Tosh Show Episode Summary: "My Sex Therapist - Dr. Kate Balestrieri"

Release Date: October 15, 2024
Host: Daniel Tosh
Guest: Dr. Kate Balestrieri, Forensic and Clinical Psychologist & Certified Sex Therapist

Introduction to Dr. Kate Balestrieri

In this engaging episode of the Tosh Show, Daniel Tosh welcomes Dr. Kate Balestrieri, a seasoned forensic and clinical psychologist specializing in sex therapy. The conversation delves deep into the nuances of sexual relationships, therapy's role in enhancing intimacy, and the complexities of human sexuality.

Therapy and Its Perceptions

Eddie Gosling initiates the discussion by questioning the necessity of therapy, sharing his skepticism about its effectiveness and relevance in his personal life.

• Eddie Gosling [02:30]: "We've never said 'I love you' in our entire friendship... My wife says I love you to everyone. She's made it completely meaningless."

Dr. Balestrieri emphasizes that while therapy is beneficial for many, it's not a one-size-fits-all solution. She highlights the importance of individual needs and preferences in seeking therapeutic help.

• Dr. Kate Balestrieri [10:16]: "People go to therapy for lots of different reasons... It can be really helpful."

Sex Therapy: Addressing Common Concerns

The conversation transitions to sex therapy, where Dr. Balestrieri outlines the typical issues clients seek help for, ranging from trauma to enhancing their sex lives.

• Dr. Kate Balestrieri [13:27]: "I work with people who have had horrific trauma in their lives... and people who want to open their relationship."

Eddie probes into the practical aspects of therapy sessions, questioning how straightforward or intrusive the initial discussions are.

• Eddie Gosling [19:20]: "How do you start? Do we just start talking about the weird stuff they do?"

Dr. Balestrieri clarifies that sex therapy begins with understanding the client's holistic background before delving into sexual concerns.

• Dr. Kate Balestrieri [19:52]: "Sex therapy is just like every other kind of therapy. It's getting a lot of background about someone..."

Understanding Kink and Diverse Sexual Interests

A lively segment unfolds as Eddie challenges the concept of kink, expressing discomfort and disbelief over unconventional sexual practices.

• Eddie Gosling [21:38]: "People that are into that? Weird. This is gonna get disgusting."

Dr. Balestrieri counters by explaining that kink serves as a vehicle for intimacy and personal expression, emphasizing that diversity in sexual preferences is natural.

• Dr. Kate Balestrieri [22:14]: "Kink is really a vehicle for intimacy... it's a metaphor for something that they're trying to experience in life."

Eddie remains skeptical, leading to a humorous exchange about the terminology and societal perceptions of sexual accessories.

Monogamy vs. Non-Monogamy

The discussion shifts to relationship structures, with Eddie advocating for monogamy while challenging non-monogamous arrangements.

• Eddie Gosling [32:29]: "Because I call the other stuff bullshit. If you just get to go out willy nilly."

Dr. Balestrieri provides a historical perspective, illustrating that both monogamous and non-monogamous relationships have their place depending on individual and societal factors.

• Dr. Kate Balestrieri [31:01]: "I think there's a huge spectrum and there isn't a right or a wrong way."

Addressing the Orgasm Gap

One of the pivotal moments in the episode is the discussion of the "orgasm gap," a disparity in orgasm frequency between heterosexual men and women.

• Dr. Kate Balestrieri [23:35]: "There's a huge gap for heterosexual people... heterosexual men have orgasms 95% of the time, whereas heterosexual women have orgasms only 65% of the time."

Eddie dismisses the significance of this gap, leading to a debate on its impact on relationships and sexual satisfaction.

• Eddie Gosling [24:13]: "Who cares?"

Dr. Balestrieri emphasizes the importance of addressing this gap to enhance mutual satisfaction and understanding in heterosexual relationships.

Navigating Long-Term Relationships and Sexuality

Eddie shares personal anecdotes about his relationship struggles, particularly regarding the initiation of sex, prompting Dr. Balestrieri to offer insights into maintaining a healthy sexual dynamic over time.

• Eddie Gosling [17:40]: "I think women change so much more physically throughout their lives... I gotta refigure this stuff out constantly."

• Dr. Kate Balestrieri [44:43]: "You want to think about your intentions for being sexual and think about it as a co-created experience."

The conversation highlights the necessity of communication, adaptability, and mutual respect in sustaining a thriving sex life within long-term partnerships.

Closing Thoughts

As the episode wraps up, Dr. Balestrieri reinforces the significance of humility and curiosity in fostering fulfilling sexual relationships, while Eddie humorously reflects on his personal approach to relationships.

• Dr. Kate Balestrieri [44:35]: "With humility and curiosity. Sex is fun... it's a co-created experience."

• Eddie Gosling [45:31]: "I just want to be attracted to the person."

Key Takeaways

• Therapy's Role: Therapy, including sex therapy, serves diverse purposes, from addressing trauma to enhancing sexual satisfaction. It's tailored to individual needs and is not universally required.

• Sexual Diversity: Human sexuality is vast and varied. Kink and unconventional practices are legitimate forms of expressing intimacy and should be understood within personal contexts.

• Relationship Dynamics: Whether monogamous or non-monogamous, relationships thrive on communication, mutual understanding, and flexibility to adapt to each partner's evolving needs.

• Addressing Disparities: Recognizing and addressing issues like the orgasm gap is crucial for balanced and satisfying sexual relationships.

• Long-Term Sexual Health: Maintaining a vibrant sex life in long-term relationships requires ongoing effort, communication, and a shared commitment to mutual satisfaction.

Notable Quotes with Timestamps

• Eddie Gosling [16:05]: "Anytime I refer have a sex question during this interview, I want you to know it's not about me. It's for a friend, always."

• Dr. Kate Balestrieri [22:45]: "Everyone's got different things. That's the beauty of sex... it's so diverse."

• Eddie Gosling [37:06]: "What I can't wrap my head around is somebody's into it for three straight days."

• Dr. Kate Balestrieri [44:28]: "Sex is something to do. I'm worried about your wife, honestly."

This episode offers a candid and insightful exploration of sexual relationships, the benefits of therapy, and the complexities of human desires. Dr. Kate Balestrieri provides expert perspectives that challenge common misconceptions, fostering a deeper understanding of intimacy and personal fulfillment.