Podcast Summary: Thoroughly ADHD
Host: Alex Delmar Coaching
Episode: Give Better Conversation with ADHD
Date: January 9, 2026

Episode Overview

In this episode of Thoroughly ADHD, Alex Delmar—certified ADHD coach and person with ADHD—dives into the challenges people with ADHD face during conversations and offers specific, practical techniques to improve conversational skills. Alex relates personal experiences and evidence-based strategies to help listeners navigate social, work, and family interactions more confidently and effectively.

Key Discussion Points and Insights

The Struggle: ADHD, Working Memory, and Conversation

• Challenge Defined:
  Alex opens by reflecting on frequent moments of feeling misunderstood or lost during conversations—a common ADHD struggle rooted in weak working memory.

  "Most people with ADHD find it really difficult to follow a conversation and respond appropriately in the moment... but you can get better at it, and I can tell you how to start." (00:47)

• Working Memory Issues:

  • ADHD brains struggle to hold and process conversational information.
  • Overload from both background noise and random internal thoughts.
  • Outcomes: Forgetting mid-thought, repeating oneself, inappropriate responses, disorganized explanations.
  • Social and professional impacts: strained relationships, questioned competence, diminished confidence.

Practical Strategies to Compensate for Poor Working Memory

• Stay Present with the Speaker

  • Focus on the speaker's words, not your reply (02:02).
  • Mentally summarize or visualize key points.
  • Ask related questions to anchor attention.

• Big Picture vs. Details

  • Concentrate on themes and emotions, not every detail.
  • Use paraphrasing to confirm understanding.

• Directing Small Talk

  • Guide conversation toward genuinely interesting topics.
  • Examples of engaging questions:
    • "What are they reading or watching these days and what do they like about it?"
    • "What's their favorite dish at their favorite restaurant?"
    • "Where's the most interesting place they've visited?" (03:03)
  • Alex notes: "It's so much easier to pay attention when you are invested in the answers." (03:28)

Handling Distraction or Lost Thread

• Graceful Recovery
  • Admit if you've lost track:

    "I was still thinking about what you said about XYZ and missed what you last said. Please can you repeat it?" (03:55)

  • Ask questions about the last remembered point.
  • Listen for cues if others are present, and don't feel pressure to end silence:

    "It wasn't that long ago that I realized a few seconds of silence is okay and in any case I don't need to be the one to fill it." (04:29)

Speaking More Effectively

• Pause Before You Speak

  • Take a moment to organize your thoughts or mentally rehearse (04:45).
  • Slowing down decreases false starts and produces more thoughtful, clear responses:

    "The combination of these techniques will help you organize what you want to say and give you time to come up with the right words." (05:08)

  • Bonus: Prevents accidentally interrupting others (05:25).

• Prepare Short, Upbeat Answers

  • Rehearse responses about common topics (job, hobbies, family updates) for smoother conversations.
  • Stay updated on relevant events for professional or community contexts.

Nonverbal Strategies and Managing the Environment

• Eye Contact Reframed

  • Traditional eye contact can be distracting for people with ADHD.

    "I tend to look at the ceiling to cut down on sensory input, which can cause people to wonder if I'm making things up. But looking at the floor makes it look like you're hiding something, not paying attention, or insecure." (06:20)

  • Instead: Look just to the left or right of the speaker, over their shoulder.

• Minimize Distractions

  • Position yourself away from distractions: sit with your back to the room or in a table corner (07:00).
  • Maintain energy: stay calm, rest before social events, and excuse yourself when tired.
  • Don’t multitask during conversations.

Memorable Quotes & Moments

• On why compensating for poor working memory matters:

  "Our relationships are strained, our competence is questioned, and our confidence suffers in social, school, and work settings." (01:30)

• Key Takeaway:

  "Remember, the most important aspect of a successful conversation is that the speaker feels understood. They'll forgive your missteps if they think you heard and valued what they had to say." (08:12)

Timestamps for Important Segments

• 00:00 – Introduction: Personal experiences, ADHD & conversation
• 01:30 – The role of working memory in conversational difficulties
• 02:10 – Strategies: Staying present, focusing on key points
• 03:03 – Techniques for steering small talk
• 04:15 – Handling lost threads and silence
• 05:08 – Thoughtful speech: slowing down, rehearsing
• 06:20 – Eye contact alternatives
• 07:00 – Positioning and minimizing distractions
• 08:12 – The speaker feeling understood; summary and encouragement

Conclusion

This episode offers a relatable, compassionate look at the unique challenges people with ADHD face in conversations—and most importantly, concrete tools to build confidence and connection. Alex Delmar’s practical tips, personal insights, and gentle humor make this a valuable listen for anyone seeking to improve communication, with or without ADHD.