yeah. She goes, can I want on you? I'm like, yeah. She's just backing it.

[Theo Von]

That's what they do there.

[Ari Shafir]

Yeah. It's not even sexual. It's just like backing it up right on your ass and just rub it and they just go all the way down.

[Theo Von]

Oh, yeah, yeah, that's great. Oh, and what do they call it? Wind on you?

[Ari Shafir]

Wine and wine.

[Theo Von]

It's their dance and it's tobagin, I guess.

[Ari Shafir]

So Steel pan, all that. It was so cool. I love that.

[Theo Von]

What do you notice after traveling to some of these places? What do you. What are the things you miss about America? And what do you think of the things that we lose by being such.

[Ari Shafir]

A capitalistic environment, food is cleaner other places, okay. Like in Cuba, they don't have much, but they don't have. Have, like, chemicals to put in there either, Right. And then it's. It's like the need to, like, work for life. Oh, she's teaching how to wine. I might have watched this video before I went.

[Theo Von]

God. And what do you do? Stand there, Stand there.

[Ari Shafir]

Could lift one leg around them, try to go down with them. Even you can't do it. But they're like. It's funny, the white guy trying, but there's no, like, they're not, like, mad at you for being there. There's so few whites.

[Theo Von]

There are.

[Ari Shafir]

Yeah, Yeah. I think the real one has more.

[Theo Von]

Whoa. Pregnancia.

[Ari Shafir]

You just.

[Theo Von]

That's when you really. That's when your nuts go missing right there.

[Ari Shafir]

Wow. Let's learn to watch. Jesus, lady.

[Theo Von]

I know. Alto, alto. I caught a pickpocket in Croatia one time. Got a picture with him.

[Ari Shafir]

He pickpocketed.

[Theo Von]

You caught him just like that.

[Ari Shafir]

And then you're like, I'm not mad at you. Let's just take a picture.

[Theo Von]

And he ran off. Little guy. Little fucking five will go thieving.

[Ari Shafir]

No. I was like, all right, yeah, fair spare. Which is like. You notice, like, oh, we have some good things where we are. You know, you get to appreciate that. But then also, like, the need to work as your method, reward. You know, it's like, nah, it shouldn't be. That should be work to play.

[Theo Von]

Like, how much value we put on that.

[Ari Shafir]

Yeah, it's like never ending work till you die. And there they're like their work for the. For the weekend. You get. You try to go towards, like, some fun. Yeah. So there they have, like, carnival season. It's a month plus long. Parties, parties, parties. It's great, Juve. Everyone's like, throwing paint on each other and mud. It's like Joe Vert.

[Theo Von]

That's in Trinidad. Trinidad.

[Ari Shafir]

Yeah. It's a night before. So you're up all. All night. You get two hours of sleep, then go back to drinking and whining. Yeah, that's your way.

[Theo Von]

Jouvet J Juvert Dash O U V.

[Ari Shafir]

R T. Everyone's fighting with.

[Theo Von]

Wow. And they're fist fighting.

[Ari Shafir]

No party. They're fighting with paint. No.

[Theo Von]

Okay.

[Ari Shafir]

Yeah, they're in a great mood. It's all pretty safe.

[Theo Von]

Let's talk about juve. Can you find me a little information on it? Looks beautiful.

[Ari Shafir]

It's the day before, so color.

[Theo Von]

A traditional Carnival celebration in many countries throughout The Caribbean. The parade is believed to have its foundation in Trinidad and Tobago, with roots steeped in French Afro Creole traditions. Wow. Such as Kanbule.

[Ari Shafir]

Kanbule. What is that?

[Theo Von]

Yeah.

[Ari Shafir]

It sounds so weird. And it comes from, like, some weird version of, like, Christianity and. And slavery celebrating.

[Theo Von]

Oh, yeah. Can Boule is a precursor to Trinidad and Tobago Carnival. The festival is also where calypso music has its roots.

[Ari Shafir]

Steel drum. You know why they did steel drum? Because they outlawed drummond. Because they were like, you. You're like, riling people up. So, like, let's get these abandoned steel drums, like the oil drums. We'll make music out of that.

[Theo Von]

Go back to that information, Nick. It was originally a harvest festival which drums, singing, dancing, and chanting were an integral part.

[Ari Shafir]

Huh?

[Theo Von]

Yep. Canbouleh has played an important role in the development of the music of Trinidad and Tobago, for it was the banning of percussion instruments in the 1880s that led to the surreptitious innovations that gave birth to steel pan music. Oh, that's cool.

[Ari Shafir]

Yeah. Here's me in my costume.

[Theo Von]

Wow.

[Ari Shafir]

It was so fun. So he showed us how to do it. My friend Brian.

[Theo Von]

Dude, that's so cool. You look like a native, bro.

[Ari Shafir]

Yeah, I got. I got. I got lost in it. You look.

[Theo Von]

Looks so native.

[Ari Shafir]

It was so fun. I mean, they party. They do it right. There's no status. There's no any of that.

[Theo Von]

Like, what do you mean? They party.

[Ari Shafir]

They go to let loose. Like a Filipino lady. And like, all the Filipinos in, like, China and stuff, when it's the weekend, they party. They just dance on the docks together.

[Theo Von]

Right.

[Ari Shafir]

They go for. They're like, let's let loose. It's not about, like, who. Which table am I at? Who's going to be here?

[Theo Von]

Yeah.

[Ari Shafir]

It's the party for the sake of party. And it's like the. Downstairs on the. On the Titanic.

[Theo Von]

Yeah.

[Ari Shafir]

You know?

[Theo Von]

Yeah. Everything else just gets a little bit ridiculous out here. That I think you definitely notice that more in big cities.

[Ari Shafir]

Yeah.

[Theo Von]

Club.

[Ari Shafir]

Club life. Clubbing in Europe is about, like, doing drugs and dancing.

[Theo Von]

Yeah.

[Ari Shafir]

And here it's about, like, bottle service and velvet ropes.

[Theo Von]

Prestige. Yeah. Yeah. That kind of stuff starts to disappear once you even get out of. I feel like some of the bigger cities. I always noticed, too, that Australians travel the most.

[Ari Shafir]

Yeah.

[Theo Von]

It's like their thing. They go do it. It's how they.

[Ari Shafir]

We can't even comprehend it.

[Theo Von]

No.

[Ari Shafir]

You see one in the audience like, oh, yes. What are you doing here? It's like, I'm on holiday yeah. And you're like, oh, so just. Just LA in the back. Like. No, la. Vegas, Miami, and then Copenhagen, London, whatever.

[Theo Von]

Like, how long Field of Dreams we're going to. There's always, like, one outlier thing they're going to see.

[Ari Shafir]

Yeah.

[Theo Von]

Yeah.

[Ari Shafir]

It's like, why nobody goes there.

[Theo Von]

I want to see Mickey Rooney's grave over there. Yeah.

[Ari Shafir]

They go for, like two months.

[Theo Von]

I know. It is really incredible, huh? They'll go. It's almost like that Amish thing. Like, what's the. Where they go? Rum stringer.

[Ari Shafir]

Yeah.

[Theo Von]

Australians almost have that. We're like, I'm gonna go see the world.

[Ari Shafir]

And Australians, all they really want to do is try the different cokes from around the country.

[Theo Von]

Oh, they like doing cocaine.

[Ari Shafir]

Yeah, they love it. And they have the worst. Oh, yeah, they love it the most and have the worst.

[Theo Von]

Yeah.

[Ari Shafir]

So it's like imagine you dunking. I love to dunk, but I can't really do it because I can't really do it. But then you go to, like, the moon and you're like, I can dunk now. All you want to do is just dunk all day. Yeah, just. Just jumping right past the sun.

[Theo Von]

Would you see that picture that just came up about Mars? You see that?

[Ari Shafir]

What about it?

[Theo Von]

They found this crazy thing on. There's a photo. If this photo is real. Did you see that, Nick? Yeah. They found, like, a perfect square on.

[Ari Shafir]

Mars that were you talking about?

[Theo Von]

Yeah.

[Ari Shafir]

What?

[Theo Von]

It's kind of fascinating.

[Ari Shafir]

That's unsettling.

[Theo Von]

Any perfect square section fighter to Mars behind branded wild has space fanatics completely baffled.

[Ari Shafir]

Yeah, that's a straight line.

[Theo Von]

Yeah. I'm trying to see if we can get a clear picture of it.

[Ari Shafir]

I'm sure they were, too.

[Theo Von]

Yeah. Facts. Oh, that's it right there. So you start to wonder, like. Because your mind also starts to say, well, okay, that's a square. But.

[Ari Shafir]

But also it's like. Is it just like right there? The rocks broke down just that way. That's not. It's like Bigfoot or ufo. So every time ufo, like, look at this. I'm like. I can't say context. Yeah, that looks like a dot.

[Theo Von]

And when the shittiest thing for me is UFOs have been in the water recently. Do you hear that? A couple, like, a month ago.

[Ari Shafir]

Yeah. Why wouldn't they hide in the water?

[Theo Von]

And you're like, okay, so you're telling me this whole time we've been looking up and they're down, and they're down. Oh, you tricksters. It's Like a.

[Ari Shafir]

It's like.

[Theo Von]

Like part of a Scooby Doo episode. It's like, what. I'm not worried about them harming me. This was a let they tell me something news. Yeah. Tim Burches said an interview Wednesday that an admirable whom he did not identify told him an unidentified craft moving at incredible speeds in the sea.

[Ari Shafir]

It's always incredible speeds.

[Theo Von]

Yeah.

[Ari Shafir]

And you're like, how about. It's. It's far away. Look, look, if you have something really far away and it's moving across the screen like that, you're like, that's slow. If it's right here, it's like. Like, oh, my God, that's so fast. Yeah, it's just. You can't see the scale. You can't see where it is.

[Theo Von]

But also just they. Oh, they've been in the water. That's. Oh, we were looking up here, and they're down.

[Ari Shafir]

You never thought to tell us about the water? Gotta discover it. You got to be a real scuba do it.

[Theo Von]

Kind of made. Yeah, that was good. That was better than the other. You went around. But it was what I was like, this is so dumb, dude. Now they're in the water. It's like, so they're not up here. It just was so dumb.

[Ari Shafir]

Yeah. Where else are they gonna be?

[Theo Von]

Yeah.

[Ari Shafir]

Where's next in the fridge.

[Theo Von]

I know.

[Ari Shafir]

Where do you want to go still Argentina?

[Theo Von]

Yeah. Bariloche.

[Ari Shafir]

You know a place map that for me?

[Theo Von]

Let's see. Bariloche, where the women swim like. Like swine. Let me see it.

[Ari Shafir]

You know how to spell that? Yeah, I was gonna say, how do we spell?

[Theo Von]

I mean, it's up to you, really. You brought. It's up to you, boy.

[Ari Shafir]

Mira Loche. Why that place? Where'd you hear about that?

[Theo Von]

You just heard about it from somebody. It's so funny when you hear about something you're a kid and you just remember it forever, you know, you're like.

[Ari Shafir]

Yeah, I gotta go there time with Bon Jovi. Wow.

[Theo Von]

Wow.

[Ari Shafir]

Oh, so it gets cold there too.

[Theo Von]

Oh, it looks perfect.

[Ari Shafir]

It does look perfect. San Carlos de Bara looks beautiful.

[Theo Von]

Halifax is beautiful. You've been there?

[Ari Shafir]

I just went for the first time.

[Theo Von]

Did you?

[Ari Shafir]

I've been trying to go to eastern Canada for so long, and my Jews just keep telling me it's not worth it for the money. And I'm like, I want to go. And they go find only winter. I'm like, no, no. You got to be outside during that.

[Theo Von]

Yeah.

[Ari Shafir]

Like, you'll draw less. I'm like, who? Guys, get me out there. I finally went. I loved it. Beautiful, weird, cool people. Isolated.

[Theo Von]

Yeah.

[Ari Shafir]

Strange. Different people. Real, real. What's that movie where they put that guy in a box and they burned it alive? I think. I think one of them. I think Nicholas Cage did a remake of it. Not Matchstick, Match. Wicker Man. Wicker Man. Looks like Wicker Manish for sure. Yeah, it was great. Yeah.

[Theo Von]

I love that. Lacrosse Wisconsin was a place that I liked in America.

[Ari Shafir]

Yeah. Outside Mount Peliar.

[Theo Von]

Very beautiful. It's just like a perfect place.

[Ari Shafir]

I've been doing that now a lot. When I meet somebody from another country, I'm like, what's, what's your tips? And they go, oh, well, go to Buenos Aires. I'm like, no, no, no. You're from Buenos Aires. Can be a restaurant, a bar, or where you go hiking outside of there.

[Theo Von]

Yeah.

[Ari Shafir]

And then they tell me and I put it on Google Maps and I'm like, I'm getting there.

[Theo Von]

Give me the grassroots.

[Ari Shafir]

I'd write that one down.

[Theo Von]

And that's lacrosse Wisconsin. It's. I think it's one of the best little cities.

[Ari Shafir]

Bariloche.

[Theo Von]

Bariloche, yeah. Where the women swim like swine. Oh, yeah, There you go. There's Granddad's Bluff over there.

[Ari Shafir]

Bariloche. Oh, yeah, bro.

[Theo Von]

That's what we need. More Bariloche in America. Yeah. And then I would say in America, probably I would go if lacrosse Wisconsin is a place that I really think is a great place to go tour or see. Just nice. It's like that. If you thought of a, like, ideal place in America. Yeah, like, especially like we're like in the fall, the leaves change color and it's like as a cool mountain, but you could still ride your bike everywhere you wanted to in town as a kid. And you have just enough of a little downtown with like some three story buildings. We were like, oh, that's downtown bars. Yes, and everything. But some cool old shops and stuff. Downtown where it really feels cool. How many people live there in Lacrosse Wisconsin?

[Ari Shafir]

5, 2, 818.

[Theo Von]

So a good enough size too, where it's like, you know, you'll have some neighbors, you have some good sporting events and stuff like that. You're close enough to drive to Green Bay to cheer for the packers. But. Yeah, right, right.

[Ari Shafir]

But far enough away, like we don't go. Right.

[Theo Von]

Like this is their downtown. So everything, you know, just kind of perfect.

[Ari Shafir]

This is where J lives. Lives in Pennsylvania City. Like this?

[Theo Von]

Yeah, yeah.

[Ari Shafir]

Like, like an hour outside Philadelphia.

[Theo Von]

Pennsylvania's got some beautiful places.

[Ari Shafir]

Yeah, but like a small downtown just like that. He's the mayor.

[Theo Von]

Wow.

[Ari Shafir]

Yeah. You got one light.

[Theo Von]

Yeah. That place is a great spot though.

[Ari Shafir]

That's the kind of thing you do when you're on the road where it's like, all right, I'm going to go. I'm going to stay a few days longer or go a few days early, chill out, then do my shows. Or stay there and drive in for your shows and go back. So you have all day.

[Theo Von]

Yeah, I want to do some more. Like I think it's maybe after this year then I would just get a camper and do like a. A year where I just go around the country, do some like interview just regular people in different places.

[Ari Shafir]

And you're good at that too.

[Theo Von]

And just have a. Just.

[Ari Shafir]

I saw you interview like a school.

[Theo Von]

Bus driver once, go touring. Who do we interview?

[Ari Shafir]

Did you have a school bus driver or a bus driver?

[Theo Von]

We have a hostage negotiator coming on.

[Ari Shafir]

No, somebody more regular.

[Theo Von]

And we got a native.

[Ari Shafir]

Years ago we had a female long.

[Theo Von]

Haul trucker, a mortician lunch lady.

[Ari Shafir]

Maybe it's mortician, maybe it's lunch. But yeah, that normal shit that you can get a lot out of them. That'd be fun. Yeah. Who drive the rv? You? Or you could have somebody else be driving it or switch off.

[Theo Von]

Probably switch off.

[Ari Shafir]

I've driven.

[Theo Von]

Or if I have a family at.

[Ari Shafir]

That point you're looking.

[Theo Von]

I gotta get a family at some point.

[Ari Shafir]

Well, if you do that, guess what you're gonna have to do first.

[Theo Von]

Nut inside.

[Ari Shafir]

Not inside, buddy. That's it. It's for you. It's all there.

[Theo Von]

You don't say.

[Ari Shafir]

That would be cool. Me and O'Neill and Matt Egger did one where we did a Spokane and we did Tacoma. Yeah, no Tacoma. That Spokane. And then. So two days there, two days there. In the interim, we found a fire station, a fire lookout station that had been re redone. So it was an hour hike to get up. No roads in. We took all our. And we stayed up there for like three days doing mushrooms. There's hundreds of acres around us.

[Theo Von]

Wow.

[Ari Shafir]

There's nothing up there. And it was a 360 deck on top so none of the animals would get at you. But you could be out there.

[Theo Von]

You just found it.

[Ari Shafir]

Yo, Neil found it.

[Theo Von]

Damn.

[Ari Shafir]

And the guy was like, yeah, we own this. We retrofitted it. They don't need these fire lookouts anymore. And so it was like. It was. That's. But that's all there. If you're willing to take, like, the week in between.

[Theo Von]

Yeah.

[Ari Shafir]

Skiing, doing anything.

[Theo Von]

Yeah. I think some things just get, like. You're like. You want to work, but then you're like, have I done enough work? I don't know. But then you start working so much, you don't know what you're doing anymore. Sometimes to autopilot, waste time.

[Ari Shafir]

It's funny. I have two different sets of friends, and half of them are like, pity me for not buckling down enough. And the other half look up to me for. For, like, paying it back in enough.

[Theo Von]

I think I look up. I think I always admire the fact that you go and do these fun things that seem to keep you alive.

[Ari Shafir]

I got a proposition for you. Maybe I'll tell you off air.

[Theo Von]

Okay. That's fair.

[Ari Shafir]

Yeah.

[Theo Von]

I want to come. I want to talk about the Semester at Sea. That's what I would like to talk about.

[Ari Shafir]

Okay. Yeah.

[Theo Von]

You're doing it in New York.

[Ari Shafir]

New York. Or if we're in Austin together, we can do it then.

[Theo Von]

Okay.

[Ari Shafir]

Yeah, I have a studio there, too.

[Theo Von]

Yeah, that'd be fun to go to the different places. I've never really gone through and thought about.

[Ari Shafir]

Yeah, you'll think about. You're gonna remember stuff as we go. That's what happens to everybody when they're doing it. When they're doing one of the episodes. Like. And then I went, oh, that chick Margaret. Oh, yeah. That moment I love.

[Theo Von]

Dude, we had a girl. She fucking hit. Did a water slide somewhere in, like, Vietnam, which nobody knew they even had.

[Ari Shafir]

Yeah.

[Theo Von]

Broke out both of her front teeth and got knocked up by a mariachi player.

[Ari Shafir]

Dude, a mariachi player in Vietnam.

[Theo Von]

I know. Who. What?

[Ari Shafir]

What do you mean? We had a girl.

[Theo Von]

I don't know. She was on the. She was just on the cruise ship, too, because that would be it. You go. You'd land in a port with the cruise ship. You would take classes while you're on the ship. And the program's called Semester at Sea, and it's amazing. You'd take classes, but then once you got to a city, you would just. People could go do whatever they wanted.

[Ari Shafir]

You could be back at whatever.

[Theo Von]

Be back when the ship leaves it, like. Like, oh, 1700 or something. So people would come back with drug habits. Some people would come back with amazing stories. People come back with their teeth in their pocket in a full.

[Ari Shafir]

That's like Fantasy Island.

[Theo Von]

It was just. Some people wouldn't go. People would stay. We had a couple people, like, fell in love. This Stay. They're like it. Couple people got busted with drugs or whatever, and they just left them there. No. Yeah. Rules are rules, man.

[Ari Shafir]

Yeah. Wheels up. Wheels up at this time. Yeah. Yeah. Anchors up.

[Theo Von]

So that was. All of. That was kind of fascinating.

[Ari Shafir]

Do you think Fantasy island was a precursor for Epstein Island?

[Theo Von]

I'm not sure what Fantasy Island. Was it a real place?

[Ari Shafir]

No, it was a TV show.

[Theo Von]

Oh, it was.

[Ari Shafir]

Yeah. I never saw it with Herbie. Villa shot, whatever.

[Theo Von]

No. My buddy's dad was in Love Boat.

[Ari Shafir]

Yeah. Really? What, was he in Love Boat?

[Theo Von]

He was a captain, I think.

[Ari Shafir]

What?

[Theo Von]

He was captain.

[Ari Shafir]

Captain Stubing?

[Theo Von]

Yeah, I think so.

[Ari Shafir]

I don't know. Spell it. Yeah, him. That was your buddy's dad. That guy.

[Theo Von]

Sl.

[Ari Shafir]

I guarantee you that guy came inside, you think dead at 90.

[Theo Von]

He passed away.

[Ari Shafir]

He was until he was 80. Eight and a half, guaranteed.

[Theo Von]

Oh, no, this wasn't his dad then.

[Ari Shafir]

Just captain on a boat. He fell in love on a boat and he was the captain. Yeah, that's it. That's it.

[Theo Von]

I can't. No, my body said was, you're gonna.

[Ari Shafir]

Not continuing. When you're like, no, I'm not lying. Not lying about any of these things.

[Theo Von]

I love.

[Ari Shafir]

There was a clip of Rio and Rogan when you were like, you're doing the Theo thing. You're like, I can't do the act. Like, man, these. These bees are just exploding. And Joe just starts laughing, and you're like, yeah, they're exploding. He's like, what are you talking about? Look it up, Jamie. And everyone thinks you're a lot. And he goes, yeah, there's exploding bees. And he goes, yeah. What do you mean?

[Theo Von]

Every now and then, truth.

[Ari Shafir]

You got sprinkle away.

[Theo Von]

You bring a piece of information that he doesn't have. That's when his mind is blown.

[Ari Shafir]

How did you know this?

[Theo Von]

Well, he's a library. Imagine going to bed when you're a library. Yeah, yeah, he's a fucking library. It's like, you go to the front desk, you're like, hey, do you have this book? And he's like, let me see what I have. And then he shows up with the information.

[Ari Shafir]

For a pothead, he really remembers it quite a lot.

[Theo Von]

Unfucking real. That's. I think. I mean, he has a lot evaporating. He's a hard worker, but I think he's. He's. He just has a. He has an endless memory and a lust for knowledge.

[Ari Shafir]

He wants to keep feeding it.

[Theo Von]

Genuinely curious.

[Ari Shafir]

I'm already like, I know enough, dude.

[Theo Von]

I know so little. And I gave up then. I think that was my MO. Ari Shafir. We got the new special, America Sweetheart, American Sweetheart. And people flicks on Netflix. Congratulations.

[Ari Shafir]

Thank you. Thank you. Yeah, I wanted this one. More regular people to see it. Unless YouTube people.

[Theo Von]

Yeah.

[Ari Shafir]

There's lower views on Netflix for people.

[Theo Von]

At my level, but it just takes time for people to get to it too.

[Ari Shafir]

Yeah. But then also just like, I'm trying to really get through with humor of, like, chill, chill. Everything's nice. So hopefully some people. I've seen some people feel. Hey, I put down the phone all day because that's special. My great getting through to you.

[Theo Von]

Yeah. Yeah. Because that's how they really captivate is you. Yeah. It's like, man.

[Ari Shafir]

Yeah. The closer is the darkest one.

[Theo Von]

Yeah.

[Ari Shafir]

Yeah. So get to the closer, I guess. And then I'm on tour. Cool. All over America. The farewell tour before I go backpacking, man.

[Theo Von]

That's gonna be nice, dude.

[Ari Shafir]

Okay, as soon as we're done, I want to suggest something to you.

[Theo Von]

Okay.

[Ari Shafir]

Yeah.

[Theo Von]

I'm ready to take a suggestion. Yep. Thank you, guys. America's sweetheart, Ari Shafir. His tour after the backpacking or before?

[Ari Shafir]

What, the tour? Yeah, tours now. And then I'm gonna end that and leave. It's just like, a couple more months of hanging out in New York, having fun, and then, like, take off. Off. Yeah, take off then. I don't know. But the UB tripping podcast will still come out. Okay. Banked. I'm already, like, 30 ahead. Oh, just for this.

[Theo Von]

And what a great idea, too. The units have. So it's all about trips that people have taken.

[Ari Shafir]

Like, one trip you took.

[Theo Von]

Yeah.

[Ari Shafir]

Come back. Tell me about a different trip. Come back. Tell me there were a different trip. Would you stay in that place? And it's not like, what am I supposed to do? It's like, what did you do?

[Theo Von]

Right.

[Ari Shafir]

I fell in love. I. Danny Polishick was like, I had dengue fever in Laos, but the whole time in a sandpaper floor hospital. Perfect. Tell me about it. Yeah, I just love it since I finish the episodes and I just, like, sit there and, like, sigh like I want to go there.

[Theo Von]

Yeah.

[Ari Shafir]

And sometimes I'm like, that was bad. I didn't care.

[Theo Von]

I think sometimes we do an episode. I'm like, how that. So, like, that was the best ever. I'm like, you guys are. We're all idiots. It is fascinating how, like, you'll.

[Ari Shafir]

The.

[Theo Von]

The idea of planning a trip is so hectic, and then you just plan it and Then, like, the day comes where you're sitting on the plane and you're like, this is the best decision I ever made.

[Ari Shafir]

It's the best. You're nervous. You're nervous. I'll do it later. If you just. My booker in Romania, he goes, I'm trying to go to Thailand. I couldn't. Guns. You know what? I'm buying a ticket. And then I'm gonna force yourself to go from six months to no. If I have the ticket, I'm going. And he did, and he went. And he's just like. And then that thing. If you get off the plane, you're still in an airport. Seems familiar. But when those sliding doors open, you go outside and there's a. A little smell difference.

[Theo Von]

Yeah.

[Ari Shafir]

And you just feel like the signs are in a different color, and you're just like, oh, here we go. It hits you and you're like, oh, yeah. And you just gotta get by the cab drivers are trying to hustle you, and you're just like, oh, it's. It's just the best.

[Theo Von]

Yeah. God, it's good. Yeah. We had a taxi, took us in Vietnam. Straight to a bird animal place that had hookers in the back. So pet shop, front, hooker bat.

[Ari Shafir]

So how do those go together?

[Theo Von]

Just What a.

[Ari Shafir]

What.

[Theo Von]

What a great. What a.

[Ari Shafir]

Hey, kid, play with the puppies. Dad's gonna go in the back.

[Theo Von]

It was kind of like, you see those Pizza Hut, Baskin Robbins or whatever was that merger or whatever, huh?

[Ari Shafir]

Yeah.

[Theo Von]

You're like, yeah, I'll take a couple.

[Ari Shafir]

Scoops in a wing.

[Theo Von]

Piece of pie and a. And a Gerber bull. All right. Shafir, man, you endlessly continue to create content, man, and. And put your comedy out in the world, man, and.

[Ari Shafir]

Yeah, I'm trying to have fun.

[Theo Von]

Yeah, you always do. Thanks for coming. Hanging out, man.

[Ari Shafir]

Yeah. Great seeing you, buddy.

[Theo Von]

Now I'm just floating on the breeze and I feel I'm falling like these leaves I must be cornerstone oh but when I reach that ground I'll share this peace of mind I found I can feel it in my bones but it's gonna take.