My Mom - Emergency Pod

Summary

Tosh Show – “My Mom – Emergency Pod”

Host: Daniel Tosh
Guests: Daniel’s Mom (Margo), Eddie (co-host), Eddie’s Mom
Date: May 8, 2026

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Episode Overview

This special “emergency” episode of Tosh Show dives deep into Mother’s Day through Daniel Tosh’s comedic lens. With his signature irreverence, Tosh reflects on the pressures and rituals of the holiday as a husband and father, the origins of Mother’s Day, and shares honest, funny, and sometimes awkward conversations with his own mom and Eddie’s. The episode offers listeners a hilarious glimpse into family dynamics, nostalgia, and the unique burdens fathers carry on fake holidays.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Mother’s Day: Pressure & Performance

• Holiday Build-up & Exhaustion

  • Daniel laments how gift-giving stress for his wife never ends: “It starts in November, when I'm like, oh, I got to get her something for Christmas... Then immediately... her birthday mid-January… then Valentine’s... then our anniversary… Then Mother's Day. It just doesn't end.” (02:19)
  • He jokes about being overwhelmed by helping kids make gifts: “Now we're doing crafts on my Italian marble. Oh, you guys watch me go batshit crazy over this crappy table...” (02:56)
  • The expectation that dads handle everything for young kids makes it the “Worst” for fathers: “Fathers of children under 10 have it the Worst, because all of the responsibility falls on you. Great. Your kids… they're not thoughtful. No. They don't have any money. They can't drive anywhere.” (02:58)

• Breakfast Rituals

  • Tosh rails against the tradition of crowded breakfasts: “Nothing makes breakfast more enjoyable than waking up and having to get dressed up and then go stand on a sidewalk for 45 minutes like some hobo...” (06:32)

2. Mother’s Day: Roots & Blame

• Presents the history: Anna Jarvis in 1908, honoring her peace activist mother. (04:26)
• Connects it to a co-worker’s wife being related to Anna Jarvis, blaming him for the “Mother's Day bullshit.” (05:12)
• Satirical take: “I'm pretty sure in the Jewish community, if your mother is Jewish, then you do. Seven days of Mother's Day.” (05:36)

3. Sibling Rivalry & Motherly Recognition

• Daniel and Eddie compare Mother's Day behaviors and the one-upmanship of sending gifts to their moms. (01:45–08:07)
• Daniel claims, “If I send her flowers, I destroy my siblings. Cause they're not. They don't think of anything.” (01:45)
• Eddie and Daniel discuss their approaches: “You're going to buy your mom something? … Already did.” (08:01)

4. The Call With Daniel's Mom (Margo)

(11:27–29:20, Call resumes at 29:49)

• Signature Unplanned Calls:
  • Daniel prides himself on spontaneous phone calls, never pre-planning and often hounding for an answer. (11:28/11:45)
• Light-Roasting & Nostalgia:
  • Margo recounts listening to old episodes “by accident” (12:40).
  • Lasagna nostalgia sparks a funny thread:
    Daniel: “Lasagna is one of those meals that if it's different than the way your mother made it, you don't enjoy it as much.” (13:23)
  • Mother-child dynamic surfaces with discussions of snacks, walking routines, and favorite children.
• Childhood & Parenting Stories:
  • Margo details Daniel's late potty training:
    Margo: “You were the only. Everyone else was potty trained at 18 months, and you took forever from nighttime.” (17:13)
  • Daniel brings up childhood injuries:
    Daniel: “Is that why in Germany I fell through a glass window? Because you weren't watching me.” (18:12)
• Travel & Aging:
  • Margo: “I've done my bucket list. I'm done.” (19:29)
  • Daniel: “Did you ever go to Antarctica?” (19:31)
  • Honest takes about health, holding hands, marriage, and not missing work:
    Daniel: “Do you guys still make out?”
    Margo (deadpan): “Of course we are.” (20:26)
• Mother’s Day Customs & Gifting
  • Margo’s appreciation for simple gestures: “Happy Mother's Day is fine. That's all. Anybody? I don't need anything.” (25:18)
  • Margo rebuffs offers of big gifts or makeovers: “No, I just hire a bulldozer. We want you to leave us alone. I like our lifestyle. We're very comfortable.” (25:37)
  • Daniel jokingly suggests a golf cart or moving them into assisted living:
    Margo: “Please, no, not yet.” (27:50)
• Family Updates & Everyday Life
  • Tennis and pickleball (Margo is a 4.0 in tennis, never took up pickleball) (22:21–22:34)
  • DIY home projects are a family affair.
  • Margo’s dislike for medical talk post retirement (23:25)
  • Church rituals and the Mother’s Day carnations: “You got a white carnation if your mother was dead, and you got a red carnation if your mother was alive.” (24:30)
  • Coffee machines and technology confusion: “Please don’t. I want to know how to work it. It’s just like the car. There’s so many gadgets…” (27:09)

Memorable Quotes:

• Margo: “If dad or me dies first… I just don't want my daughter to die first because I don't want my son-in-law having to take care of me.” (27:58)
• Daniel: “We're getting there. I'm getting about. But it's longer than when my mom would talk to me. She. As soon as she got on the phone, she wanted off.” (20:42)
• Margo: “And you respect your parents.”
  Daniel: “I respect both of my parents very much. You're wonderful people.” (28:44–28:53)

Call Duration Gag & Follow-up

• Daniel marvels they went 17.5 minutes, a record for calls with his mom (29:23)
• True to form—she hangs up but immediately texts about baseball, restarting the call:
  Margo: “Yeah, I forgot to tell you that my Cardinals beat your Dodgers four games in a row.”
  Daniel (fact-checking): “Are you sure?... No, you didn't win all of them.” (29:49–30:15)

5. Eddie’s Mom Joins the Show

(32:34–33:59)

• Eddie calls his mom; she’s just seen “Devil Wears Prada 2” and raves about it:
  Eddie’s Mom: “The movie was fabulous. I could actually go back and watch it again. Yes.” (32:53/32:55)
• Daniel’s curiosity and gentle ribbing, asking for spoilers and comparing the warmth of Eddie’s mom’s sign-off to his own’s more matter-of-fact goodbyes.

6. Shoutouts and Closing Banter

• Other staff and crew are prompted to send Mother’s Day love.
• Daniel pokes fun at how both he and Eddie are “mama’s boys,” their moms living in Florida (“That’s where you put them… That’s where moms go.” 35:41–35:46).
• Signature speculative humor about Daniel’s mom refusing to evacuate during hurricanes: “One day she'll be in her bathtub and that's where it will all end… That was a hurricane. That was a Cat 5. My mom's in the bathtub, going for a ride.” (35:45–36:08)

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Notable Memorable Moments & Quotes

• On gift-giving stress:
  Daniel: “Then immediately, she's got a birthday mid January. Okay? So I usually, when I'm ordering whatever I'm going to get her for Christmas, I just keep one or two gifts back and I hold those for birthday.” (02:19)

• On Mother's Day history:
  Daniel: “Pete here is responsible for all of us having to do this Mother's Day bullshit.” (05:13)

• Daniel's failed attempt at childhood glory:
  Daniel: “Was I the best baby out of the four of your children?”
  Margo: “You weren't the best baby. No.” (17:04)

• On aging and memory:
  Margo: “Because you're old. Very old.” (15:29)

• The call signoff:
  Daniel: “Oh, there it is. What about Eddie? You want to say something nice to Eddie?”
  Margo: “Eddie's wonderful too. But you guys are good influence on each other.” (28:54–29:05)

• Baseball fact check:
  Margo: “Yeah, I forgot to tell you that my Cardinals beat your Dodgers four games in a row.”
  Daniel: “Are you sure?... No, you didn't win all of them.” (29:49–30:15)

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Important Segments & Timestamps

• Mother’s Day Pressures & Rant: 01:33 – 08:07
• Mother’s Day History & Jarvis Family Connection: 04:26 – 05:35
• Daniel Calls His Mom – First Segment: 11:27 – 29:20
• Daniel Calls Back (Cardinals vs Dodgers): 29:49 – 30:27
• Eddie Calls His Mom: 32:34 – 33:59
• Mother’s Day Florida Banter: 35:38 – 36:08

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Tone & Style

The episode is trademark Daniel Tosh: sarcastic, playful, a bit self-deprecating, and often sentimental just beneath the snark. The family conversations are warm, occasionally awkward, and laced with genuine affection—anchored by Daniel’s and Eddie’s quick wit and their mothers’ matter-of-fact style.

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Summary Takeaway

In this “emergency” Mother’s Day episode, Daniel Tosh offers a funny and heartfelt look at what it means to appreciate mothers—not with manufactured gestures but with honesty, tradition, and a healthy dose of ribbing. It shows the comedic chaos, minor resentments, deep bonds, and little rituals of family life, proving once again that sometimes the best way to celebrate the people you love is just to give them a call (and break your personal phone-call duration record).

Transcript

[Daniel Tosh]

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[Daniel Tosh]

Do you know what our world record is for longest phone call?

[Daniel's Mom (Margo)]

This one.

[Daniel Tosh]

Toss show. Tosh Show. Toss show for show. Good morning and welcome to a special episode of Tosh Show. Eddie, hit the sirens. We've got an emergency.

[Eddie]

Oh, man.

[Daniel Tosh]

But it's a positive one.

[Eddie]

Okay.

[Daniel Tosh]

Mother's Day.

[Eddie]

Oh, it is.

[Daniel Tosh]

It's Mother's Day. My least favorite fake holiday since having children.

[Eddie]

Extra stuff, right?

[Daniel Tosh]

My mom. Fine, easy. Tell her I love her. Send a text, give her a call. That's all we do. Flowers. If I send her flowers, I destroy my siblings. Cause they're not. They don't think of anything. I don't know, it's Mother's Day until the week before. And my wife casually goes, oh, you know, next weekend, are we planning anything for Mother's Day? And I just a pit in my stomach, just like, God dang it.

[Eddie]

Oh, here we go.

[Daniel Tosh]

Here's the problem with my wife's gift giving season. It starts in November, when I'm like, oh, I got to get her something for Christmas. Then immediately, she's got a birthday mid January. Okay? So I usually, when I'm ordering whatever I'm going to get her for Christmas, I just keep one or two gifts back and I hold those for birthday.

[Eddie]

Smart.

[Daniel Tosh]

Ugh. Okay, so then it's mid. Then February. Okay? I don't really have to do anything, but I have to do something for Valentine's. We just go out to eat, whatever. Fine. Then we have our anniversary. Then Mother's Day. It just doesn't end. Now, I don't want to make Mother's Day all about me, but let me say, fathers of children under 10 have it. The Worst, because all of the responsibility falls on you. Great. Your kids. And then it's. It's not their fault, but they're not thoughtful. No. They don't have any money. They can't drive anywhere. Now we're doing crafts on my Italian marble. Oh, you guys watch me go batshit crazy over this crappy table. You should see me at home with my children when they want to get all the markers and the glue and glitter.

[Eddie]

It's the worst.

[Daniel Tosh]

It's just the worst. And then I have to say this phrase to myself that my interior designer once told me. She's like, it's lived in.

[Daniel's Mom (Margo)]

Mmm.

[Daniel Tosh]

I hate it. I hate lived in. That means there's fucking stains all over your stone. It's the worst. I'm not saying that mothers don't deserve recognition, but watch my wife put a car seat in a rental car, and you'll be like, oh, maybe in that house, they should celebrate two Father's Days.

[Eddie]

It's a tricky install.

[Daniel Tosh]

It's not tricky, Eddie. By the way, let me give you some facts here. You ready for this, Ed?

[Eddie]

Mother's Day facts. Let's go.

[Daniel Tosh]

Mother's Day was officially established in the US by Anna Jarvis, who held the first service at Andrews Methodist Episcopal Church in Grafton, West Virginia, on May 10, 1908. Jarvis campaigned for the holiday to honor her mother, Ann Reeves Jarvis, a peace activist who cared for wounded soldiers. Okay. Now, I bring this up, Eddie, for a specific reason.

[Eddie]

Okay.

[Daniel Tosh]

Okay. Pete is married to a wonderful woman named Sam Jarvis. That's right.

[Eddie]

What?

[Daniel Tosh]

Sam Jarvis, Pete's wife, is. Is a descendant from Anna Jarvis.

[Eddie]

What?

[Daniel Tosh]

Pete here is responsible for all of us having to do this Mother's Day bullshit.

[Eddie]

Fuck you, Pete. You could end this, I think.

[Daniel Tosh]

I don't even know if. Pete, do you, as a Jewish person, do you celebrate Mother's Day? Not yet.

[Eddie]

What do you mean, not yet? You have a moment?

[Daniel Tosh]

I'm pretty sure in the Jewish community, if your mother is Jewish, then you do. Seven days of Mother's Day. So all of us have to celebrate mothers because this woman, some weird daughter, was overcompensating for her mother's affection. Oh, that's wonderful. And I'm not saying mothers don't deserve it. They do. Not all mothers. Some mothers, I mean, I'm not going to name names, but a lot of their day is just spent at Reformer Pilates, then learning to play mahjong while the kids are at school, and then a quick, you know, pick up the phone and doordash dinner again. I'M not named. But when you're going to complain to me that you're exhausted at the end of the day, I don't bust my ass working three to three and a half hours a week to come home to this Jehovah preach. It's nonsense, Ed. Oh. I'm acting like I have to do a ton for my wife. I don't. And she's a wonderful mother, and I want her to be celebrated, but I still have to do something. And then we have to go to breakfast. Why is that the thing? We have to go to breakfast. Now I'm standing on the sidewalk with my two kids that are starving. Nothing makes breakfast more enjoyable than waking up and having to get dressed up and then go stand on a sidewalk for 45 minutes like some hobo that doesn't even have a mother just to wait for my table at Bill's Pancakes.

[Eddie]

You like Bill's Uncle Bill's Pancake House? Do I?

[Daniel Tosh]

Do I do, too. I like it a lot. Now your kids are older, Eddie, you got teenagers.

[Eddie]

Yep.

[Daniel Tosh]

Teenagers. Are they thoughtful?

[Eddie]

Yeah, they. They always say, oh, Mother's Day's coming up. Oliver said it, like, a week ago.

[Daniel Tosh]

So you don't have to do anything for. For your wife.

[Eddie]

Nope, I don't have to.

[Daniel Tosh]

Do you? I do.

[Eddie]

I get her something?

[Daniel Tosh]

You buy her something.

[Eddie]

Mm.

[Daniel Tosh]

Oh, Ed. Gosh dang it. He's making me look bad.

[Eddie]

But sometimes he'll get things that we might all like.

[Daniel Tosh]

Like a trip.

[Eddie]

Oh, a trip would be good. No, not a trip.

[Daniel Tosh]

Well, like what? What do you all like?

[Eddie]

I like Soda Stream. So I'll get some more canisters just so we never go low, but I'll definitely get my mom something.

[Daniel Tosh]

You're going to buy your mom something?

[Eddie]

Already did. It's already sent there.

[Daniel Tosh]

Already did. I already got my mom something.

[Eddie]

Look at this, man. We're all over it.

[Daniel Tosh]

Yeah. No, my mom's easy. My mom. I'm gonna call her, okay? Right now.

[Eddie]

Okay.

[Daniel Tosh]

And here's what I can guarantee. She doesn't want me to call her. She'll be mad that I'm calling her for Mother's Day, and it's not Mother's Day yet. She's like, wait, wait, this is Tuesday. Why were you calling me? So that'll infuriate her. The next thing, she will just try to get off the phone with me. I'm gonna try to break a record. I don't think I've ever talked to my mom on the phone longer than maybe 10 minutes.

[Eddie]

10 minutes?

[Daniel Tosh]

Probably. That's probably the record.

[Eddie]

All right.

[Daniel Tosh]

She just wraps things up so quickly. She'll see through it immediately. She knows when I'm. She knows now she's gotten smarter. She knows If I'm not FaceTiming her that it's that I'm calling on the podcast. Okay, but she'll definitely. I'm gonna try to shatter the record of 10 minutes. We'll be right back. You could be saving money right now by switching to Mint Mobile. It's a no brainer, guys. Let's go. I don't know about you, but I like keeping my money where I can see it. But not literally, but you know what I mean. Unfortunately, those big wireless carriers also seem to like keeping my money too. After years of overpaying for wireless, are you fed up with crazy high bills, bogus fees, and free perks that actually cost more in the long run? I am. I'm fed up. John back there been waiting a long time for this ad because he loves Mint Mobile service. How's your reception, John? Perfect. Always perfect.

[Daniel's Mom (Margo)]

Always.

[Daniel Tosh]

He pays the least out of the whole staff, if you can believe it. You know, and I don't like that I got to get in on this. If you like your money, Mint Mobile is for you. Shop [e-mail] tosh that's mint mobile.com tosh upfront payment of $45 for a 3 month 5 gigabyte plan required equivalent to $15 a month. New customer offer for first 3 months only. Then full price plan options available. Taxes and fee extra C Mint Mobile for details this episode of Tosh show is brought to you by Progressive Insurance. Do you ever think about switching insurance companies to see if you could save some cash? Progressive makes it easy to see if you could save when you bundle and auto policies. Try [e-mail] Progressive Casualty Insurance Company and affiliates. Potential savings will vary. Not available in all states.

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[Daniel Tosh]

Paw show let's call my mom. Let's wish her a happy mother's day. Let's sing the mother's day song.

[Daniel's Mom (Margo)]

Yeah. Hey, this is Margo.

[Daniel Tosh]

Sorry, I want people that listen to this podcast to know that not one time in my entire podcasting career have I ever scheduled a phone call with anyone that I call.

[Eddie]

Right. I attest to that. It's true.

[Daniel Tosh]

I just call, and 99 times out of 100, they answer. And if they don't, I just keep calling until they do. And occasionally, we've had to sit here for an extra 45 minutes while I feverishly kept calling.

[Eddie]

But it's proven. It works.

[Daniel's Mom (Margo)]

Hey, Daniel.

[Daniel Tosh]

Happy Mother's Day to you.

[Daniel's Mom (Margo)]

Thank you.

[Daniel Tosh]

Happy Mother's Day to you. To the best mom in the world.

[Daniel's Mom (Margo)]

Hip, hip, right? Right. Show me a little respect.

[Daniel Tosh]

I'll show you respect. How am I the first one of your children to call to wish you happy, Mother?

[Daniel's Mom (Margo)]

It's not. It's not till Sunday, anyway.

[Daniel Tosh]

Yeah, I like to get in early.

[Daniel's Mom (Margo)]

You want to know what I did?

[Daniel Tosh]

What?

[Daniel's Mom (Margo)]

I went and walked and I listened to your whole podcast, and it was two years ago, and I thought, oh, fy. I was. I don't even remember hearing it. It was the AI guy. I didn't even listen to the new one, and I didn't even know that I did until I was done. And it said two years ago. What was I doing?

[Daniel Tosh]

Oh, you missed a good one, cuz. Cuz this week we had the clown on Gilly, and he's amazing.

[Daniel's Mom (Margo)]

I did start listening to it, but I haven't listened to all of it because I was making lasagna for supper, so I stopped.

[Eddie]

Let me.

[Daniel Tosh]

Can I tell you something about your lasagna? Lasagna is. You're gonna like this. It's a compliment.

[Daniel's Mom (Margo)]

It's not usually a compliment coming from you.

[Daniel Tosh]

Okay, here's the thing. Lasagna is one of those meals that if it's different than the way your mother made it, you don't enjoy it as much.

[Daniel's Mom (Margo)]

Right.

[Daniel Tosh]

But now I enjoy Carly's very much. But Carly, for the longest time, she'd be like, what do you want for dinner? I feel like making something. And I would always suggest lasagna. And she always thought it was a joke, that I didn't really want lasagna. She just thought I was trying to say the most horrible, long, complicated meal ever. But I actually. I love it. I love lasagna.

[Daniel's Mom (Margo)]

But it does have, like, cottage cheese or cottage cheese or a white cheese in it. If you buy it made, like, from Stouffer's or something, or if you get it out to eat at Olive Garden.

[Daniel Tosh]

Do you have. What? Okay, mom, you're talking to your rich son.

[Daniel's Mom (Margo)]

I know, but you remember back.

[Daniel Tosh]

I can, Stouffers, but it's just a horrible memory. Who is your best eater out of your four children?

[Daniel's Mom (Margo)]

I don't know. You always made a plate.

[Daniel Tosh]

Yeah.

[Daniel's Mom (Margo)]

Andrew ate what was ever the fastest. You ate whatever. You always had to have your. Your dessert, your. Your sub potato chips or some Doritos or something. And a sandwich.

[Daniel Tosh]

Oh, yeah, it was a snack. I hope my children eat as good as I do. I tell my son all the time he's allowed to have snacks if he devours his meals like I do.

[Daniel's Mom (Margo)]

All right.

[Daniel Tosh]

Did you. How many miles did you walk today? How many steps? How long? 45 minutes.

[Daniel's Mom (Margo)]

No, I probably walked an hour and a half.

[Daniel Tosh]

Oh, that's incredible.

[Daniel's Mom (Margo)]

I walked like 40 minutes this morning with Grandpa, and then I went out again this afternoon and I listened to the wrong. I can't believe it. I thought, I'm going to go, because usually when I walk, an hour is your podcast. And I thought I listened to the wrong. And I don't even remember hearing it before. That guy was good on AI, that teacher. You see?

[Daniel Tosh]

Yes. No, it's worth a relisten. It's worth a relisten.

[Daniel's Mom (Margo)]

Why don't I remember?

[Daniel Tosh]

Because you're old. Very old.

[Daniel's Mom (Margo)]

I'm 80. That's it. I don't remember things.

[Daniel Tosh]

Yeah. That's fun, though.

[Daniel's Mom (Margo)]

Something a hundred times and I think. I don't. Didn't know that.

[Daniel Tosh]

Hey, do you remember that. That we're going to Dollywood?

[Daniel's Mom (Margo)]

I do. I do. We mark the dates down and we. We're gonna be. Yeah, we're gonna go up to Bryson City, and then we'll be over there for that Sunday. Monday. And we'll probably go home Monday. I don't know.

[Daniel Tosh]

We'll figure it out. We'll figure it out. Listen, I. Hey, do you want to know. Can I tell you what I got you for Mother's Day? You won't get it till Mother's Day. I got you something little, but you're gonna like this. It's simple. It's this cool shoe website where you pick out a fun pair of flats that you go for walks in, and it's really cool and they're really pretty. You're gonna like it.

[Daniel's Mom (Margo)]

Are they sketchers that I can put them on. I don't have to bend over?

[Daniel Tosh]

No, they're not old people's Skechers. They're good shoes.

[Daniel's Mom (Margo)]

Sketchers are good for me.

[Daniel Tosh]

You try so hard to just be like, oh, I'm so relatable, and Salt of the earth. But come on, Daniel.

[Daniel's Mom (Margo)]

Get with the real world.

[Daniel Tosh]

Get with the real world. The real world seems depressed. They're always trying to go back to when things were great. I'm l. In my own world, and it's amazing.

[Daniel's Mom (Margo)]

No, no, it was amazing back then. All my friends, we all want to go back to the. When our kids were little. Life was so much simpler then. We were attached to cords on the phone.

[Daniel Tosh]

I'm living in that moment that you loved. Was I the best baby out of the four of your children?

[Daniel's Mom (Margo)]

You weren't the best baby. No.

[Daniel Tosh]

Who was the best baby?

[Daniel's Mom (Margo)]

You were. You were going to school before you were potty drained.

[Daniel Tosh]

What does that. What does that imply?

[Daniel's Mom (Margo)]

That means you were. You were the only. Everyone else was potty trained at 18 months, and you took forever from nighttime.

[Daniel Tosh]

Do you think that's why I still poop my pants as an adult?

[Daniel's Mom (Margo)]

It wasn't that. Don't put this on the radio. You have to get permission anyway.

[Daniel Tosh]

I know. I know the rules. Okay, so I wasn't. I. I peed my pants just during naps. Is that. That's all you're implying?

[Daniel's Mom (Margo)]

No. At nighttime.

[Daniel Tosh]

Just didn't. Okay, fine. But that doesn't mean I wasn't the easiest baby. I was saying, was I the easiest baby out of your children?

[Daniel's Mom (Margo)]

I don't remember any of you being as more. As difficult as children are today. I don't. I remember you. I'd put you out. I'd say, go outside and play. I didn't have to have a play date. I didn't have to take you to someplace. You just went outside and played with the neighbor kids. You had your neighbor kids friends, and then you had friends elsewhere. You'd go ride your bike in Crestwood with that kid.

[Daniel Tosh]

Is that why. Is that why in Germany I fell through a glass window? Because you weren't watching me.

[Daniel's Mom (Margo)]

Oh, that was at our house. Yeah. I don't know. We were ready to go on vacation, and you. You just stopped the. You went through the glass window and I said, oh, it'll. You still have. We didn't put any stitches in it. We just kind of taped it up. Do you still have a scar?

[Daniel Tosh]

Yes, of course. I have a scar on my forehead.

[Daniel's Mom (Margo)]

I know. I remember that. We were ready to go. We were already getting the car, and you went through. You walked through the window. The door was all a glass, and you didn't see it, and you walked right through it. Your head. That's why you have a big head. That was incredible. I think half the family was in the car.

[Daniel Tosh]

Was it lots of blood?

[Daniel's Mom (Margo)]

Yeah. Yeah, those bleed. But we didn't go to the hospital.

[Daniel Tosh]

No.

[Daniel's Mom (Margo)]

Well, we went on vacation.

[Daniel Tosh]

Where did. Where were we off to?

[Daniel's Mom (Margo)]

Probably Spain. I don't know. We went to Spain one time.

[Daniel Tosh]

Oh, man. We were such world travelers. And now you won't travel at all. Isn't it funny that you got it all out of your city?

[Daniel's Mom (Margo)]

I've been every place I want to go.

[Daniel Tosh]

Huh?

[Daniel's Mom (Margo)]

I've done my bucket list. I'm done.

[Daniel Tosh]

Did you ever go to Antarctica?

[Daniel's Mom (Margo)]

No. No. But we went to south. We went to the southern tip around. Okay, South America. But we didn't go all the way down. No.

[Daniel Tosh]

Okay, Lily, you've done it all. You've lived your life.

[Daniel's Mom (Margo)]

We've lived what we wanted.

[Daniel Tosh]

How is your. I haven't even asked. How is your health physically right now?

[Daniel's Mom (Margo)]

My health is fine. We are. We are. We are Both good for 80.

[Daniel Tosh]

When you.

[Daniel's Mom (Margo)]

Here's.

[Daniel Tosh]

Here's a question. When you and dad walk, I know you don't walk together a lot of times, but when you do walk, do you guys still hold hands when you walk?

[Daniel's Mom (Margo)]

No. Not unless we're gonna fall. No. I decided older people that hold hands, it's because they're holding each other up. No, we do not hold hands.

[Daniel Tosh]

Do you guys ever hold hands?

[Daniel's Mom (Margo)]

Sometimes.

[Daniel Tosh]

You guys still make out? Daniel, just a question. I want to know if you guys still making out?

[Daniel's Mom (Margo)]

Of course we are.

[Daniel Tosh]

Nice. Nice. Don't whine to me. I'm just. This is. I want to see. By the way, do you know what our world record is for longest phone call?

[Daniel's Mom (Margo)]

This one.

[Daniel Tosh]

We're getting there.

[Daniel's Mom (Margo)]

I'm getting there. I'm getting about. But it's longer than when my mom would talk to me. She. As soon as she got on the phone, she wanted off.

[Daniel Tosh]

Is that what you. Are you trying to just, like, can continue the cycle with your mom?

[Daniel's Mom (Margo)]

No, I'm just saying that my mom did get off the phone really fast, but I understand.

[Daniel Tosh]

That's because back then, you guys were paying, like, you know, $10aminute for a phone call.

[Daniel's Mom (Margo)]

Exactly.

[Daniel Tosh]

Exactly. This is free, so we can talk forever.

[Daniel's Mom (Margo)]

Yeah, but you. Yeah, yeah, but you might put it on the air, and my mother wouldn't have not. She wouldn't have answered the phone.

[Daniel Tosh]

There's no chance. There's no chance Katie would have listened to the podcast?

[Daniel's Mom (Margo)]

No, there's no chance she would have.

[Daniel Tosh]

That's good stuff. You know what? You should just. You should pick one podcast that you like that. I don't say anything offensive. And you should just re. Listen to that one every week.

[Daniel's Mom (Margo)]

There isn't one. That you don't use a bad word or swear or take God's name in vain or. There isn't one.

[Daniel Tosh]

That's Eddie's fault. That's Eddie's influence on me.

[Daniel's Mom (Margo)]

No.

[Daniel Tosh]

Are you. What. What else do I have going on? I think I'm gonna try.

[Daniel's Mom (Margo)]

I think we're done.

[Daniel Tosh]

No, no, no, no. I'm gonna catch up. We're gonna catch up on everybody. How's. How's everybody over there? How's my sister? How's she doing?

[Daniel's Mom (Margo)]

She's doing good. She's. Yeah, she's doing fine. She's fine. We get along great. We work together. How' work to get. My tennis is good. I played yesterday and I'm playing Thursday.

[Daniel Tosh]

Did you win?

[Daniel's Mom (Margo)]

Doesn't matter.

[Daniel Tosh]

What's the highest level you've ever. Are you. Have you ever been a 4.5? 4 0. Okay.

[Daniel's Mom (Margo)]

That was my highest.

[Daniel Tosh]

And what's the highest? The system goes to 5, 6.

[Daniel's Mom (Margo)]

Fives are usually pros or 5.5. I think Missy might be 4.5. She's played with 4.5 things.

[Daniel Tosh]

Do you play pickleball at all?

[Daniel's Mom (Margo)]

No, I do not.

[Daniel Tosh]

Does Missy. How much is Missy's pickleball?

[Daniel's Mom (Margo)]

She doesn't play much. She. She knows how to play, but she likes to play with the boys and Mike because they play hard. And when she plays with the women, it's just. It's more social and they don't play well. Some. Some women play strong.

[Daniel Tosh]

Has. Has my brother in law done anything silly at the house lately?

[Daniel's Mom (Margo)]

No, he's good. He's good. He and Grandpa are quite a team.

[Daniel Tosh]

What. What's the big project that you currently working on?

[Daniel's Mom (Margo)]

Grandpa's working on his radio. I don't know. I don't think. Not the housewives. I think Yesterday Dan went up and helped Mike with something with a dryer duct or something from. From Missy's dryer that it was clogged or broken or something, but they fixed it.

[Daniel Tosh]

Do you miss working at the hospital?

[Daniel's Mom (Margo)]

No. No. I don't even like to talk about medical stuff because everybody talks about it and I. That just. And they take medicine and this med and then medicine's no good and they go back and they switch a medicine and then they're dizzy and then they switch to something else and then they have to go to the cardiologist and then they have to go to another specialist. I don't like talking about medicine.

[Daniel Tosh]

Whoa. That was a lot of talk, though. What about? What are you doing for. What are you doing for breakfast? Mother's Day morning?

[Daniel's Mom (Margo)]

Going to church.

[Daniel Tosh]

I know, but for breakfast, where will you eat breakfast?

[Daniel's Mom (Margo)]

We won't do any. Well, we'll eat a piece of toast and coffee, and then we'll have lunch together. With me.

[Daniel Tosh]

I always remember Mother's Day at church when they would do, like, a contest. A contest of sorts, where they would say, whoever. Maybe when we were at the Methodist church in Titusville, where they beg, which mother here had the son, the oldest, which one had the son or kid that came from the farthest distance and

[Daniel's Mom (Margo)]

whose mother was dead? You got a white carnation and you got a red carnation if your mother was alive.

[Daniel Tosh]

Oh, gee, I didn't know. I don't remember that part. That's horrible. Whose mother's dead? Raise your hand.

[Daniel's Mom (Margo)]

No, no. You got Flo. When you went up to get a carnation. They had red and white, and one was for if your mother was dead. If your mother was alive.

[Daniel Tosh]

What do you. Hey, what's your thought on. On me having to do stuff for Carly for Mother's Day? Do you feel I should be on the hook or I should not have to do anything?

[Daniel's Mom (Margo)]

Granted it, Grandpa doesn't do anything for me for Mother's Day. Or if he does, he tells, no, Missy. Missy usually will do something. But no. Happy Mother's Day is fine. That's all. Anybody? I don't need anything.

[Daniel Tosh]

No, I'm taking care of you. I'm taking care of you. No, I'm gonna. I got a whole. I have a team of people coming over to give you a makeover.

[Daniel's Mom (Margo)]

Please. Oh, good. That's what I want, a makeover.

[Daniel Tosh]

You're gonna love it. What about a home makeover? You guys want me to do a big old home makeover? No, I just hire a bulldozer.

[Daniel's Mom (Margo)]

We want you to leave us alone. I like our lifestyle. We're very comfortable.

[Daniel Tosh]

Well, sure, I had a big part of that comfort. Let's be clear.

[Daniel's Mom (Margo)]

And no, you weren't. I don't think you were the easiest, best child. But you were a good child.

[Daniel Tosh]

Thank you.

[Daniel's Mom (Margo)]

All our kids were good. And you and Ann, you were mean to your brother.

[Daniel Tosh]

Mean? Is that the right word?

[Daniel's Mom (Margo)]

Yeah. Yeah. You always had to outdo him.

[Daniel Tosh]

Yeah, but now look at him. Physically, he's stronger than me. Hey, by the way, have you seen his. Have you seen photos of his new house?

[Daniel's Mom (Margo)]

No, I. I didn't know. I. I know one Place had fallen through, but no. So he's got a nice. He's getting a nice place.

[Daniel Tosh]

I think so. I think it's nice.

[Daniel's Mom (Margo)]

Yeah, it's good.

[Daniel Tosh]

Okay. But I had to have been the easiest teenager out of your four children.

[Daniel's Mom (Margo)]

I don't know. Andrew stayed home more.

[Daniel Tosh]

Was that. Does that mean it was easier?

[Daniel's Mom (Margo)]

I don't know. Maybe. I don't know. I mean, because as a mom, you kind of worry when your kids are out or car accidents or something like that. But no, we didn't have trouble with you.

[Daniel Tosh]

No, you were good. You can't say that. You can't say that about all your kids though, can you?

[Daniel's Mom (Margo)]

Like I said, I didn't have white hair or gray hair when I had four kids, but it was later.

[Daniel Tosh]

Sure, sure. We took a toll. We took. Hey, by the way, because I was thinking about getting you a really nice coffee machine.

[Daniel's Mom (Margo)]

Please don't. I want to know how to work it. It's just like the car. There's so many gadgets on it and there's so many buzzards and it just drives me nuts. I don't do. I don't hook my phone up to it. I don't do anything. And these cars have so many gadgets on them. It's. I need an old fashioned car that you put it in park or you put it in drive and you go.

[Daniel Tosh]

You know what you need? You know what you need for real is a golf cart. That's what you need. Just the simplicity of a nice golf cart. And I need to move you.

[Daniel's Mom (Margo)]

Where would I go with. Hold.

[Daniel Tosh]

You're not letting me finish my statement and I'm gonna move you into an assisted living place.

[Daniel's Mom (Margo)]

Ah, please, no, not yet.

[Daniel Tosh]

Just give dad a break is all I'm saying.

[Daniel's Mom (Margo)]

If dad or me dies for a s. I just don't want my daughter to die first because I don't want my son in law having to take care of me.

[Daniel Tosh]

Oh, man.

[Daniel's Mom (Margo)]

And I might live to 90. I mean, Dan's mom was 99 before she died, so. Oh, Daniel, this is way too much. I think so.

[Daniel Tosh]

What are you talking about? We haven't even made it 20 minutes yet.

[Daniel's Mom (Margo)]

I know, but I don't know what you're going to do with this and it just really bothers you.

[Daniel Tosh]

All right, listen, I just wanted. I just wanted to call you for Mother's Day and let you know. Yes, I did. Yes, I did. I just wanted you to know that. That you are loved and. And we think about you and we can't wait to See you. And I'm gonna hope you give me reason.

[Daniel's Mom (Margo)]

And you respect your parents.

[Daniel Tosh]

I respect both of my parents very much. You're wonderful people. Okay.

[Daniel's Mom (Margo)]

And you're a wonderful son.

[Daniel Tosh]

Oh, there it is. What about Eddie? You want to say something nice to Eddie?

[Daniel's Mom (Margo)]

Eddie's wonderful too. But you guys are good influence on each other.

[Eddie]

We try to do better. We can do better.

[Daniel Tosh]

Room alone. And we try to make each other laugh. It's the best thing in the world. All right.

[Daniel's Mom (Margo)]

Okay.

[Daniel Tosh]

All right.

[Daniel's Mom (Margo)]

Okay. Take care. Love you.

[Daniel Tosh]

Love you. Happy Mother's Day.

[Daniel's Mom (Margo)]

Thank you. Bye. Bye.

[Daniel Tosh]

Huh. What a woman, right?

[Eddie]

Yep.

[Daniel Tosh]

Ah, she made it. 17 and a half minutes.

[Eddie]

That's amazing.

[Daniel Tosh]

In the history of my mother's call, that was the longest call. But it doesn't matter if the call is my longest call or the shortest call. Immediately after the call ends, she sends me a text to tell me what she forgot to ask me.

[Eddie]

Oh, that's great.

[Daniel Tosh]

Let's just call her back. Let's just get it.

[Daniel's Mom (Margo)]

Hello?

[Daniel Tosh]

Hey. Did you forget to tell me something?

[Daniel's Mom (Margo)]

Yeah, I forgot to tell you that my Cardinals feature Dodgers four games in a row.

[Daniel Tosh]

I thought. I thought the Dodgers won one of them.

[Daniel's Mom (Margo)]

No, they didn't win any of them.

[Daniel Tosh]

Are you sure?

[Daniel's Mom (Margo)]

Yeah, because then. Oh, wait, we. Oh, yeah, I guess they did. It was Pittsburgh. We won.

[Daniel Tosh]

Yeah. Thank you.

[Daniel's Mom (Margo)]

They won the last.

[Daniel Tosh]

Yeah. Yeah, we did. Okay, you did. You didn't win four in a row.

[Daniel's Mom (Margo)]

But we won the series. We won the.

[Daniel Tosh]

Okay, you. This is what. This is what you forgot to tell me? And you weren't even right. All right.

[Daniel's Mom (Margo)]

What else is new?

[Daniel Tosh]

All right, bye. Love you. That's my mom for you.

[Eddie]

Put the broom away, Margo.

[Daniel Tosh]

She wanted. She wanted to call the gloat that the Cardinals beat the Dodgers. I love it. And. And she was wrong. I knew they didn't win all of them. And I don't think it was a four game series. I thought it was a three game series. She could be wrong about that, too. You guys are getting a real glimpse. Getting a real glimpse into my life. We'll be right back. This episode of Tosh show is brought to you by Progressive Insurance. Do you ever think about switching insurance companies to see if you could save some cash? Progressive makes it easy to see if you could save when you bundle your home and auto policies. Try [e-mail] Progressive Casualty Insurance Company and affiliates. Potential savings will vary. Not available in all states.

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[Daniel Tosh]

PAW show. We gotta. We gotta get Eddie's mom on the phone, too. We gotta wish her a happy Mother's day. She's done good work with her boys. Give her a ring.

[Eddie]

Give her a ring. She went to a movie earlier. So.

[Daniel Tosh]

She went to a matinee?

[Eddie]

Yeah, she went to a matinee.

[Daniel Tosh]

What did she see?

[Eddie]

Devil Wears Prada, too?

[Daniel Tosh]

Oh, actually, I'm dying to know if it's as good as the first one.

[Eddie]

Let's find out.

[Daniel's Mom (Margo)]

Hello.

[Eddie]

Hello, Mom. Happy Mother's Day.

[Daniel's Mom (Margo)]

Oh, thank you so much, Betty.

[Eddie]

Hey, how was the movie?

[Daniel's Mom (Margo)]

The movie was fabulous.

[Eddie]

Oh, yeah.

[Daniel's Mom (Margo)]

I could actually go back and watch it again. Yes.

[Eddie]

Really? Daniel loves that. Daniel's here.

[Daniel Tosh]

That's delightful.

[Daniel's Mom (Margo)]

Hi.

[Daniel Tosh]

Happy Mother's Day.

[Daniel's Mom (Margo)]

Thank you, Daniel. How you doing?

[Daniel Tosh]

We're doing good. We just finished calling my mom, and now I'm making Eddie call call you and tell you what a wonderful job you did. But, hey, real quick on Devil Wears Prada 2. I mean, that's quite a long wait since the first one. Did they tie it together? Do I need to rewatch the first one right before I see this?

[Daniel's Mom (Margo)]

No, no, no, you don't need to rewatch it. And I think you can almost figure out what's going to happen at the very beginning. You know, how they resolve the job situations.

[Eddie]

So how's it end?

[Daniel Tosh]

No spoilers. No spoilers.

[Eddie]

Don't answer that. Don't answer that.

[Daniel's Mom (Margo)]

No spoilers. No spoilers. I loved it. I just loved it.

[Daniel Tosh]

Great.

[Daniel's Mom (Margo)]

Y' all having a good day?

[Daniel Tosh]

No, not at all.

[Eddie]

No, we're working.

[Daniel Tosh]

It's just. It's miserable.

[Eddie]

Like, why would that be fun? Well, I love you, Mom. Well, I'll call you again probably on my ride home.

[Daniel's Mom (Margo)]

Okay. Love you more. Most.

[Eddie]

Okay.

[Daniel Tosh]

Bye. Bye.

[Daniel's Mom (Margo)]

Bye, everybody.

[Daniel Tosh]

That's a good sign off. I've never gotten that from my mom. My mom's more begrudgingly. I love you.

[Eddie]

Okay.

[Daniel Tosh]

I love you despite hating you.

[Eddie]

Not even.

[Daniel Tosh]

That's great. Well, she sounds like she's excited.

[Eddie]

Yeah, she got to go to a movie with a friend. That's fun.

[Daniel Tosh]

Now, Dylan, do you have a mom?

[Eddie]

I sure do.

[Daniel Tosh]

You don't get to call her. You just tell her, give her a shout out.

[Eddie]

Hey, you give me her number, I'll call her right now.

[Daniel Tosh]

Well, I've got her number, Ed.

[Eddie]

Okay? We don't need the number, Dylan.

[Daniel's Mom (Margo)]

All right.

[Eddie]

Happy Mother's Day. Mommy.

[Daniel Tosh]

Mommy. Creepy man. Pete, why don't you send a shout out to your mother, too?

[Eddie]

To Linda.

[Daniel Tosh]

Tell Linda, happy Mother's Day. Happy Mother's Day, Mom. Linda. Linda does some good work, too. Yep. Do you think she's preparing some smoked salmon for the special day? I mean, it better be ready when we get there.

[Eddie]

What about John?

[Daniel Tosh]

John's not here today because his testicles are doing something weird again. I'm sure his mom is there coddling his balls. We'll talk about that when he gets back. Hope if he gets back. Anytime you go under, especially at his age.

[Eddie]

Yeah.

[Daniel Tosh]

Okay. Eddie, hit the siren. I want to thank all our moms for being on the show today. That was real sweet. And we couldn't do this show if it wasn't for the constant, you know, judgment from our mothers.

[Eddie]

We want their approval.

[Daniel Tosh]

I'm such a mama's boy.

[Eddie]

Yeah, I am.

[Daniel Tosh]

If that means moving to the opposite corner of the country.

[Eddie]

Both our moms are in Florida. We're here.

[Daniel Tosh]

Yeah, well, moms are supposed to be in Florida, Eddie. Yeah, that's where you put them.

[Eddie]

That's where the moms go.

[Daniel Tosh]

My mom loves Florida. Oh, my goodness. She loves Florida. And that's good. Florida loves her. One day she'll be in her bathtub and that's where it will all end. Where she refuses to evacuate during hurricanes. Okay, and that's the safest spot to be. What did you think I was saying? Do you think this was, like, a depressing reference? No, that was a hurricane. That was a Cat 5. My mom's in the bathtub going for a ride. All right, let's do some plugs. Patreon.com toss show my first farewell tour. The Northeast run is up next, but let's not. Let's not. Forget about the south, the dirty. I'm gonna be there too. That'll be in the fall. It's going to be good. Thetosshowstore.com you can get merch. And again, I hear the music. It sounds like a parade is coming by, but I know what it is. It's time for they Love Me, they Love Me Not.

[Eddie]

Yep.

[Daniel Tosh]

What do you got, Ed?

[Eddie]

This is from Jordan Dolis, 1512. Daniel is quietly putting out one of the best podcasts ever. What an excellent platform to always learn something new from. Insert random industry veterans. Cheers.

[Daniel Tosh]

No, I mean, that's nice. It was a positive. But then they signed off. Cheers. And that reminds me of John. Yeah, I hate when people say cheers that aren't British. Maybe this person's British.

[Eddie]

Ah, maybe they're British, because if they're

[Daniel Tosh]

not, it's just a dick move. Why does John do it all the time? I wish he was here to answer for himself. It's clearly he thinks it's cool, right?

[Eddie]

Yeah. He wouldn't be doing it not be cool. He loves Oasis.

[Daniel Tosh]

That's where he's right. He loves Oasis.

[Eddie]

Fancy a cuppa? All of it. Welcome to the circle.

[Daniel Tosh]

He loves it. All right, let's get to they Love Me Not. These are the ones that I get excited about.

[Eddie]

Right. This is from Speedy. Be good.

[Daniel Tosh]

Who? Speedy, be good.

[Eddie]

Speedy, be good.

[Daniel Tosh]

Speedy, be good. Let's hear what he's got to say.

[Eddie]

Tosh is becoming the next Bill Maher. Bill Maher sucks.

[Daniel Tosh]

I mean, man, I would say that Bill is catching some strays with that hate toward me, but that's just nasty. I don't believe that I'm becoming the next Bill Maher. Certainly not a lot of people tuned Bill Maher out. You know, a lot of us libtards, us leftists, you know, when he started becoming a little too. You know, anybody that believes in religion is horrible, and everybody in the Middle east is awful. All of his rants. That's not what turned me off. It didn't help. But what got me was that one special he did with a graphic tee, and I was like, oh, no, you can't do that. That was the straw that did it for me. Now you're saying, haven't I worn a graphic tee? And I've probably performed in it at some point in my career, maybe.

[Eddie]

Yeah, but you weren't 70

[Daniel Tosh]

yet. I wasn't. Maybe when I'm 70, I'll do it. I'll put on graphic tees. I don't know how old he was when he did that. But that. That was. That was too much. Well, anyway, I'm sorry that I suck or that I'm becoming Bill Maher. Either way, see you next week.

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