Connor Wood & Crossing Tribes

Summary

Podcast Summary: TigerBelly – Connor Wood & Crossing Tribes

Host: Bobby Lee, Khalyla
Guest: Connor Wood
Release Date: June 10, 2026

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Episode Overview

This episode of TigerBelly features comedian and podcaster Connor Wood (“Brooke and Connor Make a Podcast”) in a delightfully chaotic, often hilarious roundtable. The crew riff on everything from celebrity parties and the social etiquette of meeting famous people, to comedy “tribes,” awkward body facts, and the weirdest things they’d change about human anatomy if given the chance. Expect playful roasts, deep dives into social awkwardness, and speculation about which movie genre each host (and guest) would be cast in based on their looks. The episode is packed with classic TigerBelly banter, off-the-wall tangents, and moments of oddly sincere reflection.

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Key Topics & Discussion Points

1. Social Anxiety & Celebrity Gatherings

Timestamp: 00:16–15:00

• Bobby arrives late from Mookie Betts’ house and jokes about not knowing who he was, leading to riffing about knowing (and pretending to know) celebrities.
• Discussion of celebrity home amenities (private bowling alley, in-home theaters), with Connor marveling at Bobby’s podcast studio doubling as a “dojo.”
• Bobby describes being invited for the first time to Ted Sarandos’ (Netflix’s CEO) high-profile party.
  • "I've never really seen the Eddie Murphy in the wild." – Bobby Lee [08:42]
• Navigating anxiety and etiquette at celebrity events: Should you approach someone you admire? Connor admits struggles with this, learning from Bobby’s advice to always lead with a direct compliment.
• Roleplay segments where Connor and Bobby act out awkward fan encounters, debating the right amount of physical contact ("No shoulder!" "Go right into compliments.").
• “Tribes” at comedy parties:
  • Social divisions among comics and celebrities (Seinfeld, Chappelle, Letterman vs. others).
  • Bobby discusses “crossing tribes,” bouncing between groups: “And then I went for the Asians… and we took that photo.” [22:30]

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2. Animal Behavior, Human Bodies, and Evolution

Timestamp: 26:00–37:57

• Spirited, absurd debate on redesigning the human body:
  • One big tooth instead of many (“Like a whale’s tooth?”).
  • Moving or changing body exits (“You pee out of your left foot!”).
  • “There’s a lot of things I don’t like about the human body.” – Bobby [26:57]
• Genetics and inherited body parts:
  • Whether penis traits come from the mother’s side and butts from the father’s (“You have your dad’s ass, your mother’s penis”). [31:40]
  • The location and function of various anatomy (“I didn’t realize there were two holes in a woman’s vagina”). [30:29]
• Casual, comic discussions on the pain of having multiple little teeth versus one giant tooth; the debate escalates to whether roots are necessary for teeth.
• Sincere and comedic confusion around how evolution actually works and personal observations like “tech neck” and pinky finger deformities from phone-holding.

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3. Looks Maxing, Shopping Tangents, and Roasting Alex

Timestamp: 37:24–41:21

• Talk turns to “looks maxing” (improving one’s appearance) and “money maxing” with Klarna, devolving into good-natured ribbing of producer Alex’s “hobbit feet” and fit.
• Playful back-and-forth on shoe and clothing options, with Bobby roasting Alex: “[His feet]... the length, probably 4 foot. The width, 19 foot. So 4 by 19.” [39:21]

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4. Comedy, Stage Presence & Identity

Timestamp: 41:22–53:25

• Khalyla and Bobby analyze stage presence and audience connection; Cat gets feedback for “hiding in the middle” of the stage instead of moving forward:
  • "My concern is connecting with the audience. Locking eyes with them and being a part of... it's an alpha thing." – Bobby [42:15]
• Discussing who would fit which movie genre based on looks:
  • Connor pegged as a Dunkirk soldier; Cat as a Downtown Abbey (Downton Abbey) maid or Titanic waitress; Khalyla as perfect for Apocalypto or Prince of Egypt.
  • “You both have traditional white looks that Norman Rockwell would use, which is a good thing.” – Bobby [53:16]

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5. Tangents: AI, Star Trek, and the Nature of Reality

Timestamp: 60:13–66:18

• Bobby bemoans AI-generated podcast art, preferring his handmade Canva creations; Khalyla (playfully) “hates” the ChatGPT art.
• Short Star Trek trivia quiz for Connor and Cat:
  • “If you were to explain to me what Star Trek was about…” – Bobby [65:06]
• Lighthearted attempts to recall which alien races belong to Star Trek (Vulcans, Klingons, Ferengi), mostly ending in confusion and laughter.

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6. Time Travel and Life Advice from “Future Self”

Timestamp: 67:30–73:27

• Imagined scenarios: If you could have a conversation with your 87-year-old future self, would you want the advice—even if it was bad news?
  • “Would you take a five minute meeting with your future self?” – Khalyla [69:24]
• Debate on whether it’s more meaningful to know the future, have insider investment tips, or just learn to accept uncertainty and the “never enough” feeling that plagues career-driven people.

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7. Parasocial Relationships & AI Scams

Timestamp: 73:28–75:13

• Connor describes how AI scammers impersonate celebrities to trick people—like a woman convinced she’s dating Matt Rife (“She seems super happy!”) [73:57].
• Bobby warns against falling for these scams and reflects on human psychology’s tendency to rationalize even in the face of clear evidence.

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8. Pod Plugs, Future Projects, and Closing

Timestamp: 75:40–End (~77:10)

• Connor talks about his podcast, Brooke & Connor Make a Podcast: “Going on five years, so it’s been... a really good run.” [76:08]
• Upcoming tour dates and an experiment in recording several shows for a “spectacle”—not a special.
• Playful HR violations and usual TigerBelly outro energy.

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Notable Quotes & Moments

• “I've never really seen the Eddie Murphy in the wild.” – Bobby Lee [08:42]
• “You’ve got to go right into compliments.” – Bobby, on celebrity encounters [12:33]
• “I just floss a lot. And like, I have this thing where I can feel stuff in my right big P.” – Connor [27:50]
• “There’s a lot of things I don’t like about the human body.” – Bobby [26:57]
• “Would you rather love and lose than never love at all? Like that could be applied anywhere, you know…” – Connor [72:25]
• “If I was an artist back then, you... wouldn’t be my first, like, ‘hey, you want to be the center point?’” – Bobby [54:01]

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Memorable Segments (with Timestamps)

• Social anxiety at celeb parties, meeting Eddie Murphy: [08:37–15:00]
• Comedy “tribes” and crossing groups: [21:26–23:30]
• Roleplay on awkward fan greetings: [10:50–14:13]
• Human body redesign riff: [26:00–30:29]
• Roasting Alex’s feet and looks maxing: [38:18–41:21]
• Movie casting by looks (Dunkirk, Downtown Abbey): [54:00–56:13]
• AI/ChatGPT art gripes: [60:13–61:02]
• Time travel to meet your older self: [67:30–73:27]
• Parodying AI celebrity scams: [73:28–75:13]

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Tone, Language, and Dynamics

The conversation is loose, often absurd, and laced with running in-jokes. While topics range wildly—from celebrity social navigation to deep dives into anatomy and sci-fi—the underlying vibe is always playful and irreverent. Awkwardness is embraced, personal insecurities aired out, and nobody is safe from a lovingly delivered roast or tangent. The crew embodies the anti-polished, confessional, and slightly anarchic spirit that fans of TigerBelly adore.

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Conclusion

If you love TigerBelly’s signature mix of wild riffs, self-deprecating humor, and surprisingly real insights into comedians’ insecurities and industry dynamics, this episode is unmissable. Connor’s energy blends seamlessly with the regular crew, and the episode delivers both belly laughs and the comfort of found-family banter.

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Listen on: Spotify, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.
Guest: Connor Wood – @brookandconnor
TigerBelly socials: @tigerbelly

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Transcript

[A]

We're on Spotify video. Hey, Tiger Belly Video now available to watch on Spotify, everybody. Spotify Premium users get fewer ads and more eyes.

[B]

We love fewer ads and more eyes. We love more eyes.

[A]

Yeah, get the third eye fourth and watch more. Get Spotify Premium more watch videos and watch it. I rushed to get here, and I apologize for being late, Connor and I appreciate you coming, and I enjoy you.

[B]

Is he scary vibes right now, Cat?

[C]

No, no, he's just. I think he's just in a lot of breath. Yeah, yeah.

[A]

I rushed out to get out. I left Mookie Bets house, okay? The Mook. I call him.

[B]

And did you know who he was before you?

[A]

Yes, I do. I know Shohei Otani. I know Mookie. I know the whole thing. And that's awesome. I'm a part of that.

[B]

No, you're not. Stop lying.

[A]

I'm a part of the whole thing.

[B]

This morning I was like. Apparently Jules was like, we're. Are you going? And you're like, oh, some guy. Mookie's house. I don't know who he is.

[A]

Yeah, I was kidding.

[B]

And then Jules was like, tito Bobby, That's Mookie Bets. And you're like, oh, what does he

[A]

do that's knows who he is. Of course that's not true. I was doing a joke, Connor. Why would I, you know my energy right now. Welcome to the show. Give Connor widow around. Applause, everybody.

[D]

Yeah, yeah.

[E]

Thanks for having me.

[A]

Comedic talent. And what kind of coffee you drinking, bud?

[E]

It's black.

[C]

It's black.

[A]

That's how I like it. Yeah, Give me a pound. Come on.

[E]

They call it American. An Americano. Because I'm staying at a. At a hotel where they call it an Americano.

[A]

That's what it's called. Coffee.

[E]

Yeah, well, it's just. It's just black coffee, right?

[A]

No, there's a couple of shots of espresso in it.

[E]

Oh, that's what's happening.

[D]

Yeah.

[A]

No, no, that's the difference.

[E]

I walked up the drive.

[A]

Water with a couple of shots of espresso.

[F]

Invented World War II.

[A]

Invented in World War II.

[B]

Why, George?

[F]

Yeah, because the Americans wanted their watered down coffee, not this thick ass espresso. So they said, put some hot water in that espress. And then that's how it became an Americano.

[E]

You know, I was sitting outside on the driveway for five minutes before I rang the doorbell. Cause I was trying to sober up from drinking half of this. Oh, it's been making me freak out every day. I've been telling You?

[D]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[A]

Well, stop freaking out. Stop drinking.

[E]

Holy shit.

[D]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[A]

I've been doing meth and I'm like, jittery. I'm like, I gotta quit meth because I'm so jittery, dude. I can't get marred. It's fucking crazy.

[E]

Oh. I said, yeah. Something's changed chemically in my body where like, I can't drink coffee anymore. I'm acting. The first sentence I said to you when I walked in, I was like. I was hoping I came up with a. And you were like, let's get you inside off the street.

[G]

You look so nervous, dude.

[E]

The driveway and the.

[D]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[A]

Maybe stop drinking that.

[D]

Yeah.

[A]

Take up what good. Me drink some water. Why?

[B]

You're out of breath.

[C]

Oh, it's Italian, too. Italian.

[A]

What do you.

[D]

Hey, how you doing?

[A]

How do you know about it?

[E]

That's good.

[A]

Yeah. Hey, you do it. Can you do an Italian ass? What do you think?

[G]

From New York?

[A]

You got something?

[E]

Yeah, I would. This is.

[A]

Guys. Is that it?

[E]

This is like Jersey.

[A]

It's not really like a mafioso.

[E]

It's just loud and.

[D]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[A]

I'm walking here.

[D]

Yeah.

[E]

You just kind of yell at each other. But I want to be very. I'm not from New York. If that gets back to people that are from. I'm from Texas. If it gets. Yeah. How you doing? You man.

[A]

That's your Texas. Yeah. How you doing?

[E]

I haven't been back in a while.

[D]

Yeah, yeah.

[A]

Some more Mongolian.

[E]

I'm okay. Claiming Texas.

[A]

How you doing? Check out my eagle. Yeah.

[B]

Anyway, where did you do Mookie Bets's house?

[A]

Yeah, no, we. We bowled.

[B]

Oh, fun.

[D]

Yeah, yeah.

[C]

Like, we bowl.

[A]

No, like an actual bowl. We actually bowled.

[C]

He has a bowling alley in his house.

[A]

Yeah, A lot of these people do.

[C]

What are these people?

[A]

Famous people.

[C]

Oh, yeah.

[A]

Michael Bay has a full blown movie theater in his house, and I have a podcast studio.

[G]

Michael Bay has

[A]

my tiny space for a podcast. I could have had a jiu jitsu studio in here. Or a dojo.

[D]

Yeah, yeah.

[A]

But I decided to do a pod. What are you looking at, Con?

[E]

I'm looking around because I'm like, this is a. This is a big space, honestly, for a podcast studio.

[A]

It would have been a good dojo, right?

[E]

It's a great. I mean, it is.

[A]

It is.

[E]

It is a dojo.

[D]

Yeah.

[A]

If you think about it, I put

[E]

in a suit in my house. It's just the one chair. Oh, that's because I do it remote. But Then it's a. I write off 67% of my apartment, so, yeah.

[A]

Yeah. That's great.

[E]

Kind of work.

[A]

That's amazing. Yeah. You live in Jersey now?

[E]

I live in New York. Well, I lived in New York.

[D]

Yeah.

[E]

We were talking the other day that my lease ended.

[A]

How do you know her?

[E]

We just been following each other. We did a show together.

[A]

Well, in what world is. In universe and Metaverse.

[B]

We were also all in Hawaii at the same time. Bobby. Yeah, he played at the Blue Note. You were in the Hawaii theater?

[D]

Mmm.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Blue Note. Great venue. With my diet, it's great.

[E]

Have you done Blue Note?

[A]

I've done the Blue Note, yeah. I love that venue.

[C]

I've heard it's awesome.

[A]

Yeah. You have Big Eyed White.

[B]

Interesting.

[A]

You Big Eyed White?

[C]

Big Eyed White.

[D]

Yeah.

[G]

It's a great song.

[C]

Big Eyed White. Hit the keys.

[A]

Okay, okay, okay. So you're on tour or what?

[E]

Kind of. I'm not doing, like an official tour. We stopped touring last year. We did two years of tour and then we stopped. And then we just have a couple of shows going on just to get ready for. Netflix is a joke. And then. That's Right.

[A]

While you're out here.

[E]

Yeah.

[A]

What did you play?

[E]

The Avalon.

[A]

Oh, that's a nice theater.

[E]

It was awesome. It was really great.

[A]

How many seats?

[E]

I think it was. It's standing 1700, but I think it was 700 seated.

[A]

Oh, that's amazing.

[E]

Yeah, it was great. It was a great show.

[A]

I hit 6000 anyway. Hit the, Hit the keys.

[E]

Started sweating again.

[A]

I'm kidding, I'm kidding. I'm kidding.

[E]

This made my heart start. 7,000.

[A]

I'm kidding.

[E]

No, I, I. It sold out because I bought the last six tickets, but.

[A]

But it felt good. It did. Did you go to the house?

[E]

No, I didn't come across my desk. I think Dan Soder went on right after me.

[D]

He was.

[E]

No, no, no.

[A]

The Ted Sarandos house, Thursday.

[E]

Oh, no, no.

[B]

You weren't invited.

[E]

I think I need to. I think I need to do a little. A couple more thousand before I get invited to Ted's house.

[A]

Well, that was the first year I was invited. Really? Yeah.

[E]

I mean, everybody was here. That was the coolest. I'm zooming in on this photo.

[A]

Yeah, it was a lot of people.

[C]

Were there balloons and faces?

[D]

Yeah. Yeah.

[A]

Did you see this? Tom Segura, Sabotage. On it.

[B]

What was it?

[A]

So Greg Fitzsimmons is in the photo. You know Griffith, Fitzsimmons?

[D]

I do, yeah. Yeah.

[A]

And so they had us throw a ball Right. Now when they tell me to throw a ball, what the fuck do I do?

[C]

He's throwing a ball.

[A]

Like, I don't throw the ball. You never throw the ball, my friend. Right. I just did a. So they did 1, 2, 3, throw the ball. Right. And I just went. Because I didn't want any. Right, yeah. Sugura does like a long throw. So they catch his hand here completely covering Greg Fitzsaven's face. I have the photo in my. In my phone. Would you like to see it?

[E]

I want to see it. I didn't notice it.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, I'm going to show you.

[E]

I wouldn't want my. My, My drawing form in the.

[A]

Yeah, that's what I'm saying.

[E]

Yeah.

[A]

Next time they say throw a phone a ball, I mean, don't throw the fucking ball, dude. You know what I mean?

[E]

That's really good foresight. Has that happened? Have you had another ball drawing?

[A]

No. It's an instinctual thing. So I'll show you the photo.

[C]

Yeah, this is.

[A]

That's all right. So there's Tom. All right, so here. Here's the. Oh, all right. So zoom in where I am.

[G]

Where are you?

[A]

I'm in the middle.

[G]

Why is there so many.

[A]

And there's so many people. Go in the middle. See me right there. You almost had it.

[C]

Yeah, I see.

[G]

Oh, my.

[A]

Why is it blurry? Why is it blurry?

[G]

The only photo they have.

[D]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[C]

Everyone.

[E]

Oh, I see the fist.

[A]

Yeah. So I'm going to text you the. The high def.

[H]

Please do.

[G]

Please do.

[D]

Yeah, yeah.

[A]

Because there's a high def.

[G]

This is more people than the first one, right? Like double.

[A]

It's double the people. Yeah.

[D]

Jesus.

[A]

There's a lot of fear walking.

[C]

What does that mean?

[A]

Well, you're completely anxious because I've never really seen the Eddie Murphy in the wild.

[C]

Yeah.

[E]

Yeah.

[A]

You know what I mean? And you see, you witness the Eddie Murphy in the wild. You're right. And then you see other people that you've just never seen in the wild before. So let me ask you something. If you were at this house.

[E]

Yeah.

[D]

Right.

[A]

And you saw. You don't.

[E]

Coffee.

[D]

Yeah, it's strong.

[A]

Yeah, it's really strong. Yeah.

[C]

Sorry.

[A]

If you're at the house and you saw somebody that you were a fan of, would you walk up to them?

[E]

Yeah, I'm bad. I'm really bad at this. And this is something that, like, I know that it's exposure therapy.

[D]

Yeah.

[E]

I have not. Yeah, I have not, like, nailed this thing. And. Yeah, there's thing it's like, well, there's a couple of signs I'm giving you here. It's like, well, you weren't invited. That's where I'm like, it's not weird. If you.

[A]

If you see me, I want to say this right. It was Mark Norman, Sam Morrell, Santino, me. First time ever invited.

[C]

Wow.

[E]

Really?

[A]

Yeah. We've been around for so long, so it's like.

[E]

Yeah. I think of you guys like, oh, gee.

[D]

Yeah. Yeah.

[A]

And this is the first time we've been invited, so it's like, look at Spade there.

[C]

You guys are heavy hitters.

[D]

Yeah. Yeah.

[A]

There's Ronnie Chang with Tomlinson.

[C]

Taylor Tomlinson.

[D]

Yeah.

[A]

And who's the. Who's what?

[C]

The guy in the above. Taylor.

[A]

Who's the guy above Taylor?

[C]

Yeah. Who's that guy?

[A]

I don't know. And yeah, go to the left. There's Will Shasta. Go to the left. Dane Cook is acting like a spider monkey.

[C]

Yeah, he's over here.

[A]

No, look at Dane Cook. Go more. Further, further up. No, to the left. To the left. More to the left. More to the left. Spider monkey.

[C]

What's with his hand?

[A]

What is he doing there? Dude, he's clinging onto the tree or something, but he's doing something.

[E]

Well, that's the. Yeah, that's the throwing form. You don't want them to catch.

[G]

All right.

[D]

Yeah, Yeah.

[E]

I think he's putting some spin on it.

[D]

Yeah, Y.

[A]

Doing some spin on it.

[D]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[G]

Wow.

[E]

Yeah.

[D]

Yeah.

[A]

So.

[G]

So, Connor, you're weird around these situations.

[E]

I just. You. There's one out of every five. I. It is so, so detrimental to me, like, having a career in this. I think in this situation, I'd probably do a non verbal.

[D]

Oh.

[A]

Oh. Nonverbal eye community.

[E]

That probably should not look.

[A]

All right, so I'm Bob Odenkirk, Right. I'm eating a pizza, right? And I'm looking over at you. Wait, wait, wait, wait.

[G]

You look away.

[A]

You look away.

[E]

Yeah. Because I would already be looking at you if you're Bob Odenkirk.

[A]

No, you. But to do verbal communication, you have

[D]

to look at it.

[E]

No, I'm doing.

[A]

You can't look at the birds.

[E]

I'm doing non verbal. I'm not. I didn't.

[A]

Take me a cake. Oh, I see. I'm Bob Odenkirk.

[E]

Yeah.

[D]

Oh, yeah.

[A]

That's not good.

[G]

Zero.

[A]

That's not good. That's not good.

[E]

That's. That's. It's better than. I walk up and I share something that I, you know, I Shouldn't.

[A]

What I did was with Oden Kirk was. I walked right to him. I go, I'm a comic, and I just want to say, you just one of the best, and you influenced me so much. And he goes, I know who you are. And he gave me a hug, took a photo with me, and we talked about Titanica, one of my favorite sketches on Mr. Show. And we. And then he told me about some folklore about the song. He was super sweet. Then I saw Jon Stewart. I tapped him in the shoulder, and I go, I'm just a big fan. And he gave me a hug and talked for a bit, and I did all that.

[C]

That's awesome.

[B]

And that's not your.

[A]

That's not my thing.

[B]

I know, but I'm telling. I'm asking Connor, like, that's.

[A]

Yeah, you got to learn to do that. So attack me on the shoulder and just. Let's see. I'm Eddie Murphy, so go ahead if you're okay.

[C]

Okay.

[A]

What's. Yeah. Sorry.

[E]

I shouldn't have full. Full palms. Your back.

[A]

That's not.

[G]

I like that entrance.

[A]

I should have done.

[E]

I shouldn't have full. No, man. Yeah, that was.

[A]

Yeah. Don't touch me.

[C]

Okay.

[E]

Yeah, no, I agree. It takes that. That's. You can't. I just.

[A]

You got. No.

[E]

No shoulder.

[A]

Listen to me. You got to go right into compliments.

[E]

Oh, that's okay.

[A]

Yeah, but what do you do? You're talking about your own behavior. You get. You get two seconds with the guy.

[E]

Yeah, yeah. I loved.

[D]

No, no, no. Yeah, got it.

[A]

Okay. Do it again.

[E]

Okay.

[C]

I love Drush Hour.

[A]

Eddie.

[E]

Sorry. Eddie.

[A]

What's up, man?

[E]

I. I really like the Haunted Mansion.

[A]

That's the movie.

[E]

No, but would you like. I really didn't like the Haunted Mansion.

[A]

I know, but that. That's the.

[G]

Wait, wait, wait. He probably appreciates that everyone.

[B]

No, he doesn't, because he's younger.

[A]

48 hours, Beverly Hills Cop.

[E]

I. I think Haunted Mansion, then I could go to. You know what's crazy is when are you sealed?

[A]

You've already lost him.

[B]

No, no, you haven't, because I'm telling

[A]

you, he's talking now to Kevin Hart.

[B]

No, that's not true. I'm telling you, Eddie Murphy loves that he has younger fans. I think he feels like he lost that group. And so a young kid saying, I love Haunted Mansion is the movie.

[E]

Haunted Mansion for me. And then you do something from the heart. Yeah, I just remember it being. For one year, for Christmas, I got. I got a portable DVD player, which was the coolest shit I had ever seen. And it was little, and it was actually pretty big. It was the size of a laptop. Now I've lost it.

[A]

He's packing his bag.

[E]

He's also opening his bag. All right, get out of here.

[D]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[E]

But here's the pirated Haunted Mansion. I put it in a Maybe.

[A]

Okay, here's. Here's the rule.

[C]

It is a classic.

[A]

It's a classic in this genre.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

But, Connor, the rule is this. You don't touch. You don't.

[B]

You don't touch.

[E]

Eddie Murphy, I think he.

[A]

When he walked. No, when he walks into the. He was, like, one of the last guys to enter. And you could. He stopped the party for a split second, right. And you realized, oh, you don't just walk up to the guy and go, I love Haunted Mansion. Yeah. I mean, so what I did. What miraculously what happened was I was the first guy to be in the photo, and he was right in front of me. And he looked at me and he goes, nice to meet you, young man. And he shook my hand. That's sick, right? And I went, it was good to meet you, too.

[G]

I loved you at Haunted Mansion.

[A]

I love the Haunted Mansion.

[D]

Boo.

[E]

Favorite part.

[B]

But I do want to talk about if you had to tap Bobby.

[D]

Yeah.

[B]

Would you do this or would you go full palm like.

[A]

Connor, I'm not big enough for a tap. You go directly to my face.

[B]

No, I'm just saying if you were to tap, like, if you had to tap someone. Do you use. Do you do, like. Because I feel like I don't do

[A]

your long ET finger. No. That's weird.

[B]

Yeah, because this is really like a phone home.

[A]

No. Yeah, I don't do that.

[E]

I felt like that, too.

[A]

No, this is what you do. This is what I do.

[E]

That's what I was trying.

[A]

No tap. No tapping.

[B]

You hold it.

[A]

Maybe you hold a little bit to know that there's a presence. Maybe grab the collar because he was in all. Both. All the incidences. Is that. Do you understand what I just said?

[E]

Instances. Yeah, that's how I would have said it.

[A]

All Instances. Right, right.

[G]

Plural.

[A]

That I encountered was a light hold on the shoulder to let them know that I'm around. But finish your conversation because they're all in conversation.

[C]

Maybe Can I think this one?

[A]

Go ahead, Cat.

[B]

Thank you.

[A]

Do us. Two. What's up, baby? Yeah, that's right. Huel for your body. Protein for your body, Everybody. You guys, Huel. You know, sometimes I don't even eat a meal. Oh, wow.

[D]

Yeah.

[A]

I do, Huel.

[G]

Okay.

[A]

It's better for you. 35.5grams of protein per RTT bottle. A complete meal, not a protein shake. Have you had this before, Luke?

[H]

Yeah, it's really, really good. I had some in the car leaving here and I love that they're just 40 grams of protein per meal. Powder serving as well.

[D]

Yeah, yeah.

[A]

And you love the 27 essential vitamins and minerals in both products, too.

[B]

Lots of fiber.

[A]

Tell me about the fiber, baby.

[B]

That one is a cookies and cream flavor.

[A]

Yeah, you know what? It's. You know, it's all in the flavor as well. And guess what? No artificial sweeteners, colors, or flavors.

[B]

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[D]

Yeah.

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[G]

What are your favorite flavors?

[E]

Go.

[B]

Cookies and cream for me.

[A]

Salted caramel for me.

[H]

Chocolate.

[G]

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[F]

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[A]

How's your sleep? It's doing great.

[E]

Cause of Helix. Cause of Helix.

[A]

You guys, has your sleep improved since you switched to Helix? Mine has because I have three rooms in this bed house.

[B]

In his bed house?

[A]

Yeah. In my house, there's three beds and I have all Helix sleep. My Helix mattress has been upgraded from my old one, too, as well.

[B]

Yep.

[D]

Yeah. Yeah.

[A]

Tell me why you like it.

[B]

I love Helix because it's really as simple as taking one quiz and then it tells me because I'm a side sleeper and I run hot. I got matched.

[A]

You run so hot.

[B]

I know. Thank you.

[D]

Yeah.

[B]

And so I got matched with a midnight mattress. But then you have the option to choose the luxe version of that, and I've never slept better.

[A]

Luke, what kind of mattress do you sleep on?

[H]

I don't even know.

[A]

And that's why what we're going to do for you is we got to get you a.

[B]

He got to get.

[A]

Yeah, yeah.

[H]

I'm moving soon. I'm moving to a new place.

[B]

You gift them a Helix?

[E]

Yeah.

[H]

They have free shipping and seamless delivery. So I was like, I should just get a new mattress.

[B]

And even better yet, if, like, let's say, for instance, you're like, I, this isn't a match for me. You have 120 night sleep trial and a limited lifetime warranty. You can be like, hey, I need another mattress.

[H]

I need it.

[A]

That's perfect for me.

[G]

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[C]

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[C]

My strategy would be this. If I saw someone that I really wanted to talk to, I would kind of see if they were gonna go get a snack. And then.

[A]

Oh, surveillance.

[C]

A little bit of surveillance.

[D]

I see.

[C]

And then if they were, like, going in for a cheese, I would be like, oh, me too. Kind of like, oh, me too cheese.

[E]

I love.

[C]

Me too cheese.

[D]

Me too cheese.

[E]

You did that when I sat down here with coffee. You drink coffee? Me too.

[G]

Yeah. Thought that was crazy.

[A]

Oh, that's. You're. Oh, interesting.

[B]

Wait, you're. But you're looking for a Meet cute. Yeah. Like a romance.

[C]

But so then it's normal. So it's not like, oh, I'm like. I'm not like, you know, I'm just like, I also like cheese. Eddie Murphy.

[E]

I loved you in the cheese, Eddie.

[B]

Just kidding.

[C]

The cheese.

[E]

I know you weren't in that.

[D]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know, yeah.

[A]

This.

[E]

This big.

[C]

Who wants to get chocolate wasted?

[A]

You don't say chocolate in front of Eddie Murphy. Because I think that he would, you know, misinterpret that. That as something.

[E]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[A]

Chocolate. You don't do that.

[D]

Yeah, yeah.

[E]

I get like, this was the whole. The whole day, the whole morning, and how long did people stay? Was it like a level playing field situation, or was there still, like, levels, too? Because everyone.

[A]

You're right. So there are divisions.

[C]

It's like a high school kind of campus.

[A]

Yeah, yeah. So basically you're hanging out with your tribe.

[E]

Okay, interesting.

[A]

And then you can see another tribe forming and you're realizing, oh, I'm, you know, I mean, not that I'm lower class, but I'm like, not there.

[C]

Not that tribe.

[A]

Yeah, yeah. Because you see the Seinfelds, the David Letterman's, the Ellie Murphy's, the.

[C]

Oh, Chappelle's up there.

[A]

Chappelle. They're all now talking in a circle.

[C]

Interesting.

[A]

Right. And then you're like, you're over here with Mark Normand, you know, instead.

[C]

What a great tribe though you're in.

[A]

It's a good tribe.

[D]

Yeah.

[A]

I'm not, I'm not downing my tribe in a war. We would lose. That's all I'm saying.

[B]

I don't think so.

[C]

It depends what the war is, though.

[A]

And then you have like the Negroes and the Malaneys and them in one tribe.

[E]

Yeah.

[A]

But you know who's great? Spade. Spade. David Spade is always in our tribe because Theo is in our tribe. You know what I mean? So it's like we have our own tribe. Then I, then I went for the Asians.

[C]

Interesting. Yeah. So do you cross tribe?

[A]

I cross tribe.

[C]

Cross tribe.

[D]

Yeah, yeah.

[A]

And I went to the Kenjungs.

[B]

Oh, yeah.

[A]

And the Atsukos and the Jimmy Oya. And we took that photo. I saw that, you know, I mean, did they put on the people?

[C]

I think Eliza thinks she's in the Asian tribe.

[A]

Why?

[C]

Just seen.

[A]

Oh, because she's just next to Jimmy Oyang. What are you saying?

[C]

I don't know.

[A]

Oh, he's. Oh, she's okay. I get you what you're saying.

[C]

Do you know what I mean?

[A]

She purposely went between Joe Coy and Jimmy Oya.

[D]

Yeah, yeah.

[A]

And she's squinting her eyes.

[C]

Definitely the squid was.

[D]

Yeah, yeah.

[A]

But look at where I'm. Am I close? You look like.

[C]

Oh, you're in a different perspective.

[G]

It looks like you're in the black track.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, but I'm still below. I, I, Eric Andre. I think I'm in a good tongue out. Yeah, it's. My tongue's out.

[D]

Yeah.

[C]

Oh, I was like, his John now looks so upset.

[A]

Upset that he's sitting next to me because I went next to him and he's like, no, dude, go somewhere else. And I go, no. I mean, I'm standing here.

[E]

Can I ask?

[A]

Go ahead.

[E]

With all due respect, what is Kate Hudson doing here?

[A]

I was about to say, what do you mean?

[E]

What do you mean, it is cool. Like, I'm a huge Kate Hudson.

[A]

I love Kate, too. She's.

[E]

Is. She. Was. She. Did she do a.

[G]

It's a comedic show. Is that why.

[E]

Yeah, I mean, these are, like, all comedy.

[A]

All right, well, now you're going to get me off.

[E]

Well, she's in Rom com.

[A]

Now you're going to get me off. Now go. Go up to the corner. Nice, Connor. Now you fudge me up. All right. And wait, let me look, let me look, let me look, let me look.

[G]

Everyone here's a comic.

[A]

No.

[B]

Is Bill Bird.

[A]

Scott. No, Bill Burr is not there. I'm going to tell you. I think Scott MacArthur is there.

[E]

No, I was. I was only curious about her. I didn't know if she had some. Some new project or something that's like comedy adjacent or comedy.

[A]

There's a lot of actors that are in the comedic field that were there as well.

[D]

Yeah.

[E]

Sick. That's.

[A]

That's cool. It's awesome.

[D]

Yeah.

[C]

Do you think that people were very calculated about where they were sitting?

[A]

Oh, yeah. You could see a lot of moving and dangling and stuff like that.

[C]

They're like, wherever I'm in this picture, it's gonna make.

[D]

Yeah.

[A]

Yeah. But I felt comfortable in the spot I was in because I knew Theo was above me, and Sakura's a friend, you know, and Whitney's a friend, and Donnell's a friend, you know? I mean, so that was a nice little.

[C]

That's awesome.

[D]

Yeah.

[A]

Yeah. But it's. It was a. I walked through a lot of fear there. Random divines there.

[D]

Yeah.

[A]

So it was fun. Yeah. Anyway, next year for you, I'm gonna manifest it for you.

[E]

When they start letting just anybody get to get to his house.

[A]

Well, I. I'll be honest. This is double the amount of the last photo.

[B]

Yeah. This is a lot compared to last year.

[D]

Yeah.

[A]

So it's like. I think they're gonna triple it next time.

[E]

Were there more shows this year?

[A]

Yeah, Yeah, I think there were a lot more shows. And you know what? Our show. I would thank everyone to come out for the other podcasts I do. You know, I mean, bad friends, and they came out to see our show. It was an excellent show.

[E]

Awesome.

[A]

You opened.

[C]

I did.

[A]

You did a great job.

[C]

Thank you.

[D]

Yeah.

[A]

And I'm glad your show went well.

[E]

It was great. I don't do a ton of shows in la. I was gonna ask how often you do.

[A]

Too often.

[E]

Okay.

[A]

Yeah, too often is the answer.

[D]

Yeah.

[A]

What's the matter?

[E]

Nothing. Nothing. I just.

[A]

I have, like, thin lips. I like it.

[E]

Yeah. There's almost none.

[A]

Yeah.

[E]

Anyway, I can make them go completely.

[C]

White people's lips. I don't know.

[A]

I. Yeah, I have an obsession with white people's lips. I don't know why.

[C]

He just doesn't like that. There isn't a boundary with the lips for us, I guess. I don't know.

[B]

He doesn't like any lips, Cat. Oh, yeah, he doesn't. He thinks mine are too plump. He thinks thin lips are too thin. It's like. There's no. He doesn't like lips. I think he wants people to just have, like, an open hole in their face.

[A]

I just. I.

[B]

Yeah.

[G]

Dude, what's the deal with it?

[A]

Yeah, I'll tell you the deal. I'll tell you, and I'll be honest with you, dude. It's like. What is. It's unnecessary, I don't think. Yeah. It's an extra aesthetic that God went. I'll just put these on. You know what I mean? And it's like. It could just be an open hole.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

Kissing you.

[A]

You still have an opening.

[C]

Yeah, but.

[D]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[A]

And you'll be able to control with muscle.

[E]

There would just be. No.

[A]

You could color. You could suck on the opening of the skin. You know, like, if you're tongue kissing and stuff.

[B]

I don't like it.

[A]

All right. I met the designer. Maybe he was right. I'm not God.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[E]

I just.

[A]

Can I have my own preferences? I don't like eyelids.

[G]

What an open hole. What is wrong with you?

[D]

Yeah, yeah.

[A]

You know, there's a lot of things I don't like about the human body.

[D]

Yeah.

[E]

No shame. I think we should have one. I say this all the time. One big tooth. It's crazy that we have, like, a bunch of little.

[A]

That's. That's a very. Dude, you're so smart.

[E]

We have to floss.

[D]

Yeah, yeah.

[A]

It should just be one bone.

[E]

One big one.

[B]

Oh. Like kind of like. Like bailing. Like a whale.

[E]

Any. I think those things that we have right now are.

[D]

Yeah, it feels.

[E]

It feels like we made these on. I know that we've always had teeth.

[D]

Yeah.

[E]

Now I'm going to start sounding real dumb.

[B]

Well, can I tell you. Can I counter your point a little bit?

[A]

No, because I'm on Connor's side.

[D]

But go ahead.

[B]

Because the reason you're saying one giant connected. Like two.

[A]

You have two teeth.

[B]

I know, but just one up front or like a whole. Just one giant system.

[D]

Yes.

[C]

One giant system.

[B]

Because if it's like. If you think about it like coral. One part of the coral gets bad or cracked, then the whole thing is out.

[E]

I hadn't gotten that. I had not gotten that.

[A]

I'm going to defend it.

[E]

I was.

[A]

I'm going to defend your point of view.

[E]

I just floss. I floss a lot. And like, I have this thing where I can. I can like feel stuff in my Right big P. Yeah.

[A]

So here's another thing. No roots.

[E]

We should do. We should.

[A]

We should do one solid tooth, no roots, so there's no pain. Counter it.

[C]

How do you have no roots on your teeth?

[A]

No, I don't. I have many roots. Right. I don't want any.

[C]

You don't want any?

[A]

The pain free floating. Yeah. Just one white tooth from end to end and there's. It cracks and you could feel the crack.

[B]

The reason?

[A]

Yeah.

[E]

One big cosmetic tooth. One unit of teeth.

[B]

You need the root. In order to feel what you're doing, there has to be a con. You're in Order for your brain to know what your teeth are doing, the teeth have to be connected to the brain. How does that happen? Via nerves. That's the root. So then if not, then what?

[A]

Why does your brain need to know what your teeth are doing?

[B]

Because it's all feedback. What am I eating? Is this hard? Is this soft? Because if you don't have that information, you're just gonna crack into a rock.

[A]

I'll tell you how I know why it's not working. I can't get into it.

[B]

What do you mean?

[A]

Look, here's a. Just listen to my point of view, okay. You got to hear this, right? I'm biting into gold, right. And I'm chewing it for a while, right?

[C]

You got in it. You got.

[A]

No, I'm like trying to chew a bar of gold. Okay. A little bar of gold, right?

[E]

Yeah.

[A]

And after about everyone does that.

[E]

I was there, right at the beginning.

[D]

Yeah, yeah.

[A]

Pirates.

[E]

Gold's in your mouth.

[A]

Yeah. Pirate sword. Yeah.

[E]

I'd be chewing on it too.

[D]

Give me a piece of.

[A]

And after about six taps, right, I realize. I look and I realize, oh, I can't chew this.

[C]

So your eyes are doing the work.

[D]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[A]

Counter, please.

[B]

Temperature. You need roots.

[A]

My tongue has temperature.

[C]

Can I have a. Maybe you can do your white tooth, but can we do different colors? Like.

[A]

Well, you can do that on your own at a facility.

[B]

So. Okay.

[A]

At that facility, it could be like purple. You could choose. Choose one. One solid color. Black or whatever you can dye them.

[B]

A family member has such a big gap in between this Tooth. Her two front teeth that instead of doing braces, she just added an extra tooth between the two teeth.

[G]

Oh, wow. Wow.

[B]

She has one center tooth.

[E]

It.

[A]

New tooth? Yeah, new tooth.

[E]

That's awesome.

[D]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[E]

That's so much faster too. She probably got that done same day and probably, like could go eat corn.

[D]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[A]

She probably did it on her own,

[B]

so I think that's pretty deep.

[A]

I went to Michael's.

[B]

I'm not sold on the one tooth.

[E]

Pop it in.

[A]

Yeah, yeah.

[E]

Health insurance. What.

[A]

What about the other? About the human body as. I'll tell you another thing that I realized. I don't know if we talked about this, but I didn't realize that there were two holes in a woman's vagina.

[B]

Oh, my God.

[C]

I think that's a lot.

[A]

We talked about that already.

[C]

A lot of men don't know that, I don't think.

[D]

Yeah, yeah.

[E]

It's a good trivia question. It's a good trick, I would say.

[D]

Yeah, yeah.

[A]

I didn't know. I thought that the P came out of the actual hole.

[B]

That's so sad.

[C]

I did too, until I was like.

[A]

Like a fire hydrant.

[E]

I think a lot of people would be shocked.

[A]

Did I say that talk about that earlier? Yeah, yeah.

[B]

You know what? I did learn from.

[E]

From here to see that one again.

[B]

I did learn from Brooke and Connor's podcast about the Metro.

[A]

Who the is Brooke he does a podcast with?

[E]

Bro, It's. She's my podcast co host, Brooke Averick. We talked about that yesterday. Well, I posted this video. What you talk about Matrilineal penis.

[A]

A naturally healed penis.

[B]

Matrilineal penis. Connor will explain.

[A]

Well, okay. I look at my eyes and explain it.

[E]

I had heard that you get your penis from your mom. Not literally you get your penis from your mom, but the build of your penis.

[A]

Small penis.

[E]

Yeah. He's not responsible for. It's not passed down from dad to son. Your ass is your dad's. You have your dad's ass. You have your mother's penis.

[C]

What about vaginas? Is that your dad's vagina?

[E]

I didn't look into vaginas.

[A]

Yeah, you have your dad's vagina.

[B]

I for sure have my dad's vagina.

[D]

Yeah.

[C]

Damn it.

[A]

That's why it looks like bat wings.

[E]

Hey.

[A]

Hey. I'm walking over here.

[E]

You have your dad's second over here.

[D]

Yeah.

[A]

That's interesting. Do you. So I have my dad's.

[E]

Yeah.

[B]

I don't know how cheeks. I think she.

[E]

I think the bill where's the asshole?

[C]

That's your grandma.

[A]

That's my grandmother. At my grandmother's asshole. That's interesting. Very interesting.

[E]

It is. It's weird.

[A]

Well, hair loss comes from the mother's side of the family.

[B]

Not always. There's different kinds of hair loss, but it can.

[D]

Yeah.

[A]

Your tone is really crazy. Yeah, Your tone is very aggressive.

[B]

It's not always.

[E]

Yeah.

[B]

Okay, let me try again.

[D]

Yeah.

[B]

Okay, say it again.

[D]

Yeah. Yeah.

[A]

I heard the hair losses from your mother's side of the family.

[B]

Not. Not always.

[A]

Okay, that's better.

[B]

Better.

[E]

That was a good delivery.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

Yeah, that was a better choice.

[C]

How about boobs? Are those from your dad, too?

[B]

I for sure have my dad's tits.

[A]

Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Your daddy's tits. That's not a good thing. It's not.

[E]

I only really looked into.

[G]

I'm not an expert guy.

[E]

And your. Your other body parts? What do you think? I only look at one tooth. I don't. I. I don't know. I know stuff skips a generation, too, so there is, like. You probably have, like, different. Your nipples are probably your grandma's or your grandpa's and.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

But I think the. Should be on the bottom of your left foot.

[E]

Oh.

[B]

Actually, you know what? This is the one thing I do agree with you about this is I feel like where the. Is. Is not the most optimal.

[E]

Sitting on it.

[B]

Sitting on it. No, it's too close. And from a girl's perspective, I will say just the amount of, like, UTIs you can get from cross contamination.

[E]

That's.

[B]

Yeah. And it's like the poop where the good stuff is. I just don't love it. I don't love the.

[A]

You pee out of your left foot. You poo foot.

[C]

Oh, interesting. Like a Pepsi Coke kind of machine.

[A]

And then the penis is only for sperm.

[C]

Interesting.

[A]

We could do a lot of work. How about.

[E]

We have some ideas. We're writing a new bible.

[C]

But what about blood for women? Where does that go?

[A]

And when you say blood, why did you do this hand?

[C]

Because I was thinking maybe it comes out of the right hand.

[A]

Oh, you for your period. Period.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

Yeah. Well, the baby comes out of the vagina, so I would say the same. Keep it there.

[D]

Yeah.

[C]

Wow.

[A]

I mean, God did a perfect job in designing us. So we're not God. I'm sorry. You did a perfect job. I'm just. Just throwing out some questions for the next round. For the next round.

[D]

Yeah.

[E]

Yeah. I do get confused about evolution, like, a lot.

[A]

Tell me about it.

[E]

Just, like, tell me Stuff evolves. I know that I'm. I know that I'm evolving a little bit because I hold my phone.

[A]

Oh, oh, here we go.

[E]

I hold my phone. It's a heavy phone. Phones are heavy, kind of if you're not built. Built very well. And I'm. I got my grandma's body, so I hold my phone like this. Like on my pinky.

[D]

Yeah.

[E]

Here in my right hand.

[D]

Yeah, yeah.

[E]

And you see, when you look at my pinkies separately, maybe maybe I have small hands. Maybe just from the. This side. You see that little ridge here? From.

[A]

Oh, I see.

[C]

Oh, my God. I have it, too.

[A]

I want to see if. Wait, wait.

[G]

Just my right hand.

[E]

Yeah, yeah. Because you don't.

[A]

Do I have a ridge?

[G]

Oh, my God.

[A]

I have a ridge, too.

[D]

Yeah.

[E]

I'm the pinky.

[D]

Yeah.

[A]

Because I hold it like this.

[E]

Yeah.

[A]

Oh, my God. Years of holding this. Wow.

[E]

So our. I don't know, maybe our kids are gonna have really strong grotesque binkies.

[D]

Yeah.

[C]

So scary.

[A]

You know, I. I mean, I want you to cut this part out. And this is something that's evolved into my penis, but I can't have it. I can't even have it out there.

[B]

Not sure if evolution works when within one generation.

[A]

No, no, I'm talking about because we hold our thing like this. There's a dentist because I use vaginal machines. Right.

[C]

There's a dent.

[A]

No, the middle of my. Because I have the sucking thing. The middle of my penis.

[B]

Right, yeah.

[A]

Is super thin now.

[E]

Like an hourglass.

[D]

Yeah, yeah.

[A]

It's like an hour. No, it's like an hour ago.

[G]

Kardashian.

[D]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[A]

It has a. Like that. Yeah, like a vase.

[E]

People pay a lot of money for that.

[A]

I know. And it's longer.

[B]

No way.

[A]

Because the sucking. It's really powerful.

[C]

Why don't they do the whole. I think it's kind of like.

[A]

And it's made my.

[G]

That's what I'm saying.

[A]

The shaft thinner.

[B]

Wait, so the shaft is. It redistributed the meat?

[D]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[B]

And they put it up top.

[D]

Yeah, yeah.

[A]

The meat's.

[B]

Or to the bottom. Oh, my God.

[A]

So the meat on the bottom, meat on top.

[B]

Oh, my God.

[D]

Yeah, yeah.

[A]

Oh, my gosh. I don't know if I can put that out there.

[E]

Jimmy John's order. Meat on the bottom. Meat on top.

[D]

Yeah, yeah.

[G]

I'll have a Jimmy.

[E]

You might sell. You might push a lot of these. These devices.

[A]

It really did. So I don't know if I can put that out there, but it's transformed

[E]

it through use an affiliate link would be great. Really Start moving some units. This might have to be a warehouse instead of dojo.

[A]

That's funny. Very good.

[C]

But that's.

[B]

That's smart. I mean, you were in marketing, right? You. That's.

[D]

Yeah, yeah.

[E]

If you were to. If you were to tell me, by the way, in college, high school, not only are you. You're having a great experience at home with this device, but also you're. You're at the gym. Essentially, your dick's getting bigger by using this.

[A]

No, not bigger. Longer.

[E]

Longer. Yeah, bigger.

[A]

It looks like an udon noodle.

[C]

Yeah. Udon. It used to look like soba.

[A]

Yes.

[D]

Yeah, yeah, the chef.

[A]

Very good chef.

[D]

Yeah, yeah.

[A]

No, but it's changed. So I guess, you know me, years of doing this has put a dent, right? What are some other things that your body gets affected by use? You think. You wanna buy stuff? Easy payments. Klarna, you guys, you know, looks maxing. We talked about it earlier and I have to say, and I don't want to put you on the spot, but. Alex, Alex, we need to max out look, right? So we're gonna do some payments here.

[G]

What's wrong? What's wrong?

[A]

Describe his body.

[E]

Shoes.

[A]

Well, he's shaped like a water buffalo.

[D]

Yeah, okay, we can help that.

[A]

But. Yeah, we can't help that. Right, But I think the clothing, we can. So we're gonna go and we're gonna buy you some clothing, right? And so I. You know, a vintage look, right? Cool pants and some shoes.

[H]

Well, so you could. With Klarna, you could also money max, because you'll be able to have more money in your account and do it in force, you know, small payments or 100% payments. You need. Yeah, so you'll money Max on top of your looks maxing as well.

[A]

Exactly. So you're doing both, actually. Looks maxing and money max. What else there? Rams. I like that. Also. It's really easy.

[F]

It's just like four easy payments, you

[A]

know, it's very nice and you know. Yeah, life is complicated.

[D]

Yeah.

[A]

Klarna also offers value, transparency, control and no surprises. Play pay now, later, or over time. Whatever fits your lifestyle, really, to be honest with you.

[G]

All right, so what do you think we should get Alex? Help his hobbit feet.

[A]

Is it a hobbit? You know how they say men's, women's. Is there like mythological.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Is it like a hoof or something?

[G]

I have a really extreme wide feet.

[D]

You do?

[H]

You might need Timbs Right.

[A]

I think we get them tims because

[H]

then you could also. You'll get a little taller.

[E]

Are pretty tight though.

[A]

Yeah, they're tight. It's leathery. It's tight. How about a Birkenstock?

[E]

Oh, I like Burke's.

[A]

Yeah, Burks are cool.

[G]

We'll do Burke.

[A]

Let's do some Burks right there.

[G]

What size, Alex?

[A]

Let me guess, Bobby.

[G]

What do you think his size?

[A]

The length, probably 4 foot. The width, 19 foot. So 4 by 4 by 19? Yeah, maybe let's go to Home Depot, build them one. Wait, zoom in on that. Those pants. That's what he needs. You need that dude.

[G]

Okay, so we'll get.

[D]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[A]

That's looks like the Burks. With the Burks.

[G]

Yeah, the whole thing with the Burks.

[D]

Yeah, yeah.

[A]

We're ski masks. That's the first one right there.

[H]

That was.

[A]

Yeah, it's he mask.

[H]

Wow.

[D]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, get ski masks.

[G]

So guys, download the Klarna app today or visit klarna.to learn more.

[A]

Yep.

[F]

California resident CA resident loans made or arranged pursuant to the California Finance Law License NMLS Number 1353-190-klarna-balance account required to be eligible for cashback points limited limitations. Terms and conditions apply.

[B]

Before we dive back into today's episode, great news for comedy TV fans. Every episode of the Hulu original series Alice and Steve is streaming on Hulu.

[A]

Oh my God. From the producers of Baby Reindeer comes a new edgy comedy. Lifelong best friends Alice and Steve see their world implode when Steve starts dating Alice's 26 year old daughter. The once rock solid friendship turns sour as Alice tries to sabotage their romance and Steve attempts to salvage their friendship leading to a hilarious hijinks and chaos. Woohoo. The unique comedy that can only be described as the first rom com proves that sometimes best friends make the best enemies.

[B]

Alison.

[H]

Steve takes a wild premise and turns it into a sharp, insightful laugh out loud British comedy with real emotional bite. Starring Jermaine Clement and Nicola Walker, the series explores friendship and modern dynamics with a brand of dry, dark British wit and awkward situational comedy that will delight every generation.

[G]

Watch every episode of the Hulu Original series Alice and Steve on Hulu and Hulu on Disney plus for bundle subscribers. Terms apply.

[A]

It's very interesting.

[E]

I. I saw a p. Well, maybe driving.

[C]

Maybe we're getting like tech neck is real.

[D]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[A]

You do have a slouch.

[C]

I know.

[D]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[A]

And it's not a bad thing.

[C]

I've always had it kind Of.

[A]

And you're also. Can I just say another note that you're doing another note physically for you.

[C]

It's just like, I think your hair.

[A]

It's a good note.

[D]

Yeah.

[A]

I noticed at the YouTube theater show.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

You're in the middle of the thing again.

[C]

I was walking around on there.

[A]

I just to go to the front of the stage.

[C]

Okay, Okay. I was, I thought I was.

[A]

You're too middle of the stage. Okay, okay. And it's like, it's, it's a fear thing.

[E]

Like too far, too far back from

[A]

the, from the audience.

[D]

Oh, yeah, yeah.

[A]

And it's like, I used to do

[B]

that, but how big is the stage? Really big.

[C]

The stage. Pretty big.

[B]

Yeah. That's scary.

[A]

I, I, I, that's not my concern.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

My concern is connecting with the audience.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

Locking eyes with them and being a part of.

[C]

But.

[A]

And it's a, it's, you know, an alpha thing. I'm not alpha on Beta. I'm definitely a bottom.

[B]

You have to be a bottom.

[D]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[A]

In prison, like, if I was in prison with Alex, he'd be like, just lay on your stomach.

[C]

But how about your back?

[A]

I'd be like, every time. Come on, twin.

[D]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[A]

Every time.

[B]

I don't, I don't think so. Because you're a guy who likes to hump once in a while. You like to get up there and hump. I don't think. Oh, I see what you're saying. You do your. I don't think. I think you want to believe you're a bottom because you're the smaller guy.

[A]

Yeah. Yeah. Why'd you lick your lips?

[E]

I thought you were sure that's a tight shot on someone else.

[A]

Yeah, no, I'm like, how about if

[C]

your butthole's on your foot, though, and then you have anal sex. How does that work?

[A]

Well, that. We will eliminate that. That. Oh, yeah.

[D]

Yeah.

[A]

Because I don't, I'm not, that's not my thing.

[C]

But how about the gay community?

[A]

Oh, I didn't think of that.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

Keep it at that. Yeah, I didn't think of that. Yeah, I, Yeah, go ahead. Connor.

[E]

I think that you just, you just. We, our brains would change if our brain. We'd be like, I. That I need to. I need to have sex with your foot right now.

[D]

Yeah. Yeah.

[A]

And then you could just do it. You could be doing other things.

[E]

You could be driving.

[A]

Yeah, you could be driving. You could be.

[H]

You know what I mean?

[A]

I'm watching Love on the Spectrum.

[E]

Yeah.

[B]

Wait now I think God's actually quite a genius for keeping it up.

[A]

I think you're right.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

It's because people. You can lose your limbs.

[E]

Yeah.

[B]

It's really hard to lose your. Your.

[D]

Yeah.

[A]

I've never. I got in a car accident. I lost my. That's never happened.

[G]

Everything else is fine.

[A]

I was on a motorcycle. I lost my. That.

[B]

I mean.

[E]

Yeah.

[B]

You would have to be like.

[A]

Good point.

[B]

You would have to be, like, impaled. But, like, you know, it's easier to lose, like, a digit or a limb.

[D]

Yeah.

[E]

Really reverse engineered. That can. Really simple.

[B]

I know.

[D]

We did.

[B]

Yeah. Thank you, God.

[A]

And on top of it, it's also. It's like, I'd rather lose an arm or leg than the butthole.

[E]

Yeah.

[A]

Because at that point, you need to put things in your body to do it, like plastics and machinery. You know what I mean? And other things. You have to carry around another thing.

[B]

Like a colostomy bag.

[D]

Yeah.

[A]

Or something. Yeah. And it's not sexy. You're at the club. I mean, and you. You. You have a bag. You know what I mean?

[C]

What's in your bag?

[A]

But they're playing gaff bomb.

[D]

Yeah.

[A]

And you're trying to.

[D]

You know.

[A]

You know, I mean, it's. I would make mine not see through. Probably black. You probably have some sort of print on it.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

No Gucci.

[D]

Okay.

[B]

But that's what they do now. Like, a lot of people with ostomies or any kind of, like, bag situation, if they've had to get. I don't know if you know what a Barbie butt is, is if you've had, like, chronic ulcerative colitis or. Or Crohn's, they just kind of shut it so that you. And then they do. If you have to live with an ostomy or a bag, they have really cool options now.

[C]

Like a satchel.

[B]

Yeah. They're very discreet.

[C]

It's like.

[B]

It's like the whole thing now. Because I have friends with ostomies and.

[A]

And I have no friends with. Awesome.

[C]

You do it called Barbie butt.

[B]

Because Barbie's not.

[A]

Now what's that? Crohn's disease.

[E]

Figured it out. I didn't know that. Well, I had never heard that term, but I'm. I immediately I was like, I'm not going to ask. I'll figure it out. And I've been. That's why I've been quiet, just figuring

[A]

it out in my head, you know, Go ahead.

[E]

No, I mean, I just.

[A]

Go ahead.

[E]

Well, no, I was going to. Exactly.

[A]

Exactly what I Threw up. Yeah, tell me.

[E]

No, I just. I. I get. I have this girl on TikTok that does. She makes cool versions of all these. Is inherently, like, not great to look at things, and it makes them cool, and then people, you don't even notice.

[A]

Yeah. Which is sick, I think.

[E]

Except it would suck if you did show up with your Gucci colonoscopy bag or. What is it? Yeah, like, and then they had to be like, we have to check your purse at the door. Like the bouncer.

[A]

Oh, yeah, that's. What. What's that about?

[E]

It is my.

[D]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[A]

If you want to look. No, that's.

[E]

That would be a little bit. Put them on blast situation.

[A]

Well, there's a zipper then, is what you're saying.

[C]

Yeah.

[G]

Zip.

[A]

Take a look.

[E]

Causes some issue.

[A]

I'm sure.

[E]

It causes people some issues.

[D]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[E]

Just like another.

[D]

Yeah.

[C]

What a great way to hide a weapon, though.

[E]

I was gonna. Yeah, that's where I was gonna go.

[C]

Oh, you're gonna look at my bag. They're like, no, no.

[A]

Yeah, exactly. And you could have, like, a. A plastic gun.

[C]

Yeah, plastic gun.

[A]

So it doesn't. You mean set off the sensor?

[C]

Ghost gun.

[D]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[A]

And then you have a poo gun.

[B]

Yeah, I think that's a scary.

[D]

Yeah.

[A]

Let's move on from this. Yeah. I don't know why we went down this rabbit hole.

[E]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[A]

I think it was your fault.

[D]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[A]

I think you both conspired.

[D]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[A]

Because you were like. You know what I mean?

[E]

Yeah, I was like. Was that on our bullet points?

[G]

Sorry. From a single tooth.

[D]

Yeah, yeah.

[A]

It went from 2:20 minutes.

[D]

Yeah.

[A]

And it was like, you know, we shouldn't question God's design. I think that's. That's the point.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

What are you writing down?

[B]

Oh, I'm just crossing off things.

[A]

Oh, you have other things you want? Oh, so that was the first thing on my list.

[D]

You.

[B]

I tried to bring up, and you, like, batted it down. You were like, nah.

[A]

All right, all right, so let's start with that. And I want to.

[B]

No, no, it doesn't matter. The moment has passed.

[A]

No, let's just try.

[B]

No, it was the sunglasses issue because I had.

[A]

Oh, your eye. Let me see your eye. Let me see your. What are you guys doing?

[E]

I'm sorry. We. I, like. She was like, oh, look at my watch. It does. It doesn't work. It hasn't worked in, like, five years.

[A]

Why do you have.

[B]

Why do it? Why do you.

[A]

Why do you Wear it.

[E]

It's kind of like a habit. You click it on when you leave. It says it's.

[C]

Is it like a lucky charm like you wear it?

[E]

Because I know how to read a clock or a watch. I just. It's 9pm yeah.

[B]

And it just stays at 9pm yeah.

[A]

Let me see your eyes moving.

[C]

That's nice.

[B]

No, I don't want to show my eye.

[A]

I want to show. I want to see your eye.

[B]

I. No, I don't want to show it

[A]

if you don't show your. Your. Your. You don't show me your eye.

[B]

I showed them earlier. I want to see what it looks like.

[E]

It did. I didn't notice it until you said it.

[G]

Until you said it.

[A]

Yeah. You look like a cross eyed.

[B]

No, you always do. No, it's. It's a thigh.

[G]

Yeah. Looks the same. Cross eyed. What's new?

[A]

How much I'm attracted to.

[B]

Ew. I know.

[C]

You could save on.

[A]

No, I am.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

All my girlfriends have been. Except for the current one has cross eyes.

[C]

Really?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I love it slightly.

[A]

Yeah, I like it when it's a little. I don't like it when it's out like Michael Shannon.

[B]

Yeah, yeah.

[A]

You have more of a Michael Shannon

[B]

that are closer to you.

[D]

Yeah, yeah.

[A]

It's too ET like for me.

[C]

What the heck?

[A]

What the heck?

[C]

Dude? My eyes go like this.

[A]

No, I'm just saying they're farther apart than what I like.

[C]

Okay.

[D]

Yeah, yeah.

[A]

But that's my personal preference.

[B]

Together.

[E]

Yeah, that's. I mean that's incredible to know that much about what you like.

[D]

Yeah, yeah.

[E]

That's incredible.

[A]

Yeah, you're. Let me look at your face.

[G]

Good face.

[D]

Yeah, yeah.

[A]

It's a very good face.

[D]

Do you think?

[A]

Yeah, I do.

[E]

Wow.

[A]

But it's still not. What if you're a female. Whatever Be attracted.

[E]

Right?

[D]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[A]

You look kind of like Paul Revere.

[B]

Oh, he's okay.

[D]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[E]

You guys know what Paul Revere. It just.

[A]

That's just my gut instinct.

[C]

Oh, is Paul Revere camo hat too?

[E]

The camo hat?

[D]

Yeah.

[E]

Okay. Ouch.

[D]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[A]

Come on. I'm pretty close. I was pretty close. Dude.

[E]

He looks small, roughly like.

[A]

But he has no. What?

[C]

He's got the little.

[A]

He loves tea, dude.

[D]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[E]

He looks a little cross eyed to me.

[D]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[A]

But I'm just saying the vibe is like you could you deliver messages from town to town really quickly?

[E]

Okay.

[A]

Yeah, but the British say. The British is coming. Say it. He.

[E]

He looks.

[A]

The British is coming.

[E]

The British are coming right now. They're on their.

[A]

Whoa. That's cool.

[E]

I would mass taxic. British are literally here.

[D]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[A]

I would go. The British are coming. Oh, yeah, yeah. Like, so then I have to. Because I feel like you're doing individual to individual.

[D]

Yeah, yeah.

[A]

There's a lot happening.

[E]

I'm forgetting the level of urgency that he. He had.

[A]

There was a lot of urgency.

[E]

I'm forgetting what the situation was. I didn't know if they were coming. I know it was.

[D]

Yeah, yeah.

[A]

It was very urgent.

[C]

Yeah, yeah.

[A]

Okay.

[D]

Yeah, yeah.

[A]

I would not. You would not be the pick of, like, warning the towns.

[C]

Why?

[A]

I don't think you have the vocal intensity to do it.

[E]

Oh.

[A]

Oh, yeah. I think I'm pretty sure.

[E]

Coming.

[A]

Yeah, It's. No.

[B]

You for sure.

[E]

Like.

[A]

What?

[B]

You're the.

[E]

You're.

[A]

I am the Korean Paul Revere.

[C]

Okay, do it and.

[A]

Because it's gonna be so loud.

[C]

Okay, good.

[D]

Yeah.

[E]

Okay.

[C]

Ready?

[D]

Yeah.

[A]

The British are coming.

[E]

Whoa. You wouldn't even have to ride the. You could just do it in one town.

[A]

One town. One town. That's it.

[E]

That's great.

[D]

Yeah, yeah.

[A]

Don't you think?

[B]

Yeah, no, you're the guy.

[A]

Yeah, I'm the guy, dude.

[C]

Okay, Connor, maybe you try now.

[E]

I can try. I'm gonna. When I really yell, I should stand up too.

[A]

I don't think I got.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, go ahead.

[A]

Yeah, go far.

[E]

And we're just. You know what? We're all meeting. I just want you guys. I'm gonna get ahead of it. I have a vein. When I really yell, it does go down.

[D]

It's fine.

[B]

That's Angelina Jolie Vein.

[D]

Yeah, yeah.

[E]

It doesn't look like that, but don't

[A]

get a stroke ready. Right?

[E]

The British are coming.

[A]

Oh, wow. Whoa.

[G]

Yours sounds modern. His does sound like Paul Revere.

[A]

That's what I was saying before, dude.

[E]

Yeah, yeah.

[A]

You do it.

[B]

I will say that his voice kind of carries a little bit more than yours. Really?

[A]

You.

[B]

I just.

[A]

By sist eye, I'm kidding. All right, so you step away, cat. Let's see.

[D]

Step away. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[C]

Okay.

[D]

Yeah.

[A]

Go a little back. Distant.

[D]

Yeah.

[A]

Not urgency. You know, they. They are coming.

[C]

Will you cue me in?

[D]

Yeah.

[A]

One, two, three.

[B]

The British are coming.

[E]

She's on the side of the British. The British coming.

[D]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[A]

People are just still plowing, making butter.

[B]

She's a witch.

[A]

They're not moving. They're not moving. They're. Yeah. They're not moving. They're not moving.

[D]

Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[A]

Her again.

[G]

Why does she do this? Every.

[C]

Tried to hang her a long time.

[D]

Yeah, yeah.

[A]

That's still a very good look, you know? I mean, you have a very good look is what I'm thank.

[E]

I mean, I had not. I didn't know it was funny. The cadence of Paul Revere. Is that what you were kind of saying?

[A]

No, I just think that you have

[E]

a colonial look that is so fascinating.

[D]

Yeah, yeah.

[A]

And you are like maybe a quill. Cuz people have been. I think you both have a Rockefeller. Not Rockefeller. Who's the pan? Norman Rockwell. Yeah, Norman Rockwell. White.

[C]

What's. Is that the people Pitchfork.

[A]

Yeah, but he's the. He's the artist.

[B]

Oh, yeah.

[A]

He's done a many. He's done many portraits. Right. And you have a traditional. You both have traditional white looks that Norman Rockwell would use, which is. I think it's a good thing. Okay. Right. You don't. You guys are both likable looking, you know, I mean, very Americana to me.

[D]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[A]

And I. And. And. And it makes me feel safe, you know, I think George. I think George does not have that.

[G]

What?

[D]

Yeah, yeah.

[A]

No, you have Mary. No.

[F]

Rockwell.

[A]

No, you're not Rockwell at all. Maybe you're like the shoe shiner.

[D]

Yeah.

[A]

I mean, they have like. You're in the background, but you're not like the focal point. These are focal point. True Americans. Yeah.

[C]

Scary.

[A]

Like if I was. No, if I was. If I was an artist back then. Let's suppose I was like a Norman Rockwell. I was walking on the street. And I love you as a human being. Right. But you wouldn't be like my first. Like, hey, you want to be the center point of.

[F]

Well, the center points all look like they've been through the Great Depression. They all a little bit of a.

[A]

I would dirty them up.

[D]

Yeah, Yeah.

[A]

I would dirty them up.

[B]

I think that what Bobby's trying to say is. Let me help you out. Is that if you were.

[A]

I didn't hear what I was saying.

[B]

No, like, if there was.

[A]

I don't need help.

[B]

A Christopher Nolan movie and people had to be cast. Like you would get cast in Dunkirk.

[A]

That's what I was saying. Okay. That's what I'm saying. George would not judge or not.

[E]

Yeah, yeah. I look like I would die early and in a war.

[A]

No, no, no. I think you. You and Harry Styles are like, together. Okay. You know what I mean? And together. Yeah.

[D]

Yeah.

[A]

He would be the focal point.

[D]

Right?

[A]

Yeah.

[E]

Okay, wait, so this is your exact.

[A]

Wait, who's the guy on the left.

[E]

That's. That's me.

[G]

You know, the guy in the right, but not the guy in the left.

[D]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, that's.

[A]

Yeah, the guy. The left.

[D]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[E]

I love all your jewelry. Yeah, I got confused. Yeah, yeah, that is. That's a hair style that we went with.

[B]

Like, just bring up the cast of Dunkirk, and I'm telling you, that's where Connor belongs.

[A]

Yeah. Cast of Dunkirk.

[E]

That's Alfalfa.

[D]

Yeah.

[C]

Oh, that's. I.

[E]

Like, I've been getting. I'm liking this.

[A]

Yeah, it's very good. It's a very good look. What are you talking about?

[E]

I've been getting Charlie Kirk a lot in my DMs recently. Yeah, it's like a good.

[D]

Yeah.

[A]

Oh, come on, dude. That's you right now.

[G]

He would fit in that.

[A]

You would fit into this movie.

[E]

I didn't know. I didn't know that Harry Styles was in this.

[B]

Yeah, he was actually really good.

[A]

Was he good?

[B]

He was.

[D]

Yeah.

[A]

No way. So you look like one of those all American. I could see you in Normandy, you know what I mean, as a medic.

[E]

Wow.

[D]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[A]

Let's see what Cat would be. Cat would be. Oh, a waitress on the Titanic.

[C]

What the heck?

[A]

Let me see.

[D]

Yeah, yeah.

[A]

Or you know. You know those British movies about the royalty? What's that? Oh, what's that TV show that's super famous.

[B]

Downtown Abbey.

[A]

Yeah, you're Downtown Abbey, Not Downtown Downton.

[B]

Downtown.

[A]

No, she's Downtown. She's a whore. You're definitely Downtown Abbott.

[C]

Yeah, Downtown Abbott. Downtown.

[F]

The British are really coming now.

[D]

Yeah.

[A]

Or you're the one that fed Oliver Twist the porridge.

[D]

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[A]

You're a porridge giver.

[C]

Giver. She's like, please.

[A]

Oh, ma', am, ma', am, could I have another?

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

And then you're like, you give me the porridge. Yeah, yeah. Which is a good thing.

[C]

Thing. That's nice.

[D]

Yeah, yeah, I'll take that. Yeah, yeah.

[E]

You were Eddie Murphy up getting porridge. I'm getting porridge.

[C]

I like porridge, too.

[B]

There is no very complex historical film that I. You could possibly put me in you 100.

[A]

I can what? Apocalypto

[E]

Holy.

[D]

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[A]

If I. If I put your head back.

[B]

Yeah, you're put.

[A]

You know, I mean, tattoos on your face.

[B]

Yeah, yeah.

[A]

Throwing spears. You know what I mean? Yeah, you're definitely a. Yeah.

[B]

I'm not native or indigenous, but yes.

[A]

I think we could cast you as that and dirty you up. And I think. Not that that they're dirty, but Prince of Egypt. Prince of Egypt I think we could do. How is that not you or the

[C]

road to El Dorado?

[D]

Yeah, yeah.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

In fact, make. Make that photo. Make that photo right. Can you through chat gpd, please don't make the eyes. Eyes closer and put a cyst on one of the eyes and make her right face a little paralyzed. Let's see what happens. Yeah. Give you 50 minutes.

[D]

Yeah, yeah.

[A]

But how about you Would we.

[C]

Did we have a movie for you?

[A]

I'm afraid what you're gonna say. I'm afraid of what you're gonna say, but I want the honest truth and I can handle it.

[G]

Go for Connor.

[E]

I don't think I just got here.

[A]

No, no, Connor. Be real.

[E]

Well, I actually didn't know that last like six movies. I was laughing and nodding, but I haven't seen any. I don't know what Colorado is.

[D]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[E]

I didn't know.

[D]

Yeah.

[A]

This is a very good thing with that rock Rockwell wide still.

[C]

And it's divert.

[A]

They asked. They act confused and like they can't put.

[D]

You know.

[A]

I mean. And that's what you're doing.

[E]

No, I. I'm actually.

[A]

I'm telling you right now is. I'm not asking you.

[E]

Okay.

[A]

I'm telling you what movie do you think or what genre or what I would be.

[C]

I see you in a Hawaiian shirt. Oh, yeah.

[E]

Okay.

[C]

Yes. Like a Hawaiian shirt.

[A]

Yeah.

[E]

You know what? Maybe. You know what? Maybe this could be.

[A]

Maybe.

[E]

Maybe this could be an issue for the industry that. I can't recall a movie that I think you like would be a great. Maybe they're not telling those stories.

[A]

Oh, so what? You're very good.

[G]

What?

[B]

That's a nice move.

[A]

That's a very good move. That's a very good move. That's a very good survival thing.

[C]

Kung Fu Panda, you said.

[A]

Wow. Kung Fu Panda. It's not even real people. I know. I. What's in the ingredients now lately it's actually sugar free.

[E]

Do we think that or.

[A]

Yeah, I don't know.

[E]

It's a little weird. No way.

[A]

Yeah, it's very good. An animated.

[B]

Have you guys. Do you like Diet Coke over Coke light?

[A]

Yeah, this is my preference.

[B]

No Coke light in Asia.

[A]

What are you talking about?

[B]

See, then you don't know.

[A]

I don't know.

[D]

Yeah. Yeah.

[A]

I've never had Coco. I haven't. I'm not a world traveler like you.

[B]

Yeah, you are. Yeah, you are.

[A]

I've never had Coke Light.

[E]

In Asia.

[A]

I saw you drink it.

[D]

Oh, yeah, yeah.

[E]

All you drank in the Philippines.

[A]

I've had it.

[D]

Yeah, yeah.

[G]

This is Coca Cola.

[B]

Yeah.

[G]

Diet Coke.

[E]

Dare I say it's not Diet Coke?

[G]

It is.

[B]

It is, but they call it Coke Light and it's. It's better.

[D]

Yeah.

[A]

Where's the chat photo, man?

[G]

It's working on working.

[B]

So silly.

[D]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[A]

Why is it silly?

[B]

Nothing. It's just the cyst in the eye.

[A]

Connor, can I ask you a question?

[E]

I would love that.

[A]

So I'm doing these Chat GPT posters.

[E]

Okay.

[G]

Every night.

[A]

You hate them, right?

[B]

I hate them so much.

[A]

I know.

[G]

Working, though.

[A]

Tell me why you hate them.

[B]

Because it's like, clearly chat and it's just.

[D]

I don't know.

[B]

Corny.

[A]

I know, but I don't know what else to do then.

[B]

I love when you do the Canva one yourself. Those ones are.

[A]

Be honest with me. You don't like the chat swans.

[C]

No, I think they're fun. I'm sorry.

[A]

Did you see the new one?

[C]

I like the David Attenborough the Planet Earth one.

[B]

Yeah. I think it's just. I'm over just the chat. It's like. I know it's chat, but the. The Canva one, the weird ones where you're putting Kim Jong un.

[D]

Yeah.

[B]

And like random people in it. I like that. I like your style better than chat.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

That's all I got to say.

[A]

So you think it bothers people?

[B]

No, probably not. Probably people.

[A]

Does it bother you guys? Not me. It doesn't bother. Thank you.

[C]

Yeah, a lot of people, I think they like it.

[A]

I think I'm getting a lot of likes on it.

[D]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[A]

So it's just you?

[B]

It's just me. It's just me.

[C]

But what was that alien that I was. That you put me at?

[A]

You were a frangi.

[G]

Oh, you have a frangi.

[A]

Who's.

[E]

Who's that?

[A]

Okay, so in the Star Trek Next Generation.

[E]

Okay, I'm out.

[A]

Or Star Trek.

[E]

No, I'm out of touch with Star Trek. I just.

[A]

Yeah, I'm just. I'm informing you.

[E]

I know, I'm sorry.

[D]

Yeah.

[A]

Should have watched it in Star Trek. Obviously, there are. Well, can I ask you some Star Trek, that basic trivia.

[E]

Yeah, yeah.

[A]

Okay.

[C]

Good luck.

[A]

Good luck. I'll have it before both of you.

[B]

No, no, no.

[D]

Yeah.

[A]

All right. So in that world, what was the first human. What alien race was the first human contact with. With Earth?

[E]

That's a.

[A]

There was an alien race.

[E]

It's a basic one.

[A]

It's Basic.

[D]

Yeah.

[E]

Okay. I. There's not even a point.

[D]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[C]

Does it sound like a word that we might know?

[G]

You might have to give him a little.

[A]

It starts with a V. Starts with a V.

[G]

You know the actor Zachary Quinto.

[C]

Quinto.

[A]

Leonard Nimoy. Have you heard of him? He played one.

[C]

Nemo.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Not Nemo.

[A]

Not Nemo.

[E]

Quinto. Jonathan Quinto.

[C]

Vinto. We're gonna go with.

[A]

No, no, it starts with a V. Vinto. No, the Quinto is the actor's name.

[E]

Oh, he's the Zachary.

[D]

Yeah.

[E]

It has nothing to do with Quinto. And it doesn't.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, I'll give you another hint. I'll give you another hint.

[C]

Okay.

[A]

This is not Wasaid. No, this is. This is.

[D]

Yeah.

[E]

You know, with.

[A]

Here we go. Here we go. That's you.

[E]

I'm sorry, Klila.

[A]

And you also hate.

[C]

You look like you've been beaten.

[A]

Pretty, though.

[D]

Yeah, yeah.

[E]

What is still very pretty. What is the storyline that looks like

[C]

your angry ex boyfriend in the corner who's like.

[D]

Jesus. Yeah, yeah, me.

[B]

You're not angry at me?

[A]

I'm not. I love you, but let's go back to that.

[E]

See, with my new finger notch from my phone, I can't even do that.

[A]

I know. I understand that.

[E]

That's going to be a lost.

[A]

Yeah, I'll tell. I'll just tell you what it is. Okay. Vulcan.

[E]

I knew that. I knew that.

[A]

No, you didn't know that.

[E]

Now that you said Vulcan, I was like, that's completely. It wasn't on the tip of my time.

[A]

I heard of it.

[E]

Vulcan. I've heard of.

[A]

Oh, yeah, because Spock was a Vulcan

[E]

and I know Spock.

[A]

Yeah.

[D]

Oh, yeah.

[A]

And he does this. He does this a lot. Right? So all you had to do. Did you know it?

[B]

Of course.

[D]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[A]

Of course you do. Yeah.

[E]

See, I know Vulcan because there's a. There's a venue in Austin called the Vulcan Room.

[C]

And do they do this?

[E]

I didn't know. I like. I didn't. Now I know it's a Star Trek.

[C]

I know a lot of women with that haircut now.

[A]

Nothing to do with Vulcans.

[C]

Okay.

[B]

Yeah, the baby bangs.

[C]

The baby?

[B]

Oh, yeah. The hot girls always wear the bags.

[A]

Baby bangs. Yeah, yeah. So those. Can you name me any other race in the Star Trek universe?

[C]

Huh?

[A]

You can.

[D]

Yeah.

[C]

A fear fearing. Firing. Firing.

[A]

The one that I just. I just said it.

[B]

You.

[C]

You didn't specify which other race.

[E]

You just.

[B]

Oh, you're trying to say Ferengi.

[A]

You said look up Ferengis, please.

[E]

Yeah, yeah, I would never.

[D]

Yeah, you.

[A]

You would. You never heard of a Frangay?

[E]

I've never heard. Even when you. You must have said it. And it even went over my head.

[D]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[A]

That's his Instagram. That's a Ferengi.

[C]

This is what you made me out.

[D]

Yeah.

[A]

Holy. That. Holy.

[C]

Are they nice?

[E]

I've never even seen.

[A]

No, they're actually like really crude, rude business people. And they have. They. They have no, like, you know, allegiance to anybody. They're just. Just barters and they believe in commerce, but they're also shady. You don't. You can't trust them.

[C]

Okay.

[D]

Yeah.

[A]

That's how I feel about you, anyway. You've never heard of Klingons?

[E]

I know Klingons.

[G]

You know a lot.

[D]

Yeah, yeah.

[E]

You're not thinking Klingon, Ferengi, Vulcan.

[D]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[E]

I don't know. This wasn't in Spock.

[D]

Yeah, yeah.

[C]

Klingon.

[A]

If you were to explain to me what Star Trek was about.

[E]

Oh, man.

[A]

Could you explain it to me? Both of you? Yeah.

[C]

Well, I imagine it's a Trek. And this for the stars in space.

[E]

There's a lot of commerce back and

[C]

forth with the trekking in there.

[E]

I. I understand. There's a lot of.

[C]

They're searching for something.

[E]

There's. There's a lot of. There's not a ton of agreement out there because there's not a ton of.

[C]

But it's not Star wars rules.

[E]

And there's.

[A]

It's just a big part of my life. Star Trek, Next Generations. The Star Trek universe.

[E]

I need a TV show. So maybe I'll.

[A]

I don't think you'll like it.

[E]

It really.

[A]

But if you were gonna. I've said this before. If you're gonna get into it. Season five.

[E]

Okay.

[A]

Oh, yeah. The second to the last episode.

[E]

Do you need. Is it. Is it episodic? Can I just tune into that one?

[A]

Yeah.

[E]

Okay.

[A]

And the episode's called the Inner Light.

[E]

Okay.

[A]

And it's the season five, second to last episode. I think it's the best piece of sci fi television ever made.

[E]

Okay.

[D]

Yeah, yeah.

[E]

Starlight.

[A]

So what's it called?

[E]

Star Trek Starlight.

[A]

No. Interlock

[E]

Special.

[G]

That's your special?

[D]

Yeah.

[A]

Okay.

[E]

And Spock's in this one.

[A]

You both. Yeah, you both, don't you. No, it's Next Generation. So Spock is.

[E]

Spock has passed.

[A]

He's not passed. I don't think by season five. No, he still. Wait. Next Generation. No, he's dead. Spock said.

[E]

Did he. Did the. Did the actor that played Spock get so many opportunities from being in Star Trek that he like got too big and they killed him off?

[A]

No, what happened was in the new J.J. abrams Star Trek episodes in the second movie, what happens is the real Spock, Leonard Lee Nimoy, gets caught in some sort of time wormhole and goes back in time and meets Zachary Quinto.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And so they. And now he's stuck in that timeline. So there's an episode, there's one of the movies, I don't know which one, there's three of them where Zachary Quinto gets told that Leno Nimoy died. It's super sad. And then he has to contemplate. Yeah, what?

[E]

That sucks. Hate when people die.

[C]

It's rough.

[A]

I know. He has to contemplate, you know, that whole idea.

[B]

Yeah, yeah.

[A]

That him himself more. This mortality.

[D]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[A]

It's like if I went back in time like when I'm 90 and then I meet. Which is. Would be we. Would it be weird to meet your 30 year future self?

[B]

Well, I would love to. I would love to spend a day with my 30 year old self at 90.

[A]

Yeah, yeah. And she goes. It gets real bad. What if that. What if she gives you just bad news? I'm going to be your. Your future self.

[E]

Okay.

[A]

Right.

[E]

Hey man, what happened to me? Good question. Does this happen?

[A]

What do you mean, man? Hey, hey.

[E]

Your older self, your dick's about to get really long. So you're going to buy that thing?

[A]

Yeah, it's twisted now, bud.

[E]

What? What? What?

[A]

No, I'm going to tell you, dude. All right. Things get really good. They do. Oh yeah, I forgot. What time period? How old are you now?

[E]

Now I'm. I'm 29.

[A]

Oh yeah. I thought was coming for the 37. Connor. It gets really bad. Okay, so next until you're 37.

[E]

Next. 10 years.

[D]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[A]

Okay. Yeah, it gets bad.

[E]

Is it a money thing? Is it a relationship thing?

[A]

You're gonna lose limbs.

[G]

Oh, geez.

[C]

Yeah, you'll keep your butthole.

[E]

But my butt stays in the same place.

[D]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[A]

That stays the same.

[E]

I'm cool with it.

[A]

And guess what? But in the future you get it. Re corrected.

[E]

I put. I get a new.

[A]

You get a new butthole.

[E]

I get a new butthole.

[D]

Yeah.

[A]

And it's rainbow colored.

[E]

Okay.

[D]

Yeah, yeah.

[A]

Because you're really into the movie.

[E]

Okay, then that's.

[A]

You're really into the movie.

[E]

That's great. I'm happy Me and my new butthole.

[A]

Well, it gets.

[E]

I bet it gets. First it has to get bad before I get my new.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. The whole reason why you get a new one is because. Anyway. What are you looking at?

[B]

I'm trying to think. If. Would you want like today on the table? Like, would you. They're like, Bobby, 87 year old Bobby wants to speak to you. You have five minutes to think about it. Would you take the call or not?

[A]

Yeah, because I, you know what I would do is I would go, I would want to know because I have so much anxiety and I have so much like unanswered questions about the future and this and that and I ruminate a lot. I think it's getting better. But I would probably take a five minute meeting with him.

[B]

What if? What if. Okay, tell me, 87. Okay, you pick up the phone.

[A]

Yeah. What's up? Hurry. Five minutes. Okay, wait. Okay. What?

[B]

You need to leave comedy today.

[G]

Oh, that's crazy.

[D]

Yeah.

[A]

Why?

[B]

You're disconnected. Yeah, no, that's it Good that you.

[G]

What if you.

[A]

No, I want more information. Why?

[B]

Five minutes. You will lead a life. Life very lonely, depressed and unfulfilled. Only chasing something very surface versus. And you will die alone.

[A]

Every comic is like, Oh, I know. Like today, today, like right now.

[B]

This is the turning point. It's either you leave now.

[D]

Yeah.

[A]

Or you're stuck.

[B]

Yeah. You're stuck.

[A]

All right, well then. And, and, and what do you think is going to happen? Because you've only lived. You've only lived the life that I was about to take. So how do you know it's better?

[B]

I have no one.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

But I haven't had any. Even if the last 25, even if

[A]

I quit, I could still have no one.

[C]

Oh, good.

[A]

Maybe.

[G]

But you don't know that one.

[B]

You don't know that.

[A]

Yeah, but. Yeah, so it's still an unknown.

[B]

Well, no, that's not true because I. There have been opportunities down the road where I could have led a life. Life, you know, with family.

[A]

So you want me to go get a regular job?

[B]

Yes.

[A]

Okay. I'll work at where? A bubble shop, Best Buy.

[C]

Okay.

[A]

Yeah, hang on.

[E]

Click, click.

[A]

And I would probably go.

[B]

Wish you hadn't taken the phone call. Right?

[D]

Yeah.

[A]

I don't think that's what he's gonna say.

[B]

No, I'm just saying that's what you would think is. Don't. Now that you know this.

[D]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[B]

Like, don't you wish you wouldn't know that?

[C]

I think you'd have too many follow up questions.

[B]

Yeah, this exactly. You wouldn't have enough time.

[A]

That was, that was literally 40 seconds. I think I. In four minutes I would have got more information.

[B]

Not a chance. Cuz you're going to be like, what do you mean?

[A]

You have a girlfriend?

[E]

No.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

Connor, would you want to meet your older 87 years if. Would you take that?

[A]

Why don't you have a girlfriend?

[E]

Cuz I'm leading this lonely, depressing life. Right. I see, I see focusing my career right now in the past 10 years.

[A]

But, but I, I let you know that feeling that you have now.

[E]

Yeah.

[A]

It, that's what she's getting.

[E]

I'm okay by the way. I feel like.

[A]

But, but that feeling never goes away.

[E]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I knew.

[A]

I mean I've been doing for 30 years. It never goes away. There is a. The feeling of I haven't made it yet. What do I need to do to make it more, more, more, more. I haven't gotten it yet. You know what I mean? And it's like that never goes away.

[E]

I guess it's that like, would you rather love and lose than never love at all? Like that could be applied anywhere, you know. Would you rather. No, I guess that doesn't help. Would you rather know what this person's gonna say?

[D]

Yeah.

[E]

And then live with that or never get that and just be like, I

[C]

don't, I don't think I'd want to talk to myself.

[A]

I wouldn't.

[E]

I would not.

[A]

No. What I would do is what do I invest in? And he's like, like klapak. And I go, what is that? It's a startup now. Right. But invest, put all your money in Clovakia.

[C]

Is it like Slovakia?

[E]

It's a new country.

[D]

Yeah, yeah.

[A]

Invest in this country. Where do I go to invest? He's like, call this person, he owns Slovakia and they have nothing right now. But, but offer him this, some, some number and he will take it. And then you're going to be a billionaire.

[E]

I don't want to know.

[C]

I'm the same.

[A]

Investment.

[E]

Oh, investment. I definitely would take. It's. Yeah, I would. Insider trade this afternoon. If you guys know anything.

[D]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[E]

Love to.

[A]

From your future self. That'd be insane.

[E]

Yeah, that's a loophole.

[D]

Yeah.

[E]

I have to say. Yeah, but it definitely would be. That's going to be one of those. It's like the AI is calling my grandma right now all the time. He's like, it's genuinely like, hi, I'm Jennifer Aniston. And I am. I need some help getting back on my feet.

[G]

Yeah, those are crazy, dude.

[A]

Wait, wait, but that's actually happening.

[E]

It's like. Yeah, no, it's. It's like, on Facebook right now. There's videos and it's like. You can tell. It's.

[C]

Was it Matt Rife?

[E]

It's an overlaid.

[A]

Oh, yeah. Matt Rife has a woman that thinks that she's in a relationship.

[E]

Yeah, I saw that.

[C]

Yeah.

[D]

You see that?

[E]

Yeah, it's. It's concerning. But she seems super happy.

[A]

I know. I understand. But I'm gonna. Can I. Can I look at the woman right now? If she's listening? Okay, I'm friends with Matt, Okay. I know who he's seeing. He's not seeing you. Okay. That's a 100 factual thing, because I don't want you ruminating and obsessing over something that's not happening. You're also giving some random person money. Yeah, I think that's.

[B]

But I would want to help Jennifer Aniston back on her feet.

[A]

She's fine.

[G]

I need a thousand dollars.

[E]

The delivery is like, hi, I'm Jennifer Aniston from friend. And it's like, okay, I believe you.

[A]

It's an AI video.

[E]

And it's like, I'm giving away 1000 Apple's MacBook apples. And it's like, everything's like, a little bit eerie. Like, I can tell. But easy. No problem. If I was my grandma and I had had a glass of frenzy, a boxed wine, I would be like, this is my girl.

[B]

Yeah.

[E]

And I get. I bet that woman that you just spoke to just now is like. Like, that is so Matt to, like, tell his friends to joke with me over their pod, you know, like, she's.

[D]

Yeah.

[E]

Convince herself.

[B]

That's something.

[E]

They. They always mess around like that, my boys.

[A]

Oh, so you think that what my message was just now. Is she still justifying it? It's so funny, this human psychology. You mean people are just trapped into this way of thinking and. And their ego will not allow them.

[B]

I say this all the time. You could literally line up the. The most concrete receipts, have all the evidence laid out, and you could not convince someone.

[A]

Anyway, you have fun.

[E]

I had so much fun. I had so much fun.

[D]

Yeah.

[A]

So you have a podcast. What is it called? Brooke and Connor make a podcast, and Connor making podcasts.

[E]

YouTube here.

[D]

Yeah, we.

[A]

We look all the time.

[E]

Why don't you guys date our thumbnails?

[A]

She's cute.

[E]

We are. We're so close.

[A]

That's good.

[E]

We're not so close to dating. We're so close. It just. It would never.

[A]

Friends. Okay.

[E]

Yeah.

[D]

Yeah.

[A]

Very attractive.

[E]

HR violation.

[B]

Yeah, that is.

[A]

And so you got. And then how long you been doing this?

[E]

We just. We just figured out it's been four. We're going on five years, so it's been.

[A]

Wow, that's a.

[D]

That's.

[A]

That's a really good run.

[E]

We're stoked on it. I've never seen her thumbnails just close.

[D]

Yeah.

[A]

Yeah, that's great. Broken.

[D]

Yeah.

[A]

Make a podcast. How long are they? Like an hour.

[C]

Hour?

[E]

Yeah, they're an hour. I like that.

[A]

We.

[E]

I just looked at my phone a second ago and I'm like, wow, We. This flew by. I can't believe we're done because you're with a pro. It's so fun. I. I love these.

[C]

Should we keep going?

[A]

No, we're not gonna keep. I gotta go. I have a phone call, and then

[G]

I think this comes out. We still have the Funny Bone Comedy Club.

[E]

Oh, epic.

[A]

Go to the Funny Bone, Tampa and go to the Funny Bone Comedy Club in Orlando.

[E]

Yep.

[D]

Yeah.

[A]

And go check them out.

[E]

I'm shooting those for the. We're not calling it a special because we're going to do something kind of weird. So I'm calling it a spectacle.

[D]

Yeah.

[A]

It's to come to this spectacle.

[E]

Oh, yeah.

[B]

And you're doing a multiple.

[E]

We're going to do. We're going to shoot it over a week in Florida.

[B]

That's so cool.

[E]

Six shows. Yeah. Well, thank you guys so much.

[A]

I give Connor Wood a round of applause, everybody.