Podcast Summary

Podcast: Todo Concostrina
Host: Nieves Concostrina (B)
Episode: ¿Para qué sirve la Orden de Carlos III? Para nada
Date: September 19, 2023

Episode Overview

This episode delves humorously and critically into the history, purpose, and present-day absurdity of the 'Real y Distinguida Orden Española de Carlos III,' a Spanish order of merit founded in 1771. Nieves Concostrina, with her trademark tone, deciphers its origins and evolution, ultimately arguing that the order currently serves no meaningful function beyond politicians rewarding one another for simply being in office.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Origins and Purpose of the Order (1771)

• Background: Established on September 19, 1771, by King Carlos III after the long-awaited birth of his grandson, who would secure the Bourbon dynasty's succession.
  • Quote (Nieves, 01:00): “Es una cosa que nació ese día y que no sirve absolutamente para nada. Ya aviso que lo de hoy es un acontecido de esos revientafiestas.”
  • Created with the motto “Virtuti et mérito” and under the sponsorship of the Immaculate Conception.
  • The order’s creation was a celebratory act to memorialize the grandson’s birth.
• Irony: The honored grandson died at age 3, though the family eventually had many more children.
  • Quote (Nieves, 06:20): “Su nombre fue más largo que su vida. Se murió a los tres añitos.”

2. Original Criteria & Elitism

• Membership: Initially reserved for noblemen (nobility proved up to the great-grandparents and without ‘Jewish blood’), only open to women after democracy.
• Purpose: To reward “virtue and merit”—in reality, for loyalty to the monarch.
  • Quote (Nieves, 05:21): “Se supone que se iba a distinguir... a hombres de reconocida virtud y reconocidos méritos.”

3. The Dynastic Drama & Scandal

• Bourbon Family Dysfunction: Nieves describes the royal family as deeply dysfunctional with candid insults exchanged between members.
  • Quote (Nieves, 07:41): “Fernando VII llamaba a su madre puta, desdentada, y la reina María Luisa llamaba a su hijo marrajo, cobarde.”
• Fray Juan de Almaraz’s Confession Bombshell (08:08-10:55):
  • After the Queen’s death, her confessor claimed she admitted none of her children were truly of Bourbon blood, scandalizing the royal legitimacy.
  • Consequence: The priest was imprisoned for over a decade for revealing this secret.

4. Famous (and Notorious) Recipients

• Past and Recent Holders:
  • Dictator Francisco Franco appointed himself head of the Order (reserved for royalty) and awarded it to himself and his successors, including Juan Carlos I.
  • Modern recipients: Politicians and high-ranking officials receive the order almost as a matter of routine, not for special merit. Examples: Pablo Iglesias, Rodrigo Rato.
  • Quote (Nieves, 11:02): “Si tú te vas a la lista... la lista está copada por decenas y decenas de diputados, ministros...”
  • Even the Queen of Sweden holds it.

5. The Uselessness and Absurdity Today

• Irrelevance: The order’s conferral has become erratic and seemingly pointless—from thirteen awards in 2018 to zero in 2020 and 2023.
  • Quote (Nieves, 01:09): “Es una tradición añeja, descontextualizada totalmente y sobre todo muy, muy, muy absurda.”
  • Quote (Nieves, 03:24): “Piensen en cualquier ministro... el 80% tiene la Gran Cruz de la Orden de Carlos III.”
• Moral: It’s an honor politicians grant other politicians simply “por estar”—not for actual accomplishments.
  • Quote (Nieves, 12:58): “Este premio de los políticos premiando a políticos por su servicio a España es como si a un fontanero le dieran un premio por saber arreglar un grifo.”

6. Satirical Tone & Social Commentary

• Recurring Joke: Comparing the award ceremony to distributing candy, or “chuches,” at random.
• Overall Critique: The Spanish tradition of official honors, rooted in classism and cronyism, is mocked as outdated, exclusionary, and, most of all, useless regarding the Order of Carlos III.

Notable Quotes and Memorable Moments

• On the randomness of the award’s distribution:
  • (C, 03:19) “Es para que lo estudie Oppenheimer. Es una secuencia numérica.”
• On hereditary requirement:
  • (B, 11:02) “Tenían que acreditar su limpieza de sangre hasta sus bisabuelos. No podía haber ningún judío por en medio y nobleza de sangre en su línea paterna.”
• On absurdity:
  • (B, 12:58) “Es como si a un fontanero le dieran un premio por saber arreglar un grifo.”
• Closing Musical Satire:
  • (A, 13:00) Song snippet mocking stupidity, underscoring the host's exasperation with the topic.

Important Timestamps

• [00:34] – Introduction to the topic (“distinciones inútiles” / useless distinctions)
• [01:00] – Birth of the Order and its original context
• [03:15-03:51] – Recent statistics on the distribution of the award
• [05:21] – Criteria for receiving the Order historically
• [08:08-10:55] – Confessional scandal of Queen María Luisa de Parma
• [11:02-12:58] – How the Order is awarded today and analysis of its absurdity

Final Takeaway

Nieves Concostrina uses wit and historical rigor to expose the current meaninglessness of the Order of Carlos III, rooting her argument in both its bizarre origins and its modern-day irrelevance as a self-rewarding system among politicians and elites. The episode is both a comedic takedown and a clear call to question inherited traditions that have lost all practical merit.