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Ryan Seacrest
This is an iHeart podcast.
Hey, it's Ryan Seacrest for Albertsons and Safeway this spring. Stock up on all your personal care favorites and earn four times points. Now through June 17, shop in store online for deals on all your favorite personal care items like Pantene Shampoo, Native Body Spray, Deodorant, Secret Body Spray, Venus Razors, Always Pads, Head and Shoulder Shampoo and Native deodorant and earn 4 times points. Then use those points for discounts on groceries or fuel. You don't want to miss these deals. On offer ends June 17. Promotions may vary. Restrictions apply. Visit albertsons or safeway.com for more details.
Daniel Tosh
Original Penguin is an iconic American clothing and lifestyle brand known for blending vintage flair with modern fun with a rich heritage dating back to 1955. From its start as a groundbreaking golf apparel company to a lifestyle brand that celebrates self expression. Today they make fun clothes for fun days, from their iconic polos to versatile suits and fragrances. To get your hands on Original Penguin's pieces, to start embodying the original Good Time lifestyle, go to originalpenguin.com and use code TOSH for 20% off your order. Is your team still running on yesterday's tech? Oh man, time for an upgrade. The ThinkPad X1 carbon is ultralight, ultra powerful and powered by an Intel Core Ultra processor so you can work, create and boost productivity all on one device. Need security? Lenovo's Think Shield helps protect your business from modern threats. Need smarter performance built in AI features keep things running fast and efficiently. And if you're looking for perks, Lenovo Pro gives you exclusive business benefits, extra savings and access to essential tools. Stop hitting snooze on new tech Win the tech search for business PCs@lenovo.com.
Eddie
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Daniel Tosh
Posh show for show. Hey guys, it's Daniel Tosh with an emergency pod. Eddie, hit the sirens.
Ryan Seacrest
You know what?
Daniel Tosh
I don't know if if if it's an emergency or if this is just a celebration because it's our birthday now what are the odds that Carl and I share the same birthday? One in 365.
Carl
Yep.
Daniel Tosh
Well, we don't share the same birthday. His was yesterday. His is the 28th. Mine's the 29th. Happy birthday, buddy. Carl is four and I am 50.
Carl
What?
Daniel Tosh
All I want for my birthday is a big booty ho. How many times have I said that? And every year, what do I get my wife? I want a big booty ho. That's all I want. Oh, it's my. Now, you guys didn't get me anything because you're normal adults, but let's just go around the room. You can say happy birthday to me and tell me what you would have gotten me, and I will react the way I would have reacted. Okay, Eddie, what were you gonna get me?
Carl
I would have gotten you a suit of armor with a shield and a sword.
Daniel Tosh
Fucking hate it. Oh, I hate it. And you would, you would get me a suit of armor?
Carl
Still might.
Daniel Tosh
Well, I don't want it. Thank you very much. It's the thought that counts. Good job, John. What were you gonna get me?
Carl
Let's see.
Daniel Tosh
I probably would have given you cookies.
Carl
Or something from Aesop.
Daniel Tosh
That would have been nice. I don't want anything from Aesop. Fine. Cookies would have been nice. A lot of people do that, but they give me too many. I would have just like one or two cookies. I'd have probably gotten you a dozen. That would have just gotten me sick.
Carl
Assuming you would have shared them.
Daniel Tosh
I would share them, but I'd still eat too many of them in a short amount of time. Of course. Of course. I'm glad you didn't get them. I don't want. It's. Sure, it's on me. It wouldn't have happened if it wasn't for your gift, right? Well, I didn't get a gift, so. All right, Dylan, you know, I think.
Carl
I would have gotten you nothing just because I figured that's probably what you want.
Daniel Tosh
Dylan gets it. Dylan gets it. Happy birthday to me from Dylan. Every year, a handful of people in my circle try to buy me a gift that they think, oh, he's going to love this. And it always fails. But this year, my manager, Christy Smith, she bought me the most. She was so excited about it. She was just had a shitting and grin for weeks before. She's like, I just know you're going to love it. And then she kept. She kept calling me, are you home? I want to drop it off. I'm like, fucking yes. I can't wait for this. Okay, what does she get me? Are you ready for this, guys? She gets me a personal submarine.
Carl
Hey, that's amazing.
Daniel Tosh
It's a seabob.
Carl
Uh huh.
Daniel Tosh
So it's handheld, but it's like the size of this table and it can go 40 meters deep. It can drag you and fucking four of your family members to the depths of where all of your ears blow out and you die. You can surface like a dolphin with it. I don't. It's just the most ridiculous gift anybody could buy me. But I love it. I haven't used it. I don't think I'll re gift it. But anyway, that's what she got me.
Carl
You're going to spend all of July in Lake Tahoe.
Daniel Tosh
I'm going to spend all of July under Lake Tahoe looking for all the Chinese people that were thrown in there after building the railroads. So let's see if she answers her phone, I'll call her and say thank you to her. She'll let her say happy birthday to me. That's my manager.
Ryan Seacrest
Hello.
Daniel Tosh
Hey. Just was giving you a chance on air to say happy birthday to me.
Ryan Seacrest
Daniel. Happy birthday.
Daniel Tosh
How pleased were you with your gift that you gave me?
Ryan Seacrest
I'm not gonna lie, it's the most excited I've been to give a gift in a very, very long time. But I. We still couldn't tell if you liked it or if you were gonna give it to Eddie.
Daniel Tosh
No, I'm not giving that to Eddie. Will fucking die on that thing in a minute.
Ryan Seacrest
Did you like it?
Daniel Tosh
It was a good gift. I mean, it's the most ridiculous gift I've ever gotten, that's for sure.
Ryan Seacrest
Thank you. I was excited.
Daniel Tosh
Okay. All right, good work. I'll see you later.
Ryan Seacrest
Happy birthday. Love you.
Daniel Tosh
Thank you.
Ryan Seacrest
Bye. Hello?
Daniel Tosh
Hey. I'm doing my birthday pod. Just letting people wish me a happy birthday right now.
Ryan Seacrest
Happy birthday. You're officially not a spring chicken anymore.
Daniel Tosh
I'm old as. Hey, are you, are you gonna get. Are you gonna get me something nice?
Ryan Seacrest
Of course.
Daniel Tosh
Well, you know, Christy didn't include you on her gift. That's rude.
Ryan Seacrest
She already sent it to you.
Daniel Tosh
The submarine? Yeah, I already got a submarine.
Ryan Seacrest
Oh my gosh.
Daniel Tosh
You're on your own.
Ryan Seacrest
I'm getting you a helicopter with your own pilot.
Daniel Tosh
Uh huh.
Ryan Seacrest
The helicopter's in the mail.
Daniel Tosh
Thank you. Bye. Okay. Stacy says she's getting me a helicopter. Daniel. Taj. Hey, Greg Hahn. I just giving you a call. It's my birthday episode on the podcast. I turned 50 years old. I'm just Giving people a chance to say happy birthday to me. Hey, happy birthday, Daniel. Happy birthday. How many pull ups can you do? How many pull ups? Oh, right now, probably three. Is that bad? That's good. That's good. That's above average. Are we live on the podcast? What's going on? Yeah, yeah, we're live. Do you have any. Hey. What? Just give me some words of wisdom. Well, what do you do? You wake up, you go for a walk, don't you? Yeah, that's it. That's all you got to do. That's the key to health. You wake up, you walk around your neighborhood. Don't do 10,000 steps.
Scott
That's too many.
Daniel Tosh
Well, okay. Well, around the neighborhood then. Have a seat, cup of coffee, look straight ahead. You're good. All right, talk to you later. Okay. All right, bye. Hey, dad.
Ryan Seacrest
Hi.
Daniel Tosh
Hey, I'm calling you. It's my birthday podcast. I'm letting people wish me a happy birthday.
Scott
Oh, for sure. Happy birthday.
Daniel Tosh
Did you get the lovely card we sent you? No, I didn't get your card.
Scott
Oh, it's in the mail.
Daniel Tosh
Oh, nice.
Scott
We sent it last week, man.
Daniel Tosh
Oh, good for you guys. But we don't check our mail very often because not a lot of people mail us things.
Scott
Yes, it should be there today.
Daniel Tosh
Do you have any. Are you officially 50 years old? Yeah. Do you. Do you have any words of Wisdom for my 50s?
Scott
Oh, words of wisdom for your 50s. The best half of your life is behind you.
Daniel Tosh
Oh, that seems horribly depressing.
Scott
That's a horrible. Okay. Yeah, no, 50s are the new 30s.
Daniel Tosh
That's awful, too. That's worse. I like the first one.
Scott
Okay.
Daniel Tosh
All right, I'll see you soon.
Scott
All right, man.
Daniel Tosh
Okay, bye.
Scott
Happy birthday.
Daniel Tosh
Thank you. Let me call my brother.
Dylan
I'm on the podcast right now.
Scott
Wow.
Daniel Tosh
Yeah, you are.
Dylan
Okay.
Eddie
Happy birthday.
Dylan
It's all the pressure.
Daniel Tosh
Well, it's not a lot of pressure. You just say, happy birthday, by the way. Would have you known as my birthday? Honestly? Yes or no? You have to.
Dylan
Only because. Yeah, James's birthday, too.
Daniel Tosh
His son has the same birthday as me. Yeah, so? So he never, never gets me anything, though. Were you gonna get me something?
Dylan
No, but it is funny when you, like, invite me, like, do something for your birthday, and I'm like, I probably should spend it with my sons. All right. Happy birthday to you.
Daniel Tosh
Thank you, boy. Yeah, I always forget that his son's birthday is my same day. And then he's always like, bro, I'm not going to your dinner. I'm like, all right. Geez. You want me call? Yeah, let's see if he answers his.
Carl
Phone, he's gonna sing to you.
Scott
Your call has been forwarded to voicemail.
Carl
The person you're trying to reach is not available.
Daniel Tosh
Scott. A jerk move, Scott. Jerk move. Hello?
Dylan
Yeah, I wanted to remind you that last year I did give you all that Rivian stuff, and then it ended up on the show being given away to that rock climbing dude.
Daniel Tosh
Yeah. But let me say this about the gifts that you gave me last year from the Rivian stuff. The. The stickers over the warnings are in my car, and I love that. And the charger, I used the double charger thing, so I. I kept the ones that I wanted.
Dylan
Well, I've just been. Multiple times. The things I've given you have ended up on your show as. As a gift at the end.
Scott
Right.
Daniel Tosh
All right, bye.
Dylan
Thanks.
Daniel Tosh
When he called back, my brother called back to be like, I got you something. Let's call Pete's wife.
Ryan Seacrest
Hello.
Daniel Tosh
Hey, you're on my birthday podcast. I'm just letting people say happy birthday to me.
Ryan Seacrest
Oh, wow. Happy birthday.
Daniel Tosh
Did you want to. Did you want to sing or anything? Hey, I got. Well, no. To stop singing. Stop singing, Stop singing. I got. I got Carrot Top on the airline. Bye.
Ryan Seacrest
Oh.
Daniel Tosh
Scott.
Scott
Hey, bubby.
Daniel Tosh
Hey. You're on my birthday podcast. I'm letting people wish me a happy birthday because I'm 50 years old.
Scott
Oh, you're 50? God damn, you're young. 50. I'm 60. Yeah.
Daniel Tosh
Yeah, but you look.
Scott
I'm already net. I look great, right?
Daniel Tosh
You look amazing.
Scott
Well, happy birthday, bud.
Daniel Tosh
Yeah.
Scott
Are you on your podcast now?
Daniel Tosh
Yeah, I'm on it right now.
Scott
Oh, well, I want to be on that thing. I've been asking you forever.
Daniel Tosh
Done. You're on.
Scott
I mean, we can rub lotion on me.
Daniel Tosh
I'm not doing any of that. Thanks for. Thanks for wishing me a happy birthday, Scott. I'll see you soon.
Scott
Yes, sir. You got it, buddy.
Daniel Tosh
Love you. Bye. I haven't called my mother yet. Yeah, call Margo. Let's just. Let's just call her real fast. She never answers anymore. She's got her phone on silent.
Ryan Seacrest
Happy birthday. But maybe I wasn't gonna call you. Maybe I was just going to send you a text and say happy birthday.
Daniel Tosh
You just sent a text. How about a gift? Were you planning on sending any gifts?
Ryan Seacrest
No. Even though you're 50?
Daniel Tosh
Is that. Is that amazing that you have a 50 year old son?
Ryan Seacrest
Well, I have an older daughter.
Daniel Tosh
Right. But that's less. That's Less impressive Biblically, Nobody cares about the daughters.
Ryan Seacrest
Okay. Okay. Well, that's good. Well, happy birthday.
Daniel Tosh
Thank you for giving me life. And. And I stayed alive for 50 years, so it's like I did my part. You did your part.
Ryan Seacrest
Yeah. Yep. Right, right. You're a good son. Okay.
Daniel Tosh
Okay.
Ryan Seacrest
Happy 50th birthday, old man.
Daniel Tosh
Thank you. Love you.
Ryan Seacrest
Okay, love you.
Daniel Tosh
Bye. Bye.
Scott
I'd rather get you something, make you uncomfortable.
Daniel Tosh
How are you, Ian?
Scott
I'm good, man.
Daniel Tosh
Am I on your podcast? Eddie and I are just talking to you right now.
Scott
What up, Eddie?
Carl
What's up?
Daniel Tosh
I gotta call edit, but.
Scott
All right.
Daniel Tosh
Happy birthday.
Scott
But I'm still sending you some shit now that I know it's your birthday.
Daniel Tosh
Thank you, Ian.
Ryan Seacrest
Oh, but I already got you something.
Daniel Tosh
I know, but I. But. But you gave it to me, like, weeks ago, so it doesn't really count.
Ryan Seacrest
Well, guess what? There's something else here that you don't know about. So take that.
Daniel Tosh
All right.
Ryan Seacrest
Okay. Happy birthday.
Daniel Tosh
You love me?
Ryan Seacrest
I love you. Didn't you see my nails?
Daniel Tosh
She painted her nails and put D.T. my initials on one of her nails. Like she's like a seventh grader.
Ryan Seacrest
Yeah, like a slutty little high school girl. Then the other one has a heart.
Daniel Tosh
Well, that's very sweet. All right, that's love right there. I'll talk to you later.
Ryan Seacrest
Okay, bye.
Scott
Oh, my God. You know, you're older than you thought. What old was.
Daniel Tosh
Yeah, yeah, it's very true.
Scott
Oh, my God. Well, you know what? I'm going to be trailing you. I got two years to go before I hit the big five. Zero.
Daniel Tosh
Are you serious?
Scott
Yes. I know, it's crazy, isn't it?
Daniel Tosh
Oh, you've. You've always been just that up and coming comic. To think that you're 48 now is crazy.
Scott
You know, when I really started lying about my age? I'm not even kidding. When I turned 20, because I thought, oh, I'm not young anymore because I started comedy. I'm 16, 17, 18. People always tell everybody, this kid's only 18. Then when I turn 20, I'm like, well, I better start saying them. I better start lying about my age.
Daniel Tosh
What else? What are you working? What are you doing?
Scott
I'm going to New York in November for the first two weeks. In November.
Daniel Tosh
Okay.
Scott
And I'm doing the show, like, with the big band and everything, for. For literally 13 days straight.
Daniel Tosh
What's the venue?
Scott
It's Second City in Brooklyn.
Daniel Tosh
All right, Second City in Brooklyn, first two weeks of November. There's your plug Todd. Oh, Happy birthday to you. I.
Scott
Happy birthday, Daniel. I love you.
Daniel Tosh
I'll see you soon, guys. I'm exhausted.
Carl
What a party.
Daniel Tosh
So what. What up? What a party. Thanks, Eddie, for being here for throwing this surprise party for me.
Carl
You got it, buddy.
Daniel Tosh
You got me a balloon.
Carl
Happy birthday.
Daniel Tosh
Carl didn't even stick out. Stick around for the whole party. But that's like, Carl, Carl. He's not gonna. He's not the guy that, like, hangs out till the end, right?
Carl
He's out.
Daniel Tosh
He pops in. He pops out. Well, if. If my next 50 years are anything like my first 50 years, I'll be okay with it. Well, no. What a great birthday. I can't wait to do it again next year. See you next week.
Ryan Seacrest
Hey, it's Ryan Seacrest for Albertsons and Safeway this spring, stock up on all your personal care favorites and earn 4 times points. Now through June 17th. Shop in store or online for deals on all your favorite personal care items like Pantene shampoo, native body spray, deodorant, Secret body spray, Venus razors, Always pads, head and shoulder shampoo and native deodorant and earn 4 times points. Then use those points for discounts on groceries or fuel. You don't want to miss these deals. Offer ends June 17th. Promotions may vary. Restrictions apply. Visit albertsons or safeway.com for more details.
Ian
Spring is here and you can now get almost anything you need for your sunny days delivered with Uber Eats. What do we mean by almost? Well, you can't get a well groomed lawn delivered, but you can get a chicken parmesan delivered. A cabana, that's a no. But a banana, that's a yes.
Daniel Tosh
A nice tan? Sorry, nope.
Ian
But a box fan? Happily, yes. A day of sunshine?
Daniel Tosh
No.
Ian
A box of fine wines?
Daniel Tosh
Yes.
Ian
Uber Eats can definitely get you that. Get almost almost anything delivered with Uber Eats. Order now. Alcohol in select markets. Product availability may vary by Regency app. For details. When it comes to your health and well being, the right care can change everything. That's why Cleveland Clinic has been elevating world class patient care for over a century. From the latest in heart neurology and cancer care to advanced diagnostics and beyond, Cleveland Clinic is here for every care in the world. Explore a wide variety of health and wellness info by visiting clevelandclinic.org today.
Daniel Tosh
Original Penguin is an iconic American clothing and lifestyle brand known for blending vintage flair with modern fun with a rich heritage dating back to 1955. From its start as a groundbreaking golf apparel company to a lifestyle brand that celebrates self expression. Today they make fun clothes for fun days, from their iconic polos to versatile suits and fragrances. To get your hands on original Penguin's pieces, to start embodying the original Good Time lifestyle, go to originalpenguin.com and use code TOSH for 20% off your order.
Ryan Seacrest
This is an I Heart podcast.
Tosh Show Episode Summary: "My 50th Birthday - Emergency Pod"
Episode Information:
The episode kicks off with Daniel Tosh introducing the special nature of the podcast, signaling to listeners that it's an "emergency pod" dedicated to celebrating his 50th birthday.
[02:35] Daniel Tosh: "I don't know if it's an emergency or if this is just a celebration because it's our birthday now."
Daniel shares an interesting coincidence with his friend Carl, noting that their birthdays are consecutive days apart—Carl turning four and Daniel celebrating his 50th.
[02:47] Daniel Tosh: "His was yesterday. His is the 28th. Mine's the 29th. Happy birthday, buddy. Carl is four and I am 50."
Daniel humorously discusses his ideal birthday gift and the often mismatched gifts he receives from friends and family.
[03:01] Daniel Tosh: "All I want for my birthday is a big booty ho. How many times have I said that?"
He further engages with guests about potential gifts, showcasing his comedic reactions to their thoughtful yet amusing presents.
[03:26] Carl: "I would have gotten you a suit of armor with a shield and a sword." [03:30] Daniel Tosh: "Fucking hate it. Oh, I hate it."
A highlight of the episode is when Daniel reveals the extravagant gift from his manager, Christy Smith—a personal submarine.
[05:02] Daniel Tosh: "She gets me a personal submarine. It's a seabob... it can go 40 meters deep."
[05:05] Carl: "Uh huh." [05:07] Daniel Tosh: "It can drag you and fucking four of your family members to the depths of where all of your ears blow out and you die."
Despite his sarcastic description, Daniel expresses genuine appreciation for the unique gift.
[05:12] Daniel Tosh: "It's just the most ridiculous gift anybody could buy me. But I love it. I haven't used it. I don't think I'll re-gift it."
Daniel opens the lines to friends, family, and colleagues, allowing them to send their birthday wishes. Each interaction is laced with humor and personal anecdotes.
Ryan Seacrest joins to wish Daniel a happy birthday, leading to playful exchanges about lavish gifts.
[06:05] Daniel Tosh: "How pleased were you with your gift that you gave me?"
[06:17] Ryan Seacrest: "I'm not gonna lie, it's the most excited I've been to give a gift in a very, very long time."
Greg Hahn and Dylan also participate, sharing their unique greetings and recounting past gift exchanges.
[09:37] Dylan: "No, but it is funny when you invite me to do something for your birthday, and I'm like, I probably should spend it with my sons."
As the episode progresses, Daniel reflects on reaching the age of 50 with a mix of humor and introspection.
[08:50] Scott: "The best half of your life is behind you."
[08:55] Daniel Tosh: "Oh, that seems horribly depressing."
[09:02] Scott: "50s are the new 30s."
[09:05] Daniel Tosh: "That's awful, too. That's worse. I like the first one."
These exchanges highlight Daniel's comedic take on aging, blending self-deprecation with witty observations.
The conversation continues with more guests joining in to wish Daniel a happy birthday, including his brother Scott and family members. Each interaction is filled with playful teasing and genuine affection.
[12:55] Ryan Seacrest: "Happy 50th birthday, old man."
[13:08] Daniel Tosh: "How are you, Ian?"
[13:25] Ryan Seacrest: "Well, guess what? There's something else here that you don't know about. So take that."
Daniel navigates these interactions with his signature humor, keeping the atmosphere light and festive.
As the episode draws to a close, Daniel wraps up the birthday celebration with final remarks, expressing gratitude to his guests despite the humorous critiques.
[15:36] Daniel Tosh: "What up? What a party. Thanks, Eddie, for being here for throwing this surprise party for me."
[15:46] Daniel Tosh: "If my next 50 years are anything like my first 50 years, I'll be okay with it."
With a final chuckle, Daniel signs off, closing the episode on a high note filled with laughter and camaraderie.
Daniel Tosh on Ideal Gift:
"[03:01] All I want for my birthday is a big booty ho. How many times have I said that?"
Reaction to Submarine Gift:
"[05:07] It can drag you and fucking four of your family members to the depths of where all of your ears blow out and you die."
Reflection on Aging:
"[08:55] Oh, that seems horribly depressing."
"[09:05] That's awful, too. That's worse. I like the first one."
Final Thoughts on the Celebration:
"[15:36] What up? What a party. Thanks, Eddie, for being here for throwing this surprise party for me."
"[15:46] If my next 50 years are anything like my first 50 years, I'll be okay with it."
Conclusion: In "My 50th Birthday - Emergency Pod," Daniel Tosh offers listeners an entertaining glimpse into his milestone celebration. Through a series of humorous interactions, heartfelt wishes, and playful reflections on aging, the episode encapsulates the essence of Daniel's comedic persona while marking a significant personal milestone. Whether you're a longtime fan or new to the Tosh Show, this birthday special provides both laughter and a touch of warmth as Daniel embraces his 50th year.