Fahim Anwar & The James Cameron Beef

Summary

---

TigerBelly Podcast Episode Summary

Episode Title: Fahim Anwar & The James Cameron Beef
Date: June 3, 2026
Host: Bobby Lee
Guest(s): Fahim Anwar, Ramsey Badawi, Zach Chapaloni, other regulars
Theme: An unfiltered, comedic look at career rites of passage, stand-up failures, industry “beefs,” ethnic representation, and the absurdity of Hollywood—and one host’s unusual “beef” with James Cameron.

---

Overview

This episode dives deep into the realities of working comics—touching on stand-up's painful learning curves, institutional gatekeeping in Hollywood, the evolution of legacy media, internet comedy culture, and stories of humbling failure. The tone is loose, self-deprecating, and revealing, with the hosts and guests swapping “war stories” about bombing onstage, family misunderstandings, navigating racial stereotypes in casting, and personal “beefs.”

Highlights include Bobby’s wild pitch for a subversive Comics Unleashed episode, confessions of onstage disaster, and a remarkable (and hilarious) family connection to James Cameron.

---

Key Discussion Points & Insights

Rite of Passage and the "Comics Unleashed" Format

• Ramsey Badawi’s “Comics Unleashed” Debut (02:54–07:12)
  • Bobby congratulates Ramsey for being on the legacy TV show Comics Unleashed, calling it a “rite of passage” for comics, but jokes it’s more about optics than money.
  • The group pulls apart the show's forced format and lack of authenticity, considering its place in the comedy ecosystem.
    • Fahim: "It's almost a relic of yesteryear…like late night after COVID. Why are we pretending to do this thing?" (07:47)
    • Bobby: “You can't really get your muscle out there. Your point of view and who you are in a 30 second joke.” (07:16)
• Bobby’s Satirical Takeover Pitch (12:03–16:46)
  • Bobby details his fever-dream idea to takeover Comics Unleashed with comics like Tim Dillon, Bert Kreischer, and Andrew Santino—performing absurdist antics, upending the show’s structure, and refusing to answer host prompts.
  • "What if we make it all about the dance to stage? I think I'll make 15 minutes." (14:03)
  • Fahim: "This is the first episode where comics will really be unleashed." (15:04)

---

Comedy Industry, Legacy Media, & The Gigs that "Change Your Life"

• Late Night, Credits, & The Internet Era (26:37–31:18)
  • Bobby and Fahim reflect on old-school comedy markers: Tonight Show and late night sets—concluding they “did nothing” for careers, especially today.
    • Fahim on The Tonight Show: "You have cool pictures, but that's about it…He only understands 9 to 5 businesses." (28:19)
    • Bobby: “My dad thought I paid them to let me on TV.” (27:33)
• Family Perceptions & Cultural Disconnects (31:27–34:39)
  • The comics discuss immigrant parents’ complete confusion about the entertainment industry’s validation system, and how recent generations face even more inscrutable “job” paths.

---

Stand-Up Comedy Failures: “Long Beach” and Trauma Tales

• Learning from Bombs (62:15–73:06)
  • Bobby and guests share stories about their “worst bombs”—including Ramsey’s traumatic theater set in Long Beach where a mic cable disconnect destroyed his closing and left him feeling “like a janitor” onstage.
    • Bobby (on advice for surviving tech failure): “You gotta close on a laugh! You have to have 3 or 4 lines in the chamber in case anything goes wrong.” (69:08)
    • They riff on the Middle Eastern “martyr” comic instinct—Ramsey: “I'm Middle Eastern. I'm a martyr to my core!” (68:28)
  • Zach shares his own horror story from a black comedy room in Stockton, bombing his way through two minutes and offending half the room with a bad AIDS joke. (81:03–85:19)
    • Zach: “I have failed so bad that I thought I was gonna die at the club that night.” (82:22)
• Bobby’s “Chocolate Sundae” Montreal Audition Disaster (73:09–80:12)
  • Bobby recalls his infamous turn following Kris Kross at a legendary black comedy show—a brutal audition for Montreal that left him sobbing on Melrose Avenue and questioning his career.

---

Comedy Ethics & Refusing Stereotypes

• Asian Accents, Hollywood Typecasting & Declining Parts (97:23–99:59)
  • The comedians discuss how they began to draw boundaries on playing racial caricatures, refusing roles that required stereotyped accents unless truly justified.
    • Fahim, on not wanting to play “terrorist #5”: “No one’s gonna say, 'That guy was scary on CSI—let’s see him do a weekend at the Funny Bone.'” (97:09)
  • Bobby: “I vowed never to do an Asian accent again…I think it’s good to have ethics.” (97:23, 99:41)

---

Industry “Beefs” and Private Wars

• On Enemies in Comedy (47:00–49:26; 109:13–110:09)
  • Bobby admits to having a couple of “beefs” with other comics—where mutual dislike became so public that requests came in to “stop talking about me on your podcast.”
    • Bobby: “I can’t imagine being on stage, because I will go off...That’s what [roasts] have become—too personal.” (46:28)
• Fahim’s One Enemy – Industry Insider Feud (49:19–50:01)
  • Fahim hints at a serious, non-comic enemy in the industry, with Bobby having tried to “broker the peace.”
  • Fahim: “It just sucks when you’re not there to defend yourself, and these lies are being spread...” (110:04)

---

The James Cameron Beef

[110:20–114:31]

• Zach’s Incredible Story: His Mother Helped a Then-Unknown James Cameron
  • Zach’s mom, a Moroccan woman, helped Cameron when he was broke and hitchhiking in the 1970s, giving him shelter and food. She kept his contact info for decades.
  • Many years later, Zach’s mom reached out hoping for a favor for her comedian son; Cameron never replied.
  • Zach: “I can’t let it go...We could have left you for dead at that bus stop in Casablanca, but no.” (111:52)
  • Bobby and the group riff hilariously about seeking closure—and possibly a bit part for Zach as a “blue orb” or in a Terminator reboot.

---

Career Resilience & Changing the Game

• Legacy Media vs. The Internet Boom (104:06–105:51)

  • The crew vents about being overlooked for industry opportunities, channeling their frustration into thriving online via their own content.
    • Bobby: “The internet blew it up...now people just like who they like.” (104:26)
  • “You just fail upwards... You just don't quit.” (72:28–73:06)

• Plug Zone & Sign-Offs

  • Fahim’s stand-up special: “Intrusive Thoughts” is out on YouTube (100:18; 115:18).
  • Ramsey’s live show: Comedy Store, June 13.
  • Zach: Now a paid regular at The Comedy Store; continues the beef with James Cameron.

---

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

| Timestamp | Quote | Speaker | |:------------|:---------|:-----------| | 07:47 | "It's almost a relic of yesteryear...like late night after COVID. Why are we pretending to do this thing?" | Fahim | | 14:03 | "What if we make it all about the dance to stage? I think I'll make 15 minutes." | Bobby | | 26:42 | "Did [The Tonight Show] change your life? ... No. ... Did nothing, right? Especially in the day and age of the Internet." | Bobby & Fahim | | 30:39 | "It's like an immigrant cold love. It's actions, it's not words." | Fahim | | 68:28 | "I'm Middle Eastern. I'm a martyr to my core." | Ramsey | | 73:30 | "I would find myself trying to talk different [in black rooms]...They just saw right through." | Bobby | | 90:54 | "Funny wins. I've always felt that. In any situation...funny wins. Maybe I'm wrong." | Bobby | | 97:09 | "No one's gonna say, 'That guy was scary on CSI—let’s see him this weekend at the Funny Bone.'" | Fahim | | 104:06 | "I have a real resentment toward legacy media and the elites...and I love how the Internet has blown that up." | Bobby | | 111:52 | "We could have left you for dead at that bus stop in Casablanca, but no." | Zach (on James Cameron) | | 110:01 | "It just sucks when you're not there to defend yourself, and these lies are being spread..." | Fahim | | 72:28 | "You just fail upwards... You just don't quit. Every once in a while something will happen you don't expect." | Bobby |

---

Timestamps for Key Segments

• Comics Unleashed talk: 02:54–16:46
• Bobby’s wild takeover pitch: 12:03–16:46
• Value of credits & late night: 26:37–31:18
• Eating a huge bomb onstage – Long Beach: 62:15–71:08
• Comedy horror stories (Stockton room): 81:03–85:19
• Bobby’s Montreal/Chocolate Sundae disaster: 73:09–80:12
• On refusing stereotypes in casting: 97:23–99:59
• Industry "beefs": 47:00–50:01, 109:13–110:09
• James Cameron story: 110:20–114:31

---

Takeaways

• Bombing is universal and survivable in comedy—even profound humiliation rarely means the end.
• Legacy media credits mean less and less in the era of digital platforms: authenticity and audience loyalty win.
• Personal boundaries in comedy evolve—both ethically (standing up to racist typecasting) and personally (what antics an opener will tolerate on the road).
• Never underestimate a grudge, especially when it involves James Cameron.
• Funny (usually) wins, but knowing yourself and your limits matters too.

---

Transcript

[A]

We're on Spotify video.

[B]

Hey, Tiger Belly Video now available to

[A]

watch on Spotify, everybody. Spotify Premium users get fewer ads and more eyes. We love fewer ads and more eyes. We love more eyes. Yeah. Get the third eye. Fourth and watch more. Get Spotify Premium more. Watch videos and watch it.

[C]

Oh, Dune.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

Yeah, Dune. Specifically Dune. It's not anything racial.

[C]

It's a Dune 3 soundtrack.

[B]

It's clearable. Quran.

[D]

No D. It's royaltyfree.

[B]

Royalty free.

[D]

You know, because this is an audio jungle. Single call to prayer. It's not bad. I gotta say, that's a pretty guy. Kind of sounds.

[A]

My God.

[D]

Vibrato. Like Kenny G. Circular breathing here. Last forever. What if that does intro for us?

[A]

No WR opening maybe. Yeah, maybe wrong opening. I apologize for that for good. It's for good. I love all people and I think we're connected. I do.

[B]

Do you?

[A]

Do I not?

[B]

Maybe.

[A]

Do I not? You do. Yeah.

[C]

You love some more than others.

[A]

Yeah. That is absolutely not true.

[C]

You almost said.

[A]

Yeah. Yeah. If you look at my face before we introduce everybody in the room, I've been breaking out a lot. So on the left side of my mountain, there's a mountain region of acne, the one down here. And consider my nose the straight of Hormuz. It's Iran. I see the mountainous regions, and I think I did that for this podcast. In solidarity, everybody. One, two, three. It's raining, man. That's the opposite.

[D]

You can't.

[A]

No, no, no, no, no, no.

[D]

We don't.

[A]

We don't allow that.

[D]

Oh, this guy. This guy knows what's up.

[A]

I. We have Zach, who's new. You know what I mean? That was. It was a last minuter.

[E]

Thank you so much.

[A]

Thank you so much. That's great. We have an old schooler, Ramsey Badawi. Big star now. He was on a gigantic show that just came out called Comics Unleashed. And I just. Oh, my God. My congratulations to. You've made it in show business. And let's do a salute to you, dude. That's legacy media, dude.

[D]

Well, it's a rite of passage.

[A]

It's a rite of passage, dude.

[B]

Thank you. I needed the $500.

[A]

Yeah. It's not about the money, though. It really isn't. It's about. It was strictly about optics. It's about being on the center stage with legends.

[B]

Oh, perfect.

[A]

Like Chris Milhouse. Come on, dude.

[E]

Who's in your class?

[B]

I don't know. Yeah.

[A]

Who's. Yeah. Yeah. Good question. Zach.

[D]

Paint the couches.

[A]

Yeah. Give me the.

[D]

Paint the chair.

[A]

The cast.

[B]

I literally do not know.

[A]

No, no, no.

[B]

You.

[A]

You texted me the other day.

[B]

I swear to God. I. I sent you the thing you didn't memorize.

[A]

The three guys that you were on.

[D]

You'll never believe this. He goes, guess where I am?

[A]

Send you a picture of. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I don't know.

[B]

One of the people.

[A]

You didn't know their names. You can't even remember. Wow, that's interesting.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Because sometimes you get the big ones in there.

[B]

Yes, I did not get any of the big ones. They're very nice people. I just.

[A]

Maybe you were the big one.

[B]

It could have been.

[A]

Yeah. Is it aired?

[B]

It's airing May 28th.

[D]

I can do a viewing party. We should all go.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. We should rent out the Hollywood Cooper. Chase Anthony and Ramsey Badawi. New.

[B]

Thank you.

[A]

Yeah. Ramsey Badawi.

[C]

835 on DBS.

[D]

Did Byron lead you in really well?

[B]

Yeah.

[D]

Like, Ramsay. You have a dog.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[B]

He actually went, what makes you mad? That was it. That was one of the. One of the lead ins. What makes you mad?

[D]

And that dovetail perfectly into your mind.

[B]

All my. What I'm mad about.

[D]

Do you think anybody at home is like. Feels like it's super organic, like. Yeah, we know how it works behind the scenes.

[A]

Byron really must know this person.

[D]

Or they just have like amazing jokes about these topics.

[A]

Yeah, yeah. So how is the prep. Prep. Do you. Is there. You get there early and then somebody. You have a handler Somewhat. Yeah. And they go, okay, because let me know. How do we set up your joke? What jokes?

[B]

I sent them all my jokes. They asked me to send a transcript of my material.

[A]

Oh, not audio. Just on. On a page.

[B]

Just on a page.

[D]

How does that feel?

[A]

Yeah.

[D]

Like when you have to break down your act and actually type it.

[C]

Yeah.

[D]

Do you feel like a fraud? Like, then I tell her. You're like a court stenographer.

[E]

Yeah.

[D]

You're like, what the fuck? When your jokes in written form, you're like, what the am I doing?

[A]

And. And. And sometimes the punchline is a physical thing. Right. So did you have to put in parentheses this is where my Raise my hand up. Right. And I do a little dance. Does the wor. Yeah, yeah.

[D]

In brackets. Ramsey gets up and does the worm.

[C]

How do you do yours set then?

[A]

That's why I've never done it. I've never asked. I think that's the most important thing.

[B]

I can hook you up with the connect if you want to do it.

[A]

So I already. So this is what really happened. And we're going to get to you and your.

[D]

No, I don't care. No, I'm just here for. I'm here for the ha.

[A]

All the things that you've been doing in the business and very excited for you. But Monday night I was in a fever dream.

[B]

You were.

[A]

And I just. I just couldn't stop watching. On comics, on life.

[B]

Oh.

[A]

So why, why, why'd you laugh at that, Zach?

[E]

Well, it's just. That's a weird fever dream.

[B]

I'm getting texts from Bobby at like 1:15am being like, what is this? This what is going? And then at two going.

[A]

It kept going. It kept going. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. My fever dream. And number one, I think, and I'm being quite honest here.

[B]

Thank you.

[A]

Great show. Okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay, good.

[D]

I believe it.

[A]

Great show. Not great in the way you would think. It's great. It's great in a. Why are you smiling?

[C]

Keeping the same face as everyone else.

[B]

We're all nerve. Wrong.

[A]

No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. Your eyes, Your eyes are doing something diabolical. Filipino, Filipino.

[B]

Filipino eye.

[A]

Red and puffy and scared. Filipino eye. Okay. Red, puffy and scared. So. Saw a great movie the other day. Obsession.

[D]

Oh, I keep hearing about it.

[A]

Oh my God.

[D]

26 year old youtubers. Be amazing. Talk to the town.

[A]

I mean, it's gonna make $100 million. And he. It costs less than a million to make. Yeah. Anyway, I was obsessed with Comics Unleashed and the reason why is. Everyone on the show are great. I'm friends with them. Right. There's just something about this format that doesn't really. You know what I mean? You can't really get your muscle out there. Your point of view and who you are in a 30 second joke.

[B]

Yeah, yeah.

[D]

It's almost a relic of yesteryear. Like it made sense at a certain period of time. Almost like late night after Covid. Late night kind of felt false. Like, why are we pretending to do this thing? And then now with Colbert going to that YouTube channel and it's like so much more fresh.

[A]

Yeah.

[D]

Than doing this pretend thing of like the Colgate Hour. It felt like that.

[A]

Yeah. It felt like state sponsored television. Yeah, yeah.

[D]

Or this is what we used to do. This is how we used to consume entertainment.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[D]

But back in the day it made sense. Just like joke, joke, joke, joke.

[A]

Yeah. So my point of view is about. It is. Is that I think it's great for young comics. Huh?

[B]

Is there any buts?

[A]

No, no.

[B]

You think it's great for everybody.

[A]

Yeah. I think that you really have to focus on the dance when you're coming out, and that's pretty much what I've been watching.

[D]

Is there a dance?

[B]

No, my dad.

[A]

It's a. They call your name, and there's a. There's a split where you have to get to the stage.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And you have to go through this mini hallway where you. You're exposed to the. The audience.

[E]

And they all have their funny way.

[A]

And they. And they. And yeah, yeah. That one guy's doing the.

[D]

Wait, Is this like the Jennifer Huds?

[A]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. People, come on.

[E]

Yeah.

[A]

You know what I mean?

[D]

How long does the dance last?

[A]

It's. It's probably very short. Probably. Like, you're talking about three.

[D]

What if they pivot and it's 90% of the show? This whole train.

[A]

Yeah, yeah.

[D]

They go. We're looking at the stats. The retention is great for the dance out. The jokes they don't love so much.

[A]

Yeah, yeah. So now you were getting to what I pitched, literally Tuesday to the people.

[B]

Oh, you spoke to the people at Comics Unleashed without me? Yeah, without you as an intermediary.

[A]

Well, here's the funny thing is, is that I. I happen to have a better length than you have. There is. Ooh.

[B]

Even though I'm an alumni,

[A]

I have

[B]

your photo on the wall.

[A]

I want to. That is true. You're on the wall. But the executive producer of the show used to open for me. Whoa. For years.

[B]

Plot twist.

[A]

Okay. And we share the same manager.

[B]

Okay. Okay, fine. You got a better connection.

[A]

All right, So I think I feel like I have a better connection.

[B]

Strong connection.

[A]

What do you think, Zach?

[E]

That's a strong connection.

[D]

That's a very pretty strong.

[A]

As strong as you probably could get. Yeah. Unless Byron. I had a direct contact to Byron.

[D]

Or you were Byron Allen.

[A]

I was Weather Channel Byron. Yeah. Yeah.

[B]

Do you have a relationship with Byron Allen at all?

[A]

I have a feeling, and I've been usually right about it, that he doesn't like me.

[D]

Why? Why?

[A]

Because I did Funny as you ask my questions or whatever that show is. Yeah. What is it called?

[E]

Funny you should ask.

[A]

Funny you should ask. Okay. I did two episodes of that, and I called and I go. Because I know, you know, people do it regularly, and they're like, yeah, we'll contact you later.

[D]

Whoa.

[A]

I think it wasn't my vibe.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

What is.

[E]

What do they do on Sunday?

[A]

You should ask.

[D]

Yeah.

[A]

So back then, it was Louie Anderson, John Lovett, Caroline Ray, these kind of people, and they're all friends of mine, so I'm like, it's. It's kind of old school, you know? What was that? Hollywood swersy? You know what I mean? I'm like, I'll do this. It wasn't like, who are you next to me? You know? It was like, everyone on the thing was like, a guy that. Wayne Fetterman. Like, just people I know, you know, And I see around, like. Yeah. That. It's like this stuff. Yeah. I love John. I love. Yeah. Louie. Look at Louie, dude.

[B]

I would crush it.

[A]

Yeah. Tim Meadows, dude. Caroline Ray.

[C]

Yeah, that was fun.

[A]

There I am. He's doing a dance. Yeah. So. So. So, I mean, honestly. Let's pause, please. Does that sound like.

[B]

That looks fun?

[A]

You would do. You would do it because you're. You're around legend. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know, I never did comics, at least, because I didn't never. Number one, didn't want to burn my material. You know what I mean? And number two, it just isn't my thing. Yeah. Yeah. So I called my manager and I said, we're gonna get your special, I swear.

[D]

No, no, I don't care.

[A]

All right. He's pissed.

[D]

I want to hear that.

[A]

Yeah, Yeah. I called my manager, and I go, I have a pitch. And I was. And Andrew wants to do it, too. Santino. I haven't called the other two guys, but we book Comics Unleashed. Okay. But we make a demand. It's gotta be me, Santino, Tim Dillon, and Bert Reicher.

[D]

I mean, you take it over for an episode.

[A]

We take it over for an episode.

[C]

That's amazing.

[D]

They would love that.

[E]

That would be awesome.

[A]

No, it's not. I'm not done with my explanation. Okay. It's all dancing, so you know that. I think you're getting there. Oh, my God. So you said that there is a handler, that you have that, or you write out your jokes.

[B]

You write out the jokes.

[A]

We would do that, too, of course. You know what I mean? You're gonna ask me about, how's your new lawnmower? Right.

[B]

I love that.

[A]

And you and I are gonna come up with a joke about lawnmower.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Right. And then Tim and everyone will do the same. Right. So when Byron brings up the lawnmower, I'm gonna go, there's a genocide in Gaza.

[B]

They're quite literally mowing the lawn.

[A]

Something of that ilk.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

You know what I mean? Like something that has nothing to do what he asked. Yeah. You know what I mean? Yeah. And then it's going to happen. Everyone's going to be like that. I want Tim to do a three minute rant of whatever he wants to rant about. About the Hollywood Hills and mudslides or whatever. Yeah, the fires or whatever. And the conspiracy behind it. Byron cannot interrupt him because when Tim's going, he's a locomotive.

[E]

Sure.

[A]

Okay. Somewhere during Tim's speech about the fires or whatever, right. I'm gonna collapse to the ground, right. And Andrew's gonna say that I have a condition and you can't call the cop. Don't stop the show. Just let him sit. He'll. He'll wake up eventually.

[D]

Performance art. Comics unleashed.

[A]

What?

[B]

This is amazing.

[A]

It's amazing. Yeah. And then, you know what I mean? Bert will. No one will answer the questions that they do. You know what I mean? Maybe, you know, Byron will ask Bert a question and Bert just stares at him for as long as he can. Like for 45 seconds.

[B]

Question, is Bert's shirt on or off?

[A]

It's completely off.

[B]

It's off. Yeah, of course.

[A]

Yeah. He comes on off. Right. I would demand Andrew, us and us to try to do the longest dances that we can do to get to the stage if it will make it a contest, you know what I mean? I think I'll make 15 minutes.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

Insane.

[B]

Fifteen minutes.

[A]

Yeah, yeah. I mean, they'll cut around it.

[E]

You're all just sweaty.

[A]

Yeah, they're gonna cut around. They're gonna cut around it, right? And then at one point toward the end of the show, I get back up, Right. What happened? So sort of a Kaufman esque kind of a thing. You know what I mean? You guys want to see my dog? Yeah. And so, honey, you know, my, my housekeeper is gonna come out with dancing in a dominatrix outfit.

[C]

Agree to this.

[A]

No, I'll make her do it. I'll pay her whatever she wants from neck to toe, Right. And she's going to bring out Julio. Yeah, yeah, I know, but Julio with a muzzle. I have a dog, Julio. That's the most homicidal dog. It will do like a Tasmanian devil, right? And I will just go around, you know what I mean? He's going to go crazy. And at one point, Byron's gonna be so scared. Yeah, yeah. He'll be so scared, right?

[B]

Horrified.

[D]

This is the first episode where comics will really be unleashed.

[A]

I want to unleash them. Yeah, yeah. So I think that. And then my manager said no. Yeah. It doesn't have to be exactly what I said. I'm just saying we could get me. We four could get together and Figure out something fun to do or that's

[D]

worth floating it by them.

[A]

Yeah, I'm sure they'd be down because I think that it'll do way better numbers than they think.

[D]

Of course. Go crazy on YouTube.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. But I would be insane. Yeah. I would tell Byron. I go, I would go, you can't edit. I mean, we edit it for this one show. Fda. We will not cross those lines. You know what I mean?

[D]

Well, that's crazy. That's Food and Drug Administration. That's how crazy you guys are getting. Where the FDA is getting involved. The fcc, sure.

[A]

Yeah.

[D]

But the fda, you're like, like, we're gonna poison the bee.

[A]

Why?

[B]

No.

[C]

So confused.

[B]

I was like, red dye 80.

[E]

FCC.

[B]

We're going to put Ebola.

[D]

What? From Comics Unleashed. They package frozen veg.

[A]

I'm at fcc. I'm at fcc. I met fcc.

[D]

Fda.

[A]

Fda. Yeah, yeah. Nra. They're all going to be involved. Aaa.

[D]

All the agencies get involved.

[A]

Helicopters flying. But what do you think of that idea?

[D]

I love it.

[A]

Are you being sincere?

[D]

No. For real?

[A]

Yeah.

[D]

That would just be so cool because it feels like, I mean, not stale, but something of the yesterday year. And it's a great opportunity for young comics, but to inject this new into it. Yeah, I think if they were cool, they would let you guys take over for one episode.

[A]

One episode.

[D]

It would draw a lot of attention to the show and become kind of fun.

[A]

But they don't get to edit.

[D]

Yeah, but.

[A]

But the FCC will look at it and we won't cross any lines.

[E]

Would you edit in the canned laughter or would it just be like an awkward silence?

[D]

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

[B]

Are you saying that.

[A]

Blue Chew, you guys BlueChew? Dude, I'm 54 years old and I get ED and I only use bluechew. I'll tell you why. Because it works. If your lady or your fellow whatever or that person that sends you an eggplant emoji at 2am is ready for better sex, then you should be too. That's all I'm saying. Politically, that's what I'm saying.

[B]

100% agree.

[A]

That's where Bluechew comes in. They have been on a mission for years to get you bricked up, build your confidence, and help you actually perform in the bedroom. And Ramsay, the new arousal boosting formula, Bluechew Gold, is helping millions of people. Men have better sex in 2026. And that's a fact.

[B]

It's 100% true.

[A]

While most ED meds only focus on blood flow, Bluechew focus further by combining two ingredients for blood flow and two ingredients for mental arousal and connection. So you're not just physically ready. You are actually in the mood guy. This type of innovation is why bluechew Gold is the number one brand in erectile function.

[C]

Ramsey, you've been being bricked up lately.

[B]

Yeah, you know, I'm a young man, but sometimes you need the extra help. You need the boost. You're tired. It's been a long hey.

[C]

Now rap about it.

[B]

You don't feel connected cuz Bluechew. Okay. Can we. Keeps me erected.

[A]

All right.

[B]

Keeps me.

[C]

Don't let your mind get in the way of a good time. Discover your [e-mail] we've got a special deal for our listeners right now. You can buy two months of BlueChew Gold. Get your. Get the third for free with promo code Belly. That's the promo code belly. Visit bluetooth.com for more details and important safety information. We thank BlueChew for sponsoring the podcast

[A]

Bluechew Klarna for your money. Klarna for your money. Klarna. Klarna offers value, transparency, control, and no surprises. Klarna lets you split purchases into different payment options. Pay now, later, or over time. Whatever fits your life. We did that with Alex and look, we got the mask for him and now he looks like a Navy seal.

[B]

He looks way better.

[A]

Yeah, yeah. Or a fat ninja. Yeah, yeah. I mean, and that's the look.

[B]

It's, it's an incredible look. And Klarna made that possible with four easy payments.

[A]

Yeah, yeah. You don't have to pay it up front. All of it. You know, Klarna is here to provide flexibility and control when you need it the most. Always know what you owe and when. Get extra value through cash back and deals in the app. More flexibility, less pressure.

[C]

Hey, Ramsey, you know, you're a young comic. Is there a world where you could have used more flexibility in your. Your cash flow?

[B]

Oh, yeah, absolutely. Sometimes, you know, a paycheck is coming, but it hasn't hit your bank account yet. And you, you got bills. You know, I got a dog. He got sick. You know, he ate some stuff he shouldn't have eaten. And Klarna would have been an awesome app to have or an awesome feature to be able to use at those times. So that's what's incredible about Klarna. That's why I love it. Klarna is here to provide flexibility and control when you need it most.

[C]

Download the Klarna app today or visit klarna.com to learn more California resident loans

[E]

made or arranged pursuant to a California Finance Law License NMLS Number 1353190 Klarna Balance Account required to be eligible for cash back points Limitations, terms and conditions apply.

[A]

Klarna get it.

[C]

Caffeine just got a flavor upgrade. Five hour energy shots bring you tasty caffeine in 17 flavors. We love all the flavors, but our favorite is fruity rainbow five hour Energy Shots. It's an explosion of fruity flavor with tasty caffeine kick. And let me tell you, you're gonna love it because it's so delicious. Enjoy a variety of bold flavors with as much caffeine as a 12 ounce premium cup of coffee. But with zero sugar and zero sugar. Crash big flavor in a tiny bottle. Five hour energy shots pack the flavor of the season and a portable 2 ounce shot. Give your caffeine a flavor upgrade with 5 hour energy shots. Get yours in store and online at www.5hourenergy.com or Amazon.

[A]

Today, Shopify is the place.

[B]

Is the place for e commerce platform.

[C]

Oh yeah.

[A]

Behind millions of businesses.

[B]

Yes, yes.

[A]

Around the world. Uh huh. Oh yeah. Now listen guys, we use Shopify here at Tiger Belly. If you want to sell things online and you want to have a shop and you want to have a good buy brand.

[D]

Yeah.

[A]

And templates to sell your brand. Yeah. I mean you got to go Shopify because I do that with all my podcasts. You get started with your own design studio. With hundreds of ready to use templates. Shopify helps you build a beautiful online store that matches your brand style. Yeah. Okay. Accelerate your efficiency. Whether you're uploading new products or trying to improve existing ones, Shopify is packed with helpful AI tools that write product descriptions, page headlines, and even enhance your product photography. And what about that purple shop pay button? Oh, tell them about it. Tell them about it. Did I mention that iconic purple shop pay button that's used by millions of businesses around the world? It's why Shopify has the best converting checkout on the planet.

[E]

It also helps boost conversions, meaning less

[A]

carts going a bank, more sales for you. We still, we seriously use Shopify. We love them. Yeah, that's the way we advertise with them because they're our buddies and we know that it's a great app.

[C]

Guys, it's time to turn those what ifs into with Shopify today. Sign up for your $1 per month trial today at shopify.com tigerbly shopify.com tigerbly that's shopify.com tigerbly

[A]

dinner time.

[D]

It's more than just a meal.

[A]

It's when work comes to a halt, where macaroni masterpieces are made and little moments turn into lasting memories. With the Blue Cash Preferred card, you can get 6% cash back at US supermarkets. So you can bring home the flavors

[D]

that bring everyone together.

[A]

We did say everyone.

[D]

Make the special moments even more rewarding.

[A]

Learn [e-mail] Explore BCP terms and cash back cap.

[D]

Apply with Blue Cash Preferred.

[E]

Whoa, whoa, whoa.

[D]

Are you saying that that's presumptuous? You're saying there's going to be no laughter in the studio?

[A]

It's just crazy. I don't know.

[C]

Coming in hot first time.

[E]

I don't. If the rabid dog.

[A]

We're gonna put in our own audience.

[B]

Oh, it's your own audience.

[A]

We're gonna promote it where like we're doing this. Bring our audience in. Yeah. Or keep the televised because they're paid. Of course, they're so all television audiences get $50 a piece to sit there all day long.

[D]

I would like. It was just that they have to see this and they're from like Omaha. What's happening?

[A]

They don't know. They don't know what's about to. You mean develop.

[E]

Surprise.

[A]

They go, oh, we've seen this show on television.

[E]

Right, Right.

[A]

Yeah, yeah.

[D]

Or we'll tell them that they're gonna watch like a Tim Allen sitcom or something.

[A]

Yeah, yeah.

[D]

And then this is like so left of that.

[A]

Yeah. So audience responses I think will be.

[B]

Oh, yeah, they'll be very.

[A]

And then lots of silence.

[D]

Yeah.

[A]

And. And I'm. And I'll be free. Feel free to mumble.

[B]

You'll say that.

[A]

I mean, before we'll have our own warm up.

[D]

Is your warm up guy even fucking weird. Like he's not even doing the job

[A]

of getting the DAX flame or. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Pink eyes. Yeah.

[D]

Because where are you from? Oh, that's cool.

[A]

So we'll get all the information out about like just laugh, you know, if you want. You don't have to. This is gonna be a weird one. And then. And then we'll do it. And. Well, they also. They promote it. So they go next episode, you know, I mean.

[B]

Oh, yeah.

[A]

Andrew Santino, Bobby Leith Burke Reischer, Tim Dillon. Or we could even Thea or whoever wants to do it. Yeah. I mean. And we'll just see what happens.

[D]

I love that when they cut to the clips of like next episode is just insanity.

[A]

Yeah.

[D]

Cuts on his body. Like you're vomiting dog is a bucket.

[A]

Yeah.

[D]

It seems like a real pivot.

[C]

How would Byron deal?

[B]

Is he.

[A]

He won't do it.

[B]

I'll tell you what.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I think he's a panic button. He would hit it and the set would turn into Judge Judy or something.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, Completely. Yeah.

[D]

Or what if you recast Byron just for that one episode? Oh, Byron Edwards suit or something.

[A]

Yeah. Oh, yeah, Byron sick.

[D]

Yeah. Byron filling in for Byron. He's playing the role of Byron Allen.

[A]

He's in the Congo. He got the. He got the E. Yeah, you'll be fine. You got the E. The A. Ball up. Yeah, yeah, whatever. There's an excuse. Any country, anywhere. That was the first one that just came to mind. Am I Argentina? But anyway, wherever. Yeah, yeah.

[B]

Sudan.

[A]

Bird watching in Haunt in Venezuela. He got a little tummy ache. Yeah, we could do that.

[D]

Like Idris Elba. Just get a huge black.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[B]

I mean, or a small one, like a tiny Kevin Hart, you know, like a tiny black guy.

[A]

Yeah, yeah. I don't think Kevin would do it, but maybe Cat Williams would do it. Oh, he might. Yeah. Yeah. But anyway, what do you think of that pitch?

[D]

I'm for it.

[B]

Amazing.

[D]

So your manager won't even float it by them?

[A]

No.

[B]

Can I. Can I say something? I'm against it.

[D]

Wait, why?

[A]

Why?

[B]

You're making a mockery of a television show that I was on.

[D]

Wow, that is fair. It is an institution.

[E]

Yeah.

[B]

You're making a mockery of my biggest credit.

[A]

That would. Okay. Dream bigger. And I think that's the real message here on today's special, dream bigger.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

I mean, it's like I did the Tonight show on Jay Leno in 2001 or whatever.

[D]

Did that change your life?

[A]

No. Really? Even then, it did nothing.

[B]

Wow, that's crazy.

[D]

I thought you did it at an era where at least.

[A]

No, it did absolutely nothing for my career. It doesn't matter, right? Especially in the day and age of the Internet. It doesn't matter. It's all the same.

[D]

Same with me. I did it, like, 20, 25.

[A]

It was fun to do with the Tonight Show.

[D]

Yeah, but it did not.

[A]

It does nothing. Yeah, yeah.

[D]

I call it like going to the Magic Castle for comedians.

[A]

Yes.

[D]

You dress up, you pretend that you're a famous comedian from the 80s, and then you have a steak afterwards.

[A]

Yeah.

[D]

You wake up and your life is no different.

[A]

No one calls.

[D]

You have cool pictures, but that's about it.

[A]

Yeah, no one calls.

[B]

Nobody called.

[A]

When you did the Tonight show, no one called.

[D]

What Year did you do it?

[A]

2001.

[D]

I feel like, for some reason, I feel like it still did stuff then.

[E]

Does it make your parents proud at least, you know? No, I don't think

[A]

Zach. No. Oh, I think my dad. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, My dad did. Yeah, yeah. My dad say. My dad goes, how much did you pay them? Yeah, that's what he said. He thought that I had paid them to do it. I'm like, that's not how it works. Because. Because I want him to feel proud. Yeah, right. That, like, hey, I got on tv. But they thought that anyone could just go, here's a grand. I'm gonna just try to do some comedy. Like, Tom Cruise goes, thanks for having me on. Yeah. You know what I mean? But so they didn't. They don't know how show business work. Yeah. I think later on, when they saw me constantly on mad tv, they were like, oh, this is real. You know, that's what it said.

[E]

What was the last word they said?

[A]

This is a real. Okay. Yeah, Yeah.

[D]

I brought my parents in. Tonight's show did.

[A]

They were proud.

[D]

Well, I did it because I. I did it just to get the monkey off my back, you know, I thought, like, leave them home. Huh?

[A]

Leave them home.

[B]

The monkey.

[D]

The monkeys.

[A]

Yeah.

[D]

Well, but, I mean, they want to watch me do it, too. The monkeys want to see me.

[A]

Is it spider? Is it. What is it?

[D]

It's all of them. Spiders, orangutan.

[E]

Okay.

[D]

But I thought that would do the thing for my. For my dad. Like, okay, maybe he saw me Tonight Show. But it's when I had a writing job and I had a parking space and I went to a building for eight hours. That's what he was like, oh, you have a parking spot. Yeah, I had a break room.

[A]

Yeah.

[D]

They just restock it.

[A]

Oh.

[D]

He only understands nine to five businesses. So, like, Hollywood did nothing to him. But the fact that I go to a building, I sit in a desk for eight hours, and I leave and I have lunch and they pay me. He can wrap his immigrant brain around that. He's like, oh, wow, he's doing it Benefits. Yeah.

[A]

Yeah. But you have to. I mean, your parents had to have some sort of concept of what the Tonight show is.

[D]

That's why I brought them. I'm like, okay. I feel like they.

[A]

Average American, conceptually, what this means. If your son or daughter. Yeah. Was asked to do this show, what did it mean to your parents? That specific thing? Not the writing job.

[D]

I think it meant something. Even though my dad didn't verbalize like he did with the writing job. I think the fact of flying to New York, you know, spending some time there as a family, going to 30 Rock, being backstage saying hi to the Roots, you know, my mom meeting Questlove, and that's insane.

[A]

Wow.

[D]

Yeah. And then Jimmy coming by and being like, oh, nice to meet you. And, like, John Oliver's back there, too.

[A]

So Jimmy Fallon met your dad. Yeah.

[D]

Oh, so Jimmy's so nice, man.

[A]

Yeah, I know him. I know you.

[D]

Oh, okay. Well, no, not at all. Not at all.

[A]

Yeah.

[D]

He's actually nice. This isn't a front to you, Bobby. He's great. I've done Conan's.

[A]

I'm gonna with them. No, no, that's the top.

[D]

But he was just so accommodating and. And so personable. He's a great family, and even as a comic, he really sets you up. You're behind the curtains, and he's like, his family's in the crowd. Let's give him a lot. He really. He almost does an audience warm up. So you're playing a hot crowd when you come out, like, I've done.

[A]

Must have been proud of you. Yeah. He.

[D]

It's like an immigrant. Cold love.

[E]

That didn't.

[D]

It's actions, it's not words. He's not like, wow, you. You crushed it. I love the way you open in the new thumbtail.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Comedy nerd.

[D]

Then your closer switch.

[A]

That switch came out of nowhere.

[D]

Then you stepped on the gas. I knew. I did some mics in Kabul, and I kind of know a few things.

[A]

Yeah.

[D]

It's kind of a colder love.

[A]

There's no hug.

[D]

No. I mean, my mom will make us hug sometimes. Like, she's like, yeah, well, because we don't need it. But my mom thinks she's like, hug each other. And we both. It just feels weird.

[A]

Yeah.

[D]

If you didn't grow, like, we do it more now.

[A]

Yeah.

[D]

But, like, we don't. Won't say I love you. It's implied. I'm very lovey. My mom. My mom is like, where I can be.

[A]

I think I've met your mom.

[D]

Yeah.

[A]

Yeah. I love your mom. Yeah.

[D]

And I remember when you take me on the road and stuff, you would almost do an intervention with my parents. You'd be like, he's. He's very good at this. You know what I mean? Like, because you knew they were worried about me and.

[A]

Yeah.

[D]

And you go, because I really.

[A]

I relate to that. Like, I think Fahim has the same thing. Not Fahim. Amir K Has the same thing.

[D]

Amir's hilarious.

[A]

Yeah. But I think he has that thing with his dad. Do you. Your dad?

[B]

Nope. No clue. They don't know what I do.

[D]

They don't.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Really, Zach? Your dad.

[E]

My dad's dead, but I like to.

[A]

But how is he feeling?

[E]

You know, he's with me always. No, he was. He was. He was a white guy.

[A]

Whoa.

[E]

My mom's Moroccan.

[A]

Oh, she's. Yeah, yeah.

[E]

She doesn't quite understand. She's just like. That's a Blanco movie. Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's her. That's her movie.

[B]

Great connection. Yeah.

[E]

No, she.

[B]

Moroccan rugs. Those are awesome.

[E]

Rocking rugs.

[A]

Yeah.

[E]

Aladdin.

[B]

I like that a lot.

[A]

Yeah.

[E]

She doesn't quite get it.

[A]

She didn't get comedy now.

[E]

No, I mean, she doesn't.

[A]

The white part.

[E]

No, it doesn't. It doesn't really affect her.

[D]

Does she trust you? Like, I don't get it. Or does she think, like, you're throwing your life away, like it's drugs or something?

[E]

She trusts me, but she always downplays me because she hates parents that brag about their kids. So people say, like, oh, I saw your son at the show in San Francisco. And she'll be like, yeah, he's trying to do comedy.

[A]

Oh, so she's Moroccan.

[E]

But then she'll tell me she believes in me. I'm like, why don't you tell them? Because believe me.

[A]

Yeah. Yeah.

[E]

That's weird.

[A]

Yeah. I mean, I don't know what that is. I. But here. Here's what. Here's the. I think the good analysis or is we don't know, 30, 40 years ago from. From now what AI is going to do and what. So my son could be like, I'm a. You know what I mean? I'm an. I'm a space probe. I'm a spaceman probe in space. You know, I mean. And I guess I'm on Venus and I get to pro Venus. And we're like, okay. And we're kind of like, congratulations. Yeah, yeah. No, that's real. Yeah.

[D]

No frame of reference.

[A]

Yeah, we have no frame of it.

[B]

Yeah. You go, can't you be a YouTuber like everybody else?

[A]

Yeah.

[D]

Be a DJ like your grandpa.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Because we now live in a social. You know what I mean?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Society where, because AI has taken over, that we have to pay probably 60% of our population. Give me a guaranteed wage.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Because their jobs are going to be gone. So then, you know, we're going to have more artists, more comics. We're going to have more. You know what I mean?

[D]

Space programs, open mics were bad. Now get ready for AI. Take away all the jobs and everyone else. All is free time.

[A]

Yeah, but people have free time doing their own little projects. I think it'll be if that happens. What are you doing? Am I too loud?

[C]

No, I'm just adjusting everyone's levels.

[A]

Okay. Okay.

[B]

I do this all the time. Yeah.

[A]

Yeah. That's the first time I've ever noticed that.

[D]

The one time he sees you doing

[B]

your job, hey, I replace him.

[A]

Yeah, but. Yeah, so maybe our parents don't really get what we're doing.

[D]

Yes, I know they don't. So I understand it. But when you're 17 and it's happening, you're like, you don't get me.

[A]

Yeah, yeah.

[D]

This is my life.

[A]

Yeah.

[D]

I don't want to be a doctor.

[A]

You also don't know the. The living hell to get there.

[D]

You need that level of delusion. Like, thank God little kid me didn't know how long it would take all the steps and all that. You know what I mean?

[A]

Yeah, yeah. And there's a lot of pain and suffering up until that point that your parents are not aware of. Yeah.

[D]

But I always. I would always tell my parents. I'd be like, whatever. The worst case scenario in your mind for me is that I'm, like, homeless, doing drugs.

[A]

Just.

[D]

Just. No, I don't want that for me either.

[A]

Yeah, I will.

[D]

I will switch tracks. I'm not gonna keep on doing comedy until I'm eating fish heads out of a dumpster.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[D]

Like. Like, you know, selling my butthole for money or whatever. Like, I don't love comedy that much.

[A]

Yeah, yeah.

[D]

To do it to that degree.

[A]

Yeah.

[D]

Like, if things get really bad, I'll pivot. I'm still an engineer, you know.

[A]

Yeah, yeah. You could be an engineer. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[B]

You did both, right?

[D]

I did both until I could do comedy full time. So I'm like, I have a fallback.

[A]

Can you go back to that?

[D]

I have too much gap in employment at this point. They'd be like, why have you been gone for?

[E]

Are you sure? I'm your late night.

[D]

I show them this tonight. Will you let me work on planes again?

[A]

I think they would let you work on planes again with a late night. No. Okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Were you. Did you have a problem? Yeah. You had some prominent jobs?

[B]

I did. I worked in.

[A]

I worked government.

[B]

Yeah, I did. I worked at the state assembly in California and I worked at political consulting firms yeah, yeah.

[A]

And he's also a rock star.

[B]

Oh, don't do this to me.

[A]

Oh, I didn't have it. You know this wildlife? Yeah.

[E]

He was in a band.

[A]

Yeah.

[E]

I was a man.

[B]

Called this wildlife.

[A]

Yeah. Yeah.

[B]

Fantastic.

[D]

What if I had no idea. The whole time, I'm like, I just listen to their music, but I never looked at people.

[B]

He's been bullying me about this for two weeks now that I had dreams.

[D]

Well, what did you play?

[B]

I played bass.

[D]

I played bass.

[B]

Did you really?

[D]

In orchestra? I was not very good.

[A]

You played this thing? Yeah.

[D]

Well, because in fourth grade.

[A]

Interesting enough you, orchestra is more famous than this one.

[D]

Really? Check it out.

[A]

New record. I think they're big. Yeah, yeah, yeah, they're big. So orchestra.

[D]

What? I was in orchestra. They. They would. You could play electric bass. Oh, so that's how they get you in. I'm like, oh, cool. I'm like a rock star. But then once you got to middle school, they take it away and you have to play the upright. And I was tiny. I didn't grow till. So I'm just like a little kid carrying this giant upright base, putting it on the bus.

[A]

Are you good at it?

[D]

No, I was. I was like, whatever. But the cool thing about the bass is it's such a low register that no one could hear how bad you are.

[A]

She's like, right. All right. Yeah.

[D]

Your violin. Everybody knows you.

[A]

Everyone.

[D]

You're messing.

[A]

Everyone knows you.

[E]

Were your parents proud of orchestra?

[D]

Well, I want. It was something to do to put your kid in it. And then once I wanted to quit, my dad was so mad. He was like, if you quit this, you'll quit at everything. He wouldn't let me quit. Finally, I was able to. I was like, I want to do drama.

[A]

Oh, it's very Afghanistan.

[B]

Yeah. Classic Afghanistan.

[A]

Classic Afghanistan.

[E]

They don't quit.

[B]

Quit.

[D]

They don't quit.

[A]

I mean, let's be honest. There's a strength about Middle Eastern people in all regions that we're not fully aware of. You know, I. You know, Koreans are tough because of the Japanese occupation, you know, So I think it gets passed on generationally, you know, this. This strength. And, like. You know what I mean? You don't bully me. You know, you don't. You know, I'm. I'm gonna take this to the end.

[B]

Rage.

[A]

Not rage. Strength.

[D]

Well, it's doing a lot with a little too. I think even Afghanistan, it's always war torn. Like, the British went in there, and then the Russians and then America, they always think it's Going to be easy, but it's mountainous. The people are very resilient, so it's not a cakewalk, you know? And then Iran as well. They thought it was going to be quick. Like, it's over.

[E]

Yeah, it's over.

[A]

It's not over.

[E]

No.

[A]

Wait, wait, wait. You think it's over? Yeah.

[E]

Our country is really great. We won.

[A]

Zach.

[B]

I'm with Zach.

[A]

Yeah. Where are you getting your information? I want to know, because maybe it is over. I don't know.

[E]

Yeah, Trump. Trump himself.

[A]

Oh, he said it on Truth in the Room.

[D]

What if government propaganda is getting into podcasts? They just have, like, rose with a button up. Like, we're killing it. Which is accomplished.

[A]

Yeah. I'll be honest with you. This last weekend, I literally thought, oh, maybe this one is real at this war. This one? No, this particular. Like, oh, yo, 95%. Right. Just. We just have a couple of things, and you know what I mean? Everyone's involved. And I was literally going, oh, this is it. Then. You know what I mean? And then attack. We attacked the southern region. Or whatever. So then I'm like. Like, I was fooled again. Yeah, yeah, Yeah, I was fooled again. But, yeah, I. I. You know, not a political guy, but. But I don't do that.

[B]

You guys got to see Bobby connect with Uber drivers.

[A]

Okay. What does that mean?

[B]

Bobby gets into an Uber sometimes, and when he finds out he's from a place, Bobby goes off. Dude, Bobby, be connected. I'm with you. He's like, Bobby's sitting there going over all the battles and all the. All the fights and all the policies.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I. Yeah, I go. I go nuts.

[B]

Dude, the Uber drivers love Bobby.

[A]

They do love. I tip well. And I also. Great conversation. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[B]

They're both talking with their hands, and.

[C]

And I.

[A]

There are times where I hug them.

[B]

Oh, for sure.

[A]

Good luck, brother.

[B]

You do. You, too.

[A]

Yep. My comrade. You know, I mean, that kind of.

[D]

Sometimes you'll cancel a ride with a white person to get a brown.

[A]

Yeah.

[D]

You go. Sorry, Devon. I'm waiting for Mahmoud.

[A]

Yeah. So you were joking when you said that it's over. No. Yeah.

[E]

It's not over.

[A]

Yeah. Okay. It's that. Yeah. You're so your Moroccan mother now. She's probably more supportive. Or. No.

[E]

You know, if I'm in the local paper, I think would be the greatest.

[A]

What's the local paper? What paper?

[D]

Yeah, you're in the paper.

[E]

Like, the Arc. Like, if I get in her local paper.

[A]

Where's the Arc?

[E]

It's in Marin. County, Northern California.

[A]

You haven't been in that yet?

[E]

No, I mean, I think there's a picture of me as a kid at a parade in the background, and she, like, framed it.

[B]

You're not even, like.

[E]

I'm just sitting down watching, like, Johnny Mosley talk about.

[A]

When you're not on it based on your craft yet.

[E]

No, I mean. Well, I guess I could just ask them to write about me, and they probably would. It's a really small time.

[D]

Wait, have you done Comics Unleashed or. Not yet.

[A]

No, not yet.

[D]

Hop on it and then get in the art. Come on. That's huge for the.

[A]

That's the move, actually. Yeah, yeah.

[D]

Just do it for your mom.

[A]

Yeah.

[E]

My brother got in for football in high school. Was like, the greatest day of our family's life.

[B]

Legacy, like, media like that.

[A]

It's a big deal. Yeah, yeah. It's a big deal for them. Yeah, yeah. Would you do Comics Unleashed? Look at me, right in my face. It's fine. And you can say yes or no. It's fine.

[C]

Byron's a listener of the podcast.

[B]

Yeah, just Byron. I'll remember what you answer when you ask me to hook you up with the.

[E]

I don't. You know, I. I don't think I'd be a good fit for it.

[A]

I think you would. I think it'd be great. Yeah.

[E]

No, I. I don't. And I'm standing firm in that.

[A]

Why?

[E]

Because I don't want to do it.

[A]

Good. That's a good answer. That's the real. Yeah.

[D]

He said it like he's being drafted to Vietnam.

[A]

The way you said it.

[D]

I don't want to.

[E]

I'm gay.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

I'm Muslim. I can't do comics.

[A]

Okay. Okay. So, yeah, just. Then move to Canada then. Yeah, Yeah, I should. It's your only option. Because they're gonna make you do it. Yeah. I feel like they make you do it.

[B]

The Canada makes you do. It's a complete.

[A]

No. I think America makes you do it.

[B]

Camp comics.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[D]

It's like mandatory military service, I think.

[A]

So you have to do two years as a comic. I think they make you do it. Yeah, Yeah, I think that. I think I'm in the same. I'm 54. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. I can make up some things. Yeah. Kidney stones, you know, everything, you know. Yeah, yeah.

[B]

It was an honor to serve Paramount.

[A]

Yeah, yeah.

[D]

You have hemorrhoids. You can't sit in the seat.

[A]

Yeah. Would you do it?

[D]

I. I've been asked to do it. I. I'm. I'm I'm with you. I. Yeah. It's just not my speed, I guess.

[B]

I'm on a podcast. A bunch of people have so much integrity. This goddamn business.

[D]

No, not at all. It's not integrity. It's knowing yourself. Like, how you operate. Like, I know I'm not good in that environment. It like Kill Tony even. It's a huge opportunity. Tony's asked me to do it in the past, but I'm like, I'm not good on a panel like that. I just know my comedy.

[A]

It's so funny that you say that. Because I say no to Kill Tony. He thinks it's an offense to.

[D]

No. I'm so flattered. And it's such an amazing show. Gives great opportunities. People are so good on it, but I just know that's not. I'm not. I don't excel at that. So I'd rather not do it than do something so big and be bad at it.

[A]

Yeah. Like, when I do it, if you've never noticed, just there are times I leave. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I have to go to the bathroom and I'll wait 30 minutes.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

And then come back.

[B]

Every time I've seen you do it, Bobby.

[A]

Yeah. Yeah. Because I don't. I'm not good at that kind of comedy of, like, making. I'm not a roaster.

[D]

Same like ball breaker.

[A]

I'm not a ball breaker roaster. I do it with. I. I know how to roast. I'm probably one of the best at it when it comes to personal things.

[C]

Yes.

[A]

I mean, I. If I know you and I know that it's. You're not going to take offense to it. And, you know, Andrew knows. But there are things about Andrew and I personally that we know. That is a no go. Right. And so for me to do it in front of a stranger, you may not have to do research and know what really hurts. And that I really. That's my thing.

[C]

So Kevin Hart asked you guys and paid you a lot of money to do.

[D]

That's a different thing also as well, because you have your jokes. That's a roast. You. I, I guess you could rise to the occasion to do a roast. I still don't love it. But Kill Tony is like, literally, it's like jazz. Somebody says something, you barb, and then it's almost like jump rope or, you know, when they're doing double Dutch, like, how do you get into the timing of it?

[A]

They're reading a teleprompter on that last roast. Do you notice?

[E]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[A]

They're literally all their jokes are written out, you know, I mean, on a teleprompter, they know exactly what they're gonna say. And with Kill Tony, it's like. There's no. It's like podcasting. But what's safe about podcasting is that we edit. You know what I mean?

[D]

And there's some history, and it's kind of small. It's controlled.

[A]

Yes.

[D]

Kill Tony's chaos. There's somebody doing a minute.

[A]

Yeah.

[D]

They got a weird thing. Somebody says, it's in the crowd. There's a panel here. There's a chick with huge tits coming

[A]

out giving you drinks. Yeah.

[B]

It's just like, it's over stimulating.

[A]

It's very. Yeah, yeah. It's. Yeah, it's not my thing, but some

[D]

people are amazing, and it's great to

[A]

watch, and it's a great show, and I'm not dogging it at all. And. But he always took it personally. Like, I'd be in town and I won't even call him. I'm in Austin.

[D]

Yeah.

[A]

Because I mean, hey, man, you're in town. You have to do it. And I'm like, I'm not doing it. And he always convinces me to do it. Remember last time called him to say,

[C]

you're not doing it?

[A]

Yeah. I called him and say, I will not do it. And somehow I get. I'm doing.

[B]

Makes me laugh so much to see you on that show. It is so funny.

[A]

Why?

[B]

You just look so. I know you now, and I know when you're really uncomfortable and you look so uncomfortable every single Kill Tony.

[A]

Yeah. Yeah. I can't laug laughs.

[B]

Of course you do.

[A]

Yeah, I get laughs.

[B]

But I could tell you don't want to rib. You don't want to hurt anybody's feelings. You're just trying to be you, you know?

[A]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, I. If Netflix asked me to do a roast, I'd be able to come up with great jokes, and I would do it. Here's the thing, is that you get open to people coming at you. Yes.

[D]

You start crying. You're, like, sitting on the couch and you're like. You're pretending like you're okay. Coming down your eyes.

[A]

Yeah. And I watch. Yeah. And I watch.

[D]

It cuts back to Bobby. He's hanging like, whoa, you found.

[A]

Yeah, he's in a suit, just hanging. Just.

[B]

Just tombstone, hold me a tombstone.

[A]

Yeah. I think that's the part, you know, that I don't really like. You know, my personal life is my personal life.

[D]

Yeah.

[A]

You know, and Listen, there was a lot of resentment in that Rock Lost.

[E]

Oh, yeah.

[C]

Oh, you can feel that.

[A]

There's a lot of hatred, resentment. These people do not talk to each other. They have a. Just. I mean, I have a couple of comics in my life that I don't like, you know, because of wrongdoing that was slighted.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And I, I can't imagine being on stage because I will go off. You know what I mean? Yeah. And that's what that is. That's what that was.

[C]

It doesn't seem fun like it used to be.

[B]

No, no, it used to be. Now it's way too personal.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

You know, it's like, in 1993, he filed for bankruptcy.

[A]

You're like, whoa, what?

[B]

They're getting really specific here.

[D]

You lost your kids.

[B]

Like, what the.

[E]

Why'd your husband kill him?

[A]

So, yeah, that was one of them. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. It, that, that part is like, no, you, you're not allowed to talk about that question.

[B]

Bobby, who would be the guy that you would like to see least on the Pan Channel? You go, oh, no, if I see this guy, this would be a problem.

[A]

Well, this person called me a couple years ago and goes, listen, I know you don't like me. I don't really like you, but please stop talking about me on your podcast because it's ruining my life. Whoa. And he goes, just. Can we just make a deal? And I go, okay.

[B]

And so we're not going to name the person.

[A]

I can't. There's two people, like, trying to go. There's a couple of people like that where they're like, like, yeah, I'm getting harassed at work, you know, And I'm like, I'm just saying that I don't like you. I, I, I, I, I think that I'm even in the wrong in this.

[D]

I'm, I'm just saying that I don't like you. On a massive podcast every, Every week.

[E]

Yeah.

[B]

And the guys at work, and it

[D]

gets clipped up, and there's clippers out there as well, and the clip is circulating on Facebook, TikTok. And yeah, I don't see what the big deal is.

[B]

I'm boosting the post.

[D]

I'm just far, far more popular. I'm putting $30 a day into these clips. It's not a big deal. You make your own podcast and then talk about me.

[A]

Do you have it? Do you have anybody enemies or.

[D]

What do you mean?

[A]

People that you're like, I'm gonna walk the other way if I see them at the Comedy Store.

[B]

This is interesting because to me is such an. A guy that I feel like everybody loves.

[A]

That's why I don't trust him.

[D]

No, there's no.

[A]

That's why I don't trust this guy, because he. There's. There's. He has, like, boundaries.

[B]

Yeah.

[D]

The healthy.

[A]

I have. He has bound up.

[B]

I'm with you.

[A]

This I've never heard anything bad about.

[B]

Zero.

[A]

Yeah. Yeah. Nothing.

[B]

Just a hard worker.

[A]

He's still. There's not a dent on your car. Not even a scratch. I watch and I look and they're just. You're so. Like. You won't reveal specific things about your life.

[D]

Yeah.

[A]

Yeah. You don't mesh that.

[E]

And you.

[A]

You really rarely talk about your ethnicity or. No, I do. I do. Yeah. Yeah.

[D]

But.

[A]

Yeah, but this is. But this is.

[D]

It's not my whole ass. It's a new thing. Yeah, I guess.

[A]

A little more. You and I have had long conversations about. Of like. Like, you know, maybe if you. You. You talked about, you know.

[D]

Yeah. Opening up.

[A]

Opening up a little bit more and you won't do it. And that's fine. You're protecting your personal life.

[D]

No. Yeah, but I'm better about it now. Like.

[A]

Yeah, but you are very private. You're so nice. I don't. I can't think of anyone that's ever said anything bad about you.

[D]

I have one enemy.

[E]

Whoa.

[A]

You don't have to say it out loud. Out loud, but you do have one.

[D]

I do. You know who it is?

[A]

Can you whisper in my ear? We'll cut it out. I promise it'll be blue.

[B]

Yeah, I gotta hit. I gotta.

[D]

Wait.

[B]

You don't gotta say.

[D]

I'll give you a clue. Not a. Not a comedian.

[B]

Oh, okay.

[A]

Well, I know I can't.

[B]

Yeah, we'll bleep it out.

[A]

How do I know I won't know them?

[D]

You'll know them.

[A]

Come here.

[D]

Because you tried to settle it. You tried. You tried to squash the beef.

[B]

It's got to be a famous person. Who could. Who could.

[C]

Dax Shepard. Dude.

[B]

It's gotta be somebody of note. Maybe it's a. Maybe like a medical guy, a doctor or something.

[E]

I bet it's like industry.

[C]

It's got to be industry. Industry agent or something.

[A]

Yeah. That's all we can say. Yeah, I know this person.

[B]

Is it Byron Allen?

[D]

He tried to. Broke the piece at one point.

[A]

I tried to broker the piece.

[E]

Wow.

[B]

You know, you're in a tough spot when you're getting Bobby to broker the

[D]

piece where he's the voice of reason

[B]

or Bobby's, the peaceful one.

[A]

I'm sorry that. I'm very highly offended by that.

[B]

I apologize, sir.

[A]

In fact, I am Pakistan.

[B]

You are very much.

[A]

I've met many of times, have broken pieces and negotiated on people's behalf.

[B]

I believe.

[A]

I find that what you just said very highly offensive. There's another thing that you did. If you want to fucking play games.

[B]

I don't know. I'd like to not play games.

[A]

Yeah. Yeah.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Just keep it straight.

[A]

Let me ask you something. Zach and Fahim.

[E]

Okay?

[A]

Not Zach and Faheem. Yeah, that's right. Zach and feed.

[B]

That's how hilarious this episode is. Everybody kind of looks like.

[E]

I know.

[A]

Let me ask you. Fahim, in fact. Go ahead.

[B]

Jimmy Oyang. Sorry. I know you're gonna hurt me, so I wanted to. I wanted to lash out.

[C]

You have to get out a little.

[B]

Go ahead. Sorry. Go ahead. Bobby, I apologize.

[A]

I don't know this is working anymore. I really don't know if this is working right. But remember, Fahim, you used to open for me.

[D]

Yeah, right. You were the first guy to take me out. I owe you a lot.

[A]

I don't. Oh, you don't owe me anything. Well, I appreciate your success is the proof in the pudding. But you, I just remember just having a really good time with you. I've never thought anything bad about you, never said anything bad about anybody. You. You made our travels smooth, as if you weren't even there. And you're very grateful. And at times, you were unfollowable. That's how I remember specifically San Antonio. Lol. You know, I remember turning to a local comic next to him that was standing next to me and going, I seriously don't know if I can follow this. He's killing. Okay. And so I want to say thank you for being a great opener. Thank you for causing me peace in my life, and I will be forever in gratitude.

[D]

The feeling is mutual, Bobby.

[A]

Thank you.

[E]

Why did you include me on this?

[A]

What do you mean?

[E]

You said, I want to tell you something. Fahim and Zach.

[D]

Well, he wants you to hear this.

[A]

I got it. No, no, no, no. That's not what this is. This is set up to him.

[E]

Okay, okay.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Of what he did. Okay, okay. And he just called me Jimmy Oyang. He did? Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[B]

I'm sorry. I was lashing out. I felt attack. Go ahead. I'm ready.

[A]

Okay. You don't even know what I'm talking about right now.

[B]

I know it will hurt that's what I know. I know it will hurt.

[A]

Yeah. We were somewhere, someplace. You know what I mean? And we were outside, and there was a group of fans that came up to me. Bobby Lee, you know, I've been by. And he made fun of my fan base.

[D]

It's not to their face or when they.

[A]

No, like, you know, these. It's. You know, I mean, I can say what he said. And he made fun of my fan base, and I looked right at him, right in his eyes, and I said, if you ever do that again, you're fired. Yeah. Whoa. These are the people that love me. Yeah. I'm sorry. My fan bases are weird.

[D]

Yeah. The people you were playing to.

[A]

Yeah. Some of them. They're missing an eye sometimes. They're disheveled. You know what I mean?

[D]

And they need a laugh in their life.

[A]

Their hairs are in the wrong places. You know what I mean? But my point is, is this. They still are my fans, and they relate to me, and I relate to them, and I love them.

[D]

Yeah.

[A]

Okay. You would never disrespect me by doing that.

[D]

I would just be so happy there were people there.

[A]

Exactly.

[D]

That I could play a full house.

[A]

And Zach. Where am I? Is he at fault? Am I. That's why I wanted to ask you for defending fans. Yeah. Ramsey making fun of my fans when he's my opener. Would you ever do that?

[E]

Would I ever make fun of your fans?

[A]

Yeah. If I have you open for me.

[E]

If. If I open for you now.

[B]

Let me just say this. He's trying to divide and conquer us right now.

[C]

Guys.

[B]

I'm just letting you know, I'm just

[D]

thinking about you guys going the road after this. Ramsey coming out and everyone going, boo. They have eye patches, and they're like. One guy has a hook.

[B]

Hook.

[D]

He's like.

[B]

They're wearing medical gowns.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Straight jacket. Yeah.

[D]

Like a. Like a muzzle.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Bobby, I apologize.

[A]

Oh, this. This is gonna hurt you from now on a little bit, I think.

[B]

Bobby, if I can say, just, well,

[D]

talk to the fans.

[A]

I would address the fans on his behalf. Right.

[B]

I made fun of them, too.

[C]

What?

[B]

You can make fun of them, too.

[A]

No, I'm not gonna make fun of them too. I love them.

[B]

Me, too.

[A]

Yeah, it was. They were. They were the silly, the sillier.

[C]

You have a spectrum.

[A]

I have a spectrum of people.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

And these people were a specific type of spectrum.

[B]

Their car had, like, no registration on it.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

That kind of broken window kind of thing.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

But. But I love Bobby's fans, and Bobby, I do apologize about that. That was crossing a line and I. I do mean that. I'm sorry.

[E]

It's real.

[A]

Yeah. And I already forgive you. Then.

[B]

Thank you.

[A]

Yeah.

[D]

Just. I want to trade Bobby notes. Opening. I'm trying to remember from when I opened to see if it does. Same stuff with you, huh? I didn't know about your rule. You would always pay when we went out, you know, and that was very cool. You're like, get whatever you want. Oh, this is amazing. You feel like in Willy Wonka's factory. Some amazing meals. Steaks, whatever. There's no limit. Appetizers, salads. And then I noticed about you too. You. You order everything and then you take one bite of everything like Homer Simpson, and then you just like, yeah, leave it. You have whatever you want.

[A]

But I remember I. I learned that from David Spade.

[D]

I tried to box it and you go, no, no, no, no, no.

[A]

Yeah.

[D]

I go, what? He goes, no, no, no, you can't. You can't box food. I go, what? He's like, anything. You can have anything here in this moment, but you can't box it and take it back. I didn't know about that rule until touring a Bobby. I'm like, well, he's paying for it. I guess it makes sense. A little odd. Like, no one's ever done that.

[A]

No, no.

[D]

But I kind of get it in principle. Then you're not trying to bilk Bobby and you only order what you can eat at the table. Like, he's not here to pay for this meal and your next one.

[A]

Right, right.

[E]

It's time together.

[D]

Same with you guys. Like, you can't box it.

[A]

It.

[B]

I don't know if I've ever even had a desire to box anything. But that's how big the meals are.

[C]

We don't even order main sometimes cuz you get so many appetizers. So we just eat that.

[B]

It's legendary.

[C]

It's amazing.

[A]

I don't know, Alex.

[B]

Oh, boy.

[A]

I heard you call him the Monster. We call him the monster because he sometimes go on the road. Yeah. And we call him the monster at dinner. And I go, he. His is usually the most expensive thing. Yeah, yeah. Lamb chunks. You know what I mean? Lamb chops.

[D]

That's off menu. He's like, I see the chops. Where are the chomps?

[A]

A five. No, like a five. Snow beef oxtail, something like that. Right. Where it's like $3,000.

[E]

Comes in like a gold suitcase.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. So it's like he's that guy. So it's like, sometimes I look at Monster and I go, go ahead, Monster.

[C]

You have been making an announcement lately. You're like, everyone, I see the A5 Wagyu at the table just don't order.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

He goes, no, he goes, you can order it.

[C]

Order it. But it.

[B]

But I might have feelings about it, which I love.

[C]

I like that. I like that rule.

[D]

I do too.

[A]

It's fair. Okay.

[D]

Well, when I was coming up, There was no A5.

[A]

There was. Oh, yeah.

[D]

Cows weren't doing that.

[A]

They weren't doing. They weren't doing that back then. Yeah, yeah. They learned the a5. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. So. So the a5, the specific rocks we went to, right. Is. Is $100 every 2 ounces of meat.

[C]

Insane.

[E]

Whoa.

[A]

All right, so 2 ounces of meat is the size of this jewel.

[D]

Yeah.

[A]

$100.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

Okay, now, if the Monster. It was specifically for the monster. Right? Right. Because I don't even know if he can read. I mean, his favorite band is Limp Bizkit, so I don't know. I don't know if he can read. Right. So in that specific restaurant, I was like, all right, so no one ordered that. It was for him. Right. And so for an order to get to feed him with 2 ounces of Japanese A5 wagyu, you know what I mean, would have cost me thousands of dollars.

[E]

Yeah.

[D]

Right.

[A]

Which is. I'm fine to do, but it's like, there's also a porterhouse that you can get.

[D]

I just imagine you calling your accountant and be like, monster wants a wagyu. Can I do it?

[A]

Yeah. Okay.

[D]

I'll tell him to go 14. Can't do 32. My accountant.

[A]

Yeah.

[D]

Appreciate the dinners, though.

[A]

They're good. Yeah, I know. And I. And. And you're welcome. You know, you're very much welcome. You're family to me. And so. But that's why I say it out loud. I go, just that. Don't know what order, because I'm getting every appetizer, and you can get any meal you want except for that. And it's only for the monster. Okay. Yeah.

[B]

I love.

[A]

Yeah. And I. So. I don't even know how I got into bringing that up, because you said something.

[B]

I hurt you when I called you Jimmy O. Yang.

[A]

No, it was before that. That started. What was the thing before that?

[D]

Oh, yeah. How you don't let people take food to live.

[A]

Oh, yeah.

[E]

Being generous.

[D]

Like, you have to eat it there.

[A]

Right. And then.

[B]

Do you have any beefs with people? Comedians? Yeah, I certainly have beefs. But I don't know if anybody is, like, significant enough to. To matter at this point. You know, like, I don't have any beefs with anybody. Like, you know, what's funny is I did an episode here with Trevor Wallace. I didn't have a beef with Trevor Wallace, but I was definitely rude to him in the early days of my comedy. And I remember sitting next to him and being like, I wonder if he knows or if he remembers or he

[A]

should have brought it up.

[D]

Why? Where do you think that comes from? Why?

[B]

Open mic scarcity, you know, like feeling like you got to kind of edge out everybody above. You know what I mean?

[D]

And now, you know, like, someone's success means less for me.

[B]

Yes.

[D]

In the early days, I think the way Hollywood used to be, that was somewhat true. But now it's just an ocean of clips and yes, yes.

[A]

Anyone's game. Yeah, anyone's game. Yeah, anyone's game.

[D]

But I just put stuff out there and then hope society gravitates toward it. Towards it. But that's it. There's no gatekeeper who's like, you're the guy.

[A]

We're in a juncture in show business and in the world where there's so many unknown factors that it's even difficult to plan what you're going to do in three years.

[D]

Yeah.

[A]

You know, like, I mean, I literally, that special I did was like, oh, this is the last time I might do this. Yeah. I mean, something else might come around. I don't know what it might be, but we are definitely, I think, like plumbers, stand up comedians. I have a longer. You mean maybe a lifespan?

[D]

Well, you have a skilled trade that is dependent upon you. You don't really need. There's not a lot of moving parts.

[A]

Yeah.

[D]

With stand up, it's guy talking. Your fans show up. Do you put butts in seats? It's pretty lean business. But to act, you need the producer to sign off the casting director. So many things.

[A]

Yeah. But if an AI robot could tell really good jokes.

[B]

They're getting close.

[A]

Yeah. And perform live.

[D]

But he's like, like anybody from out of town that he falls and then they put a blanket over him and they drag him off. Did you see the clip of the Michael Jackson robot?

[A]

Yes.

[D]

My God, I haven't laughed at anything.

[A]

No.

[D]

In such a long time.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

That thing scared me.

[D]

Well, it was so good.

[B]

It's great.

[D]

And then it's so funny that it could do all these complex movements, but stairs, like one step takes it out and then I love how it stumbled, but then it recovers. Like, it didn't happen. You know, like when the figure skater falls.

[A]

There you go. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[D]

Oh, no, no, no. Go back further. Go. Yeah. Okay, okay.

[A]

Oh, yeah, yeah.

[D]

Killing it.

[B]

To me, this genuinely feels okay.

[D]

That and. Okay, okay. That didn't happen. That didn't happen. Back to the performance. Nobody saw that. Nobody saw that. You're killing it, robot. You're killing it. Hit the moon. 1.

[C]

Oh, wow.

[D]

All right, let's try the steps again. Here we. And then he's done.

[A]

I've literally seen Gives up. I've seen Eric Griffin do that. I really have. I really have. Yeah.

[D]

This is like vaudevillian. It's hilarious. This guy with a T shirt comes in. It's so sad.

[B]

It sincerely feels like the beginning of a sci fi movie where that guy is like, they humiliated me. They made me dance for them.

[A]

Like, yeah, He.

[E]

You know, he feels shame for the first time in his life.

[B]

Yes, yes. And then he's gonna make us dance.

[A]

But he's gonna get better.

[D]

Yeah, yeah. He's gonna learn from this. He's like.

[A]

He's gonna learn. Yeah, yeah. Like Long Beach.

[B]

Okay. We're bringing Long Beach.

[A]

So. So I. I know. I know. We would bring up too much bringing along. Yeah.

[D]

Well, give me the Cliff Notes.

[A]

Long Beach. Beach, Right. Me and Andrew are playing Long Beach.

[D]

Yeah.

[A]

Right. And Andrew still talks about this. This is really unfortunate.

[D]

Yeah.

[A]

This is very like. Like, why do you do that? You know what I mean?

[B]

I'm so nervous.

[A]

Is that what's. What matters?

[E]

I don't know what happened.

[A]

I'm gonna tell you. Okay. Because my eyes. You, I mean, are fixated on me.

[E]

My mom was a servant, man. I just had.

[A]

Okay. Yeah. Okay.

[B]

That is the Middle Eastern, I think, conundrum.

[A]

Conundrum.

[B]

There's a sadness.

[A]

Okay, so can I say this, by

[B]

the way, Bobby, really quickly? The reason why he doesn't know this story, and Zach's a good friend of mine, is I've never told it to him because it was. It's such a deep shame.

[A]

Well, if you don't want me to bring it up, if it's too shameful, bring it up. Bring it. It was pure shame.

[B]

Yeah, bring it up.

[A]

Okay. Let him hear it. So I gave you and Angie.

[D]

Yeah.

[A]

Angie Stoud. An opportunity to open up for us in this big theater in Long Beach.

[B]

Hometown. My hometown.

[A]

How many seats was it?

[B]

2500.

[A]

Yeah. Something big. Big, big place, you know? And I go, you're opening.

[B]

That was a great Honor.

[A]

Yeah. And you know how you can tell when somebody takes the mic out of the stand that it might not go

[D]

well just immediately from that.

[A]

You know, it's. It's. It's more of a

[C]

fidgety.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You know, you've seen that.

[D]

And then. Can you hear it, too?

[A]

Yeah, you're gonna hear it.

[E]

Oh, no.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know what I mean? Hey. You know what I mean?

[D]

Like, even. Even the A was bad.

[B]

Yeah, Y. Yeah, yeah, I remember.

[A]

It's, like, vocalized. There's 2500 people. Hey. Yeah. So Andrew is watching Ramsey like this.

[B]

Oh, boy. That's a scary thing to hear.

[A]

Watching. Right? And I'm pacing because I'm the one that got you on it.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I thought you were doing pretty good.

[B]

I did fine.

[A]

Yeah. Yeah. I did really good. But the ending was shame.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

Yeah. Tell. Tell us what happened at the end.

[B]

So what happened at the end was. First of all.

[C]

All.

[B]

Can I say this? It was a very. It was my first time in a theater. 2500 seat. You know, I've never performed, by the way, Bobby. I didn't. I had never opened for you at that point. So that was the first time. Watching me walk, like, there was a lot of nerves in me.

[A]

Right.

[B]

And then on top of that, they also have the. The Bad friend set in the background. So I'm in front of the curtain. Like, I'm performing at the edge of this. It's a very foreign.

[D]

Yeah.

[B]

Sort of thing.

[D]

It's almost like a plank.

[B]

It feels like a plank.

[D]

Yeah.

[B]

So I'm up there.

[A]

Explain that. Like a pirate. Pirate.

[D]

Yeah, just like a small area.

[A]

Pirates. Just.

[B]

Yep. And I felt like a. You know, the sword of Andrew Santino poking me in the back. Get out there.

[A]

You know, Andrew note that.

[B]

Well, you know, I just mean he's a sc.

[D]

Figuratively.

[B]

I was more scared of Andrew at the time than I was of Bobby, I think, because Bobby was more friendly to me, and Andrew was a guy who was, like, completely, like, didn't. You know? So set's going fine. I go to close, you know, do my last joke, and right before I do the final punchline, the.

[A]

The.

[B]

The cable comes out of the microphone.

[D]

Did you step on it or what? How did it come.

[B]

I don't even know exactly how it happened.

[A]

Is it a three prong?

[B]

It's a three prong, yeah.

[A]

Oh, so you gotta find, you know, the three prong.

[E]

You gotta find the whole.

[A]

Yeah, yeah. So. Oh, this is every comics nightmare.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

The attachment.

[E]

Yeah.

[A]

Right. And then to get it in, there's a three prong thing where you have to line it up.

[D]

It's like interstellar.

[A]

Yeah, it's interstellar. Yeah.

[D]

So it's a puzzle now.

[A]

Yeah, yeah.

[D]

You already have no audio.

[A]

Yeah, Right.

[D]

It feels like an eternity.

[A]

Apollo 13, remember Kevin Bacon's character had to perfectly, you know, get it in that little thing with the latch on.

[D]

They should do a reenactment and play the interstellar music. Ramsey's trying to.

[A]

Yeah. And the connection took too long.

[B]

It was just a little bit. You could hear.

[A]

Yeah, you could hear the connection. You can hear him. It not fitting the right way. You know what I mean? In my mind, it was just look at the dots.

[D]

You're yelling.

[A]

My mind.

[E]

The dots.

[A]

Light it up. Up. You're losing the crowd. Yeah, yeah. So that happens. And then what happens? Well, I just go into another joke.

[B]

No, I just finish. I just do the punchline as opposed to, like, addressing it.

[A]

Ah, so he had a punch. So he did a punchline. So let's. Let's take an old joke. All right, so you. You know. You know a grasshopper is a drink at a bar.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Right. Grasshopper walks in a bar. Bartender says, hey, we have a drink named after you. And the grasshopper says, you have a drink named Steve.

[D]

Yeah.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

That's the classic.

[A]

All right, so this is how this jokes, how Ramsay did it. Yeah. Let me grab one of these.

[B]

This is, by the way, just so everybody knows. One of the most traumatic experiences.

[A]

All right. Hey. Grasshopper walks through a bar. Bartender says, hey, we have a drink named after you. And the grasshopper says, you have a drink named. Steve.

[E]

It's almost brilliant how you do it. It's like Andy Kaufman.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[D]

That's so much time passed where they didn't even remember the setup.

[B]

They're wondering if I'm the janitor. They don't even know.

[D]

They're like, is Steve the next comic?

[A]

Yeah, yeah.

[E]

Down guy.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. They're expecting Steve to come out to do that. Yeah, yeah. So he was broken. Here's what you do, though, in that situation, right. Is you go. That. I have to close on a laugh.

[B]

Yeah.

[D]

You go to a different joke.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. What?

[B]

May I just say one thing?

[A]

I respect survival.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

Over anything else.

[B]

May I say one thing? Just one thing?

[A]

You can say whatever you want. You're human.

[B]

Right. Before I went out, Bobby goes, the time is 10 minutes. Do not go one second over. He gives me a little bit of that Conversation. If you go one second over, we get in trouble, we rent this theater boat. Like it was a big conversation.

[D]

That's compounded fear.

[E]

Yeah.

[A]

Now, the fear is compounded theater. But what it teaches you is he's not. He doesn't have comics. Instinct, okay. Self survival.

[D]

But. But it's almost. But it's almost like a suicide bomber of comedy, where he's willing to take. He's willing to die to cut time for your guys's show.

[B]

I'm Middle Eastern.

[D]

He's a martyr to my core.

[B]

Bobby, when a dictator tells me to do something, and in this situation, you are a fearless leader.

[A]

This is what I would have done. I just. I'll just tell you what I would have done.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

All right. First of all, it would have gone quicker.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

All right. I've practiced it. Okay. I've gone to the Comedy Store during the day. Right. And done it like I'm Asian. Yeah, Yeah. I mean, I've practiced. Yeah.

[D]

He's blind.

[A]

Yeah. Yeah. All right.

[D]

That's your correct.

[A]

Yeah. So you know what I mean? I've also practiced lines that I have when that particular thing happened. Okay. You want to hear it? Yeah. One of my lines, right?

[D]

Yeah.

[A]

So if I. You know, I'll do it. I'm going. Don't worry, guys. My people made this shit. Yeah. That always gets a laugh. You know what I mean? You have to have three or four of those in there, you know what I mean, in order to, you know what I mean, survive those situations. And I have jokes about anything that could go wrong in the room.

[D]

Give us some.

[A]

Yeah, No, I don't want. You want to burn it? I don't want to burn my. I want to burn. Now I can't even do that.

[D]

That'd be so funny. We just like. Yeah, yeah, look. X Men training room. Throw some scenarios like, all right, lady. Lady heckles. Fat guy gets up.

[A]

Yeah.

[D]

Skinny guy.

[B]

Person with an eye patch.

[A]

Yeah. So what I would have done is I would have looked because I was. Did you see him on the side of the stage?

[B]

I remember nothing about that night.

[A]

Night. Okay. Oh, yeah.

[B]

Because I was that nervous. I was so. Also mortified after that.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. He. You.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

So when he says Steve at the end of his. I don't know what the punchline was, but he goes, steve. And it doesn't get a laugh. He puts the mic and he go. And you can see his body just drop. Right. This hurts to hear. And go. Next comic, you know, and he brings up Angie, and then maybe like, 20 minutes later, I see him on a couch, and let's say I'm like, where the corner of that garage is, and I'm a Ramsey. This is what Ramsay's doing.

[B]

Yeah, I do remember that way.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I do remember feeling that way. I remember being like, ugh, that was tough.

[A]

And I felt so bad. Yeah. And I walk right up to him with, like, just empathy, and I looked him randomly in his eyes, and I go.

[E]

You went a second over.

[A]

You know, Zach, I had a punchline there.

[C]

You stole it, dude.

[E]

All right, plug the mic back in.

[A]

No, no, no, no, no, no, no. I literally had a punchline there, and you stole my joke. That's fine. But you know what? Now you're shaking. But I'd rather have someone use their comedy instincts than fail.

[B]

Thank you. That's why I'm here. Lesson.

[A]

It's a lesson right there. It's a lesson. You know what I mean? But that was a sad night. But, you know, he's. He's still opening for me.

[D]

Yeah.

[A]

And he's killing it. I can put him in any position in any scenario, and he hits the ball.

[D]

That's cool. You're getting theater bobbies because I was getting Club those.

[A]

Yeah.

[D]

They're sold out weekends and stuff.

[A]

Yeah.

[D]

Like, theater Bobby's next level.

[E]

Yeah. That's different.

[D]

Yeah.

[E]

How do you even prepare for that? You just got to fail.

[A]

Like.

[E]

Like you said, you got to try and, like, fall and in. In that room.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Yeah. I think I was just really nervous at that day because, again, it just felt like my hometown. It felt like, I can't believe I'm here. And then it was like, Bobby's never even seen me before. There was just a lot in my head.

[A]

Oh, yeah. I never seen him before.

[B]

You'd never seen me before.

[A]

Yeah.

[D]

Like, we all have those things as well. And you learn from it. You can dwell on it and let it eat you inside, but then you have to move on. You learn from it, and you move on.

[A]

I have a thousand of those.

[D]

Yeah.

[A]

I literally have a thousand of those.

[B]

Does anything failure. Does anything come to your mind? Where you go? That day was one of these.

[A]

Oh. Oh, yeah. I mean, I have failure. My whole life is failure after failure after failure and still not quitting.

[D]

I like hearing that. You know, when I was a younger comic and you would talk about these failures to you.

[A]

Yeah.

[D]

And then how well you're doing in. In my mind, I'm like, oh, you can still. You can have bad moments and still have a career and Persevere.

[A]

Yeah, it's.

[C]

It's.

[E]

It's.

[A]

You just fail upwards. Good.

[D]

Yeah.

[A]

Yeah. You just don't quit. And every once in a while something will happen that you don't expect and you kind of go. You get pulled up a little bit, you know, I mean, but it's like I have so many embarrassing failing moments where I was literally, like, calling people. I think literally, I'm gonna kill myself.

[D]

Yeah.

[A]

Yeah. That was so embarrassing.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

You know what I mean? So it's like. But I didn't. I just kind of survived, you know? But, you know, I had. If you want to hear a story. Yeah. What you wanted is that we were setting me up for.

[B]

I was just curious, if anything, what's the thing that makes you.

[D]

What's your. Long Beach?

[A]

Okay, so my long beach is this. I'm auditioning for the Montreal Comedy Festival. I could never get you. I could never get one.

[D]

Were you somewhat big at the time? Did you have anything going or. No, no.

[A]

This is before Mad TV and I. I had Abby, my manager, who also manages the executive producer of Comics Unleash,

[B]

Comics Unleashed and Funny you should ask.

[A]

And funny as you should ask. Okay. So anyway, way I. She goes, sweetie, you're going to do Chocolate Mondays or whatever. What was chocolate chocolate Sunday? Sorry, why did you laugh? I got the day wrong.

[D]

It's just funny.

[E]

Mondays, one's a pawn.

[A]

How. Why, how was one upon, like a

[B]

ice cream chocolate Sunday? Wait, you didn't know why it was cold chocolate? To be honest with you, neither did I until you said that.

[A]

I didn't know it was one.

[C]

I didn't know black people love Sunday.

[E]

I think it's like a church thing.

[B]

I thought it was a church.

[A]

I really did. I thought it was like a church thing. Oh, my God. I never. You're right. Chocolate sundae. Oh, my God, I'm embarrassed.

[B]

This is a channel Bobby Mu.

[A]

Yeah, Yeah.

[B]

I had no clue.

[A]

I did chocolate sundaes. And back then it was like a hard room. And I go, okay. And she goes, I invited everybody.

[B]

That's crazy.

[A]

I go, what do you mean, everybody? She's like, montreal's coming. Will Smith's productions company's coming. Just all these people are coming. Hbo. I mean, the list goes on. And I was like, oh, okay. And I show up. I don't know any of the comedians because, you know, at that time I just played the store. I didn't know, you know what I mean? You know, later you find out who they are.

[B]

Sure.

[A]

You know what I mean? Oh, Cedric the Entertainer. Yeah. I mean, like. I mean, these types of acts and they put me in the middle of the show and they have crisscross.

[D]

Holy crap.

[A]

Like a. These two kids.

[D]

I know, crisscross.

[B]

They wear their pants jump.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, right. And they are before me.

[B]

Oh, my God.

[D]

No one would do.

[A]

Well. Yeah, yeah.

[D]

You gotta follow Kris Kross in their prime. That's the stuff of nightmares.

[A]

Yeah, yeah. And they're their. I. I didn't understand why their pants were backwards.

[D]

That was their thing.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. But I wanted to say to them, hey, excuse me, your pants are backwards. You're about to perform like. I didn't know that that was a hook.

[B]

Maybe you guys are nervous.

[A]

Yeah. Maybe you're nervous. Yeah. You know, it's a three pronger too.

[B]

Wait, Bob, can I ask before you even go further, when you do Black Rooms, because the. The audiences are different. A lot of times the comedy is different for those people who, you know, maybe are unfamiliar or. Did you typically do well in those types of settings?

[A]

Nope.

[B]

Okay. Okay. So already you're in a. Nope. Okay.

[A]

Yeah.

[D]

Were you the only non black act on the.

[A]

Yep.

[D]

This is Bobby. This is tough for anybody.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. And this is. You're talking also five years after the riot.

[B]

The riots. Oh, boy.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

Korean.

[A]

Yeah, yeah. So they think I'm a rooftop. They think I'm a rooftop Korean. Yeah.

[B]

You're coming.

[D]

Not the name of your special.

[A]

Yeah, but. Yeah, yeah, but they think I'm a rooftop Korean.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

You know, so I'm like, I'm not rooftop. Here's another thing that I do that I've changed over the years, but for some reason, when I played Black Rooms, I would find myself trying to talk different.

[B]

Of course.

[A]

You know what I mean? To. To, you know, and it never. They just saw rock right through. Yeah. What's up, dogs? It doesn't sound right.

[D]

DJ cut that.

[A]

Yeah, yeah.

[D]

How y. Good.

[A]

You guys just be yourself. Hell no.

[D]

I'm Bob.

[A]

He's got a catchphrase.

[B]

All of a sudden, I'm Lil Robert.

[A]

So then Lil Burt, he's like, cheeseburger. So Chris Crocs go up and they do. They don't do comedy. They do music.

[D]

Yeah.

[A]

There's a DG on stage and you know what I mean? I don't know.

[D]

Were they going crazy and they were

[A]

doing a dance routine and the whole place was standing?

[E]

Oh, no.

[A]

You know, I mean, damn. Right. Right. Oh, it gets worse. It gets way worse. Right. They do two songs just killing it. Right? And then the host gets up on stage and turns to the kids and go, does it. We have more comics going up, so you guys got to leave the audience going, no.

[E]

Oh, my.

[A]

No, no, no, no, no, no. Keep the kids up there, right? And then the kids are like, yeah, we're going to do another one. And. And the guys, because, you know, there's so many comics on, on, they're like, no, we gotta move on. Right? And then he brings me up while they're still on stage.

[E]

Oh, my God.

[C]

So they're doing this.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And then you're coming on.

[A]

Those two kids are on stage.

[D]

You don't understand how huge.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. These kids were the thing.

[E]

And they're younger than I thought. Like, you're basically kicking kids.

[A]

Children.

[C]

Rooftop Korean.

[A]

Yeah, rooftop Korean is walking up to kids going, going. You got to get off stage. Crushing their dreams. And then they stay on stage and I, for some reason, so nervous. I just go into my act. I don't acknowledge what's going on. I don't acknowledge, you know what I mean? You know, and my friend Jonathan Gotsick, because, you know, from the improv main stage, you can. Can see people by the door, that double door.

[D]

Yeah.

[A]

I see Godsick standing there and he's also the only white guy there. He's a bald head and he's back then. We grew up together in comedy. And I remember at one point, two minutes in, he just kind of, oh,

[B]

when you start to see your allies

[D]

turn from you they love so much.

[A]

And I remember I made it to like three or four minutes. Oh, no, the kids are still on stage.

[D]

Why?

[C]

Why are they on stage?

[A]

They're doing a song after My mean.

[E]

Oh, my God.

[B]

You're an intermission to your act.

[E]

Yeah, that's mean.

[A]

Yeah. And I get off stage in tears. That's how bad it was. And I walk up to Jonathan and Jonathan goes, you want to move back to San Diego?

[C]

Oh, what kind of friend is that?

[A]

Yeah, no, because we moved here from San Diego.

[C]

Oh.

[A]

We started in San Diego and he was trying to be helpful, like, maybe we're not ready. Yeah, yeah.

[E]

It affected him.

[A]

Yeah, it affected him. Maybe we're not ready. Yeah. And I. He couldn't. I was crying hard. It was so embarrassing.

[D]

But yours is nothing.

[B]

Yeah, I swear.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I never did new faces ever. Even though I had opport opportunities to showcase years after that. Never did it. And I believe it's crisscross. I believe. Yeah, yeah, yeah. They're kids.

[E]

Well, they should have gotten off stage.

[A]

Yeah. No, no, no. They did another song and they crushed.

[E]

Oh, my God.

[A]

Because I can hear them outside when I'm walking into my car. And at that point, there was no valet. So I'm walking down Melrose.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

You mean I'm going to Brea from Melrose. Just that sad nighttime walk.

[B]

Of course.

[A]

I mean, you see all these fancy stores.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

And you're going to. It's over. Yeah, yeah. It's all over. Do you have anything? No. You don't have anything like that?

[E]

Oh, brother.

[A]

Yes, brother.

[E]

I failed harder than that. Well, no, but I have. I have failed so bad that I thought I was gonna, like, die at the club that night.

[A]

Yeah.

[E]

Like, I thought someone was gonna kill me.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[D]

Mad at you.

[E]

I hurt feelings.

[A]

Yeah. Oh, you heard feelings? You ripped somebody apart.

[E]

No, I just, like, said a joke. They're like, what the is wrong with you?

[D]

You?

[E]

And then I'm like, I don't.

[A]

Oh, you said a joke. Yeah, yeah.

[E]

And I.

[A]

Was it. Was it racial?

[E]

Kinda, yeah.

[A]

Can you.

[D]

As he tells the story.

[A]

He's a monster. Or like, listen, we cut with the show. So just say it and if it's too uncomfortable, we'll cut it. No, it's bad. It's bad. Yeah, yeah, we want to hear it.

[E]

No, I can't.

[A]

Yeah, you can, Z.

[C]

We'll cut it.

[A]

We'll cut it.

[C]

We really do cut it.

[E]

All right. So I was new and I was performing in a lot of white rooms. And I had a very dumb joke. I mean, I'm probably a few months in, and I had a dumb joke about the Fonz talking about an epidemic. And he goes, aids.

[A]

Yeah.

[E]

Very stupid. Silly.

[A]

No, I like it.

[D]

And.

[E]

But it would do well in white rooms.

[A]

Yeah.

[E]

And then I saw competition that was like, you could win 200 bucks. And I'm like, dude, I think I'm ready. I'm ready to start making some money.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[E]

And so I signed up for this and I went with my friend. It was an all black room in Stockton, I think, or outside of maybe it was outside of Sacramento. And the place was called Touch A Class.

[D]

Touch A Class.

[E]

Yeah, yeah. And it was. We were the only white people or off white, off black people in there. And the guy was like, everyone's doing 10. 10. And I didn't have 10. I had like two.

[B]

Hold on

[A]

already. Hold on, hold on. All right. You have two jokes. One of them is an age joke. Yeah. You need some fallback. Well, I would have waited a year.

[C]

A lot of.

[E]

A lot of my stuff was making fun of my Moroccan family. But in an all black room, they don't care about your.

[A]

Oh, I see. Yeah, that does exist.

[E]

Yeah.

[D]

In honesty, if he stretches the aids, it's three minutes.

[A]

Yeah, yeah.

[D]

I just got.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[E]

So they were like, everyone's doing 10, and we drew names out of a hat. And they're like, you're up second.

[A]

Oh, my God. Great spot.

[E]

I don't even.

[A]

Great talk.

[E]

I don't know where to think. I needed more time to think of jokes.

[A]

Wait, wait, wait, wait. You're signing up for a competition? Yeah. Well, you only have two minutes of material. Maybe.

[E]

Maybe five. But it's mostly about my.

[A]

I did the same thing, but I've already talked about it, so I get it. Yeah, yeah.

[E]

So I.

[A]

You think you could, like, rise above the occasion? Yeah, yeah, think. Yeah, think. You think.

[D]

Time. Like the star in Mario Kart. You're just gonna be on stage, like, nice shirt.

[A]

Everyone's like, ah, yeah, yeah.

[E]

And I went up. The first guy goes up and they go, what'd you guys think? And the broom was so nice and supportive. They were like, should he move on or not? I'm like, oh, shit. They're asking the crowd like that. And the crowd went, yeah. So he moved on. And then I went up, did bits about my Moroccan family. And I could just see the crowd, like, checking out. And they're like, dude, wrap it up, man. And it's been like three months. Minutes. I'm supposed to do 10.

[A]

Okay.

[E]

And so then I finally do this AIDS joke. But for some reason, I said, like, Africa and epidemic. I don't even remember how I worded it.

[A]

Yeah, yeah.

[B]

He wanted to tie in black people. Magic Johnson.

[E]

We can all appreciate how sad the world is right now.

[B]

Yeah, yeah.

[E]

So then I go, a. And I'm not kidding, there's like, maybe it felt like 200 people in there.

[A]

Yeah, yeah.

[E]

And standing room only. And I went, a. And it was silence. And one voice in the back went, what? And the host came up and he's

[A]

like, oh, he pulls you out.

[E]

He was, like, being polite down by the stage.

[A]

Oh, yeah, just get up.

[E]

And so I'm like, thank you so much. And I leave. And these two big women got up to slowly walk out, to leave the show. Cause they were so offended, but they blocked me, so I had to, like, wait. Walking through the crowd behind these women that just shook their heads at me.

[A]

Me.

[E]

And walked out. And he goes, What'd you guys think of that guy?

[C]

No.

[E]

And I.

[A]

Not even a boo.

[E]

I sit next.

[A]

No. Yeah, yeah.

[B]

Cognizant.

[A]

No.

[E]

I was devastated. I go and sit in my seat in the crowd. I didn't know where to go. And I just sit there and, like, eat it, watching this crowd hate me. And I feel a tap on my shoulder, and I was so mortified that I just pretended to not feel it. And it's like someone doing this, and I'm just getting nudged, and I'm, like, ignoring it.

[A]

Yeah. Who was it?

[E]

And then I turned around. It was a woman. And she was like, how long you been doing comedy? And I was like, just a couple months. And then she turned to her boyfriend. She went, he's only been doing it a couple months. And he just looked at me and went, no disapproval. And then a guy in a wheelchair pulled up and said he wanted to book me for his show. He's looking for non black comics. And that was the only show I never showed up to.

[B]

Oh. Cause you were just like, I can't show up.

[E]

I was like, there's no way he would want me on that show.

[A]

Wow.

[E]

It was brutal. I'm like, my heart shit shaking.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Everyone has a story like that.

[E]

It was brutal.

[A]

Let me say something. You're a great comic now.

[E]

Thank you.

[A]

I think you had to go through all that. Yeah.

[E]

It makes you stronger. I mean, you think about.

[A]

Yeah.

[E]

It makes you feel like you deserve the breaks more than, like, just doing well the whole time. Like, I had to deal with this. I had to deal with this. I did this awful show as a headliner.

[A]

I have to. I didn't do it with you because you didn't ask for it, but with Kat and Aaron Ramsey, there's. We have to have conversations. It's okay. Second show. You know what I mean? You have to be. I. You know, I always warn them. I go, Friday night, second show. Probably gonna be the worst show we have.

[D]

Yeah.

[A]

You know what I mean? And don't take it personally. Yeah. You know, so you try to string them along, have them learn little things here and there. I didn't. I never used to do pranks on you. Right.

[D]

I think you would try, and then you realize I don't do that. And you wait. You would, like, respect my boundaries.

[A]

Boundaries, yeah. Yeah. Like, I would lock you in a. Lock you in a.

[D]

No. You want to do that?

[A]

Okay.

[D]

Yeah. I think he did a little nochi one time where he had to go to the stage, but then you kept him back there or.

[A]

Yeah, that's what I mean. Yeah, yeah.

[D]

And, like, you would block the door.

[A]

Yeah, yeah.

[B]

Oh, my God. It's the worst.

[A]

They did that. I did that to you?

[D]

No, you wouldn't do it.

[A]

I wouldn't do that to you.

[D]

Wait.

[B]

There's an option to exercise boundaries.

[D]

Yeah.

[A]

But the problem is that you already had that window of opportunity. He's always been like that.

[D]

Well, Bobby can sniff it. He's like a dog. Like, he knows how far he can take with certain people. And I think with me, you just knew, like, all right, I know this edge is.

[A]

This is. How much integrity. Is that the right. Right. Integrity he has? Okay. I didn't even fucking know this guy. Right. And I was on mad tv.

[D]

Yeah.

[A]

Right. And I had a scene where I was doing a series of celebrities touring my apartment. And so I had Dave Navarro as the celebrity. Right. From Jane's Addiction. Right, right. And I wanted to open up a closet and have just an Afghani man with a bowl storing something in his underwear.

[D]

No, sharpening a sword.

[A]

Yeah, sharpening. Sharping a sword.

[D]

You be in your underwear, sharp and

[A]

not even acknowledge at all. And just kind of do this. And I offer him the part, and he goes, I'm not doing that. And at that time, he was just a. I was nobody. I was open mic. Right. I'm not doing that.

[D]

No, I wasn't. I just go like, no, I don't want to do that. I just said that.

[A]

That's what I just said.

[D]

You made it sound like. I go, I'm not doing that. Like, I was offended or something.

[A]

I'm not doing that.

[D]

I said, I don't want to do.

[A]

I don't. Okay. I don't want to do that. Yeah, but that. I mean, would you. Would you have done it if I was. How old were you?

[D]

20 something.

[B]

Yeah, I'll do it right now.

[A]

I know that's how different you are than him. Yeah. Yeah, that. He always had that. Yeah.

[D]

But just in my mind, and I'm like, what. What's. What's that gonna do for me? I'm just gonna be a split second sharpening a sword in my underwear. I also don't.

[A]

Is this it?

[C]

Let's see who did it.

[B]

Who is that? Is that.

[A]

Who is that?

[C]

I don't know.

[E]

That guy that kind of hangs out in the store.

[D]

Right?

[E]

That guy with the.

[A]

That's Sandy Danto.

[B]

Is that Sandy Danto?

[E]

Is that really.

[A]

That's Sandy Dante.

[C]

Holy hair.

[E]

Wow.

[A]

Yeah. Yeah.

[E]

Like, nothing like him could have Been you for him.

[A]

Missed out, brother.

[B]

He's stirring a pot.

[D]

What if we had a time machine? Like, my life is so different. I'm in a. In the pool.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Anyway, that's a good bit, though. Yeah.

[E]

When you're younger, you say yes to everything. You're like, you're supposed to, but it takes, like.

[A]

But yeah.

[E]

Integrity to say no.

[A]

What now? Now that you saw it, you still wouldn't do it.

[D]

Yeah. I don't know why. I mean, I was pretty hard lined on it back then. I guess for me, it was just so quick. And then also my parents. I'm in my underwear. It's Hollywood. Like, I always think about the shame stuff. My parents.

[A]

Okay, okay, okay, okay.

[E]

You don't want to be like a caricature of their culture.

[D]

Yeah. Or, or whatever they think.

[A]

Like, even, Even if I would have offered him, like, there's a part. You're a sketch. It's Michael McDonald's, the, the star of the sketch. You have to do a Afghani accent. He wouldn't do it.

[E]

Yeah, right.

[A]

Yeah. He. Yeah. Would you do it?

[B]

If I could do accents, I would, I would, like, train. I would go on YouTube. I'd learn to do accents.

[A]

I'll do anything, dude. I know. That's why you and I have. Have more of a bond, I think.

[B]

I think so.

[A]

Yeah. Yeah. That you're just willing to do anything.

[B]

I'm in.

[A]

I always. I also said this the other day. I called him. I go, I just want, you know, if I'm crossing any boundaries or you feel uncomfortable. He's like, do whatever you want to me.

[C]

Just like a little.

[A]

Do whatever you want to.

[D]

Ramsay goes, go harder.

[B]

I said, you can do whatever you want to.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I don't mind. I don't care.

[E]

You know, I mean, Bobby, I merely a series of holes.

[A]

Yeah. Do. Do you have integrity like that?

[E]

I try to. You know, my. I feel like my mom was like, dude, do whatever you want. She was, you know, she was like a servant. So she's like, I don't care. Like, you have freedom. Go be free. But I'll post some sketches where it's like, you know, I pretended to be like a paraplegic who's like, getting fake jerked off by his nurse and.

[A]

Okay.

[E]

And my mom, like, commented like, no, turn this off. This isn't funn. I don't like this at all.

[A]

Yeah, yeah.

[B]

It's in Arabic.

[A]

Yeah, yeah. But can I make the argument that funny wins? Yeah. Always. I, I, I've always Felt that in any situation, I'm. Funny wins. Yeah. No matter what I say, you know? But maybe I'm wrong. Maybe funny doesn't always win.

[E]

Yeah.

[D]

I think ultimately, whatever you want to do, you know, I go off of that. I don't have, like, super hard lines, but I just feel my inside of me. I'm like, do I want to do this or do I not? And if I don't, I do land sometimes. And that's an accent. So it's just sort of like I have to. I have to feel it or.

[A]

So if Bad Friends did a movie.

[D]

Yeah.

[A]

And we wanted to do. Play a Lance, like, character, you know, at a club.

[D]

Yeah.

[A]

Would you do it?

[D]

Yeah, probably.

[A]

Okay. Yes.

[D]

Yeah.

[A]

If you said no, it would be the last time we asked you for it. Yeah, yeah. It's. In fact, we were in the car and I. We were. I remember the underground comedy movie and that. The scene and the. Have you seen this?

[B]

Oh, yeah.

[A]

So I. Can we say it? Can we show it again? Or is it too dated? We've done it already.

[B]

The.

[C]

I'll try to find it.

[A]

No, we saw it.

[B]

Yeah. It was a great.

[A]

The whole movie. And he had. He had to kind of find the scene. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[E]

Girls, right?

[A]

Yeah, yeah. With girl. With a girl. So I want to tell you, I was doing Open Minds. I was probably 22, 23, and literally three weeks in, the Shamwow guy shows up. Vinnie.

[D]

He was at Montreal one year.

[A]

I know.

[E]

Rip.

[D]

What's his association with comedy?

[A]

Nothing.

[D]

Okay.

[A]

He just happened to be at the La Hoya Comedy Store at open mic, huh? Yeah. And used to hang out there. Okay, so push pause just for reference. Yeah, yeah. Okay. Push pause. Push pause. Yeah. So video.

[B]

Great way to pause.

[A]

Yeah, yeah. Everyone's listening. You have. Everyone's mics are on so you can hear it. It. Okay. So he goes. He saw me do open mic. I had, like, you two minutes of material. Yeah. And he goes, you want to be a movie star? It felt. Yeah, it felt very like, you know, massage agent or.

[D]

It sounds like something you hear before you have to suck a dick or something. You want to be a movie star?

[A]

Yeah. Or something like that. Yeah, yeah. And I go, yes, sir. You know, because I knew. Knew because I had. I would watch television. I knew who he was.

[D]

He wearing the headset.

[A]

No, but you could tell he was the same shamwell guy.

[B]

Huge deal.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, it's a huge deal for me. I've never met, aside from Paulie Shore and Carlos Mencia. I Had never met a celebrity.

[D]

Yeah.

[A]

Okay. So I'm like, oh, my God, what movie? He's like, you're. You're gonna speak in it, but we're gonna dub your voice like. Like a. You know what I mean?

[E]

Mean.

[A]

And it's very stereotypical. And it's not really that, you know, I mean, it's. You're not gonna like it.

[B]

He just told you, right?

[A]

They tell you stereotypical, really racist. And it's like, so I can understand because back then, I still was like. I was like, what's up, dude? I still was like. Like a San Diego guy. I sounded more like a beach guy. I listened to Fugazi. I was just kind of like that. I don't really know much about Asia or whatever, you know, I grew up in the suburbs, you know, I mean, skating, you know. Yeah. And stuff like that. So, you know, this opportunity. So I came to North Hollywood, right? And I filmed this beautiful piece of action. I was an open micr. It made me do it, you know, I mean, you know, I got no money.

[D]

How many days of shooting was that

[A]

a day for the movie? All day.

[D]

One scene one.

[A]

It's a sketch show. So it was like we would do a sketch a day. And I remember driving back to San Diego, going, going, I already ruined my career.

[D]

Oh.

[B]

Oh, you felt that. You felt badass.

[E]

Oh, yeah.

[A]

Yeah. It's over.

[D]

So why'd you do it if you felt that on the car ride to San Diego back.

[A]

Yeah, yeah. After I did it.

[D]

Oh, did you think. Did you think it was going to be something different?

[A]

I didn't know what it was.

[E]

Yeah, but it sounded like opportunity.

[A]

It sounded like opportunity. You know who else is in it? Michael, Clark Duncan. Whoa.

[B]

Yeah.

[D]

Michael.

[B]

Yeah.

[D]

I mean.

[A]

I mean, there's so many people in it. So I'm like, slash is in it.

[C]

Oh, that's.

[A]

Wait, he gave you zero dollars, 50 bucks, maybe gas.

[D]

Wow.

[A]

Yeah. So, you know, he's saying, I got Michael Clark Duncan slash. And in my mind I'm like, oh, you know, now watching it now, you know what I mean? It's like, oh, my God, how terrible is it?

[E]

Yeah, that's. But it's not the end, you know what I mean?

[A]

Like, what do you mean it's not the end?

[E]

Well, like, you feeling that bad? It's nice to know that you're fine.

[A]

Fine. I'm flourishing.

[E]

That's what I'm saying.

[D]

Something that felt real in that moment. Dropping the bucket. Like, it's literally just total at this point.

[A]

Yeah. Yeah. Three Years or four years after that, I got mad tv.

[E]

Yeah.

[A]

Yeah. No one knew about that. You know what I mean? But there was no Internet.

[D]

He goes, I have a sketch idea.

[A]

I just rip it up. Yeah, yeah. But you know that, you know, you do things in your career that you're not proud of.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And, you know, if I had to take it back, I don't think that that had any connection with me getting mad and movies and all that stuff. It's just a part of my history where I could have gone. No, dude. Yeah. That did not help me.

[E]

Yeah.

[A]

You know, I mean, but I think

[D]

it's your 20s, though. You do a bunch of stuff and you find out you can't really be.

[A]

Dude, you're talking about 1997. Yeah. 98. You know, I mean, I mean, this is a long time ago.

[D]

Know. Yeah, you.

[A]

I mean, you. You wouldn't even recognize my body there.

[B]

No, dude, you look great.

[D]

Do.

[E]

Look, I was waiting for you to enter when that guy was on there, like, whoa.

[A]

Yeah. I was like, thin and, you know, and I believe that if that kid, you know, had the jokes I have now and I was that funny. But. But in this time period, 2006, that I would have done very well for myself.

[B]

Yeah, I think so too.

[A]

Yeah. Yeah. I had to survive that kind of racism in Hollywood.

[E]

Sure.

[A]

Where those are the kind of parts

[D]

I was offered, I think, about the generation before me, like Ma and Ahmed. Ahmed and stuff like that.

[A]

Yeah.

[D]

Like what they had to navigate. It's tough because we have the luxury of social media now where we could be a little more nuanced. But the stuff, Mom, I mean, the stuff that they had to do or the roles that were afforded to them, aren't we have a better opportunity now?

[B]

Aside from Bobby offering you that, that thing in the closet, were there any other offensive things? Things fahim that you were offered that you felt like were, you know, crossing some type of a line?

[D]

I think my agents knew what I wanted to do and what I didn't want to do, so I just. I made those boundaries again. Be like, I don't want to go out for this type of stuff. I don't want to be the terrorist in Homeland or whatever, or what does that do for me as a comedian? No one's going to be like, oh, that guy was scary on fx. Let's go see him this weekend.

[A]

Yeah.

[D]

Funny bone.

[A]

Yeah.

[D]

The guy who almost blew up America on. On csi. Let's hear him be. Let's see the softer side of things. Let's See when they don't put eyeliner on.

[A]

Yeah, yeah. And I. I vowed never do an Asian accent again.

[B]

Really?

[A]

Yeah. About John. I was talking to John Cho and he goes, I've never done one. And I go, you know what? I'm done in this. Last year, I've done two.

[D]

I think it's case by case. When I was younger, I. I'm a whore.

[A]

We have this conversation every year. Every year we have this conversation. And is there an Asian accent? You have to do one.

[B]

Okay, yes, I messed up.

[A]

Yes, I messed up.

[C]

You did stand up to a pretty big Netflix movie. The vampire one. You said, I'm not doing it.

[A]

Oh, that one I did. Yeah. I had a big part in a Netflix movie where I had to do a thing. I'll tell you why. Because in that role, he didn't have to have one.

[D]

One.

[A]

He was just some guy in LA that sold weapons. You know what I mean? So I'm like, why does he have to. He's like, director. That's just my vision.

[D]

Yeah.

[A]

I want to have a thick Korean accent.

[E]

Oh, weird.

[A]

And I go, yeah, but if I'm a Korean dude, you know what I mean? Because, you know, dumbfounded and all these kids and that. I know that grew up in that town, they talk like me. Yeah. So why can't he be that? He's like, no Asian accent. And I just said, I can't do it.

[C]

You also wear Chinese man.

[A]

Chinese man, yeah. Yeah. So I played Chinese man a lot. A lot, a lot, dude. Yeah. Yeah. I'm really good at that. Michael Clark.

[B]

Duncan played gay virgin.

[A]

Gay virgin. Slash was as host. Any other names in there that we know?

[E]

AKK could have been worse.

[B]

Vince Offer played JJ Cool. That definitely is not going to be racially sensitive.

[A]

I know. Michael willisi Michael Clark, Gay virgin.

[B]

Wow.

[A]

That's gay virgin. Yeah.

[E]

Transvestite. I don't even think you can say that. That anymore.

[A]

Karen Black is a name.

[B]

Oh, this is. You know, it's good when it's got Ramsey.

[C]

Read the New York Times review.

[B]

What is the New York Times reviewers that add. Okay, let's see. The New York Times offered a scathing review describing the movie as a series of, quote, a series of sketches built around subjects like masturbation, defecation, alienation, urination, necrophilia, voyeurism, casual brutality and mockery of the unfortunate it yo bars. That makes me want to see the movie.

[E]

I know.

[B]

I'm like, whoa, that's good.

[E]

Sometimes you're like, this might be art.

[B]

I would put that on the poster of the film.

[A]

Crazy Dude.

[B]

That's so bad.

[A]

Anyway, Fairly Brothers were on there anyway.

[D]

Part of the lawsuit, anyway.

[E]

Oh, I see.

[A]

Yeah. So it's good to have ethics is my point, I think.

[D]

Yeah. I'm less hardlined on it now. I'll do next. Sometimes I did. If the opportunity was big enough, I did that Tina Fey movie back in the day. Day, Whiskey Tango, Foxtrot, where I'd play this Afghan guy, and I'm like, okay, he's. He lives in Afghanistan. He hasn't. It makes sense for him to have an accent. I have.

[A]

Yeah. Okay, good.

[D]

And the people involved, there's like, Lauren Michaels producing and Tina Faze in it. Alfred Molina. I'm like, this is too big of an opportunity to have these hard lines.

[A]

Yeah. But no to mad tv. I get it.

[D]

I know. If I could go back in time, I would be in the closet.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Yeah. All right.

[A]

What do you promote? Coding.

[D]

Oh, it's my special on YouTube. Yeah.

[A]

Is it out?

[D]

It's out. Yeah. It's called Intrusive Thoughts. It's on my YouTube channel. Yeah, I'm proud of it. But time to move on.

[B]

It's really good. I love all the clips.

[D]

Oh, thanks, man.

[C]

Thanks.

[D]

Well, that's the other thing, too, is now I just got to clip it up for Social. So it's almost like.

[A]

So you do the main room?

[D]

I did in the main room, yeah.

[A]

Yeah. How many cameras you use?

[D]

Four, Maybe four or five.

[A]

How many shows did you do? Two.

[D]

One. I wasn't even. This wasn't even going to be the specials on accident because. Because Ali Wong was gonna maybe shoot mine and have her direct it and produce it. Cause I was opening for her for a while, and I'm like, oh, let's. If I could get the Shang Wang treatment, that'd be awesome. Cause Shang was opening for a while, and then we were trying to do that, and then at the end of my tour, I had this on the books, and I go, I like the room. And let me just shoot it just in case that falls through. Because Hollywood shit doesn't always work out.

[A]

Did that fall through?

[D]

It fell through. So I was so lucky that I had this.

[A]

Wait, wait. Netflix said no to it?

[D]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, I think. Yeah.

[A]

But you were in the party.

[D]

I was Hassan's plus one. I wasn't even a real. Hassan hit me up the day before. He's like, you want to go to this thing? I go, I don't know. I don't want to Seem like I'm. I scaled a fence to be at this party. And he goes, no, I brought Prashanth last time. It's not a big deal. A bunch of plus ones come, and I'm like, all right.

[A]

You got in the photo, though.

[D]

I didn't want to. Jeff Ross, he's like, get in this thing.

[A]

Oh, they let you through.

[D]

I guess I didn't want to get in the photo, but then Jeff Ross is like, this is one of those things. He goes, you should be in this.

[A]

And let me say something. No one. I just found out that you were a plus one.

[D]

Well, thanks.

[A]

So in my mind, I'm like, my

[D]

next special is going to be called plus one.

[A]

Yeah. In my mind, I'm like, oh, yeah. F's here.

[D]

Well, that's nice. Thanks.

[A]

Yeah. He said he wouldn't go.

[B]

I wouldn't go.

[A]

No. I feel as a plus one, I'd be.

[B]

I feel too uncomfortable.

[A]

Yeah.

[E]

Would you go as a possible Integrity? No, I don't think I would. Yeah, I'd go.

[B]

It's actually not integrity. I don't think, though.

[E]

Where are you?

[B]

I think it's fear.

[A]

Yeah. Where is.

[D]

Oh, I'm next to Norman in the back.

[B]

Caroline Ray, arms around Ted Ferrand.

[A]

Wait, wait, let me see.

[D]

That'd be funny. I'm in the front with Eddie Murphy. Eddie Murphy and Seinfeld.

[A]

Like, let's see. Let's. I got to find a.

[C]

A better photo. This one's, too.

[B]

These photos always.

[D]

You can see me there in the.

[A]

Is just zoom in on here.

[D]

Cursor to the left. Cursor to the left.

[B]

Dude, if iron.

[E]

You can see Mark Norman classes.

[A]

Oh, there you are.

[D]

Yeah.

[A]

Next to Caroline Ray and Mark Norman.

[B]

This genuinely feels like a national security threat to me.

[D]

Here's. Here's the thing, though. I didn't want to go.

[E]

Place to be.

[D]

Jeff Ross was like, yo, you should be in this. And then when I was at the photo, there were some comics where I'm like, I could be here.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know, 100. Yeah, 100. Dude, we're not going to name those people, but 100.

[B]

If David Letterman's here, I'm here.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. So seriously, if next year I get invited, I'm like, hey, you want to come? You wouldn't go? No. Wow, that's good. Yeah, it's. Yeah. I don't think I would go either.

[B]

I can't do it.

[E]

Well, I mean, you should go.

[A]

If I'm. If I was a plus one, I couldn't do it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I got to get invited. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. That's just my thing.

[E]

Totally.

[A]

There's no way.

[D]

I was trying to do that, but then Hassan, like, twisted my arm. He's like, it's not a big deal, dude, come.

[B]

I think we're wrong. I think you're right.

[E]

Yeah, Hassan was right.

[A]

I think you're right.

[B]

You're right. I think you're right.

[A]

But also, they're not you.

[C]

Yes.

[A]

Correct. Also correct. Also correct. You should have been invited.

[D]

Other people should have.

[A]

I don't know.

[D]

Look, it's their own taste. It's their own party. If. If. If they don't see me as a non plus one, they don't see me as a plus non plus one. And I'm not trying to do this Instagram thing of, like, you're gonna post that photo. I'm not trying to juice the optics of this thing. My. My friend asked me to hang out, and I. I tried to get out

[E]

of it, because if you posted it, no one would care or question it, I guess.

[D]

But my soul couldn't let me do that. I couldn't be like, what an amazing time at the Netflix brunch.

[B]

Thanks, Tag.

[A]

I didn't post anything.

[D]

Thing.

[B]

Yeah, you never post anything.

[A]

I know, but I would. I wouldn't post it. And I. And I'll tell you why. Okay. It's. I have a real resentment toward legacy media and the elites. I'm with you in Hollywood.

[D]

I'm with you.

[A]

Yeah. I. Right. And they pick who they pick. And it's not based on humor. It's not based on the streets fan base. Right. Yeah. It's based on anything. It's arbitrary. And it's who's in the corner club.

[B]

Yep.

[D]

You know, it's a country club.

[A]

It's a country club.

[D]

And I love how very elitist the Internet has blown that up. And I love it.

[A]

I love it.

[D]

I'm way further along in my career now than trying to play the way Hollywood used to be back in the day.

[A]

And I tried to play it, and. And sometimes I got in. Sometimes I got it. You know, I mean, I couldn't believe

[D]

it, but you didn't realize how rigged it was until you see what's happening now with, like, how much you're flourishing online and people just like who they like.

[A]

Yeah. I should have been. You know, there's always, like, a top five for a movie. Jimmy Oyang, Ken Jeong Ronny Chang. I was fifth every movie. So four people would have had to said no for me to get it. And that's hence the Asian accent.

[D]

Well, back in the day, you couldn't even get in front of people unless the Comedy Central guy liked you. There was no Phone Jones.

[A]

Yeah. Yeah.

[D]

So if. If the gatekeeper didn't like you, no one would ever see you except you at a club or something.

[E]

Right.

[A]

Allison Jones was the only gatekeeper that liked me. And I have to say that out loud most every movie, Hollywood movie I ever did or television that's worth anything was. Were through Allison Jones. And she's Apatow and Larry.

[D]

Amazing casting director.

[A]

One of the best. She's. She also. And I, I. She also believed in. In me. And so it's like without her, I would have never gotten anything. I think mad TV I got on my own. But other than that, you know, I mean it was Allison, but. But now it's like. And you.

[D]

You.

[A]

I could already tell who you know there. I just wasn't in fully. And so now what Internet happened? I was just like me and Andrew both. Andrew feels the same way. I can speak on his behalf that we like, we didn't get in and we have a little bit of chip on our shoulders and now we're doing our own thing.

[E]

That's also encouraging. Just like the failure thing where it's like, you see carving your own way works out, you know, if like stand on what you believe in what you like to do. What's funny?

[A]

Yeah. I'm also old and I've been in it. I survived every. And I'm 30 years plus in. I'm 55 almost. Do you believe it?

[E]

No.

[B]

That's crazy.

[A]

I could die. You know, I love it anyway.

[B]

I love what we.

[A]

Thanks for coming out, everybody.

[C]

You know, on a list, dude. On IMDb. So that's important.

[A]

Behemoth.

[D]

You, you.

[B]

Where you at, Bobby? Where's he.

[C]

Look, John Cho, you're showing him the

[B]

wrong part of the list.

[D]

This is just like a user generated list.

[C]

No, it's real, man. Come on, take him, man.

[E]

Wow.

[B]

Yeah, but he's not going to look who he's above. He wants to see who he's below.

[A]

No, let's see what's below.

[B]

Justin Chan, Rexley.

[A]

That's classics. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[D]

Y.

[A]

Okay, good, good, good. Yeah, you're doing who's ahead of me, though.

[B]

That's what I want to know.

[A]

Yeah. To me, Rand Randall's ahead.

[C]

Ken Long.

[E]

Ken Long.

[A]

Ken Long's great though. He was in Project hell.

[D]

Up top 20 Afghan American standup comedians.

[B]

F. His first five.

[A]

Yeah, yeah. Pull it up.

[D]

No, there.

[A]

I don't. The list. Okay. Yeah. If I've been top 12, I'm a little further in the beginning. These are Koreans, specifically.

[B]

Or is it Asians?

[C]

Asians.

[A]

Oh, yeah. Perry Chan. John's from what to Do. Where's Steven Yoon? Yeah. What the hell?

[B]

This is on IMDb too.

[A]

Sorry, my bad.

[B]

14 years ago.

[E]

Oh, damn.

[B]

Well, this might be shifted now.

[A]

That's 14 years ago.

[B]

Wait, but hold on. The first one that came. Your star has only risen even more. You might be.

[D]

You'd be one now. You'd be.

[B]

You'd be at least in the top five.

[D]

And you know what?

[A]

Don't even look it up. I don't even want to see it. Don't even look it up. I already know. I'm 12. I felt good about that.

[C]

Hold on to that.

[A]

I'm gonna hold on to 12. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[B]

I think you're higher now. That's my.

[A]

I'll tell you why I'm not higher.

[B]

Tell me.

[A]

There's this thing called the Golden Gala event.

[C]

You get invited.

[E]

Don't lie.

[A]

I did.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

And I was gonna go. And I asked, all right. Me plus my girlfriend. And they go, you don't get to bring a guest.

[D]

Oh.

[A]

So I said, all right, I'm not going. Good. Yeah.

[C]

Nice.

[D]

You don't get to bring a power move.

[B]

Are you kidding me?

[A]

Yeah. Because I've been there before. And I go, oh, there's John Cho's wife.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Or whatever. Right. I don't get to bring a guest.

[D]

What if she got invited, though?

[A]

Who?

[D]

John Cho's wife. She got an individual.

[A]

Yeah.

[D]

She's a plus one.

[C]

That's true.

[A]

It doesn't matter how my plus one is invited.

[C]

I agree.

[A]

I mean, and I had been there before, and what they do is they put the old in their eyes, the older ones in the back. Elders, it's me, Marco Cho. You know what I mean? You know, just sitting in the back there. Yeah. I mean, when you. You look in the front of the table.

[D]

Who's in the front?

[A]

It's Cherry Cola.

[B]

Ronnie Chang.

[A]

Yeah. Ronnie Chan.

[E]

Aquafina.

[A]

Yeah. Steven Yoon.

[D]

Yeah.

[A]

Michelle Yao. They're all in the front. Yeah. I mean. I mean. I mean, crickets. And I still go. I get it. Yeah. Right. But I found it a little offensive. And I always need a war, too. Right. Because my war with other things have. I've won it. I win every wars.

[E]

That's true.

[A]

And as Just to let you guys Know you have to win every war. And if it takes 10 years. Yeah, yeah. 20 years.

[B]

Did you hear that, Trevor Wallace?

[D]

You restarted it.

[A]

Restarted. Win this one. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like restart the war, dude.

[B]

So it's fifth home. I got these.

[A]

Yeah. I'm coming for you, buddy. Yeah. And so your war with this person sure is. I'm on your side on this war.

[D]

Thank you.

[A]

I recently saw this person a week ago.

[D]

Damn.

[B]

I want.

[A]

Unfortunately, I gave him the biggest hug one can give.

[D]

That's fine. You know.

[A]

Okay.

[D]

Yeah.

[A]

I did a head rub.

[C]

Oh, wow.

[A]

Yeah. Because he's no longer in the business or. Yeah.

[D]

My only thing is he was saying bad things about me that weren't true.

[A]

They're not true. And all comics know that.

[D]

But it just sucks when you're not there to defend yourself, yourself. And you go, okay, I guess these lies are being spread and you can't do anything about it.

[B]

And I guess if they're out of the business, then you won.

[E]

You already won.

[D]

I guess. Yeah.

[B]

You took them out.

[E]

Thinking about them does.

[D]

You know, I don't think about them every day or anything like that, but I just like. Okay.

[A]

Yeah, yeah. We all have those.

[E]

I have. I have a big war. My mom, when she was a servant, when she was poor in Morocco, she helped two white travelers that were hitchhiking. And here we go. And she helped them find shelter and took care of them and then took them to the bus they were trying to get to to go to Algeria area. And the guy in the group was like, hit me up if you ever need anything, if you ever come out to Canada. And he wrote down his name and his number and it's James Cameron.

[B]

Are you kidding me?

[E]

I swear to God.

[A]

And. And you gotta use it. Your mom. Your mom has James Cameron's number.

[E]

Well, his old number before he was famous. This was like the 70s.

[D]

Wow. You could be a navi.

[E]

She hit him up. She was like, please, my son, he's doing acting.

[A]

You.

[D]

You. Yeah.

[A]

And he never put you in anything.

[B]

Dude, this is crazy.

[A]

This is crazy.

[E]

Yeah.

[A]

Yeah.

[E]

She sent me a photo of his number. She's like, I told you I wasn't lying. And it's like in her book, it's just random numbers.

[A]

That's proof thing. There's also. There's a lot of James Cameron's in the world.

[E]

No, she actually. Her friend was a PI and found out that it was James Cameron.

[A]

Oh, I see. I see, see.

[E]

And that friend died in her sleep. Whoa. She got too close.

[A]

Yeah. But at that point. This is pre Terminator. Yeah, yeah. I mean, what would you play in that movie as a kid?

[E]

Well, no, no, no. She did, I think, when I started, like, comedy. So this is probably like early Avatar maybe, or. No.

[A]

Yeah, so he had already made it. Yeah, yeah, but so then use the number.

[E]

She reached out to him.

[A]

Oh. And he never responded.

[E]

He never responded.

[A]

Oh, I see.

[B]

So you have a beef with James Cameron.

[A]

Yeah. Oh, okay.

[E]

I can't let it go.

[A]

Yeah, yeah. I can't let it go.

[E]

Yeah.

[A]

Well, James, if you're listening, we know you're listening. We know you're listening.

[E]

We could have left you for dead at that bus stop in Casablanca, but no.

[A]

Yeah. And this was. So when 2018, what happened? The Casablanca thing.

[E]

What, when he. When my mom helped him? Yeah, that was like in the 70s. He was like a traveling stoner.

[A]

I don't get what you're saying.

[E]

He was hitchhiking as like a 20 something.

[A]

All right, so in the 70s, your mom called him, but he had never done movies.

[E]

No, no, no. In the seventies.

[B]

Get your story.

[A]

Right. I don't understand your story. From the beginning.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

Are you understanding the story A little bit?

[D]

I. Backpacking?

[B]

Yes.

[A]

Okay, tell me the story.

[B]

So. So this guy was backpacking across Morocco in the 70s. In the 70s, he was stranded. He needed help. Zach's Moroccan mother helped them. And he said, if I can do anything for you, if you ever come to Canada, here's my phone number. Call me. And so Zach's mother reached out when Zach started comedy and said, this is years later. Years.

[A]

You think he has the same number?

[E]

No, no, but she. She found the address. She wrote him a letter.

[A]

You think he reads that?

[C]

Who knows?

[A]

He gets a billion fan letters.

[B]

Yeah, he should still read it.

[E]

I don't know.

[A]

No.

[E]

Are people sending that many letters these days to James Cameron? Letters? Like handwritten letters?

[B]

Bob, are you taking James Cameron. Look, I get it over Zach Chappellone.

[A]

Who?

[E]

You.

[A]

It's a ride over a ride.

[B]

But you know what? She helped.

[E]

No, he stayed with them. He stayed in their home. They fed him.

[D]

That changes things.

[A]

That does change things. Yeah. Yeah. So, James, if you're listening, their son is on my podcast right now. He demands some lines.

[E]

Turn me blue.

[A]

No, no, no, we're not. We're not turning you blue. No, no, no, no, no.

[E]

Come on.

[A]

No. We're going to put you in a reboot of Terminator or. Ooh, yeah, yeah.

[E]

Or I could do that.

[A]

Yeah. Or the Abyss. Oh, yeah, yeah. Part two. Do you can play water creature. I don't know. I'm just a blob. A blob.

[B]

I'm an orb.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, you'll be an orb.

[D]

Who was it? The big director? That. That. Was it a commercial? You did not. It was like Cameron, like.

[A]

No, we already. We resolved that.

[D]

Ah.

[A]

And I'll tell you what happened. Yeah. I'm not going to tell you who it is.

[D]

Okay.

[A]

Yeah. Because I want to respring it. We're good now.

[D]

Okay.

[A]

That person. I went to his house for Thanksgiving.

[E]

Whoa.

[B]

I know who it is now.

[A]

Yeah. And we ate. I ate dinner with his mother, his fiance and a couple of his friends. And I had Thanksgiving at his house.

[C]

That's it.

[D]

That's pretty amazing.

[A]

Yeah. And you might beat that.

[E]

I don't even know who it is.

[A]

Yeah, yeah. No, no, beat that. With Cameron. James Cameron?

[D]

Yeah.

[E]

I gotta get Thanksgiving dinner.

[A]

One day. You're gonna have Thanksgiving dinner at James Cameron's. He'll be dead. But James Cameron's house.

[D]

Yeah.

[E]

With his hologram.

[A]

His estate with his hologram.

[B]

The AI robot that has his consciousness will be eating with you.

[E]

Yeah, he's like, help me up the stairs.

[A]

Zach, you want to plug anything or.

[E]

Yeah, just follow my socials.

[A]

Yeah, he's an open micr and he does. No, I'm kidding. He's.

[E]

I was in the last scene of Shameless.

[A]

Yeah. Yeah, he works at the store. You still work at the store?

[D]

Awesome.

[E]

No, I'm a paid regular now. Bobby.

[D]

We got passed roughly together.

[A]

When did he get paid?

[B]

He got passed probably like, I'd say five months before me or something.

[A]

Oh, congratulations. I did not know that. Yeah. Did I congratulate you? Don't get angry. Yeah, I don't have a list or know I don't.

[E]

I got bigger fish to fry, dude.

[D]

Got the new ball.

[E]

I'm going after James Cameron right now. We're good, Bobby.

[A]

All right. Anything to plug.

[B]

June 13th, Comedy Store, please come to my shows. 7:30, Belly Room. We got Craig Conan, Esther Pavitzky, me. It'll be a fun time.

[A]

Okay, special. What's it called?

[D]

Intrusive thoughts.

[A]

Intrusive Thoughts. Give Jim give F a round of applause. Borom kaya madam donabi bombola shokumoki moki salaman feet and bokobani ay makabaloli bombola shokomoki.