My 10 Year Anniversary Trip

Summary

Tosh Show – "My 10 Year Anniversary Trip"
Host: Daniel Tosh
Date: June 16, 2026

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Episode Overview

Daniel Tosh invites listeners into a candid, comedic recap of his 10-year wedding anniversary trip with his family, blending travel chaos, marital squabbles, luxury details, and classic Tosh wit. The episode serves up a mix of vacation anecdotes from Paris and Lake Como, running commentaries on marriage, and tongue-in-cheek marital disputes, all culminating in a chat with his wife Carly (a.k.a. 1998 Miss Watermelon Queen), and a call to his father-in-law, Greg. Topics range from travel splurges and European quirks to couples therapy, food adventures, and family bucket lists.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

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1. Marital Dynamics and Anniversary Traditions

• Tosh opens by joking about couples therapy, asserting the universal value of therapy:
  Notable Quote:
  “Should we go to couples therapy?” – Daniel [01:00]
  “Probably everyone should be in therapy.” – Carly [01:05]

• The show is peppered with witty digs at the state of his colleagues' and his own marriage, and the variety of ways couples approach anniversaries.

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2. The Anniversary Trip Planning and Execution

• The trip was a promise from a rage-fueled calzone lunch a decade prior—fulfilled, to Daniel’s surprise, in full Italian-family-in-tow fashion.

• Tradition: Italian food on anniversaries; escalation to real Italy for the 10th year.

• Daniel admits to agreeing to the long-range trip thinking “we’ll either be divorced or dead.” [04:48]

• Family logistics spiral quickly:
  "Now I'm bringing the in-laws. I'm bringing the whole circus." [05:17]

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3. Travel Logistics & Spending (A Very Tosh Breakdown)

• Tosh details the luxury travel elements and costs:

  • Nearly booked Air France La Premiere at $90,000, before settling for 'standard' business class ($22k/seat for first-class rejected).
  • Full breakdown of airport VIP services, hotel preferences, and the “aristocratic” La Reserve in Paris, not the influencer hotel. Notable Quote:
    "White people make money, don't spend it. Not this white guy. I spend it." [07:44]

• Describes annoyance and humor with French bureaucracy/security and navigating Paris with children.

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4. The French Open Experience (Roland Garros)

• Night one: City in a frenzy for the Champions League final; they eat in a restaurant mobbed with soccer fans. [11:00]

• Mishap entering the French Open—a bureaucratic tangle resolved with Pete's help.

• Brush with "real" celebrities:
  “Would you murder your wife for Salma Hayek? I absolutely would murder my wife… Tell me what weapon to use…” [12:32]

• Disappointment with the tennis field but excitement for a marathon Tiafoe vs. Italian player match, which the couple sneaks into better seats for, and stays late into the night.
  Notable Quote:
  “My wife and I were at this match until 1:30 in the morning in Paris. And that was magical.” [14:06]

• Tosh rants about player personalities and Russian stereotypes at length (Sabalenka, Naomi Osaka).

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5. Parenting & European Adventures

• Solo-parenting in Paris:

  • Rainy walks to the Eiffel Tower, improvising with “gross popcorn,” minimal prep.
  • Admits, “When I go out, I don’t bring anything. No, I don’t bring water. I don’t bring wet wipes, change of clothes, nothing. I don’t wanna carry anything.” [21:57]
  • Navigating Paris bathrooms, letting kids pee in public: “If dogs are allowed to pee out there, why can’t my kids?” [23:13]

• French culinary adventures (and failures):

  • Revulsion at local pâté, staged eating to “look like we enjoyed it” [24:45]
  • Kids bold enough to try everything, but drama ensues.

• French tooth fairy = a mouse, which torments his son all trip. [26:39]

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6. Lake Como, Italy: The Penthouse Life

• Only rooms available: “two penthouse suites” at Grand Hotel Tremezzo, one for his family and one for the in-laws.
• Tosh enjoys life as “pizza guy,” sneaking kids into the adults-only warm pool, and breaking down the art of European tipping (“They really appreciate [cash],” [31:20]; uses €1,500 in cash tips).
• Culinary/cocktail obsessions:
  • Consumes an estimated 30 pizzas in 4 days.
  • Gets into Aperol Spritzes: “They’re coming like a fishbowl...I’d have one...every day and then one at night. That was a good life.” [31:08]
  • Wife's love of Lambrusco gets snob-reputation from Italian waitstaff: “It’s like the Coca Cola of wine.” [35:40]

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7. Mishaps and Family Antics

• Storm delays, forced mini-hikes and carrying a 3-year-old up Italian cobblestones to reach pasta and gelato heaven ([33:39]).

• Daughter samples “wild berries” on a mountain: “She’s either foraging or she’s going to be dead in 30 minutes.” [36:14]

• Tosh’s comically awkward Italian massage with a braless, tattooed masseuse; marital tension over possible attraction:
  “She was young, braless and had a tattoo on her hand.” [37:06]

• Anniversary dinner nearly derailed by a storm, saved by eating on property.

• Quarreling over wife’s “overpacking”: becomes recurring marital fodder and sexual bargaining chip (“If you tell me one more time that I overpacked, we're not having sex.” [41:08])

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8. Special Conversation with Carly (Wife) Starts [45:07]

• Fun banter about her 1998 Miss Watermelon Queen title.

• Carly details the trip planning stress and lack of acknowledgment. Notable Quote: “I mean, enough that I felt like it wasn’t acknowledged how much work I did…” [46:06]

• Couples reflect:
  Daniel: “How much stronger or weaker is our marriage 10 years in?” [47:07]
  Carly: “Yeah, I think it’s stronger.” [47:09]

• Favorite trip high for Carly: Tiafoe marathon match at French Open, sneaking into better seats (“Your high was leaving our children for the whole night.” [49:05])

• Fuss over family and logistics (kids, in-laws sleeping arrangements).

• Aperol spritz saga tracked and lovingly mocked:
  Carly: “I dressed as an Aperol spritz.” [51:29]
  Daniel: “Is that why I find you so attractive?” [51:34]

• Lows for Carly: Favorite Paris restaurant now less romantic—“90 degrees, very hot, filled with smoke… When we went there eight years ago, it was like so romantic and cute—life is different now.” [53:07]

• Ongoing debate about “overpacking” (son’s swimsuits and shoes), resolved in Carly’s favor.

• Gifts: Tosh surprises Carly by stealing her a beloved hotel pool towel.

• Future big anniversaries teased—Carly planning already for 20th, considering father’s potential inclusion at age 83.

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9. Call with Greg, Father-in-law [61:03]

• Greg’s travel highlights:

  • Boat trip around Lake Como
  • The French Open
  • The Italian hotel (penthouse treatment!)

• Family bucket list ever-evolving:
  “How many more things could possibly be on his bucket list?”
  Greg's response: "I gotta say where we should go next. So he just started naming places." [50:42]

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• “I’ll agree to anything if it’s far enough out in the future.” – Daniel [04:47]
• “I would murder my wife for [Salma Hayek]… Tell me what weapon to use or hand.” – Daniel [12:35]
• “Being a drunk is wonderful.” – Daniel [52:25]
• “It means that you lost.” (on attending couples therapy) – Daniel [47:35]
• “The tell is if I don’t talk about it right away.” (about his crush on the masseuse) – Daniel [36:58]
• “If you wear them all, then you didn’t overpack.” – Carly [54:46]
• “I love you. ... I’m happy that I’ve been married to you for 10 years. And I look forward to...whatever.” – Daniel [60:23]

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Important Timestamps

| Timestamp | Event/Segment | |-----------|----------------| | 01:00 | Couples Therapy Question | | 05:22 | Traveling to Paris – Full Family in Tow | | 07:44 | Daniel's Philosophy on Spending Money | | 11:00 | First Night in Paris: Soccer Mayhem | | 13:02 | Star Spotting: Salma Hayek at French Open | | 14:06 | The Tiafoe Marathon Tennis Match | | 21:52 | Solo Parenting, Eiffel Tower Adventure | | 24:45 | French Pâté Fiasco | | 26:39 | French (and Italian) Tooth Fairy Explained | | 28:46 | Lake Como Penthouse Living | | 31:20 | European Tipping Etiquette | | 36:14 | Daughter Eats Wild Berries Incident | | 41:08 | Marital Teasing Over Packing Leads to Bargaining Sex | | 45:07 | Carly (Wife) Interview Segment Begins | | 49:05 | Recap of French Open Match/Sleeping Arrangement Woes | | 51:29 | Aperol Spritzes and Lake Como Dining | | 53:07 | Parisian Dinner from Hell (the Low) | | 54:46 | The Overpacking Debate | | 61:03 | Greg (Father-in-law) Phone Call on His Trip Highlights |

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Tone and Style

The episode’s tone is irreverent, playful, and unapologetically honest about marital grievances, family travel headaches, and the absurdities of wealth and privilege—always delivered with Tosh’s dry, self-deprecating humor. Banter with his wife veers from affectionate roasting to real relationship talk, giving listeners a rare peek into both his comedy and his private life.

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Conclusion

While ostensibly about a lavish anniversary trip, the episode is a broader meditation on the realities of relationships, the chaos of family travel, and the relief (and comedy) found in honest—sometimes brutally honest—reflection. Whether recounting near-luxury disasters or poking fun at his loved ones, Daniel Tosh delivers an episode that’s both laugh-out-loud funny and surprisingly heartfelt.

Transcript

[A]

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[B]

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[A]

Should we go to couples therapy?

[C]

Probably.

[A]

You think we should?

[C]

I think probably everyone should be in therapy.

[A]

That answer. Posh show. Posh show. Tosh show. Pro show. Welcome to Tosh Show. Huh?

[B]

Look at you, buddy.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

What's going on?

[A]

I just got back from my vacation. A vacation from my problems.

[B]

Such a good movie.

[A]

No? This was my big anniversary. My wife and I have been happily married for 10 years. 10 years. Now this office is filled with men that are happily married. And. And Dylan. Dylan's marriage is. Well, to say it's all having a rough patch. That's. That's kind.

[B]

I don't think that's accurate.

[A]

No. Dylan's been married for. For what, three years? Coming up on three years. Coming up on three years. John. John has, like, got 15 kids, but only been married for two.

[B]

Yeah. Oh, yeah.

[A]

That's a. They did a weird thing. They were like. They started to. Had a whole family. And then like a decade later, we're like, hey, should we get married? Then we weren't sure. And then we're like, let's double down. Now. Pete's been married for. For six years. Nine years tomorrow. Nine years tomorrow.

[B]

Come on. Tomorrow. Nine years.

[A]

Pete and I started dating our wives at the same time, but then Pete famously broke up for. For months, maybe years.

[B]

No, how long, Pete?

[A]

How long, Pete? Three, four months, maybe. Three or four months.

[B]

That's months.

[A]

All right, so nine years tomorrow. That's pretty great. I guess. I feel like I got married so much sooner than you, but it was only a year. Eddie's been married the longest. 30 years. 24 years.

[B]

24 in October. 24 years.

[A]

How is it 24 if it's 20? 26. And you were married in 2000?

[B]

2002. Started dating around 2000.

[A]

Oh, right. I always forget the dating versus the marriage. Okay, you started dating before 9 11. Then you got married immediately after 911 to celebrate.

[B]

Got him.

[A]

Now I got married in Italy. Okay. My wife, who just loves a tradition, thought, hey, why don't every year for our anniversary we have Italian food? And I'm like, perfect.

[B]

Nice.

[A]

I agree. That's a tradition. I can live with it.

[B]

Good food, easy to do.

[A]

Okay, well, here's what happened. We're coming up on our first anniversary. I'm in St. Louis and the birthplace of Italian food. And she's like, well, what this is. She was so mad that I was working and that we were in St. Louis. Now I love St. Louis. But she was not thrilled with how this was unfolding. We ended up getting a calzone for lunch.

[B]

That's nice.

[A]

And I said, there it is, there's our anniversary. But during her, her rage of eating a calzone, which, by the way, delicious calzones are great. I mean, they're not as good as a stromboli. But I'm not here to have that argument. She says, on our 10 year anniversary, we're going back to Italy. Now, I'll agree to anything if it's far enough out in the future.

[B]

That seems like so much further.

[A]

Well, I'm like, we'll either be divorced or dead. It won't happen.

[B]

Might not be in Italy.

[A]

So I say yes, well, sure. Shit, I've stayed faithful. We're Both alive and 10 years, here we are, we're going to Italy, and I won't go without my kids. So we're bringing the kids, but we can't do anything away from the kids because I have issues with letting randos, even in nice hotels that offer, you know, babysitting service, I won't do it. So now I'm bringing the in laws, I'm bringing the whole circus.

[B]

Everybody's going.

[A]

By the way, you can't see my outfit here. But this, this is what I wear in Italy. I got my shorts on, little terry cloth shirt. Yeah, okay. All right, let's get back. When your wedding is a destination wedding, it's not like you leave a beautiful destination and then go on a honeymoon. So we didn't have a honeymoon, but I had verbally said to my wife, our honeymoon will be sometime during our marriage. We will go to all four of the tennis majors, because we, we both enjoy watching tennis. So we'll go to Roland Garros in France and we'll go to the Australian Open. New York, the US Opened. And then in England, Wimbledon.

[B]

Wimbledon.

[A]

Okay, so we're gonna go to Italy. But she's like, since we're bringing her parents, you know, they start talking like, oh, well, when should we go? They're like, well, why don't we go to Paris first and, and go to the French Open? And I'm like, bitch, we've already gone to the French Open. Now we went to Australia, by the way. I always just attach it to work. So like I went to Australia for work and then we did the Australian Open. Now I'm checking off this honeymoon thing, but we did the French Open, but now we're doing it twice. That's not part of the agreement. But her parents, anytime I bring up any trip that they could be involved, my father in law will immediately go, well, you know, Daniel, that's always been on my bucket list. By the year one anniversary is supposed to be paper. Year two is cotton. Cotton. Three is leather. Ten is it the most expensive trip to Europe? No, it's a metal. It's a fucking Pepsi can. Legally, I could get her a can of soda and I would be off the hook. That's neither here nor there. I'm just giving you that information. Okay, so listen, we decide we're going to go to Paris first to catch a few matches at the French Open. And we agree. We're going to leave. On my birthday. On my birthday. I'm going to take a red eye commercial at your birthday. And by the way, I know people are going to get infuriated when I start talking about the amount of money that was spent, but deal with it, okay? I got a lucky hand in life and I'm going to spend it. You know, white people make money, don't spend it. Not this white guy. I spend it. Now we're taking two kids on a flight, Red Eye to Paris on my birthday. This is the exact opposite thing I want for my birthday. But this wasn't. We had to distinguish. This has nothing to do with my birthday. This is our anniversary and I'm just happy it happens to fall on my birthday. Anyway, we fly Air France. Air France has La Premiere, the best first class, individual cabins, basically for the seats. They only have four of these seats on this huge plane. I looked at what the price was. One way lax, direct to Paris. What's your guess? One way. Well in advance. 22,000 a piece. So it was 90,000 all in for four seats. So guess what? Didn't do it. Said, no way.

[B]

Good for you.

[A]

I said, I'm not gonna spend $90,000.

[B]

It's your birthday.

[A]

I went with the standard business class, which had complete lay flats and a partition wall to close you off. So we go to lax, we have a car service. Take us Air France, they have their own car service. You pay? Yeah, you pay about 300 bucks. Yeah. That's a lot. I get it. It's a lot. I'm aware. 300 bucks. They take you to the airport, then they have somebody there that meets you for 1200 bucks, okay? And they just take your bag, your check stuff, and they take your carry ons, and they just bring you straight through the security and right up to the lounge. And you go in, and now your kid's running around in the lounge eating, already, practicing our bonjour. Bonjour, Madame. Bonjour, monsieur. My kids are pretty good at trying languages. All right? So whatever. You're out that money right away, but it's worth it. You don't get the anxiety of lax. And then the hotel, when you land, has somebody that meets you right at the plane and takes your stuff and gets you there. I'm sure that I don't understand euros, so I just assume that I'm getting a sweet deal. And by the way, we go to the hotel that we've stayed at before. We go to La Reserve. And the only reason I bring up the name of the hotel, it was the hotel that that billionaire travel agent that everybody railed against on our show, that nobody liked, thought that she was just out of her mind. She said, it's not the place to be anymore. But I still. That's where my wife and I like. And the reason I like it is because it's not where American tourists go. It's like where French aristocrats stay. And it's next to the president's compound, you know, off the Champs Elysees. The issue with this, though, is that roads are closed constantly and you can't get back to your hotel, and they just drop you off. And then there's like people with machine guns and you have to, like, be like, I have a room key. And they're like, okay. And then they just let you walk through the show.

[B]

Room key.

[A]

It's so easy to get. The security is a joke. I'll tell you why they were roping off the city. They were preparing for the. The soccer game that was that night. Oh, yeah, the championship game. Champions League. What's that? Champions League. The Champions League in the final game. They're like, well, you shouldn't go out tonight. We're like, we're going to go to a restaurant. And I ended up going to, you know, a restaurant that had a TV. And then it has the 150 people just crammed around our table because they're watching the TV of the game. It's right above us. You know, the whole city is just enthralled. But then they had to shut the city down because everybody parties and destroys things and tips cars and sets things on fire. But I was a part of it. Anyway, that's night one. Get to the French Open, and I have a confirmation. You know, Pete tells me they're like, no, you can't get in here. I'm like, no, I'm supposed to go to this lounge to get through. And we're not gonna let you in. You have to have a different. Pete had sent me something the night before with some tabs to open. I didn't open it. You know, it was a travel day, right? I'm calling Pete. Pete's in the middle of the night. Like, wait, I don't. What? Like, I can't get into the French Open. Where are my tickets? He's like, just, I sent you. I'm like, you didn't send me. Then I found it. They're like, oh, yeah, that's what we needed.

[B]

Okay, thanks. Bye.

[A]

And then they let us in. But I kept Pete on speakerphone, and he could hear them, like, talking shit about me as soon as I walked away. Right?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I mean, it was 3:00am so, you know, I did see there, though, Selma Hayek.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

Are you a fan of Selma Hayek?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Would you murder your wife for Salma Hayek?

[B]

No.

[A]

Oh, yeah. You and I are so different, John. Would you murder your wife for Selma Hayek? I absolutely would murder my wife. Murder. I would murder my wife for. Tell me what weapon to use or hand. Selma Hayek is 60 years old. Maybe she's not. I don't know. But she is so beautiful. And, oh, she knows that she's a star. People started screaming her name, and she just, like, turns slowly and just waves.

[B]

She knows the turn.

[A]

Meanwhile, the only person that recognized me in all of France was some random TSA guy. I don't even know if it's TSA there. And he's like. He's like, yeah, I know you are.

[B]

That's good.

[A]

And I'm like, ah, by the way, Let me. Let me talk quickly before I get back to my. My anniversary, the French Open, which was a complete disaster, if you ask me. All the stars got knocked out early. Alcaraz wasn't in it because he's nursing an injury. Sinner got knocked out because he's a ginger and the sun was hot. You know, Djokovic, I was. I caught my wife actually rooting for him before we left on the match that he lost because she wanted to boo him in person, which I did too. But now he was out. We. We ended up seeing the best match of the tournament, which was the tiafo. And this Italian kid went five and a half hours, and my wife and I were at this match until 1:30 in the morning in Paris. And. And that was magical. Like, we were just screaming, you know, we. Everybody had most people leave, except for the hardcore people, and we, like, moved all the way. Like, we were, like, in the third row next to his coaches, and we're just yelling tfo. I mean, if he's not killing himself over that loss, because he could have served out to win it in the fourth set, two different times, he was up two breaks. Does. I don't want to get into that. What's her name? Who's the number one female in the world? Sabalenka. I don't like her. You know, she's the one that. Last year in the French Open final against Coco Gauff, she lost. And then she didn't congratulate Coco. She basically said the only reason Coco won is because she sucked. And then she went on this big apology tour, and like, look, I'm fun and look at me. You're still. You're. You're a Russian and bad person. And I know that I've been brainwashed by propaganda to. To think of Russians a certain way, but when I look at her box, which I was filming constantly, she was playing Naomi Osaka. Naomi comes out dressed like a figure skater, and I'm. I just have to act like that's acceptable, whatever. And then she takes off the bottom portion of her figure skating outfit, and it's still this insane gold outfit. And then you lose the match in straight sets, which is. It's like, okay, maybe. Maybe just stick with a Izod if you're. If you're gonna drop two sets. Sabalenka's box, it's just all men, and all of them look like they've killed people. They look scary. And her fiance's in there, and he's got neck tattoos and he's red. And he's jacked. And my wife looks it up. He's like, right next to us. Oh, he started an acai company. Okay. I didn't see that coming. But then my wife's like, you know, her last boyfriend or husband had, had committed. I'm like, oh. And then I start saying, well, you know, and I am not making light of it. I just, you know, anytime you hear of such a tragedy in Russia, you're like, oh, did that really happen? Or were they, you know, right window. It happened Russia. And maybe that's, maybe it doesn't happen, but here's what I know about Russia. If you are someone in the public eye or in the political world or the military and you check into a hotel and stay in anything above the second floor, you're. You're playing with fire.

[B]

You're a psycho.

[A]

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[B]

Okay.

[A]

But when I go out, I don't bring anything. No, I don't bring water.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

I don't bring wet wipes, change of clothes, nothing. I don't wanna carry anything, so I don't bring anything. We're just going, we're gonna go. I had an umbrella and then I was like, you know what? I better bring this little free pop up stroller they had in our room. And I'm like, I'll bring that for the kid. It's gonna rain at some point, I told my kids. And then sure enough, you know, 20 minutes into the walk, it's about a 45 minute walk to the Eiffel Tower from our hotel. We're in a downpour by the river. And I'm like, we're all just huddled under the umbrella under a tree, hoping for the best. They're like, this is fun, dad. And I'm like, I'm doing my best, guys. These are the memories, you know, they're like, we're hungry. I'm like, there's a vendor on the street, let's just get a bag of this. Gross. Popcorn. Wet popcorn. They got popcorn. They were happy. And we got there, the sun came out, we got photos, they learned some things. My son wanted to know how many rivets were in the Eiffel Tower. And I said, I don't know. He's like, are we gonna go up it? I'm like, no, you gotta wait in a line to go up it. We're not doing that. We're just gonna walk around it. Well, we had a great time. We saw the Eiffel Tower. When I'm out with just my kids alone too My stomach just turns into a rock. It's like, it's not gonna fail me.

[B]

It just knows.

[A]

Because if it does fail me, then I have to figure out those weird electric public restrooms that they have out where there's like a secret door that just opens up. I don't know if you ever. In Paris, those. And then I have to go in there with multiple kids, and my kids will just straight climb up on a toilet with their arms, and I'm just like, no, no, no. Don't touch anything. Don't touch anything. I don't have wipes. I don't know what the rule is on pulling your kids pants down, letting them pee in public, like, just into a bush. But that's all we do everywhere. I'm like, we're not going to a bathroom. It's so much. If dogs are allowed to pee out there, why can't my kids? I've never once been stopped. Okay, so again, I'm enjoying my Parisian time. We go to fancy restaurants, and I've always said I don't love French food. My favorite thing about eating in France is breakfast. You know, give me some croissants, some chocolate croissants, some hot chocolate to drink that fun breakfast. Fun. The pastries. But past that, I'm like, nah, nah. But we went to the best restaurant. We went to, believe it or not, was a Mediterranean restaurant. That was amazing. But we went to one real local spot, and I ordered immediately off the. The full French menu that I couldn't really tell. I ordered their local pate. And I don't like pate. Do you?

[B]

No, no.

[A]

No one likes pate. But I ordered it for the table. And then it comes. And then my wife is like, oh, are you gonna eat something? I'm like, no, I hate pate. And she's like, what? And I'm like, yeah, I got it for your dad. He'll make him eat it. It's local cuisine. It's basically for people that haven't eaten. It's the most horrific. Liver meat. I don't know what meat. It's a fruit pie made of meat, and it's beautiful, but it's disgusting. And then my kids, they'll try anything, which is a good thing, and they eat it. And then my daughter at three is just going, oh, oh. She doesn't like the way it makes her feel. And then we have this thing. Like, any reasonable person is, how are we going to make this slice of pate that's cut into, like, six pieces look like we Enjoyed it.

[C]

Right.

[A]

So I just keep putting it on Greg's plate. My father in law just, hey, buddy, take a bite of this one. And then you spread it out a little bit and it's done.

[B]

Did Greg like it?

[A]

No, no, no, no, no. Again, he was struggling to choke down a big bite. We're on this trip and my son has an extremely, extremely loose front tooth. Okay. Now, he's got a bleeding disorder, so we don't yank it out prematurely, but this thing's hanging on by a thread. And I'm like, please let me yank it out. But then he doesn't want me to. And my wife's like, leave it. All the other ones just fell out naturally and it didn't bleed. Just leave it. There's no reason. But it's like he's like, when he closes his mouth, he's like, he would let it hang on the outside of his lips and so just give you the willies watching him.

[B]

Yeah, it is. Yeah.

[A]

Well, anyway, then I find out that the tooth fairy doesn't exist in France.

[B]

Oh.

[A]

So I'm like, oh, you don't want your tooth to fall out here because here they have a little mouse that comes and he does this. It crawls under your pillow and he gives. And then my mother in law, she chimes in with, you know, like, oh, my God, their stories are so horrible. I'm like, well, it's because their country's not three days old. Like our country where we got to Disney everything, you know, they've been around forever. And then I'm like, I was like, don't let it fall out in Italy because they also have a mouse that will collect your teeth. But he rides around with some saint of teeth that has a carriage made of baby teeth. I don't know. I look it up and I start laughing. I'm like, oh, it's creepy. These are what real stories are. And then America's just like, oh, we've got a fairy tale.

[B]

And the fairy gives you stuff under

[A]

your pillow, some money. Then my son was panicking the whole trip because he was worried that if his tooth fell out, he would find mice under his pillow.

[B]

Did you go to the pet store and get some mice?

[A]

No. All right, so we're done with Paris. We're going to head to Italy. We're going to fly from Paris to Milan and then drive to a hotel in Lake Como.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

Huh. Nice, right?

[B]

Yes.

[A]

But my wife, she's like, I want to stay at the Grand Hotel Tremezzo. I'm like, okay. It looks just like the hotel from what you call its movie, the Anderson. Oh, Grand Budapest Grand. It looks just like that, you know. Anyway, Como in the summer, even the early summer that we're there, it's, it's just wedding party after wedding party and everything's not available. Oh, but wouldn't you know it? Oh, we need two rooms. I get a nice room for myself, then I get whatever the cheapest room they have for my in laws. And they're blown away every time. That's the role. Well, this time the only thing that was available in this hotel for our stay was the two penthouse suites.

[B]

Oh, wow.

[A]

Oh, yeah. Wow, this is something. Guess, guess who lucked into this. So we do it. We get those two penthouse suites. One for me and my family and one for the in laws. Now they're really getting a taste of the high life. And this hotel, I mean, they do it right. There's like three separate pools, but only one of the pools is warm and that's the one that children aren't allowed in. Oh, great. So now I have to freeze every day in these cold plunges. But the security is lax. I snuck my kids into the hot pool every day.

[B]

There you go.

[A]

It's indoors, had waterfall, had a tunnel. Everything that kids would like, right? My son's like, well, why don't they let kids in here? As he's standing up going, yeah, you idiot, shut up. You're not supposed to profile. And the hotel, they have a pizza bar station where they're just making fresh pizza. So every time I go to this pool, it's right by this pizza bar. No matter if it's before lunch or before dinner or right after, whatever, as soon as I pull up, I just order two pizzas every time. Because I'm not going to make the mistake I made when I got married 10 years before where I didn't eat enough pizza. And I just, I did. And every time everybody thought it was funny that I was doing it, you know, the in laws, they were like, well, we just got up, I'm like watching. And then everybody would grab a slice.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Because it was just delicious.

[B]

Nobody hates this.

[A]

It's so good. Oh my goodness, it's so good. I had in four days there, I don't know, 30 pizzas just have. I, by the way, I don't drink. I, you know, I never drink. My wife tries to force me to drink just to be social. Sometimes I'll have a sip and then go, it tastes gross. But this trip I was drinking these different fun aperol spritzes that they have. I couldn't stop.

[B]

Loved it.

[A]

Yeah. And they're coming like a fishbowl. Fishbowl. And every time I would order one, I'd say, hey, try to make it less strong, because I thought it was good, but I didn't like the alcohol part. Wasn't my favorite, but I'd have one of those every day and then one at night. That was a good life.

[B]

I'm wondering if, like, you're ordering all these pizzas if, like, the guys, the people that work there, like, is the pizza guy. Like, that's a middle name for you.

[A]

No. You know what they liked about me? Was it tipping the tip.

[B]

There you go. Yeah.

[A]

And you know. You know what I learned from them is they don't like it when you sign for the food on your bill and put your room number and put the tip on it. They don't like it because that number gets recorded and gets taxed.

[B]

Right.

[A]

But if you just give them cash on the side, then they really appreciate. I brought nine days was our trip that started in Paris, then went to Italy. I brought €2,000. How much of that 2,000 in cash to tip do you think I spent?

[B]

I'm gonna say all of it.

[A]

1500. I came back with €3.

[B]

That's amazing.

[A]

€3 I tipped anybody. Okay. My wife, she plans everything. She's like. And it's not, like, meticulous planning. It's just like a restaurant for dinner. Okay, well, this day, she had planned a lunch in Bellagio. Not the casino, the city. And it's just a quick boat ride across the. But a storm had brewed the night before, and the seas were angry. Eddie. Okay, so we get into the boat, and the whole dock is just rocking.

[B]

Feeling it.

[A]

Oh, it's rocking. And he's like, oh, you know, bonjour. And oy. We're like, hey. And my wife's like, we're going to Bellagio. And he goes, no, no, we're not. We can't get there. Like, we can't go that way. And she's like, no, no, we have a dinner. We have a lunch reservation. He's like, I don't give a fuck. He's like, this boat can't go. And I'm like. Just looking at my wife going, honey, you've got get there. Itis. That's. That's what kills. That's what killed Kobe Bryant. Like, you. You can't force something when nature is talking. You have to listen, right? And he's like, here's what, we'll just, we'll just boat around where it's nice and calm and we'll look, I'll show you beautiful things and if it calms down, I can take you to the other side and you can do this, this short walk. And I go, whoa, whoa, whoa, Giuseppe, fucking stop it right there with a short walk. I've been down this before.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Oh, yeah, that's right, right, right. He's like, you just have to go over this hill. I'm like, hill? You just short walking hill.

[B]

You see who I'm with?

[A]

I hate this. And my wife is just, she's like, perfect, we'll do that. Oh. We walked up, he parks us in this cute little town on the opposite side of Bellagio. And we have to go through these beautiful streets. And the photos I took are amazing, but great. But I'm not showing you that. I'm carrying a three year old that doesn't want to do 350. Weird angled, weird distance apart. Cobblestone steps, ancient ruins. With my father in law who's just like, it's not that bad. As we're walking at the slowest pace. And I'm like, Giuseppe's just sleeping in the boat waiting for us to get back because we're paying by the hour. Oh, it's furious. And we get to a little. We get to a town and guess what? Best pasta of the trip.

[B]

Good.

[A]

So worth it. And then we go get gelato. Amazing. Then I know it's a good gelato place because there's tons of Asians coming out and then taking photos of it. It's like, oh, this is the spot, everybody. Instagramming it. Okay. My wife, about a year, two years ago, got turned on to Lambrusco. That's a red, bubbly, chilled wine. And she just loves it. She thinks she. It's. It's like when you're in college and you have sushi for the first time. You're like, oh, I never knew sushi was good. And then, then all of a sudden that becomes your thing. Okay, well that's my, my wife at 40 and she's just like, Lambrusco. And then she asked for Lambrusco a few different times on this trip. And the sommelier or whoever, the server kind of snickers and go, oh, no. And then finally I say to the sommelier at this restaurant, hey, every time my wife orders Lambrusco, the. The sommelier laughs in their, in her face like you just did. What? What's wrong? He's like, yeah, it's just. It's not very classy. It's like it's the Coca Cola of a wine.

[B]

Oh.

[A]

And he's like, I'm like. He's like, it's drinkable. I'm like, that's what she says. She always brags about how drinkable it is. You can just drink it. It's like chugging it. And he's like, yeah, that's not a good thing. Your wife's a wino. Is basically. She might as well get pruno. Bruno did a hike. Took my father in law on a small hike up a little tiny mountain with my kids. Worst idea ever.

[B]

Why?

[A]

Well, first of all, at one point in trying to keep him safe, I noticed that my daughter was just eating wild berries.

[B]

Oh, God damn it.

[A]

Right? I don't fucking know how to tell if something is going to come.

[B]

She's eating wild berries.

[A]

She's either. She's foraging, right? She's either foraging or she's going to be dead in 30 minutes.

[B]

Oh.

[A]

I'm like, just tell me if part of your body starts to go numb.

[B]

Right.

[A]

I got a massage. I got one massage. I got it in Italy and let me tell you, she was beautiful. My wife didn't like that. She's like, you had a thing for it. My wife can tell if I like somebody because it just. If. What's that?

[B]

Get a boner?

[A]

No.

[B]

That's a good indicator, though.

[A]

The boner's the best indicator. That's not how she can tell. She can tell if I don't bring it up.

[B]

Oh, yeah, because you're like, you're trying so hard.

[A]

That's the tell. The tell is if I don't talk about it right away.

[B]

You mean that old lady that.

[A]

No, she was young, braless and had a tattoo on her hand.

[B]

So you do.

[A]

Oh, I loved her.

[B]

Oh, that's great.

[A]

Now, the issue with the massage in Italy is when they flip you over and you go on your back, they rub. They rub the stomach. That's not good. Nobody wants their stomach rubbed.

[B]

That's pretty close.

[A]

It's. No, it's not because of the penis, Ed. It's just disgusting. Your stomach is gross. I told you I had fucking 30 pizzas. I don't want anyone rubbing myself. I'm literally trying to flex for this

[B]

to give it some edge.

[A]

28 year old masseuse, so it's not like her just shifting my mush around.

[B]

I rub your tummy.

[A]

Oh, it was that. I don't like. They also Give you some, like, little underwear to wear. But when they give you the underwear, I feel like you have to put them on. I think it's weird if you say you don't want to put. But. But my wife's like, no. I said, no. I said, no, thank you. And I'm like, oh, I fucking put him on. I would have much rather said, no, thank you. Let my dong just hang out here while you're there. But I didn't. I put it on. So this is the actual anniversary, and we're gonna have the big anniversary dinner. And my wife is spending a lot of time researching to figure out what would be the best restaurant. Yeah, well, she did a wonderful job because she picked the nicest restaurant that was on the property. Originally. She was gonna have us, like, take a water taxi, which is what a lot of people do to another town, to a nice restaurant. That night it happened to be storming. We would have been Gilligan's Island. Like, it would have ended badly. Then she's like, I can't do this to you with your stomach. The idea of me you being stressed out or something. And then now we're on waiting for a water taxi, and you have to shit yourself. My wife is factoring this in to our anniversary dinner that she doesn't want me hanging off the side of some guy's boat blowing up Lake Como, which I would do. So we ended up eating on property, and there's a rainstorm, and that was happening that night, and it was pretty to watch. My wife got the wine pairing, which is a mistake, because, again, she doesn't have the palate for good wine. She likes Lambrusco, by the way. Italy. As much as their food is a 10 out of 10, their desserts suck. Breakfast in Italy. Can I tell you? Look at this spread. I sent my wife down first. I didn't want to get out of bed until I knew it was good. She goes down to go. She goes, I go do a little recon of what the breakfast situation is. And she sent me this video. She goes, I think we. I think you have to come down. I don't think we can order in everything. Station meats, you know, fancy Italian meats. Sure. Cheeses, pastries. Yes. Then if you want anything, you go into the actual kitchen and you just talk to the cook, and you're like. They're like, omelette, what do you want? French toast? Pancakes? What do you want? Crepes.

[B]

That's great. That's so cool.

[A]

Crepe. Yeah, I want to crepe crep all over you. Now, was it without incident? No. I probably snapped at my kids one or two times the whole trip. Overall, they did amazing. My wife, I can only think of one time that we really got into it. This is a night the kids had fallen asleep. I was looking for some hanky panky in Italy, and my wife says to me, she goes, if you tell me one more time that I overpacked, we're not having sex. I was like, whoa, currency. I know. I was like, what is this? This is some sitcom. So I was like, well, you did over pack. That's what I said. So you like, I'm willing to go if you're going to tell me. I. I can't continue to tease you. It's hard sex. Like, I'll go to bed without sex. I. That's fine.

[B]

But I got to tease.

[A]

I'm going to tease you. Hello? Yeah, I'm going to keep doing the voice, Jerry.

[B]

Exactly.

[A]

So, yeah, I was like, yeah, you overpack. And. And she's like. She was like. She started to get furious. I've worn everything twice. I started walking around. I was like, well, why are there eight more diapers than we needed for our daughter to sleep at night? Because she's potty trained, but at night she wears a pull up. And there was extra. Like, you couldn't have counted the nights properly. There's an overpack. And now she's like, fuming. And then I'm like, what about these compression socks that are still in the package that you didn't wear for the travel that you thought you needed for the plane? And she's just like, that's it. She's like, anyway, we had sex. Listen, enough of me rambling on about the most special day of my life. By the way, my anniversary. That's not the most special day of my life. The day I signed that contract with Letterman Worldwide pants. That was the best day. That was the most special day of my life.

[B]

Still to this day.

[A]

Oh, yeah, by a mile.

[B]

That's it. Okay.

[A]

You kidding me? When they assigned me to that development deal after one set on the Late show with David Letterman, that was a day that I felt like, oh, my world is going to change. And sure enough, it did. After nine more years. No, let's talk to my wife now. The only reason this trip happened in the first place was because my wife forced it on us. We'll be right back. The guys I work with, they finally started dressing better. They're leaning into pieces that feel easy, comfortable, and still put together. How have they made getting dressed simpler? Quints. The fabrics feel fancy, the fits are right and everything just works without overthinking it. If your closet were full of quints, you could get dressed in the dark and still look like a stud. Everything at Quints will cost you 50 to 80% less than what you'd find at similar brands. That's because quints works directly with ethical factories and cuts out the middleman. So you're getting top quality items without the markup. John yes? Didn't you just order something from Quince? I did. Couple of cotton model crewneck tees. Good for you. I don't want to hear about it. Refresh your everyday with luxury you'll actually use. Head to quince.comtosh for free shipping on your order and 365 day returns. Now available in Canada too. That's quincy.comtosh for free shipping and and 365 day returns quints.comtosh this episode of Tosh show is brought to you by Progressive Insurance. Do you ever find yourself playing the budgeting game? Well, with the name your price tool from Progressive you can find options that fit your budget and potentially lower your bills. Try [e-mail] Progressive Casualty Insurance Company and affiliates Price and coverage match Limited by state law not available in all states. You can never have too many tools. Shop Dewalt Deals and Lowe's. Get a free select Dewalt 20 volt max power tool when you buy a select 20 volt max 5amp hour battery kit. Plus get a free additional Dewalt 20 volt max 8amp hour battery when you buy a Dewalt 10 inch 20 volt max dual bevel compounded miter saw. Our best lineup is here in Lowe's ballot through 624 while supplies last selection varies by location. There she is. 1998 Miss Watermelon of Bonita Springs, Florida.

[C]

Yes. Reigning queen. They never did that again.

[A]

Reign.

[C]

I married Ms. Watermelon Queen.

[A]

That makes me a king. When you won that title, was your family, was your dad proud?

[C]

So proud. I had to do stuff to win the title. I did a dance. I wore like a pinstripe suit and I did a tap dance.

[B]

Pinstripe suit and a tap dance?

[C]

Yes. Like a little. It was like zoot suit riot or something? No, it was stray cat strut. That's what it was.

[A]

I'm doing that thing where I know that she's talking but I am not listening to a thing.

[C]

I don't know why we're talking about that anyway.

[A]

Well, it's because that was the intro that I made up right then and there. Cause I was like, oh, I got to intro my wife. And then I'm like, here's something silly that I know. She won Miss Watermelon.

[C]

Yep. I was in the paper.

[A]

Okay. Hey, we just got back from our anniversary trip. How was it?

[C]

It was amazing. I loved it.

[A]

How much work did you actually do to make this trip possible?

[C]

I mean, enough that I felt like it wasn't acknowledged how much work I did, which is why I brought that up that night. Like, should we talk about this? Because I sat down and I, like, itineraried the whole thing. And then we did all this stuff, which was the most shocking part.

[A]

A few seconds ago, before you were here, we were running over what I may or may not ask you. And I said to them that, yes, I paid for this trip, but this trip would never happen in any way, shape, or form if it wasn't for you doing everything. So I think I. I acknowledge it. Certainly not to me. Just not to you.

[C]

I agree with that. Because, you know, you don't want to just, like, be in Paris, and then you're like, and now what? Like, there are too many things to do. So I had done all the research and planned all the things, especially with children, like, from this carousel.

[A]

Okay. You don't have to. When you repeat the same thing. We don't give a shit. How much stronger or weaker is our marriage 10 years in, in your opinion?

[C]

Um, yeah, I think it's stronger.

[A]

All right. We didn't. We didn't. I picked weaker. All right. Should we go to couples therapy?

[C]

Probably.

[A]

You think we should?

[C]

I think probably everyone should be in therapy.

[A]

Fuck that answer. Everyone should go to couples. Should Eddie and Megan go to couples therapy?

[C]

Probably.

[B]

We went one time. Oh, yeah.

[A]

Does she want you airing this laundry?

[B]

I don't think it's. I don't. It's not a bad thing to air.

[A]

It is a. It's embarrassing.

[B]

It's.

[A]

It means that you lost.

[C]

No, but just the one time, so everything was fixed.

[B]

It was like, you know, a couple times.

[A]

Did you go. A couple times, did you go one time?

[B]

Yeah, a couple times. But, I mean, it's not like we've gone back again.

[C]

One issue was aired a couple times, maybe.

[B]

No. How many times did you go to high school?

[A]

One time.

[B]

There you go. But you went four years.

[A]

Trying to make sense.

[B]

Next question.

[A]

What was the high and low of our anniversary trip?

[C]

Going to the Tiafo match was one of my favorite parts of the trip, which was a.

[A]

A match that we didn't have.

[C]

We didn't have tickets to it.

[A]

I snuck us in illegally. Then I might go. We're like running up, up these shitty seats. And I'm like, just follow me. And we start climbing over bleachers to go down because people have have left. And she's like, you're getting greedy. You're getting greedy. And I just kept getting us lower and lower until we were about four rows.

[C]

We were very close to Tia.

[A]

We were right next to it.

[C]

And it was such a fun match. And we stayed until 1:30, which is very cool.

[A]

We stayed till 1:30. In two hours before the end of the match, he was up two breaks to win the match. And I said, let's just go home, please, let's go home. He's going, he can't lose. And two hours later, he lost. And we stayed the whole time. And I believe it was her fault. I had we left, he would have won.

[C]

Yeah, maybe.

[A]

You were so heartbroken that he lost.

[C]

It was such a bummer.

[A]

So that was your high? Was that your high? Your high was leaving our children for the whole night. And by the way, when we got back, the common area of my hotel room, which was a suite, so it had a common area and then a bedroom. The common area is where my children slept in a pullout. Put them in a cot and the couch separately. But that meant that her parents are stuck in our bedroom, but they don't feel comfortable laying in our bed.

[C]

Even though I did say that you

[A]

told him, get in the bed. They didn't feel. So we come back and at 2am, at 2am he's sleeping on the bench that's at the foot of the bed, like curled up asleep on that. And she's like sitting on the corner of the foot of the bed.

[C]

It's just like they were also watching the TIAFO match, though. You kept trying to be like, we should go home. Your poor parents. Your poor parents. Cause you just wanted to go home. But I knew that they were invested in the match as well, and they were watching it. So it's not like we left them to, like, do nothing.

[A]

It's just he was. He was curled up on a bench like a hobo in Paris, but wearing

[C]

my robe over his clothes.

[A]

Cause he was cold. He was also cold.

[C]

He was very cold.

[A]

And he couldn't work the thermostat because it was in Celsius. He's just completely flustered at the math always go down. What's that? That was his bucket list. That's a great question. We've teased your father in law because he just always said, you know, that was on my bucket list.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

How many more things could possibly be on his bucket list?

[C]

We talked about it that day that he and I went to the spa pool without you guys. He said, oh, you checked off two more things on my bucket list. Which was like, the fourth time he sent it to me on that trip. And then I was like, what else is on there? And then I think he was like, oh, I gotta say where we should go next. So he just started naming places.

[A]

How much do you think his bucket list has changed post? You marrying somebody that could actually check off some of those big ones?

[C]

Oh, yeah, for sure. It was like, D.C. before or something.

[B]

Washington Monument.

[A]

All of a sudden, Bora Bora comes into play, and he's like, you know what? I gotta rewrite this bucket list. We were married in Italy, but we were married in Tuscany, and we decided to go visit Lake Como. Yeah. And it lived up to the hype. It was. It was spectacular.

[C]

Have you already talked about how many aperol spritzes you have consumed? I dressed as an aperol spritz.

[A]

Is that why I find you so attractive?

[C]

Yeah. You want to drink me in what

[A]

flavors was I having?

[C]

Well, aperol is a liqueur that has its own flavor. So when you got an aperol spritz, it was like Prosecco plus aperol.

[A]

Okay.

[C]

But then at the French Open, you had a berry spritz, A Chandon berry spritz.

[A]

Okay.

[C]

And then you also had the one that has elderflower in it. And then I would say you probably drank, like, eight aperol spritzes. Like, I just started ordering them, and I ordered enough for all the adults, and then Daniel just drank them every time. And then on the day we were leaving, you were like, should you get an aperol spritz? Which meant, should we together drink an aperol spritz? And so we did. Our final day.

[A]

Holy cow. I've got a problem. Yeah, I've got a problem. Dylan's got a guy. Dylan. Now I feel bad for teasing you. Being a drunk is wonderful.

[C]

Whoa.

[A]

So what was your low of the anniversary trip?

[C]

I think maybe the Huguette dinner, which I was very much looking forward to because we had been there when we went to Paris together eight years ago, and I reserved it way in advance and stuff.

[A]

Okay. And it was boiling hot today.

[C]

It was so hot.

[A]

But what was exciting about that dinner to me though is that we were there the night that their soccer game was what was going on.

[C]

I knew the part was fun. And then you kind of got to see like the excitement of the city and like these throngs of fans and. And then they were also all in the restaurant though, smoking. So it was like 90 degrees, very hot, filled with smoke. And when we went there eight years ago, it was like so romantic and

[A]

cute and life is different now. I thought that that was your low. That's not bad.

[C]

Well, you were like, I don't even want to be here, by the way. You said that out loud.

[A]

Well, and that's usually what I say.

[C]

I'm like, we can leave. Like the kids were crying because everybody was like on a time change and it was so hot. And I'm like, if you don't want to be here. And you're like, well, I don't want to be here.

[A]

My daughter eyeballs. This is at three, just so you know, she eyeballs my son, seven, eating oysters and goes, you know, I've always wanted to try those.

[C]

She did say that.

[A]

What did you just say?

[C]

I've always wanted to try.

[A]

I've always wanted. So we gave her an oyster and. And the next thing we're doing. These oysters aren't cheap at this place. €12 a pop.

[C]

Also huge.

[A]

And she's, she's pops down a half dozen.

[C]

I want another. She ate all the oysters. I think I only had one.

[A]

How funny did you find it when I kept mentioning how you had overpacked?

[C]

No, that wasn't funny. That was so annoying. Our entire family of four fit into one suitcase.

[A]

Thank you.

[C]

Okay. And on the last day there you were like, this was the day I was trying to get you to say I did a good job with the itinerary fishing. And then you were like, but you over packed. But I was like tired and like not in the mood. And then you said it like six, you were tired because we were getting

[A]

ready to do hanky panky.

[C]

I was tired.

[A]

Uh huh.

[C]

Just thinking about it.

[A]

And then you. And you said that you threatened me with your flower. You said, no hanky panky.

[C]

I was like, are you trying to be annoying on purpose? Cause you kind of were. You were like looking at me with like this smile. And then you were like, but you did overpass.

[A]

You did overpass.

[C]

No, I didn't. We wore all the clothes that I brought. I didn't overpass.

[A]

Just because you wear them all.

[C]

If you wear them all Then you didn't over pack. You're wearing all the. I re wore that brown polka dot dress like three times.

[A]

You, you okay. You brought here. I'm gonna let. I'm gonna let them have a vote on just a couple things on if

[C]

there was a girl here, she would agree.

[A]

Fine. My son had two different bathing suits. Swim trunks, the exact same pattern, same brand, same style, same cut. No, not in two different colors.

[C]

Not the same pattern.

[A]

No.

[C]

No. One has palm trees, one has flowers.

[A]

All right, two different bathing suits, same

[C]

seven year old boy. A bathing suit is like a pair of shorts.

[A]

Seven year old boy, does he need two bathing suits or is one bathing suit fine for the trip? I think she did a great job backing. I would rule accidents anything.

[B]

You should have a back.

[C]

Yeah, or it's wet and you're old to go. He wore them both.

[A]

Okay, that's fine. That's fine. You guys think that my son should have had two bathing suits?

[C]

Eddie, also his bathing suit folds up to this.

[A]

It doesn't matter. I'm just going to give you example. My son brought two different pair of vans slip on checkered shoes in different colors. Does he need two different. And they're both like slight. One of them is like a grayish blue and one of them is a grayish black. Does he need two different vans tennis shoes? The exact. This is, trust me, has way more shoes than this.

[C]

No, he only had one more pair besides that. The Vejas. And then he had the blue vans and the gray vans.

[A]

Does he need two of the same pair of shoes in different colors?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

You're fucking idiots. All right then. She didn't overpack. Do you think your parents knew that we did it on this trip?

[C]

They probably assumed that.

[A]

Do you think your parents did it on this trip?

[C]

No.

[A]

You don't?

[C]

I feel like my dad would have told us.

[B]

Got a fun fact for you.

[A]

He would have.

[B]

Great little fun fact.

[C]

Fun fact.

[A]

Would you like to tell everyone what you got me for our anniversary

[C]

podcast material?

[A]

I truly had no idea if you'd gotten me something. Oh, did you buy me a gift on our actual anniversary?

[C]

No, that was your birthday. Wait, on our anniversary, did you give me a gift? I can't remember. Did I?

[A]

I doubt it.

[C]

Well, you hate gifts, so you're welcome.

[A]

Thank you. She knows I don't want something. Not from her. I'll buy it myself. Did you enjoy having your belly massaged?

[C]

Oh, no. That was weird. And we were warned of was weird. I felt like I was like flexing my stomach the whole time to try not to laugh. And also out of, like, self defense. No, it was weird that. It's like the bit that we did at Tosh point zero. I never want my stomach touched.

[B]

Lightly touching women's stomachs.

[C]

Yeah. While they're sitting down. Yeah.

[A]

No, that's not good. How quickly could you tell after my massage that I had fallen in love with my masseuse?

[C]

Well, you brought her up, like, four separate times. Now. We were trying to figure out who had the same masseuse. My dad and me or you and me. And you were like. Well, my masseuse, she was like. She was small and, like, pretty and she had big boobs and. And like, what? And it was like five different, like, amazing things about your masseuse.

[A]

Yes. And she was. Wasn't wearing a bra.

[C]

She wasn't wearing a bra. My mom was like, what?

[A]

She had a tattoo on her hand right here.

[C]

Yeah. You're like. She had, like, a kind of sexy tattoo on her hand.

[A]

I didn't say sexy.

[C]

It was the way you said it. Like, ooh.

[A]

I didn't know I said she had a tattoo.

[C]

Then you were, like, super insistent that we go back and give her cash

[A]

because you shorted her. You shorted her and I couldn't.

[C]

She wasn't mine, though.

[A]

Oh, she was your mom's. But. But you tipped for your mom. I tipped on behalf and you tipped poorly.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

And I didn't want her to think that that reflected on me, cuz we had. We had built something. Everybody that's on the show gets a gift. And since you're with me, I got you something. Are you. You excited about this?

[C]

Yes.

[A]

What do you think?

[C]

I got you something I already own. Oh, wow. Did you steal that?

[A]

Yep.

[B]

Thievery.

[A]

I stole a towel.

[C]

So exciting. I want these towels. I've been wanting to look.

[A]

I stole one pool towel from the Grand Hotel Tremezzo because she wouldn't shut up about. She goes, these waffle towels, they dry you so good. And we have. What do we have?

[C]

We have Turkish towels, but they're like paper towels. They don't do anything. They barely soften.

[A]

She's like, it's like, you got a sheet. And I'm like, you're the one that bought the Turkish towels and said they're amazing.

[C]

I looked up this brand and I couldn't find how if they sold them to, like, regular people.

[A]

Whatever I said, I stole one and I secretly brought it home to give it to you as a gift.

[C]

That's very exciting. I Appreciate that gift.

[A]

There you go. Get that off my table.

[C]

Okay. Thank you.

[A]

I'm sorry. Get that off our table. But there's paperwork that proves this is fucking my table. Okay. Everything was awesome. You did an amazing job. It was a wonderful anniversary. I can't wait to see what we do next year. No. When's the next time we have to do a big anniversary? 25 years or 20, you think 20. Okay. What are you planning for 20? What do you think we should do? What do I have to prepare myself for? Because I need 10 years to mentally get my head around it.

[C]

Okay, well, we have to think where we can bring my dad when he's 84.

[A]

Oh, you think he'll still be around? Oh, well, I don't know.

[C]

Yes.

[A]

I mean, how old will he be?

[C]

Well, is it our 20th or our 25th?

[A]

Let's go 20th. If we're trying to bring him 82.

[C]

Okay, 83.

[A]

We hope he's around.

[C]

Okay, he'll be around. And he'll be saying things are the best oyster he had in his life.

[A]

I mean, there's a chance he's around for another 40 years.

[C]

That'd be great.

[A]

Oh, it would be. It'd be fun. I just can't imagine what his bucket list is gonna be. He can start a new bucket list. All right. I love you.

[C]

Okay. Love you, bud.

[A]

I'm happy that I've been married to you for 10 years. And I look forward to. Whatever.

[B]

Dying together.

[A]

Dying together.

[C]

So nice.

[A]

You think we'll stay married till you're dead?

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

Paw show. I want to thank Carly for bopping in. That was awfully sweet of her. And she looks totally juvenated.

[B]

Totally juvenated.

[A]

After that trip. You know who we should talk to, though? You gotta get a. You gotta get Greg's two cents on my anniversary trip.

[B]

He's on his bucket list.

[A]

You think he's on a date right now?

[B]

Yes, sir.

[A]

Hey, you on your date yet? No, we're still sitting here deciding where we're going to eat.

[B]

Is there a carabas?

[A]

Give me, give me, give me three of your favorite highlights of our anniversary trip that you went on.

[B]

Wow. Three of my favorites. Okay.

[A]

Certainly the boat trip around Lake Como, that was an all timer. Yeah, well, obviously the French open was fantastic. I really like the hotel. Yeah,

[B]

the.

[A]

Not the French hotel is fantastic, but I really like the Italian hotel. Well, yeah, yeah, yeah. That was a good one you got. You had the penthouse favorite thing. No, you did. I mean, that's it. That was. That was the favorite things. We got the hotel room, the boat ride, and the. The French open.

[B]

Okay. All right.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

All right. Well, I can't wait to see what we do for our 11th anniversary.

[C]

Okay. Yeah.

[A]

Please include us.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

All right. We'll talk to you.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

All right, boy. Bye, Daniel. Let's pay some bills. Patreon.com tosshow join it.

[B]

Go there now?

[A]

Yeah. My first farewell tour is on sale. Toss show Toss show store dot com. That's a tongue twister. Oh, there's music. They love me. They love me not. Let's do it.

[B]

This is from Nathan B. 7221.

[A]

Good.

[B]

I've noticed on a lot of these podcasts, it seems Daniel is bringing these people on to help him win arguments against his wife and friends. Lol.

[A]

Yeah, but it's nice if I can, you know, construct my gaslighting, bring an

[B]

expert on to help.

[A]

That's pretty good. That is what I do.

[B]

The guy pays attention.

[A]

All right. Is that an I love you?

[B]

That's an I love you.

[A]

No. What's an I love me not?

[B]

Expert 40. Should have asked him to fix your poop your pants problem rather than be jealous over Dylan's manly drinking.

[A]

I'm not jealous of anyone else's vices. Unless you're one of those guys that has the sex addiction.

[B]

Jealous addict.

[A]

And you're like, you're telling, oh, it's not my fault I'm addicted to sex with other people. That seems like a good vice to have. I wish. I wish I was addicted to being an asshole. See you next week. This episode of Tosh show is brought to you by Progressive Insurance. You chose to hit play on this podcast today. Smart choice. Make another smart choice with Auto Quote Explorer to compare rates from multiple car insurance companies all at once. Try [e-mail] Progressive Casualty Insurance Company and affiliates. Not available in all states or situations. Prices vary based on how you buy. You can never have too many tools. Shop dewalt deals at Lowe's. Get a free select Dewalt 20 volt max power tool when you buy a select 20 volt max 5amp hour battery kit. Plus get a free additional Dewalt 20 volt max 8amp hour battery when you buy a Dewalt 10 inch 20 volt max dual bevel compounded miter saw. Our best lineup is here at Lowe's. Ballot through 624 while supplies last selection varies by location.