My Sex Therapist - Dr. Kate Balestrieri

Summary

Tosh Show Episode Summary: "My Sex Therapist - Dr. Kate Balestrieri"

Release Date: October 15, 2024
Host: Daniel Tosh
Guest: Dr. Kate Balestrieri, Forensic and Clinical Psychologist & Certified Sex Therapist

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Introduction to Dr. Kate Balestrieri

In this engaging episode of the Tosh Show, Daniel Tosh welcomes Dr. Kate Balestrieri, a seasoned forensic and clinical psychologist specializing in sex therapy. The conversation delves deep into the nuances of sexual relationships, therapy's role in enhancing intimacy, and the complexities of human sexuality.

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Therapy and Its Perceptions

Eddie Gosling initiates the discussion by questioning the necessity of therapy, sharing his skepticism about its effectiveness and relevance in his personal life.

• Eddie Gosling [02:30]: "We've never said 'I love you' in our entire friendship... My wife says I love you to everyone. She's made it completely meaningless."

Dr. Balestrieri emphasizes that while therapy is beneficial for many, it's not a one-size-fits-all solution. She highlights the importance of individual needs and preferences in seeking therapeutic help.

• Dr. Kate Balestrieri [10:16]: "People go to therapy for lots of different reasons... It can be really helpful."

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Sex Therapy: Addressing Common Concerns

The conversation transitions to sex therapy, where Dr. Balestrieri outlines the typical issues clients seek help for, ranging from trauma to enhancing their sex lives.

• Dr. Kate Balestrieri [13:27]: "I work with people who have had horrific trauma in their lives... and people who want to open their relationship."

Eddie probes into the practical aspects of therapy sessions, questioning how straightforward or intrusive the initial discussions are.

• Eddie Gosling [19:20]: "How do you start? Do we just start talking about the weird stuff they do?"

Dr. Balestrieri clarifies that sex therapy begins with understanding the client's holistic background before delving into sexual concerns.

• Dr. Kate Balestrieri [19:52]: "Sex therapy is just like every other kind of therapy. It's getting a lot of background about someone..."

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Understanding Kink and Diverse Sexual Interests

A lively segment unfolds as Eddie challenges the concept of kink, expressing discomfort and disbelief over unconventional sexual practices.

• Eddie Gosling [21:38]: "People that are into that? Weird. This is gonna get disgusting."

Dr. Balestrieri counters by explaining that kink serves as a vehicle for intimacy and personal expression, emphasizing that diversity in sexual preferences is natural.

• Dr. Kate Balestrieri [22:14]: "Kink is really a vehicle for intimacy... it's a metaphor for something that they're trying to experience in life."

Eddie remains skeptical, leading to a humorous exchange about the terminology and societal perceptions of sexual accessories.

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Monogamy vs. Non-Monogamy

The discussion shifts to relationship structures, with Eddie advocating for monogamy while challenging non-monogamous arrangements.

• Eddie Gosling [32:29]: "Because I call the other stuff bullshit. If you just get to go out willy nilly."

Dr. Balestrieri provides a historical perspective, illustrating that both monogamous and non-monogamous relationships have their place depending on individual and societal factors.

• Dr. Kate Balestrieri [31:01]: "I think there's a huge spectrum and there isn't a right or a wrong way."

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Addressing the Orgasm Gap

One of the pivotal moments in the episode is the discussion of the "orgasm gap," a disparity in orgasm frequency between heterosexual men and women.

• Dr. Kate Balestrieri [23:35]: "There's a huge gap for heterosexual people... heterosexual men have orgasms 95% of the time, whereas heterosexual women have orgasms only 65% of the time."

Eddie dismisses the significance of this gap, leading to a debate on its impact on relationships and sexual satisfaction.

• Eddie Gosling [24:13]: "Who cares?"

Dr. Balestrieri emphasizes the importance of addressing this gap to enhance mutual satisfaction and understanding in heterosexual relationships.

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Navigating Long-Term Relationships and Sexuality

Eddie shares personal anecdotes about his relationship struggles, particularly regarding the initiation of sex, prompting Dr. Balestrieri to offer insights into maintaining a healthy sexual dynamic over time.

• Eddie Gosling [17:40]: "I think women change so much more physically throughout their lives... I gotta refigure this stuff out constantly."

• Dr. Kate Balestrieri [44:43]: "You want to think about your intentions for being sexual and think about it as a co-created experience."

The conversation highlights the necessity of communication, adaptability, and mutual respect in sustaining a thriving sex life within long-term partnerships.

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Closing Thoughts

As the episode wraps up, Dr. Balestrieri reinforces the significance of humility and curiosity in fostering fulfilling sexual relationships, while Eddie humorously reflects on his personal approach to relationships.

• Dr. Kate Balestrieri [44:35]: "With humility and curiosity. Sex is fun... it's a co-created experience."

• Eddie Gosling [45:31]: "I just want to be attracted to the person."

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Key Takeaways

• Therapy's Role: Therapy, including sex therapy, serves diverse purposes, from addressing trauma to enhancing sexual satisfaction. It's tailored to individual needs and is not universally required.

• Sexual Diversity: Human sexuality is vast and varied. Kink and unconventional practices are legitimate forms of expressing intimacy and should be understood within personal contexts.

• Relationship Dynamics: Whether monogamous or non-monogamous, relationships thrive on communication, mutual understanding, and flexibility to adapt to each partner's evolving needs.

• Addressing Disparities: Recognizing and addressing issues like the orgasm gap is crucial for balanced and satisfying sexual relationships.

• Long-Term Sexual Health: Maintaining a vibrant sex life in long-term relationships requires ongoing effort, communication, and a shared commitment to mutual satisfaction.

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Notable Quotes with Timestamps

• Eddie Gosling [16:05]: "Anytime I refer have a sex question during this interview, I want you to know it's not about me. It's for a friend, always."

• Dr. Kate Balestrieri [22:45]: "Everyone's got different things. That's the beauty of sex... it's so diverse."

• Eddie Gosling [37:06]: "What I can't wrap my head around is somebody's into it for three straight days."

• Dr. Kate Balestrieri [44:28]: "Sex is something to do. I'm worried about your wife, honestly."

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This episode offers a candid and insightful exploration of sexual relationships, the benefits of therapy, and the complexities of human desires. Dr. Kate Balestrieri provides expert perspectives that challenge common misconceptions, fostering a deeper understanding of intimacy and personal fulfillment.

Transcript

[Daniel Tosh]

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[Eddie Gosling]

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[Eddie Gosling]

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[Ryan Seacrest]

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[Eddie Gosling]

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[Daniel Tosh]

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[Eddie Gosling]

Or dsw.com I don't think my wife has ever initiated sex in the last seven years.

[Daniel Tosh]

How do you feel about that?

[Eddie Gosling]

Well, I brought it up, but again, posh show. Posh show. Tosho. Posho. Live from Los Angeles, it's Tuesday Morning Live with Eddie Gosling, Pete Relyea, John Elric, me, musical guest Dylan Stern, and your host, Daniel Tosh. Welcome to Tosh Show. Oh, I'm so nervous to be here. That's all I've got. How you doing, Eddie?

[Daniel Tosh]

I'm doing good.

[Eddie Gosling]

How are you, man? I am doing swell, Eddie. You know what we don't ever do?

[Daniel Tosh]

What's that?

[Eddie Gosling]

I would say we've never done it.

[Daniel Tosh]

Okay.

[Eddie Gosling]

In our entire friendship, we've never said I love you.

[Daniel Tosh]

I say it all the time.

[Eddie Gosling]

You've never said it to me. I think I might have said it to be funny once. No, you've never said it.

[Daniel Tosh]

Well, I do love you.

[Eddie Gosling]

You do?

[Daniel Tosh]

Yeah, I love you.

[Eddie Gosling]

I knew you did, you pussy. Here's where I'm going with this. I'm not going to say it to you because that's fucking stupid. My wife says I love you to everyone. She's made it completely meaningless. Like, literally. We made such a big deal about it the first time that we said I love you to each other after a year of dating. But, like, when I just listened to her. Every phone conversation with her friends ends with I love you. Every conversation with any member of her family or my family ends with I love you. But she's not saying it back either, just being polite. She initiates our neighbors. She says I love you to them. What? I'm. I'm literally losing my mind. She says to our H vac guy, her hot trainer. She says I love you, too, all the time. You know, I think where it comes from or why it annoys me so much is because you always hear douchebaggy guys, you know, on these dating shows, Bachelor. You know, I don't throw I love you around very, very often. They try to make it seem so much bigger than it really is. If I could go back in time to each one of my relationships, I would just say it on night one, like, oh, I love you. Yeah. I'd say to every girl, oh, I love you. Just so you know, I say it pretty easily. I would tell everyone, why not? Who cares? It's. It's. It doesn't mean anything. Just say it. If you're in a relationship or dating somebody for two months, just say it. I love you. I love you so much. Well, this is what my wife has done. She's. She's taken the power away from it. So now when I tell her I love you, it's just like, well, who cares? It's like, I might as well just give you a handshake. Now, I'm not going to say that our relationship still doesn't have spice. The other day, you and I bought her edible period panties. Oh, and by the way, they're not made from the fruit rollups. No, no. That's not sturdy enough. They're made from jerky.

[Daniel Tosh]

Wow.

[Eddie Gosling]

Yeah, it's a bigger panty. It's a meal, and it's nice. It's a meal. Oh, it's a meal. If you're going to open up a pair of period panties, you better have an appetite because it's a meal. Is that turkey jerky or. No, it says beef jerky. It's good. I got her the Thai chili ones.

[Daniel Tosh]

Oh, yeah?

[Eddie Gosling]

Yeah. She said it burned and itched. But whatever. I don't want to go into too much more detail. I know our listeners and viewers are getting all horned up. I'm going to ask you nicely. Hold, hold, hold. Enjoy the flavor, the tradition and the.

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[Dr. Kate]

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[Eddie Gosling]

Pause Show Today's guest will probably attempt to get into My mind because she is a licensed forensic and clinical psychologist and also a certified sex therapist. But I have a perfect relationship with my hot mother. So good luck trying to psychoanalyze me. Please welcome sexy therapist. Wait, no. Sex therapist? You know what, I'm just gonna go. Dr. Kate. How's that? Hi, how are you?

[Daniel Tosh]

I'm okay, how are you?

[Eddie Gosling]

I'm doing well, thank you.

[Daniel Tosh]

Good. Are you really?

[Eddie Gosling]

Uh huh. Good. Oh no, the first. She's already in. She's already in.

[Daniel Tosh]

Good.

[Eddie Gosling]

This is a nightmare. All right, I'll start. Well, let's start with. Do you believe in ghosts?

[Daniel Tosh]

Ooh, ghosts of previous relationships, maybe, but.

[Eddie Gosling]

That'S the only type.

[Daniel Tosh]

Yeah.

[Eddie Gosling]

You don't believe in ghosts? Then that's a no. What about skeletons in people's closets?

[Daniel Tosh]

Metaphorically?

[Eddie Gosling]

Sure, sure. Good grief. Just so you know my background, I've never been to therapy.

[Daniel Tosh]

Never?

[Eddie Gosling]

No.

[Daniel Tosh]

Why?

[Eddie Gosling]

I resent. I don't know. You know, I've never felt like I really needed it and I always figured the cuckoo stuff in my head that I could live with helped me professionally. So I was like, eh, just leave it.

[Daniel Tosh]

Did you know that your face is changing colors right now?

[Eddie Gosling]

Probably, I mean it's. Well, listen, I'm aware that I'm on the wrong side of it.

[Daniel Tosh]

Listen, everybody can benefit from having somebody to talk to, but not everyone needs to go to therapy. So you make a decision about what.

[Eddie Gosling]

Works for you when you live in Los Angeles. So many people are so open about their therapy and I have friends that have been in therapy for decades and I say to myself, why am I hanging out with someone that hasn't been fixed yet? Is that just forever? We're going to do this forever? No.

[Daniel Tosh]

People go to therapy for lots of different reasons. Sometimes they want a solution to a symptom that's really bothering them and that's probably more of like a short term experience in therapy. But sometimes people want a place that's a neutral space and they want a long term relationship with someone who knows them them so that they can go back and get tuneups and check ins across lots of different milestones in their life and it can be really helpful. Right. Like we all have an accountant, we all have a mechanic. If you have a car and you go to these experts when you don't know what to do yourself. And so the things can be the same way.

[Eddie Gosling]

Same with it. Like a medical doctor.

[Daniel Tosh]

Yeah.

[Eddie Gosling]

When stuff's wrong with me, I don't go.

[Daniel Tosh]

Well, that sounds like a you thing.

[Eddie Gosling]

I know it is. Oh, yeah, definitely. I'm just like, ah, that'll, that'll work itself out. You know, I don't need to use my back the same way I used to. Well, I just wanted you to have, you know, know who you were talking to on some. But I mean, again, I think it's great for other people, just not for me. Where are you with in person therapy versus, you know, the teletherapy?

[Daniel Tosh]

It's such a good question. Like, for some people, virtual therapy is the only reason they can make time for it. It gives them the space, it gives them the flexibility to actually get into some of the stuff they want to get into, which is great for other people. They don't like it because they can't get enough privacy at home. You know, they live in a smaller space. Maybe their partner or kids make it hard to focus. They want to be in person.

[Eddie Gosling]

I mean, any doctor that lets me just like hold up my kid's arm into a camera and will like send me a, you know, a prescription, I'm like, thank you. It's so much better.

[Daniel Tosh]

It's convenient.

[Eddie Gosling]

Oh, you're originally from Wisconsin, Went to school in Chicago. Now say what you will about the blown out of proportion, you know, gun violence. How much do you love Chicago?

[Daniel Tosh]

I love it. I miss it so much.

[Eddie Gosling]

Do you go back regularly or.

[Daniel Tosh]

No, I was just there a few weeks ago. Yeah, it's great.

[Eddie Gosling]

That's a good time of year to be there.

[Daniel Tosh]

It is. It's beautiful.

[Eddie Gosling]

There's a small window. There's like three weeks in the beginning of fall and three weeks at the end of spring.

[Daniel Tosh]

That's exactly right.

[Eddie Gosling]

And that's it.

[Daniel Tosh]

Yep. Rest of it you can leave there.

[Eddie Gosling]

Sure, sure. You began your career as a therapist working in the legal system with prison inmates. What was that like?

[Daniel Tosh]

It was honestly such a great education because I got to see the worst of humanity and also the best. It was really insightful.

[Eddie Gosling]

Who was the best?

[Daniel Tosh]

You get to see the best of humanity in these really small moments where new inmates would come in and look, most of the time it's pretty dog eat dog in there. But every once in a while you saw someone take someone else under their wing without another agenda. You saw them give somebody something from commissary because they were having a really hard time, or you saw them have a growth moment that was really profound. You know, there, there were just little moments like that that really shone through.

[Eddie Gosling]

My biggest fear in life.

[Daniel Tosh]

Going to prison?

[Eddie Gosling]

Yes.

[Daniel Tosh]

For good reason.

[Eddie Gosling]

Well, that and monsters. But yeah, no, it seems Awful. How do you transition the career into sex therapy?

[Daniel Tosh]

Yeah. Well, working with sex offenders for as long as I did gave me a lot of training and a lot of understanding to really understand the different relationships that people have with sex and how people use sex to communicate different things that they want or they need in life. I wanted to help people move away from a relationship with sex that was really painful in some way to a relationship with sex that felt ripe with pleasure, that was thriving, that was healthy, that was expansive and generative in their lives. So that's sort of the journey.

[Eddie Gosling]

Who benefits from you the most? Is it people that have had, like, you know, horrible sex trauma in their life, or is it people that are just trying to enrich their sex lives? Both.

[Daniel Tosh]

Both. Right. I work with people who have had horrific trauma in their lives, people who have pain during sex, who can't get an erection or who ejaculate too soon or sooner than they would like. I work with people who want to open their relationship and they don't know how to get started. People who wanna get kinky and they don't know how to get started. Or in mixed relationships where one person's more vanilla, one person's more kinky, and they're trying to figure out how to make that make sense. We work with a lot of folks who are recovering from infidelity and trying to figure out why they went there. You know, we do a lot.

[Eddie Gosling]

A lot of people trying to fix their relationship.

[Daniel Tosh]

A lot of people trying to. Fix is an interesting word, right? Fix assumes that there's a finish line or a finite point or that we're all these static creatures where it just, like, pop back into place. But that's not really how it works. Right. We're all dynamic. So it's about integration, understanding assimilation, you know, kind of creating a new path forward. So it's a very dynamic process.

[Eddie Gosling]

I mean, the real. The real fix is divorce, but they don't want to do that.

[Daniel Tosh]

Is that a fix? Well, sometimes.

[Eddie Gosling]

Sometimes. Do you ever recommend that they get divorced, like, because you know enough information about one of the parties that you're like, mm, this is not. This is not gonna work. You're wasting your time.

[Daniel Tosh]

I might say that. I might say. I might say this is seeming like a fruitless effort. Okay, let's explore that. I will push people to explore what divorce could look like, but I'll also push them to explore what not getting divorced could look like. I don't have an agenda for people's relationships. They might come in already Decided they're gonna get a divorce, but they're buying time, or they want to try one more thing, or they have it in their head that if me or my partner could just get to this thing, then everything will be okay. So, you know, I don't want to push people. I trust that everyone knows where they need to be when they're ready to know that.

[Eddie Gosling]

Oh, that's a mistake. I don't think so. Well, you see, you have no agenda, but your agenda is you'd like your clients to be happy.

[Daniel Tosh]

I want my clients to feel content and at peace with the decisions that they make in life and to have meaning and create meaning where they need it and want it, and to make hard decisions. It's not always possible to be happy all the time. Right. We want to create a life that has meaning so that we can sustain the parts that aren't so happy and really enjoy the parts that are.

[Eddie Gosling]

I enjoy the roller coaster. I like real high highs, and then I like just crashing. By the way, anytime I refer have a sex question during this interview, I want you to know it's not about me. It's for a friend, always. Okay.

[Daniel Tosh]

Of course. I get that.

[Eddie Gosling]

I have.

[Daniel Tosh]

No, you don't even have sex.

[Eddie Gosling]

I'm sure I do.

[Daniel Tosh]

Do you?

[Eddie Gosling]

I have sex with my wife, you know, pretty regularly. That's great for your standard vanilla clients. How many times do you want them to go at it? A week?

[Daniel Tosh]

However many times it makes sense for them.

[Eddie Gosling]

Well, I'm talking about vanilla people.

[Daniel Tosh]

However many times it makes sense for them. There isn't an ideal. Right. Because every couple is different for some reason.

[Eddie Gosling]

I don't think my wife has ever initiated sex in the last seven years.

[Daniel Tosh]

How do you feel about that?

[Eddie Gosling]

Well, I brought it up. That's all right.

[Daniel Tosh]

That's a start. Daniel.

[Eddie Gosling]

I think it's okay. I think it's okay that she doesn't. I'm like, you know what? That's fine.

[Daniel Tosh]

It depends on why. For some partners, they'd be like, yeah, no, that's my thing. I want to be the initiator. And for some, they're like, I want my partner to initiate more. And I don't know why they're not.

[Eddie Gosling]

We've turned into some 1980s sitcom where I'm chasing her around like, come here. I believe that if I'm being honest about who I am sexually, it hasn't really changed that much since I was, you know, 14.

[Daniel Tosh]

Yeah, I believe that.

[Eddie Gosling]

And I believe women change so much more physically throughout their lives, whether it's just, you know, as they get older, having a baby, if they have a baby, you know, you got organs moving around. Everything about them seems like it's just a moving target at all points of their lives. So I always feel like, oh, this is tough. I gotta refigure this stuff out constantly.

[Daniel Tosh]

That sounds like a fun adventure.

[Eddie Gosling]

Okay, I should look at it that way. I'm just always looking for a cheat code. I'm like, all right, what now? What are you into now? Me talking less. Got it. I've been married for almost 10 years. Can sex therapy shut out the part of my brain that remembers my 20s and 30s, you know, when I was living the good life? I don't mean to say the good life, but now that actually describes it, pretty much.

[Daniel Tosh]

You mean, like, do we have one of those men in black things where we can just. And like, out goes a whole decade?

[Eddie Gosling]

I mean, I don't know. I just feel like, is there a way to block that out? Get rid of the Rolodex?

[Daniel Tosh]

Why do you want to?

[Eddie Gosling]

Well.

[Daniel Tosh]

Are you playing the compare and despair game, Daniel?

[Eddie Gosling]

Oh, is that what it's called?

[Daniel Tosh]

Yeah.

[Eddie Gosling]

Ah, no, I'm not playing it. Well, now I am now because you put it in my head. So now I'm doing it. I can't stop doing it right now.

[Daniel Tosh]

You know, maybe you could use all of those memories as, like, ideas to bring fun stuff into your 10 year marriage. Whatever you liked about those experiences, can they be a bridge into the now?

[Eddie Gosling]

They were just somebody new, that's all. You know, I've never wanted to break up with somebody for someone else in my life.

[Daniel Tosh]

Okay, that's nice.

[Eddie Gosling]

I've always wanted to break up just so I could be alone again.

[Daniel Tosh]

Okay. I was like, oh, yeah. Is it really taxing for you to be in a relationship?

[Eddie Gosling]

No, not now.

[Daniel Tosh]

No.

[Eddie Gosling]

Now the person I'm in a relationship, I'm just like, yeah, this is great.

[Daniel Tosh]

Amazing.

[Eddie Gosling]

Let's just ride this out. Anyway, is this what therapy is? This isn't bad. I just cut you a check at the end if I venmo you. How's this work?

[Daniel Tosh]

I'll send you a bill.

[Eddie Gosling]

What's the most common reason someone goes to see a sex therapist?

[Daniel Tosh]

Usually because something's going on in their sex life and they don't know how to make it better. But the underlying question is usually something like, am I normal? Am I broken? You know, am I okay for wanting what I want? Or because this thing is happening. So usually it's about addressing something that they don't know how to make sense of and making sure that they're like.

[Eddie Gosling]

Okay, how do you start? We come in for a sex therapy session. How quickly do we just start talking about the weird stuff that they do?

[Daniel Tosh]

I wouldn't call it weird, but sex therapy is just like every other kind of therapy. At the start, it's getting a lot of background about someone, their life, their medical history, legal history, family history, social history. We want to know who you are holistically. And then we're going to talk about whatever sexually is bringing you into the space so that we can have a really integrated idea of what's going on.

[Eddie Gosling]

How kinky are you dealing? I'm just like, are these people, like, straight up freaks? What's the scale? What are people into now?

[Daniel Tosh]

Well, I wouldn't use the word freak unless we're using it in, like, a positive. Like, they're freaky. They're getting freaky.

[Eddie Gosling]

No. Then it's like, what? They just, like, have to, like, harness themselves up and all that.

[Daniel Tosh]

Have you ever tried it?

[Eddie Gosling]

No.

[Daniel Tosh]

Well, then you don't know what you're missing.

[Eddie Gosling]

That's fine. I've never been to Bora Bora, and I'm okay with that.

[Daniel Tosh]

Okay.

[Eddie Gosling]

I know it's beautiful.

[Daniel Tosh]

Yeah.

[Eddie Gosling]

But it's like, eh, whatever.

[Daniel Tosh]

People are kinky for lots of reasons, right? And it's not always about sex, at least not penetrative sex. Kink is really. It's a vehicle for intimacy. Intimacy with self, intimacy with others. So people are kinky because they get to feel something in their body or something in the dynamic that they don't have access to otherwise. And sex is play. It's play for adults, whether you're vanilla or kinky. But the kinky folks, you know, they get pretty creative.

[Eddie Gosling]

Now, I've. In my previous show that I had on Comedy Central, I've been known to kink shame a time or two. But I'll be honest with you, in my defense, the Internet is just a horrible place. And I had no idea. I mean, half the videos, I didn't even know that it was. I mean, that's not true. I probably knew it was sexual, but it's just so bizarre, the random things that some people are just like, no, I just sit here and comb somebody's hair for four hours. That's just disturbing.

[Daniel Tosh]

Is it? Or is it just something you don't understand?

[Eddie Gosling]

I don't understand also. Mike, come on. That's what you need to be doing. What about people that are into that? Weird. This Is gonna get disgusting. But yes, let's just say poop. People that are in, like, is it poop play? Is that a thing? Whatever.

[Daniel Tosh]

It's a thing. Yeah.

[Eddie Gosling]

Do you have to sit there and act like this, this is acceptable, what you're saying. Oh, you're into this. It's okay.

[Daniel Tosh]

Why wouldn't it be okay?

[Eddie Gosling]

It's disgusting.

[Daniel Tosh]

Yeah, look, excrement can be really gross. We're all conditioned to think, ew, ew, ew. And like, disgust serves a very.

[Eddie Gosling]

He doesn't like it.

[Daniel Tosh]

He doesn't like it.

[Eddie Gosling]

Carl's like, you're about to talk about. Although he's ate before.

[Daniel Tosh]

Yeah. Carl's like, daniel, you're, like, speaking out of your lane here.

[Eddie Gosling]

Fair enough. Fair enough, Carl. I apologize. All right?

[Daniel Tosh]

People like it for different reasons. Some people enjoy that kind of play because it is. And they like to lean into the disgust element or the humiliation element. Some people like it because they want to reclaim something in themselves. You know, everyone's different. And the important thing to remember, whatever the kink is that somebody's doing, it's a metaphor for something that they're trying to experience in life.

[Eddie Gosling]

No, that's just. That's just some fucked up parents. That's. That's all it is. You just got to tell them, get out of your office. And also, they're just. You clean the couch.

[Daniel Tosh]

Everyone's got different things.

[Eddie Gosling]

I know.

[Daniel Tosh]

That's the beauty of sex, right? Like, it is so diverse. That's the one constant, is that it's diverse. And human beings are super, super diverse. We all like different kinds of foods. We like different kinds of music. Why wouldn't we like different kinds of sex?

[Eddie Gosling]

I know we do. But no matter what you're into, it's still. You just want to get to the finish line. The finish line is the same for everybody.

[Daniel Tosh]

Not necessarily. It's still focusing too much on an orgasm. Can really listen. Orgasms are great. We've got to close the gap first of all.

[Eddie Gosling]

But what do you mean, close the gap?

[Daniel Tosh]

The orgasm gap.

[Eddie Gosling]

What's the gap?

[Daniel Tosh]

Oh, have you not heard of the orgasm gap?

[Eddie Gosling]

No. What is this?

[Daniel Tosh]

Oh, okay. So a big study was done a few years ago. Like 50,000 ish participants.

[Eddie Gosling]

I would have participated.

[Daniel Tosh]

I bet you would have.

[Eddie Gosling]

Okay.

[Daniel Tosh]

And what they looked at were people's gender and sexual orientations and their frequency of orgasm. What they learned is that there's a huge gap for heterosexual people. Heterosexual men have orgasms, like, something like 95% of the time, whereas heterosexual women have orgasms only something like 65% of the time.

[Eddie Gosling]

You know what I say? Who cares?

[Daniel Tosh]

I do feel sorry for your wife.

[Eddie Gosling]

But if you would have told me it was 50% gap, I would have been like, of course it's 50. I'm not gonna be. I'm not shocked by that at all.

[Daniel Tosh]

No, not at all.

[Eddie Gosling]

Okay.

[Daniel Tosh]

But it sucks for women who have sex with men exclusively. Like, their orgasm potential is so low.

[Eddie Gosling]

Well, maybe they shouldn't be so hard to have an orgasm.

[Daniel Tosh]

Sorry.

[Eddie Gosling]

Maybe I'm getting hostile.

[Daniel Tosh]

I hear that. You want to talk about it, Daniel?

[Eddie Gosling]

Maybe it shouldn't take so long. Ugh. It's not our fault you're wired. So tricky.

[Daniel Tosh]

Isn't it, though? Is it in your. Do we need to talk about where things are? Do you want to navigate.

[Eddie Gosling]

No, no, no.

[Daniel Tosh]

Should I bring in my, like, charts?

[Eddie Gosling]

Listen, I'm. I know what to do, but it's like sometimes it's like, hey, you know, there's. Sometimes you're with your partner again. I'm not talking about my wife. I'm talking about just in general.

[Daniel Tosh]

Your friend's wife.

[Eddie Gosling]

They' say. They'll say, you know, it's just not happening. That, you know, all the same things are in play here. But you know what? You can just. They're just gonna tap out.

[Daniel Tosh]

Yeah. Happens.

[Eddie Gosling]

And I'm always like. As soon as I get that tap, I'm like, oh, great. Three, two, one. All right, so there's a big gap. What do we have to do to close the gap?

[Daniel Tosh]

Oh, we've got a big.

[Eddie Gosling]

Toys.

[Daniel Tosh]

Yes.

[Eddie Gosling]

Do you say toys, or do you say we call them sex toys? Or we call them. What else?

[Daniel Tosh]

Toys. Accessories. Accessories, Whatever.

[Eddie Gosling]

That's more professional.

[Daniel Tosh]

Dildos. You can say what want.

[Eddie Gosling]

I don't. I don't want to see a dildo.

[Daniel Tosh]

You don't.

[Eddie Gosling]

Now, dildos have always. Dildo. I tell you what, dildos have gotten a bad rap.

[Daniel Tosh]

There you go.

[Dr. Kate]

Yeah.

[Eddie Gosling]

I mean, because whenever I think of a dildo, I'm like, oh, that's. That's disturbing. But a vibrator. I'm like, oh, that's nice.

[Daniel Tosh]

Oh, that's interesting.

[Eddie Gosling]

But a dildo, I'm just like, oh, gross.

[Daniel Tosh]

Why?

[Eddie Gosling]

I don't know. Because it's a big fake penis. I remember once seeing a dildo under one of my friend's beds in college, and I was just like, you dirty hoe. I didn't say that out loud, but I thought that. Well, I'm just remembering now.

[Daniel Tosh]

Feels like you have some big Feelings about this?

[Eddie Gosling]

Well, I just. Again, you know, they make dildos look like penises, too. That's always seems.

[Daniel Tosh]

Do you not like penises?

[Eddie Gosling]

I mean, I like. I think they're fine. Oh. Oh, you think you can. You can't corner me. I'm out.

[Daniel Tosh]

You didn't get the three taps yet?

[Eddie Gosling]

Hey, penis envy. Do people bring up penis envy?

[Daniel Tosh]

Well, I think a lot of people heard Freud talk about penis envy way back when, so. There's a lot of mythology about penis envy.

[Eddie Gosling]

Do you ever just tell your clients, listen, this is how many inches you have to be for it to be a non issue?

[Daniel Tosh]

No, because everyone's different. Everyone's anatomy is different. Vaginas are different in length.

[Eddie Gosling]

Are micro penises a real thing?

[Daniel Tosh]

Yeah.

[Eddie Gosling]

How small can they be, Microsoft? Like, what is an actual micro penis?

[Daniel Tosh]

I mean, they vary, but very.

[Eddie Gosling]

Would 2 inches erect be considered a micropenis?

[Daniel Tosh]

Possibly. I'd have to look at the exact specs on that.

[Eddie Gosling]

I'd like to know what a micropenis, what the cutoff is for a micropenis. It's like a little person, right? They have to be like, under 411 or something. I don't know what the rule is. Is there any correlation between feet, hands and penis?

[Daniel Tosh]

There's different studies about that. I don't think there's anything conclusive. But recently I read that the one piece of anatomy that's most correlated to penis size is.

[Eddie Gosling]

Meaning what, like a larger nose, a.

[Daniel Tosh]

Larger penis, Something like that? I don't know if that's true. That's just something I read recently.

[Eddie Gosling]

Huh. That's interesting. Can you get me into any of the Eyes Wide Shut parties that are going on in Beverly Hills?

[Daniel Tosh]

I've got some connections.

[Eddie Gosling]

You do? So you know they exist?

[Daniel Tosh]

Yeah, there's lots of parties.

[Eddie Gosling]

Do you go to those ever?

[Daniel Tosh]

I'm not gonna tell you that.

[Eddie Gosling]

Okay, that's fair. But they exist. I never thought they existed, and now I'm being told they do. And now I'm being. It's confirmation here that they exist.

[Daniel Tosh]

No, there's all kinds of fun parties, not just in la.

[Eddie Gosling]

Who hosts those parties?

[Daniel Tosh]

Different people. Sometimes organizations. Sometimes they're private parties.

[Eddie Gosling]

Like an Airbnb?

[Daniel Tosh]

No, like, there's. There's different companies. That sex party is. Is their thing.

[Eddie Gosling]

What do they do to the house, though? I mean, it's just.

[Daniel Tosh]

That seems respectable.

[Eddie Gosling]

No, they're not.

[Daniel Tosh]

Sometimes it depends on who hosts them and who goes, oh, I don't want.

[Eddie Gosling]

To rent that house after them. You feel like you Know, like if you buy a house and somebody just died in the house, they have to let you know. Full disclosure. I feel like if your was used as a sex party, they should have to let you know.

[Daniel Tosh]

Why?

[Eddie Gosling]

I don't know, so that I can scrape up some ass blood.

[Daniel Tosh]

I mean, I imagine that's been taken care of.

[Eddie Gosling]

I've seen the forensic work that people do. You always. There's always a drip somewhere.

[Daniel Tosh]

Well, that could be true.

[Eddie Gosling]

How do they let you know one of these sex parties is about to happen? They send out an evite.

[Daniel Tosh]

What's sometimes? I mean, it depends, right? Like some of the organizations that literally host these parties. Yeah. You get on their newsletter, they. Some of them are by invite only. Some of them you can apply to be accepted into. Some of them, it's like, do you.

[Eddie Gosling]

Have to have a plus one?

[Daniel Tosh]

Every party's different, right? Some parties, no, you can come as a single person.

[Eddie Gosling]

You always go, oh, there's Tony. He's always here alone. Sometimes comes in, glomming on. My wife, anytime I've been to a party in my life, I'm going to a party tomorrow night and I'm dreading it.

[Daniel Tosh]

Is it a sex party?

[Eddie Gosling]

No, it's a birthday party anyway. But I just go and I just immediately, my wife and I just, she, like, we just go to a corner and then I just keep saying like every five minutes, you think it's cool if we leave now? That's how I envision how I would be at a sex party. Well. Well, yeah, I got mine. How about you?

[Daniel Tosh]

I mean, therapy could help with your social skills.

[Eddie Gosling]

Percentage of clients that are there by themselves versus with a couple.

[Daniel Tosh]

Oh, it's so mixed. I mean, our practice works with individuals and couples. Some specialize in one or the other, so we're pretty even. I would say we're maybe 55% individuals, 45% couples. Right now. Some throuples, some quads.

[Eddie Gosling]

Quad. And that's where you stop. You know what I feel like the quads are trying to do?

[Daniel Tosh]

What?

[Eddie Gosling]

I feel like they're lying and they're just trying to get a better rate on their therapy by coming in altogether.

[Daniel Tosh]

You know what? I'm going to investigate that. That's an interesting hypothesis.

[Eddie Gosling]

Yes. Just seems like they're trying to scam the system. Oh, yeah. Just act like we all bone each other. All right, here we go. I mean, honestly, you have these throuples come in.

[Daniel Tosh]

Of course. And I would.

[Eddie Gosling]

I pretend that they have, like, I know your problem. There's fucking three of you that's a.

[Daniel Tosh]

Problem and an opportunity for them. But listen, folks who are non monogamous have typically are better adjusted because they have to practice more communication, more proactive communication and they have to really work at it. Like one relationship is hard. So if you add multiple relationships to the mix, balancing all those boundaries and negotiating things, yeah, it's complicated, but it can be great. I wouldn't call it nonsense.

[Eddie Gosling]

Do you think humans are meant to be monogamous?

[Daniel Tosh]

I think there's a huge spectrum and there isn't a right or a wrong way. Let me give you a little history lesson. Before the, I think it was the agricultural revolution. We weren't monogamous as like a group, a cohesive group. There was a lot more community play happening, community, child rearing, community, everything. But once the agricultural revolution happened and we started having like assets, like things that we earned, then people wanted more assurance that the things they were working for. So at that time it was like livestock and whatnot. They wanted to be able to pass that along to their own children. So like that's around the same time that we started living more in like a nuclear family dynamic. And when monogamy became more of the desired relationship style because then men could determine the paternity of offspring. When we had a lot of non monogamous sex as humans, that was less known. So do I think people are healthier? Not necessarily. Some people really benefit from non monogamy and some people really benefit from monogamy. There's a huge spectrum.

[Eddie Gosling]

In that spectrum. Would you say that gay relationships are less monogamous than hetero relationships or. Not necessarily.

[Daniel Tosh]

That's a really interesting question. I don't know the data on that, but I would say there's a huge spectrum of people in the queer community who prefer monogamy and non monogamy.

[Eddie Gosling]

Well, I'm trying to get them on the hook for monogamy.

[Daniel Tosh]

Why?

[Eddie Gosling]

Because I call the other stuff bullshit. If you just get to go out willy nilly.

[Daniel Tosh]

It's not willy nilly though.

[Eddie Gosling]

There's a trade off. You want to get married, it's like you have to suck it up and suffer.

[Daniel Tosh]

Daniel, this is why people go to therapy, right?

[Eddie Gosling]

Oh, to yell their stupid views. Do you have a therapist to unload on?

[Daniel Tosh]

Of course.

[Eddie Gosling]

Now are you allowed to just when you're in that environment, just talk about all of your clients in a free form there?

[Daniel Tosh]

Great question. So therapists can have therapists and sometimes they might process some stuff that comes up for them from their work in their own Therapy. But usually we have a separate space for that called supervision, where we consult with other therapists about our cases.

[Eddie Gosling]

Specifically, is sex therapy covered by insurance?

[Daniel Tosh]

Sometimes.

[Eddie Gosling]

Do you take insurance?

[Daniel Tosh]

No.

[Eddie Gosling]

Okay.

[Daniel Tosh]

But we do offer super bills and sliding scales.

[Eddie Gosling]

Do you need it because you're usually hanging out with a bunch of elitist in Beverly Hills now, right?

[Daniel Tosh]

I wouldn't say that.

[Eddie Gosling]

Oh.

[Daniel Tosh]

But yeah, our rates vary. We know what we do do, though, because accessibility is really important to me. We have contracts with different schools to be a training site for therapists. So we offer low and no cost services with our students. Our students?

[Eddie Gosling]

Therapists for students?

[Daniel Tosh]

No, no, no. We train therapists as students and then to the folks out in the world, they get really reasonable prices.

[Eddie Gosling]

Are sex therapists considered sex workers?

[Daniel Tosh]

That's a really interesting question. Some people treat us like sex workers.

[Eddie Gosling]

What do you mean by that?

[Daniel Tosh]

They want to come in and throw money at a problem and they want us to sort of like fix it for them or address it in that way. Some people, I don't know if they really don't know what we do or if this is a gross boundary violation, but they will try to engage in some kind of exhibitionism or, you know, they'll do inappropriate things.

[Eddie Gosling]

I know what you're saying now.

[Daniel Tosh]

Yeah. So that happens for sex therapists quite a bit.

[Eddie Gosling]

Do you immediately report that?

[Daniel Tosh]

My practice does, yeah. Yeah, yeah.

[Eddie Gosling]

Do you ever have to report someone because they told you they've done something awful?

[Daniel Tosh]

Yeah. So in California, every state has mandated reporter requirements where we have to make reports, but it's really limited to things like someone saying they're going to hurt themselves or someone else. We have to report that. If someone tells us that they know of any emotional, physical, sexual or financial abuse against someone under 18 or over 65, then we have to report that. And that includes child sexual abuse material. So any, like, sexually explicit images of children that they've been viewing or distributing or downloading knowingly?

[Eddie Gosling]

When you talk about pedophile stuff like that, it's a sickness. Right. Would you say pedophilia is a sickness or. No?

[Daniel Tosh]

I would say it's a pathology. Yeah.

[Eddie Gosling]

Well, it's just the one thing that if someone has no one, no one goes, oh, they have a disease. There's no. Everybody's just like, no, fuck them. They burn at the stake.

[Daniel Tosh]

Yeah. Look, humans love easy black and white categorizations. Right. So we love to think of ourselves as good people and bad people.

[Eddie Gosling]

Yep.

[Daniel Tosh]

And that's just not the reality of life. Like there Are so many people out in the world who are really good people outward facing, and they're doing things at home that are really, really abusive. Really horrible. It's like the most common data about perpetrators of sexual violence is that it's always. Not always, but majority of the time it's known to the victim. And when your child, that means it's a parent, a caregiver, a teacher, a coach, religious person that you know has been entrusted with children. It's all these adults or older siblings around them.

[Eddie Gosling]

So I got to get all the adults out of my kids life because I can rule myself out, I can rule my wife out. Other than that, I can't trust anyone. So no religious figures can go around my kids, the teachers. I don't know how to get around that one.

[Daniel Tosh]

That's hard. Yeah. That's why it's not so easy to look at everyone as black and white. Good people, bad people.

[Eddie Gosling]

Well, I think all of them are bad. If they're looking at my kid, they're.

[Daniel Tosh]

Doing really horrible things. Yeah, that's awful. Yeah.

[Eddie Gosling]

Talk to me. Oh, we got to get into this. If you were called to provide your psychological expertise in the P. Diddy case, what would your diagnosis be?

[Daniel Tosh]

Well, we can't provide diagnoses for people we've never evaluated.

[Eddie Gosling]

I know, but let's just go for it. I mean, this is this fascinating, this case.

[Daniel Tosh]

This is why I became a forensic psychologist. Right. You get to understand why people do the most malevolent and dark things that they do.

[Eddie Gosling]

And why do they.

[Daniel Tosh]

So many different reasons. People's motivations vary, but usually when it comes to stuff like this, the motivation is power. It's wanting to have control, it's wanting to feel superior, feel protected in your superiority. And having a sense of power gives people that illusion of superiority and it gives them the illusion then of having some sort of safety in this world.

[Eddie Gosling]

Yeah, I mean, I believe you. I. And I'm. I just, you know, when you live long enough, you realize there's every walk of life. Yeah, but when you're like when you're living your life in a normal shell or what you perceive to be normal, and you see how other people act. I just can't. I just can't wrap my head around it.

[Daniel Tosh]

Yeah, well, that's good. You're not a psychopath.

[Eddie Gosling]

What's he called, his little sex party? What were those, the freak offs? And they went for like days long. I don't care what you're into sexually. And I can wrap my head around, oh, Everybody's into different things, blah, blah, blah. Fine. What I can't wrap my head around is somebody's into it for three straight days. I mean, no matter what I'm into after said climax, I'm no longer into it. I'm like, all right, get out of my house, guys.

[Daniel Tosh]

Yeah, but you're assuming it's about sexual pleasure and it's not, right? Sexual violence is not about sexual pleasure. It's about power. It's about being in control. So I can't speak to this case because I haven't investigated it. I don't know the details, I don't know the psyche. But when people do things like this, often they're not even masturbating, they're not even enjoying it in that way. Or if they are, it's a short lived experience. And then they come back to, you know, kind of resting on this idea of, I did this, this is my doing. And that gives them a sense of control. We've seen that with lots of kinds of situations where perpetrators are found to have hosted public events in a non consensual way.

[Eddie Gosling]

Well, okay, I'm gonna get off this. But it's just so fresh right now in the news. Like anytime something goes, three days, like whenever you're watching a movie and like a Jason Bourne movie and he's on the run and it's, well, when are you taking a nap? When are you going to the bathroom? PG still had to go out. Normal day activities. Like when was he checking emails? Like while all this nonsense is going on in the living room. Just the smell alone. I'm just confused. Oh, he's going away, isn't he? He's gonna get locked up. I know you don't know the particulars, but he's done, right? He's done. See, that's the trade off. Yeah. You could look at my life and say it's boring. But look at that idiot. Thought he was, you know, gonna ride that biggie fame forever. Nope. Everybody that's on my show gets a gift. Oh, yeah. But it's just stuff from my house that I don't want.

[Daniel Tosh]

I don't want your dildo.

[Eddie Gosling]

Ugh. You know, that's funny that you say that. I was like going around my house. I'm like, I don't have any sexy stuff to give, but this, this is the last interview that I'm doing with this table.

[Daniel Tosh]

Wow.

[Eddie Gosling]

So I am giving you this table. I don't know where you're gonna put it, but this table is now yours.

[Daniel Tosh]

That is just so generous. Thank you.

[Eddie Gosling]

So I need you to take this with you. Get my mug off your table. I have this candle, too. This is sensual amber. You're gonna love that candle.

[Daniel Tosh]

Well, thank you.

[Eddie Gosling]

That's your table, So I guess you can keep it on there.

[Daniel Tosh]

Thank you.

[Eddie Gosling]

What else do I have down here? Oh, this. I wanted you to have this. This is. I don't. Never. I'm always paranoid to get rid of my old computers because there's probably stuff on there that I don't want. But this one, I figure you're legally. You can't look at that. And there's nothing on there that you would be freaked out by. So I'm just gonna give you my old computer as well.

[Daniel Tosh]

That is very generous.

[Eddie Gosling]

All right. Can you sit down on the floor? Your gifts. I really am excited for you to have these things.

[Daniel Tosh]

Thank you.

[Eddie Gosling]

You're welcome. Are you in a relationship?

[Daniel Tosh]

Currently, I am.

[Eddie Gosling]

How long have you been in a relationship?

[Daniel Tosh]

Five years. Over five years now.

[Eddie Gosling]

What's the longest you've ever been in a relationship?

[Daniel Tosh]

This one.

[Eddie Gosling]

Look at that. You think you're going to go the distance?

[Daniel Tosh]

I don't know what that means.

[Eddie Gosling]

30 to 40 more years maybe.

[Daniel Tosh]

We'll see.

[Eddie Gosling]

Would you like that? Do you want to grow old with someone or no?

[Daniel Tosh]

I think there's benefits to that for sure. And there are benefits to maybe not doing that. It all depends on the quality of the relationship that someone's in. If it's great, like. Yeah. Why wouldn't you want to go the distance in that? But if it's something that isn't a good fit for one or both people, I don't recommend going the distance just to say you went.

[Eddie Gosling]

I feel like it's just like a contest. Let's see if we can do it.

[Daniel Tosh]

That's your motivation? Go for it.

[Eddie Gosling]

Do you have a safe word in your relationship?

[Daniel Tosh]

Sure.

[Eddie Gosling]

You do? Yeah. Okay. That's all I need to know.

[Daniel Tosh]

I'm not going to tell you what it is though.

[Eddie Gosling]

Mine's call 911.

[Daniel Tosh]

That's. That's very safe. Total boner killer, too.

[Eddie Gosling]

I just scream it. Well, there's no. There's only one boner in the room. And if I'm screaming, call 911. Somebody better do it. Exactly where do you put sex in a relationship? What number is it? As like things that are the most important to you.

[Daniel Tosh]

It's totally different based on the partners in every relationship. For some people, that's like number one priority, and that's fine for other people. It's like, eh, it's nice, great, we'll do it when we want to. And it's maybe 2, 3, 4, even fifth down in the rung of priority. And that's okay as long as there's cohesion between partners on how to prioritize sex.

[Eddie Gosling]

Mine is usually number two in the morning. By the evening it's down to like nine.

[Daniel Tosh]

I get that.

[Eddie Gosling]

Sometimes it spikes back up to two or three and then it just immediately drops again into the low teens. When is my sexual drive gonna fall off a cliff? I'm 49 right now. Do you have a general idea of when that should happen?

[Daniel Tosh]

So I mean for people with penises, it's usually when their testosterone starts to decrease. But you know, everyone's baseline level of desire and libido is pretty different. So your normal might be somebody else's high desire or low desire today. So in five years or 10 years.

[Eddie Gosling]

You know when you're talking to 70 year olds? You ever talk to 70 year olds?

[Daniel Tosh]

Yeah, of course.

[Eddie Gosling]

Are they still pleasuring themselves, the men? Yeah, they are, yeah. Often.

[Daniel Tosh]

Yes. Did you?

[Eddie Gosling]

You know what, It's a nightmare. When do I get to stop?

[Daniel Tosh]

Whenever you want.

[Eddie Gosling]

Well, you know, when do I want to stop?

[Daniel Tosh]

Well, that's a different story. I don't know.

[Eddie Gosling]

Right. You're saying 70 year olds are still sitting around yanking it.

[Daniel Tosh]

You know what's interesting is that there is such a high rate of STD occurrence in independent living communities and older communities, because older people are people and they're having lots of sex and they don't have to be bothered by like the fears of pregnancy anymore.

[Eddie Gosling]

So it's just raw dogging it in the old folks home.

[Daniel Tosh]

There's a lot of fun happening there.

[Eddie Gosling]

Disgusting. The balls that must hang and swing in those communities. Jeez. It's just disturbing.

[Daniel Tosh]

Well, see in here, you thought men's bodies didn't change much now.

[Eddie Gosling]

Balls, ears and noses, they just keep going on men. It's just a horrific. Well, you know, that's neat that you talk to these old people and they're still disgusting.

[Daniel Tosh]

Old people are beautifully sexual. Humans too.

[Eddie Gosling]

What's the best way to go into a relationship if you want your sex life to thrive throughout?

[Daniel Tosh]

Oh, with humility. Right. And curiosity. Sex is fun, right? Sex. Hopefully it's great. It can be.

[Eddie Gosling]

Sure. It's a time killer.

[Daniel Tosh]

It's something to do. I'm worried about your wife, honestly.

[Eddie Gosling]

That's fair. That's fair. Again, we're not talking about me, your friend's wife. That's right.

[Daniel Tosh]

Yes.

[Eddie Gosling]

Thank you.

[Daniel Tosh]

Yeah. So sex is great and it can also be a landscape for all kinds of really complex emotions and really complex social experiences. So I think there's a lot to parse out and a lot to consider. When you think about how to go into a relationship to have great sex, you want to be curious, you want to be humble, you want to think about your intentions for being sexual and you want to think about it as a co created experience. Right. Not something that one person is giving to another person or getting from another person.

[Eddie Gosling]

I don't do any of that. I just want to be attracted to the person.

[Daniel Tosh]

That's a start.

[Eddie Gosling]

That's it. I mean on all levels. Not just a physical attraction, but that's up there. Kate, thank you very much for being here.

[Daniel Tosh]

Thank you.

[Eddie Gosling]

I'm going to figure everything out on my own.

[Daniel Tosh]

I think you're doing a great job.

[Eddie Gosling]

Okay. I appreciate it.

[Del Taco Voiceover]

The flavor, the tradition and the spirit of Carne Asada lives on at Del Taco. Join the Asada today with Del Taco's new limited time half pound Chipotle Carne Asada Steak Burrito. Packed with sweet, spicy and smoky flavor, wrapped up and grilled to perfection, the whole Carne Asada steak menu delivers the bold flavors you crave with epic burritos, loaded fries and street tacos starting at just 2.99 only at Del Taco.

[Dr. Kate]

Hey, it's Ryan Seacrest for Albertsons and Safeway this holiday season. Make sure you set aside time for Self care now through December 31st. Shop in store and online for participating self care products and get four times points to use for discounts on future grocery and gas purchases. Stock up on self care favorites like Pantene Shampoo, Gillette Fusion and Proglide razors, Tampax Tampons, Aussie Base, Hairspray and Pampers. Swaddler's diapers offer ends December 31st. Restrictions apply. Promotions may vary. Visit albertsons or safeway.com for more details.

[Ryan Seacrest]

What is chronic migraine? It's 15 or more headache days a month, each lasting four hours or more. Botox Onobotulinum toxin a prevents headaches in adults with chronic migraine. It's not approved for adults with migraine who have 14 or fewer headache days in month. Ask your doctor about Botox. Botox is a prescription medicine injected by your doctor. Effects of Botox may spread hours to weeks after injection, causing serious symptoms. Alert your doctor right away as difficulty swallowing, speaking, breathing, eye problems or muscle weakness can be signs of a life threatening condition. Patients with these conditions before injection are at highest risk. Side effects may include allergic reactions, neck and injection site pain, fatigue and headache. Allergic reactions can include rash, welts, asthma symptoms and dizziness. Don't receive Botox if there's a skin infection. Tell your doctor your medical history, muscle or nerve conditions, including als, Lou Gehrig's disease, myasthenia gravis or Lambert Eaton syndrome, and medications including botulinum toxins, as these may increase the risk of serious side effects. Talk to your doctor and visit botoxchronicmigraine.com or call 1-844botox to learn more.

[Eddie Gosling]

Eddie?

[Dr. Kate]

Yes.

[Eddie Gosling]

I got some big news.

[Daniel Tosh]

I want you to know that I'm.

[Eddie Gosling]

An ally and I support your decision. Now, Eddie, that's not it. This is going to affect all of us. The show Tosh show now has merch. Look at this, huh? I got my Carl shirt on. Do you believe in ghost sweatshirts, hats, T shirts? Oh, my goodness. It's a small, pointed rollout. Do we have any shackets? I don't think so. Will we get shackets? Hopefully one day. But right now, you can be the first on your block to rock some toss show gear. Now, where do you get it? Oh, that's interesting. Target? Nah, I don't think it's available at Target either. You know, go to danieltosh.com or toss show store.com. there's probably a link there. If you check the description on this video, we'll have a link. I mean, this is exciting, guys. All right, here's the deal. If I catch anybody wearing toss show merch out in public, I'm going to run up to you and tickle you.

[Daniel Tosh]

Oh, yeah.

[Eddie Gosling]

Okay. And by you wearing this, you have agreed to be tickled. I want to thank everyone in advance who purchases one of these items and then sees me out in public wearing it. And does this be fun? All right, back to the show. Paul. I want to thank Dr. Kate for being on the show, talking about sex for an hour, getting me all rock hard. Then she takes our table. I got nothing to hide but boner. Ah, that's a shame. Well, I'm looking forward to our new table and my new boner. We got some plugs this week, Carl. We got our boys wear pink eddiegosling.com for his tour dates. Come see me on tour. Also, our free plug segment. Oh, this is exciting. Every week a new business or town, something. Getting a free plug from us this week. Eddie, you're gonna love this one.

[Daniel Tosh]

Okay.

[Eddie Gosling]

I know how much you love Magic Pete too. Pete loves me. I got two people in a room of four people that love Magic Carl, not so much. This week's free plug Abbott's Magic Shop in Colon, Michigan, the magic capital of the world. You find yourself in Colon, head on over to Abbott's for a wide selection of new and gently used magic items. You ever heard the term gently used? It's ridiculous. I just found out about Colon. The butthole of America if you ask me now. But I bet you they've never heard that over there at Colon. Anyway, if you're in the market for some failed magicians Chalet duck bucket, they get one for a bargain over there at 400 bucks or gently used 10 inch featherweight linking rings. They're going to run around 650 over at Abbott's Magic Shop. I'm told the 12 inch ones normally cost around 750, but they're currently out of stock. All right, that's it. Abbott's Magic Shop in Colon, Michigan. Tell them Tosh sent you. Enjoy. You don't get anything for that. You still have to pay full price, but that'll be funny if you tell them I sent you. They're located on St. Joseph street between Canal and State street in downtown Colon, Michigan. See you next week.

[Del Taco Voiceover]

The flavor, the tradition and the spirit of Carne asada lives on at Del Taco. Join the asada today with Del Taco's new limited time half pound chipotle carne asada steak burrito packed with sweet, spicy and smoky flavor. Wrapped up and grilled to perfection, the whole Carne Asada steak menu delivers the bold flavors you crave with epic burritos, loaded fries and street tacos starting at just 2.99. Only at Del Taco.

[Dr. Kate]

Hey, it's Ryan Seacrest for Albertsons and Safeway. This holiday season, make sure you set aside time for Self care now through December 31st. Shop in store and online for participating self care products and get four times points to use for discounts on future grocery and gas purchases. Stock up on self care favorites like Pantene Shampoo, Gillette Fusion and Proglide Razors, Tampax Tampons, Aussie Base, Hairspray and Pampers Swaddlers diapers offer ends December 31st. Restrictions apply. Promotions may vary. Visit albertsons or safeway.com for more details.

[Daniel Tosh]

This holiday season, surprise everyone on your list with the best gifts tickets to see their favorite artists live. Choose from thousands of concerts and comedy shows including Mariah Carey, Mary J. Blige, Matt Matthews, Metallica Thomas Rhett, Trans Siberian Orchestra, Sarah Silverman and so many more. Share a memory together or give a gift they'll never forget. Find the most exciting gift for every [e-mail] gifts that's livenation.com gifts.