My Midwest Tour

Summary

Tosh Show: Episode Summary – "My Midwest Tour"

Introduction

In the "My Midwest Tour" episode of the Tosh Show, host Daniel Tosh, alongside his co-host Eddie Gosling, takes listeners on a candid and humorous journey through their recent Midwest comedy tour. This episode delves into the highs and lows of touring, family interactions, unexpected mishaps, and memorable moments that highlight the unique challenges and joys of life on the road.

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Tour Preparation and Kick-Off

Daniel Tosh opens the episode by sharing insights into the initial stages of the Midwest tour, emphasizing the dynamics between him, Eddie, and their traveling companions, including his family and in-laws.

“Welcome to Daniel's bus cooking show. Hey, what we're doing is taking on leftovers. We got some charred lobster tail and we're gonna feed my father in law. I hope it smells good.” [03:07]

The duo discusses the excitement and nervousness surrounding the first show in Kansas City, highlighting the importance of connecting with the audience and ensuring a smooth performance.

“We're in the Midwest doing what Midwest comics do. What's that? Kill.” [03:55]

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Fan Mail and Audience Interaction

A significant portion of the episode is dedicated to reading and reacting to fan mail. One notable letter addresses the popularity of video games, leading to a playful debate between Daniel and Eddie about gaming culture.

Fan Mail: “I don't think Daniel realizes that video games are the highest grossing form of entertainment in the world... the industry as a whole makes more money than the entirety of the movie and television streaming industries.” [04:18]

Daniel Tosh: “Beefy cool people don't play video games. It's the way it's always been. It's the way it always will be.” [04:48]

This segment showcases the hosts' ability to engage with their audience's thoughts and opinions, while maintaining their distinct comedic perspectives.

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Tour Highlights and Anecdotes

Daniel recounts various experiences from the tour, offering listeners behind-the-scenes glimpses into life on the road. Highlights include interactions with fans, culinary adventures, and unexpected challenges.

1. Kansas City Show:

   • Performance: Daniel discusses his performance in Kansas City, noting a pivotal moment where he used sensitive language on stage.

     “I did say the R word on stage right at the beginning of the show, and I probably shouldn't have, but... I think I'm in the clear.” [15:08]

   • Post-Show Dinner: The hosts share a humorous exchange about ordering desserts, reflecting the unpredictability of catering during tours.

     “Oh, I will find it. I'll find it.” [16:55]

2. Omaha and College World Series:

   • Daniel describes an awkward encounter while attending the College World Series with his in-laws, highlighting the challenges of managing family expectations alongside tour commitments.

     “We welcome you.” [08:30]

3. Minneapolis Adventures:

   • Hotel Mishaps: An unsettling overnight stay in a less-than-ideal hotel leads to a quick relocation to a more reputable establishment.

     “We have to just hide. And he just drops like a 15 incher. I’m like, good God.” [39:17]

   • Children’s Museum: A playful yet chaotic visit to the Children’s Museum illustrates the balancing act between family time and professional obligations.

     “We’re in a bad spot right now because you’re in your underwear and there are no bathrooms around here.” [38:00]

4. Milwaukee and Madison:

   • Laundry Laughter: Daniel humorously details the often mundane but essential task of doing laundry on tour, including an uncomfortable situation involving his mother-in-law’s clothing.

     “Do you eat that walleye?” [33:23]

   • Massages and Relaxation: A relaxing yet memorable massage experience provides a brief respite from the hectic tour schedule.

     “She would, like, go get something but still kept her hand. She was magical.” [30:17]

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Notable Quotes and Moments

Throughout the episode, several standout moments and quotes encapsulate the humor and authenticity of the tour experience:

• “Hit the bells. Winner. Winner. Congratulations.” [05:51]

  Celebrating a witty fan comment that resonated with both hosts.

• “You don’t need it. It serves no purpose.” [08:57]

  Daniel’s candid remarks about his co-host’s Apple Watch, adding a layer of personal humor.

• “5 o'clock show... you feel kind of dirty.” [32:23]

  Reflecting on the challenges of performing at unconventional hours.

• “Fishing is eating. We’re just torturing animals.” [33:25]

  Eddie’s humorous take on their fishing trip, highlighting the lighter side of tour activities.

---

Tour Reflections and Conclusion

As the tour concludes, Daniel Tosh reflects on the overall experience, acknowledging both the memorable moments and the less favorable aspects. He shares his appreciation for the supportive Chicago crowd and the camaraderie among the touring team, despite the inevitable challenges faced on the road.

“Best tour ever. Absolutely not. But it was, it was enjoyable.” [40:38]

The episode wraps up with mutual appreciation between Daniel and Eddie, hinting at future tours and adventures while maintaining their trademark humor.

“Well, I can’t wait to go on our next tour, Eddie. And hopefully they get that roof fixed on the bus. See you next week.” [41:04]

---

Conclusion

"My Midwest Tour" offers listeners an engaging and humorous exploration of the realities of touring life, enriched with personal anecdotes, family dynamics, and spontaneous moments that only a comedian like Daniel Tosh can deliver. The episode balances light-hearted comedy with genuine reflections, making it a relatable and entertaining installment for both fans and newcomers to the Tosh Show.

Transcript

[iHeart Podcast Host]

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[Daniel Tosh]

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[Daniel Tosh]

Weeks compared to placebo.

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[Daniel Tosh]

Hey, y'.

[Eddie]

All.

[Daniel Tosh]

Welcome to Daniel's bus cooking show. Hey, what we're doing is taking on leftovers. We got some charred lobster tail and we're gonna feed my father in law. I hope it smells good.

[Eddie]

That's way too big.

[Daniel Tosh]

Try it.

[Eddie]

It's not too big.

[Daniel Tosh]

I just made it for you.

[Eddie]

That is. What do you think?

[Daniel Tosh]

It was good.

[Eddie]

It was good. That was lobster.

[Daniel Tosh]

Tosh show. Tosh show for show. Welcome to Tosh show. There, I said it. Happy to be here. Just got back from the road with Eddie Gosling.

[Eddie]

Couple road dogs.

[Commercial Voiceover Artist]

Couple road dogs.

[Daniel Tosh]

We're in the Midwest doing what Midwest comics do. What's that? Kill.

[Eddie]

Yeah. Murdering.

[Daniel Tosh]

Nah, we're in the Midwest. It was nice. Just making good people have a good time. I want to thank everyone for coming to the shows, but before we get into it, let's delve into some of our fan mail.

[Eddie]

Right.

[Daniel Tosh]

Fan mail.

[Eddie]

So I don't think Daniel realizes that video games are the highest grossing form of entertainment in the world. Oh, that's sadly common with people who don't play games. Thing herder nerds sitting in their mom's basement. Or they think it's just for kids. Meanwhile, the industry as a whole makes more money than the entirety of the movie and television streaming industries. It's massive, with millions upon millions of regular, normal people who play games.

[Daniel Tosh]

Okay, well, you're wrong, but I'm glad you felt compelled to write all that.

[Commercial Voiceover Artist]

In the comment section.

[Daniel Tosh]

Beefy cool people don't play video games. It's the way it's always been. It's the way it always will be.

[Eddie]

It's true. What, are you gonna rewrite the world?

[Daniel Tosh]

You can't change it.

[Eddie]

All right, I'll bite. How much to sponsor the show? How much to have Eddie do it in his dragon voice?

[Daniel Tosh]

Oh, you talking about Schnauzagus? Uh, oh, to get schnauzagus on this show. I can't even.

[Eddie]

Well, that's too.

[Daniel Tosh]

I can't Imagine it cost more than. I mean, 50,000. I think Schnauzicus is here.

[Eddie]

Hey, everybody.

[Commercial Voiceover Artist]

There it is.

[Eddie]

Schnauzagus.

[Daniel Tosh]

Look at that.

[Eddie]

What am I. What am I pitching today? I'm usually a catcher, if you know what I mean.

[Daniel Tosh]

We're going to sing that away.

[Eddie]

You better sing it.

[Daniel Tosh]

We'll edit the singing out.

[Eddie]

I can't edit nothing out.

[Daniel Tosh]

What's the next one?

[Eddie]

Sorry, your dad is deady Eddie.

[Daniel Tosh]

Oh, you know that. That's right in my wheelhouse. It's a combination of stupid and funny. Sorry. Yeah, sorry. Your dad is Daddy Eddie. Well, you know what I say. Comment of the year.

[Eddie]

Comment of the year.

[Daniel Tosh]

Hit the bells. Winner. Winner. Congratulations. You know, you were being sincere, but you were also being funny to Eddie for his loss.

[Eddie]

Definitely a dark spot when I read that, and that did make me laugh. Yeah, this person kind of gets us.

[Daniel Tosh]

I don't care who passes. If somebody says, sorry, your dad is daddy Eddie, that's going to tickle you for a second.

[Eddie]

You made a rhyme. That's good.

[Daniel Tosh]

You made a dumb rhyme. Yeah, I liked it. That's pretty good.

[Eddie]

Well, thanks a lot for MH. WJ3PK. Means a lot.

[Daniel Tosh]

That guy gets it. That guy gets it.

[Eddie]

Somehow realize that some of Eddie's laughs are piped in. How long does it take to edit? No shade.

[Daniel Tosh]

Oh, no shade. Ed, they're not making fun of us. They just don't want you to see. That wasn't a real laugh. I'm looking at Eddie right now, right here. He sits right here. There's zero chance that we've ever edited Eddie laughing. We got three microphones on this show. We got three cameras. None of them are pointed at Eddie, but we do record his laugh when it happens.

[Eddie]

When is the last time you had to pull off the road at a construction site to use their Porta John?

[Daniel Tosh]

I've already told my worst porta potty story on the show, which was when I left my daughter outside of it. I jumped a fence at night in Charleston, South Carolina, a city that I find repulsive in, and used a porta Potty. I think that was the most recent as well. You know, when my house was being built, I had a porta potty in the front of my house. And I found that many women in my neighborhood that go for walks, just walk onto construction sites and use the porta potty.

[Eddie]

Seems crazy.

[Daniel Tosh]

And I said, sergio, is that normal? He goes, yep. On construction sites all the time. Like, walkers will just be like, yeah, we get to use it, too. That's gross.

[Eddie]

I went to your show in Minneapolis last Friday night with a good friend. Meanwhile, my pregnant wife was home having contractions. We live about an hour away. And after the show, wasn't about to walk out of this masterpiece early. I drove home and got her to the hospital. The baby's heart rate was dropping so fast, and she went in for an emergency C section. We had a little girl at 153 in the morning.

[Daniel Tosh]

Ah, look at that. I should have saved the comment of the year for this guy, but that's already. That ship has sailed, so you don't get it. But this guy. What a fan. I mean, a horrible, horrible husband. Probably going to be a bad dad, but what a fan.

[Eddie]

To whom it may concern, Eddie's apple watch almost blinded me at a show this weekend. If it doesn't clear up soon, I may pursue legal action. I thoroughly enjoy the Milwaukee show. Loved every minute of it.

[Daniel Tosh]

I'm going to side with this person. I don't think he should wear an apple watch on stage. Do you shut off notifications?

[Eddie]

Yeah, because one time you told me you could see it, so I like.

[Daniel Tosh]

Oh, it's lighting up the mode there.

[Eddie]

So I put that on. But this still does catch the spotlight and hit the people in the front row.

[Daniel Tosh]

Sometimes you don't need it. It serves no purpose. I've got a clock for you on stage. True, you can be away from your family for a few minutes, but I.

[Eddie]

Take it off, and I have such a. Like, a bad suntan thing happening. Maybe he'll put a bracelet on.

[Daniel Tosh]

You just never take a watch off, huh? You just wear a watch all the time. You know what you do, Ed?

[Eddie]

Okay.

[Daniel Tosh]

Okay, here's what you do. You do what my grandpa did. Grandpa Tosh.

[Eddie]

Okay.

[Daniel Tosh]

He always wore his watch with the watch on the inside.

[Eddie]

Makes sense.

[Daniel Tosh]

And because he always was like, well, it's easier to tell time when I can see it this way. But you only do that just for when you're on stage. You turn it in, right? Then we cover up your tan line. You still have your watch so that your wife, Lord knows, if Megan can't get ahold of you, heads are gonna roll. Hey.

[Eddie]

What? I'm doing it. I like this little. Just spin it around.

[Daniel Tosh]

I mean, I don't know if you have to loosen it a notch or if you wear it loose enough that you can spin it.

[Eddie]

Well, just. It's Velcro, so it's easy to.

[Daniel Tosh]

You have a Velcro watch.

[Eddie]

There it is, child.

[Daniel Tosh]

All right. Well, you know what? Let's give people a real breakdown of the tour. Yeah, enjoy. Hi, Daniel Tosh here. Now, you may know me as a comedian and a podcaster, but I'm also an entrepreneur. So I know firsthand that starting a new business can be overwhelming thanks to all the hats you suddenly have to learn to wear. But lucky for me, we had Shopify to help. Shopify is a commerce platform by millions of businesses around the world and 10% of all E commerce in America. From household names like Mattel and Gymshark to brands just getting started. When you use Shopify, your company doesn't need to hire its own design studio or marketing team. They take care of everything with ready to use templates, social media campaigns and AI tools for content creation. They have tons of experience in everything from managing inventory to international shipping to processing returns and beyond. If you're ready to sell, you're ready for Shopify. Sign up for your $1 per month trial and start selling today at shopify.com tosh turn your big business idea into With Shopify on your side, go to shopify.com tosh that's shopify.com tosh.

[Commercial Voiceover Artist]

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[Daniel Tosh]

But here's a tip.

[Commercial Voiceover Artist]

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[Daniel Tosh]

Adults will love it.

[Commercial Voiceover Artist]

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[Daniel Tosh]

Original Penguin. It's an iconic American brand known for vintage inspired clothes for an original good time. Let me tell you something, guys. Right now, this. This hits close to home to me. My grandfather always wore Penguin shirts. I remember a photo of him wearing a penguin shirt when he hit his hole in one. Oh, that was a big deal for our family. This year, the original Penguin is celebrating their 70th anniversary of their iconic logo, Pete the Penguin. I didn't even know his name was Pete. Did you, Pete? You should be wearing those shirts. Original Penguin has been an icon in men's fashion, becoming a full lifestyle brand that celebrates individuality. Fun. To celebrate all these decades of original good times, the brand has curated a capsule collection of nostalgic yet modern styles inspired by the iconic archive of mid century designs. To get your hands on Original Penguin's capsule collection and join the brand in celebrating 70 iconic years, go to originalpenguin.com and use code tosh for 20 off. That's original penguin.com and use the code tosh tsh for a 20% discount. That's nothing to sneeze at. We're going to talk about the tour today on the show. What tour? The world tour. Oh, JT in the house now. I wasn't a world tour that I was on. I just went to the Midwest. I flew there with my kids and, and my wife and Eddie and Pete. And then when we landed, my in laws flew in. And then we met our bus driver and he was wearing a big cross. And you want your bus driver to be super religious.

[Eddie]

Yeah.

[Daniel Tosh]

You know when you're falling asleep on the highway at 70 miles an hour, you want to know that up front. That guy knows that. Well, not everything's in his control. So we were in Kansas City for night one of the tour and I was a little nervous for the first show, but it went fine. I did like an hour and a half. Did you enjoy Kansas City show?

[Eddie]

I did, yeah.

[Daniel Tosh]

I thought they were nice. And we had Q39 barbecue afterwards. I wonder if people agree that that's one of the top barbecue spots in kc. It was good. Yeah, I thought it was great. They were out of sausage. I remember. Hey, Keith, I don't know if you're on Gold Belly, but send me some sausage because I ordered, I wanted sausage. And then after the show, see, I. Pete makes me order before I go on stage. Then when I get off stage, the food is there. But so many times he's like, hey, they didn't have blank. So instead you're getting elk. Yeah, Desserts are always the worst. I'll be like, oh, I'll take a cheesecake. And he's like, oh, I got you tiramisu. I'm like, why don't you go yourself? Tiramisu and cheesecake are not in the same family. Oh, okay. What'd you want? I wanted a brownie. Okay. What'd you end up getting me. I got you a cheese tart. It's just always. It's weird. Anyway, I did say the R word on stage right at the beginning of the show, and I probably shouldn't have, but, you know, in context. I'll let the audience here be the judge. I don't like to do material, but I congratulated Kansas City on winning the NBA championship. And then, you know, made reference to the. You can't convince me. Oklahoma City and Kansas City are different places. And if you do, I'll punch you in the face. And then I know what you're saying is you shouldn't punch a. And then I said the R word. I'm like, but that's what you're calling yourself, so it's not. You get it? I think I'm in the clear. I probably shouldn't have said it. My fault.

[Eddie]

Well, they said it in your head.

[Daniel Tosh]

In my head, they said the word.

[Eddie]

Yep.

[Daniel Tosh]

So. But anyway, we stayed the night in Kansas City. Did I like my hotel?

[Eddie]

Yeah, we did. It had a great.

[Daniel Tosh]

You know what I liked about my hotel? Hold on. Yeah, let me just give some props. This is almost gonna sound like a free plug. This Crossroads hotel had a restaurant in it. And the. The hotel was quirky, kind of funky, industrial. I didn't have a good view out my room, that's for sure. I was looking into a parking garage. That was disappointing. But where you made up for it was your restaurant. They made pizza. Their pizzas were delicious. But they had a salad there that I'm. And I don't get excited about salads ever, but this is just kind of a pre pizza salad. It was unbelievable.

[Eddie]

Yeah, you loved it.

[Daniel Tosh]

I'm calling it one of my top three favorite salads. And I know if. I know if I get the. The ingredients, I'm not going to get the ratios right. What was the salad I got?

[Eddie]

That was a charred cucumber salad.

[Daniel Tosh]

It was a charred cucumber salad. I believe it's. Tell me exactly how to make it Crossroads so I can try to duplicate it at home. That salad was delicious. Okay. Anyway, so sorry for saying the R word. Q39. You forgot your sausages. It was my first show. Probably went long because the first night I'm just trying to figure out, okay, what material am I doing? And then the next day, we were going to Omaha. We had to leave Kansas City early because we wanted to get to Omaha by noon to go to the College World Series because the College World Series of baseball is a bucket list item for My father in law. And I just keep looking at him every time, he's like, you know, you know, Daniel, it's my bucket list. I'm like, okay, well, I'm glad everything on your bucket list is obtainable, you know, in a two week period. I worry about his bucket list. First of all, nothing on it is out of reach. And I feel like we're going to be wrapped up with it, you know, any day now. Now, the theater that we were performing at, we just asked, hey, do you guys have any tickets to the baseball game? And they said, yes, I'm not against paying for tickets, but they had tickets. And they go, well, we have a box, you know, a suite, but it's just. You don't get the whole suite. It's a partial. There's another group in there that uses it. And then you guys can go. And they've got food and TVs, and, you know, you got some seating outside of your window and you get to watch. I'm like, oh, cool, we'll do it. Bring the father in law there. Well, we go there. The other party is already there. And these people couldn't have been more confused at our arrival. Like, who are you? And I don't do well in those situations. I'm just like, yeah, we're here, we have tickets. You're in my seat because you still actually had assigned seating. But she was like, oh, these are ours. And I'm like, yeah, yeah, well, we got these. She's like, well, what group are you with? I'm like, I'm not with a group. And she's. And I'm just. I show her the phone. We're in the right place. And then she's like, okay, okay, we welcome you. We welcome. And she's holding her hands like this, and she keeps saying it over and over, okay, we welcome you. I'm like, first of all, this. You don't need to welcome me.

[Eddie]

You don't owe me.

[Daniel Tosh]

I was given these tickets. I don't need to tell you where I got them from. But I'm sure she works for the same company that we got the tickets for. And she's like, we've used these tickets for like 20 years and we've never had anybody come into the box besides us. I don't care about the backstory. This is where our tickets are. But she just kept going, well, we welcome you. And I'm. I don't. Ugh. That's what I hate when people talk about when they shit on California, but they say the south is so sweet and nice, and I know this is Omaha, so I don't even know what that means, but I felt very unwelcomed. We will. We welcome you. She's like, get out of my way. I'm gonna eat a sandwich. They had a spread of food in there. They had weird food, too. They had, like, pulled chicken, veggie patties, some guac chips, like a salsa station. There's a salsa station.

[Eddie]

Drink.

[Daniel Tosh]

And some bad popcorn. Right?

[Eddie]

Okay.

[Daniel Tosh]

My son liked the popcorn. Whatever. We welcome you. So anyway, now, you know, ever since the tour, whenever I see somebody, I just go, we welcome you. And then my daughter does it, and she's two, and she does the hands, too, and she goes, we welcome you. I just hope this somehow gets back to that lady that. I was the one in your suite. And your group was very unwelcoming, even though you said 40 times, we welcome you. And the game was dumb. I stayed maybe an inning and a half. I watched the First Inn, Coastal Carolina, put up six runs. I went and bought a couple hats for my in laws. I'm like, here you guys go. Little souvenirs. And then I took both my children, jumped in an Uber and left. And the people that, like, you can't come back in if you leave now. And I'm like, yeah, yeah, I don't care. I'm out of here.

[Eddie]

Good.

[Daniel Tosh]

No, I took both the kids. I told my wife, stay. Enjoy the game with the welcoming people. And I just brought the kids back to the hotel. We get in the pool, we order virgin pina coladas. And the bartender didn't even want to charge me. She's like, ah, you don't need to pay. I'm like, ah, but I can't tip you if you don't charge me because it's, you know, I got to put on the room. She's like, okay. I'm like, well, charge me. And then I go, put 50% on for you. Look at that.

[Eddie]

Look at you, man.

[Daniel Tosh]

Yeah, I was being welcoming, I was gonna say. And that was. And we didn't even spend the night in Omaha, right? Just did the show. The show was good. The people of Omaha were welcoming. And then we just left that night to go to Minneapolis because it's a long drive now. This is where things get ridiculous. We drive all night long to Minneapolis till about 3 in the morning. And I stay in the bus, asleep. Downtown Minneapolis on the side of the road next to the theater. Just me and the bus with two children. Everybody else gets out and Goes into the hotel. Now, this hotel was, like, a couple blocks away and this area of downtown Minneapolis. I mean, I have to be honest with you, not the safest.

[Eddie]

Sketchy.

[Daniel Tosh]

Sketchy.

[Eddie]

Yep.

[Daniel Tosh]

Okay, we'll point out some of the people that we ran into later. But my wife goes in to go sleep into the hotel. And then the next day when I go, I pass a hooker. And not a good hooker either. Like, pulling her skirt down because her big fucking gross ass is, like, hanging out of it and her pimp walking out of the front hotel door. And by the way, this hotel doesn't have a lobby, just has a woman on a desk. It's almost like it felt like a youth hostel. But whatever. The room that we had was enormous. Just a huge suite, I guess. But my wife was terrified. She went in there in the middle of the night, couldn't, like, find the bed. And I, like, walk in with the kids and I go, okay, we're leaving. And we just. We just left and went to the Four Seasons. Now, why didn't I go to the Four Seasons in the first place? Well, that's because they said they were full a few months before, but apparently rooms had opened up and we just went down the street and now we're at the Four. I took my in laws out. I said, eddie, you're staying at this crack hotel. Pete, you're staying at this crack hotel. Bus driver, you're staying at the crack hotel. In laws, you're with me. Kids, you're with me. Wife, you do what you want.

[Eddie]

I'd already unpacked.

[Daniel Tosh]

Eddie didn't want to move because he was unpacked. And then Pete loses his mind because he didn't realize that Eddie, every day on tour, unpacks in a hotel and puts things in drawers.

[Eddie]

Love it. Especially two days. I'm like, I'm living here, baby.

[Daniel Tosh]

Eddie's like the accountant.

[Eddie]

Yeah, yeah, I know.

[Daniel Tosh]

Just got everything all organized. So I. In day one, my family went to the Mall of America. And I'm like. They're like, do you want to come? Do you want us? And I'm like, what? I've been to Minneapolis 300 times. The mall of America is possibly the worst place you could ever go.

[Eddie]

Like, I'll go to the airport first.

[Daniel Tosh]

The airport's nicer. But no. So they went there and it was miserable. But, you know, I guess my son had fun. My daughter slept in a stroller. That type of stuff. You know, Nickelodeon go on a few roller coasters or whatever they have in the middle. I Mean, how many stores that you thought had gone out of business can you visit? There's a Toys R Us in the Mall of America. Aren't they out of business?

[Eddie]

Yes.

[Daniel Tosh]

Would think. No, they are. I thought they, like, famously went out of business. Whatever. Minneapolis, first night was great. Second night was oddly, not my. It was. Second night wasn't my favorite. And that was my fault, not theirs. I got a little mushmoused. Sometimes they get mushmoused on stage and words don't come out as perfect as I wanted them to. You don't care. But near the theater was a big old banner of a tiny, tiny Asian man. Mr. Louis Lee, owner of the Acme Comedy Club, which is a club that I got my start at. Probably one of the first real clubs that ever headlined me. You know, it's like kind of. It is in the warehouse district. You go down below. The following day, I took my family for a walk and I made them walk by the club. And then I said, let's go in. And there was nobody there. But then I saw an Asian woman cleaning. And I knocked on the window and she came over and she unlocked the door. And I said, hi, I used to work here a long time ago. I'm friends with the owner, Louis Lee. Can I come in and show my family? She doesn't say a single word. She just leaves the door open and walks away. And so we all walk in and we go back to the green room. And the green room leads right onto the stage. And then we walked onto the stage and she just immediately turned all the stage lights on, like from the booth. She's like, just made the place look beautiful. Still hasn't said a word. I'm like, well, that was nice. And then we walked around and then we walked out. And she walked up behind us and I said, thank you so much. And she just locked the door. This Minneapolis was the first place on tour that I got violent diarrhea. I had some Mediterranean food at the time. It was delicious. But I, you know, it didn't stay in me long, but I made it to a toilet.

[Eddie]

Good for you.

[Daniel Tosh]

Yeah. The funniest thing that happened in Minneapolis certainly wasn't me on stage. My father in law was walking around the city with me. And you have to understand, this man has never traveled outside of Florida. So everything he sees is new to him. And he tries to, like, give me like, tidbits like, oh, you'll find this one interesting. You see that building over there? That's US Bank's international headquarters. And I'm like, no, it's not. That's where the Vikings play. I kid you not. U.S. bank Stadium. It says Stadium right underneath U.S. bank.

[Eddie]

Massive.

[Daniel Tosh]

And then he spends the next 30 minutes trying to look up on his phone to see if I'm right. And then eventually he's like, yo, it turns out you are right. But I. I know that international headquarters is around here somewhere. I'm like, yeah, it probably doesn't say stadium on the side of it.

[Eddie]

The rest of the time on the bus, relentlessly pointing out any building and asking him what bank that was, was so funny.

[Daniel Tosh]

Oh, we didn't let up anything you said. Any baseball field that we saw, we're like, oh, you've got to go to that bank. It's so beautiful. So like, that bank is so nice. Yeah, we tease him pretty hard, but he. But he commits, you know, he puts himself in those situations.

[Eddie]

Bucket list stuff.

[Daniel Tosh]

Yeah. And then from Minneapolis, we headed over to Milwaukee. Milwaukee was too hot, by the way. Every place we were at was like 90 degrees boiling. Oh, it's just miserable in Milwaukee. Who was it? It was Donut Monster. Thank you. They gave us like four dozen donuts, which is not. If you want to give me donuts, that's nice, but like, give me two. There's nothing I can do with that many donuts. I just had to start giving them away to people. Then people are like, I don't want donuts. I'm like, well, they're free. And they're like, yeah, I didn't think you were going to charge me. Milwaukee. We did two shows that night, which is never my favorite, but it allows me to do laundry in the venue, which also isn't fun. Cause I'm just down there in my underwear, shirtless. And like, staff is just walking by, like, what is going on? Is that the performer? And I'm like, yeah, it's just doing laundry.

[Eddie]

I think the first time I saw you do that, just like not wear anything other than you're washing everything. I'm like, ah, just wouldn't. I wouldn't pick you to do that.

[Daniel Tosh]

Well, I don't have any. I didn't have any extra clothes and I want all of them to be clean. I'm not gonna keep a pair on. So I'm just in my underwear and I'm washing everybody's stuff. Like my mother in law. You ever fold your mother in law's unmentionables? Huh? Any of you?

[Eddie]

No, I don't.

[Daniel Tosh]

I've done it so many times. I Can't. I don't even care. I just, you know, shake them out. There we go. Put the fold there. And then Pete was like, hey, right after the show, we're taking off. Do you want me to fold the last load? I'm like, or put it in the bus? I'm like, no, I don't want you touching. I didn't want him touching my mother in law and my wife's and my daughter's panties.

[Eddie]

Pete's got.

[Daniel Tosh]

And he just kept saying, I'll do it. It's no big deal.

[Eddie]

Why is he asking?

[Daniel Tosh]

So he kept pushing.

[Eddie]

Why? What's going on?

[Daniel Tosh]

He kept pushing. He's like, I'll do it. No big deal. I don't. Yeah, I don't care. I'll close my eyes and do it. The hotel that I stayed at in Milwaukee, they had little ukuleles in the room. And my kids loved those so much that when I came home, my wife had bought two ukuleles. And I'm like, ugh. I'm like, couldn't that just been like a moment for them? Like a memory? Oh, remember when we were playing with the ukuleles? Now I have to have two ukuleles, which eventually I will give to a guest.

[Eddie]

Oh, you're right.

[Daniel Tosh]

And then off to Madison, Wisconsin from Milwaukee, and that's a short drive. And everyone loves Madison. But we had the same problem that most people have when you travel where your hotel room won't let you check in till 4 o' clock and we're there at noon. And I'm like, oh, this stinks. So now I'm stuck in the bus. My wife's like, oh, we're gonna, the girls are gonna go. Me and mom are gonna go run and get massages. I'm like, oh, great. I'll just sit in this bus while my daughter naps because I can't leave. Oh. And then my wife came back and they're like, oh, the massages were great. So me and my father in law went to get massages. And I'm gonna tell you something right now. I fell in love that masseuse in Madison. Oh my goodness. She had tiny hands and she was so. She talked so softly. You. If she was going to go do something in the room, she never let a hand leave your body. She would like, go get something but still kept her hand. She was magical. She didn't. It was nothing, you know, like a john moment. No, no, there was nothing sexual. This was just. Just a good massage. Felt amazing. The problem with Madison, it Was Sunday. We were in Madison, Wisconsin on Sunday and we did two shows. And for whatever reason, now on tour on Sundays. If you add a second show, they put it before your first show. So I had an 8 o' clock show and then I had a 5 o' clock show. And I don't care how liberal your town is, when you say the things that I say and it's still sunny outside, you feel kind of dirty. So I found that 5 o' clock show a bit awkward. Did you like it?

[Eddie]

It was. No, they were tight. It was early. It was just so early.

[Daniel Tosh]

They were tight. You can't help it if you're at a show at 5 o'. Clock. Your body just knows that this is inappropriate behavior.

[Eddie]

What are we doing here?

[Daniel Tosh]

Yeah. Then we've got two days off. We've got a Monday and Tuesday. I used to work Mondays and Tuesdays, but the reality is you leave a lot of money on the table when you perform on a Monday or Tuesday. Your ticket sales just naturally fall off. I mean, unless you're just, you know, at the peak of your popularity. But I have that ship is, whoo. Those days are long gone. So I need to wait till a Wednesday to start performing. So what am I going to do.

[Commercial Voiceover Artist]

On my two days off?

[Daniel Tosh]

I head up to Belgium. Wisconsin. Ever even heard of it?

[Eddie]

Nope.

[Daniel Tosh]

None of us had plans, really. Pete is like, I'm going to go visit some family in Chicago. Eddie's like, I got some friends of the family at a lake house. I'm gonna go up there and go fishing. Did you catch anything?

[Eddie]

Caught one big pike.

[Daniel Tosh]

A pike?

[Eddie]

Yeah.

[Daniel Tosh]

I thought you caught walleye.

[Eddie]

Nah. Kid caught a walleye the night before. I got a pike. A lot of teeth on a pike.

[Daniel Tosh]

You're not gonna eat a pike.

[Eddie]

I threw it back. Yeah, get rid of it.

[Daniel Tosh]

Do you eat that walleye?

[Eddie]

Nope. Everyone went back with them. Nobody wants to clean them. I get it, huh?

[Daniel Tosh]

You're not really fishing. You're just torturing animals.

[Eddie]

We're fishing. We're just not eating.

[Daniel Tosh]

No, fishing's eating. We stayed in Belgium, Wisconsin, on the lake, on Lake Michigan. And my son and I went into Lake Michigan. Tons of dead little bait fish everywhere. Is that normal? What is that? Why are there thousands and thousands of dead fish on the water? Anyway, we went in the water. It was frigid. I mean, one of those where cold shock is going to hit you and you're going to die. I got panicked. I told myself, we got to get out. I can't do this any longer. I'm not a cold plunger. But we stayed at this house and it was cute. It's kind of a ghost town. Went over to Port Washington, had some ice cream, little Airstream. And they did it right because they gave kids ice cream in a cone this big, and then they just put like a spoonful on top of it. And I'm like, genius. Nobody needs more ice cream than that for a child. Went to a breakfast place at PJ Piper's Pancake House in Cedarburg. I'm sure people love it. My daughter was being a. So that was. That was tough. I mean, just. She was just out of control. But I didn't love it. The town there seemed quaint. I was just in these quaint little lakes towns. That was nice enough, but I was over it. I was like, okay, I always say, oh, we could live here. This is beautiful. And then after like 24 hours, I'm like, get me out of here. All right, well, anyway, so two days in this little lake town, and I was over it. Like, let's get back to work. We got to do our final big shows in Chicago at the Chicago Theater. A beautiful theater. Oh, my goodness. Oh, man. My father in law was impressed. If I ever actually told him how much we got paid to do shows, he would lose his mind. Anyway, we go to Chicago, we get dropped off at the hotel, and what happens? Immediately, Pete and the bus driver drive to the venue. And then the bus driver, who Pete had been just the whole time singing his praises. Like, this guy, I'm. I'm a fan of this driver. Which is weird because he, you know, Pete's Jewish, and this guy's got a huge crucifix on his chest.

[Eddie]

It's like staying away.

[Daniel Tosh]

Pete, right? It seems like they would be at. At odds. But he's like, no, no, he's good. He's to himself. He's on time. He drives. He drives a little slow, but I'd rather slow than. Than, you know, somebody where you're getting thrown around when you're in the back. Well, anyway, the two of them leave the hotel and they're driving to the venue and they go under a bridge and just shave the top of the bus off. All the AC units, all the satellite tv, just shave. Just. Just a couple hundred thousand dollars off the top of the bus. This bus is easy. 1.5 million or over. I forgot what band owns it. What's the name? It's a country band, right? Little Big Towns Bus, that's the bus I rented. But man, I Could stare up through the AC and look at the sky. After, after their little bridge, it got wedged under the bridge. They had to get police to, like, let them back out of the road. Downtown Chicago.

[Eddie]

Yeah, well, I bailed out on foot.

[Daniel Tosh]

I just went to sound check. Yeah. Pete goes, hey, but I gotta go to a sound check. So he just jumped out and then got in a pedicab, which is also. I can't imagine that that was the right option. But it was hot. And Pete wanted to make a man pedal him to a venue. He had an E bike. What? It was an E bike. It was an E bike. Okay. All right. I guess for some reason that's a little better. You're fine. You know, I couldn't use the bus anymore because it's just 90 degrees in there.

[Eddie]

Oh, so hot.

[Daniel Tosh]

But thankfully, it was the final shows, and the first show went great. Chicago crowd, amazing. Second show, second night, a little tight. That's how I like to end a tour, with a show that's just like a little, eh. Little tight. Hannibal Buress came out to that show. That was great of him. Chicago legend. Just funny as always. As soon as I see him, I start laughing. He said he's running a. Owned his own or opened his own comedy club in New York.

[Eddie]

Right. In Brooklyn.

[Daniel Tosh]

Good for him. I've never been that ambitious in Chicago during the day. Had to come up with an activity. So my children's museum. Chicago's got one of the greatest. Children's museum. Let's go over there. On the way there, we're all about to have heat stroke because we're walking along Lake Michigan. And then thankfully they have those. Not a water fountain, but like a splash pad. Kids could play. And the water. You can smell that. They put some chlorine in it. It's spraying everywhere. My kids are loving it. You know, they're. They're going through it. It's the best part of the tour, I would think. And then they're soaked. I'm like, take off your clothes and just run around in your underwear. And I'm trying to dry their clothes out in the sun. And then my son comes over to me and he's like, hey, Dad, I gotta poop. And I'm like, okay, bud. We're in a bad spot right now because you're in your underwear and there's no bathrooms around here. Our clothes are. Your clothes are soaking wet. I'm like, we gotta just hide. And we just. I basically just make him climb over this park bench and we're by this piece of machinery. And I'm like, just squat down here. And he's like, but I can see people. I'm like, they're not looking at you. I'm just trying to block for them. And he just drops like a 15 incher. I'm like, good God. It was terrifying.

[Eddie]

Big old Chicago dog.

[Daniel Tosh]

Yeah. I put a pickle next to it, but I'm like, hey, what are you gonna do? I had no, I had no option. I mean, I'm sure I did, but that's what he did. He just, he just pooped. In Chicago. That's what you do in Chicago, right? If you can poop outside, you do. It was nice. And he got right back into the fountain, Cleaned himself up, stood over a jet. He loved it. He loved that fountain. What did I eat in Chicago? You know I ate deep dish, right? What do we have? Geno's east.

[Eddie]

Yep.

[Daniel Tosh]

And by the way, we had it two nights in a row, right? Woo. Deep dish. Two nights in a row. And then I had. They also have a deep dish brownie. You ever heard of such a thing? It's a brownie that's no different than every other fucking brownie. Whatever. They get me because they called it deep dish brownie. So I was like, what? I'll find it.

[Eddie]

The first night it was in the.

[Daniel Tosh]

Shape of a circle. Good enough. We all survived, flew home the next day, and here we are in the studio. Best tour ever. Absolutely not. But it was, it was enjoyable. Favorite, favorite show?

[Eddie]

Milwaukee for me. What about you?

[Daniel Tosh]

I didn't have one.

[Eddie]

You got a tie? No, didn't have one.

[Daniel Tosh]

I didn't have a. I didn't have a best show. Maybe I did. I don't remember it though.

[Eddie]

I remember you coming off saying you really liked the Omaha crowd.

[Daniel Tosh]

Omaha? Yeah, maybe it was Omaha. I don't know. I'm glad it's behind me.

[Eddie]

Well, we just keep going forward. We don't look back.

[Daniel Tosh]

Did you have a worst show?

[Eddie]

Worst show? First show, Madison. I felt like it was just, it was too early.

[Daniel Tosh]

I had a three way tie for worst show. And I'll just leave it at that. I don't want the people in the cities to feel like, oh, I was at that show. I thought it was good. And I don't want them to know that in my heart it was garbage. Well, I can't wait to go on our next tour, Eddie. And hopefully they get that roof fixed on the bus. See you next week.

[Commercial Voiceover Artist]

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[Daniel Tosh]

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[Ryan Seacrest]

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