My Bachelorette, Panda

Summary

Tosh Show – “My Bachelorette, Panda – Amanda Lambert”

Host: Daniel Tosh
Guest: Amanda “Panda” Lambert
Date: February 10, 2026

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Episode Overview

This episode of the Tosh Show is a wry, candid, and often hilarious exploration of Daniel Tosh’s quest to find love for his wife’s cousin, Amanda, aka Panda. Having spent six months in a semi-serious attempt to match Panda with a worthy suitor among the show’s eclectic fanbase—to little success—Tosh takes a deeper dive into Panda’s dating history, desires, family dynamics, and what’s gone wrong so far. Familiar regulars like Eddie, Hutch, and even Amanda’s aunt-in-law, Travis, join in, providing an intimate if comically chaotic, portrait of Panda as the podcast’s most eligible bachelorette.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. The “Die with Zero” Philosophy and Tosh’s Family Traditions

• Tosh and Eddie discuss the “die with zero” retirement strategy—the notion of spending your money and not stockpiling it for others (02:11).
  • Daniel Tosh: “It’s hard because you don’t know when you’re gonna die. Unless you do. Cause then it’s easy to plot it out.” (02:34)
• Tosh describes family’s (especially wife Carly’s) penchant for creating new traditions around events like Valentine’s Day, and his own quirky travel habits. Panda is ribbed for her single status on Valentine’s.
  • Daniel: “Our tradition for Valentine’s Day every year ... we go to a nice lunch. The end. There’s no flowers. There’s no gift.” (06:29)
  • Amanda: “Fruit booters.” (rollerbladers; 07:04)

2. Defining Panda’s Ideal Match—Aunt-In-Law’s Criteria

• Tosh calls Travis (Amanda’s aunt-in-law) to get her take on what kind of partner would be ideal for Panda.
  • Desired traits: Tall, liberal, vegetarian/vegan, smart, funny, adoring (10:10)
  • Travis: “She can go down five years ... and go up ten years.” (10:26)
• Discussion of Amanda’s past relationships, including a 7-year boyfriend who never said “I love you.”
  • Travis: “Yeah, he was wrong. And her brother tried to say that. I think her dad said that. My husband said that...” (11:02)

3. Amanda’s (Panda’s) Relationship History & Personality

• Tosh gives a blunt, humorous rundown of Panda’s past: multiple long-term relationships where she often followed love across states, and ill-fated matches (16:53–26:04).
  • Daniel: “You dated him for seven years. He didn’t say I love you? Not once? Nah, it’s weird. I don’t get guys like that.” (22:22)
• Panda moved from Florida to California for work—and to escape a breakup—at Tosh’s suggestion, joining Tosh Point O just as the pandemic shuttered the show. Amanda reflects that it was the right decision, even with relationship and job woes (22:45).

4. Why Panda Turned her Love Life Over to Tosh

• Amanda explains that dating apps are “garbage,” (23:21) and trusts Tosh more than algorithms despite his over-the-top methods.
  • Daniel: “You don’t do the apps?”
    Amanda: “No. They’re garbage. They’re horrible.” (23:17–23:22)

5. Family Ties and Emotional Soft Spots

• Amanda’s adoration for her brothers, who don’t return the affection as strongly, is a running joke. Tosh suggests this dynamic might be the crux of her dating woes (24:08).
  • Daniel: “You’ve had a weird physical attraction to both of your brothers almost your entire life.”
    Amanda: “That’s true. It’s very true. They’re my first loves.” (24:16)
• Her parents’ divorce and dynamics with her father’s new wife (25:11–25:33).

6. The Wildest Dates & Red Flags

• Panda has dated a range: a guy who never said "I love you," one who was obsessed with introducing her to his mom on the first date, a performer from Progressive’s “Don’t Turn Into Your Parents” ads, and a man with a unique sexual request.
  • Daniel: “Who was the guy that always wanted to pee in your butt that you dated?”
    Amanda: “I was wondering if you were gonna bring him up.” (28:45–28:48)
  • Daniel: “You’ll fly through some red flags.”
    Amanda: “I sure will.” (29:17)

7. The Horse Content: Not a Dealbreaker

• Many potential suitors seem worried Panda is “all about horses,” but she clarifies that while horses will always be in her life, her partner doesn’t need to share that passion (30:16).
  • Amanda: “It always will be. Yeah. But you don’t need to be into it.” (30:16–30:21)

8. On Romance, Dating Preferences, and “Dealbreakers”

• Panda is open to romance, wants someone successful and passionate, prefers active dates over dinners, and expects the guy to pay on the first date but isn’t wedded to gender roles (27:40–31:03).
• She’s flexible on age but wants a tall, masculine man (41:21).

9. Blunt Q&A — Relationship, Sexuality, and Openness

• Tosh and Amanda handle a series of direct, often irreverent questions from the audience:
  • Would she date a Trump-era ICE agent? (“No.” 53:59)
  • Nazis? (“I don’t love them.” 54:03)
  • Willing to date women? (“I wish I was a lesbian sometimes because I can’t find the right dude.” 37:12)

10. The Failed Suitor Call-In Bit

• Tosh and Panda reflect on the call-in gimmick’s total collapse: most callers are not serious, often want to talk to co-host Eddie, or just joke around (32:20–32:43).
  • Daniel: “People have realized at this point that it’s just a bit. That’s why we’re doing this interview, so that people can see there’s a real person’s feelings on the line.” (32:08)

11. Amanda’s Life in Malibu—Pigs, Guesthouses, and “Art Panda”

• Amanda describes quirky Malibu life: living in Daniel’s guesthouse, running an arts and crafts business for rich kids, and living with a mini pig (47:38; 51:28).
  • Amanda: “I texted Carly a picture of a concrete pig...next thing I know I have joint custody of a real mini pig.” (47:16–47:38)
  • Daniel: “You wear one dumb hat every day of your life.”
    Amanda: “I do. I love it.” (50:52)
• Family jokes continue: Amanda, Tosh, wives, in-laws, and pets make for a lively, unconventional extended family (48:53).

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On Dating Red Flags:
  Daniel Tosh: “You’ll fly through some red flags.”
  Amanda: “I sure will.” (29:17)

• On Dating Apps:
  Daniel: “You don’t do the apps?”
  Amanda: “No. They’re garbage. They’re horrible.” (23:17–23:22)

• Amanda’s Aunt-in-Law on Her Ideal Partner:
  Travis: “Tall, liberal... be nice if he was vegetarian or vegan. Smart and funny. Who would adore her.” (10:10)

• On Family Dynamics:
  Daniel: “You’ve had a weird physical attraction to both of your brothers almost your entire life.”
  Amanda: “That’s true. It’s very true. They’re my first loves.” (24:16)

• On Being Open-Minded:
  Amanda: “I’m open-minded in the beginning. Cause you’re getting to know someone.” (29:25)

• On Not Wanting a “Pretty” Partner:
  Amanda: “I don’t like pretty men. I like good looking men. Masculine men...girls feel safe with tall men.” (42:38, 42:46)

• On her hat:
  Daniel: “She’s got this hat that says...Make America Great...she thinks it’s the funniest thing ever.”
  Amanda: “It says Surfing Cowboys.” (51:05–51:07)

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Important Timestamps

• Introduction to “Die with Zero” philosophy: 02:11
• Calling Amanda’s aunt-in-law Travis for matchmaking wisdom: 09:33
• Amanda’s relationship background and move to CA: 18:21–23:00
• Wildest Exes Stories: The “pee in the butt” guy, commercials boyfriend, etc: 28:45–29:28
• Horses and dating myths: 30:16–30:49
• Straightforward questions: romance, money, dating philosophy: 27:40–31:03
• Show’s call-in segment floundering: 32:02–32:43
• Amanda’s quirky Malibu life and Art Panda business: 47:16–51:28
• Direct question round (sexuality, politics, etc.): 37:12, 53:59, 54:03
• Amanda’s ideal age range & expectations: 41:21–42:31

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Tone and Style

Staying true to Tosh’s signature irreverence, the episode is playful, sarcastic, and brutally honest. Panda rolls with every jab, showing warmth and good humor. Candid discussions about family, breakups, pet pigs, and the LA dating scene are shot through with Tosh’s deadpan and cynical comedic style.

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Conclusion

This episode offers a behind-the-scenes look at one woman’s meandering journey through modern dating, seen through the filter of Daniel Tosh’s acerbic wit. It’s a candid blend of comedy and sincerity, mixing family banter, bad dating stories, and the stubborn hope that 2026 might finally be Panda’s year. For listeners, it’s an entertaining, affectionate, and at times, uncomfortably real examination of love, family, and why sometimes, your best shot at romance just might need the intervention of a stand-up comedian.

Transcript

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[Daniel Tosh]

Wayfair.

[Wayfair Announcer]

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[Daniel Tosh]

Who is the guy that always wanted to pee in your butt that you dated?

[Amanda (Panda)]

I was wondering if you were gonna bring him up.

[Daniel Tosh]

Tosh Show. Posh show. Tosh show from Show. Welcome to Tosh Show. I'm your captain, Dan Tosh. Is that a proper salute, Ed?

[Eddie]

Seems pretty good.

[Daniel Tosh]

Fingers are curled. Is it not supposed to curl?

[Eddie]

No, he's gonna keep it straight across.

[Daniel Tosh]

I like a quick gesture.

[Eddie]

Sue Fast. Like guys trying to get away with something.

[Daniel Tosh]

You got some Tourette's? Almost. Yeah. Anyway, you know what DWZ is? Nope. Retirement plan?

[Eddie]

No.

[Daniel Tosh]

Die with zero. Okay. Yeah, it's the whole goal of you're supposed to spend your money. Your money doesn't need to outlive you. Die with nothing.

[Eddie]

Okay.

[Daniel Tosh]

Guess what? You're there. I'm gonna do it. I've decided I'm gonna do it. What's the point? It's hard because you don't know when you're gonna die. Unless you do. Okay, okay. Cause then it's easy to plot it out. But let's say you don't know when you're gonna die. Let's say you're one of those old fashioned people that doesn't believe you should yourself. How do you spend? How much do you allot.

[Eddie]

It's like Brewster's Millions.

[Daniel Tosh]

Yeah, it's a fun game to play. Anyway, I'm fascinated by this die with zero retirement plan. What about you guys? You want to save money for your kids or Pete for your dog?

[Eddie]

Yeah, Pete. What are you going to do there? You putting something away for her dog?

[Daniel Tosh]

Gets a house in North Hollywood. Pete's going to bury stuff in the backyard, let his girl dig it up. I don't know. I struggle with this. I read about this billionaire that has quarterly meetings with his family, letting him know exactly how much money he has, what he's spending on. And it's just keeping people in the loop and just like, it's just part. He's like, you can pretend I don't have this money, but we all know I do. So here's a state of the affairs and this is what you need to do when old gravy terrain kicks the bucket. I kind of like that approach too, but I don't want to incentivize the heathens that I live with.

[Eddie]

But you're probably spending on them.

[Daniel Tosh]

No, I don't spend. I only spend on travel. If I'm going to go someplace, it's. I'm going to, I'm going to enjoy it. I don't, I don't get a nice hotel room so that I can walk around the city. I fucking stay in my hotel room.

[Eddie]

I think that's why I've always liked walking around the cities, to get out of the bad room.

[Daniel Tosh]

Yeah, Eddie walks around the cities, which is good for him. Okay. But that's because he's staying in a horrible fleabag.

[Eddie]

And nothing's more apparent than after I work with you for a couple of weeks and then I go on one of my solo gigs and I'm like, oh my God, the hotel. This is, this is bad.

[Daniel Tosh]

Yeah, I got Valentine's Day coming up. Speaking of nice hotels, Pete made a huge mistake. We, we made a reservation at this hotel because my father in law wanted to go to this town so bad. I'm not going to say the name of the town anyway. Well, the weather got bad. Then I said, pete, I don't Want to go? He's not going to be able to leave the room, you know, which is fine for me, but my kids, they'll get irritated and he won't get to see the town. So I go cancel the reservation. He's like, well, you can't. Like what? You can't cancel a reservation. But no, you're going to get stuck with the bill. He's like, you can. They'll give you a one time courtesy where you can just pick another date. Ah. So anyway, you know, I'm throwing, throwing it out there. I'm like, oh, Valentine's Day is on a Saturday this year. Let's go there for Valentine's Day. And you know, hopefully the world ends before that, but now here comes Valentine's Day and I've got this reservation at this hotel and we're going to do it. You got. But not with my father in law. Oh, he's not here right now.

[Eddie]

Okay. Yeah, I thought so.

[Daniel Tosh]

I have to go back to this place again when he's back. This is all because of Pete. He's like, well, you, you saved $15 by paying all cash and not being able to cancel.

[Eddie]

Yeah.

[Daniel Tosh]

Oh, great.

[Eddie]

And you can't move it again.

[Daniel Tosh]

It was a one time courtesy.

[Eddie]

They got you.

[Daniel Tosh]

They got me good.

[Eddie]

They got you so good.

[Daniel Tosh]

Now, Now I'm having. Because my wife has been very good about Valentine's Day our entire relationship. Here's our tradition. You know, my wife loves traditions. Whatever.

[Eddie]

Like she creates them. Creates them.

[Daniel Tosh]

She creates made up bullshit constantly. Our tradition for Valentine's Day every year, no matter when Valentine's Day is, someday during that week, we go to a nice lunch.

[Eddie]

I like that.

[Daniel Tosh]

The end.

[Eddie]

There you go.

[Daniel Tosh]

There's no flowers.

[Eddie]

Perfect.

[Daniel Tosh]

There's no gift. We go to lunch someplace nice without the children. Someday during Valentine's Day week. Pretty good tradition if you ask me. A lot of times we go to shutters in Santa Monica and you know, you sit by the strand there and watch the fruitcakes rollerblade by. You know, my wife would just yell at them.

[Eddie]

Yeah, she likes to yell at fruitcakes.

[Daniel Tosh]

Now. What'd she call, what do they call, what do they call the rollerbladers?

[Amanda (Panda)]

Fruit booters.

[Daniel Tosh]

Fruit booters.

[Eddie]

Fruit booters.

[Daniel Tosh]

She just starts screaming, fruit booter. I'm like, come on, honey, why don't we pass that? It's 20, 26.

[Eddie]

We've lived in California for so long now.

[Daniel Tosh]

Yeah. You can't take the hate out of her heart. No. But so this year we're having A whole weekend. Kids, friends. We had to bring friends because we have an extra room.

[Eddie]

Right.

[Daniel Tosh]

Because the in laws aren't with us.

[Eddie]

You still got to go back at some point.

[Daniel Tosh]

Yep.

[Eddie]

Because your dad wants to see.

[Daniel Tosh]

Oh, man. It's hard to save money in my family with. With the people that I live with.

[Eddie]

You're on your way.

[Daniel Tosh]

The lifestyle that they've grown accustomed to. That's why I'm trying to work so hard this year.

[National Debt Relief Announcer]

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[Daniel Tosh]

I want to get my. My nest egg bulked up and then I want to hunker down, spend it all. 20, 27.

[Eddie]

How many cities has Greg not been to that he still wants to hit?

[Daniel Tosh]

You know what he said to me on this last little trip where we took him? He's always shocking us where he goes, you know, I've always wanted to come here. He said this. He goes, I don't know why they keep bringing me to big cities. I don't even like big cities. I was like, what? Where did this come from? I don't even know why they keep bringing me to big cities. I don't even like big cities.

[Eddie]

That's where the shows are, Greg.

[Daniel Tosh]

Yeah, that's where the shows are. Well, listen, I feel for Panda. Valentine's Day is just a huge mirror held up to her.

[Eddie]

Right.

[Daniel Tosh]

Let her know how not loved she is.

[Eddie]

Look at what you've done.

[Daniel Tosh]

Oh, it's sad. And you can't go on a date right now because it's right next to Valentine's Day and there's so much pressure, like, oh, shit, do we do this again in four more days? You know who we need to call is her mother. Her mother's a lovely woman.

[Eddie]

Okay.

[Daniel Tosh]

And happily married. Not to, not to Panda's father, but I think her childhood romance. Oh. So I'm going to call. Let's call Panda's mom and see if she knows what the root of all our troubles are. Oh, that's funny. You want to know what she's under in my phone?

[Eddie]

What?

[Daniel Tosh]

Mom. She can't be mom. She's not even my mother in law.

[Eddie]

She's a mom.

[Daniel Tosh]

She's my aunt in law. Right, My aunt. Let's see if she answers. Hello, Travis.

[Travis (Amanda's Aunt-in-law)]

Daniel.

[Daniel Tosh]

How you doing?

[Travis (Amanda's Aunt-in-law)]

I am good. Doing good. How are you doing?

[Daniel Tosh]

I'm doing great. It's your daughter's landlord.

[Travis (Amanda's Aunt-in-law)]

Yes, I know who exactly you are. And she's lucky to have you.

[Daniel Tosh]

Quick question. Here's what we're doing. You know, I've been trying to find your daughter love.

[Travis (Amanda's Aunt-in-law)]

Yes, I do indeed.

[Daniel Tosh]

It hasn't been going well. What should I be looking for? What would be the ideal person that you say, yes, that's who my daughter should be with.

[Travis (Amanda's Aunt-in-law)]

Okay. Tall, liberal.

[Daniel Tosh]

Uhhuh.

[Travis (Amanda's Aunt-in-law)]

It'd be nice if he was a vegetarian or vegan. Smart. Oh yeah. Smart and funny. Who would adore her? That's what I would be looking for.

[Daniel Tosh]

What about age? Do you care about age?

[Travis (Amanda's Aunt-in-law)]

You know, I'd say she can go down five years or so and go up 10 years. Yeah, I think that's fine. Somewhere in that range, I think.

[Daniel Tosh]

What about, what about her last boyfriend? Was he too old?

[Travis (Amanda's Aunt-in-law)]

No, I don't, I do not think he was too old. Very nice man. He felt right guy for her.

[Daniel Tosh]

He felt old to me.

[Travis (Amanda's Aunt-in-law)]

He did.

[Daniel Tosh]

He felt old.

[Travis (Amanda's Aunt-in-law)]

I didn't think he looked his age. And, and he was funny. He was sharp. I, I, I liked him.

[Daniel Tosh]

You, you tend to like everyone that, that, that she dates. Is that true? Is there any of her boyfriends that you disliked?

[Travis (Amanda's Aunt-in-law)]

Not initially, no.

[Daniel Tosh]

What about the one that she went seven years with that couldn't say I love you?

[Travis (Amanda's Aunt-in-law)]

Well, yeah, I have anger issues about that still. Yeah, he was, he was wrong. And her brother tried to say that. I think her dad said that. My husband said that, so. Yeah, he was not.

[Daniel Tosh]

Speaking of your husband, I mean, just were you guys, did you guys date in high school or.

[Travis (Amanda's Aunt-in-law)]

No, no, we were good friends in high school. We dated in college.

[Daniel Tosh]

You dated in college, Then you got married for, for a couple decades. And then how long after.

[Travis (Amanda's Aunt-in-law)]

To other people.

[Daniel Tosh]

Right, to other people. And then how, how quickly after that did you guys tie the knot?

[Travis (Amanda's Aunt-in-law)]

After divorce? Five years.

[Daniel Tosh]

Uhhuh. And now how long have you been married to him?

[Travis (Amanda's Aunt-in-law)]

This year in October will be 15.

[Daniel Tosh]

15 years. Look at that. With your old college sweetheart.

[Travis (Amanda's Aunt-in-law)]

He's a cutie still.

[Daniel Tosh]

Now tell, tell, tell people. Is, is my best feature, my ears?

[Travis (Amanda's Aunt-in-law)]

Your best feature? No, your best feature is your smile.

[Daniel Tosh]

Oh, man. But you do. But my ears are pretty strong.

[Travis (Amanda's Aunt-in-law)]

They are good. I told you once you had perfect ears. I think I did say that. Nice, cute little ears for a man especially.

[Eddie]

Oh, nice little cute man ears.

[Daniel Tosh]

All right, listen, we're gonna, we're. I think this is the year, I think 2026 is the year we find Panda true love. I, I think it happens. I think it happens. If you don't love that, if we don't put a mouth on it, then it's not going to happen, so.

[Travis (Amanda's Aunt-in-law)]

That's right.

[Amanda (Panda)]

Yeah.

[Daniel Tosh]

All right.

[Travis (Amanda's Aunt-in-law)]

Smart, funny, kind, all that good stuff.

[Daniel Tosh]

And tall. Got it.

[Travis (Amanda's Aunt-in-law)]

And tall. Yeah, she definitely wants tall.

[Eddie]

AI.

[Daniel Tosh]

All right. Thank you, Travis.

[Travis (Amanda's Aunt-in-law)]

You are so welcome. Lovely talking to you.

[Daniel Tosh]

I'll talk to you later, boy. Yeah, she's good. She's good.

[Eddie]

Yeah, she knows what she wants.

[Daniel Tosh]

Amanda, I hate to tell her, you know, we're not going to be able to tick all those boxes, but we'll settle for not a convict.

[Eddie]

Yeah.

[Daniel Tosh]

Knows a good pizza spot in Indiana.

[Eddie]

Plenty of those.

[Daniel Tosh]

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[Daniel Tosh]

Six months ago, we launched our effort to find a husband for my wife's cousin Amanda. But because the guys who watch our show are a real mixed bag and it has backfired spectacularly, it's time to dive deeper into what has gone wrong so we can right this ship before it's too late and her eggs dry up. Please welcome Tosh Show's most eligible bachelorette, Amanda AKA Panda.

[Amanda (Panda)]

Thank you.

[Daniel Tosh]

First question I ask all my guests. Have you ever been in love?

[Amanda (Panda)]

Yes.

[Daniel Tosh]

You fall in love all the time.

[Amanda (Panda)]

I do. Easy to fall in love.

[Daniel Tosh]

I mean, that's a shame. Even. Even though this isn't one of our standard interviews, I'm sure your potential suitors would like to know if you believe in ghost so they know what kind of crazy you are. No, you kind of believe you get scared. You get scared easily.

[Amanda (Panda)]

Well, that's like jump scare. And if there's like a hanging person in a. In a shower, I get scared easily.

[Daniel Tosh]

You get scared when we're not home.

[Amanda (Panda)]

But that's not of ghosts. That's just of like people.

[Daniel Tosh]

It's rape.

[Amanda (Panda)]

Yeah, it's rape.

[Daniel Tosh]

It's always. That's the scare. I get it. It seems awful. I too have the same fear. It's funny, though, when I'm home, the amount of people on the property that. That feel at ease because I am there is really absurd. Because I couldn't do anything. There's nothing I would do other than run faster than you guys. By the way, we call you Panda for those people that don't know, because my children. I don't know why I just gave you the nickname a panda instead of Amanda when they were little. And then they both say paw instead of shortening for panda. And then the other one says Paw Paw. So at this point, people just think when. When you're out with my wife, that you guys are just two lesbians with children.

[Amanda (Panda)]

Right? Or grandpa if I'm not there.

[Daniel Tosh]

Yeah.

[Amanda (Panda)]

Old Paw.

[National Debt Relief Announcer]

Paw.

[Daniel Tosh]

Pawpaw. That's Pawpaw. Our paths crossed how many years ago?

[Amanda (Panda)]

5.

[Daniel Tosh]

Is that it?

[Amanda (Panda)]

6.

[Daniel Tosh]

20. 19. You were in Florida. You lived in Jacksonville, Atlantic Beach. Atlantic Beach. You try to distinguish it like that. It's better, but it's not so cute. It's all garbage.

[Amanda (Panda)]

It's cute.

[Daniel Tosh]

It's disgusting up there. Oh, Jackson. Jacksonville might be the. One of the worst cities in all of Florida. I stand by that.

[Amanda (Panda)]

I agree. Parts of it.

[Daniel Tosh]

The thing that makes Jacksonville such a horrible place is the people. You were born and raised in Florida?

[Amanda (Panda)]

Yes.

[Daniel Tosh]

Where were you born?

[Amanda (Panda)]

Gainesville.

[Daniel Tosh]

You were born in Gainesville?

[Amanda (Panda)]

Yeah, at Shands.

[Daniel Tosh]

I don't know. What the fuck Is that a hospital?

[Amanda (Panda)]

It's a teaching hospital. It's known to be, like, horrible.

[Daniel Tosh]

Were you delivered by student?

[Amanda (Panda)]

Probably. I don't know who I was delivered by.

[Daniel Tosh]

Do they gator chomp you out of.

[Amanda (Panda)]

The vag to the head?

[Daniel Tosh]

That's funny. All right, so you were born in Gainesville and then you grew up in Satellite Beach?

[Amanda (Panda)]

Yes. We had a short stint in Mobile, Alabama. I loved it then.

[Daniel Tosh]

How do you remember it?

[Amanda (Panda)]

Because I started riding then up front.

[Daniel Tosh]

Oh, geez. The horse stuff?

[Amanda (Panda)]

Yeah. And it was my love, so I was obsessed with that. Then we moved to Satellite beach when I was in fifth grade and then stayed there.

[Daniel Tosh]

Then you went to college at Auburn University in Alabama for one year. You failed fl Flunked or dropped out?

[Amanda (Panda)]

None of the above.

[Daniel Tosh]

What?

[Amanda (Panda)]

I transferred to uf. I rode on the equestrian team.

[Daniel Tosh]

I know.

[Amanda (Panda)]

Okay, okay. And then I transferred to uf. At the time my parents moved back to Gainesville. I had a bunch of friends there. The guy I was dating was at uf, and I was just. I was feeling like I was.

[Daniel Tosh]

So you followed love?

[Amanda (Panda)]

Yes, all the time.

[Daniel Tosh]

And you left horses?

[Amanda (Panda)]

I Left horses.

[Daniel Tosh]

Mm. All right, so then you graduated Gainesville, and then you were in a bunch of shitty relationships. Then you were dating one guy for seven years.

[Amanda (Panda)]

Yep.

[Daniel Tosh]

And he wouldn't say I love you.

[Amanda (Panda)]

Yeah, I forgot about that the entire time. He didn't say I love you. That's crazy.

[Daniel Tosh]

You dated him for seven years. He didn't say I love you?

[Amanda (Panda)]

Not once.

[Daniel Tosh]

Nah, it's weird. I don't get guys like that. Anybody that says that. Oh, I don't ever. I only want to say it one time. I'm like, you're a fucking idiot.

[Amanda (Panda)]

Yeah. No, it's crazy. I think he wrote, like, love always in a card one time, and he was like, it's so. You can read it. You can, like, read the word love from me.

[Daniel Tosh]

So you were at the end of that seven year relationship when I met you, I believe.

[Amanda (Panda)]

Yes.

[Daniel Tosh]

And you felt trapped in Florida. And I said, hey, come out to California. I'll get you a job. You know, on Tosh Point O. And this is like, February of 2020. And then the pandemic hit, and Chris McCarthy used that as an excuse to destroy all of Comedy Central. And he didn't have a job. It's weird, the ripple effect of it. So you didn't, but then you just started being like, well, you forced me out here. So I just, like, started throwing projects your way for a while. All of them just, you know, one right after another. I was like, well, that's not the right fit.

[Amanda (Panda)]

Right.

[Daniel Tosh]

Went to Australia. We taught my kid to walk.

[Amanda (Panda)]

That was.

[Daniel Tosh]

That was 2020.

[Amanda (Panda)]

The phone call of you guys inviting me out here was crazy because it was on a Thursday. And you said, okay, but we've already started the show. And they're like, on me about getting an assistant. So you have to be out here and start work on Monday.

[Daniel Tosh]

Right.

[Amanda (Panda)]

Which is crazy.

[Daniel Tosh]

I called you on a Thursday. I said, change your life. Get out here. But you have to be here by Monday. And I gave her the opportunity, and she did. Now, what was your job? You would go around to, like, weird meth houses in Florida.

[Amanda (Panda)]

Yeah. Medical device.

[Daniel Tosh]

And you would build knees for old people that were, like, falling apart?

[Amanda (Panda)]

No, John builds knees.

[National Debt Relief Announcer]

What did you do?

[Amanda (Panda)]

We think I took a bone growth stimulator to the patient's house and showed them how to use it after they had a spinal fusion.

[Daniel Tosh]

And you were doing that in dangerous.

[Amanda (Panda)]

Areas of Florida, Crazy, weird places.

[Daniel Tosh]

And so we gave you an out. We threw you a lifeline, said, just knock it off. Just quit. And you quit. And Your company was furious that you just. You had just quit with no two weeks notice, no nothing. They were blindsided. And they're like, you'll regret it.

[Amanda (Panda)]

Yep.

[Daniel Tosh]

And your mom's wanted you to come. Has your mom wanted you to come back?

[Amanda (Panda)]

I mean, she's said it a few times. I don't know if she genuinely means it.

[Daniel Tosh]

Yeah, but you got a good mom. She's fun. She's fun to hang out with. She loves you. But you've stayed out here ever since. You've been out here for six years now. And was that a good decision?

[Amanda (Panda)]

Yes. Hands down.

[Daniel Tosh]

You don't regret it?

[Amanda (Panda)]

I don't.

[Daniel Tosh]

Even though it's been bad relationships and even worse, you know, you think her luck is bad. Finding love. How about a good job? Just disaster. Explain to the audience why you were willing to turn all decision making power in your love life over to me.

[Amanda (Panda)]

Great question. I don't know how we actually got there. I think you brought it up. And I said yes, please take over.

[Daniel Tosh]

You don't do the apps?

[Amanda (Panda)]

No.

[Daniel Tosh]

Do you have any apps downloaded on your phone? Dating apps?

[Wayfair Announcer]

Mm.

[Daniel Tosh]

Mm.

[Amanda (Panda)]

They're garbage. They're horrible.

[Daniel Tosh]

Yeah. They're just for dudes to try to have sex with people.

[Amanda (Panda)]

Mm.

[Daniel Tosh]

I think.

[Amanda (Panda)]

Mm.

[Daniel Tosh]

I've never used one.

[Amanda (Panda)]

I think John uses the apps.

[Daniel Tosh]

Your brother John. John. Mm. How's his life going? Mm.

[Amanda (Panda)]

He doesn't answer my calls.

[Daniel Tosh]

That's one funny thing. She loves her brother. She calls him constantly. He lives here in Southern California, and he. He won't pick up if she calls. And then she'll just be like, hey, can you call him real quick? And then I call him and then he answers and she gets so mad. But it makes me laugh every time. I think he knows it's a bit at this point and just doesn't answer and just waits for the next ring. No, he just went out with a girl yesterday that I set him up with.

[Amanda (Panda)]

He sure did.

[Daniel Tosh]

Yeah. Look at me playing Mr. Cupid.

[Amanda (Panda)]

Mm. Matchmaker.

[Daniel Tosh]

You're the youngest of three, right? You have two older brothers, and you've had a weird physical attraction to both of your brothers almost your entire life.

[Amanda (Panda)]

That's true. It's very true. They're my first loves.

[Daniel Tosh]

You love your brothers.

[Amanda (Panda)]

I do love my brothers.

[Daniel Tosh]

And they don't really share the same love back.

[Amanda (Panda)]

No, but that's why my relationships have all failed, I think.

[Daniel Tosh]

Do you think it's your brother's fault?

[Amanda (Panda)]

Yeah.

[Daniel Tosh]

Which brother do you love more?

[Amanda (Panda)]

I don't know. It's a Different kind of love for each other.

[Daniel Tosh]

One of them got, you know, got the old wanky wank in Mexico that we all talk about.

[Amanda (Panda)]

Yeah, John. John.

[Daniel Tosh]

And then the other one, older one, you know, he's married with children.

[Amanda (Panda)]

Right.

[Daniel Tosh]

Although the one that got the old Yankee during the pandemic came to Tahoe with us with his wife and then left single. We watched that unfold in real time.

[Amanda (Panda)]

We sure did.

[Daniel Tosh]

Who could have seen that coming?

[Amanda (Panda)]

Everybody. Yeah, but you called it very early on.

[Daniel Tosh]

Well, I know, but that's not nice.

[Amanda (Panda)]

Yeah, you're not supposed to.

[Daniel Tosh]

You're not supposed to just go up to a couple and go, oh, these people shouldn't be together.

[Amanda (Panda)]

Sure.

[Daniel Tosh]

But that's what I did. Now, your dad and your mother, they separated when you were how old?

[Amanda (Panda)]

Like 22.

[Daniel Tosh]

Did that have an effect on you?

[Amanda (Panda)]

Not relationship wise.

[Daniel Tosh]

And then your dad ended up marrying your sister. Mm, no. But your dad's. Your dad's new wife. You call her mommy? No. Your dad's new wife. You guys have some similarities, no?

[Amanda (Panda)]

Uh huh. No, we look alike. Yeah, we all look alike in my family.

[Daniel Tosh]

Sell yourself a little bit and explain to all the men watching why you're such a catch. Really, you don't have to.

[Amanda (Panda)]

Okay.

[Daniel Tosh]

Is there any history of mental illness in your family?

[Amanda (Panda)]

Probably, yes.

[Daniel Tosh]

Any updates on your eye thing?

[Amanda (Panda)]

It hasn't happened in how long? Since my last relationship. That was like March or April.

[Daniel Tosh]

Your last relationship? Yeah, the one that got away. Have you ever looked back at on your relationships and said, you know what? I probably should have made that one work?

[Amanda (Panda)]

No.

[Daniel Tosh]

Have you ever gotten back together with an ex?

[Amanda (Panda)]

No.

[Daniel Tosh]

Yeah, you did.

[Amanda (Panda)]

No.

[Daniel Tosh]

You were on again, off again with some. I thought the one before the seven year one. No, that wasn't on again, off.

[Amanda (Panda)]

No. We got engaged and then called it off.

[Daniel Tosh]

Is there anything from your past that haunts you?

[Amanda (Panda)]

Mm, I don't think so. No.

[Daniel Tosh]

You said that you'd never dated a guy that had kids. Your last boyfriend had kids. Yeah, but the guy before that in Austin had kids.

[Amanda (Panda)]

Oh, well, I don't consider. I mean, I guess we did date, but I, like, I wiped him from my mind.

[Daniel Tosh]

Well, I don't care what you did.

[Amanda (Panda)]

I don't consider him our relationship.

[Daniel Tosh]

That guy showed up and introduced himself to me recently. That was funny.

[Amanda (Panda)]

That was so weird. It was like three months long. That thing.

[Daniel Tosh]

It seemed longer. You were on tour with. With me and you went out to a bar in Austin, Texas, and you met a dude that. That had a nice wife and two Kids and. Yeah, that didn't work out.

[Amanda (Panda)]

No.

[Daniel Tosh]

Shocking. Are you looking for some rich dude to just take care of you? No, A little bit of a hesitation there. I noticed some hesitation.

[Amanda (Panda)]

Well, I'd like him to be successful. Successful and take care of me, meaning like emotionally and all those things. So it was kind of a.

[Daniel Tosh]

Sure, I get it. Listen. And then by successful, do you mean like, actually, like in a dollar amount? What is. Is there a line that you're like, well, successful to me means you have to make this amount or is it just passionate about what you do?

[Amanda (Panda)]

Passionate about what you do and be able to, you know, have a good life?

[Daniel Tosh]

Okay. Sounds like cha ching all over the place. Are you romantic?

[Amanda (Panda)]

Am I romantic? Yes. I think I'm romantic.

[Daniel Tosh]

Do you believe in soulmates?

[Amanda (Panda)]

Mm, I did for a long time and I don't know if I do now.

[Daniel Tosh]

Who's your ideal man?

[Amanda (Panda)]

I don't know. I don't know who he is yet.

[Daniel Tosh]

What are you willing to settle for?

[Amanda (Panda)]

You've seen what I'm willing to settle for.

[Daniel Tosh]

She's dated all over the place, guys.

[Amanda (Panda)]

Uh huh.

[Daniel Tosh]

You remember, you know that campaign, was it for progressive. Oh my God, the don't turn into your parents. You know, she did that one dude. That's the funniest dude on those commercials.

[Amanda (Panda)]

Yep. Chris.

[Daniel Tosh]

He's like. He's kind of like a doofy looking dude. She went out with him once in la, and then he was like. The very first night they went out, he introduced her to his mom.

[Amanda (Panda)]

No.

[Daniel Tosh]

Yes, he did.

[Amanda (Panda)]

Was it.

[Daniel Tosh]

His mom was like, with him?

[Amanda (Panda)]

I think that was the last one.

[Daniel Tosh]

Which was the last.

[Amanda (Panda)]

It was the last one who did that.

[Daniel Tosh]

Oh, well, whatever. Okay, Chris. So he didn't introduce you to his mom?

[Amanda (Panda)]

Chris talked about his ex the entire time on the first date.

[Daniel Tosh]

Okay, well, he wasn't a good pick.

[Amanda (Panda)]

Mm Mm. But funny.

[Daniel Tosh]

Who was the guy that always wanted to pee in your butt that you dated?

[Amanda (Panda)]

I was wondering if you were gonna bring him up. That was also three months, Tom.

[Daniel Tosh]

This guy, this guy. This guy tells her that. Hey, he said, you know, in a moment where you're talking to your girlfriend of three months. Was this at the end of the three months or the beginning?

[Amanda (Panda)]

It was the end. That's why I was like, ah, okay.

[Daniel Tosh]

Then I left. He said he wanted to pee in her butt. That always stuck out to me as a red flag. Cause you'll fly through some red flags.

[Amanda (Panda)]

I sure will.

[Daniel Tosh]

Like, if a guy says, hey, let's bring some more dudes into this relationship, you're like full steam ahead.

[Amanda (Panda)]

I'm open minded in the beginning. Cause you're getting to know somebody.

[Daniel Tosh]

No, you put on the block like a horse and you just start galloping and you'll just go right off the canyon because I'm the only one in our friend group or, you know, that'll just say what? You're out of your mind. This is a huge red flag. Don't knock it off. But then you yell at me and then you just do whatever you want anyway.

[Amanda (Panda)]

Yeah, but I really appreciate you doing it.

[Daniel Tosh]

But that's why you've turned over the reins, continuing to use horse puns to find you love.

[Amanda (Panda)]

Mm.

[National Debt Relief Announcer]

Mm.

[Daniel Tosh]

Because I will make the right decision. I think I know the right guy. I just. We just haven't. We just haven't met him yet. How into horses are you at this stage of your life? Like, because a lot of. Lot of the guys that are calling in are clearly turned off by that or worried about it. Is horses really a part of your life?

[Amanda (Panda)]

And it always will be. Yeah.

[Daniel Tosh]

But you don't care if a guy likes horses or not?

[Amanda (Panda)]

No, I don't care at all. I think we got that wrong on the callers because everybody's like, uh huh. You have to love horses.

[Daniel Tosh]

So they don't have to like horses at all. They have to be interested in. You don't even have to own a horse.

[Amanda (Panda)]

No, no, no, no.

[Daniel Tosh]

You'll just be like, I'm going to.

[Amanda (Panda)]

Go work at a farm or go exercise horses.

[Daniel Tosh]

You exercise horses?

[Amanda (Panda)]

I did two yesterday.

[Daniel Tosh]

Is that just what rich people in Malibu do? They, like, hire you to come just ride their horses. What a fucking weird world this is.

[Amanda (Panda)]

It is a very weird world. But I love it.

[Daniel Tosh]

But I mean, the other side of it is Florida. There's guys asking to pee in your butt, Right?

[Amanda (Panda)]

Take your poison.

[Daniel Tosh]

When you go on a first date, do you expect the man to pay?

[Amanda (Panda)]

Yeah.

[Daniel Tosh]

And what will you do in return for that?

[Amanda (Panda)]

I don't know. It depends how the night goes.

[Daniel Tosh]

Are you a no kissing on a first date kind of guy girl?

[Amanda (Panda)]

No.

[Daniel Tosh]

Well, a guy. I didn't mean a guy in a gender way.

[Amanda (Panda)]

Oh, okay.

[Daniel Tosh]

You know, you guys get over here.

[Amanda (Panda)]

No.

[Hutch]

Yeah.

[Amanda (Panda)]

Yeah.

[Daniel Tosh]

You guys want to get a jerky?

[Amanda (Panda)]

No. No. I've kissed on the first date.

[Daniel Tosh]

Have you done more on a first date?

[Amanda (Panda)]

I don't think so. No, I don't think so.

[Daniel Tosh]

Okay. If people want to call in and leave your deets, it's 424-6457. One, eight, five. I'm going to repeat that, but this time I'm going to do it backwards. 5, 8, 1, 7, 5, 4, 6, 4, 2, 4.

[Amanda (Panda)]

Wow.

[Daniel Tosh]

No, we'll get some good calls on this now. Now the calls are going to fly and we're going to keep your phone number up the whole time here. We might need to come up with another system though, maybe like an email where then they can also put their thoughts down on paper. Because some of these guys are just so horrible at leaving a voice message.

[Amanda (Panda)]

Yeah, they ramble. There's no eligible ones. All the ones that are calling in are just like chatting to you guys.

[Daniel Tosh]

People have realized at this point that it's just a bit right. They're not taking it seriously. That's why we're doing this interview, so that people can actually see that there's a real person's feelings on the line.

[Amanda (Panda)]

I think one guy called to talk about Hutch, didn't he? Like, he called to talk about a caller, which is crazy.

[Daniel Tosh]

You know, things have gone off the rails again. I've acknowledged that this has failed spectacularly. What I really want is to make this a TV show. See, I gotta. I have to keep you single long enough that the producers, the bigwigs in Hollywood come calling and then we make this a real reality show.

[Amanda (Panda)]

Yep. Let's do it.

[Daniel Tosh]

Oh, see, she's up for it. But you're not somebody that's looking to become a personality.

[Amanda (Panda)]

No. No.

[Daniel Tosh]

You don't have an Instagram, do you? No, you don't do any of that stuff. See, she's normal. Or not normal. That's probably in la. That's probably. She's a unicorn. Well, let's not say unicorn.

[Amanda (Panda)]

Thank you.

[Daniel Tosh]

I knew she was going to get excited. What's your ideal date night?

[Amanda (Panda)]

I don't know, something fun, something active. I like being active rather than like dinner.

[Daniel Tosh]

Right, because you don't like to eat.

[Amanda (Panda)]

Right.

[Daniel Tosh]

I saw your chin quiver there. You're not a big food person. No, we always try to give her, you know, we include her in all her meals. She's good for one meal a day. That's about it.

[Amanda (Panda)]

Yeah.

[Daniel Tosh]

After that it's just. And your mother's a bad eater and your grandmother was a bad eater.

[Amanda (Panda)]

Right. Meemaw ate grits until she died.

[Daniel Tosh]

Meemaw, who she's talking about who, you know, we all loved. I only got to know her for a few years at the end, but we had a good time. Is Greg's mother. My father in law, My father in Law is her uncle. Did you like Greg growing up?

[Amanda (Panda)]

I loved him growing up.

[Daniel Tosh]

You did?

[Amanda (Panda)]

He was fun. He was just like, really fun. My dad is pretty serious.

[Daniel Tosh]

Your dad is a doctor? He is, but he's not only a doctor. He basically runs the hospitals in Tampa. He's like, what's his name? From the Pit.

[Amanda (Panda)]

Yeah, I told him to watch the Pit, and he said he turned it off. Cause it wasn't realistic. But I think the medical community. There's like, articles on the medical community saying it was realistic. So I don't know.

[Daniel Tosh]

What were some of the callers that you've liked that have called into the show?

[Amanda (Panda)]

I mean, they've all been funny. Hutch is funny. Colby, like, the cheese is funny.

[Daniel Tosh]

Now, some people might not know we're not gonna go in. She has gone out with some people that have called in, but none of them panned out. They were all friend zone type people. But you kind of try. This is Carly, my wife's gripe with you, maybe not to your face, is that you'll say things after a first date, like the friend zone thing, but you'll say, I'm not gonna marry this person.

[Amanda (Panda)]

I said that just yesterday.

[Daniel Tosh]

But her gripe on that is that she's like, I don't think I've ever gone out with somebody and after the first date was like, I'm gonna marry that person.

[Amanda (Panda)]

I meant it more like, I don't see us going on. I could go out with him again a few times for fun, but that would be it.

[Daniel Tosh]

Yeah, but what if every time. Oh, it notched up a little bit.

[Amanda (Panda)]

I just didn't. I don't feel it.

[Daniel Tosh]

Yeah, well, you have to let him do the Alphabet with his tongue. I don't know. Isn't that what they do? Yeah. No. Yeah, that's the move. Right. There are a few things we didn't cover that a lot of potential suitors are curious about. Okay, here we go. Are you ticklish?

[Amanda (Panda)]

Yes.

[Daniel Tosh]

What's your favorite rom com?

[Amanda (Panda)]

I don't know if I have one.

[Daniel Tosh]

Do you have a favorite position? Okay, that seems inappropriate for me to ask, so I will plug my ears. But I want our listeners to hear because I don't think I should hear that kind of stuff.

[Amanda (Panda)]

I can't say. I can't say.

[Daniel Tosh]

Why did you and Pierre never make love?

[Amanda (Panda)]

I don't know.

[Daniel Tosh]

Pierre says you're family, and he has a hard line about family.

[Amanda (Panda)]

Uh huh. It feels way too close to home.

[Daniel Tosh]

Mm. Hypothetically, if Pete's wife were dead, Sam she's dead. Would you take a run at Pete?

[Amanda (Panda)]

Too close to home.

[Daniel Tosh]

What?

[Amanda (Panda)]

Too close to home.

[Daniel Tosh]

Not close to home at all. He lives in North Hollywood.

[Amanda (Panda)]

Yeah.

[Daniel Tosh]

What about Dylan?

[Amanda (Panda)]

I don't know Dylan.

[Daniel Tosh]

Yeah, that's the right answer. If Sam were dead, would you try to date Dylan? Here's some questions that were written from our Patreon members. In your search for love, have you considered that you will be happier single, childless, and alone?

[Amanda (Panda)]

I have thought about that a lot, and I think I would be okay with it. I'd be like, meemaw.

[Daniel Tosh]

I'm saying. But what if you were happier? Would that.

[Amanda (Panda)]

I don't know.

[Daniel Tosh]

Are you open to dating women?

[Amanda (Panda)]

I've thought about that, too. I wish. I wish I was a lesbian sometimes because I can't find the right dude.

[Daniel Tosh]

I wish you were a lesbian, too. That'd be awesome. Especially if you're in my guest house. Start repositioning a few cameras. What is the wildest dating advice Daniel has ever given you? I don't think I've given any.

[Amanda (Panda)]

No, but you did say that you used to take your dates on walks, and then it was just a long walk. You couldn't be like, bye. And so that's kind of. I thought about it literally yesterday because I was like, I don't want to go and sit at dinner with somebody I just met. I'd rather do something.

[Daniel Tosh]

I liked dating. But when I look back on it, man, did I really? Nobody was wowed by your walks. Well, yeah, Like, I was like, oh, I got a dog, and I know, like, a cool beach. Let's just go for a walk and talk.

[Amanda (Panda)]

Yeah, I would have appreciated it.

[Daniel Tosh]

Yeah. Oh, I see what you're doing. I'm taking. We'll be right back.

[Wayfair Announcer]

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[Daniel Tosh]

Well, the holidays have come and gone once again, but if you've forgotten to get that special someone in your life a gift, well, Mint Mobile is extending their holiday offer of half off unlimited wireless. So here's the idea. Idea you get it now, you call it an early present for next year. What do you have to lose? Give it a [e-mail] Switch limited time, 50 off regular price for new customers.

[Grow Therapy Announcer]

Upfront payment required 45 for 3 months, $90 for 6 months or 180 for 12 month plan taxes and fees.

[Daniel Tosh]

Extra speeds may slow after 50 gigabytes per month when network is busy. See terms.

[Hutch]

I've got Dan Morgan here on the pod. Say hi Dan.

[Dan Morgan]

Hey, how's it going today?

[Hutch]

It's going good man. Tell us who you are and what you do.

[Dan Morgan]

I'm Dan Morgan. I'm an attorney and a managing partner at Morgan and Morgan, which is America's largest injury law firm.

[Hutch]

That's pretty awesome. I think I saw a billboard of yours recently that said 20 billion. 120 billion is an insane number.

[Dan Morgan]

Yeah, 20 billion recovered. It's actually I think somewhere north. Probably closer to 22, 23 after this year. And each year we get bigger and better and our army grows. So the number will hopefully keep getting bigger and bigger as time goes on.

[Hutch]

Awesome. So how does someone get in contact with Morgan and Morgan? What would I do if I got into an accident?

[Dan Morgan]

Probably the easiest way is dialing pound law. That's £529 from your cell phone. We are always open. Our call center is always waiting to take your call. 24 7. 365.

[Daniel Tosh]

Wow.

[Hutch]

Dan Morgan from Morgan and Morgan, America's large injury law firm. Thanks for coming by the show.

[Dan Morgan]

Thanks for having me. Visit forthepeople.com for an office near you.

[Daniel Tosh]

Pa show what you're looking for so it seems so simple. Just need a 40 year old, good looking dude that's single and likes hanging out with family. He's got his shit together, right?

[Amanda (Panda)]

People get mad at the tall thing.

[Daniel Tosh]

No, no, short people get mad at the tall.

[Amanda (Panda)]

Yeah, yeah it is. It's all short people.

[Daniel Tosh]

I guess nobody tall gets mad that you're interested in a tall.

[Amanda (Panda)]

Right?

[Daniel Tosh]

It's not like, like my wife, if she said I only want to date a tall person, it's like bitch, you're five two, right? Right. You're five, five, eight, right? You didn't even know that until I met you.

[Amanda (Panda)]

Nope. Thought I was 5 6.

[Daniel Tosh]

I'm like, you're way taller than that. We measured her and she's like over five eight and she's like, oh, it.

[Amanda (Panda)]

Says five six on my license still.

[Daniel Tosh]

Right. So you got it and then you put on heels. Next thing you know you're five ten, five eleven you want to have a six foot man, right? That's fine. That's not even your preference. That's just more my preference. And I want you guys to look good in photos together.

[Amanda (Panda)]

I appreciate it.

[Daniel Tosh]

Dylan, how tall are you? I'm six foot. Oh, look at that. You don't look it because your clothes are so tiny. Do I look bigger? I don't know. I think your clothes make you look. I guess it always has like a schoolboy quality. Like, oh, look at this. I grew out of my shirt, but my mom's on a fixed income. What's the youngest man you would date?

[Amanda (Panda)]

Like 35, maybe.

[Daniel Tosh]

Whoa. I thought you would have gone a little younger than that. What's the oldest you would date? 37.

[Amanda (Panda)]

Yeah.

[Daniel Tosh]

Such a small window.

[Amanda (Panda)]

No, the Last one was 55.

[Daniel Tosh]

I know, but he looked so much older.

[Amanda (Panda)]

And I was okay with that age.

[Daniel Tosh]

Yeah, but he tried to sell us all that he was. He was a young 55. And I'm like, no, he's not.

[Amanda (Panda)]

I almost just said that again.

[Daniel Tosh]

Because he was. Yeah, he wasn't a young 55.

[Amanda (Panda)]

Yeah, no, he really wasn't.

[Daniel Tosh]

Okay, but so you're saying you would probably go up to 50? I think that's too old. Only because of the family aspect. Let's push it back. Let's 35 to 45. There's a safety.

[Amanda (Panda)]

35 to 45.

[Daniel Tosh]

35 to 45. Got your shit together. And you're beautiful.

[Amanda (Panda)]

Mm.

[Daniel Tosh]

You want beautiful?

[Amanda (Panda)]

I don't like pretty men. I like good looking men. Masculine men.

[Daniel Tosh]

Oh.

[Amanda (Panda)]

That's why I like tall. You like, feel girls feel safe with tall men?

[Daniel Tosh]

Uh huh. How does that make you feel? Short fucks. Describe your dream wedding.

[Amanda (Panda)]

Small, intimate, just family.

[Daniel Tosh]

What did you do with the dress you bought when you were engaged and starred in an episode of say yes to the Dress.

[Amanda (Panda)]

We put a deposit on it and then we lost the deposit.

[Daniel Tosh]

What does it say yes to the dress?

[Amanda (Panda)]

It was a show about dress shopping. It's at Kleinfeld in New York. And you just try on dresses and then you pick your dress.

[Daniel Tosh]

And who were you engaged to?

[Amanda (Panda)]

Robbie.

[Daniel Tosh]

That was the guy that wanted to pee in your butt?

[Amanda (Panda)]

No, no.

[Daniel Tosh]

The guy that wouldn't say I love you.

[Amanda (Panda)]

No, no. Robbie was before all of those.

[Daniel Tosh]

Okay.

[Amanda (Panda)]

But we dated for a year and a half. I was a baby. I was 23.

[Daniel Tosh]

And that's not really what a baby is, but okay.

[Amanda (Panda)]

And he moved to Jacksonville. That's why I ended up in Jacksonville. I followed love again.

[Daniel Tosh]

And that's the red Flag. If love leads you to Jacksonville. That's it. That's the flag. Just pump the brakes right there.

[Amanda (Panda)]

Right. But we were planning to move in together, and his parents, I think, pressured him.

[Daniel Tosh]

Do you typically end the relationships? Well, that's good. At least you have the wherewithal to do that. Although the last one, I think I was dropping him like, 400 hints, and you're like, well, let's just go to therapy.

[Amanda (Panda)]

Yep.

[Daniel Tosh]

Oh, what's the longest stretch you've been single?

[Amanda (Panda)]

I think this one probably.

[Daniel Tosh]

Really? It's been six months.

[Amanda (Panda)]

I know, but I. Right before Joe, I was.

[Daniel Tosh]

That's a. That's a big tell then.

[Amanda (Panda)]

I know. Right before Joe, I was single for six months, But I would go from relationship to relationship to relationship.

[Daniel Tosh]

Okay. I always say you should be single for two years, but that's too long. All right, we. We'll get you in a relationship in 20, 26.

[Amanda (Panda)]

Maybe. Right before I moved here. That might have been the longest. But that was also the guy, the pee and the butt guy.

[Daniel Tosh]

Do you have any big Valentine's plans?

[Amanda (Panda)]

No.

[Daniel Tosh]

Would you go out with a guy on a first date on Valentine's Day?

[Amanda (Panda)]

Yes.

[Daniel Tosh]

Yeah. It's funny.

[Amanda (Panda)]

Yeah. It'd be hysterical.

[Daniel Tosh]

Guys are so bad at dating. Like, the things, like, even your brother the other day, I was just like, what are you doing? Just, like, go to her house right now and just like, bring a toothbrush and say, I'm here. Let's start this. Because relationships are always fun in the beginning.

[Hutch]

Yeah.

[Daniel Tosh]

So why not just go full bore in the beginning part, and then the second you see the flags. Eject. Just eject quick.

[Amanda (Panda)]

Right.

[Daniel Tosh]

So sometimes you eject at the two day mark. Sometimes you eject at the two month mark.

[Amanda (Panda)]

Sometimes.

[Daniel Tosh]

Might as well enjoy the first part. And I don't believe about the. The Given the. The milk away. Is that what they say?

[Amanda (Panda)]

What is it? Give the milk away when you can have the cow? What is it?

[Daniel Tosh]

You want to have the milk. And then when you finish the milk, if you don't wanna slit the cow's throat.

[Amanda (Panda)]

Yes. Why buy the house? Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free? That's what it is. I'm just saying, like, don't commit.

[Daniel Tosh]

I was doing my own.

[Amanda (Panda)]

Yeah, sorry, I just remembered it.

[Daniel Tosh]

Everybody that's on the show gets a gift. Here's the gift that I got you. I think you're gonna love it. It's free rent.

[Amanda (Panda)]

Oh, that's so nice. Thank you. Mm.

[Daniel Tosh]

Enjoy that while it lasts. Geez, now, yes, you get to live in the guest house, but occasionally we have to kick you out. And you have to move into the Airstream when Carly's parents get here because they're too old and clumsy to be in the Airstream.

[Amanda (Panda)]

Yep. The Airstream's so cute, though.

[Daniel Tosh]

That was actually originally you were. I think that was one of your jobs, was to do the whole Airstream with Scott.

[Amanda (Panda)]

Yeah, I found the Airstream.

[Daniel Tosh]

You found the Airstream. You made me overpay a ton for this beat up old shell. But you were, like, gonna handle the whole project. I mean, I don't know that you. I guess you did, but, like, you got me, like, a quote of what it was gonna cost and how long and then it took two and a half years.

[Amanda (Panda)]

Yeah, sounds about right.

[Daniel Tosh]

I don't know how long it took. It took forever. Did you and Scott have chemistry?

[Amanda (Panda)]

I love Scott, but no, as a friend. You tried to push him.

[Daniel Tosh]

Well, sure. Cause he was going through a divorce and he was in my driveway every day. I was like, hey, why don't you go out there and scratch that itch?

[Amanda (Panda)]

Yep. You guys would force me out at like 10 o' clock to go talk to him.

[Daniel Tosh]

I mean, he worked so long.

[Amanda (Panda)]

I know he was always there.

[Daniel Tosh]

I don't think he could make any money off of that project.

[Amanda (Panda)]

Yep. He just did the pig pen, though. That was quick.

[Daniel Tosh]

I mean, we all bet on it.

[Amanda (Panda)]

Yeah.

[Daniel Tosh]

Why did you buy a pig? And was it more your idea or. My wife's?

[Amanda (Panda)]

Okay. I texted Carly a picture of a concrete pig with disco boots on randomly one day, and she said the timing is crazy because I'm at the farmer's market trying to convince Daniel to get this little mini pig. And I said, ooh, say no more. Let me go look at it. So I went. But the timing was also crazy because my dog had just died like two months prior, so I was grieving still.

[Daniel Tosh]

That was biscuit Olive.

[Amanda (Panda)]

Look, my ring Olive.

[Daniel Tosh]

Oh, oh, oh, yeah, sure. Your ring Olive didn't do anything. It was a dog that you never saw, didn't participate in life.

[Amanda (Panda)]

No, she lived out her like, golden years here. She used to be cute and fun, but yeah, she just, like little chihuahua sat in the corner and didn't come out. Yeah, nobody knew I had a dog, like, most of the time.

[Daniel Tosh]

So you replaced that dog with this little pig? Yes, but the whole point of this pig was that we were just gonna have joint custody occasionally help out when you needed it. But then shortly after getting the pig, you move out from the relationship that you were in of a few years. And now I'm stuck with you and a pig. And I'll be honest, I don't know which one of you makes a bigger mess.

[Amanda (Panda)]

Hey, I don't make a big mess.

[Daniel Tosh]

You know what? You just deny things. I just like. I'll, like, walk into the guesthouse like, oh, look at this. This wall wasn't destroyed before. And you're like, oh, that happened before I got here.

[Amanda (Panda)]

I didn't notice it. I will say I thought it was really funny after we broke up. And I was like, all right, I've got a pig and a suitcase. I'm back.

[Daniel Tosh]

Yeah. So, yeah, she's lived in a guest house of ours before. Now she's back in it, which is. It's nice. It's a big family.

[Amanda (Panda)]

No, it's lovely.

[Daniel Tosh]

Am I easy to work for?

[Amanda (Panda)]

Uh, it's fun and crazy.

[Daniel Tosh]

How many different roles have you had working with me?

[Amanda (Panda)]

I don't know. A lot.

[Daniel Tosh]

And it wasn't easy. None of them.

[Amanda (Panda)]

No. The reason I lied that one day that you brought up was because I was working for you at the time. And you would rapid fire questions, and then I did all of them except for that one. And so I was like, he'll just keep moving on and I'll just do it real quick. And then you didn't. You harped on it.

[Daniel Tosh]

Well. Cause I can tell you were lying.

[Amanda (Panda)]

Yeah, I know I can't lie.

[Daniel Tosh]

You can't lie.

[Amanda (Panda)]

No.

[Daniel Tosh]

That's a good quality.

[Amanda (Panda)]

Yeah.

[Daniel Tosh]

Do you have any special skills?

[Amanda (Panda)]

Hmm. I don't know.

[Daniel Tosh]

What, did I challenge you the one time to?

[Amanda (Panda)]

How many Milk Duds?

[Daniel Tosh]

I said, how many Milk Duds can you put in your mouth and still chew it down? And I think I was like, you said you could do. They're the little Halloween boxes that my kid got. And I think he had like five boxes. And I think he said you could do all of them because there's like, on average, you get three Milk Duds per little box. Occasionally you'll get four. And she said she could do them all. And she got them all in. And then all hell broke loose because she was making. She couldn't open her mouth, she couldn't close it. She couldn't chew. She was just slucking. Brown spit was coming out.

[Amanda (Panda)]

It was stuck. It was like a baseball in my mouth.

[Daniel Tosh]

Well, yeah, it's a horrible candy. It's not chocolate. It's not caramel.

[Amanda (Panda)]

No.

[Daniel Tosh]

Some weird hybrid of tar. Usually she'll do. She'll attempt anything. She's kind of like one of the jackass guys. You. You just. You say, okay, you want to try this in this. This hot sauce or something? And she'll. She'll give it a whirl.

[Amanda (Panda)]

We did the hot sauce in Tahoe. The ghost pepper hot sauce.

[Daniel Tosh]

Was it bad?

[Amanda (Panda)]

Yeah. Our mouths are on fire.

[Daniel Tosh]

We both. I did it too.

[Amanda (Panda)]

I think you did it. I thought I was going to throw up.

[Daniel Tosh]

Yeah, that's not good. You wear one dumb hat every day of your life.

[Amanda (Panda)]

I do. I love it.

[Daniel Tosh]

Do you think that that might be a. Like, if people don't like that hat?

[Amanda (Panda)]

Like a deterrent? Mm, I don't think so. Not for the right guy.

[Daniel Tosh]

She's got this hat that says. It says maga.

[Amanda (Panda)]

It says Surfing Cowboys.

[Daniel Tosh]

It's a bright red cap that says Make America Great. And she just thinks it's the funniest thing ever.

[Wayfair Announcer]

She.

[Daniel Tosh]

She doesn't follow politics. I'm teasing. You're kind of an artist. You started a company here in Malibu called Art Panda. Basically, you just teach children. You just do arts and crafts with a bunch of rich kids.

[Amanda (Panda)]

Yep.

[Daniel Tosh]

That's pretty fun.

[Amanda (Panda)]

It is.

[Daniel Tosh]

How's it going?

[Amanda (Panda)]

It's been very fun.

[Daniel Tosh]

I have one of your business cards on the floor here. Oh, no, that's just because it was left here.

[Amanda (Panda)]

That's so cute.

[Daniel Tosh]

Last time. Well, you know, you can't say your own card's cute.

[Amanda (Panda)]

That's pretty cute, though.

[Daniel Tosh]

But you know, I take pride in it because, I mean, I gave you that nickname.

[Amanda (Panda)]

I know.

[Daniel Tosh]

Now it's your business. Where do you see yourself in five years? Art Panda?

[Amanda (Panda)]

Hopefully married, with a little family.

[Daniel Tosh]

How many children would you like?

[Amanda (Panda)]

Couple.

[Daniel Tosh]

Would you like to spin them out at the same time?

[Amanda (Panda)]

Twins. No.

[Daniel Tosh]

Yeah, you would. John has twins.

[Amanda (Panda)]

I know.

[Daniel Tosh]

Remember that one time I told you you have a child when Carly was having a child?

[Amanda (Panda)]

Yeah.

[Daniel Tosh]

And I said, just do it. I'll pay for it.

[Amanda (Panda)]

Yep.

[Daniel Tosh]

And then you didn't do it.

[Amanda (Panda)]

Yeah. You said it was gonna be a social experiment. Uh huh. Uh huh.

[Daniel Tosh]

And what was the social experiment?

[Amanda (Panda)]

I was going after Just, I don't know.

[Daniel Tosh]

But you passed on it. But we had a real conversation. This was serious because we ended up getting like, a list of sperm donors. And I was like, I got tons of it laying around the house. But you weren't interested. But we know. I remember us going through lists and going like, okay, and we started. Would have you, in hindsight, imagine right now having a little three year old.

[Amanda (Panda)]

Right. But I want a partner.

[Daniel Tosh]

I mean, out of everyone that I've met that has kids, I would say all of the moms love their kids way more than their husbands.

[Amanda (Panda)]

Right. That's very scary to me. I agree. Everybody's always complaining about husbands.

[Daniel Tosh]

But not Carly.

[Amanda (Panda)]

No, not Carly.

[Daniel Tosh]

You'd have to say if she is. Holy cow. Can you imagine that blow right then If I would have found that out. Do you love this sweater?

[Amanda (Panda)]

I really do.

[Daniel Tosh]

It's on the back, too.

[Amanda (Panda)]

It is? Is it his face or is it his back?

[Daniel Tosh]

Yeah, it's his face. He's real ugly. No, I think it's the exact.

[Amanda (Panda)]

It is What? It's that. It's the exact same image.

[Daniel Tosh]

Yeah. So? It doesn't make any sense.

[Amanda (Panda)]

Yeah.

[Daniel Tosh]

Really?

[Amanda (Panda)]

No. They're going into you two cowboys kissing.

[Daniel Tosh]

What's that? It's two cowboys kissing.

[Amanda (Panda)]

Rogueback Mountain. Yeah.

[Daniel Tosh]

Would you ever date a gay man?

[Amanda (Panda)]

Maybe. I don't know.

[Daniel Tosh]

Not against it. Not at first.

[Amanda (Panda)]

Open minded.

[Daniel Tosh]

What's your least favorite race again?

[Amanda (Panda)]

I like them all.

[Daniel Tosh]

You like all races?

[Amanda (Panda)]

Yeah.

[Daniel Tosh]

Would you date a guy that at one point was an ice agent during the Trump administration?

[Amanda (Panda)]

No.

[Daniel Tosh]

What if he had a horse? No. What's your take on Nazis?

[Amanda (Panda)]

I don't love them.

[Daniel Tosh]

You don't love them? Would you date a Nazi?

[Amanda (Panda)]

No.

[Daniel Tosh]

But what if he was tall? Well, listen, I think we'll have this figured out in the next three to four months. Max.

[Wayfair Announcer]

Sure.

[Daniel Tosh]

All right. I'll see you at home.

[Wayfair Announcer]

All right.

[Daniel Tosh]

PA Show. Thanks, Amanda. Now that people got to sample the goods, I think. I think the suitors will start lining up.

[Eddie]

Light up the switchboard.

[Daniel Tosh]

Carl just went to the groomer. You're looking all francy. You going on a date for Valentine's Day? Maybe. You and Potato have your own little Valentine's Day dinner? Little gay session. Eat some shit after.

[Eddie]

Gay session.

[Daniel Tosh]

Yeah. We gotta do some plugs. We got our Patreon page, which is patreon.com tosshow. We have my first farewell tour. Got it. Get those tickets. Say goodbye to me. Send me off. Send me off.

[Eddie]

Right the first time.

[Daniel Tosh]

My first. My first farewell tour. Tossshowstore.com get your merch. And what else do we have? We have our voicemails for potential suitors. Now these people, all voicemails going forward have gotten to see Panda, which I.

[Eddie]

Think is going to change.

[Daniel Tosh]

Okay. All right, let's hear what we got.

[Hutch]

Hi, Eddie, it's Hutch. Hey. I just saw where you're going to be in Minneapolis this weekend. Period. I want to wish you all the best. Please be safe. I know a lot of people in Minneapolis need something to laugh at, and you may be the perfect person for them. Again, be safe and take care.

[Daniel Tosh]

Hutch, how many times do I have to tell you this hotline is not for you just to call Eddie.

[Eddie]

He just says, hi, Eddie, too. Like, I'm picking it up.

[Daniel Tosh]

And he also said, period at the end, like he was dictating a text.

[Eddie]

Yeah, he did say that he was.

[Daniel Tosh]

Calling to tell you he doesn't care about Amanda. He's calling to tell you good luck in Minneapolis, because you just went to Minneapolis.

[Eddie]

Just went to Minneapolis. And I am back.

[Daniel Tosh]

You survived.

[Eddie]

I survived.

[Daniel Tosh]

Did you. Did you keep your passport tied around your neck?

[Eddie]

Yeah, I had my papers with me at all times. Just.

[Daniel Tosh]

Did you have a burner phone? You're supposed to use a burner phone when you're filming these pieces of shit because case they take it from you that you now you have your real phone still to make an emergency call.

[Eddie]

Didn't do that.

[Daniel Tosh]

I just can't imagine the conversation where a daughter goes, hey, Daddy, why do you have to wear a mask to work? And he's like, well, honey, what I do, if people see who I am, it could potentially jeopardize your life. I mean, this country, this is what we signed up for, right?

[Eddie]

Yep.

[Daniel Tosh]

Some people, you know, Obama got rid of way more immigrants than under this current administration. I'm like, oh, so Obama won. Yeah.

[Dan Morgan]

Yeah.

[Daniel Tosh]

It looks like Trump spent 700 times what Obama did on immigration, and Obama still got rid of more people. Holy cow. What a loss for Donald. How's he stomach that loss? We had fun talking about ICE on stage at an Indian reservation casino, because that's just the pinnacle of irony, where you're on stage at an Indian reservation casino talking to elders that the indigenous Americans. Indigenous people. And telling them about the trials of getting rid of people that don't belong in the country that we stole fair and square.

[Eddie]

I don't even know where I am in this point anymore.

[Daniel Tosh]

But, yeah, it was fun. It was fun. I think they appreciated my take.

[Eddie]

Mm.

[Daniel Tosh]

All right. I mean, I could do this all night, but let's get back to the main issue is trying to find Panda Love. And we'll do that next week. See ya.

[Amanda (Panda)]

Let's talk groceries. Specifically your groceries. With Instacart, you want your groceries just the way you like them, right? Well, the Instacart app lets you do just that. They have a new preference picker that lets you pick how ripe or unripe you want your bananas. Shoppers can see your preferences upfront, helping guide their choices. Instacart get groceries just how you like.