Transcript
Daniel Tosh (0:02)
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Go to leesa.com today and get 20% off all mattresses and two free pillows. That's L dashes.com and use code iheartrading for an extra $50 off your purchase. Remember, no matter who you are, there's a Lisa just for you. Okay, guys, it's that time of year. It's time for our 59th annual toss show. Super bowl pregame special. Toss Show. Tosh Show. Tosh show for show. Welcome to Tosh Show. Get it going. Here we go. 1, 2, 3. You know, doing the wave with a group of people where only one of them is on camera, it really loses something. Gonna talk a lot of sports today. And that's gonna infuriate some, and it's gonna entertain others. But before we get into that, I gotta tell you a story about my son. The other night, when we were putting him down for bed, can't believe this. I overheard my wife wrapping up. I walk in. I never know what I'm gonna say. I walk into a room like Kramer, you know, come flying in screaming the N word. No, I'm kidding. I don't know what's gonna come out of my mouth. I just yell something at him. I think it's funny. I just. I barged in. I just start screaming. I found out you lied to me. I was just being silly. And he just starts bawling. Crying? No, just immediately just starts bawling crying. And my wife looks at me like, what in the fuck? And I'm like. I was just. But then he's like. He's crying. He goes, I only did it twice. And so then my wife's like, oh, shit, let's hear it. What in the world did I just stumble into? And he says. He goes, I've only lied to you twice. One time was back in preschool, which is now a couple years ago. Wow. He said that there was a flower pot that had, like, a little crystal rock in there or crystal rocks in this little flower pot. And he took one of the crystal rocks. And I was like, okay, well, I'm glad you told me. And you can always tell me, and we all make mistakes, but you probably shouldn't have taken it without permission, but that's okay. And I go, well, do you want to tell me the other time I killed a pigeon? No. So the other. You won't believe this, Eddie. The other time that he lied again. I wasn't fishing for anything. He stumbled into it. This is ridiculous. I'm just trying to put him to bed. He's sobbing. He's sobbing through these confessions. And I'm like, it's okay. But he goes, the other time was I was on a plane with Eddie, and I'm like, oh. And he goes, we were playing a card game or some game. And he goes, I cheated. He said he cheated? Yeah, I didn't even catch it either. How bad am I at card games where this kid's, like, getting one over me? So I'm just letting you know, Eddie, that you should have won. Oh, well, that doesn't feel good. My son cheated you? He beat me. He was sobbing before bed because he. He played a game with Eddie and he said that he cheated during the game, like. And I'm Like. And by the way, some of his card games are just made up. Card games? Anyway, the rules don't exist. They're not even real games. But anyway, listen, I'm just. The kid is extremely easy to interrogate. I mean, just immediately folds like origami. I got to work with him on that. But that was a. That was just the other night. Anyway, let me give you, before I get into it, too this, this episode, I want to give you a little update on the fire situation here in SoCal. A thing no one says. I want to talk about a few of the upsides of the fire for me personally. And listen, I'm not. I'm not trying to minimize the horrific scope of what happened, but just for my own sanity, I like to point out a few of the good things that have happened because of these fires. 1. As you know from watching this show, I love to give away my stuff. And now with families that are in such need, I have been going to crazy town. Like, you know, one of the signs of somebody that's suicidal is, is they give away all their possessions. Yeah, well, then get ready for me to kill myself because I am unloading large quantities of stuff. The gifts on the show going forward are going to. I'm going to take a hit for a while. There's going to be some slim pickings because I'm giving just everything away. Clothes, shoes, you know. Hey, the other day, somebody's like, oh, do you have. I checked in with this family that had lost them. I'm like, do you guys need dishware? Because the guest house where my in laws stay, they don't cook. I watch what they eat. If they don't eat with us, they have microwaved popcorn for dinner. Just weird old people rationings. It's like a weird meal. Yeah, like, they don't eat. I'm like, they don't. And there's full sets of. Of plates and silver. They've got 20 of everything. So I left them four. Four plates, four bowls, four everything. And then I took whatever was left, 10 or so. I divvied it up into two piles of six. Isn't that fair to give to a family? Needed just a set of six. I gave sets of six to multiple people. I'm like, great, I can't stop giving away stuff anyway. If you need anything and you were affected by the fire and you're thinking, there's no way he has this reach out to me. There was a bike. Mom was like, my son. I'm like, you're not riding your bike very much. It's gone. Gave it away. And then people are like, well, does he still use it? I'm like, not anymore. Your family uses it. You gotta use it. If you don't use it, you're gonna lose it. That's the new mantra in our house. And I tell my son when he's playing with toys, I'm like, come on, buddy. If you give it away, you're helping somebody else. And he doesn't really care about that, and I don't blame him. But he's now, like, starting to play with everything because he's just terrified. He sees me going through the house with a box, and he knows what that means. And it's like, we got to help somebody. He's like, oh, shit. Don't come to my room. Another bright side for me personally is that the restaurants in the area that are still open and weren't affected, you know, there's just nobody in there, which is bad for business, and they'll probably go under and I'll lose them, and that's terrible. But in the meantime, I get to eat in complete privacy. Plenty of elbow room. Oh, my goodness. It's like, oh, I'll take all the tables. They're like, you know, do you want a booth or a table? Do you want to sit inside or out? I'm like, I'm gonna do both. We'll start. We'll do the first course outside. And then as it gets colder, I'm going to move into a booth. You guys just follow me around. Before I get into talking football, I need to quickly rehash some Australian Open. Whoa. Yeah. By the way, I find myself the most patriotic when I'm watching tennis. It's weird. All of a sudden, I care so much about my country. Tennis and war. Those are the two times that I feel the most patriotic. Let me talk about Maddie Keys. I don't know how old she is. She's late 20s. She's been in tennis since probably 18. She's had a long road. And she won. She made it all the way to the finals, and she won. She beat the number one player in the finals and the number two player in the semis. And, you know, but one of them's Russian. One of them's something else with a bunch of K's in their name. And I just. I just root against them so hard because they don't have the personality that I like. But Matty Keys did our country proud and won. Now, the bigger story during the Australian Open, much like Aaron Rodgers is Djokovic. Djokovic loses the first set in a tiebreaker and then just quits, retires. And he hears a handful of boos from the stadium, or a lot of boos. I don't know. I listened to it. It didn't sound overwhelming. And, you know, everybody lose their mind. Because in the past, you know, he's cried wolf, right? We learned that story as a child for a reason. It's a thing. You know, just because he's really hurt this time doesn't erase the fact that a couple dozen other times he's whined about an injury that probably didn't exist. And by the way, let me say something about booing and people like, oh, how classless of the Australians to boo. Okay, first of all, it wasn't all of them. You know, one time I did a show, 2001 is my guess, at the University of Florida. Their Gator growl, their homecoming big show. It's 57,000 people. The largest stand up show in the world. And I was opening. Davitel was featuring. Jim Brewer was the headliner. Oh, yeah, well, whatever. Listen. And anybody that knows stand up knows, ooh, you don't want to go up after David Tell. Guy's a monster. You know, he's. He's better than all of us. And there's a. You just. It just. That's just the fact. Even if the audience doesn't know it, there'll be an energy on the next comic where like, whoa, you're. Why are you not as great as that other guy? Well, anyway, during Jim Brewer's set, there was, There was a group or so of people, and let's say it was 200 people that started booing and Jim kind of acknowledged it, but didn't really. And then, you know, did an okay show. But here's my point. When there's 57,000 people watching you and 200 people boo you really loudly, you're gonna be like, oh, that's a horrible show. But the reality is that's just a tiny group of people. Such a small percentage, right? The other people could have been loving you. Anyways, getting back to Djokovic being a little bitch, okay, a handful of people booed. First of all, they didn't know how serious it was. They just saw you end the match after one set. They paid a fortune to see you in a major in the semifinals. And instead of getting to see five hours of tennis, they got to see 45 minutes. Who cares? And it was, let's say it was 30 people. That did it. Maybe it was probably less than that. And you just. Everybody freaks out. Can you believe the behavior of these people at the Australian album? Fuck you. It's a game. You're performing a game, and the guy out there that quit is a dick. So, yeah, they booed. Who cares? He's very booable. Yeah, he's booable. Don't act like he hasn't been a dick his whole career. He has. And then he. Of course, he tweets out his mri, and it's like, okay, this is for all you couch doctors out there to show that he has a tear in his muscle. I'm like, God damn it. You just. You just proven my point. You just tone deaf, don't get it, or, sorry you're injured. Hope you heal up in time for Indian Wells in two months when I'll be there booing the shit out of you. If he comes out and everybody just starts booing to be funny, that would be amazing. Yeah, they won't. They'll clap. They're respectful. And that's what's dumb about tennis. It's not fun on that aspect. We all have to be quiet. Then they hit the ball. You're not supposed to clap if one player hits it into the net. You're not supposed to applaud an unforced error. You're only supposed to applaud if your player wins a point on their own. And then, God forbid, they hit the net and it bounces over in their favor. Then they have to apologize to the other player, and they have to make sure that they see the apology with a hand gesture. Be like, I'm sorry I won that point that my ball hit the net. I wish it would have fallen on my side since I didn't hit it perfectly enough. I'm stupid. You know what? The more I talk about tennis, the more I realize I hate it. Oh, switching the hats. I'm switching hats. Getting back. Getting back to my true love. Oh, get ready for the Super Bowl. And now are we allowed to say super bowl, or does this podcast have to be stupid and call it the Big Game? The big we don't want to get sued by the NFL because we're talking about the Super. I've never understood that. Enjoy. Hey, y'all. Daniel Tosh here. President, CEO, cfo, coo, and lead designer of Boyswear Pink, my charitable kids clothing line. But what you probably don't know is that I have a business degree from the University of Central Florida, so I know every successful business has a business behind their business. That's called business ception. And that's why it was a no brainer for me to use Shopify. Shopify makes selling and for the buyers, buying simple. Now, normally I like people to stay out of my business, but not when it comes to Shopify. No, when it comes to Shopify, I make an exception. Shopify is home to the number one checkout on the planet, boosting conversions by up to 50%. Upgrade your business and use the same checkout I use. Sign up for your $1 per month trial period at shopify.comtosh all lowercase go to shopify.comtosh to upgrade your selling today. Shopify.comtosh this ain't the little itty bitty teeny tiny bowl. This is Super Bowl 59. 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Call 1-800-LIFELOCK and use promo code iheart or go to lifelock.com iheart for 40% off terms apply. I'm Grant and I'm your new Bachelor. ABC Mondays. Is this real? Is he real? The Bachelor is back and the ladies are head over heels. Tall, handsome, smart. He's perfect. It's an all new season of romance. I'm 110% ready to fall in love. My love story is going to happen. And of course drama. These other girls are dating my boyfriend. You act like you don't care. He knows how I feel. I did not know how hard this going to be. The Bachelor Mondays 87 Central on ABC and stream on Hulu. All right, Super Bowl 59. I think it's number 59, Ed. It's right here. 59. You know how to translate roman numerals? Not at all. Just call it. Call it a 2025 championship. With the regular season, that was in 2024. This country's too stupid to understand Roman numerals. At this point, we stopped learning how to write cursive. We can stop pretending letters are numbers. That's what I say. You know what I'm going to call it? Swifty Bull 2. Yeah. By the way, Taylor Swift. She proudly calls herself a childless cat lady. But you know, how often is she even seeing these cats? I feel like she's just always gone. She's just always traveling. Yeah, she's out a lot. She's never home. I don't care how much you love your cats, nobody travels with their cats. That's disgusting. Anyway, my favorite part of any Chiefs game is always the camera pan to the Taylor Swift box. You know, watching her have to be cordial to Brittany Magama homes and whatever the name of Butger's handmaid is. Of kicker. Yeah, that's. Nah. Anyway, so this year It's Taylor's Chiefs vs. Eddie's Eagles in New Orleans. Oh, yeah, New Orleans. I worry about New Orleans. You know, they recently had snow, right? Can you imagine if the levees break again because of an avalanche? Oh, my goodness. That would be the worst disaster. Eddie, now you're a die hard Eagles fan. True or false? True. When did you become an Eagles fan? I remember 1980. They're in the Super Bowl. Lost in Louisiana in the Superdome to the Raiders. Listen to that. Listen to that. Childhood. Oh yeah, you said in the 80s or 1980? 1980s. When they. 1980. A little bit before that. Probably two years before that. So you've been a fan for a long time. Well, how are you feeling? Are you nervous about this game or are you excited? Excited? Chiefs are going for the three. Pete. You know, speaking of back to back champions, I'd be remiss if I didn't bring up the Dolphins undefeated 72 season. And by the way, they won the championship the following year in 73. And then I was conceived in 74. That's right. My parents were still riding high. Football family. Woo. Oh, we loved the Dolphins and they love sex. Unprotected, unprotected sex. Oh, that was good stuff. Speaking of your Eagles, Dylan back there, you know the guy that fucks this show up constantly. He die hard Giants fan. Yeah. Let's go. Dylan, are you going to watch the game? Absolutely. Oh my goodness. The super bowl should be blacked out in New York and the Giants should be forced to sell their team. Agreed. They've proven they don't understand football. Listen, we've made owners sell their teams because of being racist. You're going to tell me that getting rid of Barkley to keep Daniel Jones to later in the year just cut him? You're saying that's not worse? That's egregious? Yep. I mean it has nothing to do with being racist. It's just, just stupidity on a level that you're like, you know what? I'd rather my owner be racist than this fucking dumb. You know what they should do? They should force the Giants and Jets to merge. A merger. Yeah. You know, one team won three games and then the, the good team won five. Oh, not to mention they're both in Jersey. Oh well, yeah. This is complete nonsense. Market doesn't deserve two teams. New Jersey deserves a team. The New Jersey Little people Crop dusters. And as long as Aaron Rodgers is the quarterback, the team isn't allowed to have a medical staff. No medical tent on the sideline, just a yurt where they can do ayahuasca. A yurt. He was concussed. It's mandatory that he heads to the yurt. Let me, let me talk about some super bowl facts here. You know the New England Patriots have the most losses in super bowl history. Did not know it. Imagine how many super bowl wins they would have. Josh Allen were their quarterback. Oh yeah, you telling me that Bill Belichick with his amazing defenses and cheating wouldn't have been able to String together a few more super bowl wins had they not had the greatest of all time, but instead, Josh Allen. By the way, congrats to Bill Belichick. I respect that move. Getting back into coaching at the University of North Carolina so that he could be closer to his college sophomore girlfriend. Didn't see it coming. I couldn't get through the joke without laughing. Speaking of Belichick, the game's on Fox, which means we're all gonna have to labor through Tom Brady panicking to not sound like a moron. The goat. The greatest of all time until the end of the game when we could all be like, all right, Patrick Mahomes is now the greatest of all time. No one's ever three peated. I'm excited for the halftime. You Eddie? Oh, yeah. Kendrick. Kendrick. What's he got sza with him, right? Man, these lyrics are, you know, known for being explicit. I'm worried. I'm terrified, you know, enjoying it with my children, that it's not going to be family friendly. Do you think he'll sing not like us because Drake slapped him with a lawsuit trying to prevent him from playing his biggest hit? No, that was a bitch move, Drake. Bitch move. No, of course he's going to play it now. If he filed that in Canada, we won't recognize that in America. So certified lover boy, Certified pedophile. Whop, whop, whop, whop, whop. Get them, Kendrick. Do what you do. I don't like it. Sorry, it's just off topic. But on topic. I don't. I hate when comics create a scenario that doesn't exist just so they can tell their joke. But I'm about to do that. Okay, okay. Imagine for a second if Kanye west were doing the halftime show. And then mid performance, Taylor Swift comes out there, nudges him off stage, takes his microphone, is like, no, no, I'll take care of it. I'll take over from here. I would love it. I mean, that would be the ultimate payback. Like, look at this. I held onto this for so long, but, oh, that'd been good. You excited about the commercials? What are you, my wife? Am I excited about the commercials? Oh, yeah, the commercials. People love them. Yeah. No, I'm never excited about the commercials. Bud Light might do something cool. It's the only reason I try to watch the super bowl live because it's infuriating to not fast forward to get back to the game if I'm like. If I'm back a half hour or something like that. So I watch, but it's such a waste of money. All this money, these commercials. Just trying to figure out how to market to Gen Z. We know how to market to Gen Z. It's podcast. It's YouTube. You find the right YouTube channel that has a podcast on it hosted by a comedian in their late 40s, problem solved. And you save at least half the money you were going to spend on a Super bowl commercial. You give the money to me, forget a 30 second spot, I'll ramble on for three and a half minutes. I'll even do the dumb disclaimer stuff at the end. Now, I won't do, like, there's certain products I won't do, but for the most part, I'm a little pig. Whee. All right, I'm just saying you get more bang for your buck over here. I love all states commercials, you know, especially the ones with Andy Reid. Andy Reid, underrated actor, extremely funny. Almost funny enough to forget that Allstate pulled coverage in the state of California and fucked over everyone who lost everything in the fires. Now I'm sure they'll have the game on whichever FEMA tent Super bowl party they attend. Probably gonna have a great spread, too. Probably a seven layer dip from Kirkland's signature while the kids are crying, saying, when do we get to go home, mommy? Never. Never. Allstate. Imagine if companies this year said, oh, instead of putting a commercial out, we've decided to just donate this money to families in need in Altadena. Wow. I'd support that company just putting it out there. Now. I know people are going to be betting on this game. Lord knows I will. I'm going to be in Vegas performing at the Cosmopolitan. Guys, come out. I'm there the night before Saturday night. Come to the show. I usually spend most of my money on the props. I'm going to be doing silly bets just to make it interesting the whole way through the game. Yep. You know, first to score, last to score. How long? The first field goal is going to be all of those. Those are my favorites. But we need to check in with some experts. And since I don't know any experts, we'll just check in on the people that are in my circle, see what their thoughts are on the big game. Let's check in on Philadelphia comedic legend. No disrespect to Eddie. I don't really consider you a Philly guy. My dad's from there. Right. But I'm gonna check in Philly legend, comedian Todd Glass. If anyone knows sports, it's comedian Todd Glass. Hold on. My February is wide open. I have some dates available in April and June if you need me. And also my summer's much free, too. I. I wish so much that that was just your outgoing message. Todd, as a legend in the Philadelphia area, you have to be so excited about this Super Bowl. Do you know who's playing in the Super Bowl? First and foremost, I know the Eagles are playing. Are you a fan of the Eagles? Well, I'm not. Not a fan, but I don't really follow sports. Uhhuh. Understood. So give me a score. Oh, Jesus Christ, Daniel. I have no fucking. Give me a score. Oh, you're really gonna make me just get even Know what's. But you have to know what scores are to guess. I know, I know. Okay, I'm gonna say, is it points they get what this like, is 30 to 40. Is that. Yes, it's 30 to 40. They win. 30 to 40. There's nothing wrong with that. I love it. I'm gonna bet money. I'm gonna bet money the actual score ends 30 to 40, and I'll let you know how that pans out. Oh, man. Thank you so much. All right, I will talk to you soon. Todd, your question while I got you on the phone real quick. Yeah, I feel like, you know, the old days of Don Rickles and Johnny Carson. Can you never invite me over your house for anything? Come over now. You say that, but there's something going on. We'll talk about it off the air, but I'm going to put it out. The PCH is closed. No, I'm talking for the last year. You never said, oh, we're having people over. You must have people over your house sometimes. I got to get you over to the house. Bye. Bye. You heard it from Todd? Yep. 30 to 40. 40. Let's see. Let's see if. Let's see what my mom thinks. Let's check in on. Mom, are you there? Hey, I need your super bowl prediction. I don't like either teams, but I'm sick and tired of Kansas City winning. I wanted Buffalo to win. You wanted Buffalo to win, but you were wrong. Okay, and now who do you want to win the Super Bowl? I guess Philadelphia, because I'm tired of the Chiefs winning. Do you like Taylor Swift, though? No. No, I'm not a Taylor Swift fan at all. What about Patrick Mahomes? Like Patrick Mahomes? No, I'm not. No. What about Andy Reid? No. See, Grandpa likes. Dad likes all them, but I don't. He likes Andy Reid. I don't like Andy Reid. All right, so you're. You're all in on the Phillies. I'm. I'm going for Philly. What. What's the. Give me your. Give me your final score. Oh, Daniel, what are you doing? Don't. Don't do this to me. Score 32 to. To 27. All right, that seems. That seems fair. That's a. That's an exciting game. Yeah, that's gonna. That means. That means hammer the over. How much are you gonna bet on the game? I'm not gonna bet anything. You don't gamble? I don't know. Is gambling wrong? I don't know. Gambling's wrong. Is gambling wrong to you? Not to me. I love it. It's so fun. All right, I gotta go. Good pick on the game. You're always. Is this a phone call for. I thought you were FaceTiming me. This isn't gonna go on the air, is it? No, I gotta go. Bye. Go Birds. What? Jesus. You know, we should check in on. Let's check in on my father in law, see if Greg's got any hot tips. What's up, brother? Hey, let's. Let's get your. Let's get your sports picks for the Super Bowl. I got to get them on the air. Who you got, man? Gotta be the Chiefs. Gotta be the Chiefs, huh? High scoring. Are we taking the over? That's a good one. I'm gonna say no. Oh, but the Chiefs one. What's the spread? I haven't even seen it. Spread's got to be under three and a half. One and a half. Minus one and a half. Look at that. By the way, I said mine is under three and a half. And it's two and a half. It's one and a half. Oh, it's one and a half now. Chiefs are one and a half point picks. I still think they pull it off. I mean, as he said, you got to beat the champ to be the champ, so I'm going to go with the champs. All right, talk to you soon. Bye. Thanks, Daniel. Let's call Pete's wife. Oh, she got to sing both songs. Oh, she'll sing this fight songs. That's all she does. Oh, dumbest way to answer the phone. What's up? I just said I'm calling. I'm calling Pete's wife. And then. And then Eddie got so excited because he knows that you're gonna sing the fight songs. But who? Who? First of all, who's playing in the Super Bowl? Okay, I actually know this. It's the Chiefs and the Eagles, huh? And didn't they were the ones that played last year? No, two years ago. A couple years ago. A couple years ago, but yes. Okay, fine. Never mind. Do you know where the super bowl is being played? Nope. Nope, not a clue. Tell me who's gonna win the super bowl and what the score is gonna be. Okay, I think it's gonna be the Eagles, and I think it's gonna be 2117. Oh, boring. Game under. I don't know why. Those are random numbers. Any two point conversions attempted or completed in the game. These are prop bets that I'm gonna want to know about. Yeah. So I. I'm not entirely sure what that means, but, yeah, there's probably gonna be one. Okay, what about a safety? You think there'll be a safety in the game? That's a big prop bet. That's like. Yeah, there probably will be one of those. Oh, that's interesting. All right. Yeah. Sing the Chiefs fight song. Oh, the Chiefs. Okay, that's not a song. I think that is. Let's do that at the stadium. Do you. You out with Eddie? Enough. Do you actually know the Eagles fight song? I. I know that he always tweets like, fly, Eagles, fly. Yeah, that's it. You basically got. All right, that's it. No, there's no caca. And that's not what an Eagle sounds like anyway. I don't. I don't know. You know, You've never heard Eddie make. Eddie make it. Eddie make an Eagle. No. All right. This is awful. Animal. This is what I do for a living. All right, Sam, I gotta go. Okay, bye. Boy, I tell you. You want inside sports information, you know who you go to? The French. Your call has been forwarded to voicemail. The person you're trying to reach reach is not available. At the tone, please record your message. He just texted me. I'm on the plane. I'm gonna get him. He's. He's gonna do it. I can get him to answer the phone. He was, like, refusing to answer. Pierre. Pierre. I know you're on a. I know you're on a plane. Who's gonna win the Super Bowl? Kansas. Kansas. Kansas. Kansas. All right, thank you. Bye. Kansas. Kansas. Kansas. Kansas. Kansas. The fact that he knew Kansas City was in good for him. Impressive. I didn't see that coming. Well, it's clear that everyone in my circle is excited about the big. The big game. The game that's so big, it has to be called the super. The super big game. The game that's so super. It's Big. And it's a bull. The 59th Super Big Game Bowl. I like it. All right, this segment of Tosh's Teasers Fan Edition is brought to you by DraftKings. Who's this person? They wrote it'll be a shootout prop lock each team to score in all four quarters, plus 600. Oh, man. I'm not going to lie to you guys. I love this bet. Now, just to be clear so people know what it is, they're saying both teams score a point minimum in each of the four quarters. Now, if the game goes to overtime, does it have to be both teams scoring overtime? Because that gets trickier. I don't know. I need to know. But plus 600. So you bet 100, you win, you get back 700. That's pretty good, man. That's a good bet. So I'm going to. I'm going to. I'm going to follow you. I'm going to do the same bet. I like it, by the way. It's the last chance to bet on the NFL this season. 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Stock up on your favorite self care items and save up to $3. Shop in store or online for items like Old Spice deodorant always ultra thin pads, Gillette Fusion razors and refills. Old Spice Total body spray, Tampax Pearl and Gillette Mach 3 razors and refills and save up to $3. You won't want to miss out on these deals. Offer ends February 25th. Offers may vary, restrictions apply. Visit albertsons or safeway.com for more details. Whether you're ordering wings for the game, whipping up a seven layer dip, or ordering pizza, there's something about football that makes you want to eat. And this football season, Uber Eats has the best deals on game day food no matter what you're craving. From two for one pizza. To buy one, get one wings. Uber Eats will be dropping new deals each week all season long. Uber Eats official on demand delivery partner of the NFL. Order now. Terms and conditions apply. See app for details. Paw show. Well, I want to thank no one for being on the show today. I'm excited about the super bowl and oh, I hope Travis pops the question. Let's get some plugs out of the way. Toss show store.com get some merch. Guys, we should be having some new stuff. Dropping Eddie's tour dates. Come see him and he'll be with me on my tour. Gonna be in Vegas this weekend. Of course. New dates are on sale now. Going to be in New York. New Brunswick, New Jersey. Carl, we're going to Kansas City, Omaha, somewhere in middle America. Minneapolis, the Twin Cities, St. Paul. I'm going to show you love Milwaukee. Got to love Milwaukee. I really do. Milwaukee is a great city. Madison, you know, you're wonderful. Chicago, that'll be fun too. I hope I don't get killed. Yeah, I know that happens every six minutes in Chicago. Someone just Shot dead. All right, go to Danieltosh.com for those also. Hey, Carl, I believe I'm gonna leave you at home and head over to Lisbon and do a show there. I haven't officially decided. Or maybe I have. I don't know. I just know that I don't speak Portuguese, and I'm not gonna attempt to. Whatever. Come see me if you speak English and want to hear my nonsense. And you live over in Lisbon. I'm going to come. I'm going to do a show. Eddie's been trying to write me jokes that I can use in Lisbon. What do you call a bird that lives in Lisbon? Portuguese. Portuguese. Carl, come on. It's all right. It's time for our free plug. Hit the music. All right. Wasn't ready for that little, like, Enya or something. That's interesting. Oh, today's free plug, guys. I couldn't be more happy to do this free plug. Today's free plug is for Dr. Kamrava. Now, let me tell you something about this guy. Over in Encino, California, during the evacuation, started to feel pain in my tooth. And I was like, oh, no, now is not the time. I can't get to my dentist. Roads were closed. You know, I'm with my family. Days turned into weeks. Pain was starting to get excruciating. People are going through real stuff. And in my mind, I'm like, I don't really give a shit. My tooth hurts, okay? I can't get to my dentist because of road closures. I go to my wife's dentist. We have separate dentists. Don't worry about that. We keep our assets separate, okay? She can't afford my dentist. That's not. That's neither here nor there. Anyway, I go to her dentist. He's like, I don't do root canals. I'm like, great. Now, I showed up at a place, and they can't even do it. Well, then I find out. I call my dentist. I have an X ray sent to him, and he's like, I don't do root canals either. And I'm like, what? Dentists apparently don't do root canals. You go to a specialist, and that's where Komrava comes in. Dr. Komrava, my dentist, refers me to this guy. He's like, go check this guy out. Now, let me tell you something. This guy says, I don't have any openings tomorrow, but if something available opens up, I'll get you in. I'm like, oh, that's nice enough. But he gets me in the Day after, okay, I show. I've never had a root canal. I don't even know what happened. It's, you know, your nerve is dying, and the tooth is dying, and they drill in. They drill out the nerve. So I'm nervous. You know, I've always heard, by the way, the movie. Rad. 1987 BMX movie. Bill Allen. There's a scene in there where Bill Allen is riding his bike with his little sister. He picks her up from school on his BMX bike. She stands on the back peg, she's holding onto his back, and he takes her through a sprinkler and gets his sister a little wet on the bike ride home. And then he says, huh, Wes, wasn't that fun? And she says, like a root canal. Oh, Wes, wasn't that fun? Like a root canal. My whole life, until I was way older, I couldn't understand the way she said it because I think she has a lollipop in her mouth. I always thought she said, like a rinkiner. And I never understood what that meant when she rode her bike. Oh, wasn't that fun, Wes? Like a rinkiner, Like a root canal. And then when I got much older, I was like, oh, she's saying, like a root canal. I shouldn't have brought that up during the free plug, but here we are. So, anyway, here's the problem. You go in and he does a thorough exam. And he's like, just so you know, finding where the problem is is a bit primitive, but the work I do to fix it is not. And I'm like, okay. So he basically starts tapping on my teeth. He's like, which tooth is it? And I'm like, it's this one back here. And he's tapping on it. He's like, just raise your hand if you feel any discomfort. I don't know. It doesn't hurt. And he's checking, by the way, four teeth away. He's like, I think it's this one. And I'm like, am I that bad that I don't know where the pain is? And he's doing all these different things to see if he can pinpoint. Yes, this is the tooth. Then at one point, he stops and he tells me. He goes, okay, I'm 95% sure it's this tooth. You said it was this tooth three teeth away. I think it's this tooth. He goes, you can wait a couple weeks or a month until it gets really bad, and then it's going to be obvious to all of us which tooth it is, right? Where it's waking you up at night, blah, blah, blah. The pain is constant, or we can go forward at this. And I was like, I really appreciated him just giving me numbers. Nobody ever does that. Nobody ever says, I'm 95% sure it's this. I just like that I'm somebody that responded. Well, then he's like, well, let me try one more test. And the only reason that he was so probably at 95 is because I told him it was a different one. But anyway, he does a final test and he goes, you know what? I'm 99% sure. Okay. Jumped up. Yeah. And I'm like, go for it, buddy. Fix it. And he does this thing. He numbs your mouth up, by the way. I've never had a root canal, and I've always been told it's horrible. I feel nothing. And he's drilling this tiny hole down there, and he's, you know, he's disinfecting it. He puts his thing on. He goes, this is a pain, but I'm going to hold this thing on there. I don't know what it's doing, but it's some type of disinfecting thing. It's gotta be on there for nine and a half minutes. And I'm like, oh, that's. That's long. That's a long time to hold your mouth open, you know. But he does it fine. And he's like, you know, normally when you get a root canal, people then they put a crown over the top of yours. My holes are so tiny and precise. You know, your dentist may recommend this later to not to put some covering over it, but you don't need to. I'll seal it up as when we come out and you don't need anything. And sure enough, I'm in there. I'm in there for a while, hour, 15 minutes for, you know, a long time to get to that 99% positive. And then he does the procedure, and then I leave. And he's like, you may feel discomfort for the first week, and you might want to stick to soft foods or eating on the other side of your mouth. But I didn't. I felt nothing the very next day. Just perfect. And I just love that because anytime you have something wrong with your body, you go to a doctor and they're like, oh, I think we should do this. And you're like, oh, great. And then that doesn't fix it. And you come back six more times, and it's just nice to go to a place where guys like, ah, here's the problem. Boom. Fix it. You leave. You're not in pain anymore. Done. Yeah, Dr. Komrava, I loved him. Guy was in and out, fixed it. Feel no pain. Surgery felt nothing. And he even said to me, he goes, just, hey, if you know anybody that ever needs any procedure, you know, appreciate a recommendation. I'm like, well, look, he didn't know who I was. He called me the wrong name at one point, and I'm like, oh, shit, I'm not going to get special treatment. This guy just called me David. All right? Anyway, he's a dentist that does root canals. Kamravaz. Endodontic training and experience was provided. It's provided him with the ability to treat all types of endodontic cases. All cases performed by him are done so with the use of a surgical operating microscope. But don't call him to schedule a cleaning. His practice is limited to endodontics. That's Dr. Kamrava in Encino. And listen, I didn't. I'm not. You guys are probably like, oh, he's doing the free plug and he's gonna get something in return. I'm not. I just wanted to reward the guy for doing great work. I got charged. I mean, I've got good insurance, don't get me wrong, but there was still a copay thing or something. They hit me up for 250 bucks. I paid that happily. You fixed my fucking mouth. You ever seen an endodontist? I didn't even know the word endodontist existed before today's free plug. See you next week. Hey, it's Ryan Seacrest for Albertsons and Safeway. February is the month of love. And while you're spending time showing love to your family and friends, make sure you show yourself some love, too. Now through February 25, shop in store and online and save on self love items from Dove like Dove Cucumber and Green Tea body Wash, Dove Deep Moisture Nourishing Body Wash, Dove antiperspirants, Dove shampoo and Dove conditioners. Offer ends February 25th. Offers may vary. Restrictions apply. Visit albertsons or safeway.com for more details. Stop hitting snooze on new tech. Upgrade the whole team@lenovo.com Unlock AI experiences with the ThinkPad X1 carbon, powered by Intel Core Ultra processors so you can work, create and boost productivity all on one device. Win the tech search for business PCs@lenovo.com hi, I'm Arturo Castro, and I've been lucky enough to do stuff like Broad City and narcos and Roadhouse and now I'm starting a podcast because honestly guys, I don't feel the space is crowded enough. Get ready for Greatest Escapes, a new comedy podcast about the wildest true escape stories in history. Each week I'll be sitting down with some of the most hilarious actors and writers and comedians. Comedians. People like Ed Helms, Diane Guerrero, and Joseph Gordon Levitt. I love storytelling and I love you. So I can't wait. Listen and subscribe to Greatest escapes on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. We all have a moment that splits us wide open. On my new podcast, Wide Open with Ashlyn Harris, I'll sit down with trailblazers from sports, music, fashion, entertainment and politics to explore their toughest moments and the incredible comebacks that followed. Listen to Wide Open with Ashlyn Harris, an iHeart women's sports production on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Presented by Elf Beauty, founding partner of iHeart Women's Sports.
