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A
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B
Happy birthday to us.
A
It's delicious.
C
Get it?
B
Is it on?
C
Yeah.
B
Hey, everyone from Texas, Houston. Specifically, I need you to buy tickets for my show on. What's it, March 28th and 29th of this year. Go to HoustonImprov.com buy the tickets or I'm gonna hurt myself. I'm gonna hurt myself. I might die.
C
How you doing? Good, man.
D
Good to see you.
C
Good to see you, too.
D
Okay, that's not how I sound at all, but thank you.
B
I'm sorry, before we start, I need to have conversation with.
D
I'm ready for the conversation.
C
So warm in here. What are you doing?
B
Hey, turn it off. Turn it off now.
D
They're trying to make us feel comfortable.
C
What are you doing?
B
That's a funny joke. That's. Wait, wait, wait, Wait for all that on the air.
C
He's like, I want you to confess in five minutes. What are you about to ask?
B
Are you wearing makeup?
C
If one thing.
B
Okay, okay.
D
I do look good, though, huh?
C
If one thing is gonna make me confess his heat, like he could pull my nails out.
B
Yeah. All right, wait, stop. We say that all on the thing. All right, Number one, guys. Number one, guys. I'm the king here.
C
Okay, that's fine.
D
We like kings.
B
All right.
C
Look at the cauliflower in my backyard. It's killing it.
B
Really? Okay, we'll show that on air. Stop. That's another good thing we could say.
C
No, it's not.
A
That's another good hot topic.
B
It's another good thing we can say, dude, so I some rules.
C
I'm traveling, so I'm not fasting.
B
We don't need to know why. You have a beverage in your hand.
D
I literally said this.
B
Okay. I don't Know what's going on. I gotta put my earphones on. But here's some rules, okay? You wear cans or. No.
C
Yeah.
B
Okay. Number one, this isn't. Sure Mean. Boy, oh, boy. What?
C
No. I don't know. I just knew.
B
I want peace throughout the world. I want peace throughout the world. Yeah. I'm not starting it that way.
C
There goes the next deal I was going to make.
B
All right, So I want peace throughout the world, but in this domain. Right. This isn't some sort of. You know, I hate to say it, but a strip.
D
Okay, I don't. Of all the words you could have chosen.
B
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
D
That's the one.
B
So I want to say to you, my friend, okay? Just me or Mo's fine. I've done movies with him, and, yeah, Mo's a huge. Yeah, yeah. He's a headliner. We love Mo, and so we connect on a different level. Mo's arking.
D
Moe's my king, FYI.
B
Yeah, yeah. Okay, you're talking too much already. All right, so, Ramsey, I want to say to you that you're.
C
Leave my soldier alone.
B
Okay? So, Ramsey, this is my domain, and I know you. We go on the road together. And you're really mouthy. You'd fight back, but here we want sprinkles of you. Okay? We want sprinkles of you. And so what I'm saying to you is, is that this is. Mo's the guest.
D
Okay?
B
You're a sidekick, right?
D
Okay. Thanks for having me.
C
Yeah. Is this chair just for Asians? I'm just curious.
B
No, no, no. Why? Why? Why?
C
It's good.
B
Yeah? Yeah.
C
Good height. Don't do it. Don't do it.
B
Do what?
C
I already know. I saw it on your face.
B
Do what?
C
I mean, I could grab you by your ankles and do one of these.
B
Okay?
C
Launch.
B
I don't want you to do one of those, you know? I mean, no. No desert moves or what?
C
We're not.
B
Dude, I don't know what you call it.
C
It's desert adjacent.
B
We're not even started yet. What I want to say to you is this. Okay? It's not for you, Mo, all right? I love you so much, Ramsey. Just don't talk so much. You know what I mean?
D
Okay.
B
But you're a human being.
C
I got this. Watch this. You shot your mouth.
B
Yeah.
C
You a gaming shot. Come on. Leave. Ramsay.
B
So let's begin immediately.
C
We got enough stress.
D
West does.
C
You play keys now?
B
I've always played keys for you.
C
Oh, that's nice. Here, tiger belly.
B
Yeah. Dude.
C
Hanging out so much fake mangoes in front of me. He must know I love mango.
B
Welcome to Tiger Belly. Welcome to. What do you guys go to? I forgot the. Too much. What's your name? We have Sakuri and we. Who do we have out here?
D
Ramsey. Vi.
B
Yeah. No, he was supposed to. No, he was supposed to come up with an Asian name. Let's do it again.
D
Okay.
B
Okay. Yeah. Okay, everybody. Hello. Everyone's here with me. Where's your. Are you from Japan. Very good. I don't like that. I didn't like that one. That was like an expat, right. In Thailand. Whatever you guys do. But anyway.
C
Oh, we know.
B
Oh, dude, we do know. Have you been there?
C
No, I haven't.
B
Okay.
C
But every time I went to Japan and in Korea, they were like, you need to go to Thailand. And I saw that look in their eye. Yeah, No, I don't think.
B
Yeah, I don't think anything. Yeah, they would love you there, Ty.
C
Oh, my God.
B
I don't want to find out what you doing. You promoting your show there?
C
No, no. This was many, many years.
B
Mohammer, give him a run. That's it.
D
That's it.
B
That's the song I wanted. Right?
D
When you do it, it's weird. It's not good.
B
I have a fat, downy bit tongue.
C
It's different.
B
It hits different. Yeah, but still we do it. We have the tongues.
C
Okay, everybody.
B
Yeah, you're doing this.
C
What?
D
You're doing like a turkey. Yeah, it's not a turkey.
B
Oh, there's different ones.
C
Yeah, yeah.
B
From different reasons. Or give me going to throw. I'm going to throw out a country and you tell me what the. Okay, okay. Germany.
C
Korean.
B
I know, but you do it. Germany. How do they do it? Oh, yeah.
C
Oh, yes, love.
B
Very good. Here we go. Here we go. Let's do London, England. Very good. Right? That's to Israel. I'm kidding. I love you guys.
C
You really want it? This is a very great. This is really very fun. So far into it. Yes.
B
What you don't like. Is it offensive so far?
C
No, no, no. It's not offensive at all.
B
I'm not in the line.
C
Not to me.
B
I'm at the border right now, dude. And I'm right in the line.
C
Yeah, you're right there.
B
So. Well, you and I first met where.
C
I can't remember. Clubs.
B
Clubs.
C
Yeah, clubs.
B
But we really got. I mean, I have to apologize to you.
C
Yeah, please.
B
I was a little too aggressive, I think, when we did Sweet Dreams.
C
Yes, you were.
B
Yeah, yeah. And I'll tell you why I'm aggressive. To whom? Anyone in the room.
A
Okay.
C
To ethnic people. Would you?
B
To people I love.
C
Oh, yeah, of course. Yeah.
B
What? To ethnic people. Ethnic people is what I hate. Ethnic people.
C
That's true. Right?
A
You're not aggressive.
C
He's trying to win.
B
Yeah, I'm trying to win, dude.
C
That's why he's handsy with ethnic people.
B
Yeah. Yeah. But so. So when I. Like, I'm not fancy, I'm not handsy, but what I'm saying, when I really love somebody, I do deep hugs.
C
Yes.
B
Yeah. I'm a deep hugger.
C
Yes, you are.
B
Have I ever hugged you, Ramsey?
D
No, You've only done, like, a weird power thing where you brush, like, your. Like your beard on my neck.
A
Yeah.
D
Like that, like, kind of wispy thing he had.
C
Oh, that weird thing.
B
That was a slam, right?
C
Oh, what is it?
B
When he said beard.
C
I think so.
B
Yeah. It felt like a slam.
C
Slam. Yeah, the thing.
B
Yeah.
D
Kind of a wispy.
B
So I wanted to ask.
C
It's like a wind sock. It lets you know what direction.
D
None of them.
B
None of them go the same direction. Yeah. Yeah. I wanted to ask you Mo. Because I had Ramsey open for me over the weekend. You know what I mean? And one day I looked at his nose.
C
Okay. His notes.
D
Please don't do.
B
No, no, no.
D
Don't do this. Please.
B
Please. Okay.
C
Looked at his what?
B
Nose?
C
Oh, nose. Yeah.
B
Yeah. Okay.
C
Yeah.
B
And I. And I asked him, I said, are you trying to win some sort of competition? And he goes, what kind of competition? I said, the amount of holes you can have in your nose. Right. And what. What. What's that breathing for? So what I did was.
C
Wow.
D
Is that.
B
Yeah. Is that what it stopped? So I. What I did was I took James almost. James almost.
D
Yeah. James almost.
B
Yeah. And F. Murray Abrahams. Those are the. Right. All the names. And I. It's the same. It's the same what he has, right? And I saw how you were looking at my nose. Yeah. Yeah, that's right. So I asked you about your nose last outside, right?
C
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
B
And you have a perfect nose, by the way. It's television. It's a Hollywood nose.
C
A Hollywood nose.
B
Yeah.
C
Yeah. Oh, my God.
B
Oh, my God. Yeah.
C
Yeah.
B
So. So what Ramsey has. What did you say? What he has out there. You said something. You said, bad skin. Bad skin care. Yeah, yeah.
C
He said, it's in a Palestinian thing. I was like, no, I haven't seen his nose. Probably a bad skin care routine.
B
Yeah.
D
I'M stressed. I haven't been sleeping well lately either, have I, and.
B
Yeah, let's go ahead. Give me your grievances.
D
Yeah, I'm just. It's just I'm, you know, I'm exot.
B
The world is.
D
Is.
C
You know, it's a tough place.
D
It's a tough place. Right now.
B
You're thriving.
D
Yeah, you think so?
B
Yeah. For a young guy who's working at the Comedy Store. Molly from. You love Molly from San Francisco.
C
Yes, of course.
B
Yeah. She's the best.
C
She is.
B
And she watched her whole set and she goes, he's good. And that's the biggest compliment. You're. You're ticking all the boxes. Yeah. But you're ungrateful.
D
I'm incredibly great.
B
No, no, you're not. You. You whine and you. Right. And why the I. Why the. Did I spend so much money at Patagonia for you? Okay, let me ask you a question. Okay. You have openers, right?
C
Yes, of course.
B
But then you have also staff.
C
Yes.
B
So when you're like, I'm being real. But I love your eyes.
C
Oh, thank you.
B
They're like little chestnuts. Oh, God, they're so good. All we need is a fire, and we're on Christmas, I'll tell you that right now.
C
Well, we are up here.
B
Yeah, exactly. Exactly. Yeah. So what I'm saying to you is, you ever go to. You're on the road, do you ever go shopping?
C
Yes.
B
Do you ever bring your staff or someone that works for you there?
C
Yes.
B
Do they go, boss, boss, can you buy me something too, boss?
C
They never say that.
B
I'll be on it. Be. I never say.
C
But I'll be honest with you. I go. I volunteer myself before. As we're in there.
B
I bought him shoes before that, so that's nice. Yeah.
C
Yeah.
B
So he.
D
So he.
C
No, I do that. It's like a morale boost.
B
Oh.
C
So, okay, so I can't go to a nice place and be like, hey, look at me. I'm killing it. And everybody's just, like, out here with some. You know, it's a reflection of me. So.
B
Oh, I'm sorry. You, Russell Peters, Gabriel Iglesias, we don't have that kind of money.
C
But those guys make way more money than I do, by the way.
B
Oh, they do?
C
Yeah, I think so.
B
All right. So what I'm saying to you is, is that. Would this make you mad, though? Let's make an arbitrary name.
C
Well, how much did you spend on.
B
I'm gonna tell you.
C
Yeah.
B
So I'm Toby.
C
Yeah.
B
I work for you.
C
Okay.
B
I'm Toby Alawa.
C
You're just making up a name that's such a. I'm so offended. First of all, Toby's like one of my deare.
B
All right? Right.
C
Are you like talking about him?
B
Yeah, I mean, you know me, I had a kinetic.
C
Okay.
B
I'm one of those guys that can read things.
C
Okay.
B
Yeah. So Toby works for you. I couldn't get.
C
Sorry to.
B
I couldn't get the sense of the last names. But allow what came to my mind.
D
Yeah.
B
You know. Okay, so Toby Allowa. You are. You guys are at a. What?
C
It's accurately racist. It's totally different.
B
Well, I'm not racist at all.
C
No, it's accurately racist. So it's totally okay. Like if I did a bad like, you know, Bubby Rio. If I did a bad like bubble.
B
I would love it. Dude, Andrew does it every day.
C
Not good. Yeah, but Andrew does a good one.
B
Give me your best Asian.
C
Best Asian.
B
Ramsey, give me your best Asian hero. Okay, Very good. Japanese. Japanese after. Right during Hiroshima. He's on fire. Yeah, yeah. So anyway.
C
All right, continue, continue. Okay, so we. Ilawaii. Whatever you said.
B
And he goes, boss. And you're at a store and he goes, can you get me a jacket, boss? Would you. What'd you say?
C
Boss jacket. Yeah, yeah, bro. How much is the jacket though?
B
That's exactly. I didn't ask. Right. So I go up to the front counter. Right.
C
I mean I wouldn't. It was. It's a definitely odd thing to be like. I probably wouldn't have said how much is. I would have looked at like h. Interesting.
B
Well, I discovered when the cashier said 600 and some. Something. Right, right. And I looked at what I got and you know, because I'm Asian, it's like I have a built in abacus when you in if. When I'm thinking you could hear it.
C
Yeah, right.
B
George knows that about me, right?
C
Yeah.
B
And so he. It was about 250, you know what I mean?
C
Okay, you spent 250, he was spending 600.
B
No, I spent 600. Overall, he. His jacket cost about 250.
C
Okay.
B
Would that make you mad?
C
No, damn it wouldn't.
A
Cuz that's not the story, but thank you.
B
Oh really? What's the story?
A
Here's the story. Tell us. We drive by the Patagonia on the way back to the. Or to this restaurant that we ate that had okay.
C
Wings and.
B
Wait, wait, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop.
C
First of all, you being ungrateful for free food Is that what's happening?
A
No, they were just.
B
Their beef was really good. No, no. Their beef was really. Can I say something to you that really made me mad and I'm going to explain to you why. Okay, look at me right now.
C
I'm.
B
Have you been to San Francisco?
C
Yes, of course.
B
I know you have.
C
Yes, many times.
B
Cuz I saw your photo at the Cobs or something.
C
Oh, yeah. All right.
B
Have you played there?
C
Yeah, of course.
B
So photo there.
C
I'm there.
B
All right. So there's a place called Santong Sang. Oh, that's when you do it.
C
That's how I read all. I do that with everything, though. It's not.
B
Yeah, very good. That's how we say it.
C
Yeah.
B
Yes. So. So that restaurant has a three hour wait.
C
Oh, my God.
B
We always go there, you know, I mean, when.
C
You know.
B
You know, back when Claudette and I were dating, we would go there every year. All right. It's a three hour wait. This time they gave us a private room.
C
Yeah.
B
Because I've. I've risen.
C
Yeah, of course.
B
Yeah. And when you rise, you do. You know that old saying?
C
No, but yes, I'll go with it. You do?
B
Yeah, I just made it up.
C
I get it. I understand.
B
Yes.
C
No way. I wait three hours for anything, bro. What are you talking. You would never wait three hours for what?
B
Even if it's so good.
C
No.
B
Okay. We did.
C
Absolutely not.
B
You've never wait on a ride. You're at Disneyland.
C
No, I'm fine. I've always been the guy to find a way to get to the front, bro. Even before any of this.
B
I know. You do?
C
I remember Christmas, like, movie. I think it was. It was the Ali movie.
B
I had Muhammad Ali movie.
C
Yeah, Muhammad Ali way back in the day. I had $20 in my hand. I went all up to the front. I was like, was that map or did I know this guy? I'm like, Listen, here's $20. I'm gonna buy these tickets. It was. The line was around the.
B
Like, I don't have the balls to do that. $20.
C
Time is the most valuable thing you.
B
Got to pay, so. Yeah, I mean. Yeah, no, Jack it up anyway.
C
Yeah, but you get a five from each homie. And then.
B
Oh, that's right, that. Wait, hold on.
C
What are you crazy? You're correct. It's like eight of you. It's nothing.
B
Okay. Yeah. So it's one of the greatest Chinese restaurants in San Francisco.
C
Okay.
B
Right. Hey, what was. How was the meal, Gilbert?
A
Fantastic.
B
How about you? No, the meal. The Meal itself was amazing. Yeah. World famous chicken, right? This guy was like, I'm in.
D
Nah, prefer Wingstop is what he said, actually.
B
Thank you, dude. You're on my side.
D
Yes, for one time.
B
Yeah. Yeah. He.
C
Well, can I just. One active real quick. Yeah, just for a second. Okay. Like really over battered one for one second of all. They seem to have a ton of sauce on it. They're probably like very sweet. Over spicy. Is that what it is? 100. Is there any like kick to it at all?
D
Not at all.
C
Are they crunchy, though? Do you hit the. Do you like.
B
It's when you hit it, you're like necessarily like crunchy.
C
It's kind of just.
B
Just peels off.
C
So you got sent general so basically with. With bones. Is that what's happening? Basically, yeah. Yeah.
B
Yeah.
C
Basically, yeah. I'm out.
B
Yeah. You know.
D
Yeah, I'm out too.
B
Did you eat there?
D
I did, but Mo just.
B
I. I know, but let me.
D
I like what he said.
C
I like Generous soul's chicken with bones in it.
B
Like, I know he's your leader, whatever, your platoon captain or whatever. I don't know what you call it.
C
You give him respect.
B
Yeah, yeah, but.
C
Sorry.
B
But you're a civilian now.
C
Now. Yeah.
D
Okay.
B
Okay.
C
Yeah.
B
Your honest truth of the restaurant, it was.
D
It was a phenomenal restaurant.
C
No, I'm going. I'm just kidding.
D
It was really private, I think. Yeah.
A
I mean, first day Ramadan, you ate pork straight up.
B
I mean, everyone. Muslims everywhere. This guy not real.
C
Oh, my God.
B
This guy breaks all the rules.
C
I had not to. We were.
B
He doesn't. He had no condoms. He uses. You told me that. Right? No condoms.
C
He uses guy anything.
B
What's the matter with you? He implodes inside white chicks.
C
Oh, my God. That's right.
B
That's got to be the Quran.
C
That's huge.
B
That's gotta be anti Quran.
C
That's like way in the beginning. Hold on. First of all, keep religion out of this situation.
D
Thank you very much.
C
Just on a bro tip real quick. Okay. Don't. What are you doing?
B
Exactly.
C
It's out here in these streets, bro. Just leaving it in. Are you crazy?
B
Yeah, exactly.
D
It's a monogamous relationship.
B
It's a monogamous.
C
So that's not.
B
Yeah, yeah, you're white, huh?
C
She's pregnant. Tomorrow what happens?
D
I take care of the child, man. I name a movie.
C
A very good answer.
B
You know what that is?
C
Very good answer. Now he's gonna call me and be like, hey, a little short this month. Remember how you're like the father's. You know, you're the Godfather and this. No, no, no, no, no. Call Bubby Reed and buy you a Chicken wiggins and a $250 jacket.
B
So let's.
C
Let's not that bad.
B
All right? So let's.
C
I don't know how much he does for you. Seems like he's a slave.
B
So.
C
Yeah.
B
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Hey, Bobby, do you think Mo Salah is going to have more or less than 0.5 goals? Ooh, more. All right, how about man? Oh, Kim Minjae? Will he have more or less than Kim Min Jae?
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He's Bayern Munich.
A
Bayern?
B
I don't like Germany.
D
Okay.
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More or less than.79.5 pass attempts.15 less than. All right, let's do it. Let's do it, guys.
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Price picks. Built it if you come. Built it if you come. We should start a barber. Barber PSA for anyone who rents. If you ever heard of BILT B I L T. You're about to thank me so badly. Earning points on rent is now a reality. When you pay your rent through bilt, you don't even have to check in with your landlord or nothing to start earning points that you can use toward flights, hotel stays, fitness classes, and even your next rent payment. Let me break it down to you, dog. Hey, would you recommend this to a friend? I would recommend it to my family, friends, and also acquaintances. And also enemies.
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C
It seems like he's a slave. So.
B
Yeah, he travels.
C
He works his ass. He seems like a good guy.
B
Good guy, Alex. Am I a slave master? Are you a slave master? Yeah. Yeah.
A
I don't know how I'm supposed to.
B
I don't think so.
C
No, no, just. You're not. I don't think.
B
I don't. That means you thought about it.
C
Just say no, dude. I would find.
B
I heard your mind.
C
I would let him go.
B
I heard your mic.
C
I would let him go, bro. I would take the jacket you bought for him, rip it up in front of him and burn it and just watch it, like, burn as he's walking.
B
That's where I'm at now. So this is what I want to talk to you about.
C
And then you come work. Holler at me, bro. I'm looking for somebody.
B
We're done. Don't look at me again. So what I'm gonna say to you, this is where we're at. I think this younger generation has no such. They don't know what respect is.
C
Yeah.
B
Don't you think? Or. Yeah, there's a little bit more of an entitlement with these kids.
C
I mean, it's a pretty blanket statement. So it's. It's pretty. It's objective.
B
Blanket. Okay.
C
It just kind of like, you know, you're painting everyone with the same brush. Is that better for you?
B
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. That feels better.
C
I don't know. It just depends where you're from, I guess.
B
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay. So you're not on my side.
C
Yeah, I am and I'm not. Because I do. I do feel like there's like this massive shift in society regarding, you know, work ethic and what people expect. They can get out of it or what they want. They want to get there like, asap. They want to get to the top, like, tomorrow. There's no, like, patience game.
B
That's what I'm saying.
C
Paying your dues. When I came up as a comedian, it was like, shut the fuck up. You get in that car, go do all these one nighters, earn your rings, and then you come to the clubs, you know, Then you learn how to be actual comedian. I have 30 minutes and you go on the road and you realize you only have 10 oh, you're speaking.
B
You know, you're preaching to the choir.
C
Preaching to the choir.
B
Let me say something to you. Okay? This is exactly why we have Ramsay here.
C
Yeah. Okay, good.
B
He talks back.
C
Oh, my God.
B
All right. He's disrespectful. Right? Right. And he makes jokes. If I rip on his nose. Right. Which was all weekend.
D
It really hurt.
B
I know it did. No, it did.
D
You blew up a picture of my nose and made me look at it.
A
It.
D
It hurt, dude.
C
Did you see those, like, charcoal things you could put on?
D
I. I tried, you know, I tried to make a facial appointment before I came here.
B
Okay. Really? Did you really? I tried.
C
No, let's not give him any complexity.
B
What?
D
No.
B
Yeah, yeah, I know. How about cookie dough?
D
Okay.
C
Cookie dough.
B
I think the cookie dough would go into the seams and fill it out a little bit.
C
Put the cookie dough in. Go to a park, have a bird feed on your nose.
B
Dude.
C
Dude. And maybe that'll clear everything up. Needling.
B
It's like, try anything, right? If we had holes, we would try everything.
C
See the problem? Come on.
D
Thanks, man.
B
Oh, here we go.
C
I don't.
D
Yeah, this is the west trying to turn us against each other.
B
Mo. You're not gonna happen, dude. I'm Middle east, dude.
D
You're Middle East?
B
Yeah. Yeah. I'm not even full East. I stop in the middle whenever I do it. I do trade route. Yeah, Right From England, right? Yeah. All the way to Japan. I have my own little canoe, too, to get there. Right. I go. I stop at Middle East. I never make it to Japan.
D
Okay.
B
Yeah. I love your people. I love that. Yeah. I eat the hummus.
D
Hell, yeah.
B
Falafel, all that stuff.
D
Delicious.
B
Okay, good.
C
So that's all you got, isn't it?
D
Keep going. Keep going.
C
You have no other food reference.
B
Euro. Is that yours?
C
No.
B
Cucumbers.
C
Okay. Those are in there.
B
Those are in there. Right, Right. So you do. Peter was good.
C
Yeah. He was so nervous, even about Peter.
B
Isn't there. Isn't there. Isn't there a variety of different hummus? Okay. Sometimes I see the gray, the sandy one. You know what I mean?
C
There's not.
B
Yeah, yeah. Sometimes there's an orange one that's actually a green one.
C
Baptized, like, completely.
B
It gets a baptized.
C
Yeah.
B
Okay. I eat. I baptize hummus.
C
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
B
Okay. Yeah. Praise the Lord.
C
You know?
B
Does it change color when you do this or. No, baptize it.
A
Okay.
B
It could.
C
Yeah, yeah, it could. Yeah.
B
Give me some other foods now.
C
You offended all the yeah, Christians out there.
B
Oh, I'm sorry, I can't even name you. Korean food. I mean, I know I. I know a lot of Korean, but my point is, is that, that's why I have you on a little bit of culture exchange.
C
No, it's fine.
B
Yeah, yeah. What else did you eat there?
C
Eat where?
B
In.
C
In Korea?
D
The Middle East.
B
In the Middle East, I just go.
C
To my family's house, bro. I grub down.
B
Yeah, but give me some examples of food so I can learn.
C
There's mensef. Menseph is like.
B
Isn't that when you're super smart and you go to a school or something?
C
Yeah.
B
What is that?
C
Okay, that is.
D
Is pretty funny.
B
What's that called?
D
Mensa.
B
Yeah, yeah, yeah. I ate her real good, right? And she was like, I gotta go to the laboratory afterwards because, you know, they're. They're really smart. But do you have mensa? What else do you have?
C
Menseph.
B
We say it different ways, but anyway, go ahead.
C
There's Maklube. Yeah. Which is literally translates to upside down.
B
Ma.
C
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
B
I thought of something.
D
Okay.
A
Yeah.
B
This is a. You know how sometimes songs that are good in the west, big in the west, they. They change it for the east or Middle East?
C
Yeah.
B
What's it called again?
D
Makuba.
B
My name is L. I live on the second floor. No, let's move on.
C
No, please.
B
I don't know those.
A
What's this bit?
B
What? What's the bit? Yeah, it's like that. Let's. If I have to explain it. It's not working.
D
No, it's working pretty good, dude.
B
What?
C
It'll inspire somebody.
B
Give me another one.
C
1. This is what D. What? What up, Dashi?
B
What up, D, you good dog.
C
Wear C. Yeah, yeah.
B
So it's one up in somebody's name.
C
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
B
So. Okay, that's a good one. What's. What, what does that consist of?
C
Well, what? D. Stuffed grape. Yeah, it's basically. It's rolled up grape leaves, so.
B
Oh, I had those.
C
Yes.
B
And there's stuff in it.
C
But you. You had like, just the plain rice one. Right, right.
D
And they're cold.
C
It's just not cold. Yeah.
B
Oh, there's a warm version.
C
Yeah. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. That's.
B
I didn't know.
C
That's the one where you put like a layer of, like, lamb meat at the bottom of the pot. Then you roll up. You roll up the grape leaves with, like, seasoned.
B
Wait, you say you don't have lamb meat? I said ero.
D
No, but IRO doesn't mean lamb meat.
C
Gyro is a type of sandwich that's served in.
B
But is Irobe lamb.
D
Why are you saying it different every time?
C
Yeah, it's fine. Give him a pass, bro. It's like. It's the. Why? You're not supposed to be talking anyway.
B
I know, I'm just kidding.
C
I'm.
B
That's what I'm giving you an example of. What? He's like, what's up? Right? I say, stop being mean to me. Stop slamming me. He goes, you're ugly, all that stuff, right? So I don't say you're ugly.
D
I said you have bags under your eyes.
B
Really? I can give you the text that you gave me.
D
I. I did say you look like. I did say that to you.
B
Yes. And if your opener said that you look like.
C
That's a pre cooked version. This is like a really, wow, depressing looking one, but it's still the. The one. Hold on. Wait, wait, wait. Go back.
B
Back. Yeah, go back.
D
See, that's vegetarian. That's like a white lady recipe.
C
Yeah, yeah. It's not. You don't see any seasoning on it.
B
No.
C
The one with the lamb is the lamb shanks. That one's doing it.
B
Which one? Which one? Oh, wow, that's delicious looking. What's the Korean stuff down there? What?
C
That's the grape.
B
Oh, the grape leaves. Okay, see, there's just. You guys are just.
C
So it has like kusa mashi with like the seasoned rice inside of it, which has like ground beef in it as well, and it's seasoned. And then they cook it all in a big pot of tomatoes with tomato sauce and then they take it out and they flip it.
B
You got tomatoes out there, huh?
C
Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah, tomato.
B
Well, it's so funny because you guys are laughing and I'm, you know, obviously I'm a man of the modern times. And I scroll and I look at TikTok.
C
Okay.
B
And I ran into a. What's so funny? It's called rural people. Try.
C
Oh, rural.
B
Okay, so don't you have to look at.
C
Google it?
B
I'm going to explain to you what it is.
C
Rural people.
B
It's Pakistani people.
C
Okay?
B
You know how you have different kinds, you have the city folks.
C
Okay.
B
Right.
C
Completely different region. Why are you bringing up Pakistan all of a sudden? I feel like we've had this discussion before.
B
Okay, I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. Just make me look smart.
C
No, it's okay. I love Pakistan.
A
Make me look smart.
C
Yeah, that's good.
B
Culture.
C
Right.
B
I'll just give you. Is it not in part of the region or. No.
C
What, Pakistan?
B
Yeah.
C
No, not like the Middle east itself. It's off to the east. It's not far.
D
They're.
B
That's what I'm saying.
C
Yeah. Yeah. You know, I mean, so I love Pakistani food. One of the best Pakistani restaurants in the world, in my opinion, is in Houston called August Shout Out.
B
August Shout Out. I'm going to go there in three weeks. We're.
C
Oh, my God. It's unbelievable.
B
You're going to take me to August.
C
I'll take you to August.
B
Okay. Take me to September.
C
Maybe I'll take you to. I'll take you to September.
B
I just do of it. Very good wood play.
C
Continue with the rural tomatoes.
B
Okay. So. And they. It's basically these rural people and they're trying foods for the first time. So it's like, here's a blueberry cheesecake.
C
Okay.
B
Right here is a hamburger. They've never had any of that.
C
Okay. Makes sense.
B
And that's why I'm asking these questions.
C
That's all rural Pakistan.
B
In rural Pakistan, you have hill. You have hill people.
C
Yeah.
B
And then you have the people that harbored Osama bin Laden in the city.
C
Mountains.
B
Anyway, let's move on.
C
Oh, that's a great way to get out of there. That's really soft.
B
Zero Dark Thirty. Watch it.
C
Yeah.
B
Yeah. So, you know, I'm gonna. Does this make you. Are you offended?
C
I'm just giving you a cutaway.
B
Editing points. Thank you so much.
C
I got you, bro.
B
We might have to cut that out. Yeah.
A
Giving us great editing points.
B
You're so good. In fact, every time I say something, I want both of you to look, give me an edit. Yeah. That go right in the thing and go to the editing point. Okay. But don't do it when it's real. Don't do it.
C
Of course that's what I did.
B
Yeah.
C
I gave you a nice, you know, solid five seconds that you could pull.
B
I want to say that your show. I saw a couple episodes.
C
You're terrible. You should see the finale. It's unbelievable.
B
Really? Because you didn't even watch the movie that we're in Face.
C
I did watch it.
B
No, you didn't.
C
You know, I was.
B
Elijah. I want to say something.
C
You don't even know his name.
B
Elijah.
C
It's wrong.
B
What does it say?
C
Elijah.
B
That's what I said earlier. And you said, you know.
C
You said Elijah.
B
You know what? Yeah.
C
I put it a little like Elijah Muhammad. That's what you're about to say.
B
No, I. It wasn't. I call you emo. It's just a speech impediment. So I was talking to Mo up upstairs.
C
I did. Watch it.
B
No, shut up.
C
I did.
B
Don't blush. Why are you blushing?
C
Because it's hot in here. You had the heater on. All right, I have a nose issue.
B
Right. So we did a movie called Sweet Dreams. Right?
C
Yes, it was wonderful.
B
Wait, who was in it?
C
I'm sorry?
B
I'm going to tell you who's in it.
C
Yeah, you were in it.
B
Yeah, you're in it, too, but there's other people. There we go.
C
Of course. We're all.
D
So.
B
Johnny Knoxville.
C
He's amazing.
B
Dumbfounded.
C
Killed it. Yeah.
B
Theo Vaughn.
C
Yes.
B
There he is back there.
C
Yeah.
B
Gaeta.
C
Gator.
B
Yeah. But you know who the most talented guy in that was? Let me make a guess.
C
Me.
B
You're. Aside from you. Okay, where are you in this photo?
D
Johnny Knox.
B
Oh, there he is.
C
Johnny. No, you.
B
No, that kid to the left.
C
Brat. Kid's incredible. Wait, what? Oh, that. All the way to the left there in the front. Yeah, that kid, the one with the guitar.
B
Yeah.
C
Yeah, he was great.
B
That kid is phenomenal.
C
No, he was really wonderful. That picture of you is hilarious.
D
Yeah.
C
What is going on there?
B
I. I love how you're trying to switch. You're trying to get me off track.
C
What?
B
Yeah, but. Tell you.
C
What are you talking about?
B
Shut up. Whatever you're doing, I don't like it.
C
It's such a wonderful all around experience, bro. It was a really heavy time for me. Me.
B
It was. Why?
C
It was having your baby. No, I didn't have a baby at that point.
B
Yeah. Yeah. Okay. So, no, it was a hectic time for you. You know what I mean? You're getting.
C
It was heavy. It was.
B
It's heavy. I'm getting a Netflix show. I. I understand the heaviness.
C
No, it wasn't that. It wasn't that. I want to get super serious. I want to have fun on this podcast. I feel like every podcast I do get super serious.
B
No, we're not. We're not going to talk about your grievous.
C
Yeah, good. All right.
B
But we are going to talk about lies and deception.
C
No, let's talk about my grievances.
B
Okay, so outside you. Outside you.
C
I saw the whole thing.
B
You lie in two segments. You said in second.
C
I did. I watched it.
B
All right, well, this is. What?
C
I just am uncomfortable whenever I watch myself anyway.
B
Me, too. Dude, just say that.
C
Yeah.
B
Yeah. So Anyway. So. Anyway, he didn't see it, so that's why I saw it and I didn't see if. Let me say something. Am I in mo.
C
What's up?
B
Your show? No. Know exactly. When I get a guest spot, I'll watch it.
C
Okay.
B
Okay.
C
Well, it's a masterpiece, so you should definitely watch.
B
I heard it's great. A great show. Season two. It's out now on Netflix.
C
Yep.
B
You had Barboza on it.
C
I did have Ralph in there.
B
Yeah.
C
Yeah.
B
What a young talent.
C
He's amazing. Such a good vibe, bro.
B
Such a great vibe.
C
Such a nice dude, bro. Such a, like, easy person to work with. So fun to work with.
B
He has a, like, a Chauncey Gardner thing. If I may, you probably don't know that reference.
C
I don't know that reference.
B
It was a movie called I definitely.
C
Wanted to Pretend, though. Oh, yes.
B
Yeah. One of my favorite movies is called Being There, and Peter Sellers plays a guy. He just has. And Peter Sellers is just this positive, vibrant, you know? I mean, just that. You can just tell he's all love.
C
No, he is, man.
B
And that's what I feel about Ralph Balboa.
C
I. I absolutely just, like. I think he's a great kid, man. Very talented.
B
Who are your enemies in comedy?
C
I have no enemies. I am my worst enemy.
B
Wow. King, King, King, King, King, King, King, King.
C
Bro. Where was that from? He was Senegalese.
B
Yeah. Yeah. I'm doing a North Korean version of that.
C
Is that what is. Okay, cool.
B
Yeah, Cuz Kim Jong Un has a thick tongue.
C
I'm doing a show next week in North Korea, so I appreciate you.
B
Are you really?
C
No, I'm not.
B
Me and Dennis Rodman r everybody. Oh, my God. What a rough show that would be.
C
That would be.
B
So you can't do any references. Like, you remember the Lord of the Ring? They don't know what. What's going on.
C
Hey, what about these South Koreans, Am I right?
B
Yeah, yeah. Even cell phones. You can't talk about you when your cell phone. They don't know.
D
No drink minimum.
B
No drink minimum. Yeah, yeah. They just give you the blood of other Koreans.
C
That's so bad, dude.
B
That's bad.
D
Serious.
B
What a dark place.
C
Oh, my God. How did we get here?
B
I'm sorry. We're going back to the darkness.
C
Yeah. No, no, no, it's fine.
B
Let's. Let's be all about the light.
C
It's always okay.
D
Can I say something positive about most show? The. The woman who plays your mom is fantastic.
B
I didn't say yes or no, sorry. When you ask a question, I have to answer.
C
Oh, go ahead.
D
Can I say something about most show?
B
No.
D
Okay. The woman who plays your mom is fantastic. I think you guys did an awesome job there. Watching your show made me realize my mom is a person person.
C
Oh, that's dope. That's really incredible.
D
You know what I mean?
C
It was really eerie, actually, when I booked her, when I cast her in the show, she sent me a WhatsApp message. Just, you know, I can't wait to work on the show, this kind of thing. And I was on my mom's house in the living room listening to her message, and my mom comes from the sunroom over and she's like, I don't remember sending you a message today. I was like, mom, this is not you. This is fake you. It was just so crazy. She had the same story where she fled the Gulf War in Kuwait. And you know, she's from Nablus right next to our village. So she's literally the same experience as I had coming to America. It was pretty.
B
Oh, you. You weren't born here then.
C
No, I wasn't. I was born in Kuwait. Why are you judging me? Yeah, I saw that. Oh, you want to born here?
A
No.
C
You weren't born here either. How about that? How did. How does that feel?
B
Yeah, I was born in San Diego.
C
Oh, yeah, that's true. San Diego.
D
Yes.
B
What's difficult though, and I'm going to get serious. Not about the darkness.
C
Yeah, no, go ahead.
B
But what I'm saying is that cuz my parents grew up during the Korean War.
C
As kids, I can't tell if you're being serious.
B
Shifting.
C
This is. He shifts. When he shifts, he's like, I don't know.
A
They're so fast.
B
He's serious, dude. I shift quickly. Do you know why? Cuz I. I'm dynamic.
C
Oh, okay.
A
Shift.
B
I see it.
A
Shift back.
B
Yeah, I'm a dynamic person.
C
All right, cool.
B
Okay. And I don't like the disrespects going.
C
No, no, I. No disrespect.
B
I want to hear about your parents. I've been around for a very long time.
C
You know that I want y.
B
Do I work in different areas with this business, all kinds of people to talk to me in a certain way.
C
I apologize.
B
And also, I want to say this right When I buy you something, make it cheaper than mine.
C
Yes, I agree. I definitely agree with that.
B
It should be cheaper. You're going to have the chicken. Just say it's good.
C
Yeah, just say it's really Good. Especially when you're not paying the bill. Say it's delicious. Yeah, we're not looking. You're not. You're not some food critic.
B
Exactly, dude. Yeah. Yeah.
C
Nobody's trying to, like, oh, this needs a hint of shut the up. That's what it is. Exactly.
B
Do you work for the Michelin Star? I mean, you don't know nothing. How about food? Right? Well, hot wings. Wait, wait, wait. Wingstop is the only reference you had with those chicken? Yeah.
C
Yeah. That's really terrible. It's crazy if Wingstop is your only reference. It's really upsetting, honestly.
B
Let's go back to serious.
C
No, I really want to hear about your parents.
B
So, my dad, you know, he never went to school because he sold gum.
C
Okay.
B
You know what I mean? And he pickpocketed American soldiers.
C
Oh, wow.
B
Yeah. He was a street guy. He was a gang kid. And then he. His house burned down. He saw his friends burned alive. My mom, you know, I've told this story before. When she was a kid, she was like 9 or 10. She was walking her. My aunt, to school, and a military truck ran her over. And they had to pick my aunt's body up. Who? She was like seven or eight, with rice bags and bury them, you know what I mean? And then they come here to America, right? And their son's doing crystal meth.
C
You.
B
Know what I mean? And like, just like all Fs in school, you know, I mean, smoking weed and it's like. But it was. They were so hard on me because they probably were like, this kid has no gratitude, you know? I mean. But it's like, when you have your kids here in America, they become Americans. Yeah, Right. And I wish I had a better appreciation and understanding of what they went through, right? Because. Just couldn't really grasp it, really, because it's like I'm surfing and shit, you know what I mean? You know what I mean?
C
I'd smack the shit out of me.
B
All day long, you know what I mean? And that's just like. No, that's just me in the air.
C
You know what I mean? How do you know you're not, like, dealing with, like, generational trauma?
B
That's what I'm saying.
C
I think I do like acting out because it's actually proven that DNA carries memories. It's a fact, really, scientific fact, that DNA carries memories. So you don't even know what's happening inside of you. I mean, is that part of it? I don't know. I'm not there, you know?
B
Yeah.
C
Professional to diagnosis thing.
B
I think you're right. I think you're right.
C
But also, it could be. It could. Could very well be. I mean, that's like some really, really traumatic things. You just.
B
Yeah, like, whenever I see a rice bag you're making. Auntie. Anyway, I can't.
C
I really don't want to laugh at that. I hate you so much. Me laugh at that?
B
I never met you, but, you know, rest in peace. Anyway, did you. Did your parents go so hard? Hey, guys.
C
How was crystal meth, though? I'm just curious. Not. I would never do it.
B
Honestly. Dude, it's one of the best drugs that they've ever created.
C
That's so horrible. Don't do this, kids.
B
Don't do it. But do it. You know what I mean? That's where our message is.
C
Don't do it. Please don't.
B
I'll tell you what it feels like. You're. Ladies and gentlemen, adults and witnesses, legendary comedy icon Billy Burr. My friend, my dear friend. Is coming out to Hulu on March 14 with his new hilarious standup special. Let me say. Say, say, say something. Can. May I say something, please? Do I have one in this. This series, too.
C
Oh, wow.
A
Right?
B
Gaffigan, Manascalco, Santino. Everyone's going here. Frankie Quinones right there. That's his last name, right? Hola Ketal. Get Bill's provocative. It's not even provocative. It's inspiring. Unfiltered and honest. Very honest point of view on everything from merit. I don't need to even know. That's a surprise. I'm not going to give away stuff Bill furiously pushes. Everyone knows who Bill Burr is. I don't know why. At the pitch it. I'm telling you right now, he's the best in the business. He's on the Mount Rushmore of comics right now. You have to watch it. He doesn't put no nothing bad in his first Hulu stand up special. No topic is off limit. This is bubble. All right. I don't even want to read this because everyone knows they're going to watch it. Everyone's going to watch it. See the new hilarious stand up special, Bill Burr, Drop dead years. Streaming on Hulu March 14th.
C
Please don't.
B
I'll tell you what it feels like. You're. Yeah. What's. Why are you laughing?
C
You're already terrifying me.
B
Yeah.
D
Are you on? Yeah.
C
Yeah.
B
I'm gonna build a gazebo, right? You literally get the woods and the hammers, right?
C
Yeah.
B
And then. That's not even finished. Right. And then you're, you're digging a pool.
C
Yeah.
B
Back. Right. You're also doing your taxes at the same time. You're doing all these things. Right.
C
Right.
B
And then you want to jerk off. Right. So then you do. I'm going to jerk off. Right. And 12 hours later you can't come. And your penis looks like a dog dick. It's like red bleeding. You know what I mean?
C
Oh my God.
B
Medical books I used because we didn't have poor back in the K. I got.
C
I got to be honest, I really regret asking this.
B
Why? Why, why, why, why, why? I'm going to tell you.
C
Yeah.
B
So I check out these medical books, you know what I mean? At. From my school. Cuz there's no porn. There's no, you know, in this eight early 80s. Right. Right. And so I would, you'll be like this is a breast, you know, I mean like a medical book. And I would furiously jerk off to it because there was no porn. You know what I mean?
C
Yeah.
B
It'll just come all over the medical and then check it back into school. You know what I mean?
C
No, you wouldn't.
B
Yeah. Yeah. The pages are stuck together. But yeah. It was a crazy drug. But I stopped doing it at 17. I got sober.
C
That's great. I'm so glad you got off of it though. 17 routine.
B
Well, I've had slippages.
C
Yeah.
B
With other drugs.
C
Okay.
B
But now I have. A couple of. A month ago I had three years of sobriety.
C
Amazing man. Congrats, bro.
B
And I feel very clear.
C
Yeah.
B
And I'm feeling all my emotions and sometimes it's painful.
C
No, of course.
B
You don't have any addictions.
C
Cigarettes.
B
Oh yeah. You and I smoked.
C
I, I, man, I. Cigarettes is like my worst. I can't, bro. I try to quit last year in May.
B
Yeah.
C
And the first two days I was like, I'm killing it. I'm doing great. The third day you would think that I was like, I don't know what the hell I'm doing. I was like sweating profusely. I was just under so much. I was redoing the house at the same time. Like this is a terrible time to quit.
B
You were on meth too.
C
It was unbelievable. Like I did not know.
B
You gotta try ZipX.
C
ZipX.
B
The number one toothpick. Honestly, have you had these?
C
I hate people who do like ads and stuff. But genuinely, this was made for me.
B
Yeah. Do we have any Zipix here? Bags probably do have. We're gonna find.
C
This is incredible.
B
Infused with nicotine and they really? Did I. I quit for two years with these. And then Jesse Johnson, you know her? Yeah, yeah. She got me back on tour. She got me back.
C
Oh, no.
B
And so that's another question.
C
Yeah, but that's good, because it's like the last. No, cigarettes is, like, my worst thing, for sure.
B
Have you. Are you addicted to cigarettes?
D
I was addicted to everything. Not crystal meth, but I smoke a cigarette now, though. No, I don't. I. I quit everything.
B
You're not like a hotan. We're cool.
D
Okay.
C
Yeah, I got a smoke, bro. I. I have a problem. No, no, no, no. I'm just saying in general, like, I have a.
B
We could have a smoke break and come back in. You want to do that?
C
I'm over. I'm having fun. I'm enjoying. If you want to have a cigarette now. You put it in my head. Smoking here. This is terrible.
B
Dj, if you can't find someone, order some. Okay. Okay. So anyway, I mean, that's sick, though.
C
That's definitely. Use that. They're the best.
B
They really do work.
C
Yeah, Yeah. I need something.
B
So do you, but no drugs. Have you smoked weed?
C
Yeah, I smoke weed now. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
B
Hey, do you. Have you done hallucinogenics?
C
Like what, like mushrooms?
B
Yeah. No.
C
Acid, basil?
B
Yeah.
C
Well, I don't know. It's a sliding scale of hallucinogens, right?
B
Yeah. I mean, so you've done some form of hallucinogens.
C
I've done. I've done chocolate mushrooms on a very small scale.
B
Microdose.
C
Microdose, yeah, yeah, yeah.
B
So have you done.
C
I get too scared with that stuff, bro. You're too, like, paranoid. I'm like.
B
Oh, any kind of opium?
C
Never?
B
No, Never like heroin or Vico or anything like that?
C
No.
B
Okay.
C
I have Vicodin after, like, you know, a hospital thing, you know?
B
Yeah, of course. Of course. You're not a drug.
C
But I'm not really, like. I'm also very le. Because I really don't trust pharmaceutical companies. I'll hold something for like, a year or I'll have them. Wow. Yeah. More, maybe.
B
And so you smoked weed, and you. I'm giving you a point. Okay.
C
Yeah.
B
You smoke weed and you've done hallucinogenics.
C
Oh, boy. The way you frame that is terrible.
B
Do you think that Allah would approve?
D
Oh, don't do this. No, no, Bobby, don't.
B
Let's get serious.
D
Don't bring Allah.
B
No sudden hand movements.
C
No, no. Hey, hey. I have to clear my throat. First response.
B
In the Quran, would this Is not okay.
C
It's not? No.
D
I don't like this at all.
C
It's okay. You can go with it.
B
I have to ask these questions. I'm a journalist. I'm a very serious journalist. Do you think Allah would approve?
C
Well, I would never speak on the divine side.
D
I love that.
C
No, absolutely not. But what I would say is that what I would say each individual person has their own experiences and whatever the intent is behind that is subjective due to the ruling that exists within the theology itself. So it depends if I am clear. Say for instance, if I have. If I have like severe pain and I would rather smoke weed rather than take pharmaceuticals. You know, there is. There is, you know, a debate that could be had whether that's there or not, whether God would be okay with this or not. It's a wholly different conversation that certainly you or I are not really, really, you know, able to answer those questions ourselves because you always leave it to those individuals that are studied and learned in theology. I know what you're doing the questions appropriately. I'm a hawk now if I'm doing those things. If I. If, yes, I have sinned in my life. But this is the beauty of Islam. It's like you have the ability to repent to God and your intention, your intention is. Don't get.
A
Don't get.
C
Your intent. Your intent.
B
Let's go even moving.
C
Your intent is only between you and the divine. And again, like what God is, is. You know, the way it was explained to me is like you're in comprehension of God is your comprehension. It's actually a beautiful thing because you're uncomfortable and I know you're uncomfortable because you're not.
B
Anyway, let's move on from. We'll get off the topic now.
C
Religious.
B
I get it. I get it.
C
I'm sorry. Them like a normal human progress. Hey, you asked the question, bro.
B
Okay, so you're right and I get it. And I should. That line of questioning was wrong.
C
I don't mess around with it. It's fine. I think it's fine. I think you should just be ready for, you know, sophisticated answer.
B
Is it going to be a season three or no?
C
No, I'm not going to do it. No, probably not.
B
Why?
C
I'm going to do a movie. I'm going to go off.
B
What kind of movie?
C
Movie you written.
B
You've written it?
C
Yeah, I've written a combination.
D
Okay.
B
All right. And you know, you think I'm a good actor?
C
I do.
B
Yeah. Maybe a job.
C
Well, if you stop asking these ridiculous questions. Stop laughing. Guys, you got a job here.
B
Oh, that's. That's real interesting. Let me know.
C
Honestly.
B
No, stop. Stop it for a second.
C
Yes.
B
Let me tell you something. Okay.
C
I'm gonna be real with you. Yes. You're so funny. On set in Star Trek.
B
In Star Trek, right. There was First Contact. And what was the first race that the humans. American. I mean, not Americans, but mankind run into in Star Trek? Vulcans. Right. And what did the first Vulcan do to the human? Live long and prosper. And that's my mentality. So my questioning was out of love. Live long and prosperity.
C
Gosper. Sure.
B
Okay. You're not a Star Trek fan. I feel.
C
No, no, I am. See? I can do it.
B
I know you can do it. Yeah, but this is how you do shockers. You do two fingers and it rips up the butthole.
C
What? Can you do that?
B
Yeah. Yeah. There we go. Okay. What are we doing here? Dude? Yeah, I could do that anyway.
C
I don't know. You started.
B
I'm sorry. I'm sorry. So what I'm saying is, is that. So you're gonna do a movie.
C
Yeah.
B
And my line of questioning has been pushing me away from doing a pro, like, any role in your movie.
C
Movie, yes.
B
Yeah.
C
No, just think of me. I. Honestly, I will. 100%. You already are.
D
Like a liquor store guy. Or, like, you need like a. You know, that kind of a thing.
C
Like a. Yeah, like a production assistant.
D
Yeah. Or like a. Yeah.
B
You know.
C
How dare you say that.
D
Sushi shack.
B
Yeah. Continue. Continue.
D
Like.
B
Yeah, we're going to keep this in. I guarantee you. Not going to. It's not going to go well for you, honestly.
C
No, no, Kevin, seriously, like, people will be very lucky to have you. You're so funny.
B
Well, Andrew and I have a Hulu Animation show that we're doing a pilot for.
C
Brilliant.
B
If it gets picked up, we're going to have you on it.
C
I would love to.
B
Do, you know. I mean, you're out.
C
Yeah.
B
Yeah. Oh, Know this. So. Oh, check this out. Check this out. Right? Dude, I'm going to play Hawaii.
C
Okay.
B
We don't have a date yet, but I'm going to do the Hawaii theater. And I go, do you want to come? Right. I go, but it depends on your attitude. Right? You're out so far. You got to get back into Hawaii.
D
Wait, when did I get out?
B
I don't know about calling me, like, ugly and fat. You know that that hurts you.
C
You told me not to share that.
B
Doing this, rubbing in my face after saying that I Should be a sushi chef in this movie.
C
I would never hire you.
B
Thank you so much. You would make me never. Dude, if I wrote you a role and you. You got to be this guy with a turban and you wouldn't do. And an accent. You wouldn't do it, right? Right?
C
Of course not.
B
You're right. So we're. You and I are casting a KKK sitcom.
C
Okay.
A
Created by you guys.
B
Yeah. Great. By Must See NBC. Peacock. Right. And it's a six KKK members. Right. And. And the. And NBC wants us to do a comedy. And we would really like to do comics. Male comics.
C
I mean, you gotta have.
B
There would be cast. Right, Santino. I think.
D
No.
C
Yeah. Let's throw them in there. I want them in there.
B
I do want them in there.
C
Let's do it.
B
Yeah.
D
Bargada. Southern accent.
B
It's so good.
D
He's on a horse.
B
But he's the one that is also an insurance salesman.
D
Oh, yeah, yeah.
B
So he's the one. I can't take my hood off.
C
It's always clean comics.
B
Exactly, bro.
C
What else do you do?
B
We have to have a gay one. You know what I mean? So, Tim. No.
C
Oh, my God.
B
I thought Tony Hinchcliff is the gay one. Yeah. Tony Hinchcliffe would be the gay one.
C
Anybody that just walks around Texas going, yeah.
B
Yeah, Tony, that's you. And just play yourself. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
C
Right?
B
So that we have that. We got to get a fat one. So Tim Dillon.
D
Tim Dylan's got to be it. Yeah, absolutely.
B
Right. And then the last role. Let's do comic. But that's like. That wouldn't be the most common stunt cast.
C
You got a stunt? Yeah.
D
Something's gonna be crazy.
B
We gotta do a crazy one that's like. Like. And they. They have to contemplate it.
D
Moshe Casher.
B
Oh, my goodness.
C
So random.
B
It's so random. Good. He's Jewish. Is he?
D
Yeah, yeah, exactly. That's the.
B
That's the conflict. We know. We'll put him on the. You know what? He's being pinned.
D
Okay.
C
Okay.
B
All right. We're going to make an offer check. A. Let's see. But let's put him in the mix. Put him in the mix. So that's very good. You're a casting director now for the movie.
D
Okay, cool.
B
Sounds all right. So very good. Thank you. So I. I say Fortune feature, but.
D
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
B
But let's put her in the mix.
D
Yeah.
B
Who else would be.
C
She would be hilarious, actually.
B
She would be so hilarious.
C
She might be the funniest one.
B
Yeah. Okay.
C
Because you don't see it coming. And takes off the thing. He's like, what's going on here? Like, what?
B
Oh, I got it. I. I got it. Chappelle Lacy.
C
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
B
And he doesn't. The comedy is. You know, I'm white guys, too. I grew up in Phoenix. Yeah. Because he Cheerleader. With white cheerleaders.
C
Yep. I don't know the story. Yeah.
B
He's in a punk band with white people.
C
Okay.
B
He's very white.
C
Okay.
B
So that's. That's the cat. What do you think? Moshe or him? Ah, casting director.
D
I like Moshe because of the glasses. There's something funny about a KKK with thick glasses.
B
Oh, yeah.
C
So there's like a KKK guy that reads a lot.
D
Yeah, yeah, exactly.
C
Just really astute.
B
Yeah. So good with the book. There's a. There's a scene where they're. They're going to blow something up. Right. And then Moshe feels uncomfortable. And there's a thing throughout the movie where he gets uncomfortable. He pushes his glasses a little bit.
C
Yeah. He's like, I don't know. What are we gonna do? A lot of pressure. I don't know what's happening.
D
All the blacks.
B
Yeah. What do we call it here, this movie? Yeah. The White Wind.
C
The white win.
D
Oh, I like the White Wind.
B
Yeah, good. Not wind. Wind.
A
Wind.
D
Even better.
B
Yeah. White. Winners. Winners, Winners, Winners. You know what I mean?
D
Yeah.
B
I don't know. What do you think?
C
I'm thinking about it. Oh, titles are very tricky. They're very tricky.
B
What's your show called?
C
Oh, it's called Mo.
B
So tricky. Tricky.
C
Yeah, yeah.
B
That's a lot of thought that.
C
A lot of thought went into it, to be honest.
B
I have a show called Bobby.
C
Yeah. Yeah.
B
Took me two years to come up with that.
C
Yeah, I know.
B
Anyway, it's a thing. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Give me name.
C
I don't have one right now.
B
Okay, fine. You got by the brainstorm. But by the end of this podcast.
C
Let'S see what he comes up with.
B
Yeah, that's very. Yeah, that's very good.
D
Yeah.
B
It's telling me to actually come up with.
A
Telling me to reconsider. It's giving me a whole lecture on satire.
B
How about.
C
I'm going to be honest with you. The whole time we were doing it, I was reconsidering this whole thing. So. Chad, GBT definitely has a point.
B
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Is this racy?
A
What we're doing?
C
Doing. All depends.
B
Yeah, no, it's gonna be Great. Because we're not really getting deep into the political atmosphere. I know that. I've seen a lot of interviews with you where you get asked some heavy questions, bro.
C
So heavy all the time. It's so refreshing not to do that.
B
Yeah. And it's also, you're so funny that when you're bogged down with seriousness, it's hard to have some levity.
C
Yeah, bro. I pop into interviews and like, how was it recreating the death of your father? Recreating?
B
Yeah, yeah.
C
The scenes with your deceased grandmother. I'm like, bro, it's really hard.
B
Have you cried? Really?
C
Yeah, bro. I get so emotional. It's like, all right, man.
B
Oh, here we go. We got it.
A
This was top five.
B
Top five. Top five after Hoods in the Hood. That's. That could be number one, right?
C
It is listed as the Clock.
B
Okay, I don't like that one.
D
I don't like that one.
C
I love the descriptions. I like a play on words highlighting the absurdity of bigots in my changing world.
B
We have Burning Stupid.
D
Stop.
B
No Cheats and giggles. That's the one that could be. That's a grand. Wizards of Nothing.
D
Honestly, that's a great title. Five is good.
B
Five is that five is the thing.
D
Five is like a legitimately good movie name.
B
And then people walking around with a shirt that says gwn.
C
A jab at their self important yet utterly pointless existence. Very funny. It's very funny description. A dark comedic pun that highlights their idiocy rather than ideology.
B
We don't even need. I don't think networks and promotion people even have those people.
A
Happy birthday to us. Because Confetti Craze five Hour Energy Shots are back, baby. All cake, no sugar. You can have your cake and sip it too, minus any sugar. Guilt cake ifyour day with a quick, easy, portable, tasty caffeine boost. The Funfetti flavor is back on five hourenergy.com or Amazon crack open confetti craze five hour energy shots today. Strawberry banana. Five hour energy shots are also delicious. It is one of our favorite flavors. It reminds me of like when you're in the mall during the night and you get those little smoothie samples of strawberry banana. It's like that. With a tasty caffeine boost. The Funfetti flavor is back on five hourenergy.com or Amazon crack open confetti craze five hour energy shot today. Happy birthday to us. It's delicious.
C
Get it?
A
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B
You know me coming up with these lingos and you know me sayings, yo, you could just go to chat GB GBT.
C
It's funny because ChatGPT was trying to talk you out of it and he was like, no, no, please reconsider. Don't make me do it.
B
Yeah.
C
And then they're like, all right, yeah, here's five fire idea.
B
And I have, I have.
C
I wonder if Chad GPT, like changed his mind after it's all the time titles were like, you know what? Five actually has something. Yeah, I'm reconsidering my first statement.
B
Yeah, come up with a script. Yeah, with the sitcom script, please. Because we have to do a scene.
C
Yeah, yeah.
B
And I'm gonna come up with an accent, man.
C
Yeah, come up with. That would be fun. That would be funnier for you to play.
B
Hey, man, what's going on guys?
C
And like. Yeah, I would much rather do that. I'm always on that side.
B
Yeah.
C
Like picking guys that do things.
B
I'm trying to build my social media, man. So I don't want to wear the hood.
C
Yeah.
B
You know what I mean? I want people to see me, you know, I mean, something like that. So anyway. But would you. I have no hatred toward them.
C
Towards who?
B
White racists.
C
Yeah. Do you no.
B
In fact, if somebody was in a motorcycle accident and they had a KKK symbol on their jacket or whatever, I would help them.
C
But I think that's what. Literally doctors and nurses have to sign off. Like, they can't, like, not treat you based off of. Of your.
B
I have no hatred toward them, though.
C
Yeah, yeah.
B
Do you?
D
Not really.
B
Yeah, yeah.
D
No, no.
C
Hatred towards what?
B
Racism? Like, no, no, no, that's not fine. I hate. Have a hatred toward racism.
C
Yeah, yeah. I'm like, what are you talking about?
B
That's. I hate racism. But I just, you know, I mean, people are, like, born with these ideologies imprinted in their brain by their folks. You know, I mean, it's like, you know, if you grew up in a Mormon. In a Mormon family, you're going to probably become a Mormon Mormon. Yeah, right. Same thing. Right? You just instilled in you as. As a young person. I can't really talk, but I think.
D
Because what you're saying is beautiful.
B
Excuse me?
D
Because what you're saying is beautiful and.
B
That'S why I'm stuttering.
D
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
A
It's like that.
B
Yeah. Shaka. You're gonna go to Hawaii, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Shaka.
C
And get you some Hawaiian wings.
B
Yeah.
C
See how those go. You should just do a segment where he's just like reviewing wings everywhere.
B
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Every time he's gonna go, no, we're stock's got it. Yeah.
C
The up part is he's gonna get a wing. Stop. Deal. He's gonna be making more money than all. That's the up one. It could happen. Never mind. Look.
B
Look at his face. If there was a live action version of Jabba the Hut. Look at the eyes, mma.
D
Jabba the Hut.
B
Yeah, yeah, do the laugh. No, no, that's Yoda. That's Yoda. Dad dying.
C
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Damn, I lost the rules. You did.
B
When your baby was born.
C
This is how my baby boy was born. Yes.
B
Look at the eyes.
C
Oh, my God. That's so.
B
Right.
C
So rude.
D
Fortunately, pretty perfect.
B
Thank you. And so you understand my thing about.
C
Your nose, it's really messed up because I keep looking at his jab eyes and I keep looking.
B
Yeah, it's. You're right, Alex. You're right, Alex. You're right.
C
Right?
B
You have the eyes, but Jebba has his nose.
D
Okay. He does the eyes.
A
Wow.
B
It's a combo deal. Thank you so much for that observation, Alex. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
D
He has your chin, too.
C
There it is. Boom.
B
Dude, I literally was. This is not disappearing, dude.
A
It's going to.
B
Turning to the.
C
Yes. Just in a day. Distance fading away.
B
Bye. Yeah, very good slam, though. What's. What's this?
D
Houston.
B
Oh, oh, oh. You want to come to Houston, Texas? No, you're not doing Houston. You want to do Houston with me? All right, you. You. You got to be a little more positive, okay?
D
Positive.
C
Yeah, you should come to Houston.
B
You had your baby.
C
Yes, when I had my baby.
B
Cuz I talked to a lot of comics about their baby.
C
Yeah.
B
Whitney, etc. Etc. Yeah.
C
Whitney and I's baby is like a month apart or something. Right.
B
And they say, bobby, it's a love that you'll never know until you have one. Is that true?
C
I forgot that I had a baby boy until you just said it.
B
You have only one baby, right?
C
Yeah, I just had my first.
B
A lot of comics say, you know, when I go on the road and I come home, like on the plane, I get excited to see my kids.
C
No. 100%.
B
Is that true?
C
Yeah, no, it's 100%. No, it's the. It's the. It's so cliche, but it's sincerely like the greatest thing I've ever done in my life.
B
Yeah. When you walk into a. I think Andrew Schultz said that on Bad Friends. It's not out yet, but. Yeah, Schultz says it is cliche because it's like all those things are true.
C
Yeah.
B
When you walk into the house and you see your son, what's the feeling?
C
It's just seeing a little version of yourself, like, running up to you. It's just like nothing else matters. Like nothing else matter. Like, this is the most important thing that I've ever done in my life.
B
Like, Daddy.
C
Yeah. He says. He says, baba.
B
Yeah. Did he cry or no?
C
No, he doesn't really cry much.
B
Did he jump on you?
C
Yeah, yeah, he jumps on me, right? Comes up and hugs me. But he's also, like, so attached to his mom because she's still breastfeeding after almost 15 months. So he.
B
Let's just help your son get. Let's just hope your son gets your. Your wife's body.
C
Yeah. You don't even know how strong I am. Why are you saying that?
D
Yeah, it's awful.
C
You don't know. Why don't I just pick you up and throw you across?
B
I know how strong you are. You're super strong.
C
Yeah.
B
Sweet dreams. You.
C
Yeah.
B
Threw me a couple of times.
C
No, I did not.
B
You were a little bit aggressive, but.
C
That was because you were coming at me.
B
Those were called Korean hellos and yeah.
C
Oh, is that why you did this? That's not a Korean. Hello. Your nose.
B
That's Eskimo.
C
My chest.
B
Well, you're taller than me. I could reach up there. All right.
C
It was nice.
B
I always do Eskimo kiss on the chest.
C
Yeah. I was actually going through a lot, so it was nice.
B
If I was a dwarf, I would be doing your penis.
C
All right.
B
It's just the way I do Eskimo. Eskimo kisses. What's right?
C
Is this wrong? No.
B
Everyone's looking at me like, ah, funny. Shut the fuck up. You know what I mean?
C
It really feels like when you have a kid and you have a child. Like, for me, at least, from my perspective, from my lens, I see him and I'm like, ah, there's. There's a. There's like, a half of me that exists on this earth. And then whatever. I don't get to. Or, like, he can do it. Like, I feel. I feel youthful again. I feel very.
B
You think your son's gonna be a famous headliner.
C
He's gonna be a beast, bro. Whatever he's gonna do, he's gonna be incredible.
B
And then.
C
I know it. I already.
B
And George. George has two. And that's the.
C
He's already so smart.
B
That's the predicament.
C
Yeah. He.
B
I don't know your kid. I don't know your kid, but every parent. Every parent I know.
C
No, I'm very ob.
B
Your kid is going to be. Oh, this is the President of the United States.
C
I'm objective.
B
Or. He works at Subway.
C
I promise you, I'm so objective. Either way, I'm so. I am so, so objective. But I'm telling you right now, now, like, I'm not putting this on myself. Like, whatever. I just want him to be sincerely, like, happy.
B
Yeah.
C
Like, I really just want him to be, like, happy and. And grounded.
B
Oh, my good. About. What a beautiful family.
C
Beautiful.
B
That kid is like a toy.
C
Yeah, he's a toy.
B
It's like Hasbro made him. He's the cutest thing I've ever seen.
D
What?
B
What are you laughing, Dude, Hasbro. I'll tell you this right now. When you have a baby, we'll see.
D
He's gonna be beautiful.
B
Beautiful. Okay.
C
Yeah.
D
Yeah. Why wouldn't a child be beautiful?
C
And he's like. He's so cool, man. He's so cool.
B
Everyone look.
C
Loves girls.
B
Everyone looks. Everyone look at me right now.
C
Yeah. Yeah. What's going on?
A
I don't know.
C
I don't really know what you're talking about. Bro, it's so weird.
B
Okay, anyway, it's so weird that you're.
C
Just like, yeah, keep talking about it.
B
And you're gonna have another one.
C
Yeah, yeah, I want to have another one.
B
Go.
C
Would I. Yeah, for sure. How many to have as many as I can have. Honestly, if I can have a dozen, I would have a dozen.
B
Don't have a dozen.
C
What are you, Snow White or Palestinian?
D
He's got to repopulate.
C
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
B
Repopulate. Yeah.
C
Very sad, dark joke, but yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. No, for real. Like, he's. He's. He's so dope, bro.
B
So I'm obsessed. And there we go. That's what I'm talking about.
C
Oh, that's fucked up.
B
That's not up, dude. That is.
C
That. Is that you?
B
Yeah, that's not. Dude, that's not the moon camera check tricks.
C
Don't.
D
Don't listen to them. That's a trick with the.
C
Looks like the inside of a kiwi.
D
Don't say funny about my.
C
I apologize, bro.
B
Just.
C
That's the first thing I thought.
B
That's what I thought it to.
C
Can we show a picture of a sliced kiwi or.
B
Or a pomegranate?
C
Pomegranate.
B
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
C
I almost said pomegranate.
B
But you did kiwi.
C
B. Those little dots, you know?
B
Yeah, yeah, that's it. That's exactly. Dude. That's exactly what it is. Oh, also look up anteaters. No. Anyway.
C
No.
B
Yeah, yeah, yeah. So I'll tell you something. My favorite show. I think it's my favorite show of all time, especially the first four seasons. We had one of the guys on. On that show on this podcast, name is Rob Low.
D
I've heard of them.
B
Anyway, Star.
D
Big star.
B
Oh, so likable. But it's West Wing. Ever seen?
C
Yeah, of course.
B
Have you seen West Wing?
C
Yeah, yeah. Incredible show.
B
Really?
D
I've seen it before.
C
Yeah, yeah. I've only seen a few episodes. Some clips I was like, yeah, the.
B
First four seasons is Aaron Sorkin. Anyway, I'm redoing. I'm re. Watching it last night. Oh, beginning. And it makes me cry, that show.
C
Really?
B
Yeah, they just have. So it just.
C
They.
B
He knows how to hit my spot. Spots.
C
It's such a well written show.
B
It's such a well written show. It's so addictive to watch. The characters are great. In fact, one time I did a red carpet thing with Bradley Whitford. I couldn't even say anything. Like, I don't say I'm in this Movie, too. What do you say? Right. Just kind of take the photo. Right. I think I did a photo with him in a big group shot, but huge fan. But then you think I was watching the show, and you think about this administration, and it's the complete polar opposite.
C
Yeah.
B
Of what that is. It's just, you know, this is mystery. So chaotic and negative. I feel like, you know, I mean, and just like, crazy and, you know, I'm in the middle politically.
C
Yeah.
B
Yeah. And. But I just. It just kind of depresses me. Does it depress you?
C
No, it doesn't depress me neither. Yeah, it doesn't. It doesn't. It doesn't depress me because I think.
B
It'S good for comedy, too. So I get. I really do. I really do. I think it's good for comedy. So I set. I'm. I'm torn.
C
Oh, it's just sad. I think the whole political landscape is sad, you know, Like, I'm in the middle. I really am in the.
B
I'm in the middle, too. I'm in the middle. I'm seriously in the middle.
C
I'm a little Republican. I'm a little bit Democrat. You know, I think that this whole, like, a divisive tactic just to keep us mad.
B
That's what it is.
C
And they all get richer and richer. They're all making money, bro. They're all making money. They're all making crazy amounts of money on both sides. They just have different branding. That's all it is. Yeah. Like, there's one that's branding to a particular people, and the Democrats are branding to another particular people, and they just. They all hate each other. Fuck you. Fuck me. That's great for business. And then we're just. They're all winning in the end. They're all winning. If the, like, the country really figured it out and everybody started galvanizing those individuals that just see through it and realize that we're all just getting fucked in the middle, then they would be in trouble, but they don't, because everybody's stuck online. Like, who are you? It's like Bloods or Crips, bro. Are you red or you. Are you blue? Like.
B
Well, there was many things that they.
C
Used to do to Mike Kendrick. I want to unite the Bloods and Crips.
B
You control the masses. You know, religion. For many years ago, they did that. You know what I mean?
C
They still do it.
B
They still do it as a. And then now it's, you know, with Tik Tok and, you know, I mean, video games.
C
Right.
B
Yeah. Bread and circus. Right. Sporting events. Right. And we have our eye off the ball and we. Then they've devised places, I mean situations where we were fighting against each other. Other. And I know what they're doing. But I love watching games and I love video games. So. So I get conflicted.
C
I know. I watch them all in recaps. I watch. I can't. I can't.
B
Well, I'm a Premier League guy, so I have to.
C
Oh yeah.
B
Stay up at watch. Yeah. There's no way.
C
Yeah, yeah. I'm a World cup guy for something really. I can't keep up with Premier Leagues, bro.
B
Why?
C
Like you said, you got to wake up at 6am Like I'm not.
B
Do you have a team or. No, no. There's no. There's no club team that you like?
C
No.
B
How about you?
D
I don't. No, I don't.
C
No.
D
I'd like to.
B
I think Liverpool.
D
Okay. I'm into Liverpool.
C
You know why, why?
B
Mosala.
C
Mos. Mosa. I give from.
B
You know, I know what he looks like.
C
Of course.
B
He looks just like him. Go ahead, pull up his nose. I want to see what his nose. No, he. He got. It worked. He got work done.
C
Yeah, yeah. What is their chant? Mo, dude.
B
There he is.
D
Hold on. That nose could be. Pull up the nose a little closer. That could be my nose.
C
Can you look up the chant of Mos too?
B
Yeah, look up the chant. Yeah, this guy right here, dude. You know, it reminds me of son from Tottenham. You know we have a Korean guy. I mean and back in the day he was like the right. And there is a sense of pride, isn't it when somebody of your from where you're from?
C
Yeah, of course.
B
You know his ethnically or national. I don't know what it is.
C
He's Egyptian.
B
Egyptian, yeah. And when they excel, there's like a feeling of like, oh, that's me almost. Is that weird? Is that.
C
Unless it's DJ Khaled then. Yeah. It's like, ah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Jeez.
B
Who is Hans Kim? Mine's Hans Kim. I love you, Hans. So. Wow.
C
There's more though. There's more than.
B
We're not going to do all. We're not going to do all of that.
C
Can you look up Most Allah? Gift from Allah. That's a good one.
D
Watching all white people yell that. It's beautiful.
B
It's great.
C
Oh, dude, it's incredible, bro. That's why I want you to look up that one specifically if. If you want to cuz. That's like Central GPT to do that for you because it looks like you're struggling a little bit. He said fryo. Oh, yeah. Come on.
B
Goosebumps. Goosebumps, bro. Always scoring.
C
He's always scoring.
B
So please don't take Muhammad away, bro.
C
Are you kidding me, bro?
B
Incredible.
C
I got chills.
B
I know. But think of this, though. I'm going to give you a little mind twist here, okay? Right. He's one of the greatest, right?
C
Yeah.
B
Football players of. Of this generation. Right. But if he wasn't that, people would be like, get out of way sand eyes.
C
Of course.
B
Right? Yeah. It's because of the fame and his talent.
C
It's better than what he could have said.
A
I know.
B
There was other.
C
Appreciate it.
B
Yeah. There were other things I could have used. I was very thoughtful and I didn't even pause.
C
I gotta be honest with you.
B
I didn't go stand and pause. Yeah. I said the eyes.
C
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. It's like if Colin Kaepernick was like, phenomenal court. Like if he wanted or went to the super bowl, like if he was just killing it, they would have been like, all right, what's on going. Keep them on the team.
B
Right. Thing.
C
Is that what you're saying?
B
No, that's what I'm. I don't know.
C
Okay. By the way, I went World Cup Final. By the way, I. I went to the Argentina France final. Easily the greatest sporting event I've ever been to my entire life, bro.
B
That I can't believe I was there.
C
It was like the most.
B
The kickoff at the end was so dramatic, bro.
C
It was. It was incredible. The. The crazy part is like, all the goals were scored on my side, cuz they switched. So everything basically most. Most of the goals that were scored in during runtime was like right there. I saw the whole thing. Like, it was. It was. It was easily the greatest sporting event. I had like one of the most insane three months ever where I went to the World Series with the Astros, which I love World Series baseball. And then I went to. Hold on, hold on. It gets better. And then. And then I go to. And then I go to Argentina France final, which was like, I'll never go to another game like that ever again. It's. I don't think it's ever possible. Where was that experience in Doha, in Qatar, which was so well organized, so clean. Like, I've never seen bathrooms that clean before. In Doha and Qatar.
B
They have a really good. They have a really good Chipotle there.
C
A Phenomenal. Yeah.
B
I don't know. That was good. Anyway.
C
No, it was awesome.
B
And then where are you sitting in these events?
C
I was in a box.
B
Yeah, exactly.
C
Yeah.
B
Like, you think I can get in the box?
C
Yeah.
B
No, I can't.
C
Yeah, of course.
B
Andrew Santino. Celtics. Right.
C
I would take.
B
You went to the game. He's on the floor.
C
Yeah.
B
He's hanging out with the players.
C
Yeah.
B
Me, last row.
D
Oh, no.
C
Oh, no.
B
Yeah. My nose are bleeding because of the. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because of the height.
C
He didn't take you with him.
B
I'm going to tell you something right now, you guys. Okay.
D
Okay.
C
Yeah.
B
And ask these guys, right?
C
Why me?
B
I don't. I can't get into any. Anywhere.
C
Oh, wow.
B
You know, I mean, if I'm at a concert, I'm. I'm, you know, I'm on the ground, people are dancing on my body.
C
Oh, that's terrible.
B
Yeah. Yeah. I can't get into anywhere. And that's why I'm not as cool as you guys.
C
Yeah.
B
Because I, I don't have the. Even if I wanted to go to give me get in the team, you.
A
Could go to UFC fights.
D
Yeah.
C
On the floor. Yeah. You could.
D
I feel like you could do a lot.
B
Yeah. But Trump can, too. You know what I mean? That was. That wasn't a good reference. DD Vance can go. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I can't. I could if I want. Give me a team.
A
Arsenal. You can go to Arsenal game.
B
There's no way.
D
I'm sure you can.
B
Yeah.
C
I'm bro Dodgers. No.
B
Yeah. Dodgers. If I dress up as a Japanese pitcher. You know what I mean? Yeah. If I double gang it. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. But my point is I can't. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not crying to people and complaining. I'm being really serious. I'm just not one of those.
C
You sit in the box at the Boston Celtics.
B
Yeah.
C
Box is great.
B
What's a box? Where the owners.
C
Yeah, there's. I.
B
Who am I going to call?
C
Yeah.
B
I don't know. Larry Bird. Hey, Larry Bird. Larry. Larry Bird. It's me, Bob Lee from MAD tv. I don't have that kind of connection.
C
And he would go. Mad tv. One of my favorite shows.
B
My point being is, is that, you.
C
Know, you sat on the floor at a basketball game.
B
Never did. And what I would say to you is this, okay. You have the kind of fame and celebrity that I don't. And I. I'm not mad at it.
C
Yeah.
B
Okay. But it's Like, I. Dude, I've been in movies where they didn't even invite me to the premiere.
C
That's horrible.
B
That movie Jackpot. You know what I mean?
C
Maybe because you hug people with your nose.
B
Yeah, exactly. Maybe that's, you know. But that movie Jackpot with John Cena and Aquafina, I did them a favor, dude, and it was stressful. They're like, we need you on tape.
C
You didn't go to the premiere.
B
They go, I was in New York with Ian Finance, and they're like, can you just shoot something for the movie? I go, what is it? They need a podcaster to do something. Remember that? It was panic, right? I was like, I made Ian open up the. His podcast room. I shot it. Right? We did it for hours. We sent it. Paul Fee goes, we're keeping in the movie. It's so great, right? No premiere. And I want that in there.
C
Yeah, you gotta.
B
Yeah, I want that in there.
C
Yeah.
B
And it's like. It's like.
C
So I can't even paid for it, too. You did your whole thing.
B
Exactly. So I can't even get into the premiere of the movie that I'm in. Yeah, right?
C
So it's like they just messed up.
B
No, no, no. It happens all the fucking time. All right, Borderlands, it's a premiere, right? They go. They go, cast shoot. They did the cast shoot, right? And I'm on the same side. I try to get into it, and some guy in the suit goes, no, no, no, no. Right? And then Kevin Hart had to look at me and go, bobby, what the are you doing? And he grabbed my wrist and brought me in. Okay. So I've been slighted. And I'm not also crying. And I'm. You know, I'm not crying. I'm so grateful for my life. I'm just telling you.
C
Yeah.
B
That I can't get into no games, dog.
C
Yeah.
B
Now I don't know how these sports are played. What's this?
A
That's you.
B
Oh, that's right. I was invited.
C
You were there.
B
Yeah. Look at that. You.
C
Yeah. What are you upset about?
D
Yeah.
B
Look at that cast, though.
C
That's an incredible cast.
B
Kate Blanchet, Kevin Hart, Jack Black, Jam Lee Curtis.
C
Yeah. Jack Black. All time.
B
Yeah. Edgar Ramirez, Gina Gershon, Eli Roth. Eli Roth, all in white.
C
Incredible. You look great.
D
It does.
C
Why is he holding you like he just adopted.
D
It does look like that.
C
Rook of my career.
B
I know. And you've helped me that before, too. And that's why I do the nose.
C
Look at Kevin. Way in the corner. That looks hilarious.
B
I know. He doesn't look like. Yeah.
C
He's so strong. That guy is such an athlete. It's insane.
B
Kevin Hart.
C
Yeah.
B
Dude. He's also one of the nicest guys you'll ever meet.
C
Yeah. He's so nice, bro. He's so funny. It was fun to hang out. Such a. Great to hang out with.
B
Yeah.
C
Great hang.
B
And he's like, you know, you can. You take a. Of course, buddy. You know? Yeah, he's like, so. Yeah. Yeah, I. I love him a lot, in fact.
C
Yeah, I really.
B
Everyone on that movie was super nice to me, so. Yeah, it was really nice.
C
Yeah. That's why you.
B
How are you. How. How are you around big celebrities?
C
I don't really care that much.
B
See, you're one of those.
C
Yeah. Like, the only person I really freaked out on was. This was years and years ago. It was 2016.
B
Ben Kingsley.
C
No, no. I freaked out on Dairo. I. I like spazzed out.
B
Yeah.
C
I was talking to someone like this who's in Atlanta, was doing shows with Chappelle. And I'm looking. We're backstage. You know what I'm saying? Dave Chappelle. So we're sitting there talking. Yeah. He doesn't sound. He's not familiar. Right. So I'm sitting there talking to somebody like this, and I turn around and he's right here. And I go, like, I just freaked out.
B
That's not the move.
C
I don't care. And I didn't give a fuck.
B
You do this.
C
I hugged him. No, no, no. Check this out. I hug him and I hold him for, like, probably way too long, but.
B
Had he seen you perform yet?
C
He did.
B
See.
C
I didn't know at that point, but he saw me. He did see me perform. He was at the.
B
You can't hug if they haven't seen.
C
Exactly. But I know, right? So I just hug him and I'm holding him for a long time and he just closes this mic and I let go and I'm like, did I hold you too long? And I swear to you. And he goes a little bit. Like, I'm good. Wow. And I hogged him. The whole time I was just talking to him. One of the first books I read was like Wise Guys. When I came to the States, it was so stupid. Like, why would you read this mob book? Somebody gave it to me and I was obsessed with mob movies and obviously Good fellas and everything that came after that. I was just obsessed with it. Dude, I beat and my all time favorite comedy Movies, comedy, action movies is Midnight Run. It's like, dude, easily one of the best act.
B
One of the best movies ever made. My mom likes that movie.
C
It's incredible.
B
Charles Grodin was the other guy. Yeah, yeah.
C
Charles Gordon Dennis.
B
Have you seen it?
C
YouTube better get more personally involved in your work. When I'm a stab you to hurt with a pencil.
B
You have to watch that movie. Anyone listening? You have to watch Midnight Run.
C
Yeah.
B
It's a fucking classic. Yeah, yeah.
C
Greatest movie.
B
It's the best duo too.
C
Oh, Charles Grodin is.
B
Yeah.
C
Hysterical.
B
And at the end it's so heartfelt.
A
Anyway.
B
Yeah.
C
And actually in episode two of my show, there's a character that kind of modeled off of that. The relationship of him and. Oh, really, Jack? Yeah.
B
So you stole it?
C
No, I didn't. Anyway, it was tipping the hat of being like, annoying.
B
Yeah.
C
You know how they have this relationship where he was. Charles Gordon was constantly annoying. Daenerys kids character. And I was at a detention center and I was like, oh, I'd be fun to play with the detention officer that way. And I was always like annoying him that. In that way. And I. I'd call him Jack. It was like my. My homage.
B
You've seen it.
D
That's a great dynamic. Yeah, I love that episode. It's very funny.
C
Yeah, yeah. It's one of my favorite. Yeah.
B
Really interesting.
C
It's one of the best shows.
D
It's a great job.
B
Very interesting. What have you done?
C
Okay.
D
Why would you do this?
C
Why would you do.
D
What are you doing?
C
You're so lucky to have like a big brother like that. It's is fun.
A
Yeah.
B
Like a star.
C
It's dope.
D
I just said I liked his show.
C
Put these glasses on.
B
Thanks, man.
C
You might as well.
B
Dude, those glasses are so dope. Yeah, that's good.
D
Good luck.
C
It's actually good. Yeah, yeah, it works.
B
I mean, you sell oil.
C
Yeah, yeah. Can I get a wipey for the inside part?
B
Yeah, yeah.
C
I'm joking.
B
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. We'll get somebody on that. Ramsey. Is there a star that you can work with that you would be. Be like, scared?
D
I don't think so. I'm not really, like. I don't really.
B
I'm not like.
D
I've never was like a movie guy growing up. I didn't watch a lot of movies.
B
When people are like that, it boggles my mind.
C
No, it's like when we. When I did Black Adam and it was like the rock there and all this stuff that was like a lot that was a sad, underrated movie. It was. It was such a thing.
B
What a great movie.
C
Yeah, it was awesome.
B
Yeah.
C
Yeah, I'm the best.
B
What was he? I never met him. What's he like?
C
No, it was just a lot to take in. Like the whole. It was such a big budget movie and I was working with Pierce Brosnan's in it and Pierce Brosnan's like, oh, like this. I'm like, bro, you did 4, 007 movies. You're saying, well, this. This crazy. He was easily my favorite person. Like, they're all. No, actually shouldn't say. We're all really, really close on the show, on the movie.
B
This is what I hate. This is what I hate. Right? You. You don't know what the movie is going to be like. You know all the people that are in it, right? And then you go there, right? And it's like these cranes and green screen and thousand people running around, right? And it's like. And they're. And they're leading you to your mark and you're like, I don't think I'm going to be able to do this. That's really the thought.
C
It was so stressful.
B
I did the dictator and I was like, with the first thing saying was Ben Kingsley and Ed. Nor. Ed Norton. Yeah, yeah. Not Ed Norton.
C
You don't even know.
B
It's just Edward Norton Jr. From Fight Club. Yeah, yeah, I got it right then.
C
Yeah. Not Junior.
B
Yeah, it was at Norton, Ben Kingsley. And Sasha was there and he was like, kind of helping Larry with the scene. And. And there was these gigantic, like, it's a un. Thing.
C
Thing.
B
Yeah. And they're leading me. I swear to God, I'm like, I'm about to get fired because I right now, I don't know any of my lines. I'm petrified.
C
Yeah.
B
And then you get on the mark and then something comes over. You're like, you have to do it.
C
Yeah, of course.
B
You have to kill this.
C
Yeah.
B
Right. Or it's over. And I know the years of nightmares I would have, they said, we're moving on. You know what I mean?
C
Oh, I've heard stories.
B
Yeah, I've heard. Yeah, I've lived them.
C
I've heard stories. Great comedian, Sean Ross. Did you ever know Sean Ross?
B
Love him.
C
Yeah. He was such a great.
B
He's a great guy. Albino.
C
No, he wasn't albino. He had lupus.
B
He had lupus?
C
Yeah, he had lupus.
B
Similar.
C
Yeah, similar. Yeah. Such a funny, like, dark comedian, bro. He's so.
B
He was One of the best. Out of Texas.
C
Out of Houston.
B
Yeah, Houston.
C
Yeah, Houston guy. So, yeah, he was just. I heard about like Men in Black too. He had the role and he just couldn't. Like it was so big and he had problems with. With the lines and stuff and then fired him. And then. And then was it. What's his name? I always get him mixed up. Now was. It. Was his. What's the co star? Men in Black. Will Smith and who else? And Tom. Tommy Lee Jones. Yeah, Tommy Lee Jones. Like, can we get somebody who knows their lines?
D
Ah, that's brutal.
C
Brutal. Oh, he's still in it. But it could have been like bigger. I know.
B
Oh, pain, nightmare. I know in my head my life is over.
C
I heard that as a little kid. I heard that as a kid, like coming up in the game. I was like, oh, I can't do that.
B
Yeah. There was another.
C
Sean was like one of the funniest comedians. Like, so dark and just really funny.
B
I know another guy. I can't say his name, but he did a scene with Al Pacino and he was playing a lawyer. And so he. In the reverse. You know what I mean? Because a lot of times in movies when you're with a big star, when the camera's on there, you're there behind the camera doing the lines, but in the reverse, they leave and you have a stand in, right? They're going to sit and do your reverse.
C
Yeah, of course.
B
But Pacino and this kid thinks, you know, I mean, oh, my lines with a stand in, right? But Peter goes, I'm going to stay. And then he. This panic came over him. And while they said action. He couldn't get his lines out.
C
Oh, no.
B
And then Petito just walked away. And then he got cut out of the movie. You know what I mean? And that, that, that happens so often. All the time.
C
I saw somebody get fired off set. They didn't even know they were fired. Really. I swear to God, somebody just walked away. They're all like, he's done. Oh, it's amazing. Like this. And we're all clapping like, we're not. I'm pretty sure we're not done. Like, that's crazy.
B
Oh, oh, wait, wait, you're in still in the middle of the scene. No, yeah, there. It's a rap for Johnny.
C
Yeah, exactly.
B
Thank you. Last day cut.
C
It was like, yeah, cool get. You know, he's. He's finished today. And AD Comes over. He's like, he's done, everybody. Yes.
B
Yeah, thank you.
C
And the guy's like, really? I'm already done. He's like, yeah, yeah, yeah. There's another page.
B
Yeah.
C
They have another page written and a new actor comes in.
B
Yeah.
C
I was like, all right, that makes sense, because he stunk. Yeah. He was terrible.
B
Really?
C
Yeah. Well, he was terrible. I was like, how we're gonna do this?
B
He's like, okay, I'll tell you. Murdering my nightmare. I'll tell you one of the nightmares.
C
Yeah, I want to hear it.
B
So I did this movie called Hardbrother Breakers.
C
One of my favorites.
B
Right?
C
Yeah.
B
So I had a monologue. It was just like, you know, I mean, two pages of monologue, and I had it down backwards and forwards. I could do it, you know, I mean, in my sleep.
C
Yeah.
B
And as soon as I hit the mark, I had a panic attack. And they go, action. And I couldn't even think of the first word. And I had to say a thousand words.
C
Yeah.
B
And it got to the point. That's rude.
C
I'm sorry. I was putting it away. It vibrated. And I had it on the island. I didn't know.
B
I'm just glad you're here, dude.
C
Yeah, I know, man.
B
And eventually the director walks up to me. She goes, it's almost over.
C
No, No, I don't have fun, bro.
B
I'm having fun, too. She goes, yeah, we're losing light. We're gonna move on. And they cut me out of there, and I weeped in my dressing. You know that movie? That's why I love this movie. Once upon a time in Hollywood.
C
Yeah.
B
When Leo like going, doing those anger.
C
So genius in his trailer. And he was his idea, too.
B
Yeah. Yeah. Because he understands what it is. You know what I mean? And that happened to me. Would you think that'll ever happen to you?
D
I don't think so.
B
You did at Long Beach.
D
Okay.
B
Anyway. So we bad friends.
D
This. Okay.
C
Mo.
B
Mo tell. Sorry. Mo tell.
D
Sorry.
B
No, no bad friends. You know. You know, big, big, big pod podcast.
C
Yeah, of course.
B
Probably one of the biggest the world in terms of, like, our comedy. Can't wait to do it before you're going to do it.
C
Yeah.
D
Can I just interject something?
B
There goes Houston.
C
Hello, Houston.
B
And Hawaii is on the chopping block.
C
Yeah.
B
So. And I'm being generous. We play three, 4,000 seat things, me and for a podcast. That's pretty good. It's beautiful being in a gigantic theater. And. And I.
C
It's incredible, bro. What are you talking about?
B
And I don't. I've never worked with Ramsey before. He's just a nice guy. At the store, you know, I mean, we have a good rapport, I think.
C
Right.
B
You know, and so you want to open? Yeah. After a set. I. I'm in the back of this theater, and I see this couch, and I see Ramsay sitting like this.
C
Yeah, it happens.
B
It was the saddest thing I'd ever.
C
Seen after the set.
B
Yeah, it was like. It's equivalent to when. When those Vietnamese Buddhist monks lit themselves on fire in the Vietnam War. It was that kind of, like, historical sadness.
C
Oh, wow.
B
It was a historical sadness.
C
You bombed.
D
No, the set was fine. Bobby's gonna say I bombed. I had a. I had a good set.
B
Well, from where? From where we're. Me and Andrew were. We didn't hear any laughs. Okay. But sometimes it's far away from.
C
Yeah, sure, that happens. But you still hear, like, a.
D
That's not true.
C
You know, like a faint.
B
I just heard his voice. But maybe there's something about the acoustics.
C
Yeah, that's not acoustics anymore. This is. Theater has been around 100 years.
B
Yeah. 100. Yeah.
C
Yeah, yeah.
D
I had a. I had a decent set. It was fine. It's just at the very end of the set, the mic cable fell out, and if I was at a club, I feel like I could have handled it, but I. It was such a. It just felt very embarrassing in the moment. And.
C
Bobby.
D
Yeah.
B
You exposed it.
D
4,000 people.
B
Yeah. Let me say, Mo, when you. When the. That's how sometimes happens. Right. The mic cord detaches. You have to put it back in. Have you ever. That ever happened?
C
Yeah, course.
B
I have five things I can say sure. In my pocket, so I can. Because I've been in that situation.
C
Yeah. They're called material. It's awesome.
B
It's called. Yeah, it's called material. Right? Yeah. Yeah. And so what I'm saying is, is that he did not have the material for that scenario. Which means what? He's not doing his homework.
C
Needs more experience.
B
He needs more experience. Right. And you need enough experience to do a theater in Hawaii.
C
No, I think it's really crucial to have somebody super experienced in Hawaii for. For sure.
B
Preaching to the choir.
C
Yeah. You know what I mean?
B
Wow. Duly nud.
C
Yeah.
B
You know I said duly nud.
C
He said, yeah.
B
What's that sound?
D
Mo's about to say something I wanted.
C
To hear say, if he's not working, I got dates coming up. And you also. I'm just.
B
I have to say, he is very good.
C
No, he is very good. We're busting balls. You're fucking Fantastic.
B
You wouldn't be here if you work.
C
Your ass off if I didn't love you.
D
I appreciate that.
C
Of course.
B
Okay.
C
Gotta bust balls, bro.
B
I love you a lot and I think.
C
Yeah, I know. You're fantastic.
B
You're a fantastic guy.
C
Yeah.
B
And so you just need to work.
C
On those, you know, when the wire goes loose.
B
Joe, let's come up with one right now. Improvise. All right, so you're.
C
You just need to be. You just need to be.
B
My cord's out. You're putting it back in.
C
Go.
B
You put it back in. Go.
D
Oh, that's the first time that's ever happened to me.
C
Oh, man.
B
No, wait, wait, don't laugh. Don't laugh. No, don't laugh. Right. Say that again and this is the sound that you're going to hear. So go ahead.
D
Oh, that's the first time that ever happened to me.
C
Damn it. That's it.
B
Yeah. And that was a fart. That was a fart.
C
Mouse fart. Yeah.
B
Give me another one. Right? Mike goes out.
D
The mic fell out. What would you do? You tell me. Wait, give him call a couple more, do you.
B
My thing is Mike goes off. I put it up. Don't worry. My people made this.
C
That's funny.
B
It's a huge one. That's a good one. It's a big laugh, right? But yeah, like I. I'm calmly doing.
C
Where'd you get this? Radio Shack, you know?
B
Yeah, yeah. That is easy as that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I just thought about that.
C
Right.
B
I know you did. Okay, Mike. Mike again. Oh, man.
D
You only need one thing to do. Stand up comedy microphone. They didn't even do it.
C
I think what you should do if that ever happens again.
B
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Is kill yourself.
C
It's just. Don't do that, please. Please don't do that. Yeah, yeah. I want the record to show that I really begged him not to do it. And I was just like, no, just, just, just keep going.
D
Well, it was the last joke.
C
Just put it. Oh. Oh.
D
It was like right before the.
C
This is the trick. Okay. Very, very easy trick. All you do is acknowledge this. This happened on the last joke. Like, what are the odds of. Of it? Like, thank you so much. And then you dig into the fact of the scenario, how ridiculous it is and upsetting it is, and you get the crowd to. To. Hopefully they love you enough to. Where they start chanting with you.
D
They did not love me.
B
Also, what you could do as a comic, this is when my gut instinct is I have to do more. I Have to do more jokes.
C
Do one more joke.
B
You stop, stop, stop.
D
Okay.
B
You know, I mean, I have to do more jokes. I'm going to do one more joke so I can get a laugh. Right? You can't end silence. It.
C
Yeah.
B
Didn't end you, you ended in silence. And then, and they, they said good night and it was like, you know, a really boring TED Talk. They, they're like, that's not true.
D
That's simply not what happened.
B
No, you did great. Okay. I'm just making. I'm razzing you, dog. We're all good.
D
Got to defend myself, right?
B
So you, you're not starstruck with anybody?
D
Not really, no. I feel like I know too much about people.
B
Let's last thing we're going to do.
C
No, I, I was, I was definitely like crazy about Pierce. Pierce Brosnan. When I was very excited to work with Pierce.
B
Yeah.
C
And the night before they, I worked, you know, you know the, the SAG rules, like if you work over 12 hours, if they call you within the 12 hour rest and you get like a bonus or whatever, they're walking up to me like, hey, sorry, but we're gonna have to call you a little bit earlier. But you know you're gonna get a bonus and all this stuff. They're like, expect me to react. I'm like, what? Who cares? I'm like, what are we doing tomorrow? He's like, we moved up the Pierce Brosn scene with you and Pierce. I was like, are you fucking kidding me? It's amazing. I'm so pumped up. I was so excited. I forgot to look it at the lines.
B
Oh, what happened?
C
I killed it. I just, I'm really good with line. I was just like, I, I, it was like.
B
But what's stunning to me is I just forgot.
C
I was like so excited.
B
Seen probably Taxi Driver.
D
I saw Taxi Driver. Yeah, yeah. With Daero.
C
Oh, God, you're so confident.
B
Name me two other people in that movie.
D
Oh, oh, the Jewish guy. Albert Brook looks.
B
That is. He isn't this.
D
He's in it.
B
That's very. That's a deep cut too.
D
Yeah, yeah, he's in it. I liked him in that movie.
B
Yeah, Harvey Keitel.
D
Okay. That guy.
C
Oh, one of my favorites.
B
Give him another classic. Steve.
C
Seen it.
B
Something that you think that if you're an artist, right. And you're really into culture, you had to have seen it, so. I know, I know. I see.
C
I'm trying to think of something that's going to be really obscure to. With him.
B
It's got to be a classic. Like maybe her Criterion Collection movie.
C
Well, have you seen Casino?
D
Joe Pesi.
C
He hasn't seen Casino.
D
Is that Joe Pesci? Who's in it?
B
Who's in ca. He's in all of them.
C
Okay. He said, have you seen Star Wars?
B
R2D2?
C
Have you seen my cousin Vinnie?
D
Is. Is Leo and my cousin Vinnie.
B
No, no, that's.
C
Oh, my God.
B
That's a classic.
C
Cousin Vinnie.
B
Let's go in the 70s. Have you ever seen. Have you ever seen Apocalypse now with. Go ahead, Mel.
D
Brook. Not.
B
Yeah, Mel Brooks is in it. It's really an underrated performance by him.
C
Yeah, really.
B
You know, it really is. Yeah. Do you know what it's about?
D
An Apocalypse.
C
I assume it's a very good guess.
B
Yeah. Yeah. It's a Kubrick movie. Not Kubrick. It was Francis Ford Coppola. Yeah, Francis Ford Coppola. And it's about the Vietnam War. And there's some. No names in it. Like Marlon Brando. Anyway. Exactly.
C
Marlon Brando.
B
Martin scene. But anyway, Godfather.
C
Yeah.
B
Oh, God. For. You're gonna say Godfather.
D
Richard Pryor's lover.
B
Explain that. I don't get it.
D
Did Marlon Brando not. I think Richard Pryor and Marlon Brando.
C
Had a thing, supposedly.
B
Yeah. Really?
D
Yeah, really do not know about this.
C
No, I mean, look it up. I don't know if it's true or not.
B
And that's what I was trying to start with you on. Sweet. What do you think the nose things was about? So let's plug something.
C
We'll watch The Series Season 2, 2 of Mo, now on Netflix. And also, I'm on tour. You can catch me in April. On tour. I don't know why you're going to the merch page.
D
I just gotta say this. Mo, your show is so incredible. I love it. It makes.
B
That happened in the beginning.
D
I just want to say it every time.
C
Say it.
B
Okay.
D
Every scene makes me want to cry. It's so good. Really great. If you have not seen Mo, everybody's got to watch it.
B
And it's unfortunate they're not doing a third season.
C
I'm just saying we might. You never know.
B
Yeah, he's got a.
C
A movie.
B
But, you know. You know, if you want a Palestinian guy or to have one line, you want to help out a kid, put him in it.
C
I would.
B
Okay.
C
100%. The only issue is you got to put on a turban and then you got to say.
B
He'Ll suck. He'll do a.
C
No, he won't do It. No, we added a bunch of shows. You know, just. You can go on mohammer.com and see all the. The tour dates.
B
I also want my fans listening to this right now. Understand that Mo's not going on tour in March, and I'm going to be in Houston in March, and he said that he's going to have dinner with me.
C
I am.
B
Now, if that doesn't happen and he ghosts me, I will let you guys know and do an update, and we will start a war. I have an army as well.
C
That's great. No, I would love to have dinner, bro. You should come over the crib. For sure. I got to go. No, we don't.
B
Russ. I'm not going to your house.
C
No, It's a great hangout.
B
You are, Donnell. When I was in Springfield with Chappelle.
C
You don't go to Donnell's anything.
B
Yeah. Donnell was like, come over. I'm gonna make fish. I'm not eating fish from you.
C
No.
B
Yeah. Yeah.
C
He's a very good cook, but it's.
B
Kind of sucks, really.
C
Yeah. He really is an excellent cook.
B
Oh, he said he is.
C
He really is a fantastic cook.
B
Yeah. Yeah. Anyway.
C
But you definitely want to come hang out at the crib. For sure. It's a great hangout. I'll have the comics over. We'll have a good time.
B
I'll eat before, but.
C
No, eat before.
B
Okay.
C
I can order Vietnamese if you get hungry later. Great Vietnamese food. Great Vietnamese wings, actually.
B
Cajun, do you think?
C
Fantastic wings.
B
Do you think I'm Vietnamese?
C
You're not Vietnamese. You're Korean.
B
Yeah, exactly, bro.
C
I know.
B
Ramsay.
D
Any plugs, just follow me online. Run on the. Whatever the.
B
And if you ever want to go, come to the store. He's working a lot.
C
Yeah. Anyway, it's a prestigious position, dude.
B
I did it for years, dude.
C
Yeah.
B
You know how hard it is to get in that room, even to work there? Yeah. You have to showcase to work there, and Emily has to go. Yeah. You're good enough to work here.
C
Yeah, dude.
B
You got it. When Molly saw you, she was like, he's good.
C
Yeah.
B
I already gave you the compliments. Thank you.
C
Yeah. What else do you want?
B
What else do you want?
D
Nothing else.
B
All right. Give Mo Amber a round of applause and. All right.
C
Thank you.
D
When you do it, it's weird. It's not good.
Episode: Mo Amer & Jabba the Hutt Eyes
Date: March 12, 2025
Host: Bobby Lee (B), Co-hosts/producers: Khalyla (A), Ramsey Badawi (D), and Gilbert (C)
Guest: Mo Amer (C)
This episode welcomes comedian Mo Amer for a wild, riff-heavy conversation weaving through comedy life, cultural roots, family history, food debates, generational shifts, addiction, and a running bit about "Jabba the Hutt eyes." The episode maintains TigerBelly's signature chaotic energy, punctuated by honest insights and heartwarming moments, often leaping from raucous joking to deep reflection. Ramsey Badawi, a recurring sidekick and opener, gets both roasted and praised throughout.
“I can't go to a nice place and be like, hey, I'm killing it, and everybody's just, like, out here... It's a reflection of me.” [12:58]
“Because I'm Asian, it's like I have a built-in abacus... when I'm thinking you could hear it.” [15:07]
“There's a massive shift in society... They want to get to the top, like, tomorrow. There's no, like, patience game.” – Mo [26:31]
“My dad... sold gum and pickpocketed American soldiers... house burned down... Mom’s sister run over by military truck. Then their son’s doing crystal meth.” [42:32]
“Honestly. Dude, it's one of the best drugs that they've ever created. ... I stopped doing it at 17. I got sober.” [44:27], [47:08]
“It was really eerie, actually, when I booked her... my mom comes from the sunroom... she’s like, I don't remember sending you a message today. ... same story where she fled the Gulf War...” [40:16]
“No Cheats and giggles. ... Wizards of Nothing. ... it's a grand. Wizards of Nothing... That’s a great title.” [61:00]
“It’s sincerely the greatest thing I’ve ever done in my life.... like nothing else matters.” [68:14]
“Oh, dude, it's incredible, bro... that's like central GPT to do that for you…” [77:13]
“You're fucking fantastic. You wouldn't be here if you weren't.... I love you a lot...” [96:56]
On generational shifts in comedy:
“Paying your dues. When I came up as a comedian, it was like, shut the fuck up. You get in that car, go do all these one nighters, earn your rings, and then you come to the clubs, you know, then you learn how to be actual comedian.” – Mo [26:48]
On immigrant hardship and American kids:
“And then they come here to America. ... and their son’s doing crystal meth. ... But it was... they were so hard on me because they probably were like, this kid has no gratitude.” – Bobby [43:08]
Handling Bombing & Technical Mishaps:
“Have to do more jokes. You can't end in silence.” – Bobby [99:01]
“Material. It’s awesome.” – Mo [96:07]
Addiction candor:
“Honestly. Dude, it's one of the best drugs that they've ever created. ... I stopped doing it at 17. I got sober.” – Bobby [44:27], [47:08]
Mo on representation, Mo Salah, and pride:
“Dude, it's incredible, bro. That's why I want you to look up that one specifically... that's like Central GPT to do that for you…” [77:13]
On fatherhood:
“It's the... greatest thing I've ever done in my life.” – Mo [68:01]
On satire and risky comedy:
“Wizards of Nothing. ... That's a great title. Five is the thing.” [61:00]
Affirmation for Ramsey:
“You're fucking fantastic. You wouldn't be here if you weren't....” – Mo [96:56]
For anyone who missed it:
This episode is both a laugh riot and a deep dive into the heart of comedy, family, and what it means to belong. Mo Amer brings the perfect blend of pride and humility, Bobby Lee maintains his wild-child energy while dropping real wisdom, and the group’s roast-heavy dynamic is always anchored by genuine affection.