My Santa!!! - TJ Jones

Summary

Tosh Show Episode Summary: "My Santa!!! - TJ Jones"

Release Date: December 17, 2024

In this festive episode of the Tosh Show, host Daniel Tosh delves deep into the enchanting world of Santa Claus with special guest T.J. Jones, a seasoned Santa professional. The conversation weaves through personal anecdotes, the intricacies of being Santa, and the magic that keeps the spirit of Christmas alive. Below is a comprehensive summary of the episode, highlighting key discussions, insights, and memorable moments.

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1. Embracing Christmas Traditions

Daniel Tosh kicks off the episode by reminiscing about his cherished Christmas traditions. He shares humorous stories about past white elephant gift exchanges, emphasizing the fun and occasional chaos that comes with them.

• Daniel Tosh [03:08]: "For our Christmas episode, my son, I saved one of his bedtime stories from when he was three that we used to air at the end of every episode."

He discusses memorable gifts exchanged over the years, highlighting the playful competitiveness that often arises, especially among family members.

• Daniel Tosh [04:01]: "I always go for gifts that people are gonna wanna steal right away and get angry about."

2. The Journey to Becoming Santa: T.J.'s Story

The spotlight shifts to T.J. Jones, a dedicated Santa Claus, as Daniel introduces him to the audience.

• Daniel Tosh [06:47]: "Now, you won't believe who we got as a guest. Enjoy. Enjoy."

T.J. shares his inspiration behind embodying Santa, detailing how his daughter’s dance teacher "voluntold" him to take on the role, leading him to meticulously prepare for his first Santa gig.

• Eddie [12:16]: "My daughter, who was an Irish dancer, she's just a general dancer, if you will. Now her dance teacher, Maggie Cleary from Cleary Irish Dance, told me, TJ, you're going to be our Santa this year."

3. The Art of Being Santa: Santa Schools and Standards

A significant portion of the conversation revolves around the professional training required to be a credible Santa Claus. T.J. discusses attending Santa schools, the costs involved, and the essential skills taught, such as perfecting the classic "ho ho ho" and maintaining the authentic Santa persona.

• Eddie [13:32]: "It's two to four days. Okay, but I mean, you go over, they teach you some sign language and they teach you how to do a proper ho, ho, ho."

Daniel inquires about inclusivity within the Santa community, leading to insights on the presence of female and diverse Santas.

• Daniel Tosh [13:50]: "Any black Santas there?"

• Eddie [13:55]: "Yes. There are at least three that I know here in Southern California."

4. Navigating Santa Gigs and Experiences

T.J. elaborates on the various types of Santa gigs, from mall appearances to private parties and even specialized roles like Golfing Santa. He shares anecdotes from his diverse experiences, including unique challenges and the joy of spreading Christmas cheer.

• Eddie [23:57]: "The season can be anywhere from November 1st to about November 15th to January 1st."

Daniel humorously probes into the financial aspects of being Santa, revealing that top-tier Santas can earn substantial incomes from their roles.

• Eddie [24:17]: "I made over 75 an hour."

5. Behind the Scenes: Life as Santa

The duo delves into the personal life of a professional Santa. T.J. discusses maintaining the Santa illusion, handling the physical demands of the role, and balancing it with his career as a voice actor and scuba equipment salesman.

• Eddie [38:12]: "I'm a voice actor and I work at Trident Dive Equipment. We sell wholesale scuba gear."

Daniel shares his own familial experiences with Santa, highlighting the emotional connections children develop with the figure.

• Daniel Tosh [20:45]: "The ability to grow facial hair does not make you a Santa."

6. The Magical Conversation with Santa

In a heartwarming and whimsical segment, Daniel engages in a fictional conversation with Santa, portrayed by T.J. This playful interaction bridges the gap between the fictional magic of Santa and the authentic experiences shared by T.J.

• Santa (Eddie) [42:08]: "Hello, young Daniel."

• Daniel Tosh [43:00]: "I can't imagine having to drink a glass of milk just over and over. They have that milk gallon challenge. If you can drink a gallon of milk without throwing up, it's impossible."

Santa imparts moral lessons and festive advice, reinforcing the importance of kindness and good hygiene during the holiday season.

• Santa (Eddie) [44:54]: "Be kind. Be kind to everyone, even if you don't feel like being kind. Kindness goes so far and is in such short supply."

7. Concluding Christmas Wishes and Gifts

As the episode wraps up, Daniel and T.J. exchange gifts, symbolizing the spirit of giving that epitomizes Christmas. Daniel reflects on his son's reaction to the gifts, blending humor with heartfelt appreciation.

• Daniel Tosh [45:43]: "Santa, thank you so much. You got me a mug. It takes me so long. North Pole hot chocolate. Santa Claus approved. Well, that's really sweet of you."

Both hosts extend warm Christmas wishes to the audience, closing the episode on a festive and joyful note.

• Eddie [47:42]: "Merry Christmas."

• Daniel Tosh [47:43]: "Merry Christmas."

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Notable Quotes

• Daniel Tosh [05:14]: "What age do you notice some kids stop believing?"

• Eddie [19:45]: "It's your turn."

• Santa (Eddie) [43:05]: "I get quite a bit of exercise. You gotta remember I'm going up and down chimneys all night long."

• Daniel Tosh [32:17]: "My daughter looked like Ed Asner for, like, the first eight months of her life. I found it very disturbing every time I looked at her."

• Santa (Eddie) [44:26]: "No. Just be kind."

Conclusion

This episode of Tosh Show offers a delightful exploration into the life of Santa Claus through the eyes of T.J. Jones. Daniel Tosh’s engaging host manner, coupled with T.J.'s insightful experiences, provides listeners with an authentic and entertaining glimpse into the world of holiday traditions and the magic that sustains them. Whether you're a longtime fan or new to the show, this episode encapsulates the warmth, humor, and heart that define the Christmas season.

Transcript

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[Eddie]

And one of the things I love is making a cheese plate and sharing it with my friends and playing games.

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[Daniel Tosh]

If you could do me one favor, I'd really love to have a conversation with Santa. Is that possible?

[Eddie]

I'm pretty sure I can make that happen. Daniel.

[Daniel Tosh]

Posho. Posh show. Posh show. Posho. Yes. Scumbag. You maggot. You cheap lousy. Welcome to to show. Merry Christmas. You know that song, Eddie?

[Eddie]

I've only heard it when you pointed it out.

[Daniel Tosh]

You scumbag. You maggot. You cheap lousy. Now in fairness, there is a new version where they say you're cheap and I've had it. That's how they that's how they get away from the problematic original version that had hate speech just right there for all to sing in harmony together. What's the song called something like New York. Fairy tale of New York. Fairy tale of New York. Emphasis on fairy. Different time, different times. When that was re recorded in 2018.

[Eddie]

Yes. Okay. Not so long ago, actually.

[Daniel Tosh]

Hey, for our Christmas episode, my son, I saved one of his bedtime stories from when he was three that we used to air at the end of every episode. I saved one of them that was Christmas themed. Gonna play it at the end of this episode.

[Eddie]

Right. Thanks for the gift.

[Daniel Tosh]

What a gift for all. Anyway, so excited about Christmas. So many traditions. Eddie is a part of my Christmas every year. We do the white elephant, big Christmas Eve party. We get some bad barbecue and we all meet at my house and we do the white elephant. But this year, Eddie's not showing up.

[Eddie]

Going to see my family in Texas.

[Daniel Tosh]

Why? Christmas isn't in Texas. Well, we've had some pretty good white elephants. Now, one year, I'm just gonna go through some of the stuff that your family has gone home with. A authentic didgeridoo, right? Your daughter got that your son once got from me. Key west lighter with some titties on it that light up and $50 in cash.

[Eddie]

That was a good one. All singles.

[Daniel Tosh]

I always go for gifts that people are gonna wanna steal right away and get angry about. And getting your two kids to fight against each other is always fun.

[Eddie]

Yeah, Mia definitely wanted the 50.

[Daniel Tosh]

Well, sure, there's $50 in cash, all in ones. Fresh wad. They're like, look at this, this is good. Well, the thing is, we don't really put a limit on the gifts. So it's funny. Like my brother shows up, his family, they just stop at a gas station on the way up and ha, ha ha, look at this garbage. Nobody wants it. Me, I put some time into the white elephant gift. You know, one year I had a cool retro jacket and my brother in law, when he was a child in his underwear, I had it put on the back of this jacket. It was real sexy. You just got like a 15 year old boy in his underwear on the back of your jacket. Well, for some reason, Eddie's daughter went crazy over it.

[Eddie]

Mia got it. We were like, you cannot wear this to school. You can't wear this anymore.

[Daniel Tosh]

Well, the funny thing was she was just so excited, excited by this, this, this little boy in his underwear. And then we're like, you know that little boy is this man that's sitting right across from us right now.

[Eddie]

What's funny? She had no idea.

[Daniel Tosh]

She had no idea. She was humiliated. She's like, oh, I'm sorry. I didn't actually. I didn't know you were a real person. What other traditions do we have?

[Eddie]

We still got that good puzzle.

[Daniel Tosh]

Oh, that was right. We did a puzzle one year. We took a photo of my wife's cousin from when she was trying to be sexy at like a homecoming dance, and we had that blown up and put into a puzzle. That's a good gift if you take somebody's ridiculous childhood photos and turn them into a puzzle.

[Eddie]

Yeah, that one's still in the cab. And we rent it to people. They probably do that puzzle.

[Daniel Tosh]

Yeah, you leave that puzzle out, let people enjoy it. Keep thinking about that song. My favorite. My favorite Christmas song. Like Modern Christmas song. I like that Liam Payne song, rip Rip. I also like that Cold Place on Christmas Lights. Those Christmas lights light up the. Hey, not good. You know what song I like?

[Eddie]

What?

[Daniel Tosh]

The Little Drummer Boy for King and Country. You ever listen to their version?

[Eddie]

No.

[Daniel Tosh]

Is that what it's called? For Kings and Country. For King and Country. Whatever. It's real intense. It's big. Got a big swell. Ooh, I love a Little Drummer Boy. I've always kind of seen myself as a little drummer boy. All this Christmas talk has got me into the holiday spirit. And you won't believe who we got as a guest. Enjoy.

[Advertiser]

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[Daniel Tosh]

Hey, y'all. Daniel Tosh, your President, CEO, CFO, COO, and Lead Designer of Boys Wear Pink, my charitable kids clothing line. But what you probably don't know is that I have a business degree from the University of Central Florida. So I know every successful business has a business behind their business that's called businessception. And that's why it was a no brainer for me to use Shopify. Shopify makes selling and for the buyers, buying simple. Now, normally I like people to stay out of my business, but not when it comes to Shopify. No, when it comes to Shopify, I make an exception. Shopify is home to the number one checkout on the planet, boosting conversions by up to 50%. Upgrade your business and use the same checkout I use. Sign up for your $1 per month trial period at shopify.com tosh all lowercase go to shopify.com to upgrade your selling today. Shopify.com to paw show. My guest today sees you when you're sleeping and knows when you're awake. Like Schindler, he keeps a list of people's names that are nice and naughty. Please welcome my fellow cookie enthusiast. It's jolly old St. Nick, aka TJ.

[Eddie]

How you doing, Daniel?

[Daniel Tosh]

I'm well, other than Christmas. Past, present and future. Do you believe in ghosts?

[Eddie]

Yes. You really do, T.J. i really do. My family saw one when I was a kid.

[Daniel Tosh]

When you were a kid, did you see it?

[Eddie]

All four of us?

[Daniel Tosh]

Did you? Oh, you saw it as well?

[Eddie]

Yes. We were driving on a road in Texas called Highway 67, and we saw a cowboy walking a horse on the side of the road. And as we got close to it, he dissolved into mist.

[Daniel Tosh]

I mean, that's a great story.

[Eddie]

That's a good one.

[Daniel Tosh]

I mean, it's not believable at all, but I love it.

[Eddie]

We. It was one of those things, all four of us. What did you see? Well, what did you see? What did you see? What did you see? Everybody's like, well, this is what I saw.

[Daniel Tosh]

So you're on your way to Midland.

[Eddie]

Midlothian, little small town south of Dallas, Fort Worth.

[Daniel Tosh]

All right, talk about your hometown.

[Eddie]

Midlothian, Texas. When I Left there in 1980, its population was 3,500. It's now population is 35,000. It's exploded. It used to be known as the cement capital of the world. Oh, that was its claim to fame because it was on a limestone ridge that produced top quality concrete, I guess.

[Daniel Tosh]

How was your childhood there?

[Eddie]

It was great. I mean, we could. I Lived on about two and a half acres. We could go out and essentially walk across the street and go hunting rabbits or go fishing in the numerous ponds out there.

[Daniel Tosh]

And do you have siblings?

[Eddie]

Yeah, I have one brother that I grew up with and then I. He's technically a half brother, but he's my brother. And then I have another brother and sister that I didn't meet until I was 28.

[Daniel Tosh]

How was that meeting?

[Eddie]

That was cool. It was just like, oh, okay. So here we are.

[Daniel Tosh]

Uh huh. You were in the Navy for 11 years. Thank you for your service.

[Eddie]

Yeah.

[Daniel Tosh]

For part of that, you were stationed at the South Pole?

[Eddie]

Yep.

[Daniel Tosh]

That's a little ironic, don't you think?

[Eddie]

It's often funny how life throws little curveballs at us. And that was the one of the biggest curveballs of all. I lived at the South Pole and work at the North Pole.

[Daniel Tosh]

How was the South Pole?

[Eddie]

It's a stark, desolate beauty like you wouldn't believe. I mean, it's mind numbingly cold, obviously, but everything is blue, white, or a shade thereof. And you just look around and as the sun's setting, which you know, it only does once, it kind of does this wave in the sky as it's going by until it finally sets completely. I loved it.

[Daniel Tosh]

Did you really?

[Eddie]

Yeah.

[Daniel Tosh]

How long were you there?

[Eddie]

I did three summers and then one full year.

[Daniel Tosh]

The sea. When you go from the tip of South America to. I mean, that's some really rough seas through there, isn't it?

[Eddie]

Mm.

[Daniel Tosh]

I mean, yeah, that's a. I've actually wanted to go. Well, I don't ever want to go anyplace, but I've always thought that I'd like to go to the South Pole. How'd you first decide to be a Santa?

[Eddie]

My daughter, who was an Irish dancer, she's just a general dancer, if you will. Now her dance teacher, Maggie Cleary from Cleary Irish Dance, told me, tj, you're going to be our Santa this year. And when Maggie tells you to do something, we call it being voluntold. And so I was like, yeah, okay, Maggie. And I went and bought a suit, grew my beard for about two and a half months. And everybody there thought I was the greatest Santa ever. I mean, I bought an Amazon suit. It was nothing special.

[Daniel Tosh]

Okay.

[Eddie]

But everyone just. And people were like, oh my God, that Santa was amazing. And I was like, you know, it was me, right? And I fell in love with it.

[Daniel Tosh]

Uh huh.

[Eddie]

I went and I watched every video. I went on YouTube and watched everything. I watched every Christmas movie I found out who all the players were. I went to two Santa schools that year.

[Daniel Tosh]

Santa school?

[Eddie]

Yeah.

[Daniel Tosh]

Oh, man. All right, talk to me about that. You attended Charles W. Howard Santa School in Michigan. In case you didn't get in. Did you have a backup Santa school?

[Eddie]

There are at least five Santa schools that I know of in America.

[Daniel Tosh]

How long is the program?

[Eddie]

It's two to four days. Okay, but I mean, you go over, they teach you some sign language and they teach you how to do a proper ho, ho, ho. They teach you how to do your hair, your beard.

[Daniel Tosh]

Was it enjoyable?

[Eddie]

Yeah, it really was.

[Daniel Tosh]

Any black Santas there?

[Eddie]

Yes.

[Daniel Tosh]

Okay, how about women?

[Eddie]

Yes.

[Daniel Tosh]

Okay. Are we. We're allowed. We're having female Santas now?

[Eddie]

There are at least three that I know here in Southern California.

[Daniel Tosh]

I like it. I like it. They're probably gonna be asked to stop this Christmas.

[Eddie]

They're very good. The thing is, you wouldn't know that they're. When they're in their full on Santa Persona, you would not know that they are of the fairer sex.

[Daniel Tosh]

Gotcha. You studied under Timothy Conahan.

[Eddie]

Mm.

[Daniel Tosh]

Okay. Who was inducted into the Santa hall of Fame.

[Eddie]

Yeah.

[Daniel Tosh]

What mall is that in?

[Eddie]

The Santa hall of Fame is in Santa Claus, Indiana, actually. And Tim is brilliant at this. He's. I kind of aspire to have the career he's had. He does the tree lightings at Rockefeller Center. He's been on stage with Mariah Carey. He's gone to the White House in Ben Santa. You wouldn't be too inaccurate in saying he's the top of the heap right now.

[Daniel Tosh]

Okay. What does it cost to attend a Santa school?

[Eddie]

Depends on the school. Anywhere from 300 to 600, they put you up. No. Tim Conahan has had his school here twice, and I've gone both times. But the place he had, it was literally nine miles from my house. So just wake up, go to school.

[Daniel Tosh]

What are the guidelines a person must follow to be Santa? Is there a code of conduct?

[Eddie]

Well, yeah, I mean, we all do background checks and get full insurance and all that stuff.

[Daniel Tosh]

Oh, the insurance. What's that to cover?

[Eddie]

It covers if you get hurt, if somebody else gets hurt on the set while you're there. There is, you know, unfortunately required these days, an anti molestation writer on it.

[Daniel Tosh]

That's great.

[Eddie]

Yeah.

[Daniel Tosh]

I mean, I was hoping that that was on there.

[Eddie]

Oh, yeah, absolutely.

[Daniel Tosh]

What do you look for when you're judging if another Santa is a good Santa or not?

[Eddie]

Generally you can't really tell without a conversation, but you can sort of get that Santa Hart vibe from them if they have it or if they don't. And, I mean, there's some Santas that are absolutely phenomenal, but, I mean, if you. If you've taken the time to get a good suit and put the red suit on, odds are your heart's in the right place because it's. It's not an inexpensive endeavor.

[Daniel Tosh]

What's your read on Eddie as a Santa? I've had him dress up for my kids before. Completely. They had no idea. They lost their mind. My nephews, nieces, they all loved it.

[Eddie]

Brief meeting with Eddie, and from the conversations I've had, I think he'd be pretty good at it.

[Daniel Tosh]

Mm. All right. There is the Brotherhood of Real Bearded Santas.

[Eddie]

Mm.

[Daniel Tosh]

That is, of course, if you're. Are you allowed to discuss this?

[Eddie]

Sure.

[Daniel Tosh]

Okay. Well, I don't know. I didn't know if there's rule. It's a real thing.

[Eddie]

Yes. There's two groups. The International Brotherhood of Real Bearded Santas and the Fraternal Order of Real Bearded Santas. And I'm a member of both.

[Daniel Tosh]

I know the Fraternal Order of Police. I remember doing telemarketing for them when I was a kid. How long if you shaved down clean, would it take you to get back?

[Eddie]

About 18 months to get to this level, but I could get a Santa passable beard in about six.

[Daniel Tosh]

Mm, six months. When's the last time you went clean?

[Eddie]

October 23, 2002. That was my high school reunion. That's why I remember I shaved for that.

[Daniel Tosh]

I couldn't grow a beard. This is as good. I tried to grow this out for you. It's. It's sad. I've never. I've never been able to really grow proper facial hair. What do you think of these Santas that don't have the real beard?

[Eddie]

The ability to grow facial hair does not make you a Santa. It's. It's nice. And I mean, I love the fact that I can put this on. And so when a kid comes up and gives me the Natalie Wood Ed Gwen tug, I. I can. Yeah. It's really glued on there.

[Daniel Tosh]

You don't look down on them.

[Eddie]

No, not at all. I have. I have a. One of my better Santa friends, James Dinwiddie, is a designer bearded Santa, we call him. And he. When he puts his beard on, he looks top notch.

[Daniel Tosh]

Yeah. Once you put the suit on is. You're like, are you. How different does your Persona become?

[Eddie]

I'm a little jollier, I think. I I like to think I'm a reasonably nice person, but I think I'm even nicer. I'm, you know, very attuned to other people. I'm more attuned possibly to other people's feelings. I think in the suit I can just, I read body language better. I feel like, as silly as that sounds, it's just you pay attention and you just notice when people are really, you know, comfortable. If there's anything that they're not comfortable with, you know, you notice it and figure out how to work around it and make them more comfortable.

[Daniel Tosh]

Are kids afraid of you or you are? Because some people don't have that ability to, I don't know. You know, some people were just better at making kids feel comfortable.

[Eddie]

My wife calls me the baby whisperer. Don't they? They all seem to like me. And even the ones you get two to three is the age where they're like, nah, I ain't going seeing the big red guy with the beard. Even them, I'm usually able to get a great photo for their, for their parents.

[Daniel Tosh]

Have you seen people lines get a little, you know, people getting out of control?

[Eddie]

I wouldn't say out of control. I've seen people get, you know, a little testy, but it's, you know, as soon as they get back up to me, they, they realize I don't want to be on the naughty list. It's funny, even adults behave better around me when I'm in the suit.

[Daniel Tosh]

Have you heard heartbreaking stories from kids on your lap?

[Eddie]

Yes.

[Daniel Tosh]

Yeah, I don't know why it's not. Don't read my smile the wrong way, but I just, I can't imagine what that's like.

[Eddie]

It's. My grandmother passed away a week ago and I said, I know she did, she loves you. My reindeer and I fly very high and I will give her any message you want.

[Daniel Tosh]

What about getting the parents back together? Is that still a wish?

[Eddie]

That sometimes happens. And when it comes to that, I tell them Santa's magic is mostly toys. Here's the thing to remember. Your mom still loves you, your dad still loves you, and Santa loves you.

[Daniel Tosh]

You should just keep going, just full, just interrogate them and pick sides. Be like, I think your dad's. At what age do you notice some kids stop believing?

[Eddie]

They tend to the 10 year old, 9 to 10 year old range. Usually some last a little longer, some a little earlier. But if you're a good Santa, and I like to think that I'm a pretty good one, I can usually bring him back.

[Daniel Tosh]

What did you tell your kids, Eddie? Did you tell them?

[Eddie]

I think Oliver kind of like found out on his own a little bit, but.

[Daniel Tosh]

What age are we talking about?

[Eddie]

I would say like around eight to nine.

[Daniel Tosh]

Yeah, eight to nine. That's too young. I gotta. You gotta keep, you gotta keep it going longer.

[Eddie]

Yeah, Keep the magic as long as you can.

[Daniel Tosh]

Do you like children?

[Eddie]

Yes, very much.

[Daniel Tosh]

Have you always liked them?

[Eddie]

I didn't realize how much I did until I had my own.

[Daniel Tosh]

How many kids do you have?

[Eddie]

Two.

[Daniel Tosh]

You have a six year old son?

[Eddie]

Yes.

[Daniel Tosh]

Does he know you are Santa?

[Eddie]

He does.

[Daniel Tosh]

Does he think you're the real Santa?

[Eddie]

I think he knows that I'm a Santa's helper, but that I, that me and all of my friends, we help Santa's cause he comes to some. Like he's come to a Santa meeting, which, you know, there'll be 20 Santas sitting around and he'll walk up and he'll decide, no, this one's my favorite Santa this time. And he'll go and just hang out with him.

[Daniel Tosh]

That's pretty cool. Growing up, having dad as a Santa. Now wait, let's talk about this. You're not. You have a six year old son. Some people that are watching this might be like, wait a second, Mrs. Claus, how young is she?

[Eddie]

Mrs. Claus is considerably younger than Santa.

[Daniel Tosh]

Nice. Way to go, Santa. That's what's funny when you live in California. Like I'll tell you a story about my son. I have a five year old son and among some of his friends, I'm the old dad. You know, I had him in my 40s and my son. You can never call me the old dad in front of my son. He will start to cry because he's processed that when you're old, eventually you're gone. And so he doesn't like people to call me the old dad because he thinks that means I'll be gone sooner. That's really emotional. But I for some reason am fascinated by it. But I was saying here, like in Malibu, I go to pickup and there'll be like a 70 year old dad picking up his kindergartner. And I'm like, oh. And he's just like, yeah, this is my third time doing this. You know your weight, you look like you're in pretty decent shape. What's your plane weight? Christmas Eve? What are you tipping the scales at?

[Eddie]

Christmas Eve? When I start off, I'm about 235.

[Daniel Tosh]

Oh yeah. You're not a small person. You don't look, you don't look 235 to me.

[Eddie]

Well, I'm. You down some change.

[Daniel Tosh]

I get you. So what's the biggest you've ever been in your life?

[Eddie]

About 235.

[Daniel Tosh]

So you're not going to put on any weight for this?

[Eddie]

No.

[Daniel Tosh]

Do you wear. Did you wear any extra stuffing?

[Eddie]

No.

[Daniel Tosh]

Is that frowned upon?

[Eddie]

No. There are Santas that do it. My view of it is I diet for an entire year, and then Christmas eve I eat 8 billion cookies. That's why all the photos you see of me when I'm so gigantic.

[Daniel Tosh]

You work out?

[Eddie]

Yeah, a little.

[Daniel Tosh]

What's your workout?

[Eddie]

I. We have a peloton at home. I have dumbbells and kettlebells. I used to run a lot, but I've discovered that that actually strips too much weight off of me. So you don't want to be.

[Daniel Tosh]

You don't want to be lean?

[Eddie]

I don't want to be a ripped Santa. Although there are some. There are several Santas that could take the sleeves off of their red suits and you'd be like, dang gum, Santa.

[Daniel Tosh]

You were a mall Santa just one year.

[Eddie]

Mm.

[Daniel Tosh]

What's the pay structure for mall Santas? What could a high end mall Santa pull in for the season? And how long is the season?

[Eddie]

The season can be anywhere from November 1st to about November 15th to January 1st.

[Daniel Tosh]

Wait, wait, January 1st?

[Eddie]

There are people that don't do Christmas. Some of the Eastern European areas, they do New Year's Eve.

[Daniel Tosh]

Okay. I thought people were, like, coming to you with complaints or returns.

[Eddie]

No.

[Daniel Tosh]

First year mall Santa. What's he pulling in?

[Eddie]

Depends on where he is. But like, I had the pike down in Long beach and we don't like to talk about money, but I made over 75 an hour.

[Daniel Tosh]

Mm. Okay. And now privates. That's when the money starts to get interesting. You can make a good. It's a good side hustle. Is that fair to say?

[Eddie]

It's very fair to say. There are Santas who are definitively making.

[Daniel Tosh]

Six figures off just being a Santa Claus.

[Eddie]

Just being Santa.

[Daniel Tosh]

That's exciting. I mean, that's what you want. You want Santa to get paid. Is there a pecking order of the gigs that you want? Like, you've done some pretty great. You've had some pretty good gigs. LA Rams. Are you their official Santa Claus?

[Eddie]

I'm not their official one, but I'm going to be at their family party on the 23rd, and they have a home game, I believe, the 22nd. And while they tend to be somewhat Late in their booking. I have left that specific window open for them.

[Daniel Tosh]

Do you hate the Chargers?

[Advertiser]

No.

[Eddie]

The Chargers were to call me up and say, we've got two home games. And I'd be like. And this year, I'd have to say, I'm sorry. You waited too long.

[Daniel Tosh]

You work with the same assistant elves, or is that just random?

[Eddie]

The Rams. I have the same elf, but private party. Sometimes they'll book elves differently. Last year, I had a private party that had five little people as elves. And I didn't know it going in, so I walked in and went, okay, this is the coolest thing ever.

[Daniel Tosh]

You ever seen this video? It's one of my favorite videos. It's Mike Tyson, and this little person, he's 27, comes up to him, and Mike doesn't know that it's a little person and just starts holding them and snuggling them and giving them kisses. And the guy's, like, trying to beat him off, like, hey, I'm 27. And Mike. Mike's like, look at this little baby. It's just delightful. Every time I watch that video, I can just laugh. For the next 15 minutes, Mike had no idea.

[Eddie]

Now I'm gonna be hitting up YouTube when I leave here.

[Daniel Tosh]

You'll like it. You'll like it. Let's say your calendar's wide open. How much for you to show up Christmas morning and let my kids catch you leaving gifts?

[Eddie]

If you actually wanted to do that, probably 500.

[Daniel Tosh]

It's not bad. I mean, it's kind of ruined your Christmas morning.

[Eddie]

But catching Santa sleeping is. Is one that they really seem to like.

[Daniel Tosh]

What?

[Eddie]

Christmas morning, they come in, and I'm leaning back in a chair in your house with my empty cup of cocoa or milk and some cookies left. And the kids come in, Santa, Santa, I gotta get on the sled.

[Daniel Tosh]

And you get out.

[Eddie]

I hand them three, four presents, and I said, you want me? I said, I've done my deliveries. You were the last house. Would you like me to pass out your presents for you? Pass out all the presents. I'm there for half an hour or so. Boom, gone.

[Daniel Tosh]

Unbelievable. I mean, he's got your own kid to get home to.

[Eddie]

Yeah.

[Daniel Tosh]

That's nice of you, though. Are we supposed to tip too?

[Eddie]

That's entirely up to you. Some do, some don't. We've booked on a prearranged amount. I know what that amount is, if that's what you feel my services are worth. Excellent.

[Daniel Tosh]

Do we go through a you, or are we going just directly to you?

[Eddie]

I have a few different people that I work with and or for. But you can go straight to my website and say, I want you Christmas morning at 6am and I'll say, sure thing, Daniel.

[Daniel Tosh]

What about, what about the.

[Eddie]

Whip?

[Daniel Tosh]

No, this is the bell. This is the bell.

[Eddie]

The bell, yeah. Salvation Army Santas, those are mostly volunteer positions. I do a lot of pro bono work in addition to paid jobs. And the guys who do Salvation Army, I absolutely tip my furry hat to them. I'll never walk by a Salvation Army Santa and not put something in their bucket.

[Daniel Tosh]

Well, I mean, do they look at you and go, oh, wow, that's the real Santa.

[Eddie]

We generally give each other a wink.

[Daniel Tosh]

You're the official Santa of the LA Zoo.

[Eddie]

That's right.

[Daniel Tosh]

I've recently been told that the LA Zoo is one that I'm allowed to go to with my children. That they're actually really, really good with animals and stuff like that.

[Eddie]

Top notch. They have a wonderful enrichment department. It's a great, great zoo. It's actually bigger than the San Diego Zoo and their enclosures are all much larger. And the animals all seem to really be content there. If you will.

[Daniel Tosh]

Does Santa deal with animals too or.

[Eddie]

No, I will deal with it. Depends on the animal.

[Daniel Tosh]

You wrestle a bear?

[Eddie]

Nah, nah. I've scratched one behind the ears, though.

[Daniel Tosh]

Oh, that's pretty good.

[Eddie]

Yeah. There are people who have exotic pets that come to some of these events. And I've had a raccoon in my lap. I've had a possum in my lap. I've had a python wrapped around my shoulders.

[Daniel Tosh]

You ever eat reindeer?

[Eddie]

No.

[Daniel Tosh]

Why? Whatchamacallit? Whenever you're in Alaska, that's like breakfast you order and it's like, oh, they have every like reindeer sausage. Reindeer sausage is always like an option.

[Eddie]

I'm way too close to reindeer to eat them.

[Daniel Tosh]

November through December, I get the Santa stuff, but it has become more and more. It's expanding more and more of the year that you're doing these things. You do some Santa stuff in July.

[Eddie]

Christmas in July is becoming more and more popular. There's a few things that come up in January, and photo shoots actually start as early as September because people want them for the Christmas cards. I have Baking Santa, I have Golfing Santa. And golfing Santa's great for, like, if someone's having a Fourth of July golf tournament, a country club, and they want somebody to hit the first ball off the tee and they don't have somebody, you know, Nicholas isn't going to come over so they're like, can we get Santa to come?

[Daniel Tosh]

And.

[Eddie]

Yeah, you know, so I come.

[Daniel Tosh]

How's your game? You spray it off the first tee.

[Eddie]

Oh, I'm a hacker. I would have to improve dramatically to be terrible.

[Daniel Tosh]

I think it'd be great if you just hit a shot and then just start swearing up a storm. I think they'd love it.

[Eddie]

I can't do it.

[Daniel Tosh]

No. All right. Weirdest Santa gig you've ever taken.

[Eddie]

Weirdest. Oh, gosh.

[Daniel Tosh]

And are there any gigs that you wouldn't take?

[Eddie]

I tend to stay away from more adult themed stuff because there are plenty of Santas that'll do it. And I just. I like being there more for the children.

[Daniel Tosh]

Right. Like, so if somebody calls you up for some Hollywood sex party, you're like, all right, this is not appropriate.

[Eddie]

Yeah, yeah. It's like, I'm sorry, Santa's. You know, that's too close to one of my other bookings. I'd love to, but no, thank you.

[Daniel Tosh]

I mean, I'm just guessing that they've made the call before. I just found out that those things exist. I never knew. I always thought that you never got invited. Never in my life. Favorite Christmas movie.

[Eddie]

Miracle on 34th Street. Edmund Gwyn. He laid the framework that pretty much every Santa, maybe even in the world, is following now.

[Daniel Tosh]

Favorite comedy Santa movie, like Modern Christmas.

[Eddie]

Chronicles with Kurt Russell's. Pretty tough to beat.

[Daniel Tosh]

Is it? I haven't seen it.

[Eddie]

He's funny in it because he makes fun of some of the Santa tropes, like being really, really fat and. But. And just he brings the Kurt Russell brand of humor perfectly to that role. He was a great Santa.

[Daniel Tosh]

Did you enjoy Bad Santa?

[Eddie]

No. And I. I only watched a little of it, and I'm not gonna watch the rest of it. I just. It's like, I know the Santa I want to be. I know what I want to portray, and I don't want any.

[Daniel Tosh]

What about Elf? Where are you at on Elf?

[Eddie]

I liked Elf.

[Daniel Tosh]

Oh, it's a great movie.

[Eddie]

Ed Asner was so. He was. Ed Asner's in the Santa hall of Fame. He's another excellent Santa. Underrated, in my opinion.

[Daniel Tosh]

My daughter looked like Ed Asner for, like, the first eight months of her life. I found it very disturbing every time I looked at her. I'm like, you look a lot like Ed Asner. What about Tim Allen as Santa Claus?

[Eddie]

He was a very good Santa Claus because he managed to combine a great Santa with the Persona of Tim Allen that we all know and like. And you know, the whole. My favorite scene in that movie is when the cop is grilling him over what's his name? And he said, kris Kringle. What's your name? Sinterklaes. What's your name? And he got so mad at him.

[Daniel Tosh]

What's your favorite Tim Allen Persona? Eddie.

[Eddie]

I like him in Galaxy Quest.

[Daniel Tosh]

No, I liked him when he was in jail.

[Eddie]

That's true.

[Daniel Tosh]

Where you at on Hallmark Christmas movies?

[Eddie]

Somebody wants me to be a Santa Ann one. I'm happy to do it.

[Daniel Tosh]

They haven't asked you yet?

[Eddie]

Not yet.

[Daniel Tosh]

Oh, now, that's something we need to make happen. I'm a huge Hallmark Christmas fan. I just like them. They make me feel good. They're simple in the background.

[Eddie]

Simple but basic. But lovely stories. And the inevitably, you know, somewhere in Vermont.

[Daniel Tosh]

Oh, yeah, there'll be a kiss at the end. That's what I like. Does your wife get into it, or is she like, this is a bit much?

[Eddie]

She loves it. She adores it when I'm Santa. Her joke is, I think I have a problem.

[Daniel Tosh]

Yeah, I mean, that's like a real thing. You're like, she's in bed with Santa every night.

[Eddie]

Yeah.

[Daniel Tosh]

That's fun. You drive a Tesla. A red Tesla with the license plate that says Santa on it. A personalized plate.

[Eddie]

Yep.

[Daniel Tosh]

So you're. You've embraced this completely.

[Eddie]

I love doing it. I absolutely love doing this. Daniel.

[Daniel Tosh]

One year, my son went for Halloween. He went as Santa. And it was the best Halloween costume of his life. Because everyone. Everywhere he went, people just kept screaming, Santa. And he just thought he was, like, such a star all day. So I just imagine all day long, you're just dealing with this.

[Eddie]

I get passed on the freeway, and I'll see people's brake lights all of a sudden light up, and they'll slide up beside me, and I'll hit the autopilot, roll the window down for them. Cause I know their passenger's gonna be there with a phone, and I'm, you know, right there in the window.

[Daniel Tosh]

They're probably like, who's that young, hot wife next to him? Mrs. Claus is gonna be furious. Everybody that's on the show, tj, I give them a gift. It's just. I just unload stuff from my house. It's been my joke. So let's see what I have for Santa. It's also very fun to give gifts to Santa. Now, the first thing I'm giving is not for you. I'm giving this to your son. Okay. This is a slot car racing his birthday is this weekend.

[Eddie]

Oh, gosh.

[Daniel Tosh]

So give him this. Now, let me tell you why I'm giving this to you. Because this was given to my son by Santa. I had a slot car race as a child. I loved it, so I thought, oh, my kid will like it. And he's never once made a full lap. He refuses to let off the throttle, even though I tell him every time the turns, you got to let off the throttle a little bit now. Car goes flying. So I'm like, I'm just done with it. So I just took it apart. He saw it the other day. He goes, what are you doing with that? I said, I'm giving it to Santa Claus. I'm giving it back. He's like, all right. You got a driveway that you're dealing with?

[Eddie]

Yeah.

[Daniel Tosh]

All right. Okay. This is a pickleball net.

[Eddie]

Oh, my gosh.

[Daniel Tosh]

I want you to start playing. You play pickleball?

[Eddie]

No, I've been here. It's just. It seems to be, like, the hottest sport in the country, so.

[Daniel Tosh]

Well, now you got a pickleball net. A portable pickle light. That was my. During the pandemic, I set that up in my driveway, and I played all the time, and now I don't need that anymore. What else do I got for Santa? Couple beanies to keep you warm. I don't wear beanies.

[Eddie]

Nice.

[Daniel Tosh]

Not those anymore. Not here. The kids, they're full of germs. And I'm guessing this new administration is never going to let us wear a mask again. So I wanted to get rid of my mask. This is silly. I don't know if you're going to want this or not, but it doesn't matter. This is a beard trimmer with all the attachments. I've never used that. I don't have a beard. And then this is like a personal. I don't know if Santa grooms down below, but that's what it's. That's what it's meant for. It's meant for all kinds of cleanup. You can use it on any. It doesn't have to be the unmentionables, but there's two different groomers, neither one of those. That one might have been used on a neckline before, but this one's never been used anyway. You'll love that. Get that off my desk, please. I think that's all I got for Santa. Do you know a lot about Santa folklore, like in St. Nicholas?

[Eddie]

Yeah. I'm 17, 54 years old this year. Turned that on March 16th. I was born In Patera, which is now part of modern day Turkey, I gradually evolved. During the Reformation, when they banned saints, I was technically banned. So the Germans came up with something called Christkindl, which literal translation is the Christ child who's bringing the presents. Christkindl eventually evolved through linguistics to Kris Kringle.

[Daniel Tosh]

This is way too deep. So you know everything. You know that he was a patron saint of children, but also the patron saint of sailors, merchants, archers, repentant thieves, brewers, pawnbrokers, toymakers, unmarried people, and students in various European cities.

[Eddie]

I knew everything, I think, except the students in various European cities.

[Daniel Tosh]

What is. What does that even mean? I literally just found this out as I was reading it.

[Eddie]

But I didn't know he was the patron saint of pawn brokers. That's why in the old school pawn shops, they used to have three balls over the door. And that's because St. Nicholas took three bags of gold and gave it to a gentleman who couldn't afford a dowry for his daughters. And those three bags of gold became the three balls over upon shop.

[Daniel Tosh]

This isn't your full time gig?

[Eddie]

No, I'm a voice actor and I work at Trident Dive Equipment. We sell wholesale scuba gear. Basically every little gadget that you have if you dive is almost guaranteed to be made by us.

[Daniel Tosh]

I've never scuba dived.

[Eddie]

Oh, okay. Well, you ought to out here.

[Daniel Tosh]

I live in the ocean. I surf every day of my life. I've never scuba dived.

[Eddie]

See, I surfed a little bit when I was in Hawaii, but I discovered that I like diving so much better. It's just you're on top of a world that you can't imagine.

[Daniel Tosh]

I can imagine it. And I get a little claustrophobic thinking about it.

[Eddie]

Okay, fair enough, fair enough. But you know, out here we have the California spiny lobster. Panelurus interruptus. Delicious. And you can take seven of them a day.

[Daniel Tosh]

Do you spearfish?

[Eddie]

I used to. Not so much anymore. Mostly I just. It's like scallops and lobsters are my seafood of choice if I'm going to be collecting myself year round.

[Daniel Tosh]

You can collect seven.

[Eddie]

No, no, no. There's a season.

[Daniel Tosh]

I got it. That's nice. I always know when that's happening because some of my neighbors are generous and they share. What about free divers? You ever deal with those? You ever do any of that nonsense?

[Eddie]

I have, but it's just like, why? I can put a tank on and stay down for an hour or, you know, it's fabulous physical conditioning and, I mean, I can hold my breath for Three to five minutes.

[Daniel Tosh]

Hold on. We're gonna stop right here. You can hold your breath for three to five minutes. That is so impressive to me. I can maybe get to a minute 10.

[Eddie]

You could practice it for two hours and you'd be up to two minutes.

[Daniel Tosh]

I've practiced my whole. I've surfed my whole life. I can never. I've never been able to hold my breath that long. Three to five minutes. That's forever. You can fake your death for three to five minutes. That's. That's crazy. Favorite brand of wetsuit?

[Eddie]

Ah, geez. Probably body glove.

[Daniel Tosh]

What's the thickest wetsuit you've ever put on?

[Eddie]

Put on a nine mil, but, oh.

[Daniel Tosh]

My goodness, how do you move?

[Eddie]

You kind of don't. I like the. The 7 mil. Hyper stretches are best for me. I mean, I find that I get. It's. They have almost the mobility of a 3 mil, but they do give you the warmth of a 7 mil.

[Daniel Tosh]

Have you ever gone. Gone underwater? Like, under ice?

[Eddie]

Yeah.

[Daniel Tosh]

Is that terrifying?

[Eddie]

A little bit. A little bit. We did the polar plunge in Antarctica, so.

[Daniel Tosh]

Oh, yeah.

[Eddie]

You cut a hole in the ice, you stripped down to absolutely nothing and put a rope around, you jump in.

[Daniel Tosh]

I do it in Tahoe every year. I jump into the winter. Yeah.

[Eddie]

Nice.

[Daniel Tosh]

Oh, yeah. It'll wake you up. They say think before you sink is kind of a slogan because apparently some people die all the time doing it. Like, they jump in, they have a heart attack, and it's like, all right, you're not coming back up.

[Eddie]

It's like, you wonder how penguins can do that jump. It's because the water's that cold.

[Daniel Tosh]

What's your scuba business do during this peak Santa season?

[Eddie]

Incredibly. Works out well because scuba tends to slow down in November and December, so they're able to give me very generous, some time off, and I get to go do events, work, preschools, and different stuff like that.

[Daniel Tosh]

It's just weird. Growing up, you know, landlocked in the middle of Texas there in Navy Scuba.

[Eddie]

Santa, I myself am often puzzled by how life works, but here we are.

[Daniel Tosh]

How long are you going to do it?

[Eddie]

Until I am. I feel that I'm not convincing in the role, so, I mean, I like to think that I've got another 15, 20 years in me.

[Daniel Tosh]

It's one of the few jobs that you age into, not age out of.

[Eddie]

Exactly.

[Daniel Tosh]

All right, T.J. i appreciate you coming on the show, but if you could do me one favor, I'd really love to have a conversation with Santa. Is that Possible.

[Eddie]

I'm pretty sure I can make that happen. Daniel.

[Daniel Tosh]

Holy cow. All right, Santa, let's get down to it now.

[Eddie]

Hello, young Daniel.

[Daniel Tosh]

It's very nice to meet you.

[Eddie]

It's lovely to see you again. You've met me before. Was a long time ago.

[Daniel Tosh]

Oh. I've been a big fan of yours since I can remember. Although at one point, I did find an area in my basement in St. Louis that had a lot of gifts with a blanket piled over it. I don't know if you were just being lazy and you weren't traveling with.

[Eddie]

Them, but, well, you know, moms and dads gift presents, too.

[Daniel Tosh]

Not my parents. Let me ask you a couple questions, if you don't mind saying. Favorite cookies?

[Eddie]

Oh, it's hard to top a good chocolate chip.

[Daniel Tosh]

You like sea salt on it?

[Eddie]

Sometimes, yeah. It's one of those things where you want a little variety. So sometimes a little sea salt is great. Sometimes just a good clean toll house can't be beat.

[Daniel Tosh]

What exactly are you doing with all that milk?

[Eddie]

Well, fortunately, Santa's not lactose intolerant, so it helps to wash down that many cookies.

[Daniel Tosh]

I can't imagine having to drink a glass of milk just over and over. They have that milk gallon challenge. If you can drink a gallon of milk without throwing up, it's impossible. You lie awake at night worrying about type 2 diabetes?

[Eddie]

No, I get quite a bit of exercise. You gotta remember I'm going up and down chimneys all night long.

[Daniel Tosh]

Why chimneys?

[Eddie]

Well, if you don't have a chimney. I do have a magic key that'll unlock any house. But the chimney's just made for a dramatic entrance.

[Daniel Tosh]

I mean, I tell you, it just seems like there's easier ways to get into the house. Can you look into the camera and tell my son to use more than two squares of toilet paper when he's wiping? And please let him know that he needs to wipe more than one time.

[Eddie]

Hygiene is very important, young man. Be sure you get good and clean. That's a Christmas miracle.

[Daniel Tosh]

That would be a Christmas miracle.

[Eddie]

Daniel, I've been meaning to ask, how's your brother Andrew's kids? Ryan and Ada?

[Daniel Tosh]

Oh, wow. Well, you forgot James.

[Eddie]

Well, James is on the nice list.

[Daniel Tosh]

Okay.

[Eddie]

I wasn't concerned about him. The other two, you know, that's fair.

[Daniel Tosh]

That's fair. Are you allowed to tell us who's on the list, or is that completely confidential?

[Eddie]

No.

[Daniel Tosh]

Well, let me just. Let me see if I can read you. You tell me if the person's on a naughty or nice list. Aaron Rodgers.

[Eddie]

He's right on the borderline.

[Daniel Tosh]

Okay. Jewish people.

[Eddie]

There's tons of Jewish people on the nice list.

[Daniel Tosh]

Oh, good. Good to hear. I didn't know. I didn't know if there was rules. Well, listen, Santa, is there anything we can do as a society to make the world a better place? What should we be doing?

[Eddie]

Be kind. Be kind to everyone, even if you don't feel like being kind. Kindness goes so far and is in such short supply. You have one of the kindest hearts I've seen. You tried not to hide it under your sarcasm, but I know the real heart of Daniel.

[Daniel Tosh]

Ah. From Santa's lips. Listen, thank you so much for making everybody's year a little more enjoyable. We appreciate everything you do and good luck this Christmas.

[Eddie]

Thank you so much. Oh, wait, Santa can't leave just yet.

[Daniel Tosh]

Oh, no.

[Eddie]

Oh my God.

[Daniel Tosh]

Oh no. I didn't ask for anything, Santa.

[Eddie]

I know, but the show did.

[Daniel Tosh]

What is this? Look at this. This is nice.

[Eddie]

This is for your son.

[Daniel Tosh]

Do I. So I don't open it now?

[Eddie]

That one you don't open.

[Daniel Tosh]

Okay, that's really nicey. I'm going to get this off my desk.

[Eddie]

This one Daniel opens.

[Daniel Tosh]

I open this, Open it now.

[Eddie]

You can if you like. And I have something here for John.

[Daniel Tosh]

Good. This guy knows everybody that works on the show.

[Eddie]

And for Pete.

[Daniel Tosh]

Oh, looks like the same thing.

[Eddie]

Something for Dylan.

[Daniel Tosh]

No one remembers Dylan. Santa is real.

[Eddie]

And a little something for Eddie.

[Daniel Tosh]

Ed. Look at this. Unbelievable. You know what, I'm just going to crack mine open real quick here. Oh, Santa. Oh, look at this.

[Eddie]

But this is for your daughter.

[Daniel Tosh]

Oh my goodness. Holy moly. This is unbelievable. It's like Christmas today. Look at this. I got a knife. I'm cool. You know what, I. Santa, I don't mean to brag, but as a father, I always make sure that any gift you leave that I completely set it up and batteries in, completely assemble it, unhook it from everything so that when they open it, it's not a, you know, 15 minute ordeal. Oh, look at this. Oh, Santa, thank you so much. You got me a mug. It takes me so long. North Pole hot chocolate. Santa Claus approved. Well, that's really sweet of you.

[Eddie]

Absolutely.

[Daniel Tosh]

Thank you, sir.

[Eddie]

Probably ought to open that one too.

[Daniel Tosh]

All right, I'm gonna open. Do I need a knife for this one?

[Eddie]

No, that one you should be able to just tear right into this.

[Daniel Tosh]

Looks like, like you're giving me a flag for like one of my, uh. Oh. Oh, look at this.

[Eddie]

If you're gonna Have a mug. You need something to drink out of it.

[Daniel Tosh]

Hot cocoa bombs. Isn't that nice? Thank you so much. And everybody on the show, on behalf of them, thank you.

[Eddie]

Absolutely.

[Daniel Tosh]

Can I, can I get ask for a big ho ho ho ho.

[Eddie]

Merry Christmas, Daniel.

[Daniel Tosh]

Merry Christmas.

[Eddie]

I'll see you Christmas Eve, but you'd better not see me.

[Advertiser]

Chronic migraine is 15 or more headache days a month each lasting four hours or more. Botox Onobotulinum toxin A prevents headaches in adults with chronic migraine before they start. Botox is not approved for adults with migraine who have 14 or fewer headache days a month. Botox prevents on average eight to nine headache days a month versus six to seven for placebo. Botox is a prescription medicine injected by your doctor. Effects of Botox may spread hours to weeks after injection causing serious symptoms. Alert your doctor right away as difficulty swallowing, speaking, breathing, eye problems or muscle weakness can be signs of a life threatening condition. Patients with these conditions before injection are at highest risk. Side effects may include allergic reactions, neck and injection site pain, fatigue and headache. Allergic reactions can include rash, welts, asthma symptoms and dizziness. Don't receive Botox if there's a skin infection. Tell your doctor your medical history, muscle or nerve conditions including als, Lou Gehrig's disease, myasthenia gravis or Lambert Eaton syndrome and medications including botulinum toxins as these may increase the risk of serious side effects. Talk to your doctor and visit botoxchronicmigraine.com or call 1-800-44-BOTOX to learn. Learn more.

[Daniel Tosh]

Hey friends, guess what day it is. Ah, it's your lucky day. That's right. It's a little corny, but whatever. Today is your lucky day because it's the day you inherit thousands of movies and shows and live TV channels. All you have to do is download a free entertainment app called Plex P L e X. It's 100% free, no credit cards, no subscriptions. And Plex isn't an app full of free garbage. No, it's high quality stuff. Sports and comedy, movies, news. People be like, wow, you seem so informed. And you'd be like, well, I get my news from Plex. Oh, that's something I've heard of. The point is, put all your money on Plex. Actually, don't, because it's free. You don't have to put money. It's not a gambling website. Just go download the Plex app on your phone or tv. Now. Paw show. Thank you, tj. And thank you, Santa. That Was a real treat to have you guys on the show. By the way, his gifts. I had one of those bombs, those hot chocolate bombs. They were delicious. Now, the problem I had, I don't mean to complain to Santa, is they really stayed congealed at the bottom of the mug. It didn't fully dissolve. It almost couldn't, but, I mean, but it tasted well. I don't even like things that have marshmallows built in, but they. They pretty much disintegrated, so that was fine. We got some plugs to do last minute shopping. You gotta hit up boyswearpink.com and toss show store.com. get some merch from our beautiful podcast. Check out eddie's [e-mail] and danieltosh.com for our tour. Come see us do stand up. You know what time it is. Hit the music. Free plug. Okay, I guess that seemed spirited. That seemed like a Christmas song of sorts. Unrecognizable. In the spirit of the season, this week's free plug is for Sean Curtis. Oh, God, you guys are awful. Sean Kurzoliak Portraits and Gallery. That's all the way up in North Pole, Alaska. If you're looking to capture once in a lifetime moments in fine art, Shawn can make it happen. He specializes in landscape photography, capturing the aurora borealis in interior Alaska, and creating personalized portraits under the aurora. Whether you want a family portrait under the aurora where dad awkwardly plays the guitar as everyone fake listens, or just your typical snapshot of you looking at the Mrs. Looking up to that magical night sky. He even has a photo of a sea lion eating a fish. Anyway, what's his name? Sean Kurtzoliak. Kurtzolek Kurzoliak. Kurzoliak.

[Eddie]

Kurzoliak.

[Daniel Tosh]

Kurzoliak, I guess. K U R D Z I O L E Kurzoliak Portraits and Gallery in North Pole, Alaska. Tell them jolly old Saint Dan sent you. And now, from the vault, an unreleased bedtime story from my son. I saved a couple. You didn't know this was coming. I mean, you did at the beginning of the show because I said it. But you're excited. Here we go. You thought that chapter of this show was over? No, I still got a few. Here's a Christmas bedtime story. Give me a good one.

[Eddie]

One time at a time In a so so, so so away city with two little elkies they sing and sing but one of the Elkies didn't know what to sing One day they found a reindeer and the name was fruita Renwind reindeer, but they didn't know what their name was so they wandered around and then they were so shocked that they were bad eyes. Anyway, it was the whole that we was in the night at the park. Everyone finally did. But one thing we sounded true. We sounded peach. It's your turn.

[Daniel Tosh]

Is that the end of that story? I don't understand any of that at the end.

[Advertiser]

Today's episode is brought to you by Shipt. With Shipt, same day delivery, you get more than just fresh groceries delivered to your door. You get time to do the things you love with the people you love.

[Eddie]

And one of the things I love is making a cheese plate and sharing it with my friends and playing games.

[Advertiser]

Oh yes, good game sessions always. And with Shipt, there's a shopper waiting to check off your grocery list. Or make that last minute trip to the store so you can relish the greatest gift of all. More time for the things you love. Download the Shipt app that's S H I P T and let an expert handle the shopping. Can Botox Onobotulinum Toxin a help if I have chronic migraine 15 or more headache days a month, each lasting four hours or more. Botox prevents headaches in adults with chronic migraine. Botox is not approved for adults with migraine who have 14 or fewer headache days a month. It's the number one prescribed branded chronic migraine treatment. Botox is a prescription medicine injected by your doctor. Effects of Botox may spread hours to weeks after injection causing serious symptoms. Alert your doctor right away as difficulty swallowing, speaking, breathing, eye problems or muscle weakness can be signs of a life threatening condition. Patients with these conditions before injection are at highest risk. Side effects may include allergic reactions, neck and injection site pain, fatigue and headache. Allergic reactions can include rash, welts, asthma symptoms and dizziness. Don't receive Botox if there's a skin infection. Tell your doctor your medical history, muscle or nerve conditions including als, Lou Gehrig's disease, Myasthenia gravis or Lambert syndrome and medications including botulinum toxins as these may increase the risk of serious side effects. Talk to your doctor and visit botoxchronicmigraine.com or call 1-844-BOTOX to learn more.