Daniel Tosh (0:00)

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Head to live nation.comcomedy to get your tickets today. That's livenation.comcomedy. it's better on a hill. AT&T customers switching to T mobile has never been easier. We'll pay off your existing phone and give you a new one free. All on America's largest 5G network. Visit t mobile.com carrierfreedom to switch today. Pay off up to $650 via virtual prepaid MasterCard in 15 days. Free phone up to $830 via 24 monthly bill credits plus tax qualifying port and trade and service on Go5 and credit required. Contact us before canceling entire account to continue build credit to credit stop and balance and required finance agreement is due. Hey, are you flushing? What? Are you flushing in the toilet? Why is my septic constantly breaking down there? You'll have to ask Tammy that one. All right, show. Welcome to the final installment of of Tosh Show. 2024. Man, that was a great year. 2024, 2025. Wow. I can only imagine how great things are going to get next year. You excited? I'm so excited and I just can't hide it. I'm about to lose control and I think I like it. Oh, man. Oh, I had. Hey, I paid up the other day. Oh, my father in law. I lost a bet. You may remember on the show. How is gator football looking this year? We're going to do good this year. No, you're not. Yes, we are. You won't finish 500. Yes we will. How much? 100. Okay. You're on. Right. He said that Florida was going to have a great year, and I said they were going to be garbage. We agreed that six and six was a push. They won their last three games. Now they're playing in some meaningless bowl. Anyway, he won. I gave him 100 bucks. I said, oh, congratulations on being mediocre. He's like, that's. It's going to be great. Yeah, Billy Napier for another year. Anyway, Greg won. Oh, he won. Kept talking about how great their. Their draft class is going to be. It's 12th. Before we won those last three games, we were 44th. Now we're 12th. Let's see. Let's see if he answers his phone. Let's see what happens here. Hold on. Let me call this. Yes, sir. Hey, I. I paid up on my bet, correct? Yes, you did. Oh, and you. And you're. You're living high on the hog. What bowl game are you guys going to be in? Looks like the Gator Bowl. Oh, congratulations on the Gators making the shitty. Who gives a fuck? Gator Bowl. Do you want to bet 100 bucks on that one? Who are they playing? Syracuse. Yeah, I'll bet 100 bucks. Okay. I'll give you a chance to win your money back. All right, then I want to go. Then I want to go triple or nothing on. On next year. Getting a better record than seven and five. Okay, I'm up for that. It'll happen. Oh, you think? It'll definitely happen. Oh, yeah. You think all those. You think Texas, Georgia, Alabama, all those programs are going to slip? No, we're just going to play normal Gator football again. No, indeed. In dj, we trust. Ugh. Your head coach is garbage. We love Billy. We'll be fine. You love Billy. You love him now. Yeah. No. Yeah, I'm being corrected here. Yeah, that's the. That's the party. You love Billy. You love Billy because he lost five times this year. That. That is how far you have fallen. What? Exactly. If we win the bowl game, he'll be 19 and 19 since he's been o. No head coach should be paid money to be 500. 8 million a year. 8 million a year. That's what he gets. That's interesting. All right. All right. We'll go double or nothing in the bowl game. All right. Hey, are you flushing? What? Are you flushing in the toilet? Why is my septic constantly breaking down there? You'll have to ask Tammy that one. All right. Threw him under the bus. I don't know. What? He is. Seriously, though, every week something's wrong with the septic system. Just in their little guest house. He says he's only putting toilet paper in the toilet. I don't know. My grinder's getting destroyed. That's such a gross word. I don't know that sub pump that. I don't know what he's doing. There's floats in there. Alarms are going off. Every day I'm having to run out to the guest house, shut alarms off. What are you doing in there? He's like, I'm just nothing. I think he's got too much fiber in his diet. Yeah. Eddie, you got any New Year's resolutions? Nope. Good. I only have one. I make one. The same one every year. Don't shit yourself. And then every year I am disappointed. But this year, it's going to be my year. By the way, I'm not alone. Enjoy. Hey, comedy fans. The funniest comedians in the world are on tour and you can get tickets to see them live near you. Laugh at the biggest names in comedy like Atsuko Okotsuka, Chelsea Handler, Jimmy Carr, Kathy Griffin, Matt Matthews, Matt Rife, Sarah Silverman, Sebastian Maniscalco, Stavros Helkias, Wanda Sykes, and so many more. All kinds of shows, all kinds of venues, all kinds of funny. Head to livenation.comcomedy to get your tickets today. That's livenation.com come. Hey, friends, guess what day it is. Ah, it's your lucky day. That's right. That's a little corny, but whatever. Today is your lucky day because it's the day you inherit thousands of movies and shows and live TV channels. All you have to do is download a free entertainment app called Plex P L e X. It's 100% free, no credit cards, no subscriptions. And Plex isn't an app full of free garbage. No, it's high quality stuff. Sports and comedy, movies, news. People. Be like, you seem so informed. And you'll be like, well, I get my news from Plex. Oh, that's something I've heard of. The point is, put all your money on Plex. Actually, don't, because it's free. You don't have to put money. It's not a gambling website. Just go download the Plex app on your phone or TV now. Hey, y'all. Daniel Tosh here. President, CEO, cfo, coo, and lead designer of Boys Wear Pink, my charitable kids clothing line. But what you probably don't know is that I have a business degree from the University of Central Florida. So I know every successful business has a business behind their business. That's called business ception. And that's why it was a no brainer for me to use Shopify. Shopify makes selling and for the buyers, buying simple. Now, normally I like people to stay out of my business, but not when it comes to Shopify. No, when it comes to Shopify, I make an exception. Shopify is home to the number one checkout on the planet, boosting conversions by up to 50%. Upgrade your business and use the same checkout I use. Sign up for your $1 per month trial period at shopify.comtosh all lowercase go to shopify.comtosh to upgrade your selling today. Shopify.com/to paw show on the count of three, we both say how many times we've shit our pants as an adult. Okay. One, two, three. 30. Too many. I'm 30 probably. I shit my pants a lot. Me too. Really? Oh, my God. I really think I have a problem. No, no, I know I have a problem. I should talk to a doctor about it. What do you do when you're performing? Has it ever happened? Broadway, you're like, oh, no. One time I took a pee break in the middle of a scene in a show once. Cause I had to. I'm not talking about pee. I'm talking about diarrhea. Oh. I never have to shit on stage for some reason. I thought. I thought you said you shit your pants. Yeah. Just in daily life, though, right? But your stomach doesn't get upset or nervous before a performance ever. And you have to empty everything out. Not that way. Oh, good for you. You're not living my life at all. I've been on a toilet just exploding, and I hear them introducing me and I'm like, well, I'm not coming. That's devastating. So what do you do? Just let them deal with whatever they gotta deal with out there. Show must go on, right? No, it doesn't. The show doesn't go on. The show doesn't happen. No, the show waits until I'm finished, right? And then I get out there, I'm like, oh, yeah, I was in the back. It's your show, though. It's cocaine. And they all just laugh. Oh, the coke shits. Okay. I don't do cocain. I just say something stupid to move on. All right. But it's okay. All right. But you've crapped yourself. That's good. When I text you that I have to, that we're gonna go surfing, but I have to Poop first. How long does that mean? Well, you spend a lot of time on the chair. How long? Yeah. Well, you go a few times a day. Because I feel like every time I text you, you poop. No, before I surf, I make sure I poop because I have to go at least. At least 20, 20 minutes. Fair enough. I've never been actually diagnosed with IBS, but I've shit myself way more than I ever want to admit. So I need a schedule. I need to know what my day is going to be like. Not only was that not your second dessert of the day, did you have dessert at lunch? Well, I have dessert after each meal. Do you think that's why you shit your pants so much? Yeah. Like, I remember when I was moving to Balvu and you were like, all right, so like, here's the things you need to know. Like, this is where you go eat. And then you were like, and when you're on PCH and if you gotta go to the bathroom, all the porta potties are on the ocean side. Right there on the ocean side. Every. Every about. Almost every half mile you can get a party, man. That one near winding trail, which is on the other side, happened to be. Thank God it was opened at this hour one night because I. I barely got inside of there before all hell broke loose. And I was sitting there like, why are you telling me all the bathrooms? Just in case you can't shit. I'm like, most of us don't shit our pants. I'm like, you and like my father in law, the only two people I know. No, your father in law, his pants at your. It was not a wedding. It was that. In Cabo. In Cabo. At Thanksgiving. At Thanksgiving. At Thanksgiving, he shits his pants at the restaurant. Oh, it's the best. It was the best Thanksgiving ever. When did you become vegan? Probably like nine years ago. But it was because it was before the animal stuff. I just had a lot of digestive issues. Me too. When I was growing up, I would only poop like twice a week. It was awful. I used to do that too. Like, I would poop once a week. My mom said I'd get too distracted and I wouldn't poop. And then I'd get backed up. And then I'd sit on the toilet for like two hours just screaming after, miss school that day. We're supposed to poop twice a day, huh? Well, now I poop just constantly. That's good. Well, it's not good. Not good constantly. And in public, not in A bathroom in the street? Yes. Okay. Like a better version of in the street. Recently, I shattered a record. You might get arrested. No, no. You can't get arrested for pooping on the street. In public? Yeah. If it happens, it happens. There's no law against having an accident. I mean, I get that. What kind of lawyer are you? Expensive. As an accident. But if you're always doing this. I'm not always doing it, but I'm saying I have ibs, and it's like, recently it happened twice in one day. You might need to work on fixing your gut. No, I know my gut's a wreck. Yeah, we should maybe talk about that. Well, like today, just for this interview. Like, I don't. I really don't eat this morning until after this is over. You should talk to my husband. Why? He does all digestive stuff. Oh, man. He could. I should do that. Because that's disruptive to life. No, it is, but it's also a good story at every party, I guess. If that's the most important, maybe. Secretly, I like the thrill of, oh, no, I'm about to shit myself once a week. Well, because you're getting rid of toxins. No, I think I like it because it allows me to tell my wife I can't go someplace. Well, maybe you need to work on that with your wife. Like, if you don't want to go somewhere, don't go. That's what I do 99% of the time. But in a relationship, it's a give and take. So 1% of the time I have to give. I have a few small toilets that I have that I travel with. It's nice. Put that in your tent. Let's think through what my tent smells like with a bathroom. This thing's nice. This one's nice. It's got. You just. It's like a composting one or like. No, no, it's just a bag. You put a bag of one of those chemical pills in it that can handle a Porta Potty. It's only handling five gallons. You ever pooped your pants as an adult? Yeah, probably. Once again, a side effect of. Oh, it's post prostate. Yeah, it's really got a lot of problems attached to it. You ever shit yourself as an adult? As an adult, I've never shit myself, but I remember when I was in school, one time I went to wipe and a little got on my finger and it got on my shirt and I had to go back to class. Oh, man. And I had to, like, take off my shirt. And like wash it, put it under the dryer. That's no good. That's no good at all. I mean, how old was this? I was probably about like 21, 22. Oh. Oh, geez. Okay. All right. It's embarrassing. You ever have to take a huge shit on the side of the mountain? All the time. You just do it. You ever get sick to your stomach and just like, like that type of. Yeah, no, I've had a. I've had a bunch of full on one handed dumps off the side of mountains where you're like literally hanging on the side of a cliff and you just hang on and you're like, oh my God, I got poop. Do you carry some Continental Wet Wipes with you generally? I have some TP in the bag just in case. I'm good. You go to the bathroom in your listings a lot? Pee poop. You poop. You've never pooped in your listings? I would rather kill myself. No. That is such an extreme. No, no. That's so private for me. All right, well then you've got amazing bowel control. But where do you draw the line? Because you're allowed to use the bathroom. Of course I know I have I ever had sex in one of your listings? Are you allowed to. No. Why are you not allowed to have sex in their bed? You're allowed to use their bathroom. Why can't you use their bed? Have you ever pooped yourself as an adult? Like accidentally? Almost always. Almost always? Almost always. But you haven't. I haven't fully. Yeah. Shit your pants. No. Whenever I eat spicy food and wherever we're like driving, I have to always pull over at gas stations. Yeah, I can't see fancy you at a gas station using the rest of the. I'm high, low, I don't care. Okay. It's better than shitting yourself. Well, that. Fair point. I have considered diapers. No, you haven't. I think it's super smart. I mean, yeah, of course it's smart if you have a problem, but you don't look as cute in diapers. Maybe you can get cute diapers. Maybe that's a new market. That's not. There's no market for cute diapers for adults. That was the same tour that my manager, Christy Smith, ended up breaking Rule 1 on the tour bus. Oh, wow. Yeah, and she blamed it on the lobster, but we all ate the same lobster rolls. And then all of a sudden she was just blowing up the bathroom, flying down the highway. Oh, it was disturbing. I don't Want to eat a rhubarb high either? That's too much. It's overwhelming. Do you like it? I don't like rhubarb. No. It's disgusting. What if it's mixed with strawberry? No, no, not even. Okay, a strawberry pie. It's just. Oh, hey, what are you doing the rest of the day? I don't know. I'll be shitting. I just had a small slice of strawberry pie. Just so much. But then first I said, wait a second. I'm taking all this stuff, and I'm supposed to be shitting my brains out. And that hasn't happened, but I felt totally normal. So I asked my wife, I said, when does it say during this that you're gonna start pooping? And she said. She looks it up. She goes, oh, it says between 30 and 60 minutes. And I'm like, oh, well, it's been 35 minutes. I probably shouldn't take him for a drive right now. And then at 37 minutes, I was like, oh, is that a fart? Nope, that's not a fart. So I ran to the bathroom and I had my first one. I was excited about it. It was the first one. Whoa. Just an explosion. I mean, it really comes out fast. And now I have a bidet and I have my wet wipes. Anything that I need. This was my mistake. I probably was wiping too normal at the beginning, even though I was using a bidet and things like that. What? I should have been more gentle. Just almost padding, because toward the end of this prep, it was sore back there. The bathroom situation. That's the nightmare at all these places. Yeah, it's a lot of work to keep those clean and ready for use. Oh, how many times do you go to the bathroom? And when I say go to the bathroom, I'm not talking about urine during this two and a half days this time, probably a couple times. It's, you know, one of the secrets of my first fin. Zero. None. The zero poop run. Yeah. You held it the whole two and a half days. I just didn't need it. I guess I was mostly on liquid calories and never had the urge. And then what do you do? Do you just go, yeah, find a nice spot in the woods somewhere. Or hold it for between loops, when you can actually have the luxury of a nice bath, house, and toilet? You ever had, like, a little stomach issue where you're like, oh, I need that all the time? Not all the. I know you take that back. Not all the time, but I've definitely Like, does this happen? Yeah. Cause especially when you're going up to altitude, kind of quick, the gas expand you, what do you do? You just white knuckle it, I guess. Just ride it out. You've never hung out? Never? No. No. That would be the end of my career if I did that. They would hear about that. Who would hear about it? We'd hit bases from Alaska to Lee County, Florida. They would hear about it everywhere. See, that's why certain professions are off limits to me. Because of my stomach. You got a bad stomach? A horrible stomach. Really? Yeah. I've never been really diagnosed, but I just have, you know, years and years, decades and decades of every year, knowing that I'm gonna shit myself at least once or twice. So you do that annually? You shit yourself, would you say? Oh, shit, yeah. You know, long since the days where it's actually in my pants now. It's like, if I have to, I'm like, running in the woods and, you know, I'm on the pch, climbing down a rock cliff and, like, hiding in a cove. That's my world. I thought you were gonna say, like, backstage at the Haha Factory or something like that. No, I'm not. First of all, I'm above the Haha Factory. I'm over at the Chumash Casino. How dare you. First. Beautiful green room. Bathroom. See, I couldn't go to space for my stomach. I have a pretty sensitive stomach. Little ibs, possibly. I just don't know how that would work up there. Now explain to me what you brought. Yeah, yeah, but one. Let me get. Let me do this. Is it your high school diploma? No, no, this is a. There was something about, like, something about you and issues with your bowel suit. Oh, no. Is this actually. Is it used? No, I know, but Apollo fecal bag here. Amazing. Yep, yep, yep. And then actually, this is the helper. Oh. So if you need to. Wait, wait, wait. Oh. Because you're so constipated and. Well, and help things. So we. I thought that was for the penis. So we have a. We called it separation anxiety. Why is it such this color? It's just old. Because it's from the Apollo. What's this in here? Probably? No, I don't know what that is, honestly. So one of those things that says do not eat on it? Yeah, yeah, definitely don't eat it. Hold on. So do you peel this off and it sticks to you afterwards? No, just close it up. Oh, okay. So you just hold it to you? Yeah, yeah. So that would be. So the station Was much more. I would joke in here better because it was just another plastic tube you would go into. We put gloves on because everything floats. And you have to then tend everything into the spot where you want it to go. Again, they spend no time on these things, which I could come up with a better system than that. Yeah, well, it was cheap and easy. That's what it for. Sure. Why not like a light vacuum setting? That would be nice. But that was not happening. Okay. All right. This. But this is disturbing. Yes, it is. I don't. You know, I know the Polo guys. I'm not really sure what they were doing. All right. Yeah. Apollo guys are just some kinky stuff going on. Monsters up there. I don't even want to know. I don't even want to know what Buzz was doing. Yeah, really. But this is the. The. Oh, look at that. The station bathroom that I actually. This is beautiful. See that? Another nice can. That's. No, that's exactly what you want to see. I mean, that looks like a real bathroom. And we were just. Did you stand to pee? No, there's a hose. But there was a hose coming out of here. You can just see this part of it right down here. Right. Okay. And it has a funnel on the end of it. Okay. And you just float. And you just use a funnel. It's a wet vac. Really? Yeah. Okay, that makes more sense. Now they're getting it. If we do recycle though all the urine and condensate on board. And you got wet wipes. Oh, gosh. Yes. You need wet wipes. Yeah. You weren't having to wipe dry. That's nice. Yeah. I have to admit, the one. My. Probably my biggest mistake I made in space happened right there. Dare I ask what does. What your biggest mistake in space was? Yeah. So. So I talked about that wet vac. Right? And you basically. On the end of the hose, there's just a valve. You turn 90 degrees, turns on the wet vac. It does a little pre treat into the system so that it can help process the urine later and stuff like that. And, you know, you wait a few seconds, and then you can use it. Like no big deal. Right? Well, I went in there one time distracted, and I forgot to turn it on. Okay. So I still grab it, and I'm still using it. And I realized, like, you know, wait a minute. I don't hear anything. Oh. And. And now is urine just floating around the room. Well, I look down this. This is where I got the stupid part of it going in there. I looked Down. Because I thought, like, oh, I better check real quick. I look down, and sure enough, there's a. A large sphere of urine, you know, kind of between me and this H. But what I do is I stupidly. I jolted, I jumped, I went like that. Which all it did was create little ones floating out. Small urine. Yes. So then I turn on the hose, and then I'm trying to chase them down as I'm going, but I don't get all of them. Then they get on the walls. And so I spend the next half hour cleaning up the walls of the bathroom. I mean, as far as big mistakes go, that's not bad. I probably would have painted that whole shuttle at some point. The other day, my son and I were in the pool, and my daughter was running around the deck without a diaper on. She's, you know, she's young, she's one, but she was naked. And then my son and I were watching her, you know, gotta watch her close because she doesn't back into things. She just goes straight off and. All right, and now you're dead. So you have to watch and you have to be prepared to sprint. Anyway, she's walking around and she stops, and we're like. And she just stares at me. Just looks right in my eyes, like, just beautiful blue eyes. Just stares at me and just shits. Just a huge, one big, solid, long turd. And I'm like, oh, my goodness. And my son is like, ah. Ah. And. And then I go, well, now it's really a poop deck. Oh. Oh. The both of us chuckled for so long. Anyway, then we scream, right, Carl? We scream. We say, mom, get a poop bag. Our daughter just crapped on the deck. And then she goes. She turns around and runs inside. She's laughing a little bit. And then I look at my son, and my son goes, oh, no, dad. And I go, what? And the poop is gone. Oh, no. Yeah. And I go, what? And my son goes. I can't get it out of my head. Carl just came up and ate it. Carl, admit it. You ate my daughter's poop. A whole turd in one bite. Just walked up, snatched it and walked away. Wow. But that. How. I mean, what do you do? I don't. I remove his teeth. I don't know what to do. I brushed him. I wiped his mouth down a little bit, but it was fine. His breath smelled fine. I don't even think he chewed it, just devoured a turd. I gotta live with that for the rest of my life. My Son was traumatized. He just kept saying, I can't stop thinking about it. How gross is expressing anal glands? Because it honestly sounds like the worst thing ever. It's exceptionally disgusting. What do you actually do? You stick your finger in the butt and then use your thumb to squeeze the gland between your finger and your thumb. They live sort of in the muscles of the anus. And squeeze gently so that the material inside it kind of gets squished out, ideally into a paper towel or tissue with a glove on. The problem is sometimes it squirts aggressively and can get places that you don't want it and smells terrible. And if it's just gets on you, the smell is there for the day. You can't wash it off. How often do you need to do this? I never do this. How often does a dog need to have it? Oh, that's a great question. Most dogs, as they poop, it expresses the anal glands normally, so they shouldn't have stuff in there all the time. You know, some people have that done once a week for their dogs. Once a week? Yeah, but. But, you know, if it happens at my hospital, I ask my technicians to do that. That is not something I do. Can I do it at home? Can I learn how to do it? I know a lot of people who do it at home. Oh, my goodness. Carl got a new game. If he doesn't need it, it's probably not necessary to put my fingers in his butt. That's correct. What about people that are into that? Weird. Weird. This is gonna get disgusting. But yes, let's just say poop. People that are in, like, is it poop play? Is that a thing? Whatever. It's a thing. Yeah. You have to sit there and act like this. This is acceptable, what you're saying, oh, you're into this. It's okay. Why wouldn't it be okay? It's disgusting. Yeah, look, excrement can be really gross. We're all conditioned to think, ew, ew, ew. And, like, disgust serves a very. He doesn't like it. Carl's like, you're about to talk about. Although he's ate before. Yeah. Carl's like, daniel, you're, like, speaking out of your lane here. Fair enough. Fair enough. Carl, I apologize. All right? People like it for different reasons. Some people enjoy that kind of play because it is gross, and they like to lean into the disgust element or the humiliation element. Some people like it because they want to reclaim something in themselves. You know, everyone's different. And the important thing to remember, whatever the kink is that somebody's doing. It's a metaphor for something that they're trying to experience in life. No, that's just. That's just some fucked up parents. That's all it is. You just got to tell them, get out of your office. And also, ugh, they're just, you clean the couch. My son had a friend over, they were playing in the pool. I was swimming with them. They were both physically attacking me. Then my wife's like, ah, your daughter wants to get in. So you know when you're fighting off two 5 year olds in a pool, it's nothing better than having to hold a one year old the whole time. So that's what I'm doing anyway. Yeah, that part of the story doesn't matter. Then we take, my one year old is done. She wants out. Take her out, take her swim, diaper off. She's walking around, my wife's going to get a diaper. And then she poops right in the living room. The doors are opened up to the pool area. She poops in the living room on the rug. And they're like two very dark, very dry. She's not getting enough water, I guess. Round they come out really round. Like just slightly smaller than a baseball, bigger than a golf ball. Okay, there's two of them. Boom, boom. Gonna be a very easy pickup and clean. My wife immediately steps in. One barefoot steps in, it goes between her toes. She starts freaking out. Then she's like walking on her heel to go get something to pick it up. I go, don't go pick it up. Go clean your foot off. Clean your foot off first. Then we'll pick up these two balls. All right, well, then she goes and cleans her foot. Then she comes back and she goes, guys, bad news. There's only one left. Yeah, you got anything to say for yourself? You ate another nugget. Just coprophagia, Ed. It just boom, gone. Just ran in, said, oh, here's an unattended turd. I'll take that. Why'd you eat it? Had to brush your teeth. Meanwhile, with my son's friend and his mom are just watching this whole thing. Like, what is happening in your house? And I'm like, this is what we do. We step and poop, dogs eat it. We all laugh at each other. Good times. Hey, comedy fans, the funniest comedians in the world are on tour and you can get tickets to see them live near you. Laugh at the biggest names in comedy like Atsuko Okotzuka, Chelsea Handler, Jimmy Carr, Kathy Griffin, Matt Matthews, Matt Rife, Sarah Silverman, Sebastian Maniscalco, Stavros Helkias, Wanda Sykes and so many more. All kinds of shows, all kinds of venues, all kinds of funny. Head to livenation.comcomedy to get your tickets today. That's livenation.comcomedy. hey, friends, guess what day it is. Ah, it's your lucky day. That's right. It's a little corny, but whatever. Today is your lucky day because it's the day you inherit thousands of movies and shows and live TV channels. All you have to do is download a free entertainment app called Plex P L e X. It's 100% free. No credit cards, no subscriptions. And Plex isn't an app full of free garbage. No, it's high quality stuff. Sports and comedy, movies, news. People be like, you seem so informed. And you'll be like, well, I get my news from Plex. Oh, that's something I've heard of. The point is, put all your money on Plex. Actually, don't, because it's free. You don't have to put money. It's not a gambling website. Just go download the Plex app on your phone or TV now. AT&T customers switching to T Mobile has never been easier. We'll pay off your existing phone and give you a new one free. All on America's largest 5G network. Visit t mobile.com carrierfreedom to switch. Today, pay off up to 650 via virtual prepaid MasterCard in 15 days. Free phone up to 830 via 24 monthly bill credits plus tax qualifying port trade in service on Go 5G next and credit required. Contact us before canceling entire account to continue bill credit. Your credit stop and balance and required finance agreement is due. Paw show tmi. Am I right, Carl? We've done some disgusting things. But this year, 2025, no pooping the whole year. You don't eat poop. And I keep it in the toilet, not in my shorts. That's our goal. What do we got here? You want me to put the glasses. Whoa. See that? Hello. Check out our boyswearpink.com tossshowstore.com and our tours@danieltosh.com and eddiegosling.com. you get it? All the dot coms go check them out. Now, our last free plug of 2024. You ready, Carl? You hear that music? It's building. It's building. Look at that. Ah. Oh, that just makes you want to plug. All right, January 1st, 2025. That's tomorrow from 6:30 to 10:30. The Walla Walla High School class of 2014 will be having its 10 year reunion at the Walla Walla Elks Lodge, number 287. 10 years? Yeah, it's too early. You don't need to be catching up on anybody in 10 years. I go 10 years out seeing family members and I don't even act like it's a big deal. Hey, what's up? Organizers promised a tastefully planned rager, but remind all alumni that they should plan to go hard like it's 2014 at Calhoun's, which I believe is a reference they said to a 24 hour gym in Walla Walla. Anyway, tickets to the event are $40. Dress codes casual. There will be a mechanical bowl and live music. A food truck will be serving up urban Mexican cuisine. I don't even know what that means. No idea. That sounds racist. Urban Mexican C. You jump on just street tacos, huh? All right, whatever. It's Walla Walla. You know how they are up there. A bartender will be on hand serving up drinks for purchase for everyone that didn't get enough booze the night before. Yeah, that's tough. That's tough. You're going New Year's Eve and then your 10 year reunion the next day. Free parking for all attendees. And this is an adults only evening. Was the ten year reunion. You're telling me in Walla Walla, these guys have already started families. Doesn't check out. Maybe it does. Maybe people are like, oh, you don't know. Walla Walla, you get Walla Walla, you. You have a family early. I don't know. So. All right, well, Walla Walla, congratulations. Enjoy that. Tomorrow night, as a special bonus for this episode, you guys, we've com of the moment every episode that everyone really tunes in for. So without further ado, please enjoy. Happy New Year. Get this off my desk. Get your head off my desk. Pa show. We gotta get that off my desk. Yeah, we gotta set that down or something. We gotta go like, I'm gonna set it down, please. I mean, I. I don't have a staff. All right, you put down the floor. Can I get this one? Yeah, you keep. That's yours. I want you to put that on in your cell. I agree with you. Okay, now get that off my desk, please. That's lovely. You're going to want to give that to me. Thank you so much. You're going to have to put that on the floor. I don't want that on the desk. You still want the dog to My dog can't get pregnant either. Okay, great. Get this off the desk, please. Yeah, yeah. I got more stuff coming. Hold on. We got this. Get the spatula off. Okay, okay. All right. Get that off my desk, please. This is a heavy ass stand. Well, yeah, yeah. Well, don't scratch my beautiful table. I just got this table. Fair enough. Yeah. Put that on the floor. You can put that on the floor. Please get this off my desk. I don't want this on my table. Get this off my desk. Here, I'll push this down over there. You. Yeah, it's fine. Just shove it off. It'll be fine. Okay, well, that. That needs to go too. Well, don't shove it off. If you set that down, it's your gift. Yes. You're gonna. I'm gonna carry that home for you. God, I am coming out here with a haul. Get this off my desk. Oh, yeah, sure. Get that off my desk. Get that off the desk. Gotta keep the baggie. Yeah, you keep the baggie. Get em off the table. You keep my diploma. Get it off my table. Set that on the floor. Can you get your huge Gatorade thing? It's agua. It's too big. Do you have drip? I need that at my age. No, I don't actually. I have drip. Oh, man. If I get up too quickly. Put that on the floor. Get this off my table. Get it off the desk. Just throw it on the floor. All this on the floor. That's fine. Get this off my fucking table. Gen Z, man. They just. So we're gonna get that off my table, please. Oh, my gosh. I'm. Get this off my table. I don't. I can't fit this in my house. But I'm gonna put this to good use. You'll find a place for it. It'll be great. It'll be great. Oh, my God. It's off now. Good God, dude. You can just set that on the ground there. That doesn't matter. All right, take. Take that off. Okay. You're gonna love it. It's not pickleball, it's this. Put it on the floor. But that's your paddle now. You're gonna have trouble with those. You'll like them. Thank you for getting that off the table. This is the last interview that I'm doing with this table. Wow. So I'm giving you this table. I don't know where you're gonna put it, but this table is now yours. That is just so generous. Thank you. So I need you to take this with you. Get my mug off your table. The holiday season is back, which means it's a time for giving. Subaru and its retailers believe in giving back to those who need it most. For the past 17 years, Subaru has made the act of buying a Subaru during the holiday season an act of love. When you purchase or lease a new Subaru during the Subaru Share the Love event, Subaru and its retailers donate a minimum of $300 to charity. By the end of this year's event, Subaru and its retailers will have donated nearly $320 million to national and hometown charities. To learn More, go to subaru.com/subaru More than a Car Company hey comedy fans. The funniest comedians in the world are on tour and you can get tickets to see them live near you. Laugh at the biggest names in comedy like ATS Kotska, Chelsea Handler, Jimmy Carr, Kathy Griffin, Matt Matthews, Matt Rife, Sarah Silverman, Sebastian Maniscalco, Stavros Helkias, Wanda Sykes, and so many more. All kinds of shows, all kinds of venues, all kinds of funny. Head to livenation.comcomedy to get your tickets today. That's livenation.comcomedy. hey friends, guess what day it is. If you guessed Thursday, you're wrong. I mean, maybe it is Thursday, but it definitely 100%, without a doubt, is your lucky day. It's lucky because it's the day you inherit thousands of movies, shows and live TV channels. All you have to do is download a free entertainment app called Plex. No credit cards, no subscription. And Plex is not an app full of free garbage. It's high quality stuff. Sports, comedy, movies, news, it can all be yours. Download Plex free on your phone or TV and see for yourself. You can thank your Uncle Dan later.