My Turkey Day

Summary

Tosh Show – "My Turkey Day" (Nov 25, 2025)

Hosted by Daniel Tosh—with Eddie Gosling

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Episode Overview

In this Thanksgiving-themed episode, Daniel Tosh gets personal and irreverent while sharing what he's thankful for this year. The centerpiece is an epic, hilariously cringe date-night story involving a fancy dinner, digestive woes, and an increasingly desperate series of restroom sprints. Tosh also spotlights behind-the-scenes characters from the podcast, thanks fans and colleagues (sort of), pokes fun at holiday traditions, and closes with a dating update for his wife’s cousin.

The episode blends genuine gratitude, crude humor, playful roasts, and the show’s characteristic self-awareness, making it a quintessentially "Tosh" entry for fans and newcomers alike.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Thanksgiving Gratitude, Tosh-Style (02:14–07:40)

• Tosh opens by reflecting that, despite being "the worst" at showing it, he's taking time to express what he's grateful for—albeit with classic irreverence.

  "Everyone who works on this podcast deserves a big thank you. For me. I'm not gonna give it to them, but they deserve it. Does this seem sincere?"
  —Daniel Tosh (03:03)

• Team & Podcast Staff:

  • Quick fire "thank-yous" and biting roasts for key staff like Dylan ("Fuck Dylan"), Eddie, John, and Pete (affectionately dubbed “Life-Hack Pete,” notably frugal with Tosh’s money).
  • Jokes about workplace dynamics and podcast mishaps:
    • Pete’s odd habit of patching cards together with tape; not spending extra on new ones.
    • John’s inexplicably long phone calls:

      "Could this be answered in a four-word text? Sure it could. But why not? An 18 minute call with his kids screaming in the background."
      —Tosh (04:28)

• Family & Sponsors:

  • Thankful his wife only has one sister; happy not to have his number widely distributed among family.
  • Gratefully dismisses “funny videos” shown on people’s phones (“I will report you as a pedophile”).
  • Thanks sponsors—but notes they should pay more.

• Special Shout-Outs:

  • Gleefully points out the firing of Chris McCarthy and makes a nonchalant offer to "have him on the show—then cancel."
  • Thanks his wealth manager for “making sure the rich keep getting richer.”
  • Sincerely(?) thanks the fans and invites them to comment what they're thankful for regarding the show.

• The Tosh Family "Secret" to Thanksgiving Dinner:

  • The "secret" is hiring a private chef—“not complicated,” just costly but worth it for guaranteed quality and zero clean-up.

    "Every year I hire a private chef…$2,200 or so per person, and it's going to be amazing."
    —Tosh (07:39)

  • Fantasizes about a philanthropically absurd idea of distributing private chefs from a pickup truck in underprivileged neighborhoods.

    “You and I just get a bunch of private chefs...you put them in the back of a pickup and you just toss them out to people that need it. Come here.”
    —Tosh (07:54)

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2. Wild Date Night at a Michelin-Starred Restaurant (12:23–34:20)

Setup:

• Daniel describes date night with his wife at Providence, Donato's three-Michelin-star restaurant ("probably the best food I've ever put in my mouth").

• Outlines his “date night rule”: making love after every date, regardless of outcome—a rule broken on this night due to what unfolds.

  "You go on a date. You make love to the person through the good and the bad, no matter who it is."
  —Tosh (13:06)

Escalating Events:

1. Pre-game Imodium:

   • Anticipates stomach trouble so doses up before leaving (13:53).

2. Restaurant Experience:

   • Praises ambiance, spacious seating, older staff.
   • Observes other diners, jokes about the kinds of conversations people have in public.

3. In-Depth Food Play-by-Play:

   • Riffs on “caviar accoutrements,” amuse bouches, truffles (“Smell it…yeah, it smells like truffles”).
   • Marvels at bread with his name on it—asks if that’s standard:

     "You tell me that everybody at your restaurant gets bread with my name on it." (19:01)

4. Belly Trouble Begins:

   • Holds out until the dessert courses when his stomach “does a quick turn.”
   • Excuses himself to the (very nice) restroom; satisfied with facilities and their fancy products.
   • Wonders aloud if his wife could tell whether he peed or pooped based on the time gone (“No, couldn’t tell”).

5. Highlights of the Meal:

   • Experiences a mind-bending chocolate-mint tea:

     “Everything about it screams tea—the texture, how thin it is, and drinking it hot, but when it hits your mouth, you're drinking chocolate.” (21:56)

6. Check Drama & Restaurant Rituals:

   • Dines with the expectation/terror of being comped (“I don’t like things comped”).
   • Bill comes (around $1,000)—tips $300, debates correct tip amounts and etiquette if comped (23:06–24:23).
   • Praises Donato for steady attention.

7. The Epic Poop Journey Home:

   • Multiple bowel emergency stops after leaving—each recounted with honest, mortifying detail.

     • First: Emergency at Pete and Sam’s house (after his wife brilliantly navigates the panicked situation; “I am going to shit on their new chaise lounge”).

     • Notes the shortcomings of Pete and Sam’s round toilet:

       "As a man sitting on a round toilet, it's no good…just to get your penis under the lip is just awkward." (28:42)

     • Second: On the canyon roadside, with only a raccoon for company, aided by baby wipes.

     • Final: At home—after which all hopes of post-date intimacy are officially dashed.

       “It was a four hour dinner. And I was an hour and a half away from my house. That's a lot for my stomach to do, but one of the best dinners I've ever had.” (33:17)

8. Reflections & Wrap Up:

   • Acknowledges he probably overshared—“Tis the season…we’re all getting ready to sit down and have an actual shitty meal for Thanksgiving.”
   • Affirms the food at Providence is incredible—only major downside is its location far from home.

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3. Merch Launches, Neighborhood Drama, and Amanda’s Dating Life (39:51–46:19)

Merch Updates:

• New website and merch for holiday shopping—including T-shirts, mugs ("Get this off my desk"), and the highly anticipated Carl shirt.

Neighborhood Passive Aggression:

• Shares the text of a passive-aggressive note a neighbor left on his wife’s cousin Amanda’s truck, wrongly assuming she’s a “worker.”

  • Tosh drafts a reply, “killing them with kindness.”

    “Hi neighbor, I live across the street…I’ll try to park on my side of the street…Love, Amanda, the girl in the truck.” (44:19)

  • Affixes the reply over their security camera for emphasis:

    “I taped…I put tape over their security camera. I'm like, here you go.” (44:32)

• Commentary on LA neighbor culture (“That’s why people hate Los Angeles because there are a lot of these shitty people.”)

Amanda’s Dating Pool:

• Updates that Panda (Amanda), recently out of a breakup, is still looking for love and trying dates with fans who’ve called in.
  • Ensures listeners: some behind-the-scenes matchmaking is ongoing.

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4. Listener Calls: A Suitor for Panda (45:00–46:24)

• Call-in from Vernon Jason, Tallahassee, Florida:
  • Tall, athletic franchise owner, 12-time cannoli-eating champion, voted third party (“doesn’t remember who”).
  • Tosh dissects his credentials (“That’s better than Jordan...Tom Brady, eat your heart out. This guy’s putting rings on his toes.”)
• Segment closes with Thanksgiving wishes.

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• “I'm thankful my wife only has one sister. That's a real blessing.” (05:47)
• “If you ever pull out your phone to show me a video, know that I will report you as a pedophile.” (05:53)
• “Every year I hire a private chef…It's going to run you around $2,200 or so bucks a person, and it's going to be amazing.” (07:39)
• “If my house were two blocks away [from Providence], it would have been the most romantic night of my life. But since I had to drive an hour 45 to get there...it becomes more of an issue.” (33:29)
• “As a man sitting on a round toilet, it's no good. Little piece of bagel. So I'm sitting on a round toilet, first of all, just to get your penis under the lip of a round toilet is just awkward.” (28:42)
• “That's why you don't let Riff Raff in there.” (38:34)
• “If I had to pull over to pee on the drive home, nobody would think that's podcast worthy.” (34:01)
• "This guy's putting rings on his toes. All right, Happy Thanksgiving. See you next week." (46:24)

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Timestamps for Important Segments

• Gratitude Roast & Team Recognition – 02:14–07:40
• Private Chef Thanksgiving Bit – 07:40–08:02
• Providence Date Story Setup – 12:23–19:01
• Dinner, Digestion, and Donato – 19:01–24:00
• Epic Poop Journey Home – 25:08–34:20
• Merch & Neighborhood Drama – 39:51–44:55
• Panda’s Dating Life & Listener Call – 44:58–46:24

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Tone and Style

Tosh’s signature: sarcastic, self-deprecating, and crude, but ultimately warm toward friends and fans. Eddie Gosling provides a steady, supportive comedic foil.

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Episode Takeaway:
A Thanksgiving episode that only Daniel Tosh could serve up—appreciation seasoned with equal parts roasting and oversharing, and enough bodily function jokes to keep fans coming back for seconds.

Transcript

[Unknown Speaker 1]

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[Daniel Tosh]

Whoa. So is Saldana.

[Unknown Speaker 2]

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[Unknown Speaker 1]

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[Daniel Tosh]

I'm the worst.

[Unknown Speaker 1]

I only got my mom a robe.

[Unknown Speaker 2]

Well, it's better than socks.

[Unknown Speaker 1]

So I have to trade in my old phone, right?

[Unknown Speaker 2]

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[Unknown Speaker 1]

Incredible.

[Unknown Speaker 2]

In fact, wrap up my old phone too for my aunt Rosa. Forget that. Aunt Liz will be jealous.

[Unknown Speaker 1]

Sounds like my family drama.

[Unknown Speaker 2]

Oh, I got it. I'll give it to my abuela. I'll take reindeer paper with. Hey, where are you going?

[Daniel Tosh]

To T Mobile.

[Unknown Speaker 1]

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[Commercial Narrator]

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[Daniel Tosh]

Hey guys, it's me, Daniel. Do me a solid. I don't ask for a lot but like and subscribe to this podcast also you could rate it highly. I would appreciate maybe even write a review. Maybe we become best friends. Here's the problem with my stomach is that I feel fine up until the second that I'm not fine. And when I'm not fine, I It is T minus 30 seconds. Toss. Show. Tosh Show. Tosh Show. Welcome to Tosh Show. I'm Daniel Tosh. With me is Eddie.

[Eddie Gosling]

I'm Eddie Gosling.

[Daniel Tosh]

Let's hit some music and let's start dancing. You remember when Ellen used to dance? Oh yeah, that Bit right there made her a zillion dollars. Just dancing, coming off relatable. Well, I'm all for it. Now that she's not doing the show anymore, I think we should pick that up. I think everybody at home should get up and dance. Oh, but I'm in a car. Put it in neutral. Ghost ride the whip. Yeah, come on, bring that back. Remember, people were jumping out of their car and just dancing a little bit. That made every stoplight a little more enjoyable. Everyone in America that's dancing right now, you'll be like, oh, they're Tashaholics. It's a good way to start. We're traveling a lot this week. Yep. But I thought since it's Thanksgiving and I want to seem relatable, I would take some time out to share with everyone things that I'm thankful for. Look, I'll be the first to admit that I sometimes take things for granted. And considering how horrible this year has been for most of you, I think it would be good that I take a little time out to share with you the things that I'm thankful for. Okay, now, first, obvious, this podcast. Everyone who works on this podcast deserves a big thank you. For me. I'm not gonna give it to them, but they deserve it. Does this seem sincere?

[Eddie Gosling]

Does that include Dylan?

[Daniel Tosh]

No. Fuck Dylan. We have three backup mics so we don't have to panic over the show's audio being recorded. So no, no, he doesn't get a special. Special thank you. I'll give you one.

[Eddie Gosling]

Thank you.

[Daniel Tosh]

Give Eddie one. Thank you. Without him, this show wouldn't exist. If it wasn't for your kids constantly guilting me, Please make sure my daddy has a job. Well, I appreciate it and I know you do.

[Eddie Gosling]

Thank you.

[Daniel Tosh]

John. Thankful for John. I've never met an individual who speaks with his level of confidence while batting below 200. It's remarkable. Could this be answered in a four word text? Sure it could. But why not? An 18 minute call with his kids screaming in the background. Oh, then there's Pete. Life hack Pete. Oh, penny pinching Pete. But not with my money. No, with my money. Oh, hey, everybody parties. You get a. Why don't you get a blouse?

[Eddie Gosling]

He's always giving people blouse money. It's crazy.

[Vernon Jason]

Never seen that before.

[Daniel Tosh]

Get a blouse, sweet guy. The guy loves to spend my money. He's like, well, I don't want you to look cheap ever. I'm like, well, you could. You could cut back a little bit.

[Eddie Gosling]

He's doing it for you, Pete.

[Daniel Tosh]

Instead of spending extra 3 cents for new cards. Still to this day, just tapes new stuff on top of old cards that have the. The edges are all worn. Doesn't care. He's like, ah, it's. It's just easier.

[Eddie Gosling]

How's that easier? Like cutting things up?

[Daniel Tosh]

Like, yeah. Because when I glance down at this card, there's like, notes from do you believe in ghosts?

[Eddie Gosling]

That's on there.

[Daniel Tosh]

I'm thankful there are only a handful of people in my family that have my phone number. I'm thankful my wife only has one sister. That's a real blessing. I'm thankful I don't give a shit about funny videos. If you ever pull out your phone to show me a video, know that I will report you as a pedophile. I'm thankful for the show's sponsors. They need to pay more, but I'm thankful anyway. I'm thankful Chris McCarthy was finally fired. No hard feelings, Chris. Love to have you on the show. Then when you drive all the way here, I will cancel the interview. I'm thankful this show has given me the opportunity to give away all the shitty gifts people have given me over the years. I'm thankful for my good friend Dennis over at UBS Private Wealth Management for getting me 20% returns year after year. It's good folks like Dennis that make sure the rich keep getting richer. I don't know if UBS is a sponsor of this show, but indirectly, you kind of are. I'm especially thankful for the fans. Why don't you guys tell me all the ways that you're thankful for this show in the comments? And as a gift, I want to pass on all my family's secret Thanksgiving recipes. Yes, we have the best turkey mashed potatoes. But how? How do we do it? Ah, here you go. We hire at my house a private chef. That's the trick. Every year I hire a private chef. I don't go out of my way. It's not a complicated meal. Wherever I'm working, I just hire a local private chef. It's going to run you around 2, 200 or so bucks a person, and it's going to be amazing. They'll clean it up, put everything, all the leftovers in to go containers, and it's wonderful. No one will complain. It's a wonderful Thanksgiving. And that's affordable. I tell you what I should do. I should go into some neighborhoods that aren't as well off and throw private chefs out of the back of a pickup truck.

[Eddie Gosling]

Come and get your chef.

[Daniel Tosh]

Yeah, we could do that, Eddie.

[Eddie Gosling]

That's Great.

[Daniel Tosh]

You and I just get a bunch of private chefs. Well, we do a couple dozen. You put them in the back of a pickup and you just toss them out to people that need it. Come here.

[Eddie Gosling]

Grab them.

[Daniel Tosh]

Not a bad idea. Well, by the way, I don't even know that I'm going to be hungry for Thanksgiving dinner this week. Because tomorrow night, the night before Thanksgiving, I'm eating with the in laws at French Laundry.

[Eddie Gosling]

Nice.

[Daniel Tosh]

Because it was a bucket list item for the old father in law.

[Eddie Gosling]

Yeah.

[Daniel Tosh]

And so we're doing it. We're good. Speaking of fine dining, I recently took my wife on date night over to Providence. Our friend Donato. Oh my goodness. And I got a wild story to tell you. Enjoy. Hello friends. Dr. Daniel Tosh here, recommending that you stay one scoop ahead with AG1 this season. Coffee tastes terrible. Wouldn't you rather start your day with a big old mug of nutrients? And it's green so you know it's healthy. How is AG1 going to help you in the months ahead? Crowded airports and travel cause strain on your systems. Antioxidants, probiotics and functional mushrooms support immune resilience. Darkness, shorter days, they throw off your rhythm. But superfoods and B vitamins support steady energy without the crash. Holiday meals means getting lost in sweets and snacking, so a full spectrum of micronutrients from whole foods will help fill nutrition gaps. End of the year can bring stress and disrupt your habits. Prebiotics, probiotics, enzymes. They help support regularity and gut resilience. That sounds great. I should really take this more often. Head to drinkag1.com tosh to get a free welcome kit with an AG1 flavor sampler and a bottle of vitamin D3K2 when you first subscribe. That's drinkag1.com tosh tell him Taj said to put it in your mouth. If you've ever felt overwhelmed by the idea of learning a new language, you're not alone. Studies show that 70 to 90% of people trying to learn a new language give up. Fortunately, Babble's built so that it's easy to get started. They understand that people learn differently. So you can dive into a podcast when you don't quite feel like a quick lesson, you can speak out loud to to get that practice in. You can explore courses based on specific topics and even create your own customized review list all within the app. Learning a language Babble is about small steps, big wins and progress. You can actually track and feel their bite sized lessons fit easily into your daily routine. And are also easy to remember. Just 10 minutes a day is enough to start seeing real results. Here's a special limited time deal for our listeners right now. Get up to 55% off your Babel subscription at babel.com tosh get up to 55% off at babel.com tosh spelled b a b b e l.com tosh rules and restrictions may apply. This episode is brought to you by Prizepix. You and I make decisions every day, but on prize picks, being right can get you paid. Don't miss any of the excitement this season on prize picks, where it's good to be right. Remember, prize picks is simple to play. Just pick more or less on at least two players, stat projections, and you can get in on that action in more than 40 states. Thanksgiving means NFL. Avoiding time with my family by watching the game is the real prize, but it will even be better if I can win some cash. One of the games we got is Kansas City Chiefs at Dallas Cowboys. Well, okay, A lot of fun picks to be had there, But I'll be picking that Kelsey fella to have a big offensive day. He seems motivated. Just feel like he's going to have a big day. Download the app today and use code tosh to get $50 in the lineups. After you play your first $5 lineup. That's code tosh. You get $50 in the lineups and after you play your first $5 lineup dot prize picks. It's good to be right? PA Show. Date night. Date night. You. You have date night?

[Eddie Gosling]

We do. Every once in a while. We'll go have cocktails at this place around the corner.

[Daniel Tosh]

It's the same date.

[Eddie Gosling]

What do you mean, the same date?

[Daniel Tosh]

You just keep repeating the same thing.

[Eddie Gosling]

Yeah, we like it. Good place to get drinks.

[Daniel Tosh]

That's not date night. A date is something unique, something you put thought into. That's just a place that you guys like to hang out together. All right, well, we had a date night, and I love going out with my wife on date night because she has to put out. Oh, that's our rule. If we're going on a date, there's gonna be evening love at the end of it.

[Eddie Gosling]

What if it ends up being a bad date? Can that happen?

[Daniel Tosh]

Sure. We're still going to make love.

[Eddie Gosling]

Okay.

[Daniel Tosh]

Because whether. Whether we're in a good mood or mad at the end of a date, you have to make love. That's the rule. That's the way I was raised. That's the way my mother raised me. You go on A date. You make love to the person through the good and the bad, no matter who it is.

[Eddie Gosling]

Strong relationships.

[Daniel Tosh]

Yeah. So we did it. We had a date, but we didn't make love. Eddie.

[Eddie Gosling]

Oh, man.

[Daniel Tosh]

Yeah, probably the first time.

[Eddie Gosling]

Oh, where'd you go?

[Daniel Tosh]

I'll tell you where we went. We went to our good friend Donato's three Michelin starred restaurant, Providence.

[Eddie Gosling]

Awesome.

[Daniel Tosh]

Okay, so let's walk you through it. I'm going to Providence with my wife. She's excited about it. I'll be honest with you. I'm a little excited about it. I know that it's going to be an experience. There's going to be a lot of courses and there's going to be some, some stuff that my body isn't familiar with. So I'm going to, I'm going to go on the, on the offensive. And I take a liquid Imodium about a half hour before I leave the house. That's the good stuff. That's gonna, you know, handle anything that may come my way because I, you know, again, this has nothing to do with any restaurant. This is just my own stomach. When I eat things that I'm not really used to or a little less than bland, sometimes my stomach acts up. Anyway. Next thing I have to. The next hurdle is what do you wear? Because it's fancy. I go with a simple outfit. I go with a sweater, some slacks, some nice shoes. And my wife looks beautiful. So we get to the restaurant and the ambiance inside is. I know it. It's what I expect. The thing that I like the most about it is that it's not. The seating isn't tight.

[Eddie Gosling]

Right.

[Daniel Tosh]

The lighting's right. The staff is older. A lot of men, you know, which sometimes makes my wife uncomfortable for whatever reason. Like, like when an older white man is, is waiting on her, she, she feels kind of weird about it. Oh, not my thing. I don't care. So we get there, we get a nice table. It's got, you know, a booth. It's in the corner. I like that. It's a corner booth so that I can, you know, I can, I can sit, scoot over to my wife a little bit. I can sit. Here's something that bothers me in public. Certainly in restaurants, the type of conversations that people are willing to have in front of strangers that clearly can hear you. I don't get it.

[Eddie Gosling]

Yeah.

[Daniel Tosh]

I will never say anything of meaning to my wife in public. I just won't. I'm like, you know, we talk about nonsense. All I really Talk about is what other people are doing or saying. And we just, we listen in onto a conversation and then we just start, you know, ripping them to shreds. Anyway, this one couple was on there 17th wedding anniversary and they had their two girls with them. They were sitting across from us and then this other table next to us. Yeah, I couldn't for the life of me. There's three men. They were celebrating a birthday and it just, it seemed sad and depressing.

[Eddie Gosling]

Three adult men.

[Daniel Tosh]

Three adult men. Like, not like gay men, where it'd be fun. No, it was like three men that knew each other having a birthday party, a long meal together. Yeah, that was baffling. Anyway, I see Donato, I'm like, oh, man, I wonder if he's gonna come over and say hi to me. Sure enough, comes over, welcomes me, we start chatting, introduce him to the wife, and he's just pleasant. He's dressed and kind of like he matches the whole ambiance of the place. My wife cracked a joke, I think. But yeah, it was nice. That's just what he does. I mean, I know he goes to work and there's tons of real restaurant work to do, but then once everything is running smoothly at night, he's just, you know, hopping around table to table, just greeting people, just having conversations.

[Eddie Gosling]

He's probably great.

[Daniel Tosh]

I talked to him over the course of the meal 15 or 20 times.

[Eddie Gosling]

Oh, my God.

[Daniel Tosh]

Yeah, over the course of the night. He keep checking in on me. It was nice, had a good time. Now it's, you know, it's a pre fixed menu and everything is fancy and small portions, but there's a few add ons. My wife's like, oh, we should have caviar. I'm like, oh, I don't know anything about caviar other than it's delicious. But I just like the little tiny bread things that it comes on.

[Eddie Gosling]

Yeah.

[Daniel Tosh]

And then all the little extra accoutrements that you can put on there, you know, caviar itself, whatever, fine. But anyway, we. We get that. Then they start bringing us some amuse bouches, you know, extra things that aren't part of our 12 course meal. And. And now these little bites, you're like, oh, eventually this is going to be a lot.

[Eddie Gosling]

They're filling up.

[Daniel Tosh]

But I'm going to say this honestly, it's probably the best food I've ever put in my mouth. I mean, if it's not, it's right next to. Everything they do is amazing. Everything is beautiful. Even the bread and the butter. Oh, my goodness. And the bread came out and had my name on it. And I'm like, donato, you tell me that everybody at your restaurant gets bread with my name on it.

[Eddie Gosling]

Oh, too much Donato.

[Daniel Tosh]

He was tickled. He was tickled by that joke.

[Eddie Gosling]

He had to love it.

[Daniel Tosh]

But anyway, we just keep eating. Now, the problem here is, as these courses start piling up, my wife sometimes doesn't eat the whole thing. And I feel like, oh, that's such a small thing. Give me the rest.

[Eddie Gosling]

I agree.

[Daniel Tosh]

So now I'm eating it all. And now. So now I'm doubling up, getting through our entrees. I don't know what I had. I think I had some fish. She had some wagyu. You know, she's getting truffles shaved onto everything. I'm like, I don't want truffle. Then Otto's like, you got to smell this. He's. He's bringing around a box with truffles, and. You ever seen a truffle so big? And to be honest with you, I'm like, I don't know. That looks like the normal size, but, yeah. I'm like. He's like, smell this, Mike. I don't like truffles. He's like, smell it. I'm like, yeah, it smells like truffles.

[Eddie Gosling]

This is the horrible box for.

[Daniel Tosh]

You'd have to look into whatever. I had some stuff with truffle on it, but not. I could have. I didn't need it anyway. At one point, I say to my wife, I'm kind of like, hey, I'm doing pretty good. I'm out. We're having a good time. The stomach's fine. Then we get, like, our first of five desserts that's brought to the table. Again, all prefix. I'm not ordering any of this. And I say, oh, my stomach just. Just did a quick turn. And she's like, why don't you go to the bathroom? I always hate when she says that. I don't want to. I don't. I don't want to be sick here at a restaurant, but. But anyway, I get up, I go to the bathroom, and I. You know, I have a round.

[Eddie Gosling]

Okay, quick.

[Daniel Tosh]

And I come back, and I'm like, oh, I'm really glad I did that. I feel. I feel good. I feel solid now. By the way, bathroom, very nice. Single stalls. You got your own. You got your own stuff in there. Nice products. Le Labo. No, maybe it wasn't La Labo. It might have been, what you might call it. Aesop. It might have been Aesop. Whatever is nice. I was in and out. I even said, my wife, could you tell how long I was gone? Like, could you tell if that was a peer poop? She's like, no, couldn't tell. So. So now we have a few more rounds of desserts. Also, you know, Donata, he keeps coming to the table. He tells me, like, oh, you know, we've got 8 million bees on the roof, so that honey that you're putting on is from just on top of this building. I'm like, okay, that's great. That is nice. Then they gave me a tea. It was a chocolate mint tea. And when Donato gave me the explanation of it in one ear, out the other, I was fascinated that they invented something that I had never even conceived of, because everything about it screams tea. The. The texture, how thin it is, and drinking it hot, but when it hits your mouth, you're drinking chocolate.

[Eddie Gosling]

Wow.

[Daniel Tosh]

And it just. It just confused me so much, and I. So I loved it. Anyway, I had a great time. And then afterwards, he asked. I asked, we gotta get a photo. And he's like, come in the back. We went to the back kitchen, and they have a chef's table in the kitchen. The kitchen's kind of tight, and the chef's table is enclosed in glass. So they're like, just. I just see this table just watching, like, the chaos behind a glass wall. And now they're just watching me and my wife and Donato talking. They're taking photos of us, like we're somebody. And then the whole crew gets together. I say hi to all the people that work there, and we take a big old family photo. It was making me laugh. Anyway, I get out of there. The valet is. He runs and gets my car. It was supposed to be waiting for me. Listen, one slip up on the restaurant's part. By the way, you're curious to know how much it cost?

[Eddie Gosling]

Yeah.

[Daniel Tosh]

We did some drinks. I think it was, like, just right around $1,000. What do I tip on that? What should have I tipped on that?

[Eddie Gosling]

200, 250.

[Daniel Tosh]

See, I thought I should go up to 500 on the tip, but I went 300. But let me say this the whole evening, because Donato's just coming by, I'm telling Carly, oh, no, he's gonna comp us this meal.

[Eddie Gosling]

Oh, that's your worst nightmare.

[Daniel Tosh]

It's my nightmare because I don't. Even if a company is doing amazing, I don't like things comped. I just. I like to pay for It. Thank you for doing your job. And you deserve to be paid whatever you're charging. So the whole time I'm having this conversation with Carly, I'm like, he's going to comp it, isn't he? And she's like, yeah, he's definitely comping this meal. And I'm like, I'm going to tell him not to. And I go, is that going to be awkward? Because I don't want him to fight me on it. And then it's always weird when they do comp you because they're. No, no, it's been taken care of. It's like, well, then how do you tip? And it's like, I don't have cash. So now I have to give you a credit card. Charge me a dollar. And then I put some exorbitant amount of tip on here that I wouldn't have done had you just charged me the first. It's a whole thing. I'm getting stressed out about this. Okay, this is course one. I'm already worried about this. Well, sure enough, the check comes out, and he didn't. Didn't compass at all. I had actually planned on him saying I was going to say to him if he had comped it, hey, don't comp this. John is coming in here on the Wednesday before Thanksgiving. Comp him. Comp. That'll blow his mind. He'll be so happy. That would have been great. And. And I was. I. I even told Carly this. I go, this, this will be kind of me giving, giving back. But anyway, he. He made charge me. So, yeah, John, if you do get comped, I'll be. I'll be so mad. We leave the car. The valet give me my truck. He's like, it's a $20 charge, but he just ran over there and got it. I'm like, well, do you get this $20 now? Do I have to tip on top of the $20? Right? I gave him 40.

[Eddie Gosling]

There you go. All right.

[Daniel Tosh]

Is that what I was supposed to do? All right, whatever. The restaurant from my house to get to get to the restaurant was an hour, 40 minutes. And I went during rush hour. I know, but that's a long time to drive. This is date night. Oh, so that was bad getting home. Type it in the nav 52 minutes. Okay. We start driving. We're driving through Hollywood. I get a little panicky driving through Hollywood. It's not the world I'm used to anymore. It's busy. And I'm like, okay, there's just a lot I just. I just look at every building go. Can you imagine it? Could you live there? Could you live in that building, Carly? And she's like, all right, it's a fun game. Anyway, we're getting out of Dodge. As we're getting out of Dodge, meaning just out of Hollywood, which is 12, 15 minutes into the drive. I say, oh, I've got another wave. And I don't want this to be a knock on the restaurant. This is my stomach. And this was crazy fancy food and so many courses and. And I was there for over three and a half hours, almost four hours from start to finish. So the Imodium did its job. At some point, the Modium's like, okay, yeah, what do you. You know this isn't for the weekend, right? I'm not. I'm not a fail safe. So the Imodium did its job. I need to. I need to get home. But I'm like, I have. I have another wave coming on. This one's serious. Here's the problem with my stomach is that I feel fine up until the second that I'm not fine. And when I'm not fine, it is T minus 30 seconds where it's like, oh, no. And now you're just. You're just holding and it's just going, you know, it's breathing, it's breathing. And you're just like. And I'm driving. What do I do in this? I pull on to the. To the one on one. And my wife's like, what are you doing? I'm like, I don't know. I don't know what I'm doing. I don't know where to go. I'm on the freeway now, so this is even worse. And my stomach's going. It's upset. She remembers that Pete and his wife Sam, they just bought a new place. She remembers the street name and she just types it in real fast. She goes, we're three minutes away from Pete, and Sam's insane. It's. It's. I don't believe in ghost, but come on. Yeah, there's a higher power at work there. Am I right?

[Eddie Gosling]

Yes.

[Daniel Tosh]

Three minutes away. Immediately, my body, just a wave of.

[Eddie Gosling]

Okay, so the panic is not helping this whole sitch.

[Daniel Tosh]

So I'm. I'm excited. I'm like, okay, this is okay. I can make it three minutes. She gets me. She's telling me where to go. I get off the freeway, the very next exit. I am off, and we're driving to North Hollywood, where Sam and Pete live. I. I get to Their house. I go. I go, carly, text them, tell them to open door. She goes, they're not responding to my text. I go, call them, Carly, I want the front door opened. When I get there, I'm out of my car. I'm ringing their ring camera. I'm like, come on. I'm starting to bang on the door. They have a dog. Their dog doesn't bark. Well, when somebody bangs on your door, they're dead asleep, all three of them. They have their phones off or something. I don't know. I'm bang. I had just bought them a housewarming gift. You wanna know what I got em for a housewarming gift?

[Eddie Gosling]

What'd you get them?

[Daniel Tosh]

A chaise lounge for backyard.

[Eddie Gosling]

Okay.

[Daniel Tosh]

A nice outdoor scene. I told Carly, I am going to shit on it. I'm going in their backyard right now, and I'm gonna shit on their new chaise lounge. That's what's happening. Pete opens the door. It's Daniel. I'm not gonna make it. I had no choices. I had no choices. You're gonna love this. The dogs, everybody's greeting me. I'm beelining to their. Their bathroom, by the way. Their bathroom. Not soundproof whatsoever. It's. It's. It's got a gap on the floor. It's a Todd Glass joke all over. But. And by the way, it's also an old. You know, it's a Spanish bungalow. So the toilets are old, and it's a round toilet. As a man sitting on a round toilet, it's no good. It's no good. Little piece of bagel. So I'm sitting on a round toilet, first of all, just to get your penis under the lip of a round toilet is just awkward. It's just so small. You're like, okay, but I just. I explode. Oh, I explode. You know, courtesy flush immediately. Okay. And then I sit for a little bit. Sam and Pete are up now. Yeah, dog's up. They're in their living room. I thought Carly came in. No, Carly stayed in the car the whole time. So I'm just. I'm just in their bathroom. They're just. They're just both laughing. I gave Pete my phone when I ran in the house and said, here, look at the photos from their night at the restaurant. So he's looking at the photos and they're just laughing at me back there. I'm talking through the wall, whatever. And, you know, I'm there for. I would say at most 10, maybe 15 minutes at the most.

[Eddie Gosling]

I mean, that's a Good amount of time.

[Daniel Tosh]

Oh, I don't think it's that long. I mean, for a visit.

[Eddie Gosling]

Yeah, for a visit.

[Daniel Tosh]

A 10 minute visit is short.

[Eddie Gosling]

10 minutes.

[Daniel Tosh]

Well, it's not really. Anyway, so I. I say thank you so much. You guys get back to bed, you know, now they've got something. Let's go back to bed.

[Eddie Gosling]

Crack a window, everybody. Sweet dream.

[Daniel Tosh]

I flushed two more times to make sure everything was fine. And I lifted the toilet seat up to make sure there was no splatter up. Was there? None.

[Eddie Gosling]

Crime scene.

[Daniel Tosh]

No, no, it's fine. The whole place was nice. You know, I don't really like their towel setup in there. They have the La Labo products. That's right. Okay, so that's nice. And then I said to Carly, as soon as I got the car, I'm like, you know, it's a little too fragrant fragrance for my hands. Now my hands smell florally, like too, too perfumey. I don't like it. But anyway, so now we're driving home. It's still a long drive. Now it's like 50 or 40 something minutes from their location. You know, all of a sudden we get off the freeway and I have to drive through a canyon to get back to Malibu. My wife is basically falling asleep. My stomach hits me again and I say to myself, I'm not going to say anything to Carly. Let's not. You know, there's still a chance I can salvage this for the lovemaking that ends the date. I don't want to jinx that. Even though she's basically half asleep next to me, I don't want to keep bringing up my stomach. But then again, it's just like what I told you where it goes from 0 to 100. All of a sudden, boom, Another wave hits me. How long is this canyon ride that I'm on? 15 minutes. So I go, carly, I can't make it home.

[Eddie Gosling]

Wake up.

[Daniel Tosh]

So guess what? Just pull the truck off on the side of the mountain. And thankfully my car is stocked with baby wipes.

[Eddie Gosling]

Yeah.

[Daniel Tosh]

And have wave three. Have wave three now. And I get back in the car within maybe 15, 20 seconds.

[Eddie Gosling]

Oh, okay.

[Daniel Tosh]

And she goes, oh, you didn't have to go. And I'm like, oh, no, no. I went, yeah, she was, she was bad. She was. She was blown away. We're good. Let's go, let's go. You know, and then we get home and Panda's there and, you know, she just loves to hear the story. And, you know, I have one more visit to the bathroom. And I'm good to go. And now it's time for the love making.

[Eddie Gosling]

Yeah, right.

[Daniel Tosh]

But now she says it's off the table. Yeah, she tells me. She says. She says definitively it's off the table.

[Eddie Gosling]

You just gotta make sure you don't have some kind of disease.

[Daniel Tosh]

No, she. That's not a disease. That was just an. It was a four hour dinner.

[Eddie Gosling]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Daniel Tosh]

And I was an hour and a half away from my house. That's a lot for my stomach to do, but one of the best dinners I've ever had. Oh, yeah.

[Eddie Gosling]

They sent with me. The dinner sounds great.

[Daniel Tosh]

Give that camera and give Providence a shout out. I'm just. Listen. If my house were two blocks away, it would have been the most romantic night of my life. But since I had to Drive an hour 45 to get there and an hour something, you know, to get home and had to stop off at friends houses and country roads, you know, it becomes more of an issue again. I'd like to point out if I had a pull over to pee on the drive home, nobody would think that's podcast worthy.

[Eddie Gosling]

Of course. No.

[Daniel Tosh]

Okay.

[Eddie Gosling]

Anyway, you fired into the woods.

[Daniel Tosh]

I wasn't in the woods.

[Eddie Gosling]

He just. Right.

[Daniel Tosh]

I didn't. I didn't try. As soon as I pulled over, I saw a raccoon. So I didn't like that. So I just stayed right next to my brake lights.

[Eddie Gosling]

This raccoon had to be like, what's going.

[Daniel Tosh]

Look at this. No, the raccoon got excited.

[Eddie Gosling]

Yeah, of course.

[Daniel Tosh]

Yeah. No, no, no. That's Providence. Yeah. That's not just any caviar over here. That's $1,300. Shit. The point is, it's an amazing restaurant. They do everything right. Okay. Except for their location. If their location was close to my house, that would be better. Listen, I know I probably shared too much, but tis the season we're all getting ready to sit down and have an actual shitty meal for Thanksgiving. Why is there a pillow here? Well, because Coop sleep good knows how much I love to sleep. So they hooked me up. Am I going to hook you guys up with a promo code? I am told that I will be giving you a promo code at the end. These pillows are crafted with a revolutionary blend of memory foam and microfiber. This pillow offers customizable support for immediate and lasting comfort. What else can I tell you about this pillow? Edge to edge support, fully adjustable and made with cooling gel infused memory foam and microfiber. So you've got comfort from both the texture and the temperature. That's nice. Whether you're a stomach sleeper, that's me. Side sleeper, that's me. Back sleeper, that's me. Your pillow can be adjusted for proper spinal alignment to create the loft and that suits your needs. They make sheets, but they didn't send me any sheets, only pillows. Coop, let's talk about the sheets for next time. Upgrade your sleep visit coopsleepgoods.com tosh to get 20% off your first order. Oh, they're up in the game around here. That's coopsleepgoods.com Tosh that's c o o p sleepgoods.com Tosh you probably already know Ridge from their unique slim modern wallets. Well they just took their game changing wallet and made it even better. Say hello to Ridge 2.0. It's lighter with improved cash straps, money clips and airtag attachments. I had one you may remember, but I gave it away to our cybersecurity expert. I thought he, you know, had more use for it. But now Ridge, they sent me the 2.0 guys. It has a built for life warranty and over 100,000 5 star reviews, most of which I'm told are from actual customers. And right now they're having one heck of a sale. You're not going to believe this. For a limited time Ridge is having their huge Black Friday sale. Head to R I d g e.com to get up to 47% off your next order. This is by far the biggest discount they've given all year. That's ridge.com for up to 47% off your order during their biggest sale of the year. After you purchase they will ask you where you heard about them. Go ahead and tell them Tosh show sent you cold mornings holiday plans this is when I just want my wardrobe to be simple. Stuff that looks sharp, stuff feels good and things I'll actually wear. For me, that's Quint's. And the bonus quince pieces make great gifts too. This season's lineup is simple but smart and easy with Quint. By partnering directly with ethical factories and top artisans, Quint cuts out the middleman to deliver premium quality at half the cost of other high end brands. So you can give luxury quality pieces with without the luxury price tag. Give and get timeless holiday staples that last this season with quints. Go to quint.comtosh for free shipping on your order and 365 day returns. Now available in Canada too. That's Q U I n c e.com tosh free shipping and 365 day returns quince.com tosh pa show I want to thank Donato for a wonderful evening. And I'm sorry that the poop story kind of overlapped his restaurant experience, but you know that it is what it is.

[Eddie Gosling]

That's your body.

[Daniel Tosh]

That's why you don't let Riff Raff in there. By the way, Donato gave me a package. He came to my table and he says, hey, I want you to have some gifts. You gave me gifts. Now I'm gonna give you stuff. And some of the stuff was, you know, like, like chocolate bars from, from their restaurant. It was wonderful. And you know, some jars of honey, things like that. But then he goes, don't pull out those shirts. I don't want other people to see those. They're gonna want them. And I'm like, donato, they're not great. They're like long sleeve white tees with Grateful Dead inspired with the Michelin Man. It's a lot of different things going on, but I can assure you, people that go to that restaurant are not clamoring for the long sleeve crew neck restaurants. He knows, listen, and he dresses to the nines every day of his life. But this T shirt is not a high ticket item. I'm not sure what I'm gonna do. I don't know what to do with a long sleeve white T shirt. Like a beefy, beefy Hanes long sleeve white tee.

[Eddie Gosling]

Must have got a deal.

[Daniel Tosh]

I don't know. I'll feel bad giving it away. All right, well, let's get into our plugs. We got a new website, new merch.

[Eddie Gosling]

There we go.

[Daniel Tosh]

You need to check the store out because this will be ready for Christmas shopping. All of your holiday needs can be answered on the four or five items that we sell you. Get somebody a T shirt, a mug, get this off my desk.

[Eddie Gosling]

Right?

[Daniel Tosh]

People have been asking for it, now they're getting it. And this is not the old company, this is a new company. So when you order, boom. Hey, Carl, he wants to go get one of these mugs. He's freaking out. He's got an old Enjoy mug. Get up here, boy. Come on. Back up. Heads up. Look at me. Come on, man. I'm talking about merch. There's a new Carl shirt. Everyone's going to want it. I'm told that when you order this, it will be at your house within 48 minutes.

[Eddie Gosling]

Wow.

[Daniel Tosh]

That true, Pete?

[Eddie Gosling]

Yeah.

[Daniel Tosh]

Toshshowstore.com Check out all the new merch, new Carl shirts, new Toshow shirts. New. Get this off my desk. Mugs. I want to get one of those mugs. Anyway, Eddie's check out his dates. He's going to be on my tour. My first farewell tour. All dates are sale now. 2026, there's your holiday shopping. Get yourself a Carl T. Honestly, your ears in your water. Your ears in your water. You get yourself a Carl T shirt. Get yourself some tickets to one of the cool locations that I'm at in, you know, Birmingham, Macon, Panama City.

[Eddie Gosling]

Come on out.

[Daniel Tosh]

Oh, it's going to be good. I can't wait. I cannot wait. Well, anyway, Panda, my wife's cousin, still trying to find her love. Guys, she has gone on dates with a few of the people that have called in, just so you know. Have they gone? Well, no, not. Not that sparks haven't flown yet, but she's had some good dates. She's. She's made some, you know, she's networking, met some people. She's meeting people. She's doing it. So I'm just saying, if you call in, don't think that that's just the end of it. We're doing some little behind the scene work here. Speaking of people reaching out to her, the other day I was driving home, she drives a big truck. You would think that it's a worker. And our street has a lot of workers because there was a wildfire years back. So there's a lot of homes that are always being worked on. So if you saw her truck, you would assume that she was a Mexican worker based solely off location and style of truck. Well, anyway, I saw a note on her window and I grabbed it. Okay, hold on, let me get this. I'll do this properly. Let me just start by saying you're allowed to park anywhere you want on the street in our neighborhood. This is probably the 100th time you've parked in front of our house. And it's happening many times that you've parked right at our entrance. So people have to walk around your car to. To get to our house. Really? Question mark. Also, on Mondays, the gardener takes out the garbage cans and you often park so far back that he finds no space to do so. So you seem to work in the neighborhood. Why don't you park where you work? Your car is often here for hours, even overnight. A little space and respect are very much appreciated. Thanks. Okay, so that's my neighbor. Wow. Right?

[Eddie Gosling]

Wild.

[Daniel Tosh]

So I let her know. I'm like, hey, we gotta fire back. I mean, my neighbor. Hopefully they're listening to this and they Feel some shame because they clearly thought they were writing this to a worker. Yeah, they thought they were. They didn't think they were writing it to a girl who recently went through a breakup, a traumatic breakup, and was forced out of her living situation. And we put her up in our guest house and this is where she lives and she's allowed to park either side of the road. Right from in front of my house. Yep. Okay. So I was like, well, you're, you got to write something back. Tell me if you think you like my reply. Hi, neighbor. I live across the street. I asked the man who I believe lives here if it was fine to park there, and he said, of course, I'll try to park on my side of the street. And as much as possible, my apologies to your gardeners. Love, Amanda, the girl in the truck.

[Eddie Gosling]

It's pretty good. Kill them with kindness, huh? Right back at them.

[Daniel Tosh]

Right back. And then I took it over this morning and stuck it over their security camera. I taped, I put tape over their security camera. I'm like, here you go.

[Eddie Gosling]

Make sure they see it.

[Daniel Tosh]

Ah, yeah. See that's, that's why people, that's why people hate Los Angeles because there are a lot of these shitty people. There's some shitty people, but then we're not all shitty.

[Eddie Gosling]

Nope.

[Daniel Tosh]

And maybe I'm being shitty for being so petty. Maybe it's like, oh, can't she move? Why does she have to park on their side occasionally?

[Eddie Gosling]

Like your gift to be able to shovel it back at them. I think.

[Daniel Tosh]

Anyway, do we have any potential suitors for her?

[Eddie Gosling]

Oh, I think we do. We have a call here.

[Daniel Tosh]

Okay, let's hear it.

[Vernon Jason]

Oh, this is Vernon Jason, Tallahassee, Florida. I am six five, a little over 220 pounds. I am owner, operator, franchise location here in Tallahassee. And I would be an awesome date for Amanda because. Well, I would be an awesome date. I am the 12 time canola leading champion of the Santa Lucia Festival in Omaha, Nebraska. I did vote for a third party candidate. I don't remember who I voted for.

[Daniel Tosh]

Okay. I mean, this guy, I don't even know where to begin. First of all, Tallahassee. Okay, so you get the Florida tie, but she's from, you know, went to Gainesville uf, so there's going to be a rivalry there, but that could be fun in a relationship. He's 6, 5, 2, 20. That sounds beautiful. The cannoli eating champion. 12 times in Nebraska. 12 times. He's, he travels for the. Is that where the only cannoli contest is, or is that just a market that he dominates?

[Eddie Gosling]

Probably dominating kind of a situation.

[Daniel Tosh]

He voted for a third party, but doesn't remember who. Kind of tracks, though that's alarming in the. That election was only a year ago. You don't remember who you voted for for president, but he's a champion, a 12 time champion. I mean, that's better than Jordan.

[Eddie Gosling]

Yeah, yeah.

[Daniel Tosh]

You wouldn't. You wouldn't put him in. There's nobody you can compare him to.

[Eddie Gosling]

12?

[Daniel Tosh]

Yeah, no, not LeBron. None of these guys have done 12 champions. Tom Brady, eat your heart out. This guy's putting rings on his toes. All right, Happy Thanksgiving. See you next week.