Podcast Summary: Todo Concostrina – "Un escándalo político, un periodista asesinado y el pene más brillante de París"

Podcast: Todo Concostrina
Host: Nieves Concostrina (with Carlas Francino)
Date: January 10, 2024

Overview

This episode of "Todo Concostrina" dives into a notorious political scandal that shook France in 1870, centered on the murder of journalist Victor Noir by Pierre Napoleón Bonaparte. With her signature wit and engaging storytelling, Nieves Concostrina uncovers the political tensions, social unrest, and lasting cultural curiosity surrounding the story — culminating in the Parisian legend of "the shiniest penis in the world".

Key Discussion Points & Insights

Setting the Stage: France 1870

• The conversation opens with the host highlighting the episode’s intrigue, involving "famous surnames, a murder, political scandals, a massive social protest, and the shiniest penis in France—no, in Europe—the world!" (00:22)
• Nieves teases the story’s strangeness, suggesting it surpasses fiction:

  “No sé si existe una novela basada en este asunto… pero debería, aunque la realidad supera toda ficción.” (00:39)

The Characters and Build-Up to Scandal

Pierre Napoleón Bonaparte

• Described as a violent, provocative figure living off his powerful surname (“una mezcla de Santiago Abascal y Ortega Smith… envenena el ambiente”). (01:39)
• Notorious for being aggressive, anti-democratic, and previously involved in several violent crimes, including rape, stabbing, and the murder of an official.

  “Contaba en su haber con una violación, un apuñalamiento y un asesinato. Sí, Víctor Noir fue su cuarto crimen.” (02:28)

• Emphasizes the impunity and privileged status of those in power:

  “La justicia no es igual para todos gracias a los jueces.” (03:14)

Origins of the Feud

• Bonaparte published an aggressive article, triggering responses from several newspapers, notably the republican La Marsellais.
• La Marsellais’s editorial criticized the Bonaparte dynasty, focusing on Napoleon III (then emperor).
• Pierre Bonaparte challenged the director to a duel, but the director (as a deputy) refused due to restrictions from his electors.
• He sent "padrinos" (seconds) instead — among them Victor Noir — to Bonaparte’s home.
  (04:31–05:34)

The Murder of Victor Noir

• Victor Noir and another colleague approached Bonaparte to formalize the duel challenge.
• Bonaparte, expecting someone else, became enraged, slapped Noir, and shot him at point blank range, killing him instantly (05:39).

• “Primero abofeteó a Víctor Noir y luego sacó una pistola y disparó a bocajarro. Se lo cargó allí mismo...” (05:45)

• A massive public outcry followed.
  • Noir became a martyr; 100,000 people attended his funeral.
  • Subsequent march to Paris swelled the crowd to 400,000, singing "La Marseillaise" in protest against the regime (06:24).
• This episode signaled the decline of Napoleon III, who would lose the throne within nine months.

  “Y tan cabreados que a Napoleón III le quedaban sólo nueve meses en el trono.” (07:07)

Injustice Served: The Trial of Pierre Bonaparte

• Bonaparte could only be judged by the Supreme Court with the Emperor’s decree.
• After tremendous social pressure, a trial was held — but Bonaparte was acquitted.
  • Only punishment: paying indemnities and legal costs (07:24–08:10).
  • Prior crimes (rape, murder, stabbing) had also gone unpunished.
• Nieves critiques "justice" as being selective:

  “Deberíamos empezar a hablar ya de jueces, no de justicia... sólo favorece a unos cuantos.” (08:26-08:37)

The Cultural Afterlife: The Shiniest Penis in Paris

• Victor Noir’s body was initially buried outside Paris due to fear of unrest.
• With the fall of the Empire, he became a popular symbol of the Republic.
• He was moved to Père Lachaise with a grand statue commissioned to Jules Dalou.
• The statue depicts Noir at the moment of his death, realistically modeled, with an apparent erection under his trousers and a detailed bulge ("bragueta").

  “Tiene la chistera volcada a su rodilla derecha, el chaleco abierto, el botón del pantalón desabrochado, y una asombrosa erección…” (09:51-10:04)

• Over time, legend arose that rubbing or touching the statue’s bulge brings fertility, making it the most lustrous part of the otherwise weathered sculpture —

  “Ahí está el pene más brillante de todo París.” (10:12)

• In 2005, authorities fenced off the tomb, but public demand led them to reverse the decision, restoring the local tradition (10:18–11:05).
• Nieves concludes playfully:

  “La vida de Víctor Noir… fue muy corta. Sí, pero su muerte trajo cola.” (11:06)

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On powerful impunity:

  “Los reyes, los emperadores, actúan con impunidad. Saben que son intocables.” – Nieves (07:28)

• On Victor Noir’s legacy:

  “La vida de Víctor Noir… fue muy corta. Sí, pero su muerte trajo cola.” – Nieves (11:08)

• On the statue’s peculiar notoriety:

  “No hay quien pase por la tumba que deje de tocar la bragueta. Por eso brilla.” – Nieves (10:20)

• On justice:

  “Cuando hablamos de que la justicia no existe y que solo favorece a unos cuantos, parece que la justicia es un antiamorfo. Pero deberíamos empezar a hablar ya de jueces, no de justicia.” – Nieves (08:24)

Timestamps for Key Segments

• Intro & scene-setting – [00:06–01:40]
• Pierre Bonaparte’s violent past – [01:40–03:41]
• The article feud and escalation – [03:48–05:38]
• Murder of Victor Noir and public reaction – [05:38–07:18]
• Trial and impunity of Bonaparte – [07:18–08:47]
• The legend of the shiniest penis/statue – [08:57–11:10]

Conclusion

This episode combines biting social critique and humor to shine a light on an outrageous episode of elite impunity, a dramatic catalyst for protest in the dying days of the Second French Empire, and the enduring, quirky legacy of Victor Noir’s tomb, now one of Paris’s peculiar symbols of luck and rebellion—complete, of course, with its famously shiny appendage.

Listeners walk away with a historical anecdote that is as thought-provoking as it is irreverent — classic Concostrina.