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- [00:04]
Tim Keller
Each year we make a special free resource available during the season of lent for the 40 days from Ash Wednesday through Good Friday. Gospel and Life would like to send you a daily devotional. Sign up to receive this daily email@gospelandlife.com Lent now here's Dr. Keller with today's teaching.
- [00:28]
Unknown Speaker
Could you get out your your handout for tonight on Anger? And I'm going to stick tonight. You know, sometimes you get out this handout and I never, I never say, you know, I ignore the handout and almost nothing I say has anything to do with what's on the handout. And some of you say, wow, that's interesting. I wonder why he gave this to us. And it means it's all it's relevant information that I just didn't get to. But tonight I'm going to be covering things pretty closely. I'm going to follow that handout fairly closely. So if you've got it, let's look at it. All right, Ephesians 4 we're looking at this whole section from 25 to 32. And though and we're going to read the whole section, we are focusing every week on another verse, another subject, because every verse brings up another subject, a part of the great Christian lifestyle which Paul is outlining for us. Verse 25 Therefore, each of you must put off falsehood and speak truthfully to his neighbor, for we are all members of one body. In your anger, do not sin. Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry, and do not give the devil a foothold. He who has been stealing must steal no longer, but must work doing something useful with his own hands, that he may have something to share with those in need. Do not let unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others upon according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen and do not grieve. The Holy Spirit of God with whom you were sealed for the day of redemption. Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ, God forgave you. Here ends the reading of God's Word. Let's look at verse 25 and 26. Last week we really did the lion's share of what we want to say about verse 25 where it says put away falsehood and speak the truth with one another. There's just a couple of qualifications I'd like to make before moving on to anger. Before we leave Lying and move on to anger. Let's finish lying. I mean, let's finish talking about lying. On the one hand, here's what you have to remember. On the one hand, I tried to press out the idea of putting off falsehood and what that meant being honest with God, honest with yourself before you could be honest with other people. The whole spirit of falsehood, and then speak truthfully with our neighbor. And we talked about how important it was to be people of integrity, how critical it was to be honest. I tried to push that as hard as I possibly could. A number of you I know felt the pressure. And don't forget what we said in passing. There was a little quote that I put in there by Louis Smedes last week. It talked about what it meant to be a man or woman of your word, to keep your promises, to be consistent, to mean what you say and say what you mean. And he points out that what makes you human is your willingness and ability to keep your word. He says no personal computer ever kept a promise and no dog ever kept a promise, he says, because only humans can keep promises. When you make a promise, you say, I have my needs, I have my instincts, I have my drives, and they change all the time. But I promise to do something and I will do it regardless of how I feel about it, regardless of whether I feel that it's to my benefit or not. I give you my word. That's what makes you a human being. The fact is that we live in a culture where promises are less and less. Not only less and less kept, but less and less made. You see, for example, everybody, every time I read about this, they say that the tendency is to move away from marriage to short term relationships without marriage. And what that means is the tendency is away from promises. Why is it that people say, well, marriage, I'd rather have short term relationships. What you mean is, when I begin to feel that this relationship isn't meeting my needs, I want to walk, I want out. I don't want to have to be bound by my promises. But you see, that moves you away from being human. That's how animals operate. You operate on your instincts, you operate on your needs. You're driven by your desires. Animals can't make promises, machines can't make promises, people can make promises. And the more you make a promise, as Smead said last week, when you make a promise, you are never more human. And an unwillingness to make promises or keep your promises lowers you down to the level of the animal or the machine. Now, having said all that and pressed that and say, don't lie, be honest. We have to remember that there's a nuance to everything the Bible says. The Bible does not have. It's just not a nice book of ethical principles. It's actually a book full of case studies of how ethical principles work out. Your motives and your intention is every bit as much is every bit as important to what makes you a Christian as your behavior. Your behavior has to be in accord with the law, but your motivation has to be in accord with God's heart. So it says, speak the truth with your neighbor. For you, we are members of one another. Now, that means something very important. Your purpose in speaking the truth is what it's not. How do I say this? Let me say it in the most technical way. You do not have a formal interest in truth. The philosophers would say, in other words, there's nothing specially important or right about just speaking the truth. Your goal is to penetrate the heart of your neighbor with the truth. Your goal is to say, since we're members of one another, since we are together, I want to make sure that we stay together. I want you to grow with the truth. I want you to hear the truth. I want you to be helped with the truth. See, there are many people who can look at this verse and say, be honest. Fine, I'll be honest. I'm honest. And so you just clobber people with the truth all over the place. That's not what it means when it says, speak the truth. For we are members of one another. It's not enough just to speak the truth out. You see, I put it down here. Look, let's take a look at this. Here's where I'm going to try to stick with the handout. First of all, it says in the Bible we speak the truth in love. Not just speak the truth, speak the truth in love. That's very critical. In fact, that's really what Paul is saying here in verse 25, when it says, speak the truth with your neighbor because we're members of one another. That means it's not simply enough in obeying the Christian ethic to say the truth out loud, but to get the truth in. Now, what that means, for example, I put a few things down. It may mean the very first time that you see a truth, to say the first time it occurs to you that this person needs to hear the truth. I don't know if I should go this far. Two times out of three, the first time it occurs to you to tell somebody the truth, that might Be a difficult truth for them to hear. Two times out of three, you should keep your mouth shut and reformulate it. Because almost, I mean, I can't give you a Bible verse on this statistic, but I would say most of the time, the first time you formulate the truth in your mind, it's not in a formulation that will be the best for the person to hear. Your whole purpose is to get the truth through. And very often the first time it occurs to you what you should say. You know, for example, the very first time you notice, maybe you're getting to know somebody. I'll give you an example like this. You're getting to know somebody, and you've been with this person several times, and you're beginning to notice that this person tends to be rude. Tends to be rude. At least you've seen two or three examples of it. Now, the truth is, that person's rude. Should you just say it for the first time it occurs to you, this person's rude. This person turns people off. Is that the time to say something? A lot of people would say, of course, put off falsehood. Speak the truth with your brother, with your sister, but don't forget, for we are members of one another. The whole purpose is, is not to disrupt unity. The whole purpose is not just to say the truth, to get it out. And now I'm a truthful person. The whole purpose of telling the truth is to penetrate the person's heart. And therefore it's almost always better to reflect, to think about it, to make sure that you have worked out the best formulation of that truth so that it is couched in such a way that the person can hear it. You want to give the person every chance to hear it. You don't want to say it in a way that actually drives them away from the truth. In that case, you're actually working against what your real motivation is. In truth telling. Your motivation is not just to say the truth, but to get it in. Proverbs is just full of all kinds of warnings saying, be slow to speak. You know, very often the first time it occurs to you that the first time the truth occurs to you, you might be in an irritated state. You might feel kind of superior. You may need to work on your own heart and work it out so that you have the right motivation, the right tone of voice, the right formulation, that it's the right setting. And I'll go this far. It also may be that a person is so prejudiced against you that you are never the person that can tell that person the truth. Now, you know, you say, well, wait a minute here. It seems like you're taking everything back. You said last week. No, I'm trying to show you everything. The Bible says to be a truth speaker, to be honest means not simply a formal pagan humanistic understanding of honesty, honesty for its own sake. Honesty is always a means to an end. Righteousness is always a means to an end. The ultimate end, of course, as we will get back to later, is to reflect who God is in your life. But also, here's another thing. The whole reason that we want to tell the truth to our neighbor is because members of one another out of love. And it could be if you know that you are a person that should you say the truth to someone else because of their attitude toward you, it would make them less open to the truth than if you had kept your mouth shut, then you probably should keep your mouth shut. Well, I think everybody in this room knows that there's people in this world that have an attitude toward you, a bias, a prejudice. Either either one that you did not earn or deserve, or one that you did earn or deserve. And now that you've got that relationship, you are not only will that person not hear you if you tell them the truth, but this person will be driven further from the truth, hardened, made less open to the truth because you're the one who says it. Don't you see why to be a truth telling Christian, it takes a lot of wisdom. Don't you see why the Bible can have absolute principles? Tell the truth, always be honest, never lie. But at the same time, the Bible expresses the consummate wisdom of God. The more you read the scripture, the more you say, this is the owner's manual for my mind and my heart. This is God who owns me, telling me how I operate. And I'll go one step further. The Bible pretty clearly tells us that there are some people who forfeit their right to the truth. In warfare, when someone's out to attack you, the Bible actually very clearly says that a person who's wicked, who's out to destroy innocent people, who's out to attack that person, is forfeited the right to the truth. One of the things that's kind of interesting is in the Old Testament, the spies, the Israelite spies who go into Jericho as Israel is coming in and in battle, the spies are hidden by a prostitute named Rahab. And when the men of Jericho come to find, try to look for the spies, Rahab tells the men of Jericho, the spies are gone. That's a lie. In the New Testament, Rahab is commended for her work and you say, wait a minute, how could that be? The answer is, there are people who, because of their absolute evil and wickedness, forfeit their right to the truth. For example, in Proverbs 26, there's two verses, back to back, verse four and verse five that are extremely interesting. The first one says, I have it here. You have it too. Don't answer a fool according to his folly, or you will be like him. And then the very next verse, it says, answer a fool according to his folly, or he will be wise in his own eyes. Interesting book, the Bible. We have the first verse. Don't answer a fool according to his folly, or you'll be just like him. You'll be sucked in. You'll just be like him. You know, just cut him off, don't talk to him. Do not give him an answer. Verse 5. Answer a fool according to his folly, or he won't realize what a fool he is and he'll be wise in his own eyes. You see, the situation is set up. The question is asked to the Book of Proverbs. What about unreasonable and wicked people? Fools. That's who fools are. Fools are not dumb people. In the Book of Proverbs. Someday we'll have to study what the Bible says about fools. The word fool in the Bible does not mean a dumb person, a person of low iq. Frankly, people of low IQ are very, very, very welcomed and loved and reached out to. In the Bible. Fools are not dumb people. Fools are unreasonable, prejudiced, stubborn and wicked people. Here's the question we asked the Book of Proverbs. When an unreasonable, wicked person asks a question, do you give them an answer? They're asking for the truth. Do you give them an answer? And verse four says, of course. And verse five says, don't. The other way around, isn't it? Yeah. Verse four says, don't give him an answer. And verse five says, do give him an answer. And you know what you say? Well, that's a contradiction. No, it's not. What God is saying here is, sometimes you do and sometimes you don't. That's what it's saying. Well, when do you. And when don't you. When it looks like you've got a chance to bring the person up short and show him his own folly, or he'll be wise in his own eyes. See, it means you have to be a wise person to know where to draw the line. You have to say, if my arguing with this person will actually give him something that he will use against me or other people, I won't give it to him. Or if this person, you know, the place in the New Testament where it talks about don't throw pearls before swine. If this is a person who, when I give that person the truth, this person is so close to the truth, this person will do nothing but spit on it and. And dishonor it or even further. This person is so close to the truth that if I give it to him, he will be taken further away and might actually bring this truth into disrepute in the eyes of other people. Where do you draw the line? You have to decide that. Do you answer a fool according to his folly? What does God say? Sometimes you do, sometimes you don't. Do you tell that person the truth? Sometimes you do and sometimes you don't. Now, that really doesn't get us out from under any of the pressure we feel, do we? Does it? Because, you see, in almost, it's a rare area where you can say, this person's a fool and I have to stop talking that person about the truth. That doesn't happen that often. What we're worried about is you really can't call the US Government a fool and refuse to tell them how much you made last year. You really can't. All right? You really can't justify lying to that client. You really can't twist. You can't justify the fact that when Christian friends have come to you and have said, you seem kind of discouraged, there's something wrong and you know there's something very, very, very wrong, and you lie right through your teeth about it. See, all those things, all the areas in which we really are being dishonest aren't touched on by this. On the other hand, I want you to realize the Bible is so wise and so subtle and so nuanced, it doesn't just say, speak the truth. It says, speak the truth of your neighbor, for we're members of one another. All right, now we go on to verse 26, and we'll take some time on this. Anyway, maybe we can do it now, maybe not. If I stick close, we probably can. Look, I know that in a modern translation I read, it says, in your anger, do not sin. This is one of those places where I like the old authorized King James translation better. I even made the title of the handout of the sermon, the old King James translation, it's more literal. It's exactly what it says there, what Paul actually wrote down. And it's very stunning. It's stark. It shows an amazing approach to anger that Christianity has and almost nobody else has. Be angry and sin not. They seem like they're cutting against each other. Paul does not say, well, if you get angry, it might be okay. Sometimes you get angry and I guess it's unavoidable. He doesn't just say, oh, it's inevitable that occasionally you're going to get angry, but make the best of it. That's not what he says. He says, be angry, do it. The first thing that Paul tells us is not only is it sometimes alright to be angry, but what he's actually saying is very often it is your duty to be angry and that it is wrong not to be angry. And then he turns around and says, but sin not. Now the fact that he says but sin not means two things right away. A, it must mean that it's very easy to sin when you're angry. Extremely easy. You know, Paul doesn't say be joyful, but sin not. You know, I mean, because joy does not lead to sin as well, obviously as quickly as anger. On the other hand, it must mean that it's possible to be angry and not sinful. So what that means is we're left with this, a wonderful and amazingly balanced Christian understanding of anger. A, be angry. It means that anger is something that is not wrong in itself and that can be righteous. But B sin not. Which means that anger can very easily lead to a tremendous amount of trouble. So let's take a look first. At the first sight, be angry. What you learn from this is, number one, suppression or denial of anger is wrong. Now notice, and I'll just go right along here, Paul does not say, now we all know Christians get angry. Many people think that if you're a Christian, you must banish all anger from your life all the time. Christians don't get angry. And if you do get angry, you do everything you can to suppress it totally and express it. Not a bit. Is that what Paul says? Paul doesn't say that at all. That is a pagan understanding. I'd like to show you. We got that from the Greeks. We did not get that. We did not get that from the Bible. The scripture doesn't speak that way at all. As a matter of fact, people who have that view, Christians do not get angry. And if you do get angry, you suppress it completely. You're in a lot of trouble. There's a place in the book of Hebrews where it says, beware, lest the root of bitterness remain and springing up defile many. Beware lest the root of bitterness remain and springing up defile many. That means first of all, the root of bitterness means that it's possible for anger to be present in you and be rather hidden. But eventually it'll spring up if it's kept there. Beware means be wary, or it means be aware of it means you must be aware of your anger. And anybody who says Christians don't get angry, I'll tell you what's going to happen. You are not going to suppress your anger. You're going to deny it. It's remarkable how many people will say anything about themselves except that they're angry. I'm worried, they say I'm distressed, they say I'm depressed, they say when they're angry, I'm hurt. They say when they're angry, you'll say anything but the fact that you're angry. And the book of Hebrews warns you and says, unless you are, you have to beware of your anger. And that means be aware of your anger. It means be honest about your anger. It means to see, means to recognize it. And it certainly doesn't mean that. It certainly doesn't mean that it's always wrong.
- [22:30]
Tim Keller
Are you holding onto a grudge or struggling to forgive someone in your life? Would you like to experience the freedom and healing that forgiveness brings? In his book, why Should I, and How Can I? Tim Keller shows how forgiveness is not just a personal act, but a transformative power that embodies Christ's grace to a world fractured by conflict. Far from being a barrier to justice, forgiveness is the foundation for pursuing it. In this book, you'll uncover how forgiveness and justice are deeply intertwined expressions of love and how embracing Christ's forgiveness equips us to extend grace to others. We'd love to send you Dr. Keller's book Forgive, as our thanks for your gift. To help Gospel in life share the hope and forgiveness of Christ with more people, visit gospelinlife.com give to request your copy. That's gospelinlife.com give now here's Dr. Keller with the remainder of today's teaching.
- [23:27]
Unknown Speaker
Now, we'll talk about sinful anger in a minute, but let me just show you this. In Paul's day, there were two rival Basically, this is an interesting subject, but I have to just talk about the anger part. In Paul's day, there were two rival Greek philosophy schools, the Stoics and the Epicureans. And the Stoics believed that anger was a terrible thing and that a real man knew how to control it. And of course you know where the word. Today the word stoic means stiff upper lip. And that's pretty close to what the philosophy said. The philosophy said, when anger comes, a real man stifles it, destroys it. You got to get it before it gets you. The Epicureans, on the other hand, were. Were all for pleasure. And they disdained evil. They disdained anger. What they did is they said, just get away from it. You should be above anger. If you're angry, it means that you should just get out of there. If somebody makes you angry, have nothing to do with them. See, they were all for comfort. If something makes you angry, go someplace where you're comfortable. That's all. If a job makes you angry, quit it. If a person makes you angry, forget it. If your wife makes you angry, divorce her. If food makes you angry, if a certain kind of food bothers you, go eat something you like. You know, the Epicureans say, if you're angry, you're a fool because you're staying in conditions that you don't need to stay in. Very different than the Stoics. And Paul says neither of them are right. Because anger, biblically, is not something to be disdained or something to be always destroyed. Anger actually is a good thing in itself. How do we know that? A. Because Jesus gets angry rather often. God gets angry not only rather often, but the Bible says God is angry constantly. It says God is angry at the wicked all day. It says in Romans 1:18, the wrath of God is revealed, present tense, present progressive tense. The wrath of God is revealed against all ungodliness and wickedness of men. God is constantly angry. And, you know, these are excellent examples. For example, Paul gives an example of anger in second Corinthians. Paul told the Corinthians who had let an evil relationship grow up inside their community, and now it was destroying people's lives. It was very sad. Anyway, what happened was, Paul says to the Corinthians, see what godly sorrow has produced in you. What concern, what readiness to see justice done. Indignation, alarm, zeal. The Corinthians were roused, you see, what happened was they got angry with the evil. Indignation, zeal, alarm. And here, what readiness to see justice done. This is what anger is. I put a little definition here in bold. Anger is the capacity to be roused to action by the sight of evil. It. It's put into us by God. It's part of being in his image, and therefore it's a precious thing. I'll put it another way. See, I know that's weird, isn't it? It's weird to think that if you were raised in a Christian community, you didn't hear that. You heard that God was angry all the time. Well, that's God, that's all right. But we don't get angry. The fact is that anger is actually destructive energy. You know, right away you say, well, that's got to be bad, right? No, it's not bad. If it's bad, then God wouldn't have it. Look it. Anger is energy released in defense of something and released to attack something. Anger is the ability to defend something and attack something that's threatening that which you're defending. It's energy to tear up something that's defending something that's precious. So let me give you an example. In Mark 3, I mentioned that Jesus gets angry rather often. I mentioned Mark chapter 3. In Mark 3, Jesus heals a man with a shriveled right hand. I think it's right, but it's a shriveled hand. And as he's about to heal him, he notices the Pharisees coming up like this. And he discerns in their heart that they're just waiting for him to break the Sabbath because this is the Sabbath day. And they're waiting for him to violate one of the Sabbath ordinances. So they can say, see, you say you're so religious and you break the Sabbath. And it says, Jesus was full of indignation and he got angry at them. Now let's analyze it. Jesus was angry, couldn't be wrong, right? What did he do? What was he defending? He was defending the law of God. He was angry that the law of God, the Sabbath day, is a rule. It's a law. It's one of the ten Commandments. We're supposed to take time off, we're supposed to rest. We're supposed to give ourselves over and in a concentrated way to the worship of God. It's supposed to be a thing that benefits us and blesses us and is a tremendous refreshment to our souls and all that. And here's Jesus angry because somebody has taken this wonderful law and twisted it into an instrument of fear and self righteousness. So what does he do? He releases his anger against the evil. What he does is he says, he turns to them and he says, tell me, is it wrong to do good on the Sabbath? Is it wrong to heal on the Sabbath? Is it wrong to do God's will on the Sabbath? And he turns around and heals right in their face. He heals the man in anger. He releases his anger against the sickness, and he releases his anger against the sin. And as a result, he's got, you know, he's got righteous indignation. You see, the Bible tells us that there are situations in which it's absolutely wrong not to be angry. Be angry. It's your duty to be angry. Your inability to rouse yourself at the sight of injustice, your inability to ever be indignant and to want to see justice done means that what you've done is in the name of being Christian or in the name of being whatever your family told you you were supposed to be. You know, if you're raised in a particular culture that says, do not get angry, you don't get angry. What you've really done in many ways is made yourself a lot less like Jesus. Jesus gets angry like that. God is so strong and never harsh with us. God is terrifying to traitors without even a smidgen of pettiness and ego defense. He's lordly his anger, and he calls us to be too. Be angry, all right, but sin not. Okay, turn over. Now, the fact is that if you don't get angry at certain things, if there's no zeal in you, you really are a pretty uninteresting person. You're not like Jesus. The real problem is that, see, Paul, though, immediately realizes how destructive anger is. Unlike the other emotions, unlike joy, unlike a lot of other things, anger is an emotion built to destroy things, to tear down bad things, to tear down injustice. It comes from being holy. But you see, in a way, it's a lot like nuclear energy, a wonderful thing if it's harnessed just right. But if you have a meltdown, you ruin all the people you're trying to help. You see, anger is very, very destructive. Why do you think it says here, be angry, but sin not. Do not let the devil get that kind of foothold. Now, we'll talk about the devil and who he is and what that means later on. Right now, what he is obviously saying is as wonderful a thing as anger is, it opens the door to far greater evils than itself. See, when he says, don't let the devil, that get that kind of foothold, what he's saying is if you open the door to anger, you open the door and a lot of other things can come rushing on in, you know, wars. Most wars are caused by anger. Probably most murders are caused by anger. Certainly probably most suicides are caused by anger. Now, see, it's the desire to tear something up. But if it's released in the wrong way. Oh, my. I remember I did a funeral for a young man when I had a church in Virginia, as you know. I did a funeral for a young man who was in love with a girl that had been going together for a year, a couple years. He was about 20 years old, and she was trying to break up with him. And what happened at one point was that he came to her house and she didn't want to see him. And he was on the front doorstep, and he says, if you don't see me, I'll show you. I'll kill myself. And she says, oh, go ahead. So in his anger, he says, I'll ruin your life. You watch me. He walked down the sidewalk, he got into his car, he pulled a gun out, he yelled at her, and he says, watch this. And he put it in his mouth and he killed himself. And I did that funeral. And I'll tell you, he did a wonderful job of ruining her life. Oh, yes, he did. You see, he was so angry, he tore up everything around. Tore up his head, he tore up his skull, tore up his brain. But he tore up her life. He put a millstone on her neck, and she was down at the bottom of the sea. And there was almost no way you could pull that incredible millstone of guilt, you know, I mean, and that's just one. That's, you know, I know that just chills you to your toes. I know that's just one. That's nothing. Look at what it's doing in your life right now. How many of you are unhappy because of anger, because of the anger that you can't deal with because of anger in your life or because of other people's anger toward you? Here's why anger is sinful. Here's how anger gets sinful. I mean, we said anger in its normal, pristine state, the way it's created in us is the desire to defend something good and to attack something that's threatening it. So it's energy to rouse ourselves and attack that which is evil, to tear up that which is evil. But you see, the way it works in our lives is. Is anger is aroused in defense of what? The law of God? Justice? No. Anger is aroused in our sinful hearts to defend our egos, to defend our pride, to defend our reputation, to defend our agenda, and we release it to attack. Not problems, not evil, not sins, but people. Now, you know, in order to talk about this, it's very important to talk about this. I'm trying to get. I try to get specific. And the only way I can get specific, is I'm trying to think in my own life. In the last few years, where have I had the biggest trouble and struggle with anger? And where have I had to work on this and put these principles into practice? And it's not too hard for me to find it in the last four or five years. Clearly, the biggest problem I've had with anger is anger toward my children. Here's how it works. First of all, I get this idea that I have an evening free. So you spend the evening, you spend the week thinking, ah. You spend your evening filling your mind, worshiping, worshiping, Filling your mind with the value of that evening and what you're going to do with it and how nice it's going to be and how you're going to do this and this and this and this. So you come home and immediately your family jumps on you, and all night your family jumps on you. Do this for me. Can you do this for me? He hit me. Please come solve this. I can't find this. And, you know, slowly your blood pressure starts to rise. Here's why. Instead, as I was saying, if any of you were here for any of those other services, worship is the ability to see the worth of things. And to be an adult, a spiritual adult, is to get a sense of due proportion, to recognize what is worth, what is valuable. Get a sense of proportion, after all. And instead of filling my mind with the value of my children, instead of thinking about how the fact that they're growing up so fast and I won't have them there very long at all, when I think about how important it is for me to be spending time with them and how small a thing my little evening is and how important it is for me to have a relationship with them so that they're able to feel that I'm approachable and so on. If I was filling my mind with that and had a due sense of proportion, I wouldn't be angry. Instead, I filled my heart so much with my own selfish agenda that I begin to get angry. Why I'm defending myself. My own little agenda for the evening, and I release it toward them. I attack them. I say, you're being so selfish, you're being so dumb. You're being so stupid. Solve your own problems. What am I supposed to do? What I should be doing. I'll mention it again. I should be sitting down and I should be immediately saying, all right. Anger is always energy released towards something in defense of something. What am I defending? And inevitably, if I sit down, you know, nine times out of 10, 99 times out of 100, when I get angry, I have to say, what am I defending? Is it my pride? Yes. Is it my ego? Yes. Now here's what I should be doing. If my kids are being stupid, my kids are being insensitive, if they are fighting, if they are lying to me, if they're doing any of these things, what happens is I have the right, in fact the duty to be angry at the sin in their lives that's harming them. Instead, I am worried very much about my own agenda. So I'm getting mad and I'm attacking them rather than their problem. So I go back and forth between two alternatives. When I feel my blood pressure rising, I say, I don't want to get angry. So I just suppress it and I keep it down. And nobody knows how ticked I am until around 10 o'clock when I put one of the kids to bed for the third time and he's up again. And then I blow. And here's what I've done wrong. You walk a razor's edge with anger. If you blow up, that means you're being selfish and you're releasing your anger toward the child or toward the person. You're tearing up people instead of their problems. You're tearing up people instead of the sin or the evil or the injustice. But if you clam up instead of tearing up people, you keep the anger inside and you just tear up your insides. But instead, what I should do is I should sit down and I should say, what am I defending? It's my ego. I cleanse myself with my repentance. But then, as my wife constantly tells me, it's silly for me not to be angry when my children lie. See, if I'm angry because they've screwed up my night, then I attack them and they know and there's absolutely nothing good that's done. But if instead, if I say, hey, my night's not so important, what's important? My kids are important, My family's important, the fact that my child, my children learn some self control and some discipline and honesty, that's important. I've often been told by my wife, if I walk in so afraid of being angry because I'm actually defending my ego, that I walk in and I just say, now, dear, you really shouldn't have done that, really sinks in, doesn't it? It doesn't sink in a bit. I have to repent. I have to cleanse myself of the false defense. And I have to then come in and say, but I am angry. What am I angry at? I'm angry at this sin that's hurting my child. I'm ticked. I'm angry, and I'm going to show him that. So I come in and I can be very sharp and say, this is wrong. You act like this. What's it going to do to you in school? What's it going to do to you in your relationships? What's it going to do to you when you get married? What's it going to do to you in your life? This is no small thing. And see, when I talk like that, when I get like that, See, anger is a wonderful thing. It's your duty to be angry. But on the other hand, unless I am taking a look and seeing how sinfully my anger can be released in defense of myself to attack people instead of defense of the truth, to attack injustice. I don't see those two modes, the A drive and the B drive. If I don't switch myself over into the other mode, if I just suppress it, it's no good. And if I just blow up, it's no good either. Anger is extremely important for us to understand. Extremely important. All right, I'm going to have to close up here, how to deal with anger. Here's the main thing. I'll just. Let me just show you these last three paragraphs. Would you please keep this in mind? Don't forget, if you haven't been here for. For the series, then I just. I need to remind you of this. Paul is introducing verse 25 to 32, his case studies, as ways of illustrating what he laid down as a principle. In verse 22 and 23 and 24. You must put on the new self. Remember that the way in which you defeat falsehood, the way in which you defeat anger is not simply by saying, don't get angry. The way in which you defeat anger is to remember who you are, to put on the new self. Let me just kind of read through this. That's the fastest way to make sure you get the whole picture. You see, you're not simply to say, don't be angry. How terrible for a Christian to be angry. That's the way of suppression. Instead, we put on the new self. We remind ourselves of our position. You remind yourself of your standing as Christians, for example. I say, this is how I talk to myself. This is how you have to talk to yourself. You don't just say, stop being angry. That'll really help. That'll go a long way. Instead, you melt the anger out from the inside by Putting on the new self. You say I can't be vindictive. If God had been vindictive, where would I be? God was angry at my sin, but he poured that anger out on my sin. And Jesus on the cross, he uses anger to destroy what was destroying me. And that's. See, I have to sit down and think about that if I'm going to make sure that I don't suppress my anger or blow up when I get mad at my children. I have to remember who I am. I have to remember what God has been to me. That melts me, that changes me. Just simply saying, don't get angry doesn't work. I praise God that he used and directed his anger to save me. See, I'm not going to be a judge. I'm not going to stay bitter. I'm going to forgive this person. God's my judge and he's everybody else's judge. I don't need to be their judge. You see what I'm doing here and you see what this is? This is an example of putting on the new self. It's not unless you think about who God is and your position that you will be able to overcome anger. It's just not enough just to say, stop being angry. When Paul says, we must do this, don't even let the sun go down before you do it. Isn't that an amazing statement? He says, do not let it go a day. Do it right away. If you've been provoked, forgive. Think of your position like Matthew 18. Think about God's forgiven me all this incredible debt. I can forgive my brother, my sister, this little bit of debt. Don't let your righteous anger settle into malignant, bitter hatred. It won't help to say I must not be angry. That's not putting on the new self. You have to say, I have a right to be angry. This was injustice, but I have no right to hold a grudge. I have no right to hold this person liable. I have no right to be a judge. I will not leave a thing like that on your books, even overnight. Don't forget this. Forgiveness is granted before it's felt. You don't have to feel your anger go away. You grant forgiveness. You say because of what God has done for me, he remembers my sins no more. I'm not going to bring this matter up again to myself all the time. I'm not going to bring it up to that person. I'm going to put it behind me. That doesn't mean your anger is gone. You grant the forgiveness and you will see the anger seep away. And finally, here, let me just summarize it with this quote from David Martyn Lloyd Jones Again, do not let the sun go down on your wrath. You may have a great struggle with yourself, but do not rest until you have settled it. You may have to argue it backwards and forwards. Go on, I say, until you have realized the love of God in Christ. To you see putting on the new self until you have seen Christ bleeding and dying on the cross that you might be forgiven, Dwell on Him. Dwell on that until it melts your heart. That's putting on the new self until you forgive freely. Then get into your bed and put your head down on the pillow and sleep the sleep of the justice because you have a right to do so. And you will be doing it as the Son of God himself did it. You will have acted in your life and in your domain as God acted toward you. My friends, beware, lest the root of bitterness in any of you spring up and defile many. And it can really bring those of you who identify yourself publicly as Christians know how to deal with your anger. You want the world to look at us and say, what is Jesus Christ a lamb? Why are all his followers like lions? Is the Holy Spirit a dove? And why are his followers like birds of prey, scratching and clawing each other and me? They watch you. Do not let the sun go down on your anger. Be angry. Sin not. Let's pray now. Father, we thank you that your wisdom is so great that you seem to know in your Word how to deal with every part of our heart. It's almost as if you built our hearts and you did. You know our hearts from the inside. You know our hearts better than we know ourselves. We submit ourselves to youo and we ask that yout would cleanse us and make us like youe Son who was angry, but who poured his anger out against our sin. He used his anger to destroy that which was destroying us. He didn't destroy us. Help us to be angry, to sin not. We pray in Jesus name. Amen.
- [45:11]
Tim Keller
Thanks for listening to today's teaching by Tim Keller here at Gospel and Life, we want to share a special free resource with you that we provide during the season of lent for the 40 days from Ash Wednesday through Friday. Gospel and Life would like to send you a daily Lent Devotional. Sign up to receive this daily email@gospelandlife.com lent that's gospelandlife.com lent Today's sermon was recorded in 1991. The sermons and talks you hear on the Gospel and Life podcast were preached from 1989 to 2017 while Dr. Keller was senior pastor at Redeemer Presbyterian Church.