Bob The Drag Queen & The Yellow Thumb

Summary

TigerBelly Podcast: "Bob The Drag Queen & The Yellow Thumb"

Release Date: March 26, 2025
Host: Bobby Lee (B), with Khalyla, Peter, Jules, and guest Bob the Drag Queen (C)

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Episode Overview

This lively episode of TigerBelly features the endlessly entertaining Bob the Drag Queen alongside Bobby Lee, Khalyla, and friends, diving into topics ranging from drag culture and sexual techniques to race, history, comedy, and personal growth. With rapid-fire banter, irreverent jokes, and heartfelt confessions, the group balances absurdity with real talk, exploring identity, friendship, and what it means to belong—whether on the comedy stage, drag runway, or in life.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Introductions, Pronouns & Drag Persona Origins

• The crew welcomes Bob the Drag Queen, who clarifies pronouns (he/she, depending on comfort)—“So whichever one you feel most comfortable with” (03:40).
• Bob shares their drag name origin:
  • Initially “Kitten with a Whip,” but changed to Bob for misnaming issues:
    • “Everyone kept calling me Kate or Kitty...So I want to go by a name that people can’t mistake for anything else. So I chose Bob.” (06:19)
  • Recalls being called “mom” in clubs, sparking laughs about club culture and their evolution within drag.
• Fashion is a topic, with Bob describing today’s look and stylists Rob and Taylor (05:06). Friendly ribbing about style choices and living in LA vs. NY.

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2. Queer Culture, Identity, and Sexuality

• The group jokes about gay “buffer friends” and drag names (“Juanita Bridge”), with Bob’s comedic wit on display (07:00).
• Bobby prods Bob about whether he’s attracted to him (“Do you think I’m hot for being an Asian or...?”), leading to Bob bluntly responding:
  • “You don’t have to say for being an Asian...But like, for being a person...No.” (09:46)
• Playful debates on “hottest Asian men” (Henry Golding, Dev Patel, etc.) and their preferences, including explicit humor involving genitals and personal stories.
• Notable explanation on tucking and penis orientation with an oddly educational slant (13:00), culminating in Bobby's self-effacing humor.

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3. Techniques & Comedy Around Sexual Acts

• A memorable, explicit segment features Bobby and Bob having a “dick-sucking contest” in theory, comparing techniques with wild, comedic detail (15:34–29:38):
  • Bobby’s “soaking” and “choo choo train” methods, Bob’s logical deconstruction.
  • “Let me say something to you, and I’m gonna make this as clear as I can. Don’t suck a lot of dicks myself. Right. But I bet you money, right, if I did I’d be the best at it.” —Bobby (15:34)
  • “I promise you, I would suck you under the table.” —Bob (15:49)
• The group veers into oral sex techniques—for both genders—delivering a mix of practical advice and relentless one-upmanship, such as the “alphabet” method and a bit about health class sex education (“Did you not take health class in high school?”) (32:34).

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4. Personal Stories: Coming Out, Queer Childhood & Friendship Drama

• Bob explains knowing he was queer from a young age: “A lot of people pointed out to me before I knew, like they’d be like, you act gay or you act like a girl before I even had the words to say those kind of things.” (36:32)
• Peter discusses being closeted with pressures of immigrant upbringing in Queens, NY (36:55).
• Hilarious and touching NYC story from Bob, recalling a fierce little girl on the subway (“See you tomorrow!” – 37:44), used to discuss early expressions of queerness and city life.
• Discussion of when, how, and by whom the word “queer” can be used (38:10+).
• The group unpacks a classic December “friendship rift” between Bobby and Peter due to Bobby’s depression and isolation (“ronin mode”), with Bob mediating and guiding them toward heartfelt apologies and improved communication (40:19–45:20).

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5. Comedy, Stand-Up, and Club Politics

• Bob describes being often underestimated as a comic due to drag fame and reality TV credentials, only to win over skeptical audiences (“A lot of people actually do not know that I’m a stand up comedian…then they go like, oh my god, you’re actually a really funny comedian.” 84:49).
• Bobby and Bob discuss comedy’s “bro” culture and the challenges of performing for straight, mostly white, male audiences.
  • “Comedy has now, there’s now a real alpha male. Like, you know, there’s like a bro name...” —Bobby (88:23)
• Bobby reflects on longevity in showbiz and how risk-taking led to unexpected rewards.
  • “If I sat down and wrote down…if you stayed sober, all the great things that would have will happen to you, you’d be cheating yourself because you’re going to get way more.” (78:45)

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6. History, Representation & Cultural Debates

• Spirited debate on Black inventors and American history:
  • “So, Harrison, how many did Harriet save? Over a…She saved almost a thousand slaves.” —Bob (57:31)
  • “When has Spiderman ever faced against systemic racism? Answer that question.” —Bob (57:44)
• Bob advocates for Harriet Tubman as a real-life superhero, comparing her bravery and narcoleptic “superpowers” to Spiderman (58:30), which sparks a humorous but insightful conversation about “real” vs. comic book heroism and the complexity of bravery (69:01).
• Accusations and defenses of historical accuracy: “You don’t believe black people.” (63:13), highlighting trust, documentation, and the reliability of sources in historical narrative.

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7. Drag Daughters, Mentorship, and Standards in Drag

• Bob elaborates on drag mentorship and “drag daughters” (91:18). Bobby jokes about becoming one, but wrinkles at Bob’s “shave the goatee” requirement.
• Insights into the costuming and tradition of drag performance, with Bob emphasizing standards and personal style (“Not in my house, honey.” —92:16).

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8. Pop Culture, Broadway, and Personal Achievements

• Rapid-fire exchange on Asian superheroes, representation in Marvel, and the significance of historic discoveries (“Lucy”—71:43).
• Bob’s history with Madonna, including hosting her world tour (“I got asked to host Madonna’s world tour…80 something shows” —80:15) and the surrealism of fame.
• Playful banter about Bobby feigning knowledge of Broadway’s “Wicked,” culminating in a humorous confession (“I never saw Wicked.” —98:32).
• Bob promotes his book Harriet Tubman Live in Concert and stand-up special Woke Man in a Dress (52:21, 90:25).

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Memorable Quotes & Moments (with Timestamps)

• Bob reveals pronouns:
  “He and she. So whichever one you feel most comfortable with.” (03:38)
• Bobby on attractiveness:
  “Do you think that I’m hot for being an Asian or…?” (09:44)
• Bob’s honesty:
  “Personally? General. No.” (09:58)
• Sex tips showdown:
  “Let me say something to you…Don’t suck a lot of dicks myself. Right. But I bet you money, right, if I did I’d be the best at it.” —Bobby (15:34)
  “I promise you, I would suck you under the table.” —Bob (15:49)
• Comedy scene realities:
  “A lot of people actually do not know that I’m a stand up comedian…then they go like, oh my god, you’re actually a really funny comedian.” —Bob (84:49)
• Superheroes & real bravery:
  “When has Spiderman ever faced against systemic racism? Answer that question. What a twink from Queens is going to beat a…A black woman from the south?” —Bob (57:44)
• On real-life heroes:
  “She could see the future…She had trauma induced narcolepsy epilepsy…Spider-Man's little spidey senses…That's nothing. Harriet can see weeks into the future.” —Bob (58:32)
• Harriet Tubman vs. Spider-Man:
  “She carries the kind of gun that would like...it was a gun in the 1800s. This gun would fuck your whole shit up. It wasn't like a little beep beep and you get a hole. Your whole shoulder would be missing. You know what I'm saying? She went up against that.” —Bob (58:14)
• Real talk on audience politics:
  “Comedy has now, there’s now a real alpha male. Like, you know, there’s like a bro name…” —Bobby (88:23)
• Bobby on showbiz philosophy:
  “If I sat down and wrote down…if you stayed sober, all the great things that would have will happen to you, you’d be cheating yourself because you’re going to get way more.” (78:45)
• Friendship closure:
  “I apologize to you. And that was my bad. I was depressed. I was going through some things, but I should have been more mindful. And I do love you. And that was my bad. Are we good?” —Bobby (65:21)
• Classic TigerBelly riffing:
  “Can you prove that through your text?” —Bob (45:35)
  “No, I’ll tell you. No, because I’ll tell you mine. What?” —Bobby (45:51)

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Notable Segments & Timestamps

• Intro/fashion/drag name origin: (01:37–06:19)
• Queer identity & humor: (06:17–13:00)
• ‘Sex Olympics’ banter: (15:15–29:38)
• Friendship drama & resolution: (39:00–46:00)
• Harriet Tubman vs. Spider-Man & hero debate: (56:43–58:32)
• Comedy career and bro-culture: (84:21–89:41)
• Bob’s book and stand-up special promo: (51:00, 90:25)
• What Wicked is ‘really’ about: (95:39–96:49)
• Madonna tour and sobriety discussion: (79:16–80:33, 80:26–80:40)

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Conclusion

TigerBelly’s “Bob the Drag Queen & The Yellow Thumb” is a firecracker of an episode: explicit, irreverent, but smart and revealing. Through the lens of comedy and drag, it tackles sex, queerness, race, history, and personal struggles—all while volleying jokes and nudging boundaries. Whether you’re here for the laughs, life lessons, or deep dives into identity and representation, this one is TigerBelly at its best.

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Want more from Bob the Drag Queen?

• Sibling Rivalry Podcast
• Harriet Tubman Live in Concert
• Woke Man in a Dress* stand-up special on YouTube

Memorable Closer:

“I would love to come back. I think we have good chemistry.” – Bob (90:04)

Did you miss the episode?
You got the heart of it right here.

Transcript

[A]

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[B]

Is it on? Yeah. Buy the tickets or I'm gonna hurt myself. I'm gonna hurt myself. I might die. You can do whatever you want, Bob.

[C]

Yeah, I'm gonna wear that if you.

[A]

Want to hear the piano headphones.

[B]

If you don't need to. Don't worry.

[D]

You can use this.

[C]

I don't know how clean my ears are to put in headphones and take.

[B]

You have clean. You have really clean ears. It seems like.

[C]

Do I do this?

[B]

Yeah, that really clean me.

[C]

You know, I'm gonna take the. Yeah, I can't. I want to wear this because I don't have my hair done.

[B]

So. Welcome Tiger Belly Podcast.

[C]

So I'm just waiting for my assistant. Remember one thing.

[B]

So if you could.

[E]

Stop playing Bob Channel for like three seconds.

[A]

There's the glare. That's what we're going to get this whole episode.

[C]

The Bobby glare. We st.

[B]

Welcome to the podcast, Bob.

[A]

Great.

[B]

Drag queen. The best drag queen in the universe.

[C]

I saw in a video you did a while back, and it was about you. Someone was getting an award and you called it the best Korean award.

[B]

Yes, that's right.

[C]

Who was winning that award?

[B]

Who got Hans Kim.

[C]

Hans Kim was winning?

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

Did you win that award, too?

[B]

I never won it once.

[C]

Damn.

[B]

But I gave the award.

[C]

Oh, that's nice. Yeah, that's even a bigger honor, I would say.

[B]

God, you're so cute.

[C]

Oh, thank you.

[B]

So cute. What are we waiting for?

[C]

Is the cup so I can drink?

[B]

Why can't you just drink out of the thing?

[C]

It's a cute cup.

[B]

Oh, you need a cute cup.

[C]

It's a cute cup. We can get started.

[B]

In the end, everything you do is Cute.

[C]

Yeah, a little cute.

[B]

Yeah. Yeah.

[C]

We can get started in the cup.

[B]

You know what, dude? Your shoulder thing's pretty cute.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

And I'm not gonna vape on your pod.

[B]

You can vape. You can vape.

[C]

It wouldn't affect your.

[B]

No, it doesn't affect anything, man. What are your pronouns? What are your pronouns?

[C]

He and she.

[B]

He, she.

[C]

So whichever one you feel most comfortable with.

[B]

Peter. What? What are your pronouns? Peter.

[C]

Like Michael, Jackson.

[E]

I do go by Michael and Jackson.

[C]

Nice. Yeah, yeah.

[B]

What is your. Jules. What's your pronouns? She, her, she, her. Okay, good. I'm just gonna start, but can I.

[C]

Hear what you're playing?

[B]

Why do you have to wear the hat?

[C]

Because I don't have hair and I'm balding. Okay.

[B]

All right. Bobby Lee on the boards.

[C]

A A, it's Bobby Lee on the keyboard. Y. It's Bobby Lee. Bobby Lee. Bob the Drag Queen in the studio. And we going to do the duty Ho.

[B]

Oh, you do rap, too? You do everything, dude.

[E]

Wait, you don't know about his viral rap?

[B]

Listen, guy, wait. I want everyone to pay attention to me right now, okay? Oh, I don't know. There's the cop.

[E]

It's cute.

[B]

What's in the cup? Nothing yet.

[C]

Can I get water?

[E]

There's water right here.

[C]

Well, I've already chugged the whole thing. Oh, this is water. Yeah.

[B]

Put the water in there. Put that water in there.

[C]

And when. And just takes Taylor. So when. When they're. When their gift arrives, I can give.

[B]

Yeah. Taylor get the gift. Right.

[C]

This is Rob.

[B]

Whatever his name is.

[C]

Bob and Rob.

[B]

Rob and Bob. Where's. Who's Taylor, then?

[C]

Taylor is another associate of mine.

[B]

Is he? Or is he she or what is it?

[C]

He.

[B]

He.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

What's Taylor all about?

[C]

Taylor's a stylist. Yeah.

[B]

You're all about style, huh?

[C]

Well, Rob is my stylist. Rob styled me today, but Taylor's another stylist.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. That's an interesting outfit you have on.

[C]

Thank you.

[B]

How much is it?

[C]

I don't know how much it costs. We don't spend a lot of crazy. How much was this, Rob?

[B]

$1 million. One pretty expensive dollars.

[C]

There probably wasn't that much.

[B]

Yeah. Huh. You live in New York?

[C]

No, I live here in la.

[B]

That's fantastic news.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

So anyway, how about a round of applause for. You know, I'm gonna. I'm gonna. How about a round of applause for Christopher Del Mar Caldwell? Christopher Del Mar Caldwell. Christopher.

[C]

Give it up for Robert Young Lee.

[B]

Jr. I like you What a guy. So. So, Bob. Can I call you Bob?

[C]

Yeah, of course.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Yeah. When did you shift to Bob?

[C]

Well, my drag name actually used to be Kitten with a Whip years ago.

[B]

Kitten with a Whip.

[C]

Kitten with a Whip was my drag name.

[B]

Whoa. That's better.

[C]

Yeah, well, everyone kept calling me Kate or Kitty, Right. And I hated that. So I want to go by a name that people can't mistake for anything else. So I chose Bob, which is weird because a lot of people are calling me mom if I was saying mom in the club.

[B]

Oh, really?

[C]

What's your name, like, Bob? You're like, Mom? I'm like, yeah, my name is.

[B]

Yeah. What kind of clubs do you go to?

[C]

I don't really go to. This is when I was younger. I don't go to clubs much anymore.

[B]

If you were going to go to club. Where you go, Abby, where you go right now?

[C]

I probably go to sometimes. I swing by Mickey's. Sometimes.

[B]

You know about Mickey's?

[E]

Yeah, of course.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

Are you gay?

[B]

Yeah, he's gay. That's why I brought him.

[C]

Are you a little gay? That's why.

[A]

Very.

[E]

He made me come because he needed someone to be a buffer.

[B]

I need a buffer. Wanita Bridge.

[C]

That's a good drag name. Juanita Bridge.

[B]

Yeah. Juanita Bridge is a very good.

[C]

Are you a little gay? Even a little.

[B]

What is that?

[D]

Because he is.

[B]

Yeah, that's what we're here for. We're here for little gay at all. I'm not a little gay at all.

[C]

I will say the little gay is not showing in the fashion area.

[B]

Oh, here we go. First of all, this is my house, Bob. How do you dress? You dress like that at your house?

[C]

Yeah, of course.

[B]

Okay. I don't dress like that in my house. I mean, when I go out, I go dress like that.

[C]

You're at work still, though.

[B]

I guess. I guess you're right. Okay. I don't dress good.

[C]

Let me Google Bobby Lee red carpet and see how we dress when we're going out. Bobby Lee red carpet. It says nothing. It's like, girl. Did you mean to Google something else?

[A]

There you go.

[B]

Bob.

[A]

Bob, right there.

[C]

Okay. Oh, oh, oh, oh.

[B]

Yeah, yeah. Like the office.

[C]

The tie is humongous.

[B]

I'm going to the office. Yeah, yeah.

[C]

This is. No, this is not great. This is not bad. Okay. I like this one.

[B]

Okay. Look how angry I'm there.

[C]

Do you listen. Do you listen to all the rock music?

[B]

I listen to some rock. Why?

[C]

Because this is me recently.

[B]

This is me recently.

[A]

This is 2024 at the Golden Gala.

[C]

Okay, I'm not mad at that. It's just you wearing a Fleetwood Mac shirt now, and you're wearing an ACD C shirt there, so.

[B]

Yeah, well, I like bands. You don't like bands, Bob?

[C]

I like bands. Yeah, for sure.

[B]

What kind of bands do you like, Bob?

[C]

I was listening room 5 on the way here today.

[B]

I'm friends with Adam Levine, Bob.

[C]

Yeah, so that was. That was a fun song.

[B]

I'm connected to that, too.

[C]

Were you early into songs about Jane?

[B]

What's that mean, guy?

[C]

That's. That's. That's their album. Songs about Jane, this love. You don't listen to your friend's music? Did they watch your comedy?

[B]

No. Well, I went to the Maroon 5. Oh, Peter, please stop. I went to the Maroon 5 concert and I recognized some of the songs.

[C]

Which ones?

[B]

I don't remember, but I remember I was next to my friend G, and I go, oh, I know this one.

[C]

They did a great song. Adam Levine did a great song with Cardi B. Oh, yeah, yeah.

[B]

That's very good.

[C]

Yeah, It's a pretty good song. Anyway, you want to start beef with Cardi B right now?

[B]

I don't give a about no Cardi B, dog.

[C]

Oh, my God.

[B]

You heard it here.

[C]

Cardi B. Shots fire right there. The tiger.

[B]

Yeah, that's right. It wasn't a musket either. It was an 8 clay 24. Wow. Yeah, yeah. All over Cardi B. Let say something.

[C]

That was not me. That was Bobby Elise. That was not Bob the Dragon.

[B]

Oh, no, I know. I. No, no, no. I don't want to start nothing with her. I forgot who Cardi B was. No, I don't want to start.

[C]

You thought she was a white lady.

[B]

Yeah, white lady named. I don't want to start anything with her.

[C]

Yeah, no, you don't want.

[B]

Yeah, yeah. All peace. Where you from?

[C]

I'm from Atlanta.

[B]

I'm from. I'm from San Diego.

[C]

Oh, San Diego. Okay. Nice.

[B]

Can I ask you something?

[C]

Yeah, of course.

[B]

Do you think that I'm hot for being an Asian or.

[C]

No, I want to be clear. You don't have to say for being an Asian.

[B]

Why? Why, why, why, why, why, why?

[C]

But like, for being a person.

[B]

No, no, no.

[C]

Personally.

[B]

General. No.

[C]

General.

[B]

Right. But what, for an Asian?

[C]

No. Oh, not, like hot.

[B]

Yeah, yeah.

[C]

Like.

[B]

Like, if you didn't know me, we were at a club.

[C]

Okay, well, I know.

[B]

First of all, Bob, I don't want to assume that you're gay. Are you gay?

[C]

I'm queer.

[B]

Okay.

[C]

So there's rooms for. For what is it, the 18?

[B]

Hottest.

[C]

Just the guys. Hot. Yeah.

[B]

Really? How?

[C]

Justin Chan.

[B]

Yeah, I know him for sure.

[C]

The chest tattoo?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

What?

[C]

Oh, I guess the Rock is Asian.

[B]

Yeah, I guess he is, too. Yeah.

[C]

Yeah. Is he on the black list, too? Yeah.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

You know, to be clear, I'm not into the Rock. It's a little much. Henry. Henry Golding. Yeah. That's pretty hot. Yeah.

[E]

Yeah, that's for me.

[B]

Really?

[E]

Number A. Number one.

[B]

Oh, if I'm not eight, I'm gonna be in so mad.

[C]

Yeah, he's.

[D]

He's the hottest.

[C]

Dev Patel.

[E]

Dev Patel's hot.

[C]

Y' all remember Mohinder from Heroes?

[B]

Yeah. Oh, yeah, yeah. My God, yeah.

[C]

Mohinder. I don't know the actor's name, but Mohinder was.

[B]

Give me the Mohinder. Oh, him.

[C]

Wow.

[E]

Yeah.

[C]

British.

[B]

I don't know.

[A]

Indian Smolder.

[B]

Yeah, I don't like that.

[E]

You don't like that?

[C]

Smoking hot.

[E]

You don't like a pretty face?

[B]

No. Because Indians have purple penises.

[D]

So that's better.

[C]

Have you done the market?

[A]

It is better.

[B]

What are you so angry about?

[D]

Rather than pale and, like, white.

[B]

Okay, okay. I just like a. I like a pale penis.

[C]

But I thought. You like them purple or you don't like them purple?

[B]

I don't like them purple.

[C]

Got it.

[E]

It's purple. It's purple.

[C]

Are you Indian?

[B]

No, I just have a purple penis. Well, my sacks are very dark. Would you like to see them?

[C]

I take your word for it.

[B]

Okay.

[C]

When you say very dark, you mean compared to yours, but not, like, darker than my sack? No, your dark.

[B]

Yours is very dark.

[C]

That's an assumption.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, yeah, you're right. My bad. That's my bad.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

And I.

[C]

Show me a penis picture on your phone.

[B]

I don't have dick pics on my phone.

[C]

I was usually going to show me, like, in person.

[B]

I was going to pull out a stack. Yeah. But, you know, it's fine. I won't.

[C]

You don't take any dick pics at all?

[B]

No. Well, it's not going to do me any favors. Well, it's going to help my case.

[C]

Well, with nice angles and stuff.

[B]

No, there's no angle. I mean, I have zoom. I guess I could zoom.

[E]

Wait, Bob, what's the best angle?

[C]

What? Depends on the shape of your penis. Okay.

[B]

What's your shape, Peter? Talk about.

[E]

I would say mine's generally up.

[C]

Yeah, a lot. A lot of them go up.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[C]

I have a Gonzo, you have a down. Yeah, Curves down.

[B]

Yeah.

[E]

That's good for head.

[C]

Yeah, Great.

[B]

Great for head.

[C]

Oh, my God. It just goes right down the chute.

[B]

Oh, yeah. Really?

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

Bobby, thoughts?

[B]

Yeah, my thoughts on the curve. Well, let me just see. Like, just because I'm an engineer. Sure. So, yeah, you're right. Yeah, yeah, you're absolutely right. It goes right because it would go down.

[E]

What's your shape?

[B]

My shit's straight up. It's more like a little rocket. Yeah, like a rocket. Yeah.

[C]

Straightforward ones are kind of like. The really straight ones are.

[B]

Mine curves to the left a little bit because of the, you know, I mean, when I jerk off, I go to the right. Left or left.

[C]

I don't think that actually affects the way that you. Because my. I don't jerk off facing down. You know what I mean?

[B]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. No. So you don't.

[C]

No.

[B]

Okay.

[C]

But also people whose penises curve up, they tend to store their penises up in their pants. Like when they're wearing underwear. Their penis, like literally. Which is wild.

[E]

As opposed to down.

[C]

My penis goes.

[E]

I'm storing it down because it's naturally going down.

[C]

The goes down.

[E]

Oh, interesting. Mine's. Yeah, mine's tucked into.

[B]

Where do you tuck yours?

[E]

Usually, like, it's going up and then on. The band is keeping it in place.

[C]

So if you have a boner, it's going to go. It's going to go. It's going to be poking out.

[E]

Yeah. I mean, it's over a lip.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

And if I have a boner, it's.

[E]

Just going down to your own. But that's great for tucking.

[C]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[B]

You know, say yours again because I want to do mine like yours. Oh, my.

[C]

Yours goes to the left.

[B]

Did you just describe yours again?

[E]

No.

[B]

Ew.

[C]

No.

[B]

Because I want mine to not be the way it is.

[C]

Are you comfortable? Yeah.

[B]

Okay.

[E]

She's family.

[B]

I think I just did it. Yeah, yeah. Did it feel good? Yeah, yeah. So what. Basically what you're saying is that when it comes to a certain community, I wouldn't be considered sexy.

[C]

Yes.

[B]

That's interesting.

[C]

I mean, you weren't on the list. List and I didn't make that list. So it's not just my opinion, but I will say when it comes to, like the. When it comes to the middle aged, graying, slightly chubby comedians.

[A]

There we go.

[C]

I would say of. Of those people.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

Yeah. If it's like you and Louis CK and. And Fluffy. Ian.

[B]

Carmel.

[C]

Fluffy.

[B]

I'm in the same category.

[C]

No, you're the hottest of them. Earthquake. Earthquake.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

Yeah. You're hotter than wake. You're hotter than all of them.

[E]

Okay, can I throw Joe Rogan in there? Because the body shape similar now. He's bloated a lot.

[C]

Yeah, he has. You're hotter than Joe Rogan is.

[A]

Wow.

[B]

Wow. That's a win. I'm going to text him that later, my friend.

[C]

Winners. A win.

[B]

A winner.

[E]

When you heard that.

[B]

Spotify. Yeah. So, okay, so what I'm saying is I just want to make.

[C]

Would be a great name for like a Vietnamese podcast.

[B]

What?

[E]

A win.

[C]

Win is a win.

[B]

That is good. That is very good. Write that down, man.

[E]

Find someone Vietnamese.

[B]

So. But I do get girls. I don't know if you guys know that, of course. Why?

[C]

Well, you're. Well, you're funny, you're charming. And also, women aren't as judgmental as men are when it comes to looks. Women will be like, if you're funny and charming and you have money and you're nice to my cat and you call my mom, it doesn't matter if you look like a thumb.

[B]

Okay?

[C]

And you don't like a thumb. To be clear, you do not look like a thumb.

[B]

Not a thumb. A yellow thumb, dude.

[C]

Yeah, I didn't say yellow. That was you.

[B]

Okay, I know you did. I know. But let me say something to you, and I'm gonna make this as clear as I can. Okay? Don't suck a lot of dicks myself. Right. But I bet your money, right, if I did, I'd be the best at it.

[C]

That's. No.

[B]

Oh, yes. 100%.

[C]

You and me were having a dick sucking contest. I promise you, I would suck you under the table.

[B]

No, there's no way, dude. No.

[C]

And also, I'll be clear, in a pussy eating contest, I'd beat you, like, easily.

[B]

Are you out of your mind?

[C]

I'm telling you right now, I'm the champ. No, you're not. Not, not.

[B]

I'm the champ at that.

[C]

What are some of your techniques?

[B]

Well, okay, so I do a lot of suction.

[C]

Okay.

[B]

But you don't know about suction.

[C]

Yes, I do.

[B]

Right, you do. Right.

[C]

We'll describe eating your to who you think is going to do a better job.

[B]

Okay.

[C]

Okay. You want to go first?

[B]

She's like a daughter to me, so I don't.

[C]

Do you want to go first? You want me to go first?

[B]

Let's do dicks first.

[C]

Okay? So if you're. Okay, if you're gonna be.

[B]

I'd rather do it.

[A]

You're A choice.

[B]

You're a choice, Bob. Why was that the choice?

[C]

And then you can tell us.

[B]

I don't know, because I felt threatened.

[C]

So if you're sucking.

[E]

Okay, wait, I've done both, too, so I want to play.

[C]

Okay.

[B]

Okay.

[C]

If you're sucking a dick, if you're holding the balls, this is nice. You don't have.

[B]

Okay, can I just say something?

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

Let's not play. Why? Yeah, I fucked up by even going into this territory because I feel like I'm gonna be proven wrong.

[C]

I mean.

[B]

Yeah, but you know what? We'll go ahead. Let's go ahead and do it anyway.

[C]

If you're holding the balls, if you can get all the way down your throat, you should definitely do that. And if you can't, you gotta use the hand to, like, compensate for the lack of throating ability.

[B]

But you know what I would do?

[C]

What?

[B]

Okay. I put the sack in my mouth.

[C]

Okay.

[B]

One of the testicles would be on one side of the cheek, the other one on the other side of pain, right? What Pain? What do you mean pain?

[C]

How big are these balls, Shaq? What?

[B]

Shaq? Yeah, Shaq's balls.

[C]

But we don't know that. But do we know the balls have that level of elasticity?

[B]

But that's what I can do with my mouth.

[A]

That's the thing.

[C]

Separate someone's balls.

[B]

Yes. Again, I go.

[C]

Right.

[B]

So now, right in there. Right?

[C]

Okay.

[B]

And I look in the eyes and I'm. And I.

[C]

And the penis is right between your.

[A]

Exactly.

[B]

Exactly. Right here, dude. Right? And I look up with my eyes. Right? And I go. You know, with my eyes, I can, like, communicate myself. Yes.

[A]

Yes, I can.

[E]

Yes.

[B]

And when I'm communicating, it's more soaking.

[C]

Like. You're soaking the ball.

[B]

Yeah, I'm soaking the ball. Yay.

[C]

Nice.

[B]

Yeah. So with my eyes, you'll be able to look down and my eyes will go.

[C]

What position are you in? What position are you in down there?

[B]

Yes, dude.

[A]

What?

[C]

What position?

[B]

I'm on my knees.

[C]

Okay, but is your ass poking out?

[B]

No, no, no, no, no, no.

[C]

Are you wearing cute underwear?

[B]

Yes.

[C]

What kind?

[B]

It's actually the one I'm wearing now.

[C]

Let's see. O.

[B]

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[A]

Yeah.

[B]

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[A]

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Oh, what's yours? Mine is everything on black.

[F]

I've got a more complicated system of getting a little bit, a little few wins here and there and then also you can add up to bigger wins.

[A]

Okay. Everything. If you hit everything, everything on black, that just seems.

[F]

No, no.

[B]

Scary.

[A]

Ooh, Wheel of Fortune. I do love playing Wheel of Fortune.

[F]

I thought you would be more of an 88 Fortune kind of guy, but Wheel of Fortune's good too.

[A]

Oh, because of the.

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[C]

Is your ass poking out?

[B]

No. No no no no no.

[C]

Are you wearing cute underwear?

[B]

Yes.

[C]

What kind?

[B]

It's. I'll show you the one I'm wearing now.

[C]

Let's see. Okay. They're not. Not cute.

[E]

Wait, let me see the back.

[C]

Okay. Oh, that star is the tattoo.

[E]

Yeah.

[C]

I thought it was part of the.

[B]

No, it's not a part of the thing. Right.

[E]

Design would have been nice.

[B]

So I'm not done yet though, so. Okay. So soaking. That's a 20 minute event.

[C]

20 minute. I was just. Eye communication.

[B]

Yes. Morse code.

[C]

Morse code with my eyes for 20 minutes. You're doing nothing with a penis, dude.

[B]

I promise you this, though. The kind of work I do with the sax, okay. Is gonna keep this penis hard. Okay, you're edging.

[E]

You're edging.

[B]

Yeah. You're edging. Also, you've never experienced my style. So you right now, you're trying to comprehend it. I am so with my eyes, I'll even say, are you comprehending? Yeah, yeah. Morse coded, Right?

[C]

I'm listening.

[B]

Yeah. Are you comprehending what I'm doing right now? Right. High tech.

[C]

So you're asking questions, you're giving a quiz during the blowjob. Got it.

[B]

Right. And with you, you don't even have to say that. You could just do with your eyes.

[C]

Okay.

[B]

And you're going to go with your eyes. Wow. Huh? Yeah. Amazing.

[C]

I mean, I can talk because the person can talk. They don't have balls.

[B]

Oh, that's true.

[C]

I can just be like, I'm good. There's no balls in my mouth.

[B]

All right, you're right, you're right, you're right.

[C]

You can.

[B]

You can communicate so with your mouth like normal people. Quote, Communicate.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

You will say, wow, amazing. Keep going. You know what I mean? Right, right. And then what I do is I do a choo train.

[C]

I'm all ears.

[B]

You are. Right now I'm all sack.

[C]

I want to hear what is the tutu train method?

[B]

Well, imagine that your testicles. Right?

[C]

Okay.

[B]

It's a train station.

[C]

Okay.

[B]

Right.

[C]

All aboard.

[B]

All aboard. That's what I say. With my eyes, too.

[C]

With your eyes.

[B]

Right. When it's time to transition, I go, all aboard. Right. And I go choo choo with my eyes. Right. And then I take. Slowly take them out. Right, right. And I go up the track.

[C]

Okay.

[B]

Track.

[C]

Is the penis up the bottom of it.

[B]

Yes.

[C]

Kissing or like traveling. Everything just dry lip.

[B]

What? What I. Okay, yeah, yeah. Some sucking. Right, right, right.

[C]

Two, two.

[B]

Right. With my eye too, too. Right. And then I just do head work.

[C]

The technique.

[E]

Head work.

[C]

So the whole middle of the, you know, is being ignored. You. 20 minutes on the ball, dude. Another 20 minutes in the head. The Whole shaft left is just ignored at this point.

[B]

Work, bro.

[C]

Okay.

[B]

Right. What's so funny, dude? I'm gonna tell you something, dude.

[C]

Right? What?

[B]

You know what I'm gonna do? Dude, you know what I'm gonna do? Take the tip of my tongue and I'm gonna go inside the little pee hole.

[C]

No, sounding. What? Sounding.

[B]

What do you mean, sounding?

[C]

Sounding is when you enter the P. Hole.

[B]

Yes, I'm gonna. That's what it's called?

[C]

Yes, called sounding.

[B]

Yeah, well, I've been doing it for years. I never even named it. Right.

[A]

You have been doing a lot of head for years.

[B]

Yeah, yeah.

[C]

You know, I gotta say, all off the rip.

[B]

Yeah, off the rip.

[C]

Tell me this is not a great technique. I'm not kink shaming. Do whatever you want when you. When you're slobbing knobs.

[B]

You know what I mean? Yeah.

[C]

But I think with practice, you.

[B]

You.

[C]

You can find someone who's into this thing for sure.

[B]

No, you'll be into it me. I guarantee it.

[C]

All right.

[B]

If you're out there, I will blow your mind.

[C]

You know what?

[B]

Right. Right.

[C]

Only time will tell.

[B]

I'm not even done, though.

[C]

Oh, my God.

[B]

There's more. What? There's more. Yeah. And I do a double handed jerk off.

[C]

Okay, this is nice.

[B]

You do.

[C]

This is nice. Yeah.

[B]

What? Here's what I do. You're not gonna believe this. Style the bottom of your shaft. What's so funny? Gilbert, this is being real.

[A]

You just said you weren't 20 minutes ago.

[C]

Okay, okay.

[B]

But on the top of the shaft, I do three fingers. That's two. What?

[E]

That's three.

[C]

There's a thumb.

[E]

Oh, I didn't see the thumb.

[B]

I pay attention. Yeah, this is. This is too high tech. Shift. Pay attention, dog. All right, Right? And I go. I don't do it all at the same time.

[C]

Okay.

[B]

They're different. You know what I mean? Oh, so this goes fast, this goes slow.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

Have you heard that that happened?

[C]

Do you have that level of rhythmic?

[B]

I do. I do. Dude. Okay, I can show you right now. Right?

[C]

Okay.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

I don't think you do. I don't think you do.

[B]

I haven't done it in a while, dude. Yeah. I gotta get it in the groove. Right?

[C]

Obviously, Obviously.

[B]

With that rhythmic. Rhythmic. You know what I'm saying? Your penis, the sensation. You've never felt that before, right? Then I go another 20 minutes to the sack. I soak again. What?

[E]

Another 20 minutes?

[B]

Yeah. Yeah.

[C]

My God.

[B]

Oh, but you've already come four times.

[C]

Four times.

[B]

At least.

[C]

You know what?

[B]

Yeah. I mean, I'm hearing your method. Thank you, thank you.

[C]

I appreciate the innovation. You are an engineer.

[B]

Yeah, but then.

[C]

I've left.

[B]

No, you haven't left.

[C]

I've called my Uber at the time.

[B]

No, no, no, no, no. But then. Right, right.

[C]

So now I'm a prisoner.

[B]

Yeah, yeah.

[C]

I'm trying to leave. You have me by the balls. You will not let me leave.

[B]

But here's what I also I do, my friend, right? I do a move called the Lonely man in the desert. Do you know what that move is?

[C]

I can only imagine.

[B]

I'm going to tell you.

[C]

Okay.

[B]

Okay. Your taint is the desert.

[C]

Okay.

[B]

My tongue's the lonely man, wandering. I'm wandering him. Right. Sometimes I run. Sometimes I.

[C]

Sometimes I hide.

[B]

Sometimes, yeah. Sometimes I hide. And sometimes, right at night, what does the lonely man do? He hides.

[C]

Order Ubereats.

[B]

No, he hides in the cave.

[C]

And that's the butthole.

[B]

I don't. I don't know.

[C]

They used to. Are you lifting the legs to get here?

[B]

Exactly, dude.

[C]

Okay.

[B]

Exactly. Thank you. Thank you so much.

[C]

There's some good stuff here.

[B]

Okay. Thank you. Well, that's all I wanted, was some, like, you know, some acknowledgment, right. That it was like, you know, that it could work.

[C]

There are some things in here that do work.

[B]

What doesn't work?

[C]

I think the splitting of the balls. I think the lack of rhythm in the hands. I think the 40 minutes on the balls. So all of it. No, but the cave.

[B]

Oh, yeah.

[C]

The wandering.

[B]

Yeah. Lonely man in the desert.

[C]

The wandering. The desert and the.

[E]

Yeah, yeah.

[C]

Up the shaft.

[B]

Up the shaft.

[C]

Depending on how long you do it, either charming or annoying.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. So, Peter, describe to me your techniques with the vagina.

[E]

With the vagina. Why? Why are we going to vagina?

[B]

Because. No, because I'm doing something that I'm not. Like, I don't do. Oh. I'm just telling you what I would do.

[E]

I've only done this once.

[C]

Oh, the one time.

[B]

One time, yeah. So I did use. What did you do?

[E]

I did use technique.

[B]

Okay, so tell me the technique.

[E]

Someone told me that you were supposed to do the Alphabet, but instead, I.

[B]

It's a Sam Kinison joke. What?

[C]

She's. No, she goes.

[D]

I'm just visualizing.

[B]

Yeah, yeah.

[E]

Like, use your tongue and, like, draw.

[B]

Write a letter. No, but that's a Sam Kinison joke. What's the joke he did? A standup joke is when you're down there, you do the ABCs or whatever. And you do, Right. What's.

[C]

Yeah, well, literacy is not great in America, so it can. All right, but there's more literacy in Spanish.

[B]

But if you did Sanskrit, that'd be cool.

[E]

I did in Korean.

[B]

Oh, that's so much better.

[C]

How many letters in the Korean Alphabet?

[E]

24.

[B]

24.

[C]

Okay. Similar. Similar.

[B]

Yeah. But. But the Korean Alphabet, there's like a moon, a house, there's all.

[C]

Oh, my God. Is that a lie? Yeah, I believe it because I don't.

[B]

No, but the way they look. Yeah, it looks more like.

[E]

Yeah, it's more pictorial.

[F]

More lines in the cr.

[B]

There's more lines. And that's very good technique. There we go. Zoom in that.

[C]

There she is.

[B]

There she is. There we go. So, yeah, I mean, you would do some mo. Some do's, some bows, right? You do use. Yeah.

[C]

Than 24. Like, I'm not great.

[E]

Well, you're repeating a lot of.

[C]

Oh, okay. I was like, this is a lot of letters.

[E]

It's syllabic.

[C]

Got it.

[B]

Yeah. Bob, get with it.

[C]

I'm. I'm learning.

[B]

It's syllabic.

[C]

I'm not a polyglot. You got to forgive me.

[B]

Yeah. So you did that down there.

[E]

I was doing that. She seemed to like it.

[B]

Yeah, but what are they. She going to go?

[E]

No, I mean, if they didn't hurt her.

[B]

Okay, that's fine. That's good.

[E]

I didn't try any suction.

[B]

Oh, suction's fine. On. Is it?

[E]

Yeah. What are you sucking?

[F]

The lips?

[C]

The clitoris?

[B]

Exactly. Bob. Come on, dad, we're on the. I don't think.

[E]

I don't think I was. I. I don't think I was there.

[C]

Were you like, I was looking for lips or less? Or you. Like.

[E]

What do you mean?

[C]

Because the lips are like. Like this and. Yeah, it's like this.

[B]

I didn't see the clip.

[C]

Both the lips, like, turning sideways to get both the lips in.

[B]

Yeah. Did you close. Because, you know. Close your eyes.

[E]

I was like this.

[B]

Okay. Don't use your hands. Why. Why would you put your hands over there? Like.

[C]

No, his hands are the.

[B]

Oh, I didn't know. I thought you were just doing this.

[E]

Just doing.

[B]

Okay. Okay. Okay.

[C]

I don't think she had a good time.

[B]

I don't think so.

[E]

Because I. I didn't know there was a clitoris, obviously.

[C]

Oh.

[E]

I was 19. I did not. We didn't have sex ed.

[B]

Right. Like, we did.

[C]

But clitoris existed when you were 19.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

They didn't discover the clitoris when you turned 20.

[E]

I feel like, it was the odds.

[B]

Right? So that's the one time you did it and she didn't probably orgasm.

[C]

Did you not take health class and learn about there was they.

[E]

No, we didn't do clitoris.

[B]

We did.

[E]

We barely did.

[F]

Labia.

[E]

I didn't think I knew what a labia was. We went to a science and math high school in New York, so it was very.

[C]

Biology is science. Human anatomy is science.

[B]

Yeah.

[E]

I don't know. Sex ed was like. No one wanted to do it.

[C]

You're from New York City?

[B]

Yeah.

[E]

Did you do sex ed in New York City?

[C]

I'm from Atlanta.

[E]

Oh, did you do sex ed in Atlanta?

[C]

Yeah.

[E]

You learned about clitoris in high school?

[C]

Yeah, we learned the. Every part of the. The female and male in Atlanta. Anatomy. We took a quiz. They give us a picture of it, and you're like, what is that? What is that? What is that? And then you do the inside of the anatomy and you go, what's that? What's inside?

[B]

Fallopian tubes.

[C]

Yeah.

[E]

Oh. Oh, that stuff.

[C]

Ovaries.

[F]

Ovaries.

[C]

A cervix.

[B]

Cervix.

[E]

What's the cervix?

[C]

So the cervix is pretty far back.

[B]

Yeah, we'll be back.

[C]

Yeah. So, like. So if you're going really far and you're like.

[B]

If you have a big. If.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

Or a long.

[C]

Or something. Or an object or something, you'll be. You'll be hitting the cervix. But you can get your cervix removal, though.

[B]

I've never. I've never really.

[C]

Yeah. Like, if you get like a. If you get like a ovarian, you've.

[E]

Never hit the cervix.

[B]

I don't even know. I know. I never went there.

[C]

If you get ovarian, fallopian, hysterectomy, then this. The cervix will be gone.

[B]

Oh, wow.

[C]

Yeah, I'm pretty sure someone should Google that. But I'm pretty sure.

[E]

Learning so much today. No, I didn't know any of.

[B]

Okay. Like. Like, if the cervix is like Cleveland, I went to Denver. So that's how far I've been.

[C]

Like, a whole different.

[B]

You know, a whole different.

[E]

You're in a different girl.

[B]

No, I just didn't go further. You know what I mean?

[C]

Okay. Cleveland is in Ohio and Denver's in Colorado.

[B]

Yeah. Cleveland.

[C]

It's a different state.

[B]

I know, but still, the direction is.

[C]

I would say, if it's Long Island, Las Vegas. You made it to Fire Island. You didn't make it to, you know.

[E]

Bontag.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

Can I do my own, though Analogy? Thank you.

[C]

As long as it makes sense.

[E]

You gotta make it.

[B]

Yeah. Can I do my. More as long from la? Right, Right. I went to Vegas and I didn't get all the way to Cleveland, but.

[C]

How big is this? How big is this vaginal cave?

[B]

It's not. Or how small is my shaft?

[C]

There it is. There we go.

[B]

That was the jo. Like.

[C]

And everyone knows.

[B]

Analyze the joke.

[C]

Everyone knows if you explain the joke, that's how you know it's funny.

[B]

Okay. Bob, you all right? So did you get good grades in high school?

[C]

No.

[B]

You were a fuck up?

[C]

Yeah, I graduated with a 2.7 GPA.

[B]

Whoa.

[C]

And everyone in Georgia goes. Anyone in Georgia has got the Hope Scholarship. If you graduate high school with a B average or higher, you go to college for free.

[A]

I'm from Alpharetto.

[C]

Yeah. It's paid for by the Georgia Lottery. It's called Hope Scholarship.

[B]

And then you got. You didn't get that.

[C]

I didn't. I got Pell granted.

[B]

Oh, you did.

[C]

Which is for broke people.

[B]

And did you go to college?

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

Which one?

[C]

Columbus State University in Columbus, Georgia.

[B]

Oh, that's cool.

[C]

I didn't finish, though.

[B]

Okay.

[C]

I dropped out to come to New York City and become a comedian.

[D]

What was your major?

[C]

Theater education. I was gonna be a drama teacher.

[B]

Yeah, we don't even. Do you know what that is? Yeah. Okay.

[A]

She's not like an immigrant.

[E]

She didn't just get here.

[B]

But can I ask personal questions, Bob?

[C]

Yeah, of course.

[B]

Okay. And I. I don't know if this is offensive.

[C]

I mean, I may write an answer, but you can ask anything.

[B]

Okay. So how do I go into.

[C]

I feel like you do know us. If it's offensive, by the way. I think, you know. No, I don't even know if this is possibly.

[B]

No, no. I don't know. Okay. I don't know.

[C]

I'm all ears.

[B]

Okay. What are you looking at me like that? Peter, I'm paying attention. I know, but you're going. Your eyes are going. Don't do it.

[A]

Morse code.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

I think when you start with. I think the. The preface of. I don't know if it would.

[B]

It was soaking. Don't do soaking.

[A]

There we go.

[B]

Now I got that. Yeah. Yeah. So, yeah. When did you. In terms of your sexuality. When did you discover that?

[C]

I mean, I've always known that I was queer. To be. To be clear. Like a lot of people pointed out to me before I knew, like, they'd be like, you act gay or you act like a girl before I even had the words to say those kind of things.

[B]

What were you doing to act gay?

[C]

Like walking kind of swishy and liking Barbie dolls in pink. I had an Easy Bake Oven, that kind of stuff.

[B]

Right. Did you do that, Peter?

[E]

No, I. I was really closeted.

[C]

You never walked swishy or anything?

[E]

I made sure I was not swishing.

[C]

Oh, my God. That's. That's a lot.

[E]

I know.

[C]

I mean, in New York, I would probably too. New York is a New York kids.

[E]

And scary Asian immigrant. Like.

[C]

Yeah.

[E]

Flushing, Queens. You know those kids who are first generation.

[C]

Yeah.

[E]

So I had to keep it quiet.

[C]

New York City kids are scary. One time I was on a train in New York City. I'll never forget this. This girl was so cute. She was the cutest little. Like, she. She had on a backpack. She kind of literally looked like Dory the Explorer. She had bangs and a bob and she was wearing a Door the Explorer backpack. And then all these kids, like any New Yorker knows you do not want to get out. You do not want to ride the train between like 2 o' clock and 4 o', clock, because all the kids are on the train. And this little girl was so cute. Her friends were getting off the train. And then as the doors were closing, she had her backpack and she looked so cute. She looked at her friend, she goes, see you tomorrow.

[B]

And I was like, really?

[C]

Yes. And I was like, that's craz.

[B]

Really?

[C]

This cute little girl.

[E]

Wait, she said it to you?

[C]

No, to her friend.

[B]

Oh, okay. That. Was she. That.

[C]

No.

[B]

Was she that.

[C]

I don't know if she was gay.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, but she could.

[C]

But I didn't think myself, what a little baby queer. But I thought myself, oh, what a cute little kid. Then she's like, see you tomorrow.

[B]

That's a bad word. You guys. Are you guys offended?

[E]

Sounds fierce.

[C]

Honestly?

[B]

Yeah. Are you offended by that word?

[C]

And that's the story of Party B.

[B]

Do.

[C]

Am I offended? It depends on who's. Who's saying, like, in what context?

[B]

That same one.

[C]

Like, you're on the train.

[B]

You have a. You have a Bob. Yeah, I'm a Bob. The whole thing, the backpack.

[C]

Do I think you're gay?

[B]

No.

[C]

And is your friend gay?

[B]

That's you. I say me?

[C]

Yeah, I'm offended.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, but we're friends.

[C]

I know, but if it was like. But if. If. If it was. I'm trying to think of a context where. Where Bobby Lee could say, I wouldn't be offended.

[E]

If he calls himself one, I think I'm up.

[C]

I think if there is a play, and it's of course for the character. Of course.

[B]

That.

[C]

Then that.

[B]

Yeah. Oh, so there's no other context?

[C]

I could probably think of some, but not in this moment.

[B]

Okay, now this moment. So, Peter, because we're brothers, right? Are we not brothers?

[E]

Not lately.

[B]

Oh, shut the up.

[E]

Oh, I came in upset.

[B]

I know. You know what you're acting like, right? You know what you're acting like right now? Why? That's what you're acting like.

[C]

Okay, Is this not a. By the way, I've scripted this whole thing. This has been a play, and you did it in the one context. No. Why are y' all not brothers right now?

[B]

It's. He's. Cuz. I don't even want to hear it. Why?

[C]

So when I.

[B]

Just to be clear, you know, what do you know?

[E]

You know what you did.

[B]

Yeah. It's ridiculous.

[C]

I want to know. Can I be the judge?

[B]

Well, can I expl.

[E]

No. It's like same old, same old behavior.

[B]

Yeah. Can I explain?

[C]

Yeah, of course. Yeah.

[B]

Thank you.

[A]

Maybe Bob can mediate this.

[B]

So in December, we just passed it.

[C]

Okay. It's January, everyone.

[B]

Exactly. So we, you know, I. Everyone knows. My whole team knows. I get really depressed during December, and I isolate.

[C]

Weaponizing your depression is kind of a. Kind of a move.

[B]

Yeah, it is.

[E]

It's a little swishy.

[B]

Yeah, it's a little swishy.

[E]

She's a little swishy.

[B]

Yeah. So. And everyone knows this. That are close to me, and they understand that during December, I kind of isolate. I don't call people back, and I. I'm just like, ronin. You know what a ronin is?

[C]

I don't.

[B]

Okay, I'll explain it to you. A ronin is a samurai without a master.

[C]

Okay, got it.

[B]

You know, back in the day, they used to just kind of wander the. You know, a path aimlessly, going nowhere. Right. And then a village could, you know, hire them to protect, you know, I mean, the village. Village from thieves and. Anyway, poachers. I don't know. But anyway, so during December's, I'm MIA every December. And if you were close to me, these guys never contacted me because they know that I just get, you know, I get so sad.

[C]

You're in roaring mode, Right?

[B]

So he kept texting me about bullshit, right? And I.

[A]

We'll get your assignments.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Bullshit, right? And I'm like, you know what? I choose right now in my depression not to text me him back.

[C]

Okay?

[B]

Right. But then you forget that he's a little.

[C]

Okay.

[B]

And. Yeah. Yeah, I'm not done.

[C]

Well, I want to hear I'm not done.

[B]

Peter, look at me right now. Peter.

[C]

Sweet Peter.

[B]

Are you mad?

[E]

Yeah, I'm pissed.

[B]

I love it.

[C]

But to be fair, it's no longer December, so you can't use your depression as a.

[B]

Well, anyway, finish.

[E]

Finish what you're saying.

[B]

Finish. You know, so.

[E]

You know, so pal could decide.

[B]

Yeah. So back in. In. In. Back in the day, growing up, my dad used to beat me because.

[E]

Oh, my God, who cares?

[C]

Like, every December.

[B]

Every December, dude.

[C]

I mean, when he knew you were already down.

[B]

Ho, ho, ho. And then he would.

[E]

Yeah, he would dress up as Santa.

[C]

It's giving Santa Claus.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

And it was. It's just a dark time for me, so I kind of, like, detach. You know what I mean? And. And then he. Now, you weren't the only one. There was a bunch of people that. But they know. They're not as sensitive as you, and they know it.

[C]

That's a nice thing.

[B]

Yeah, yeah. They know. You know, this is Bob's. You know what I mean, Bobby Lee's December. You know, his little Ronin move that he does. And we understand it. His mental state, you know, so. Go ahead, Pete.

[E]

Okay, first of all, I did text you on my birthday, which is in December, and you did text me back.

[B]

Oh, I did. Or not.

[E]

You did.

[B]

What'd I say? You said.

[E]

I said I sent you a picture of me looking particularly good, and I said, look at how good I look.

[B]

Yeah.

[E]

And you texted back sarcastically, wow.

[B]

Wow, that's good.

[E]

Yeah.

[B]

Wow.

[E]

Wow.

[B]

That was sarcasm.

[E]

I read it.

[B]

That's how you read it. But I saw. No, I was like, wow. When I saw it.

[E]

No, you would never.

[B]

100. Bob. Bob, look at me. Right? I saw. I remember. I saw the photo and I went, wow. Shut the up.

[E]

No one believes that.

[B]

Yes, everyone believes it.

[E]

No, you've never said that thing.

[B]

Wow.

[C]

I would say for a future.

[B]

What is going on? Each j. What is this? What is that from Taylor, I think.

[C]

Is that the thing?

[A]

It's another cop, maybe.

[C]

My God.

[B]

Okay.

[C]

Anyway, I don't know what to me this. In the future, you. You could send a voice note so he knows you're not being sarcastic.

[E]

Okay. Yeah. And also, I did write back sarcastic. And then you didn't respond. And then you. So I figured you were texting back in December.

[B]

Oh, yeah. But. Right. And that.

[C]

Here's what.

[E]

You're texting back. And then I did Not. Hold on, let me finish. So Bob and I. Bobby and I have a show that we're. That we've sold. Thank you. That needs. We need to work together at a certain point.

[C]

Even in December.

[E]

Even in December. And I had a little bit of news to share, and he wasn't calling me back, and it got annoying to me. Me. And now. And then I start spitting out. I'm like, okay, is he mad at me?

[B]

What the.

[E]

Blah, blah.

[B]

I love you.

[C]

Anyway. That seemed genuine.

[B]

Yeah. Yeah.

[C]

Does Bobby have people that you can contact if he's not answering, like an assistant or. Or a partner?

[B]

I do.

[C]

Are you married?

[B]

No.

[C]

Siblings?

[B]

Steve. But there's no way you're going to contact. That's work. That's 10 times worse.

[E]

I would be going backwards.

[B]

Yeah, that's going backwards.

[C]

Steve is like, October to December.

[B]

Yeah.

[E]

He starts.

[B]

So. So that's.

[E]

Anyway, whatever. It's fine.

[B]

Okay, That's. That's what. That's what it is. Yeah. You got. You. You got that off your chest. Yeah. How do you feel now?

[E]

Better.

[B]

Okay.

[C]

Oh, that's nice.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

I think maybe going forward in December, you could take something like, hey, Bobby, I know you're in Ronin mode right now, and I just want to say that we do have some work to do. I'm gonna go ahead.

[B]

Thank you, Bob. Thank you.

[C]

I'm gonna text your assistant or your. Or your partner, your friend or someone.

[B]

Thank you. Thank you, Bob.

[C]

Because depression is hard. Seasonal depression.

[B]

It's so hard. Bob.

[C]

Seasonal depression is hard. And I would say, Bobby, if you have the ability to just be like, I. Maybe automatic reply text, y'. All. Y' all know I'm in Ronin. You're going to do that. I'm in Ronin mode. Just a picture of a lonely sound.

[B]

Out of office. Yeah.

[C]

Out of an out of office text. Yeah.

[B]

And, Bob, you know, I just took that note. Next December, I'm gonna do that.

[C]

There it is.

[B]

Thank you. Also, can I just throw on my. My last two cents here? Right.

[C]

I mean, it sounds like you already won, so you're kind of beating the dead horse at this point.

[B]

I like. Because when horses dead, I like to beat it again.

[C]

Done. Noted.

[B]

And that's always been my. My people, the Koreans, we used throughout history. We. We re beat. We re beat horses. Just make. Make sure they're dead.

[C]

Noted.

[B]

Noted. So that's just a historical thing. And my family. Okay, so what. I don't know what you're looking at right now, guy, but so here's the thing. Me saying, wow, Right. That's more than most people got.

[C]

Do you. Can you prove that through your text?

[B]

What do you mean?

[C]

Like, can I scroll through your December text?

[B]

No, I'll tell you.

[C]

Seems like more than a while.

[B]

I'll tell you. No, because I'll tell you mine. What?

[C]

You can scroll through mine.

[B]

It's not that I'm scared.

[C]

You.

[B]

You can look through my whole phone and my photo. I don't give a.

[C]

But. But maybe I might find that.

[B]

But there's. There's a little caveat in there. The caveat is.

[C]

Got it.

[B]

Okay. So, yeah, I did text.

[C]

Got it.

[B]

Okay.

[D]

But you couldn't text your friend.

[E]

See, this is why Jules is.

[B]

No. Yeah. I could not.

[C]

Did you get the.

[B]

Yes.

[C]

Okay.

[B]

So that's a win for me. Shop. Shopify. Shopify. Shopify. Dude, we. There's no bit. We don't have a business without Shopify. We do online business.

[A]

That's true.

[B]

And we only, you know, I don't know if you know this, but we're high quality. Everything we do. And we only sell with the greatest companies. Right? And we. This platform is the best out there. Nobody does selling better than Shopify.

[A]

No, they don't.

[B]

Home of the number one checkout on the planet with the not so secret sake with shop pay that boosts conversions up to 50%. Meaning way less carts going abandoned and way more sales going up, up, up, up, up, up. So if you're into growing your business, your commerce platform better be ready to sell wherever your customers are scrolling or strolling on the web, in your store, in their feed, and everywhere in between. Business that sell more sell on Shopify.

[A]

Guys, upgrade your business and get the same checkout as us. Tiger Belly, sign up for your $1 per month trial period at Shopify. Do all lowercase go to shopify.com tigerbelly to upgrade your selling today. Shopify.com tigerbelly shop.

[B]

Shopify. Shopify.

[C]

And. And whichever one you think about is you.

[B]

You're the one. You are.

[A]

Neo.

[C]

Everyone's watching. It's you, baby. No, the one was Jet Lady Lee.

[A]

Oh, that is the. Damn.

[B]

Yes. Thank you.

[C]

Great movie. Jet Le. Jet Lee's not doing well these days.

[B]

Why? What's he's like sick.

[C]

Bring him up. Jet Le. Like, he's like had a condition and he's not. He can't do a lot of that physical stuff he used to do anymore.

[B]

That's him. Yeah.

[C]

Jet Le's not doing well.

[B]

That's not Jet Le. That's not Jet Le. There's no way. That's Jet Le sick, right?

[C]

Yeah, he had. He has a condition.

[B]

What is it?

[E]

Just looks old.

[C]

Well, he is older than he was. Was. But I think that no, Jet Lee has a condition that has.

[B]

No, the guy to the left is Jet Lee.

[C]

No, no, Jet Lee has a condition that is. That has aged him more than most people.

[B]

Wait, that's crazy. That's. So where he's wearing. He's doing well because he has a Montclair jacket on.

[F]

That's good.

[B]

I think fiscally, yeah, yeah, yeah, he's got some money.

[C]

Fiscally, he's probably doing. Yeah. But physically I don't. I don't know where he's at now he's smiling.

[B]

I think I can beat him in karate at that age.

[C]

He might shock you.

[B]

You think that. Wait, well, you're saying that old Jet Li can still beat me? Me up?

[C]

I mean, probably.

[B]

Okay.

[C]

Cuz he has years of training.

[B]

Yeah, he's no longer the one.

[C]

Have you ever been in a fist fight?

[B]

What?

[C]

A fist fight?

[B]

That's so rude, Bob. I'm not even gonna give you the dignity to even answer that. Yeah, I have.

[C]

Oh, you have?

[B]

Have I lost all of them? Yes.

[C]

Yeah, yeah. Understandable.

[B]

But I have been in them.

[C]

Understandable.

[B]

Has anybody hit your little soft skin?

[C]

And I do have soft skin if any wants to touch.

[B]

Mine.

[C]

Soft. Oh my God.

[B]

Exactly, dude.

[C]

Wow.

[B]

Yeah. Now imagine your balls in my mouth.

[C]

I have. I have not. I have not been hit in a while. I did, I did get into the last physical altercation I was in. I was 29 years old. Yeah, 30, 29.

[B]

What happened?

[C]

A guy jumped up and grabbed me during my drag show and I body him.

[B]

Wow.

[C]

Video of it somewhere on the Internet.

[B]

Wow. I. I don't want to see it.

[E]

So did they grab you like a sexual way?

[C]

No, he like I was lip syncing. He jumped up and grabbed me and I was. And he like, you know when someone grabs you and pins your arms to your side?

[B]

Ye.

[C]

I was like, oh my God. Like, I was like, let me go. The music was still playing. I can't remember what song was playing. I think it may have been like a Nicki Minaj song. And I was like, like, let me go. And I remember like, if you don't let me go, I'm gonna have to take you down. And then he didn't let me go and I. I gave him a little hip toss to the ground.

[B]

And did he get hurt?

[C]

You know, he didn't get up.

[B]

Oh, that's not Good.

[C]

But he might. But he might have just been laying there from embarrassment or I think he might have always been a little tipsy. So it wasn't a fair fight.

[B]

Well, you seem like you're a strong fella.

[C]

I'm. I'm large.

[B]

I'll tell you. Six. What?

[C]

Six two. A dainty six two. I make it look like six.

[B]

Six, two. But you got a great body.

[C]

Thank you.

[B]

That of you very strong.

[C]

Thank you.

[B]

Yeah. Yeah.

[C]

But yeah, me and that. That was my last.

[B]

Compared to that guy, you look pretty strong.

[C]

How tall are you?

[B]

No, he's a melting gay.

[C]

What's your impro. That's.

[B]

That's a gay. Out in the sun too long.

[C]

Calling someone melting candle crazy.

[B]

No, I said gay.

[E]

Melting gay.

[B]

Melting gay. Candle gay.

[E]

First of all, our bodies look very similar.

[B]

Exactly. I'm not. Dude, I'm not saying. But let. But that being said, right. Being gay with our body is not tough.

[C]

Have you ever arm wrestled?

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

Have you ever arm wrestled?

[B]

I'll beat him in arm wrestling. That's not even.

[E]

Yeah, right. I'll kill you.

[B]

Not in arm wrestling.

[E]

Arm wrestling.

[B]

Yeah. What is that?

[C]

What?

[B]

What is this?

[C]

This is my book.

[B]

Oh, God.

[C]

Oh, my God. And I have a copy. Yeah, this copy's for you.

[B]

Yeah, but. Okay.

[C]

I mean that. That. Okay, the truth is that is not a real copy of the book. This is an actual copy of the book. That is a copy of the book Madea, wrapped in my book cover. Okay.

[B]

Okay.

[C]

I don't have a hard copy yet, but this. And I don't mean so funny. And not black Madea.

[B]

No. The real.

[E]

The mythology.

[B]

Yes. Oh.

[C]

It was kind of weird that you thought I meant black.

[A]

I thought you meant.

[E]

Okay, come on. You said. Stop it.

[A]

I thought you meant.

[E]

Yeah, Stop it.

[B]

That's crazy.

[E]

It's not crazy.

[A]

That's what Peter said.

[C]

I don't think there are made of.

[E]

Books he doesn't write.

[C]

You think Medea Goes to Prison would be in book form?

[E]

There's no children's version.

[C]

Oh, these are the people you surround yourself with.

[B]

Exactly.

[C]

This is why no one text you back in December.

[B]

Thank you. Thank you.

[C]

You.

[B]

Yeah, you.

[E]

I'm the problem on Tiger Belly.

[C]

Okay. Copy my book. Harriet Tubman Live in Concert. It's a book about Harriet Tubman coming back to life. And she writes a hip hop album with a hip hop producer. It is a historical fiction absurd novel and. Do you read a lot?

[B]

Yeah, why not?

[C]

That wasn't convincing. But there is an audio version of it. You can go to readthedragqueen.com.

[B]

Do you do the. You do the voice?

[C]

Yep, I'm reading the book.

[B]

Oh, then I'd love to listen to it.

[C]

And that is for you.

[B]

And, okay, so this is Harriet Tubman Live in Concert, a novel by Bob the Direct Queen.

[C]

Yep, very one.

[B]

Could you sign it for me?

[C]

Oh, I would love to.

[B]

Do you have a pen, anybody?

[C]

A Sharpie would be best.

[B]

Do you have a Sharpie?

[F]

Yes, sir.

[B]

And can you write a little letter or something? Like, you know how they know how. They do. Yeah. Anyway, so everyone, check out the book. Buy it. It's great.

[C]

Can you make it sound genuine?

[B]

No. Okay, I'll be right.

[C]

Yes.

[B]

Look at me, right? You want to see genuine?

[C]

Yes.

[B]

Okay. Is that my camera?

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

It's been your camera.

[C]

You own all.

[B]

Seriously, check this out. Just check this one out.

[A]

5, 4, 3, 2.

[B]

Hi, my name is Bobby Lee. I'm the host of Tiger Belly. And what I'd like to say is I've never endorsed a book in my life, right? But if I were to do one, it would be this book, and I'll tell you why. I just met Bob the Drag Queen, and already he's a whimsical fella, right? And we're like two peas in a pod, and it's almost as if I'd known him my whole life. And I guarantee you, I know from the bottom of my heart that it's one of the best books out right now. And if you're a real fan of me, I implore you, and I beg you to buy this book, because if you don't, tragedy will come upon you. And so you think that, like, getting sick is bad.

[C]

Right?

[B]

You think that, like, you know, I mean, having, like, you know, Ebola, right? No, not a. There's two gays here. We'll cut that part out. Thank you. I was gonna try to go non gay. You can't say sickle cell anemia, too, because. So it's like. Anyway.

[A]

Sickle cell, five, four, three, two, one.

[B]

You know, car accidents. You think a car accident's bad, right? Something even bad, Worse is going to happen.

[C]

Well, car accidents around Asians, that's crazy.

[B]

You know, it's so funny because I cut that out. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[A]

Keep all of it in.

[B]

All of it in. Keep all of it in. Keep the sickle cell in. Car driving in. Okay. Anyway, so I employ you to watch the. And do it.

[C]

What's the.

[B]

What's the new what by the book.

[A]

Say the book.

[B]

Harriet Tubman Live In Concert, a novel by Bob the Darrow Drag Queen. What's going with our show, Peter? Nothing.

[E]

We'll talk about it when they pass. We'll talk about it afterwards.

[B]

No, tell me now. I can't.

[E]

I can't wait to watch you on Traders, by the way. Oh, yeah. I'm so excited. Yes.

[B]

What's Traitors?

[E]

I thought you were here for Traders.

[B]

You're here for the book.

[C]

I'm here for all of it.

[B]

What's Traders? Tell me what?

[C]

A murder mystery reality TV show hosted by Alan Cumming. Emmy award winning by Alan Cumming. And it's like some people are chosen to be.

[B]

Is Alan Cumming Night Star Stalker?

[C]

Yeah. Night Crawler.

[B]

Nightcrawler.

[C]

Yeah. The Night Stalker is a murderer.

[B]

Nightcrawler.

[C]

And I think the Night Stalker has been caught already in the. In the 80s 90s.

[B]

He was Nightcrawler in the X Men movie.

[C]

Yes.

[B]

Yeah, very good. X Men. Yeah, very good one.

[C]

Great. Anyway, it's a murder mystery television show and some people are chosen to be murderers or traitors. And they have. We have. They have to. Well, I'm. I don't want to spoil it.

[B]

Is it a game show? Don't spoil. It's a game show show.

[C]

It's a kind of.

[E]

It's like a reality game.

[C]

It's like a Big Brother kind of game show.

[B]

Kind of. It's all for the gays.

[C]

No, there. There are gays. There. There are six of us.

[B]

Cummings is a gay, right?

[C]

He's a queer.

[B]

Yeah. Yeah. He's also. I saw. Is he the one. Just back me up on this. He loves monkeys. Right? Like the. What's it.

[C]

Yeah, he was. He was in Chimp Crazy. Chimp Crazy.

[B]

And he. He did a movie with a chimp and he wanted to go see. You know, he loves him. Okay.

[C]

Anyway.

[B]

Oh, there it is.

[C]

Traitors. Yeah. The Trader.

[B]

That's me and that's you. Wow. Go watch that too. Best show ever.

[E]

It's really good.

[B]

Peacock. January.

[E]

You haven't seen it yet?

[B]

No.

[E]

You would love it.

[C]

It's a really good show.

[E]

I bet you would be good on it.

[B]

Can I read it?

[C]

Of course.

[B]

This letter? Yeah. Okay. That's all I got.

[C]

Yeah. I mean, I didn't want to spend the whole album.

[B]

I know, but that's it.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

That's all I get.

[C]

And. And a whole book, by the way.

[B]

Bobby Lee. Bobby Lee. Love the soaking method, Bob.

[E]

There you go. Something personal.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

That's personal.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

Can you put this. No, we'll put it somewhere Nice.

[C]

Over here. They're gonna put in the trash.

[B]

No, no, no. This is gonna be out forever. Here.

[C]

There we go. Oh my God.

[B]

Gang.

[C]

Gang. We stand.

[B]

Yeah. Gang. Gang. Here, put this over there. No, not you, man.

[C]

I can't touch it.

[B]

Yeah, yeah.

[D]

I saw on Tick Tock that you said Harriet Tubman would win over Spider Man.

[C]

Yeah, it's true. I would say if in a fight, Harrison would be Spider Man. One hair tub. Spider man is rarely Harriet Tubman.

[E]

No.

[B]

Yeah. Who is it, Harry? Is that like Rosa Parks?

[C]

She's much older than Rosa Parks.

[B]

But it's the same kind of guy person.

[C]

No. So Rosa Parks was Rosa Parks.

[B]

I'm fighting for my civil rights.

[C]

You are from San Diego.

[B]

Is that what it is?

[C]

Rosa Parks is. No, they both fought for. So Rosa Parks was civil rights. Yeah, whatever was an abolition.

[B]

She sunk them out.

[C]

She was alive during slavery.

[B]

She snuck him out.

[C]

Yes, she was the one who snuck everyone out. And Rosa Park's one who didn't get.

[B]

She won't be Spider Man.

[C]

No, she'll be Spider man for sure.

[B]

No.

[C]

100%.

[B]

How many. How many did she sneak. Snuck out.

[C]

So, Harrison, how many did Harriet saved? Over a. She saved almost a thousand slaves.

[B]

Spider man would have done 10,000.

[C]

But also. But also bear in mind.

[B]

Four.

[C]

Oh man.

[B]

Bob, that's too.

[C]

When has Spiderman ever faced against systemic racism? Answer that question. What a twink from Queens is going to beat a. A, A black woman from the south.

[B]

Who has no power?

[C]

First of all, she's very skinny. A very.

[B]

She was. You knew her about. You knew her.

[C]

I didn't know her. But she's. It's documented. She's about five feet tall.

[B]

Okay. She was not going to do it.

[C]

She's a pretty slim woman.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

Also, Spider man rarely goes up against anyone who has a gun. Rarely.

[B]

True.

[C]

Rarely.

[B]

Harrison, that's so silly that you would.

[C]

She carries the kind of gun.

[B]

Yeah, he goes against people that. With octopus arms.

[C]

He carries the kind of gun that would like. It was a gun in the 1800s. This gun would fuck your whole shit up. It wasn't like a little beep beep and you get a hold. Your whole shoulder would be missing. You know what I'm saying? She went up against that. She also. She had superpowers, by the way.

[B]

What was they?

[C]

She could see things in the future. This is not a bit. Harriet Tubman would pass out because she had trauma induced narcolepsy epilepsy. And when she'd pass out, she would see the future. That's how she went back and forth about 12 times and never got caught once.

[A]

Whoa.

[B]

Oh, she could see.

[C]

So Spider Man's little spidey senses seeing, like five seconds in the future. That's nothing. Heritage can see weeks into the future. Weeks. Also, the navigation skills on this woman. She what? Spider Man's navigating New York City. It's on a grid. Just walk. As the numbers go up. You're going north. That's so easy. Harriet Tubman was navigating the woods. If you get Spider man out of the. Out of a building where you can't grab onto a building, what's he gonna do? Grab onto what? The ground.

[B]

Okay, I agree. But Harriet Tubman's not better than Strider.

[C]

Who's Strider?

[B]

Who's from Lord of the Rings.

[C]

Oh, I've never seen Lord of the Rings.

[B]

Yeah, because he can track fucking orc.

[C]

I've never seen Lord of the Rings.

[B]

He puts his ear to the ground and he knows where the orcs are from, like 2,000 miles away.

[C]

But also, Harriet Tubman literally has God.

[B]

To telling her, look at that. Look at that.

[C]

But Harry's happening.

[B]

She's better than.

[C]

So when fall sleep, God would tell her where to go and what to do. God would tell her something. Where to go and what to do.

[B]

He knew.

[C]

I mean, I'm not religious, but she was.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, but that's a. You can't prove that.

[C]

That I'm not religious.

[B]

No, you can't prove that God was communicating with her.

[C]

Well, she went back and forth 12 times and never got caught. She had narcoleps. She was five feet tall. She couldn't read. She could.

[B]

How far was that? We don't even know how far it was.

[C]

It went from Maryland to Canada.

[B]

Oh, that's pretty far. That's pretty.

[C]

On foot.

[B]

You're right.

[C]

She didn't call it. She didn't call it. Waymo.

[B]

All right, but can I say something, too?

[C]

Of course.

[B]

Were you there?

[C]

I was not there. I'm not that old. Exactly, but it's well documented.

[B]

By whom?

[C]

By Frederick Douglass.

[B]

Yeah. I don't trust that guy.

[C]

By.

[B]

And let me say something about him. Yeah, there he is. I don't trust him. He looks like Apollo Creed.

[C]

This man was also one of the smartest men alive. Did you know him? I did not know him personally.

[B]

That's based on things.

[C]

This man.

[B]

No, no, no.

[C]

Listen, from.

[B]

I want to see this, too. And let's get this.

[C]

I'm.

[B]

Let's get this out in the open.

[C]

This man was a born a slave.

[B]

40 years. You guys claimed that you invented peanut butter, but you knitted it.

[C]

He taught himself to read.

[B]

What's the guy that created peanut butter?

[C]

That's a different person. I'm just saying. What I'm saying is that's George Washington Carver.

[B]

Yeah, right. But he didn't create the peanut butter. He stole it.

[C]

No, he did not say he created peanut butter.

[B]

Yeah, but what.

[C]

What he did was he found out how to make peanut butter while having never gone to Asia. So with no information on it on the other side. So, for example, if you built a computer and someone else built a computer completely separately, you didn't steal the computer from them. You just also found out how to build a computer. Also from. And also, to be clear, George Washington Carver peanut butter is the least. The least of the things that he figured out how to do with peanuts. The literal lease.

[B]

Oh, I bet you some lube.

[C]

Over a hundred things he did. He did create oil. He did create oil with peanuts. By. By.

[B]

I love. I love him. I'm just kidding. I'm just being devil's. Ey.

[C]

You don't even know who he is.

[B]

I love him. I love him. Here's another.

[A]

We've had this debate before.

[B]

Another thing that you've debated. I meant another thing that you guys invented that I just found out.

[C]

What do you mean? You guys?

[B]

Black people.

[C]

Okay.

[B]

The door knob. The. The modern door knob.

[C]

I don't know about the door knob.

[B]

Look up the. Who invented the modern doorknob before? You'd have to.

[E]

Well, what was it before?

[B]

It was. You push it or whatever. But he. The way, you know. I mean, when you open a door and you open it, what's the guy?

[C]

Osborne Dorsey.

[B]

Look at this guy.

[C]

An African American inventor. Invented the modern doorknob. In 1878. He was issued a US patent, this one for his door holding device.

[B]

And we still use that door knob today. Congratulations. Osborne Dorsey. And I honestly think that you could play him in a biopic. Who?

[C]

Was he gay?

[B]

No. You can act straight.

[C]

You don't know if he was gay. Were you there? Did you know him? He could have been like these doors, right?

[B]

I wasn't.

[C]

I hate pushing these doors.

[B]

You're right, exactly. But now you get my point. We don't know.

[C]

Right?

[B]

We don't. That's my point. He could be. He couldn't be. Not. I wasn't there. I didn't know. Or Osborne Dorsey. Okay, that's my point. You claim Harriet Tubman.

[C]

It's well documented.

[B]

Yeah, exactly. But still, I wasn't there, dude.

[C]

So we. I wasn't there when you allegedly were depressed cuz your dad allegedly beat you up. Yeah, but I took your word for it. I took your word for it that your dad beat you up, even though I wasn't. I didn't see your dad hit you. I never saw it, but I took your word for it. I believed you.

[B]

Yeah, because I believe. But that's different. That's different.

[C]

You don't believe black people. Oh, you don't believe. Cuz I don't hear you challenging any. Any white people. There is one. There are two white men in this room and you've given them more respect than every person. No, you guys don't know. There's one.

[B]

There's only. I only hire one white. He is Mexican.

[C]

Lato Latino. This happened off camera. This happened off camera. We all walked in. Bobby Lee literally bowed to the one white man. He said, you are my God.

[A]

That was crazy when he did that.

[C]

He did it. He literally went this. And he said, you are all of our God.

[B]

I never did that.

[C]

Can you prove? Prove it. Were you there? Were you there? Were you there? Did you see Bobby Lee not bow to the white man? And then you used your soaking method on him.

[E]

Split the balls.

[C]

I saw it.

[E]

You split the balls, right?

[B]

Take that back. And you take that back. I would never soak him.

[C]

And you did. Wandering lonely man in the desert on him. And you made us watch it.

[B]

I would never. Okay, you won.

[A]

Very.

[B]

So Harriet Tubman did all those things. Right? Okay. You know, everything's good. Okay. I believe you.

[C]

Thank you.

[B]

You're right.

[C]

Thank you.

[B]

What I did was twisted. It was crazy. And I honestly. I do believe in black people.

[C]

Now, do you want to apologize to Peter for what you said to him earlier?

[B]

About what?

[C]

All the stuff.

[E]

Yeah.

[B]

No, I will not. Why? I refuse. Why?

[E]

Because I'm not black.

[B]

Yeah, that's why. That. Exactly. That's exactly. Yeah. I believe in.

[C]

You have to believe in it.

[B]

I believe in it. Don't clip that. Don't clip that out. Yeah, yeah. But my point is, is that I. I refuse to apologize to you. Okay.

[C]

Even if you're wrong.

[B]

I wasn't wrong.

[C]

But if you were wrong, you would apologize?

[B]

Yes, of course I do.

[E]

Do you feel like you've ever been wrong?

[B]

Towards you?

[E]

Yeah.

[B]

No.

[C]

Do you think he's been wrong toward you before?

[E]

This entire time there is a whole relationship's been wrong. No, I'm kidding.

[B]

Is that what you're saying?

[E]

No, no. I'm not.

[B]

Be real. Look at me, dude. Right? I wronged you in December. Is that. I was pissed before that. I pissed.

[E]

I was pissed. And I you.

[B]

And I apologize. You're right, dude. I should have texted you back. Thank you, Bob.

[C]

Thank you.

[B]

I should have done it. Right?

[E]

We never hear this, by the way.

[C]

The growth.

[E]

We never hear this.

[B]

Shut the up. Yeah, yeah. Off, dude. So anyway, I apologize to you. And that was my bad. I was. I was depressed. I was going through some things, but I should have been more mindful. And I do love you. And that was my bad. Are we good?

[E]

You want to it? Okay.

[F]

Yeah.

[E]

Would you like to apologize to.

[B]

I've never done anything to her.

[C]

Is that.

[B]

Is that true?

[C]

Cuz we believe women here.

[B]

I believe them too.

[E]

Especially women of color.

[A]

Jules, be open. Say all this stuff.

[D]

There was just one time.

[B]

Okay, hold on. Oh. Oh, I can't wait for this.

[C]

I mean, you did recently ask her if she knew what a drama teacher was, which is very belittling to women.

[D]

There was just one time.

[B]

Tell me the one time time, because I have some things too I can say about Jewel. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So go ahead. Do you have one? Because I have some too.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

Okay. Put it on the table then. Really? Yeah. Just.

[D]

What happened with the other podcast?

[A]

Oh, real.

[B]

Oh, you got real.

[C]

She ate you up with that one. I don't even know what it is. You got real.

[B]

You got real. You were.

[D]

And you were. You called me like 20 times because I wouldn't pick up.

[B]

That's right.

[D]

You were going crazy.

[B]

I was going crazy. Yeah. That was my bad. That's. I, I. Wow. It's strange that you wouldn't even bring that up. I've never seen. Because the things that we're talking about are just kind of playful. That was a serious thing. That was very serious.

[C]

This is a comedy pod. This. She, she, she does dark comedy. Yeah, everyone knows that. Jules does dark comedy.

[B]

Dark humor. Yeah. Yeah, you're right.

[D]

Okay, what's yours?

[B]

I don't have any. Okay. I don't really have any. Okay.

[C]

And that's the manipulation tactic, right? Where he makes it seem like you're great. You're. You're, you're nice, you're sweet. You're right. I'm a bad person. I'm horrible. A lot of people just, when they manipulate you, they'll, they'll make you feel like you're right. You did so, so many good things and I was the bad person. So I guess I'm just a piece of Shit.

[B]

Ugh.

[E]

I hate that I dated so many of those guys.

[C]

Well, we've all turned on you. All right, it's time to vote someone off the island.

[B]

All right. What do you mean you think I do that? You really think that that's a technique?

[C]

I. Yeah, it is a thing people do.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

I don't know you well enough.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, I want to. That's interesting because I want to see if I do that.

[D]

You don't do it.

[B]

I don't think I do that. But it is a good technique. I'm gonna use that.

[A]

You gave him an idea.

[C]

Give me an idea. That's a really good thing that you do where you're like, I'm gonna say something really, really offensive and mean and then you back off. You go, you know what? You're right. And then it like clears you and abdicate. You're like, I'm actually good now because I acknowledge that the thing I did was bad, but it gives you carte blanche to keep doing the bad thing.

[B]

Wow, that's. That's talking about, wow, that's crap.

[E]

But you're assuming that they don't actually mean it.

[C]

No. Like, he knew that the things he said by Harris Heaven was shady, but he's like, if I just apologize in a few minutes and go, you're right. Then I can just say shady things about more shady.

[B]

Yeah, but the thing. Yeah, but the thing I said about Harriet Tubman was just for jokes.

[C]

Do you think you can beat Harriet Tubman?

[B]

No. She can destroy me.

[C]

Thank you. That's all I want.

[B]

And what she did to for American history was.

[C]

She's a patriot.

[B]

A patriot. And she is a veteran. She's a hero. You said something crazy about Peter Parker. That's online. That's. That was the only argument saying that she's better than Spider Man. And I had to defend that.

[C]

I mean, she is better than Spider.

[B]

Man, but she's not better than air.

[C]

Like, like, for example, the thing about like fighter, whatever we call if, if you were. If you were fighting, if you were fighting a criminal, like if. If someone was robbing a convenience store and you fought them versus Spider man fighting them, It'd be more brave if you do it. Cuz you don't have any superpowers, but if Spider man does it, it's literally like Superman job.

[A]

It's your job.

[C]

Superman is not brave unless you have kryptonite. He's. He can't be hurt. So he walks in.

[B]

Interesting.

[C]

He walks in just, you know, know, slinging his Kryptonian dick around. Yeah, whatever he wants.

[B]

So you're saying that superheroes aren't brave? They have the power. That's what that makes them. Confident.

[C]

Some of them aren't brave. It depends on the level of superpower you have. Like, if you have, like a shitty.

[B]

Superpower, then, like, Batman could be brave.

[C]

Batman has no power besides being rich and white.

[B]

Right, so that's. He's brave then.

[C]

Which is a superpower.

[E]

It is the superpower.

[C]

Yeah. Yeah.

[B]

Very, very interesting, my friend. Very, very interesting.

[C]

What the.

[B]

No, I. I'm being real. That's. I've never thought of it.

[E]

If you were almost twirled your mustache like a villain.

[B]

I know.

[C]

You're literally twirling it right now.

[B]

No, but that's an interesting concept. It's an interesting concept that superheroes aren't bra. They're only brave because of the power that they have.

[C]

Yeah, they're fighting.

[B]

They were regular people, they would be just like us. Right? Yeah. So if I had a superpower, I'd be. Be considered brave.

[C]

Unless you're fighting someone else with a better superpower than you or power. So it is brave for X Men to fight other mutants, but it's not brave for X Men to go back, beat up someone robbing a bank? Yeah, you just walk in and so is there.

[B]

Let's talk about superheroes. So there's not a lot of Asian superheroes, right, that they've written?

[C]

There's. There's. I mean.

[B]

I mean, I know it's not.

[C]

Maybe not enough, but I know one can. You know, there's a whole movie. The Eternals.

[B]

Oh, oh, the Eternals are all Asian. There's two.

[A]

The Korean one.

[B]

There's two.

[A]

Yeah. And Kumail, right?

[B]

Yeah. Oh, yeah. Sunfire.

[C]

Asian superheroes.

[B]

X Men. That people. They haven't used them in anything. Maybe Jubilee.

[E]

Filipino. A Jubilee.

[B]

Jubilee. Jubilee is a jubile. That X Men. Yeah, she's Asian. There's five. Are there? So let's talk about the black.

[C]

The black ones are Cassandra Kane, Shangi, Dr. Light, Colin Wing, Silver Samurai.

[B]

Oh, there's a lot. Fire is out there. Y. This is not.

[E]

Jimmy Woo is not superhero agent. They included the FBI agent.

[C]

Jimmy Woo.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

Silk Katana.

[B]

Silk is cool.

[C]

Amadeus Cho. What a name.

[B]

What does Wong do?

[C]

Actually, I only think one person named Amadeus. And he is. Is Asian.

[B]

Yeah. Now, are there a lot of black superheroes?

[C]

Yeah, there's a lot of black superheroes. There's Bishop.

[B]

I can almost say Bishop, but a.

[C]

Lot of them have lightning Powers for some reason. Yeah.

[B]

Storm.

[C]

Like what's his name? Static shock.

[B]

What is it about electric that you guys. I.

[C]

Maybe we invent electricity. Maybe you don't believe it, but of course you'd make us prove it.

[B]

Wait, wait. Did black people invent electricity?

[C]

No, I don't.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[C]

Thomas Edison.

[B]

Yeah, yeah. Okay.

[C]

I mean discovered. It's electricity. It's like discovering fire, right? Like electricity exists.

[B]

Who do you think discovered fire?

[C]

I mean, like someone's like. I would say.

[B]

I would say black people maybe.

[C]

I mean, probably. Probably someone on. On like Pangea.

[B]

Pangea.

[C]

Yeah, yeah, probably. Yeah, maybe.

[B]

But isn't the oldest bones that we've discovered in Africa or not.

[C]

Lucy.

[B]

Lucy.

[C]

Her name is Lucy.

[B]

Who's Lucy?

[C]

Lucy's the oldest remains ever discovered.

[B]

Really?

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

And where was that discovered?

[A]

Discovered Africa, I believe.

[C]

I think Ohio Toledo.

[B]

In Ethiopian. So that's the oldest. So you guys were the first man then? Could be. Yeah, yeah.

[C]

Or Lucy's a woman.

[B]

Yeah, woman. But then. Okay, but. But then you guys probably discovered fire. So you invented fire.

[C]

I mean, discovered.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Interesting. You do stand up a lot.

[C]

Yeah. Put it down for six.

[B]

I would love to see. I'd like to get you on a show that I do.

[C]

Oh, yeah. I just did Margaret Cho's show at the Lyric Hype. Lyric Hyperion.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I would love to do. If I do a Bobby Lee friend somewhere, I'm gonna have you on it.

[C]

I would love to come. I've been my. If you all want to see my stand up, you can go to my. You can go to see Woke man in a Dress dot com. Which is my award winning comedy show standup special. Yeah, he's.

[B]

This guy's a beast.

[C]

Are you do stand up too, Peter.

[B]

He'S so Good work.

[C]

That's amazing.

[B]

Yeah, he's so good.

[C]

I did a show recently and I didn't realize until I got there, but I was like, I'm the only person who's not Asian on this show.

[E]

Which show?

[B]

What show was that?

[C]

It was Margaret Cho show Z it. Oh my God.

[A]

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[B]

No, no, just try it offhand. Offhand.

[A]

Say Asian name.

[E]

Amadeus Cho.

[C]

Jubilee. Johnny Woo.

[B]

Yeah, yeah.

[C]

Okay.

[B]

Long.

[C]

Who's the guy who always does? Does he does Lind Manuel Miranda impersonation.

[E]

Dylan Adler.

[C]

Dylan Adler.

[B]

That's Asian.

[C]

And the lady who sings. Have to have the lady who sings. She has a. She's a rocker with a guitar.

[A]

She's from New York.

[B]

Her name Charlene Ye. Yeah.

[C]

She has like an old lady named Charlotte.

[E]

Yeah.

[C]

And then, and then Robin Tran. Okay.

[B]

Oh yeah, yeah, yeah. Charlene.

[C]

Yeah. Her. Yeah, she's.

[E]

She's funny.

[B]

That's not Charlene. Is that. Who's that?

[E]

No, that's.

[B]

They're showing K. Charlene K. Oh, since not. Charlene Ye. Charlene K. Y. Charlene K. Oh, I see. You have a podcast or no?

[C]

I do. Yeah.

[B]

What's it called?

[C]

It's called sibling Rivalry.

[B]

Wait, what is that a bit.

[C]

No.

[B]

Oh, cuz doesn't Oliver Hudson and Kate.

[C]

Hudson have one that's sibling re. Revelry.

[B]

Oh, oh, you have rivalry.

[C]

And mine is, I think, maybe more popular. Who has more? Who has more?

[B]

Yeah, yours. Yeah. Yeah.

[C]

Kate Hudson could never. Yeah, and you never will. Kate, I'm coming for you.

[B]

And what is your podcast about?

[C]

It's me and my best friend arguing.

[B]

You know, you don't have guests, but.

[E]

By the way, sometimes I see your clips all the time. And do people ever say, like, I'm the Bob? Yes.

[C]

Always.

[E]

Okay.

[C]

And do y' all get that I'm the Peter, I'm the Bobby?

[E]

No, we don't do this often, but I feel like every time I see your thing, I'm always like, I'm always agreeing with Bob and never with Monet.

[C]

Monet. If you agree with Monet more, you're probably more of like a.

[E]

Like a theater kid.

[C]

Like a flighty kind of like feelings and vibes. If you agree with me more, you're more like, I like facts. I like things that are real.

[E]

Logical. A survey.

[C]

Yes, exactly. And we do have. The thing is my. My podcast, my co host, she like.

[B]

I don't want to be on it. I'm just asking.

[C]

God, you wouldn't do it if I asked you?

[B]

Oh, of course I would.

[C]

She likes to interview people and I like to just have people as guests. I like co stars. She likes doing interviews. She thinks she's Oprah or something. And I'm like, I don't like, like the. And so tell me about your eee. Because I usually don't care.

[B]

You think that I did that with you or. No, no, no. I feel like we're flowing.

[C]

I feel like a guest or a co host.

[B]

Yeah, we're flowing. Yeah, yeah, we've been. We've been flowing. So, Bob, what is your ultimate goal in showbiz?

[C]

I mean, right now, you know, I'm living my dream. I'm doing my stand up comedy. I have a couple of comedy specials. I've written my book. I'm writing a musical based on my book right now. So I don't have like an end game. Cause when people reach out to me and go, what do you kill yourself? Like, I don't accept it.

[B]

You know what I mean?

[C]

And I'm not against against it. Yeah, I might one day. But yeah, I'm more like, my next big goal is to Write my musical for Harriet Tubman live in concert. And I'm going on tour in Europe. By the time y' all watch this, I'm already back from tour. But I just finished up maybe, like, did we do, like, 45 shows from Australia, North America and Europe. And so I'm writing my next hour. That's my current plan. Yeah.

[B]

I had an old man came into me years ago, in my early 20s, and he.

[C]

Was he white?

[B]

He was actually Asian and he was white. He was white, Yeah. I just didn't like your tone. Yeah. And I lied, and I feel shameful.

[C]

Red Bull. Rob.

[B]

Yeah, get him. Get him a Red Bull, please, Rob. But. But white. What's so dumb about it?

[C]

They're in the free.

[B]

I lie. So, yeah, he was a white guy. And he said this was pertaining to sobriety. And he goes, kiddo, if. If I sat down and wrote down if you stayed sober, all the great things that would have will happen to you, you'd be cheating yourself because you're going to get way more. More things. And I believe that's why I've never, like, had a goal. I just. I feel like.

[C]

Was he advocating for not getting sober?

[B]

No, he was advocating if you stay sober. Right. Things are going to happen that you're not even going to dream of. Even if we wrote down, like, what you want out of life. Right. You're gonna get so much more than what you write down. So I never really write down what I want. I just kind of like. And it's. He's. It's been true. There's been things that in my life that I never even dreamed of doing and that I did. And I think the key is to just put one foot in front of the other and take risks like we all do. You know what I mean? And be brave.

[C]

I've done some stuff in my career that I. That wasn't on my plan at all, but it was like, major things. I was like. I was never. I would have never even dreamed. Like, I. I did a. I got asked to go on tour. I got asked to host Madonna's world tour.

[A]

Whoa.

[C]

Completely randomly, I was. I got a phone call one day. My agent was like, like, madonna wants your phone number.

[B]

Whoa.

[C]

And I was like, why have you not already given her my number? You should look. Look it up. There's a picture of me and Madonna. And next thing I know, I. I hosted Madonna's world tour. 80 something show.

[B]

No.

[C]

Yeah. Madison Square Garden. The O2 Arena. Oh, my God, the Mercedes Benz Arena. And I was Like I would have never been. Like, this is on my list of things to do. Are you sober?

[B]

Yeah, I am.

[C]

Work. How long are you sober?

[B]

Yeah, I've been sober three years in January.

[C]

I work nice.

[B]

You AA?

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

Yeah, me too.

[C]

16 years. Wow.

[B]

You're an old timer. Yeah.

[C]

It's not a competition.

[B]

Well, yeah it is. You're with.

[A]

But tell him.

[C]

But I could mess it up at any point in time.

[B]

I know, I know.

[C]

I have a question.

[A]

Before your three years you had.

[B]

I had 17 years in sobriety at work. Welcome back. I went out.

[C]

Can I ask you a question?

[B]

Yeah, go ahead.

[C]

If an 80 year old Korean man came up to you.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

And said to you, I am Bobby Lee from the future and I have a message and it's really important. What would he have to do to convince you that he was actually you?

[B]

I would know as soon as I saw him.

[C]

He's 80 though.

[B]

It doesn't matter. I would know exactly when I saw him.

[E]

Yeah.

[C]

He wouldn't even have to say I'm Bible. You'd be like, you're.

[B]

By the way, that's me. What happened? That's the first thing that would come out of my mouth.

[C]

Does he look good?

[B]

What happened? No, he looks like shit. Of course he looks like. I'm gonna go. I'm gonna go. What happened? What should I not do? Right. And he's gonna tell me. What would he say though? He's like, give me a scenario. Your 80 year old Bob. Bobby Lee. So I'm like, what? I'm.

[C]

Excuse me.

[B]

Hold on. I gotta be doing something. Sorry.

[A]

Set the scene.

[B]

Yeah. So good object work. Just figure out what I'm doing.

[C]

Excuse me. I know you're. I know you're working hard.

[B]

Oh my God. What happened?

[C]

I have to tell you this.

[B]

Yeah. What? In three weeks from my time or your time from.

[C]

From today?

[B]

Oh yeah. It wouldn't be your time because you wouldn't know in three weeks, right? Yeah.

[C]

By the way, that's right.

[B]

So in my time.

[C]

Mind you is mind. It's November right now.

[B]

Yes.

[C]

In three weeks you're gonna get a text.

[B]

From who?

[C]

It won't be about pussy. You have to answer the text. It's going to be from your friend Peter. If you do not answer this text, you're gonna end up like this. You could change everything in your life. And you have to respond to every text Peter sends you.

[B]

You have to go to the future right now. Cause I want you to explain because I'm still.

[C]

I have to go. Goodbye.

[B]

Wow. I would do it. I would do it. That's. Wow.

[E]

That's 80.

[B]

Yeah. That's good. Yeah. If that guy came up to me, I'd be like, that's me, dude.

[E]

You look like old Hitler.

[C]

That guy looks younger than you look.

[E]

You look like old Hitler.

[B]

Yeah, yeah.

[C]

Oh, my God.

[B]

Yeah. Okay.

[C]

That guy is cute.

[B]

That's me.

[C]

I know. That's a cute guy.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, I'm old Bob, you have.

[E]

Frederick Douglass hair here.

[B]

Yeah. This is what old.

[E]

Do you guys have the same, though?

[C]

So you.

[E]

He had the same thing.

[C]

You were projecting when you.

[E]

You were projecting.

[C]

You saw something in yourself.

[B]

Yeah, you're right. I have Frederick Douglass. Oh, my God.

[C]

Are you wearing an apple watch in the 80s?

[B]

You are from the future.

[C]

You from the. Oh, my God. You went back in.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. And, you know, I'm Bobby.

[C]

That's. You're so cute. Nep. You're so cute.

[B]

Thank you. I was 22 years old. Older.

[C]

Oh, yeah.

[B]

How old you are? Yeah.

[C]

Well, I feel like they're. They had pictures. Didn't have to be in black and white when you were 22.

[B]

Yeah, yeah. The one place in San Diego. That's all they did, black and white. Yeah. And he charged me 300 for that.

[C]

In what year?

[B]

1994.

[C]

That seemed. You got overcharged.

[B]

I got overcharged for sure. Yeah. And he was super rude. He's like, you only get one shot.

[C]

But it's a good picture. And you look really good. You look happy. You look funny.

[E]

It's a good comedy picture. What, it's like a comedy club picture?

[B]

Yeah, that's that. Pictures at the La Jolla Comedy Store hang. Hung up. Yeah. That's my first headshot.

[C]

You ever go to those comedy clubs where they only hang up pictures of dead people?

[B]

Which one?

[C]

Like, there's comedy clubs where they, like, they have paintings and murals and you can only be on the wall if you're dead.

[B]

I don't know what comedy club that is.

[C]

There's a few. I've been to a few like that.

[B]

Yeah. Are you. Is your photo up in any comedy club?

[C]

No. You know, it's weird because I've been doing comedy for 16 years. I started. I started at the New York Comedy Club.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

I used to work at Caroline's. I used to rip to Caroline. I used to work at Comics and the meat packing. Rip the comics. Yeah. Broadway Comedy Club. Gothic Comedy Club. I mean, Gotham Comedy Club.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

But for some reason, because I am a drag queen, and I got my rise to fame through Reality tv. A lot of people actually do not know that I'm a stand up comedian. They think so when I come to clubs, they think that I'm going to be like a tick tocker who can tell jokes. And then they go like, oh my God, you're actually a really funny comedian.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

I'm like, well, we sold it out. It's packed in here.

[B]

You know, it's so funny. This is a very good point because I made this point to a comic earlier. I said, not today.

[C]

You got a little boogie.

[B]

Where?

[C]

On the right nostril. I can. If you get a T. How long? Oh, it's gone.

[B]

How long was it there?

[C]

I noticed it maybe like literally how.

[B]

Long was it there?

[C]

Maybe like two, like, maybe like two minutes ago.

[B]

Why didn't you say two fucking minutes ago, Bob?

[C]

Because I was, I wanted to do the, the old man bit and I didn't want to disrupt it.

[B]

So bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop. Next time there's a book around my fucking me immediately and I'll do the same rule to you.

[C]

Oh yeah, that sounds good. Yeah.

[B]

Okay.

[C]

What if I smell bad?

[B]

Everything about you right now checks everybody box.

[C]

Okay, thank you.

[B]

You look good, smell good, you have skin.

[C]

Got rid of the boogie. You're great.

[B]

That pisses me off, Bob.

[C]

But I told you pretty within three.

[B]

Minutes, ej, Two minutes. You supposed to do that two minutes ago. You face. All right, sorry. Give it to me. Okay. Okay. So what I was saying to the other day, right, is I, this, I'm going to get in trouble for saying this, but I, I, this is where.

[C]

You draw the line.

[B]

Yeah, yeah. I was at a club the other day, I was looking at the lineup and I said to, I go, this lineup's terrible. And who was on it? What I'm not gonna say, but give me their initials. And our, and our point, the point was, is like if we just booked it based on who gets the most laughs, it would be a completely different lineup. But we don't do that. It's more loyalty and who's been around that gets on. You know what I mean?

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

Where was this? I'm not going to tell you.

[E]

And you feel like they do it by seniority.

[C]

The seller has hella gays.

[B]

Yeah, the comedy seller.

[C]

The seller.

[B]

Yeah, I know, yeah, yeah.

[C]

No, my mom's seller.

[E]

The bookseller. Your mom loves the gays. Loves the gays, yeah, she loves to pack her basement with the. Those gays.

[B]

God, I hate you. But my point being is, is that even like if you Even other nationalities and. And color. You know, I. There's so many other people I would choose before the ones they put up, you know, I mean, but it's out of loyalty and that kind of thing before anything else, and I. I hate that.

[C]

I did a show there once and it was pretty tough when you're the only gay guy on a show and the audience is just primed for some straight white man comedy and there are some funny straight white men. I'm not here to say that all straight white men aren't funny. There are some funny straight white men out there. But it was. It was me. I can't even remember who all they were, but I remember they were big names. It was like Patton Oswald was one who's really funny, actually.

[B]

He's the best, actually.

[C]

As if that's a hot take. Believe it or not, he's great.

[E]

He is a guy and he's straight.

[C]

But it was other like, it was. But he's not like a machismo.

[B]

No, I mean, alpha male.

[C]

He's a Disney character. But I mean, there was like some, like. There was some like, what's up with women and they're pussy.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[C]

Like, my wife won't shut the fuck up.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

And there was one lady on there who was like a guy's comic. She was not a ladies comic. I cannot remember her name. I wouldn't even know if you said it. But she was like a. She was like a comedian who's like, did she kill? She didn't kill.

[B]

Ah.

[C]

But the. But the vibe. The vibe was like, really? They were like, we want some straight white men coming. Then I came out and honestly, my bits were really fucking funny and that got them on my side. But the amount of work I had to do to get them out of the straight white man. Like, what's up with these?

[B]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[E]

What is up with them?

[B]

Yeah, it's interesting. Comedy has now. There's now a real alpha male. Like, you know, there's like a bro name. It's like, bro. That's a bro. Like, I'm still kind of a part. I think I'm a part of that. No or no? Like my ecosystem. There's a lot of bro.

[E]

You are.

[B]

Yeah, yeah.

[C]

I would say when I think of you as a comedian, I don't know that I consider you bro. Y. I think you're kind of of part of the. A lot of comedians are goofballs. Right. But you're the. The. Like, I'm not afraid to get naked and show my balls.

[B]

That's me.

[C]

But I'm not really. But.

[B]

But I am.

[C]

But I'm not going to hit you in your balls as a. As a joke. Yeah, like, I'll show my balls, but, like, you know, the bro, like, nut tap.

[B]

I don't do nut.

[A]

Soaking.

[C]

Yeah, more soaking than that's happening. Nut sucking, but not like that. But I don't.

[B]

I don't.

[C]

I mean, are you. You're. You're brorier than we are, the three of us.

[B]

I know, but still. But the people that my group of guys, you know, I mean, like, Theo and these type of guy are, like, more in the bro.

[C]

Oh, Theo Von is like, broest of bros. Yeah.

[B]

And are you, like.

[C]

Are you and Joe Rogan in the same class?

[B]

Yeah, we're in the same. I'm in the same eco. He's the president of the bros. Yeah. But there's a little bit of Mark Baron in me, too, though, you know? I mean, you know, I'm sort of kind of in his thing, too, so. But I.

[E]

You're, like, the altiest of the bros, I feel.

[B]

Oh, thank you.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

Yeah. Is Santino a bro, you think? Yeah. Yeah.

[C]

I don't know Santino.

[B]

He's like a golf bro, you know Andrew Santino, redhead, red hair. I do a podcast with him called Bad Friends.

[C]

I'm sure it's a great podcast.

[B]

Got.

[C]

Sure. It's fantastic.

[B]

You know, dude, we were doing fine. Anything you want to do? I want to say, Bob, would you come back here?

[C]

I would love to come back.

[B]

I think we have good chemistry.

[C]

Yeah, I agree.

[B]

I think it's good.

[C]

Yeah. This is really fun. And I also enjoy your friends as well.

[B]

Yeah. Yeah. They seem like you got to come back, too.

[C]

And your. Your crew.

[B]

We got to do this. We got to do this again. I had a blast with you.

[C]

Are you kicking me out now?

[B]

I'm. I'm. We just do an hour.

[C]

Oh, that's fair. That's valid. Super valid.

[B]

I don't. You want to do more?

[C]

Oh, God.

[B]

Who's that?

[C]

It's me doing stand up. What is this? Oh, this is my special. This is my special woke man in a dress. Feel free to go check out my special. It is available for free. Free on YouTube. And I believe it was the.

[B]

Wait, wait, wait, wait.

[C]

Stop.

[B]

Push pause for a second.

[C]

Are you gonna try to name that club?

[B]

No, that's. That's how you perform.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

I didn't know that.

[C]

Yeah, I mean, I do. I do. I do set up out of drag Too. Like, if I'm doing someone else's show, I don't get in drag for other people's shows.

[E]

But you're headlining shows.

[F]

You do get.

[C]

Yeah, if I'm headlining.

[B]

Oh, you do you feel like you need.

[E]

You owe that you're on audience that sometimes.

[C]

Sometimes I feel like they won't want to come see me if I'm not dressed up.

[E]

That's crazy.

[C]

But I also love dressing up. Like, I like to dress up. It's not, it's not like a means to an end for me.

[B]

I want to dress up.

[C]

It's kind of like how, like, like, oh, my God.

[E]

Would you put Bobby in drag?

[C]

Bobby Onna.

[B]

Yeah, Bobby.

[E]

Because you don't have any daughters, right?

[C]

No, I have a few.

[B]

You have a few?

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

What does a daughter mean?

[C]

They're like a drag dog. Like, I taught. Like, I mentored them through drag.

[B]

I want to be a drag daughter.

[C]

Honestly. Bob and Bob. Bob and Bobby.

[B]

Let me be a drug daughter.

[C]

Bobby, show.

[E]

This could be a documentary.

[B]

My favorite documentary is Paris is Burning.

[C]

You have to shave the goatee, though. A lot of people don't. They want to keep the goatee. I'm not, I'm not going to.

[B]

Can I keep the mustache?

[C]

No.

[E]

He can't glue it down.

[C]

No.

[B]

What about prosthetic?

[C]

How long does it take to. To grow it back?

[B]

43 years. I, I have. I don't have 43 years to grow this back.

[C]

You have to shave it. Yeah.

[B]

I'm not doing it then.

[C]

That's, That's.

[B]

That's your thing. That's crazy.

[C]

That's my thing. These are my standards.

[B]

You. You shave yours?

[C]

Did you see my face with a beard on it just now?

[B]

So you haven't done in a while.

[C]

Pictures of me in drag? Yeah, I, I haven't done a drag show since my US tour ended, so. Okay, yeah, I've been out of. But I, I, I. When I dress in drag. But there's nothing wrong with bearded drag. I don't want no bearded drag queens out here coming for me. But, but not my. Not in my house, honey. Not my.

[E]

Not in your backyard.

[C]

That's me. I'll. I'll.

[B]

And that's Madonna.

[C]

That's Madonna.

[B]

What's she like?

[C]

She's pretty cool. I mean, a lot of people expect a crazy story, but bear in mind, I met Madonna in her 60s, so there is no crazy stories. She's not. I don't think she. I don't think she even really drinks. Like, she'll, like, hold A glass in her hand. But she's not even really drinking. I don't think she ever really drink, to be honest.

[B]

But have you had dinner with her?

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

Oh, you have? Yeah. That's exciting.

[C]

Yeah. Madonna is what you expect. She is funny. She's kind of a diva. Yeah, she's kind of a woman in her 60s. She has six kids. Kids. She is the queen of pop, but also a mother of six, but also a boomer.

[B]

Are you nervous?

[C]

No, I, I.

[B]

When you're having dinner with her.

[C]

No, I'm, I'm very comfortable around Madonna. Very, very comfortable.

[B]

I would be so nervous.

[C]

She's. She's a really cool cat. Who, who was at dinner with us. We, we, we, we did. We have like a film dinner. We were promoting her tour. Was. It was a. There were some comedians there. I've had dinner with Meg Stalter. You know what I mean? Staler. You know Max, of course.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

She's for the girl.

[B]

You know.

[C]

What?

[E]

Oh, she's in hacks.

[B]

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[C]

And then what? What's her name? Kate Berlant.

[B]

Okay. Yeah.

[C]

You don't know Kate Berlant either.

[E]

He's. He's the other side of comedy. Like, this is our side of comedy. He's the others. He's the bro side.

[C]

K had a show on Broadway.

[E]

He doesn't know Broadway.

[D]

He refuses to watch Wicked.

[E]

Yeah. No.

[B]

Yeah.

[E]

She's got to go.

[B]

She's got to go. It's not good.

[C]

It's the. You haven't seen it.

[B]

I refuse.

[C]

It's the theatrical of it. Unhand me.

[B]

It can't.

[C]

It is the theatrical event of the year.

[B]

It's not.

[C]

What is.

[E]

It is.

[B]

What.

[C]

What is? What is then?

[B]

No.

[C]

Sirofto Nosferatu is the theatrical event of the year.

[B]

A complete unknown. Great movie.

[C]

Okay, so what's your problem with Cynthia Rivo or Ariana?

[B]

Grande.

[C]

Grande. Or, you know, it's Joy or Peter Dinklage or Peter J.

[E]

Is not in it.

[D]

Is he the goat?

[E]

He plays the goat.

[C]

Yes.

[B]

Oh, my God. No. Cut that out.

[C]

Yeah. I want people to think I'm funny. Please, please don't leave that.

[B]

Anyway, Anyway, thanks for being on the.

[C]

You have to see.

[B]

I won't. Won't.

[C]

So what about when people are talking about it? You don't want to. You don't feel like. Left out.

[B]

No, my group never talks about it. That's never come up. No one's ever. It's never come up in my group.

[E]

I guarantee you Santino has watched it.

[B]

No. He refuses.

[E]

Why?

[D]

Really?

[B]

Yeah. Yeah, really.

[C]

It is. You guys can't believe. So she said four.

[B]

I know. This is why.

[C]

This is why when she asks questions, you're like, do you even know what a fucking drama teacher is, you dumb bitch?

[B]

I never said that. I never said that. Bob. Bob.

[C]

And then you also gave her this accent she doesn't have.

[B]

Yeah, yeah. In fact, I had a friend that was the Green Witch and the actual Broadway version. I was in New York. Her name was Nicole Parker. She played it for a couple years, and she was like, you know, Judd Aperture has come and all these people have come. Can you come see? I know you're in New York.

[C]

You didn't come. Why? Because it's a good.

[B]

I'll have lunch.

[C]

I'll have lunch with you because it's a good show. But you'll go see your friends do stand up.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

And you. You know, halftime is going to be horrible.

[B]

I. I know what it's about.

[C]

What is it about? What is wicked about?

[B]

O. Okay, let me just get. If I'm in the ballpark, let's say. Okay.

[C]

Okay.

[B]

There's a school, like a witch school, right? Ariana.

[C]

It's not a witch school.

[B]

Whatever. Ariana Grande is there. She's the popular girl at the witch school.

[C]

Okay, that's true.

[B]

And then the green one comes, which he was a witch. A green witch. She gets bullied and teased. Okay. This is right. And it. And then. But they bond together.

[C]

Okay.

[B]

The good one in her. Right. And then at the end.

[C]

Well, you're a little bit wrong because Ariana's not really the good one.

[B]

No, she's a bad one.

[C]

Yeah. The green one is a good one.

[B]

I know. Yeah, right. But they become friends or something. They. They double up. And at the end, she's pushed him to be the bad one. The. The green one. I don't know what happens, but am I in the right. Am I in the right ballpark?

[C]

In the ball.

[B]

Why would I need to see it then?

[C]

Because.

[E]

Sounds like you have seen it.

[C]

Because you're.

[A]

Sounds like you've seen.

[B]

Want to watch it?

[C]

You're in. You're. You're at home under your sheet. So. All right. Look to the western sky. Yeah.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

Coming out and acting like you have. So people.

[B]

I've seen. I've seen the movie four times. I saw the movie four times.

[E]

No, not lying.

[B]

Dude, look at. He seen four.

[C]

You're lying.

[B]

Why did you have to lie about.

[E]

Why did you lie?

[B]

I don't. I don't like to Right. So look, you have a rubble. I don't have a problem. All right. So. Library. This is my library. Right. Recent movies, purchased movies. Right. Wicked.

[C]

So I. I was right. You're under the sheet.

[B]

You are under the sheet.

[C]

Break this down.

[A]

Bob.

[E]

You know every lyric.

[B]

I. I've seen it four times. I love it.

[C]

You think you'd have been good in it?

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

Do you think that if you were younger you could have been born Yang and older? Well, born Yang. Well, you couldn't be a college. College student.

[B]

Oh, yeah. No.

[C]

Then.

[B]

But boy, I remember.

[C]

Could you have been born Yang's character.

[B]

I don't care. I would never do it. But it's a good movie.

[C]

And I don't believe you probably auditioned.

[B]

No, I don't. Oh, trust me, I would not. I didn't audition.

[C]

Do you audition?

[B]

I do. I never get the big ones.

[C]

What's the biggest movie you done?

[B]

The Dictator. And Borderlands has just came out as a big movie. Yeah. Borderlands came out with. But that didn't. Failed.

[C]

Is a big movie I've ever done.

[B]

I've done a bunch of movies in my life. I did a couple of Harold and Kumar.

[C]

So you do the big ones?

[B]

Yeah. So what?

[C]

You said you never get the big ones lately. Well, I mean, no one can stay on top forever. Unless you're like Meryl Streeper.

[B]

Exactly. Thank you.

[C]

Or, you know. But you're doing pretty well. You're. You're not on the bottom.

[B]

Yeah, I've done Sex in the City. I've done some guest stars.

[C]

Not a movie. Were you in the reservation?

[B]

Reservation?

[C]

Were you in the movie Sex and City? We're talking about movies.

[B]

Oh, bro.

[C]

Bob.

[B]

He's a big movie fan too. Bob. Rob off, dude. Okay. I love you. And can I. Let's be completely honest. Okay. I never saw Wicked.

[C]

You bought it.

[B]

I haven't seen it yet. I haven't seen it. Anyway. Give Bob a round of applause. Give Bob round of applause. Give Bob a round of applause. Of applause. What a great. What a great guest. Right? Peter can give him a round of applause. Everybody. Yeah. Yeah. And thank you for. Please come back.