My Hair Transplant - Emergency Pod

Summary

Tosh Show: "My Hair Transplant – Emergency Pod"

Host: Daniel Tosh
Guest/Sidesticks: Eddie Gosling, Pete (producer/manager)
Release Date: July 28, 2026

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Episode Overview

In this "emergency pod," comedian Daniel Tosh shares a candid, hilarious play-by-play of his recent hair transplant procedure, offering his signature irreverent commentary on getting older, vanity, the cosmetic surgery industry, and the lengths performers will go for a little extra hair. Alongside regular Eddie Gosling and producer Pete, Tosh blends personal anecdotes, technical details, and jokes as he documents the process from initial decision to day-after follow-up—all with the intent to inform, amuse, and perhaps make a little content gold out of thinning hair.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

Jury Duty Fails and Hair Loss as a Comedic Launchpad

[01:11–03:56]

• Daniel details his ongoing struggles to dodge jury duty using creative excuses.
• Success! He’s excused on a holiday week, sparking a mini-rant about the justice system.
• Reveals his "big plan" on the day he'd avoided jury duty: a surgical procedure, for which "you’re gonna have to hit the emergency sirens."
  • "I had brain surgery. Okay. AKA hair transplants." (04:39)

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Hair Transplant Journey: Why, Where, and How

[04:10–11:34]

• Daniel breaks down his history with PRP (platelet-rich plasma injections) and the limitations of that approach.
  • "I did that for a decade, maybe longer. Once a year. Hated it. Never felt good." (05:10)
• Decision time: He investigates hair transplants after hearing "it's basically like going to a spa day now."
• Explains procedures:
  • FUT: Strip of scalp cut and sutured (no thanks).
  • FUE: Individual follicle extraction (what Daniel chooses).
  • Costs: $1,000 (deposit) + $13,000 (procedure).
    • "Much like Jay Z, what's 14 grand to a motherfucker like me? Can you please remind me?" (08:27)
• Weighs overpriced American surgery vs. cheap Turkish clinics, ultimately opting for the former.

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Cosmetic Surgery Economics & Social Commentary

[08:38–10:09]

• Daniel compares hair transplant prices to friends’ facelifts: "these numbers are mind-blowing."
  • $200,000 for a facelift vs. $25,000—"You don't want to look like a cat."
• Jokes about the impracticality of traveling to Turkey for bargain surgery.
  • "If you told me I had to go to Turkey tomorrow or give you $14,000, I'm going to give you $14,000." (09:50)

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Hair Transplant Facts & Misconceptions

[10:10–12:00]

• Daniel shares technical details:
  • Got 2,001 grafts ("free one, didn’t charge me for it").
  • Grafts vs. follicles: Each graft = ~2.2 hairs; 2,000 grafts ≈ 5,000 new hairs.
  • Real results take 6–12 months; transplanted hairs fall out before regrowing.
• Comic lament about being the only balding one in a hirsute family.

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Surgery Day: Expectations vs. Reality

[17:58–21:01]

• Arrives at 6:30am; enjoys “spa-like” amenities—menu for lunch, TV with sports on, “button-up or zip-up” clothing strongly advised.
• Procedure: local anesthesia, light sedative, live jokes with staff.
• Doctor confirms they can use hair from anywhere (joking about pubic hair harvesting).
• Daniel’s son buzzes his head pre-procedure; Daniel jokes about giving away the DNA.
  • "Maybe a fan... But that's my DNA." (19:10)

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Post-Surgery Comedy and Care Instructions

[21:02–26:04]

• Daniel describes sneaking past office staff to drive himself home despite warnings, climbing into the passenger seat first to feign compliance.
  • "I just walked out the front door... then I just walked around the building to my car... instead I'm just going to get into the passenger side of my car... then I just climbed over." (21:01)
• Lists post-op care:
  • Strict sleeping position ("have to sleep on your back"), prescribed pain meds (Xanax, codeine), special shampoo and sponges. But he hasn’t used any painkillers.
  • "Guess what I’ve taken? Nothing. I felt nothing. I feel fine." (22:40)

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Follow-Up and Office Banter

[24:05–27:30]

• Daniel jokes about initial bandages (“wife’s maxi pad”), diminishing the “spa” illusion.
• Required follow-up visit the next day; a mildly annoyed but necessary check to push back a single graft and wash his hair.
• Praises Pete’s organizational skill after the clinic raves about his prep work.
  • "Let me tell you, Pete is by far the best person I've ever dealt with when handling anything." (26:06)

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Turkey Clinics, Bad Transplants & Celebrity Secrets

[27:36–33:34]

• More warnings against overseas bargain clinics—claims their excessive graft counts are ineffective or harmful.
• Patient confidentiality is strict; staff won't dish on celebrity clients.
• Daniel considers long hair donations and riffs on religious cults and Locks of Love.

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Q&A: Maintenance, Vanity, and Life After

[30:10–34:49]

• Daniel doubts he’ll repeat the process, calling it “such a waste of money,” but admits, "My wife thinks I'm prettier with hair, so I'll throw her that bone." (30:49)
• Discusses upkeep: two weeks with no workouts, after that, normal life resumes.
• Ridicules logic of waiting a year for a haircut: "No, you don't have to fucking wait a year..."
• Technical stats:
  • Safe donor zone: 6,000-8,000 usable grafts.
  • Human head: 80,000-100,000 individual hairs.

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On vanity and cost: "Much like Jay Z, what's 14 grand to a motherfucker like me? Can you please remind me?" (08:27)
• On overseas clinics: "If you told me I had to go to Turkey tomorrow or give you $14,000, I'm going to give you $14,000." (09:50)
• On being pain-tolerant: "Guess what I’ve taken? Nothing. I felt nothing. I feel fine." (22:40)
• On Pete’s organizational skills: "Let me tell you, Pete is by far the best person I've ever dealt with when handling anything." (26:06)
• Cynicism about locks of Love: "You know where Locks of Love needs to hit? Those fucking weird little cult towns in Kentucky..." (29:14)
• On transparency in the cosmetic industry:
  • Eddie: "Did they mention any celebrities that had come through?"
  • Daniel: "No, no, none. Not a. They were. They're so tight lipped. I was like, come on, give me one. Who's been in here? We can't talk about it." (33:34)

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Humorous Highlights

• Daniel considers gifting his buzzed-off DNA to a fan, only to retract:
  "What if I give this to somebody and they just travel around the world to like, murder scenes, and just sprinkle some of my hair? That's a bad idea." (19:15)
• Debate over whether to keep leftover prescription drugs for "the real drug people" in his circle. (23:42)
• Riffing about future cosmetic plans:
  • Eddie: "What's next?"
  • Daniel: "Tattoos. Once I get a full head of hair, then I'm starting the tattoos." (34:30)
• Daniel's tongue-in-cheek summary of the podcast's status:
  "Out of all the political podcasts that I listen to, this one's the funniest." (34:22)

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Timestamps for Key Segments

• Jury duty and surgery leadup: 01:11–04:09
• Explaining hair transplant options/costs: 05:27–11:34
• Plastic/cosmetic surgery commentary: 08:38–10:09
• Surgery day details: 17:58–21:01
• Self-driving and post-op regimen: 21:02–26:04
• Office follow-ups, Pete praise: 26:05–27:30
• Q&A on maintenance, donor zone math: 30:10–34:49
• Celebrity secrecy and future plans: 33:34–34:49

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Tone & Language

Daniel is candid, self-deprecating, and irreverent throughout. The episode borders on stream-of-consciousness, moving fluidly between personal confession, observational comedy, technical info, and banter. The show maintains the signature Tosh Show rapport—irreverent, accessible, and never above making a joke at any expense (especially his own).

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Conclusion

A truly “emergency” episode in topic only, Daniel Tosh’s hair transplant journey is dissected with trademark wit and occasional genuine wisdom—about ego, aging, the cosmetic industry, and why sometimes you just have to pay someone a lot of money to hurt you (but only a little). If you’re considering hair restoration, you’ll walk away both better informed and thoroughly entertained. If not, it’s still classic Tosh: relentless, ridiculous, and just the right amount of self-indulgent.

Transcript

[Daniel Tosh]

This episode of Tosh show is brought to you by Progressive Insurance. Do you ever think about switching insurance companies to see if you could save some cash? Progressive makes it easy to see if you could save when you bundle your home and auto policies. Try [e-mail] Progressive Casualty Insurance Company and affiliates. Potential savings will vary. Not available in all states. I had brain surgery.

[Eddie Gosling]

Oh, man.

[Daniel Tosh]

Okay. AKA hair transplants. Tosh show. Posh show. Tosh show for show. Welcome to Tosho. Daniel Tosh here. Eddie Gosling's with me.

[Eddie Gosling]

What's up, Daniel?

[Daniel Tosh]

Not a lot. Not a lot.

[Eddie Gosling]

What's up top? You got a little something different.

[Daniel Tosh]

What's that?

[Eddie Gosling]

What are you wearing there?

[Daniel Tosh]

Oh, got my. Got my kid's super hat on.

[Eddie Gosling]

Yeah.

[Daniel Tosh]

Toss, show, represent.

[Eddie Gosling]

Nothing else.

[Unknown Guest 1]

Nothing else.

[Eddie Gosling]

Not underneath.

[Unknown Guest 2]

No.

[Daniel Tosh]

No. I just got my hat on.

[Eddie Gosling]

Okay.

[Daniel Tosh]

Let me tell you something that happened to me. I get jury duty. Why? Because I vote. And when you vote, the way this country fucks you is they make you go to. They sign you up for jury, dude. Every year. Every single year. Now, I'm never going to serve and it's not that I don't want to, but if I'm going to be honest when they ask me specific questions, there's no way they can pick me. The problem is I know I am not impartial. I just can't be. You know, if I see somebody with a certain type of shirt on, I just can eyeball somebody and know right away, oh, I am not going to be on their side.

[Eddie Gosling]

Maybe that's what we need.

[Daniel Tosh]

I mean, it'll certainly, it'll certainly churn through some cases.

[Eddie Gosling]

Some cases pretty.

[Daniel Tosh]

That judge will love me. I'll get through that caseload quickly. But. And also, nobody can sway my opinion. So that's going to. It's like I'm going to see this person make that guilty. And they're like, no, all the evidence. And I don't. I hate our system where it's like reasonable doubt. That's stupid to me. How about like, hey, he most likely did it. Let's go stick him in jail. If you most likely did something, you should serve time. Okay, that's beside the point. The point is I get these summons and I delay it. You go online and you say, oh, I'm a stay at home dad that's breastfeeding, whatever. And then that runs its course. And then it's like, well, I'm the sole breadwinner and I'm going to be in Jamaica. Finally they tracked me down. They're like, this is your week, and you cannot postpone it. And so I put it. This was my thinking. I put it on a holiday week on July 4th. Then the first night that I had a call in to see at 6pm to see if I had to go in the next day, which I couldn't go in the next day, I had something big planned. So I was like, oh, this is gonna be awful. Anyway, I call in. Guess what it says.

[Eddie Gosling]

What?

[Daniel Tosh]

You're cleared for the week. Thank you for your service.

[Eddie Gosling]

Nice.

[Daniel Tosh]

They don't make you call in every night anymore.

[Eddie Gosling]

That's pretty smart.

[Daniel Tosh]

At least they didn't in my district. And I was like, oh, winner. My wife was furious. She's in the same district. She had a call every Single night at 6pm I call in one time. They're like, you're finished. We don't need you. Good for them. Now you're probably wondering, well, what did I have scheduled the next day that was so big?

[Eddie Gosling]

Right?

[Daniel Tosh]

Well, for that, you're gonna have to hit the emergency sirens. This technically falls under the umbrella of an emergency pod. I had to have surgery.

[Eddie Gosling]

Wow.

[Daniel Tosh]

Now, before you knew that I had something done, that's why you were asking about my headgear. But you couldn't tell that I had some bandages on because I had this hat on. So everything looks completely normal to the naked eye.

[Eddie Gosling]

Exactly.

[Daniel Tosh]

But if I take this off,

[Eddie Gosling]

it's like.

[Daniel Tosh]

Right?

[Eddie Gosling]

Yeah. No, now.

[Daniel Tosh]

Now things look. Now you're like, oh, what happened to Tosh?

[Unknown Guest 2]

I thought you were a surgeon.

[Eddie Gosling]

Yeah, you do look like a surgeon.

[Daniel Tosh]

Well, yeah, but once you take this off, then there's more bandages underneath. But you can see that I'm kind of bleeding through on the side of this. Now. What did I do? I had brain surgery.

[Eddie Gosling]

Oh, man.

[Daniel Tosh]

Okay. AKA hair transplants.

[Eddie Gosling]

Okay. Same area.

[Daniel Tosh]

Yeah, I think it's all under the same umbrella. Also, pre preemptive head lice removal. Okay, I didn't have head lice. But this also. No. I said to my wife, I said, hey, I just talked to some people that had hair transplants, and they're telling me that the system is amazing now. It's basically like going to a spa day now, you know, I love spas.

[Eddie Gosling]

You love them.

[Daniel Tosh]

I love a spa. Who. Who doesn't like a massage and the soft music and the whole thing, the camaraderie, seeing other guys naked. You get it? So I was like, well, then I should do this. That way I can compare this to an actual spa. So I have Pete call my hair Doctor because you know that I've gone to this guy that's did the prp, which is where they take the platelet enriched, but they take my blood, they draw my blood, they put it in a machine, they shake, and they inject it into my head. I did that for a decade, maybe longer, who knows? Once a year. Hated it. Never felt good. And my hair, you know, the thing is, I have a good hairline, but the crown and the sides, they're thin, real thin. And they're like. You're the perfect candidate for transplants because they take hair from the back. Well, the thing is, they do it two ways. Fut, that's the follicular unit transplant. You know what that is? That's where they cut a strip, a strip of your head off in the back where you have good hair. Then they take the good follicles out of there, okay, the good grafts, and they plant them in and then they sew up that area so you're. You're just, you know, whatever in the back. But that, that, that involves some recovery. Now. I'm not interested. Then they have the fue. Now this is where they extract grafts individually. They just basically have a little scooper, take the graft out, and then they individually plant it. And I'm like, oh, it sounds tedious and horrible, right? But they said it's like a spa day. So I'm like, I have Pete look into it. He finds the guy, he finds Dr. Pack. Dr. Pack's gonna do it. He was recommended by Dr. DeBeau, who does my PRP stuff. So Pete tells me, hey, you've gotta make an appointment. And I'm like, ah, I don't wanna make an appointment. But I. I put it off six months. I make an appointment. I do it right after a tour. Then the doctor calls me to go over it, and he does not make it sound like a spa day. So I'm like, oh. He's like, well, first of all, you have to shave your head. And I'm like, whoa, whoa, whoa. Shave my head? I thought you were just going to pluck some out and put them right. He goes, no, you got to shave it. No, guard, shave your head down. And I'm like, oh, this is a disaster. He's like, you can buzz it, but then we'll shave the back sides where we're going to pull from. Then he tells me how much it cost. You got to put $1,000. I'm like, $1,000? Nothing. That's just to hold your appointment time. Then it's $13,000 for the procedure, so you're in for 14K. And I thought that was ridiculous. But you have to understand, much like jay Z, what's 14 grand to a motherfucker like me? Can you please remind me?

[Eddie Gosling]

It's true, man.

[Daniel Tosh]

Okay, so I start talking to some friends of mine that have had work done. They're women, okay? They've had some plastic surgery. I'm not going to name names, but they're all around me. A lot of my wife's friends, you know, they're at that age. And these, these things that they've had done little, you know, whatever. Facelifts, anything. Plastic surgery. The numbers that they throw around are mind blowing. Like, oh, oh, how much did you pay? This person paid 200,000 for a facelift. I'm like, I never knew she had a facelift. And she goes, that's why she paid 200,000. Because the girl that pays 25,000, you're like, oh, you had a facelift, didn't you? Yeah, you look like a cat. You don't want to look like a cat. But who's got that kind of money? Well, their husbands is the answer. So anyway, that makes me say to myself, all right, should I. Should I just shell out the money? Then I hear of all these, oh, you go to Turkey. Or as we learned from the World Cup, Turkey. How do you pronounce it in the World Cup? That's it, Turkey. Anyway, people go to Turkey. I don't know how much cheaper it can be. Let's say it's $4. I still have to fly to fucking Turkey. Nah, that's not gonna happen. I'll shell out the 14 grand to not go to Turkey. If you told me I had to go to Turkey tomorrow or give you $14,000, I'm gonna give you $14,000.

[Eddie Gosling]

You gotta go to Turkey tomorrow.

[Daniel Tosh]

Or 14 grand.

[Eddie Gosling]

Thank you.

[Daniel Tosh]

I decide to do this now. They take out graphs from your head. They do around 2000 graphs. Now you say, oh, but in Turkey, I've been hearing they're getting 4, 4,000, 5,000 grafts. She's like, that's the thing. People go there. Then they have to come to us to fix it. First of all, they're calling hair follicles grafts. And it's not. Your graft has around 2.2 hair follicles on average. So between two and three hairs come out of each graft. But you have some grafts that are single. So he uses the singles for, for your hairline. I didn't really need that. So then the other ones that have multiple hairs coming out, you do that. So 2,000 grafts leads to about 5,000 new hairs. Okay. Then here comes the big negative. You don't really see growth until 6 to 12 months after the procedure. And before that, 6 months, you see a loss, your hair's in shock, all the graft hairs fall out completely and, and, but then it starts to grow. So it's like if it doesn't work well for you, you're like, it's a year later. And you're like, well, fuck them, but whatever. So how many grafts did I get done? What's your guess? I got 2001. They gave me a free one. Didn't even charge me for it.

[Eddie Gosling]

Nice.

[Daniel Tosh]

Yeah, and it's such a cruel twist in my family because everyone has so much hair except me, the one that got into show business. My sisters, my brother, my dad and mom. Oh, my dad's head of hair is so thick.

[Eddie Gosling]

Do you consider what you have a birth defect?

[Daniel Tosh]

I mean, I consider it something, you know, more of on the spectrum.

[Eddie Gosling]

Yeah, it's something.

[Daniel Tosh]

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They can do that because they know it's going to work. Keep bugs out of your summer sanctuary with pesty. Go to pesti.com tosh for an extra 10% off your order today. That's P E s t I e.com for an extra 10% off this episode is brought to you by IQ Bar, our exclusive snack, hydration and coffee sponsor. What do I like about I.Q. bar? Well, for one, there's a lot of variety across their whole lineup. You got protein bars, zero sugar hydration mixes and mushroom coffee and a bunch of flavors. IQ mix, electrolyte hydration sticks. Okay, you got lemon, lime, blood orange, blueberry, pomegranate, peach, mango. There's my winner. Passion fruit, pina colada. There's my backup, Raspberry lemonade and iced tea. Lemonade. They have so many great flavors. How could it get any better? And right now, IQ Bar is offering our special podcast listeners 20% off all IQ Bar products, including the ultimate sampler pack, plus free shipping. To get your 20% off, text TOSH to 64,000. That's TOSH to 64,000. Message and data rates may apply. See terms for details PA show. Now let me explain to you the procedure because I was again, I was excited about this. I packed appropriately. They like, don't make, make sure you wear a button up or zip up. They don't want to go over your head. And you get there at 6:30 in the morning, which to some people sounds like a nightmare to me. It's, it's wonderful because there's no traffic in la. You just zip to their office. You go there. It's off Wilshire Boulevard. I parked my car. You're not allowed to drive. You have to have somebody else drive you. I drove my truck, parked my truck on the street around the corner. You can't walk in. You have to call because it's before the building even opens. Somebody comes down in an elevator. Brings you up. Beautiful office. Okay, I'm already happy. Desk lighting's great. Brings me into an office, what's what. Big TV right next to me, nice chairs. Then a nice chair to lay in for the procedure. I got the World cup on and Wimbledon on. I'm double dipping. I got soccer and Wimbledon going. Oh, so now I'm like, this isn't bad. Then they hand me a menu. Not an overwhelming menu, not a Cheesecake Factory bullshit. Well, anyway, they just hand me that and then they hand me a pen. I just circle, what you want for lunch later? I'm like, how long am I gonna be here? And then I shut your fucking mouth. Now they. I got there at 6:30. You're gonna leave about, you know, 1 to 2 o'. Clock. Ish. But we're gonna get you lunch. Anyway, I circle some stuff on there. Guess what, there's cookies on there. Big circle there. Okay. Then we sit down. They're going to give me, you know, local anesthesia, a prick in the arm. And I took a pill. I didn't ask. I just swallow stuff. Fine. Now I sit back, we start chatting. I'm doing bits already. Two or three people coming in and out, checking on me. I feel great. And they begin. Feel nothing, get sleepy. And then occasionally I wake up and my cocoa golf lost the first set. I just start screaming. He's like, hey, quit moving. I'm like, all right, sorry, no prep work like a real surgery either. Like, you know, you can, you can eat breakfast before you come in. And then they start to go to work. I'm like, you mind if I take some photos of you? He's like, I don't care. I'm taking photos. I'm holding my phone up and he's just up there on my scalp, just doing God knows what. And I asked him if, you know, we got it, we got to take the hair from my head. He's like, no, we can do it from anywhere. If you got curly hair, I know a good spot. But I don't know if I'd enjoy watching somebody take my pubic hair away.

[Eddie Gosling]

Like harvest the sack.

[Daniel Tosh]

They can harvest anything, I'm told now, but you can't harvest, like, you can't take my. I can't plant one of my grafts in your head. Your head will reject it. It'll know right away. That's Tasha's.

[Eddie Gosling]

Okay.

[Unknown Guest 1]

Boom.

[Daniel Tosh]

Doesn't work.

[Eddie Gosling]

Didn't know that.

[Daniel Tosh]

Uh huh. I was like, what about my sons? There was. There's. I don't remember the answers, but he was like. I was like. Because I still have his umbilical cord somewhere. Can you stick that in my head? And there's. I think you can do something with it, but I don't remember what. But anyway, by the way, I don't know who I'm gonna give it to, but one of our guests is gonna get. There's all my hair. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. I shaved my head. You know who shaved? Buzzed my head. I had my son do it because he really didn't want me to cut my hair. I'm like, hey, you wanna come to the bathroom and do this real quick? It'll be funny for Mom. And then he just shaved my head. But anyway, we'll give that away to some guest. Some guest is gonna want maybe a fan. If there's a fan on the show that wants my hair. But that's my DNA.

[Unknown Guest 2]

Yeah, Someone's gonna clone you.

[Eddie Gosling]

Yeah. Be careful.

[Daniel Tosh]

Whoa. What if I give this to somebody and they just plant it? Like, they just travel around the world to, like, murder scenes and just sprinkle some of my hair? That's a bad idea.

[Eddie Gosling]

Yep.

[Daniel Tosh]

All right, maybe I don't give it to a fan. Cause I don't trust them.

[Unknown Guest 2]

Burn it now.

[Daniel Tosh]

No, I gotta do something with it.

[Eddie Gosling]

You could put it with your fingernail collection.

[Daniel Tosh]

Now that collection is too. I could make a small pillow out of it. Okay.

[Eddie Gosling]

Ear muffs.

[Daniel Tosh]

So I'm doing the surgery. I'm like, this isn't bad at all. Then we, you know, I have my. We take a break. I eat. He finishes it up. He's like, it looks great. Everything looks good. And I'm like, okay. And then they were like, it's time to. To leave. Like, well, who do you have picking you up? I'm like, oh, Pete's got it all set up. I keep. I always just. Pete's guys. We got a car outside. And then the guy's, like, walking me out because I said to my wife's, like, you can't drive home, right? And I go, no, they won't let us, but I'm gonna try. And I told Pete if I thought I couldn't, I would. I would text him and have him set something up and get my car later. But. And as soon as I stood up, I felt very wobbly. But when I sat down, I felt

[Eddie Gosling]

strong behind the wheel.

[Daniel Tosh]

Right? Well, no, hold on. So he's walking me down to put me into my Uber that doesn't exist. And I just say to him at the door, I'm like, hey, I really appreciate it. I'm good. I'll see you here. This is our goodbye. And I just walk out the front door. And my aggressive nature stopped him. And so then I just walked around the building to my car. But then I was like, is he watching me? I'm not going to glance back. So instead I'm just going to get into the passenger side of my car. I like it so that if he sees, like, oh, there he's got in the passenger seat. And then I just climbed over.

[Eddie Gosling]

So good. It's a very good move.

[Daniel Tosh]

Then I drove home. Can you get a DUI for saying that you drove under the influence but that no one ever pulled you over during it? Right. Okay. But I felt fine. And I know every alcoholic in the world says that too, but I mean, I don't know, maybe that was. Maybe that was a bad. I'll probably get in trouble for that. Whatever. I drove home fine. There was no issue. I felt fine the whole time I drove home. Let me tell you what kind of medicine they gave me. This is the medicine they gave me for healing, by the way. They're like, you have to sleep on your back. You can't sleep on your side. If you sleep on your side or your stomach, everything will start coming down your head and you'll just get. Your eyes will close and your cheeks, everything will get puffy. So you have to sleep on your back. But guess what? I can't sleep on my back. Not for long. So I propped myself up. I do like a lot of pillows. That's more for an acid reflux thing. But you have to prop up. And I still kind of rolled to my side a little bit. What's this? That's a Xanax. What is that? That's for nausea on Dansatron. For nausea. This is a cream I have to rub on my head. By the way, I did the surgery yesterday, guys, and I'm here against surgery yesterday. Against doctor's orders. Against doctors. Okay, and then what is this? This is codeine. This is all the stuff that you have to take as soon as you get home. You got to get ahead of the pain.

[Eddie Gosling]

Uh huh.

[Daniel Tosh]

All right, Guess what I've taken.

[Eddie Gosling]

Nothing.

[Daniel Tosh]

Nothing. I felt nothing. I feel fine.

[Eddie Gosling]

You can sell the codeine to Dylan.

[Daniel Tosh]

That's what. That's what I was thinking. You take Xanax every night, don't you, Dylan?

[Eddie Gosling]

I've never taken Xanax.

[Daniel Tosh]

No, Never. All Right. So let's see what happens if you

[Unknown Guest 2]

take seven with a few cocktails.

[Eddie Gosling]

Not just one. All seven.

[Daniel Tosh]

I got seven of those. This has no refills, but there's. There's quite a few in here of the coding. Have you taken codeine?

[Eddie Gosling]

No, I. I've taken very little medication in my life.

[Daniel Tosh]

Yeah, I'm not. I'm not a medicine guy either, so. Oh, so then this is this, like, shampoo that I can only, like, wash the side of my head, the area that was the donors.

[Eddie Gosling]

Okay.

[Daniel Tosh]

And then this. This. There's a sponge, a special sponge that I put some of this shampoo, and then I just kind of dot the top of my head, which is bleeding, and then I have to rub the cream. This is all for, like, five to seven days. Meanwhile, I'm gonna be wake surfing in two, so.

[Eddie Gosling]

Okay.

[Daniel Tosh]

You know, I'll let you know how it pans out. Yes. So do I keep these drugs or do I just throw them away?

[Unknown Guest 2]

Keep them.

[Daniel Tosh]

Oh, see? See? Pete immediately said, don't throw them away. Like, sad. That's like a real drug person.

[Eddie Gosling]

Yeah.

[Daniel Tosh]

You take drugs, Pete?

[Unknown Guest 1]

Yeah.

[Daniel Tosh]

Yeah. I'll save them for you. I go through my. My medicine cabinet all the time and just hand my. Like, I'm like, what is this?

[Eddie Gosling]

That's funny.

[Daniel Tosh]

And my wife is like, I don't know. I'm like, why is it still here? Get rid of it. Oh, this. Okay, so now let me show you this. So this is what my head was wrapped in when I first took it off.

[Eddie Gosling]

Oh, yeah.

[Daniel Tosh]

That's for real, right? I'm joking. That's my wife's maxi pad. She was spotting. Oh, she was spotting. No, this was on my head. Yeah. You know, you got all these little specks of blood on you. This is what I walked out of the hospital with. Took that off, jumped in my car, drove home. Then they beg you to come back the next day. I'm like, I don't do two things. Like, I thought this was a one and done spa day, but they begged. We just want to make sure everything's okay and going right. And if any of the grafts are coming out, we can push them back in and we'll wash your hair the first time. So everything is. And so I was like, fine. And I went. I drove back early in the morning the next day. It was today. Yeah, this morning. I've already done this this morning. And they washed my hair. It took 10 minutes. They pushed one graft in that was apparently sticking out. Doctors said, hey, you look great. All right. I left. I was like, ah, it wasn't worth it. But they were happy that I did it. But they did do this today. This is what made the trip worth it today. She says, I don't know what Pete. What. What do you. What Pete is to you? What do you call, like, is he your assistant or what? I said, he's my partner. He does everything. You know, producing partner, tour manager. He does it all. Man. Man of, you know, many hats, right? I go. And I go, speaking of hats, I go, he's just bald. Just bald as shit. He went to my last PRP doctor and they're like, no, no, you're too far gone. And she says. She says, he's not too far gone for us. We could put a head of hair back. She goes, it might take two sessions, but. But as long as he's got any hair at the base around, we can do it. What do you think of that, Pete,

[Eddie Gosling]

for $14,000 times two?

[Daniel Tosh]

Well, I don't know, but. But now. But this is. That's not even why I'm bringing this up. Forget that part of it. Forget the fact that she says that you. You could definitely have your hair back. You know, obviously this would mean I'd have to cut a check. But she says to me, she goes, I've worked with a lot. She said it like that. She goes, I've worked with a lot of celebrity clients and athletes and. And let me tell you, Pete is by far the best person I've ever dealt with when handling anything. She just kept. And I was like. She goes, I just want you to tell him that we really appreciate how on top of everything he was. And I go, well, that's amazing, because I hate how on top of things he is because he just annoys the shit out of me. Like, hey, we need to know now. We need an answer. But she was just singing his praise like, he's great. Just half the time. We can never get in touch with these people. And I go, who are you talking about? She's like, Julia Roberts. No, she didn't say any names, but she definitely insinuated that the list is long of male and female celebrities that are just in that. And they just do, like, one person a day. That's it. That's it.

[Eddie Gosling]

And athletes.

[Daniel Tosh]

Oh, yeah. I mean, some celebrities are athletes, but not all athletes are celebrities.

[Eddie Gosling]

I like that. Raphael Nadal had one.

[Daniel Tosh]

Did he? His didn't work.

[Unknown Guest 2]

Maybe he went to tur.

[Daniel Tosh]

Yeah, he might have went to Turkey. Let me tell you something. About Turkey now, now that we brought turkey back up, they brag like, oh, that they did 4,000 or 5,000 graphs. But she goes, you can't, you can't do that many. If they're too close to each other, they reject each other and, and they, they become dormant, they die. So they have, they have to be apart from each other. They can't be stacked. So like when they start saying that they've done, you know, this just this huge amount, that's way more than the 2000 or 3000. That's a. It's bad, it's not gonna work. It's not what you want. So I was like, okay. So when they told me that I got 2001, I was like, good deal.

[Eddie Gosling]

So are you gonna keep this cap on for a year and then a reveal?

[Daniel Tosh]

Yeah.

[Eddie Gosling]

Okay.

[Daniel Tosh]

I mean, I'll show photos of the surgery, but you're gonna. The big reveal will be 6 months to 12 months from now. The big reveal.

[Eddie Gosling]

I love it.

[Daniel Tosh]

You know what I might do with this? You think I can send this to Locks of Love? I know. I think they need 6 inches or more for Locks of Love. Can somebody give me an answer on that? How much, how long to give to Locks of Love? Because I don't know that they would even want this stuff. I think you need a foot. You think it's a foot? Fuck you, it's not a foot.

[Unknown Guest 2]

10 inches.

[Daniel Tosh]

10 inches. The locks of Love need.

[Unknown Guest 2]

Yes, it's a minimum.

[Daniel Tosh]

I understand it's a minimum. They're not going to turn around that fucking one.

[Eddie Gosling]

Woman 14 no.

[Daniel Tosh]

You know where Locks of Love needs to hit? Those fucking weird little cult towns in Kentucky with those people that don't cut their hair. David, you know who I'm talking about.

[Eddie Gosling]

Like a blood drag.

[Daniel Tosh]

Yeah. Why don't you guys, instead of all the nonsense that you're not doing with your stupid religion, why don't you fucking help kids that have cancer and cut your fucking hair? We'll be right back.

[Unknown Guest 1]

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[Daniel Tosh]

PA show. Do you have any questions about the procedure?

[Unknown Guest 2]

Will you ever have to do a follow up or.

[Daniel Tosh]

No? Will I ever have to do this Again, I guess in theory, if your hair is balding, it continues to bald until there's no hair left, Right? So if there was no donor hair, I would not be able to do it. And I can't imagine a world at 51 that I ever do this again. This was so stupid. This was such a waste of money. Did I do it for the content? No. My wife thinks I'm prettier with hair, so I'll throw her that bone.

[Eddie Gosling]

You're doing it for her.

[Daniel Tosh]

But she'd also like me to work out. So it's like, which would you rather, hair or muscles?

[Eddie Gosling]

Can you even work out for, like, a year now?

[Daniel Tosh]

Not for two weeks.

[Eddie Gosling]

Oh.

[Daniel Tosh]

I always say, what you want? Hair, muscles. And she's like, oh, that's a tough one. It's like when I asked Pete would he rather eat my ass or give you a bj? And he said, I'd much rather eat your ass.

[Eddie Gosling]

By the way. He keeps bringing it up like, are we doing it?

[Daniel Tosh]

He's talked about it almost every day since.

[Unknown Guest 1]

Relentless.

[Unknown Guest 2]

Let's make good on this.

[Daniel Tosh]

Sometimes he. Sometimes he'll be like, hey, I talked about it with Sam, and Sam's fine with me trying both. And then I finish on the one I liked more.

[Eddie Gosling]

Sometimes we're like, what are you talking about? And he has to remind us.

[Daniel Tosh]

So, no, I don't believe I will ever do it again. But not because I don't need it, because I can't imagine I care.

[Unknown Guest 2]

Again, how many graphs, just out of curiosity, does an average person have?

[Daniel Tosh]

Well, why don't you fucking use your dumb mint mobile and tell us?

[Unknown Guest 2]

Okay, let me do that.

[Eddie Gosling]

Yeah.

[Daniel Tosh]

How many graphs does the average adult male have? What if they say 2002.

[Eddie Gosling]

What?

[Daniel Tosh]

It's got to be. It's got to be 20,000 men.

[Unknown Guest 2]

Oh. 6,000 to 8,000 usable hair grafts available in the safe donor zone.

[Daniel Tosh]

Okay, that's in the safe donor zone. But on the human head.

[Unknown Guest 2]

Total human head.

[Daniel Tosh]

Yeah.

[Unknown Guest 2]

Contains about 80 to 100,000 individual hairs.

[Daniel Tosh]

So half of that is like 40 to 50. Yeah. So it's not. It's not nothing. 2,000 is not nothing.

[Eddie Gosling]

No, it's good.

[Daniel Tosh]

I mean, I'm curious. I'm curious to see what it looks like.

[Eddie Gosling]

Like, what if in a year, you know, everything looks normal, and then where you had it, it just goes out? Like toughs out front or just pushes a different direction? Would that be a thing that could happen?

[Daniel Tosh]

You talking about, like, if I had a cowlick that no longer exists because of It. The reason my hair was always strong is because I had this one thick patch right in the front and it's perfect for the old comb over look, so I could always. But yeah, my hair, I don't think the waviness at my 2 inch length or 3 inch length that I keep it at will be affected.

[Eddie Gosling]

Do you have to wait a year to get a haircut?

[Daniel Tosh]

No, you don't have to fucking wait a year to get a haircut, Dylan. Both of these questions have been dumb.

[Eddie Gosling]

You can get a haircut whenever you want.

[Daniel Tosh]

Yeah. Why can't you cut your hair?

[Eddie Gosling]

I don't know. You're trying to let your hair grow in.

[Daniel Tosh]

Well, yeah, I'm gonna let it grow for a while, but then when I need it cut, I'll cut it, I'll buzz it, I'll do whatever. Basically, you can't do anything for two to six days. After that, do whatever you want. Shave it, rub it.

[Unknown Guest 2]

Did they mention any celebrities that had come through?

[Daniel Tosh]

No, no, none. Not a. They were. They're so tight lipped.

[Unknown Guest 2]

That's good.

[Daniel Tosh]

I was like, come on, give me one. Who's been in here? We can't talk about it.

[Unknown Guest 2]

Had the doctor had it done before,

[Daniel Tosh]

like, don't know, but it looks like he's a candidate. A lot of the questions that I asked the doctor, I was under some medication and a lot of that's a little foggy. All right, let me put some of this stuff away, then we can get back into anything. Do you think this will help the podcast?

[Unknown Guest 2]

Yes.

[Daniel Tosh]

If I have more hair.

[Unknown Guest 2]

This is the miss. This is what was holding us back.

[Daniel Tosh]

Well, I mean, listen, we were already at the top.

[Unknown Guest 2]

Now we're going.

[Daniel Tosh]

Okay.

[Unknown Guest 2]

Out of the stratosphere.

[Daniel Tosh]

Out. Of all the political podcasts that I listen to, this one's the funniest.

[Eddie Gosling]

Absolutely.

[Daniel Tosh]

So that's something.

[Eddie Gosling]

What's next?

[Daniel Tosh]

Tattoos.

[Eddie Gosling]

Tattoos.

[Daniel Tosh]

Once I get a full head of hair, then I'm starting the tattoos.

[Eddie Gosling]

It's pretty good.

[Unknown Guest 2]

All inked up.

[Daniel Tosh]

Or should I. Or should I do piercings first? I went through a piercing phase in my late teens, you know, but then that was short. That was short lived.

[Unknown Guest 2]

What'd you pierce?

[Daniel Tosh]

Just the four majors. Tongue, cock and both ears.

[Unknown Guest 2]

The Grand Slam, they called me.

[Daniel Tosh]

Well, are you interested? Ed, if they. If they said.

[Unknown Guest 1]

Interesting.

[Daniel Tosh]

If they said they could give your full head back and it wouldn't cost you, like, they'll do it on the house for the pod, would you do the procedure?

[Eddie Gosling]

Sure. Absolutely.

[Daniel Tosh]

You would? Yeah, I would tell you not to

[Eddie Gosling]

you say not to.

[Daniel Tosh]

I'd just be like, why do you care at this point is what I would say.

[Eddie Gosling]

Just to see what happens.

[Daniel Tosh]

All right, good for you. All right, then let's see if they offer to do a free one. Pete, would you do it? Yeah. All right. I think we'd give it to Pete.

[Eddie Gosling]

Give it to Pete.

[Daniel Tosh]

We give it to Pete, we leave Ed alone.

[Eddie Gosling]

Remember we did that tape on Pete's head? We made. We made him hair one time.

[Daniel Tosh]

We've made. We've made Pete have hair. We've done Pete hair a few times with the spray stuff that you can put on. And we've put electrical tape on his head to make him look like he had hair.

[Eddie Gosling]

One point of the tour, we get bored and we just turn to Pete's head and make him hair.

[Daniel Tosh]

All right, well. All right. Well, if they want. If they get excited about the plug and they say, hey, we'll do one for free, have Pete come in. That's the end of the emergency. Eddie, hit the sirens. All right. Ah, thank you for listening to the show. We've. Carl, appreciate you being here. I'm glad you don't have any hair loss problems. Of note, the doctor that did my hair transplant is an author. Okay. World renowned New York Times bestseller. I don't know if that's true or not. What's the name of the book he wrote?

[Eddie Gosling]

Hair Loss and Replacement for Dummies.

[Daniel Tosh]

Hair Loss and Replacement for Dummies. I've always wondered about those books, the For Dummies books. Because while possibly incredibly informative, I would just refuse to leave that spine out on my bookshelf.

[Eddie Gosling]

This is like. It'd be great if you were doing a newscast and those were all behind you.

[Daniel Tosh]

Those are the books. That's not bad.

[Eddie Gosling]

And it's funny. It's like. Oh, he's.

[Daniel Tosh]

Yeah, if you're doing. If you're. If you're constantly zooming and you just have a stat. Just like a whole library encyclopedia style of nothing but all the dummy books.

[Eddie Gosling]

Should we be asking him? He seems well read.

[Daniel Tosh]

Oh, the guy knows what he's talking about. Then Cliff Notes. It's just some of these things he authored that. Good. All right, Dr. Pack. Good for you. Look at that and get a free plug. Check out our websites. What is it? Patreon.com toshshow toshshowstore.com and then danieltosh.com to check out our tour dates. And now some music. Great. They love me. They love me not. Eddie, what do you got? For us.

[Eddie Gosling]

All right, first one's. They love you. This is AVA E5F 8Y.

[Daniel Tosh]

I hope that you don't have to set it up with they love me. I hope I can hear it and determine if this is someone that's a fan or hatred.

[Eddie Gosling]

Like, hear the love through the.

[Daniel Tosh]

Okay, let's hear this. They love me.

[Eddie Gosling]

All right, Tosh. Never disappointing. Love it. You mesh with what I find funny. Unique minds.

[Daniel Tosh]

Unique minds. Just the two of us.

[Eddie Gosling]

Yeah.

[Daniel Tosh]

See, that's what this is for. Just a handful of us. That's success. Warren Buffett. You know, you ever click on a Warren Buffett link or a story? It's always like, oh, the two things that he said you should do. And, you know, they're always like, try

[Eddie Gosling]

hard and save your nickels. All right, thanks, Warren.

[Daniel Tosh]

All right, what else you got, Roxas?

[Eddie Gosling]

13. Tosh is a cranky old man who yells at kids in the front of his house.

[Daniel Tosh]

That's not really my style. First of all, I can't. I've got a privacy wall and double hedge, but there's no one I can yell at. I don't even see children. But I don't really like to yell at kids. It's their parents that I hate.

[Eddie Gosling]

Right.

[Daniel Tosh]

Oh, the parents. I could spend all day yelling at parents. Just old people. I'd rather yell at the old people yelling at the kids. That's who I yell at. Yeah. See you next week.