Pete Holmes and Bobby have a Heated Rivalry

Summary

TigerBelly: "Pete Holmes and Bobby have a Heated Rivalry"

Host: All Things Comedy • Date: February 25, 2026
Guests: Pete Holmes, Khalyla, Cat, Gilbert, George, others

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Episode Overview

This episode of TigerBelly features comedian Pete Holmes joining Bobby Lee, Khalyla, and the TigerBelly crew for a lively, free-form conversation filled with playful rivalries, observations on comedy culture, identity, personal growth, and the realities of life in entertainment. The group’s chemistry leads to banter on topics ranging from the nuances of Asian identity to expensive jackets, co-sleeping, life in LA vs. the countryside, and the unique chaos of podcasting and stand-up life.

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Key Discussion Points and Insights

1. The Bobby-Pete "Rivalry" and Comedic Banter

• Opening Banter: Bobby and Pete immediately slip into a mock-competitive rapport, riffing on musical ability, physical features (notably “borderless” white people lips), and who first extended a podcast invitation.

  • “You know how white people... their lips, he has no borders. I love when white people have borders.” — Bobby (01:31)
  • Pete plays along, responding with sarcasm and witty retorts throughout.

• Podcast Invite Drama: They comically debate why Pete hadn’t previously appeared on TigerBelly.

  • “You never asked.” — Bobby (03:31)
  • “That’s one of the lessons that we have to learn as a society. Things go both ways.” — Bobby (03:34)

• Rivalries as Comedy Fuel: Pete and Bobby dissect the concept of rivalry in media and among comedians, linking it to themes of male competition, sexual tension, and audience expectations (05:45–06:35).

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2. Cultural Identity, Representation, and Accent Play

• Half-Asian Recognition: The group humorously debates who “counts” as Asian, referencing actors like Keanu Reeves and using “borders” as a running joke for lips and identity.

  • “When I see Keanu, I deny it.” — Bobby (07:31)
  • “He’s not Asian. He’s not NOT Asian.” — Pete (07:43)

• Accents and Pronunciations: Khalyla’s Hawaiian pronunciation and Bobby’s playful mockery spark further play on cultural authenticity and hybridity (08:07–08:16).

• Family & Heritage: Later, each host shares brief anecdotes about their ancestry (62:46–64:18), with Khalyla revealing her connection to a real-life “tomb raider” uncle.

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3. Comedy Club Cultures and Podcast/Lifestyle Habits

• Clubs and Elitism: Pete and Bobby discuss favorite LA clubs (Comedy Store vs. Largo), their different vibes, and perceptions of elitism or community.

  • “People who don’t understand Ojai don’t understand Largo.” — Pete (25:14)
  • “When the crowd is elitist. ... We all went to Ivy League schools. We’re part of a club.” — Bobby (25:32)

• Lifestyle Differences: The conversation explores Pete’s decision to live far from the city in Ojai, sparking talk of introversion, privacy, and how distance impacts professional relationships (11:03–14:33).

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4. Money, Consumption, and “Flexing”

• Expensive Purchases: Laughter erupts as Bobby details his (almost) extravagant spending habits — nearly buying a $3,000 ski mask and regularly splurging on high-end clothes.

  • “$3,000 ski mask. That’s not domineering, Pete. It’s very humble.” — Khalyla (47:28)
  • “If I wasn’t wearing that Montclair jacket, David Spade would not know who I was.” — Bobby (71:18)
  • Pete shares his own anxieties over buying a thousand-dollar coat in New York, offsetting guilt with charity (66:35–67:40).

• Class, privilege, and context: They examine how spending feels different depending on background, location, and state of mind.

  • “You live up here in the hills ... you don’t really see poverty. ... When you’re in New York ... you buy a thousand dollar coat, the next thing you do is step over a guy who’s dying.” — Pete (68:00)

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5. Intimacy, Parenting, and Co-Sleeping

• Book Reference – “Tribe”: Pete references the book’s thesis that humans are evolved for close-knit communities and co-sleeping, triggering an in-depth parenting discussion (52:00–59:04).
  • “It’s funny what sticks with you from a book. It was that 150 thing.” — Pete (58:23)
  • “Parents listening, I respect whatever you’re doing, but he [the author] makes the argument that if you put a baby in a room by itself ... it thinks it’s going to be eaten by wolves.” — Pete (58:33)
  • Khalyla: “Co-sleeping is very natural for me. ... We still co-sleep.” (59:27)

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6. Vulnerability, Sobriety & Emotional Dynamics

• Bobby’s Sobriety Anniversary: The group marks Bobby’s four-year milestone, discussing celebration (or lack thereof) and the ongoing challenge of seeking validation and connection (44:06–44:48).

  • “So nobody texted me except for Santino.” — Bobby (44:36)
  • Bill Burr’s blunt support: “He goes, boo hoo, in front of everybody.” — Bobby, on being teased for his complaints (45:51)

• Emotional Hot/Cold: Both Khalyla and Pete observe Bobby’s shift from affable clown to “cold shower,” noting how he pivots suddenly from playful to defensive (47:00–49:00).

  • “You package yourself as a clown...and then you’re like, ‘shut the fuck up, Gilbert.’” — Pete (47:03)
  • “He’s domineering and he’s soft. The spectrum is from 1 to 50.” — Gilbert (48:51)

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7. Screen Time, Habits, and Digital Detox

• Screen Time Reveal: The group compares their daily smartphone use, with Pete proudly declaring just 54 minutes vs everyone else’s several hours (76:24).
  • “What psycho needs a reply at 8 in the morning?” — Pete (77:27)
  • Advice is shared around phone use, creativity, and morning routines.

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8. Meta-Conversation: Podcasting, Memory, and Comedy Legacy

• Self-reflection on Podcasting: They poke fun at the ADD, “topic tornado” nature of TigerBelly (52:59–53:05), the ephemerality of online content, and how even big career moments can fade from memory (82:58–83:01).
• Show Business Stories:
  • The legendary “Benson” firing of Jerry Seinfeld gets a dramatic retelling [42:01–43:49].
• The fleeting nature of achievement and memory in entertainment:
  • “Sometimes I look back at my career and go, oh yeah, I did that.” — Bobby (82:58)
  • “When I watch [Crashing]...every shot of memory...it’s overwhelming. So maybe it’s been enough time that I could watch it and just see it as a show.” — Pete (83:14)

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9. Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On Intensity:
  “When the water goes cold suddenly — you package yourself as a clown, then it’s like, shut the fuck up, Gilbert.” — Pete (47:03)

• On Status & Clothes:
  “If I wasn’t wearing that Montclair jacket, David Spade would not know who I was.” — Bobby (71:18)

• On Human Limitations:
  “The quality of consciousness that brings you success is not the quality...that helps you enjoy life.” — Pete (57:37)

• On Boundaries:
  “If your lips don’t have borders, then your eyes don’t have borders.” — Cat (22:40)

• On Community:
  “You shouldn’t know or care that Ryan Seacrest has lupus.” — Pete (52:44)

• On Spirituality:
  “I’m not religious. But I’m aggressively spiritual, like, a bit much.” — Pete (65:16)

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Timestamps for Important Segments

• Why Pete Hasn’t Done the Show / Mock Rivalry: 03:27–04:06
• Debate on Asian Identity, Lips/Accents: 07:07–08:16
• Comedy Club Vibes: Comedy Store vs. Largo: 25:00–25:34
• Bobby’s Sobriety Anniversary/Validation: 44:06–44:48
• Bobby’s “Hot/Cold” Personality (Emotional Pivot): 47:00–49:00
• Expensive Clothes Storytelling: 66:35–67:40 & 69:13–70:44
• Seinfeld ‘Benson’ Firing Story: 42:01–43:49
• Screen Time & Digital Habits: 75:22–77:42
• Philosophy of Success vs. Enjoyment: 57:36–58:02
• Parenting & Co-Sleeping Discussion: 57:59–61:13
• Show Business Memory & Legacy (Crashing): 83:00–84:05

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Conclusion — Episode Tone & Takeaways

The episode blends genuine camaraderie, sharp observational comedy, and candid introspection. Bobby and Pete’s “heated rivalry” is all performance—a vehicle for exploring insecurities, status, longing for connection, and the absurdities of entertainment life. Humor is mixed with honest discussions about identity, success, vulnerability, and living authentically.

Whether debating who “counts” as Asian, the morality of $1,000 jackets, or the value of unplugging from technology, the podcast’s loose format allows for unexpected depth, as well as long, joke-filled tangents. Pete Holmes is embraced throughout as a worthy “tribe member”—and, by the end, as a friend who’ll always be welcome back.

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Notable Quote for the Episode:
"The quality of consciousness that brings you success is not the quality of consciousness that helps you enjoy life." — Pete Holmes (57:37)

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(For show notes, more info, or to listen: search "TigerBelly Pete Holmes heated rivalry" on your favorite podcast platform.)

Transcript

[A]

Hi, I'm Bobby Lee, and I created a graphic novel with my friend Matthew here. It's called Dead Weight. Look at how beautiful this is. Wow. Wow. Amazing. Dude, this looks great. Look at that. Oh, my God. Dude, you can get it everywhere. Books are sold. Barnes and noble, Amazon and gunnerbooks.com.

[B]

it's rated R. Kung Fu Panda meets Kick Ass.

[A]

It's from my heart. And so please check it out. What are you doing?

[C]

I just think it's kind of a lot of flexing going on.

[A]

There's no flexing. What is flexing?

[C]

Playing a piano. I can't hear. And you're like. Are you. Why don't you say. Put on your headphones.

[A]

What? I wrote you a song.

[C]

Here it is,

[A]

here it is, here it is.

[C]

Have you ever taken a shower before?

[A]

Here it is.

[C]

Play it again.

[A]

I don't know. I don't know it. Huh?

[D]

Yeah, yeah.

[C]

Everyone knows you just playing it, bro.

[A]

You know how white people. Oh, you know why people? Their lips. He has no borders. It's like the colors of your lips is like the same of your face. I like. I love when white people have borders.

[C]

Borders?

[E]

Yeah, borders.

[C]

I. I go to Doctors Without Borders.

[A]

Oh, you do?

[C]

Yeah, yeah, I have a border.

[D]

He has a very clear border. What are you talking about?

[C]

What do you want me to use, a pencil? Outline it? Like the 90s? Yeah, I do 2, 3, 4. With my shiny nails.

[A]

Are you making fun of my nails? Making fun of my nails?

[C]

Any nails?

[A]

Oh, you're attacking.

[C]

Oh, boundary. Boundaryless lips.

[A]

That's an observation.

[C]

Nails.

[A]

That's an observation.

[C]

Freshly removed from a vagina. Oh, is that the look you want? Is that the look you want?

[A]

No lips.

[C]

Third base.

[A]

I'll tell you this.

[C]

Oh, I'm sorry.

[A]

The joker has fucking borders, dude.

[C]

The joker has borders.

[A]

Yeah, Joker. Too much borders. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. A lot of borders. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[C]

Are you Joaquin on me?

[A]

Yeah, you're walking.

[C]

I don't recognize the one.

[A]

Anyway, what's your. Yeah, yeah, right. I don't know.

[C]

Did you write me a song?

[A]

That was it. Anyway, how come you've never done our podcast before?

[C]

I don't know, man.

[E]

Do you guys have a history of beef or.

[C]

No, we do have a lot of beef.

[A]

Ah, well, describe beef. Let's start there.

[C]

You know, when you're eating udon?

[A]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, yeah.

[E]

Oh, really?

[C]

How's the Asian.

[A]

Oh, really?

[C]

How's the Asian vibe here?

[A]

Yeah, it's 100% Asian vibes here, dude. Yeah, when you're eating Meatloaf. Does that feel good? It does, you piece of shit.

[C]

It does.

[A]

You piece of shit. Piece of shit. Anyway, Eden Holmes is here. He was on a TV show called Crashing. He had specials.

[C]

Why haven't I done the show before?

[F]

What, have you been invited before?

[C]

No.

[A]

Yeah. Well, you never asked.

[E]

Wow.

[A]

It goes both ways. And that's. That's one of the lessons that we have to learn as a society. Things go both ways.

[C]

We live in a society.

[A]

Yeah. Yeah.

[C]

I'm happy to be here.

[A]

Yeah. Although I have to say.

[C]

And then you're just quiet. I'm really compelled, I have to say that.

[A]

I bet I started a show and I burned through it. It's pretty good show.

[C]

What, Crashing?

[A]

No, it's called heated rivalry. Have you seen it?

[C]

I watched.

[D]

I'm so glad you finally succumbed.

[A]

And can I just say this?

[C]

After watching you succame so hard that

[A]

succame so far, and after watching the show, you know what? I can conclude you're gay.

[C]

You're straight.

[A]

I might not be gay. I might not be gay.

[C]

Why you might not be gay? Well, you thought you were gay going in.

[A]

Yeah. Maybe I was on the fence.

[E]

There's rumors.

[A]

Yeah. Yeah.

[D]

Well, the first scene, the first 10 minutes of it, how did you feel?

[A]

Well, they don't show the penis, which is kind of cool.

[C]

They are experts at the bended knee.

[A]

Okay.

[C]

That whole show is a master class in hiding the. Hiding the flask.

[A]

Good camera work.

[C]

Great, great knee work.

[A]

Good knee work. Yeah.

[C]

But there's a lot of slurping.

[A]

Yeah. And there's a lot of, like, you know, here's my thigh.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

And then the head here. Right. You can't really see. You know what I mean? But does it get better?

[C]

I've only seen the pilot.

[A]

What?

[C]

Does it get better?

[A]

Yeah, it gets.

[C]

Here's what I don't believe. Yeah, that's Stevie.

[A]

But there's no other point to it.

[C]

And that's what I'm feeling.

[D]

That's not true. I think from a girl's perspective, it's a little bit different. I think there's a lot of, like, real romance that we feel and a lot of like, ooh, we will they

[A]

will they, won't they?

[D]

Yeah. And my sister watched the last episode yesterday, but they are fucking.

[C]

Will they keep doing this?

[D]

And she was like. I cried so hard at the last episode.

[A]

No beat like, be like. I think the anticipation is, Will they. Will they become lovers for life?

[F]

For life?

[A]

Yeah. I mean, I don't. In the beginning. In the beginning, it was like they're hooking up.

[F]

Yeah.

[A]

Right. And because of all the social, you know, I mean, things that they have to avoid.

[D]

Yeah.

[A]

You know, I mean, it's very difficult.

[C]

Look, you ever have someone explain a show, and in your heart you're like, that's an amazing show.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

And you watch it and it's just not. It's not the show's fault. Just not what you thought it was.

[A]

Exactly.

[C]

I thought it was going to stay. Establish this rivalry. It really is. And I like the show.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

Glossing over this potential to really show them playing the game. Yeah. They just told us they have a rivalry.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

I want to see the rivalry. Checking into each other. Being like you. They're just like. Right away. My favorite scene was, you know, the. The water bottle. I won't do it because I'm. I'm just getting over somebody. You know, the touching. I like sexual tension. I'm into that. That's not just for the ladies. So I was enjoying that, but there isn't. There isn't enough. I was like, male competition and sexuality is so similar. And I really wanted it to be an exploration of that. And then I just got like, this is just erotica. This is just porn. Can I make another mission, Udon?

[A]

Yeah. Can I make another mission?

[D]

Yeah.

[C]

I never saw it. 2, 3, 4.

[A]

Gay for watching it.

[C]

I'm a homo sapien.

[A]

I did see it. Saw all of it.

[C]

We all knew you saw.

[A]

Yeah, I know. Yeah.

[C]

Yeah. You're not that good, but.

[A]

Yeah, but I like that. Yeah, you're right. When they're whole. Passing the water baller and he. He kind of y. That's pretty hot. Pretty hot.

[C]

No, I know. But then they aren't going at it right away, are they?

[F]

Canadian.

[A]

Four months Canadian.

[C]

One of them.

[A]

One is Russian. The other one's Canadian.

[C]

One's as one.

[A]

Okay.

[C]

Kadian.

[A]

Yeah. Yeah. No, let me just say. Not Asian.

[C]

He's not Asian.

[D]

He is half Asian. He's Weasian.

[C]

You don't rec. You don't recognize the half.

[A]

I never. I deny the half.

[C]

You deny the half?

[A]

I denied a half. Yeah. Yeah.

[D]

That you mixed it with.

[A]

You know what I mean? Your borderless lips.

[C]

My borderless lips were borderless on the globe as well.

[A]

I deny that half, Dan.

[C]

Yeah. Okay.

[A]

When I see Keanu, I deny it.

[C]

No, but Keanu ain't trying for you. What are you, Keanu? Fine. Not being in your. He's in his own category.

[A]

I guess you're right.

[C]

He's a category of you're right, you're right.

[A]

You're right.

[C]

You're right. It's the raves.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

He's not Asian. He's not. Not Asian.

[D]

But Keanu is actually Keanu, and he has roots in Hawaii.

[A]

Oh, I hate the way you say Hawaii.

[C]

We all hated it.

[D]

How are you supposed to say it wrong?

[C]

You know, and you're all. When you go and get a croissant at Starbucks, you don't ask for a croissant.

[D]

Croissant.

[C]

You go to Hawaii at Hawaii.

[A]

You know what? But the way you say Hawaii, like as if you are Hawaiian.

[D]

I'm not. I'm not. I'm Filipino.

[A]

You're not Hawaiian.

[E]

Say guacamole.

[B]

What?

[F]

Guacamole.

[C]

What? Guacamole.

[A]

Georgian. Say it. Yeah, guacamole.

[D]

Guacamole bothers me.

[A]

That's how you said Hawaiian or flat.

[E]

I like her.

[C]

Oh, wait. What about Mexico?

[F]

Mexic. Say Mexicans.

[C]

You're Mex. You go to Mexico.

[A]

You say Mex, you say me.

[E]

Why are you adding a spoon?

[A]

That's how I say it.

[C]

Mexican Coke.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[C]

Mexico.

[A]

Okay.

[C]

Mexico.

[A]

You like Mexico. I don't think it's that much regular, too sugar.

[C]

Pretty much.

[F]

I like Mexican Coke.

[C]

You do?

[F]

I love it. Yeah. It's the best. Tastes better for me.

[C]

Okay, I. I believe you, but I. I want you to do a taste test where it's a regular, non Mexican Coke. A glass bottle Guatemalan and a. And a Mexican Coke and a glass. So Guatemalan Coke. Guatemala Coke and a Mexican Coke, same temperature. I don't know if we're kind of

[F]

like the Pepsi Coke challenge. Do you guys remember that?

[C]

Of course I do. I'm 46.

[F]

Okay.

[C]

Why do you remember that?

[F]

Because I'm also 46.

[E]

No, I know you.

[A]

You have a Jeff Bridges. Jeff.

[C]

Hey, man. Ah, here's.

[A]

Do people say that? I just noticed that you noticed that

[C]

I look like Jeff, man. Oh, aren't you glad you had a viral moment?

[A]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[C]

Podcasts usually about conversation, man. It's just this.

[A]

You're doing the dude. Oh, well, yeah. Version of All Right.

[C]

What do you mean you think there's another Jeff? This is the old man.

[A]

Yeah, yeah. Dude. Doesn't he have. I didn't notice that before.

[C]

Also. Bo.

[A]

Yeah. Very good. You're good at impressions. Well, you're back in your face. Yeah. Yeah.

[C]

Where are you looking when you look. Are you.

[A]

Are you uncomfortable? Yeah, I do.

[C]

You are. I look at you off like an uncomfortable.

[A]

I did her, daddy.

[C]

I like it.

[A]

Yeah. Yeah.

[D]

Do you look. Which eye do you look at?

[C]

Don't ask daddy. I won't see him the rest of the show.

[D]

Like when you look at someone in the face, like, where? Where in their face?

[C]

I'm looking at your right eye, right?

[D]

I think I'm looking at your left. Where do you look, Bobby?

[C]

This is my right eye.

[D]

Your right eye? Oh, that's right.

[A]

Yeah.

[F]

I think I look at both.

[E]

You can't.

[B]

That's not.

[C]

It's like a magic eye. If you look at both of my eyes, you'll see a sailboat. See, that used to be clippable. Now it's gotta be. Hey, man,

[A]

I'm looking at your pointy nose.

[C]

Why is it okay for you to hate on the whites?

[A]

Could I say pointy noise? Oh,

[C]

don't make fun of my point and nose.

[A]

Yo, what's up? I'll show you where my point nose goes. Yeah, yeah.

[C]

Heated rivalry between your cheeks.

[A]

Cheeks. Pete Holmes.

[C]

Get that knee up. Don't see the. I can't rap.

[A]

I can't rap either.

[C]

Well, I also can't rap.

[A]

Also. Can I say this? I live so far.

[C]

Why do I live so far away?

[A]

I know where you live.

[C]

You can say where I live.

[A]

I don't want to say.

[E]

Fine.

[A]

But you live very far away.

[C]

I do.

[A]

Why?

[C]

Clearwater?

[A]

Yep.

[B]

Florida.

[D]

I was like, whoa.

[C]

No, I live about, like two hours north of the city. Yeah, it'll take me about two hours to get home.

[A]

Cuz every time we talk about Pete, it's like, well, how's P. Is not around because he lives two hour away.

[D]

Do you live in.

[A]

I. I don't know.

[E]

Why two hour away?

[C]

Why do I have an accent?

[A]

Right. I can't get out of it. I think it was a Hawaii. What?

[D]

It's cuz you rejected the Asian. You rejected the Asian. That guy. So you got punished.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

You would you consider him Asian?

[D]

Half Asian. Asian.

[A]

He's half Korean.

[D]

Yes. He's Korean.

[C]

Korean.

[D]

No, no. The guy in heated rivalry.

[C]

Oh, yeah. He's definitely age.

[F]

He's absolutely.

[C]

He's age.

[A]

You don't see the white in him.

[C]

I see a little bit, but a

[E]

little bit of creator Keanu Reeves is definitely Asian. I mean, that's his mom.

[A]

Oh, yeah.

[E]

Oh, yeah, That's. Yeah. You can't have a mom like that.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[F]

Is that Bobby? Oh, no, sorry.

[E]

Or his grandmother. Sorry.

[C]

That's his grandmother's grandmother.

[A]

What does his mom look like, though?

[E]

Oh, it's probably a white woman.

[A]

Let's check. That's what I'm saying.

[C]

Yeah. Wait.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

Wait.

[A]

That's his grandmother.

[C]

If that's his grandmother, his mother is at least half. Half age.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[C]

I'm here to tell.

[A]

He's a quarter.

[C]

People invite me on shows.

[A]

Yeah, that's his mom.

[C]

Okay.

[F]

Doesn't he have an older girlfriend?

[C]

That's just one.

[A]

No, do not. First of all. Can I say something?

[D]

What?

[A]

No. No, stop. Hey, yo.

[C]

Get so close to the piano.

[A]

All we noises.

[C]

Yeah. Just getting ready to rap.

[A]

Yeah, Yeah.

[C]

I need more Bobby Lee in my headphones.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. How'd you do that? There we go.

[C]

Yeah.

[E]

Let's just move on.

[A]

Oh, let's move on. Whoa. What did I say? Nothing.

[E]

You said Tiga.

[A]

Tigga.

[E]

Tigga.

[A]

Ticket. Ticket.

[E]

Yeah.

[C]

I thought you were promoting a social media.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. What's up?

[D]

Nothing. I'm listening.

[A]

Yeah. Why are you smiling?

[D]

Why are you smiling?

[A]

I don't know why you're smiling.

[D]

No, you're up to something.

[A]

You're up to something, but no good.

[D]

I am. I'm innocent.

[A]

Yeah. Yeah.

[D]

I'm innocent.

[F]

Yeah, you were good. His girlfriend's older.

[B]

No.

[A]

What I'm going to say to you about his girlfriend, because some people make fun of her.

[D]

I think they're the same age.

[A]

Yeah. Number one. They're the same age. Right. She's a great artist.

[D]

She's an incredible artist.

[A]

Yeah. And I love her.

[D]

Yeah.

[A]

All right. So if. If you say anything negative about her I didn't say. I'm going to rip your eyes out. And also, let me say Steph said something. Right?

[C]

And he has the same.

[A]

You have the same look as she does, anyway.

[E]

Look.

[A]

You have the same look as she does.

[B]

Honestly. Yeah.

[F]

What does that mean?

[A]

If it's not because you have bunny rabbits at home, so. Yeah, this is my bunny. When I see people with bunnies.

[D]

You have bunny rabbits?

[A]

Yes. Three.

[F]

I've got three.

[D]

Sweet.

[C]

I have rabbits, too.

[F]

Do you really?

[A]

Really?

[F]

How many do you have?

[C]

Why are you not booking me for things? Because it's a commute.

[A]

That's what it is.

[C]

Let me say. No. Let me say. Don't say I'm. No. I drive in and do a set at the store. Go home.

[A]

I understand that.

[C]

Oh, shit, bro.

[A]

I know. But you live so far. I never asked.

[C]

That's on you.

[A]

That's on you.

[C]

It's on you.

[A]

It's on you. Cause you live so far. You live so far.

[D]

Oh, you fuck.

[C]

I took it.

[A]

Yeah. Oh, you're gonna go back different. How about this?

[C]

No.

[A]

Makes no sense.

[E]

No.

[A]

Okay.

[C]

No. No. No audience.

[E]

People listening to it.

[C]

I don't know.

[A]

I don't know.

[E]

I.

[C]

You know, it was a nightmare. Sorry.

[A]

How many bunnies?

[C]

I want to talk about bunnies. But I do want to say, as someone who did want to get out of the city, which is in. You know, it's in the. It's in the ether. People think about it. One of the reasons you wouldn't do it is what you're saying. So that's a nightmare that people are like, oh, I wouldn't think to have Pete on the podcast because I don't want him to drive in. Yeah. That's a weird.

[A]

That's not weird. It's not weird, but it's weird to go out there.

[C]

I will.

[A]

It's weird to even be out there. Wrong. So now, that's why I asked.

[F]

I get it.

[A]

Go ahead.

[F]

I get why you would be that far out there, especially if you.

[A]

Oh. Explain, then.

[F]

Because if he. If. If you're a person like me who has rabbits, he probably likes his space. He's a little bit more introverted. Likes his little area where he can be a little less. Into the city.

[C]

Yeah. What are you nuts?

[F]

He goes to creation. He's obviously holistic.

[C]

Hell, yeah.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

If you want to go there, let's go there. I'll tell you another thing.

[F]

Why are you being so mean to me right now?

[A]

I'm not being. Okay. All right. You know, I know that you've had things at your house and you've invited Santino. I guess we're not that close.

[C]

I only like gingers. Get that fire bush. You can't hide what he's got.

[A]

Yeah. Yeah.

[C]

Is it closed?

[A]

So, anyway, so you live out there. You want. Shopify. Shopify. Shopify. Picture this. It's late at night. Scrolling through your feeds.

[E]

Yeah.

[A]

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[E]

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[E]

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[A]

Cash App Cash App. Close so anyway, so you live out there. God highlighted his you, you, you.

[C]

You want Santino on blast. God highlighted your dick. He likes it so much. A little circle around your butthole, bro. Yeah, yeah, I'll do some ginger stuff.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, I know you will. I'm all in ginger, dude. I'm all up in that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He's One of my best friends. I'm all up in that.

[C]

One of.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

Who's number one?

[A]

I have. I have Kali Short.

[F]

God.

[A]

No. No. The Lord. No. If you want to know, you don't know this person, but Gene Hong is one of my best friends.

[C]

You don't know who I know.

[A]

You know who's Gene Hong?

[C]

I hung with Hong Hol. I'm always with the Hong. Ding Ding Hung. Hong and the Horn. Want to hang out with the Hong Kong?

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

All right.

[A]

But the reason why you live out there. Let me guess. Is because. Privacy.

[C]

It's heaven.

[A]

It's heavy. It's heaven, too.

[C]

When you. When you live. Look, I have. I only have one bit about living outside. I live in Ojai. I live outside of the city.

[F]

Oh, you live in Ohio.

[C]

I live in Ohio.

[F]

I love Ohio.

[C]

That's the reaction.

[F]

Yes.

[A]

Yeah, yeah.

[D]

It's like.

[C]

It's love that I live up.

[A]

I'm turning this off.

[C]

Turn it off.

[A]

Yeah, I'm turning this off.

[C]

I'm just saying it either makes sense or it doesn't. And a lot of people don't understand it. Like, if you move to the country, I would think that was wrong.

[F]

Which country?

[C]

That's your country. Like, if you moved.

[E]

Okay,

[A]

That was crazy.

[F]

That was not. I didn't.

[A]

Yeah. Because I'm not Chinese.

[F]

I know.

[A]

Yeah, yeah.

[C]

We all know.

[A]

What am I?

[C]

The different kinds.

[A]

Yeah. What am I?

[C]

You don't even want to know how Korean you are.

[A]

Oh, I know how Korean I am.

[C]

South Koreans.

[A]

Exactly. Yeah.

[F]

Sorry.

[C]

Yeah, I named a place.

[E]

Yeah.

[F]

Yeah.

[A]

Why'd you say China?

[F]

I didn't say it.

[A]

Yeah, you did.

[F]

Okay.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

She meant, like, plates.

[F]

China.

[C]

Oh, plates and silverware.

[A]

We had some good Chinese food. Huh?

[E]

Vegas.

[A]

What was the place we went to?

[E]

Washing potato.

[A]

We went to the washing Potato, dude.

[C]

The washing potato.

[A]

Yeah. It was probably one of the best dumplings I've ever had off the Strip.

[C]

They got, like, a Bulbus white guy doing the dishes in the back.

[A]

No, it was calm.

[C]

The washing potatoes, it felt like.

[E]

It was like the Food Network Iron Chef setting. Very fancy.

[F]

Oh, very fancy chef's table vibe.

[A]

Yeah, yeah. It was really good.

[C]

How do you guys know? How do you all. What is this?

[A]

You want to describe? Yeah.

[C]

What's going on?

[A]

Yeah. So Kalila was my ex girlfriend. We lived together for 10 years.

[C]

Cute. Oh, I've heard of you.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. And cross eyes. But I like it.

[C]

Cross eyes.

[E]

Was that necessary?

[A]

Her eyes.

[D]

He's into. He's into a very specific Type of woman, which.

[C]

He thinks your eyes are half Asian.

[D]

Yeah. Half Asian with a mild cross eye.

[E]

Tall.

[C]

Tall. We're saying your eyes are crossed.

[D]

Yeah, that's what I. Yeah, Yeah.

[A]

I like that.

[C]

Apparently this is like some weird Stockholm syndrome thing.

[D]

I think so. He said it enough and I just admit.

[C]

You're trusting his eyesight. I'm just saying this is.

[A]

Can I say something about Asian eyes? We say the same as you.

[E]

I didn't.

[C]

Wasn't an Asian joke. I just.

[A]

Falling apart.

[B]

We see.

[C]

I just think that was an old joke.

[A]

We see the same as you.

[C]

It's an old joke.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

You can't pin me to that.

[A]

I know.

[C]

This was on. You know Would be rapping. You can't pin me to that. That was an old decrepit.

[E]

Done.

[A]

You can do that. Go.

[F]

I was. If our lips don't have borders, then

[C]

our lips have borders. Our lips.

[A]

Okay. No. Did you do the thought? I don't know.

[F]

You already know.

[B]

Can I say something?

[F]

Yeah, yeah.

[A]

I shall not know. Right. Tell me. Explain. I don't know. What do you say? So if your lips don't have borders. What?

[C]

What do you mean? If you were.

[A]

No, no.

[C]

Painting her.

[A]

I know.

[C]

Would you use the same color for her as her lips?

[A]

I know. You're distracting for the white. Let me just say something. Finish that thought.

[C]

Finally, an advocate for the white.

[A]

Yeah, finish the thought.

[F]

I said. I was thinking, if you're. If you think our lips don't have borders, then your eyes don't have borders.

[D]

Oh, they kind of don't.

[C]

No, you.

[A]

That's a betrayal. I don't like it.

[D]

I'm Asian too. It's fine. Some of us don't have borders.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[C]

Your eyes aren't crossed, though.

[D]

Thank you.

[A]

That's sweet.

[C]

I mean, if they were, it'd be fine.

[A]

Yeah, yeah.

[C]

But come on.

[A]

Just business.

[D]

You know, you're right. He's a. He's a lot more than me.

[E]

Those are.

[C]

You got a beautiful girl over there. It's pretty good. Pretty good.

[D]

Grab my lip liner and put borders.

[C]

We should.

[D]

Okay, let me go grab lip liner. Yeah. See how it looks?

[A]

Yeah. I want to know how.

[D]

Experiment.

[A]

I need it.

[C]

You need it?

[A]

Yeah, Yeah. I can't visualize.

[C]

Do you think your lips have borders?

[A]

Oh, yeah.

[C]

That's a mustache. You grew a border?

[A]

Yeah, I still have a border and that's why I grow the mustache. Yeah. To let people know. Okay. Maybe if you.

[C]

Hey.

[A]

Bail. Pretty good or no.

[C]

Heated rivalry. Two girls.

[A]

It's two girls.

[C]

I don't know if it would.

[A]

That'd be fun.

[F]

That's like sex in the city or.

[C]

No, they never did it.

[A]

So. So. So anyway, let's. So Kaleidos my act. We started this podcast 12 years ago.

[E]

Yeah, 2015.

[A]

2015.

[C]

And do you live here?

[A]

This is my house. Yeah.

[C]

Okay.

[A]

Not big enough.

[E]

That's exactly what he was saying.

[A]

Yeah. I'm sorry, I'm not Michael Bay. Yeah. Yeah. Anyway,

[C]

no pool.

[A]

I do have a pool.

[C]

I'm just kidding.

[A]

I have a pool.

[C]

I'm just kidding. Anyway, look at how serious I have a pool.

[E]

Pete Hoes.

[C]

I haven't even seen the house.

[A]

Yeah, yeah. I like modern and get something, you know.

[C]

It's a nice house.

[A]

Thank you so much.

[C]

When you have a podcast studio of this caliber, you think it might be just the podcast house.

[A]

Oh, really? Yeah, yeah.

[C]

It's really a compliment to. How nice.

[A]

Yeah. But the second floor is the house.

[D]

Here's a mirror and here's some.

[A]

Okay, we're not doing that yet.

[F]

Okay.

[A]

Okay. I want to get to.

[C]

Wow. Why do you guys break up? We're not doing that.

[A]

We're not doing that. We're not doing that right now. So then Cat is a standup comic. She's a. Works at the Comedy Store and she world famous. Good.

[E]

We think so.

[A]

Yeah. What club do you prefer?

[C]

I actually do prefer the store. And I'm not just saying that.

[A]

I think you. I think. I know, but be real. What's your favorite club in the la?

[C]

Well, I perform at Largo. Does that count as a club?

[A]

Yeah. What do you like about Largo?

[C]

See, people who don't understand Ojai don't understand Largo.

[A]

Like. Yeah.

[C]

It's like a self love issue.

[A]

Yeah. Because to me, I've. Because I played Largo many times.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

To me it seems a little.

[C]

When the crowd is elitist. Yeah. And when the crowd is.

[A]

We all went to Ivy League schools. We're part of a club.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

Hey, man.

[C]

Hey, man. And when the crowd is so big, you know, if you're all the way in the back and you take your pants off, the effect isn't just the same.

[A]

Oh, I see. It's a slam. You know, I mean, I haven't done that in a very long time. I just shot a special. Didn't get naked once. So. Thank you.

[C]

Not even at the late show. Really?

[E]

That is true.

[C]

Not even the deleted.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[F]

You showed your butthole a little bit.

[A]

No, No, I did not.

[E]

Yeah, that was green room.

[A]

Yeah. In the Green room. I showed you.

[C]

Deleted scene.

[A]

Yeah. So that's. In your face. Yeah.

[C]

I mean, by the way, I want to reset the tone because I love you.

[A]

That's great.

[C]

And I.

[A]

We're doing great.

[C]

No, I know, but I don't want to get it twisted that I'm here to, like, roast you or something. I think it's fun to.

[A]

I think I started it with the borders of the movie.

[E]

I do think you did start.

[C]

In fact, we could play the tape back and say, yeah, you definitely started it.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

However, I'm very happy to be here. And you're a stand up comedian, performs at the world famous Comedy Store.

[A]

Yes. Yeah.

[C]

What's your full name?

[F]

Cat Bird.

[A]

Exactly.

[C]

It's fantastic.

[A]

Isn't that fantastic?

[C]

I have no issues. No notes, no issues. Cat Bird.

[F]

That's kind of an Ojai name, huh?

[C]

It is.

[D]

Yeah.

[E]

Yeah, yeah.

[C]

Some of the names at my daughter's school, there would be a Cat Bird there for sure.

[A]

For sure.

[E]

Yeah.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

I almost won't name my daughter Summer.

[A]

Why didn't you?

[C]

Summer homes.

[A]

I don't understand.

[E]

Oh, I see.

[A]

I don't see it. Yeah, explain.

[E]

You got to see it.

[B]

It's a thinker.

[A]

It's a thinking summer home. Yeah. Yeah.

[C]

Your summer.

[F]

Like a Airbnb.

[D]

Yeah.

[A]

What's the one to do? Winter.

[C]

People don't really have winter homes. They have summer homes.

[A]

They. Aspen. They don't have homes in Aspen.

[C]

I guess you could have a winter home.

[A]

That's what I'm saying.

[C]

Aren't you, like, loaded? You're on, like, seven incredibly popular podcasts. Don't you know what a summer home is?

[A]

Ooh, that's another burn. Ow.

[C]

It's not even a burn.

[A]

Oh, that's a burn.

[C]

No, that's a burn.

[A]

Move. What the fuck?

[E]

You turned it off.

[C]

Gotta get a business manager. Nobody's telling you to invest in real estate.

[A]

First of all, I have. What? Huh?

[D]

I have been telling him.

[A]

Yeah, no, but here's the thing that no one understands in this room. Right. I have real estate. A lot. All right. So you're not privy to it. I don't share my business with people.

[D]

They all got sold.

[C]

Serious.

[A]

I do.

[C]

Very funny. It's very good. It's very funny.

[A]

I know I have a very good.

[C]

When I said you don't have a pool, you. I wish we could play it back.

[A]

Well, it's offensive.

[C]

It's offensive.

[A]

You're attacking me.

[C]

I was attacking?

[A]

Yeah. Like I'm nothing.

[C]

No, no.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, I know. Judd Apatow.

[C]

Too.

[A]

Oh, been in here, right?

[E]

Has he been here?

[A]

Yeah, a couple times.

[C]

Great to be here.

[A]

He's a good guy.

[C]

I'm a good guy.

[A]

Yeah. You still talk to him?

[C]

I talk to Pete every day. Pete or I'm doing Jed. You think this is my voice?

[E]

Those voices change.

[C]

This is my Jed voice.

[A]

Oh, oh, yeah, yeah.

[C]

Jed is actually one of my best friends.

[A]

Yeah, he's a great guy.

[C]

I just Santinoed him. My best friend, John Huang.

[E]

Good old.

[C]

You don't know him.

[A]

I don't know.

[C]

You don't know him.

[A]

So summer home, huh?

[C]

Summer home.

[A]

Yeah. Very funny joke.

[F]

What's her middle?

[A]

You know what if I name a kid daughter Jane.

[F]

That's a pretty.

[A]

So if I have a son or daughter, you know I'm gonna name him or what? Ugh, ugly. Yeah, that's same thing. Same fun.

[C]

Stan.

[A]

Same fun Word.

[C]

Play on words, Stanley. Yeah, yeah. I feel like there was a time at open mic I was starting at in Chicago where more than one person had this joke, I'm gonna name my kid Void and just watch him try and cash a check. That was like a thing because Hedberg was coming up. You don't get it.

[A]

I don't understand. I'm so proud of his.

[E]

He doesn't do wordplay.

[A]

I don't do wordplay.

[C]

Well, if somebody's name is Void and I write you a check, I have to write Void on it.

[A]

Oh, that's funny.

[C]

And then I give it to you. You can't cash it.

[A]

I can't cash it.

[C]

It says Void.

[A]

Oh, that's good.

[F]

But how about the last name is like Benson? Void.

[A]

Benson. Void.

[C]

Benson.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[C]

Or whatever. The Void Marvel.

[F]

The Void villain.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, Benson.

[F]

Benson.

[C]

And you've been doing the podcast the whole time?

[F]

Sometimes they don't. They don't really want me all the time.

[A]

Good TV show.

[C]

What was it?

[A]

Benson. Was it a show called Benson?

[C]

It was a TV show, was it not?

[F]

My mom dated a guy named Benson.

[C]

Are you a one liner comedian?

[A]

Yeah, yeah, she is. Yeah, yeah. That was fire.

[F]

She did. His name was Benson and Seinfeld was

[C]

on Benson very briefly.

[A]

I heard about that story. Yeah, that's a crazy story.

[C]

What is the story?

[A]

You don't know about the story?

[C]

There's a story. Well, I was a mammoth play.

[B]

Oh, no.

[C]

You don't know the story?

[A]

There's a story.

[C]

Tell me the story.

[A]

There is a story about it. I don't know if I heard it correctly, but can I try to tell you?

[C]

I like that so you're used to people bringing things up as images as you talk about them. We don't do that on my show. I like that.

[A]

How young you are.

[C]

It's fun.

[A]

Yeah, yeah.

[F]

How old do you think?

[C]

I'm like, 29. What's the deal? 29 is not quite 30. Not quite 20 things.

[A]

Yeah. So long.

[C]

A midlife quarter life crisis. What's that? You drop 25 cents and you feel blue, man.

[A]

Yeah, yeah.

[F]

Come on.

[C]

Midlife.

[A]

I never knew you as a.

[C]

These are the crises. Korean today.

[A]

Yeah, yeah.

[C]

Is a white guy in the 80s.

[A]

Yeah. We can do. We could be free in that way.

[C]

Enjoy it.

[A]

Yeah, yeah.

[F]

What do you mean by that? Korean today is a white.

[C]

Well, in the 80s, it would have been a bunch of white guys being like. And what? Do an impression of him. And they'd be like, what's up?

[D]

What's up?

[C]

And now you're still doing that. You can do it. It's your time.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

So you know, in 20 years.

[A]

Yeah. All right.

[E]

Who will it be?

[A]

Are you stealing money from the rich and giving it to the poor? Huh? Robin Hood. What the.

[E]

I like it. Yeah.

[C]

Kind of a Mr.

[A]

Robot vibe.

[D]

This is my valet jacket.

[A]

Hello, Zelda. What is going on here?

[D]

It's very hyper critical of me.

[C]

I love that you're.

[F]

It's very pretty color.

[A]

What are you. Hawkeye. What's going on here?

[E]

Are you running out? Are you running out?

[A]

Yeah, yeah.

[C]

Green Lantern. Yeah. Yeah.

[A]

All right.

[C]

Ryan Reynolds before.

[A]

Where's your ring, Green Lantern. Yeah.

[C]

There you go.

[E]

Stop looking at me.

[A]

Give me more. Yeah. Anyway, that's it.

[F]

You're done.

[A]

No. How's Batman? Poison Ivy.

[D]

That was a good one. Yeah.

[A]

You want to think of some more?

[F]

Yeah.

[A]

Give me one. Give me one.

[F]

Hey, tree.

[D]

And the beanstalk.

[F]

Beanstalk.

[D]

Yeah, yeah.

[A]

Hey, tree. Hey, tree.

[C]

Hey, tree.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[E]

Brown and wearing green.

[A]

Oh, I see. Yeah.

[C]

When you're not racist. I had a joke about Kumail on my special. Never heard of him. Kumail Huang.

[A]

Yeah. I know. Camille Wong.

[C]

Kumail Nanji.

[A]

Yeah, yeah.

[C]

Has been a friend of mine for 20 years. And when he got buff, I had

[A]

a joke about we should get him on. Have we ever had him on?

[B]

Yes.

[E]

I don't know if we're trying to

[C]

get this story about Benson out. I just had this joke where I said he looked like a horse in a medium.

[A]

T shirt.

[C]

Like, he got so ripped. He looked like a horse in a medium.

[F]

Oh, that's.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

And then Neil Brennan was like, I love that you like Him. Oh, my God.

[E]

So what happened with Jerry Seinfeld and back.

[A]

No, you like. You like Neil Brennan.

[C]

The story was this close to being done.

[A]

Go ahead.

[C]

It won't be good now.

[A]

He just said, no, I'm sorry.

[C]

And you're. It's funny because you're calling him brown and you won't get in trouble for it. And I was like, I wasn't. And I cut it because I got so scared people would think I was making.

[E]

No. In a comedy context.

[A]

Yeah, yeah. And we have to cut that out now.

[C]

No, we don't.

[A]

You cut it.

[C]

It's a story about.

[A]

Okay.

[C]

Something positivity, but.

[A]

Okay.

[F]

But now you can finally say it. And it's uncut.

[C]

Well, that's why I like to bring it up.

[F]

Yeah.

[C]

It is a strong joke and it deserves a life.

[F]

There we go.

[C]

Well, you know, horse in a medium T shirt.

[A]

Oh, you're doing a Moonlight Sonata version of that.

[C]

Yeah, yeah. Okay. So what is the Benson story?

[A]

What is going on here?

[C]

Why am I hosting this?

[A]

Yeah, yeah. Okay, okay, okay. What do you mean? I can't tell.

[E]

You got to focus.

[D]

Just focus. It's going to be quick.

[C]

It's a nice piano, good sensitivity.

[A]

Why are your nails so shiny?

[C]

Why are your nails so shiny? I just want to know why your follicles glisten like you just picked your nose.

[A]

Benson.

[C]

Wow.

[A]

Wow. Brought it back around.

[C]

Oh, I liked it. What's the story?

[A]

I don't know if.

[C]

Wow.

[A]

That's what I like.

[E]

I was good at that.

[A]

That's what I like. Borders.

[C]

Wow.

[A]

Yeah, yeah. Wow. Now you look like Jennifer Coolidge.

[F]

Will you do Jennifer Coolidge?

[C]

I thought about it. I was like, any good impressionist should have a Jennifer Coolidge. Yeah, I. I don't have.

[A]

Oh, yeah.

[C]

Oh, yeah.

[A]

Oh, yeah.

[C]

Oh, I fell off that boat.

[A]

Yeah. Very good. Oh, yeah.

[F]

My ex husband was. Oh, yeah. I love to be rammed by Italian men.

[A]

Oh, yeah, yeah. There you go. And Claude has a very good one. Go ahead.

[C]

Thank you.

[D]

Thank you.

[C]

Ariana Grande has an incredible one.

[D]

She does. She's so, like, weirdly talented.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Eat a sandwich. But anyway.

[C]

Little skin. Is that what you're saying? No, no. You're having ownership of her body.

[D]

Yeah.

[E]

Bobby Lee has ownership.

[C]

Welcome to the new podcast, His Body, His Choice, Tiger Belly, where we just evaluate other people's bellies.

[A]

You're right.

[C]

No, no. Worried.

[A]

That was not good.

[C]

Sometimes you can worry about. I think there's a. I'm worried about her in the business.

[A]

Yeah, yeah.

[F]

Would you Worry about her if she was very fat as well.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, it would have.

[C]

It would be funnier too.

[A]

So I wish I had said something earlier about Karen Carpenter, but I didn't. And now look what happened.

[C]

Okay, so, Benson, what happened?

[A]

What happened to Karen Carpenter? That's a real question.

[D]

Well, I can tell you what happened. Mom's obsessed with Karen Carpenter. Was actually recovering from her eating disorder when her heart failed, she was already on an upswing.

[A]

Can we see the state of what Karen?

[D]

No. Can we not? It's really sad and dark.

[E]

Close your eyes, Klaus.

[A]

It's a good drummer, though.

[C]

Who's Karen Carpenter?

[E]

How skinny she got the carpenter? £83.

[D]

Yeah, she had a. Yeah. So talented, though.

[A]

Anyway, let's move on.

[B]

In 1980, early in Benson's second season, Jerry Seinfeld played Frankie for three episodes and he was. Since then he was fired because the of creative differences where the producers felt he was not a strong performer.

[A]

But that's not what the real story is.

[E]

Reveal.

[A]

Okay, what I heard was this wrong

[C]

side of the camera over there. The only guy who's in broadcasting is over there.

[A]

Yeah.

[E]

Compliment.

[C]

You even have a pool. What?

[A]

He's a producer. He has no broadcasting skills. You don't give him any more compliments.

[C]

He just broadcast.

[A]

Where are you going?

[E]

He wants to put George on camera.

[C]

Oh, God.

[A]

Where are you going?

[D]

He has a broadcasting skills. Let's try him out.

[C]

Yeah. There you go. This is the day.

[A]

This is like The Mark Wahlberg 10 years of what? Remember? Thank you.

[C]

So, remember when I was in the office?

[B]

Finally my moment.

[D]

Yay.

[A]

Go ahead.

[F]

Cheers.

[A]

What's up?

[C]

Cheers. It's me, Mark wber. Welcome to the show. I was waiting for you to know this. You are ADD you know that, right?

[A]

You don't have it.

[C]

I don't. It has you. ADD Has a little bit of an Asian man.

[A]

Oh, oh, here we go.

[C]

But it's mo.

[A]

I have no idea what we're saying.

[D]

Wait, Bobby, can you tell. Can you talk about how George situated himself so you could see him on the camera there? Remember that?

[A]

All right, so can I just say this? Okay, Pete. Yeah. Check it out, dude. All right, I want to get back to the Benson, though, but 50 minutes in. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[C]

Why the glue? No, keep going.

[A]

Okay, so people have been saying on my direct messages that you class them up.

[C]

I went to an automatic teller machine and I checked my direct messages. I needed this as soon as possible. Okay, Keep going.

[F]

Sorry.

[C]

That classing it up.

[A]

Yeah, because the cameras. Right. Picks me up right but they also pick this up and they see George in the reflection of this and that. He positioned himself so he can get seen. And then you admitted that you did

[B]

that well, but then. Well, it's because the editor doesn't cut to me enough. Like when I have a whole camera there. And then he never.

[A]

Right.

[C]

Who does he sound like? Talk some more. Tell me about where you're from.

[B]

I'm from Berrien Springs, Michigan. I actually grew up.

[A]

Muhammad Ali.

[C]

Muhammad Ali. Who are you? There's a famous guy that talks like this.

[A]

Yeah, yeah.

[C]

Well.

[F]

Well, you see.

[C]

Yeah, it's kind of old timey.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[C]

Little bit of Jimmy.

[A]

Jimmy Stewart.

[C]

Jimmy Stewart.

[D]

Kermit.

[C]

Keep going, Kermit.

[F]

Oh, yeah.

[A]

What's going on here?

[C]

Oh, the zoom in.

[A]

There he is. There he is.

[C]

It just looks like Bono's releasing a new seat over your head. Yeah, yeah, go on Sunday. Oh.

[A]

Anyway, keep talking.

[B]

Oh. What? I want to hear the end of the Benson story. Can we get the end of the story, please?

[A]

But can we talk about why you're talking like this?

[C]

Taran Killam.

[E]

Well, he does a bit.

[A]

No, no, no.

[C]

What was it like when you were on snl?

[A]

Have we had Taran on? Yes, and we have.

[C]

You don't remember? You're not.

[A]

I'm kidding. I know. I know all of them. Who are you, anyway? Can you go back?

[C]

Who are you?

[B]

If you'll. If you finish the Benson story. Promise me you'll finish the Benson story.

[A]

I promise I will.

[B]

Can you switch?

[C]

That's here.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

That's a broadcast.

[D]

George, I wanted to hear you.

[A]

Yeah. No, we didn't. You got you.

[B]

As soon as I start talking, Bobby gets on his phone and stops paying attention. So I love it like a brother. I know.

[F]

Now, is Pete. Is that short for Peter?

[A]

Dude, what the.

[C]

Who has the time?

[E]

Crazy question.

[A]

That's crazy. Are we that desperate to come on?

[F]

Oh, well, I was just wondering it.

[A]

Is that your small talk?

[F]

No, I just.

[C]

No, no, no. And I'm a great guest. I could go for 20 minutes on this. I could do a podcast. She could say that. 20 minutes.

[A]

Yeah, yeah.

[C]

Clip will go.

[A]

Or. Let's go. Let's go. Go ahead.

[C]

Well, I remember when I was young and I remember I had the agency to do it. It was a big moment in my life. I was like, wait, it's up to me.

[F]

Yeah.

[C]

I can go to Pete. Pete is so much nicer than Peter.

[A]

Yeah, yeah.

[C]

Here's what you'll never hear. Who stabbed you? You, Pete?

[A]

Yeah. Never, Never, never.

[C]

Bobby Lee, who stabbed you?

[A]

Yeah. Yeah.

[F]

But do you think Peter would stab you?

[C]

Peter wouldn't stab you.

[D]

Are there any villainous Peters in history?

[C]

There was the. Allison Holmes was the woman who made Theranos. No. Elizabeth.

[D]

Elizabeth Holmes.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

Theranos. So there's a naughty Holmes. There was also a home serial killer.

[A]

Didn't Elizabeth Holmes do something with us?

[B]

Yeah, you.

[C]

You invested Theranos.

[A]

When we're in Seattle. Who did that? The live show with us.

[D]

Oh, that's Amanda Knox. That is not Elizabeth Holmes.

[A]

Oh, I'm sorry.

[D]

And she was also in.

[A]

I love Amanda Knox.

[D]

Yeah.

[F]

Okay, Sherlock.

[C]

Yep. That's my mom.

[F]

That's it. I knew it.

[A]

Anyway, back to Benson. DraftKings casino. Get cozy, because DraftKings casino is turning up the heat this winter. Play more than 1,000 slots. Everything from classics like Cash Eruption to exclusives like Fire Buffalo.

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[A]

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[C]

Name.

[A]

This is what I heard. And this could be false, but I don't know where I heard this information.

[C]

Okay. We're excited.

[A]

You're very excited. So back then, there was no cell phones, obviously.

[C]

Okay.

[A]

Right.

[C]

What about. Who's.

[A]

There's no.

[C]

Just. If we're going to open this door. Wi. Fi.

[A]

Oh, God. There was no wos. There was no lime scooters.

[C]

Okay.

[A]

Right. There was. Yeah, right.

[C]

There was Wikipedia.com.

[A]

yep. There's no Boston Dynamics Building Robots.

[C]

Amazon was just books.

[A]

Yeah. Yeah. Amazon was just books. You're right. Dynamics. Yeah.

[C]

Good pull.

[A]

There's a lot of things that they didn't have back then.

[C]

That's right.

[A]

Yeah. Yeah.

[C]

Calculator watches. That was like.

[F]

Oh, I love the boobs.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

Well, yeah, you can write boobs on any calculator, but if it's on your wrist, you're that much close or. Okay, Bobby, go ahead.

[A]

Okay. Anyway. Thank you. So back then, there was no cell phones.

[E]

Yeah.

[A]

And so they were. They were gonna. They had fired him. But he didn't get the message because he left home early to work out or something. Right.

[C]

You sound like me.

[A]

Yeah. Yeah. So he's gonna go somewhere, and then from wherever he is, go straight to the table reading.

[C]

Straight from the gym.

[A]

Yeah. Yeah. So he makes it on the lot.

[C]

I'm here.

[A]

Yeah. Shows up the table read. Right.

[C]

I'm gonna open up the scrub now.

[A]

He goes. Yeah. No. So he goes to the table.

[C]

I'm at the table.

[A]

And his sign. His.

[C]

At the table read. You gotta have a table.

[A]

Yeah. Yeah. And then his name tag isn't there.

[C]

Where's my name tag?

[A]

Right. Right.

[C]

I have a name note.

[A]

And the script wasn't there.

[C]

No script.

[A]

And he's standing there in front of the network and the executive. Here I am.

[E]

Right.

[A]

It's really good. And they. And they. Somebody had to come up to. And goes, you got fired.

[C]

I've been fired.

[A]

Yeah. And he had to. You know, he had to slink out. Yeah.

[C]

Oh, wow. Exit.

[A]

That's the story. Wow. Yeah. Yeah.

[C]

That sucks. Yeah. There's a lot of stories in show business like that. Like, Ed o' Neill found out Married With Children was canceled from seeing it on the news.

[A]

Oh, wow.

[C]

Nobody wants to break bad news.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

But, you know when you have something good happen? Like, everyone calls you. You.

[A]

Oh, right.

[C]

You know what I mean?

[A]

Yeah. Yeah. Interesting about the calling. So yesterday was a very big day for me, Pete. Okay. And it was. I'm being real. This is a real. And you know about this. Right. Very sincere thing that I'm about to say. Okay. This is not jokes or this and that really important day for me. I had one guy call me to go.

[B]

You know.

[A]

I mean, to congratulate me. Oh, right. And that was Sobeys. So what do you think it is?

[D]

Your Sobeys. Yes. Sobriety.

[A]

Yeah. Yeah. So nobody texted me except for Santino.

[D]

Yesterday. I called you yesterday.

[A]

You never said happy birthday to my birthday.

[D]

Yeah, but we talked for, like, an hour, and I.

[A]

You still forgot that it was my A birthday.

[D]

You know why? I remember the original one from a couple of days.

[E]

You've had a couple different birthdays.

[D]

You've had so many birthdays.

[A]

Oh. Cause I'm a relapser. I'm a chronic. That's what she's saying. I'm a chronic relapser.

[C]

That's What I got from that, we all got that. You have so many anniversaries.

[D]

What am I supposed to do for the November one?

[A]

Yeah, I did have a November one.

[C]

How long has it been, Bobby?

[A]

Four years. Celebrated four years of sobratti yesterday. And Santino, out of nowhere, just got, called me and goes, happy birthday.

[C]

I did h. Happy.

[A]

Yeah, Yeah.

[C]

I just. Just do Bill.

[A]

Bur.

[C]

Hey, Bobby Lee. Yeah, we're drinking. Who cares?

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

Not going to text him. Yeah, I'm going to text him. Hey, Bobby.

[A]

Bill Bird did say something very humiliating for to do. Humiliating. Well, I was like. He's like, congratulations, man. I go, thank you for my special. He produced it anyway.

[C]

He produced mine as well. I have a pool. Keep going anyway.

[A]

And I go, it's in front of a lot of people. And I go, yeah. No, man.

[C]

I don't even know.

[A]

I have to rewrite another hour. And he goes, boo hoo. In front of everybody.

[E]

You know me.

[A]

Oh, somebody has to rewrite. He was making fun of me.

[C]

You caught the wrong Bill.

[A]

Yeah, Sometimes you get the wrong one.

[C]

Sometimes you get the sweet Bill that's like, come on, man. You can do it.

[A]

Yeah. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Sometimes. Yeah.

[C]

He's very sweet. I think Bill's very sweet.

[A]

I love him.

[C]

I think the angry guys on stage, they let it all out. Would you agree with that?

[F]

I think so.

[C]

Just feel like you haven't talked in a while.

[F]

Oh, okay.

[C]

No, I am interested, but I'm also trying to include you.

[A]

Yeah. Yeah.

[F]

I think I. I thank you. So.

[A]

I love you.

[F]

Okay.

[A]

Very good. You got to come back.

[C]

Is it over?

[A]

No.

[C]

I mean, I'm just saying in my mind for.

[A]

Yeah, but I think to come back. She's so good.

[E]

Why hasn't he done this?

[A]

Why hasn't he done this after 12, 10 years of doing it?

[D]

Do you want to. Can we talk about your UFC experience?

[A]

We can in a second.

[D]

Okay.

[A]

But we can in a second because I'm a little.

[C]

Why did you guys break up? No, no. Is be domineering.

[A]

I'm domineering.

[C]

No, I'm just calling it.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. You think I'm domineering?

[D]

Yeah, you're you.

[C]

I will say the water. If you're a shower, the water goes cold very suddenly. Like, you think you package yourself as a. As a clown, and we all know you as this Bobby Lee the clown. He's here to make you happy.

[A]

And then you're like, shut the fuck up, Gilbert.

[C]

It's fun.

[E]

Do you think a guy like this is domineering?

[A]

Come on, what happened?

[E]

I mean, this is not a domineering purchase at all.

[A]

Yeah, yeah.

[E]

He wanted to buy a $3,000 ski mask. That's not domineering, Pete. It's very humble.

[A]

I almost bought that.

[C]

What?

[A]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. $3,000.

[E]

It was a gift for sobriety. His birthday.

[A]

Yeah, yeah.

[C]

Well, at least you're addicted to something else now.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, close.

[E]

$3,000. He almost bought that.

[D]

Yeah, I believe it.

[A]

But I did buy pants for $1,000 yesterday, and I'm never gonna wear them again. What store was this?

[C]

I don't know.

[A]

Oh, yeah.

[E]

It was like futuristic.

[A]

No, wait.

[C]

Let you try it on.

[F]

Yeah, that's what I'm saying. I feel like that has to be yours.

[C]

That's yours now, Covid.

[E]

Oh, you put your mouth on it.

[A]

Yeah.

[D]

Of course.

[C]

He didn't wrap his head in wrap forever. I mean, it looks great. I love you. And swept away. No, what do I mean? Spirited Away.

[D]

Oh, I love Spirited Away.

[A]

The joke would have been much better if you got it right.

[E]

I got it.

[A]

We laughed anyway. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[F]

That's like a little gimp. Little.

[C]

Yeah, it is a little wake the gimp.

[A]

Cotton kip.

[C]

Wake the game. Like a gentler gimb.

[F]

A gentle gimp.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[C]

They just cuddle.

[F]

So.

[C]

But you are get my cuddle gimp.

[D]

He is extremely. I think George, Would you say he's domineering?

[B]

If I have to, yes. But he might dominate me and then I'll Yeah. Have to eat.

[D]

We're all afraid to say disagree with myself.

[A]

Let's get that this out in the open because I had no. I'm not even aware of that. This behavioral.

[E]

He's domineering and he's soft. The spectrum is from 1 to 50.

[D]

I think you said it perfectly right. With a shower where it's like warm and then suddenly cold.

[C]

Surprising.

[F]

It's like Bill Burr. You don't know which one you're.

[C]

That's right.

[A]

Oh, you.

[E]

Bobby and Lee. You're the same as Bill Burr.

[C]

Bobby Burr.

[A]

Never know what you're going to get.

[C]

Bill Lee.

[F]

Bill Lee.

[A]

Like what Forest said.

[F]

No.

[C]

Huh?

[A]

Forest Gump.

[D]

Oh, with a box of chocolate. I got it.

[A]

I didn't want to say it.

[E]

Yeah, well, you know Forest.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

Yeah. You're a box of chocolate.

[A]

I'm a box of chocolate. Yeah.

[C]

But that's actually not true. I just. I just think it headlines so hard your goofy silly side that it's a surprise when I also see you no person more in real time. Is just trying to assess and figure out, like, I can really see it on your. Even right now. You're like.

[E]

He observes.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

Where is this going?

[D]

He's calculating.

[C]

And you can put in a quarter any which way. I could go, like, Marble Madness, and you'll just kind of go on that. Is that right?

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

In the moment.

[A]

I'm in the moment.

[C]

Alive.

[A]

Anywho, thanks for being here.

[C]

I knew it.

[A]

No, we're not leaving.

[C]

I knew you.

[A]

No, we do hours. Yeah. Yeah. But because I'm trying to avoid What? She just brought up the UFC fight. The UFC fight.

[C]

Oh, what's. What was that?

[A]

You ever go to ufc?

[C]

No.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. You're not a fan of the sport?

[C]

No.

[A]

Okay.

[C]

Whenever I watch it, I'm just like. Just talk it out. What's the issue? You.

[A]

That's insane.

[F]

That's Steve Aoki.

[C]

What is he?

[E]

He's a DJ and his dad owns B.

[A]

You don't know him?

[C]

No.

[A]

You. You don't know who Steve Aoki is? Nah, it's. To me, that's crazy, because he is one of the most famous people to me in the world.

[D]

Steve Aoki. I mean, if you're into, like, EDM and that world. Yes. But I. I can get how someone can't know him.

[F]

That's.

[D]

Yeah.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

I don't keep up with anything like that.

[A]

Oh, you don't?

[F]

Who's the most famous person to you right now

[A]

that you. He knows. He knows a lot.

[E]

That's a good question.

[C]

What do you mean?

[E]

From, like, pop culture?

[A]

Yeah, yeah, go ahead.

[F]

Yeah, like, in pop culture. Like, who would you say is the most famous person?

[A]

I mean, Brad Pit. He knows that.

[D]

What the heck?

[F]

You got to let.

[C]

Like, who's the biggest celebrity right now?

[A]

Ridiculous question. It's a ridiculous question.

[C]

I'd go cruise. I'd go pit. I'd go Clooney.

[F]

Okay.

[C]

How old are you?

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

The cast of oceans.

[A]

But let's try to find a name. Let's try to find a name that's kind of famous that he might not know.

[C]

Oh, you'll find it. No problem.

[F]

Sydney Sweeney?

[C]

No idea.

[E]

Oh, so he's still locked.

[A]

You really don't know who? C. Sweeney.

[E]

He's in the 2000s 90s. 2000s celebrity.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Yeah.

[F]

You might not know her face, but it's a girl. Yes.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Actress.

[C]

No idea.

[A]

You really don't.

[E]

You know Tom Holland?

[C]

Yes. Okay, there we go.

[F]

Zendaya.

[C]

No.

[A]

Wow.

[F]

Beyonce.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

Okay. Beyonce, Obviously, if you didn't know Beyonce.

[C]

Oh, is Zendaya, her sister.

[D]

That's Solange.

[C]

Solange. And by the way, it's. It's. It's by choice. I. There's. I. I tried to do a bit about this. You're only supposed to know. There's this great book called Tribe. Yes, I read.

[A]

Okay.

[C]

Did you read it?

[E]

I know the book that everyone talks about on the podcast.

[C]

Very little book. Yeah, it's a great.

[A]

Tell me about Tribe.

[C]

Good book drop.

[A]

Oh, yeah.

[C]

It's just about how we're. How human beings were evolved to live, and we're supposed to live in tribes, and the tribes are only supposed to ever be as big as about like 100, 150 small communities. Yeah.

[A]

All right.

[C]

So, yeah, the world we live in. I go, you should know Tom Holland, Tom Cruise, Tom Hanks, Colin Hanks, Ben Affleck, Casey Affleck, Matt Damon. You know, a lot. That's a lot. Bobby Lee, Andrew Santino, Bill Burr, Seinfeld, Santin.

[A]

You have to name all 150. We get it.

[C]

How easy we is it for. We haven't even begun to try, and I could name that many people that easily. You. No wonder you're stressed out. You shouldn't know or care that Ryan Seacrest has lupus.

[A]

Oh, he has it.

[C]

See, that's what people always say. No, he doesn't. I don't know if he does, and you shouldn't know if he does.

[A]

Does he have it?

[D]

No, I don't think so. Nick Cannon does. That's why all those babies shouldn't.

[C]

No, Nick Cannon has lupus.

[F]

Wait, Lupus makes you do all those babies?

[C]

This is a fun podcast.

[A]

Is it a fun.

[C]

It's just like, you take a topic and you put it in a tornado.

[E]

Tiger belly. That's tiger belly.

[C]

Tiger belly. I like it. I have add, too, so you're not frustrating me, but I do think it's interesting that we know too many people.

[A]

That's interesting. That's. I'm going to listen.

[D]

I like that because I've got, as I've gotten older, just my need to sort of like, just tighten up and have less and less in my life. Just less noise, less. Everything is my.

[C]

Yes, I'm sorry.

[D]

And I love Ojai. Ojai. I understand him. He probably.

[C]

No, I wouldn't want Bobby to live in Ohio. Bobby is so la. And I mean that in like, a really, like. I like the idea that life is enjoying itself through Bobby in la. It would make me sad if you were like, you had chickens.

[A]

I love chickens.

[D]

Yeah. But that's his thing. His whole thing is he wants to live on a farm.

[C]

No, he doesn't.

[A]

I do.

[C]

You don't.

[A]

Why not?

[B]

Because he's never done it. That's why.

[C]

Yeah, because you've never done it.

[D]

It's so. It's, It's a lot of work. You have to be up at 5 in the morning.

[A]

What kind of farm do you want? There's different kinds of farms.

[C]

No, I don't, I don't mean you don't want to live on a farm.

[A]

I want to. I don't want to be like, you know what I mean? Wearing overalls with a pitchfork on.

[C]

You don't have to.

[A]

I mean, the crops seem to be, I mean, forsaken today. I don't know what this is.

[C]

I don't know about you, Bobby. I think a lot of high functioning city people just kind of keep in their back pocket, Boy, I'd love to live in Montana. And you're just kind of like, no, you wouldn't. Like, like Lucille Ball was like, all I want is a family. And it's like, like, no, you. You don't.

[A]

Or you would do it. No.

[C]

Stop making.

[A]

No, no, no. Can I defend my. Can I defend myself?

[C]

I'm not saying that about you. I, I said.

[A]

I'm just telling you what, what I mean.

[C]

Oh, please do.

[A]

Yeah. So before you get on this tangent, this high and mighty tangent. Largo. This Largo attitude, he's.

[C]

I almost talked 15 seconds.

[A]

All right.

[C]

Oh, the guest almost talked for 15 seconds. Wrong. Go ahead. Sorry. I thought I was being welcomed, but go ahead.

[A]

I apologize.

[C]

No, I'm.

[A]

I'm totally, very, very good. What I mean by that, you see,

[D]

he's like, oh, no, is.

[A]

Is that when I say farm, that's not what I mean. I mean, you know, I mean land where I can have animals run freely. Okay. That I can. When I get older. I would like, you know, I mean, more than. I mean, I have, have. We have a lot of animals.

[D]

Yeah, we have seven. You want rescued animals?

[A]

I'd like to have more big dogs, small dogs. I like other animals. And, you know, when I retire from the business, that would be a nice. I would also want a garden. I want to figure that out.

[D]

I feel like you'd be so good at it.

[A]

Yeah. Yeah. So there's certain things that I, you know by being forced out. Right. So having. You mean land. Right. I would go to a lot of AA meetings. Right. I would be very active in that. I would be active in having a farm. And having. Not a farm, but, like, having a garden. Right. And I would probably force myself to do things like meditation.

[F]

How about cooking?

[A]

Probably taking a culinary class because, you know, I'm a big cooking fan.

[C]

Can I say, this is why it's a trope in movies that the cop dies the day before he was gonna retire. Like, the ego. Our egos will always perpetuate. Always. One more ride, one more hit it, One more show, one more year. And something that was very useful for me. I'm 46. It wasn't absurd to go, like, good life. When. When are we gonna do this? When will my daughter leave her bike on the front yard? And we were like, let's do it now. You got to do it now. So there's a time when you go, and I'm not saying this about you. I don't know you well enough.

[A]

I think you're right.

[C]

But I think. Don't believe it's like having your cake and eating it.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[C]

It's like, I do want that. I like. It just sort of touches my heart. And I relate to what you're saying. Going like, I'll live in the country. I'll garden, I'll. I'll meditate. This is something. We gotta be proactive about that stuff. It's not.

[A]

I don't. I can't do it now. I mean, realistic. I can't do it now.

[C]

What do you mean?

[A]

Any of that?

[D]

Why?

[F]

Maybe just get a chicken.

[A]

No, because I. Number one, you mean, you know, I mean, I'm obligated to responsibilities here. You mean? I have this podcast. I have Andrew, so I can't move. Right. You know, I mean, I. You know, I have to still pay bills and, you know, I mean, why

[F]

don't you just get a summer home?

[A]

Yeah. Yeah.

[C]

That's very good.

[D]

Yeah.

[E]

Your fist bump was there so long.

[C]

Oh, I thought she was pointing at me. She was pointing at me. I thought she said summer home. I couldn't see because of the perspective.

[A]

Yeah, yeah.

[C]

It's tricky. The quality of consciousness that brings you success is not the quality of consciousness that helps you enjoy life. So this tenacity that helps you achieve everything you've achieved is not the lens through which you should be looking to have an enjoyable existence.

[E]

Damn, Pete Holmes.

[C]

It's not the land that makes you meditate. You know what I'm saying?

[A]

Yeah. Yeah.

[C]

But by the way, I'm not here to fix you. I think you're beautiful. Beautiful.

[A]

Yeah.

[F]

I love that. Feels like something. That's an Ohio Philosophy on a T shirt in Ohio.

[C]

We have very long T shirts in the game.

[A]

In the book tribe though, what else do they talk about? You know what I mean? I know.

[C]

What am I chatgpt?

[A]

You want me to summarize you to read it?

[C]

I did read it.

[A]

Yeah. Yeah.

[C]

It's funny what sticks with you from a book. It was that 150 thing.

[A]

I would assume that it's also very

[C]

big on co sleeping.

[F]

Sleeping with someone.

[D]

Yeah.

[C]

Well, yeah, I guess you could take it in the adult way. Co sleeping with a baby. Like, like a baby. I, I, my daughter was very young when I read it and people are very divided on co sleeping. They're like, look, if you put your. This is the author of Tribe because it's a hot issue. Parents listening. I respect whatever you're doing, but he makes the argument that if you put a baby in a room by itself and let it cry it out, it thinks it's going to be eaten by wolves. Everything in its DNA, the cortisol spike, it's genetic makeup that says I'm going to die.

[D]

Not, not even just the baby. When I had my baby, I had bought a crib. I had been taught sleep training. I had read the books. When I had my baby, Mike, I was a mess putting my baby in a different room. So I was like this, whatever society says I should do. I grew up in the Philippines. Co sleeping is very natural for me. So I just did that.

[C]

That we, yeah.

[D]

And we still co sleep.

[C]

We. My daughter's seven. She climbs in bed with us all the time.

[D]

I love it. It's, it's.

[A]

And then your son gonna be 30 years old, still living with you.

[D]

That's a silly argument because what you're actually instilling.

[A]

Give me a new PlayStation, Mom.

[D]

No, what you're instilling in these babies, sense of safety.

[E]

Move over.

[A]

I'm trying to sleep.

[C]

It's attachment. I actually would argue it's the opposite. My daughter is fearless. We went to a, like a swimming hole and there was a this big cliff and only grown men, muscular, ripped guys were jumping off this cliff. My daughter was 6 years old. She climbed up.

[A]

Yeah, she's Laura Croft.

[C]

That's a ref I can get. Not a compliment.

[F]

I can.

[C]

I'm just saying it was a 2000s reference.

[A]

Yeah, it makes, it makes sense.

[C]

Well, she is Lara Croft. But it's Lara too, by the way.

[E]

That is also true.

[A]

That is also true.

[C]

She jumped off the thing because we go. When my daughter does something brave and she doesn't have to be brave. But she just is a fierce child. Again, she's attached. She's very close with us, but when we get in a social situation, she's like, bye.

[D]

Yeah.

[C]

And you go, that's an attached child.

[D]

Yeah. Securely attached. They build their attachment in the first three years of life.

[A]

Yeah.

[D]

So it's like if they're left in another room. And by the way, this is no fault to, like, mothers and parents, like, I think just us. How it works in the United States. It's really hard to not sleep. Train your child who has the liberty to just stay home all day and like, not sleep at night because co. Sleeping is hard.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

It felt very natural to do it.

[D]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. And.

[C]

And especially we just have the one. So there's just this baby between them.

[D]

Yeah.

[C]

It's like these walls. It's like she lives in a valley.

[D]

Yeah.

[C]

Between her parents. And she just slept so good.

[D]

My parents.

[A]

I would do the same.

[D]

It's my favorite. I know you would. You would absolutely do the same.

[C]

Sweet link. Yeah.

[F]

I think my parents left me.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

And what sucks is you were raised by wolves and even they left.

[F]

Yeah.

[A]

Also the Laura. Also the Laura Croft joke. I said it wrong because I said it really quickly.

[D]

You already heard. It's Lara said it wrong.

[A]

Whatever it is you mean. So, Angelina Jo, when I do jokes that quick, you know me, I'm not wrong. Anyway. What?

[C]

What?

[A]

There's a new Laura Croft, though, that's being cast. Laura, Laura, Laura, Laura.

[C]

Lara.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

Like, Lara bites.

[A]

Yeah. Oh, love her. Very talented, very funny. Yeah. Lara.

[C]

Has she been on it? Just hard.

[A]

What?

[D]

She's been on my other show. Yeah, she's so funny. Anyway, I really want to share a tidbit, though, about Lara Croft, but you first.

[A]

I want. Because the. The new person that's cast is Sansa Stark.

[D]

Oh, that's right.

[C]

I heard they're doing the PlayStation version and they cast a cybertruck.

[B]

Yes, sir.

[C]

Have you seen those memes?

[A]

Yeah, I did.

[C]

They're great.

[F]

A cyber truck with big boobs.

[C]

Well, the original Lara Croft looked like a cybertruck. Very angular, pointy, Brutalist.

[A]

Pointy. Yeah, yeah.

[E]

Brutalist.

[C]

Brutalist.

[A]

Go ahead.

[D]

No, it's not important.

[A]

No, no, you can't do that and then do that.

[D]

Okay. So when I was growing up, my dad had told me that my or his uncle was this very prolific thief and this very mythical kind of everyone was like, oh, he was a legend. And it turns out that my. My dad's uncle was the original tomb raider. And his name was Byron, the Pro Rock Kuhn. And.

[C]

Yeah, I'm Dwayne Prorock Johnson.

[A]

Yeah.

[D]

And so. Yeah. And so the original tomb raider. I'm a descendant of the original tomb raider. So when you call me Lara Croft in our relationship, you're like, it makes sense.

[B]

Sense.

[C]

He robbed tombs.

[D]

Yeah, he did. So he actually came from a really rich family, and he did it.

[C]

Whoa.

[D]

The archaeological community and was very much against him because he was a rich kid who just dug out tombs against all other, like, rules and laws. And what he did was very unethical.

[E]

You're related to this guy?

[D]

Yeah, that's. So I did my DNA, my ancestry,

[C]

and he was plotting the murder of his nemesis.

[F]

Yeah.

[D]

I thought my dad was this, like, just. He was like. I was like, he's lying. He's lying. And it turns out it's true.

[F]

I feel like everyone looks like that in the 1920s.

[A]

My uncle was the original Zelda. Wow. How's that feel?

[C]

Wow.

[A]

So why was that your uncle? Oh, that's the same last name?

[D]

Yeah.

[A]

That's incredible. Yeah.

[F]

Byron.

[C]

Byron.

[A]

Hungarian Byron, you come to. You have a good gene. Jean, you've got Gene Hong. Ho. Nice, nice call back. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[D]

He's a count.

[F]

I don't know any counts. Do you.

[A]

How about your heritage, Cat? Do you have good heritage?

[F]

No, not really.

[A]

The line is not good.

[F]

No, not so much.

[A]

We.

[F]

I know there's some. We came in the. On the Pilgrim. There's some Pilgrim people that. And. Yeah, I still don't.

[A]

They were in a boat.

[F]

Huh?

[A]

Were they in a boat?

[F]

They're in a boat. Yeah. But I'm still, like, overdrafted at Chase, so I don't know if we're making great decisions back then, but. Yeah, so. But no, we didn't.

[A]

So not good.

[C]

Any investment?

[D]

Nothing.

[F]

Nothing.

[A]

Are there any notable homes in your. In your history?

[C]

That's a good question. Well, there's Oliver Wendell Holmes.

[A]

You're related to him.

[C]

We're all in there. You can't just.

[A]

No, no, no. In your. Like that, you know, of, like.

[C]

What's the porn, Sir?

[A]

Yeah, that's your part of your. Like, your cousin. Second cousin. Yeah.

[C]

We called him Shorty.

[A]

Okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[E]

Amen.

[A]

Amen.

[C]

Yeah, yeah.

[A]

He had a very large gen. Big dick.

[C]

That's who Boogie Knights is based on.

[F]

Is it really? Oh, I love that movie.

[A]

You know John Holmes.

[C]

John Holmes.

[F]

I don't know who John Holmes is, but I know Mark Wal.

[C]

He also one of the most prominent. He Died of aids.

[A]

He did die of the Hib. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. Unfortunately.

[F]

Dang.

[C]

Hard to have a somber tone when you call it the hip. You can't have both.

[A]

You can't have both. Okay.

[B]

All right.

[A]

Do you go to church with your family or. No. No. You're not religious?

[C]

I'm not religious.

[A]

Yeah. Yeah.

[C]

But I'm aggressively spiritual, like, a bit much.

[F]

Me, too.

[A]

Are you?

[C]

Which way?

[F]

Up.

[C]

Up. Every which way and up.

[F]

Yes. Just energy in general. But what do you mean by that?

[C]

I'm just. It's. It's a weird question. I. I guess I'm just saying. Talk more about that.

[F]

Oh, I. Spirituality just be in, like. Like, karma and good nature and that kind of positive energy. And I think I believe in God, but in. Not necessarily, like, as a deity, but as, like, we're.

[C]

We're in alignment there. How old are you?

[F]

34.

[C]

Oh, wow.

[F]

Yeah.

[C]

I guess 20. Oh. Seems young, right?

[A]

Yeah, very young.

[C]

Very young. Young voice, too.

[F]

Oh, thank you.

[B]

Yeah.

[F]

I think.

[C]

I can't.

[A]

Almost childlike.

[C]

I'm zooming in. So I can't.

[A]

Yeah, yeah.

[F]

Why do you say it like that?

[A]

I'm 54.

[F]

54.

[A]

You know that?

[C]

54. You look great.

[A]

Thank you.

[C]

Yeah.

[F]

Yeah.

[A]

You really do.

[C]

No.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

You're gonna get.

[A]

I don't feel. I. You know, I'll be honest with, though. I feel like a child. I feel whimsical. I run around. Went to the spa this weekend. Nice restaurants, like, Almost.

[C]

Bought a $3,000 ski mask. Bought a thousand.

[A]

I was this close.

[C]

You were really close.

[A]

I was really close.

[C]

No one doesn't believe it. What breaks our hearts is we all believe it.

[A]

Yeah. Yeah. What's the most you would spend on, like, a jacket or pants or something?

[C]

Well, it. It's a little virtue Signally. But I once bought a jacket. It was in New York. It was when we were filming Crashing. So I was just kind of, like, you know, having a little bit more money than I was used to.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

And I was, like, freezing my ass off. And I was in a very nice neighborhood, and I went into one of those. Montclair, I have Montclair I love.

[E]

Yeah.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

So I was like. I always see people wearing those puffy jackets. They look so nice. I'm just gonna go get one.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

Go in the store. They're giving out champagne.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

They just have champagne. None of the jackets have prices on them.

[A]

Exactly.

[C]

And I'm like, I. I couldn't believe they just let me walk in.

[A]

Yeah. Yeah.

[C]

I found one that I Liked.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

And it's like a Christmas tree. Don't put the tree in your car until you ask them how much.

[A]

Exactly.

[C]

Because you're at the front and you're like, I want this one. And it was a thousand dollars. Yeah, yeah. And I was embarrassed and I bought it. I didn't want to put it back, but I was like, this is way too much for a jacket.

[A]

Yeah. Yeah.

[C]

But the virtue signal part is I felt so bad. I donated $1,000 to the new York winter coat charity.

[A]

So you felt about bad about it?

[C]

Yes.

[E]

Okay.

[F]

Spending that amount of money on something very expensive made you feel bad?

[C]

Yes. I mean, I can argue that it's. There's nothing wrong with that. Sure. But I. This was my first really big purchase. I can see your thousand dollar pants running around amok as I say this.

[A]

No, I just. I just. When you're in New York, don't eat nothing.

[C]

You're like, you live up here in the hills in. In your fancy toy room and you don't really see poverty. When you're in New York and you buy a thousand dollar coat, the next thing you do is step over a guy who's dying.

[A]

Can I just say something?

[C]

What's that?

[A]

I. I'm around poverty all the time.

[C]

How's that?

[A]

My whole family is in poverty.

[C]

I'm here.

[A]

You know what I mean? I hang out with comics that are impoverished time. You know, I just. No, no, no, let's stop. I hang out with more, you know, I mean, people flexes.

[C]

I have them shift. The most exotic.

[A]

I hang out with more of this level of comedian than. Yeah. I mean, like almost borderline open mic.

[C]

So as we're telling these stories about thousand dollar jackets. How do you feel?

[F]

I just. I've never been able to afford anything.

[B]

This is.

[C]

But like, I'm. I'm saying

[A]

you're in a TV show that Judd Apatows were producing. It's for hbo. Right. And you deserve one Montclair jacket.

[C]

Well, I don't. I still have it. Yeah, I still have it. It's been 10. Almost 10 years. I. So, yeah.

[D]

Oh, you don't remember the Montclair jacket story in New York? We were both in New York, and this is when he wasn't quite one is my rent.

[F]

You're one and a half. So sorry.

[A]

Go ahead.

[C]

Don't say sorry. That broke my heart. Sorry. Sorry for that riff. Don't say sorry.

[D]

You had one Monclair vest. The camo. Monclair.

[A]

My favorite one. I still have it.

[D]

Exactly.

[A]

Yeah.

[D]

And you walked into Monclair.

[E]

Sorry. He's his $1,000 pants.

[D]

Those are the thousand doll pants?

[A]

Yeah. Yeah.

[D]

What's so special about them?

[F]

They look like you poo pooed and they.

[C]

They come pre. Poo pooed.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[D]

I like.

[F]

Are those Converse, though?

[A]

Though? Those are my shoes I'm wearing now. Anyway, those are. These are golden gloves. Oh, 850.

[E]

What were you saying?

[A]

850. Anyway, go ahead.

[C]

50.

[A]

Yeah, go ahead, Chewy.

[D]

I don't hate him. The pants, the shoes, the golden goose.

[A]

Anyway.

[D]

Anyways. Do you remember this story, Bobby, about Moncler?

[A]

Finish it.

[D]

You went in and you were bragging about how you had this. You wanted to the sales lady to know that you owned a Moncler van. Dust. You remember that season they came out with a camo one. And she's like, no, I don't. She's like, well, I own a Moncler. And you.

[C]

You.

[D]

You picked one out and you took it to the counter. And then what did we do after that?

[A]

I don't remember.

[D]

She said the price and we ran away.

[A]

Yeah, at the time, I couldn't afford it.

[D]

Yeah, we ran away. We ran away.

[E]

How much was it good for you?

[D]

It was actually more. Yeah, it was more than a thousand. It was definitely, like, up there.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

At the time, I was too embarrassed dressed.

[D]

Yeah, that makes sense.

[C]

You're in the basement. You have to, like, go up the stairs with no jacket.

[A]

You're right. You're right. I couldn't afford it. There was times in my life I couldn't afford it.

[D]

Yeah, that was.

[A]

Why bring that up?

[D]

Those were the fun times.

[A]

Those are the good times. Yeah. I don't even wear.

[D]

He doesn't like them. He has, like, a highlighter green Moncler vest. He hates it.

[A]

I hate. No, I gave it away.

[D]

Oh, you did?

[A]

Yeah. Yeah. But anyway, let's. Let's move on from Monclair. You know what I mean?

[E]

Him wearing his Moncler.

[D]

That's a good one. It's a classic.

[A]

It's a good camera.

[F]

It matches your hair.

[C]

Cosplay over here.

[E]

I forgot your haircut.

[C]

I do. I remember this about you. I have a certain bead on you and you always surprise me.

[A]

Yeah. Yeah.

[C]

It's nice. So anyway, that's why you're so entertaining.

[A]

Can I want to say one thing about the Moncler? Yeah, he's back. If I wasn't wearing that particular Montclair jacket, David Spade would not know who I was.

[C]

That sentence made my Dick, go inside

[A]

my crazy sentence, dude.

[D]

Can I tell you why your belief system is wild?

[A]

It's wild. I believe this. Can I tell you why? Because David would never talk to me, ever.

[C]

He bought a jacket.

[A]

No. So I. One day, I was wearing that Montclair jacket. I was at the Comedy Store. He walked up to me. Never had said anything to me before in his life. He took his finger and he put his finger around the Montclair logo, and he goes, someone's doing well. And ever since then, we've been friends

[C]

and his friends in quotes.

[B]

Or.

[C]

Do you want me to do that for you?

[A]

You.

[C]

I mean, what is. What is this? The sad. Sad Tales from Hollywood Hollowness. Welcome to people trying to fill a hole that only love can fill with jackets and David Spade anecdotes. David, get out of this.

[D]

That's a funny thing he did.

[A]

Yeah, I could also. Could be making it up.

[E]

No, but that's the thing. It's funny because I think he tried to talk to you so many times before that, and you only view that as the moment.

[D]

I'm sorry, but you can.

[A]

I scored. Yeah, you scored so many times already on this podcast.

[D]

That's.

[A]

How many. How many scores do you want?

[D]

That was a big score. That was all of the scores.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[D]

Take that.

[A]

It was a clip. There's someone who's a clipped above.

[C]

That was a clip. And by the way. By the way, someone who doesn't want to hurt anyone's feelings. I know David a little bit. Why would he be mad at that? Because you thought he wasn't your friend. I see a really tender heart in there. Bobby, you're really sweet. No, I mean, you.

[A]

I'm very tender.

[C]

You are tender. And you're worried. Worried in a beautiful way you want people to feel. Okay.

[A]

How do you feel about Peter so far? Far.

[F]

I love Pete. He's great.

[A]

Very funny. Right?

[F]

Yeah. He's awesome. He's very kind.

[A]

Now, Pete, not. You think he. If he sees you at the comics or you think he'll, like, be addicted to you or.

[D]

No.

[A]

Will you remember her?

[C]

I'd need you to go Bobby Lee's podcast. And that has nothing to do with you. I wish that wasn't true about me.

[A]

Yeah. Yeah.

[C]

But if I'm thinking about my sad or trying to get ready, somebody comes up to me. I just did that to Trevor Wallace, who's a very funny comedian, and he was in a movie I was in.

[A]

I love it was.

[C]

And I just walked right by him. And it was just because I was thinking about my lines. Whatever. Sometimes you hurt.

[A]

Who's that?

[C]

Trevor Wallace. Very famous. That's a. See, that's my Zendaya.

[D]

No, he's done this podcast three times.

[C]

Oh, you're joking.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

Using comedy.

[A]

No, it's a tribe thing.

[C]

I like your tribe thing.

[A]

I only know 150.

[C]

Tribe thing.

[A]

Yeah. Yeah.

[F]

Do you know Sean Combs?

[C]

P. Diddy.

[F]

Yeah, P. Diddy. Yeah.

[A]

No, I don't think he does.

[C]

Great part. Parties.

[F]

Great parties. I've heard. Yeah.

[C]

Why didn't that get a laugh? Is it too soon? Because when it didn't get a laugh. Because I don't follow the news. So when you ask me to riff on stuff, I'm like, I know he's in trouble. Baby oil. I'm the guy. I get my news from the world. I hear it from people I see. So I get it from an unreliable source. Just not one that I have to pay or.

[A]

Can I say this? I don't know much about it either. I just know that there was a party or whatever, but I never saw the documentary. I know bits and pieces. I think I'm like that with a lot of, like, major social. Major, you know, entertainment news and lore and all that stuff.

[C]

I think the thing is, like, as someone who's opted out of so many things, the updates, social media, all that stuff.

[A]

Yeah, yeah.

[C]

You'll be fine. Like, I think people will tell you, like, if you're like, oh, I can't get off Instagram, I won't know. You will. People are summarizing that poorly.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

That's all you're doing.

[A]

Amen.

[C]

You just stand in half horseshoe patterns going like, well, now Elon just bought.

[F]

Yeah.

[C]

And you're just like, all right. And you know as much as everybody.

[F]

Yeah. I don't think I've ever missed out on something from not reading or learning about it.

[C]

Just try. Yeah, I love that. Just try it for. You could try for a week. You'll be shocked at how little you miss.

[F]

Yeah.

[A]

Interesting.

[C]

What's your screen time?

[A]

What do you mean?

[C]

What's your day?

[D]

Look at your phone.

[E]

Open your phone.

[D]

Open your phone.

[C]

That'd be interesting on your phone.

[F]

Should we all see ours?

[C]

I know mine.

[F]

What's yours?

[A]

How do you find yourself?

[C]

Flex.

[A]

How do you. Oh, what do you mean? What does the screen time go to?

[E]

Settings.

[D]

Settings.

[E]

Type in screen time, maybe.

[A]

And then what do I do in the search?

[C]

You can also make it a widget on your phone.

[E]

Oh, that's smart.

[A]

So search, screen time.

[C]

I like you what's your name again?

[E]

Gilbert.

[C]

Gilbert. Okay, I'm high today 54.

[E]

Today, 54 minutes.

[A]

And then what do I do?

[C]

See, that's the flag.

[E]

Click the screen time.

[C]

Only somebody with low screen time asks

[E]

people to tell, what is your daily average? It says right now, daily average.

[A]

Yeah.

[E]

Okay, so daily average at three hours and 24 minutes. But it does say here 53% down from last week.

[C]

Wow. Okay, so you were five, six hours.

[E]

Yeah, six hours. Almost eight hours a day. So basically a nine.

[A]

That's good, right?

[E]

A nine to five job where someone works nine to five. You're on your phone.

[A]

Is that good on?

[C]

That's normal.

[D]

Now you'll know.

[E]

Seven's about normal. 54 minutes.

[F]

Wow, I didn't have mine on.

[D]

Yeah, if you click it again here, hold on.

[E]

Just click it again. Click it again one more time. Well, Pete wins. 54 minutes only.

[B]

Just wait. How do you consume your podcasts or anything else?

[C]

It doesn't count podcasts. We're talking about looking at a screen.

[E]

But see, we do our podcast on YouTube where ours.

[C]

You can still listen to it if you turn.

[B]

Yeah, but it still counts as a screen time time even if you listen to it.

[A]

Yeah. So I stare at my screen for three hours and 24 minutes.

[D]

It's actually really low. It's down 50.

[C]

Yeah, that might be why mine's 54. Because I haven't been looking at my phone, but I listen to a podcast all the way down on YouTube.

[F]

Can I ask you in the morning, how long do you go before you check your phone?

[C]

Love this question.

[E]

Do you biohack a little bit?

[C]

I do, yeah. All that. I do red light therapy. Maybe I do red light therapy, but not religiously. I have it in. I have a son, Lana.

[E]

Cold plunge.

[C]

Cold plunge. Yeah, all that stuff. I don't look at my phone. I'll take my phone.

[F]

Yeah.

[C]

And I'll put it in my pocket, but I won't look at it. And I love that question because I noticed that my best time is the two hours before I look at my phone.

[F]

That's it.

[C]

And what psycho needs a reply at 8 in the morning?

[F]

No one.

[C]

Or 7 in the morning? Nobody.

[F]

Maybe debt collectors.

[C]

Exactly. So you're sitting down. You get creativity first.

[F]

It sets your brain for the rest of the day.

[C]

I do email and text at like, noon.

[F]

There you go.

[C]

Like, I'll try and I'll try to go that long. But you know, you look at it. You look at the home screen to see if there's any, like, Emergencies or anything.

[D]

Yeah.

[C]

And I also do want to say this, that there's some. That. Not Bobby, but there are some people that don't have that luxury. Like. But there are a lot of people who do have that luxury who do not take advantage.

[F]

Totally.

[D]

Do you charge your phone outside of your bedroom?

[C]

I don't, but it's far from my bed.

[E]

I started that this year.

[A]

No phone in the room.

[C]

Nice difference. Sorry.

[E]

Big difference.

[A]

Wait, what? What?

[C]

In what? Sleep?

[A]

You don't charge your phone in your bedroom?

[E]

No. No, not anymore.

[A]

Where do you charge it?

[E]

A different. Different room.

[F]

Bathroom.

[A]

So how does you.

[D]

How do you wake up by 10pm

[A]

this is my alarm clock.

[E]

Children don't use it.

[D]

Oh, children will do it.

[C]

Children.

[E]

I open all my shades so the sun.

[A]

Can I just say this is lying because I got up at noon and it already says I have an hour and 30 minutes to screen time. That makes no sense. That does. That makes like four.

[C]

It's almost four o', clock, though. Yeah.

[B]

You had time.

[A]

I spent an hour and 30 minutes.

[C]

It's adding it up every time you're on.

[A]

Oh, right now it's adding.

[C]

Yeah.

[E]

Think about us in Vegas, dude.

[A]

Us.

[E]

Us just eating. You know how often we're just like. We're talking.

[A]

Oh, you're right. My Filipino. Filipino.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

Yeah. All right. So, Pete, do you still have. Do you want to promote anything?

[C]

I have a special. I have a Tour. Go to PeterHomes.com. i just had to cancel some tour dates, which. Which was such a bummer.

[A]

Why?

[C]

I had the stomach flu.

[A]

It was awful.

[C]

It was awful. But Miami. I have a monthly show in LA at Largo, as we've discussed.

[F]

Awesome.

[C]

Royal Oak, Michigan. Irving, Texas. Irving. Yeah. Madison, Wisconsin, and Denver. I don't have a lot of dates right now.

[A]

Okay, we're going.

[C]

We're stepping back to one a month.

[A]

You have a pod.

[C]

I have a podcast called you made it weird. Bobby's been on it.

[A]

I have.

[E]

You have been on it. Yes.

[C]

You have, dude.

[E]

Episode 399.

[D]

I didn't know that.

[F]

Like, podcast.

[A]

When did I do it? I went to your house.

[E]

Nerdist.

[C]

I think you did. At Nerdist. Yeah, this was before my podcast for over a decade, so it was a.

[A]

Oh, a long time ago. I remember.

[C]

So you were going through girl stuff. It might have been with you.

[D]

I think we were fully together in 2019.

[C]

Yeah, no, 18.

[A]

2018.

[D]

We were fully. No problem together.

[C]

Oh, nice.

[A]

Okay. Okay.

[C]

So it wasn't girl stuff, but I remember we, I, I, I Encountered your tender heart.

[B]

We're holding this until your Special releases on 800 pound gorilla's website.

[C]

Yes, on February 23rd.

[B]

It just released.

[C]

Okay.

[B]

Yesterday.

[C]

Okay.

[A]

How many specials have you done?

[C]

This is my sixth. Wow. Oh, yeah. That is too.

[A]

Last week.

[C]

Last week to be proud of.

[A]

Last week one was my first.

[C]

Really? Yeah, yeah. Oh, wow.

[A]

Yeah, yeah. Your sixth one.

[C]

Well, I did a record with Comedy Central called Impregnated with Wonder. That was my first hour. That's that like you work on it for 10 years really holds us.

[A]

That was my work for 30 years. Mine was 30 years.

[C]

And then I did one with Comedy Central called Nice Try the Devil. And then I did one on HBO called Faces and Sounds. Then I did another one on HBO called Dirty Clean. Then I did one on Netflix called I Am not for Everybody. And now I have a new one called Silly Silly Fun Boy and it's on YouTube.

[A]

Wow.

[C]

So many, so much website right now.

[B]

Sorry, it's the website right now and It'll be on YouTube in a month.

[C]

Oh, it's on 800 pound gorilla's website right now. Okay. So it's like a pre release thing. Yeah. And we're trying to get. Because the way Netflix does it now, we're not. I am not for. Everybody's not on Netflix anymore. So we're going to get it on my YouTube.

[A]

Oh, cool.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

You get to re. Own it.

[C]

Reown it.

[A]

Yeah, maybe. I'll tell you later. Okay. What do you mean, what the heck?

[F]

Okay. Sorry.

[A]

Yeah, yeah. What is your problem, man? We give you opportunity here.

[F]

I ask why.

[A]

No, no. We give you opportunity. You know, I'm. I'm always pulling for you, you. And then all of a sudden, what the heck? What's going on? Dude?

[F]

You got a little.

[A]

You remember when you said I. No, no, no. What you got to do, what you got to do is check yourself sometimes.

[D]

Turning cold.

[A]

I swear to God, dude. Right.

[C]

Check yourself before you work for him in another capacity.

[F]

Not really.

[E]

She. You open for him sometimes?

[F]

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Sometime.

[C]

Okay.

[A]

Not really. Huh? That's very interesting behavior.

[C]

Wow.

[A]

Yeah. Yeah.

[D]

Sorry.

[A]

Cat out.

[E]

It really is the cold shower thing.

[D]

I got you. I'm here.

[A]

I'm not nice.

[F]

No, you are nice.

[A]

I'm not.

[F]

You're not nice.

[C]

Do nice people do this? I'm not nice.

[D]

Amazing.

[C]

Do nice people do that?

[A]

Yeah, they do.

[E]

Love you.

[A]

I'm glad I'm here. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm glad you're here.

[C]

Pete Buffer, the Power Dynamics.

[A]

I'll tell you, I tell you this. I'll tell you this, Pete, you come back every year.

[E]

You, you drive two hours to come here.

[A]

I don't care. Every year you come back.

[C]

Monday is my LA day. You can have me any Monday.

[A]

Yeah, because we don't really have people come back every year. How many people come back?

[E]

I mean, Theo's done like nine times.

[A]

Yeah, yeah. You come back as often as you want. Because I had a good time with it. It's weird.

[E]

Oh, listen to this episode.

[C]

Oh, there it is. Two hours.

[E]

You did it in 2018.

[A]

2018. Oh, damn.

[E]

You did a two hour pod.

[A]

Wow, that's amazing. Yeah, that was good.

[F]

I love that picture.

[A]

Splitting Up Together. Oh, that was on that sitcom.

[C]

I. True that.

[F]

That's cool.

[A]

Remember I was on that sitcom?

[C]

Do you remember?

[E]

Do you guys remember?

[A]

It's so funny, you know, I, I look back at my. Sometimes I look back at my career and go, oh yeah, I did that.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

You know, you kind of forget or whatever.

[C]

Yeah, it's a nice thing.

[A]

Yeah, it's a nice thing. Like, do you. You look back at crashing with fondness.

[C]

I'm waiting to get to the point where I can watch it. When people tell me that they like it and they find it funny. I find that very confusing. Music.

[A]

Yeah. Yeah. Why you can't watch it?

[C]

No, when I watch it, we used to. I edited the show, was involved in the editing. It. It was very hard and watching myself and. And I used to sing the song where I went every shot of memory. So every shot I would remember that day, that lunch, those people, how I felt, how it went, how I thought it would go. It's overwhelming. So maybe it's been enough time that I could watch it and just see it as a show because I'm sure like we're re watching Flight of the Conchords right now, me and my wife. And I was like, I love it. And I'm sure those guys are like, that was the day that we couldn't get in the, in the back door.

[A]

Oh, right, right.

[C]

You know, like they had some conflict or something.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

So I'd like to see it anew.

[A]

But yeah, I can't do it.

[C]

Have you seen it as a young comic? I'm curious.

[F]

Crashing.

[C]

Yeah, you don't have to have.

[F]

I have.

[C]

I'm just curious because it, it's kind of for you guys. That was the hope.

[F]

Yeah.

[C]

To capture the vibe of the starting.

[A]

Be honest. Did you see it?

[F]

Yes.

[C]

I like that.

[F]

Yeah.

[C]

You should always be smoking.

[A]

Yeah.

[F]

Mikey and I watched this Together.

[C]

Oh, cute. I hated that picture. Jed pushed for that picture.

[A]

Really?

[C]

I hated it.

[F]

Why?

[C]

I just. What am I doing? Yawning, yelling. We took all these great. Like, oh, I'm sleepy. I'm put out. I'm forlorn. That really is on Mineta Lane, right by the comedy seller. We really put that there.

[F]

I kind of get it, though. I mean, I could.

[C]

I mean, he knows what he's doing. I didn't push back. In fact, I didn't push back the entire show. It was great.

[A]

You can't with John.

[C]

I think you can. Some people do.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

I never did.

[A]

I never do.

[C]

Honestly, Bobby, I feel like you could.

[A]

I don't think so. If he gave me. If Judd gave me a note, I would do the note.

[E]

Judd, can you give him a note?

[C]

I just feel like we could see your butthole later.

[E]

All right, Bobby, respond.

[A]

That's my opener.

[C]

No, no. You don't want to open it. You open with People like it, though.

[A]

Test well.

[C]

Tease it with the tape.

[A]

All right, Joe. Okay. Cleat.

[C]

Tease with the tape. Too many people do trump.

[A]

Anyway, Pete, I had a really good time with you. You today. Thanks for being part of our program. We'll try not to cut all the. Your zingers out. You can't cut because you have really good zingers in there. Yeah, we'll see. But there's a lot of stuff that's.

[C]

Come on. Filipino.

[A]

Yeah, but the Filipino stuff stays in. But sorry about your Robin Hood. That whole joke. I don't know if that worked.

[B]

I think it did.

[C]

Good jacket.

[A]

Yeah. But anyway, I learned a lot from you today about tribes and elitism and largo and stuff like that. And you're cool friends. But anyway. No, I really do.

[E]

He wants to be invited.

[A]

No, I've done it. I've. I've also. I'm also been a very big.

[C]

Doesn't sound like you.

[A]

Like, I'm a big fan. I'm a big fan of yours.

[C]

I appreciate it.

[A]

And I really think you're so great. And, you know, I'll tell you another thing, you know, if this means anything, you've always been just such a nice guy.

[C]

I appreciate that.

[A]

Of course. No, I'm being real. Like, there's not. I've never heard anything negative about you ever. You know, I mean. And so I think you're a kind guy. Thanks for driving, like, all that way to come here.

[C]

I didn't.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

Come to la. Yeah.

[A]

Anyway. And what a voyage. What a voyage. What a journey. And thank you so much for being

[C]

people thinking I lived.

[A]

Have a nice happy birthday to me because of my sobriety.

[C]

Congratulations.

[A]

Thank you so much. I'm gonna relapse. I'm gonna kill myself.

[E]

I want Pete's here.

[A]

Don't really get Peter. Round of applause.

[D]

Dong bombola Shokumoki Shokuluki Moki salaman feet

[A]

and bokogani Ay makabaloli shokumoki.