The Jordan Firstman Interview with Throwing Fits

Summary

Podcast Summary: "Throwing Fits" – Episode Featuring Jordan Firstman

Episode Title: The Jordan Firstman Interview with Throwing Fits
Release Date: April 9, 2025
Host: Throwing Fits
Guest: Jordan Firstman

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1. Introduction

In this episode of Throwing Fits, hosts James and Jordan Firstman engage in a candid and humorous discussion covering a wide array of topics, from music and acting to personal anecdotes and social media interactions. The conversation is marked by its unapologetic honesty and playful banter, offering listeners an unfiltered glimpse into Jordan's multifaceted career and personal life.

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2. Guest Background and Current Projects

James introduces Jordan Firstman as a multifaceted artist—actor, writer, and pop star—who is releasing a new album titled Secrets on April 11th. Jordan is also recognized for his acting roles, including contributions to shows like Rotting in the Sun, Hacks, and Ms. Marvel.

Notable Quote:

Jordan Firstman [00:56]: "Throw gang we are joined by the virile virality viking. Shoulders hairy but the voice smooth..."

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3. Musical Endeavors: The Album "Secrets"

Jordan delves into the concept behind his upcoming album, Secrets, explaining that he sourced real-life confessions from his Instagram followers to craft song titles and themes. Each track explores a different genre, showcasing his versatility and creative ambition.

Notable Quotes:

Jordan Firstman [11:40]: "People submitted me their secrets on Instagram. I used it as fodder for the titles of the songs..."

Jordan Firstman [12:00]: "Well, maybe you could if it was like, a little bit of higher currency, like a dime or a quarter."

---

4. Personal Anecdotes and Relationships

Jordan shares vivid personal stories, including his experiences at sex parties and the humorous mishap of soiling his pants out of nervousness before attending one. These anecdotes highlight his ability to find humor in awkward situations and his candidness about personal vulnerabilities.

Notable Quotes:

Jordan Firstman [14:08]: "A deep dark. I feel like I've like, my friends know this story, but my first ever sex party I went to..."

James [14:32]: "...I still shit my pants once a year."

---

5. Social Media and Fan Interactions

The conversation shifts to Jordan's interactions on social media platforms like Instagram and OnlyFans. He discusses his innovative approach to engaging with fans by reviewing their submissions, such as dick pics, as a promotional strategy for his album. This segment underscores the intersection of personal branding and fan engagement in the digital age.

Notable Quotes:

Jordan Firstman [19:03]: "Have you made a shitload of money on of?"

James [19:25]: "But that was definitely preferred the hard one."

---

6. Collaborations and Features

Jordan boasts about his collaborations with notable figures, including Rufus Wainwright, Julia Fox, and Suki Waterhouse. These partnerships add depth and diversity to his album, reflecting his broad network within the entertainment industry.

Notable Quotes:

James [26:11]: "We have Suki Waterhouse. We have Julia Fox."

James [26:25]: "We have all of them on the album. Who else we have?"

---

7. Acting Ventures and Future Projects

Jordan discusses his acting career, mentioning his participation in Ms. Marvel and a forthcoming feature film. He reflects on the challenges and triumphs of balancing multiple roles within the entertainment sphere.

Notable Quotes:

James [52:42]: "But, yeah, I'm about to make my first feature, which I've been writing for two years..."

James [58:09]: "Yeah, I'm shooting it right now."

---

8. Fashion and Personal Style

A significant portion of the episode is dedicated to a detailed "fit check," where Jordan showcases his vintage-inspired wardrobe. From wide whale corduroy jackets to Prada boots, he emphasizes his love for unique and timeless fashion pieces.

Notable Quotes:

James [04:19]: "It's not too designer heavy."

Jordan Firstman [05:02]: "But no, no, the boots are not vintage, but they are from an outlet."

---

9. Advice and Feedback

Towards the end of the episode, Jordan offers constructive criticism to the Throwing Fits hosts, suggesting a more relaxed approach and the value of meeting in person to enhance their rapport.

Notable Quotes:

James [75:45]: "I think you guys have amazing energy."

Jordan Firstman [76:15]: "Here's my criticism. Let's go out to dinner. Next time you're in New York."

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10. Conclusion

The episode wraps up with a playful exchange about the sexual nature of their conversation, followed by light-hearted banter and final thoughts. Jordan expresses his appreciation for the platform and reiterates his excitement for the album release.

Notable Quotes:

Jordan Firstman [77:38]: "You should try having sex with a woman."

James [78:00]: "Let's go."

---

Key Takeaways:

• Versatility: Jordan Firstman's ability to navigate multiple creative fields—music, acting, writing—highlights his versatility as an artist.

• Authentic Storytelling: By incorporating real-life secrets into his album, Jordan fosters a deep connection with his audience, blending authenticity with artistry.

• Innovative Fan Engagement: His unique approach to social media interactions, particularly through platforms like OnlyFans, demonstrates a modern strategy in personal branding and fan engagement.

• Humor and Vulnerability: The candid sharing of personal stories, combined with humor, makes the conversation relatable and engaging.

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This episode of Throwing Fits offers a comprehensive look into Jordan Firstman's artistic journey, personal experiences, and insightful perspectives on fame, fashion, and fan interaction. Whether you're a fan of his work or interested in the dynamics of modern podcasting, this episode provides a rich and engaging listen.

Transcript

[Jordan Firstman]

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[James]

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[Jordan Firstman]

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[Jordan Firstman]

Throw gang we are joined by the virile virality viking. Shoulders hairy but the voice smooth. You keep secrets he keeps secrets you boring and dumb he hoarding come call Linda McMahon how he's an English teacher you might be straight but he can be your first man he's transitioning genres in his Levi's genes making horse moan in therapy his scrotum must be nuts because the stream's going crazy must be a salmon swim up these streams how he's attracting these bears oh you're not with his impressions how about you impress on de's nuts the corpse king the hookhead honcho started from the bottom now he's a chart topper but he's fire on the verse a nice Jewish boy put the bars go hard and uncut not a us virgin but he must be on a little scene James how he's bodying these 16s actor, writer, pop star and new album secrets out on April 11th. Jordan first been Jordan how the hell are you?

[Unknown]

Wow. I think that's the first time it's.

[James]

Hard because I I've seen these and you want to stay present but you also know it's coming that but it.

[Unknown]

Was the best moment did you leave your body?

[James]

Yeah but. But also I was trying to. I was trying to focus on every word.

[Jordan Firstman]

It's like ketamine it ketamine in that.

[James]

Way the the written transcript after so I could read it every morning Is.

[Jordan Firstman]

Your is your album master turned in or is it too late to put that as an intro?

[James]

There's One. There's one track that they won't clear a sample, so we have to. You can be on that one.

[Jordan Firstman]

Okay.

[Unknown]

Thank you very much.

[James]

There's a deluxe coming.

[Unknown]

Okay. You have the same problems as Kanye right now.

[James]

A lot.

[Unknown]

Can't get anything clear.

[James]

All of the same problems.

[Unknown]

Jordan, thank you for joining us. I love that hug. That was beautiful to witness. Most people don't, like, give physical.

[James]

The. The tea.

[Unknown]

Yeah.

[James]

On why I'm here, why, how I got connected to you, and why I follow you.

[Jordan Firstman]

Why.

[James]

Why do you. What would be your guess?

[Jordan Firstman]

I followed you since you became the Impressions guy over Pandemic, and now you're so much more than that. I'm a gay guy that loves pussy, so there's got to be some sort of connection there.

[James]

I think you're hot.

[Jordan Firstman]

Oh.

[James]

I was like, circle of wagon. I like. I saw a clip of you, and I was like, who's that hot guy?

[Jordan Firstman]

Wow.

[James]

And then I went to you, and I was like, he follows me. I did. Within three post. Three posts. I knew you were not gay. I was like, I'm still. I. I like some eye candy.

[Jordan Firstman]

There's always. There's always hope. There's always hope.

[James]

Very my type.

[Jordan Firstman]

Really?

[James]

No. No offense.

[Unknown]

That's totally fine. I'm married to a woman.

[Jordan Firstman]

What's your type?

[James]

I mean, hot podcaster hot. Like, potentially mixed race.

[Jordan Firstman]

Yeah. Yeah. Is that.

[James]

Is that your vibe?

[Jordan Firstman]

Yeah.

[James]

You guys want to.

[Unknown]

I can leave?

[James]

Yeah. Like, 10 minutes. This is.

[Unknown]

He does not need his gassed anymore.

[James]

Really? He doesn't seem that cocky to me.

[Jordan Firstman]

I'm not that cocky. I'm not that cocky.

[Unknown]

Come on, dude.

[Jordan Firstman]

Come on. I'm not that. It's not like that. Wait, you talked about this idea that you're doing. We can spoil it because it's coming out. I think after the story where you're trying to find a guy in Grindr and have sex with him.

[James]

Yes.

[Jordan Firstman]

And then he reviews your album.

[James]

Yes.

[Jordan Firstman]

Maybe the Grinder hookups are. Have been here all along.

[James]

Really?

[Jordan Firstman]

No.

[Unknown]

You would.

[James]

To get fame, I'd for sure get some free topo. Chico.

[Jordan Firstman]

It's Hollywood, baby.

[Unknown]

The bar is low.

[Jordan Firstman]

But, Jordan, thank you for finding me attractive and leveraging that into coming on the only podcast.

[James]

Attractive, too, but I don't. Wow.

[Unknown]

I was waiting for it.

[James]

You're just not as. I still would. Don't say it. Not as.

[Unknown]

I'm not your type.

[James]

Not my. Not as my.

[Unknown]

Thank you for throwing me a bone. Three minutes and 45 seconds into the show. I appreciate that. Jordan, let's do a quick fit check. We want to hear everything you're wearing today so that we can just jump right into the questions.

[James]

It's not too designer heavy.

[Unknown]

That's fine.

[Jordan Firstman]

Really?

[James]

We have, like, a. A vintage jacket. I'm not sure where it's from.

[Jordan Firstman]

It's lovely.

[Unknown]

Wide whale corduroy.

[James]

Yeah, Wide, wide whale.

[Unknown]

That. The whale is the. The. That's the term for the. The stripe, of course.

[James]

Wow. I had a famous line in high school. Like, it's not actually funny, but I'm just thinking about it now. But I was trying to think of corduroy, and I was like, what are the lines that feel good?

[Unknown]

Cocaine.

[James]

Yeah. And many, many versions of that.

[Unknown]

Yeah.

[Jordan Firstman]

But, yeah, again, Kanye problems again.

[James]

Again. We have a. A vintage Dolce white shirt.

[Unknown]

Fancy.

[James]

We got some Prada boots and not vintage jeans.

[Jordan Firstman]

So everything vintage. But the boots.

[James]

No, no, the boots are not vintage, but they are from an outlet. Oh, they're stars.

[Unknown]

They're just like us.

[James]

But the Prada outfit is. Outlet is literally $3 cheaper than.

[Jordan Firstman]

Is it the one in Milano or LA?

[James]

The one, like, on the way to Palm Springs.

[Jordan Firstman]

Okay. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Those are. There's a product there.

[James]

Yeah, they have everything. There's like a Marnie. There's, like. There. They have, like, deep cuts, but it's like that.

[Unknown]

They're making, like, just for the outlet, and that's why it's only 3 bucks cheaper, so. But 3 bucks cheaper is still cheaper.

[James]

It's still cheaper still. Definitely.

[Jordan Firstman]

That's one third of an iced coffee in la. Whoa. I went there.

[James]

Not even now.

[Jordan Firstman]

Well, let's not get. Let's not get political. Right? What about the. What about the glasses?

[James]

Yeah. Bonnie and Clyde, if you could ever imagine.

[Unknown]

Frameless.

[James]

Yeah, they're frameless.

[Unknown]

That's like a thing now.

[James]

Yeah. I think it's been. I think, like the post. Post uncut jams. We've kind of been experimenting. These are a little bit, like, thinner, which I like. I used to have. Clearly you haven't seen the movie I made last year, rotting the sun, because you alluded that you hadn't seen me suck dick on camera and get sucked. But if you had seen that I had these. There's. The best eyeglass store in LA is called Optical Sphere. Vintage eyeglass. Vintage sunglass.

[Unknown]

That's a ridiculous name.

[James]

And it's.

[Jordan Firstman]

They.

[James]

He has, like, probably 20,000 pairs of glasses.

[Jordan Firstman]

Yeah.

[James]

And I had these really thin, kind of like Korean businessman glasses, and they were my favorite.

[Jordan Firstman]

What happened?

[James]

And I Lost them?

[Unknown]

No.

[James]

And then I went back, I was like, do you have anything? He's like, no, bro.

[Unknown]

I could picture that guy perfectly now.

[James]

Like, one of a kind.

[Jordan Firstman]

Yeah. One of.

[Unknown]

No, bro. One of.

[Jordan Firstman]

One of one, bro. He must have been. I'm sure he was the only guy in LA hairier than you. What about the earrings and the necklace?

[James]

Earrings? This was when I. When I. When I booked the Rachel Senna HBO pilot, Untitled I, Untitled, I gave. I know the title now. But you don't.

[Unknown]

Right. Okay.

[Jordan Firstman]

It's a secret.

[James]

I. I treated myself too, because I had been the hoop guy forever. That's true.

[Jordan Firstman]

Yeah. The Double Big Hoops.

[James]

Big Hoops One like bitch in LA came up to me recently. Didn't know me at all. She was like, your hoops during the pandemic, like, way too big.

[Unknown]

Wow.

[James]

And I was like. I was like, experimenting. I get like, we're all going crazy. Let me wear some big hoops sometimes.

[Jordan Firstman]

Do you get that a lot with being kind of like having the parasocial relationship where people come up to you and talk to you like they know you and you're like, I don't know you.

[James]

I think. I think it's a very thin line between, like, with. Especially with gay guys. Like, they don't realize what I'm doing is like, observational and like, hopefully witty and thought through. He's doing work on his laptop right now, taking notes for the description.

[Unknown]

You.

[James]

He's like, got. I got to answer his emails.

[Unknown]

Thanks, sweetie. Yeah, yeah.

[Jordan Firstman]

Searching body and Clyde glasses.

[James]

But like, a lot of people could be like, oh, you're funny and gay. Like you're just a. And then they'll be like, oh, my God, I hate you. Like, they'll just like, say that. Like, I'm like, that's.

[Jordan Firstman]

Are you. You're my best friend and I hope you die.

[James]

Exactly.

[Jordan Firstman]

Damn.

[Unknown]

So that's la, though.

[Jordan Firstman]

How do you counteract that?

[James]

I'm just like, try to get away as you know, it's like once you engage, it's like becomes a whole thing. So. Ah, nice to meet you.

[Jordan Firstman]

I hate you too.

[Unknown]

Yeah. I mean, they. They are familiar with you. They're kind of a supporter in their own way.

[James]

Yeah. And they really just want to connect and they think that's how I will like it.

[Unknown]

Right.

[Jordan Firstman]

Right.

[James]

But I'm not.

[Jordan Firstman]

How should people connect with you?

[Unknown]

What's the best first way to make a first impression?

[James]

Like, normal.

[Jordan Firstman]

Your hoops.

[James]

Good vibe.

[Jordan Firstman]

Your hoops weren't too small.

[James]

Yeah. All the big hoops I. Whatever they're saying, I didn't.

[Unknown]

It's the perfect size.

[Jordan Firstman]

The big ones hurt, the big hoops hurt.

[James]

Yeah.

[Jordan Firstman]

What about the necklace?

[James]

I think I got it in like turkey or so just like a random.

[Unknown]

What are you doing in turkey? Little.

[James]

No.

[Unknown]

Okay. Just double checking.

[James]

I was on a vacation, but I do. I want to out myself.

[Unknown]

You want to put the mic closer to your mouth, though.

[James]

Do I? I did do it recently, but in LA with the expensive guy.

[Unknown]

Really?

[James]

I don't mind, actually, like, all of these.

[Jordan Firstman]

We're talking hair plugs.

[James]

Yeah. Fake Hollywood. Is that. Is that. They're like, public. Is like. Like you could talk about anyone in the world. Just don't say you got a hairdresser. Yeah.

[Jordan Firstman]

This LA hair plug guy is so powerful. He'll snipe you.

[James]

He did.

[Unknown]

Is he the guy? Oh, like McConaughey. Harry Styles. So what, you got it touched up in the corners or what was.

[James]

Yeah, I did. It's kind of. I did a preemptive because I was like, this is gonna happen. And I was like doing the. I tried the finasteride. Couldn't get hard.

[Jordan Firstman]

Really.

[James]

Just on the minoxidil. Oral minoxidil, which is fabulous. And then. But now there's this new one called Dutasteride that I take once a week and I'm still getting no side effects. Getting the bone still rock.

[Jordan Firstman]

Rock. How much does a touch up cost you?

[James]

It's.

[Jordan Firstman]

Is it.

[James]

This guy is. It's severely over. We're talking.

[Jordan Firstman]

He's the Cadillac of.

[James]

It's crazy. And even the best ones. I've, like, talked to other people that are like, the best at it and they're like, he is. It's highway robbery what he's doing and where.

[Jordan Firstman]

He's a genius and where on your. He's an artist. He's the Michelangelo.

[James]

Literally. No, he. Like, like incision by incision.

[Unknown]

Right?

[Jordan Firstman]

Like studying follicle by follicle. Where on your extremely hairy body did you receive the transplant from all pubes? Like, take it from the thickest region?

[James]

No, just the. Just the back of the.

[Jordan Firstman]

Oh, it's from head to head. Okay, cool. Do you get to, like, as someone's on camera, did you get to, like, remove yourself from being on camera for a little bit as you went through?

[James]

Well, I didn't really. They didn't even cut my hair.

[Jordan Firstman]

Really.

[James]

They did it with all my hair. Like, modern. I was out. I was at the baby girl premiere four days later. Looking back, I was definitely swollen. I thought I Was fine.

[Unknown]

The lines say that you were in rehab.

[Jordan Firstman]

Like, yeah.

[James]

Do you want to do carpet? I was like, I think I'm okay this round.

[Jordan Firstman]

Yeah. Where. What about your panties?

[Unknown]

Yeah. What style? What brand?

[James]

I think I'm wearing just like, some. Some, like, Uniqlo briefs.

[Jordan Firstman]

Okay.

[James]

But I do, like. I like a traditional Calvin. Like, brief, but, like, not too thin on the sides. Like a. But not too thick on the side.

[Jordan Firstman]

Sounds like you're at the hair transplant guy. Okay. And you're sipping on an iced tea, Right? Drink of choice as you observational.

[James]

Yes.

[Jordan Firstman]

And a cup of water.

[Unknown]

We're so good at our job.

[Jordan Firstman]

Let's get into fit check. Drink check. Complete. Let's get into the meat potatoes of the only podcast matters. Jordan, you're putting out a concept album called Secrets. Can you explain for us the concept?

[James]

Yes, it's very simple. People submitted me their secrets on Instagram. I used it as fodder for the titles of the songs, which are exquisite, by the way. The titles are kind of art in it of itself.

[Jordan Firstman]

Yeah. They're selling point of the album for sure. Pennies in my.

[Unknown]

Yeah, come on now.

[James]

Can't beat that. No, you can't beat that.

[Unknown]

Well, maybe you could if it was like, a little bit of higher currency, like a dime or a quarter.

[James]

Well, did you listen to the song? I go in higher currency.

[Unknown]

And I'm just saying for the title.

[James]

For the title.

[Unknown]

Yeah.

[James]

All right. No.

[Unknown]

And you don't even need to me to get those. You know, that's true. That's free. Not even costing a penny.

[Jordan Firstman]

Don't Blake. Slacking to get back in.

[Unknown]

Yeah, right.

[James]

Literally.

[Unknown]

Were people submitting anonymously or do you know the.

[James]

I can see them, but I don't, like, even look. I do them so fast that I don't even. And, like, who knows? Like, people might be lying. Yeah, like, you know, and every song.

[Jordan Firstman]

Is a different genre. Is the other kind of, like, angle.

[James]

I would say every song is a different genre.

[Jordan Firstman]

Hence the gene therapy gender transition pun in the intro. Did that go over your head?

[James]

Oh, my God.

[Jordan Firstman]

That's why.

[James]

Wait, wait. Say it again. Say it.

[Jordan Firstman]

That's why. It's what jeans you prefer. He's transitioning genres in his Levi's jeans, making you horse moan in therapy.

[James]

Okay, gotcha, gotcha, gotcha, gotcha. Yeah.

[Jordan Firstman]

Were there any secrets that were submitted to you that were just too gnarly to turn into a song that you, like, even made your toes curl a little bit?

[James]

I mean, I felt like I get the one of Like I was at a glory hole and I found out it was my dad. But I'm like, yeah, you're lying. I have a song when I. When I know someone's lying. I have a song called you're lying for clout that I sing. And I. And they know and they should feel bad.

[Jordan Firstman]

Okay. They should.

[James]

Cuz I'm like, just get your own secret.

[Jordan Firstman]

Was there any that you're like, whoa, that actually does sound pretty there.

[James]

I've gotten a lot of like murdery.

[Unknown]

Ones o like people admitting to crimes.

[James]

I killed someone.

[Jordan Firstman]

Like, thank you, Fred Durst.

[James]

Keep, keep swiping.

[Unknown]

Wow.

[James]

I didn't see anything.

[Jordan Firstman]

I didn't see anything.

[James]

And then during the pandemic, definitely a lot of like, I'm. I'm gonna kill myself.

[Unknown]

What do you say when someone. It's a cry for help to you. What do you do?

[James]

You're like, do a flip.

[Jordan Firstman]

You're too sexy.

[James]

Yeah.

[Jordan Firstman]

Do you have a deep dark secret you'd like to get off your chest right now?

[Unknown]

Yeah.

[Jordan Firstman]

Go off that we can turn into pod fodder.

[Unknown]

Yeah. That's maybe darker than you wanting to, James.

[James]

No, that was not dark. That's light.

[Jordan Firstman]

Yeah, that's light. That's light.

[Unknown]

That's a great starter.

[James]

Love and light. A deep dark. I feel like I've like, I. My friends know this story, but my first ever sex party I went to, I like really was like hyping myself up to go when I was like 20 and I ended up my pants on the way there because I was so nervous. Wait, full diarrhea in the car there?

[Jordan Firstman]

Too many poppers.

[James]

Yeah, no, I was so nervous.

[Jordan Firstman]

Really?

[James]

I was young. Yeah, I was really young.

[Jordan Firstman]

Did you keep going to the party?

[James]

Yeah, and I went home, clean the poop off of my butt and my car and change. I hope I changed. And I went to the sex party and ended up meeting my now ex there.

[Jordan Firstman]

Oh, wow.

[James]

Yeah.

[Unknown]

Does he know that you pooped your pants?

[James]

I think later I told him. Later I told him.

[Jordan Firstman]

Did you fuck that night?

[James]

Yeah.

[Jordan Firstman]

The. So that your douche was really the MVP of that night.

[James]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Unknown]

Yeah, maybe that's like good.

[Jordan Firstman]

That's crazy. Wait, is shitting your pants from nerves like a common occurrence with you?

[James]

I think for Jews it's just like you never know when you're gonna shit your pants.

[Jordan Firstman]

Yeah. Oh, the scallops.

[James]

I still shit my pants once a year.

[Jordan Firstman]

Really? Yowzers, have we shat our pants in 2025 yet?

[Unknown]

No, we're due maybe. Maybe Right now?

[James]

No, but there's always. Especially when you're in la, you're gonna be stuck in traffic, and it's like you get into your. Your parking space or wherever, and you're, like, running to the door and. So would you consider if, like, a little comes out right before you get to the toilet?

[Jordan Firstman]

Yeah.

[James]

No.

[Unknown]

I think so. That count? I mean, technically, you. Your pants.

[James]

Yeah.

[Jordan Firstman]

Wait, if it's. If it's the moment between pulling down, dropping trout.

[James]

Yeah.

[Jordan Firstman]

You're okay. Okay.

[James]

I've had that happen this year.

[Unknown]

Oh, nice.

[Jordan Firstman]

Is this, like. And is it nerves? Is it diet? Is just your Jewish constitution?

[James]

I think it's my Jewish constitution.

[Unknown]

So I'm the strongest Jew of all time. I've only my parents. Like, I could count on one hand the amount of times I've shipped myself as an adult.

[James]

Wow.

[Unknown]

Yeah.

[James]

Yeah. I think five times.

[Unknown]

I'm the ubermensch, dude.

[James]

You're what?

[Unknown]

The ubermensch.

[James]

Right.

[Jordan Firstman]

He shot himself in an Uber. You and Kanye.

[James]

He's a good guy and he takes Ubers.

[Jordan Firstman]

Yeah. Since you put out the first single, the album, I want to see my friend's dicks. Have any friends sent you dick pics?

[James]

Oh, close friends, Kind of. Not really.

[Jordan Firstman]

Really?

[James]

I would want some more friends to be doing it.

[Jordan Firstman]

Like, what about casual acquaintances?

[James]

Definitely. But I feel like I've. I've already gotten those before, but in person, I would like a lot more. It would be fun if I start to do live shows and people, like, whip their dicks out. Yeah.

[Unknown]

You might go to jail, but. Or they might go to jail. Oh, inciting a riot.

[James]

Either. I heard a story. When does this come out?

[Jordan Firstman]

April 9th.

[James]

Oh, perfect. So I have a. I love that day, but I have a. A collab. I think he's the one who told me the story. A collab with Jimmy Pop from Bloodhound Game.

[Jordan Firstman]

Oh, cool.

[James]

And he told me he got arrested in Switzerland or something for public indecency because he. He whipped his out, I think at a show. Either saw Tick Tock or he did it.

[Unknown]

Yeah, okay. One or the other.

[Jordan Firstman]

Yeah. But was no one. No one heard the single. Was like, oh, Jordan wants to see my pee pee.

[James]

I don't know my. I like. I feel like I. 1. I don't have that many real friends. You know what I mean?

[Jordan Firstman]

That's very. Sorry. I have, like, five, you have two more. You have seven now.

[James]

And I just feel like, oh, they're like, Jordan's doing his thing again. It's like, when is Jordan not talking about dicks.

[Jordan Firstman]

Right.

[James]

So they're like, it' just another day in Jordan land.

[Jordan Firstman]

Is it hard to turn it off? Like turn off the. The Entertainer comedic switch?

[James]

I don't.

[Jordan Firstman]

No, seriously, guys, I really. I really want to see your penises.

[Unknown]

Yes.

[James]

Sometimes. Yeah, sometimes with friends that I do have like a sexual chemistry with, it is hard to like be like. No, I actually want to. I think we should actually hook up.

[Unknown]

Right? Please.

[James]

That's why I tend to do it more with people I don't know.

[Unknown]

Is there a friend whose penis you'd particularly like to see that maybe this song, whether like explicitly or like latently was written for?

[James]

I would love to see. I wouldn't call us close friends, but we're buddies. I would love to see Noah Centineo's dick.

[Unknown]

Okay.

[James]

I would love to see Charles Melton's dick.

[Unknown]

Who wouldn't?

[James]

I mean. Yeah, these are just like hot.

[Unknown]

You're just like manifesting.

[James]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Unknown]

That's a good.

[Jordan Firstman]

Chuck, if you're listening.

[Unknown]

Yeah, Chuck.

[James]

You guys are really good.

[Jordan Firstman]

Half Asian, right?

[James]

Yeah.

[Jordan Firstman]

There you go.

[James]

I think he's full. No, maybe he is.

[Unknown]

Why? They wouldn't necessarily just get along, but that would. He seems like a cool guy.

[Jordan Firstman]

Well, you have. So let's talk about though, you rating dick. Pick submissions on your only fans. So this was. Is related. It's like, this is genius marketing related to the album. Right. Where people can send you dick pics.

[James]

Yeah.

[Jordan Firstman]

And you review them via the written word on an only fans.

[James]

Yes.

[Jordan Firstman]

Have you made a shitload of money on of?

[James]

I started this truly 24 hours ago.

[Unknown]

What.

[Jordan Firstman]

What's the number at?

[James]

We're like around like 400 at this in a day.

[Unknown]

Dollars or 400?

[James]

400. 400. People like have signed up.

[Unknown]

Oh, wow.

[Jordan Firstman]

How many dicks have you reviewed?

[James]

I've reviewed two so far.

[Jordan Firstman]

Can we.

[James]

Yeah, but that's, you know, a nice 4k a month, right? Not bad.

[Jordan Firstman]

Yeah. 10 bucks.

[Unknown]

You do what you love. You never work a day in your life.

[James]

I know. That's.

[Jordan Firstman]

How many. How many dick pic submissions have you gotten?

[James]

Like, like 100 probably.

[Unknown]

Oh, you indulge or embold. Just I should say with your most recent.

[James]

I'll read you. Do I have my. Where's my phone go?

[Jordan Firstman]

Oh, there's a phone floating.

[James]

Ladies.

[Unknown]

Okay. Oh my God.

[Jordan Firstman]

Pick submissions.

[James]

Okay, I'll read you.

[Unknown]

It's a preview of why you guys should sign up and give your hard earned money to Jordan.

[James]

But I'm getting. Basically. I did. I was gonna do it. I Was gonna just do it on, like, Tumblr or Twitter or something. And then my lawyers were like, there's. You're gonna. You're gonna get in trouble because you can't verify age. You can't verify that it's them. So now I have them sign a release form. They have to, like, wow, their ID's in.

[Unknown]

Damn.

[Jordan Firstman]

Holy.

[Unknown]

Hollywood changed you, dude.

[Jordan Firstman]

Damn.

[James]

I know.

[Jordan Firstman]

Literally, you're like pornhub.

[Unknown]

So I guess, do we have to see the dick to get the con? Do we need the context?

[James]

If you want to, yeah.

[Unknown]

Okay. Why don't the dick and then that's the pick.

[Jordan Firstman]

Okay.

[Unknown]

Nice.

[James]

Yeah. So I said, I like it. Yeah. The body is hot. The dick is nice. It's giving me a nice. I don't give a fudge, Hunter Biden vibe. Feels like you're probably in a hotel room for work, which eludes some sort of fantasy. You're just stopping by a small city for work. You invite me over late at night, leave the door open, let me get to work. Really into the body. Upon further inspection. Worked out, dad bought as kind of the blueprint. Also, what I like about this pick is I feel I have a sense of your face without seeing it. You're just a normal dude looking for other normal dudes to have some fun with no pretense. Straight to the point. Also, you can tell you were hard before this and let it get a little soft. Yeah, that's always the best. That's always when the dick looks the best, in my humble opinion. Really great work on this one. If I had one note, I would say the hotel room could read a little party and play vibes. Again, Hunter Biden Corps, but it's on the edge, so I wouldn't worry too much. You sent me two, and this was definitely preferred the hard one. I have more notes, but this is a nice pick and tells a good story.

[Jordan Firstman]

Oh, you went with the. You want the recently hard, more flaccid one. Yeah.

[James]

Yeah.

[Jordan Firstman]

Not bad. Are you gonna submit all 100? Are you gonna review all 100 submissions that you've gotten so far?

[James]

I'm gonna do one a day.

[Jordan Firstman]

Okay.

[James]

I'm gonna do what that's like as much because, you see, I'm like, it doesn't.

[Unknown]

Yeah, you're not around.

[James]

Really. I'm putting some work into it, but.

[Jordan Firstman]

You'Re really committing to this because this is like, you're gonna get a shitload of dick pics. How long are you gonna keep this going for? Until.

[James]

I mean, listen, I, I. Until Your cup is. I would like post it on like once.

[Jordan Firstman]

Okay.

[James]

And then it's like I feel like after that it's like a big. It's.

[Unknown]

Yeah.

[James]

You know, because I'm, I'm like in real Hollywood too.

[Unknown]

There's other stigmas you don't want to digitally pan.

[James]

Yeah. But I feel like because I'm not showing mine, I think it's. It's a more of artistic project. It's a promo for the album, right?

[Unknown]

Absolutely.

[James]

But I was writing on there. I'm like, guys, do you want to see other content or just dicks? And like everyone's like, just. Yeah, I was like, I could like, I could like leak some songs to you guys.

[Unknown]

Like give the people what they want.

[Jordan Firstman]

Penis. Mean, were you. So like the music thing is a new endeavor for you, right. Were you inspired to make music by your, your homie Charlie xcx and are we about to have a come hoarding summer?

[James]

Yeah, I was like, I saw what Charlie was doing and I was like, I could do it better. I was like, I just feel like I do it better. Yeah. I was like, yeah, like, like beep beep, boo boo.

[Jordan Firstman]

Vroom, vroom.

[James]

I've said that before, Apple, you could.

[Jordan Firstman]

Do some sort of viral dance, jerk off dance.

[James]

We need. I've been waiting for someone to do a friend's dick dance. Like the trend. There's some trends happening, but they're not dance.

[Jordan Firstman]

What are the trends?

[Unknown]

Just showing you getting banned.

[James]

Well, I had this amazing filter where it was, it was. What does it look like?

[Jordan Firstman]

Filter. Yeah.

[James]

And then like I did just thick uncut, but then I wrote like there was one that was like 7.5 but has no personality. You know the vibe. Yeah, you know the vibe. And they fucking took it down. It was going so viral.

[Jordan Firstman]

Who took it down? The Chinese.

[Unknown]

Chinese.

[James]

Chinese.

[Unknown]

No sense of humor.

[James]

Neighbors.

[Unknown]

The People's Republic.

[Jordan Firstman]

The. Come on President.

[James]

Yeah. What was. Oh no, obviously I didn't like, I wasn't like. I don't know. I just have been doing it online already.

[Jordan Firstman]

Yeah.

[James]

And some of the songs were like felt like real bangers and people were like put it on Spotify and I didn't want to put on like a half assed demo. So I kind of this summer just like committed and then I got addicted to making music. Like I was like addicted to what the dick did. Say that. Say that, King. Say that.

[Jordan Firstman]

It's a. It's kind of. It's a bit of a catch for is.

[James]

Yeah, that's you.

[Jordan Firstman]

Yeah, for sure. You do have. You have had a. This is like a. You've had. Had friends help out on it a lot. Right. We mentioned Blake.

[James]

Yeah.

[Jordan Firstman]

Did Charlie help out at all with, like. Because it's one thing to just have fun with it, it's another thing to, like, make an album.

[James]

Yeah, yeah. I, like. I played her some stuff at a part I kind of didn't. She's so busy right now.

[Unknown]

Right.

[James]

I didn't want.

[Jordan Firstman]

Really? What's she doing?

[James]

I don't know. Whatever. Like, it's Brad.

[Jordan Firstman]

Summer's over the coke.

[James]

I don't know. No, I'm kidding.

[Jordan Firstman]

No, she's planning a wedding. Planning?

[James]

Yeah, Planning a wedding. She's the busiest person I know. I'm like. I. Also, there is this thing when you're gay. It's like, if you're gay and in show business, all the other gays are just like. You're a clout chaser if you have any friend that is famous.

[Jordan Firstman]

Really? Tom Cruise said. Tom Cruise said that to you?

[James]

Yeah. Yeah. Travolta is a bit of a bitch. He's kind of talented. I like the impressions, but he's a total clout chaser. Wow. Tom Cruise.

[Unknown]

Yeah.

[James]

Dc.

[Unknown]

Yeah.

[Jordan Firstman]

He doesn't do his own stunts.

[James]

But. No, I mean. So I kind of, like, I. I wanted to involve my friends, but I think, like, the collabs on the album feel very, like, interesting and unique and, like, I wanted them to not just feel like I was, like, I was asking my friends. Right. Favors.

[Jordan Firstman]

Right.

[Unknown]

Nepo, homie type.

[James]

Yeah.

[Jordan Firstman]

It's like getting.

[James]

Which I'm, like, getting the little baby. I got indoctrinated this year into Nepo world for the first. Like, something happened after Kaia Gerber's book reading that I was just like, I. I was in.

[Unknown]

Are you, like. Do you like it so far?

[James]

I'm obsessed. They're so nice. They're like all the Nepal babies. Yeah. What do they have to not be nice about?

[Unknown]

Right? They're happy.

[James]

They're all hot. They all have money. Like, they're. They're so nice, and they do just, like, kind of get it on a different level.

[Jordan Firstman]

Are they extra nice because they don't want to be called out for being Nepal?

[James]

No. They're just like, what are they gonna be mean about?

[Unknown]

Right? They. They have no trauma.

[James]

Yeah.

[Unknown]

At all.

[James]

Yeah.

[Jordan Firstman]

But who is on Bloodhound Gang is on the album.

[James]

Yeah.

[Jordan Firstman]

Right. Well, what other features you have?

[James]

We have Suki Waterhouse. We have Julia Fox.

[Jordan Firstman]

Oh, what song is she on?

[James]

I held My mom's breasts every morning before school till I was 12.

[Unknown]

We got it. Just reading the title. Saying the titles is so funny.

[James]

Dude, we have. We have laundry day. Do you know these boys?

[Unknown]

Well, they are served up to me whether I like it or not.

[James]

That's kind of my favorite song on the album. I'm Ran Through.

[Unknown]

Yeah.

[James]

Is a fucking banger. And they're. They're amazing. You know, all four of them we got. We have all of them on the album. Who else we have? What did I say? Oh, Rufus Wainwright.

[Unknown]

Yeah.

[Jordan Firstman]

Nice.

[James]

Major. I grew up being obsessed with him. And that's like a real Rufus song. It's like a ballad.

[Unknown]

Yeah.

[James]

And then, you know, we have Rachel Senate doing a little. A little.

[Jordan Firstman]

Little voicemail.

[James]

Voicemail. We have my mom doing a voicemail.

[Unknown]

What do your parents think of the record?

[Jordan Firstman]

Record.

[Unknown]

What's the review from the folks?

[James]

Haven't talked to my dad in two years.

[Unknown]

Okay.

[James]

But I'm sure he's really proud. I'm like, it's. Yeah, we'll see. We'll see. My mom. My mom likes the songs that aren't. Aren't dirty. She, like, is obsessed with the Rufus song. She likes quitting my job tomorrow and I'm my lesbian.

[Jordan Firstman]

Does your mom provide feedback on your Internet presence?

[James]

No, she tries to stay off. She knows it's, like, right? A bit much.

[Jordan Firstman]

Yeah.

[James]

I mean, I showed her Rotting in the Sun. The movie where I. Where I suck and get sucked.

[Jordan Firstman]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Unknown]

And what'd she say?

[James]

She. She actually liked. She was like. I had to close my eyes for those parts. But it's a really good movie. Yeah, I get it, though. I wouldn't want to watch mine.

[Jordan Firstman]

No.

[Unknown]

Are you sure?

[James]

I don't know. I mean, it depends.

[Unknown]

That sounds like an anonymous secret that was submitted. That's a lie.

[Jordan Firstman]

Who's the most fun Nepo baby to party with?

[James]

Kaya.

[Unknown]

Oh, yeah.

[James]

Kaya is, like, read books. Like, no. She, like, gets down. She dances. She's like, next place, next place, next bar, next club. Like, she's just like. She has a. She has a lust for life.

[Unknown]

We love that.

[James]

We love funny and she's funny and she's down and kind and, like, a little horny. Like it. She just think she'll come on the pod.

[Unknown]

Sounds awesome.

[Jordan Firstman]

You want to come on the pod?

[James]

What?

[Jordan Firstman]

Can you get her to come on the pod?

[James]

Yeah, for sure.

[Unknown]

Thank you so much.

[Jordan Firstman]

Is Charlie fun to party with or is that.

[James]

Is that just an ass?

[Jordan Firstman]

I don't know.

[Unknown]

She's the Michael Jordan of partying, dude.

[James]

Yeah.

[Jordan Firstman]

She.

[James]

Yeah. MVP. MVP 100. Yeah, we've had some fun. We took a trip to Italy last summer and had some really fun, fun nights there. Yeah. Just throughout the year. So many. Just like endless nights. Yeah.

[Jordan Firstman]

Seeing every sunrise. Every song is a different genre.

[James]

Yeah, right, you mentioned that.

[Jordan Firstman]

Yeah. What genre were you most excited to dabble in? Ooh, it really runs the whole game.

[James]

Yeah. I will say the like the R and B that ran through, like, I just like, I think everyone will know the reference. I'm trying not to get sued because it's so similar to one song, but the ref I that one. Or honestly, like purposely relapsing for attention is kind of like Chaka Khan Rufus vibes. Like, tell Me Something Good is like one of my favorite songs.

[Unknown]

Classic.

[James]

And so that was fun. I really actually like, poop is PNP is poop, which is like, I kind of reference like ray of light, Madonna, like what it. What it feels like for a girl is a really great song.

[Jordan Firstman]

I thought though, that every poo poo is a pee pee, but not every pee pee is a poo poo.

[James]

Yeah. I mean, the point of the song is that it doesn't make sense.

[Jordan Firstman]

Okay.

[James]

You know what I mean? It's like straight guys actually don't understand that song. Every girl that hears it, like, kind of loves it. And then like, Blake didn't want it on the album. Like Zach didn't want it on the album. Like, everyone's like, I don't get this. I'm like, yeah, cuz you're like a dumb guy with girls that. That like would talk like this.

[Jordan Firstman]

So explain to the streets why poop is PNP's poop.

[James]

Basically, it's a guy. It's a guy be like being like, like I over this girl. Word on the street is that girls are talking about me like I'm a dick. So I'm like, I'm. My sister told me I should call and apologize to you. And I've been like, doing a lot of reflection and like, I think I'm gonna. I am about to say something that's gonna rectify every bad thing I did to you. Poop is pnp. So he's just saying nothing. Like it's basically the metaphor is that like when men apologize, right. It's meaningless and they are actually saying poo poo is peepee My most esoteric song. But I hope the girlies are getting it.

[Jordan Firstman]

This is the Rachel. Yeah, she's on there, right? Yeah. She's like oh, my God. That makes sense.

[James]

It makes so much sense now because you're a genius. I mean, all men are, but yeah.

[Jordan Firstman]

Yeah, yeah, that's true. And our salaries reflect that. What was the most difficult genre to nail for you?

[James]

I had trouble. I'm a lesbian. I went through like multiple genres to finally land on, like the Alanis Morissette, Lilith Fair vibe. And I think vocally I struggled with that the most because a lot of these songs are. Are meant for women to sing.

[Unknown]

Right.

[James]

But I'm.

[Unknown]

I have a male voice taking away women's jobs.

[James]

Yes. Yes. That's cool. I took away I'm a lesbian from Muna.

[Unknown]

You took it back.

[James]

But yeah, I was. I had to re record that so many times because I just wasn't like nailing the vocal quality was. Blake did.

[Jordan Firstman]

Blake. Would you work with Blake on every track?

[James]

No, Blake did Friends Dicks. Quitting my job tomorrow. One song that actually is not gonna be on the album, which is maybe for the deluxe. Save it for the further deluxe. Maybe the label is having a hard time with. It's the best song on the album.

[Unknown]

Is this the sample clearance issue?

[James]

No, it's the one. It's the one that says the word.

[Jordan Firstman]

Oh. Oh.

[James]

Fun stuff. Yeah. We're having a hard time with the label.

[Unknown]

Okay.

[Jordan Firstman]

Yeah.

[James]

But it's a really good song and I hope. I hope it gets to come out someday. And then he did that and. Oh, no, he didn't do that either. We can't say that. He's not putting his name on it. He won't put his name on that.

[Unknown]

We should probably cut. I don't know. We should probably cut this hole.

[James]

Yeah. Also, Blake did so Blake Slatkin, he did Friends Dicks, Tamari and Ran Through.

[Jordan Firstman]

Okay.

[James]

Yeah.

[Jordan Firstman]

Did you ever have any tension with like, as. As being a first time producer but full time diva? Do you ever have any tension or, like, like fights with production or the label also? What's the label?

[James]

The label is Capitol Records.

[Jordan Firstman]

Shout Out. Capitol Records Records.

[James]

They heard myself trying to. And she needs to chill and they signed me immediately after.

[Unknown]

Right.

[James]

Not kidding. I walked. It was like. It was very Natalie Portman and Black Swan moment. Like, I walked out the door and I like, had the call from, like right there.

[Unknown]

Yeah.

[James]

We would love to do this with you.

[Jordan Firstman]

Whose dick did you suck?

[James]

I got it signed and then Weird.

[Jordan Firstman]

Al Yankee's like, whose dick did you suck?

[James]

It's gonna be painful. That's my biggest op when it.

[Unknown]

When it comes to working with a homie. Like, Blake, do you get, like, a. Like a discount rate?

[James]

He just, like, he just took a huge back. You know, like, he didn't take his. His rate. Like, we just never.

[Jordan Firstman]

Blake has a huge back end for sure, actually.

[James]

T. Like, amazing ass.

[Jordan Firstman]

Big.

[James]

Yeah.

[Unknown]

Big, Big studio.

[James]

Yeah.

[Jordan Firstman]

Is this.

[Unknown]

So you.

[Jordan Firstman]

You mentioned this to me in our dms because we dm. Is this a breakup album?

[James]

I mean, I will say it's funny. I. Like, I sent it to my sister, and she kind of, like, looked at it in a deeper way. And a lot of the songs are about relationships. Like, I didn't even mean it to be that way, but, like, at least, like, 75% are about, like, kind of shitty men or just, like, how relationships are hard. I did go through a breakup in July and started the album, like, a week later. So I see it as a breakup album in the fact that, like, you know, when you go through a hard breakup, like, you just have all this, like, energy and creativity.

[Unknown]

So that take your mind off of that too.

[James]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Jordan Firstman]

Catharsis.

[Unknown]

Yeah.

[James]

Yeah. That's why I got addicted to doing it. Like, I wanted to be in the studio every day to avoid your problems as much as possible. And then now they're coming back again.

[Jordan Firstman]

You and Kanye, same person.

[James]

Yeah, it's the same thing. Where's my Bianca? You're gonna.

[Jordan Firstman]

You're gonna sue your ex for. Or sue your children, I guess, is what he's doing now. I don't know.

[James]

He's gonna. Yeah, I'm gonna do that.

[Jordan Firstman]

Has your ex. Does your ex. Has he heard the album at all?

[James]

He. We haven't spoken since. Since that last call.

[Jordan Firstman]

Are you nervous at all about how he might take it or react to it or.

[James]

There's nothing. There's literally nothing about him. I'm like, I. He's an angel to me. Like, I. I love him for the rest of my life. It just didn't.

[Unknown]

Because you broke up with him.

[James]

Yeah, yeah.

[Unknown]

Got it, got it.

[James]

Yeah.

[Unknown]

So you're not trying to dunk on him with, like, look, I'm signed to capital. I got my record.

[James]

No, if any. If any. If there's any. I had one diss track about my grandma at a. It's called My Grandma's a Fire. I felt a little too Lonely Island. We kept it. You know, we're going high level. Highbrow, for sure.

[Unknown]

Absolutely.

[James]

We have Poop is PNP as poop. Right.

[Unknown]

Which is a metaphor, which is esoteric.

[Jordan Firstman]

Big brains only.

[James]

Yeah. But no, I think. I mean, I hope I Hope he listens. I think he'd be proud of me.

[Jordan Firstman]

Okay, good. Yeah, sounds like it's. Yeah. Okay. Sounds.

[Unknown]

We're all adults here. We're all adults.

[James]

Yeah, we'll get there one day. He needs time to process.

[Jordan Firstman]

All right, good. Do you listen to music when you.

[James]

No, I definitely played it for people after though.

[Jordan Firstman]

Really?

[James]

Oh, yeah.

[Unknown]

How's that going?

[James]

I'm like. I mean their gags kind of like post nut clarity.

[Jordan Firstman]

They're into it.

[James]

Yeah. They're like, I play them hoarding come. The gays like hoarding come. They love Mother's Prayer. Like anything about like edging and gooning. Because the gays will like. But no, I would not. I mean that's crazy, right?

[Unknown]

Is.

[James]

Do you think anyone does that?

[Jordan Firstman]

We ask every musician. Some do. Some certainly.

[James]

That's crazy.

[Unknown]

Rappers mainly.

[Jordan Firstman]

Yeah.

[James]

Right.

[Unknown]

They throw it on. I mean if the. The lady is there as a fan. Throw it on the YouTube or fella. Yeah. Or well, Omar in rappers cases.

[James]

Yeah. I do. I do impressions while I really. Yeah, that's the fans. The fans like the impressions. So I'm like, I give them a little banana breads Publicist.

[Unknown]

Right, right, right.

[James]

As I'm coming.

[Jordan Firstman]

What impressions do you do? What impressions do you do on your. Yeah, yeah.

[James]

Other than banana breads Publicist. You know, this is. This is my impression of a guy coming. Yeah, guy coming. It's my impression of the guy I'm coming in.

[Jordan Firstman]

When you were doing the impressions, you kind of like put that to bed.

[James]

Right?

[Jordan Firstman]

That was like a pandemic thing.

[James]

Yeah.

[Jordan Firstman]

Is there. Was there ever one you think about that you wanted but would never do publicly?

[James]

No, I mean like I don't really think like that. I'm just like, I. Well, maybe there would be like a couple of like offensive ones.

[Unknown]

That's what we're getting at here.

[Jordan Firstman]

Yeah.

[James]

My sister was. Was like basically my. My like because they're. Both of my siblings are gay.

[Jordan Firstman]

Okay.

[James]

I have a non bind and a. And a sister and the genetic lottery, they're kind of like pretty into. You know, I think when you're like lesbian or around lesbians, you like your woke meter is very.

[Unknown]

Yeah.

[James]

So I would send everything to them before and they'd be like, I think this one's like, this could piss.

[Unknown]

They're your legal department.

[James]

Yeah, they're my loot.

[Jordan Firstman]

What got killed.

[James]

I honestly can't remember. I can't even remember like what the impressions were at this like I did.

[Jordan Firstman]

So there's so many.

[James]

I did so many.

[Jordan Firstman]

Was There one that's prolific. Was there one that surprised you with how hard it resonated?

[James]

I would always. It was the opposite. I mean, yes, like, everyone that I thought was dumb did well, and everyone that I thought was good. Flop.

[Jordan Firstman]

That's pretty much how it goes.

[Unknown]

Yeah.

[James]

Yeah. I had this one of like a French girl on a date that I thought was literally a masterpiece.

[Jordan Firstman]

And she's like, the truth is we.

[James]

Are both going to die. And it's just like I see my mother, my poor mother at my bedside making about her. But of girls. But I thought that was good. I had this, like, sad music playing. 9,000 likes. Oh, nine at that time, love for me. Now it's like, I would dream of 9,000.

[Unknown]

Right.

[Jordan Firstman]

We're all shadow banned.

[James]

What's going on?

[Unknown]

It is the engagement holocaust. My words.

[James]

Yeah.

[Jordan Firstman]

Could you maybe indulge us and bring back the impressions? And could you do an impression of a CIS straight guy who loves fashion? No, you can't afford me too, too abstract.

[James]

I could have mocked something up before, but it's like I'm, you know, I'm. I'm like, I'm good at talking off the cuff, but when it comes to like, a specific thing, not a monkey that just. I need. I need at least like 10 minutes.

[Jordan Firstman]

Would you like, like, sketch out the character of, like.

[James]

For sure, I could do it, but I feel like there's that one guy on Tick Tock that does that.

[Jordan Firstman]

Who?

[James]

He's Asian, actually.

[Jordan Firstman]

Really?

[James]

He plays that like, bro y kind of.

[Unknown]

Oh, I think I know who you're talking about.

[James]

Yeah.

[Jordan Firstman]

Oh, is it like a guy. Guy who knows how to pronounce her mova? Yes, yes.

[James]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. So I don't wanna. I don't wanna reheat his nacho.

[Unknown]

Oh, got it.

[Jordan Firstman]

Eight with the boots down. Yeah, whatever.

[Unknown]

Slay.

[James]

I didn't eat with those boots down.

[Jordan Firstman]

Back to the music, though. Do you have any plans to go on tour especially because think of the groupies.

[James]

Yeah, I know, I know. I mean, like, realistically, it would probably be like, like millennial white girls. So it's like, you know, I think it's changing the. My, my, my ratio. In the pandemic, I had like 81 female.

[Unknown]

Wow.

[Jordan Firstman]

What do we know?

[James]

And then now we're like 60, 40. A bad.

[Unknown]

Who is the average fan? Him. Like you describe them.

[James]

It was. I mean, the thing is, I got so many followers because during the pandemic, so many celebrities were reposting me. So I'm like, I have like the full Cast of like Riverdale's fans. And I'm like, what are y'all doing here?

[Jordan Firstman]

Charles Melton.

[Unknown]

Yeah.

[James]

Yeah. I don't know, children. Charles was following, not reposting, but the other girl.

[Unknown]

Thank you for setting the record straight, by the way.

[Jordan Firstman]

Digital edging.

[James]

But like Ariana Grande reposted me like every week for eight weeks. So I'm like a hundred thousand of my followers are probably Ariana Grande fam. And they're just like there being like, what? Yeah, wicked heads. Which like I'll take, right? Yeah, I'll take any follower.

[Unknown]

Yeah, every follower is important. Some amount of money. Yeah.

[Jordan Firstman]

What are these dick reviews? I wanted Broadway.

[James]

I feel like it does. I like gain and lose so rapidly that it's like stayed even for so long. So I think probably like in the last two years I've like gained 200,000 followers that get what I do and lost 200,000 followers that are Ariana.

[Unknown]

Yeah, Throw gang. Wouldn't you guys like to look a little younger? Maybe get a few more compliments on your skin or just feel more confident when you look in the mirror? That's exactly what Caldera lab is here for. Their high performance skin care is designed specifically for men. It's simple, effective, and most importantly, backed by science.

[Jordan Firstman]

Look at my eyes, Lawrence. Look at them. What do you see? You don't see dark circles, you don't see puffiness, you don't see tired eyes. That's because I was using the eye serum last night. It'll help you look well rested. Even last night's choices have you feeling otherwise. And my choice last night were crazy.

[Unknown]

Watching the white lotus.

[Jordan Firstman]

Started the white Lotus like 10 minutes later. Then had to scroll through all the fan theories. Then just hit my regular tick tock for you page. Making purchase off the tick tock shop. Buy some more Caldera skincare. You know, to re up last night because I'm running solo on the eye serum because my eyes are so goddamn bright.

[Unknown]

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[James]

Now I'm 38 years old.

[Unknown]

But guys, this is all you need to know. Skincare doesn't have to be complicated. It should be good. Upgrade your routine with Caldera Lab and see the difference for yourself. Go to calderalab.com throngfish fits and use throwing fits at checkout for 15 off your first order.

[Jordan Firstman]

What was. Was there a celebrity post or endorsement that really shocked you or like, or really tickled your pickle?

[James]

The one that tickled my pickle the most. I mean, Ariana was cool just because it was like so unexpected and new.

[Jordan Firstman]

But you guys, do you guys chat?

[James]

We, yeah, we dm. We DM sometimes. We still have never like really, really met though one day, inshallah, there was like a. Oh, the Jen Aniston repost was a big deal.

[Unknown]

That's crazy.

[James]

That was cool. Reese Witherspoon was fun. Like all my lady. Like there was definitely. I was like watching it go through group chats of TV shows. Yeah, it was like I got with the big little lies week.

[Unknown]

I was like amazing.

[Jordan Firstman]

Besides celebs, what are your DMs looking like these days, groupie wise? You know, millennial white women aside?

[James]

Yeah, it's a lotties. It's a lot of like 6 out of 10 hairy guys.

[Unknown]

Do we like that? Is there value in a 6 out 10?

[James]

I mean, they're my people. They're my people.

[Jordan Firstman]

They're also probably aiming to please, you know? Yeah, they know they're a six.

[Unknown]

They got a chip on their shoulder.

[James]

I. Well, I have a song on the album called I prefer the Ugly Ones and that is very based on reality. I mean like in a lot of ways for, for certain tasks I will say, yeah, they get the job done.

[Jordan Firstman]

Right? He's a six, but he, he's got a mouth like a hoover.

[Unknown]

He can suck a golf ball through.

[James]

A throat like silver milk.

[Unknown]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Jordan Firstman]

Who has hotter guys? Jordan, LA or nyc?

[James]

I would say for me, New York, just because I'm like, I. I like darker features. There's too many like blondes in la. Too many. I don't like pretty boys, which is all. And it's a lot of them in.

[Unknown]

LA because they're vain or because they're.

[James]

No, they're just like, they end up looking like that in la, right? And they're like, yeah, just not my, not my type of features. But New York, there's a bit of like an attitude. You know what my biggest turn off, off in a guy is so off Jaded. Oh, like I hate a like gay millennial. Jaded makes me want to throw up.

[Unknown]

And they're all kind of such a buzzkill. It's just like.

[James]

Well, I'm just like. They're just like, yeah, like, they're just, like, not excited by, like, it's like.

[Jordan Firstman]

Another Internet sketch person is like the, the hot gays. Those guys.

[James]

The mean gay.

[Jordan Firstman]

The mean gays. The mean gays. Yeah.

[James]

Yeah, but that's like a, that's more. They're kind of making fun of a. More like basic gay. This is like a New York cool Twitter gay.

[Unknown]

Too cool for school.

[James]

For school hates everything. And I'm just a bummer. It's a bummer.

[Unknown]

Yeah.

[James]

I'm like, like, it's like, you have one life. Why are you being a.

[Jordan Firstman]

What are your. Wait, you sound like girls that come up to you. Like, why are you being a. Yeah, I hate you.

[Unknown]

Are you a mean gay?

[James]

I mean, what are your turn ons? Yeah.

[Jordan Firstman]

In a guy.

[Unknown]

Let's get pausey.

[James]

I mean. Yeah. Confidence, like, true swag. I like, I think I'm so, like, forward that I like a guy that's a little more reserved.

[Unknown]

You want to chase? You want to chase a little bit?

[James]

Yeah, I, I, I don't mind to chase. I don't like it when it's like, people are like, oh, I love, like, the challenge. I'm like, I don't love challenges. I like too much work. Easy. Like, as easy as it could be. But, yeah, like, a guy that's like, a little on the shyer side can be really hot to me. Big eyes. Love big eyes.

[Jordan Firstman]

So you love anime guys?

[James]

No, literally. Yeah.

[Unknown]

He's putting AI through overtime.

[James]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Unknown]

In computer enhanced.

[James]

I love, like, like, manga. Japanese bears.

[Unknown]

Oh, okay.

[James]

Yeah. Really turned on.

[Jordan Firstman]

Do you, like, before a trip to New York, do you kind of, like, set your Grinder look? I don't know if you can do that on Grinder. If you can, like, reset your location somewhere else, then you're not actually at or like, like, kind of lay the foundation.

[James]

I may be used to at a different point. I'm like, so, I don't know. I'm. I'm so busy now too, that I'm like, if a hookup is gonna happen, it's just gonna be very in the moment. Like, I'm not coming here to have sex.

[Unknown]

You're not doing sex tourism. You're on a business trip.

[James]

No, those days are over. Really? I had them for sure. I would go to Europe and definitely do that. But now I love Turkish guys.

[Unknown]

That sounds like you're. Your dark hair.

[Jordan Firstman]

I had one really big hairy guy.

[James]

Really good. I hadn't had, like, actually on the, on the Turkey trip. I was like, on a. I got Invited by my friend on this. On this vacation. And it was like all of her friends.

[Jordan Firstman]

Okay.

[James]

I didn't know any of them. And I ended up. It was right after the breakup, so I developed a crush on a very gorgeous guy. Definitely out of my league. But then he. We were like, became so romantic and he ended up kind of like leading me on and then like not giving it to me. We had like one kiss at the end and I was like really drunk last night and I was like, cry. I started like sobbing in my friend's arms. I'm like, oh, my ugly. I'm just ugly. And I'm gonna make a song about this. Yeah, yeah. I prefer the ugly ones. It's about me damn self efface. But. And then I went to Istanbul by myself for a couple days and found like a really, really handsome, sweet, sweet Turkish.

[Unknown]

And you got over it?

[James]

I got over it. I. I found myself.

[Jordan Firstman]

You're Turkish sweet.

[James]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Jordan Firstman]

Did you Turkish delight? Did you ever end up getting a Turkish haircut?

[James]

The. The massage, the Turkish, like, it's like they.

[Jordan Firstman]

They light your ears on fire. They slap you around a little bit. They choke you.

[James]

You understand? So there's the main guy. There's the main guy that rips the shirt off. Like, he's my idol. Like, I want to be him when I grow up. So he. He works out of a city called like on a. What is it called? Something random and like. Like a second. It's like the Philly of Turkey.

[Jordan Firstman]

Sure.

[Unknown]

Yeah. Famously, the Philly of Turkey.

[James]

I would tell people, I'm like, go. I. So I was dming him and I was like, I'm. I'm go to you. I'm gonna fly to this random city just to get this from.

[Jordan Firstman]

From Istanbul?

[James]

Yeah.

[Jordan Firstman]

Not from la.

[James]

No, from like this other like, beach.

[Jordan Firstman]

Okay, okay. Okay.

[James]

And then it was a holiday and so he was out of town. I was like. And he's like, I'll send you one of my associates, my proteges. So I went to him and I got the thing. You could see it on my Instagram. I posted the whole thing and I got that he had gadgets. He did. He didn't light my ears on fire, but he did everything else.

[Jordan Firstman]

Ball gag you like?

[James]

Yeah, he ball gagged me. He was. Was really sexy too. So. Yeah.

[Jordan Firstman]

Was it everything you hoped it would be?

[James]

Well, no, because it wasn't the guy, right? I like, really? He beats the out of you. He puts the Pellegrino on your head. So I did like, I. I wanted that experience, you go back, like, because now there's. It's become very popular, like these kind of like, crazy massages.

[Jordan Firstman]

Yeah.

[James]

So there's like the Indian version. There's a lot of versions. And I want for the hoarding come video, I want it to just be one of those massages.

[Unknown]

Oh, that'd be great.

[James]

So I'm trying. Capital's done watching, like, does insane massages.

[Unknown]

Holl at your boy?

[Jordan Firstman]

But they got to be, like, exotic, not, you know, your run of the mill shiatsu.

[James]

No, no. And it needs stuff like weird foams and. And creams.

[Jordan Firstman]

Stick a finger down your throat.

[James]

Exactly.

[Unknown]

Gag me while you burn my ears.

[Jordan Firstman]

I mean, you could go on tour and stop by this Philadelphia of Turkey.

[James]

Yeah, I think I'm definitely going to stop in Istanbul for my. I think they're. They love gay people and they. They would love my outfit.

[Unknown]

Open arms.

[Jordan Firstman]

What's your for you page look like on Tik Tok?

[James]

It's so tragic. It's basic.

[Jordan Firstman]

What do we see?

[James]

Like, hot guys. I'm, like, really dancing or like, literally just like, posting their body.

[Unknown]

So thirst traps.

[James]

Thirst traps.

[Unknown]

Straight guys. Gay baiting or.

[James]

Unfortunately, it's gay.

[Jordan Firstman]

What's your explore. What's your IG explore page look like? Is that also.

[James]

I don't use that. I. I mean, like, I know, but.

[Jordan Firstman]

So what is it? What does it think you want?

[Unknown]

Let's do it in real time.

[James]

Yeah, let's see.

[Unknown]

Yeah, let's see the computer learning.

[James]

I feel like it's gotta be. Gotta be gay right now. Just because there's like, a lot of gays. Okay, so we. This is. This is straight.

[Jordan Firstman]

Oh, this guy.

[Unknown]

Oh, yeah. Well, this is.

[Jordan Firstman]

Yeah, the Ashton hall knockoff cloud chaser. Is that these dates?

[James]

Oh, it's a lot of, like, Hawkeyes cooking.

[Unknown]

Oh, fun.

[James]

I mean, but yeah, it's all. I mean.

[Jordan Firstman]

Oh, wow, that guy's chest is huge.

[James]

I lowkey feel like I've. I've gotten his nudes before.

[Unknown]

Oh, really? You recognize those tits anywhere?

[James]

Or. I, like, had sex with him or something. There's that guy in your comments recently.

[Unknown]

That reminded you of a hookup? That must have been nice. A little reconnection.

[James]

Well, it was funny, actually, because I. I started dming with him and that was like. It actually happened here in New York. And it was a blindfold situation. He, like, came in with a. With like a ski mask on.

[Unknown]

Okay.

[James]

And did his thing. And then I, like, just knew he was cute by, like, the way it was going. And so as he was leaving. I was like, take them. Take the mask off. And we talked for, like, two seconds, which I was shocked that I remembered his face.

[Unknown]

Yeah.

[Jordan Firstman]

Yes.

[Unknown]

Because it was like, he made an impression on you.

[James]

Yeah.

[Jordan Firstman]

Face. What's merch gonna be like with this album? Hopefully not, you know, swastikas like Kanye, but, like.

[James]

Yeah. I mean, they'll be swastika. I'm doing other stuff too. Not like a Kanye way. They're gonna be the Tilted ones. Right. Peace.

[Unknown]

Yeah.

[James]

But no, the merch is good. Nick Holiday.

[Jordan Firstman]

Oh, yeah.

[James]

Shout out from the show. Yep. He's doing it. He's killing it. Like. Like. Yeah, there's. I mean, it's very obviously word focused. There's. Because, you know, there's good lyrics.

[Jordan Firstman]

Like, words that we can't say.

[James]

No, it's just like, lyrics from the album.

[Jordan Firstman]

Okay. Okay.

[James]

Yeah. Pennies. I mean, we. Is there pennies in my shirt? There should be.

[Unknown]

The team is. It seems non.

[Jordan Firstman]

Let's get. Let's get pennies in the shirt going. Do you ever hope to get a point with your acting or comedy or music career where you can just log off? Like, you're so successful you no longer have to be online, or are you addicted to being online fun?

[James]

I think I'm definitely. At this point, I can't even imagine a world. I would hope that I can be spiritually evolved enough at a certain point.

[Jordan Firstman]

Yeah.

[James]

To want to do that.

[Unknown]

Oh, right.

[James]

But it's like, there's a certain point you're like, I'm, like, working so hard. Everything is so hard to make and do that. I'm like, oh, so I'm gonna get no validation at all.

[Unknown]

Yeah. Right.

[James]

Why am I doing it? For the money.

[Unknown]

Yeah.

[Jordan Firstman]

That's what the money's for.

[James]

Yeah. Yeah. Literally.

[Unknown]

So in terms of validation versus money, like, how do you rank them? Is it really about the validation?

[James]

No. I mean, if we're. If we're being like, true, true, please. Right now. It is. It is genuinely about the money. It's about. About the bitches and the money. No, it is about the process. And, like, I love. I love being on set. I love making art. Like, I am. I'm. I consider myself an artist more than, like, h. So annoying.

[Unknown]

But.

[Jordan Firstman]

But LA's changing. What do you. What do you. What do you find more enjoyable writing.

[James]

That sentence or not saying that sentence, like, between.

[Jordan Firstman]

Like, the music? Between, like, I don't know, just, like, online virality or getting fans there or. Or acting or writing, like, what's.

[James]

I would say My heart is a writer, really? For sure.

[Unknown]

That's how you started, right?

[James]

Yeah, I started as a writer. I think, like, even. Even the. You know, this album, to me, is way more of, like, a. A writing exercise than, like, a performance. I didn't, like, get as much pleasure out of performing the songs as I did, like, writing them and conceptualizing them. And, you know, I'm about to make my first feature, which I've been writing for two years, that I'm. I'm really happy with.

[Jordan Firstman]

What can you tell us about that?

[James]

But, yeah, it's like. It's like Big Daddy meets Party Girl.

[Unknown]

Oh.

[James]

Two fantastic movies. Strung out, aging New York party boy and, like, party promoter that finds out he has a kid and has to. Has to deal with that incredibly.

[Jordan Firstman]

Are you filming in New York?

[James]

Yeah.

[Jordan Firstman]

Wow.

[James]

There's some.

[Jordan Firstman]

There's definitely some for some aging party girls.

[James]

Yeah. Yeah. You could be at the party. I. Oh. After. Oh, my God. They're actually. It's so funny. There is a scene that is, like, I literally, in my head, is exactly what you guys look like together.

[Unknown]

Okay.

[James]

It's like, we're in, like, the. My, like, party. My, like, partner in the party wants to, like, sell the party to like, make it more global and less cool. And there's these two kind of, like, finance bros. One's, like, half Asian, one's white, and they're like, no, we, like. He's. They're like, yeah, we went to your party. Like, a lot of the guys, like, look like zombies, and we're, like, teaching them about G. And they're like, oh, we love Molly. But, like, that stuff is a little intense, you know how G. I don't know. Yeah.

[Unknown]

Sick.

[Jordan Firstman]

Speaking of projects you're working on, what can you tell us about the Rachel Senate Untitled series?

[James]

Okay. Takes place on a space station, which I feel like people don't know. Rachel's the only human. We're all aliens around her, but we're vibey. Yeah.

[Jordan Firstman]

Yeah, we're chill. We're chill.

[James]

Aliens chill. And it's, like, about, like, relationships.

[Unknown]

I can't wait.

[Jordan Firstman]

Is it, like, extensive makeup, or is it, like, are you, like, a humanoid alien?

[James]

No, it's all. It's all AI. It's all AI. Okay.

[Unknown]

Big eyes.

[James]

Big eyes. Huge, huge eyes. Mostly no face. Yeah, no, it's. I mean, I. I can't say that much. HBO is lock and key. Like, our. Our friend who's in it, like, at a table, read, like, took. Took the script, and they, like, called her, like, screaming on her car right home. They're like, turn around, turn around.

[Jordan Firstman]

Microchip in the scri.

[James]

Something like that. I mean, to even log in to get the script is like this eight step verification process. I'm like, I don't know how like Julie Louise Dreyfus would do this. Like, no, like, she's probably tech savvy.

[Jordan Firstman]

We've gotten screeners of HBO shows. It is. It is very annoying.

[Unknown]

Super annoying.

[James]

They are the. They're from everyone I've worked with. They are the most locking.

[Unknown]

Well, I mean, it's not tv, it's hbo.

[James]

Yeah. That's probably why they're doing that.

[Unknown]

Exactly.

[James]

I feel like at this point it's like, like anything. No one is watching anything really. So, like, like having spoilers out is going to be good for the show.

[Unknown]

People are going to watch this. I mean, this is.

[James]

Yeah.

[Unknown]

Being teed up as a big. It is a big deal. Did you have to maybe. Stupid question. Did you have to audition at all?

[James]

Oh, honey. Yeah.

[Unknown]

Really?

[James]

Yeah.

[Unknown]

What were you going to do if you didn't get it?

[James]

Oh, it would have been a strain on the relationship. But I will say, I mean, I. Obviously, she's one of my best friends. I would have understood, but she always, like, wanted me, so it would have been an hbo.

[Jordan Firstman]

I wrote this. AI Alien World. Just.

[James]

Yeah, like, he's the only person.

[Unknown]

We need bigger eyes.

[James]

Sorry.

[Unknown]

Jordan.

[Jordan Firstman]

How'd you guys become homies?

[James]

We met like eight years ago actually, like right around here. We had. We had dinner. Me, her and IO had dinner at. What's the bagel place, but the restaurant version of the bagel place.

[Jordan Firstman]

What?

[Unknown]

The bagel place, but the restaurant version.

[James]

The bagel place, but the restaurant version.

[Unknown]

That Jew, dude.

[Jordan Firstman]

The cafe. Cafe.

[James]

Yeah, the cafe. And then we did karaoke and like.

[Jordan Firstman]

What's your go to karaoke song?

[Unknown]

Great.

[James]

I mean, I can. I can pull out a Me and Alanis. I do. Thank you, India. I like, really shut it down. Thank you, India.

[Unknown]

Everyone's crying.

[James]

I think it's really funny to do Born this Way at karaoke and randomly. So hard to sing. Yeah, it's. I mean.

[Jordan Firstman]

Yeah.

[James]

Yeah. Gaga is like a real.

[Unknown]

She's an artist, dude.

[James]

She's a. Yeah. And a singer.

[Unknown]

What do you think of the new album?

[Jordan Firstman]

Real quick?

[James]

I'm. I haven't given it the full. I. I love Perfect celebrity. I love disease. I love. How bad do you want. There's a couple songs I'm really listening to, but I need to like, really give it a full. A full Listen, but I love everything she does, even Joanne.

[Jordan Firstman]

Okay, wait, so, okay, so you became home. Are you only acting on the show? Did you do anything behind the scenes?

[James]

Why are you laughing?

[Unknown]

Because I just had the worst tangent of all time. Asking. Asking this gay man about lady gag and he's like, okay, can we get back to the podcast? A hand up that's on me. I was actually very curious, though. Yeah, thank you.

[Jordan Firstman]

Are you doing anything on the show besides that? Are you writing at all or just acting on it?

[James]

I wrote the movie. Oh, sorry.

[Jordan Firstman]

You do it of Rachel.

[James]

No, no, no. I let. She won't even, like, tell me stories.

[Jordan Firstman]

Damn.

[James]

But she did. She did. I mean, if this. This spoiler. Never mind.

[Jordan Firstman]

Don't. Do you like. Do you like working with friends? Just generally, yes.

[James]

It's the best. I mean, shooting the pilot was. Was the best shooting experience I've ever had. I'm like, I get to also, when you're in LA and like, get to a certain amount of, like, just working a lot or success, the only way to see your friends is to develop. I'm like, just like, pitch a TV show so I can like, see you hang out.

[Jordan Firstman]

That's how this podcast started.

[Unknown]

Yeah, truly.

[Jordan Firstman]

Especially if you work on. If you live on the west side.

[James]

Yeah. I think it's an adult thing. It's like, it's hard to see your friends. So let's just at least try to make money together.

[Unknown]

Absolutely.

[Jordan Firstman]

Should we do this deal? Deal?

[James]

Yeah. Do you want to do a deal together next Saturday?

[Jordan Firstman]

Speaking of which, are we gonna get a season two of English teacher?

[James]

Yeah, I'm shooting it right now. I go. I go tonight. I go.

[Jordan Firstman]

Oh, wow.

[Unknown]

Congrats.

[James]

I've been shooting for the last two months, in and out. It's so funny.

[Jordan Firstman]

Funny show on tv. Yes. Besides hacks.

[Unknown]

Yeah.

[James]

Yeah. Well, you know, I wrote on hacks a little too.

[Jordan Firstman]

Really?

[James]

Yeah. That's for like a week.

[Unknown]

Okay.

[Jordan Firstman]

What happened?

[Unknown]

A residency.

[James]

I was doing, like, I. I think I was just doing something else. And they were doing a mini room. They asked. I'm really. I'm close with the creators. I love that show.

[Jordan Firstman]

Okay, cool.

[James]

The last season was amazing.

[Jordan Firstman]

So good.

[James]

That last episode.

[Jordan Firstman]

Finally proving to the world that women can be funny.

[Unknown]

Hold on.

[James]

Some.

[Jordan Firstman]

Some.

[Unknown]

Pump the brakes.

[James]

Yeah.

[Unknown]

The jury's still out.

[James]

I find it to be more dramatic.

[Jordan Firstman]

It's like the bear. But you did have such a scene stealing role, even if you weren't in every episode. Are we gonna get more Malcolm in season two? Because, like, you were A fan favorite and people want again the come the spotlight found you.

[James]

That's very sweet to say. That's sweet to say. There's. I definitely have more. More stuff this season.

[Jordan Firstman]

Great.

[James]

For sure. I'm in like a similar amount of episodes just because I can't with Rachel's show. I. There's, you know, there's stuff I. They make rules. If you're on two shows.

[Jordan Firstman]

Oh, really?

[James]

Series, regular or recurring, you got. I'll fill you in.

[Unknown]

So it's like being a housewife or a friend of basically.

[James]

Exactly. I'm. I'm more a friend really, with a bigger. A bigger part, you know. But I will say I have more. I have more scenes. My stuff is like, it feels more lived in. Like they just like they. They know my voice better this season.

[Jordan Firstman]

Do you get. Get any like. Like character development or backstory?

[James]

I'm just like. Well, last season I got so fat from eating chicken wings in Atlanta that I just. I. What's your.

[Jordan Firstman]

What was your go to chicken wing spot?

[James]

I mean, I. I can't even remember, but that I now have tried Magic City Wings, the strip club. They're some of the best wings I've ever had. I like wings.

[Jordan Firstman]

Okay.

[James]

Small, crispy. The big ones hurt the big ones. I'm just like, there's too much tendon going on.

[Unknown]

They want to be like poppable.

[James]

Yeah, I'm with you. Yeah, exactly.

[Unknown]

What's the flavor? You. Are you lemon pepper or wet? Dry lemon.

[James]

I love dry. Like a dry Cajun. I gotta say, the Wingstop dry Cajun is really good. We have Wingstop here.

[Unknown]

We do.

[Jordan Firstman]

There's one right around the corner here.

[James]

Yeah, I think that's a really good wing. I like a lemon pepper, but I wanted spicier lemon pepper. Hot. Hot. I like a Thai chili. I had the Thai chili at. At Magic City.

[Jordan Firstman]

Were you throwing money at. Were you throwing bills at Magic City?

[James]

Yeah. And I met this amazing girl named Barbie who like, she told me the only time she. She's straight, but the only time she's ever come is when a trans girl her. In a. In a sex club.

[Unknown]

That's a very vulnerable thing to admit.

[James]

Yeah, she was. She was very vulnerable.

[Jordan Firstman]

Did Barbie. Her pants on the way to the sex club.

[James]

She's too good for that.

[Jordan Firstman]

Yeah. Well, you're also in two episodes of Ms. Marvel.

[James]

Yeah, I think three.

[Jordan Firstman]

Three?

[James]

Yeah.

[Unknown]

Really, Johnny?

[James]

Wikipedia.

[Jordan Firstman]

Get on it.

[James]

There's three. One of them is just me doing a tick tock from my phone. But I did get paid Dollars for that. Wow.

[Unknown]

We love the salary transparency on this.

[Jordan Firstman]

Thanks, Disney.

[Unknown]

Yeah.

[James]

The least I've ever been paid on any show. Maybe you shouldn't say that.

[Jordan Firstman]

Are you the gayest person in the mcu? Does that honor still belong to Mickey Rourke?

[James]

Oh, I thought that you said, does that otter still belong? I'm like, he still is toting around that otter everywhere he goes. Was. I could see him with an otter.

[Unknown]

Yeah.

[James]

What.

[Jordan Firstman]

What would you classify him as? He's not an old guy. Old guy.

[Unknown]

Just old.

[James]

That is a kind of gay type.

[Jordan Firstman]

Old up face guy with a little dog.

[James]

Yeah. Old up methy top. I don't know. Yeah, I would say I'm definitely on the. They have the. They have the heart stopper kid now, though.

[Jordan Firstman]

The. Is that I can't keep that hard.

[James]

Yeah. With these gays people.

[Jordan Firstman]

Yeah.

[James]

Too many out there.

[Unknown]

We did our research. There's also an openly gay eternals by played by Brian Tyree Henry.

[James]

Okay. I mean, I'm like. I don't know. I think I'm talking in a gayer voice. And he is probably.

[Unknown]

He kisses a guy though, in the movie.

[James]

Oh, I don't really. I'm. I'm a guidance counselor. I can't be kissing.

[Unknown]

Right. You can lose your job.

[James]

I could lose my job.

[Unknown]

Yeah. Protect the kids.

[James]

Yeah.

[Jordan Firstman]

Yeah. We talked about riding in the sun where you did participate in un.

[James]

What was your favorite scene, by the way, of that movie?

[Jordan Firstman]

The part you guys.

[Unknown]

You get sucked, actually.

[James]

Honestly. Yeah. That is. That is a good scene. To be honest. That is probably the. That is my best scene.

[Jordan Firstman]

Is getting dome the actual reason why you got into acting?

[James]

Oh, it. It doesn't hurt matters. The dome. The dome of it. All right. That is like, probably my least favorite way to say head.

[Jordan Firstman]

Getting dome.

[James]

It makes me sick to my stomach.

[Jordan Firstman]

What's your favorite way of saying it?

[James]

Slop. What about top, Top, Top? I kind of like top sloppy. I got some sick top. Some neck I busted. Yeah. Throw. I actually like throw. Throat.

[Jordan Firstman]

Throat.

[James]

It's just.

[Jordan Firstman]

It's just anatomical.

[James]

Yeah. Yeah. So when a guy. When a guy is like, you want some throat? I know they're gonna give throat. You know what I mean?

[Unknown]

Well, you can't offer it. And then when they're like, would you.

[James]

Like a blow job? I'm like, they're getting like that far.

[Unknown]

Wait, I know you don't want to do impressions on the spot, but could you do an impression of a straight guy that just got dome.

[James]

I. What are we doing here, guys? Come on. We're asking a straight guy who just got dome just got some sick dome.

[Unknown]

See, how easy was that?

[Jordan Firstman]

Your boys. Your boys.

[James]

That got some sick dome. Yo, are we going to Metrograph tonight?

[Jordan Firstman]

We bombing the hoofies.

[Unknown]

Tickets a popcorn on me. I just got dome.

[James]

The one car Y festival tonight, boys just got some sick dome.

[Jordan Firstman]

So guy says, would you like a blow job? You might. You automatically know he sucks at sucking Kind of. Yeah.

[Unknown]

Damn, you like a blow job. He's automatically British.

[Jordan Firstman]

Yeah, like a bejad.

[Unknown]

A beige man.

[Jordan Firstman]

What's something about Jordan first been that might surprise people.

[Unknown]

You're straight, right?

[James]

That I love.

[Jordan Firstman]

Hell yeah.

[James]

Hell yeah, dude. Love that clam.

[Jordan Firstman]

Jam it with a clam out.

[James]

No, I said this yesterday.

[Jordan Firstman]

Are you gold star gay?

[James]

Yeah.

[Jordan Firstman]

Wow.

[James]

Yeah, well, I licked. I licked one once.

[Jordan Firstman]

Why?

[James]

Well, I was at this like 500 person New Year's Eve beach orgy.

[Jordan Firstman]

How many orgies have you been to in your life?

[James]

Oh, oh. Like, I mean, what. At a certain point, what is an orgy?

[Unknown]

What do you mean?

[James]

Like, the dark room at Berghain. Is a dark room an orgy?

[Jordan Firstman]

No, no, not tomorrow.

[James]

It's many people having sex in one room.

[Unknown]

Did you explicitly go to the club for that?

[James]

I do kind of go. If I'm. If I'm at this stage of my life going to a big gay party with sex, there I am going kind of for the sex. I've heard all the house music I can hear. I'm like, I'm not a good dancer. I'm kind of like, we get to the socializer or go to the dark.

[Jordan Firstman]

I'm here to get domed up.

[James]

Yeah, get domed.

[Unknown]

Okay, so how many orgies then?

[Jordan Firstman]

She had a beach party in Israel getting some Iron Dome.

[James]

Chill, brother. Chill, bro. I didn't know you like that. Yeah, no, this was in. This was in the place where I shot Rotting in the sun same year right after we wrapped. And it actually one of the best parties I've ever been to. But I was hooking up with these two Italian guys and then they, like, went to get a drink. So I went to go find them and I. I looked and they were both like, eating this. This girl's. And she was like, not the vibe I wanted. She was from Asheville, if you can imagine.

[Unknown]

Oh, yikes.

[James]

And like, very Burning man vibes. I was like, no. And they're like, come eat the with us. And I was like, I' and then so I went, what do you think? Yeah, I did one solitary lick and, like, giggled. So I was like, oh, maybe this isn't for me. Like, if the pussy is like an actual joke to you.

[Unknown]

Right.

[Jordan Firstman]

I'm not necessarily a pussy eating expert, but I would think that if a guy giggled in my. My pussy, I would be like, yeah.

[Unknown]

Not the best review. Just getting your pussy laughed at.

[James]

No. And then she became obsessed with me the next, like, few days. Like, she would like, kind of stalk me at the beach.

[Jordan Firstman]

Maybe that one lick was like, yeah.

[James]

It was the really good.

[Unknown]

Yeah, maybe you're like the best at eating pussy and I probably waste. Your talents are being wasted.

[James]

If I really. I do want to. I do want to try. I'm trying to rebuy this year. Well, I've been trying to be by for the last two years.

[Jordan Firstman]

How's that going?

[James]

Yeah, not well. And I've gotten like, great offers. I can't say who, but there's like, there's two very hot women that have. Have been like, if you want to do it down.

[Jordan Firstman]

Really?

[James]

I just. Did you try?

[Jordan Firstman]

I can't.

[James]

I mean, I have this.

[Jordan Firstman]

I'm so scared I shit my pants.

[James]

All right. Shit my pants as I'm down there.

[Jordan Firstman]

Yeah, you're supposed to be shit my pants.

[James]

You guys. You mind if I shit my pants, right?

[Unknown]

I'm super nervous.

[James]

But I feel like when you're. If you come out in high school or when you're younger, like, it's such a. It's such a big deal that you're kind of forced to like, make the decision like, I'm gay. And so I think you kind of figure yourself.

[Jordan Firstman]

Interesting.

[James]

Yeah. No, but the decision to like. Yeah, maybe it is.

[Unknown]

I mean, to swear off forever.

[James]

Well, you're like, oh, I'm gay. I'm a gay guy now. So you're like, ew's gross. But I'm like, if I didn't make that decision, then what? I'm like, I can, like, I have willed myself to do so many things in my life. I'm like, I can't eat a pussy. I'm like such a. You know what I mean?

[Jordan Firstman]

You should. You should try having sex with a woman.

[James]

Yeah.

[Jordan Firstman]

Just once.

[Unknown]

That's right. Professional recommendation.

[James]

I really do want to try.

[Jordan Firstman]

We have but one life with man.

[James]

Have you not had sex with a man?

[Jordan Firstman]

No.

[James]

So what are you giving me advice over?

[Jordan Firstman]

Yeah. Being a hypocrite.

[James]

Yeah. Damn. You should try that.

[Jordan Firstman]

I should.

[Unknown]

You really should.

[Jordan Firstman]

Circle, circle back.

[James]

Do it.

[Jordan Firstman]

Speaking of your body, you're fat. You are yo. No, you're very. You're very hairy. Right.

[James]

Very hairy.

[Jordan Firstman]

Very hairy. What's your manscaping routine like?

[James]

Zero.

[Jordan Firstman]

Very natural.

[James]

Zero. Zero. Zero.

[Unknown]

You've never had, like a. A desire to trim or anything?

[Jordan Firstman]

Is that what's the trend with men now? Is it like full bush?

[James]

I mean, I try. I don't really keep in line. There was like, one time I saw like, a bunch of guys were like, keeping their, like, tits hairy and then shaving the stomach. I'm like, that is so cor. It looks weird, but it does make your packs look bigger.

[Jordan Firstman]

Like that guy on your Explore page. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[James]

But I don't know, I've just never. I feel like it's a huge selling point for me, like, with guys. Either they're into it or they're not. And the guys that are into it are very into it. So. And I like it. I think it's hot.

[Jordan Firstman]

Like, preferences, just full.

[James]

Yeah, I don't like. I mean, I don't mind if. If a guy is. Shaved is obviously horrible.

[Jordan Firstman]

Yeah.

[Unknown]

Like, fully.

[James]

Fully shaved is like, what, bald? Yeah. Bald is not alopecia style.

[Jordan Firstman]

Have you been in a situation where, like, you bring. You go home with a guy, then he takes pants off and it just looks like a child's penis? Because it's just.

[James]

Well, there it was a child. So I was like, I would hope it would look like, oh, God, he.

[Unknown]

Teed that up for you real good.

[James]

Noor is my cutoff, by the way. Oh, that's 24. I think that's totally.

[Unknown]

Is that gonna change every year you get older?

[James]

No, I'm just saying. Not into. I'm not into you. I. I like daddies more than I like, you know.

[Jordan Firstman]

What's your, what's your max?

[James]

60.

[Jordan Firstman]

Okay.

[James]

Okay, 60. Now we're at 55.

[Unknown]

60.

[James]

They get a little gross.

[Jordan Firstman]

Do older guys better?

[James]

It depends. It depends like a man. Like a 30, 38 year olds are pretty good. I mean, they're like, wow, that's crazy.

[Unknown]

There's exceptions to every rule, you know?

[Jordan Firstman]

Yeah. The exception makes the exception makes the rule.

[Unknown]

Right.

[James]

Okay.

[Jordan Firstman]

Jordan, how much money do you make?

[James]

It depends on the day. Yeah. I mean, it depends how the of is doing.

[Unknown]

Right. That's true.

[Jordan Firstman]

What do you like to spend? I mean, what do you like to spend your harder money on besides vintage clothing?

[James]

Yeah, it's the same as everyone. Restaurants and clothes. Like, that's all I see.

[Unknown]

The only things, the two major food groups. Yeah.

[James]

It's like, what else are you gonna buy? I'm not someone who's like, oh, I Don't care about tech cars. Do not care about crib. What about the house?

[Jordan Firstman]

House?

[James]

I mean it's done, right. So I'm like, once I finish it, I'm like what? I'm gonna keep adding stuff, right? True. I pay to get my house clean once a week.

[Unknown]

Nice. Real luxury.

[James]

Once a week. Yeah. I pay for my laundry but the service is, is really cheap and I travel so much. So like the bags I get is a monthly service. So I have 60 bags that I have stacked up right now.

[Unknown]

It's all folded already. Easily.

[James]

Well, no, I have like I. Because I get two a month with my subscription and I travel so much. Yeah, I get those two added every month.

[Jordan Firstman]

Oh, ok. Okay.

[James]

So I'm like, it's basically free at this point.

[Jordan Firstman]

What pays best? Is it acting on screen? Is it writing? Is it music?

[James]

Nothing. It's literally being famous and getting brand deals that is the only thing that pays.

[Unknown]

That's the economy.

[James]

Like that is the secret is that nothing actually pays that well like music. I haven't made a d. I won't make a dime. Probably tv. Like really when you act on a TV show it's very hard to make a lot of money unless you, you are in the third season. It does really well or you're already really syndicated. Writing is like everything a scale now but. And you spend two years doing it, you're like, oh this like $100,000 has to last me the rest of my life.

[Unknown]

Yeah, forever. Forever.

[James]

But yeah, nothing, nothing pays except for brand deals. And even then it's like we're in a weird time with brand deal.

[Unknown]

Is there any brand deal?

[James]

I mean we're in the, we're in the, what do you call it?

[Unknown]

The brand deal holocaust.

[James]

The engagement holocaust. Like we're going to give $100,000 to someone with 8,000 likes. Yeah, I mean I get a lot more likes so it's getting better every day.

[Jordan Firstman]

Everyone throw Jordan the like right now on his last branded post.

[Unknown]

Is there a brand deal? Well to two sided your dream brand deal.

[James]

There are podcasts out there that are like actually saying that right now. What's your dream brand talkers like are like these influencers like doing podcasts. Like what is your dream?

[Unknown]

That's what I'm going to do with this podcast. What's your dream brand deal? What's the one brand deal you wouldn't do?

[James]

I kind of, I did the most major one I could ever do for myself where I did, I did a short film that like I wrote for Versace, starring me and Donatella. I played her boyfriend. I'm like, there's no.

[Unknown]

That's the.

[James]

That's the people from.

[Unknown]

That's Everest.

[James]

So I'm like. To me, it's like, yeah, like doing. I don't know. I also feel really satisfied with, like, my. For a while, when it was just the impressions. I would, like, really want to do artistic stuff with the fashion and stuff, because there's just an easy way to make something. Now I'm just kind of like, you tell me what to do, I'll do it.

[Jordan Firstman]

Yeah, just sign the.

[Unknown]

The quickest way to get to the bag.

[Jordan Firstman]

Just sign the job.

[James]

Yeah.

[Jordan Firstman]

You mentioned that the earrings were kind of like an attaboy gift for yourself. After you. I forget what exactly you would like signed.

[James]

Rachel. The Rachel Show.

[Jordan Firstman]

Signing up for the Rachel.

[James]

I signed up. I. There was a. There was a form.

[Unknown]

You guys.

[Jordan Firstman]

You signed the NDA. One other ad. Is there an attaboy gift you want to give yourself when the album drops?

[James]

Ooh, that's a great question.

[Jordan Firstman]

Some new jewels?

[Unknown]

A watch.

[James]

I'm not a watch queen. You have a phone like I have. Yeah, it's.

[Jordan Firstman]

I don't know, Trip to Turkey, A Turkish haircut.

[James]

Yeah, Yeah. I don't know. I kind of would like. I would like, use. I. I don't know, maybe making another music video.

[Jordan Firstman]

Do you have to pay for those yourself?

[James]

No, the label is paid for them, but we're severely out of money, so. So I. If I do more. Unless good.

[Jordan Firstman]

Release your own art is.

[James]

I would. Yeah.

[Unknown]

I don't know.

[James]

I just feel like I've. I don't know, maybe I've evolved spiritually, but, like, clothes don't do it for me. Like they used. I still like to look fab, of.

[Unknown]

Course, but, like, becoming a jaded gay.

[James]

Oh, my God. No, no. I'm becoming an enlightened game. Not look at material. Things are not doing. They're not hitting like they once used to. So I think, yeah, I mean, putting it back into the work sounds fun. I mean, I would like to buy a house someday.

[Jordan Firstman]

Okay.

[James]

LA in la.

[Jordan Firstman]

You don't ever want to come back to these? Are you LA pilled fully?

[James]

Yeah.

[Jordan Firstman]

G. What do you like about LA over? Because you grew up out here?

[James]

Yeah, it just is like. It's. I feel like I can really focus on my work there. I think the people are. Are laid back enough to like, actually connect with. If you find. There's obviously a lot of fake bitches out there, but if you find the right people, which I feel like the last year or two, I've. I've found a really good group. Group? Yeah. You can just connect and. And they're, they're fun and New York. I just. This hamster wheel of like everyone is just going so fast. I feel like no one can really actually connect with each other. And that makes me a little depressed when I'm here.

[Jordan Firstman]

That's why I wanted to sit down with you for an hour.

[James]

I know. That's why we need to do it. Do you think we would have talked about any of this if we like, went to dinner together?

[Unknown]

No.

[James]

What? No.

[Jordan Firstman]

Like, what's your favorite brand? Deal.

[James]

Dinners are for talking. You were just gossiping.

[Unknown]

Gossiping. 100%.

[James]

Podcasts are for getting deep.

[Jordan Firstman]

The 30 minutes that we cut from this that you're never going to hear, that would have been dinner talk. Last question before we get you out of here. Do you have. After spending an hour 15 with the goddamn.

[James]

Enjoyed it so far?

[Unknown]

Oh, absolutely. Immensely.

[James]

Was it more sexual than other. I feel like we've talked about sex a lot.

[Jordan Firstman]

The most sexual episode we've ever done. Actually. I was realizing this because someone was to Smith Benny Blanca.

[James]

Okay. Oh, of. I mean, yeah, he's a. He's a sex.

[Jordan Firstman]

You did it in his sex case.

[James]

Yeah. Every time I see him, he's like, touch it. Touch my movie. So I've. I've touched Benny's, but I haven't seen it.

[Unknown]

Oh, over the.

[James]

Yeah. And I know, I love it. It's cuz my favorite dick is like a soft one. Like, you know, like when the skin is really soft. Oh, and he.

[Jordan Firstman]

That's Benny's penis. Softball Soft dick balls.

[James]

Soft dick.

[Jordan Firstman]

Yeah. He's. He's the man.

[James]

You know what I'm talking about though, right?

[Unknown]

A soft penis. A well moisturized dick.

[James]

Well, just like when the skin is. When the skin is like bouncy. Bouncy.

[Unknown]

Yeah. No, I like it feeling like sandpaper soft. What are you talking about?

[Jordan Firstman]

Well, okay, our last question for you. Do you have any constructive criticism you would like to give us? How can we be better as someone coming from, you know, successful in so many worlds? How can we be the best version of ourselves?

[James]

I mean, you guys seem like really nice guys. I think, I think the you. You felt like a little like business forward. And when I first got here, you're like, so this is how the podcast is gonna work. I'm like, I know how podcasts.

[Jordan Firstman]

I know.

[James]

Like you like, you didn't need to Explain all that stuff to be limited time. I know, but I think you could have been a little chiller.

[Jordan Firstman]

Okay.

[James]

And the in the forefront.

[Unknown]

We're too hot up top.

[James]

Yeah, Yeah. I feel. But, you know, we're also getting to know each other, but yeah. I have so little notes for you guys.

[Jordan Firstman]

That's what dinner's for. This is why we should have had dinner beforehand.

[James]

Yeah, yeah. But now I feel, I feel way more warmth because I feel like our DMS have a lot of warmth to them.

[Jordan Firstman]

Absolutely.

[James]

And then I got here, like, do you need any water? So this is how it's going to work. I want to take care of you. Okay. You asked for criticism and you can't take it.

[Jordan Firstman]

Yeah.

[James]

Right. So, no, but you guys, I, I, I think you guys have amazing energy.

[Unknown]

Thank you.

[Jordan Firstman]

Here's my criticism. Let's go out to dinner. Next time you're in New York.

[James]

Literally say that. Say that.

[Jordan Firstman]

Where can the kids fall? Where can the kids follow you? What would you like to plug Y.

[James]

At Miley Cyrus on Instagram? I'd like to plug Miley Cyrus's new album.

[Jordan Firstman]

Okay.

[James]

No, I mean, I feel like we've talked about it. I really want the album to, like, I, I don't want to be results oriented in my life, but I want it to do well. I'm like, so proud of it. And I really think it's, it's pretty good, right?

[Jordan Firstman]

It's, it's so much fun to listen to.

[James]

Yeah, it's a great album and great for the weather.

[Unknown]

When the weather warms up, it'll be.

[James]

Great for the weather.

[Unknown]

It's weather dependent in my opinion, actually.

[James]

But no, there are songs for winter on there.

[Unknown]

Sure.

[James]

Songs for winter. My next album, Deep. No, I want people listening to the album, like, you know, like, yeah, like, get my engagement up a little bit. Like, I could do some more likes and comments on that. I feel like everyone's, Everyone feels like with me, they're like, oh, he's like, he's doing so well. We don't need to comment. Like, you still need to. Yeah, you still need to.

[Jordan Firstman]

Yeah.

[James]

I want like, Addison Ray level.

[Jordan Firstman]

Let's get conversations going in the comments.

[James]

Yeah, exactly.

[Unknown]

Reply.

[Jordan Firstman]

Reply to people. Yeah, and share it. Sharing.

[James]

Share it.

[Unknown]

Oh, absolutely. Hit that.

[James]

Not just with your friends, with your public.

[Unknown]

Share the story.

[James]

Every time.

[Unknown]

Every time.

[Jordan Firstman]

Guys, send it to your of a grandmother. All right, this has been another episode of the only podcast that matters.

[James]

Thank Jordan.

[Jordan Firstman]

Thank you so much.

[Unknown]

Thank you so much.

[Jordan Firstman]

Chef, take us out.

[James]

Let's go.

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