Podcast Summary: Thoroughly ADHD

Episode Title: How To Navigate Family Gatherings When You Have ADHD
Host: Alex Delmar Coaching
Date: December 5, 2025

Episode Overview

In this insightful episode, certified ADHD coach Alex Delmar addresses the challenges many people with ADHD face during family gatherings, especially around holidays. Alex shares practical strategies for minimizing stress, managing emotional responses, and boosting enjoyment at family events, emphasizing self-acceptance and proactive planning.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

The Emotional Challenges of Family Gatherings

• Family events can be stressful for those with ADHD:
  Old behavior patterns from childhood often resurface at family get-togethers, and offhand remarks can have a deep impact.
• Feeling misunderstood:
  Alex notes the common experience of being told "you're just too sensitive" and how unhelpful this can be for ADHD individuals.

Self-Acceptance and Grace

• Alex’s core message:
  “You are a work in progress and giving yourself grace for missteps will increase your chances of making it through the holidays unscathed.” (01:23)
• Managing expectations:
  Remember that you can't control others' opinions or behaviors regarding your ADHD.

Proactive Emotional Preparation

• Boost positivity:
  Before the event, intentionally spend time with supportive friends to “load up on positive interactions.” (02:07)
• Arm yourself against judgment:
  Make a list of your positive qualities to review if you feel criticized or judged. (02:19)

Planning for Success

• Reflect on past gatherings:
  Think about what aspects you’ve previously enjoyed, and actively plan to recreate those positive experiences.
• Mitigate potential trouble spots:
  Identify recurring conflicts (e.g., being late upsetting a particular relative) and develop strategies to avoid them.

Managing Emotions & Triggers

• Recognize personal warning signs:
  “Know what happens when you are moving into a negative head space. Do you feel hot, get a lump in your throat or clench your fists?” (03:02)
• Self-regulation:
  Check in with yourself periodically, and don’t hesitate to step away when needed.

Low-Disruption Escape Plans

• Have an exit strategy:
  Plan non-disruptive ways to step out for a sensory or emotional break—bathroom break, helping in the kitchen, taking the dog for a walk, or playing with kids outdoors. (03:45)
• Goal:
  “Calmly leave the action without offending anyone or making yourself a target for criticism.” (04:10)

Navigating Diet Restrictions

• Food allergies and sensitivities:
  “Don’t expect that the host has prepared anything you can eat though. Thank them if they make an attempt. Do bring a side dish to share ... or even bring yourself an entire meal ready to eat.” (04:37)
• Avoid going hungry:
  Being hungry can contribute to negative emotions and spoil the gathering.

Alcohol & Impulse Control

• Strong recommendation:
  “Avoid drinking alcohol. A lot of the ADHD related behaviors ... are exacerbated by alcohol. It is extremely difficult to remain self-aware and stay in control of our emotions with a buzz.” (05:21)
• If you must drink:
  “Only have one and nurse it as long as possible.” (06:02)
• Medication interactions:
  Some ADHD medications can increase alcohol's effects—extra caution is advised.

Recap & Core Takeaway

• Alex’s summary advice:
  “You can’t control the behavior of others, but you can control your experience of a holiday get together by promoting the aspects of it you most enjoy, putting a few limits on your own behavior, giving yourself grace, and recognizing when you need a break from the action.” (06:18)

Memorable Quotes

• “People may fall back into behavior patterns from childhood. Offhand remarks carry a lifetime's weight behind them.” (00:22)
• “Giving yourself grace for missteps will increase your chances of making it through the holidays unscathed.” (01:23)
• “You can remain in control of your own actions. Don't bait people into topics you know upset them and recognize your own triggers and red flags.” (02:45)
• “Have some plan ahead of time, but keep a lookout for possible non-disruptive escapes for when you need a break from the emotional and sensory overload.” (03:45)
• “Possibly the most important thing in your control is to avoid drinking alcohol.” (05:21)

Notable Segments & Timestamps

• 00:00–01:20 – Setting the stage: Why gatherings are challenging for people with ADHD
• 01:21–02:30 – Self-acceptance, positive preparation, and expectations
• 02:31–03:30 – Managing triggers, self-monitoring, and emotional regulation
• 03:31–04:35 – Planning escape routes and non-disruptive breaks
• 04:36–05:20 – Navigating dietary needs and being proactive around food
• 05:21–06:17 – The impact of alcohol and strategies for safe participation
• 06:18–06:55 – Recap and closing encouragement

Summary Takeaways

Alex Delmar provides a toolbox of realistic, empathetic suggestions for navigating the unique social and emotional landscape of family gatherings with ADHD. The emphasis is always on preparation, self-compassion, and maintaining agency, with actionable tips for handling triggers, food, alcohol, and the unpredictability of family dynamics. Listeners are left feeling empowered and equipped to enter holiday events with confidence.