Transcript

Daniel Tosh (0:00)

What's the largest puzzle you've ever done?

Simi (0:01)

Me personally, I did a 9,000 piece puzzle.

Daniel Tosh (0:04)

Oh, that's a real number.

Simi (0:05)

It's like two. It's like an underwater scene.

Daniel Tosh (0:07)

What was the dimensions of it?

Simi (0:08)

I don't know. I had to do it on the floor.

Daniel Tosh (0:10)

On the floor. That's kind of sad.

Simi (0:12)

I was a lot younger.

Daniel Tosh (0:19)

Posh show. Posh show, pub show. Let's do it. It's toss. Show time, everybody. Big inhale. The other day I was reading. Ed.

Simi (0:39)

Yeah.

Daniel Tosh (0:40)

How long should a 50 year old be able to hold his breath?

Eddie (0:44)

Okay.

Daniel Tosh (0:45)

Because I was worried, because I felt like I was just so out of shape. I'm like, I should be able to go longer than this, right? How long do you think you should be able to hold your breath?

Eddie (0:52)

60 seconds.

Daniel Tosh (0:53)

Okay. Do you think you can go 60?

Eddie (0:55)

I don't know.

Daniel Tosh (0:57)

It said between 30 and 60 seconds and I was like, oh, okay. So I just, like. So I just went underwater and I timed it. I put a timer on it and I went. And I didn't even give myself a chance to get a good breath. Just went under.

Eddie (1:13)

All right.

Daniel Tosh (1:14)

And then I was like, oh, no, this is bad. I can't do it very long. And I popped up. I was at 45 seconds already.

Eddie (1:20)

Look at you.

Daniel Tosh (1:21)

I'm right in the sweet spot.

Summary

Tosh Show – “My Competitive Jigsaw Puzzler – Simmie Berman”

Host: Daniel Tosh
Guest: Simi (Simmie) Berman
Date: March 17, 2026

Episode Overview

This episode of Tosh Show explores the quirky, competitive world of speed jigsaw puzzling through the sharp, playful banter of Daniel Tosh and his guest, Simi Berman. While Simi’s NASA credentials (she’s a mechanical engineer on the Dragonfly mission) would be enough for any interview, Tosh zeroes in on her ranking as one of America’s fastest jigsaw puzzlers. The conversation ping-pongs between childhood puzzle habits, the bizarre details of puzzle competitions, and life as a scientist, all peppered with Tosh’s signature irreverence.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Setting the Scene: Biggest Puzzle Brags & Family Dynamics

Largest Puzzle Completed: Simi shares her biggest accomplishment:
- “Me personally, I did a 9,000 piece puzzle…It’s like an underwater scene.” (00:01)
- Daniel jokes about the “sadness” of assembling a puzzle on the floor (00:10).
Daniel’s “Fake Family” Rant:
- Tosh riffs on his relationships with in-laws versus blood relatives, explaining logistics of family travel and why his real family “got the first 40 years” (02:00).
- Memorable quote: “Let me tell you something. I call them the fake family because they're not the real family.” (01:23)

2. Check-In with Daniel’s Mom

Exclusive phone call confirms Daniel’s family travel quirks and shares relatable generational banter:
- On Aging & Travel:
  - “I turn 80 tomorrow. We don’t fly. Don’t do airports anymore.” (04:14 – Daniel’s Mom)
- On Staying With Family:
  - “That doesn’t sound good. Do you want to be with me that long?...You know, they used to say a guest is like a fish. It smells after two days.” (04:37 – Daniel’s Mom)

3. Meet Simi: Speed Puzzler and NASA Engineer

Introduction: Raised Jewish in Massachusetts, born in Korea, works at NASA, competitive puzzler (13:48).
Vibes and Stereotypes: Tosh admits to wearing a “grandma-y” sweater because he associates puzzling with grandmas, to which Simi retorts, “Wait till you speed puzzle. It’s not grandma puzzling.” (14:21)
Competitive Puzzling is NOT for Grandmas: Simi explains the energy and excitement of real tournaments (14:25).

4. Competitive Jigsaw Puzzling: Inside the Scene

Contest Structures & Demographics

The Scene:
- USA Jigsaw Puzzle Nationals have thousands of members, with about 800 in the main event heats (24:03).
- “It’s like a lot of women in their mid-30s and up. The fastest puzzler right now is a 12-year-old…He’s so fast.” (23:56)
Competition Format:
- Everyone in a “heat” gets the same puzzle, unseen until the round begins (24:15).
- “Each heat, all 200 people will get the same exact puzzle. They give it to you like in a opaque bag.” (24:18)

Puzzle Rules & Tactics

Strategy:
- “You open the bag, dump it out, take the box…flip them over, pull out all the edges and put them to the side.” (29:27 – Simi)
- Simi shares how speed puzzling bends standard approaches (e.g., not always doing the border first, especially for collage images).
Challenges:
- On missing pieces: “They give you a penalty if you’re missing a piece, a time penalty.” (28:06)
- On “cheating”: “It's a pretty sharing giving community, so it's not gotten super cocky.” (28:29)

The Community

Who Competes?:
- “Still a growing community” (26:17)
- From children to seniors: “They’ve started doing senior divisions now for people like 55 and up…The best is a 12 year old, he cannot compete in nationals individually but can as a pair or team with adults.” (28:57)
Team Names and Swag:
- Team names often feature puns: “Golden State Puzzlers”, “War and Peace” (32:11–32:18).
- Many teams have matching t-shirts and puzzle accessories; Simi’s mother-in-law got her puzzle earrings (38:44).

Prize Money and Status

Monetary Reality:
- “Only Nationals gives monetary prizes…enough that it can subsidize your trip if you were to go to Worlds. But most competitions, when you win, you win a puzzle.” (35:36–35:52)
- Top payouts are “a few thousand dollars, not a million” (36:01–36:03).
- Some who run channels or competitions make a living from it, but “maybe less than five” people (36:05).

5. Jigsaw Technique & Mishaps

Speed vs. Joy:
- Tosh: “I don’t really enjoy the act. I just like, when it’s being done, it makes me feel good because I feel like it’s family.” (36:16)
Bad Puzzling Partners:
- Simi: “Yeah, all the time. And I do remember when my kids were little...they would put the edge pieces the wrong way.” (36:56)
Redoing Puzzles:
- “Speed puzzlers redo puzzles a lot to practice and get faster and try different techniques.” (37:10)
Puzzle Preferences:
- Bright colors are best; solid color or “night sky” images among the worst to assemble (32:43).
- On wooden vs. cardboard: “We only speed cardboard puzzles.” (30:35)

6. NASA Life & Dragonfly Mission

Professional Side:
- Simi details her work on NASA’s Dragonfly mission to Titan—building a 2000-pound, 8-rotor drone for surface exploration (18:35–19:40).
- Simi’s nerd credentials are strong, but she downplays her genius:
  - “Are you the smartest person you know?” “No, I’m like the dumbest person amongst my friends.” (22:03)
Dabbling as an Astronaut:
- “I did apply to be an astronaut like many years ago…I made it past the you’re completely unqualified round.” (21:34)

7. Lightning Round: Puzzles, Family, and Swag

Puzzling Gifts:
- Simi gifts Daniel a competition puzzle and custom puzzle boards from Zacho Puzzle Boards (44:31–46:17).
Tosh’s Games Closet:
- Daniel force-gifts Simi random board games he doesn’t want: “You’re just gonna get a lot of my other games.” (42:32)
- Simi: “Wow, this is a lot of…” Daniel: “Did you ever go through it? Five seconds. I know. I don’t want these.” (43:39–43:46)

8. Live Puzzle Race – Daniel vs. Simi

Simi Smokes Tosh:
- They attempt a live, round jigsaw puzzle.
- Tosh, frustrated: “Wait a second. It’s round. Yeah. I thought it was gonna…Oh, you dirty dog. I didn’t know it was round.” (48:58)
- Laughter and playful shade when Simi wins:
  - Simi: “The downfall was starting with the edges.” (50:52)
  - Tosh: “That was the downfall.” (50:53)

Notable Quotes & Moments

Grandparent Wisdom:
- “A guest is like a fish. It smells after two days. Don’t stay.” (04:54 – Daniel’s Mom)
On Gifted Kids:
- “I totally shove STEM down their throats…my little one…is really into Legos and circuits…and Lulu’s like a total art, like theater, music kind of kid.” (18:09 – Simi)
On Rank and Speed:
- “You’re currently ranked number 25 in the nation. How much faster is the top rank athlete?”
  - Simi: “I can do probably a 500 piece…in like the 47 to 50 something minute range. And the top people do it in like 30 minutes.” (33:41)
Swag Gifts:
- “This is a box top holder for you.”
  - Tosh: “A what holder?...I just feel like its purpose…”
  - Simi: “I think that you’re gonna use it and you’re gonna be like, I didn’t know what I was missing.” (47:01–47:48)
On Puzzle Paraphernalia:
- “They really lean into the puzzle culture. There’s, like, whole companies that sell puzzle paraphernalia and puzzle clothes and puzzle fabric.” (39:20)
On Pandemic Hobbies:
- “Sourdough bread. Jigsaw puzzles. Sewing. Animal Crossing. I was a total cliché all the way.” (39:48 – Simi)
Debating Puzzle Sports:
- “Do you consider yourself an athlete? And is jigsaw puzzling a sport?” (38:10)
  - Simi: “I would not call it a sport. I call it maybe a pursuit.” (38:23)

Key Timestamps

00:01–00:12 – Simi’s largest puzzle and childhood puzzling habits
01:23–03:26 – Daniel on family: “fake family” vs. “blood”
04:14–05:13 – Daniel’s phone call with his mom: generational perspective, family travel, puzzle preferences
13:48–14:21 – Simi’s introduction, “grandma-y” puzzling myths, and childhood
18:35–19:40 – Breakdown of Simi’s NASA project, Dragonfly
23:56–24:03 – The diversity of puzzlers: “The fastest puzzler right now is a 12-year-old.”
24:03–25:03 – Competition structure; puzzle selection and fairness
29:27–29:49 – Simi’s step-by-step puzzle strategy
33:41–34:08 – National rankings and the speed gap between elite puzzlers
36:16 – Why Tosh loves puzzles (family/festivity)
48:31–51:05 – Live puzzle race: Tosh flails, Simi triumphs; practical tips exposed

Tone & Style

Irreverent, playful, and insightful: The banter swings easily between serious (“Tell me everything you can about Dragonfly...”) and silly (“Do you have a chant?” “We don’t have a chant.”)
Self-deprecating humor: Both Tosh and Simi poke fun at themselves and at the sometimes-absurd competitive puzzle community.

Final Thoughts

This episode offers an unexpectedly rich window into competitive jigsaw puzzling, blending Simi’s technical expertise and genuine joy for the hobby with Daniel Tosh’s relentless wisecracking. If you’ve ever wondered what “speed puzzling” is, how one might fashion a career at NASA while ranking top 30 in the country at jigsaws, or wanted tips on how to approach your family’s next holiday puzzle session, this is the episode for you.

Essential Quotes for the Curious

“Wait till you speed puzzle. It’s not grandma puzzling.” — Simi (14:21)
“They give you a penalty if you’re missing a piece, a time penalty. Because sometimes people lose pieces…You have a time limit before you have to take a maximum penalty.” — Simi (28:06)
“You’re currently ranked number 25 in the nation…how much faster is the top rank athlete?” — Daniel
“Pretty fast. I can do a 500-piece in 47 to 50 something minutes and the top people do it in like 30 minutes.” — Simi (33:41)
“Do you consider yourself an athlete? And is jigsaw puzzling a sport?” — Daniel
“I would not call it a sport. I call it maybe a pursuit.” — Simi (38:23)

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My Competitive Jigsaw Puzzler - Simmie Berman