My Health

Summary

Tosh Show — "My Health"

Host: Daniel Tosh
Date: June 30, 2026

---

Episode Overview

In this candid and comedic solo episode, Daniel Tosh turns the Tosh Show spotlight onto himself, offering listeners a humorous and utterly honest account of his recent health check-up as he hits age 51. Joined by friends Eddie, Dylan, and Pete, Tosh dives into decades' worth of doctor visits, the procrastination behind adult checkups, and rituals of modern preventative health. He shares personal anecdotes, pokes fun at the peculiarities of medicine, and explores family medical history—with sidebars into wizardry, generational quirks, and athletic aspirations. Genuine health concerns are treated with wit, skepticism, and a healthy dose of Tosh’s irreverence.

---

Key Discussion Points & Insights

Facing the Doctor at 51

• Turning 50 & Promises:
  Tosh admits to procrastinating on his promise to get a full check-up at 50, only squeezing it in at the last possible moment before turning 51. (01:38)

  • "Like most things in my life, I pushed it off until a week before I turned 51 under the wire." (01:39)

• Doctor History:
  He’s seen the same Beverly Hills doctor since moving to LA in the 90s, enamored with the zip code’s reputation for quality providers.

  • "I was smart enough as a young kid ... to get that right. And then I always thought, no matter where I live ... I’ll always [go] Beverly Hills." (03:22)

• Early Prostate Checks:
  Tosh recalls first being checked at 25 and feeling odd about it—especially when the doctor was unexpectedly blunt:

  • "He goes, 'Whoa, whoa, whoa. There's shit.' And I go, what? ... Don't say the word shit. ... Just say feces or poo." (05:12–05:24)

Health Routines of the Team

• Eddie gets a full physical annually, plus a follow-up blood work visit (02:09).
• Pete only visits every two years; Tosh dubs him "a ticking time bomb" for his size and emotional stoicism (02:27).
• Tosh visits doctors irregularly, every 4–5 years, citing a family culture of minimal medical attention and confidence in their good genes, admitting this might give him a “false sense of confidence.” (03:04–03:19)

Trust Issues & The Medical Ritual

• Doctor’s Thoroughness:
  Tosh’s doctor consistently checks everything, including remarks about Tosh’s leg strength—or lack thereof—a running gag for 25 years.

  • "He says the same thing every time ... 'Your legs are too weak. I shouldn't be able to hold your legs down with one finger.'" (05:24)

• Colonoscopy Relief:
  Tosh was relieved when the doctor forwent the digital exam this time, given his recent colonoscopy.

  • "He goes, 'Well, you just got your colonoscopy done. I don't need to do that.' ... So he has been legit, right?" (06:25)

Health Anxiety & Numbers Obsession

• Blood Pressure Drama:
  Tosh discusses the “white coat syndrome,” nervousness at the doctor’s office spiking his numbers.

  • "He (doctor) said it was a little high ... 130 over 89 ... And then I went home and checked it, and it was like 124 over 78. I'm like, it's perfect, right?" (07:06)
  • He jokes about sending his doctor selfies with blood pressure readings. (07:36)

• Money Talk & Insurance Hassles:
  Ronald Beverly Hills doctor shows concern about Tosh’s health insurance situation and finances. The spectacle of paying for medical evaluations out-of-pocket in LA culture becomes material for more jokes. (08:00–08:30)

Family Medical History (or Lack Thereof)

• Tosh admits complete ignorance about his family's medical background, claiming he barely knows his own phone number.
  • "I have no idea what took out my family. I'm always like, no, everyone's doing great. They're all dead." (09:19)
• He admits to downplaying symptoms to get through the appointment quickly—a recurring tactic rooted in anxiety.
  • "I just want to trick him into saying that I'm fine in four years." (09:54)

Lab Readings & Health Report Card

• Cholesterol:
  Cholesterol is 162 (anything under 200 is good). Tosh presses Eddie and Dylan for a verdict.

  • "My cholesterol is 162, so would you say my cholesterol is great?" (15:33)

• Blood Sugar:
  Glucose measured at 88 (normal range: 65–99).

  • "So you're saying I can have a few more sweets?" (16:13)
  • "Wouldn’t hurt you." (16:17 - Dylan).

• Crowdsourcing Results:
  Eddie runs Tosh's numbers through ChatGPT, which gives an “A-” overall with optimization opportunities for HDL/LDL.

  • "Says the only area they'd pay attention to is optimizing HDL, good cholesterol, and possibly getting LDL a little lower, if you're interested in maximizing long-term cardiovascular health." (16:35 - Eddie)

• Self-Assessment:
  Tosh never considered himself an "A person," always a B-minus/C-plus guy.

  • "I've never been an A person in my life, but I've been a B minus. C plus. Guy, you're an A minus." (16:29–16:34)

The Street Light "Wizard" Story

• Tosh claims a lifelong pattern of noticing (or causing?) streetlights to go out wherever he goes; he wonders if it’s hypervigilance or latent magic powers.
  • "I can shut off street lights with my mind. My whole life I've been able to do this." (17:34)
  • "Sometimes I feel like I can stare at the lights and make one go off. ... I don't know if that has anything to do with my LDL." (19:12 & 19:24)

Multigenerational Health Chat — Calls With Parents

• Tosh calls Pete (his mom) for family history:
  • No clear family trend for cancers or heart disease; Pete’s cholesterol "always been high," never medicated due to lack of symptoms (21:09–22:13).
  • Advice on arthritis: just keep moving, don't worry unless it limits you.

Fatherhood & Repeating Patterns

• Tosh draws a line from his stubbornness to his daughter’s fierce independence—an insight into generational quirks and parenting frustrations.
  • "Just say please. ... Now there's been a line drawn and I'm not letting go and she's just, like, looking at me ... and my wife comes in, like, what's wrong?" (23:36–24:16)

Full-Body Scans & Modern Medical Overkill

• He’s skeptical of annual full-body scans, noting the anxiety overtesting can cause.
  • "You start getting tested for things that you shouldn't be tested for. You get stressed out about cancers, and that has a negative effect on you. ... I don't know what the answer is." (26:22)

Health Rituals—To Portal or Not to Portal?

• Tosh: never logged in to his health "portal" and avoids digital records/passwords.
  • "I've never once logged into my portal. I've had a portal for as long as they've had those. I've never once logged into it. I have no idea what it says about me." (28:13)

Family Health Score—Who's the Healthiest?

• Group debate over who among the show friends is healthiest; nobody nominates Tosh, and he agrees.
  • "But in my head, I'm always like ... that's not going to happen to me. You know when people always say, that's not going to happen to me, I actually believe it." (30:44)

---

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On Doctor’s Bluntness:
  "He goes, 'Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. There's shit there.' I'm like, no, just say feces or poo."
  — Daniel Tosh (05:12)

• On Health Procrastination:
  "Like most things in my life, I pushed it off until a week before I turned 51 under the wire."
  — Daniel Tosh (01:39)

• On Self-Assessment:
  "I've never been an A person in my life, but I've been a B minus. C plus."
  — Daniel Tosh (16:29)

• On Being a "Wizard":
  "I can shut off street lights with my mind. My whole life, I've been able to do this."
  — Daniel Tosh (17:34)

• On Portals:
  "I've never once logged into my portal. ... I have no idea what it says about me."
  — Daniel Tosh (28:13)

• On Full-body Scans:
  "You start getting tested for things that you shouldn't be tested for. You get stressed out about cancers, and that has a negative effect on you."
  — Daniel Tosh (26:22)

• Satirical Health Advice:
  "Treat your body like a temple. ... If you were dealt a bad hand, fold."
  — Daniel Tosh (36:41)

---

Timestamps for Important Segments

• Daniel shares health checkup procrastination & background: 01:35–03:02
• Doctor's infamous bluntness & prostate anecdotes: 05:12–06:24
• Family health culture & doctor trust issues: 03:04–05:24
• Blood pressure anxiety & white coat syndrome explained: 06:42–07:56; 19:10–20:55
• Lab results (cholesterol/glucose) revealed & debated: 15:13–16:18
• Street light “wizardry”: 17:13–19:12
• Multigenerational health call (mom): 19:53–23:10
• Parenting parallels—Tosh’s daughter and stubbornness: 23:36–24:16
• Skepticism about full-body scans: 26:22–27:42
• Family/friends health contest & philosophical debate: 30:03–31:44

---

Final Takeaways & Daniel’s Health Philosophy

• Tosh’s health is generally “A-minus”—labs all in normal range, with minor suggestions for improved cholesterol.
• Family history is confused, but mostly uneventful (“everyone’s doing great; they’re all dead”).
• He emphasizes that regardless of health rituals or numbers, enjoying life and not taking every medical worry too seriously is part of his approach.
• The episode closes with an affectionate send-off to uncertainty:
  • "I think I'm good to go for another five years. What could possibly go wrong?" (37:02)

---

Summary for Newcomers

This episode offers a classic mix of Daniel Tosh’s observational humor and honest self-reflection about aging, medicine, and male health anxiety. It’s a relatable yet laugh-out-loud journey through the absurdities of modern healthcare rituals, the superstitions we cling to, and the patterns we repeat across generations.

Whether you’re overdue for a checkup or just want to hear Tosh riff on colonoscopies, blood pressure machines, and parenting, "My Health" delivers both comedy and genuine, lived-in wisdom.

Transcript

[Daniel Tosh]

This episode of Tosh show is brought to you by Progressive Insurance. Do you ever think about switching insurance companies to see if you could save some cash? Progressive makes it easy to see if you could save when you bundle your home and auto policies. Try [e-mail] Progressive Casualty Insurance Company and affiliates. Potential savings will vary. Not available in all states.

[Progressive Insurance Announcer]

Feeling secure at home matters. Your space, your things. And knowing what's happening even when you're away. Ring makes it simple to stay connected right from your phone, from packages at the door to what's happening outside. It's covered. The battery doorbell helps you keep track of deliveries. And outdoor cam plus keeps an eye on your yard with clear wide views. And upgrade to 4K cameras and doorbells with retinal vision so every detail stays sharp. Your door, your home with Ring it's protected. Shop cameras, doorbells and more right [e-mail].

[Daniel Tosh]

let me just go ahead and get a. Let me go ahead and get a reading real quick. You think this system's accurate? Tosh Show. Tosh Show. Tosh Show. Welcome to Tosh Show. I'm your host, Daniel Tosh. I am now 51 years old. Now, before I was 51, I was 50.

[Eddie]

Slow down.

[Daniel Tosh]

I promised my wife when I turned 50 that I was going to check my health. I was going to go to a doctor. I was going to do all the things that you're supposed to do when I turned 50. And like most things in my life, I pushed it off until a week before I turned 51 under the wire. But I knew that I would do it and I did. How often, Eddie, do you get a physical?

[Eddie]

Twice a year. I do.

[Daniel Tosh]

You get a physical twice a year?

[Eddie]

I get like one big one every year.

[Dylan]

A big one.

[Daniel Tosh]

What's the difference between all the work,

[Eddie]

all the blood work, all the, you know, checking the butthole and then every. And then six months later, I go back and follow up with blood work.

[Daniel Tosh]

So Eddie goes twice. How often do you go, Pete? Maybe once every two years. Once every two years. Pete's probably a ticking time bomb. You know, here's why I think Pete might be ticking time bomb. One, he's big. He's a big person, big guy. Everything's big. Big people don't age well. Okay. Two, he bottles everything up. No emotion. His best day, his worst day are you can't tell. Who could tell?

[Eddie]

Yeah. Where's it going, Pete? It's going somewhere.

[Daniel Tosh]

So eventually, eventually it's going to pop. I do get chest pain sometimes. I go once every four or Five years. Because I grew up in a family that we never went to the hospital for anything. My mother was a nurse. She could put eyes on things. Unless it was a broken arm. You're like, yeah, you'll be fine in a few days, you know, and to be honest with you, we were blessed with good genes in my family. Not a lot of cancer, not a lot of other health risk. We all, you know, pretty much have always been healthy. Now it's given me a false sense of confidence. Anyway, so I agreed to do this, and I did. I went. And I have gone to the same doctor since the day I moved to Los Angeles. I moved to Los Angeles in the late 90s. I was thumbing through a medical book, and I'm like, oh, I should get a doctor in Beverly Hills, because that's probably where the good doctors are. I was right. You know, I was smart enough as a young kid here, you know, in my mid-20s, to get that right. And then I always thought, no matter where I live, I'm going to move around in all these crappy apartments. I'll always. Beverly Hills will always be central. Okay? So I randomly find a doctor, and this is my guy, and I went to him and got a physical. And at 25 years old, he checked my prostate. You know, he fingered my butt. And I used to tell a lot of my friends that this happened, and they were like, what? That's not supposed to happen till you're 40? And I'm like, well, he says I should do it. And he does. And for all of these years, whenever I go in, I get on the bed and he makes me get into, like, a baby position on my side, and he sticks his fingers in, and he feels if the anything's going on. And one time he pulled his fingers out, and I, like, sat up, and he goes, whoa, whoa, whoa. There's shit. Shit. And I go, what?

[Eddie]

Come on.

[Daniel Tosh]

He goes. He goes. He goes, let me give you something to wipe yourself. I was like, oh, I felt like a victim. And I'm like, you know, first of all, don't say the word shit.

[Eddie]

I was going to say. It's a weird word to come out of his mouth.

[Daniel Tosh]

He said. He goes, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. There's shit there. I'm like, no, just say feces or poo. Anyway, he said shit. And I never. I never. I've never forgotten him, by the way. We don't have a real relationship other than I see him once every four so years. He's very thorough, checks everything. He says the Same thing every time since I was 25 years old. He's like, your legs are too weak. I shouldn't be able to hold your legs down with one finger. As I'm like. I'm like, well, you train like. He's like, into, like, you know, ufc, fighting stuff. I'm like, that's. Well, you're strong. So anyway, I did it all this year. I went and I had the colonoscopy. There were zero polyps. They gave me a clean bill of health for 10 years. I was like, well, I was thankful. So when I went to him this time, I was like, oh, I wonder if he's going to stick his fingers in my butt this time, even though I just had a colonoscopy. And if he does, then I'll know that this has probably been wrong.

[Eddie]

This is weird.

[Daniel Tosh]

Or I was gonna ask him not to do it this time. Well, anyway, on his own, he goes, well, you just got your colonoscopy done. I don't need to do that. I'm like, so he has been legit, right?

[Eddie]

That's good to know. Right?

[Dylan]

25 years.

[Daniel Tosh]

For 25 years, I wasn't being assaulted.

[Eddie]

Right.

[Daniel Tosh]

Anyway, he checks my blood pressure. He goes, it's teetering on a little high. He goes, but you might be nervous here. Which I am.

[Eddie]

Yep.

[Daniel Tosh]

The whole reason I don't like to go anywhere for is because I don't. The parking. I got to drive. It's a. It's an hour drive from my house to get to Beverly Hills.

[Eddie]

I mean, that's blood pressure stuff right there.

[Daniel Tosh]

Anyway, so my blood pressure, he said it was a little high. And I think the number was like, 130 over 89. I go, well, where should it be? I'm 51 years old. I was 50 when I went to this appointment. He says, you know, you want it to be closer to 80. Anything over 90, I gotta start talking about putting you on some medicine. I was like, okay. And then I went home and checked it, and it was like 124 over 78. I'm like, it's perfect, right? So now he's like, well, just check it every a couple times a day and take photos and send it to me with, like, an emoji saying, like, smiley face. I'm like, okay. By the way, when we were there, he just kept saying, oh, it says your health insurance didn't go through. Or I go, it's probably something mess up. I'll get it. I'll have my business manager straighten it out. And I just Gave him my credit card to pay in the meantime.

[Eddie]

Right.

[Daniel Tosh]

I'm not going to deal with these problems. And he's like, okay, well I'm like, I'm not worried about it. You charge my credit card 400 bucks. I'll be good if that charge lingers for four days. But then he's like, I wouldn't mind if, if your blood pressure doesn't go down. Well, you have to go to this other place. It's right near his office and they don't take insurance. And he's like, but it's about $100. I'm like, I'll spend it. If you think I should go get this tested to make sure that the heart and everything is performing at peak level, I'll go out of pocket $100. I mean, it's just funny because it's like a Beverly Hills doctor. And he's like, hey, do you have any projects going on? He seemed very worried about my, my finances. Which is also funny because when he. Again, I don't have much of a relationship with him, but he came in and he just unloaded some very heavy, dark, personal stuff. And I was just like, oh. I was flattered that he felt comfortable. But also I'm sitting in my underwear, you know, I'm just like, I don't know how to react right now because I'm constantly trying to like, hold my stomach in. The history of family illness. I don't know my own phone number, let alone like my grandparents ailments.

[Eddie]

Yeah.

[Daniel Tosh]

I have no idea what took out my family. I'm always like, no, everyone's doing great. They're all dead. My mom, she's. She was one of four and she's got one sibling left. My dad, one of four, has one sibling left. This is how little I do to, to check my physical wellbeing. You can imagine how unchecked my mental health is. And I didn't ask him anything about my ibs. I didn't care. I always just try to say everything is fine so that I can get out of there. I just want to trick him into saying that I'm fine in four years.

[Eddie]

Right. If you hear it from him, you're like, great, see you later. Then you feel great.

[Daniel Tosh]

I always feel like they should do a little more too. When they say, do you smoke? Do you drink? And I'm like, no, I don't.

[Eddie]

Right.

[Daniel Tosh]

Huh? And then he's like, he just, but he just checks something off. Let me just go ahead and get a. Let me go ahead and get A reading real quick. You think this system's accurate? I'm always like, oh, what if it just broke and just kept getting tighter and tighter until my arm just like snapped off? Like those cool things that they throw over people's heads and in those movies and they just get tighter and tighter. The wires. You ever seen those?

[Eddie]

Yeah.

[Daniel Tosh]

Look at that vein. You see the veins?

[Dylan]

Oh, man, you got some arm veins.

[Daniel Tosh]

I've got good veins. I've always had good veins. Well, I mean, good veins for needles. I don't know. You know what I meant. I'm trying to be calm right now, but I don't know if any.

[Eddie]

Gotta relax. Put on some Enigma.

[Daniel Tosh]

I love Enigma. It's been a while since I've listened to Enigma. Yeah, that's Sail Away.

[Dylan]

Sail Away is Enya, guys, not Enya.

[Daniel Tosh]

Oh, sorry.

[Dylan]

Enigma. Sa de moi.

[Daniel Tosh]

Okay, this is a bad reading. This says 133 over 83. Now, I wouldn't send them this.

[Eddie]

No, I wouldn't send it either. You could maybe even document because that's

[Daniel Tosh]

as high as I've had. But you know, again, there's a lot of stress in here with the lights.

[Eddie]

Yes.

[Daniel Tosh]

This is show business.

[Eddie]

Right?

[Daniel Tosh]

You is 133 over 83 for a 51 year old. You know, dangerous. Probably not.

[Dylan]

Should we check Dylan's to verify if it's not the machine?

[Daniel Tosh]

Well, what is Dylan healthy or not healthy?

[Dylan]

I mean, you make that conclusion?

[Daniel Tosh]

Come over here, Dylan. Come sit in this chair. Let me just. Let me just get a. Let me check.

[Eddie]

Right arm.

[Daniel Tosh]

Left, I guess.

[Dylan]

Right.

[Daniel Tosh]

I don't give a fuck.

[Pete]

Okay,

[Dylan]

Dylan, how much you had to drink today?

[Daniel Tosh]

Act like I'm a fucking doctor. Get that up higher. Oh, geez. All right, hold on. You don't undo my work.

[Eddie]

Well, I was trying to get it higher. The way it's 41. Daniel's mom's a nurse. He knows how to do this.

[Daniel Tosh]

All right, I think that's it. I've never seen arms so stubby.

[Eddie]

It almost goes down to the wrist.

[Daniel Tosh]

You trying to relax?

[Pete]

I'm relaxed.

[Eddie]

I fucked your wife.

[Sponsor Announcer]

Perfect.

[Daniel Tosh]

Okay. 135 over 80. Is that bad? Well, no, it's right in the wheelhouse of where you should be.

[Progressive Insurance Announcer]

That's right.

[Daniel Tosh]

It's exactly where you should be. Yeah.

[Pete]

You.

[Daniel Tosh]

120 over 80 is, I guess, the perfect. But you're okay, so whatever. And mine was 133 over 83 right there. What? I. I think you're not near 90. No, no. Normally I can be in the, in the, in this, like, high 70s on that bottom number. And that's the important one. I think people will tell me that I'm wrong. We'll be right back. This episode is brought to you by IQ Bar, our exclusive snack, hydration and coffee sponsor. What do I like about I.Q.

[Pete]

bar?

[Daniel Tosh]

Well, for one, there's a lot of variety across their whole lineup. You got protein bars and zero sugar hydration mixes and mushroom coffee and a bunch of flavors. IQ Mix electrolyte hydration sticks. Okay, you got lemon, lime, blood orange, blueberry, pomegranate, peach, mango. There's my winner. Passion fruit, pina colada. There's my backup, raspberry lemonade and iced tea. Lemonade. Do you say iced tea or do you say iced tea?

[Eddie]

I say iced tea.

[Daniel Tosh]

I say iced tea. I don't say iced. IQ Joe instant mushroom coffee sticks. I don't have to do them, but I want to because it's that good right here. I got original black. And right now, IQ Bar is offering our special podcast listeners 20% off all IQ Bar products, including the ultimate sampler pack, plus free shipping. To get your 20% off, text Tosh to 64,000. That's that's Tosh to 64,000. Message and data rates may apply. See terms for details. This episode of Tosh show is brought to you by Progressive Insurance. Do you ever think about switching insurance companies to see if you could save some cash? Progressive makes it easy to see if you could save when you bundle your home and auto policies. Try [e-mail] Progressive Casualty Insurance Company and affiliates. Potential savings will vary. Not available in all states.

[Sponsor Announcer]

The fastest self Care Clean Hair K18 Air Wash Dry Shampoo is the first biotech powered dry shampoo. It instantly eliminates odor and reduces oil and sweat for fresh hair and scalp for up to three days. And no white cast, starchy buildup or heavy fragrances. K18 studied the science of fresh hair so you never have to worry about wash day again. She shop at Sephora or get 10% off your first purchase at k18hair.com with Code Podcast. That's Code Podcast at k18hair.com

[Daniel Tosh]

pa show. What else? What else? What's an important thing? How do you check your cholesterol? What is my. What's my cholesterol? You're in the normal range. My cholesterol's in the normal range?

[Eddie]

Yeah.

[Daniel Tosh]

My next question is cholesterol. What's the one that's affected by all the sweets that I eat?

[Dylan]

Yeah. Blood sugar.

[Daniel Tosh]

What's my blood sugar.

[Eddie]

At says Wonka,

[Daniel Tosh]

your cholesterol is 162. Anything under 200 is good. My cholesterol is 162, so my cholesterol's is. Would you say my cholesterol is great? I can't say that. Ah, you sure? You could have. Okay. My cholesterol is 162.

[Dylan]

Glucose is 88. So you're still within the normal range. And that, that's 65 to 99.

[Daniel Tosh]

Wait, hold on. So my blood sugar, my glucose, what is it? At?

[Dylan]

Glucose is 88. The normal range is 65 to 99.

[Daniel Tosh]

65 to 99.

[Progressive Insurance Announcer]

So.

[Daniel Tosh]

So you're saying that I can have a few more sweets?

[Dylan]

Yeah.

[Eddie]

Yeah.

[Dylan]

Wouldn't hurt you.

[Daniel Tosh]

Wouldn't hurt me.

[Dylan]

Wouldn't hurt you. That's coming from a guy didn't know how to read your blood pressure.

[Eddie]

I ran the numbers through chat. GPT.

[Daniel Tosh]

Huh.

[Eddie]

Says the only. It gives you an A minus for overall.

[Daniel Tosh]

A minus.

[Eddie]

A minus.

[Daniel Tosh]

I've never been an A person in my life, but I've been a B minus. C plus.

[Eddie]

Guy, you're an A minus.

[Daniel Tosh]

Okay.

[Eddie]

Says the only area they'd paid attention to is optimizing hdl, good cholesterol, and possibly getting LDL a little lower. If you're interested in maximizing long term cardiovascular health.

[Daniel Tosh]

What does that mean?

[Eddie]

I don't know if you. Who wouldn't be interested in long term cardiovascular?

[Daniel Tosh]

I mean, does that mean that I experience shortness of breath? Because I get that.

[Eddie]

Why you're an A minus.

[Daniel Tosh]

Okay. I feel like this is all. This is all positive. Guys. This means the podcast continues.

[Eddie]

Yeah.

[Daniel Tosh]

Can any of these numbers indicate that I'm like, above and off the spectrum?

[Dylan]

Spectrum.

[Eddie]

Do you want to be off it

[Daniel Tosh]

or I want to be like, where I'm seeing things or hearing things that other people don't notice or. Because I've always believed that I have an ability. Have you heard me say this before, Eddie?

[Eddie]

Say it and let me hit. I'll let you know.

[Daniel Tosh]

I've always had the ability. My entire life.

[Eddie]

Is this street lamps?

[Daniel Tosh]

Yes.

[Eddie]

Yeah, I have heard this.

[Dylan]

You've mentioned this.

[Daniel Tosh]

Okay. I can shut off street lights street with my mind. My whole life I've been able to do this.

[Eddie]

So that's like a different doctor.

[Daniel Tosh]

It's so dumb that it's one of these things that I was like, when I die, if there's this afterlife, it's the only thing I was gonna ask, like, hey, were you shutting off streetlights, like, as a way to talk to me? Because my whole life, I've noticed street lights going off. Like, the big ones, the big telephone poles with the lights. Like, I noticed those almost every night of my life. One of them, if I'm driving someplace, one of them turning off.

[Eddie]

That's something. Yeah, that's right.

[Daniel Tosh]

That's what I always thought. Like, I'm a possible wizard.

[Dylan]

Dumbledore does that.

[Eddie]

I mean, that's pretty good, Mulligan.

[Dylan]

Yeah, whatever.

[Eddie]

The darkening stick.

[Daniel Tosh]

It's the only thing I don't. I. I always thought. You want me to tell you the. Here's. Here's what I've always told myself is that I'm just hyper aware of my surroundings. And everyone else experiences this, too, but they just don't clock it, and I do.

[Dylan]

You're hyper vigilant.

[Daniel Tosh]

I'm just hyper vigilant. And I just see it. And other people don't notice it and don't think anything of it. And it's just been. I've made it a thing that now when every time a streetlight goes off, I'm so aware of it. That's how I've justified it.

[Dylan]

Yeah, that's trauma.

[Eddie]

But you don't feel like you're causing them to go off.

[Daniel Tosh]

Sometimes I feel like I'm. Sometimes I feel like I can stare at the lights and make one go off.

[Dylan]

And you're a wizard.

[Daniel Tosh]

I don't know if that has anything to do with my ldl.

[Dylan]

We don't know that it doesn't.

[Daniel Tosh]

You know what, though? I'm glad I shared it.

[Eddie]

Yeah.

[Daniel Tosh]

Because if you put this on the episode, there may be one or two people in the comment section like, motherfucker, I was just listening to this podcast, and my whole life I've been like, I can shut off streetlights.

[Eddie]

This is like the beginning of an A24 film.

[Daniel Tosh]

Ask my mom if my levels are fine. Hey, Daniel, quick question.

[Pete]

Yes.

[Daniel Tosh]

What's your blood pressure?

[Pete]

I don't know.

[Daniel Tosh]

What should mine be?

[Pete]

I don't know. They. They say lower and lower is good. They used to say 140 over 80 was normal. Then they said 120 is best over 60. And your lower number shouldn't be above 100, I don't think.

[Dylan]

But.

[Pete]

But take it five or six times a day. It'll be different every time. Or you go into the doctor's office and you're kind of uptight about it and it shoots way up. I mean, it's called white coat syndrome.

[Daniel Tosh]

Yeah, my doctor doesn't wear a white coat, but I certainly. Mine Spiked mine is around 13080.

[Pete]

That's good. That's nothing wrong with that. Some people check theirs all the time, and you can check it. I remember one time I had to check mine because they said it was high when I was there and I would check it throughout the day and it would be different every time. So I just put the lowest ones down.

[Daniel Tosh]

That's all I do. We're the same person. I check mine all day long and I only record the ones that are low and good.

[Pete]

That's what I did.

[Daniel Tosh]

You know, and they always ask you, do you have a history of anything? And I always just answer, no, but do we have. Do I have a history of anything that I should worry about?

[Pete]

I don't think so. I don't think so. Nobody died from cancer or, or heart disease. I mean, maybe they did, but they didn't know it. You know, my dad. I mean, they didn't. I mean, they died when they were older, but my dad had a brain tumor. But they never said it was cancer or anything. Grandpa Tosh had something, but, you know, she lived. Grandma Taj lived in 99. I don't know, it's hard to say.

[Daniel Tosh]

How old was your. How old was your dad?

[Pete]

81.

[Daniel Tosh]

And how old are you? 80. Oh, man. What are you gonna do for your final year?

[Pete]

I don't know. All right, be happy, enjoy it, and look forward to heaven above.

[Daniel Tosh]

What about, what about cholesterol? Do I need to worry about my cholesterol?

[Pete]

I don't. Mine's always been real high. They asked me what my dad's was and I said my dad never checked his cholesterol.

[Daniel Tosh]

Yeah. This is so hard to know what

[Pete]

your other people's are, but now they say cholesterol. You know, they used to put people on anti cholesterol medicine. They wanted to put me on it at one time because mine's always been high. And I thought, well, if I was really overweight or uncomfortable or in pain or something, but I had no symptoms. And I said, I'm not taking. And then you take it for the rest of your life. And I said, I know people with cholesterol medicine that have trouble from the medicine.

[Daniel Tosh]

What about arthritis do? He says. He says my hips a little bad and my. I got some early arthritis. My knees.

[Pete]

Everybody does. Yeah. Yeah.

[Daniel Tosh]

So don't, don't worry about it. Just keep, just keep living.

[Pete]

Just keep moving it though. I mean, don't. Don't sit around. You gotta move.

[Daniel Tosh]

Why? I play hard.

[Pete]

That's good.

[Daniel Tosh]

I'm carrying a kid all day long. All right, good talk. We're good. Everybody's good. You're. You're okay.

[Pete]

Everybody's good. Have us have a nice trip. Okay?

[Daniel Tosh]

Thank you. Love you. Bye, guys.

[Eddie]

Clean bill of health.

[Daniel Tosh]

They didn't. They didn't have diseases. Yeah, they just died.

[Eddie]

Just died.

[Daniel Tosh]

My grandpa, he just had a big old, huge tumor in his head.

[Dylan]

One cancer, though. One.

[Daniel Tosh]

You can't diagnose that. Yeah, Everything I said was exactly what she said.

[Dylan]

Yeah.

[Daniel Tosh]

We're basically the same person.

[Eddie]

Oh, yeah.

[Dylan]

Almost like she made you.

[Daniel Tosh]

It's funny because my wife says that my daughter, who, you know, will throw these fits, and she's like, well, that's exactly what you do. And I'm like, oh, we're just creating the same people over and over.

[Eddie]

That's exactly what you do.

[Daniel Tosh]

I can't get my daughter to do anything. Like, if I say, I'm like, hey. She's like, she wants a snack. I'm like, oh, just say please. And then she'll. She just won't. She's like, fuck it. I don't want a snack.

[Dylan]

My daughter does the same thing.

[Daniel Tosh]

It's like. I'm like, just say please, and I'll hand you anything you want to eat. And she's like, you're not gonna fucking make me say please.

[Eddie]

So good. I love it.

[Daniel Tosh]

Just right in my. It's the rudest thing ever. I'm like, just say please. And then I. Now there's been a line drawn and I'm not letting go. And she's just, like, looking at me, and she'll start just crying. And then my wife comes in, like, what's wrong? I'm like, she wants a snack. And I said, she can have anything. She just has to say please. And she won't say please. And then my wife is like, just say please. And she. You too, like, so funny. We'll be right back. This episode of Tosh show is brought to you by Progressive Insurance. You chose to hit play on this podcast today. Smart choice. Make another smart choice with Auto Quote Explorer to compare rates from multiple car insurance companies all at once. Try [e-mail] Progressive Casualty Insurance Company and affiliates. Not available in all states or situations. Prices vary based on how you buy.

[Sponsor Announcer]

Okay, I have a business question for you. Where did you get your domain on wix? It was really easy. Was it actually easy or are you exaggerating? No, really. It took like 90 seconds. I even built a full website. What do you mean? I just used wix. Harmony Just told it what I wanted and it built a fully functional website for me in minutes. It also comes with hosting security, privacy protection, everything.

[Daniel Tosh]

Oh, cool.

[Sponsor Announcer]

Yeah. Check it [e-mail] domains what if you

[Progressive Insurance Announcer]

could use your home to build more home? It's possible with a SoFi home equity loan. A home equity loan allows you to leverage your home's equity at a typically lower rate than a personal loan with low fixed monthly payments, and all without increasing your mortgage rate. Whether it's a new bathroom, updated kitchen deck, or more, your home could help grow itself. View your [e-mail] homeupgrade today, mortgages originated by SoFi bank and a member, FDIC. NMLS number 696891. Terms and conditions apply. Equal housing lender.

[Daniel Tosh]

Now, I know some people, especially in these rich communities, they get the annual full body scans, but I've always been told that that also has a negative effect because you start getting tested for things that you shouldn't be tested for. You get stressed out about cancers, and that has a negative effect on you. I don't know what the answer is. What about the eye test? Because my pediatrician does that with my kids a lot, right? Like, a lot of times they'll be like, in a low percentile on something. And. And I'm, you know, I'm like, am I. Should I be worried? And she's like, your kids look great. And then I'm like, oh, good. So you can't just eyeball a human and go, you look fine. Because I feel like, whatever. I look fine. I feel fine. I mean, I'm, you know, I should be stronger. He wants me to start doing strength training. I'm not going to do it. I'm gonna do what I do. I'm gonna. I'll row, I'll surf and eat better. I wouldn't say I eat horrible. Sure, I have the sweet tooth, but I'm eating quality food for the most part. I don't eat red meat. I don't eat caffeine. I don't smoke. I don't drink. I'm not saying that. I. And I don't want to live forever. He did say, okay, here are some of the negatives.

[Eddie]

Okay.

[Daniel Tosh]

Says that I have, you know, a little bit of arthritis building up in my knees. Need to get my strength up more. I'm like, well, then will the arthritis go away? And he's like, I don't know what he said. I also can't retain the information.

[Eddie]

Can you write this down for me?

[Daniel Tosh]

I'm sure well, that's the thing. He's always like, well, just go home and log into your portal. And then. And I go. I don't do portals. I don't know how to. I don't know. I got to create a password to get into this system.

[Eddie]

It's not that hard. You could do it.

[Daniel Tosh]

No, I've never once logged into my portal. I've had a portal for as long as they've had those. I've never once logged into it. I have no idea what it says about me. And. Anyway, so. Yeah. And I can make my ankles crack. And he's like, that. That's probably. That's arthritis. That's not good. But I'm like, what do I do? And then he's like, you have one hip. That's kind of bad. And I'm like, oh, yeah. Now you say that my leg doesn't bend the same way on that side. It's the other side.

[Eddie]

Feels like something's up.

[Daniel Tosh]

No, I mean, am I going to get a hip. Hip replacement? They seem well, but they do those constantly, and they seem like they've gotten really good at it. I had a pee in the cup.

[Dylan]

Yep.

[Daniel Tosh]

And. And I learned something from my mother as a child. She's like, don't give them the first pee.

[Eddie]

Right.

[Daniel Tosh]

Again, this. This could be wrong, but. So pee a little under the toilet and. And then pee into the cup and then stop and then pee the rest into the toilet. Like, don't give them the. The end pee and the beginning pee. She always said the middle. Just the middle pee.

[Eddie]

Yeah, I do that too.

[Daniel Tosh]

You do that as well? Yeah, everyone does that.

[Dylan]

Yeah, I think angel share.

[Daniel Tosh]

No, you don't do it.

[Eddie]

You give you just all of it. I've never heard that.

[Dylan]

Well, are you going to real doctors, Dylan?

[Daniel Tosh]

Well, no. They don't tell you how to pee in the cup.

[Dylan]

Doctor tells me to do.

[Eddie]

Our doctor says that.

[Daniel Tosh]

Oh, okay. My mom used to tell me to do that, and I've. It always stuck with me. Who's the healthiest person here, would you say? Between the. The four of us? I think it's Dylan. You think it's Dylan?

[Dylan]

No way.

[Eddie]

Me or Pete?

[Dylan]

What? Pretty healthy. You're crazy.

[Daniel Tosh]

Dylan or Pete Healthy. I. I think we all know it's not John.

[Dylan]

You're nuts about all the other Johnson is a temple.

[Daniel Tosh]

John is a dead man walking. It doesn't matter about being healthy if you're just stricken with bad luck. Okay, you're gonna one.

[Dylan]

One region.

[Daniel Tosh]

You're gonna twist your Way into.

[Eddie]

Yeah. You're like.

[Dylan]

You're nuts.

[Eddie]

No, something's crazy going on with you.

[Dylan]

My labs and portal against anyone's here.

[Daniel Tosh]

If you can hack into my portal,

[Dylan]

by all means, okay.

[Eddie]

But you don't drink.

[Daniel Tosh]

I'm mad about this. John. I think. I think John is the. Is. Is probably. Is probably the taking time. But that's what I kept telling him. I go, I go. I just wanted you to not look at my results and go, oh, you're a ticking time bomb. And he didn't. So I was like, all right, then.

[Pete]

I'm fine.

[Daniel Tosh]

When who's got the most family shit? That's the real question.

[Sponsor Announcer]

Hmm.

[Dylan]

Probably me.

[Daniel Tosh]

Probably John. And that's to me, that's the one that you gotta. You have to be scared of. But I do like that no one thinks I'm the healthiest. And I agree. I don't think I would pick me as healthiest either. But in my head, I'm always like. I'm like, whoa, that's not going to happen to me. You know when people always say, that's not going to happen to me, I actually believe it. Here's a celebrity name drop. Laird Hamilton.

[Eddie]

Hello.

[Daniel Tosh]

He, you know, the fittest man alive, right? Has hip surgery, two days later is out paddle boarding. He one time told me that. He's like, you need to work out to exhaustion before you go surfing every time. I'm like, what? Never in a million I'll die.

[Eddie]

What was the reason?

[Daniel Tosh]

I'll die in the ocean.

[Eddie]

Why?

[Daniel Tosh]

I don't know.

[Eddie]

There's no reason.

[Daniel Tosh]

That's what I don't understand.

[Eddie]

What's the reason?

[Daniel Tosh]

That's what I don't understand about anyone. If you're not a professional athlete, I don't understand why anyone is trying to get better at anything when it comes. Hear me out.

[Eddie]

I mean, good.

[Daniel Tosh]

Like, why? Why my in laws take tennis lessons. There's no more joy. Because instead of 49 miles an hour, he got his serve up to 51 miles an hour. Do you get where I'm going?

[Eddie]

Like, what is the growth that they've experienced since they've taken lessons?

[Daniel Tosh]

It's right. It can't be as fast as the downward trajectory of their physical bodies. If you're not a professional athlete, I don't really understand why you're trying to get better. I'm not trying to get better. When I go surfing, I just enjoy surfing, right? I catch waves, I ride waves. I'm not like, oh, man, I gotta really work on this trick that I Haven't been able to land. You know, I'm not gonna go out at night and put up 100 three pointers before I go to bed. Just in case is like, there's no reason at this point. I'll shoot when the ball's past me, you know, immediately. Yeah, the ball's going up.

[Eddie]

I'm gonna put it up.

[Daniel Tosh]

I'm not practicing, but I'm gonna put the shot up. I guarantee you that what happens, happens. I've always thought I could just work out real hard for six months and I could get in the best shape of my life. I probably should do it because I know my wife Carly, she would freak out if my body got good.

[Eddie]

Right.

[Daniel Tosh]

And that'd be a neat gift to give her.

[Eddie]

That is a nice gift.

[Daniel Tosh]

My brother did it. We had the exact same body our whole lives, and then he turned it on hardcore. Working out for a few years. And like, he's strong now.

[Eddie]

Yeah.

[Daniel Tosh]

And once you get strong, you kind of stay strong. Yeah, I feel like once you get that body type, you're kind of like, okay, now you're. Your arms are just bigger forever. I could be wrong.

[Eddie]

He could beat you up.

[Daniel Tosh]

No, see, he might say that he could, but like, I just have always had another gear that he didn't possess.

[Eddie]

I like it.

[Daniel Tosh]

Of hatred.

[Eddie]

That's. I think I could still get my brother too. He's younger, a little bigger. He does, you know, I think I could get him.

[Daniel Tosh]

Yeah. I mean, I would do things my brother wouldn't be quite ready for.

[Eddie]

Right.

[Daniel Tosh]

He doesn't realize that I'm not afraid to like, dive into like headbutt into his nose and just end the fight right away.

[Eddie]

You gotta be a crazy person a little bit.

[Daniel Tosh]

That's the problem with fighting. You have to be willing to go to a 10 the second it starts.

[Eddie]

Yeah, we're not gonna like, ease into this fight.

[Daniel Tosh]

You know whose health I worry about, though? In my little father in law.

[Eddie]

Okay.

[Daniel Tosh]

So we just got back from this trip, but I had. We had to part ways for the summer because he's gotta get a slew of stuff. You call that old man?

[Pete]

Yes, sir.

[Daniel Tosh]

Hey, quick question about sir. List. List all the surgeries you have coming up.

[Pete]

So I'm getting my colonoscopy Friday. And then July 6th is my left knee surgery. And then probably August or September is both.

[Daniel Tosh]

My eyes are having cataracts removed. That's it. What's your. Tell me right now what your blood pressure is right now. What do you think it is?

[Pete]

You had to guess 110 over 70, something like that?

[Daniel Tosh]

Not, not, not a chance. That's a. That's a complete lie.

[Dylan]

Why?

[Daniel Tosh]

No, there's no way it's 110 over 70. It's going to be 140 over 90.

[Eddie]

No way.

[Daniel Tosh]

Why, why am I getting excited? I don't know. It's Tammy's birthday. No, no, no. I just. I take blood pressure medicine. You take blood pressure? It keeps my BP way down. Way down. Holy cow. What's your cholesterol? Do you know that?

[Pete]

Yeah, it's all good except for my

[Daniel Tosh]

HDL is high and I take a medicine for that. Eddie, do I need to do anything for my HDL or was it okay?

[Dylan]

No, that was good.

[Daniel Tosh]

My HDL was good.

[Dylan]

LDL was a little.

[Daniel Tosh]

My LDL was a little questionable. Your ldl Fine? Yes, I think so.

[Sponsor Announcer]

How?

[Progressive Insurance Announcer]

How?

[Daniel Tosh]

What are you thinking? How many more years you think you've got to live?

[Pete]

Yep.

[Daniel Tosh]

20. Oh, that's a good run. That's a good run.

[Pete]

Yeah.

[Daniel Tosh]

All right, good talk. I'll talk to you later.

[Pete]

All right, man.

[Daniel Tosh]

Boy, thanks. That's interesting, right?

[Eddie]

Yeah.

[Daniel Tosh]

So he's got medicine to knock his way down.

[Eddie]

Mm.

[Daniel Tosh]

Because it sounded when he said those numbers, I sound like he was dying.

[Eddie]

Slow. But Also for a 70 year old, it seems like it's okay as long as you are not dizzy and all those things. And he's taking the medication, so.

[Daniel Tosh]

Okay. The thing that I want people to take away from this is that you're only given one body. Okay. And treat your body like a temple.

[Eddie]

Yep, there you go.

[Daniel Tosh]

If you were dealt a bad hand, fold.

[Eddie]

Just light that temple on fire.

[Daniel Tosh]

I'm just trying to mix a bunch of cliches up here.

[Eddie]

It's a game of inches, guys.

[Daniel Tosh]

It's a game of inches. At any given Sunday, right. You could die.

[Eddie]

I think that sums it up.

[Daniel Tosh]

I think I'm good to go for another five years. What could possibly go wrong? Paw Show. I want to apologize to Matt Damon. We didn't have time for him tonight. How about you, Carl? Carl is the epitome of great health.

[Eddie]

Yeah, look at him.

[Daniel Tosh]

Oh my goodness. You can't tire him out, right? Let's do our plugs. Patreon.com tosshow if. If toss show doesn't give you enough, there's a little extra there for you. Because so many times when I finish an interview, I'm like, woo, that was a lot of meat on the bone. I hate to get rid of it.

[Eddie]

So you don't?

[Daniel Tosh]

No. The whole buffalo over here, we repackage it. My first farewell tour is going amazing, guys. Go to the calendar, find a city near you, and then purchase tickets.

[Eddie]

There you go. That easy.

[Daniel Tosh]

Then resell those tickets night of the show.

[Eddie]

Good idea.

[Daniel Tosh]

Okay, then send me an email saying, hey, fuck head, you cost me 50 bucks. Tossshow store.com. i need to get a bunch of those Carl shirts. I'd like to give those out occasionally to people. What do you think, Carl? You think we should give a few away? You know what that music means, Carl. It's time for they Love Me. They Love Me Now. What do you got?

[Eddie]

This is from bj. I like that. Tosh create a podcast just to clean out his house.

[Daniel Tosh]

Is that Michael B. Jordan?

[Eddie]

I mean, man, it could be.

[Daniel Tosh]

I definitely created this to get rid of stuff. It is. It's so nice. Every week looking around my house going, what am I going to get rid of? But my kids now say out loud constantly, like, don't give this away, dad.

[Eddie]

Funny.

[Daniel Tosh]

They can tell when I'm on the hunt. When I'm on the hunt for a gift. They're like, oh, dad, no, no, no, don't, don't, don't come in my room.

[Eddie]

It's in the room looking at things. They're like, oh, no. Yeah. Oh, that's good.

[Daniel Tosh]

Yeah. All right, let's get to they love me not. That's always my favorite kung Fuck Kenobi.

[Sponsor Announcer]

Hmm.

[Daniel Tosh]

I like him already.

[Eddie]

Tosh meets a self centered Californian blames Trump. Sorry, bud. You guys were like that before.

[Daniel Tosh]

Are you talking about my road rage incident and how I profiled somebody into knowing that they were a Trump supporter? Okay, just because California is this liberal haven doesn't mean that we are void of you MAGA dipshits. I'd like to point out that the state of California had 6 million people vote for Trump. And you know, that's not even close to enough to win. Of course, but that's 6 million people. Pick your reddest state. Alabama. Alabama only had this is. I know this off the top of my head because of. I've had this argument before. 1.4 million people in Alabama voted for Trump. So I'm just letting you know, 6 million here. We have way more piles of shit than Alabama.

[Dylan]

Yeah, four times, huh?

[Eddie]

Number one in the states.

[Daniel Tosh]

We're number one again.

[Eddie]

Yeah, buddy.

[Pete]

Yeah.

[Daniel Tosh]

Suck on that for a bit. See you next week. This episode of Tosh show is brought to you by Progressive Insurance. Do you ever find yourself playing the budgeting game? Well, with the Name your price tool from Progressive, you can find options that fit your budget and potentially lower your bills. Try [e-mail] Progressive Casualty Insurance Company and affiliates Price and coverage match limited by state law. Not available in all states.

[Progressive Insurance Announcer]

What if you could use your home to build more home? It's possible with a SOFI Home Equity Loan. A home equity loan allows you to leverage your home's equity at a typically lower rate than a personal loan with low fixed monthly payments, and all without increasing your mortgage rate. Whether it's a new bathroom, updated kitchen deck or more, your home could could help grow itself. View your [e-mail] homeupgrade today. Mortgages originated by Sofi bank and a member FDIC NMLS number 696891. Terms and conditions apply. Equal housing lender.