Podcast Summary: Acontece que no es poco | 23 de septiembre de 1789: La Jura del príncipemastuerzo Fernando y el retrete real

Podcast: Todo Concostrina
Host: Nieves Concostrina (with Car, co-host)
Date: September 23, 2024
Theme:
A witty, irreverent stroll through the history of the Bourbon dynasty in Spain, centered on the early oath-taking of Fernando VII as Prince of Asturias in 1789 and the surprising survival of his royal toilet. Nieves dives into anecdotes around Bourbon excess, royal furniture, theft, and the mythmaking of Spain’s monarchy.

Main Theme Overview

The episode explores the ceremonial swearing-in (jura) of Fernando VII as heir to the Spanish throne at only five years old—a moment steeped in courtly ritual but, as Nieves wryly reveals, also deeply illustrative of the dynastic corruption and absurdities fostered by the Bourbon monarchy. The segment is peppered with barbed humor about “mastuerzos” (blockheads/fools), with a secondary focus on royal assets: from iconic paintings and stolen furniture to the much-discussed royal toilet. Nieves draws historical parallels to modern times, particularly regarding the monarchy’s less-than-transparent legacy and the quirky vestiges of royal power on display in Spanish museums today.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. The Swearing-In of Fernando VII: Ceremony and Farce

• What Happened:
  On September 23, 1789, Fernando VII—nicknamed “el mastuerzo” by Nieves—was officially sworn in as Prince of Asturias at the age of not quite five, in the Church of Los Jerónimos, Madrid.
• Ceremonial Participants:
  Attendees included the cream of royalty, clergy, military, and nobility, in a highly orchestrated act of collective loyalty to a child.
  • “Se reunió la fauna de más alto standing de la corte, los ejércitos y la Iglesia para la jura del Príncipe de Asturias.” —Nieves (01:12)
• On the Meaning of the Ceremony:
  Nieves questions the language: The event is called “la jura de Fernando VII” as if Fernando was swearing an oath, when the truth is the court swore loyalty to him.
  • “No juro nada, le juraron a él.” —Nieves (03:00)

2. Royal Furniture: The Curious Case of the Royal Toilet

• Surprising Museum Piece:
  Nieves highlights that in the Museo del Prado, next to a painting of the 1789 ceremony, there’s an original throne-retrete (toilet) used by Fernando VII—a rare survivor from the real collections.
  • “El trono, un retrete, el original, donde él hacía sus cositas.” —Nieves (04:12)
• Why So Few Pieces Remain:
  Most valuable pieces were stolen and sold off by María Cristina de Borbón, a figure Nieves accuses of looting the palace treasury and collections after her exile.
  • “La mayoría de los muebles buenos, las joyas... se los llevó Cristina de Borbón, que fue la que desbarató la colección Real, sacó en secreto de España los mejores muebles y los subastó en Londres y París.” —Nieves (04:41)

3. The Odyssey of Royal Artifacts

• The Gasparini Commode:
  Spotlight on a baroque commode from Carlos III’s office, recently purchased by the Spanish state in New York for €400,000, after having been missing (stolen) for over a century.
  • “¿Qué hacía en Nueva York un mueble del despacho de carros III?” —Car (06:53)
  • “Vamos a ver si va a ser uno de los muchos que robó María Cristina de Borbón.” —Nieves (07:02)
• Institutional Amnesia:
  Nieves criticizes Patrimonio Nacional for sidestepping the monarchy's historical theft of royal assets, preferring not to discuss when or how such items left Spain.
  • “Como si la cómoda se hubiera ido por su cuenta de paseo por Europa…” —Nieves (07:07)

4. Ritual Details and Modern Parallels

• Details of the Ceremony:
  The event included a pontifical mass by the Cardinal Lorenzana, followed by a structured parade of bishops, nobles, and officials swearing fealty, capped off (hopefully) with a fine “vino paño.”
  • “Primero que hubo una misa, una misa pontifical... se arrodillaban y juraban obediencia, vasallaje y reverencia al mastuerzo.” —Nieves (11:01)
• How Rituals Change (or Not):
  Comparing then to now, Nieves and Car highlight that current heirs (like Leonor) must publicly swear the Constitution—unlike Juan Carlos I, who only swore to uphold Francoist principles.
  • “Lo único que juró Juan Carlos de Borbón... fueron los principios del franquismo.” —Nieves (12:11)
  • “Juan Carlos nunca juró la Constitución ni las leyes de la democracia. Por eso se pasó las leyes por sus reales prendengues.” —Nieves (12:56)

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

| Timestamp | Speaker | Quote | |-----------|---------|--------------------------------------------------------------| | 00:51 | Nieves | “Ya siento empezar malamente la semana hablando de un mastuerzo... aún no se le veía venir.” | | 01:35 | Nieves | “Faltan 14. Me aburro. Fue el acto en el que ese pequeño mastuerzo quedó consagrado como heredero oficial al trono de España.” | | 03:00 | Nieves | “No juro nada, le juraron a él.” | | 04:12 | Nieves | “El trono, un retrete, el original, donde él hacía sus cositas.” | | 06:53 | Car | “¿Qué hacía en Nueva York un mueble del despacho de carros III?” | | 07:02 | Nieves | “Vamos a ver si va a ser uno de los muchos que robó María Cristina de Borbón.” | | 10:45 | Nieves | “La buena noticia es que tenemos el retrete de Fernando VII. No vale un mojón hablando de retretes, pero bueno...” | | 12:11 | Nieves | “Lo único que juró Juan Carlos de Borbón... fueron los principios del franquismo.” | | 12:56 | Nieves | “Juan Carlos nunca juró la Constitución ni las leyes de la democracia. Por eso se pasó las leyes por sus reales prendengues.” |

Relevant Timestamps for Key Segments

• Ceremony and Oath-taking: 00:24 – 03:00
• Painting and the Real Toilet Explained: 03:00 – 04:41
• Furniture Plundering, María Cristina, and the Commode: 04:41 – 08:22
• Discussion of Modern Royal Oaths (Juan Carlos I, Felipe, Leonor): 11:54 – 12:56

Style and Tone

True to Nieves Concostrina’s hallmark, the episode is delivered with agile humor, sharp irreverence, and a hint of exasperation at the monarchy’s ongoing ability to whitewash or ignore its own historic abuses and farces. The language jumps between playful mockery (“mastuerzo”) and biting critique, keeping history lively and deeply human.

Conclusion

This episode of Acontece que no es poco serves as a caustically amusing yet enlightening look at the pomp—and hidden rot—of Spanish royal ceremony, using Fernando VII’s childish coronation and his surprisingly well-preserved retrete as metaphors for centuries of dynastic blunders, cover-ups, and lost treasures. It connects the dots between 18th-century ritual obeisance and modern questions about monarchy, memory, and national heritage—with more than a flush of Concostrina’s signature wit.