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Tiger Resilience Human Solutions
Hosted by Bernie & Michael Tiger · EN
Come join the conversation and learn more about adversity and solutions for keeping happy, healthy and thriving!
When struggling with addiction, many view the abusing person as the only one affected. While considering the devastating effects on the user, many may not take into consideration how others are directly involved; addiction affects the family. Spouses, children, and parents who witness a loved one struggling with addiction experience emotional damage, as well as financial, legal, medical, and other consequences.The biological disease of substance-use disorder can manifest in maladaptive behavior that can be seen as deliberately harmful toward the family. The family needs to know that the behavior is being driven by the disease and not the person.Tiger Resilience provides integrated, self-serve, practical addiction educational programs that are specifically focused on the family members, not the addicted person.
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#13 Communication with Matt Paknis
Aug 16, 202200:38:53Tap to summarizeJoin the conversation with Matt Paknis as he shares his experience, strength, and hope regarding interpersonal skills, communication, and overcoming adversity. Matt discusses his strategies and the tools he uses for the art of communication and developing healthy relationships. Matt Paknis is a Workplace Bullying Expert Whose Leadership Programs Help Organizations Thrive. He is the author of – “Successful Leaders Aren't Bullies: How to Stop Abuse at Work and Build Exceptional Organizations.” Matt Paknis provides leadership, management, and organizational development programs and one on one coaching to organizations worldwide. Matt draws from his exceptional athletic, educational, and professional experiences, his interventions are engaging, beneficial, and measured to track impact. Matt’s Book: https://smile.amazon.com/Successful-Leaders-Arent-Bullies-Organizations/dp/1682617173/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1534343539&sr=8-1&keywords=matt+paknis Matt’s Website: http://mattpaknis.com Matt’s LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/mattpaknis/
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#12 Factors that Influence Addiction
May 31, 202200:17:38Tap to summarizeThe great question has always been, how does someone end up with an addiction? What propelled somebody to become addicted to drugs, alcohol, sex, or food. Factors can include genetics or something external like childhood trauma or the way somebody was brought up. So, this begs the question once again - is it nature or nurture? The answer is much more complicated, as both nature and nurture influence, and our choice determines the outcome. One of the most common factors involved in addiction is that there has always been some trauma in the individual's life. Many families argue that a child growing up has a great life. Still, we are unaware of outside influences that could have created trauma, such as bullying, sexual assault, and physical beatings that never get reported to a parent. A fundamental belief here is that stressful environments induce stress, which affects people and their behavior. In addition, individuals who associate with others who abuse alcohol or drugs are more likely to engage in that behavior. And as the use around a person ebbs and flows in quantity and variety, so does their behavior. However, there are numerous additional environmental influences beyond friends. Parental influence, cultural norms, media representation, and learned physical associations are also environmental factors that contribute to addiction. Environmental factors that influence addiction Family dynamics and interactions. One of the most substantial external factors influencing addictive behavior is early life experiences. Family interactions, parenting styles, and levels of supervision play a pivotal role in the development of later mental health difficulties, including substance use. We develop strategies to cope with stress in our early years of life. When these strategies are maladaptive (due to a need to survive in the face of adversity), they can lead to risky or self-destructive behaviors. This means that in adolescence or adulthood, these internal triggers are activated by external factors. Authoritarian and avoidant parenting, exposure to physical/emotional/sexual abuse, and divorce have all been associated with an increased likelihood of substance use problems later in life. Peer groups. When an individual's social interactions rely heavily on associating with individuals who display potential alcohol or drug problems, it can be challenging to exorcise yourself from similarly displaying such problematic behaviors. The sense of belonging and feeling connected to like-minded people is a substantial factor in maintaining addiction. Friends' habits and behavior patterns will invariably affect everyone in the group as they experience peer pressure. Research has shown that individuals with more permissive and less critical views of drug use are more likely to engage in such use (obviously). Further, earlier use and exposure are typically associated with more likelihood of later problems. Social media. While social media has many social benefits, there are also many social downfalls. When an individual struggling with emotional problems sees other people online who appear happy, attractive and enjoying life, it can make them feel further socially isolated, damage their self-esteem, and exacerbate feelings of shame. There is growing evidence that increased social media use can worsen the mental health struggles of those already susceptible to them. Unfortunately, it is doubtful that this trend will shift soon. However, several groups and influencers are beginning to rise who put their imperfections and difficulties front and center to fight stigma and shame. Published media. Other media avenues such as video games, movies, and television shows influence people's behaviors. From displays of substance use and other behavior that border (or cross into) glorification to the fantasy creation of unrealistic goals and wishes, media portrayal of relationships, violence, sex, and more can encourage younger viewers to develop self-critical worldviews and unhealthy worldviews. We have to be careful here to avoid the over-demonization of media portrayals as they impact and reflect society's changing norms. Nevertheless, no question shows like Mad Men create very different masculine ideals for viewers than This Is Us, and any information absorbed can impact behavior. This is true for advertising as well as programmatic content. Culture/religion. There are many cultural and religious-based triggers for addiction, such as the geographical area you grow up in, religious beliefs prevalent in your culture, early experiences and teachings related to shame, and participation in (or exclusion from) cultural or religious activities. Some cultures accept male drinking but not female drinking and therefore have substantially different rates of alcohol abuse by gender. The same is true for any other cultural norms strong enough to sway behavior, especially if they are widely adopted, and everyone is exposed to them early. Often, we see that problematic behavior develops as a direct response to rebellion against such norms. Physical environments. The physical environment can also create many triggers for people with addiction, from attending a pub for "after-work drinks" to your kitchen bench while home alone to a particular social hangout; these places can be associated with cravings. When repeated behaviors can be conditioned to a specific location or situation, these learned habits can be hard to break. Moreover, these triggers can be amplified when the physical site and the people in it are associated with alcohol or drug abuse. Experiments such as Conditioned Place Preference have revealed that reactions to, and expectations of, the delivery and effect of drugs can form after only three to four exposures to a specific setting and remain unless the "spell" is broken eternally. Tiger Resilience provides a solution through our proprietary, integrated, self-serve opioid addiction educational and coaching programs that focus on the family members' better understanding of addiction and how to help their loved ones.
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# 11 Four Agreements for Life
May 19, 202200:18:56Tap to summarizeThe Four Agreements based on Principles Principle: a fundamental truth or proposition that serves as the foundation for a system of belief or behavior or for a chain of reasoning. The Four Agreements: A Practical Guide to Personal Freedom is a self-help book by Don Miguel Ruiz. It emphasizes personal understanding and happiness based on ancient Toltec philosophy. Let’s investigate the major points of this exceptional book. #1 Agreement 1: Be Impeccable with Your Word This first agreement describes the need to take responsibility for your own actions and to focus on speaking with integrity and choosing your words carefully. It emphasizes a more old-school look at the word “impeccable”, which means “without sin”. In other words, what you say and do should not go against yourself and should always be done with personal integrity. #2 Agreement 2: Don’t Take Anything Personally This agreement emphasizes the need to have a strong sense of your own self rather than relying on the opinions of others. The latter frame of mind opens you up to significant disappointment and hurt, particularly as it is impossible to please everybody, and personal disagreements are inevitable. Once you stop taking things personally, Ruiz believes that negative feelings will also lessen or dissipate. #3 Agreement 3: Don’t Make Assumptions Ruiz highlights the importance of stopping yourself from assuming what others are thinking. Instead, asking questions and working to ensure that communication between yourself and another individual is clear are much better pathways for forging relationships. Making assumptions reveals internal biases and can easily create interpersonal conflict. #4 Agreement 4: Always Do Your Best This agreement focuses on uniting the previous three and emphasizes the idea that doing your best means that you will not negatively judge yourself even if you fail. Ruiz claims that doing one’s best is the greatest antidote to regret and will often lead to success even in the face of great diversity.
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# 10 Karen's Story of Loss and Resilience
Apr 28, 202201:12:19Tap to summarizeTiger Resilience podcast series Episode 10 is a phone discussion with Karen, who shares her incredibly traumatic story of the loss of her daughter because of opioid addiction and overdose. Karen offers her insight into the challenges and her present successes in getting the message out and being the voice for her daughter Jenna. Links available in this podcast for Karen's information include two books that share Jenna's story. Karen is open and discusses her perspective as a parent and someone who did not know anything about opioid addiction. Karen has been the voice for those who lost their lives due to opioid overdose. https://www.facebook.com/commerce/products/5121804577835964/?rt=54&referral_code=shops_pdp_share&marketplace_referral_story_type=shop_pdp_share_deep_link https://heavenssake.square.site/?fbclid=IwAR1rBE7PMe54JSL2lqYIBlyJfau0kHPuR7UBXfGFze-E3ecapu9NcQTaEDo
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# 9 Addiction and Family Communication Insights
Apr 21, 202200:23:17Tap to summarizeTiger Resilience Podcast – EP 9 Family Communication and Addiction: Be Kind By accepting the person with an addiction—even if you don't accept their behavior—you can start to build bridges to forgiveness and their recovery. Avoid Saying This • You should be ashamed of yourself for abusing drugs. Try This Instead • Everyone needs help sometimes. You don't have to be ashamed of your addiction. Educate Yourself on Addiction At the same time, don't assume you know everything about their addiction simply because you do research. Each person with an addiction is a unique individual with their own experience. Avoid Saying This • Why don't you just stop using drugs? You're being selfish. Try This Instead • You are still my friend, and I care for you no matter what. Is there any way I can help? Getting Past Resentment Every situation will depend on many factors including whether the family is able to have open and honest discussion with the person in recovery. Any unspoken problem will destroy healthy family dynamics. Many families struggle with communication and find sweeping things under the rug is much easier than problem-solving and learning how to communicate effectively. This may even be one of the underlying layers to the person with addiction’s experience at home which lent itself to addiction in the first place. Thoughtfully Choose Your Words Avoid Saying This • I can't believe you're a junkie. When are you getting clean? Try This Instead • I'm sorry you're struggling with your addiction. I am here to help support you. Listen More Than You Talk You also don't have to make their addiction the main focus of every conversation you have with them. Avoid Saying This • What are you doing? You're not using again, are you? Why aren't you calling me back? Try This Instead • Hey, do you have any plans this weekend? I would love to grab dinner if you're free. Set Boundaries Avoid Saying This • You're so annoying when you drink. I can't even talk to you when you get like this. Try This Instead • I feel disrespected when we have a conversation after you've been drinking. I think it's best we're both sober when we interact from now on. Believe Them Avoid Saying This • Come on, you can have one drink. It's fine. Try This Instead • I respect that you're not drinking, and I'm proud of you for taking care of yourself. Don't Tell Them What to Do Avoid Saying This • You should just quit cold turkey. It worked for someone else I know. Try This Instead • I want you to feel your best. I can help you research treatment centers or therapists if you'd like. To communicate with a loved one who is living with addiction, start by educating yourself, being aware of the language you use, and setting healthy boundaries. You can support them while also supporting your own well-being. At the end of the day, you want to let them know you care about them and will support them in any way you can. • Focusing on the positive: requesting desired outcomes (“Could you please?”) instead of inviting negative ones (“Make sure you don’t … again”). • Explaining one’s own feelings instead of firing accusations at the other person. • Listening—really listening—as well as talking. • Respecting the other party as a unique individual. Feeling that others are “always trying to force me into their mold” ranks high among relapse triggers. • Showing empathy and genuinely attempting to understand how hard recovery can be: never belittling anyone’s struggles. • Offering daily kind words and compliments, especially when a recovering addict is looking into the face of relapse or near-relapse. Showing ongoing confidence that “You can do it, you’ll make it.” • Timing serious discussions carefully to minimize tension.
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#8 Wisdom
Apr 7, 202200:11:36Tap to summarizeToday's podcast focuses on a question posed by a mother, who is working with a daughter struggling with substance use. This mom, will call Keisha, was trying to understand what wisdom is; feeling she made many mistakes - not only with her daughter, but through her life. Keisha was perplexed to understand where do you learn, or gain wisdom from? So, today's podcast is a story on wisdom, followed by breaking down some of the meanings and understanding of what it means to gain wisdom. Wisdom: Where do we acquire wisdom? Here is a story that will help explain the answer to that question. A man decides to undertake a quest to seek all the wisdom of the world. His journey takes him across the earth. He begins in North America, searching from state to state. Then off to South America, through the great Andes and rainforests. He finds his way through the outback of Australia, then to the colors of New Zealand. His journey continued through Asia, to the Great Wall of China. Then off to Russia and Europe. Still, he has not found this wisdom. He travels then to Africa, through the Great Plains and deserts. He continues up to the Nile, into the Middle East. Crossing over the Dead Sea, he makes his way to India. While passing through Bangladesh, he stops for some tea at a café. There a waiter tells him about an old monk high up in the Himalayas. He is told that this monk is sought out by many travelers as they pass through the country. It is believed by some that he has been given the gift of true wisdom. The man immediately embarks for the Himalayas. He comes to a village at the base of the mountain and finds a Sherpa who will guide him up to the monastery where this old monk resides. As they are making the climb up the mountain, the man becomes anxious and is filled with impatience. He has traveled the world seeking this wisdom and he knows that he is getting closer. He yells to the Sherpa that they must move faster. They finally make their way to this small monastery. Upon their arrival the man demands to see this wise old monk. He has searched the world over and expects to be given that for which he has quested for. He is brought to the monk’s cabin where the old man is meditating by a fireplace. The weary traveler is introduced as a man who is seeking wisdom. The monk gets up from his seated position, walks over to the man and embraces him. He is welcomed like a lost brother who has finally come home. After a long embrace, the man asks that his request be honored. The monk, speaking very softly, asks the man if he is ready to be given such a gift. Without hesitation, the man replies, “yes I am”! The monk smiles, then explains, “that for which you are seeking has been seeking you”. As you traveled the world, wisdom has been waiting for you. Instead of looking abroad, you only needed to look within yourself. There, in the center of your spirit, you would find all the wisdom of your world. For a man/person who knows him/themself internally and spiritually, has the wisdom to know the world around him/them! The answer to wisdom is within us all. Only through reflection of your own personal constitution and principles can you gain wisdom. Tiger Resilience Podcast Series 4.7.2022
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#7 Understanding Medication Assisted Treatment - with Dr Jamie Redwing
Mar 30, 202200:34:56Tap to summarizeTiger Resilience's Podcasts episode 7 focuses on the information surrounding what is medication assisted treatment, commonly known as MAT. Dr. Jamie Redwing, MD, an addiction specialist, joins the program again to share her insight on what MAT is. There are many stigmas about MAT, and you’ve probably heard some of the myths and misconceptions about it. The truth is that MAT can, and does, save lives. The challenge with addiction is that can rewire the brain, and many people need help to heal from that. The medications approved to treat substance use disorders are part of that help. When taken as directed and as part of a treatment plan, these medications function very differently from the substances that your loved one is addicted to. (Apologies for a little coughing - I had a little bit of bronchitis that could not be edited out )
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#6 Why is recovery from addiction so hard?
Mar 22, 202200:14:31Tap to summarizeWhy is recovery from addiction so hard? Tiger Resilience Podcast EP 6 3.22.2022 The challenge is that addiction is a very complicated disorder that affects individuals so differently. To be successful requires a deep understanding of the individual and their needs because all treatment to be successful must be individualized for the person. Opioid addiction creates unique challenges for different people, this also includes family members and friends that are struggling with a loved one who has an addiction. Time is necessary but alone can be a challenge – OD/Behavior issues/legal. Working with a mother a few years back she shared her greatest challenges with me. Her son was a 25-year-old who was addicted to opioids for about six years. She struggled with letting things go that happened in the past. She also struggled with a vast amount of information that is available to understand opioid addiction and how difficult it was to discern that information so that it made sense to her. Her challenges to understand opioid addiction was the primary motivation behind Tiger Resilience and the development of our self-serve opioid educational program and Family Recovery Coaching Services. So what strategy is the best to follow with the greatest probability of success if you want to help your loved one dealing with an opioid addiction? The answer is in two parts: • First is to detach with love. • Second is to create an accountability system for your loved one which in layman terms means treat them as an adult. Detachment with love means caring enough about others to allow them to learn from their mistakes. It also means being responsible / RESPONSE ABLE - for our own welfare and making decisions without ulterior motives - the desire to control others. Detachment with love is significant because it is the power of influence, the proverbial planting a seed into our loved one and then to continue to nourish it without drowning it with water or allowing it to die by not watering it. Creating an accountability system is setting up the parameters for our loved one with and opioid addiction to be treated as an adult. One of the greatest gifts of the human condition is our freedom to choose. With this great gift comes the consequences of our choices both good and bad. If we do not allow our loved ones struggling with addiction to suffer from, or be rewarded with consequences from their decisions, nothing will be learned. Doing the same thing expecting different results is truly the definition of insanity so something must be changed in order to get a different outcome. My client and his open checkbook – how we created conditions for what he would pay for and what he would not pay for. Also discuss how his son broke on different occasions the contract and agreement and thus was in a shelter for two weeks which precipitated his hitting rock bottom and eventually brought him into treatment. These principles are not tough love, as tiger resilience does not subscribe to that belief. Our experience has shown that tough love is nothing but a copout and does far more damage than any good. So, the take away is recovery is possible for the family and for the individual. Detachment with love is carrying enough to allow your loved one to find their own path as you continue to plant seeds. Accountability systems is to treat them fully as an adult as you continue to also guide and nurture them. Neither of these principles will be successful without one word, communication. Communication is necessary for everything we do in life and tiger resilience podcasts will be featuring multiple shows around the topic of communication in the next few weeks. We truly hope you find value in these podcasts and this information and as always if you would like to learn more, please visit us at tiger- resilience.com I look forward to speaking with you next week and wish you peace and serenity on your journey.
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#5 7 Principles for Families
Mar 14, 202200:15:57Tap to summarizeIn this podcast we discuss the seven principles for success in the family. Focus is on how we can keep the family strong by following some basic rules and guidelines, from our 7 principles.
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#4 The Costs of Opioid Addiction to the Family
Mar 2, 202200:12:43Tap to summarizeThis episode discusses the impact that opioid addiction can leverage on a family including financial. It is Thursday evening, 6:05 PM, and James has been patiently waiting by the phone for a call from his son who is supposed to be entering a treatment program for the 7th time. As James anticipates the call, he reflects on the amount of Time, energy, and financial cost that his son has burdened his family with. After the time for his son to call passed, with no communication, he realizes that his son has once again absconded from treatment, James shakes his head in despair, heartbreak, and disgust. This is the typical MO for his son, whom we will refer to as JP. As in previous behaviors, JP would make a commitment to go into treatment only if he was to receive certain financial assistance for his present situation, prior to going. In this case, James would generally give JP between $300 and $500, knowing he would use most if, not all of it, to buy drugs. Being the devoted father, James has never given up on his son and would do anything he can to keep him alive. James also realizes that at the age of 67, he will probably have to continue working for the rest of his life, as much of his savings have been depleted due to the continual support of his son. James has no more retirement options as he has depleted his investments and his 401K savings. Though this may sound very discouraging, James still considers what he is trying to do is the right thing. This is not a question of moral authority, or his conviction in trying to save his sons life, but more a concern about how enabling an individual to continue with their present behaviors, after many attempts, have such a devastating impact financially on families. James understands today that his best approach is to seek professional help for himself first and learn how to set up the appropriate conditions, or terms, for his son to receive assistance and treatment. This is not what is referred to as ‘tough love,’ but a principled guideline so that his son can make the choice of treatment without being allowed the opportunity to manipulate. The great challenge is that James does not know how to do this, nor what these conditions would look like. This is where Tiger Resilience comes in. This story could be viewed as the journey of James and his son. They are on a flight together, traveling the world, but then the cabin depressurizes – the adversity. For James to be successful he must realize that before he can help his son on this life-flight, he must put the oxygen mask on himself first, before placing it on his son. The story of James is not unfamiliar to those family members and friends to a person, whom they love and care about, and struggling from opioid addiction. This true story is more common and plays out frequently on a global stage; this narrative of the challenge’s families face just never gets reported in statistics or government data. The truth is that for James to be able to help his son, he will need to help himself first and foremost. Tiger Resilience offers integrated, self-serve opioid addiction educational programs that are specifically focused on the family members, not the addicted person. For more information, please visit Tiger-Resilience.com Thank you for your precious time and interest in learning about Opioid addiction and how families can learn to thrive amid such adversity. We look forward to talking with you again and ask that you please subscribe to our show; share with others.
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