My Oldest Friend - Darin Craig

Summary

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Tosh Show: "My Oldest Friend – Darin Craig"

Date: September 30, 2025
Host: Daniel Tosh
Guest: Darin "DC" Craig

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Episode Overview

In this nostalgia-laden and candid episode of Tosh Show, Daniel Tosh welcomes his oldest friend, surfboard shaper Darin "DC" Craig from Titusville, Florida. The conversation is a mix of hilarious reminiscence, surf culture deep-dives, heartfelt gratitude, and Tosh’s signature irreverence. Together, they reflect on their Florida youth, the surf scene, the intricacies of shaping boards, getting bitten by sharks, and the joys (and neuroses) of being lifelong friends. The show weaves in classic Tosh snark, honest storytelling, and a window into the unique relationship between two people shaped—literally and figuratively—by the surf.

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Key Discussion Points and Insights

1. Surfing Origins & Early Friendship

• [12:30] Daniel introduces Darin, joking:
  "There's no one that's ever been in this chair that's known me longer. Now, there's been people that have known me better. My wife, for instance. She knows me better now."
• Darin’s childhood: Born in Killeen, Texas, moved to Florida, dad was in the Army.
• Surfing bug:
  "I was probably, like 5 years old. I remember going to the beach for the first time with a Styrofoam Walgreens board... hours and hours and only getting to my feet one time, like after 40 attempts." – Darin [13:37]

2. Surf Culture Lessons

• Mean in the water:
  Tosh credits his localism and guarded surf etiquette to Darin's influence.
  "Everything that I know about surfing probably stems from this man here. The way I act, the way I'm mean in the water. It's because of this man right here." – Daniel [13:58]
• On not advertising good surf:
  "You don't say it was good. The goal is to not get more people to surf. His entire business is surfing, yet he never wants anyone to surf." – Daniel [13:58]
  "You don't tell anybody..." – Darin [14:31]

3. The Craft of Shaping Surfboards

• Start in shaping:
  High school vocational project led to shaping boards; original "DC" logo drawn by a friend.
• Volume of boards:
  "No, I quit counting after a while, but probably, like, you know, 4,000 somewhere around in there." – Darin [16:08]
• Doing it all by hand:
  Old-school craftsmanship, shapes and glasses each board; refused electric sanders.
• Modern vs. old school methods:
  Discussion of 3D printing, "magic shapes," and the irreplaceable value of hand finishing.
  "They’re not better, but if you get a magic shape, you can recreate it completely." – Daniel [19:05]
  "So far we've never been able to really nail that down... you still gotta hand finish them." – Darin [19:23]

4. Surfboard Economics

• Board pricing:
  Kids used to pay ~$250, now boards go for about $650; costs $200–$250 to make.
  "You've always been priced wrong." – Daniel [17:39]
  "I agree." – Darin [17:42]
• Materials breakdown:
  Board blanks, resin, glass, fin boxes all getting pricier.
  "The blank is going to be about 100 bucks. It used to be 40..." – Darin [18:07]
• Labor of love:
  Sustained by passion, not profit; always prioritized surfing over the business side.

5. Surf Science & Longevity

• Board materials:
  Poly (polyester) vs. epoxy, pros and cons. Tosh prefers epoxy’s durability; Darin prefers poly’s ease.
  "You make this guy a board and it last him for eight years and he never comes back to get another one." – Darin [20:35]
• Health risks: Darin’s exposure to epoxy led to sensitization (skin reactions, swelling).
• Famous hands:
  "Everything is by hand. Let me feel your fingers... it's incredible the amount of work you've done with your hands." – Daniel [21:55]

6. Shaper-Surfer Relationship

• Daniel’s custom boards:
  "It’s over 50 [boards made by Darin for Daniel], it’s under 100." – Daniel [23:01]
  Tosh has overpaid over the years; discounts as a kid came full circle.
• Board losses:
  Tosh recalls losing boards to wildfires; most missed is an unridden big-wave "gun" crafted by Darin [24:14].

7. Surf Community Dynamics

• On carrying on the tradition:
  Discuss the rituals of older surfers taking "groms" (kids) to the water.
  "Is it normal for surfers to groom groms?" – Daniel [25:58]
  "Yeah, I think it is in Titusville because we don't have access to the beach..." – Darin
• Generational influence: Cautionary tales about mentorship and "hanging out with 15-year-olds" in surf culture [27:37].

8. Travel, Parenting, and Old Surf Tales

• First surf trip abroad:
  Daniel’s first out-of-country surf trip was with Darin, as a minor, to Costa Rica.
  Tosh calls his mom Margot live to question:
  "Why did you let Darren take me out of the country when I was a minor...?" – Daniel [30:00]
  "I guess I trusted him that you were going to surf..." – Margot
• Costa Rica adventure:
  Flying in the "smoking section," lost beef jerky, sleeping in tents, and avoiding crocs and machetes [32:11–34:39].
  Memorable travel companion: "That guy wore fishnet panties to bed. I remember that too." [32:20]

9. The Dangers of Surfing

• Shark Attack Story:
  Darin recounts being bitten:
  "I would say it was a black tip... 1991, the Halloween swell..." – Darin [36:13]
  "It grabbed my hand. I didn't really know what it was, but you feel the pressure...my wrist was just hanging like this." [36:51–37:16]
• Board shaping with an injured hand:
  "Everybody in the world that was in the queue for new boards was like, fuck, we're gonna get these wacky shaped left-handed boards..." – Daniel [38:54]

10. Surf Accidents, Community Characters, and Outgrowing the Scene

• Surf injuries and local lore:
  Head wounds, makeshift first aid, and colorful surf community characters like "Rat Dog" [41:20].
• Rat Dog update:
  "He lives in Eleuthera, Bahamas...he’s not dead...just addicted to energy drinks now." – Darin [42:05]
• Views on the modern surf scene:
  Both mock contemporary pro surfing ("obnoxious," "can’t watch it").
  Nostalgia for when all riders were forced to conform, yet celebrate diversity in shapes today [43:11–44:06].
• Surfing in LA:
  Tosh achieved living near surf legends, but always felt alien to hardcore surf culture:
  "I've always distanced myself from the surfers..." – Daniel [35:55]

11. Iconic Tosh Gifts & Logo Roast

• Tosh gives Darin gifts: birthday hats, surfboard logo mock-ups, custom concrete surf racks, and a OneWheel (with a harrowing story of Tosh falling off and concussing himself and his son) [47:17–54:52].
• Logo roast:
  Multiple failed logo redesigns, but settles on a fan favorite.
  "This looks too much like the DC Shoe logo to me...That is ugly. That is. You should be fucking beat up." – Daniel [50:06–50:17]

12. Florida Roots & Identity

• On being a Florida Man:
  "Would you consider yourself Florida man?" – Daniel [55:12]
  "I guess, probably sometimes. I'm sure." – Darin
• Staying open-minded in MAGA country:
  "How did you stay so open minded in a...town of nothing but ultra MAGA monsters?" – Daniel [55:29]
  Credits his mother’s laid-back, non-oppressive parenting.
• Ordering surfboards today: No website, only "in the know" customers get boards [56:08].
• Darin’s gratitude: Still makes boards, surfs daily, humility on not keeping up with the business side.

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On surf secrecy:
  "You don't say it was good. The goal is to not get more people to surf." — Daniel [13:58]
• On being shaped by DC:
  "Everything that I know about surfing probably stems from this man here." — Daniel [13:58]
• On surfing costs:
  "You've always been priced wrong. I'll get into that later." — Daniel [17:39] "It's cheaper to build your own board." — Darin [16:59]
• On teaching local kids:
  "Could you tell that none of these kids were gonna be professional surfers?" — Daniel [27:14] "I mean, I can spot if they're gonna be good or not. For sure. Definitely." — Darin [27:19]
• On Daniel’s many DC boards:
  "It’s over 50, it’s under 100." — Daniel [23:00]
• Shark bite aftermath:
  "I looked at my hand. I could see the gaps in the back of my hand like blood and on the bottom here. And I Just grabbed my wrist and still the wave is there. So I still frogged in and poked and caught the wave." — Darin [36:52] "You didn't stand up? Oh, you pussy." — Daniel [37:15]
• Costa Rica oddities:
  "That guy wore fishnet panties to bed. I remember that too." — Daniel [32:20]
• On distancing from core surf culture:
  "I've always distanced myself from the surfers. Yes, they're just a weird, bizarre group of folks." — Daniel [35:55]
• On pro surfing today:
  "Pro surfing is obnoxious...I can't watch it." — Darin [43:16]
• On small town politics:
  "How did you stay so open minded in a...town of nothing but ultra MAGA monsters?" — Daniel [55:29] "Your mom... That’s right. That is probably...My parents weren’t that oppressively kind of thing..." — Darin [55:42–55:59]
• Board order process:
  "How can people actually order a DC Surfboard? Is there a way? Not really. You have to know you. You have to find you." — [56:08–56:13]

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Highlighted Timestamps

• [13:37] — Darin describes catching his first wave and the appeal of surfing
• [16:08] — Estimate of 4,000 surfboards shaped over career
• [20:35] — Board materials debate: Poly vs. epoxy, the impact on business
• [27:37] — Tosh jokes about the odd mix of ages among surfers and the weirdness of 12-year-olds hanging out with 63-year-olds
• [30:00–31:24] — Tosh calls his mom to ask why she let him go to Costa Rica as a minor
• [36:10–37:52] — Darin recounts surviving a shark bite during the "Halloween Swell"
• [43:16–44:06] — Tosh and Darin express distaste for modern pro surfing; discuss freedom in board design
• [47:17–54:52] — Gift segment: Daniel gives Darin hats, new logos, surf racks, and a OneWheel, with lots of banter and roasts
• [55:29] — Conversation about keeping open-mindedness in conservative/maga country Florida

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Tone and Style

The episode champions Daniel Tosh’s trademark sarcasm, boundary-pushing humor, and self-deprecation. DC’s laconic, grounded style complements Daniel’s manic wit. Their banter brims with inside jokes, gentle ribbing, and a mutual fondness forged in the Florida surf scene. The show is peppered with candid admissions, gags about surf localism, and classic Tosh rants (from YouTube TV’s time bar flaw to Florida’s small town politics).

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For New Listeners

If you haven’t heard this episode, expect:

• A deep dive into the real culture of East Coast surfing in the 80s and 90s
• Honest, often hilarious confessions about growing up, mentorship, and what happens when your childhood friend shapes your life and your boards
• The emotional and physical costs of handcrafting surfboards for a lifetime
• The eccentric cast of characters from Central Florida’s surf scene
• Classic Tosh: Roasting logos, reflecting on coming up short as a pro surfer, and still living on Florida boards in Malibu

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Final Thoughts

Daniel Tosh credits much of his identity—on and off the surfboard—to Darin. Their rapport embodies mentorship, friendship, and a love for the tradition and weirdness of surf culture. Whether you’re in it for the laughs, the surf history, or the priceless stories of misadventure, this episode delivers.

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For more episodes of Tosh Show or to follow Daniel Tosh’s and Darin Craig’s exploits, check your podcast app and keep your surfboards waxed—just don’t ask how the waves are.

Transcript

[Daniel Tosh]

This episode of Tosh show is brought to you by Progressive Insurance. Do you ever find yourself playing the budgeting game? Well, with the name your price tool from Progressive, you can find options that fit your budget and potentially lower your bills. Try [e-mail] Progressive Casualty Insurance Company and affiliates Price and coverage match limited by state law. Not available in all states. Hey, it's Ryan Reynolds here from Mint Mobile. Now I was looking for fun ways to tell you that Mint's offer of unlimited Premium Wireless for $15 a month is back. So I thought it would be fun if we made $15 bills, but it turns out that's very illegal. So there goes my big idea for the commercial. Give it a [e-mail] Switch upfront payment.

[Eddie]

Of $45 for a three month plan equivalent to $15 per month. Required new customer offer for first three months only. Speed slow after 35G. If network's busy. Taxes and fees extra.

[Daniel Tosh]

See mint mobile.com hey guys, it's me, Daniel. Do me a solid. I don't ask for a lot, but like and subscribe to this podcast also you could rate it highly. I would appreciate, maybe even write a review. Maybe we become best friends. Everything that I know about surfing probably stems from this man here. The way I act, the way I'm mean in the water.

[Eddie]

It's.

[Daniel Tosh]

It's because of this man right here. Toss show. Posh show. Tosh show. Pro show. Hello and welcome to Tosh Show. How was that, Eddie? That was pretty good. That's. That sets it up. Yeah, I mean, that really says it. You, you know that the show has begun and you're welcoming them, saying, hello, we welcome you. We welcome you. Fucking lady. It's nice to be here, Eddie.

[Eddie]

Yeah, buddy.

[Daniel Tosh]

Don't give me any spoilers about the Dolphins this season. I'm going to binge watch the season in February, okay? I'm positive they're, they're winning. You know, I watched all the things they did in the off season, so they set themselves up for success and I just can't wait to see it play out. Here's what we do. We watch the entire season and then I watch the super bowl live. Okay? I like watching YouTube TV. This isn't a plug. Lord knows YouTube. You could do me a solid, you know, manipulate the algorithm. Little better placement here and there. Okay. But I do have a bone to pick with you. Your TV recording system is great, but there's one huge flaw and it's your time bar at the bottom. I watch everything after it's happened. It's not like the old days where, oh, it's on for two and a half hours and you record that and you extend the recording an extra hour after. On YouTube TV they just give you however long it is. Okay, Right. And that's how long the time bar is. However long it needs to be. Exactly. The problem with that when you're constantly fast forwarding is you know how much more it's going to be to the end. So if it's a close game and you need it to go to overtime, you know that overtime's not happening. You know, you know that there's not going to be a fifth set in tennis, whatever the sport, I can tell when I'm nearing the end who's going to win based on this time bar. Right. So That's a flaw. YouTube, you need to, you need to extend the time bar to a meaningless length so I can't predict the outcomes. This is real, this is a real problem. But that's a real solution. I don't know, I don't know if that's the solution. But yes, you can come up with a solution. You know where you wouldn't find that problem? Lipson. These guys get it. They're locked in. I just had a meeting, Eddie, and you weren't on the call. And I'll be honest with you, you weren't missed. I'm not going to add a lot. I'm going to sit back and listen. You were going to listen. I'm gonna Lipson. Lipson to what we're saying. Guys, I'm on this call for Libson. I don't know that I have to do this call until a day or so before and when. Anytime my manager, Christy or Pete tells me that I have to do something, I say fuck off. That's my immediate response. I don't want to do this. And they're like, no, no, no, this is gonna be good. You're just gonna do a call with some of their top ad guys and, and get some face time and you know that that'll, that'll make them happy and you can, you know, we're going to get some top tier ads on this show. Well, anyway, the day the call, I get an email like you're getting ready to join the call and my manager tells me who's going to be on the call. Usually there's a list of names so that I know who's on the call. You know, because it's a dog and pony show, I know how to turn it up anyway. There's 47 people on the call. And I'm like, oh, 47? Yes. So I'm just furious because then there's just faces all over my screen. I'm not good on a zoom. Anyway, the call starts, I get a nice intro and then they're like, take it away. Now. I'm just performing. It's a private gig. Yeah. I'm like, what? So I, you know, John's on the call, Pete's on the call. I, I do my thing, I do my jokes, I get people going. I let them know that, you know, we're here to play ball, we're excited about their company. You know, we want to, we don't want to sell nicotine products to children, but we will. Oh, yeah. Honestly, 100. If you pay us enough, I'll. I'll force a cigarette in my son's mouth. You know, kids, you gotta learn. I turned it over to John at one point. He's fucking half asleep during the. Just like, what, three kids? He has zero energy. I'm like, john, don't you know how to fucking fake it for five seconds in front of these people?

[Eddie]

I thought I did well.

[Daniel Tosh]

You thought you did well?

[Eddie]

Yeah, Pete.

[Daniel Tosh]

I thought I was doing well. Pete, how poorly did John do when I turned it over to him for five seconds?

[Eddie]

He was caught off guard.

[Daniel Tosh]

Of course he's caught off. How do you think I felt? But when I, when there's 40 something people in the call I got, everybody's just chiming in from all over the globe and I'm sure half of them hate me. You don't know that's the thing to think everyone's a fan is, you know, narcissism on another level. That's not where I'm at. But, you know, and by the way, it's one of these zoom calls where icons are floating up where people are putting the crying emoji or laughing. Oh, that's good. And I'm supposed to feed off that? Did you give them some back? Some. Like I'm some 14 year old. I'm not feeding off that. That's not going to help. I don't, I don't need your little fucking. Ah, somebody putting an eggplant emoji.

[Eddie]

Eggplant emoji?

[Daniel Tosh]

No, no one sent up an eggplant emoji. Whatever. That was it. That was your one where you got me to do it. Do the little song and dance. Now, going forward, let's just, let's just have Pete and Eddie on the call and John can Come back when he shows that he can turn it up a notch.

[Eddie]

I just needed some coffee.

[Daniel Tosh]

You got to prove yourself.

[Eddie]

John just needed some coffee.

[Daniel Tosh]

People are like, well, why do you want to do ads in the first place? Why do you want to sell more ads in the first? It's like we just got to get to a point where we're making enough money that we want to be here.

[Eddie]

Yeah.

[Daniel Tosh]

And we're so close. We're so close right there. We're on the edge of it. We're on the edge.

[Eddie]

We're edging.

[Daniel Tosh]

We're edging. We're edging. We're all edging. Look who's alive now over here.

[Eddie]

John.

[Daniel Tosh]

Yeah, now John's got bits. Where was that during the call against coffee that could have gotten us a fucking an ad with Red Bull. Anyway, they're asking me all kinds of what kind of products do you like? I mean, I don't know, I like to surf, but that's not good because I don't like surfers and I don't want to advertise for surfing. I would advertise for today's guests, my lifelong shaper. Enjoy. Everyone in Tosh Nation loves when I share stories about my body involuntarily emptying itself. So sometimes in the woods, on the side of a highway, running down what at the time seems like a never ending hallway, well, the content you crave might be over thanks to AG1. AG1 Next Gen is a daily health drink clinically shown to support gut health. AG1 is good for energy, daily nutrients and immune support. But what tickles my fancy is that AG1 is clinically shown to enrich the gut microbiome. It's got prebiotics, it's got probiotics, it's got all the biotics. You can trust AG1 for your daily nutrients. Because they use a clinically backed formula. AG1 Next Gen is helping to raise the standard with their trials and quality testing. They continually invest in rigorous peer reviewed clinical trials to make sure their product is delivering what our bodies need. An AG1 is NSF certified for sport, the gold standard in independent quality and safety certifications. Head to drink ag1.com tosh to get a free welcome kit including a bottle of vitamin D and five AG1 travel packs when you first subscribe. A $76 value. That's drinkag1.com tosh the other day we were out of something at the house and one of the kids was melting down because of it. Or maybe it was my father in law, hard to tell the difference, you're probably thinking, just go to the store and replace it. Well, it's football season, so if you think I'm going to the store to restock anything, it sure won't be on a Saturday or Sunday. Not a Monday or Friday. Thursday, actually. Sometimes games start on Wednesday, which leaves Tuesday. But that's the day I deliver my podcast fans the content that they crave. So what did I do? I opened Instacart's easy to use app. After a few taps, my order was placed, and in as little as 30 minutes, my delivery ended the meltdown so I could continue yelling at the TV the entire game. I'm a fan. Instacart brings convenience, quality, and ease right to your door so you can focus on what matters most, which this time of year might be watching the game and letting Instacart restock whatever it is that my kids are hollering about. Nothing could be more convenient. Download the Instacart app and use code TOSHOW20 to get $20 off your first order of $80 or more. That's code TOSHOW20 to get twenty dollars off your first order of eighty dollars or more. Offer valid for a limited time. Excludes restaurants. Additional terms apply.

[Eddie]

I've got Dan Morgan here on the pod.

[Daniel Tosh]

Say hi, Dan.

[Eddie]

Hey.

[Daniel Tosh]

How's it going today?

[Eddie]

It's going good, man.

[Daniel Tosh]

Tell us who you are and what you do. I'm Dan Morgan. I'm an attorney and a managing partner.

[Eddie]

At Morgan and Morgan, which is America's.

[Daniel Tosh]

Largest injury law firm.

[Eddie]

That's pretty awesome. I think I saw a billboard of yours recently that said 20 billion. 120 billion is an insane number.

[Daniel Tosh]

Yeah, 20 billion recovered. It's actually, I think somewhere north. Probably closer to 22, 23 after this year. And each year we get bigger and badder and our army grows.

[Eddie]

So the number will hopefully keep getting bigger and bigger as time goes on. Awesome. So how does someone get in contact with Morgan and Morgan?

[Daniel Tosh]

What? What would I do if I got into an accident? Probably the easiest way is dialing pound law. That's £529 from your cell phone. We are always open. Our call center is always waiting to take your call.

[Eddie]

24. 7.

[Daniel Tosh]

365. Wow.

[Eddie]

Dan Morgan from Morgan and Morgan, America's largest injury law firm. Thanks for coming by the show.

[Daniel Tosh]

Thanks for having me.

[Eddie]

Visit forthepeople.com for an office near you.

[Daniel Tosh]

Paw Show. My guest today has helped shaped my life. When I was just a kid growing up in Florida, he promised me that if I got into his car, he would take me surfing. Turns out he wasn't a liar, and I didn't get molested. Please welcome, all the way from my hometown of Titusville, Florida, my surfboard shaper, DC Darren Craig.

[Eddie]

Thank you very much.

[Daniel Tosh]

There's no one on this show. There's no one that's ever been in this chair that's known me longer. Now, there's been people that have known me better. My wife, for instance. She knows me better now. Your wife passed away? You're not supposed to laugh when someone says that question. I'm teasing you, Derek. Listen, that was. Just caught him off guard. All right, hold on. Let me get into this. Let's start the show. Do you believe in ghosts?

[Eddie]

No.

[Daniel Tosh]

I bet you do.

[Eddie]

No way.

[Daniel Tosh]

No. All right, now, you were originally not from Titusville, Florida.

[Eddie]

No, I was born in Killeen, Texas.

[Daniel Tosh]

Where's Killeen?

[Eddie]

It's like, kind of in the. Like, little bit in the north. Like central north, maybe.

[Daniel Tosh]

What were you doing in the army base?

[Eddie]

My dad was in the Army.

[Daniel Tosh]

Is that why you became such a hippie? You just went the opposite way?

[Eddie]

I guess so. I don't know.

[Daniel Tosh]

Did you ever consider joining the Army?

[Eddie]

No.

[Daniel Tosh]

I can't imagine you defending our freedoms.

[Eddie]

Holy cow.

[Daniel Tosh]

That would be amazing. As a kid from Florida, what got you into surfing?

[Eddie]

I was probably, like 5 years old. I think I remember going to the beach for the first time with a Styrofoam Walgreens board or something, and just hours and hours and only getting to my feet one time, like after 40 attempts. And I thought, okay, if I'm, you know, if I want to do it 40 times and fail and then only succeed once, I'm pretty much, you know, I think I like it. I think it's.

[Daniel Tosh]

For me, everything that I know about surfing probably stems from this man here. The way I act, the way I'm mean in the water. It's because of this man right here. Like, here's like, little things, like, when I was a kid, when I was a child, if anybody asked me, they knew that I surfed today. How was the surf? He'd be like, you don't say it was good. You say, ah, sorry. Like you don't want to get more. The goal is to not get more people to surf. His entire business is surfing, yet he never wants anyone to surf.

[Eddie]

You don't tell anybody.

[Daniel Tosh]

You don't tell him where you went. You don't tell them how good it was, the day. And these are things that to this day I just do instinctively without. Even if somebody in the water asks me what time it is. And of course, I don't have a watch. You always estimate like an hour later than what you think, case they're running late, they'll get out and leave. It's just nonstop the nonsense that he, like, forced into my brain as a child. Here's the thing. I've known you since I was 12 years old, so that's 38 years. But at 12, you were. I can't do the math here, but you were 24, 25.

[Eddie]

Sure.

[Daniel Tosh]

So you seemed like an old man to me then. And so now that I'm an old man, you just. Have always been just an old man.

[Eddie]

Yeah.

[Daniel Tosh]

How old are you?

[Eddie]

63.

[Daniel Tosh]

63. Oh, the sun hasn't been kind to you? When did you start going by D.C. did you always go by D.C. or was it just the name of your surfboards?

[Eddie]

Just the boards. Like, when I was in high school, they have that vocational thing and you can have an imaginary job. And so I thought, oh, I'll make surfboards. And my buddy drew a little logo and used the dc, and that's pretty much where it started.

[Daniel Tosh]

How old were you when you made your first surfboard?

[Eddie]

Oh, probably 82. So, I mean, I. Yeah, I don't know how old I was, but is.

[Daniel Tosh]

There any chance that board is still in existence?

[Eddie]

I still got them.

[Daniel Tosh]

You have your original board?

[Eddie]

Yeah.

[Daniel Tosh]

Oh, that's pretty great.

[Eddie]

I got, like, a warehouse with about 80 boards just stuffed in there.

[Daniel Tosh]

Do you have any clue the exact number of boards you've made in your life from start to finish?

[Eddie]

No, I quit counting after a while, but probably, like, you know, 4,000 somewhere around in there.

[Daniel Tosh]

And you have always been, for people that don't know a shaper, sometimes shapers just shape the board and then off to the glassers to put the fiberglass on. But you, from start to finish, did every aspect of your company. You made board start, which is also why us kids never got our surfboards on time.

[Eddie]

Exactly.

[Daniel Tosh]

You used to tell us four to six weeks, I think, when I was a child. Yeah, that was usually the range. But then you knew that half of us weren't gonna ever pay or we were gonna, like, draw that out for another five months. But you wanted a shaper that surfed, right? Did you consider yourself a shaper over a surfer or is like, no, no, I'm gonna surf first.

[Eddie]

Yeah, I think I probably. Surfing came first, and then that was just later. I wanted to make my own Boards, you know, it's just cheaper to build your own board.

[Daniel Tosh]

So it certainly was never a financial decision like, I'm gonna be a shaper. I'm gonna be a famous shaper. You never really cared about the business aspect. I would argue even as a youngster, I was like, oh, this guy hasn't figured out the business side of this. I could up his. But you didn't care about that.

[Eddie]

Not really.

[Daniel Tosh]

You were a soul surfer.

[Eddie]

I wanted time to go surfing.

[Daniel Tosh]

Let's talk about the money breakdown today. An average surfboard cost off a rack at a surf shop. What do you say? 800 bucks?

[Eddie]

Yeah.

[Daniel Tosh]

You've always been priced wrong. I'll get into that later.

[Eddie]

Sure, I agree.

[Daniel Tosh]

I'm going to just go back to when we were kids. You know, it would be around 250. 250 for the board. And if you did some fancy painting, which you did, you know, you'd tack on some. A few bucks. By the way, what do you charge for a brand new surfboard?

[Eddie]

Right now I'm charging 650.

[Daniel Tosh]

Now let's, let's get to the numbers. What does it cost you to make that $650 board?

[Eddie]

The blank is going to be about 100 bucks. It used to be 40. And then the resin, let's say a gallon is 50 bucks to do one board, and then the glass is another 35. And then if I use FCS or whatever, I have to pay for the fin boxes. Those are pretty expensive.

[Daniel Tosh]

The fin boxes are expensive.

[Eddie]

The fin boxes are expensive, yeah.

[Daniel Tosh]

So they're like gouging you on both ends because then we have to buy the fins.

[Eddie]

Yeah. No, I don't, I don't deal in fins anymore. I know, but they want to make that back.

[Daniel Tosh]

But they're, they're double dipping, right? Yes. Once you send me fucking 300 fins. And not the cheap shitty ones too. I want the $150 quad sets. Okay, so you're looking at probably my math is bad, but we forgot a few things.

[Eddie]

Yeah.

[Daniel Tosh]

I'm not talking labor, we're talking 200 to 250 to make this board.

[Eddie]

Right.

[Daniel Tosh]

Fair.

[Eddie]

Yeah.

[Daniel Tosh]

How many hours does it take you to make a surfboard? Start to finish? You ever figured it out?

[Eddie]

No, but it's a lot.

[Daniel Tosh]

You've done everything by hand forever.

[Eddie]

Yeah.

[Daniel Tosh]

Yeah, because now some people typing codes into a computer and this 3D printer board comes out and to be honest, they're better. They're not better, but if you get a magic shape, you can recreate it completely.

[Eddie]

That sounds like a great theory, but so far we've never been able to really nail that down. Like, they're all still got a hand finish them. And then the back end, all the laminating, that makes so much more of what the board really is. Like, it's only half the shape is only half of it.

[Daniel Tosh]

That's what people don't realize. So people that, that, that surf, like. Let's start with the top. The pros, they're going through. How many boards are they going through?

[Eddie]

Well, let's say, you know, you're a pro and you get 10 boards from your guy.

[Daniel Tosh]

How often?

[Eddie]

Probably a lot. Like, you know, if you're really, really good, you're probably getting like three, three or four times. But let's just say you have 10, they give you 10, you'll go and test them all. They're all supposedly the same, and you'll pick maybe one or two out of those 10 that you're going to keep, and you'll give the rest back because they don't work like you want it to.

[Daniel Tosh]

And how long do those boards last? Like. Like pros.

[Eddie]

Oh, no. For like, one contest, probably one contest and done.

[Daniel Tosh]

And they have them. So they're just flying through boards.

[Eddie]

Sure.

[Daniel Tosh]

Now, I.

[Eddie]

Too many.

[Daniel Tosh]

When you made me epoxy boards, which I understand was bad for your health, but I'll be honest with you, I actually prefer epoxy. They last so long. That's what I love about them.

[Eddie]

That's the other problem with the money, is you make this guy a board and it last him for eight years and he never comes back to get another one.

[Daniel Tosh]

Okay, so you're. You're. You like poly? Because we go through them. They delaminate, they. They break, they buckle.

[Eddie]

Yeah, no, I like it because it's. It's easier for me to build them. It's actually faster.

[Daniel Tosh]

Okay.

[Eddie]

Epoxy takes longer. Besides that, I'm getting.

[Daniel Tosh]

Most people prefer poly boards.

[Eddie]

Yeah, it seems to be coming back.

[Daniel Tosh]

It really is.

[Eddie]

I think epoxy is for, like, small waves.

[Daniel Tosh]

Well, I like small waves.

[Eddie]

Like, you know, last year in the contest, there was one day where it was small and every guy brought out his epoxy board.

[Daniel Tosh]

What are you talking about? What contest?

[Eddie]

And it was in Europe. I think it was France or something.

[Daniel Tosh]

You said the contest. Like I was supposed to fucking know what you're talking about. The amount of poison that you've breathed in, in your lifetime.

[Eddie]

A lot.

[Daniel Tosh]

What do you think it's done to you?

[Eddie]

Well, working with Epoxy resin. You can build up a sensitization to it. And I made so many epoxy boards that I definitely got sensitized. So I really don't mess with epoxy.

[Daniel Tosh]

Like, I don't build the whole board desensitize like you. You don't.

[Eddie]

Oh, you get like a skin reaction. Like a Benadryl is what you take for it when you get it. But you just like swelling and like, maybe a skin rash or whatever, something like that.

[Daniel Tosh]

The amount of sanding, the amount of this that you've done in your life.

[Eddie]

Wow.

[Daniel Tosh]

By the way, this morning, he's fixed three of my boards at my house this morning. He was like, he's just in the garage just doing ding. I'm like, I have an electric sander. He's like, I don't use electric sanders. Everything is by hand. Let me feel your fingers. Bring those hands up here. I mean, it's incredible the amount of work you've done with your hands. That doesn't feel rough.

[Eddie]

Yeah.

[Daniel Tosh]

Am I the only person that's given you more money than. Than what you charge me for a surfboard?

[Eddie]

Oh, for sure.

[Daniel Tosh]

Because I'm like, what are you doing, Darren? I'm like, just here. I try to get boards from you whenever we visit. Whether. Whether you come. If you come here, I need you to do ding repair. But if I go there, I need to grab a board or two. Yep, that's. That's usually the rule that works out. I mean, it turns out spot giving me a discount as a child has paid off big dividends.

[Eddie]

Yeah. You bought lots and lots of surfboard.

[Daniel Tosh]

What kind of board are you riding these days?

[Eddie]

I just made a 6. 6 twin fin.

[Daniel Tosh]

Oh, you are an old man.

[Eddie]

Yeah.

[Daniel Tosh]

How many surfboards do you think you've made me in my life? I know the answer.

[Eddie]

About over 20.

[Daniel Tosh]

Ha. No, it's way over.

[Eddie]

Is it?

[Daniel Tosh]

It's over 50.

[Eddie]

Is it really?

[Daniel Tosh]

It's under 100.

[Eddie]

I saw that one in your garage. I was like, I don't remember building it.

[Daniel Tosh]

Yeah, it's because you're high on fume.

[Eddie]

You can spend hours on the thing and forget about it.

[Daniel Tosh]

Like the wildfires in 2018, the Wolseley fires. They burned down a garage where all I was storing my surfboards, and I lost it. And I'll tell you something about those boards that I lost. Most of them I didn't care. But there's two that I feel so bad about. One was a long board because you fucking would never shape me. Longboards because it's too much work. It's too big.

[Eddie]

I love it now. I know, but it's fun.

[Daniel Tosh]

When you were a youngster, you would whine. I know. I guess too much.

[Eddie]

It's a lot.

[Daniel Tosh]

It is the other board that I lost in that fire. You made me a proper gun for Hawaii. And now a gun is a board that you ride large, surf in. Okay. And I happened at the time be dating a girl that grew up on the North Shore of Oahu. So I was like, I have to have a real gun. I'm going to start surfing these waves. Anyway, we broke up and then I stopped going to Hawaii and I never surfed the board. And it was a board that you made me that was unridden.

[Eddie]

Wow.

[Daniel Tosh]

And that's the board that to this day, it infuriates me that it burned up.

[Eddie]

Wow.

[Daniel Tosh]

It was a six, nine. I mean, just. Just pinned out. Oh, it was fun.

[Eddie]

Big way board.

[Daniel Tosh]

You don't shape boards full time anymore?

[Eddie]

No, there's so many choices now. There's so many different brands of boards and types. Like they don't care about a local made board anymore. They really don't care.

[Daniel Tosh]

Yo, Brevard County. Yeah, I just, I'm just. I can't believe this. That's disgusting. How many times a week do you think if there's decent surf do you surf?

[Eddie]

If it's good every day. I can go every day.

[Daniel Tosh]

You'll still surf your normal surf spot. Now, when we grew up, we would surf Playa Linda, which is the beach near Kennedy Space center in Titusville, Florida. It's a 15 to 20 minute drive, but if you're younger than 16 and don't have a car, you had to rely on the older surfers to take us.

[Eddie]

Yeah, that's the rub. No car, no surf.

[Daniel Tosh]

Yeah, but you've since quit surfing. Play, Linda. Really? You're more of a new Smyrna Inlet guy.

[Eddie]

Sure.

[Daniel Tosh]

Is that just because the waves are better or are you just tired of the riff raff in Titusville?

[Eddie]

Yeah, both.

[Daniel Tosh]

Did you know Titusville is named after Confederate Colonel Henry Theodore Titus, who won a game of dominoes against Captain Clark Rice to decide who could rename the town. We almost grew up in Riceville.

[Eddie]

Oh, no.

[Daniel Tosh]

Yeah, I just learned that on a call with the Lipson sales team. Anyway, Billy, you're a hoot. Why don't you go ahead and get us some six figure ads to read. Now, let's talk about you driving me to the beach when I was a child. Now, did someone drive you to the beach. When you were a kid, is it normal for surfers to groom groms?

[Eddie]

Yeah, I think it is in Titusville because we don't have access to the beach, so you have to have a car. And if your mom and dad aren't going to take you and drop you off 15 miles away in the middle of nowhere, you kind of need someone to take you.

[Daniel Tosh]

Did you ever think it was weird taking children?

[Eddie]

Not really.

[Daniel Tosh]

But here's the honest thing. You say, oh, well, times were different, right?

[Eddie]

But they're not.

[Daniel Tosh]

They're not because I live in a community where, like, I have children, friends that surf. And now they're in their 20s. But when I first moved here, they were. They were 12, 13, 14. They would walk down to the beach, but the hills to get home.

[Eddie]

Sure.

[Daniel Tosh]

They would always, hey, can I jump in? Jump in with you Now, I always felt you're like, oh, man, am I letting a child ride with me? This is. This is a liability. But I always felt since it was a golf cart and it's open air.

[Eddie]

They can jump out, they can jump.

[Daniel Tosh]

But you're less likely to get molested in a golf cart. Now, as a kid in Titusville, you. We were always trying to get, like, sponsored by DC like get on his team. And that gave you a discount of maybe 8%. I don't know.

[Eddie]

A board discount is all you're gonna get.

[Daniel Tosh]

It was garbage. But none of us were worth it to begin with.

[Eddie]

Right.

[Daniel Tosh]

Could you tell that none of these kids were gonna be professional surfers?

[Eddie]

I guess I wasn't really judging to see if they were gonna be pros. But you can definitely. I mean, I can spot if they're gonna be good or not. For sure. Definitely.

[Daniel Tosh]

I don't. I feel like our class was weak.

[Eddie]

Yeah, no, I don't remember anyone but you. Really?

[Daniel Tosh]

Yeah.

[Eddie]

That's the thing. Like, I'm just there every summer and there's a new crop of kids every year.

[Daniel Tosh]

Are you still hanging out with 15 year olds?

[Eddie]

I guess so. At the beach? Sometimes.

[Daniel Tosh]

That's the weird thing about surfing. People are always like, oh, do you want your kids to surf? And I go, not really. I want them to love the ocean and respect the ocean. But do I care if they surface? Not at all. Because it's the only Sport where a 12 year old is hanging out with a 63 year old and listening to your views all day. And I've listened to your views for 38 years. And I'll be honest with you, it's had A negative effect. Part of my routine once I got 16 and stuff going out at night revolved around we would go to Taco Bell. The other one was to drive by your factory at night and hope that you were working.

[Eddie]

No way.

[Daniel Tosh]

So that we would pop in and, you know, watch them shape for a little bit.

[Eddie]

And I'd be in there like, 9:30, 10:00 clock working and stuff. Yeah.

[Daniel Tosh]

Explain to me how you end up bringing me on a surf trip to Costa Rica when I was a minor. Without it sounding weird, I think you asked to go.

[Eddie]

I'm not really sure.

[Daniel Tosh]

So my first out of the country surf trip was with this man. Did my parents make you talk to them first?

[Eddie]

We did. I remember going to your house. Like.

[Daniel Tosh]

Like, what were they gonna do? Like, are you gonna touch his penis?

[Eddie]

I just. I remember. Not really. I was like, I have to go meet your parents. What?

[Daniel Tosh]

Did I tell you that? Yeah. Sorry. Well, thank you for doing it.

[Eddie]

Like, I mean, I wasn't even thinking that far ahead. I was like, yeah, we're going.

[Daniel Tosh]

You know who else was a great influence on me but did bad things? Dave Lesky. Okay, not bad things to me physically, that. But that's. Dave's gonna be like, what?

[Eddie]

No.

[Daniel Tosh]

Dave would. One of the sweetest men, you know, from my childhood, he would call the school and check me out.

[Eddie]

Wow.

[Daniel Tosh]

And he did it to a point sometimes where I didn't even know it was happening. And I would just get a call that, like, your dad's here to pick you up. Daniel and I would just leave and Dave would be out in his lowrider pickup truck, and he's like, there's waves. And I'm like, this 20 year olds just checked me out of school.

[Eddie]

Yeah, that sounds right. That sounds like Dave.

[Daniel Tosh]

We should call my mom, though, because she, She. I. I want to know why she let me leave the country. Let's see if she answers.

[Eddie]

Yeah, I want to hear too.

[Daniel Tosh]

Margot has an answer for this nonsense.

[Eddie]

Hey.

[Daniel Tosh]

Hey. I have a question for you. Okay. I'm at the podcast right now interviewing Darren Craig.

[Eddie]

Oh, yeah.

[Daniel Tosh]

And we were just talking. You want to say hi to him?

[Eddie]

Hi, Darren. Hi. How are you?

[Daniel Tosh]

You sound a little sick. How's your voice? What's wrong with that?

[Eddie]

No, we're up in North Carolina, but no, I got a cold.

[Daniel Tosh]

I haven't had that cold. Oh, you haven't had a cold in years? Yeah. You never get sick.

[Eddie]

I know.

[Daniel Tosh]

You seem like you get sick a lot. Question. Why did you let Darren take me out of the country when I was a minor to Costa Rica. Go ahead, explain yourself.

[Eddie]

I guess I trusted him that you were going to surf.

[Daniel Tosh]

What did you. Did you. He remembers. And I remember this, too, that he had to come over to our house and talk to you and dad before the trip.

[Eddie]

I don't remember that. That doesn't mean that.

[Daniel Tosh]

That doesn't mean it didn't happen. No, it happened. But. But. But what kind of question do you think you asked that gave you comfort to say, all right, leave the country, kid?

[Eddie]

I don't know. I don't think it was like that. They. We just talked, like, hey, well, I know.

[Daniel Tosh]

I just. I just. They had, like. I would never let some man take my son out of the country. There's just no chance.

[Eddie]

Yeah, that's pretty much it, I guess. We trusted you.

[Daniel Tosh]

You trusted me?

[Eddie]

You and Darren.

[Daniel Tosh]

All right, that's good. All right. That's good. That's all we wanted. Nothing, you know, nothing bad happened, but I was scared. And I'll tell you. I'll tell. I'll tell you. Just listen to the podcast and you'll learn why. All right.

[Eddie]

Okay.

[Daniel Tosh]

Love you.

[Eddie]

Bye.

[Daniel Tosh]

Here's how long ago that trip was. Do you know that on that flight we sat in the smoking section because it was cheaper?

[Eddie]

I remember that. Yeah. Didn't we Dr. All the way to Miami for that thing, too?

[Daniel Tosh]

I couldn't remember another thing. My parents shouldn't have allowed to save.

[Eddie]

$60 or something ridiculous.

[Daniel Tosh]

So I had no money. Do you remember that? All my beef jerky got stolen.

[Eddie]

No, but you had a ton of it.

[Daniel Tosh]

I stored it because I was gonna survive off of it. And they got into my bag, somebody at the airport.

[Eddie]

Oh, in the airport?

[Daniel Tosh]

No. So I didn't have any money. I went to Costa Rica for, like. We were there for weeks. And I didn't have money to stay in a hotel or anything, so I would have to, like, camp out some nights near.

[Eddie]

I remember that.

[Daniel Tosh]

But you made me camp out with. Who should have been my parents should have worried about Weird George guy that you brought.

[Eddie]

Yeah, that's the one.

[Daniel Tosh]

And that guy wore fishnet panties to bed. I remember that, too.

[Eddie]

It's the scariest thing ever.

[Daniel Tosh]

He. He had, like, sexy boy. It doesn't. This doesn't. This is just me as a child. We're up near Playa Negra, and I would camp illegally. And, you know, finally I was, like, telling Darren. I was like, hey, man. Cause he had. He had his girlfriend, and they were in a nice hotel, and by the Way, these are off season rentals. This was back when hotels in Costa Rica on beaches were 25 bucks a night.

[Eddie]

Yep, exactly.

[Daniel Tosh]

And so then finally I was like, just let me sleep in your hammock outside of your room. And then he even one night let me sleep on, like, the floor and his room because I was so scared of being. I have a photo of me in my tent. I had a disposable camera. I took a photo of myself. And I took the photo because I was like, this is gonna be the last photo of me alive. Because there'd be people with machetes fucking patrolling the lands that we were illegally staying on.

[Eddie]

Yeah, actually, they were probably watching over you. That's what they were really doing.

[Daniel Tosh]

Yeah, I know. They were really sweet. The people in Costa Rica are so sweet. Sweet. Although that one guy, remember, he stole my sunglasses. And you busted him because he said the word Rosa and I had.

[Eddie]

He said ro.

[Daniel Tosh]

Redo red. He said ro. And you just grab that kid and go. He didn't tell you what color they were. And Darren solved the mystery.

[Eddie]

We had to go to the bar to find him. Remember, he broke in our car.

[Daniel Tosh]

By the way, they would make me, because I was a child, get out and wade through rivers that we were going to drive through. Wait for it. Hold on. There's tons of crocodiles everywhere. Crocodiles. Not fucking Florida alligators that are pussies. Crocodiles that will just hunt you. They'd make me wade through to make sure that the truck, it wouldn't get too deep and the truck could get through. And then when we would inevitably get stuck, you'd have to pay some local farmer to get his ox to drag us out for like 10 stickers and a T shirt. This is what. This was my childhood. I always loved that while I didn't make it in surfing, I excelled in dick jokes. But I ended up in a neighborhood in Los Angeles where Kelly Slater and Stephanie Gilmore, the greatest male and female server, both had a place. And I'm like, if this is their backyard, I did something right.

[Eddie]

Yeah.

[Daniel Tosh]

That's crazy, because everything in my comedy career was still kind of geared towards surfing. People are like, when you're a comic, you can move to New York or la. And some people think New York was a little more pure for straight up standup because I didn't care about acting, but I'm like, I want to be on the beach.

[Eddie]

Yeah.

[Daniel Tosh]

And I know you can surf in New York, but let's be honest, those fucking surfers are weird.

[Eddie]

Yeah. I don't want to surf that.

[Daniel Tosh]

And when I first moved out here and I was struggling, you. You came out and visited me and I. I brought you to Leo Carrillo for the first time.

[Eddie]

Oh, that was so fun.

[Daniel Tosh]

I'm like, look at this right point.

[Eddie]

It's the best wave ever. I still think about that trip. That was so fun. That again, my first, like, point break.

[Daniel Tosh]

I mean, it's not even really a point break. It's really just a reef break that breaks completely like a wave pool, but it just.

[Eddie]

Yeah, it peels off perfectly. No, the kelp. I remember the kelp was perplexing. I was like, well, that's at low tide.

[Daniel Tosh]

At high tide, the kelp disappears. I didn't know. I didn't know the areas very well back then. I still take. I take Pierre to Leo every now and then when I know that we can, you know, do a little strike mission with nobody on it. That's the worst part about surfing. Let's be clear, surfers, you've kind of always agreed with me that I'm like, I've always distanced myself from the surfers. Yes, they're just a weird, bizarre group of folks.

[Eddie]

Agreed.

[Daniel Tosh]

There's such a stereotype around. You were famously in our circle of surfers in central Florida, attacked by a great white shark. Now, it wasn't a great white. What bit you?

[Eddie]

I would say it was a black tip, from what I could see.

[Daniel Tosh]

Black tip. You were attack. What year was this?

[Eddie]

91. The Halloween swell.

[Daniel Tosh]

You remember it, Eddie?

[Eddie]

Who doesn't remember The Halloween swirl?

[Daniel Tosh]

91 in Central Florida. How many people were on the water?

[Eddie]

Zero people. I was all alone.

[Daniel Tosh]

Relive that moment.

[Eddie]

It was before 7am it was going off perfect, and I paddled out all by myself. It was a north swell, so the lefts were marching down. So I was paddling upstream to try to. I saw one coming. I think the shark was kind of following me. As soon as I turned to catch it, it. It grabbed my hand. I didn't really know what it was, but you feel the pressure and you think, okay, if I get my hand out of whatever this is, there's going to be some damage.

[Daniel Tosh]

So you didn't. So you didn't yank it?

[Eddie]

No, it felt like I put my hand in a. And you start to pull back and there's weight on there. And then he just opened his mouth and let it go. Right. So I looked at my hand. I could see the gaps in the back of my hand like blood and on the bottom here. And I Just grabbed my wrist and still the wave is there. So I still frogged in and poked and caught the wave.

[Daniel Tosh]

You didn't stand up?

[Eddie]

No, I bellied to the beach.

[Daniel Tosh]

Oh, you pussy.

[Eddie]

It looked like I had a broken wrist because the tendons were severed. So my wrist was just hanging like this.

[Daniel Tosh]

In hindsight, should have you rode that wave?

[Eddie]

No, I was freaking out, man. I was like, no, I know.

[Daniel Tosh]

Listen, this made news. This was in the paper.

[Eddie]

It was the first one or two days of the swell. And all I thought about was like, I'm done. I don't get to surf the rest of the whole swell.

[Daniel Tosh]

Did you ever think you were gonna bleed out on the beach and die?

[Eddie]

No.

[Daniel Tosh]

Did you do a tourniquet?

[Eddie]

No.

[Daniel Tosh]

Did you call the ambulance?

[Eddie]

Nope.

[Daniel Tosh]

You drove to my mom's hospital?

[Eddie]

Yeah. I was paddling to catch the wave and Thaddeus and Crane Dog came up on top of the boardwalk and they were watching me.

[Daniel Tosh]

Does everyone have stupid names? Green Dog.

[Eddie]

And they saw me getting bit and they said it looked like I was doing disco moves, like I'm palling for a wave. And all of a sudden I'm going like, wait, wait.

[Daniel Tosh]

Did they drive you to the hospital?

[Eddie]

Yeah.

[Daniel Tosh]

Okay, so you were driven to the hospital and were you going, this is bad because that's a long drive, that's 20 minutes minimum to the hospital?

[Eddie]

Oh, we went. It was again, there was no traffic. Then we were there in like 15, like five, 10 minutes because we went.

[Daniel Tosh]

You weren't there in five minutes.

[Eddie]

We went 100 miles an hour all the way back. So I rolled up. You have, you have control points for bleeding under your armpits.

[Daniel Tosh]

Okay, you roll up. How do you know this?

[Eddie]

Because I took first aid.

[Daniel Tosh]

Jesus. Okay, so what do you do?

[Eddie]

I took a pair of trunks, baggies, rolled them up, you put it on your arm. You just let your natural arm pressure hold it and it controls the whole arm. So, yeah, I wrapped a white towel around my hand. When I got to the hospital, there was no blood on the towel. Completely under control, bleeding.

[Daniel Tosh]

So this was your right hand. And as you know, he is right handed. He is a natural foot surfer.

[Eddie]

Big problem.

[Daniel Tosh]

This is a big problem for a shaper. Everybody in the world that was in the queue for new boards was like, fuck, we're gonna get these wacky shaped left handed boards. I did for the next six months. We all fucking talked about it and we all hated it.

[Eddie]

But it felt normal, I swear.

[Daniel Tosh]

Yeah, I'm sure it felt normal to you. You still wanted your Money. But we were getting these fucking janky boards.

[Eddie]

It's in my mind, I see it and I don't. You know, I just have to carve it out left and right handed.

[Daniel Tosh]

Doesn't matter one thing in surfing in Florida. There's currents in Florida and sometimes the waves can be good. But since it's a straight line, the whole coast, you just drift. You would have one car drive us 10 miles up the beach and we'd start surfing. And then the other car would like be in a different city. And you're like, oh, we're gonna start at second light. And you pick me up at Spanish House.

[Eddie]

Drift all the way down.

[Daniel Tosh]

Rc. Ever surf rc? No, that place, I had one of my worst surfing accidents. I split my head open.

[Eddie]

Oh, man.

[Daniel Tosh]

I remember just. Just pouring bloodheads bleed. So it's. It wasn't. It had hair that was over like the rock had just chopped hair off.

[Eddie]

Wow.

[Daniel Tosh]

So I had this big huge gash. I got to shore, it was rough. Got to shore, just pouring. Hotel guest flocking to me. Then a hotel employee, and I just can remember the hotel employee saying, don't use the towels. And I'm like, motherfucker, it's a Ramada. You're a fucking $4 an hour employee and you care about the towels. Anyway, my sister lived down in Indianic at the time. And I remember going to her house afterwards and she didn't take me to the hospital. She says, I can tape it up. And she's like, you just take a nap, right? So I just went to sleep on her floor for three hours. Concussed.

[Eddie]

Yeah, that's not how you do it.

[Daniel Tosh]

Yeah, well, we didn't know about putting towels under our armpits and pinching the nerves. First aid class, okay. As a child, you know, you'd spend all day at the beach, just sun up to sundown. And one of the old man locals that we used to all hang out with and he would cook for all of us is Rat Dog. Yeah, Rat. Now, whatever happened to Rat Dog?

[Eddie]

George lives in Eleuthera, Bahamas.

[Daniel Tosh]

Okay, so he's not dead. Nope, he was. And I can overspeak. I was a child at the time that I knew him. He was an alcoholic.

[Eddie]

Oh, yeah.

[Daniel Tosh]

Just sloshed beyond belief every day of his life. And yet he would cook a grill in the parking lot for. And you have to understand, where we served at Play Linda, there was no stores, there's no nothing out there. It's all, you know, NASA national park, et cetera. So he would Just grill food for all the kids and we would just get to eat and he was just the sweetest man. And then he would surf a little bit, but usually he was too drunk to paddle out. Yeah, but he lives in the Bahamas. And he's not dead?

[Eddie]

Nope. No.

[Daniel Tosh]

Is he still drinking?

[Eddie]

No. I heard he's not drinking anymore. But he is like addicted to the energy drinks and he complains that it makes his stomach hurt.

[Daniel Tosh]

How old is he?

[Eddie]

Oh my God. He's probably, he's probably 70 something. I'm sure he's in his 70s.

[Daniel Tosh]

Well, Rat Dog, I'm sure you're a listener. I had fond memories of you, of being a sweet person.

[Eddie]

I actually took him to Puerto Rico one time and he was drunk the whole time and it was pretty fun. Like it was a good trip just cause he was, you know how he is.

[Daniel Tosh]

I took you later in life when I was an adult to Puerto Rico once to do. I did a corporate show for Viacom that went horribly wrong. But we tried to surf, but the waves were garbage for most of the trip.

[Eddie]

I remember that cause you got the lady's name wrong, remember?

[Daniel Tosh]

Yes, I do.

[Eddie]

And then we were in the hallway and she came up to you and she's like, like oh. She said something like oh, you're fired or something. And I laughed and no one else laughed because they were afraid to laugh because she was like their boss.

[Daniel Tosh]

She was the head of IACOM at the time.

[Eddie]

And I'm the only one laughing like hahaha.

[Daniel Tosh]

You're like oh, what is wrong with the world of surfing? How long do I have?

[Eddie]

Oh my gosh. Yeah, it's crazy. It's. The pro tour is just like, I can't watch it.

[Daniel Tosh]

Pro surfing is obnoxious.

[Eddie]

I can't watch it.

[Daniel Tosh]

I don't watch it either.

[Eddie]

It's terrible.

[Daniel Tosh]

I've never cared about it. I cared about it as a kid, but no, as an adult, it's just complete garbage.

[Eddie]

I just watched it a little bit because like the championship and I mean I used to judge contests so I know how to score the guys. And immediately the first ride, they underscored him and I'm just like, ah. Like you know, I can't handle it.

[Daniel Tosh]

So the one thing that's amazing about surfing today versus in the 90s, early 90s, 80s is now people just ride crazy boards. Meaning you used to have to only ride a pro surfboard.

[Eddie]

Sure, you had to conform and if.

[Daniel Tosh]

You weren't good, a pro surfboard is close to impossible to ride. But now there's just fishes and everybody rides. Just all kinds of length and volume is so much different.

[Eddie]

I think it's great. Yeah, everybody can ride everything.

[Daniel Tosh]

By the way, you guys might not know this about Darren. You see him sitting here with the shirt on and you think oh he's just being silly. But that might be our biggest fan. Every single week after an episode airs, not like days later, it drops at 6:30 West Coast. I get a text at 7:30 and Darren either mocking something that we said or blah blah blah. You really have.

[Eddie]

I love that. That's my favorite thing to do. It's like I'm there. It's like a conversation that I'm part of.

[Daniel Tosh]

Oh no, this is is signs of depression. Darren. I'm just not in your life. Every week. This episode of Tosh show is brought to you by Progressive Insurance. You chose to hit play on this podcast today. Smart choice. Make another smart choice with Auto Quote Explorer to compare rates from multiple car insurance companies all at once. Try [e-mail] Progressive Casualty Insurance Company and affiliate. Not available in all states or situations. Prices vary based on how you buy. The other day we were out of something at the house and one of the kids was melting down because of it. Or maybe it was my father in law. Hard to tell the difference. You're probably thinking just go to the store and replace it. Well, it's football season, so if you think I am going to the store to restock anything, it sure won't be on a Saturday or Sunday, not a Monday or Friday. Thursday. Actually. Sometimes games start on Wednesday, which leaves Tuesday. But that's the day I deliver my podcast fans the content that they crave. So what did I do? I opened Instacart's easy to use app. After a few taps, my order was placed and in as little as 30 minutes my delivery ended the meltdown so I could continue yelling at the TV the entire game. I'm a fan. Instacart brings convenience, quality and ease right to your door so you can focus on what matters most, which this time of year might be watching the game and letting Instacart restock whatever it is that my kids are hollering about. Nothing could be more convenient. Download the Instacart app and use code TOSHOW20 to get $20 off your first order of $80 or more. That's code TOSHOW20 to get twenty dollars off your first order of eighty dollars or more. Offer valid for a limited time. Excludes restaurants. Additional terms apply. Hey, it's Ryan Reynolds here for Mint Mobile. Now, I was looking for fun ways to tell you that Mint's offer of unlimited Premium Wireless for $15 a month is back. So I thought it would be fun if we made $15 bills, but it turns out that's very illegal. So there goes my big idea for the commercial. Give it a [e-mail] Switch upfront payment.

[Eddie]

Of 45 for 3 month plan equivalent to 15 per month required new customer offer for first 3 months only. Speed slow. After 35gb of networks busy. Taxes and fees extra. See mint mobile.com.

[Daniel Tosh]

You'Re the first guest we've ever had on this show that Pete reaches out to. And then there's. You start saying, this is what I want for my gift.

[Eddie]

I like it.

[Daniel Tosh]

He already. He already like, knows, knows the routine. Now everybody on the show gets a gift. As you know, it's just stuff around the house.

[Eddie]

This.

[Daniel Tosh]

This is a hat for my birthday party.

[Eddie]

Oh, perfect.

[Daniel Tosh]

Tosh point 50.

[Eddie]

Look at that. You're gonna like that. You're gonna love that hat.

[Daniel Tosh]

And here's another hat that I don't wear. I thought you'd like this one.

[Eddie]

Yes, sir. Millennium Surfboard Foam.

[Daniel Tosh]

No, he gave me that hat. Let me have that hat back. He gave me this hat. He goes, this is the company that he works for. Now the foam for the surfboards. Yeah, yeah. You wear this hat all the time.

[Eddie]

The auto. Yeah, those are good ones.

[Daniel Tosh]

Now this next gift that I'm gonna give you, you might be insulted.

[Eddie]

Sure.

[Daniel Tosh]

Because you're an artist. Forget the fact that you actually paint and design boards, but your original logo that you had for DC boards. I was always like, it's okay.

[Eddie]

Yeah.

[Daniel Tosh]

Then one time I was gonna put a different logo on, and you made me a board and you didn't put a logo, your logo on at all. I'm like, oh, no. I insulted him and he didn't put a logo on. But some people, some surfers, like, hey, I don't want a logo. Because I surf at a break where they. They vibe out somebody that's not riding a board from this specific area, which I think is fucking stupid.

[Eddie]

Yeah.

[Daniel Tosh]

I love that when I surf these waves here in Malibu, it's like, I'm on all Florida boards.

[Eddie]

Wow.

[Daniel Tosh]

They're like, yeah, yeah, whatever. I'm the king of gutless surf. Let's have a board that can go quick through this stuff. That's not the point. Then you switched your logo and I didn't. The new logo. I'm like, oh, I Don't love it. I love it less. I liked the old logo.

[Eddie]

The first one was really big. Right.

[Daniel Tosh]

Well, whatever. Now the one looks like fucking Batman.

[Eddie]

You're right, it does.

[Daniel Tosh]

Okay, So I didn't. I didn't love it. So I asked the guys and I go, hey, I want you guys to. Let's create a new logo for Darren.

[Eddie]

Cool.

[Daniel Tosh]

And give it to him as a gift.

[Eddie]

Nice.

[Daniel Tosh]

And if he likes it, great. And if he's insulted, like, because you being a shaper is much like me being a comedian in that I couldn't listen to anybody tell me what to do. So, like I said, found a job where I could just do whatever the fuck I wanted.

[Eddie]

Right.

[Daniel Tosh]

And. And I think that's very true for you. Sure. You're heavily opinionated. Usually your opinions are wrong.

[Eddie]

Exactly.

[Daniel Tosh]

We're basically. We're basically the same person anyway, so the guys, we all came up with some logos. I'm gonna show them to you.

[Eddie]

I can't wait. I'm excited.

[Daniel Tosh]

Okay. The first one, it's not my favorite. This looks too much like the DC Shoe logo to me.

[Eddie]

Yep, it does.

[Daniel Tosh]

And so I don't. I don't like it. But anyway, I'm giving them. You're going to keep all these anyway.

[Eddie]

Okay.

[Daniel Tosh]

Hey, this one I just flat out fucking hate. I don't know which one of the guys came up with that one.

[Eddie]

Wow.

[Daniel Tosh]

But I fucking hate it.

[Eddie]

Yeah.

[Daniel Tosh]

That is ugly. That is. You should be fucking beat up.

[Eddie]

Without the wave, it would be. Okay.

[Daniel Tosh]

So those are the two logo. Did you hate both those logos?

[Eddie]

Yeah.

[Daniel Tosh]

You notice that Darren has taken everything off the desk immediately.

[Eddie]

He knows.

[Daniel Tosh]

He refuses to let me do my bit. Okay. This one's not bad, but I think it's more of a T shirt, not a logo on a board that looks like a.

[Eddie]

Like a air conditioning company logo. Okay.

[Daniel Tosh]

Well, you gotta take. Take away the blue, but I. I mean, overall, it's.

[Eddie]

It's.

[Daniel Tosh]

It's. It's got some stuff that I don't hate. Okay.

[Eddie]

Yeah. It's got all the aspects of palm tree. The way.

[Daniel Tosh]

Here's the. This is the winner, though. This is the one I like.

[Eddie]

Whoa. That's pretty cool.

[Daniel Tosh]

I like it.

[Eddie]

Yeah, like that.

[Daniel Tosh]

That's D.C. the good.

[Eddie]

It's good.

[Daniel Tosh]

Who did this one, Ed?

[Eddie]

That's John. Who, me?

[Daniel Tosh]

John. Yes, John. You're the winner on that one.

[Eddie]

Yeah, that looks good.

[Daniel Tosh]

But this, this. Whatever. Whatever we have to do.

[Eddie]

That's. Yeah, that. The whole reason when I drew my new one is I wanted it to be symmetrical. Because when you put it on the board, it's nice if it's okay. Symmetrical.

[Daniel Tosh]

It looks like my kid drew it.

[Eddie]

Yeah, well, I did. So explains it.

[Daniel Tosh]

Hold on.

[Eddie]

Oh, yes. No way.

[Daniel Tosh]

No way.

[Eddie]

I love. I need this. I totally need this. Did you pour the concrete yourself?

[Daniel Tosh]

Yes, I poured the concrete myself. He's a handyman. These are. This is basically what surfboards, what shapers make the boards are and fix things on. But I gotta put some cloth in there. But yeah, I poured the concrete myself. And then I'm like, what am I doing? I don't want this in my house. These. I've had. I've had these for years.

[Eddie]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Daniel Tosh]

I go, I. I'm not doing my own ding repair. I make you do it. And I'm like, I. I don't need these. I'm gonna get these out of here. So then I'm like, I'm like, well, he's never gonna take these back to Florida.

[Eddie]

Yeah.

[Daniel Tosh]

I'm like, well, whatever. He'll have his. He'll have them permanently here for his little west coast bay custom racks.

[Eddie]

Here.

[Daniel Tosh]

Get those off my desk.

[Eddie]

That is perfect.

[Daniel Tosh]

Don't drag them. Don't go up high.

[Eddie]

Oh, my gosh.

[Daniel Tosh]

Did I pour too much concrete? Don't break your knees either. That's a perfect spot.

[Eddie]

Cramps in my legs.

[Daniel Tosh]

Don't drag it. Jesus.

[Eddie]

Close.

[Daniel Tosh]

Oh. Oh. Look what you just did. That's big Darren. Luckily, he can buff. No, that's not coming out. Permanently left scratch. You did it on purpose.

[Eddie]

Oh, no.

[Daniel Tosh]

That is not buffing out. Have him sand it out. Darren's staying here with me. He's staying in the Airstream. Guys, he says Scott did great work, but I'm bringing Scott back. Guess what he's going to build for me now. Pig house. Pig house. Making sure the pig sleeps outside. So we're going to build him a proper house in his pen. We're not even done with the gifts.

[Eddie]

Oh, my God.

[Daniel Tosh]

Oh, the final gift. Here you go.

[Eddie]

Wow.

[Daniel Tosh]

Okay.

[Eddie]

Oh, my God.

[Daniel Tosh]

This. Now let me tell you something.

[Eddie]

No way.

[Daniel Tosh]

Let me tell you about this one wheel. It's got a nice handle. You hold that to carry it. This is a one wheel. You know, people ride this thing goes 25 miles an hour. Something obnoxious.

[Eddie]

Are you kidding?

[Daniel Tosh]

Yeah. Yeah. They self balance. But the reason I have this is I went at a weird time last minute. The Palm Springs Surf Club invited me to their wave pool and we went there and surfed, but there was no one there. The park was closed. Everything was closed. But they were shooting a One Wheel commercial there was right before we got there.

[Eddie]

Yeah.

[Daniel Tosh]

And apparently the guys stuck around.

[Eddie]

Yeah.

[Daniel Tosh]

And. And they watched me surf. Me and a couple of my buddies surf. And then they wrote me this real thoughtful thing like, hey, we saw you. You know, whatever. I'm not gonna toot my own horn. They go, we sent you a one Wheel. Okay, that's nice. Except for the fact that I don't like scares me.

[Eddie]

Yeah.

[Daniel Tosh]

So anyway, I get out of the box, my son freaks out. He's like, oh look. He's like, dad, take me on it. So my very first ride on it, I lift my son up and am riding him around on it. And guess what? I'm competent. We're going around. And then I try to get off and there's like, you have to like move your foot off the sensory pad. But anyway, I zipped my son and I both concussed in my driveway and the wheel spinning. I didn't have socks on, just burned my ankle. And I'm just like, I'm in pain and we're both lying bleeding in my driveway and I go, I go, I'm an idiot. I'm the worst dad in the world. Why did I. What was I thinking anyway? So I was like, that was my last run, but I figured you'll love it.

[Eddie]

Yeah, I'll probably have the same result.

[Daniel Tosh]

No, no, no. You're not picking up your 21 year old daughter and riding her around on this.

[Eddie]

This thing is so heavy.

[Daniel Tosh]

Besides not getting vaccines and surfing, what else is there to do in Florida?

[Eddie]

I don't know. Not much really.

[Daniel Tosh]

You still love your state of Florida?

[Eddie]

Yeah, it's. It's fine. It's okay.

[Daniel Tosh]

Would you consider yourself Florida man?

[Eddie]

I guess, probably sometimes. I'm sure.

[Daniel Tosh]

Were you ever a redneck? I didn't know. You didn't. You weren't like always wanting to go fish? Constantly.

[Eddie]

I mean, I did hang out with a lot of them.

[Daniel Tosh]

Of course you, we all did.

[Eddie]

Because that's all. There was maga country down there.

[Daniel Tosh]

How did you stay so open minded in a. Just in a town of nothing but ultra Maga monsters?

[Eddie]

I think about that. I know how from a young kid. I just. How?

[Daniel Tosh]

I mean, if I'm being honest.

[Eddie]

Yeah.

[Daniel Tosh]

Your mom. Okay, your mom just. Your mom's has that open mindedness.

[Eddie]

That's right. That is probably. That's kind of, I think where I was going when I was a kid there was that kind of like my parents weren't that oppressively kind of thing. And there was like, oh, okay, you can do what you want, and it's okay, and.

[Daniel Tosh]

But now you're. Do you. Do you notice a shift in that world down there in Titusville where it's.

[Eddie]

Like, yeah, it's pretty bad, right? Yeah, it's terrible.

[Daniel Tosh]

How can people actually order a DC Surfboard? Is there a way?

[Eddie]

Not really.

[Daniel Tosh]

There's not.

[Eddie]

No, there's not.

[Daniel Tosh]

You have to know you. You have to find you pretty much. You have to find you in person. And then you'll be like, yeah, okay, I'll get you aboard.

[Eddie]

Yeah, that's a problem.

[Daniel Tosh]

Should we create a website for you? You don't want that. Just a contact page.

[Eddie]

I've thought about it, but I don't really think I want it. I don't know.

[Daniel Tosh]

I'm just. I'm just giving you a platform now to, like, potentially get some business. Anybody in Florida should head on over to Titusville and I guess just go to your house. Let's go ahead and give out your address. You're on Coquina still.

[Eddie]

No, I'm not there anymore.

[Daniel Tosh]

No longer. Was that one of your streets?

[Eddie]

That was my street. Yeah. I used to live in.

[Daniel Tosh]

What was it called?

[Eddie]

Coquina.

[Daniel Tosh]

It was. I knew where he lived.

[Eddie]

Exactly.

[Daniel Tosh]

I knew right where he lived. I mean, you guys say, well, that's. That's not impressive, but I mean that you're talking. No, he remembers 30 years ago.

[Eddie]

Yeah, you remember a lot.

[Daniel Tosh]

Okay. Thanks for being here, Darren.

[Eddie]

Yes, sir. Thank you very much.

[Daniel Tosh]

Paw show. Well, I want to thank Darren for being on the show. He's still on the show. He's just not on the camera anymore. Just right over there. Right next to me. Yeah, yeah. He'll be at my house for a few days. Love it. How come you don't. You don't like Darren very much, do you? You growl at him constantly. You gonna bite him? He's already been bit by a shark. You can take a chunk out of his other hand. He's already done the ding repair. I don't care if he can't paddle. Hey, you're on my shit list. Anyway. Carl, for the most part, has a. Just a strong, rock solid stomach. You know, he cleans up after my children every day, so I know he's eating scraps that he shouldn't be eating, but. But he's. He's regular nice, solid bms. But the other night, in the middle of the night, he started to reg. You know that and. And I know that. I've got three to four seconds and I jump out of bed. I can wake up immediately. I usher him either outside or into the bathroom where there's tile. Cause I have a nice white rug under my bed. And I get it. He's like, oh, false alarm. I'm like, okay, can I go back to bed? I already get up four times a night to pee. And then what? Inevitably, if the kid needs something or somebody has a bad dream. Okay, so back down. I jump out of bed again 30 minutes later, put him outside this time. But he whines. He wants to get back into a spot where he sleeps Carl up. You don't want to hear this. Finally gets back in his spot. He settles and what is it? Pow. Floods. Vomits everything from his innards out onto a beautiful, beautiful white rug. Now it's a big white rug. I, I'd say it's 15 by 20. Maybe. That's the dimensions. It's big. Yeah. Is it six figures? No. Is it mid? Mid five figures? Yes.

[Eddie]

Oh, wow.

[Daniel Tosh]

It's a, it's a real rug. Okay, I, I'm sorry. That's a nice floor. It's a nice rug. Whatever. Pukes all over it. It's so bad. It's 4, 10 in the morning when this happens. And you have to be patient to clean that out of rug. You can't just go quickly. So Carly has to get up. This is when Carly, I fucking don't want a dog, like, rears its ugly head and I'm shoveling it into a trash can lightly with a kid's toy shovel from the shower that they used to play with. So I'm shoveling the vomit into a thing. And then she begins the process of spraying light damp. Spray light damp. Like, doesn't use any water, no blotting yet to get it to perfect. It's almost like making a surfboard or doing ding repair where, like, I just want to take a power sander and go and, you know, problem fixed. Where you, it needs to take time. You have to take layers off slowly and well, whatever. We're up for an hour throwing away, you know, rags, and she's getting it clean. Carl's outside the whole time.

[Eddie]

Yeah.

[Daniel Tosh]

Get it clean. Sun's starting to come up. It's 5:15, 5:30 now. I go out on the deck, I find four or five more spots of throw up. Fucking Carl just happy as can be wanting to play. I'm just like, motherfucker. He's ruined my whole night. Just exhausted. What'd you eat? What, what caused you to puke that night. Huh? Nothing. You don't remember what it was? Well, that was my night. It was a lot. We got some plugs, Eddie and I doing stand up. Check out his tour. Check out my tour. San Francisco, Monterey, Santa Cruz. Hey, I got another show going on sale, don't I? Oh, yes. Thunder Valley Casino. Carl, we've never been outside of Sacramento. We'll go up to Tahoe, we'll head over there to Thunder Valley Casino Resort. You think they got a spa? You know they do. It's in Lincoln, California. You ever heard of Lincoln, California? Have not. Me neither. Can't wait to be there. You're gonna be there with me, Eddie. I'm looking forward to it. So that's a plug for Thunder Valley Casino Resort. Is my house sold in Tahoe yet? Who knows? Check it out. Buy it. That'll be cool. Let's get to the part of the show we need to name this segment. I know originally I was like, become a member of my family to date my wife's cousin Amanda, who we call Panda, who my kids call Paul, which is always confusing when people hear kids yelling paw.

[Eddie]

Paw.

[Daniel Tosh]

People think that there's, like an old man. I mean, no, no, it's this lesbian over here. No, it's her.

[Eddie]

Hey, y'. All.

[Daniel Tosh]

Let's hear the first one. Here you go. Hey. Yeah, this is Ruben from SoCal. I'm an escape artist. Okay. No, please. He's an escape artist. That's his job. He's an escape. Is it occupation? First of all, he called it SoCal. That right there's a deal breaker.

[Eddie]

Yeah.

[Daniel Tosh]

No chance. He's not. I don't want him to be my family. Although that is funny to have an escape artist.

[Eddie]

Yeah.

[Daniel Tosh]

As a family member that in. I don't. But I didn't like. Why do people sound so old on the phone? No one's leaving voice messages that make me think, oh, that. That guy's young and young and fun.

[Eddie]

Yeah.

[Daniel Tosh]

Okay, let's hear the next one. Hey, Amanda. My name is Colby. Like the cheese. 5 foot 10, 200 pounds. I grew up in a small town in Idaho. My aunt and uncle had about 25 head of Arabian horses. So I grew up around those things and all their shit. I am a heavy equipment construction contractor. Okay. I have traveled the world. In fact, I once rode horses on the Inca trails in the Andes mountains in Peru. How old is this motherfucker? 47 years old. And I didn't vote. Ah. What was his name? Colby. Colby, like the cheese.

[Eddie]

Like the Cheese.

[Daniel Tosh]

Oh, I came around on Colby ticking.

[Eddie]

A lot of boxes.

[Daniel Tosh]

He's kind of funny.

[Eddie]

Well, he called back.

[Daniel Tosh]

We got another message. Another message from Colby. Like the cheese. Let's hear it. Hey, Amanda, this is Colby, like the cheese from yesterday. I realized that Daniel said something about making babies, and at 47, I think my baby making days are behind me. But don't give up. There's still somebody out there for you. Colby called back a day later to break up with her, but he did it like a gentleman. He did, which makes me think he would be good. And what does he mean 47 is too old for children? I had a child at 48.

[Eddie]

There you go.

[Daniel Tosh]

I mean, you can do it, Colby. Al Pacino had a child, like, a week ago. He's 90. Well, no, Colby, like the cheese. Please throw your hat back into the ring, Right? Is that what you're supposed to say, throw your hat into the ring?

[Eddie]

Yeah, it makes sense.

[Daniel Tosh]

What's the expression?

[Eddie]

Yeah, throw your hat in the ring.

[Daniel Tosh]

Throw your hat in the ring. Okay. I was making sure I was. That that was the right way to say that you'll be stuck with escape artists if you don't come back. Colby, do you think. What if he says that every time he says his name? Like the cheese.

[Eddie]

I bet he does.

[Daniel Tosh]

I like it. Colby, like the cheese. Do you like Colby cheese? I actually don't care about it. I don't really care. I'm never picking Colby. Is that ever an option when it's like when you're just doing, like, a sandwich choice feels like it's shredded up into other things? Filler. Yeah. Well, good luck to Colby. I mean, he seems like he's got life figured out. Amanda, on the other hand, we got some work to do. See you next week.