My 2026 Tour

Summary

Tosh Show – "My 2026 Tour"

Host: Daniel Tosh
Co-host: Eddie (comedian)
Date: November 18, 2025

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Episode Overview

This episode delivers what Daniel Tosh himself dubs “a stand up podcast like no other,” as he and co-host Eddie riff, ruminate, and roast while Daniel announces and dissects the details behind his 2026 national tour. With signature irreverence, Daniel shares unsolicited opinions on everything from hat etiquette to American cities, tour-naming rejects, and the logistics/nightmares of life on the road. The heart of the show: Daniel calls the fan who named the tour, breaks down the city schedule, and crowdsources food recommendations and mayors’ keys along the way, all while offering the self-deprecating candor fans expect.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

The Great Hat Debate (01:44–03:51)

• Daniel starts with a niche rant about people who tuck their ears into their hats, declaring:

  “You look like a fucking monster.” (02:26) He draws a vivid line between acceptable and unacceptable hat-wearing etiquette, comparing ear-tucking to putting your hands in your pants instead of pockets.

• Eddie speculates such people think they're “faster,” Daniel blames vanity or tiny heads. Daniel’s solution: Stick with beanies.

Comedy Tour Chatter & Hitting Every Market (03:53–05:17)

• Daniel confronts the cynical listener:

  “Why would I want to see Daniel perform live when I don’t find him funny when he’s ranting?” (03:55)

• He shifts to comedy onstage vs. podcast: “polished material, tried and true, hit after hit, grand slam after grand slam. The guffawing doesn’t stop...” (04:14)
• Announces ambitious plans for the upcoming tour:

  “I’m hitting third and fourth tier markets... Some don’t even have a tier.” (04:34)

• Cynically references America’s quality-of-life rankings and mocks the “greatest country” trope.

Brainstorming a Tour Name (10:10–14:41)

• Outlines his and Eddie’s rejected tour names:
  • “Where Am I Again” Tour (too bland)
  • “Bougie Bitch” Tour (agent vetoed: “some markets wouldn’t print tickets with bitch on it”)
  • “What Tour? The World Tour Tour” (obscure Timberlake DUI joke)
  • “A Night of Comedy and Illusions” (no illusions in the act = legal red flag)
  • “My Stateside Saudi Arabian Cash Grab” (clunky, inaccurate)
  • Daniel wonders what sum would entice him to perform in Saudi Arabia:

    “I don’t think there is a number. I don’t want to.” (12:26)

  • “Stubborn BM Tour” (Daniel: “not what I’m known for. I’m a loose stool kind of man.”) (13:01)

The Fan Contest: Naming the Tour (15:43–17:46)

• Eddie reads fan-submitted tour names (highlights):
  • “I’d Rather Be Anywhere Else Tour”
  • “Tosh Tour 2026”
  • “The Podcast Isn’t Paying the Bills Tour”
  • “The Pull Over Here Tour”
  • “We Welcome You Tour”
  • “First Farewell Tour” — the chosen winner!
• Daniel:

  “‘My First Farewell Tour.’ Clean, simple. Get this guy on the horn.” (16:27)

• Calls the winning fan, Ryan (San Diego):

  “Hey, thanks for naming my tour... I’m changing it slightly. I’m going to put ‘My First Farewell Tour.’ But good job.” (16:47)

  • Offers tickets but jokes he’s not actually playing San Diego or LA:

    “How about Vegas? ... Or maybe you pick four cities and you go to each one by yourself. That's also a possibility.” (17:12 & 17:31)

• Post-call, Daniel muses fans should scalp the free tickets for max profit (18:04).

Behind the Scenes: Tour Route & Booking Behind the Curtain (18:07–19:36)

• Daniel jokes about avoiding audience energy:

  “If I had my druthers... I would want every show to sell out and then no one show up.” (18:07)

• On his agent’s (Stacy Mark) booking method:

  “She spins a globe and just starts pointing.” (18:25)

• Frustrations when fans miss shows in their own towns:

  “I was just in Nashville three weeks ago, man!” (18:59)

• Daniel claims he’s performing almost everywhere—even “your depressing town.” (19:24)

Tour Itinerary Highlights, Stories, and City Roasts

Pacific Northwest & Midwest (19:40–25:53)

• Portland ("war-torn," "hipster refugees") → Seattle → Bellingham → Vancouver → Whistler
• Daniel and Eddie joke about immigration, taxes, and skiing in Canada.
• Iowa (“the big two”—Ames and Davenport), Peoria IL:
  • Daniel reminisces about confusing a Five Seasons Hotel for a Four Seasons.
• St. Louis (MO), various Midwest cities: Tells stories from elementary school, recalls mid-80s St. Louis Cardinals glory.
• References to childhood best friend, Ricky Bombhardt—Daniel invites Ricky to the show.
• Ohio (Cincinnati, Akron, Toledo):
  • “Cincinnati, we should just give Kentucky Cincinnati.” (24:23)
  • “Toledo’s a gem. It’s like Tacoma in Washington... Toledo’s bad. Oh, it’s bad.” (25:02)

Northeast & Canada (25:53–38:12)

• Grand Rapids MI (“Cat 6 rapids”—fake rivers joke) → Connecticut, Boston (“die hard Mets fans,” trolling), Wilkes Barre PA, Pittsburgh, Hershey, Baltimore, DC

• On DC politics:

  “For the record ... I am a Republican, okay? I’m a huge Republican. And the two issues I care about are, I want LGBTQ rights ... and I care about women’s reproductive rights.” (29:30) “Very conservative.” (30:38)

• **NY State (“the Big Apple—Not the City”), favorite tour stops:

  • Port Chester, Kingston, Huntington, Syracuse (“dinosaur barbecue,” Flintstones car-toppling ribs reference).

• Canada: Windsor, Toronto, Ottawa, Montreal

  • Reflects on career beginnings at Montreal’s Just for Laughs festival.
  • Sadness at being banned from Halifax, Nova Scotia:

    “They won't let me perform there. I want the people of Nova Scotia to know I want to be there. I want to do a show.” (33:56)

  • Shares story about generosity of a Halifax couple who rented out their house to him (34:53–35:17).

South & Southeast (38:12–41:00)

• Florida (Pensacola, “Cracker Barrel country”), Alabama (Montgomery, Birmingham), Georgia (Athens, Macon, Evans), North & South Carolina (Wilmington, Fayetteville, Spartanburg, Asheville)
• Jokes about playing random markets, saying his agent must be pranking him.
• The tour “goal” is getting to Dollywood (Pigeon Forge, TN). Daniel asks for the best local food spots in every city and invites fans to dine with him (he’ll pay for your meal if you show your ticket—dessert not included).

Crowd Participation & Community Engagement (41:00–42:14)

• Daniel wants:
  • Food recommendations (no chains)
  • Fans to join him for meals
  • The mayor of each stop to present Eddie with a key to the city:

    “I want Eddie to walk around with just a like carrot top size keychain with just all these small market city keys on it.” (42:06)

Notable Quotes & Classic Tosh Moments

On hat etiquette:

“Anyone that tucks their ears into their hat... you look like a fucking monster.” (02:26, Daniel Tosh)

On the tour’s reach:

“I’m hitting third and fourth tier markets, all of them. Some of them don’t even have a tier.” (04:34, Daniel Tosh)

Announcing the winning tour name:

“Let’s call it My First Farewell Tour. Cleansing. Everybody gets it.” (16:17, Daniel Tosh)

Politics and comedy:

“For the record, and I’m not afraid to discuss this on stage or here, I am a Republican, okay? I’m a huge Republican. And the two issues I care about are, I want LGBTQ rights, and I care very much about them. And I care about women’s reproductive rights. I want abortion legal everywhere, safe, legal abortions at any time, for any reason. Very conservative.” (29:30–30:38, Daniel Tosh)

On selling out:

"If I had my druthers... I would want every show to sell out and then no one show up. And I would still do my set, but I just wouldn’t have the distraction of an audience. Their energy always brings me down." (18:07)

On smaller market tour strategy:

"You're probably listening right now, thinking, there's no way that I'm going to be performing anywhere near you. And you'd be wrong, because Eddie and I are going to come to your depressing town and fill it with joy and light." (19:24)

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Timestamps for Major Segments

• 01:44–03:51 — The Great Hat Debate
• 03:53–05:17 — Ranting vs. Stand-up & Tour Market Philosophy
• 10:10–14:41 — Destroyed Tour Names & Comedian Roadblocks
• 15:43–17:46 — Naming the Tour; Ryan the Listener Wins
• 19:40–41:00 — City-by-City Tour Itinerary, Stories, Roasts
• 29:30–30:46 — Daniel on Politics & Comedy
• 41:00–42:14 — Food, Mayors' Keys, and Fan Engagement

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Tone & Comedic Style

Tosh’s delivery is sharp, self-aware, and bitingly sardonic. He oscillates between playful camaraderie with Eddie and the audience, sharply punchy city critiques, and meta-commentary on his own industry and persona. Absolutely nothing is off-limits, but beneath the sarcasm, he’s clearly invested in the tour’s success and (however begrudgingly) in his fans’ experience and involvement.

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Memorable Finale

The episode closes with Daniel encouraging fans to join him on this tour—through both attendance and local guidance—before veering into matchmaker mode, playing voicemails from suitors for his wife’s cousin Panda, seamlessly segueing out with his trademark blend of mockery and community-building.

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Summary by: [Podcast Summarizer AI]
For fans: This episode gives you all you need to know about Daniel Tosh’s 2026 tour—where he’s going, why, how you can be part of it (onstage and off), and exactly what kind of irreverent ride you’re in for.

Transcript

[Daniel Tosh]

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[Daniel Tosh]

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[Daniel Tosh]

Contact us Hey guys, thanks for listening. Please like and subscribe. Rate and review. All good stuff. Positive. Miss you Brody. I'm excited about this podcast because this episode we, Eddie and I, two comedians, are going to talk a lot about stand up comedy that's never been done in podcast form. Posh show. Posh show. Toss show for the show. Good morning. T Bone's at the wheel. Welcome to Toss Show. Was that my horn?

[Eddie (Co-host/Comedian)]

Yeah, it's your horn, but you're inside the cab so it doesn't sound like.

[Daniel Tosh]

I was in a ferry boat that sounded like a fart. There's two types of people in this world. There's the sane and the insane. People that wear hats the right way and people that wear hats the wrong way.

[Eddie (Co-host/Comedian)]

What's the wrong way?

[Daniel Tosh]

The wrong way is complex, okay? You know, some would say, oh, wearing it backwards is wrong. Some would say if you have the brim not bent. Some would say if you do that bend of the brim where you put a crease in it, I don't really care. That's just your own personal style. Where I draw the line is anyone that tucks their ears into their hat, that wears the hat low and their ears are tucked in. Now I don't know if this is a self conscious thing and ears stick out or if it's just their head is so small on top that the hat rests, you look like a fucking monster.

[Eddie (Co-host/Comedian)]

An insane person.

[Daniel Tosh]

I don't care if it's a five year old or a 90 year old, you cannot tuck your ears into your hat. Know that the second you walk by me I my day is ruined because I'm like, why is that person doing that? Why Are their ears. What a horrible feeling.

[Eddie (Co-host/Comedian)]

They think they're faster.

[Daniel Tosh]

I think they're doing it for a vanity reason, is my guess. Or that their head is too small. I don't know. But you just can't do it. Somebody has to tell you. Oh, no, no, no. You can't tuck your ears in. Ears aren't meant to be tucked into a hat. You can tuck your hair behind your ears, sure, but you don't tuck your ears into things. That's like not using your pockets on your pants and just putting your hands in your pants. Oh, no, I just put my hands in my pants. It's warmer that way. Al Bundy. If you're someone that tucks their ears into a hat, then just stick with beanies. That's what beanies were designed for, right? Unless you're Etabissi from Oz who just like to wear it on the top.

[Eddie (Co-host/Comedian)]

Of his head rolled up on the side.

[Daniel Tosh]

Just rolled up on the sides of the side, which is kind of cool. I do that occasionally. Yeah, I know people right now that aren't entertained by this. Like, well, why would I want to see Daniel perform live when I don't find him funny? When he's ranting? Oh, okay, that's a fair point. But when I'm on stage, it's just polished material, tried and true, hit after hit, grand slam after grand slam. The guffawing doesn't stop. From the moment I touch the stage till the moment I'm in my bus leaving your God forsaking hellhole of a town. Now, this tour coming up, I'm going everywhere. And some of you are probably like, well, I hope he's coming to my town, but I doubt it. Mmm. Because maybe you don't live in a big market. Well, guess what I'm hitting. I'm hitting third and fourth tier markets, all of them. Some of them don't even have a tier. How come when people talk about America being the greatest country in the world have never flipped through a travel and leisure magazine where quality of life were always ranked in the mid-20s? I've never seen America above 22. You're telling me we're the greatest country in the world? Well, I can't wait to get on this tour. Eddie, are you excited?

[Eddie (Co-host/Comedian)]

I'm totally excited about this tour.

[Daniel Tosh]

But you're probably dying to know where we're going to be at so that you can get a ticket and get there. Sit in the front row with your dumb ears tucked into your hat. All right, here you go. Enjoy. If you've shopped online once. Chances are you've bought from a business powered by Shopify. You know that purple shop pay button you see at checkout? The one that makes buying so incredibly easy? That's Shopify. Now there's a reason so many businesses sell with it. Because Shopify makes it incredibly easy to start and run your business. Shopify gives you hundreds of beautiful ready to go templates to express your brand style so you don't have to learn how to code. Code is how nerds talk to computers. It helps you with important tasks like inventory. You need that and you need to know how much of it you have. It also helps with analytics, which I am told are very important to businesses. Built in marketing and email tools to help you find new customers. And customers are important to a business because they buy your product. That's a little business tip from Toshio. Okay. C E, O D A N. And last but not least, that little purple shop pay button used by millions of businesses around the world. It saves all your payment information so customers can just check out. If you want to see less carts being abandoned, it's time for you to head over to Shopify. Sign up for your $1 per month trial and start selling today at shopify.com tosh go to shopify.com tosh shopify.com tosh whether you're shopping for a bro, CEO, daddy, activist, or someone who lights their farts on fire, give the gift that refuses to pick a lane. The Tushy bidet. Eddie, did you write that? Nope. That's what Tushy actually wanted me to say. Yep. Oh, they are wild. Every Tushy bidet easily attached to your existing toilet without the need for additional plumbing. Installation is simple and takes about 10 minutes to complete. You guys know I love bidets. Eddie, you got a tushy?

[Eddie (Co-host/Comedian)]

Yeah.

[Daniel Tosh]

Yours got hot water?

[Eddie (Co-host/Comedian)]

No, I don't have.

[Daniel Tosh]

No, it doesn't. They're even better now with more features like a built in air dryer. The new one is called the Tushy Wave. It instantly modernizes your daily routine and bathroom with a super sleek seat plus two separate front and rear nozzles for the most complete clean. Remember, a hole is is only a naughty word if you wipe for a limited time. Our listeners get 10% off their first bidet order when using code TOSH at checkout. That's 10% off your first bidet order at hello TUSHY.com with promo code TOSH. There are two things I love more than anything in this world. Watching sports and sleeping well. Now there's a third thing because I also love Lola Blankets. The moment you feel one, you'll know why. They have over 10,000 five star reviews. That's a lot of five star reviews. How do you know Lola Blankets are the real deal? Because you have never seen me re gift one to a guest. Go ahead, watch back all three seasons. Pause this ad right now and go watch them. I'll wait. If it were up to me, I would buy everyone listening and watching right now a Lola blanket. But it's not up to me. So I will not give the gift of softness. This holiday season with Lola Blankets. For a limited time, our listeners are getting a huge wait for it. 40% off their entire order at Lola blankets.com by using code tosh at checkout. Just head to lolablankets.com and use code tosh for 40% off. After you purchase, they will ask where you heard about them. Please support our show and tell them we sent you paw show. All righty, it's time to go over the tour. Bunch of road dogs. This is going to be a stand up podcast like no other stand up comedy podcast. We are going to talk a lot about stand up comedy. I asked you, my fans, to come up with a name for my 2026 tour and you did not disappoint. I also floated the idea that whoever came up with the winning title would be handsomely rewarded with four free tickets to any show that they wanted to go to on the tour if there was availability. Like I'm not going to give you. If it's sold out, it's sold out.

[Eddie (Co-host/Comedian)]

Yep.

[Daniel Tosh]

You gotta pick a different market. A market where I don't sell so well. Now before we get into your suggestions, I want you to know that Eddie and I had come up with a name for the tour. It was gonna be called Where Am I Again Tour, which I was eh. I was lukewarm at best at. But the. But the Tosh team was like creating graphics for it. I'm like, why don't we just ask the fans to see if they can come up with something better? And sure enough, they did. But we had other names. Yep, I wanted to call it the Bougie Bitch Tour, which my agent, Stacy Mark, partner at Willie Morris Endeavor, vetoed because she said some markets wouldn't print tickets that said Bougie Bitch on it. So that was a no. That that was also a possible name. I also liked what tour? The World tour tour, which I thought was hysterical. That's a play on Justin Timberlake's famous DUI arrest. You know, you shouldn't make fun of someone being arrested for a dui. But. But his was so funny.

[Eddie (Co-host/Comedian)]

Yeah.

[Daniel Tosh]

It's also a little dated, so they didn't. They didn't want to do it. They thought it was too confusing. Eddie had some good ideas, too, Like.

[Eddie (Co-host/Comedian)]

A night of comedy and illusions.

[Daniel Tosh]

Right. A night of comedy and illusions. The problem with that one, legally, is that we don't do any illusions.

[Eddie (Co-host/Comedian)]

Right.

[Daniel Tosh]

And there would be some people, they're like, oh, I don't care for his comedy. But I had no idea that he dabbled in the dark arts.

[Eddie (Co-host/Comedian)]

Right. They show up and they're sad.

[Daniel Tosh]

Yeah. The other one that I liked was my stateside Saudi Arabian cash grab. The problem with my stateside Saudi Arabian cash grab beside it. Not really being accurate is. It's just clunky. The title's clunky, but I do like that a lot of comics did that. I'm just trying to think of what number I could be offered to go to Saudi Arabia, and I don't think there is a number. I don't want to.

[Eddie (Co-host/Comedian)]

Travel. I don't want to go to Saudi Arabia.

[Daniel Tosh]

And I know a lot of these guys have more money than me, so they wanted to. On some level, money is just not my motivator. Like a harem of women or something like that back in the day.

[Eddie (Co-host/Comedian)]

Yeah.

[Daniel Tosh]

That could have maybe got me off the couch. What about for $1 trillion? Well, then if the number was so ridiculous, I'd be like, no, no, no. Something awful is going to happen to me.

[Eddie (Co-host/Comedian)]

Nobody pays us that much.

[Daniel Tosh]

Right. I'm not worth that. So they're going to do something bad to me, make a statement out of me. What do you got?

[Eddie (Co-host/Comedian)]

Stubborn BM Tour.

[Daniel Tosh]

Great idea, Ed, but it's not going to fly. That's not what I'm known for. I'm a loose stool kind of man. I tell you who should sponsor this tour. Some Gut Health.

[Eddie (Co-host/Comedian)]

Yes.

[Daniel Tosh]

You know, or some Imodium. Some Pepto Bismol. Somebody like that should sponsor this tour. Wrap our bus in that pink juice.

[Eddie (Co-host/Comedian)]

Yep. The whole goal is not to shit on the bus.

[Daniel Tosh]

No. Not if this was our sponsor. If this was our sponsor, we wouldn't have to worry about it.

[Eddie (Co-host/Comedian)]

Right.

[Daniel Tosh]

We wouldn't be pulling a Dave Matthews Band and letting the crapper out over a bridge. Was that Dave?

[Eddie (Co-host/Comedian)]

Yeah, it was.

[Daniel Tosh]

Yeah, that was Dave Dave. That's a good story.

[Eddie (Co-host/Comedian)]

Yeah.

[Daniel Tosh]

Emptying the shitter in Chicago right into their river. Who it is? I Pitch. Just Shoot me in parentheses. Not the David Spade Show Tour.

[Eddie (Co-host/Comedian)]

A lot of things going on in that one.

[Daniel Tosh]

Yeah, well, it's. It's kind of funny because you're like, oh, I don't. You know, you're playing in places where you think maybe you wouldn't want to be, and then the current climate in this country is a bit scary. It had a lot of layers, I thought. But anyway, David Spade's attorneys said no. Speaking of attorneys, I asked. I wanted to do the Best of Jim Gaffigan, and I thought that he would sign off on this and let me call my tour the Best of Jim Gaffigan Tour. It's just a funny thing. Obviously, it's not going to be Jim Gaffigan. It's me. But again, my agent didn't like it. Sorry I cut you. What did you have, Ed?

[Eddie (Co-host/Comedian)]

All Roads lead to Dollywood.

[Daniel Tosh]

That's not a bad tour name, because that's actually what this tour is about. It's about getting me back to Dollywood. I talk about Dollywood all the time, by the way. I'm gonna take credit for it, even though I'll never be given this credit, though I put Dollywood back on the map a few years ago when I started talking so glowingly about it. It's just the best family amusement park in this country by 10 miles. By the way, if you see two tour buses pulling up to Dollywood, that's probably going to be like Dolly Parton or somebody really important. But if you see a rickety rv, that's Ed, and I honk if you're horny. So none of those tour titles worked. Whether it was the whole team has to say yes. Everybody gets a vote, and it has to be unanimous. So none of those work. So now we turned it over to the fans. Ed, you're going to let me hear what some of the fans. Some of the better picks from the fans.

[Eddie (Co-host/Comedian)]

I'd Rather Be Anywhere Else Tour.

[Daniel Tosh]

All right. We kind of did a version of that. I don't. That's not nice. We don't need that.

[Eddie (Co-host/Comedian)]

Tosh Tour 2026.

[Daniel Tosh]

That's honestly not bad. We ought to give that person something.

[Eddie (Co-host/Comedian)]

The podcast isn't Paying the Bills Tour.

[Daniel Tosh]

That's not true. This podcast pays some of the bills. The smaller ones. My yearly nut would make your heads explode.

[Eddie (Co-host/Comedian)]

The Pull Over Here Tour.

[Daniel Tosh]

No, it's a cardigan, but thank you for noticing.

[Eddie (Co-host/Comedian)]

We welcome you Tour.

[Daniel Tosh]

That's inside Pod Baseball.

[Eddie (Co-host/Comedian)]

First farewell tour.

[Daniel Tosh]

Bingo.

[Eddie (Co-host/Comedian)]

There we go.

[Daniel Tosh]

Hit the sirens. That's our Winner. Good job. I mean, we're gonna tweak it. Let's call it my first farewell tour.

[Eddie (Co-host/Comedian)]

There you go. Make it easy.

[Daniel Tosh]

Cleansing. Everybody gets it. Get this guy on the horn.

[Eddie (Co-host/Comedian)]

Let's call him.

[Daniel Tosh]

Hey, Ryan. Hey. Thanks for naming my tour. No problem. Happy to do so. Yeah. It's clean, it's simple. I'm changing it slightly. I'm going to put my first farewell tour. But good job. Thanks.

[Caller/Listener]

Yeah, man, it just popped in my head real quick.

[Daniel Tosh]

Uh huh. Well, how old are you?

[Caller/Listener]

I'm 38.

[Daniel Tosh]

Okay, good. You can go to any show you want next year in 2026. Where do you live? San Diego. No, I'm not performing in San Diego. That's not going to work.

[Caller/Listener]

I mean, I, my family lives in.

[Daniel Tosh]

LA area, so I'm sure I can find. I'm not, I'm not performing in LA area. You. How about Vegas? You want to come to Vegas? You come to Vegas.

[Caller/Listener]

Vegas sounds great.

[Daniel Tosh]

You pick a show. I got quite a few performances in Vegas, but anywhere you look at the calendar, say, hey, maybe I want to go to Montreal. Head over to Montreal, we'll get you half off on a courtyard Marriott.

[Caller/Listener]

Montreal is a beautiful city.

[Daniel Tosh]

It's awesome. Anyway, you're stare at the schedule, there's over 60 cities. You pick a city. Or maybe you pick four cities and you go to each one by yourself. That's, that's also a possibility. All right, Ryan, thanks for naming the tour and we'll get you tickets if you want them.

[Caller/Listener]

Sounds awesome.

[Daniel Tosh]

Thank you so much. All right, buddy. I don't think Ryan's going to show up to any of these dates.

[Eddie (Co-host/Comedian)]

I hope he does.

[Daniel Tosh]

You know what we should do? Let him scalp four tickets.

[Eddie (Co-host/Comedian)]

Oh yeah.

[Daniel Tosh]

He should wait to see which shows are selling the best, then get four tickets to whichever market is, is the hottest. And then he should just scalp them.

[Eddie (Co-host/Comedian)]

I think you're the only artist advocating for that. That's good.

[Daniel Tosh]

If I had my druthers, Eddie, okay, I would want every show to sell out and then no one show up. And I would still do my set, but I just wouldn't have the distraction of an audience. Their energy always brings me down. People are like, how did you pick these cities? And I'll tell you how my agent does it. Stacey Mark, she spins a globe and she just starts pointing and whenever it stops, that's where she's like, oh, that'll be a good spot.

[Eddie (Co-host/Comedian)]

Her assistant writes it down real fast.

[Daniel Tosh]

Then it's about availability. There has to be a theater in the market and then the next town over has to have availability. And more annoying than that is, you perform in a city, and then I get an email three weeks later, hey, when are you going to be in Nashville? I'm like, I was just in Nashville three weeks ago, man. Oh, I didn't. I didn't hear about it. Who's that on? That's not on me.

[Eddie (Co-host/Comedian)]

Nope.

[Daniel Tosh]

I mean, I guess it is. I guess I should pay more for marketing, but I don't want to. Some people found out about it.

[Eddie (Co-host/Comedian)]

Are these the towns you wanted to be booked in?

[Daniel Tosh]

Absolutely not. How can I ask to be booked in a place that I've never even heard of? You're probably listening right now, thinking, there's no way that I'm going to be performing anywhere near you. And you'd be wrong, because Eddie and I are going to come to your depressing town and fill it with joy and light.

[Eddie (Co-host/Comedian)]

Yes. Like that.

[Daniel Tosh]

Yeah.

[Eddie (Co-host/Comedian)]

Where are we starting?

[Daniel Tosh]

Portland. War torn Portland. We will be performing comedy as a form of relief aid to hipster refugees affected by unicycle and juggling curfews.

[Eddie (Co-host/Comedian)]

It's nice to do.

[Daniel Tosh]

Someone has to, right? Then we're going to go up to Seattle.

[Eddie (Co-host/Comedian)]

Yes.

[Daniel Tosh]

Oh, sure. Don't get more excited for Seattle than Portland. That's. That's what everybody in Portland. That's why Portland's got a chip on their shoulder. Everybody's always like, oh, you're going to Seattle? Well, I'm going to Portland first.

[Eddie (Co-host/Comedian)]

I did it.

[Daniel Tosh]

You know, work the kinks out of the act, and then I'll be ready to shine for Seattle. Then I go to Bellingham where I'm on my best behavior. Then we jump over the border. This. This thing's international. To Vancouver. Kay. Yeah, I might go up to Whistler, get a few runs in. You gonna ski with me?

[Eddie (Co-host/Comedian)]

Yeah, I'm bringing some skis then.

[Daniel Tosh]

All right.

[Eddie (Co-host/Comedian)]

Are we sneaking into Canada?

[Daniel Tosh]

No, sir.

[Eddie (Co-host/Comedian)]

Okay.

[Daniel Tosh]

We're gonna have documents.

[Eddie (Co-host/Comedian)]

Yes.

[Daniel Tosh]

We're gonna pay taxes in Canada. We're gonna do the whole thing. We're gonna apologize for our behavior as Americans. Tell them that, hey, we love you guys. It's the Mexicans that drive us batty.

[Eddie (Co-host/Comedian)]

It's just.

[Daniel Tosh]

We're going to Iowa. We're doing two nights there in Ames and Davenport. Those are the big two? Yep, the big two in Iowa. Although one of them is called the Quad Cities, ironically. Quad City DJs not from there. They're from Jacksonville. You know, one time I was performing in Ames. Maybe it was In Ames. I don't know where it was. It was somewhere in Iowa. And I was a very young comedian and I was staying in a Five Seasons Hotel. I shouldn't say, like, it's. There's multiple. I think it was the only location. It was called Five Seasons, but I didn't know any better. And I called my manager, Colleen at the time and I said, hey, I'm at a Five Seasons. And she's like, what's that? I'm like, it's like the fanciest hotel there is. And she's like, do you mean Four Seasons? And I'm like, no, no, this one's better. It's. And I was. I literally didn't know. I thought it was. That was. That was. The nice hotel people talked about was the Five Seasons. Then Peoria, Illinois. Now there's a saying. Will it play in Peoria? And I guess what that means is this city is so pedestrian in vanilla that if you can do a joke here and these run of the mill folk will laugh, it'll work anywhere.

[Eddie (Co-host/Comedian)]

Good litmus test.

[Daniel Tosh]

I know that Caterpillar is headquartered there. Caterpillar. Do the right thing and get me a ride on Snowblower so I can help my neighbors out in Tahoe. You know, just plowing some sidewalks, etc. Then I'm off to STLM 0314, St. Louis, my old hometown. Maybe I'll pop into my old elementary school. Crestwood elementary School. Go see if Mr. Montgomery is still teaching fifth grade. I remember he used to take the desk. It was a desk that was attached to a chair and you could open up and he would walk up to you if you were misbehaving and pick up the whole desk with you in the chair and carry you out of his classroom and slam you into the hallway onto the floor.

[Eddie (Co-host/Comedian)]

It's like the Hulk.

[Daniel Tosh]

Yes. He can't still be doing that now. The way I painted that picture, it sounded like he was abusive. He. Which I'm sure if he did any of those antics today.

[Eddie (Co-host/Comedian)]

Right.

[Daniel Tosh]

That. That get you. That'd get you canned. But back in the. The mid-80s, early-80s, 1983, when Ozzy Smith was doing backflips and E.T. mcGee, who hated that nickname, was winning the World Series for the Cardinals. The Heat is On. That was the song for the 83 team. Whatever. I'm sure back then it was fine. But I remember going, whoa, this teacher is intense. But I also remember making out with Chris Mariani at recess until what's his name came back. I think it was Randy, by the way. If anybody there knows Ricky Bombhardt, have him come to my show. This was my true best friend from, like, fifth and sixth grade. And I just. I just. I loved this guy and I'd love to talk to him again. Then we're heading over to Evansville, Indiana, Lexington, Kentucky, then back to Bloomington, Indiana, because again, my agent, Stacy, has fucking never seen a map.

[Eddie (Co-host/Comedian)]

Then we're out for three nights in beautiful Ohio.

[Daniel Tosh]

We start in Cincinnati, which don't you think Cincinnati, we should just give Kentucky Cincinnati. Then Kentucky can have something besides Lexington and Louisville. They can have Cincinnati. Their airport's already in Kentucky. It's cleaner. There's too many C cities in Ohio already. Columbus, Cleveland, it's fine. We're not going to any of those cities, by the way. But then we go to Akron, home of the greatest basketball player of all time, Wardell. Stephen Curry. Ol Dell Curry's son. Not the other one that looks kind of funny looking who's married to Doc Rivers daughter. I'm talking about Wardell. You know, we also go to Toledo. Mm. You like Toledo?

[Eddie (Co-host/Comedian)]

I've been there once.

[Daniel Tosh]

You've only been to Toledo one time. Let me tell you're missing out. Toledo's a gem. It's like Tacoma in Washington, where it's like, why the fuck do you guys live here when there's other great cities nearby? That's how I feel about Toledo. But the other great cities are just slightly less shitty. Toledo's bad. Oh, it's bad. You know it's bad Toledo. And I'm not gonna sit here and act like it's a great city. I want you to come out and support me. Okay? But the city's bad. It's bad.

[Eddie (Co-host/Comedian)]

You pretend it's nice. They can't trust you.

[Daniel Tosh]

No. Right. I can't say the people could be fine, but I'm talking about just what actually the city itself. Bad. Thankfully, after Toledo, we get to go to a thriving metropolis in Grand Rapids, Michigan.

[Eddie (Co-host/Comedian)]

Grand Rapids?

[Daniel Tosh]

You ever go tubing in Grand Rapids?

[Eddie (Co-host/Comedian)]

I haven't gone tubing.

[Daniel Tosh]

Those are. Those are. Those are Cat 6 rapids. I don't even know if there are actual rapids in Grand Rapids. So we can all learn something. Then we're bopping over to the godless country, the Northeast, you know, heading off to Wellingford, Connecticut. I just know that Wellingford. Are they Yankee fans or are they. Are they Boston Red Sox fans? That's usually how I can tell where I'm at in a Connecticut town. And then we do go To Boston, where that's just die hard Mets fans.

[Eddie (Co-host/Comedian)]

Die hard.

[Daniel Tosh]

Oh, they love the Mets. Then after Boston, we're heading on down to Wilkes Barre, Pennsylvania, home of my longtime manager, Christy Smith of GLOW Management. She is formally one of the hardest working women in show business. Formerly, she used to hustle, let me tell you, just off the charts. And she got married a year or so ago, I'm going to be honest. Lost a little bit of the drive.

[Eddie (Co-host/Comedian)]

Yeah.

[Daniel Tosh]

And that's fine. But, yeah, you know, she's not in the clubs every night. She goes to bed earlier. When you call her on the phone, you have to ask her about, how's it going, what's going on in your world. Things have changed. For the better. For her better. Not for my career. No, absolutely not. I'm in a closet fucking doing a whole podcast about my tour. By the way, Christy, I have yet to buy her a wedding gift. Now you have one year after the wedding date to buy someone a wedding gift. That date has come and gone. I'm still on the hook, and I know what I'm gonna do. I just haven't done it yet. And Pete can attest when I buy a gift that's thoughtful, people like it. Okay. You using that chaise lounge, Pete? Oh, yeah, yeah. You're using it. Then we're going to Pittsburgh. I do like Pittsburgh. You know, they're always in the top 10 of best cities to raise a family. And I'll appreciate it for the 24 hours that I'm there.

[Eddie (Co-host/Comedian)]

I could see this working.

[Daniel Tosh]

I'm going to raise my. My. My family for the 24 hours that we're in Pittsburgh. I think they'll get a little more bang for their buck than they do the next day when we're in Hershey, because Hershey doesn't make those lists. We're going to head on down the Hershey highway, get to Hershey, Pennsylvania, where the fans can shower me with those gross Hershey kisses. I'll tell you what I like over Hershey kisses. If the fans and Hershey want to bring me some of those Justin's. You want to be a dark chocolate Justin's Peanut butter cups. That'd be nice in Hershey. I'd like that. How far is it we got? We gotta drive from Hershey over to. To Baltimore.

[Eddie (Co-host/Comedian)]

Baltimore.

[Daniel Tosh]

Baltimore does two things. Crab cakes and football. Nom, nom, nom, nom, nom. Was that Luke Wilson or Owen? That's Owen, right? Wedding crashers.

[Eddie (Co-host/Comedian)]

Yeah, Owen Wilson.

[Daniel Tosh]

Wedding was Owen, and that was Num num. Num, num. Wasn't that Wedding Crashers?

[Eddie (Co-host/Comedian)]

Yeah.

[Daniel Tosh]

Yeah. And that was Bradley Cooper, right? You don't even know what the impression is you're doing.

[Eddie (Co-host/Comedian)]

I know the impression.

[Daniel Tosh]

Okay, well, that was Bradley Cooper, right?

[Eddie (Co-host/Comedian)]

Yeah.

[Daniel Tosh]

Okay. And it was Owen Wilson. Luke Wilson. His brother has a new AT&T commercial. It's the most depressing shit I've ever fucking seen for 30 seconds. Luke just walking down a dirt road with binoculars like some fucking weirdo. Yeah, I'll interview Luke if he wants to. Just come on the podcast and just talk about being sad. After Baltimore, quick stone's throw to our nation's capital, the District of Columbia, and we're going to get to the bottom of everything that's going wrong in this country. Wow. We're going to talk politics on that stage. We're in D.C. for a couple nights. That'll be fun. And people, you know, they worry sometimes about my politics bleeding through to my comedy act. My comedy act is hysterical. Politics aside. But for the record, and I'm not afraid to discuss this on stage or here, I am a Republican, okay? I'm a huge Republican. And the two issues I care about are, I want LGBTQ rights, and I care very much about them. And I care about women's reproductive rights. I want abortion legal everywhere, safe, legal abortions at any time, for any reason. Very conservative. Well, listen, I know that doesn't always align with Republicans, but those are my two big issues. And as long as you, you know, both of those issues you line up with, then you'll get my vote. But don't get me started on these Democrats.

[Eddie (Co-host/Comedian)]

Let's move on.

[Daniel Tosh]

And then after dc, we're gonna have to wash off the disgust of our nation's capital and the dust and debris from what I'm guessing will be a youth hostel for up and coming models. But after. After we get out of there, we'll take a bath and we'll go to Atlantic City, where all is right. And then after Atlantic City, we're going to the Big Apple. New York. Not the city, the state. Can you call the state the Big Apple? I do. We're gonna go to our top four favorite cities in New York, which are in order. Port Chester, Kingston, Huntington, and Syracuse.

[Eddie (Co-host/Comedian)]

There you go.

[Daniel Tosh]

Syracuse dinosaur barbecue. Okay, clean out your shitter. Tosh is going for some big family platter.

[Eddie (Co-host/Comedian)]

That's a big ass pork plate over there.

[Daniel Tosh]

They got a pork plate so big that it tips over your car when you put it on the little tray on the side of the window.

[Eddie (Co-host/Comedian)]

Right over.

[Daniel Tosh]

I used to laugh hysterically every time I saw that on the Flintstones.

[Eddie (Co-host/Comedian)]

Every time. You know it's coming. Still laughing.

[Daniel Tosh]

That's too big of that. Slab of ribs is too big. Gonna go over, man. But after we finish up in New York, we leave the country. Okay. We're going to Canada. We're doing Windsor, Toronto, Ottawa, and Montreal. Montreal is the city where it all started for me six years after I started.

[Eddie (Co-host/Comedian)]

Oh, yeah. New faces.

[Daniel Tosh]

Yeah. You and I have history there.

[Eddie (Co-host/Comedian)]

Yeah.

[Daniel Tosh]

We used to hang out as young bucks. I went backstage for your gala performance, which was televised for the Just for Laughs festival. Now, Just for Laughs is a thing of the past, dead and gone. Right. This will be our own Just for Laughs. Yeah, maybe. Maybe we'll go and do, like, some.

[Eddie (Co-host/Comedian)]

Street hijinks, like, stupid noises, like, I wouldn't go to the festival either if I see this on tv.

[Daniel Tosh]

All right, so officially, we are not going to Halifax unless that changes. As you may or may not know, Nova Scotia is known for having the kindest people on the planet. And I did a show in 2015. I did a couple shows in 2015 in Halifax, and I did it at the Rebecca Cohen Auditorium at the Dalhousie University. Even back then, there was, like, a little bit of pushback for me to do the show because I had some controversy about some remarks that I allegedly made. Regardless, 2025, I'm like, oh, I'm going to do it. Let's do a show in Halifax. They said no. Wow. They won't let me perform there. I want the people of Nova Scotia to know I want to be there. I want to do a show. I respect the board that says yes or no to who performs at your venue, but your venue said no to me. I'm like, have you. Have you listened to what my comedy has become? This is what those alt right guys keep whining about. The woke police is coming for you. They got me in one market.

[Eddie (Co-host/Comedian)]

It's one that you want to go to, which makes it hurt.

[Daniel Tosh]

You want me to tell you a true story about Halifax show? When I performed there in 2015, there was a house I was looking to stay in. A house. Not a hotel, by the theater. I randomly found a house, and we found the owner of the house that was this beautiful modern contemporary home on, you know, some sound, some whatever it was on the water. And it was a gay couple, an older gay couple that lived there. And we're like, oh, our place isn't for rent. And they were like. But we were like, looking to rent. And they basically said, well, do you want to rent our house? I'm like, yes. And they said, okay, we'll just give us money for a hotel. They went and stayed at a hotel downtown for the few days that I was in Halifax, and I stayed in their lovely home.

[Eddie (Co-host/Comedian)]

That's amazing.

[Daniel Tosh]

You know, I had dogs and stuff like that. It was just. I couldn't wrap my head around why they said yes, but I was so thankful that they did. I have photos of it. I parked my bus out front. Yeah, I just can't imagine somebody saying, hey, you live here? Can I. Can I rent your house for a few days? And I didn't. They didn't gouge me. They could have gouged us. They didn't.

[Eddie (Co-host/Comedian)]

Like you said, the nicest people in the world.

[Daniel Tosh]

They are the nicest people in the world. But now I'm not allowed to go back, which I kind of think is funny. If somebody can override it. Listen, forgive and forget, I'll take the show. I'll do a show for you. So that's the end of my Canada leg. We'll be right back. Going online without ExpressVPN is like driving a car without a seatbelt. A VPN is something everybody needs so hackers can't gain control your computer when you connect to an unencrypted network. ExpressVPN is easy to use. Just fire up the app, click one button, and boom, you're protected. And it works on all your devices, phones, tablets, laptops, so you can stay secure on the go. I know what you're thinking, Daniel. It sounds easy to use, but is it good? Oh, it's rated number one by top tech reviewers like CNET and the Verge. So, yeah, I'd say it's good. I use it so hackers can't track where I'm looking to purchase real estate, then inflate the price. Secure your online data today by visiting expressvpn.com tosh that's EX P R-E-S-S V P N.com tosh tosh. To find out how you can get up to 4 extra months. Expressvpn.com Tosh fellas, want to look sharp when you meet the family this holiday? Well, you got to check out our friends over at Chubby's. From family dinners to holiday parties, Chubby's has you covered so you can focus on being yourself and letting the good vibes roll. Their stuff is so comfy, it should come with a warning label as the temps drop and the weather gets grim. Their flannels pullovers and quarter zips keep you warm, stylish, and ready for anything from freezing your tail off at the football game to crushing donuts at the pumpkin patch to holding court around the bonfire. What did Carrie pick out for me from Chubby's? I don't know how to shop for myself. She got me some shorts and some flamingo swim trunks. I love flamingos. For a limited time, Chubby's is giving our listeners 20% off your purchase at Chubby's with the promo code Tosh at checkout. But if it's Black Friday, skip the code and take advantage of an even bigger markdown during their exclusive Black Friday sale. Just head to Chubby Shorts.com make sure to support our show and tell them we sent you.

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[Daniel Tosh]

Up to.

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[Daniel Tosh]

Then I jump back down to where my roots are from. Cracker barrel country. Okay, the dirty. We're starting off in Pensacola, Florida. Wow, the Panhandle. You know what I do when I'm in the Panhandle?

[Eddie (Co-host/Comedian)]

What do you do there?

[Daniel Tosh]

Skim board. Yeah, you don't skim board on the golf.

[Eddie (Co-host/Comedian)]

I feel like there's no way my body would work like that.

[Daniel Tosh]

Oh, you're going to skimboard with me. Oh, there's also a boat somewhere around the Panhandle. I got to find it that will ride really close to shore and make this perfect wave that you can surf for like an infinite amount of time. Yeah, I might want to do that too. Then we're leaving the Panhandle, getting into Alabama, going to hit Montgomery and Birmingham. Roll tide, war eagle, See that? There's going to be war there for sure. I wish we were doing a show in Huntsville. Huntsville. You know, you poo poo on Alabama. Huntsville, Alabama might be one of the greatest cities in the South. Just the people are delightful. After Alabama, get over to Georgia, doing Athens. What else?

[Eddie (Co-host/Comedian)]

Macon.

[Daniel Tosh]

Macon, Macon. Oh, man, I haven't been to Macon since the comedy house theater days. It was bad I was getting 250 bucks for like 20 shows.

[Eddie (Co-host/Comedian)]

That sounds like a comedy zone.

[Daniel Tosh]

No, that was comedy House theater. Macon is home to the world famous Nothing. Huh? Gotcha. You thought there was gonna be something there. Evans, I actually like. Yeah, I don't know if I've ever actually spent time in Evans, but it's. I've spent time in Augusta. And I know Pete, big golf fan, is dying to get one of those egg salad sandwiches from Augusta.

[Eddie (Co-host/Comedian)]

You bringing your sticks?

[Daniel Tosh]

Yeah. Yeah. I'm gonna let the big dog eat. You think they'll let me Happy Gilmore the shit out of it on the first tee?

[Eddie (Co-host/Comedian)]

Why not? Well, I mean, you do it, and if they don't, it's already done.

[Daniel Tosh]

This tour isn't over. We go to Wilmington, then Fayetteville, North Carolina, then off to Spartanburg, South Carolina, then back to Asheville, North Carolina, because I can only guess, Stacy, my agent, is putting me on a reality prank show. Just like. Okay, we took a top Hollywood agent and she's going to book all of her clients in the most random places in no particular order. Let's see which client fires her first. The whole point of this tour, though, is to end in Dollywood. Get me to Pigeon Forge, I say, for that sweet cinnamon toast. Did you know that Pigeon Forge is famous for cinnamon toast?

[Eddie (Co-host/Comedian)]

No idea.

[Daniel Tosh]

There's a few spots there where you can pick up some pretty great cinnamon toast.

[Eddie (Co-host/Comedian)]

Sounds great.

[Daniel Tosh]

That's a lot of places. Hopefully we add a few more. But I need you guys to do your job now. What's your job? Come see me, but don't just come to the show. Okay? Tell me first what restaurants to eat at. I don't like chains. Tell me a good bakery in town, a great pizza spot, and also join me there. Look for me around lunchtime at one of the best restaurant options. Okay? Come and eat with me. I'll pay for your meal. Not all of you, but some of you. Especially if you show me that you bought a ticket. You bought a ticket to my show. Maybe I'll pick up your lunch. If we're at a dessert place, get your own dessert. I'm not picking up your dessert. Here's another thing I want. In every city that we perform, I would like the mayor to come out, meet us Eddie, okay? And give you the key to the city. I want Eddie to walk around with just a like carrot top size keychain with just all these small market city keys on it.

[Eddie (Co-host/Comedian)]

Amazing.

[Daniel Tosh]

That'd be great. That's the least you can do, Freddie.

[Eddie (Co-host/Comedian)]

I'm locking up Toledo.

[Daniel Tosh]

All right. Hope to see you guys in your neck of the woods. Paw show. All right, Carl, we're doing it. My first farewell tour. You're coming. What city are you most looking forward to performing in? And are you working on new material? Good to know. All right. My first farewell tour is on sale. If it asks for a code, just type in tosh. That's usually always what the code is. By the way, you can buy tickets to the show and not show up.

[Eddie (Co-host/Comedian)]

Yeah, you're right.

[Daniel Tosh]

Because those tickets, if you don't use them, you can use them at any other comedy show. Good for any other comedy show up to six years.

[Eddie (Co-host/Comedian)]

Really? Anybody else comes in?

[Daniel Tosh]

I don't know. I don't know. I've never looked into that. I'm just so glad we're doing this tour. Now that America is fixed and everyone has got tons of extra money laying around.

[Eddie (Co-host/Comedian)]

Yeah, it's a good time to hit.

[Daniel Tosh]

I don't want to be completely selfish. This episode has been all about our tour. Let's. Let's change gears for a moment. We need to find love for my wife's cousin Amanda, AKA Panda, a new family member for me. Hopefully, if they fall in love, get married, and have plenty of children. You got some new voicemails, Eddie. Yep.

[Caller/Listener]

Hey, Daniel, Moderate fan of the show here. My name's also Daniel, actually, but I assume you're a guy that doesn't want another Daniel in the family, so I would be willing to legally change my name if that's needed. I was thinking maybe something Hispanic. 61 1, 75, early 20s, late 30s. Technically married, but that's a non issue. I do have three kids already, so it seems that my seed is quite potent. I'm a big fan of brickleberry, so I guess that makes me outdoorsy. So, yeah, I would love to date your mom.

[Daniel Tosh]

Oh, this guy likes brickleberries. So I'm torn. I don't know, Carl. What do you think? Should we let him have a run at my mom?

[Eddie (Co-host/Comedian)]

Let's play another one.

[Daniel Tosh]

Okay, let's hear what else you got.

[Caller/Listener]

Hey, big bro. Call me back. I'm excited to Amanda and watch sports with you. Bud.

[Daniel Tosh]

Bud. I like him. I like that guy. I like that he. That he censored himself by hitting a button on his phone to bleep out what he was going to do to Panda.

[Eddie (Co-host/Comedian)]

Yeah.

[Daniel Tosh]

Oh, man, that guy's pretty good.

[Eddie (Co-host/Comedian)]

And you're going to watch sports together?

[Daniel Tosh]

Yeah, we're going to watch sports together.

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