My Little Ballerina - Brianna Abruzzo

Summary

Podcast Summary: Tosh Show – My Little Ballerina with Brianna Abruzzo Release Date: January 28, 2025
Host: Daniel Tosh
Guest: Brianna Abruzzo, Actor, Singer, Dancer, and Ballerina

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1. Introduction

In this episode of the Tosh Show, host Daniel Tosh welcomes Brianna Abruzzo, a multifaceted performer known for her prowess in acting, singing, dancing, and ballet. Daniel sets the stage by highlighting Brianna’s versatility and her journey in the demanding world of ballet.

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2. Early Life and Ballet Training

Brianna Abruzzo shares her early introduction to ballet, starting at the tender age of three. Despite her passion, she faced significant challenges due to the rigorous and often harsh training environments.

• Daniel Tosh: “When did you start ballet?”
• Brianna Abruzzo [12:06]: “When I was 3, but I hated it.”

Brianna recounts her initial struggles with strict Russian instructors who pushed her beyond comfortable limits. She emphasizes the discipline required, balancing intense training with her education.

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3. Challenges in the Ballet World

Brianna delves into the pervasive issues of body image and weight expectations within the ballet community. She candidly discusses her experience with being expelled from the Miami City Ballet due to weight gain, a period compounded by her diagnosis of Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome (PCOS).

• Brianna Abruzzo [22:07]: “I know it to be true.”
• Daniel Tosh [22:03]: “But do you know it to be true, or it's just a hunch you have?”

This segment highlights the often unrealistic and harmful standards imposed on dancers, leading to personal and physical struggles. Brianna also addresses the lack of support and understanding from some directors regarding health issues.

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4. Personal Life and Career Decisions

The conversation shifts to Brianna’s personal life, particularly her engagement to A.J., a singer-songwriter. Brianna discusses the decision to move from New York City to Nashville during the pandemic, a move motivated by A.J.'s burgeoning music career and the need to adapt to the halted ballet scene.

• Brianna Abruzzo [38:01]: “During the pandemic, my whole career was just shut down.”
• Daniel Tosh [38:15]: “Why would you go to Nashville?”

She reflects on the bittersweet nature of leaving a vibrant city like NYC for a more manageable town in Nashville, balancing her artistic aspirations with personal relationships.

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5. Ballet as an Art and a Sport

Brianna and Daniel engage in a spirited debate about whether ballet should be included in the Olympics. They discuss the subjective nature of judging artistic performances versus the objective criteria often applied in sports.

• Brianna Abruzzo [27:31]: “They have like every type of dance.”
• Daniel Tosh [28:12]: “You think it's an art, okay?”

Brianna argues that ballet's artistic depth could translate well into competitive environments, while Daniel counters by emphasizing the potential loss of artistry if ballet were to adopt the Olympian judging system.

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6. Career Highlights and Aspirations

Brianna shares notable moments from her career, including her role as Cirella in West Side Story. She discusses the challenges of auditioning for high-profile projects and her perseverance despite numerous rejections.

• Brianna Abruzzo [45:22]: “The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel. I auditioned for 12 different roles.”
• Daniel Tosh [45:27]: “They said no.”

Brianna expresses her determination to continue pursuing her passions in acting and musical theater, highlighting her collaboration with A.J. on creating a musical centered around iconic fairy tale characters.

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7. Future Plans and Balancing Family

Looking ahead, Brianna discusses her plans to balance a burgeoning career with family life. She emphasizes the importance of supporting her future children’s interests without imposing her own experiences in ballet.

• Brianna Abruzzo [39:43]: “If they want to, I will encourage them and stretch their feet, but I will hope that they are good at other things.”

This segment underscores Brianna’s commitment to fostering a supportive and flexible environment for her children's diverse interests.

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8. Conclusion

Daniel Tosh wraps up the episode by expressing his support for Brianna’s endeavors and congratulating her on her engagement. He reflects on the insightful conversation, appreciating Brianna’s openness about the highs and lows of her career in ballet and the performing arts.

• Daniel Tosh [48:56]: “Thank you, Brianna, for being here today.”
• Brianna Abruzzo [49:13]: “Thank you.”

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Notable Quotes

• Brianna Abruzzo [23:15]: “Polycystic ovarian syndrome. It’s just like a hormone disruptor.”
• Daniel Tosh [28:39]: “Why are you on the fucking wrong side of this one?”
• Brianna Abruzzo [32:10]: “It's not a sport that a lot of poor people can get into.”

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Key Takeaways

• Rigorous Training: Ballet demands immense discipline and physical endurance from a young age.
• Body Image Pressures: The ballet industry often imposes unrealistic body standards, leading to health and psychological challenges.
• Balancing Personal and Professional Life: Navigating a career in the arts requires balancing personal relationships and professional ambitions.
• Art vs. Competition: The debate over integrating artistic disciplines like ballet into competitive frameworks like the Olympics raises questions about preserving artistic integrity.
• Perseverance and Support: Success in the performing arts hinges on perseverance, supportive relationships, and adaptability to changing circumstances.

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This episode offers an unfiltered glimpse into the demanding world of ballet through Brianna Abruzzo's experiences, highlighting both the art form's beauty and its inherent challenges. Listeners gain a deeper understanding of the personal sacrifices and societal pressures that shape the lives of professional dancers.

Transcript

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Did you ever like Black Swan? How you have to rip your own toenails off?

[Matt]

No. Thank God.

[Grant]

You've never done that?

[Matt]

No, but they have fallen off while on point. I heard it crack.

[Grant]

Mm.

[Matt]

Yeah, it's disgusting. Yeah, I know.

[Grant]

Posh show, posh show. Posh show. For welcome to the hoedown, I'm your host, Daniel Tosh. Let's get it going. If you think your sister's fine, grab her where the sun don't shine. If you think your cousin's sweet then you can elicer feet. Oh, man, it's good to be back. Ed, how are you? I'm good, how are you? Good, man, I'm doing great. Before I start the show, Eddie, I want to say congratulations to the Michigan Wolverines for kicking the dog out of the national champion Ohio State Buckeyes. Yeah, that's got to feel good, right? You win the national championship and then Michigan has to be like, yeah, well, we beat you badly. Woo. Do you hear that? We were an answer on Jeopardy. I did hear this. Oh, man. It was a, a. Just ask spindly comedian, Daniel. A load of, I guess it was a load of tosh. By the way, spindly, that's not a compliment. But you're allowed to, you're allowed to throw those adjectives around when it's a thin person. You think had I been tipping the scales the other direction, they would have been like, just ask this fat fuck. Portly cream. Oh, portly. That would have been better than. Yeah, they probably wouldn't have put fat fuck. They probably would have went portly. But you get it. Inappropriate. Yeah, whatever. You know, we're in trying times here in SoCal. I'm gonna start saying SoCal at all times. Yeah, everybody's getting back to their new normal. You know, every time I leave to go somewhere, whether it's a store or work, I always, I always sneak out of the house. You know, I don't say goodbye. Slipping out. Well, you say goodbye. People always say, oh, what if that was the last time you saw your family? And that would make me want to give a more genuine goodbye. But the reality is, if I actually say goodbye to my children, then for the next 15 to 30 minutes, they're whining, crying, holding on to me, don't leave, blah, blah, blah. And it's like I can't get anything done. So what do I do? Instead of saying goodbye to my loved ones, I always just quietly disappear. That's how I leave my house every day. Yeah, makes sense. It's just not worth it any other way. By the way, let me speak in my family. You know, I have conversations with my son every day and you know, he's getting older and his vocabulary is getting better. But for some reason, the other side of the family, my in laws, they can't wrap their head around the fact that I'm talking to him like my father in law. I'll ask my son like, oh, what are you watching? And then my Father in law. Oh, we're watching, you know, this sea beast movie. I'm like, I'm, I'm not talking to you. The other day he like, they had this Lego toy and it was like a little Formula one car. And I said to myself, I go, where does the driver sit? And immediately, Greg, my father in law, goes, oh, they sit right there. And I just looked at him like, what, you don't think I fucking. The only thing, I don't know where the driver sits in the car. 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Watch January 30th on Prime Video.

[Grant]

Paw Show. My guest today is more flexible and has better balance than anyone we've ever had on the show. If you love singing and dancing in production so long, there's an intermission, then you will love her. Jazz hands, everybody. As we welcome to the show. Actor, singer, dancer, but first and foremost, a ballerina. Brianna.

[Matt]

Hello.

[Grant]

Did you like that intro?

[Matt]

I loved it. Thank you.

[Grant]

How'd you sleep last night?

[Matt]

I slept so well.

[Grant]

You serious?

[Matt]

Yeah.

[Grant]

She slept in the Airstream. Guys.

[Matt]

Luxury.

[Grant]

Your last name? Abruzzo. That's Italian, right?

[Matt]

Yes.

[Grant]

You grew up in New York?

[Matt]

I did.

[Grant]

Did you say, I'm walking here?

[Matt]

No.

[Grant]

You never screamed I'm walking here. My son says it now. It makes me laugh.

[Matt]

That's amaz.

[Grant]

He loves to I'm walking here.

[Matt]

But I do have a good New York accent.

[Grant]

You do. And do you only turn it on just whenever you're there?

[Matt]

Just whenever I want.

[Grant]

Mm. It's so bad. It really is a horrible accent.

[Matt]

It's terrible.

[Grant]

I used to think it was cool.

[Matt]

My dad has a thick accent.

[Grant]

Your dad?

[Matt]

Yeah. Yeah, but I just.

[Grant]

I'll get into your father later. Find your. Well, I've always found him fascinating. You know, he's a man that. You know. Was it all stocks? Is that all? Yeah, just insider trading. Tons of illegal stuff went on.

[Matt]

I hope not.

[Grant]

No, no, but he, like, just figured the market out. He was a mathematician. I don't think I knew that.

[Matt]

He has a brilliant math mind.

[Grant]

Yeah.

[Matt]

Yeah.

[Grant]

What do you mean? Guys, if you want to hate your life, like, just made a ton, got to 40 and said, I'm done. I'm not gonna work ever again.

[Matt]

Retired at 42. Yeah.

[Grant]

Yeah. Well, I'm 49. I'm still working, as you can tell, but who has more money, me or your father?

[Matt]

You.

[Grant]

Do I?

[Matt]

Yeah.

[Grant]

Are you sure?

[Matt]

I'm pretty sure.

[Grant]

Oh, thank God. I can quit. Do you believe in ghosts?

[Matt]

Yes.

[Grant]

No, you don't.

[Matt]

I do.

[Grant]

Do you really?

[Matt]

Yeah.

[Grant]

Oh, God. You're a dingbat. Do you have proof?

[Matt]

I just believe they're real.

[Grant]

Okay.

[Matt]

Yeah.

[Grant]

But why?

[Matt]

Why wouldn't they be real?

[Grant]

Oh, God. I don't think it's. It's on you to prove that they are real, not me to prove that something that doesn't exist does.

[Matt]

Energy cannot be destroyed once it's created.

[Grant]

I like the statement, energy cannot be destroyed. That is a load of tosh if I've ever heard it. Right there. You know the joke I used to always pretend way before I was ever married, way before I ever even was dating my wife, that I would tell people that I had a ballerina wife. That was my joke. I have always had a fascination with ballet.

[Matt]

Okay.

[Grant]

Okay.

[Matt]

Why?

[Grant]

I don't know. I don't know where it came from. The thing is, I've never been to the ballet. Is that weird, too? Okay, hold on. I've never been to the ballet. I also think it's one of these things that if I go, I'm gonna have, like, an emotional reaction. Like, I'm gonna sob. Like it's gonna affect me, but if it doesn't, then I'm like, well, that was fucking stupid. I shouldn't have gone.

[Matt]

I think you should go to Paris or Russia and see the ballet there.

[Grant]

I'm not going to Russia.

[Matt]

And then you will sob.

[Grant]

You kidding me? I've already. I've made jokes about Putin. There's no chance I ever get on.

[Matt]

A plane to Russia. I'm going to go to Paris Opera Ballet.

[Grant]

Have you been to Russia?

[Matt]

No.

[Grant]

No, don't go to Russia. I'll go to a ballet in Paris. That's a great idea. Do you like Paris?

[Matt]

I do.

[Grant]

I do, too.

[Matt]

Yeah.

[Grant]

I don't know. There's just. There's something. So I think the mystique of ballet, you know, it's sad and depressing and beautiful.

[Matt]

So much pain goes into it, and it's just.

[Grant]

I mean, I don't even know what. Yes. I guess maybe my perspective from watching movies and the portrayal of what you guys go through, that I just. I'm fascinated by it.

[Matt]

Oh, thanks.

[Grant]

Just so I'm aware, are the Nutcracker and Swan Lake the only ballets? No, I've never heard of any others. You heard of any others?

[Matt]

My favorite is Serenade.

[Grant]

Serenade?

[Matt]

Yeah. You have to see it.

[Grant]

I'm gonna see. Have you seen Serenade Eddie? No, never heard of it. Oh, okay. How does ballet work? Like, how do I know what's going on? Is there dialogue?

[Matt]

No dialogue, but there's pantomime.

[Grant]

Are you good at that?

[Matt]

It's not like a set Language that you can be good at.

[Grant]

Well, do they teach you?

[Matt]

Yeah, it's choreography that you learn, but every pantomime and every different ballet is different.

[Grant]

Are you amazing at charades?

[Matt]

Pretty good.

[Grant]

I mean, you sing, too. Have you sang your whole life?

[Matt]

Yeah, I have, actually.

[Grant]

Okay. Yeah, you can sing some of these answers if you'd like, just so I get like a. A sampling of how musical theater works.

[Matt]

Okay.

[Grant]

When did you start ballet?

[Matt]

When I was 3, but I hated it.

[Grant]

You hated it at 3?

[Matt]

Yeah. Mm. My teacher was really mean, Very strict.

[Grant]

Why would you have a mean teacher at 3? Seems so counterproductive to the sport.

[Matt]

Russian.

[Grant]

Did your mother let you quit or did she force you to continue?

[Matt]

I had to finish out the year.

[Grant]

Yeah. It's weird how parents have that. My wife tried to do that with my son because he wanted to stop playing T ball, and he's like, I don't want to play. I just want to get the trophy. And I'm like, buddy, I say we quit and we show up for the last game and we get the trophy. I had no issue with his plan. And then I was scolded for bad parenting. So your mother made you finish out the year?

[Matt]

Yeah.

[Grant]

And then when did you get back into it?

[Matt]

When I was nine.

[Grant]

Oh, is that late?

[Matt]

Actually, eight.

[Grant]

Is that late?

[Matt]

No, it's not late, but you're taken seriously. That's a pretty big gap. And my sister actually went to the School of American Ballet.

[Grant]

Was she a good dancer?

[Matt]

She was.

[Grant]

But you were so much better than your sister. Right. Were you immediately better than her? She's fine. She's got a great sense of humor.

[Matt]

Yeah, well, she stopped after two years.

[Grant]

Because the writing was on the wall that she was cumbersome.

[Matt]

She just. She pursued figure skating, actually.

[Grant]

Oh, that's right.

[Matt]

Yeah. Which I can't do.

[Grant]

You know, you went to a fancy high school. Your mother ripped you, ripped you from regular school and said you are going to go to this fancy school in New York City. What were the rules?

[Matt]

I wanted to go there, but.

[Grant]

Oh, of course you did. It probably cost a fortune.

[Matt]

Probably.

[Grant]

And you didn't have to take any tests, and you could miss school constantly.

[Matt]

I had to take tests.

[Grant]

You did?

[Matt]

Yeah.

[Grant]

Do you know simple math?

[Matt]

Barely.

[Grant]

What's 7 times 7?

[Matt]

49.

[Grant]

Is it? Yeah. Yep.

[Matt]

What's the square root of 144?

[Grant]

I don't know. Let's see. 9 12.

[Matt]

Oh.

[Grant]

It wasn't far off, by the way. How was this high school bullshit?

[Matt]

It was great. It was actually like, the only way I could go get a real education while training for ballet.

[Grant]

How horrible is training for ballet?

[Matt]

It's really intense.

[Grant]

How many hours a day as. Like, when you're in your. Is this okay to say? Are you past your peak for ballet?

[Matt]

I would say I'm past my peak, yeah.

[Grant]

Okay, well, I don't want to insult you, like. No, I should.

[Matt]

I'm also not trying to be a prima ballerina right now.

[Grant]

Right. Okay. So when you were in your peak, how much training is involved in hours a day?

[Matt]

Yeah. So, like, your last few years of high school, you have class at 10:30 and then another one at 2:30, and then you have rehearsals in the afternoon and potentially a performance of some sort.

[Grant]

Well, how many hours a day are you doing dance or related things?

[Matt]

3 to 5 or 6.

[Grant]

3 to 5? 3 to 5. 6 hours. That doesn't seem that hard. I mean, if you love it. Yeah, I wanna surf three to six hours a day. When I was in high school, nobody's freaking out over my work ethic.

[Matt]

Yeah.

[Grant]

No, I'm not impressed.

[Matt]

But then when you're working, you're dancing.

[Grant]

Seven days a week.

[Matt]

Six. Yeah.

[Grant]

What's the average career length of a professional ballet dancer?

[Matt]

From about 18 to 35.

[Grant]

Seems pretty good. Can't really complain. Why are you guys always complaining? How often did you have to buy shoes?

[Matt]

Pointe shoes?

[Grant]

Yep.

[Matt]

Depends how much you dance, but a lot of dancers use one a week or one a show.

[Grant]

Okay.

[Matt]

Yeah.

[Grant]

What do they cost? A good pair of pointe shoes?

[Matt]

125.

[Grant]

And they're not provided by the company?

[Matt]

They're provided by the company. Yeah.

[Grant]

What age do you start on pointe?

[Matt]

At my school, we start at 12.

[Grant]

Okay.

[Matt]

And we do, like, one year of just like, simple releves at the bar. Like a whole year just to gain ankle strength.

[Grant]

Were you strong on point?

[Matt]

Yeah.

[Grant]

By the way, are your feet all messed up like everyone this year?

[Matt]

No, they're not that bad.

[Grant]

You got a bad toe.

[Matt]

I do.

[Grant]

Like a grandpa kind of. You know, I was like, oh, I got one toe. Is it because of ballet or just a fungus that you haven't taken care of?

[Matt]

No, it's not a fungus. It's just I squeeze my feet into pointe shoes for so many years that one of them is just, like, stuck.

[Grant]

Did you ever like, Black Swan, how you have to rip your own toenails off?

[Matt]

No. Thank God.

[Grant]

You've never done that?

[Matt]

No. But they have fallen off while on point. I heard it crack.

[Grant]

Mm.

[Matt]

Yeah. That's disgusting. Yeah. I know.

[Grant]

Do you never complain about high heels because of your life?

[Matt]

I hate high heels.

[Grant]

Oh, you don't like high heels?

[Matt]

No.

[Grant]

Are you good in them or no?

[Matt]

Yeah, I'm good in them, but they're really uncomfortable on my toes. Cause, like I said, my toe is jammed forever.

[Grant]

Well, I don't know, but is it jammed in the right way or the wrong way for a high heel?

[Matt]

Yeah, it's actually, my foot is better on point than it is in a heel.

[Grant]

You're kind of like a knuckle dragger. Your toes.

[Matt]

Well, your toes should be straight on point.

[Grant]

Okay. Yeah. I thought you were going like this.

[Matt]

No, they're, like, kind of more straight.

[Grant]

You're just on top of them.

[Matt]

Yeah, but your arch is so strong that it sticks out.

[Grant]

Mm. How hard is it to stay in ballet shape?

[Matt]

It's really hard because you have to keep doing it to maintain, basically. If you're not going to class every day, then you're losing your ability.

[Grant]

Can you do the splits at any time?

[Matt]

Yeah.

[Grant]

Like, that's not uncomfortable for you. You're not?

[Matt]

No.

[Grant]

Okay. Am I wrong, or is it right that right now with my daughter, who's just a year and a half, that I'm starting to push her splits farther and farther every day? Should I not be doing that?

[Matt]

I think you should.

[Grant]

I gotta get her there.

[Matt]

Stretch her feet, too.

[Grant]

What do I have to do to the feet?

[Matt]

Like, stretch them so that they touch the ground.

[Grant]

Even if she's crying.

[Matt]

Whenever you see a tear, then you can stop.

[Grant]

Oh, God. The reality of that, that you know that exists. Oh, my goodness. That's terrifying. Talk about a dancer's typical diet.

[Matt]

Everyone's really different. It just depends on their body and their metabolism.

[Grant]

But are people having to get on the scale, like, in front of.

[Matt]

No, they don't do that anymore. But I was definitely.

[Grant]

When did they do that?

[Matt]

Years ago.

[Grant]

In your lifetime of ballet?

[Matt]

No.

[Grant]

Okay. Before you.

[Matt]

Before me.

[Grant]

So you weren't pre Brie. Okay, Pre Brie. I don't even like to think of a world pre Brie.

[Matt]

But I was definitely called in to have the fat talk.

[Grant]

Okay, let's talk about the fat talk. First of all, you're a tiny person, so. Okay, that's off the table. But you think. Or maybe I'm wrong, but. That you were kicked out of the Miami City Ballet at one point because of being too heavy?

[Matt]

Yeah, that's correct.

[Grant]

But do you know it to be true, or it's just a hunch you have?

[Matt]

I know it to Be true.

[Grant]

Which is weird because Miami, we like them thick.

[Matt]

It is weird, honestly.

[Grant]

First of all, can we. Because you're never supposed to ask these questions, but I feel like I need to. What was your weight back then?

[Matt]

115, 150.

[Grant]

You're five. Five?

[Matt]

Yeah.

[Grant]

Okay. And what would they say your weight should be?

[Matt]

I got hired when I weighed 110.

[Grant]

That's that goddamn Cuban food.

[Matt]

Ran the company, was a woman, so that kind of hurt even deeper. But she called my mother and told my mother that I gained 20 pounds.

[Grant]

20 pounds?

[Matt]

Yeah.

[Grant]

When it was only five.

[Matt]

Yeah.

[Grant]

But in fairness, like, freshman five in ballet is equivalent to. I don't know. I'm trying to justify it.

[Matt]

I mean, I think in a leotard, everything does show a lot more than in, like, street clothes.

[Grant]

But did it affect your dance? Did £5 affect your dance?

[Matt]

No, it didn't affect my dance. But I was also diagnosed with PCOS at that time, so that was like the. Something I was dealing with that was affecting my weight.

[Grant]

I don't know what that is.

[Matt]

Polycystic ovarian syndrome.

[Grant]

Oh, that's nice.

[Matt]

Yeah, it's just like a hormone disruptor.

[Grant]

Does that cause a five pound weight gain?

[Matt]

It can, because insulin resistance can be a part of it too. That makes your body retain water and retain weight.

[Grant]

Do you hold a grudge?

[Matt]

No. I'm happy that I ended up leaving the company and pursued other things, but I was not proud of the way that she handled the situation and the way that she treated other people.

[Grant]

You saw eating disorders.

[Matt]

Oh, yeah.

[Grant]

That's probably huge, right?

[Matt]

Yeah. Well, especially when you have a director who wants the dancers really, really thin.

[Grant]

And that's the thing. You're like, oh, no. So and so's directing this. We're all in trouble.

[Matt]

Well, she was just the creative director of the whole company.

[Grant]

At what weight is going on point not advised, you know? Cause now there's plus size models. Right. Has that infiltrated the ballet world where there's now plus size dancers?

[Matt]

No, there aren't plus size dancers. But I would say more and more every year, it's becoming more acceptable to be a healthy weight. But that depends. Like company to company. Every company's different.

[Grant]

Do they want the guys as thin or do they not care?

[Matt]

No, they bring them cupcakes.

[Grant]

Man. It really is a man's world.

[Matt]

Mm.

[Grant]

We get cupcakes. They're over there purging. Do you jump on a scale now?

[Matt]

Yeah.

[Grant]

You do?

[Matt]

Yeah.

[Grant]

Do you care?

[Matt]

No.

[Grant]

I make my wife get On a scale, every Thursday.

[Matt]

Do you measure her as well?

[Grant]

Her height?

[Matt]

No.

[Grant]

No. You just meant all the parts?

[Matt]

Yeah.

[Grant]

Oh, did they do that?

[Matt]

No.

[Grant]

Did they ever measure you? Yes, they did. Did you measure yourself?

[Matt]

They measured us for costumes.

[Grant]

Okay.

[Matt]

Yeah.

[Grant]

You ever had diarrhea on stage?

[Matt]

Thankfully not.

[Grant]

Do you know anybody that's ever had such an accident?

[Matt]

No, I've had like wardrobe malfunctions.

[Grant]

What does that mean? Just your crotch is out.

[Matt]

Your costume like falls off while you're dancing. Yeah.

[Grant]

Aw. Was it the best show of your life?

[Matt]

It was pretty fun.

[Grant]

By the way, I just learned this, and tell me if I'm wrong, but a female dancer is a ballerina. A male dancer is a danceur. A male dancer or a male ballet dancer?

[Matt]

Male ballet dancer.

[Grant]

Yeah. My research says also a danceur. But if you don't know that, then it's not true.

[Matt]

I don't know that.

[Grant]

All right, whatever. We think a better name would be Ballerinos.

[Matt]

Yeah, I think so too.

[Grant]

Ballerinos.

[Matt]

Yeah.

[Grant]

Are all dancers sleeping with each other?

[Matt]

The men? Yeah.

[Grant]

Oh, just the gayness.

[Matt]

Yeah.

[Grant]

Are they all gay? What percentage of the male. It's just. You're ballparking it here.

[Matt]

90%.

[Grant]

90% of. Yeah, I would say you think it's an. It's. Which came first, chicken or the egg? Does ballet make you gay?

[Matt]

No.

[Grant]

Or do gay men, they're just drawn to ballet? I'm drawn to ballet, but I guess I don't. I just like it. And to watch. I don't.

[Matt]

I mean, there are straight ballet dancers too.

[Grant]

Okay, but are they not as good?

[Matt]

No, they're good.

[Grant]

Uh huh.

[Matt]

Yeah.

[Grant]

They always trying to hit on the girl. The ballerinas?

[Matt]

Yeah. Yeah. They get all the girls.

[Grant]

Oh, they do get them all.

[Matt]

Yeah.

[Grant]

Have you ever dated? Have you ever dated a Ballerino?

[Matt]

No. No, never wanted to.

[Grant]

What about an instructor?

[Matt]

No.

[Grant]

A teacher?

[Matt]

No.

[Grant]

Never?

[Matt]

Never.

[Grant]

No. Lines are blurred. Ever. Do you look at their hogs when they're wearing those outfits?

[Matt]

I try not to.

[Grant]

But you see them all the time. Aren't you guys just always naked backstage, just all of you at all times.

[Matt]

In the dressing room?

[Grant]

Yeah, I would be.

[Matt]

So how is it different than any sport?

[Grant]

I wouldn't know. I never did that. I was the kid that changed real secretively in the corner real quick.

[Matt]

You get over that real fast.

[Grant]

Nah, it depends. I mean, that's the beauty of being a woman. On some level, nobody's ever like, oh my goodness, look at how short your vagina is.

[Matt]

Right.

[Grant]

You know It's a different anxiety as a man.

[Matt]

Yeah.

[Grant]

I dread it to this day. To this day, I still have a note signed by my mother that excused me from showering in the lockers after PE class.

[Matt]

Wow.

[Grant]

Yeah. I have had this debate for so long with anybody that listens and nobody cares. Why is ballet not in the Olympics?

[Matt]

Because it's an art, okay?

[Grant]

They have like every type of dance. Like gymnastics, they have that dancing. Not just the gymnastics, but the dancing, beautiful one. Yeah, whatever. All of it is dumb. Figure skating, just a dumb, dumber form of ballet. No, it's crazy that.

[Matt]

Well, you can grade it. How do you grade ballet?

[Grant]

Ballet is all about like. There are tons of experts that are like, that was precise. That was not.

[Matt]

Yes, but.

[Grant]

And that's all gymnastics is, judging. Why are you on the fucking wrong side of this one? How are you gonna tell me that break dancing, breakdancing got into the Olympics before ballet?

[Matt]

I don't think breakdancing should be in the Olympics.

[Grant]

Of course it shouldn't be.

[Matt]

But here's the issue though. If you make it a sport, then it's gonna take out all of the artistry. Cause people are just gonna be focused on completing a technicality than like showing their judge.

[Grant]

You're wrong.

[Matt]

Okay.

[Grant]

Too many sports in the Olympics are based purely off judging Diving. All of that is how your body is turning, how it enters.

[Matt]

But that's so. Artistry is so subjective.

[Grant]

I know you're not. You're going to have people that are going to be upset. But are there not the best ballerinas in the world that you're like, she's the best.

[Matt]

They're the top. Yeah.

[Grant]

Right. So there's a reason that you know that person is better than the other person.

[Matt]

Yeah.

[Grant]

So there are definitely judges that could say this person on this particular dance was better than this person on that particular dance. And yes, it's subjective, but it still should be people dancing for their country. Oh, I stand by this. And you're surfing's in the Olympics. That's purely judged. And that's artistry in the water. I can't believe you. So mad at you. Do dancers suffer long term injuries from all the impacts?

[Matt]

Yes.

[Grant]

Well, why are you laughing?

[Matt]

Emotional, physical?

[Grant]

No, but I mean like a football player. When you see a football player in their 50s, it's kind of sad. You're like, oh, the knees, the joints. Do dancers have that same problem later in life or not as much.

[Matt]

Some and some dance forever and they're in great shape. Like one of my ballet teachers was 72, and she had more energy than me and went out tango dancing at night.

[Grant]

Is there steroids in ballet? Do people do it?

[Matt]

Not that I know of.

[Grant]

I think they do. I mean, you don't get tested as a ballerina, right?

[Matt]

No.

[Grant]

So you're allowed to use steroids? Since it's art, I guess. This is where your problem. This is where you have so many holes in your argument. You should. You should be all jacked up on steroids.

[Matt]

But then you would be too swole.

[Grant]

No, no, we'll moderate it. We'll figure it out. Your jumps will get a little higher, blah, blah, blah.

[Matt]

I mean, dancers used to take a lot of coke.

[Grant]

Coke?

[Matt]

Yeah, back in the day.

[Grant]

Have you done cocaine?

[Matt]

Never.

[Grant]

Never?

[Matt]

Never.

[Grant]

Look at me.

[Matt]

Never.

[Grant]

If I put cocaine on this table right now, I wouldn't even know what.

[Matt]

To do with it.

[Grant]

Would you take some of it? I wouldn't even know what to do with it. No, you would know what to do with it. What is that? If I gave you just a. I'm not saying a lot of cocaine. Just a little bit of cocaine right now. You gonna do some cocaine?

[Matt]

I don't even take caffeine.

[Grant]

You don't mean either. We're like Mormons. Did you like living in Miami?

[Matt]

Not particularly.

[Grant]

I lived in south beach for a while.

[Matt]

You did?

[Grant]

Mm. I loved it. Once I no longer lived there.

[Matt]

Right.

[Grant]

Like, it was like, I was like, oh, that was fun. But I mean, when I was there, like, oh, I get.

[Matt]

It's a weird place to live.

[Grant]

Yeah, that's for sure.

[Matt]

Because everyone's partying and you're going to work.

[Grant]

When I think about. I used to go shoot. You know, I had this little interview show at nightclubs. Like, we wouldn't leave to go to some nightclubs till two in the morning. And I'm just. When I wrap my head around that, now I'm like, couldn't be me.

[Matt]

I went to one club once for about 10 minutes, and then I was like, never. Again.

[Grant]

Was your family more proud when you landed a gig as a dancer with the Miami City Ballet or when your sister was hired as a post production assistant on Tosh0? Because both organizations are prestigious in their field.

[Matt]

Sorry, Lauren.

[Grant]

They were more proud of the Miami City Ballet.

[Matt]

Yeah, I think so. But they also put a lot of money into my training, so maybe that was why.

[Grant]

You ever have a dollar figure on how much they've spent on you?

[Matt]

No.

[Grant]

Do you want to know?

[Matt]

No.

[Grant]

If I said they spent 300,000 on your ballet career from birth till now. Would you be like, oh, that sounds low, or that sounds high?

[Matt]

That sounds high.

[Grant]

That sounds high.

[Matt]

Yeah.

[Grant]

Well, I'm just ballparking it. I don't know. It's not a sport that a lot of poor people can get into.

[Matt]

It's not a sport.

[Grant]

It's not an art form that a lot of poor people can get into.

[Matt]

No, but there are scholarships.

[Grant]

But to get good, to get a scholarship takes a lot of sacrifice that a lot of poor people might not be able to have.

[Matt]

Correct. Yeah.

[Grant]

The only time I've ever seen a poor person in ballet is in a movie where they're like, look at this poor person that's doing ballet. And she's a little different and edgier. It's a dumb backstory. Always she's trying to incorporate hip hop into ballet. It's never gonna work. What's your favorite ballet movie?

[Matt]

Center Stage.

[Grant]

Oh, yeah. That's good.

[Matt]

Yeah.

[Grant]

Did you ever see this show, Tiny Pretty Things?

[Matt]

Yes.

[Grant]

Okay. I watched Tiny Pretty Things.

[Matt]

I auditioned for it.

[Grant]

You auditioned for it?

[Matt]

Yeah.

[Grant]

I would've loved for you to been in that show.

[Matt]

Thanks.

[Grant]

Now, talk about gay porn.

[Matt]

Oh, yeah.

[Grant]

There was just dudes on dudes the whole way through that thing. I don't really understand the show. They pushed somebody off like an eight story building and she lived. I know.

[Matt]

Yeah.

[Grant]

She was in a coma the whole time.

[Matt]

That doesn't make sense.

[Grant]

No, the show was weird. I watched it though. It wasn't meant for me.

[Matt]

Definitely not the demographic.

[Grant]

No. I'm some 40 year old dude watching this young ballet show. Did you guys watch it? No. You remember Bunheads?

[Matt]

Yeah.

[Grant]

A group of the writers on tosh0 all would watch it together and then they would live tweet during the show just about bunheads and things that were going on and they thought it was the greatest thing. Will you always be a bunhead?

[Matt]

Yeah.

[Grant]

Is the ballet world really like the movie Black Swan? Also off topic, Mila Kunis. Do you think she and her rape apologist husband get wrapped up in this Diddy disaster?

[Matt]

Part one? Yes and no.

[Grant]

Okay.

[Matt]

And part two? No comment.

[Grant]

Oh, they're in there. It's gonna happen. By the way, your sister worked for me. Your sister originally, when she first came into my life, she was an assistant for the clip clearance guy.

[Matt]

What's that?

[Grant]

This guy is just like, he would clear the videos that were on the show. I also threw up on your sister on camera.

[Matt]

Yeah.

[Grant]

That was her first appearance on.

[Matt]

That was her claim to fame.

[Grant]

Oh, that Was nice. But then she worked under my stylist, Carrie.

[Matt]

Yes.

[Grant]

And she clothed me for many years. Right, Lauren, I'll say something about your sister. Anytime we ever have large groups of people visit before people leave, I let them know who was the best guest and who was the worst guest. And she was always the best guest. She just knows how to be a guest, you know, we're not talking about. This is like when a large group of people are staying together for an extended period of time. I don't know. She just. You didn't have to worry about her. She could always take care of everybody else. She was considered like, hey, I got food for everybody. And I'll be honest, it's not without complaint. Okay. Nobody sheds more than her.

[Matt]

This is true.

[Grant]

God damn. The amount of. One time I bought her a plug that she could use in my drains for when she would visit because the amount of hair that would come out of her head. Now you have the same problem.

[Matt]

No, you don't. No.

[Grant]

God, she has too much hair.

[Matt]

I have quite as much hair as her.

[Grant]

I have too much hair. I just remember that your age gap is a little. You're seven, eight years apart.

[Matt]

Yeah. I'm the save the marriage, baby.

[Grant]

How'd that work?

[Matt]

Not great.

[Grant]

It didn't save the marriage.

[Matt]

I failed.

[Grant]

Did you cause your parents to separate maybe? Uh huh.

[Matt]

No, I didn't.

[Grant]

Were you ever competitive with your sisters or was the gap so big that it didn't.

[Matt]

No. And she was always so supportive.

[Grant]

Yeah, she really is.

[Matt]

Yeah.

[Grant]

I mean, I knew about your career long before I ever met you just because of how much she talked about you.

[Matt]

That's sweet.

[Grant]

Uh huh. I was like, shut up. No one gives a shit about this ballerina. Do more people call you Bri or Brianna?

[Matt]

My closest friends call me Bri.

[Grant]

Your closest friends, you can call me Bri. Am I your closest friend?

[Matt]

No.

[Grant]

No, I'm not. I'll stick to Brianna. I think Brianna's fancy. And it's almost all the same letters as ballerina. Do you ever notice that?

[Matt]

No.

[Grant]

Speaking of letters, you're engaged. Congratulations. To a tiny fella. Everyone in her family.

[Matt]

He was in Munchkinland.

[Grant]

He's not. He's a normal person. But everywhere in their family, they always just refer to Brianna and her fiance A.J. as. Oh, they're just so cute and tiny, which I always.

[Matt]

We're very average.

[Grant]

Yeah, you're five'five My wife was talking to you like you were like the tiniest little thing. And I'm like, she's three inches taller than you. You're in musical theater, and your fiance is a singer songwriter. What's it like to live on negative $400 per month?

[Matt]

Super fun.

[Grant]

You live in New York City, then you moved. Right. At the pandemic, or before the pandemic, August 2020. So smack dab in the pandemic. Okay. To Nashville, a city that exploded during the pandemic. A lot of people talk about, like, oh, the mass exodus out of California or into Texas and Florida. When people talk about Nashville, how it exploded, I'm like, I saw it from my own eyes. I'd go there. I'm like, good God, this has changed.

[Matt]

The housing market has, like, tripled.

[Grant]

Did you guys buy when you were there? No. So you didn't even score?

[Matt]

No. Nothing.

[Grant]

But did you enjoy living in Nashville?

[Matt]

Yeah.

[Grant]

Why? Did you. A New York ballerina, Broadway singer, all of that. Why would you go to Nashville?

[Matt]

Well, during the pandemic, my whole career was just shut down, the whole business. So I went to Nashville for AJ's music career. And there's just so much there. There's a lot of art. There's, like, something for everyone. It's very.

[Grant]

There's nothing for ballerinas, Nothing really for.

[Matt]

Ballerinas, but it's a very, like, just small, manageable town. It's a lot easier. Just. Everything's easier. You can get in your car and get your groceries.

[Grant]

But are you happy to be gone? Are you glad that you're left Nashville behind?

[Matt]

Yeah, it's bittersweet for sure. But I'm happy to be back more in my business, in the scene where.

[Grant]

Yeah, it was like, listen, fiance, we've been living for your dream long enough. Let's go back to the bread and butter.

[Matt]

Sort of not that intense.

[Grant]

Now, if you had your druthers here, would you rather your fiance make it huge? Okay. Or you make it pretty well off? Like, not to the absolute top, but wow, what a career.

[Matt]

The first.

[Grant]

Ah, you're a liar. I can't believe you. You're just like a Hallmark movie. Give everything away for somebody else. It's just. No, you gotta be. No wonder.

[Matt]

Well, listen, if he's gonna make it all the way, then that's gonna help me.

[Grant]

Of course. But that's not what you want. You guys wanna have a family and that kind of stuff.

[Matt]

Yeah.

[Grant]

Are you gonna torture your children into the art form that you loved so much at one point?

[Matt]

No. If they want to, I will encourage them and stretch their feet, but I will hope that they Are good at other things.

[Grant]

You and AJ just sit around all day and just sing to each other. I hear you do.

[Matt]

Not all day.

[Grant]

I hear you guys do sometimes. Like, you guys.

[Matt]

I mean, he's a musician. He might sit at the piano and play a song.

[Grant]

Yeah, but even when other people come over for, like, wine and you guys just sing.

[Matt]

Yeah, it's really cute.

[Grant]

That is the silliest thing. I would never hang out.

[Matt]

So wholesome.

[Grant]

Oh, that's so. Oh, that's so weird.

[Matt]

No coke there? Anything?

[Grant]

AJ had a hit Billy Joel. I can sing your favorite song. You know, the one by Billy Jones. Does he force you into all of his music videos, or do you force yourself into his music videos because you're like, shakira. Didn't she used to date like, a mentally abusive soccer player? Am I wrong on all of this? I could be making it up.

[Matt]

Not ringing any bells.

[Grant]

And he wouldn't allow her for, like, a decade. When you didn't hear from Shakira, they wouldn't allow her to be in any music video with another man.

[Matt]

Oh, wow.

[Grant]

And then they just recently got divorced. And now you're seeing Shakira all over the place again.

[Matt]

She's back. I don't know if it's true. It's not like that. No. We just co collaborate. And I help produce his music videos, by the way.

[Grant]

Does he sing country music? Why did I. I thought he didn't. I thought he sang pop.

[Matt]

He does pop. Yeah, but he writes. Whatever.

[Grant]

Did he write any country hits out there?

[Matt]

No.

[Grant]

Nah. I used to dabble with a girl that wrote country music. She also sang, but every day she'd have to. She was, like, in a deal. She'd have to deliver 12 songs a day.

[Matt]

A day?

[Grant]

Something a year, probably. No, no, no, no. Like, it was just churning out dumb shit after dumb shit. Yeah. Let me tell you something else about this girl.

[Matt]

What?

[Grant]

She was the first person I remember. We were sitting in a hotel bed. Don't tell my wife about this. And she was the first person to go. She was, like, looking at me going, oh, you're going bald. And I was like, oh. I was like, 28 or 29. And she goes, I don't care. Don't worry about it. And I'm like, bitch, I care. Like, you're not gonna be the last person I'm with anyway. That's a. That shouldn't really. But she wrote a. She wrote a song about me. Oh, I felt it.

[Matt]

Was it about your baldness?

[Grant]

Oh, shut up, everybody. That's on the show, gets gifts. It's just stuff from the house. Aw, you're not gonna like. Well, you might like some of it. These are. Some of these are, like, leading up to your wedding, you have to do different parties and things, but you have to wear white, so there's different white dresses.

[Matt]

Oh, my gosh.

[Grant]

There'll be some fun things in there. I don't know what they are. You'll like them. And you're cooler than. Some of this stuff has tags. I go, honey, why are you giving this to Brianna? She goes, she's cooler. I can't wear these things. I'm old. I'm not cool.

[Matt]

Oh, this is great.

[Grant]

There's a lot. There's a lot of stuff here. Look, you're going to. You're going to love all this stuff. What do we got here? I don't know what this is. Oh, I can't wait to see you in this number. Look at. That's extra small, huh? What is this? Oh, look, it's.

[Matt]

Oh, wow.

[Grant]

I don't know what this is. Oh, man, that's a. That's a slinky little number.

[Matt]

Could have been on your wife, but now it'll be on me.

[Grant]

Now it's going to be on AJ's wife. Are you taking his name?

[Matt]

Not legally, but I will be known as necessity.

[Grant]

I've seen my wife in this one. She's worn that one before. Oh, this one. Oh, this will be so much. You'll like this dress.

[Matt]

It's great for wicked.

[Grant]

Are you gonna.

[Matt]

Oh, I've already seen it twice.

[Grant]

Look at this fucking horrible thing. Like a haunted doll wore that. I can't wait for you to wear. That is awful. Okay, then I got here. Get that off my desk.

[Matt]

Oh, my gosh.

[Grant]

Put it on.

[Matt]

Okay.

[Grant]

Put it back into the bag that. It came over there on the floor. Set it on the floor. Okay. Here. Then I got you. These are. I took these for my kids because you and your. Everybody refers to you as little gingerbread. You and your fiance. So that can be AJ and that can be you, and then you guys. Eventually when you guys go to therapy, you can use these to point at where your feeling the pain. I don't know.

[Matt]

Oh, my God.

[Grant]

The little gingerbread. Little gingerbread therapy dolls.

[Matt]

Thank you so much.

[Grant]

You'll be fine with those. Get it off the desk. You played Cirella in West side Story. Was that a dream gig for you?

[Matt]

Yeah.

[Grant]

By the way, Steven Spielberg, what's he like as a choreographer?

[Matt]

He's not.

[Grant]

Did he stay Away from that.

[Matt]

He stayed away from the choreography, but he was definitely there every day.

[Grant]

Do you really believe that when you're a Jet, you're a Jet all the way?

[Matt]

Yep.

[Grant]

From your first cigarette to your last dying day.

[Matt]

Correct.

[Grant]

Was being on that set your heaven?

[Matt]

Yeah, it was. It was amazing. Yeah.

[Grant]

Well, that's great. Yeah. I had to watch. I had to sit through that turd just to be like, oh, there's Brianna.

[Matt]

Did you recognize me?

[Grant]

Yeah, sure. I was like. You were in a gymnasium or something. Yes, I remember all that. Yeah. Was your west side Story character in a gang for the whites or the Puerto Ricans?

[Matt]

The Italians.

[Grant]

Was it? No, isn't it? Wasn't it just whites versus Puerto Ricans in there? Which were you? Were you Puerto Rican or white in the movie?

[Matt]

Very, very white.

[Grant]

You were white. Oh, you could pass as Puerto Rican.

[Matt]

Really?

[Grant]

Don't you think?

[Matt]

Okay.

[Grant]

I'm always around Port. You don't think she can. No. You say no way?

[Matt Rogers]

No.

[Grant]

Oh, I think she could pass as Puerto Rican.

[Matt]

Great.

[Grant]

Tell my agent, do her makeup a little different. Throw on some big old hoops. Do an appropriated accent. She's Puerto Rican. What's some auditions that you didn't get of projects? You're like, oh, I wish I would have gotten that.

[Matt]

The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel. I auditioned for 12 different roles.

[Grant]

12 different roles in the Marvelous Mrs. Maisel.

[Matt]

Yeah.

[Grant]

And they said no.

[Matt]

They said no.

[Grant]

They said, you're.

[Matt]

I was on hold for a couple, but I didn't get it.

[Grant]

And each role out of the 12, they said, this person is five pounds too heavy. What are the odds?

[Matt]

I think I was actually too thin for some of the rules. So he never.

[Grant]

It's a different era. It's a different era. Do you have any issue just to sing at the drop of a hat?

[Matt]

I'd prefer to have notice.

[Grant]

I'm not asking you to sing right now, but I mean, like, at a table read where it's like, oh, we're just now singing. The other day I was talking to you.

[Matt]

I sang a cappella yesterday at the audition.

[Grant]

Right. She has this audition yesterday. Listen to this nightmare of what she has to do. She goes to this audition yesterday. There's like a hundred people. They're all in one room, and they're just individually, like, dancing, learning numbers, splitting up into small groups in front of each other. And then they're like, okay, now we're gonna do some little scenes between. Yeah, you guys pair up.

[Matt]

We did some cold reading, and they're.

[Grant]

Doing that in front of the whole hundred people. Now I'm gonna walk around and touch the people that I actually want to see more of. And she got tapped, of course. She's so good. But then, like, how embarrassing.

[Matt]

That was the first time I had to sing a cappella for anything. Normally there's, like, a pianist there.

[Grant]

I wish I could sing. I could never sing.

[Matt]

You can sing.

[Grant]

Try it. I just can't do it. It's not good. The thing that I hate about musical theater is when they're not singing songs, but singing dialogue. That fucking infuriates me so much.

[Matt]

They're not singing songs, but they're singing.

[Grant]

Dialogue, you know, like, where they're just singing like.

[Matt]

Like Hamilton.

[Grant]

Yes. Any of that shit. Or whatchamacallit. What was the other one that Hugh Jackman did a while ago? That was a movie.

[Matt]

The Greatest Showman.

[Grant]

No, fuck that.

[Matt]

I love the Greatest Showman, by the way.

[Grant]

I love the Greatest Showman too.

[Matt]

Thank God.

[Grant]

The Greatest Showman's the best. I'm talking about the other one, Les Mis.

[Matt]

Oh, yes.

[Grant]

Like that when you're walking around. Now I'm looking at the river.

[Matt]

You can do it.

[Grant]

Well, I'm doing an impression of someone trying to.

[Matt]

Maybe that's how you're gonna sing.

[Grant]

Yeah, but that's not really singing, is it? I can sing like my grandpa.

[Matt]

How does he sing?

[Grant]

He sings like this. Did that weird fucking, like, 40s from the radio. Kermit the frog thing. I see skies blue. He always did a version of that. I felt red roses. Now you got a new one. My wife went to watch your table read. You guys. You and your fiance produced. Created.

[Matt]

Created a musical.

[Grant]

A musical?

[Matt]

Yes.

[Grant]

And now has he written a lot of the songs for it?

[Matt]

He wrote all the songs with his co writer.

[Grant]

I heard from other people that the songs were amazing.

[Matt]

Thanks.

[Grant]

Yeah, it's nice.

[Matt]

Yeah.

[Grant]

But that's what they said. They said, oh, the songs are great. They said there was some other troubling spots, but other than that, they said the songs were amazing.

[Matt]

Yeah.

[Grant]

So this would be your dream gig, your own project, this music?

[Matt]

Yeah.

[Grant]

What's this musical about?

[Matt]

It's about how Prince Charming came to be.

[Grant]

Mm. A tale as old as time. Is it funny?

[Matt]

Yeah, it's kind of funny. Okay. Yeah. It's about the princess Estella, the princess behind Prince Charming.

[Grant]

Oh, yeah. I know nothing of her.

[Matt]

Yeah. She's new.

[Grant]

She's new?

[Matt]

Yeah.

[Grant]

Oh, you made her up.

[Matt]

Yes.

[Grant]

Oh, that's good.

[Matt]

Yeah.

[Grant]

I still can't. I'm furious at your stance in the Olympics. Thank you, Brianna for being here today.

[Matt]

Of course.

[Grant]

I look forward to seeing you for at least three to five more years and then the career has to stop, right? No, listen, if you're ever dancing or singing, I will be there to support you.

[Matt]

Thank you.

[Grant]

Okay.

[Matt]

I appreciate it.

[Grant]

You're welcome.

[Cindy Crawford]

Hi, I'm Cindy Crawford and I'm the founder of Meaningful Beauty. Well, I don't know about you, but like, I never liked being told, oh wow, you look so good for your age. Even bother saying that. Why don't you just say you look great at any age, every age. That's what Meaningful Beauty is all about. We create products that make you feel confident in your skin at the age you are now. Meaningful Beauty. Beautiful skin at every age. Learn more@meaningful beauty.com.

[Matt Rogers]

This is Matt Rogers from Las Culturistas with Matt Rogers and Bowen Yang.

[Reese Witherspoon]

Save the date, prepare for chaos and.

[Matt Rogers]

Get ready for Cordially Invited, a hilarious new movie starring comedy icons Will Ferrell and Reese Witherspoon together on screen for the first time. It's written and directed by Nicholas Stoller of Forgetting Sarah Marshall and neighbors.

[Reese Witherspoon]

Find out what happens when two weddings are accidentally booked on the weekend at the same remote venue. Uh oh. In a laugh out loud battle of determination and grit, the father of the bride, played by Will Ferrell and sister of the other bride, played by Reese Witherspoon chaotically go head to head and will stop at nothing to pull off an unforgettable celebration for the ones they love.

[Matt Rogers]

And if you think you've been to a wedding where crazy things happen pre for alligator attacks, sabotage, shipwrecks, cornhole and all star comedy cameos. Will the couples make it down the aisle? Will fire regulations be violated? Find out. In this perfect blend of hijinks and heartstrings, it's time to RSVP for Feral vs. Witherspoon in their new wedding comedy. You're cordially invited.

[Reese Witherspoon]

Watch January 30th on Prime Video.

[Matt]

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[Grant]

Pa show I want to thank Brianna for being on the show. And I can't wait to dance with her at her wedding. Oh, it's gonna be intense. Hey, believe it or not guys, you think I'm hunting these down, I'm not. I've got another poop story. Come on. You're not gonna believe this now. So every morning around 6:30ish, I go and get my daughter first. I warm her up like 3 ounces of milk and I get my wife a cup of coffee. I bring the coffee to my wife. I hand my wife the bottle. Then I go get my daughter and then I bring her into our bedroom and I give her the bottle. I change her diaper, whatever. And then in the next 30 minutes, my son wakes up and he comes into the room and climbs into the bed. Now fast forward to the part where they're all in the bed, okay? I'm rolling on my side, I got an iPad and I'm watching some Australian Open because the time zone, it's just ridiculous. I believe I'm watching some coco golf. I mean, I'm being attacked, I'm being stepped on. I'm just watching the game, okay? Now my wife, at one point during this, my, my daughter said she had to go use the bathroom. She's learning how to. She's being potty trained. Very young, very, you know, very above average. Anyway, she doesn't put a diaper back on her. That's fine because there's a lot of false alarms when she's learning how to potty. Anyway, she's back in the Bed, no diaper on. You guys are getting where the story's going, okay? Kids are still on top of me, doing stuff, having fun. I'm watching Coco Golf. Next thing I know, my son says, I smell poop. Okay? And that's not new, you know? You're in my bed. I'm a fart machine. Anyway, okay. My wife looks around. There's no poop in here. You got to go to the bathroom. She checks every kid, says they don't have to. Okay. I'm still watching tennis. This is, like five or so minutes go by. My son says He's. He said, this is what. This is what I hear. You ready for this? Yeah. He says, why is there Play DOH in the bed? Oh, no. I'm like, there's no. I just. I just. I don't even turn back. He. And then he's like, this is. And he's like, it's poop. It's poop. I'm on my side. I'm not even looking at what's happening behind me. I just. I'm just looking at my screen. I'm watching tennis. And I know. And then Carly's like, don't move. Don't move. It's. There's. And. And he's starting to cry because now he thought there was Play DOH in the bed, and he squished it, and it's not. I. Wait. This is. This is ridiculous. Hold on. Okay. Huh? My wife. I don't. She's like, I don't know where it came from. I'm like, you don't know where it came. It came from our daughter. Our daughter's butt. I know where it came from. She's like, she didn't poop. I'm like, she did. Maybe she dropped a nugget in the diaper when you ripped it off and you didn't see it fly out. I don't know the answer. All I know is my son's crying. Cause he squished Play doh. That was poop. And it's like, I'm not allowed to move because it's, like, right behind me. Anyway. All right, so we get this stuff cleaned up. She strips the bed, and she doesn't change the pillowcases. I'm like, don't you think we should change the pillowcase when there's, like, a rogue turd floating around? Floats. Yeah. She doesn't change the pillowcases. That's the end of the story. It's just complete nonsense. In our house at all time. Whatever. We got some plugs. Oh yeah, we do the toss showstore.com check that out. We got some new tours coming up. My tour tickets on sale this Friday. New York City, New Jersey, Omaha, Minneapolis, Milwaukee, Madison, Chicago. Look at me. Check out Eddie, too. Eddie's got some dates and he's gonna be with me. It's gonna be exciting. Now it's time for the free plug. Okay, hit the free plug music. That's good. Free plug music. All right, today's Free Plug. If you're in the Oklahoma City area, head on over to Slaughterville Park. Whoa. Slaughterville. It's completed and opened in October 2019. The land was acquired by the town in February 2014. It's on Slaughterville Road, 1/2 mile east of US Highway 77. Slaughterville park is open daily from 6am to 10pm that's pretty late. It's got 1/2 mile of trail, plenty of room for everybody for leisurely walks to vigorous joggers and kids on bicycles or rollerblades. There's still rollerblading in okc. Interesting. I feel like rollerblading's kind of had its moment. It's done. Slaughterville park offers a covered pavilion near the entrance with picnic tables, two grills. Those aren't gas, are they? Two grills. Two grills and restrooms nearby. Six fitness stations and eight sitting benches are placed throughout the park trail. Slaughterville park is a great place to enjoy a family picnic, a scenic stroll in nature, or sit and enjoy the sound of the country. It's only 45 minutes outside of Oklahoma City. What is going on? That's a long way to go. I'll see you guys next week.

[Cindy Crawford]

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