Ben Schwartz & Notoriously Wild

Summary

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TigerBelly Podcast

Episode: Ben Schwartz & Notoriously Wild
Date: April 9, 2025
Guests: Ben Schwartz
Hosts: Bobby Lee, Khalyla, Jaime, Jules

Overview

This episode of TigerBelly features acclaimed comedian and improviser Ben Schwartz. Together with hosts Bobby Lee (MADtv, stand-up), Khalyla, Jaime, and Jules, the group journeys through improv comedy, wild showbiz stories, nostalgia for formative years, video games, and what it means to truly “make it” in the entertainment business. The conversation is playful, self-deprecating, and marked by quick pivots between chaos and real insight—a classic TigerBelly vibe.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

Opening Chaos: Improvised Musical Introductions

[03:00–06:53]

• The episode kicks off in typical TigerBelly fashion—chaotic group improv, where each person is invited to introduce themselves musically.
• Ben gamely joins the hosts, riffing on their quirks and inventing lyrics on the fly:
  • “My name is Ben, I’m sitting next to a Spam can, and we’re all just trying our very best...” – Ben Schwartz [06:27]
• Bobby pokes fun at the process, calling out the forced vulnerability in these intros, and riffs about his anatomy:
  • “When it’s erect, it’s four inches long... it’s like a Spam can, the thickness of it.” – Bobby Lee [05:11, 05:22]
• Jules and Khalyla (Rudy) bring playful energy. Jules says, “You can call me Rudy, I’m from the Philippines, I have monkey feet.” [06:01]

Ben Schwartz’s Comedy Roots & Improv Philosophy

[09:07–14:25]

• Ben shares his journey at Upright Citizens Brigade (UCB) in New York, where he interned to get free classes.
• He describes interning for Amy Poehler’s show and idolizing the early UCB founders.
  • “When I was an intern, I helped [Matt Walsh] move into his apartment in New York... all of them were heroes.” – Ben Schwartz [10:38]
• Ben explains the difference between short-form and long-form improv and how his Ben Schwartz & Friends live show is breaking ground by selling out large venues like the Beacon Theater and Sydney Opera House.
  • “Long form improv has never gotten to play before... did Radio City Music Hall... very exciting.” – Ben Schwartz [14:02–14:25]
• He walks the hosts through improv’s “yes, and” ethos:
  • “The biggest thing is not saying no to anybody’s idea... you’re building it together.” – Ben Schwartz [13:15, paraphrased]

On Stand-Up, Touring, & Stage Dynamics

[15:00–17:54]

• Bobby and Ben compare stand-up vs. improv:
  • Bobby shares the reality of opening vs. closing stand-up shows with his friend Andrew Santino, facing ego hits and the challenge of following a strong act.
  • Ben details how his live improv shows start with “crowd work” interviews, spinning one audience story into a fully improvised narrative:
    • “We take that information and make up a whole play... that's what the show is.” – Ben Schwartz [16:15]
  • The group reminisces about mutual friends and comedy connections, with Bobby marveling at how many talented improvisers Ben works with.

Legendary MADtv Prank: The “Cottage Life” Table Read

[17:58–37:02]

• Highlight Segment
• Bobby tells the infamous story of how MADtv writer Katie Dippold pranked him by sending a “different” version of a script for a live table read. Ben and the crew get Dippold on the phone for the full breakdown.
  • “So basically, everybody has the same script except for Bobby, and it just looks like Bobby is ruining every moment of this sketch.” – Ben Schwartz [26:44]
  • “So the lines are like... Keegan made a joke… and Bobby goes, ‘Oh, here we go’—he’s just consistently commenting on the sketch.” – Katie Dippold [34:30]
• The entire cast is baffled at the table read, thinking Bobby has lost his mind. The room is deadly silent until Katie reveals the prank—everyone erupts in laughter.
  • “[After the reveal]... everyone finally got what was happening... It took you a couple moments to process.” – Katie Dippold [36:19]
• Bobby admits the experience left him “mortified, shaking, with tears in my eyes.” [36:12]

Career Growth, Maturity, and Reputation

[38:09–41:55]

• Bobby confesses to “notoriously wild” antics in his early career, such as walking naked into writers’ offices at MADtv—things that “nowadays would get you cancelled.”
• He discusses how therapy, AA, and life experience made him a “completely different person” on set.
  • “Now, I show up an hour before, I know my lines, I don’t complain... In the beginning... I was crazy, notoriously wild.” – Bobby Lee [40:44, 41:17]
• Ben points out that Bobby’s reputation is always followed by “he’s the funniest f***ing dude.” [41:28]

Parks and Rec, Improv vs. Scripted, & Handling Bombs

[43:41–45:10]

• Jaime shares how Parks and Recreation (especially Ben’s scenes) got him into comedy.
• Ben describes the show’s process: scenes were scripted, but after a “fun run” take, actors could improvise and go nuts.
  • “There's literally takes after we have it in the bag, where they're like, ‘Alright, do whatever you want,’ and we would all go nuts.” – Ben Schwartz [44:33]
• Both agree that the only way to improve is “failing, over and over, and loving it enough to keep coming back.”
  • “You gotta love it so much that you're okay with it being hard for a while.” – Ben Schwartz [50:01]
  • “Don’t live in the results... Do it for the love of the craft.” – Bobby Lee [50:04]

The Reality of “Making It” & Taking Control

[58:03–63:20]

• Ben discusses why he prefers the control of a live tour vs. the unpredictable nature of TV & film gigs.
  • "This is—you have complete control of your career now... Instead of it being up to everybody else." – Ben Schwartz [59:25]
• Bobby reveals that starting TigerBelly was, in part, out of desperation as auditions dried up for him and Andrew Santino during the podcast boom:
  • “We were forced into doing it... We just do stand up.” – Bobby Lee [62:31]
• Ben reframes it as “taking control” rather than being forced.

Anime, Video Games, and Nerd Nostalgia

[67:11–74:47]

• Jules, initially quiet, perks up over “One Piece” and anime. Ben admits he missed out on much anime, having sunk his childhood into “Simpsons” and classic cartoons.
• The group gets deep into video game love:
  • Bobby missed the Nintendo/SNES “golden years,” returning to games with Halo. Ben waxes about side-scrollers—“Inside,” “Limbo,” and “Celeste”—and tries to convert Bobby to his RPG faves (“Chrono Trigger,” “Final Fantasy”).
  • “I love side-scrollers.” – Ben Schwartz [69:09]
• They trade gear tips—handheld consoles loaded with classic emulators for tours, and trading recs on the “craziest” game purchases.

Full Circle: Humble Beginnings & Never Living in Results

[75:00–84:11]

• Ben recounts working as a Letterman page and the surreal feeling of returning as a guest. He describes scraping by on dollar-menu meals, taking the trash out at UCB to earn classes, and celebrating “the beginning—always the best of times.”
  • “I would eat pizza, plain pizza slices, but take all the free toppings... It was the best time. The beginning is always the best.” – Ben Schwartz [82:20]
• Bobby echoes this with stories of splitting bean and cheese burritos, and how that “climb” fuels his pride.
• Ben lists Hot Sauce (his classic team with Adam Pally, Gil Ozeri), and their infamous empty-audience improv shows.
  • “We'd perform for nobody... It was the best time.” – Ben Schwartz [85:02]

Improv Demonstrations & Playful Banter

[86:51–89:15]

• Ben coaches Bobby and Jaime through a brief improv, riffing as a wizard and his Igor-like assistant, folding in classic bits and gentle racial banter (“You’re looking at my Asian eyes, dude...”).
  • “Go, master.” – Bobby Lee (as Igor) [88:22]
• The group laughs through meta-commentary on improv, impersonations, and the difficulty of resisting recycled material despite improv’s rules.

Stand-Up Closers: Jaime on Stage

[91:37–94:31]

• Jaime shares his “closer” and opening bits about lower back arthritis and standing up while masturbating, eliciting both supportive feedback and ribbing from Ben and Bobby.
  • “So any fellas out here masturbate standing up? You might want to lay down next time.” – Jaime [94:22]
• They discuss supporting openers—Bobby tracks whether openers draw enough laughs and jokes about never being “outshone.”

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• “You gotta love it so much that you're okay with it being hard for a while.”
  — Ben Schwartz [50:01]

• “Don’t live in the results... Do it for the love of the craft.”
  — Bobby Lee [50:04]

• “When I was an intern, I helped [Matt Walsh] move into his apartment... All of them were heroes.”
  — Ben Schwartz [10:38]

• “So basically, everybody has the same script except for Bobby... And it just looks like Bobby is ruining every moment of this.”
  — Ben Schwartz on the MADtv prank [26:44]

• “[After the reveal]... everyone finally got what was happening... It took you a couple moments to process.”
  — Katie Dippold [36:19]

• “Long form improv has never gotten to play before... It's all very silly but very exciting.”
  — Ben Schwartz [14:02]

• “You have complete control of your career now... Instead of it being up to everybody else.”
  — Ben Schwartz [59:25]

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Important Timestamps

| Time | Segment | |------------|--------------------------------------------------------| | 03:00–06:53 | Improvised musical introductions | | 09:07–14:25 | Ben’s improv background, UCB, Amy Poehler, “yes and” | | 17:58–37:02 | Bobby's MADtv prank story, call with Katie Dippold | | 43:41–45:10 | Parks and Rec, improv vs. scripted, “fun runs” | | 50:01–50:17 | Advice to young comics: “love it so much,” no results | | 58:03–63:20 | Taking control of your own career, starting TigerBelly| | 67:11–74:47 | Deep dive: anime, video games, childhood nostalgia | | 75:00–84:11 | Humble beginnings: Letterman, Hungry times | | 86:51–89:15 | Ben & Bobby improv as wizard/Igor | | 91:37–94:31 | Jaime’s standup closer |

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Final Thoughts

This episode brims with comedic energy, spontaneity, and candid reflection. Ben Schwartz brings warmth, humility, and a deep love for improv and collaboration, while Bobby Lee’s self-deprecation and wild stories offer both laughs and lessons. Listeners are treated to origin stories, hysterical industry pranks, genuine advice, and an infectious sense of camaraderie—a stellar TigerBelly hang for fans and newcomers alike.

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Transcript

[A]

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[B]

But I told people May 5 so they can last. Kind of like ironic Mexican.

[C]

Yeah. Yeah, I think.

[B]

Guess what? Nobody laughs.

[A]

Oh, my God.

[B]

Hell, yeah.

[D]

Why you sh.

[B]

How you doing, man?

[D]

Why you sh. Ben, you'd have to. Ben, they're employees. You have to meet everybody, you know? He's a good guy. Yeah.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

He's a good guy.

[D]

Dude, they're employees.

[C]

Don't talk to the employees.

[B]

What's up, bro?

[C]

You play music in this?

[D]

A little bit.

[A]

I'll put those headphones on.

[C]

Yeah.

[D]

No, Jaime, please don't sing. You want. You want to have the opening line or what?

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

Can I introduce him?

[D]

Oh, you do? Yeah.

[C]

Big fan. You're a fan of mine?

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

Oh, we'll see what happens by the song. By the intro. We'll see. We'll see.

[B]

Okay. Can I. Can I do a character? Yours.

[A]

Are you doing a song for a character?

[C]

Can you do the song as my character? Yeah. Holy shit. I can't wait for this.

[D]

Ready?

[B]

I am John Rafio.

[D]

Okay.

[C]

You stopped the music.

[D]

I know, because it wasn't. Let me do a couple of bars.

[B]

Okay?

[D]

Right. You can just. It's got to also be in tune, and it's also going to be in the rhythm.

[C]

But he already blew it. You know what he's gonna do and say?

[D]

What? I know. He's. You have to come up with something else now.

[B]

Okay.

[D]

Yeah, yeah. That's called improv, guy.

[B]

Okay.

[C]

You said you're big fans. This should be easy, right? It's not just that one famous character, you know, like, other things. Yeah.

[B]

Milkman.

[C]

All right, take your time.

[B]

Okay.

[C]

A couple bars. You tell them when, Bobby.

[B]

Tell me when.

[D]

Now.

[B]

Okay, I'm gonna drop a couple.

[D]

You can start from the beginning, bro. Bro, do you know how music works? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[C]

And it was an incredible intro, too. The music.

[D]

I know.

[C]

Unbelievable.

[D]

But, Ben, I was in the zone, dude.

[C]

I felt.

[D]

You felt it. Right, right. A connection, and you. It up. What? My. My ad.

[B]

My bad.

[A]

My.

[C]

My.

[D]

Ben, I want to say something to you before we get into the song. We found this kid.

[C]

Oh, where'd you find him?

[D]

Here in this garage. He came with a guy named Ralph Barboza.

[C]

Okay.

[D]

You know him?

[C]

No, but the name is great.

[D]

It's a really good name. It's a great name for a Hispanic.

[C]

Oh, my God. I'll let you make those jokes, but I'll be.

[D]

What do you mean?

[C]

You got to keep going.

[D]

Well, you think Ralph Barbosa is not a good Hispanic name, is it? I met a Jose, and I'm not really. I'm not digging it. When I meet a Jose, I don't dig it. It's like, come out. I've been there, done that. Okay. You. I mean, it's like, you know, be more original. Right?

[C]

How are you playing piano under this?

[D]

Oh, yeah. It's. It's like meeting a Japanese guy named Yoshi. I don't like it.

[C]

Don't like it, don't like it.

[D]

It's like meeting a white guy named Craig.

[B]

Oh, Big Ben.

[D]

Oh, Ben. Oh, yeah. Okay. Okay, good. So can we. How about not. How about not everyone do a line in this? We're gonna do a line. You, too.

[C]

Is this what the show is? Okay, great.

[D]

Yeah, this is what the show.

[C]

Do you sing every show? Does everybody sing every show?

[D]

This is a new thing.

[C]

Oh, great. I love it. I can't wait.

[D]

It's a new. It's a new. It's a new thing.

[C]

Okay, what are we singing about? You started.

[D]

It's a new. It's a new.

[C]

It's a new. It's a new thing.

[D]

My name is. It's an intro. My name is Bobby Lee.

[B]

Okay.

[D]

When it's erect, it's four inches long. No, you can do. This is my talent.

[C]

Yeah, keep going.

[D]

It's my talent.

[C]

Don't ever stop.

[D]

Yeah, it's like a Spam can. The thickness of it.

[C]

Yeah, I get not. Not the smell of it. Thickness.

[D]

God, you're good. You're so good. Yeah.

[C]

Thickness.

[B]

My name is Jaime, but sometimes I go by Ernie. It's a character of mine. It's in the works. It's not doing so good.

[D]

Jules.

[C]

My name is Jules. Wow. This Is every episode. Yeah. Let her cook.

[D]

Let her cook.

[C]

Let her cook. Let her cook. You can call me Rudy. I'm from the Philippines. I have monkey feet.

[D]

Wow. That was. That's a shocker. I know. You do have them.

[C]

What does that mean, monkey feet? Is that a.

[D]

Just climb a tree really quickly.

[C]

Yeah. Oh, can you grip on a thing? Yeah.

[D]

Ben. Ben.

[C]

My name is Ben. I'm sitting next to a Spam can, and we're all just trying our very best, so. Good. Okay. So let's try our best together.

[D]

Today.

[C]

Today.

[D]

Wow.

[B]

Ben Schwartz, everybody.

[C]

Very excited to be here. Are you sponsored by one of these beverages? No.

[D]

No. But they're for you. We get them for you.

[C]

Thank you very much, and what a.

[D]

Pleasure to have you on the program today. My name is Bob. I'm the captain of the ship. This is my podcast. You know, people think it's other people's. Like, it's a. You know, I mean, it's. It's mine.

[C]

This is your podcast?

[D]

Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[C]

How does that make you two feel?

[B]

I'm grateful. I'm grateful. Yeah.

[C]

I'm okay with it. Yeah.

[D]

Yeah. And I want to give you some of your credits, if I may.

[B]

If I may.

[C]

You want to give me my own credit?

[D]

I mean, the audience, you know.

[C]

Okay, great.

[D]

Audience wants to know.

[C]

Okay.

[D]

Although they probably do already know.

[C]

No, probably not.

[D]

Yeah. Yeah.

[C]

I never assume anybody knows who I am.

[D]

Really?

[C]

Yep. Never.

[B]

Can I do it?

[D]

Okay. All right. You can do it.

[B]

All right, guys, we have the one and only Ben Schwartz from College Humor Products and Recreation.

[C]

My first credit is College Humor. All right, we're going in. We're going. We're going.

[D]

Go big for. Go big. And then.

[C]

Oh, I like this. College humor. Parks and Rec.

[B]

Parks and Recs. The House of Cards.

[C]

House of Lies. Yeah.

[B]

House of Lies.

[D]

House of Cards.

[B]

And the franchise that saved my relationship with my step kids, Sonic the Hedgehog.

[D]

Yeah.

[C]

Okay, great.

[D]

Wow.

[C]

Good, good, good.

[D]

Amazing. Three Sonic. Right? Three Sonics.

[C]

You. How many step kids do you have?

[B]

2.

[D]

2.

[C]

And how old are they?

[B]

10 and 11.

[C]

10. 11. Okay. We can give him a Sonic voice note. Do you want that before it's over?

[D]

Yeah.

[C]

You don't want. Oh, you don't want it. You don't need.

[B]

I'm not with her no more, so.

[C]

So if they're listening or if she's listening to this podcast, you could have for free and easily said yes, and given her something her kids would have loved.

[D]

Yeah.

[C]

But instead. So the world knows who listens this. You're saying I don't want them to have that joy.

[B]

Not right now.

[C]

Okay. All right.

[D]

Wow.

[B]

Finish shorts, everybody.

[D]

Thank you. Very good. Very good.

[C]

Very excited to be here.

[D]

I mean, what happened to them? Are you still in contact with your step kids? No. Okay, maybe not the shout out.

[A]

Maybe then not a good shout out.

[D]

They're out of your life, you know, at the time. Yeah, but. So, Ben, you do improv still? We talked outside a little.

[C]

I do long form improv. Yeah. Do you guys? Has anybody here ever done long form improv? Nope. Yes. There you go.

[D]

No.

[C]

Hey, there you go.

[D]

It's boring.

[C]

Oh, you think it's boring?

[D]

Yeah, I mean, it's. It's a lot.

[C]

Okay.

[D]

I've seen Ike have seen.

[C]

Oh, Ike, good.

[D]

He's very good at it. I've seen Keegan and Jordan do it.

[C]

They're both incredible.

[D]

I think you see Mike McDonald do it. A bunch of people do it.

[C]

You're naming some of the people who.

[D]

Are the best in the world.

[C]

Well, I. I didn't say it like that.

[D]

All right. They're great.

[C]

Yeah. I don't think. Wow.

[D]

Masters of the Second City and the Groundlings.

[C]

And ucb. And ucb.

[D]

Ucb too. What school do you come from? Uc.

[C]

Upright Citizens Brigade Theater in New York. I was a page. I was an intern there, so I can afford classes.

[D]

You know Amy Poehler?

[C]

Yeah, sure. I was an intern for her show. Sure.

[D]

We had that bald guy on what's his.

[C]

I love him. The bald Barack Obama.

[D]

Yeah. We had Brock. No, the redhead we love. I did the movies with him. Why are you looking up? He was a guest. He was in vp. Veeps. Veep.

[C]

Oh, Matt Walsh.

[A]

Matt Walsh.

[D]

He's not from.

[C]

He's not bald, is he?

[A]

Oh, he's also red.

[D]

He's red hair.

[C]

Red hair. Yeah. He's the best. He's so funny.

[D]

He's that from uc?

[C]

Yeah, he is from Upright Citizens. Because we're trying to figure out which one of those is real.

[D]

Well, how many people started fucking bald?

[C]

You can't. Matt Walsh. You're right.

[A]

Matt Wallace.

[D]

How many people started ucb?

[C]

This is.

[D]

How many people started ucb.

[C]

This is what?

[D]

Amy Poehler. Right.

[C]

They came from Chicago.

[D]

And who has red hair amongst all of them?

[C]

Amy Poehler. Matt Walsh.

[D]

There we go.

[C]

Look at Besser.

[D]

He's not bald.

[C]

Maybe.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

God, he's the best. I love.

[D]

He's so good.

[C]

When I was an intern, I helped him move into his apartment in New York. That was one of the things I Had to do as an intern.

[D]

Whoa.

[C]

I remember that. Was he best.

[D]

Was he cool then or.

[C]

No, he was the coolest then.

[D]

Sorry.

[C]

And I had. I was just an intern. I was. I was a very much the lowest of the low. And he was so. All of them. Were you.

[D]

Were you nervous in a run of him? A little bit.

[C]

Around him?

[D]

Yeah.

[C]

At the beginning. All of them.

[D]

Oh, yeah, yeah.

[C]

They're all heroes.

[D]

Yeah, heroes.

[C]

I hadn't been on stage yet.

[A]

They had.

[C]

They had created the theater that taught me how to do stuff.

[D]

Wait, you never. You didn't take any classes by then or.

[C]

No, I was taking you intern so you can get free classes. So once you intern, they allow you to take classes for free.

[D]

Well, so then you're. Then you're a pro at improv. And these two kids here, they don't know much about it. So maybe we could do like a mini.

[C]

Do you guys do stand up?

[D]

He does. Yeah.

[C]

How about yourself? No, never.

[D]

Yeah. No, but they don't know the rules. Let me throw.

[C]

Can I tell you something that'll be so fun and really not boring? Talking about the. The rules of Empire. Can I tell you something that's really, really gonna hit your demographic? Perfect. Me. Really? Breaking down step by step.

[D]

The rules.

[C]

You hit the song. New song. I'll give you the rules. It's got to be a new beat.

[D]

Yeah, Yeah. I only do slow music, but no.

[C]

Oh, that works.

[D]

No, it doesn't.

[C]

You can't make a mistake. Anything is great.

[D]

No, I don't like it. Yeah. So, so sorry. I'm so nervous. What?

[C]

Okay, I'll just talk on it.

[D]

Please. Give you a shot.

[C]

Of course.

[D]

Okay.

[C]

Get me back to the beginning. We can get there. Okay.

[A]

Change chords.

[C]

Okay, I get it. I'm gonna keep going. Oh, man, that's a tough progression. Keep going. Gimme. Here are the rules of improv. I'm gonna sing to you nice and slow. You got a yes and yes. And everybody's eye. Corporate.

[D]

No, that's not. It's really not. Right? Right.

[C]

Okay.

[D]

You gotta add information.

[C]

Yeah, that's right.

[D]

You gotta always agree yes. And Sol don't say no to the scene.

[C]

You wanna build it together.

[D]

Together.

[C]

Tough progression, Jose. Right? You're going back to your Mexican Jose.

[D]

I don't know what else to say. Yeah, you always agree, right?

[C]

You have an agree. Yeah. You're trying to. You want me to keep going?

[D]

Yes and yes. Yes and the biggest thing is not.

[C]

Saying no to anybody's idea when something comes up. You're building it together, and you're creating it together.

[D]

Yeah. For instance, if I said to you, jaime, right. You're doing a TED Talk. Okay. And we're going to give you some arbitrary. Is that the right word? Arbitrary job. Right. You have to be professional even though you don't know the. The job.

[B]

Yeah.

[D]

I have speech impediments.

[C]

Do you?

[D]

No.

[C]

Oh.

[D]

And. But you got to commit to it, and you got to convince us. What would be Jaime's profession. You think?

[C]

Okay, so what you're doing is short form improv.

[D]

Oh, we have to do long form now.

[C]

Short form improv is when you kind of give everybody everything and say, go.

[D]

Oh, I see what we do.

[C]

Which I think you'll love. Give me long form. So what I do is I tour with a show called Ben Schwartz and Friends. Like this week, when we're playing the Beacon, we're playing Sydney Opera House, we're playing these big, fun venues, which long form improv has never gotten to play before. I know. It's all very silly.

[D]

How many people go.

[C]

I think you probably played the Beacon before. Beacon's probably 2600. Or we do Chicago theater. We did. Did Radio City Music Hall. First time for improv, which was very exciting.

[A]

Wow.

[C]

Very exciting.

[D]

Me and Andrew sold 14, 000 seats in Sydney.

[C]

Whoa. Which venue?

[D]

And maybe if we're gonna do this game.

[C]

Do you guys play together? Do you guys go on stage together? Does one go out, the other one go out?

[D]

No, I do it in 2023, and then he does it three years later at the same place but at the same time. What are you talking about?

[C]

That's amazing. Yeah, we do it together time. Or one person does their set, the other person does their set, then you come on together like a jam band or something.

[D]

No, we know. We just can absorb each other and we become one person. Anyway, my guys. No, we.

[C]

Wait, I have a question. Now who cares? I have a question. I want to know when you guys go up, though, because your. Your podcast is very much in the moment. Right?

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

So when you're on stage, is everything written or no?

[D]

Well, Ben, you know, we're not as talented as you, so we have.

[C]

No.

[D]

I'm sorry.

[C]

You guys are both very off the.

[D]

We're not from these institutions that you come from.

[C]

Do you do the same show at every city or it change.

[D]

We do 20 minutes of standup each. That's.

[C]

That's what I just asked. That's what you asked.

[D]

Like I was crazy. You're like.

[C]

You're like.

[D]

What are you insane?

[C]

Okay. All right. 20 minutes.

[D]

My bad, my bad.

[C]

Do you switch off who opens?

[D]

Well, some. Yeah. We get mad about each. That of course, we kind of fight about it in the back. I mean, sometimes he goes, you know what? The next four shows you're closing.

[C]

Okay.

[D]

You know, I mean. But then you have to.

[C]

What would you prefer?

[D]

I prefer going before him.

[C]

You prefer going close.

[D]

We're both good. Stand up. So it's like. It's hard. Like, you know, when he goes up, you could just hear Andrew Santino and then the. You know, I mean, the wall. You know what I mean?

[C]

Yeah.

[D]

And I'm sitting there, back there. You got.

[A]

You got it.

[D]

You know what I mean? And then you go up there and then the first joke isn't as raucous as any of his stuff.

[C]

Okay.

[D]

So then you're like, oh, no, my ego.

[C]

Yeah, yeah.

[D]

It's hard. He's a great. Stand up.

[C]

So you said you were too.

[D]

I. I am.

[C]

This is what happened. We start the show by. I ask the audience about what the most exciting day or night of their life is, and then I interview an audience member. So it's basically crowd work off the beginning for 15 minutes. We take that information and we make up a whole play or a whole show.

[D]

Wow.

[C]

And that's what the show is.

[A]

Wow.

[D]

And Katie. And Katie does it sometimes.

[C]

Dipple does it. Katie Dipple to work on Mad tv.

[D]

Well, I know all these guys.

[C]

That's Eugene Cordero. Filipino Eugene Cordero.

[D]

I know him.

[C]

Drew Tarver.

[D]

He's great.

[C]

And Mary Holland. I know Drew.

[D]

I know Drew. He's from UCB here.

[C]

Yes, he.

[D]

I think I met him through Betsy Sadara.

[C]

Yes, he's close friends with Betsy. And he is in that show Running Point right now on Netflix. And he was in a great show called.

[D]

It's not about Him.

[C]

Citian.

[D]

It's not about him.

[C]

Oh, right. I'm bad at talking about myself.

[D]

Wasn't he on that MTV show? Not MTV show. It was like a show about him being a celebrity or something.

[C]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. It was hbo. Max show. I can't believe I literally. When I bring him out, the. Not the last of us. My God. Although the other two. The other.

[D]

The other two. Yeah.

[C]

It's great.

[D]

It's good on.

[C]

That is great. But that was like the Beacon. So that's.

[D]

And what's her name again? I know her.

[C]

Mary Holland.

[D]

Yeah, she's great.

[C]

Unbelievable. Improvise.

[D]

Yeah, they're all the.

[C]

Everybody I bring is, I think, some of the best improvisors in the universe.

[D]

Well, can I tell you what Katie Dipple did to me?

[C]

I can't wait. I love. Should we get her on the podcast? Should we call her up?

[D]

You came over here. If she came over here, we can call her up. No, yeah, we can call her. But let me first. I've talked about this on this podcast years ago.

[C]

You're saying she did this to you?

[D]

She me. Okay, so she was a writer at Mad tv. Okay.

[A]

Oh, this story was hurt.

[D]

This is.

[C]

Yeah, I already know. Do you know this story?

[B]

No, I don't know.

[D]

All right, so check this out.

[B]

Young.

[D]

So back then, we, you know. You know, when you do a table read now, they email you the table read. Right.

[C]

Email you the script.

[D]

The script, I mean.

[C]

Yep. I'm just trying to help you. Just trying to make it work.

[D]

All right.

[C]

Just here to make it work.

[D]

Yeah, yeah. Thank you, Ben. So they email you the script, but back in the day, they would have a guy deliver the script.

[C]

Yeah.

[D]

On a Monday night. And this poor guy would have to go to fucking, what, 40 houses. Terrible. Right? And so you would get it. And so this is the last table read for MADtv. And I'd been on the last ever one. Yeah.

[C]

Oh, wow.

[D]

And I'd been on the show for eight years. The final table read. And so what you do is you rifle through. Because it's not like a sitcom. You're not in every sketch. In fact, sometimes you're only in like 4 out of 20 sketches.

[C]

You're gonna. Are you writing some of the sketches too, or. Performers didn't really write. Em.

[D]

No, I just. At that point, I was just like, they're not gonna write for me anyway, so I just might as well just accept what they give me, you know what I mean? They usually gave me a showcase. One showcase One where I started it.

[C]

Okay, great.

[D]

All right. Anyway. But there was one sketch. It was called Cottage Life or something. It was with either Christoph Flanagan, Arden. Marina Arden.

[C]

No. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[D]

I did.

[C]

Very far.

[D]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. And so I'm never in this sketch. For the last four years, they've been doing this sketch. Never been in it. But I found my character in it. Right. And I'm like, oh, interesting. But my character in the sketch didn't make any sense.

[C]

Oh, Katie told me this story. Keep going. This amazing story. This amazing story.

[A]

Go, go.

[C]

This amazing story. Go, go.

[D]

I told you.

[C]

No, no, Katie told me. Go, go.

[D]

Okay, right, you got.

[C]

If people don't know this is a.

[D]

Great story, it's A great story. Right? So it's like, this is a great story. I know. So. So. Helix for your back. Helix. You guys, Helix is fantasy stuff.

[C]

Oh, yeah.

[D]

It's where dreams come from. And I love sleeping on dreams, dude. You know what? I have Helix mattresses all over my house.

[C]

Whoa.

[D]

And you know, when a guest come over, they go, hey, dude, I slept, like, the best night of my life. I go, what do you mean? And they go, I have. Is that the Helix? I go, yeah, that's right. And then they get it themselves, and it goes on and on and on, you know.

[A]

Oh, you're an ambassador.

[D]

Yeah. The reason why I partner with Helix, Jaime, is because it's grade eight, the best, you know, heelless mattresses. You can take a quiz, Jaime, and it matches you with your perfect mattress. What do you sleep on, Jaime?

[B]

A floor mat.

[D]

You do?

[B]

Yeah.

[D]

Well, you know who also sleeps on floor mats?

[B]

Who?

[D]

People that don't sleep on helixes. Oh, yeah. And I'm gonna say that I'll bet your money, dude, the people on helix mattresses sleep 10 times better than floor mats.

[B]

Well, have sleep amnio.

[D]

Yeah, yeah. And I think it will help you, dude.

[B]

Yeah.

[D]

Yeah. You just take a quiz and it'll help you.

[B]

Okay. Okay, I'll take it.

[A]

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[D]

So in the sketch this character is just interrupting these people and the lines don't make any sense like I gotta go to the bathroom or like, you know what I mean? But toward the end of the sketch, it gets crazier. Like, I'm gonna kill everybody in this room, you know what I mean? I'm a bird, you know what I mean?

[A]

Quack, quack, quack, quack.

[D]

Right. And it does not. It's in between lines, right? And at the end, I'm losing my. This place, you know, everyone dies, stuff like that, right? And so we show up at the table read now. Everyone. The network, Everyone in prison. The network of Fox. The network, right. The producers of the show, all the writers, all the actors. No one knows. They don't have a copy of what I'm saying.

[C]

And you are the longest running cast member.

[D]

No, I mean, Mike McDonald was.

[C]

But you were up there.

[D]

I was up there. Right, okay. And so no one knows that I'm in the sketch. Right. So when they're hearing it. So now when you go to the table read, it's probably 10 people from Fox, a bunch of producers. So you have a hundred people in the room, okay. With staff and everybody. Right? And I'm reading it and every time I say my line, you can hear chairs squeak or back up, like, you know what I mean? Like just this place, man, this. You know what I mean? And people just. Or, you know, leaning back and as it goes on, like, I'm gonna shoot everybody, you know what I mean? I'm gonna go out of my mind. I would look up to everybody and people were like sweating cast members too, right? Oh, yeah, yeah. People are like, email, you know me, email. Like, what the fuck is going on? Somebody's leaving the room to get security. I don't know. And at the end I'm like doing burnout.

[A]

Right?

[D]

Right. And people think I'm losing my mind. And the only one laughing is Katie. Katie's buckled over laughing because no one knows except for her.

[C]

What you got to explain. She only in your script is your lines like that. She was not in the sketch at all. So you didn't explain that. Oh, I did it. Yeah.

[D]

Yeah.

[A]

Showron has a different script.

[C]

So basically everybody has the same script except for Bobby.

[D]

Yeah.

[C]

And it just looks like Bobby is ruining every moment of this game.

[D]

Yeah.

[C]

And the only person that knows that.

[D]

You have that script is Katie, the writer. Yeah.

[C]

And you think this is what everybody has.

[D]

I think everyone has it. And I'm like, in my mind, I'm like, oh, it's not working. And I'm. And I'm ruining this long lasting sketch, you know, I mean, and I read it wrong. I should have asked before. Yeah, like hey, I should have went to Katie and go so how do I Doesn't make any sense. Why would I even be there? There's no description.

[A]

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[D]

There's no description of why I'm there. And like an idiot I didn't like ask Her.

[C]

So the whole place, even the cast member was like this.

[D]

He's gonna kill everyone.

[C]

Like a dog. Like a duck.

[D]

Yeah, exactly. Color, great bit. Yeah.

[C]

Let's see if we can get her on the phone.

[D]

Oh, my God. It'd be great if.

[C]

Although she's really busy, she's.

[D]

She's just. So Katie ended up. She's a great writer and she wrote the Ghostbusters. The. The female version.

[C]

Yeah, yeah, she writes. She's incredible. She wrote the Heat. She's incredible.

[D]

The Heat. Yeah, that's right.

[A]

With Adam.

[D]

Ray's in it. Mike's. Mike McDonald's in it. That and then S. Bullock, obviously.

[B]

And yeah, I love her.

[A]

Wait, what. What happened after that? Did she tell the entire.

[D]

So then what happened was there's dead silence. When the sketch is over, I'll text her. Maybe a three second dead silence.

[C]

You can't see my screen. Right. With all the cameras.

[D]

No one casual. Yeah. And then if you did, we would blur it out or. Yeah, but. And then Katie stands up and she explains to the room what it is. And then everyone starts laughing, but I'm sitting there with tears in my eyes, shaking. I'm shaking, right? Like, I'm gonna kill this bitch.

[A]

I'm gonna shoot this place up.

[C]

Wait, did she come clean during the thing?

[D]

No, after the sketch was done, there was a dead silence because the sketch bombed. Right. And there's like a drop. Yeah. A five to seven silence.

[C]

Okay, here she comes. You want to finish your story? Here she comes.

[D]

Okay, Dibbled.

[B]

You're.

[C]

You're on the podcast. Is that okay?

[E]

Oh, my God. I guess so. Yes.

[C]

Okay.

[D]

Katie.

[C]

Oh, can you hear Bobby or. No.

[E]

Hi, Bobby.

[D]

Hi, Katie. So I was explaining to Ben what you did to me at Mad TV with that sketch.

[E]

Okay.

[D]

What was the sketch called? Cottage. It was a. It was art.

[C]

Cottage Life. She knows it, by the way. She knows everything about it.

[E]

So there's a lot of nuance. There's a lot of nuance to the story. Okay, now, first of all, someone came in and they wanted to do a prank on Bobby and they wanted to just send, like.

[C]

Do you not know this part?

[D]

No.

[C]

Oh, Bobby doesn't know this part.

[D]

I don't know this part.

[E]

Okay, this was. Oh, God. Someone wanted to do a prank where they just sent Bobby, like, a fake bad sketch. And that was just that.

[D]

I hate it.

[E]

And I just came alive. Every creative muscle I could use towards the show went to this. I said, hold on. What if we send Bobby a sketch that's like an existing Sketch everyone has, only his is different. And so. Okay, you have to. This was really scary for me because I was so excited about this. But then, for the first time ever, I love Bobby. Bobby, you know I love you.

[D]

I love you so. Too much. Too much.

[E]

It was so much fun. Like, the time of my life. He's a scoundrel, but in the best. Like, I was always delighted, but for some reason, on this one day, he never did this before. But before the table read, he came up to me and he was like.

[D]

Oh, I did it.

[E]

Yes.

[D]

Oh, I. I thought. I didn't. Okay.

[E]

And he's like, how am I. How do you think I should read this? And I suddenly felt so guilty to make this work. And I'm like, oh, God, this is terrible. I shouldn't have done this. And now I'm, like, shaking and.

[C]

Wow.

[E]

It's also like a table read. It's like the network is there.

[D]

Yeah.

[E]

Yes, Everyone.

[C]

Yeah. He said it was the. Fine. Was it the final one of this? Okay, great, great.

[E]

So at least we were already getting canceled. So you had that. And so it's Krista and Arden and Keegan.

[D]

Keegan Michael Key. Yeah.

[E]

And so I specifically changed Bobby's lines. I added Bobby's lines so that it seems like he's commenting on the sketch, if that makes sense.

[D]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[E]

So, like, when Christa's character is in love with Ardyn and Ardyn doesn't realize it, I had Bobby say, fool, she's in love with you.

[C]

Oh, like, he's on the outside commenting on it.

[E]

Yes.

[D]

Oh, that's what it was.

[E]

Yes.

[D]

I forgot. It's years ago.

[E]

Kind of like. Okay, all right, sure. Bobby. Yes. And so the first time it happens. To be honest, I didn't know how far it would go. Like, the first time it happened, I kind of thought everyone would figure it out quickly, but it. No one did. No one knew what was happening. Bobby just committed to this part. And I'm like, oh, my God, this is working too well. I. This is. What have I done?

[D]

What was it my Katie? What was my face like?

[E]

You're. You were like. You had your kind of. You know when you kind of put your head in your hands and you're reading a sketch sometimes.

[D]

Yeah.

[E]

I think you. Seems. You're going along with it. Like, okay, let's see what happens.

[C]

He was committing. He was committing.

[E]

He was committing.

[C]

Yeah.

[E]

And so that was killing me. Me. And so the lines are like, there. So someone. Keegan made a joke. Like, there's Some moment with Keegan. And Bobby goes, oh, here we go. And so, like, he's just consistently commenting on the sketch, and then finally it.

[D]

At the end, I start losing my mind. No.

[C]

Yes.

[E]

And I never thought we'd get that far.

[D]

Oh, I see.

[E]

I was like, this is. I was sweating.

[D]

Okay. But also, Katie, what's the room like? Like, are you looking at the executives or.

[E]

Yes.

[D]

What are they? What are they doing?

[E]

I. I feel like. Because I also. I didn't really tell. Like, I mentioned to our head writer, Jim Wise, like, a second before, I'm like, hey, just so you know, I did a little prank.

[D]

Oh, it's a gym new.

[E]

It's a crazy thing to do.

[D]

Yeah.

[C]

On the very last one, where everybody's just trying to, like, get out and be happy.

[E]

Yeah. Yes. And so then he has this whole monologue at the end, which it's like, okay, enough. Enough of this. You know, it's my time to shine. Like, I have something to say.

[D]

Oh, I see. That's what it was.

[C]

Did you do that?

[D]

I think so. Yeah. So there was no violence in my mind that there was some sort of violence or that they thought I was going to do something in the room, but maybe that I. Oh, sorry.

[E]

To answer your question, yes. I was looking around the room, and it was just people looked confused. Confused?

[D]

Yeah.

[E]

Stressed out. Kind of like snickering to each other, like, what the. Is Bobby doing?

[D]

Yeah, yeah, that was the vibe. Wow. Okay.

[E]

It delivers this monologue to the level of commitment I've never seen before.

[D]

Wow.

[E]

Just like. And it reaches the very end, and everyone is quiet, like, laughing, like, what is happening?

[C]

Wow.

[E]

And it was. I finally just. I just muttered out. That was only in your script.

[D]

Oh, did people go crazy then?

[E]

They got. Went crazy. Everyone finally got what was happening.

[D]

What was I like?

[E]

It took you a couple moments to process.

[C]

Wait, Katie, do you remember what the blackout line was that, like, his last one after the end of his monologue.

[E]

What he ended on, honestly, he was, like, cawing.

[C]

The bird. The bird.

[A]

The bird.

[C]

Yeah.

[D]

I remember there was a bird part. I was. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. That was what it was. And then you.

[E]

And then I ran over to, like, hug you, but then you just lay down on the floor.

[C]

Katie, that's sitting.

[D]

Thank you, Katie. I love you.

[C]

I appreciate it.

[D]

Hey, Katie, I also want to see you one day, like, get coffee or something. Whatever. We'll figure it out. I love you.

[E]

I really do.

[D]

Give Katie Dipple around. Thank you so much.

[C]

Talk soon.

[A]

Oh, my gosh.

[C]

I Mean, what else? That's the best.

[D]

Yeah. Well, I mean, no, I mean, not because it's like, it's like I relived. I just relived it.

[C]

You must have been mortified.

[D]

I was mortified. Mortified, yeah. It's. And you also, you don't know what's going on. Like when even, Even when she's trying to explain it in my mind, I'm like, I don't like you're not fully grasping what it is.

[C]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[D]

Until it finally hits you and then you're like, I mean, it was. It's a network radio TV show with real like, you know, execs and, you know, people suits and, you know, I mean, the whole thing. You know what I mean?

[C]

Yeah.

[D]

And you don't want, you, you don't want to embarrass yourself. It's also stressful. You like table reads. You like them?

[C]

I think it's like when it goes well, they're fucking great.

[D]

Yeah.

[C]

When it goes well, it's the most exciting thing in the world. Or if you find like a bit that works or like, you know what I mean? And if you can make the writer's words look awesome, then the writer is like so thankful and you know.

[D]

Yeah.

[C]

But if it goes poorly and it's. And like the episode's going a little bit slow.

[D]

Yeah.

[C]

You're like, oh, it feels like it's.

[D]

Taking forever sometimes you're drowning almost. Yeah, yeah. I mean, I've done territories where I looked at the writer. I went, I'm so sorry. No, yeah, yeah, yeah. I've done all kinds of weird things.

[C]

That's so.

[D]

Yeah, yeah. I mean, I've. What? I was on a sitcom called Sorry, I have Ozempic burps. Yeah.

[C]

Are you on Ozempic?

[D]

Yeah, yeah.

[C]

What does it feel like?

[D]

What's we Govy? So I feel, I feel great.

[C]

Oh, that's a candle. Wait, so how. How much lost. How much weight have you lost?

[D]

Probably £20 now.

[C]

Really?

[D]

Oh, yeah.

[C]

Do you feel different?

[D]

I feel great. It doesn't get any more women. I did it for women. But it seems to go against. Yeah.

[C]

Is there a certain weight that you're trying to cap at?

[D]

I want to dwindle down to Ken Jeong.

[C]

The person, not the weight.

[D]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, the person.

[C]

Okay.

[D]

I want to, you know, because he has like on a golem esque body.

[C]

Yeah, yeah, he does.

[D]

Yeah. Skinny arms, but a belly a little bit. Yeah. Mythological. Yeah, I want to go mythological.

[C]

Love Ken.

[D]

Yeah, yeah. Great guy.

[C]

Great guy.

[D]

Although he tried to punch me once.

[A]

But they got in a fist fight.

[D]

Really? Well, he swing. I didn't.

[C]

God, all this is. Is like weird stories.

[D]

No, no, I've. No, I've had it. Tumultuous.

[C]

Ken John is like the nicest person I know.

[D]

That's the problem, bro.

[A]

This is MySpace Day.

[C]

What else? Who else? Yeah, you said what?

[A]

It's MySpace days.

[C]

What, you got in a fight because of MySpace days?

[A]

Oh, yeah.

[D]

Oh, yeah, yeah. I've been in fights with everybody. I'm gonna give you an example. This is. Oh, I don't know if I should show this. Maybe we can blur it out or we can cut it out, but I.

[C]

Want to show me.

[D]

I can show you. Yeah. So a writer from Mad, right, Goes, this is what you did to me every day, Right? And if I. Well, hold on, let me. I'd walk into his office like this every day.

[C]

Oh, yeah, you. You'd be done.

[D]

That's it now, right?

[C]

It's a wrap.

[D]

In Today's. I know. 100. It's a wrap.

[C]

It's a wrap.

[D]

Back in the day, you could do this.

[C]

Wow.

[D]

Yeah, yeah.

[C]

Don't show the camera you're done.

[D]

No, I used to walk into people's office naked. Really go, hey, what are you writing for me today? I mean, it was like, you know, I think that a lot of the reasons why I don't work as much as I think I should or whatever is because of my reputation a little bit.

[E]

It.

[C]

Although you think you're a very different person now than you.

[D]

Oh, yeah. So, you know, in the last three or four years, you know, I did second the Sex in the City, Reservation.

[C]

Dogs, Borderland as a person.

[A]

He's talking about your character.

[D]

No, what I'm saying is. No.

[A]

You hear my credits.

[C]

I was like, what are you pitching right now? My star meter is.

[D]

No, Ben, that's.

[C]

You said you made a lot of mistakes when you were a kid. Are you different now? You're like, well, you have a three episode arc in Sex in the City. What?

[D]

Ben, you.

[C]

For a second, three ends.

[D]

But what I'm saying is, is that when I'm on sets now, right.

[C]

Okay.

[D]

I am the complete opposite, opposite guy. I show up an hour before I know my lines, I'm dressed. I don't complain. I know everyone's names, I comp. I play it completely different. But in the beginning, in 2000 is when I booked Mad.

[C]

Wow.

[D]

I was straight from the open mics at the Comedy Store.

[C]

Yeah.

[D]

I was a standup. Never done Sketch. I don't know how TV works. I know how anything works. I've never been in front of a camera, right. So I had to learn how to, like, what a mark is. I had to learn what a jib camera is, and it took me years to learn how to do it.

[C]

Yeah.

[D]

And I was very wild, like, you know what I mean?

[C]

I was crazy, notoriously. So I feel like a lot of stories that I've heard. I've never met you before. A lot of the stories that I hear are that. But also they are always followed up with, he's the funniest fucking dude.

[D]

Yeah, I mean, I mean, I learned how to, you know, I'm in, you know, through therapy and dealing with my trauma, all that stuff, right? What?

[B]

Aa.

[D]

Iia. Hey, hey, bro. Is that Hispanic? Oh, you saying aa, though? Aa. Oh, I mean, aa.

[B]

Yeah, yeah.

[D]

Oh, okay.

[B]

Alcoholic.

[C]

I think you got it.

[D]

People know what AA is.

[C]

Okay.

[D]

Yeah, but I think that, you know, anyway, I don't want to talk about. I don't want to talk about me, but, yeah, I was a little wild.

[B]

Let's talk about Ben. Get to know Ben. Let's get to know Ben. I want to get to know Ben.

[D]

Okay, let's. Dude, I'm fanboying. I, I, I know, but Jaime, can I just say something?

[C]

I could talk to just Jaime.

[D]

I know.

[B]

Wait, the thing is that.

[D]

No, no, but let me just finish. I, I know.

[C]

Are you gonna explain what AA is?

[B]

No, no, no.

[D]

It's a long. It's a long pod, right? Yeah. It's long improv. It's long form pod. All right. And he still hasn't even taught us about long form yet, so we're gonna get there in a second.

[C]

No.

[D]

So do you have some questions?

[C]

Yes, I've mostly just been listening. Yeah.

[D]

So do you, you, do you have any questions for Ben, then, that you're curious about, Bobby?

[C]

Does this mean that you have none prepared?

[D]

I never prepare.

[C]

I mean, but you know nothing.

[D]

Well, I know your credits. Give me two Parks and Rec.

[C]

Nope, he already said it. Give me two of them.

[D]

I think you were in that Renfield.

[C]

Okay. All right. There you go. Hi, man.

[D]

Let's go. No, you, dude. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, I can give you. No, no, you did a Lego Movie, I think, remember?

[C]

I did do a Lego, because I.

[D]

Was in a Lego. I. Then I Googled it. I don't know, but were we in.

[C]

The same Lego movie?

[D]

No, I was in the ninja one.

[C]

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[D]

The bad one. I was in the One that no one watch.

[C]

Yeah, I didn't want was in that, too.

[D]

What else have you done? You've done a lot of animation. I know. Oh, I know. But my point is, is that you wanted to ask me if I knew you.

[C]

Yeah.

[D]

And I'm just saying that you were being rude. Go ahead.

[C]

I thought I was going to catch you. And you.

[D]

I'm a huge fan. I've been trying to get you on this for years.

[C]

You're so nice.

[D]

I'll go.

[B]

You forgot one. Ducktails.

[C]

No, you don't have to talk about cred. I'm sorry. But I do want to talk. Damn it. What do you tell me? What you got?

[D]

Ducktales. Really?

[B]

Yeah.

[D]

What did you play in Ducktail?

[C]

I played Dewey and Ducktail.

[D]

Go ahead. Other questions.

[E]

Fans.

[B]

Yeah, man.

[C]

Are you an animation fan?

[B]

Somewhat, but more live action.

[C]

Live action. Okay.

[D]

Yeah, go, go. Questions. Go. Come on. Larry King.

[B]

Well, it's because I never thought I would meet you. That's why.

[D]

Okay, go ahead.

[A]

Wow.

[D]

This is your time.

[B]

So I was watching Parks and Rec, and I was, like, flipping through the channels. I was like, in high school, when it came out.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

You know what episode caught me was the. I love the episode of when Andy and April get married.

[C]

Yeah. Great episode episode.

[B]

You remember?

[C]

Yeah, I remember.

[B]

And I was like, what is this?

[D]

Well, he was on the show, so.

[B]

Yeah, yeah. No, I know. But I'm like. Because I never watched shows like that. And I was like, what is this show? And I just got hooked on. Because it was so funny. You and Aziz and, like, improv.

[A]

Like, he's getting nervous.

[B]

I am getting nervous because, like, you know, I was like, oh, I'm watching the show. I don't think I'll ever meet this guy. But, yeah, I'm here with you now. No, it's not. Like.

[C]

You don't have to be nervous at all. Who care? Look at me.

[B]

It's like. So your scenes, were they improvised or scripted?

[C]

Oh, all the scenes are scripted. And then we would do something called Fun Run. You ever have one of these where.

[D]

You do I'm king Fun Run?

[C]

Hell, yeah. So you do.

[D]

There's literally.

[C]

Yeah, there's a. There's literally takes after we have it in the bag, where they're like, all right, we got it. Do whatever you want. And we would all go nuts. And that's kind of like where. That's where I get to really improvise.

[B]

Stuff like that or most of your scenes.

[C]

Like, there's a bunch of fun runs in there. That's a great question. There's a bunch of fun runs in there. And also, also, as we did it, more and more, I'd like you could see my character kind of comes, becomes a cartoon a little bit because I get more comfortable and stuff like that. And then I just kept going and they just let me keep going. So if you look at the beginning of Parks and the end of Parks, I'm like a normal person, that I'm a straight up cartoon.

[D]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[B]

I enjoyed it.

[C]

Thank you, man. I appreciate it.

[B]

Don't be suspicious.

[C]

This is great.

[B]

No, I just remember and then it's just there's a lot of scenes to remember. This is like, like Vince Wong. Let's do a Fred Claus for the wedding.

[C]

Sure. Yeah.

[B]

That's just how I remember. My bad, Bobby.

[C]

This is great.

[B]

This guy's good.

[D]

Rocket. Rocket Money. Rocket Money. Yeah, Rocket Money. Rocket Money. You guys, I don't know about you, but I'm bleeding money. You know how I'm bleeding it? How? Through my subscriptions.

[A]

Come on, Bobby.

[D]

On my apps, I have so many meditation subscriptions, right? Game subscriptions I don't even play. They charge you monthly fees, right? And it's blind. I don't know what's going on. You know what Rocket Money does? It consolidates all that, right? So you can see whatever that you're bleeding. You can axe it, right. And stop the bleeding. Like if I stabbed you, would you stop the bleeding?

[B]

Yes, exactly.

[D]

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[A]

Features, cancel your unwanted subscriptions and reach your financial goals faster with Rocket Money. Go to RocketMoney.com belly today. That's RocketMoney.com bel RocketMoney.com Beverly Hims Hair.

[D]

Hims Hair for your Life. Hair for Hims Hims provides you with all the convenient access to a range of hair loss treatments that work all from the comfort of your couch.

[C]

Wow. Wow.

[D]

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[B]

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[C]

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[D]

Hymns for YOUR life HS Hair for your life.

[C]

This is great.

[B]

This guy's good. And I like, I watch it and.

[C]

I like, I want on the podcast because it was going so well, you and I were vibing. Now everybody doesn't like each other.

[D]

It's. It's the piss break. Go ahead.

[C]

What's the piss prank?

[D]

Piss break.

[C]

Oh, this is the piss break.

[D]

Like when sometimes when people gotta take a piss. When you're doing a stand up, like with 20 people and there's always one comic, people just walk out to go to the bathroom.

[C]

Oh, my God.

[D]

Yeah.

[C]

Is that a phrase that you're like, oh, that's right.

[D]

Oh, my God, that's terrible. Oh, the other night I was on stage.

[C]

20 comics. Is there ever a lineup where 20 people go on? Is that a real number?

[D]

There's probably 12. I exaggerated. Maybe 12 to 15.

[C]

So four, three hours.

[D]

Yeah.

[C]

Wow.

[D]

Yeah, the Comedy Store goes from like 8 to 2 in the morning.

[C]

Wow. Man.

[D]

It's a constant show. But sometimes it's a piss break and I feel bad for the guy. Yeah, I've been the piss break many times.

[C]

Really?

[D]

Oh, one time I followed Sebastian Monoscalco. This is when he first found his voice because he was a bad comic in the beginning.

[C]

Okay.

[D]

And then once he found his voice, I remember being in the OR and I followed him. I was so cocky. I'm like, I'm gonna follow, right?

[C]

Wait, what's the or?

[D]

Original room at the comic store. And then I remember people just getting up and then other people going, bring back Sebastian. And I remember, oh, he's improved. I took him lightly.

[C]

Wow.

[D]

Anyway, any other questions?

[B]

What advice would you give?

[D]

Oh, my God.

[B]

What?

[D]

Oh, my God.

[B]

Because I kind of want to try improv. I like just.

[C]

Oh, yeah. If you want for improv.

[B]

Yeah, yeah.

[C]

I take. Take classes and go do it. I think get on stage. The only way same. You're gonna say the same thing for stand up. I assume the only way to get better at that stuff is to do it and fail. Like, I failed so much. I feel like you go up there, you take a risk, you fail, you learn from that mistake, and then you get up again, you keep trying to get up and taking classes the way you kind of learn the form and then you kind of go and go and go. But that's. I mean, that's probably the same with stand up. It's like you just gotta fail so much. I just want it. You gotta love it so much.

[D]

Yeah.

[C]

That you're okay with it being hard for a while.

[D]

Here's what I say to young people that are starting. I go, don't live in the results. Which means don't be doing stand up, because I'm gonna get this, this and this and that. You gotta do it for the love of the.

[C]

That's a great line.

[D]

Yeah, yeah. So just do it. Not expect anything and do it because of the crap. Okay. And secondly, it is a. I can't believe we're getting into this. You're doing really well. What I'm saying is I feel like.

[C]

I've never seen you do this for.

[D]

So Ramsey, you know the guy that opened, you know, he was on the.

[C]

Gordon Ramsay.

[D]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[C]

Gordon Ramsay.

[D]

So Ramsey, who opens for me, he did Long beach with me and Andrew. And it was. We talked about when he was on it, and it was like 23,000 people. I don't know. And his last joke, the mic fell.

[C]

Off the bottom of it. So nobody heard me saying.

[D]

So he struggled to put the thing back into the mic thing and he kind of bombed at the end because he. It let it affect him. But I told him afterwards, I go, dude, you got to come with a bit. Right when that happens, because you know it's gonna happen. We all have bits when that happens.

[C]

Is that true?

[D]

Yeah.

[C]

What's yours? Can we hear it?

[D]

Don't worry about it. My people made this shit. I don't. Whatever. You know, whatever it might be. You know what I mean? But they're. Or I'll do back to it or I'll do acapella jokes. I don't need a mic.

[C]

Oh, yeah.

[D]

I mean. And I'll go into the audience, do my. Whatever it might be.

[C]

Yeah.

[D]

I mean, but it's like there are ways around. So improv is the same way. I mean, you. Trial and error, you know, and so long form. Can we go back to long form real quick? Because I want to know. So you do one premise and then.

[C]

You just a series of scenes. So we talk to somebody. Well, so like one. I just posted one on Instagram, which is we talk to someone and they're like. I say, what's the most exciting night or day of your life? And they said, we snuck into a John Legend concert. I was like, amazing. Tell me how you did it. And we found out. And the whole show was kind of like a play where we'll do a bunch of different scenes in a row and they all call back to each other. And in the end, if we do it right, it feels like one complete.

[D]

Wow. That's incredible. Yeah, when it's done right.

[C]

Yeah. When it's done perfect, it's like, Matt, it feels like a magic trick. It feels like, how the hell did they do that? How do they call that? But it feels like everything was exactly where it should be for the whole show.

[D]

Wow.

[C]

When it felt random at the beginning, and then we tied all together. Together.

[D]

Yeah. Even you saying it made me super nervous.

[C]

You gotta come see a show I've seen.

[D]

I already told you I've seen Long.

[C]

How long ago?

[D]

And I get. 20 years ago.

[C]

Come. Come to it.

[D]

I used to go to improv Olympic and see all those guys do. Oh, they're like, like, like, you know, Jordan and Keegan. I used to hang out with those guys every night.

[C]

Yeah.

[D]

And I used to go and watch them do it, and it's like, wow.

[C]

They.

[D]

What a career they've had.

[A]

Wait, Ben, have you done stand up?

[C]

I tried stand up at the very beginning. So at the very beginning, I tried stand up and improv and sketch at the same time to see which one I wanted to do. Do. So I went up at Boston Comedy Club in New York a couple times.

[D]

Good room.

[C]

Yeah, I think it's probably gone by now. But then Stand Up, New York I went up at and it did bringer shows. And then I did well enough in a bringer show that they let me come up, not get paid, but come up without bringing people. And I was like, oh, my God, that's good. So I went up and I. I bombed. And it was the worst feeling in the world. I mean, I bombed an improv before starting up. And it's different because I'm with my friends and we're bombing together and we could talk about it afterwards, how bad that felt, what we could do better. But I was like, these are the things that I' find funny. I'm going to say him and see what happens. And this time, nobody I know is in the audience because it wasn't a bringer show.

[D]

Right.

[C]

And so it was just like, I was excited that I got there quick, but then I was like. And then I learned that I just love creating with people. I love being in a scene with someone and we Create something out of nothing. I love not knowing what's going to happen. And then we create a whole show. So that stuff was exciting to me.

[D]

Ben.

[C]

I think standup is harder. It's not, I think. I think easier, I think because you have to write, you have to rewrite a thousand times. It's a different muscle.

[D]

It's a different muscle, but it's also going into a thing where you. You don't know at all what the topic's going to be or anything. It seems very scary to me.

[C]

Yeah.

[D]

You know, I mean, it's like, you know, Right?

[B]

Yeah. No, I just had a thought in my head.

[D]

Yeah. What was the thought?

[A]

What scene were you thinking?

[D]

What were you thinking? What were you thinking? What the Were you thinking? That's insane. Yeah.

[B]

I was referencing ourselves seen from him.

[C]

I knew.

[D]

What are you doing?

[A]

He's in love with him.

[D]

Dude, are you uncomfortable?

[C]

No, I'm.

[D]

It's so weird.

[C]

I was trying to do a bit like, you didn't know anything now. I felt bad from there, and I didn't know what the going. I thought you really took offense. It's like, oh, no, I don't know him well enough. Did they really make you unhappy? That's what I'm thinking.

[D]

Yeah. No, no, no, no. That was.

[C]

You're fine.

[D]

I'm me.

[C]

We're great.

[D]

You and I are great.

[C]

Great. So timing.

[D]

I feel like a connection.

[C]

Yeah.

[D]

Yeah.

[C]

But this.

[B]

Are we great?

[D]

It's. It's getting weird now, I think.

[C]

No, we are great.

[D]

Yeah. Yeah.

[C]

I would love to answer.

[D]

He. He opened for me in Houston, and so I had some ladies come in the back who did? Jaime did.

[C]

You did.

[D]

I was just there.

[B]

I don't know.

[C]

How'd he do?

[D]

He did great.

[C]

Oh, come on, man.

[D]

And one. One day, he went between shoes. He goes, hey, can I. Can I go longer?

[C]

Oh, that doesn't sound like him.

[A]

What did he sound.

[B]

I was like. I was like, can I go 12 minutes?

[D]

I was like, can I go 12 minutes?

[C]

It's a little different, I think. I think. Wait. Do it again. Maybe do.

[B]

Go.

[C]

Say the same sentence. It'll be easier.

[D]

I mean. No, no, hold on. I think you're being rude.

[C]

Okay.

[D]

What I'm saying is, is that I.

[C]

Just want to hear your impression of it. I just want to hear your presence.

[D]

Yeah, yeah. Okay, go ahead.

[C]

Say one sentence.

[B]

Hey, Bobby, can I do 12 minutes?

[C]

Okay, great. Now you.

[D]

Hey, Bobby, can I do 12 minutes?

[E]

Why?

[A]

Do you mean.

[B]

Does it sound the same?

[C]

It's. He's Getting closer.

[D]

I, I, I, I think what you're doing is you're being a little racial because I think you're looking at my little Asian face. I think that's what you're doing. I think.

[C]

No, listen, I'm looking at your laf. I'm not looking at laf. I'm not looking at your laf.

[D]

Is that I look exactly the way he's doing. But you're looking at my Asian eyes.

[C]

You're like, I'm not looking at your. I'm not looking at your ae. It just seems like you were really pushing his ass.

[D]

Can I be honest with you? You've been looking at my AES, and I'm.

[C]

I'm not looking at your AES. I'm not looking at your li.

[D]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[C]

Okay. But you, you crush. You had a great set.

[D]

Yeah, he did very good. But he, he's not good socially. He won't shut the up.

[C]

I mean, afterwards words.

[D]

So I had these four girls come backstage. Okay, Right. And I wanted to get them out, but this guy becomes Larry King again.

[A]

Wingman.

[D]

And I'm like, shut the up. You're like, so do you like your jobs?

[C]

Yeah, it's different accent.

[D]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[C]

Well, you know what, man?

[D]

You do it.

[C]

Sure. Go. So just say any sentence. Say any sentence.

[B]

So what line of work do you guys do?

[C]

So what line of work do you guys do?

[A]

Actually, that's pretty good, right?

[C]

Oh, that's what you sound like. You want to hear it? Now you do it. Do that line.

[D]

Oh, you say it again.

[C]

Okay, great.

[B]

One line of work.

[C]

And really. And really try to really try to hear how he speaks.

[D]

This is the last time we do this, Ben. Okay, yeah, yeah, go ahead.

[B]

What line of work are you guys in?

[D]

What line of work are you guys in?

[C]

That's great. That's great. You've become a perfect impersonation. Now do. Do Morgan Freeman and Shawshank.

[D]

You do it first and I'll do it.

[C]

No, no.

[D]

Andy Frame. Oh, hey.

[C]

Actually, pretty good last name. Andy Duframe.

[D]

Oh, I said Frame.

[C]

Morgan Freeman. Been on the.

[D]

No, no, we don't get, you know, I mean that. Who's the biggest. Who's the biggest thing we've had?

[A]

That. As in celebrity.

[D]

Yeah, yeah. Wait, wait. Who's the biggest thing we've had?

[C]

It would be so funny if Morgan Freeman was here. He's like, yeah, so Driving Miss Daisy. There's a couple scenes.

[D]

Oh, my God.

[C]

I want to talk to you about a couple of.

[D]

That day. There's no way. I couldn't have you and Morgan on.

[C]

The same first name basis.

[D]

There's no way.

[C]

You and Morgan.

[D]

Yeah. I think the biggest one is we've had pretty big people.

[C]

I'm sure you've had a billion big people.

[D]

You're pretty big, though.

[C]

No, no, no, no, no. I'm small potatoes. I'm small potatoes.

[D]

But you're one of those guys, though, that are like, everyone knows you. Oh, yeah. I think Lisa Gilroy Talked about you 1. I mean, just people talk.

[C]

She's very funny.

[D]

Yeah, People talk about you all.

[C]

She crush on this podcast. She probably.

[D]

She's done it. Yeah, she's done it. Yeah. I feel like, you know, I was talking to Jenna Fisher. I had dinner with Jenna and Angela from the Office lady last week. Week. And you know.

[C]

Oh, you would have so many questions for them.

[D]

No, there was no way that's ever gonna happen.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

Come on.

[D]

Yeah, but, you know, we treat it like we're on a show. TV show.

[C]

Yeah.

[D]

Yeah. That's what it feels like. You know, it's of in. The numbers are as good as a lot of TV shows. Even more so.

[C]

It's like so exciting. And you have influence now, Bobby. What are you gonna do?

[D]

You have a pod?

[C]

No, I haven't done a podcast yet. I've guessed it in many of them. Why? It's a lot of work, isn't it?

[D]

Not really.

[C]

It seems like a ton of work. 52 episodes a year. That seems like so much. 52. Yeah.

[D]

But like, if we first started, not for the talent.

[C]

You can just show up for one hour a week. You're good.

[D]

Yeah. You get people to do one hour.

[C]

Week is still 52 hours.

[D]

I know, but I wake up, walk downstairs, they're all set up in your house. Right. And then I do it and I go back upstairs and that's it.

[C]

It's pretty. Your setup is pretty incredible.

[D]

I mean, it was always like that. No. Yeah. In the beginning. We've been doing this for 10 years.

[A]

10 years.

[C]

Wow.

[D]

Yeah.

[C]

That's amazing. Yeah.

[D]

So you could do it, but if you don't want to, don't. There's a lot of people in the game too.

[C]

There's a lot of people now, right? A lot of people.

[D]

Yeah.

[C]

So because I do Ben Schwartz and Friends, I have control of that. I get to figure out where I'm going to tour. I get to pick who I want to perform, and then I'm like. I feel like a lot of stuff in our industry, we don't have control of Like I don't get to control what auditions come in. I can write movies and I can, you know, sell them, but I don't get control if they get made. And this is I control my tour and then I control what I do with the audio. What you're doing doing is you have complete control of your career now. You can make your money through that. You can do ads through that. It's you are. I feel like more and more people are learning that we can kind of. But Ben, take control what you're saying of our careers a little bit more.

[D]

Bingo. Right on.

[C]

That's what I'm trying to say. Instead of it just being up to everybody else.

[D]

What I'm saying is this is back to what I was gonna say. Right. Is, is that I feel like I was and Andrew and I felt like this. We were forced into doing it.

[C]

Oh, interesting.

[D]

Like where it's like, you know, like where you get probably how many auditions a year do you get?

[A]

Happy birthday to us because Confetti Craze five hour Energy Shots are back baby. All cake, no sugar. You can have your cake and sip it too. Minus any sugar. Guilt cake ifyour day with a quick, easy, portable tasty caffeine boost. The Funfetti flavor is back on 5hourenergy.com or Amazon crack open confetti craze five hour energy shots today. Strawberry banana five hour energy shot are also delicious. It is one of our favorite flavors. It reminds me of like when you're in the mall during the 90s and you get those little smoothie samples of strawberry banana. It's like that. With a tasty caffeine boost. The Funfetti flavor is back on 5hourenergy.com or Amazon crack open confetti craze five hour energy shot today. Happy birthday to us. It's delicious. Get it. Hey everyone. As you know, Tiger Belly uses and loves Shopify. If you recently purchased our 10 year annual anniversary merch and you went to our website slept kingdom.com, just know that was all powered by Shopify. And if you're listening to this right now, know that 2026 is the year you launch your very own business with Shopify. 2026 is the year you finally make it happen. Shopify gives you everything you need to sell online and in person. Millions of entrepreneurs have already made this leap from household names the first time business owners just getting started started. And look, if you're really bad at writing copy, guess what. Shopify has built in AI tools that write product descriptions and headlines and help you edit product photos. And you're probably wondering, hey, I don't know how to market. Guess what? Marketing is built in too. Create email and social campaigns that reach customers wherever they scroll. And as you grow, Shopify grows with you. Handle more orders, expand to new markets, and do it all from the same exact dashboard in 2026. Stop waiting and start selling with Shopify. Sign up for your $1 per month trial and start slaying today at shopify.com tigerbelly go to shopify.com tigerbelly that's shopify.com tigerbelly hear your first this new year with Shopify by your side.

[C]

Auditions are so weird. Let's say before.

[D]

Before the pandemic.

[C]

Quite a bit. Yeah.

[D]

How many a year you think?

[C]

I don't even know. Offers and auditions. I don't know. They kind of like 100. No, less than that. Six. 60. Sure. In a year, let's say 60.

[D]

I would get three.

[C]

Okay. Let's say I get five. You know what I mean? Five.

[D]

So I would get three to four, right?

[C]

Yeah.

[D]

No, no. And so. And everyone else was getting, you know, because I have a lot of friends.

[C]

It's very different now. There's very few additions.

[D]

I get zero now. You know what I mean?

[C]

But it's like the industry is very intricate.

[D]

Yeah. I get one or two now. Right. So my point though being is, is that me and Andrew are in the same boat. So we're like, what do we do? Because we just do stand up.

[C]

Yes.

[D]

So we. We're forced into the space sometimes now people are like high level actors and stuff like that that are already working there, you know, I mean, in every fucking thing they do it too. So that kind of makes me. We were like forced into the situation, man.

[C]

Well, you took control of your career.

[D]

I think out of desperation. You don't think that I want to be like Ken junk flying first class?

[C]

I think. I think it's out of you seeing.

[D]

That you have a. I fly first class.

[C]

I know that work.

[D]

I know. I do. I know. Yeah. Yeah.

[C]

Only light on. Only light on. No, but I think it's. You saw that you guys could do this and so you did it. You have the skill set and you're. You'd be good at this. So you do it because of that.

[D]

Yeah.

[C]

Because a lot of people would love to be able to do this.

[D]

I don't want to talk about me.

[C]

All we've done is talk about you.

[D]

I know. And it feel.

[C]

It feels weird thing.

[D]

So, Ben, let's go back to you. Jules, you haven't said hello.

[C]

How are you? How are you? How's everybody? Everything good? Good.

[D]

So let me explain Jewels real quick. So then Jules is my ex girlfriend's Kila's niece.

[C]

Okay, cool.

[D]

Now, Jules, how old are you?

[C]

23. 23.

[D]

But when she was in high school.

[C]

How old are you?

[D]

53.

[C]

Oh my God. Okay, great.

[D]

Yeah. So when she was high school, 28. We didn't really didn't ask.

[C]

And I want to hear what your closing joke is before we're done.

[B]

Okay.

[D]

But in high school, she moved here from the Philippines and she went to, you know, high school here. You know, I mean, and so she doesn't like podcasts. She doesn't want to do them, but people seem to really love her.

[C]

Because you don't want to be here, I guess.

[D]

Yeah, yeah. Over a hundred thousand now. How many followers you have on Instagram? Hundreds of thousands. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And she doesn't post. She doesn't give a about it. She doesn't want.

[C]

What are you passionate about? Like if someone gave you a microphone and let you talk about whatever you want to talk about, what would you talk about, sir?

[D]

Surfing, maybe anime.

[C]

Anime? Yeah. Which anime are you into right now? One piece. One piece.

[A]

Not.

[C]

I thought you were gonna say one punch, man. One piece. I also. You watch one punch. Yeah, yeah. You like anime? I. I am not. I learned who people Happy birthday to.

[A]

Us because Confetti Craze five hour Energy Shots are back, baby. All cake, no sugar. You can have your cake and sip it too. Minus any sugar. You guilt kick ify your day with a quick, easy, portable tasty caffeine boost. The Funfetti flavor is back on 5hourenergy.com or Amazon crack open confetti craze five hour energy shots today. Strawberry banana five hour energy shots are also delicious. It is one of our favorite flavors. It reminds me of like when you're in the mall during the 90s and you get those little smoothie samples of strawberry banana. It's like that. With a tasty caffeine boost. The Funfetti flavor is back on 5hourenergy.com or Amazon crack open confetti craze five hour energy shot today. Happy birthday to us. It's delicious. Get it. Hey everyone. As you know, Tiger Belly uses and loves Shopify. If you recently purchased our 10 year anniversary merch and you went to our website slept kingdom.com, just know that was all powered by Shopify. And if you're Listening to this right now, know that 2026 is the year you launch your very own business with Shopify. 2026 is the year you finally make it happen. Shopify give you everything you need to sell online and in person. Millions of entrepreneurs have already made this leap from household names to first time business owners. Just getting started. And look, if you're really bad at writing copy, guess what? Shopify has built in AI tools that write product descriptions and headlines and help you edit product photos. And you're probably wondering, hey, I don't know how to market. Guess what? Marketing is built in too. Create email and social campaigns that reach customers wherever they scroll. And as you grow, Shopify grows with you. Handle more orders, expand to new markets, and do it all from the same exact dashboard in 2026. Stop waiting and start selling with Shopify. Sign up for your $1 per month trial and start selling today at shopify.com tigerbelly go to shopify.com tigerbelly that's shopify.com tigerbelly hear your first this new year with Shopify by your side. Died.

[C]

People who are into anime are really into anime. And I am not that. I wish I put the hours in, but my hours were put into like Simpsons and all my cartoons when I was a kid to start anime from where I was and to like start Dragon. There's so much stuff. But I. I watched like, I've seen that, but I don't know the one that you're talking about. You should try it. It's really good. But there's like a thousand episodes.

[D]

Yeah, that's why, that's why I'm scared of it. Because there's a thousand.

[C]

That's what I can't do.

[D]

Yeah, I can't do it. It's just a thousand.

[C]

I like completing things too.

[D]

Yeah, me too.

[C]

So I'm like, if I have to keep going, I'd lose my mind. But you're not gonna die anytime soon. So you have.

[D]

Oh, thank you. Thank you, Dr. Jules.

[C]

Thank God.

[D]

Do you play video games? Ben?

[C]

Love video games. What do you play? Oh, wait, we're probably. I'm 43. You're okay. So what did you grow up with? Oh, I could talk. Video games. Don't do this unless you really want to do this.

[D]

No, I'm already doing it.

[C]

What were your consoles growing up?

[D]

Growing up?

[C]

Yeah.

[D]

You want to go back in television?

[C]

Oh, yeah.

[D]

That's way back.

[C]

Pitfall.

[D]

Yeah, yeah. In the 70s.

[C]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[D]

I mean, I started with Pong.

[C]

Pong and.

[D]

Yeah.

[C]

You play Zork? That word?

[D]

Oh, yeah, Zork. And so. And then, you know, when you. In my 20s, I was poor, so I didn't play at all.

[C]

Okay.

[D]

I couldn't afford anything.

[C]

Yeah.

[D]

But then when I started making money, you know, when Halo started happening, we used to like, hook up all our.

[C]

So you missed all Nintendo, Super Nintendo.

[D]

Genesis, all that stuff.

[C]

N64, PlayStation. And you only came back when Xbox came out.

[D]

Yeah, but is that okay?

[B]

It's great.

[D]

Thank you.

[C]

You're just missing my golden years.

[D]

I know, but in the last 10 years, what's your favorite games?

[C]

Oof. Okay. Inside. You ever play inside?

[D]

No.

[C]

Oh, my God, it's so cool.

[D]

What is inside?

[C]

Inside is developed. One person, I believe, made the whole thing, or two people made the whole thing. It's a side scroller. It's so interesting and dark and has you beat it in four hours so you can finish it in the night. And it has the weirdest ending of any video game ever made. The guy who made it also made a game called a limbo, which is.

[D]

I love limbo, dude. I play limbo.

[C]

This is better than limbo. Limbo.

[D]

It's not better than limbo.

[C]

It is.

[D]

I don't like side scrolls, though.

[A]

It looks like.

[C]

Dude, you're gonna go crazy. It's such a good game.

[D]

Oh, my God.

[C]

And it's so weird and unique and it's scary and it's spooky.

[D]

I just played one like this where I'm in a yellow rain jacket and I couldn't do it. I was so scared.

[C]

Oh, yeah. That's more like. I know what you're talking about. That's. It is a scarier one. Yeah. You have to, like, do puzzles and stuff. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And time, you can change time a little bit.

[D]

Yeah, yeah. It was too scary. But this seems great.

[C]

Dude, it's great.

[D]

This is a side scroller still, though. Yeah.

[C]

I love side scrollers.

[D]

There's a side scroll.

[C]

It is.

[D]

Yeah. Okay.

[C]

It is.

[D]

And there's puzzles. There must be puzzles.

[C]

Kind of. Yeah, it's more like figuring it out.

[D]

Do you ever play Stardew Valley?

[C]

No. What's that? I don't play PC games. Is it all kind. What kind of games do you play?

[A]

He loves a good farming simulation.

[C]

Oh, is it just a farming sim?

[D]

Just. Man, I'm sorry. Grow up, man.

[C]

Is it like the. What's the game where you cook overcooked. Do you love that too? No, no. Sorry.

[D]

You don't. So I want to.

[C]

Yeah, but get it out. Tell me.

[D]

I'm gonna.

[C]

This is great. Take your time. Take your time.

[D]

I am. So. I think Stardew Valley.

[C]

See that?

[D]

I think Stardew Valley is as good as Red Dead 2.

[C]

Oh, wow.

[D]

Yeah. I think Stardew Valley.

[C]

You play RPGs, you play role playing games?

[D]

Yeah. Skyrim, any Bethesda game, I think.

[C]

But you never play Chrono Trigger or any other ones. Chrono Trigger, I think, is maybe the best.

[D]

You have to text me these.

[C]

I will. And then Final Fantasy American Title 3. You do any. Any final fantasies? 7.

[D]

Are they turn based? I don't like turn based fighting.

[C]

Yeah. Where it's four people and you choose attack.

[D]

I don't like that. I want one guy to fighting the whole time. Yeah, yeah.

[C]

Wait, I have to see what you're doing.

[D]

So this is Stardew Valley. I know. Okay, wait, stop.

[C]

Is it like Sim City or Act Razor?

[D]

Okay. Okay.

[C]

Do you guys know what Act Razer is or. No, no.

[D]

Push pause for a second. Okay.

[C]

Is this so boring to you guys? No, I like it.

[D]

Yeah. Yeah. This. Okay, this game on Surface, it looks weird. All right.

[C]

Right.

[D]

But it's really an rpg.

[C]

Okay.

[D]

Because this is. It's. Yeah. One. It's. It is a farming simulation where you have it. Is that right? But It's. That's only 10% of the game. That's only 10%. There's fighting. There's. There's a lot of grinding.

[C]

Show me if I want to just see what the fighting.

[D]

Yeah, there's. You could upgrade weapons.

[C]

Did you ever play Link to the Past?

[D]

No. Oh, God.

[C]

Jesus, Bobby.

[D]

And okay, so this game, right, you got.

[C]

Okay, so this looks like a game called Actraiser. I don't know if you've ever seen Act.

[D]

Yeah, yeah.

[C]

Actraiser is. You get a plot of land. You have to like, use lightning and everything to make it so you can farm. You farm. You build houses.

[D]

Yeah.

[C]

And then once you get enough people that follow you, then you go and fight people as this big warrior.

[D]

Yeah.

[C]

And you're like, there go. God.

[D]

So anyway, this game is so in depth.

[C]

There's. I totally get this.

[D]

And to today after the second, this podcast. The creator's coming. Yeah. But anyway, so what else do you like?

[B]

Hey, you ever seen that movie?

[D]

Oh, here we go.

[C]

This is good.

[D]

Here we go.

[B]

Things called the. The Wizard.

[C]

Oh, my God, I love that game. They intro Mega Mario 3 on that. Yeah, yeah.

[D]

What is that?

[C]

And they also intro the Power Power Glove.

[B]

Yeah.

[D]

What's the. Maybe I'M not as big as you.

[C]

No, but I'm. I'm in the years that you didn't play.

[D]

Oh, you are?

[C]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm in the years. I mean, because I got a console. I got Nintendo and Super Nintendo. My friend had Genesis.

[D]

Yeah. So I did all the Bethesda games. Like, you know, I mean, Morrowind and on and on and on.

[C]

Yeah.

[D]

So I've done all the, you know, the Rock Star games, you know, I mean, like Red Dead and the Grand Theft Auto. Right. So I do all the big ones.

[C]

I've never played Red Dead. I heard it's amazing. Amazing. I get addicted to games now. So if I start one and like I just played the new Zelda, which was like. It took like 150 hours. Yeah, no, the next one. That's the first one. The next one is not Twilight. It's. What is it called? I forget what it is, but I beat it. But it's like I put so much time into it that it was amazing. Yeah, yeah, it was amazing. Same with those Final Fantasy games. Chrono Trigger is also, I think, the best.

[D]

Right.

[C]

Dude.

[D]

If he's a turn based. I don't like turnburst.

[C]

It is. But you'll love it. It's emulate. You get an emulator. Do you have any. You have any, like nerdy little. So when I travel, I have a. I have a little handheld console that I can put everything on it. So I have like PlayStation, Genesis, Super Nintendo, Nintendo.

[D]

What's it called?

[C]

I'll. I'll send you. And then I got a friend to put every single thing on it. So every game for everything is on it.

[D]

So you could play Skyrim on it.

[C]

I wonder if you play PC. Can you probably. It matters how big the file is.

[D]

But Skyrim is a Xbox game. You could probably put.

[C]

Oh, yeah, because you have something like this. Yeah, I have like a different version.

[A]

Of like a thousand games.

[C]

Yeah. No, but then I also got like. They're the. You know the game Grumps. Do you guys know they are. Yeah, they're a big YouTube guy. They play video games. They know everything about video games and they help me put like everything on there and change the system of it and like all.

[D]

I don't know.

[C]

Do I know? Do we know people?

[B]

D.J.

[D]

You must. You're a nerd.

[B]

Okay.

[D]

Okay. I gotta get. Yeah, we gotta do all that.

[C]

We're on flights all the time. And sometimes, like, I try to write on flights, but I'm like, that's how I unplug and relax by playing those video games.

[D]

Oh, my God.

[C]

We gotta.

[D]

We gotta figure all that out, man.

[C]

And I can tell you what games to play. You'll have the best time.

[D]

Oh, yo, yo, yo, yo. I want to change my, like. Gotta change my life with that.

[C]

You deserve it.

[D]

I think I just deserve all of it.

[C]

You deserve it.

[B]

I love it.

[C]

I love it, I love it, I love it. Yeah, Celeste was good. Celeste is a new game. I'm trying to think, okay. And it talks about depression and, like. No, you're like this character that's fighting, but then also gets into deep conversations. It's amazing.

[D]

Oh, my God. I know there's got to do all that stuff. I can afford it, right? Yeah. I want to be able to afford all of it.

[C]

What's the craziest thing you bought with your money that you made? You made enough money now. What's the silliest thing you bought?

[D]

You bought a cat. A whole cat entertainment console outside. Like a little.

[C]

What do you mean?

[A]

$20,000.

[D]

A cat? Yeah, Catio. A cat. A catio.

[C]

What does that mean?

[D]

So I have an outside. You know, I have an outside part. Right. And I drilled a hole. Not me, but engineer. What I call them construction people, something like that. Right. And.

[A]

And they.

[D]

It's out. It go lease outside. But it's great. This is.

[C]

You have one of these?

[D]

Yeah, I do. Oh, I've never been. And they've never been out there. Jules, how many times have you seen the people, the cats in the catio?

[C]

I think the last time was, like, two years ago.

[D]

Yeah. They will not go out there.

[C]

That's so funny.

[D]

It's a waste of money.

[C]

Such a funny bit.

[D]

Yeah. Yeah. Also, I bought them. I buy them beds. They don't sleep in there. I caught Bojo sleeping.

[C]

They never come inside.

[D]

No, I saw cat. My cat Bojo slept in the inside of a ruled yoga mat once.

[C]

But if it's, like, raining or something.

[D]

They will not go out there.

[C]

They won't go to the catio unless.

[D]

I open the backyard. They'll go out there.

[C]

Okay.

[D]

Yeah, they don't like the fencing system. Do you have animals?

[C]

I have a dog.

[D]

A. What's this right here?

[C]

I was a page at Letterman.

[A]

Yeah, what were you doing? And.

[C]

Yeah. Oh, yeah, they cut that part on top, so I was a page in the bottom. So I worked at Letterman, and what I did in Letterman was I showed people to their seats and, like, I helped them to the bathroom.

[A]

How old. How old were you here?

[C]

2003. So I was. Was right out of college, so it's probably 20.

[A]

Wow.

[C]

22.

[B]

Damn.

[D]

So what was he like?

[C]

I barely got to talk to him. You don't. You don't. But then before he retired, I was a guest on it. In my head, I was like, man, if one day I get to actually be in that thing. So right before he retired, I was on a show called House of Lies with Cheadle and Kristen Bell.

[D]

Yeah.

[C]

And I got to be a guest on it. And so it was like one of my bucket list things. So although I put so much. So much pressure in my head to get to that show that when it happened, it was just not as I thought it was going to feel different. Like, I was just like, oh, my God. I. I did it. I did this thing. I've always want to be a guest on the show. I was a patient stage here. And when I was on stage and when it was over, it just didn't feel like I thought it was gonna feel.

[D]

Yeah.

[C]

But it was one of my. It was one of my things. And then since then, since Colbert's hosted, I've done it twice. But Colbert is like an improviser.

[D]

Yes.

[C]

From seconds. He's from Second City.

[D]

Did you know him from Second City or.

[C]

No, I didn't know him until I did his show.

[D]

Yeah.

[C]

And then we did. We had such a good first episode. And then he invited me to interview him for Paley Fest.

[B]

Oh, wow.

[C]

And we basically just did an hour and a half long show of me playing around with him. And then. So when I did his show last time, we just went bananas. Now anytime I go on the show, I get to. It's just. We get to go bananas, which is like a dream for any comedian when you go on a talk show, because it's very much regimented.

[D]

Yeah.

[C]

You're trying to get the person comfortably enough to let you go. Like the people that I love, like Robin Williams coming on the air when I was a kid, or like Farley or Bill Murray. Those are the people that, when they went on, I was like, oh, my God, I can't wait. I have no idea what's going to happen. This can be amazing.

[D]

I've only done one talk show, really? In 2000.

[C]

What did you do?

[D]

I stand up on Leno and they've never. No one's ever asked me back on.

[C]

Any of Stand up on the Tonight Show. That's insane that you're only one.

[D]

Ben, don't do this. This.

[C]

All right.

[D]

Why can't we do this? Why Can't I be not? Why can't I not have things going on? Why can't I just go? I was not doing.

[C]

I made. Do you wish you went on the Tonight show and did stand up?

[D]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. One day. One day.

[B]

One day.

[D]

Yeah, One day you will. Yeah, yeah, I did that, right?

[C]

What's that impression? What are you doing right now? Tell me that joke. I bet you know.

[D]

Some Asian thing.

[A]

Probably, actually that's probably, yeah, probably.

[D]

That's for real or something like that. A version of that. Yeah, yeah. His dad do that, do that once.

[C]

I'll do it as Morgan Freeman. You must remember your five minutes in that, cuz that's if that's the only time you did it. You must have been so nervous.

[D]

I, I, I remember them going, you can't do that, you can't do that. And then me fighting for some like, so one was like, what's what Joe killed.

[C]

Do you remember?

[D]

Yeah, I don't know how it goes.

[C]

Wait, and you said that you don't. Your first special is coming out, so that's probably one of the only times people can see you.

[D]

I've done a couple of five minute sets on variety of like or like premium blend. Yes, I did premium blend. I did all those. But, but yeah, I've never done. So the special is very stressful because it's like there's a lot of expectation.

[C]

Comedy. Probably the longest.

[D]

Kim's a comedy.

[E]

Maybe.

[D]

Yeah. I did a thing with Ken and.

[C]

Ken Jong, who you punch in the face.

[D]

No, he punched me.

[C]

Okay.

[D]

But I love. We're good.

[C]

Did you deserve it?

[D]

Yeah, yeah. And yeah, you know what, dude? I deserve a lot of things.

[C]

Hey, there you go, man.

[D]

You never been punched in the face?

[C]

No, no. Maybe playing basketball. I've gotten headbutt.

[D]

Yeah, yeah. But not like, hey, Ben, come over here, you owe me money.

[C]

Terrified of that. Do you get. Have you been in a lot of fights?

[D]

I've been beat up a lot, yeah.

[C]

Really?

[D]

In showbiz? Yeah. Yeah. But you know, it's calm down.

[C]

Oh, when I play characters, I always get beat up.

[D]

Oh, yeah. That was good.

[C]

Whenever I'm in a scene, like, my character is usually the one that gets his ass kicked. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[D]

Wow. So you've done it all then, have you? I mean, I look at your life. If you look back at your life from being a page.

[C]

Oh, it's insane, right? I, I would not be able to comprehend. I truly.

[D]

And then the Matt Walsh.

[C]

My parents had no money Growing up, like I was lucky enough. We grew up middle class, but we knew nobody in the industry. This is. If I look back, it is ludicrous. Even any monochrome of success. But it's like the things I've done. I love video games. I get to play Sonic. I love cartoon. DuckTales is my favorite show. When I was a kid, I got to play Dewey. I got to play Leonardo and Teenage Mutant Turtles. I got to do all these things that as a kid I would never in a million years. And then improv.

[D]

Oh my God.

[C]

In the Bronx. And then me.

[D]

Are you Jewish?

[C]

No.

[D]

Okay.

[C]

No, I'm very Jewish.

[D]

I'm literally.

[C]

You can see there's like. Are you Puerto Rican? There's a. There's a dreidel in my mouth. I'm literally sucking on a dreidel right there. But there's. For improv. The biggest thing for me for improv was that we only performed for 90 people at UCB. That's what it was. Nobody ever really went beyond that.

[D]

Yeah.

[C]

And then we. I built it out and then different people, we all did these things. And if you told me that I was playing any of the venues I'm playing now, it would not even make sense because long form improv never got to play those venues. Wow. So we are the first people to break the. Into 90% of these venues.

[E]

Wow.

[C]

So for me, that's the biggest thing where it's like, this is insane. I can't believe none of it is real. I was not expecting any of this. I just always worked really hard.

[D]

You didn't live in the results. I think that's.

[C]

I lived in the moment.

[D]

I think this should be the title of this episode. You didn't. You did it because you loved it.

[C]

Yes.

[D]

And there's another thing to it too, is.

[C]

Is that you have to be willing to fail. Right. You have to be willing. Willing to fail to not make money on it.

[D]

But also I was walking down the street. I saw an old brats, by the.

[C]

Way, because you usually take a moped, right? Isn't that your thing?

[D]

That was so funny.

[C]

Yeah.

[D]

God, you still got it, kid.

[C]

Thank God.

[D]

Yeah. But I was walking down the street in. On. In La Jolla and I would stop. Walked by the Comedy Store. La Jolla. There was a help wanted sign and I got a job there as a bar back.

[C]

This is the beginning.

[D]

Yeah. And I. And I just crawled my. From open mics. My parents are immigrants. They had no. Obviously no connections to, you know, I mean, even America. Really. You Know, I mean, they only spoke Korean, and I kind of just crawled my way up. I mean, I did a lot of backstabbing and cockroachy behavior. Did you? Yeah. To climb up. Oh, my God. So many cockroachy behaviors of, like, sabotage and. Really? Oh, yeah. Yeah. And like, people turn the back on. You know what I mean? Yeah, yeah. Not literally, but, like.

[C]

No, I get it.

[A]

But he's used this podcast.

[D]

I'm a big fan. Fan. And then, you know, I mean, that kind of thing. But it's like, I. I, you know, I got here. You know what I mean?

[C]

Yeah.

[D]

Without any connections at all.

[C]

You worked your ass off.

[D]

Yeah, I just, you know, I remember my agent I met at the Comedy Store in the patio. He was a mail room guy at Akirsch. Right. And now he's the head of the comedy department at CAA.

[C]

Wow.

[D]

Right. But I remember meeting him in the 90s, and he's like, he's a kid from Bakersfield. And I kind of got in that way with. I grew up with people.

[C]

Yeah, dude.

[D]

You know, I mean. And so I. I look back at my life and I go, yeah, even though you're a scoundrel, you know, I've done some good things, too. I hope a bunch of people get sober.

[C]

It seems like you've grown.

[D]

Yeah.

[C]

But the biggest thing, you're not. I don't think you're backstabbing people now.

[D]

And I think I exaggerate. Like, for instance, you know, that Katie Dippold thing.

[A]

Yeah.

[D]

I don't think. I think I exaggerated that. I don't think there was any of, like, I'm gonna shoot up the room or anything like that. I mean, so it's like, there's a lot of exaggeration going on. I. I think at the end of the day, I'm a decent dude, and I did it the right way. And I feel there's a sense of pride with that. I'm sure you feel the same way.

[C]

There is the. And also, it's the same thing. I couldn't afford class at ucb, so I asked to be an intern. I did the garbage there and recycling there and gave out tickets. And that's how I got classes. And then I took the classes. You know what I mean? And Amy was a part. Like, I took class at UCB because I loved snl, and I loved Amy on snl, and I was like, okay. And I took class at Second City, New York. And that at the same time. And UCB really made sense. Sense to me. And When I was doing stand up, I was still like, ah, stand up. I. I wish I was amazing at this, but I really love this. This is what I'm better at, I think. So I will lean towards improv, but I same thing. I didn't know I was doing the garbage and the recycling to get classes. And then, and then you slowly build. Dying to get a commercial agent. Dying. Finally took a class that they force commercial agents to come at the end. And then they saw me. I didn't get an agent. I had to do it again. I finally got a commercial agent. I started booking commercials, but they never aired. But I made just enough money to like, just have enough money. Like, I would eat pizza, plain pizza slices, but take all the free toppings and like the red peppers in the parmesan and pile months. They felt like they were special. I went to Wendy's. I knew the dollar menu by heart. Wow. You learn. You just, you just. But it was the best time. The beginning is always the best.

[A]

What are the items in the Wendy's dollar menu?

[C]

Oh, you'd get a burger. Well, by the way, also, if you do McDonald's, there's two things. If I had enough money, I get the two burger, the two cheeseburger meal and McDonald's. McDonald's. And then. But Burger King, I'd also get like the 99 cent pies. Remember, they had chocolate, they had different pies. But Wendy's, it would be chicken nuggets, a burger by itself and a fry by itself.

[D]

Wow.

[C]

Yeah. And then I would have tap water at home.

[D]

Yeah, I used to eat.

[C]

Really? Yeah, of course.

[D]

Me and my roommate Kalista, we live in Silver Lake and we used to split a BRC burrito at El Pollo Loco. Oh, Bean rice and cheese burrito. And we would argue about who got more beans and that's how poor.

[C]

But I think about that time as maybe my favorite time in comedy of my life.

[D]

Yeah.

[C]

For real.

[D]

Yeah, yeah.

[C]

Stuff when I had nothing and we were just. Nobody was watching us. We'd be so excited if anybody came. It was me, Adam Pally and Gil Ozeri. We were a team called Hot Sauce.

[E]

Wow.

[C]

And nobody knew who we were and nobody would come to our shows. And. Come on, you're a cage match. See how nobody came to your show. Did you see? You saw that? I was in New York at the time. Oh, my.

[D]

Wow.

[A]

I remember.

[D]

Yeah.

[C]

There was one where you guys didn't even stand on stage. Once you, like, went into the audience.

[D]

How many people, how many people were there? George, for that one. How many people were there?

[C]

That's when we were selling that. 40. That's when we were selling.

[D]

Oh, yeah, it was.

[C]

That was hot. Yeah. Wait, that. So wait. That's amazing. They're saying. I'm gonna tell you this. The beginning of that was. I was still an intern, and then I became a bartender at UCB because I need money.

[D]

Yeah.

[C]

And then there's a show on Sundays called ascat, and that's where Amy and all those guys perform. The best people, they would get off stage, and we would beg the. The manager of the theater because it's over. The show's over. We cleaned up. I mopped the stage. I mopped the stage.

[D]

Wow.

[C]

And I said, can me, Gil, and Adam just get on stage in front of nobody and just. Just do scenes? And the manager's like, come on, we gotta go home. I go, please, please. And for 15, 20 minutes, the three of us, nobody would come see us perform. So we just performed for nobody when this theater was closed. And we would laugh, and it was the best time. And then we started doing more shit together. And then we started. We did a cage match, which is one team shows up, another team shows up. You both perform. Whoever has the best, the audience decides who comes back.

[D]

Wow.

[C]

And we won, and we kept winning. And that's how people started to notice us, because we were. So. We did scenes that were, like, 10 seconds long sometimes. We were really quick. And then we wanted to make it unique. So every show, we invented a new form. So the form you're talking about was we never went on stage. All three of us stayed in the audience and pretended that we were heckling different things.

[A]

Like 30 minutes.

[C]

Wow. For 30 minutes. Were you at that or. No? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[D]

It was, like, so good.

[C]

Nobody's seen that. I cannot. From, like, a baseball stadium. That's exactly right.

[D]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[A]

Wow.

[C]

Dude, I. I can't. I almost want to talk to you because I don't remember it, and I can't wait to hear it. But it was like, literally that we're a baseball stadium. And then, like, we sometimes would know each other. Hey, John. But we sat on. The audience was three pieces, one and two.

[D]

Here. Yeah.

[C]

Someone sat there. Someone sat there. Some sat there. And we would yell at each other or yell at whatever we would pretend is happening. Wow. That's your. That's a very unique show. And we're all Jewish.

[D]

I know. I love.

[C]

We all. We all have a little commentation inside.

[D]

Yeah, but I'm. Yeah, yeah.

[C]

Do you want to do a Jewish. Jewish accent right now or no? Oh, my God. Sounds like an Asian. Do all of your accents have a little hint of Asian? Yeah.

[D]

Yeah. I think you're looking at my AES, dude. Again.

[C]

Oh, sorry. But I can't believe you're at that show. That means. I can't believe that because for improv, once it's over, it's over for you. You could do jokes from that set and take it to other sets. We never do the same shit, so it's.

[D]

That's bullshit.

[C]

You had to be there.

[D]

I'll tell you why that's bullshit.

[C]

Tell me.

[D]

Right, because you know know.

[C]

Because you haven't seen the show in 20 years.

[D]

What I'm saying is. I know how it works. What I'm saying is you're telling me that something you did in LA four years later. Let's. You're in, like, Oklahoma City or whatever, that you don't say the same lines never ever.

[C]

No, you. You might see me. Same playing same characters exactly.

[D]

There's some nuances. You know, you're my.

[C]

I like being character. Or like, I'll be a waiter, but that waiter is going to. If you probably if you were at that show. Means you went to see a lot of shows. Yeah.

[D]

If you never. You're, you're like, oh, I, I, I.

[C]

We might say there's a line from.

[D]

Six years ago in, In Fort Lauderdale I can do right now. You don't do that.

[C]

Never.

[D]

Oh, really?

[C]

No, but sometimes, like, if a troll appears, he'll ask you to answer his riddles. But, like.

[D]

Okay, it won't.

[C]

It won't be like. It won't be like, you know, like, even if I'm playing a, A wizard or a magician, I make sure that is a totally different thing than I'll never try to do the same exact lines.

[D]

Yeah, it was wizard. Now be a wizard.

[C]

What would you like me to do?

[D]

Go talk about.

[A]

You should improvise with him. Just be a person talking to.

[C]

Great. I'm a wizard. Go.

[D]

What am I then don't say anything.

[C]

Just do it. Go. Oh, here, I'll help you out.

[D]

No, I don't need your help. I don't need your help.

[C]

You play yourself. You play yourself.

[D]

Yeah, I don't need your help.

[C]

Do a scene with me. You're not allowed.

[D]

I'm not allowed? Okay, okay, okay.

[C]

Ready? You can even be yourself. You're coming.

[D]

I can do character. I was on a sketcher for eight years.

[C]

Okay, here come. Here comes an Asian guy. Yelling. No, don't.

[A]

No, his mouth.

[C]

I'll be the crazy part. Let's see you be the straight man.

[D]

Go, Master.

[C]

Oh, God, it works. It works.

[D]

Yeah. Okay, Master.

[C]

Yes. Yes. Bobby. Good. Good to see you, Bobby.

[D]

I can't find your orb, master.

[C]

Okay, well, you know where my orbs are. Got. I got one in my pocket. Can you reach your hand in there for me, please?

[D]

Okay, Master. Again, Master.

[A]

Yes, please.

[D]

Well, the last time, Master, I wasn't touching your or.

[C]

Now, Bobby. Now, Bobby. Okay. Oh, the pocket's very deep. Keep going. We're already halfway.

[D]

We're good. That's good. What you think of my character?

[C]

Tell me what you think he looks like. Seems like Eagle. Yeah.

[D]

Well, he's got a big yellow face.

[C]

Yeah.

[D]

Oh, yeah. Squinny eyes. You know what? I'm the one that's saying it. Ben.

[C]

I thought it was Igor. I thought it was like. Yeah, yeah.

[D]

He doesn't have a hump. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. But yeah. Wow. So that was good. That was fun. So that's how improv works.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

Are you confident you could just get on stage and do it now?

[D]

Yeah. No, you do one with Ben. Yeah, do a.

[C]

Okay.

[D]

We don't even know what the premise is.

[C]

Give me a suggestion. At least give me something so you know I'm not. So you know I'm making it up.

[D]

Give me a suggestion.

[C]

Not a suggestion, just anything. Tell me.

[D]

I know how to do it. Okay, so you're.

[C]

I don't know. Don't tell me what I am.

[D]

Okay.

[C]

Okay, how about this? Tell me something funny that happened to you yesterday.

[D]

Really? Okay. I was on stage and some guy, in my second year, this really happened. Some 500 pound man passed out in the middle of my act. There's like 500 people in the audience. He's face down, right? And I think he died. And now in my mind I'm like, do I stop the shore? Do I keep going?

[C]

Did he die? No, no, no.

[D]

But I got a text this morning or yesterday. Last night, a DM from a girl. She goes, that guy, he died. So then I had to call. Yeah. So I frantically called, of course not.

[C]

Gonna do an improv.

[D]

Were you asked? Yeah. What happened? So then I kept calling.

[C]

I said, say something funny that happened.

[D]

I know. So I kept calling the Houston Improv going. You know what I mean? Did the guy die? Did the guy die? And they're like, no. You know what happened? He passes out of my show. 500 pound man, right? They gurney him out outside. Right.

[C]

So do you Stop the show when that's happening.

[D]

I stopped. Yeah. It was terrible. 10 minutes, right? How long? Literally 10 minutes. It's a nightmare. Right? The gurney tomorrow, he stands up and he goes. Where does he go? Straight to a pizza shop.

[A]

Oh, no.

[C]

What do you mean? So he passed out then?

[D]

In my. In my show.

[C]

I understand that. I'm saying he passed out, then he came to him. Right? To a pizza shop?

[D]

Yeah.

[C]

How do you know he went to a pizza shop?

[D]

In my mind he does.

[B]

Oh, improv.

[D]

Improv, bud.

[C]

So it's not a real story?

[D]

No, he does. Did pass out.

[C]

Okay, but you don't know if he went to pizza shop.

[D]

Yeah, and then he did. Yeah, Ben. And then I did get the. The truth of it. I did get a. A direct message from a lady that he's fine, that he died. And then I. I did call the club, and then it. He just got up and went home.

[C]

Oh, my God.

[D]

I know. So do it.

[C]

And.

[D]

And I could.

[B]

I don't want.

[C]

Right.

[D]

All right, all right. So what happened? What else happened yesterday?

[C]

That's a crazy story.

[B]

I have a crazy story too, kinda. I went out last.

[C]

Wait, do your closer. Do your closer. Has he done it on the air? Is this great? First time you're hearing Stand up Closer?

[D]

Yeah, yeah, It's a story. Go ahead.

[C]

Do you need any context from the previous four minutes of the act or.

[D]

No?

[B]

No.

[C]

Okay, great. Wait, has he ever done this? This is exclusive.

[D]

He's gonna eat it, but let's go.

[C]

Okay.

[D]

Yeah, yeah. All right.

[C]

Do you need to be standing up?

[B]

No, I can't sit down.

[C]

Bobby's heard this probably 20 times. This.

[D]

I've never seen his act. Here's what I do when anyone's opening for me. I just listen for laughs. Right?

[B]

Okay.

[D]

I don't listen to jokes. And he got laughs. So I'm just like. I just let it go.

[C]

Oh, and you're just making sure that he's making people.

[D]

I just want him to be happy. And I also want the room to be being. Getting warmed up. They're doing their job. What do I. I don't care.

[C]

We don't have a warm up. Actually. We don't even. I don't even know what that process feels like.

[D]

Yeah, it's a process.

[C]

So do you. If someone gets too many laughs, are you like, that's too much or. No?

[D]

So Ramsey, this weekend was crushing, right? And I would whisper to him, like, because, you know, he gets off stage and I'm up to go on. I'm headlining Right. So I'd go. Too much, dude.

[C]

Really?

[D]

Oh, yeah. Never outshine your master. I would say stuff like that.

[C]

And would you talk about it on stage as a no?

[D]

No. I would go up there and crush so do you.

[C]

Ending joke.

[D]

Closer from my scent.

[B]

Hey, thanks for watching me, guys. If you guys want to watch me.

[C]

No, that's the very end. Go right before that.

[D]

No, this is a joke. There's a joke, right?

[C]

Yeah.

[D]

Oh, yeah.

[C]

I thought you're doing a bit. Being like, have a good night.

[D]

Good night, ladies and gentlemen. No, not that I thought.

[C]

I literally thought you're doing. That's like. That's like me being like, okay, tell me about the end of the movie. Okay, so the credits are rolling and there you go.

[B]

Oh, yeah, well, I can.

[C]

Sorry, buddy. No, my bad. Go.

[B]

Yeah. If you guys want to watch me, I'm on his podcast with Bobby Lee. I was with Bobby Lee a couple days ago and he gifted me a pocket and he's like, you need this more than I do. And I was like, can I get a new one? And then they just laugh and I'm like, all right. Thank you, guys.

[A]

That's your closer.

[C]

I like it.

[B]

Yeah, it gets laughs.

[D]

That's your closer?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

You hear it?

[B]

Oh, no, you don't hear it, right?

[D]

That's your closer.

[E]

Yeah.

[C]

What's your first joke? Your first joke.

[B]

I have lower back arthritis.

[D]

No, cuz I have a pocket joke that I stopped doing. There was at least some jokes in there.

[B]

Wait, wait.

[C]

Give me your first one. Give me your first one.

[B]

My lower back arthritis.

[A]

This.

[C]

Are you in it? Is this it?

[D]

No.

[C]

Do it, do it, do it.

[B]

So let's say that I'm getting old.

[C]

You're asking me like, I know you're open.

[D]

Go ahead, Go ahead.

[B]

I'm getting old. That I have lower back arthritis on my lower left. And. And one of the causes leading up to it, it's a lot of masturbating stuff standing up. And people just laugh.

[C]

So do you say. And people just.

[D]

You gotta say that. No, people do that. I should watch. I think this is the lesson here. I'm gonna watch. That's your opening? Yeah, yeah. People laugh at it.

[B]

And then I'll be like, so any fellas out here masturbate standing up? You might want to lay down next time. Just.

[D]

Oh, okay.

[C]

There we go.

[D]

That's kind of funny. Okay, there we go.

[C]

I like that a lot.

[D]

Yeah, Yeah.

[B]

I don't have lower back arthritis.

[A]

It's a real thing.

[B]

But one of my uncles has It. And.

[A]

Oh, so it's not real.

[C]

Is this still part of the actor, though?

[B]

No, no, he has it. He was tending me and I was like, oh, that's pretty funny.

[C]

Okay.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

But he's old man.

[D]

You're developing. You're developing. Yeah, yeah. And so, Ben, what you want to promote anything I want to say, by the way, I had just the best time with you.

[C]

Oh, the best.

[D]

The time. Witness by so quick. Quickly.

[C]

Oh, yeah.

[D]

You're so nice. And I would like to exchange numbers with you afterwards so you can give me some suggestions, Katie, and see if.

[C]

It'S a bad idea to change numbers with you. And then I'm gonna exchange numbers.

[D]

Well, you know, I've had Katie. Katie's number for 20 years, and I've never texted her, so I'd love to. Basically, our text would be like, you.

[C]

Know, we have a lot to talk.

[D]

Give me the thing. And then you give me the thing. And then we'll probably never see each other again.

[C]

No. So anyway, I'm good at keeping things going.

[D]

You are.

[C]

If it's. If.

[D]

Okay. Okay.

[C]

Yeah. Okay.

[A]

Oh, by the way, I just typed in a recreate. Igor is an Asian man.

[D]

That's the character I was doing.

[A]

That's what it is.

[C]

That's what it is.

[D]

Yeah. Very good.

[C]

All right, good.

[D]

Okay, good.

[C]

On April 21, I'm announcing the rest of the tour.

[D]

Okay.

[C]

But for now, you go to rejected jokes.com tour, I think probably will be up is we have those Australia dates. We're doing Sydney Opera House.

[A]

Wow.

[D]

That's. How many seats is that?

[C]

I don't know. I'm not sure. I don't think It's.

[D]

I don't think 3,000.

[C]

No, it's less. It's less.

[D]

Oh, really?

[C]

Yeah.

[D]

Okay.

[C]

We're. We're all sold out for all three of those.

[D]

Yeah.

[C]

And then you're going to see a bunch. We're doing Florida April 21st. I have. I'm doing 29 shows this year, so rest. The rest of the tour.

[D]

Amazing.

[C]

And I don't think I'll tour this much ever again because it's a. It's a lot. I know you guys do way more.

[D]

Dates, but is there. I mean, is there any way to, like, do a show for Netflix, a live show or something?

[C]

So I have a. I have a special called Middle Itch and Schwartz that I did with Thomas Middlet. Middle Ditch. I have three of them on Netflix. And then I have.

[D]

Wow.

[C]

Something brewing with Ben Schwartz and Friends. Now that is unique that I'll tell you about later but I'll go. Okay.

[D]

Okay. That was super fun. What?

[B]

Oh, I thought you close it.

[D]

You want to. You want to do the closer?

[B]

That was super fun.

[D]

Well, let's. Let's music it.

[B]

Hey, you have gray hair by the way.

[C]

You're great too.

[B]

No, he does.

[C]

I feel bad you didn't get to say anything. Do to you want to talk about anything?

[A]

No.

[C]

Okay. There you go.

[D]

Okay.

[C]

I don't know why unplugging it.

[B]

Oh.

[C]

Little Donkey Kong theme.

[A]

Oh.

[C]

All right. You going to sing it?

[B]

This was so much fun. We had Bobby Lee in Ben shorts you can catch him on tour for 29 shows and the franchise Sonic the Hedgehog give him one more time of round of applause everybody. Was that good?

[C]

Very good.

[B]

Are you sure?

[D]

Yeah, it was great. I wasn't laughing. No, Ben.

[C]

Thanks for having me, guys.

[D]

I do it.