My Baby Shower Giveaway - Bri

Summary

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Tosh Show Episode Summary

Podcast: Tosh Show

Host: Daniel Tosh
Episode: My Baby Shower Giveaway - Bri
Date: March 31, 2026

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Episode Overview

In this episode of the Tosh Show, Daniel Tosh welcomes Bri, a self-described huge fan and soon-to-be mom, onto the show for a one-of-a-kind "baby shower giveaway." The episode is part garage sale, part comedy roast, as Tosh unloads a mountain of his used baby gear onto Bri and delves into her life, beliefs, and pregnancy journey with his trademark irreverence. Topics range from customer service rants and ghost stories to ultra-candid conversations about pregnancy and parenting. The episode is both a humorous exploration of modern parenting and a display of Tosh’s playful, no-holds-barred interviewing style.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

Daniel’s Customer Service Rant: The Tale of the Broken Power Wheels Jeep

(06:08 – 14:06)

• Tosh shares an extended anecdote about his disastrous attempt to buy his daughter a $500 pink ride-on Jeep, which arrived damaged and missing a rear axle.
  • The saga included endless back-and-forth emails with Garvee, the company responsible, who repeatedly delayed sending the required part for months.
  • Tosh expresses disbelief at the incompetence and jokes about having an “office space moment” destroying the defective toy when it’s finally assembled:

    “When I get this axle, I'm gonna build it... then we're going to have a moment where I give my daughter... we're gonna go out into a field with aluminum bats, and we're gonna have our office space moment.” (11:14)

  • He reflects on the universality of terrible customer service and fantasizes about executive orders banning overseas customer support.
  • The saga is capped with the discovery of a snake in the unassembled Jeep’s parts bin, which Tosh “relocates” to a neighbor’s yard he dislikes.

Bri’s Introduction and Start of the “Baby Shower Giveaway”

(17:48+)

• Bri, pregnant and glowing, meets Tosh and receives an outpouring of (sometimes questionably pristine) baby gear which Tosh is eager to offload so he can park his car back in the garage.
  • Tosh jokes:

    “She’s a huge fan and also a huge freeloader, but she’s doing me a huge solid by taking this mountain of baby gear I’ve been storing...” (17:40)

Ghost Stories and Beliefs

(17:53 – 19:44)

• Tosh dives in immediately, asking, “Do you believe in ghosts?”

  Bri: “Absolutely. Seen them? I’ve heard them.” (17:53)

• Bri relays ghost sightings at Cal State Channel Islands (formerly a psychiatric hospital) and a story where she and her now-husband saw a roommate’s “ghost” when the person was actually away.
• Tosh humorously questions her sanity:

  “I’m worried about this child.” (19:04)

• Tosh asks if Bri will entertain her child’s ghost stories. She says she's always found them to be friendly.

Bri’s Relationship and Career

(19:45 – 23:47)

• Bri and her husband met at college and have been together 10 years (married for almost two), both with practical survival skills: he’s a park ranger, she’s a nurse.
  • Tosh deadpans:

    “You two will be able to survive off grid when the next civil war begins.” (22:11)

• Nursing Insights:
  • Bri specializes in orthopedics and values seeing patients improve and go home, as opposed to more traumatic hospital departments.
  • Pregnancy complicates her work—being on her feet and dealing with medical realities:

    "Horrible. It shouldn’t be allowed." (23:47)

Pregnancy Talk: Gender Reveal & Parenting Choices

(24:07 – 30:41)

• Tosh receives a sealed envelope with the baby’s gender and toys with its reveal, reserving it for Patreon.
  • He marvels at Bri and her husband’s decision to be surprised:

    “This is the dumbest thing I’ve ever heard. I thought the ghost stuff was the dumbest thing. And then you hit me with this.” (25:10)

  • Bri says surprises are rare in life and she wants to keep this one.
• Discussion about family, expectations, and whether other people knowing the baby’s gender feels odd to Bri.
• Tosh shares how his wife was disappointed at first upon learning the gender in advance, preferring time to process before the baby arrives.
• Other pregnancy topics: Nausea, being in the horny phase, due date (July 23), birth planning (definitely hospital birth), and the “nurse’s curse” (hospital staff being prone to complicated deliveries).

Comedy and Hot Takes on Parenting Trends

(31:25 – 33:30)

• Circumcision?
  • Tosh launches into a bit about circumcision and his own status, advocating not to circumcise:

    “Don’t... I’m circumcised, in case you were wondering. That’s not good. But my son is not, you know, we don’t do it.” (29:44)

• Breastfeeding:
  • Candid (and graphic) stories about breastfeeding struggles:

    “...my poor wife... was getting clogged ducts... she’s putting her engorged nipple in my mouth and making me suck violently...” (30:52)

• Baby proofing:
  • Tosh admits to “modifying” baby gear for aesthetics, skipping anchoring furniture or using safety straps:

    "I cut straps off of things because I didn't think they looked as good.” (32:37)

The White Trash Oprah: The Baby Gear Extravaganza

(33:30 – 45:12+)

• A rapid-fire, irreverent parade of baby items being gifted to Bri, all punctuated by Tosh’s jokes and product gripes:
  • Items included a crib (“oof, whatever oof is...”), glider, high chair (“problem with good stuff like this... you will kick this base...”), stroller (“you’re gonna need to figure out the bassinet attachment...”), Prada diaper bag (“But it needs to be cleaned”), clothes from Tosh’s boys-wear-pink line (“There’s a thousand”), a white rug (“Is it $10,000? Maybe?”), books (including “anti-racist baby”), a drum set, and a traveling diaper changing seat.
  • Tosh’s commentary ranges from earnest advice to deadpan skepticism and mockery of modern parenting products:

    “If you ever gonna splurge, Cotier diapers and their wipes are a game changer because their wipes are just so durable... now, don’t flush them, you’ll [expletive] your plumbing up.” (43:26)

  • He jests about the stuff possibly being modified, not always cleaned, or safety-compliant, laying out tongue-in-cheek disclaimers about "your body, your choice" if Bri changes her mind about the pregnancy.

Cultural Jokes & Personal Observations

(47:56 – 50:48)

• Mexican family traditions, nicknames for white babies, and more:
  • Tosh brings up the term "pelos de elote" (corn silk) for baby hair:

    “Is that what it is when you’re shucking a corn?”—“Yeah, pelos de elote.” (48:14)

• Tosh laughs about giving away so many items with a “white trash Oprah” reference and jokes that every baby item comes with stories or stains.

Show Wrap-Up & Aftermath

(52:23 – End)

• After the giveaway, Tosh acknowledges forgotten items (baby monitors), jokes about loading everything into Bri’s “Taco Ma” (Tacoma truck), and reflects on the couple’s backstory—proud that he knows the baby’s gender before the parents.
  • “They had a Tacoma... we filled it. Man, did we fill it. And they drove all the way back down to San Diego...” (54:59)
• Final bits include miscellaneous audience Q&A, morbid but playful banter about life expectancy, and closing thoughts on customer service nightmares.

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On Baby Gear Giveaways:
  “I’m kind of like white trash Oprah. Instead of like nice things that Oprah would give away, I’m more like a... like a garage sale.” (31:25)

• On Ghosts:
  Bri: “Absolutely. [I’ve] seen them? I’ve heard them.” (17:53)
  Tosh: “I’m worried about this child. So many. My mom thought I was like, a psychic growing up because I saw so many things.” (19:07)

• On Parenting Fads:
  “Who walks their kid when it’s raining? California. That’s nonsense. We stay in that day.” (39:07)

• On Constant Baby Gear Frustration:
  “If you don’t embrace the silliness of this, you’ll go mental.” (45:08)

• On Circumcision:
  “Don’t... I’m circumcised, in case you were wondering. That’s not good. But my son is not, you know, we don’t do it.” (29:44)

• On Family Roots and Identity:
  Tosh: “Do Mexicans get skin cancer?”
  Bri: “I think a couple do. That is a good question, though.” (40:26)

• On Gift Disclaimers:
  “Listen, if you plan on terminating this pregnancy after keeping this stuff, I want you to know your body, your choice. But this is my stuff. I don’t want it back.” (32:59)

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Timestamps for Important Segments

• Customer Service Saga / Ride-on Jeep Rant — 06:08–14:06
• Bri Joins the Show / Baby Shower Setup — 17:48
• Ghost Story Discussion — 17:53–19:44
• Relationship and Nursing Career — 19:45–23:47
• Pregnancy Talk, Gender Envelope, Parenting Choices — 24:07–30:41
• Circumcision & Breastfeeding Real Talk — 31:25–33:30
• The Baby Gear Parade — 33:30–45:12
• Cultural and Parenting Humor — 47:56–50:48
• Wrap-Up, Forgotten Items, Audience Q&A — 52:23–End

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Episode Tone & Style

The tone remains loyal to Daniel Tosh’s persona: irreverent, sarcastic, and darkly humorous, with an undercurrent of real empathy for everyday parenting struggles. The banter is quick, the laughter often self-deprecating, and there’s an open willingness to lampoon every facet of modern parenting and family life. Bri is a good-humored sport, rolling with the jokes and adding a touch of warmth and realism to the parenting stories.

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For Listeners

This episode is a comedic but oddball “how-to” of modern American parenting, lampooning the avalanche of baby products and parenting fads, while offering an off-the-cuff masterclass in Daniel Tosh’s signature style: raw, quick-witted, and quietly insightful about the absurdities of adulthood and parenthood.

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Transcript

[Tosh]

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[Bri]

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[Tosh]

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[Bri]

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[Tosh]

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[Bri]

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[Tosh]

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[Bri]

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[Tosh]

green mattress dot com avocado green mattress dot com your husband told you that he'd been emailing a podcast and now you have to go up to LA to get a bunch of free used baby stuff.

[Bri]

Well, he told me it was Tash. So then I was like, okay, that's fine. But I had to like clarify. I'm like, it's not Joe Rogan, right?

[Tosh]

Tosh show. Posh show. Welcome to Toss show.

[Ed]

Our last one, everybody smoking.

[Tosh]

I had bronchitis, Ed. Hell had to go on seven days of antibiotics.

[Ed]

You performed with it?

[Tosh]

Yeah, I, I performed with bronchitis in Aspen. Did you have a good time in Aspen?

[Ed]

I did.

[Tosh]

It was cold that night.

[Ed]

Well, that first day was fine. And it suckered you in that second day. It was horribly cold.

[Tosh]

Second day was cold. And then Pete made horrible mistakes with our travel. I mean, oh my goodness. Didn't factor in daylight savings time. Just a ton of ton of mistakes. Now night one, my wife was with me and she went out to dinner with friends that happened to be in Aspen at the same time. Our kids go to school together and there's a group of them and I was so excited because I always get excited when she gets to do something that I don't have to do because I had to work Yep. So I walk her over to this restaurant and she meets this group of people and she's gonna have a nice fancy dinner with them. Well, my wife is a version of me as well, where she can just put her foot in her mouth so quickly in social settings. You have to understand, we're not. We're not socialites, you know, we're Florida trash that got lucky. Okay, so here we are now in Aspen, and. And she's with this group of people and a bunch of, you know, tech bros, a couple athletes, whatever. They start talking about. I don't know. I don't. The conversation somehow got to Britney Spears, Justin Timberlake. Uhhuh. And my wife just starts telling the story from the book about Justin when Britney was having a miscarriage and Justin wanted to grab his guitar and just strummer.

[Ed]

Make a song.

[Tosh]

Make. Just sing to her. Yeah, Justin's been getting hammered lately. Sure, whatever. So my wife's just going in on this, you know, just thinking. She's just talking like anybody else that would be making fun of Justin Timberlake. But she's with this group of people. You don't know, right? You just don't know. And sure enough, one of them just stops her mid conversation and she goes, hey, I just have to say I'm really good friends with Justin, and. And he's actually a great guy. And my wife's like, oh, you didn't let me finish. I'm a huge fan. Like, it's just so funny.

[Ed]

What a better time to write a song.

[Tosh]

We're just so. Well, she was going on about just everything that he's been and. And. And her perception of what she thinks he is. And then all of a sudden, there's a guy. Hey, I'm actually really good friends with him.

[Bri]

He's.

[Tosh]

He's great. So why don't you stop shit talking, lady who's here with no husband.

[Ed]

Oh, that's good.

[Tosh]

Oh, it was great. I just. I just love it when she puts her foot in her mouth, you know? I wish I was there to watch it because I would have just enjoyed it. Anyway, here's an example of how regular I am. My daughter had a birthday recently and. Listen, I always thought I wouldn't be the person that has the stupid power wheels, but she wanted a pink power wheels Jeep. Okay? And by the way, I hate just as much as anyone else when somebody in show business starts complaining about a company like, can you believe what Delta did to me? I was 45 minutes late to Atlanta and just. Shame on you, Delta. I can't stand it. Okay, now let me do that exact thing. Not Delta, Although I'm Delta. You're great. Whatever. I'm going to shit on a company because what I did was I had a bad customer service experience. And I was like, I'm not going to just turn this over to somebody, my business manager. I'm just gonna deal with this like so many people in this country have to deal with dumb problems. And I'm gonna just see how frustrated I get.

[Ed]

Right?

[Tosh]

Okay. I order a pink ride on Jeep, power wheel Jeep for my daughter for her birthday. I know when her birthday is. I know how long they say it's gonna take to deliver. I order it weeks and weeks and weeks in advance. Okay.

[Ed]

Have it ready.

[Tosh]

Yeah. And the company get ready for this. Okay. And by the way, I don't want anything. I'm not doing this so that you, you know, send me free stuff. No, I don't want it. The company is Garvey, Garvey, G A R V E E. So I order this Jeep in plenty of time for my daughter's birthday. And it gets delayed, and it gets delayed. And then I'm tracking and it says, oh, it lost its shipping label. It's going back. Okay. All of a sudden it's coming. I keep telling my wife it's coming. It's two days or three days before her birthday and it arrives and I see this package and it is just destroyed.

[Ed]

Oh, man.

[Tosh]

Stuff is hanging out of it. The box is ripped to shreds. It's been retaped a million times. And I'm just laughing and I'm like, okay, now I've got to assemble this thing. And I'm looking at stuff, plastic clips all over the place that snapped it are snapped and broken. The male, female, for the motor and batteries. One of the clips is completely broken. And all of which I can make work.

[Ed]

Right?

[Tosh]

I can. I can work around it. I'll get some electrical tape. I can fix dumb stuff like this. And I don't care aesthetically that it's not perfect, even though it's probably a $500 stupid ride on toy.

[Ed]

Right?

[Tosh]

Okay, then it's missing a rear axle. Okay? I can't fix a rear axle.

[Ed]

You cannot?

[Tosh]

No. So we email them. We email them the. The day before her birthday on January 30th. And I want you to know that they reply to resolve this as quickly as possible and rush the necessary replacement parts to you. We will do our utmost to get them to you. But before the birthday and We've said when the birthday is. I'm writing these emails. I'm like, I'm just going to do this. I'm going to go back and forth with these people. They want us to take photos. Please mark the exact missing parts, the rear axle, all the broken damage. I do this. This is January 30th. Okay. Now I know that this isn't going to air when I'm recording this. What's today's date? Today is March 24th. I still don't have the rear axle.

[Ed]

Oh, my God.

[Tosh]

I still have a disassembled Jeep in my garage. Do you know how much I hate clutter?

[Ed]

Oh, yeah. This is. This is not nightmare.

[Tosh]

Just so you know, I went on Amazon, ordered one that came within eight hours to my house, gave my daughter that one. Here, drive this and this. It's not a garb. Not as nice, not as a cheap one, but whatever this is, this is. Loves now and drives every day. And the Garvey, she just walks by it and goes out. That's. That's the piece of shit. She doesn't say piece of shit. She's, you know, she's three years old, but she's very. She looks at it and she gets mad. She'll sometimes give it a sidekick. So it's been there months, Months. They haven't. There are. This is all. Look at this, you guys. I'm not making. These are my back and forth emails with them. And I'm not, I'm not asking. At one point I'm like, just send me another one. And then when it gets here, I will take the old one that's broke. I will box it up nicely and send it back. And they don't even respond to those type of requests. They're like, we're trying to rush the parts. As soon as I'm like, you've. This is your business. You have hundreds and thousands of these. Just give us another one that's not shattered and broken. And they never do. And I'm like, you know what? I'm not going to ask for my money back. I haven't asked for a discount here. February 20th. At this moment, the part is still on its way from our warehouse, estimated to arrive and be ready for shipment in approximately 10 to 15 days. That was over a month ago. Oh, it's just funny. It's just nonsense. You're talking to someone in China or India. No, I know. You want me to give Trump a win in all his dumb executive orders that are meaningless, that will all be erased. The second he's gone from office, how about doing one that bans customer service to be handled overseas? If Trump did that, I would have to be like, all right, guys, that's a good one. I kind of like this. If he's forcing customer service to be handled by companies, by the company. Right?

[Ed]

That's all we want.

[Tosh]

Somebody that works there.

[Ed]

Somebody's in that warehouse.

[Tosh]

I know this guy doesn't. But these emails just. It's just endless. It just keeps going on, and I just keep laughing. And by the way, Garvey, just. If you want to verify who this. Who you're dealing with, this is Carly Hallam. Okay? That's my wife's name. You look it up. Here's what we're gonna do. When I get this axle, I'm gonna build it. I'm gonna get it complete, and then we're going to have a moment where I give my daughter. We're gonna go out into a field with aluminum bats, and we're gonna have our office space moment.

[Ed]

Get the music and everything.

[Tosh]

We'll get the music going. I love it.

[Ed]

That's great.

[Tosh]

And we're just gonna. Just have a $500 party on it. What should I do? No, exactly what you just said.

[Ed]

Yeah, that's great.

[Tosh]

Great content. That'll go really far. I mean, because I. I don't want to. I'm not asking for anything free. I just want you, whoever works at Garvey, to look at my email chain and go, oh, wow, we really were fucking this little girl. And just say that out loud. Yeah. Yep. Like, oh, yeah. No. Our birthday came and went. We did nothing. We just kept stalling. We never tried to actually make it right. I mean, just send another one, you dummies. And they never did. I've. Whatever. Good for them. Good for them. They got 500 bucks from me, and I hate them. And I hope that everyone that works there loses their job, but this. This is what people go through all the time. And I just kept laughing. My wife's like, well, why don't you just stop? I'm like, no, I got. I gotta. I gotta see this through.

[Ed]

Yeah.

[Tosh]

By the way, I don't know if Garvey's on the hook for this, but the other day, I have a bin in my garage with all the parts, the wheels and everything that hasn't been assembled yet because I don't have the fucking rear axle right. Guess what I find in the parts?

[Ed]

I don't know.

[Tosh]

A snake. There's a snake in there. And I'M like, oh, no. And I don't like snakes. Okay. But I'm the head of the household, right? So what do I do? I go get my, my garbage picker for when I go on walks on the beach.

[Ed]

Yep.

[Tosh]

I get my garbage picker and I grab him. He didn't like that. Oh, he didn't like being pinched. So he's now, he's now he's like coiled up in strike position. Yeah. And I keep trying to pinch him and then I finally get a hold of him and I. I fling him into my neighbor's yard that I hate.

[Ed]

There you go. You relocated him?

[Tosh]

Yeah, relocated him. They are not Better Business Bureau accredited and their rating is an F. An F rating? Can you have lower than an F? I would imagine not. All right, again, I know everyone deals with shit products and I probably shouldn't order from them in the first place, but it was just a quick Google search and it was like I was like I wasn't going to do Amazon and then I did this. I made a mistake. Ya, it's all right. That's all right. Maybe what I should do when I finally get the rear axle and I get this thing running. If it runs, by the way. No. No reason to believe it runs. Yeah, I mean, everything was destroyed when I got it. But if I do get it running, maybe instead of destroying it, maybe I give it to today's guest. You know, they reached out, they're having a baby. And you know one day that baby's gonna need a stupid ride on.

[Ed]

Right?

[Tosh]

I couldn't be happier about today's dump. This, this is my kind of episode, actually getting to rid myself of so much stuff in my house. Enjoy. You guys know I love a bidet. And thanks to Tushi, you don't need one of those expensive Japanese toilets to experience bathroom luxury. Every Tushy bidet easily attaches to your existing toilet without the need for additional plumbing. Installation is simple and takes about 10 minutes to complete. I've been a fan for years and I'd be a fan even if I didn't have ibs. And now, Tushy Ebide's. Instantly modernize your daily routine with a heated seat, adjustable water temperature and a powerful yet gentle dryer. This is daily decadence with practical benefits. Instead of wiping endlessly, Tushi pristinely removes 99% of bacteria while protecting your natural skin barrier thanks to one natural ingredient, fresh water. It's also easy to use, sit, cleanse and dry using the built in air dryer. That's right. Cleaning yourself after using the bathroom is completely hands free. People who have made the switch to tushy use up to 80% less toilet paper. No more clogged toilets, no more wasting money on something that does an inferior job cleaning your body and every tushy Bidet comes with a 30 day hassle, free return and a 12 month warranty. Make going to the bathroom the most comfortable thing you do all day. For a limited time, our listeners get 10% off their first bidet order when you use code Tosh at checkout. That's 10% off your first bidet [e-mail] with promo code Tosh. Looking for your newest entertainment obsession? Check out the high speed thrill of go kart racing at K1 speed. K1 speed is the largest indoor karting operator in the world featuring high performance, all electric carts, no slow gas powered kiddie rides. There are over 100 locations so they're probably closer than you think. I gotta take my son. Here's where the rubber meets the road. As for you dads out there, all junior racers need to be at least 48 inches tall to race or at least 58 inches to race in the larger, faster go kart speeds up to 45 mph with real G force feel on every turn. Well sure, K1 can host your birthday party or corporate events, or keep it casual and just arrive and drive to race with your friends. If you want to get serious about it, there are competitive monthly leagues available for more dedicated racers, bowling leagues, but for go karts k1 has an on site paddock lounge with food, drinks and arcade games. Visit k1speed.com to find a location near you. I'll race you there. This episode of Tosh show is brought to you by Progressive Insurance. You chose to hit play on this podcast today. Smart Choice. Make another smart choice with Auto Quote Explorer to compare rates from multiple car insurance companies all at once. Try [e-mail] Progressive Casualty Insurance Company and affiliates not available in all states or situations. Prices vary based on how you buy. If my guest today appears to be glowing, it's because she is with child. She is a huge fan and also a huge freeloader, but she's doing me a huge solid by taking this mountain of baby gear I've been storing in my garage for the past few months so I can finally park my Rivian back in there. Please welcome a pregnant woman and a Tosh show subscriber, Bri. Thank you for being here Bri.

[Bri]

Thanks for having me.

[Tosh]

Oh, it's our Pleasure. All right, Bri, here's first question. Do you believe in ghosts?

[Bri]

Absolutely. Seen them? I've heard them.

[Tosh]

You've seen ghosts?

[Bri]

I have.

[Tosh]

Really?

[Bri]

Yeah.

[Tosh]

This is what I needed. I need somebody that's had a visual. Okay, confirmation. When have you seen a ghost?

[Bri]

So we went to university. Well, we met at a college called Cal State Channel Islands. And it used to.

[Tosh]

Is that just up the road a bit?

[Bri]

Yeah, it's like, 45 minutes from here.

[Tosh]

I. I've been there before. It's a pretty campus.

[Bri]

It's gorgeous.

[Tosh]

You drive up there. You're, like, near the naval base, right? And then you take a turn down this road and all of a sudden there's just this beautiful campus over there.

[Bri]

Yeah, it used to be a psychiatric hospital. We saw so many things. Like, my husband's, like, wasn't a believer at all. We were just, like, dating. I had a roommate that. I swear I saw her come out of her room, turn on the light in the bathroom and then go back in. And we, like, both looked at each other. Like, that was really weird. Like, wasting electricity here. And then about, like, 20 minutes later, we see her come out through the front door. And we were like, where were you at? She said she was at Ross. I was like, no, we saw you come out of your room, go into the bathroom, turn on the light, and then you walk back. And there's no way that she could have gone anywhere else because we were on the third floor. So there's only one door to get out of. So that was one of the first ones.

[Tosh]

I'm worried about this child. I'm worried about this child.

[Bri]

So many. My mom thought I was like, a psychic growing up because I saw so many things.

[Tosh]

Pete, your pre interview did not uncover that we have a potential crazy person with us. Oh, no. Are you gonna let your child know that you believe in all these? Like, what if your child screams, mommy, Mommy, there's a ghost in my room. Are you gonna freak out as well?

[Bri]

No, they're friendly. I've never met or seen a bad ghost.

[Tosh]

Okay, so ghosts aren't a.

[Bri]

No, never.

[Tosh]

That'll be fun. That'll be a fun talk you have with your child.

[Bri]

Yeah.

[Tosh]

Explain the guy that's in her closet's a friend. Don't worry about it. How did you meet your husband? And is he the father of your child?

[Bri]

Allegedly. We met at Cal State Chattanoo Islands.

[Tosh]

How long you guys been together?

[Bri]

10 years and 16 years.

[Tosh]

How long have you been married?

[Bri]

Almost two years. Two years in May when Did you

[Tosh]

get the tattoo under your ring finger?

[Bri]

Last year for our first wedding anniversary.

[Tosh]

Oh, okay. Are you gonna keep doing stuff like that every year?

[Bri]

No, probably not.

[Tosh]

Okay, that's good.

[Bri]

Too much work.

[Tosh]

Yeah. You and your husband came to an episode of Tosh Point Zero. When was that?

[Bri]

That was 2016, I think. We were just dating. Like, we weren't really official yet.

[Tosh]

Uh huh.

[Bri]

Yeah, we went to one of your tapings and it was like, in this, like, really sketchy area of Burbank.

[Tosh]

No, it wasn't.

[Bri]

It looked scary.

[Tosh]

It wasn't Burbank and it wasn't sketchy. It was Culver City.

[Bri]

Culver City. That's what it was. Ellie's all the same to me.

[Tosh]

Okay. The first LA is all for la. That's bonkers. Culver City is the least sketch place ever.

[Bri]

It looked scary. There was like a bridge or something.

[Tosh]

There was a bridge. You're scared of bridges. You're not scared of ghosts, but you're scared of bridges.

[Bri]

Bridges are scarier because you can actually. They're there in front of you.

[Tosh]

Huh. Okay, Bree, I'm going to get back to this for a second. First of all, my show was taped at the Tennis Channel. Nothing is less scary than the Tennis Channel. You came to a taping, but what I know is that you came to episode one of the season, which means that on episode one, we had to rent a different camera that was more expensive that filmed the audience. And then we put that at the beginning and end of every episode for the season. So every episode from then on was not the audience was you. It was your group of people. There's one audience for the next 15 episodes. That's how we saved money. But unfortunately for you, you guys had to sit there and clap for like hours.

[Bri]

I remember that.

[Tosh]

Of just like, camera and I would go change wardrobes and then you'd have to. Yay. I mean, it's just torture.

[Ed]

Awful.

[Tosh]

I felt so bad for those audience members that came to the first episode. So now I get to repay it to you this week. Oh, that's good. This is good. This will be a lot better. Your husband's a park ranger and you're a nurse.

[Bri]

Yes.

[Tosh]

Which means you two will be able to survive off grid when the next civil war begins.

[Bri]

I've been saying this. This is great plan. The end of the world. And I'm like, we will be fine. Like, with his knowledge and my knowledge, we'll be okay.

[Tosh]

Ah, that's pretty good.

[Bri]

Survive it all.

[Tosh]

Uh huh. That's pretty good. Now, how long have you been a nurse?

[Bri]

Four years.

[Tosh]

Oh, you like it?

[Bri]

It has its days.

[Tosh]

What, what field are you in?

[Bri]

I'm in orthopedics right now.

[Tosh]

Uh huh. Is that where you want to be so far?

[Bri]

Yeah, I mean I've been doing it for four years and I can't really see myself doing anything else, but I like it because it's a field where you actually see people like get better and go home. I mean, you get like random things in between too, but like, you don't.

[Tosh]

It's not cancer and die all day long.

[Bri]

It's not that.

[Tosh]

Right. That's. That's tough. What about the er? You ever have died to work in the er?

[Bri]

It's too extreme for me.

[Tosh]

You watch the pit?

[Bri]

I've seen a few clips of it.

[Tosh]

Clips?

[Bri]

Yeah, I've seen clips on TikTok. It's a great show. I've heard by more of a St. Denis Medical Center. Okay. It's funny and lighthearted. That's good.

[Tosh]

Good for you. When you come home work, you don't want to re. See the same stuff.

[Bri]

It's depressing. Yeah.

[Tosh]

Do you share work stories with your husband about what you've seen? Does gross things gore, does that bother him at all?

[Bri]

Oh, no. I tell him everything. Okay. When I was in nursing school, he was actually like my dummy, so I'd practice IVs on him all the time. Hated it.

[Tosh]

Yeah. My mom was a nurse for 60 years and my dad never wanted to hear a single thing about her day because he didn't upset his stomach. But I would love it. My mom would tell me just horrible things.

[Bri]

He could handle more than I can.

[Tosh]

Do you think being a nurse is good or bad when pregnant?

[Bri]

Horrible. It shouldn't be allowed.

[Tosh]

Can you like wander around the hospital and just like go listen to your baby's heartbeat?

[Bri]

If you feel like it, I can. We have little dopplers like that we listen to here for heartbeats, like in lower extremities to make sure that there's blood flow. And you can use that same doppler to hear the. The baby's heartbeat too.

[Tosh]

Have you done it?

[Bri]

I have.

[Tosh]

That's good. Even though you were not planning on finding out the baby's gender before coming here today, I want to thank you for honoring my wishes and bringing a sealed envelope from your doctor containing the gender of your future child for me to do with as I please. That was my only. I just wanted to have it. Now here's what I think I'm going to do with this, Head on over to our Patreon page people that pay, and I'll let you know. I don't trust myself to open this in front of you and not like you be able to read what I'm thinking. I just don't know that I could do it. No, you couldn't. How about this? You name a dollar amount that you want. Say if you give me this much, I'll open up and read it right now.

[Bri]

How much is a college tuition right now? Whoa.

[Tosh]

I hope he's a smart kid and gets a scholarship.

[Ed]

Yeah, we just have to wait.

[Tosh]

You don't want to know if it's a boy or girl?

[Bri]

No.

[Tosh]

Why?

[Bri]

I don't know. I mean, you don't really get very many fun surprises in life.

[Tosh]

Okay, this is the dumbest thing I've ever heard. I thought the ghost stuff was the dumbest thing. And then you hit me with this, first of all. And you believe your husband doesn't want to know either?

[Bri]

It was his idea.

[Tosh]

Oh, good God, how those two peas found each other.

[Bri]

Yeah, they found each other.

[Tosh]

Here's what I don't get. Everything's a surprise. Like that day is going to be a surprise because you've never had a child and now you have a child. And don't you think it's weird that other people know?

[Bri]

No. Actually, you and the stenographer are the only people that know in the whole world.

[Tosh]

Okay, right. So they know there's another random person that knows what's inside of you.

[Bri]

That's true.

[Tosh]

And why is the gender what we pick? That you don't wanna know? What if it was twins? Would you wanna know if there's twins?

[Bri]

I would wanna know if it was twins. Right.

[Tosh]

So, okay, so, like, where do you draw the line? What if there's no feet? Would you be like, I wish they would've told me there's no feet? That was quite a shock. Well, you don't get very many surprises in life. Here's a big one. Your kid's got no feet.

[Bri]

Well, that's how my grandparents did it. They didn't have one.

[Tosh]

Right. Cause they're old. They also died of polio, you know, I mean, I don't know that. I'm not saying your grandparents, but they're all still alive.

[Bri]

Still bre.

[Tosh]

Then no part of you wants to know?

[Bri]

Oh, no, I want to know. I'm, like, dying to know, but I'm trying to fight it.

[Ed]

It's literally there.

[Bri]

It's right there. I want to.

[Tosh]

Has it made Your friends and family Insane.

[Bri]

Oh, yeah. My mom is going nuts. She's like, can you just, like. How about you tell the doctor to put the gender in an envelope, you mail it to me. And I'm the only person that knows that.

[Tosh]

What's your mom's address? Just give me your mom's address. I'll send it right to her.

[Bri]

She's so bad.

[Tosh]

Well, she. Just tell her I know. Just tell her. What are you doing? Don't torture people with it. It feels thick.

[Bri]

Yeah, they said they were like ultrasound pictures and that it would say it on there.

[Tosh]

Oh. They zoom in onto the hog or the absence of a hog. Top secret. Top secret.

[Bri]

Top secret.

[Tosh]

Yeah. I mean, I bet you if you hold up to the light, maybe you can see the outline of this. First of all, what do you want? Do you want a boy or a girl?

[Bri]

I want a girl.

[Tosh]

That's all I wanted.

[Bri]

A girl dancing.

[Tosh]

All I wanted was a girl. Okay. And then the day we found out it was a boy, my wife was upset. Like, she was upset because she wanted a girl. And then for the next 45 minutes, I came up with names. And then we named her son. And then it was like she had processed it. Now, I didn't want her to go through that the day it was delivered.

[Bri]

I mean, we have names picked out for a boy or girl.

[Tosh]

Okay, but my point is, I don't want you to be disappointed the moment the baby comes out, I want you to be like. Just like you're going to be surprised right now. You're surprised when you open it. Surprise. That's the surprise. You get it now. Then the day the baby. Surprise. You're a parent. Are you currently nauseous?

[Bri]

No, not right now.

[Tosh]

Have you been nauseous?

[Bri]

Oh, first trimester was horrible. If I wait a little too long to eat, then it's there.

[Tosh]

But I hope your husband doesn't get upset with this question, but are you now in the horny phase?

[Bri]

It's been like that for a while. That's how we got here. Hasn't stopped.

[Tosh]

Good for you. Listen to them. They're just going strong now. When are you due?

[Bri]

July 23rd.

[Tosh]

July 23rd? Yeah. Is that a Gemini? Leo, wait. July 23rd? Sorry, I was. Is June 23rd a Gemini? Cancer. Cancer. It's cancer. Okay. July 23rd. That'll be an awful summer. If it gets hot.

[Bri]

It is. Especially in San Diego. None of the houses have insulation. Ac.

[Tosh]

Are you from San Diego or.

[Bri]

No, no, we're just living there for now.

[Tosh]

Do you Like San Diego.

[Bri]

I do.

[Tosh]

I don't.

[Bri]

No.

[Tosh]

Nah, it's not my favorite.

[Bri]

It's fun.

[Tosh]

Is it?

[Bri]

Yeah.

[Tosh]

That's great that you like it. It's not my place. Are you going to have this baby in hospital or are you gonna do, like, a cool water birth?

[Bri]

No, I'm doing hospital.

[Tosh]

That's the right.

[Bri]

Too many horror stories.

[Tosh]

Don't ever mess around with that.

[Bri]

And as a nurse, I think I've heard of, like, a nurse curse, so I want, like, all the medical intervention I need.

[Tosh]

If you have a. Oh, here we go. I'm. Hit you with a hard one.

[Bri]

All right.

[Tosh]

Okay. And your husband might probably be on the other side of this, but whatever, we'll see. Let's say you have a boy. Okay. Are you circumcising?

[Bri]

That's a hard one.

[Tosh]

Well, see, here's the thing. You need to make the decision now. You need to think about it. Now.

[Bri]

I know.

[Tosh]

Okay? Now, do you know who you're talking to? Do you know where I stand on this issue? You don't. What do you think? Which way do you think I stand?

[Bri]

Yes.

[Tosh]

No, no, no. I'm a big. Don't. I'm circumcised, in case you were wondering.

[Bri]

Oh, good for you.

[Tosh]

That's not good. But my son is not, you know, we don't do it. They say it's around 50. 50% in this country now that. That. Don't do it. Just letting you know if you don't do it. That's the right move. But also, it's not gonna affect him.

[Bri]

Yeah, put your baby through it.

[Tosh]

You're not gonna be like, oh, his penis needs to look like his dad's penis. By the way, is your husband circumcised?

[Bri]

I'm not gonna answer that.

[Tosh]

Interesting. Are you circumcised? Yeah, he's circumcised.

[Bri]

He can't answer it.

[Tosh]

He did.

[Ed]

He answered.

[Tosh]

He said he's circumcised. Hippah, are you planning on breastfeeding? Yeah. Oh, that's gonna be fun. Because it's just a hassle. I've heard it can be a nightmare. Some people, like my second child went right to. Right. Right to the nipple. Just fed like crazy. First child, my poor wife. Just a nightmare. Then she was getting clogged. Ducks.

[Bri]

Yeah.

[Tosh]

And then I'm laying on my back on the floor and she's putting her engorged nipple in my mouth and making me suck violently to get it unclogged. It was quite distinct.

[Bri]

He told him that's his job. If that happens to him, it is.

[Tosh]

Oh. And then eventually it unclogs and you just get a mouthful and you're. And it starts spraying it straight from the source. It comes. It comes out of like 30 different holes. You're just. You know, we have lactation consultants come into the house and the hospital has them. None of them are helpful. It's just a nightmare. But I wish you the best. I hope it's good. You know what this episode is gonna be like right now? Me giving away stuff. I'm kind of like white trash Oprah. It's like white. Like, instead of like nice things that Oprah would give away, I'm more like a. Like a garage sale.

[Bri]

Uh huh.

[Tosh]

Yeah. Where everything must go. You haven't been purchasing stuff yet though?

[Bri]

No, we just got like a couple onesies and a couple toys, but that's about it so far. Cause we have a baby shower coming up.

[Tosh]

Oh, this is. I've never been to a baby shower and I've never wanted to. You know, there's some baby showers where they start inviting guys and I'm just like, fuck off. I mean, ruin my Saturday. But that being said, I kind of think I would do well at a baby shower. Yeah, they're fun.

[Bri]

Well, I mean, if you come to a Mexican one, that's what we're doing.

[Tosh]

Hold on, Brie, are you Mexican? Mexican Pete, what did I say? Describe when your husband told you that he'd been emailing a podcast and now you have to go up to LA to get a bunch of free used baby stuff.

[Bri]

Well. Well, he told me it was tash. So then I was like, okay, that's fine. But I had to like, clarify. I'm like, it's not Joe Rogan, right? Just.

[Tosh]

You didn't want Rogan's stuff. I mean, I don't know that it might have been a lot better. Here's the thing. I'm not somebody that is, like, by the book. I didn't baby proof my house. I cut straps off of things because I didn't think they looked as good.

[Bri]

You know, like, I'm not straight safety fashionable.

[Tosh]

Anyways, the changing table that's on top of the dresser to it. I didn't do that. Or I'm not, you know, a lot of times. What's the thing called where you anchor things to the wall?

[Bri]

Angry.

[Tosh]

Yeah, I don't do. Okay. Thank you. Oh, you don't. Don't talk down to me, Bri, with all your dumb ghost shit. I don't anchor things. I don't do any of that. I just need you to know that you're accepting things that might be technically not the same. They've been modified. Some things have been modified. Listen, if you plan on terminating this pregnancy after keeping this stuff, I want you to know your body, your choice. But this is my stuff. I don't want it back. I just want you to donate it on to someone else. Okay. I just need to state that for the record. That's your prerogative. But I'd like the receipt for the tax credit.

[Bri]

You got it.

[Tosh]

Thank you. Everybody on the show gets to get a gift, and Bri is going to hit the jackpot today. All right, let's. Let's start with first gift. Let's get this over here. Now. This has slept two of my children. Hold on.

[Bri]

That is beautiful.

[Tosh]

Oh, she's nice. Oh, it's going to be beautiful. Up, up, up on the table. Higher. There you go. Look at. All right. Don't get that crib off my table. Okay. This is an oof. Is it oof. O U E F whatever oof is. Right. That's another thing with cribs. You have to just lay them flat. There's nothing. This is set for an infant. Okay. Now it's. I've got the attachment here for when you turn it into a big girl bed. So there's three. It's here, and then once they get able to stand up, like four to six months, then it goes down and then you have to take this off, then you have to put this on. So I've had to build it from this to the lower to back, then back to this, then lower, then down and then back up again for you, which fucking made me so mad.

[Bri]

Appreciate it.

[Tosh]

Oh, so mad. Get this out of the way. That's gift one. Oh, we're cruising now. This, right? Look at this little end table. You just put this next to your chair and, you know, you put your bottle on and it's really, you know, it tips over real easy. So it's awful. But it's a Serena and Lily. Oh, Serena and Lily. You know what I feel like? I feel like when I'm at my house on Christmas morning and I'm passing out the gifts, I'm like, ah, let's do this one next here. Who doesn't love a glider?

[Bri]

We were just talking about needing YouTube.

[Tosh]

Bree, get up. We'll switch your chair out. You're going to have a nice glider. Yeah. Let your husband take that chair. Okay. Look at this. This is nice, Bree. Oh, let me tell you. Many of nights I've been in that chair sliding back and forth with my kids, both. I can't. And I'm not nostalgic. A lot of this stuff you're gonna need to fucking clean. This goes with that. You just need a puff. The problem with good stuff like this high chair's prettier, but by the way, there's still fucking gross food on the side of the leg fucking came off. The problem with like, oh, it's wood and things are good, is the legs go way out so that they don't fall over and die. Like ours used to go straight down as a kid and then you fall over and you die. But now they're like these wide. You will kick this base. Cause you don't realize that it's sticking out so fucking far on the sides. And I took out the seatbelt because I don't do the seatbelt thing. Oh, you'll kick this thing so many times. God, I hated this thing. This right here, Sacha, now I don't know what you're gonna do with it. This is my kid's rug. It probably needs to be cleaned. Okay. Professionally, it's a white rug. That's what my interior designer put in my kids room. In a kid's room, a white rug. Is it $10,000? Maybe? Probably. Probably a $10,000 rug and it's fucking white. It probably needs one good cleaning or you need to strategically place it to put something over it. But I was like, I am my son now. I'm like, you can't have a white rug anymore, bro. You're too disgusting. You didn't think you were getting a white rug today. Yeah, you are.

[Bri]

Oh, thank you.

[Tosh]

Get that off my desk. This is bullshit that she doesn't get to carry anything off the desk. Okay, give me that thing. This will be nice. Oh, oh, you're gonna want this. A baby grand. Oh, look at this. I remember when what's his name was on our show and he asked me about this like a little John Legend. Oh, yeah. Do you play? That's good. Well, listen, by the way, this baby grand, this comes down, huh? It's nice, right?

[Bri]

That's very nice.

[Tosh]

Oh, it makes your kid look cool when they have that in their room. This is awful. This right here. Oh, you know what this is?

[Bri]

No.

[Tosh]

I'll show you. It's nice. All of a sudden, boom, they have or hotels that did. I didn't want to put them in their own things or airbnbs or a friend's house. And, like, I wanted to sleep my room. I just wanted an actual bed that. That traveled. That wasn't like a pack and play. This is a. Listen, this is just when you have to. Oh, you'll like it here. Speaking of which, give me that. Pack and play. Look at this. Nice. Pack and play. Oh, you're gonna love that Baby Bjorn. They're a good brand. That's. This is what you travel when you. When you go to your family's house. That's all you. That's nice.

[Bri]

Glad I brought the truck.

[Tosh]

Get this off my desk, Ed. Strollers are awful. This. What is this? What brand is this Bugaboo? Oh, I don't even remember. Why won't this thing turn? There you go. Oh, look at you. You figure out there's a bassinet attachment to this somewhere. I don't know. That's what you have to have. It's just horrible. It's just horrible. The stroller. But. But this one rolls nice. That Bugaboo is a good stroller, I think.

[Bri]

Looks smooth.

[Tosh]

This. No, this thing, you're not gonna like that. Oh, but then this. This. When you have a second child or a cousin. See how many cousins.

[Bri]

She a cousin two months before.

[Tosh]

Okay, good. Once they get old enough to stand, this straps down in the back. Now they got a wheel to ride on the back.

[Bri]

Okay.

[Tosh]

Yeah. It's so, so fun. This is the stroll you're gonna love. This is the stroll you're gonna love. Okay. You gotta get good at this. This one is. This one I'm good at. Okay. This. I never used it. That's for rain. Who walks their kid when it's raining?

[Bri]

Not in California.

[Tosh]

California.

[Bri]

Yeah.

[Tosh]

That's nonsense. We stay in that day. Okay. Oh, this is good, though. Now, this stroller, once. Once you get good at it, you go like this. Okay.

[Bri]

Wow.

[Tosh]

You can do one arm like Cool Moms. Yeah.

[Ed]

The car.

[Tosh]

Throw it. Okay. Oh, there's dirt on it. Don't worry about that. Now this. This is the one that you're gonna live by. Once. Once the kid gets bigger.

[Bri]

That is very nice.

[Tosh]

Oh, this one is good. This one. This is the one that you live with. We're not even halfway done. Okay? Every mom needs a diaper bag. Okay? But diaper bags are ugly.

[Bri]

They are.

[Tosh]

Okay, so I got my wife a good bag. Now I'm giving it to you. But it needs to be cleaned.

[Bri]

Okay?

[Tosh]

Okay. It's Prada. You like Prada?

[Bri]

Oh, my God.

[Tosh]

Boom. Look at this. It needs to Be clean. But it's a more fun diaper bag than what? Everybody has these diaper bags. It's just. It's more fun. There's Prada bag.

[Bri]

Thank you.

[Tosh]

You're welcome.

[Bri]

It's more for me.

[Tosh]

Hey, look at this. It doesn't matter if it's a boy or a girl. Boys Wear Pink is my clothing line that I stopped doing. Yeah, but there's still a full set. Yo, look, you're gonna need a lot of these. This is actually cute, though.

[Bri]

That is a cute one.

[Tosh]

No, we got. You're gonna have a bunch of these. They're all over here.

[Ed]

Yeah, it is cute. There's a thousand.

[Tosh]

No, there's so many more. But you're gonna need bins. You're gonna need bins for things. Okay. Do Mexicans get skin cancer?

[Bri]

I think a couple do. That is a good question, though.

[Tosh]

Well, anyway, here's the stupid beach thing that turns into like a half dome that you have to fucking be in. And it's like, oh, the baby and I, they can't have the sun. I don't know. Whatever. I fucking screamed the whole time. I'm like, it's shady. Why do we need this? Hey, this dumb thing, I love it so much because my. My friend Tom Papa bought this for me, and both of my children learned to walk behind this dumb thing.

[Bri]

Oh, yeah.

[Tosh]

And I'll be honest with you, seems like it has a little Latin feel, does it not?

[Bri]

It does. I feel connected to it.

[Tosh]

Yeah. I'm gonna let that go over there. You'll have fun with that. Don't worry that it's rickety. These are maternity pants. Go ahead and see if those fit. We'll throw those on this. You know what this is, right? You have to put this on the floor underneath when they're eating or whatever. Oh, right.

[Bri]

It catches everything.

[Tosh]

Yeah, yeah. That way you don't just. It's easy to mop or clean this up or you throw it away, whatever. I don't know what you do with it. I don't think I ever did it. What is this stuff? Oh, there's nothing cuter than when a little baby's at a sporting event and you put the headphones on. Never once did I do that. Okay, here's some books. My wife forced me to read to my kid. Like 30 books a night. And she's like, you have to. You have to read to your kid all the time. I'm like, okay. And then we're at the one year checkup, and the pediatrician says, to us. Okay. Now you should make sure you read at least one book a night. And I was like, what? My wife's been forcing me to read like 20 a night since the day he was born. And she's like, oh, that's probably good for him. But yeah, you didn't need to do that. And I was so mad. But my kids are really advanced. 97th percentile in the country and reading. Okay. So yeah, but a lot of the books, like, this is what my wife makes me read. You know, we're so woke. And I know that's a bad thing for somebody, but like, look, the anti racist baby brown sugar babies. You know, you can't have this kid grow up in Malibu and not know what other people look like. I'm like, what? They know what other people look like. So you'll have some fun stuff there.

[Bri]

Love it.

[Tosh]

You need a bunch of these things. Just organizers for things. Oh, these emergency. Like, like, oh, you're at a restaurant, you put one of these things on, like. Like you had an explosion. You just put all the clothes in there like a hazmat and just be like, that will bring home tightening knot. I needed that. Do this to your phone and then it like lights up and the whole house looks pretty. Never once did it. First wetsuit. Oh, it's so cute. So small. Oh, so cute. Little baby Uggs. Here's what I'll say about diapers. Okay, there's just random. Tons of diapers. But if you're ever gonna splurge, Cotier diapers and their wipes are game changer because their wipes are just so durable. Now, don't flush them. You'll your plumbing up, but because they're basically a dishcloth. But man. Cotier Coatier, do us a solid. Send us a billion things. I'll give it to her. This, this is. This. I don't. She doesn't need to see this. It's just more. It's more different bedding options. By the way, you've screwed yourself by not telling us what gender because now you have to take both genders home.

[Bri]

That's fine. We have a lot of friends having babies.

[Tosh]

All right, good. You know, one of these dumb baby scales things. Oh, the single worst thing I hated about being a father is the fucking drying rack. Oh. Just constantly cleaning bottles and pacifiers and nipples of whatever. Just dumb. And this just always by my sink with a hundred things sticking out of it. It's just. Oh, this is a good gift over here. This, this, your husband's gonna like this goes onto the front seat. So your handlebars, so they're right in front of you. You can control them. You can touch them. You can. They feel that. That was a game changer once we got to leave the house, like, and start. Oh, that's good. That's a good tooly. Get this out of here. There's too much. Oh, here you go. Have fun with. Oh. So they fall in every. Cover, your sockets. Get all this off my desk. Okay. A lot of stuff there. This. I saw this, and I just started laughing. My first kid, everything had to be wood because I refused to have all the plastic in my house. But this, it was a puzzle. But I just laughed because I was like, oh, I don't know how to do this. And I was like, well, I'm going to force myself to do it right now. So I did this the other day to put this back, and it was just. It's just horrible. I don't know if a kid's supposed to be able to figure this out.

[Bri]

That seems hard, even for me.

[Tosh]

It's just the Alphabet, but it's. It's. I mean, it's pretty. Kind of pretty. Oh, this is a good travel one. This one got a lot of use. Also infuriating when you do a step wrong. Do you guys want me to demonstrate this one? Yes. You know what that is?

[Bri]

No.

[Tosh]

That is the butt. Oh, this I like.

[Bri]

No idea what it could even be.

[Tosh]

This is your travel chair. For any, like, high chair. This goes into the butt. Oh, this is. This is fun. This is my last. My, like, last draw. Doing it the right way. Why am I struggling right now? Now, here's the. Here's the trick. Oh, if you miss this loop, you are. This is good. This is good content. You put this on the Patreon page, man, they'll love it. If you don't embrace the silliness of this, you'll go mental. That just spins. Because now your kid is safe. Ah, back off. Why is that not going.

[Bri]

Oh, I did the. Slide it in.

[Tosh]

No, stop telling me what to do. Okay? That you're. You're gonna get fights. You have to embrace that, okay? Because no one wants to fucking hear you saying what to do from back there. This thing. Oh, I've hung this thing on some dangerous ledges now. Guess what? Gotta do it all again. We'll be right back. This episode of Tosh show is brought to you by Progressive Insurance. You chose to hit play on this podcast today. Smart choice. Make another smart choice with Auto Quote Explorer to Compare rates from multiple car insurance companies all at once. Try [e-mail], progressive Casualty Insurance Company and affiliates. Not available in all states or situations. Prices vary based on how you buy. The global gaming league is presented by Atlas Earth, the fun cashback app. Hey, it's Howie Mandel and I am inviting you to witness history as me and my how we do it gaming team take on Gilly the king and wallow. 2, 6 $7 million gaming in an epic global gaming league video game showdown. Plus a halftime performance by multi platinum artist Travy McCoy. Watch all the action and see who wins and advances to the championship match right [e-mail]. that's globalgamingleague.com in partnership with Level Up Expo. Oh, here's a cute thing. The letters. And then you write something like, hey, Johnny, welcome to the family, or whatever. Aw, Johnny, welcome to the family. I don't know what. There's a. Another cup holder. What?

[Bri]

You never have too many.

[Tosh]

So many fans. You're always hot.

[Bri]

We need one.

[Tosh]

The babies, you stick them on things. Oh, look, the baby's not so hot anymore. Do you ever call white babies? What do they say? What do Mexican women. Corn. Cornhead. You know, mama?

[Bri]

Yeah, I do. Pelos de lote.

[Tosh]

Is that what it is when you're shucking a corn?

[Bri]

Yeah, pelos de lote.

[Tosh]

The little whiskers. That's what you call, say, white people's head. You don't say it. Listen.

[Ed]

But we know others.

[Tosh]

We know that it happens. I think it's funny. I don't have a problem with it. I love. I love my friends from Mexico that call my kids cornhead.

[Ed]

Little corn husk head.

[Tosh]

Corn husk head. Okay. Oh, geez. What is in here? There's like, tea party sets. Oh, it's all wood. Dumb night light. That has a thing here. These right here. My. Are you gonna go pacifier or no pacifier? We on the first child yanked his pacifiers at, like, whenever we tried to sleep train. I guess at four months, five months. And then he just sucked his thumb. It was easy because they don't have to find a pacifier. But then we couldn't break him of sucking his thumb. At five years old, I had to buy these gloves. I have hundreds of these gloves that he had to wear at night so he wouldn't suck his thumb. Okay. These aren't used. Okay, well, there's a ton of hats and there's toys that are heavy in there. This also seems. I'll be honest with You a little Latino? If I'm being racist, what is it?

[Bri]

No, we do. We love our outside decor. We love our outside decor.

[Tosh]

Oh, my goodness. It's just endless. It's just endless. The amount of. You're gonna have. You're gonna have to just throw this stuff away. Oh, look at that. What is. Whoa, she's creepy. Look at that. That girl. This guy looks like your husband, I think. Holy shit.

[Ed]

Oh, my God, Rudy.

[Tosh]

Let me tell you something. I don't know where his pants are. Okay. You'll have to make pants. Okay.

[Bri]

I can make pants.

[Tosh]

You can make pants. Look at this. Black lives matter. This is the only changing table you ever want on top of your thing. Don't get the cloth ones that have this. It's just. You can wipe. You can just wipe. It's done. It's easy. This thing worked now. It had the safety things that hooked around. I cut those off. But, I mean, the amount of poop that I've cleaned up on this thing. But I loved it. Baby gates things. Oh, it's horrible. These are. You might not want these, but you're getting them. These are like railings for beds. If you want to put railings on, then this is like a baby gate for your house. If you want to black block off an area. Guess what this is.

[Bri]

More toys.

[Tosh]

Just. Just tons and tons of nonsense. Good luck. You wonder how cool my kid was. Look at this. Wearing cigarette. Smoking Kurt Cobain.

[Bri]

Oh, my gosh.

[Tosh]

Yeah. So that's. You know, there's some cool.

[Bri]

Very cultured.

[Tosh]

Oh, look at this. You guys hike? You walk through woods sometimes. Yeah. Well, put this on your back and look like an idiot. There's a Radio Flyer. The pedals come out for when they get older. I love that I. That I still remember these things. Okay, Put that away. That's choking hazard for right now, but you'll need those later. Those are just some blocks that stick together. Plastic. They're colorful. There's a hundred of these. Okay. Makes a big area that. So you can rope them off, but you're. They're not moving for six months, so enjoy that. This, my manager got my son. Oh, it's nice. You guys like music in your family?

[Bri]

We do.

[Tosh]

Okay, well, this won't be good, but look, it's. But it's pretty. It's pretty. Everything has a place. Okay. My son broke this, and I glued it. That's all I ever do. That's all I ever do. I say I'll glue it, buddy. Don't worry about it. He Starts crying like I'll glue it. I don't know where this stuff goes. Oh, Pete, is this an official drum set? Whatever. You got this drum set. It's fun. This table's going through it today. What else did I miss? Might be it.

[Bri]

Yay. I think you're relieved.

[Tosh]

All right, Brie, thank you for being on the show. Thank you for taking our stuff. I'm glad that your husband reached out and volunteered to take all my shit.

[Bri]

Thank you. I appreciate it. I'm very grateful.

[Tosh]

Uh huh. Well, good luck. I can't wait to meet. Hold on. What's his name?

[Bri]

Wait, like both names?

[Tosh]

No, no, I don't want to know their names. You want me to peek in this?

[Bri]

Go ahead, peek.

[Tosh]

You want me to.

[Bri]

Yeah, just take a look.

[Tosh]

Let me just see what. Let me just see what I'm dealing with. I'm so scared.

[Bri]

I'm scared too.

[Tosh]

It's just hysterical. If I know.

[Bri]

What.

[Tosh]

I'll see you in July.

[Bri]

All right, see you in July. Thank you. Thank you,

[Tosh]

Paw show. I want to thank Bri and Rudy for being on the show today. I mean, Rudy wasn't on the show. Did you know that Rudy was from Nicaragua?

[Ed]

Eh, Learn something new every day.

[Tosh]

Can't be perfect. Oh, I love it. I love them. They're great. I wish them the best. I can't believe I know what the gender their baby is and they don't know.

[Ed]

That's crazy.

[Tosh]

I mean, come on, guys. Open the envelope. Open the envelope. By the way, we forgot to give them stuff. Carl, I E. You. I left. I forgot. I have all the. The baby monitors. Okay. The cameras that you're gonna need. I always like to have a two camera shoot for my baby when they sleep. Okay. Gotta get them in the way.

[Ed]

Camera number one.

[Tosh]

Well, yeah, you roll your head the wrong way and all of a sudden I can't see breath. I need proof of life at the six month mark. Anyway, we got more stuff for you guys. I'll get this off my desk and then we'll send that to you. Pete, get that to them.

[Ed]

It wouldn't have fit.

[Tosh]

Yeah, I mean, do we have a photo of their truck? Oh, yeah, we have video. Okay. They brought. They brought a. A Tacoma. Yeah, yeah. People in the. No, call it People don't say Tacoma. People in the know call them Taco Ma.

[Ed]

Taco Ma.

[Tosh]

Taco map. You didn't know that?

[Ed]

Yeah, Using it so people know you're. You're hip.

[Tosh]

Yeah, you gotta say Taco Ma. Anyway, they had a Tacoma and anybody that has a Tacoma knows you don't have a lot of bed space.

[Ed]

You don't.

[Tosh]

But we filled it. Man, did we fill it. And they drove all the way back down to San Diego, huh, guys? They had it all. Okay? She's Mexican. Check. Nurse, check.

[Ed]

Yep.

[Tosh]

Park ranger. Boom. First child. They got it all. And they came to a Tosh point zero taping, right?

[Ed]

One of their first dates.

[Tosh]

You know what we should have done? We should add Dylan, give him all of his little baby clothes. Because he wears shirts that, like, show his stomach all the time. Like, if his arms go, like, even to, like, 45 degrees, we're seeing stomach.

[Ed]

If you threw him a Frisbee, you're seeing everything.

[Tosh]

Oh, you play Frisbee with Dylan, you might as well just fucking.

[Ed]

Yeah, it's just like.

[Tosh]

You're seeing his belly all day. He's essentially shirtless. Dylan's like that cool guy in the 80s. Crop top.

[Ed]

Yeah, you know the one.

[Tosh]

He knows who he's trying to look like.

[Ed]

Oh, he's spotlighting.

[Tosh]

Anyway, what else? We got some plugs. Garvey, that company. I don't want anything from them. I want nothing from them. I just want them to know that they're horrible. Patreon.com toss show. My first farewell tour is going on. I've been having fun. Currently we're out there, Ed and I are doing it. Spring break rules.

[Ed]

That's right. Does rule.

[Tosh]

I can't believe. Am I doing two shows in Akron? Yes. Am I doing two shows in. What's the other. What's that other city that nobody thinks about when you think about Ohio? Toledo. Toledo. Am I doing two shows in Toledo? Doing one show in Toledo. Oh, man. Toledo. You let me down. Toledo. That's a little slice of hell on earth. They know it. They know it. You can. Yeah. I mean, I live outside of Toledo. Not far enough.

[Ed]

Right? You're still saying Toledo. You're still close.

[Tosh]

Yeah. What else we got the toss. Showstore.com. got some cool merch. Hit the music. Nice. They love me. They love me not. Let's go. Ed, what do you got?

[Ed]

This is from Meow meow meow. 420.

[Tosh]

So stupid.

[Ed]

Yeah. No, they can't. That's what they got.

[Tosh]

But they gotta love me. If you have a name like that, I know you're a fan.

[Ed]

Very good questions from Daniel. You nailed it. You called it.

[Tosh]

That guy stoned out of his mind.

[Ed]

Oh, yeah.

[Tosh]

All right. What else you got?

[Ed]

This is from SDO Studio.

[Tosh]

Okay.

[Ed]

This could be a studio. Who Knows.

[Tosh]

Oh, this person's comment then carries more weight than Meow, meow, meow. 420.

[Ed]

Yeah, this is industry. Maybe.

[Tosh]

Okay.

[Ed]

I sure hope Daniel's mother is right and we don't have another 30 years worth of this.

[Tosh]

POS. And that stands for piece of.

[Ed]

Piece of.

[Tosh]

My mom wasn't saying that she thinks I'm gonna die. She was just saying that it's not guaranteed. Every. Every day is a gift.

[Ed]

Right.

[Tosh]

That's why it's called the a present or something. I don't know how that saying goes, but, yeah, you've heard it.

[Ed]

It's in a ludicrous song.

[Tosh]

As well it should be. How often do you get Ludacris and Nelly confused? Because anytime somebody says ludicrous, I want to scream hot. But then I know that that's Nelly. Well, listen, I hope I live another 50 years.

[Ed]

Me, too.

[Tosh]

Okay. But not more than that. Yeah, 50 is plenty. Dead at 100. When do you want to die, Ed?

[Ed]

97.

[Tosh]

97. Okay, Pete, when do you want to die? Do 100 on the dot. 100 on the dot, John. 101. Just to beat Pete. Somebody check to see if Dylan's still alive. Right now. I'm in the 120.

[Ed]

130.

[Tosh]

Jesus Christ.

[Ed]

Why not?

[Tosh]

Why not?

[Ed]

There's only one life, man. You get one of those chips.

[Tosh]

That's not true. You think there's only. You think you only get one life, Dylan? Yeah. No, man. Come on. Believe in reincarnation. You know what I don't want to do? Here's what I don't want. I don't want to be one of those husbands that dies, like, the day after their wife dies.

[Ed]

Right.

[Tosh]

That seems awful. Something tells me you won't. What? Something tells me you won't. No, I. I feel like. I feel like I'll get a new lease on life once she kicks the bucket, so.

[Ed]

Years passed.

[Tosh]

Well, that's what I'd like.

[Ed]

Yeah.

[Tosh]

That's what you hope in his step. Yeah. No, no, no. It's what she'd want. Yeah.

[Ed]

Keep hope in your heart.

[Tosh]

All right, well, listen, I hope. I hope you and my mom are wrong. Unless you're one person, and that's my mom's burner account. That'd be great. Shame on you, Margo. See you next week. Hold on. We got a phone call, see what's going on.

[Ed]

Garvey.

[Tosh]

Yeah? That package is not big enough to be a rear axle.

[Ed]

Yeah, you got to look at the packages like that could be it.

[Tosh]

That's not it was small. That's small. The Global Gaming League is presented by Atlas Earth, the fun cashback app. Hey, it's Howie Mandel, and I am inviting you to witness history as me and my Howie do it gaming team take on Gilly The King Wallow 267's million dollars gaming in an epic global gaming league video game showdown. Plus a halftime performance by multi platinum artist Travy McCoy. Watch all the action and see who wins and advances to the championship match right [e-mail] that's globalgamingleague.com in partnership with Level Up Expo.